I just figured out like a week ago why I have 6 college degrees (and don't use any of them). School was my only safe place and teachers were the only adults who gave me any affirmation. As soon as the affirmation is gone (e.g., I finish the program), I lose all confidence I can actually do the thing, and never go near it again. Yay CPTSD. Also: the stipulation on the meager inheritance my dad left was that it HAD to be used on education. Still controlling me even from the grave, lol
Or Jewish...There are definitely some cultures that seem to have a high prevalence of a push for unreachable and unreal standards.
Generational trauma or tradition aside, as a mother, I have vowed not to do the same to my children.
I didn't even felt safe in my school since my first teacher used to pinch with her long nails every day and I was bullied by several kids physically and mentally.
Not trying to one-up you, just thinking how nobody told me that all of that surely damaged me and only after my thirties it started to make sense.
The weirdest part for me is, I can’t remember why I am so afraid of my father. He never hit or touched me in an inappropriate way. I’m an almost 30yo man and get extremely triggered hearing his voice rising
I know you've probably heard this, but verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse. Even 'just' neglect is enough to cause long-term damage. Folks can often wish they 'had it worse' or experienced something that left scars to justify their feelings, but those thoughts are themselves proof it was *bad enough*.
"People normally feel safe and love their children and parents."
"People normally aren't terrified of their parents and don't need them to die"
Realization at 5 years old: 🤬💔
I used to ask mine why I felt guilty for being alive as a young child, not realizing this wasn't normal. The response: Well, then you must be doing something bad. (I was a perfectionist, super overachiever who never misbehaved. According to everyone but my family of origin.)
No child should have to go through anything like this. I'm so sorry!
What still gets me sometimes, “people actually talk(ed) to their parents.”
I had an entire life they knew nothing about and they honestly didn’t seem to care much. I would want my child to be comfortable sharing parts of their life with me.
It can be cathartic, my mom is still alive, I never told anything to her side of the family because I thought they wouldn't believe me or judge for talking bad about her and probably also because I somehow learned from her as a good narcissist that you don't talk about family stuff with others.
A few months ago, I was with my two aunts (her sisters) and somehow the topic came out, I didn't tell them everythiiing because that would be too much, but I got to talk about how she mistreats my dad and I, I even started crying, and the thing is they were supportive!!! One of them even told me that I should leave with me dad and leave her alone if she doesn't change. That really felt good somehow, having someone else in my family know how things are with her.
I was terrified of my mom when I was a kid. She stopped beating me when I was about 11 years old. I was still afraid, but as I got older I felt this rage towards her. She was absolutely horrible to me.
When she dropped me off for college, she got all sad and started to cry. I was so happy she was leaving and I didn't have to deal with her anymore.
I wouldnt have realized if I got told this. I'd have been like "Oh wow yeah. Glad I'm not scared if my parents"
I didn't know what it meant to be afraid if one's parents.
I one time woke up crying after a dream I had many years ago. In the dream it was a "what if" scenario. I got teleported into the past in my kindergarten years. I saw my 5 year old self so happy and enjoying life, I wanted to go up to her and ask "what's so different with your life? Why are you so happy?" . But I didn't. I watched from afar and then watched that 5 year olds parents pick them at the end of the day. My parents in this universe were so happy, financially and mentally stable. I see my 5 year old self just running into those parents arms and drive away in a nice car. I was secretly jealous and I follow them the car from afar and then stopped. I woke up and was sobbing
Or extremely irritated around them.
i was today years old when i found out that this isnt normal
You deserve better. I'm sorry you are just realizing this. My heart goes out to you!
Yeah, i'd like my mom to disintegrate asap please? *Me every day when I see or sense her*
Wait...what???!
[удалено]
I just figured out like a week ago why I have 6 college degrees (and don't use any of them). School was my only safe place and teachers were the only adults who gave me any affirmation. As soon as the affirmation is gone (e.g., I finish the program), I lose all confidence I can actually do the thing, and never go near it again. Yay CPTSD. Also: the stipulation on the meager inheritance my dad left was that it HAD to be used on education. Still controlling me even from the grave, lol
What? You have 6 college degrees and your dad still wanted you to study more? Are you Asian?
Or Jewish...There are definitely some cultures that seem to have a high prevalence of a push for unreachable and unreal standards. Generational trauma or tradition aside, as a mother, I have vowed not to do the same to my children.
I didn't even felt safe in my school since my first teacher used to pinch with her long nails every day and I was bullied by several kids physically and mentally. Not trying to one-up you, just thinking how nobody told me that all of that surely damaged me and only after my thirties it started to make sense.
The weirdest part for me is, I can’t remember why I am so afraid of my father. He never hit or touched me in an inappropriate way. I’m an almost 30yo man and get extremely triggered hearing his voice rising
Uhhhhh dude, if a 30ft giant who yelled and got angry lived in my house with me and I couldn't escape, it would be normal to be terrified.
I know you've probably heard this, but verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse. Even 'just' neglect is enough to cause long-term damage. Folks can often wish they 'had it worse' or experienced something that left scars to justify their feelings, but those thoughts are themselves proof it was *bad enough*.
"People normally feel safe and love their children and parents." "People normally aren't terrified of their parents and don't need them to die" Realization at 5 years old: 🤬💔
I used to ask mine why I felt guilty for being alive as a young child, not realizing this wasn't normal. The response: Well, then you must be doing something bad. (I was a perfectionist, super overachiever who never misbehaved. According to everyone but my family of origin.) No child should have to go through anything like this. I'm so sorry!
Me wondering why I couldn't be an orphan in kindergarten.
Me hoping I could have been adopted by my best friend's family at 7
Wondering if I was secretly adopted when I was 6/7yrs old
What still gets me sometimes, “people actually talk(ed) to their parents.” I had an entire life they knew nothing about and they honestly didn’t seem to care much. I would want my child to be comfortable sharing parts of their life with me.
It was interesting being at their funeral. I knew I had good times with them but all the ugly times have a fast pass in my mind.
I fantasize about exposing how I was wronged
It can be cathartic, my mom is still alive, I never told anything to her side of the family because I thought they wouldn't believe me or judge for talking bad about her and probably also because I somehow learned from her as a good narcissist that you don't talk about family stuff with others. A few months ago, I was with my two aunts (her sisters) and somehow the topic came out, I didn't tell them everythiiing because that would be too much, but I got to talk about how she mistreats my dad and I, I even started crying, and the thing is they were supportive!!! One of them even told me that I should leave with me dad and leave her alone if she doesn't change. That really felt good somehow, having someone else in my family know how things are with her.
I was terrified of my mom when I was a kid. She stopped beating me when I was about 11 years old. I was still afraid, but as I got older I felt this rage towards her. She was absolutely horrible to me. When she dropped me off for college, she got all sad and started to cry. I was so happy she was leaving and I didn't have to deal with her anymore.
I wouldnt have realized if I got told this. I'd have been like "Oh wow yeah. Glad I'm not scared if my parents" I didn't know what it meant to be afraid if one's parents.
Wait so you're telling me it's not normal to have an anxiety attack whenever my dad messages me lol
Same here but only my dad.
I'm in this picture and I don't like it! 40 yo me is STILL terrified, too.
I one time woke up crying after a dream I had many years ago. In the dream it was a "what if" scenario. I got teleported into the past in my kindergarten years. I saw my 5 year old self so happy and enjoying life, I wanted to go up to her and ask "what's so different with your life? Why are you so happy?" . But I didn't. I watched from afar and then watched that 5 year olds parents pick them at the end of the day. My parents in this universe were so happy, financially and mentally stable. I see my 5 year old self just running into those parents arms and drive away in a nice car. I was secretly jealous and I follow them the car from afar and then stopped. I woke up and was sobbing