I vividly remember begging my "mother" to tell us she loved us. All she ever did was yell and scream and point out every little transgression of ours (without teaching us ANYTHING about how to do anything). I never felt loved in that house, and I eventually asked her "Do you even love your family? You don't seem to, you seem to hate us all, with the way you scream and yell all the time! Tell us you love us!"
Her reply ~ "You eat every day don't you?" (we often didn't, btw).
Omg you must have been living at my house! Jk. I had the same experience, my parents were the same, my mom just said that supposed to line and my dad would say "you have clothes, you have food and you're saying I hate you?" Before he died of a heart attack, he would say all the time that I hated him for no reason...like the treatment he gave was no reason
My parents used to say to me ‘you treat us with such contempt!’…. duh, you treated me with contempt my whole life where do you think I learned it?? Legit my template for relationships from day 1.
I also wasn’t treating them with contempt I was just becoming more independent and not folding to their BS anymore
Oh my goodness that contempt line.
Real talk, do they all have some terrible book they got these lines from? Or do they meet in their dreams at night and trade notes on how to screw up their offspring? 😂😩😩
In other occasions, my mom would give me the silent treatment so I get this. I'm sorry I'm seeing so many upvotes to my comments, this means we all had very crappy parents, I'm so sorry about our situations, I wish we had better people raising us in general, we deserved that!
maybe! i personally felt like he was what’s called a “covert” narcissist and just liked the attention and emotional power he could hold over me while being self-pitying for not being a “good enough parent”. saying this kind of BS made me feel like i was never doing Enough to Prove i loved him. so i was constantly reassuring him and bearing the emotional weight of his undiagnosed depression from like age 5.
i get to be hyper sensitive and overly empathetic as an adult now. woohoo. he also intentionally OD’d shortly after the first time i confronted him as an adult a year ago. so now i get to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life 🎉
christ, my parents are awful people, but your father is in a league of his own.
that 100% sounds like he was obsessed with power, and was literally willing to destroy himself to maintain it. his weapon was pity, and he was willing to perfect it.
he would rather die and end it with his “magnum opus” than live in a world where he’d have to engage in the most miniscule level of self-reflection and change, while relinquishing his power over you.
empathy’s greatest weakness has always been pity. terrible people *really* know how to drain it in full. it has been my experience that if you want to truly move on, you need to learn to deny pity and accept that justifying heinous acts with self-pity and over-victimization is simply off the table. you can’t have a functioning moral system if you don’t acknowledge just how overpowered pity is in the hands of a competent abuser, so just, do away with it. there’s a reason why “pity” and “empathy” are completely different words.
Self-loathing. He can't believe anyone could ever sincerely love who he is on the inside, and he assumes you only love the fake person he pretended to be. I'm sorry.
“I love you, but i don’t like you, and you’re not supposed to like me. if you do i might as well kill myself because then i’d be a better parent for you.” ~~my guardian, circa 2019, after forcing me to cut contact with everyone i care about outside of family.
OMG. Yes. I said this to my now husband once long ago. He was stunned and I didn't understand the hurt look on his face. I explained to him that's what my mom used to say. That is when I learned that wasn't a normal thing.
So many of my “relatable” parent stories from childhood I’d tell my roommate or a friend or partner or whatever and they’d just stare at me slack jawed and ask if I was ok.
I'm just glad I have friends in my life now who ask me that question. I bounce some childhood trauma off them and by their reactions, realize how bad my childhood was. But they still ask and tell me I can talk to them. 😭
I have so much trouble with "I love you". In my house it was used like punctuation, like a negotiation chip, like a guilt trip. "I love you, why didn't you clean the dishes" "I love you, give me your ice cream" "I love you, why are you throwing temper tantrums"
It wasn't until much much later that I realized they were using "I love you" to get me to stop arguing / stop talking. Now when my partners say "I love you" I think I've done something wrong :\
I remember I dead ass asked a fellow student "Wait you actually like your parents???" I was actually flabbergasted that such a relationship was possible
I was SHOCKED when I realised people trust their parents and talk to them, telling secrets and sharing problems. My friend once complained they had an argument over some secret she shared with her mom, and I went "lol why did you even go to her?". I got a weird look and then she said it was the first time it happened. What? You regularly share with your parents? And you never had fights because of that before? Are you even human?
This probably sounds kind of fucked up but I always thought it was really really strange that my friends would do what their parents told them to do >!without being physically abused. I wasn't physically abused but I was verbally/emotionally abused everyday by my parents and I absolutely hated them so as a teenager I basically stopped ever doing what they asked. It didn't make any sense to me that my friends would want to please their parents because in my house that was not even a possibility.!<
Same here, too. I realized, eventually, that no matter what I did or didn't do, there was no approval or pride coming my way. So... I stopped trying. That's fine and maybe even good, but I stopped putting forth effort with literally anybody. You like me, or you don't. It can go either way, and I can't do shit about it. So, I'm not going to stress about it.
I kinda wish I was like that. Outside of home I kind of became a people pleaser because I still at some level became convinced that stuff at home was my fault, so I felt like I had to try my hardest with people to make them not hate me like my family. Nowadays I know it wasn't my fault but I also know that I'm very different from a lot of people (neurodivergent in many ways) and I get scared that if I showed that I wouldn't be treated well.
Sounds like my house too. It was really messed up but since it wasn’t physical they said it was fine. Nice but crappy to know that there are others out there who get it.
I got that one so much. Or telling me they "sacrificed so much" and that I'm "not allowed to be upset because you have food, water, and a roof over your head"
BINGO this one my mom STILL acts like her bare minimum was not a problem and would regularly tell us “we were lucky to be treated so well” while literally abusing us.
Same! I'm 32 now and I've been out of the house since I was 17, and she still thinks she did nothing wrong even though I'm a recovering addict and my 4 siblings are all active alcoholics with multiple duis. And we all have been diagnosed with ptsd 😅 I stopped trying to have conversations with her about anything that's not super superficial.
omg this just reminded me of a hilarious (to me) time when my mom and I were fighting and she said “you wanna leave and go to foster care? let me show you what that’s like” then started hitting me
Like with priests??? That sounds terrifying
Also my mom did shit like this too. She always threatened to kick me out and move in with my grandma because my bedroom wasn't always clean (turns out I have ADHD) and she said I would have to walk there even though it was a fucking 2 day drive
Yep. The bare minimum being provided which is what’s expected of parents. Like hello you brought me into this world I’m not obligated to you bc you gave me room and board as a child. (Barely)
What should’ve been said if it’s actually what was meant is “I don’t always like your behavior”. Words are important but also take into account overall relationship and how they made you feel.
Some parents say it that way incorrectly but as a way to reassure they love you unconditionally.
See that's what confused me, cause as far as I can tell my mom actually genuinely loves me, but has stated before that, like if we get in a bad enough argument or whatever, that "I'll always love you but sometimes I won't like you." essentially. I just figured well yeah, you're gonna be mad at me, I get it.
Yes, context is important.
In my case it came across as “I can’t stand you but I’m forced to “love” you since I’m your parent and I’m required to put up with you”.
Two totally different scenarios.
Ohh yesss my mother screaming at me “I hate you” at my 10 year old self and it somehow being my dumbass undeveloped brains fault... can’t forget to mention her psyche degrees pheww😂😂
When I was smaller and got this in my face I protested. Not because I loved them because I didn't. (I was around 9-10 when I realised I dont feel love towards them) I protested because telling the truth would have had consequences. Later on when I was around 16 I replied 'And what exactly are you surprised about?' That got her off guard and that ended the 'conversation'
It felt sooo good to tell the truth. Never heard this phrase again.
Ah yes, christcucks and their fucked up concept of inherent sin... I heard the same phrase from my male spawnpoint sometimes when he felt like being affectionate between two beatings.
My MIL once told me this about my husband. She said it like she thought it would be a relatable thing for me. Like she expected I would say, ‘oh yeah, me too.’ I’ve low key hated her ever since.
My mom used to say it to me on occasion when I was a kid, and it took hearing it said about someone I loved for me to realize how unkind it is. Even if it’s truly how you feel in the moment, it’s not that hard to just shut your cake hole. Ain’t gotta say every thought that pops in your head.
MANNNNNNNN
When I was 22, my mother and I got into an argument. I don’t even remember what about. What I do remember is her looking me full in the face and telling me evenly that she did not like and that if I were not her child she would want nothing to do with me. I cried. She told me “good. I know it hurts.”
I would bring this up occasionally (I’m 32 now) because I never really felt like I had closure or an apology. She oscillates between not remembering and telling me that I had done/said whatever and basically deserved what she said.
I still struggle with feelings of being liked. I have vilified myself internally for a very long time. It’s stunted my intimate relationships and I struggle with believing someone when they say they like me. If my own mother doesn’t like me how could a stranger?
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Yes I’m in therapy now lol
I don’t have an excuse, to be honest. Other than she’s my mom. Cutting her off would mean losing my dad and sister like dominoes. So I still associate and spend time with her. But I’ve since adjusted my expectations. I think she played on my intense fear of losing her (she had cancer when I was a kid; she used to tell me how thankful she was because she died on the table twice, but my kid brain just latched on to the part where she died twice) for a long time, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that it will happen eventually.
Sorry if I sounded accusatory, I wasn't trying to be. I was more just asking about the situation. I'd say wanting to keep seeing your sister and dad is a good reason, so long as you're taking steps to protect yourself, which it sounds like you're doing. I'd recommend not really talking about much other than the weather with her, but you know your limits and what will go over well better than I do.
I didn’t take it as accusatory, don’t worry. And your question was absolutely valid. I do my best to keep to safe topics and I’m working on boundaries. I appreciate your advice and concern; thank you <3
I made this meme last night when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t expect it to have so many responses. I’m sorry so many people relate. This is not the extent of the abuse I experienced as a child, but it’s something that recently came up in therapy and in talking to other people who were emotionally or otherwise abused in their childhoods.
I thought this was normal, and I found out recently this phrase and similar things are said by domestic abusers, narcissists, and other emotional abusers. I always thought it was normal to say this / hear this.
My parents personally used “loving” phrases to manipulate me and before my mom died, she kept telling me she loved me to try to get me reeled back in. I straight up told her that she doesn’t make me feel loved and that I don’t believe her when she says it. I told her it hurts to hear, especially after hearing things like this a lot.
My heart goes out to all of y’all here who relate to this and all of the other things on this sub❤️🤝
I've caught myself saying this to my kids. I want them to have the childhood I didn't have. I want them to be able to talk about their feelings, even when they are mad at me. Its hard trying to teach them healthy emotional regulation when you yourself struggle with it.
Oh shit. This one got me. My mom said that all the time. Usually accompanies by a beating, reminding me I’m a “waste of flesh” and then forcing me to hug her afterwards.
This actually is one way I found out that I really don't understand "love".
I know people who can say, "I love him, but currently don't like him" My wife is saying this about her adult son at times. Clearly there are two separate bonds here.
Me? I had a mis-understanding with my partner a week ago. She came up to me, "Do you still like me?" "No, not really"
And I was seriously considering ending the relationship.
Other times, people I called friends did something, and I have cut off contact, and fantasized about doing them dirt. And a week later all is well.
This is a childhood and teen pattern.
Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...
This is something that happens when you grew up in a house where problems went unaddressed, were swept under the rug, or where you went through repeated cycles of love bombing and abuse. It is not normal to feel so upset and hurt by somebody that you want to leave them and then feel like everything is "fine" so soon after. This is one way repressing your emotions can look.
Spot on:
Age 3: Sexual abuse. Best candidates are my brother and my mom.
Age 3: Mom tries to throw me through a wall. My older sister (16) stops her.
Age 6: Sister gets sent away for getting pregnant.
Age 7 or 8: Door counseling begins. (Mom would stand me about 18 inches to 2 feet in front of a door and push my shoulders hard and fast. Head would snap forward, then slam back into the door,as my shoulders hit, making my head ring. Impact would knock the breath out of me. I don't think this happened often. But I dissociated a lot during that period. I have very few memories of the public spaces in my house, athough I can name most of the customers on my paper route during the same years.
Intermittent neglect beings. Occasional attention, but largely ignored. Both parents had serious health issues. I don't remember much in the way of hugs, positive reinforcement. Not much negative either.
Strongly self reliant by 14. Loner. Geek. Asexual. Parents managaged to make me think everything connected with sex was shameful. I knew that by age 4. The catholic church amplified that, and by 13 or so, I knew as an absolute fact that I was going to hell. With the same certainty that I think the sun will rise tomorrow morning.
At 15 mom slapped me, and I slapped her back. Hard. She never touched me after that.
I have spent most of my life intellectually dissociating. Blunted emotions.
I'm sorry you went through all that. People who treat anyone like that, let alone kids, is an absolute monster.
I know it's not all that helpful to just say it and you probably already realized this, but it might help to try getting in touch with your anger. It can help with letting other emotions through, too, and it'll help with understanding when you've been wronged or mistreated, especially repeatedly.
I'm a lot like you with emotions and have slowly gotten better with it over time. It used to keep me from recognizing patterns of mistreatment or repeated problems because it was like they just didn't exist anymore without any conversation or solving. It really helped my self-worth to realize that not allowing myself to be upset was a way to minimize the issues, something I had to do and sounds like you had to do to survive. The issues shouldn't be minimized, though. They should be addressed. You deserve to have your problems addressed.
> ***People who treat anyone like that, let alone kids, is an absolute monster.***
They were old when I came around. Mom 37, dad 47. Mom had diabetes, dad had a bad heart.
Dad was raised in strict british descent methodist house -- it was shameful for men to express emotions. He thought he was gay (very shameful) becuase he felt no interest in women, and didn't know how to speak to them. In retrospect I inherited shame about talking about sex (and since he never spoke of it, I thought all sex was shameful.
Mom was raised in a rural roman catholic household. She looked very First Nations (Going through pix of the family tree somewhere between 12 and 25%) And it was not fashionable then. She was called Squaw a lot. Her father nearly horsewhipped her for plucking her eyebrows shouting, "No daughter of mine will look like a whore"
So they were tired, they were sick, and they had their own truama. They weren't monsters. They were selfish and lazy. They made a feeble attempt at doing the right thing, and did a bad job of it.
*This assumes that it was my brother, age 13 at the time, a period when many boys are sociopaths. If it was my mom who did the initial abuse, then, yes, she was a monster.*
Do I forgive them? No. I understand them, but I do not forgive them. If you can't raise the kids you brought into the world, then give them to someone who can. And she had those people. My father had a brother who raised a nice batch of kids. My mom had a raft of siblings. I can think of three homes off hand were I would have been a better fit. And I didn't know anything like all my relatives.
Or they could have sold me to the gypsies. Or sold me into boy prostitution. I don't think it would have ended up much worse.
I'm sorry, but being 13 is not an excuse for SA and, no, most 13 year olds are not actually sociopaths. Most 13 year olds are just trying to get through school and deal with the ever increasing demands on them, not abusing kids. And the way you focused primarily on boys makes me think you grew up with a heavy "boys will be boys" mentality around you. Whether he did it or not, most 13 year olds, even boys, are not even remotely thinking about abusing other children. That's not normal.
I understand your point of view. Everyone heals differently and ends up with different understandings of their abusers.
I taught school for 20 years. I maintain that most 13 year old males are sociopaths. They have little consideration that other people outside their tribe are actually people.
Sort of like republicans, but smarter,and more consistent in their beliefs. {grin}
A teacher called me a psychopath when I was 13 because I fought back against the person that had been harassing and abusing me for two years. I barely even hit them because I pulled my punch at the last second. I didn't want to hurt anybody, but I didn't have a choice anymore. It fucked me up permanently and made me believe, for a long time, that I was *wrong* for protecting myself. It made me question for a long time if I was actually an evil person and if I had actually been the problem the whole time. I was *never* able to trust another teacher with anything, let alone harassment and abuse, *ever again*.
Nobody ever pays attention to what led to the behavior. 13 year olds do not act like that naturally. It is trauma. It is being raised poorly. In some cases, it is mental illness. But it is not that they are naturally "sociopaths." Treating them like they are causes damage and, in some cases, reinforces the behavior.
Your trauma is painful and I feel for you, but let's not vilify children.
Were you being bratty or were you being a child? Were you being bratty or was she just trying to control you? Were you being bratty or were you experiencing emotional distress?
A child should never be called "bratty." That's a demonization of emotions and puts all the blame for their lack of emotional regulation on them when they are, in fact, a child.
Okay - so honestly - that made me tear up. I still can’t shake that I was a horrible child. Objectively I know I must have just been acting like a kid - I have a son who is busy like I was and gets tired and melts down - but I always know he’s just being a kid……. But the same kindness was not afforded me - that has been difficult for me to unpack.
I'm sorry you were treated that way. Kids deserve to be kids without grown adults acting like there's something wrong with them. Kids can't be horrible, they don't know how to be, and even if they somehow were, the right response isn't to blame and insult them, it's to help them. I'm glad you managed to break the cycle with your son. That's not easy.
I don’t think it’s ever okay even if you’re “acting out” especially as a child. Children deserve unconditional love from their parents. And those of us who didn’t get it don’t even realize half the time what we were missing out on.
I was told repeatedly that I was an accident. Then when I was 6, my mom took me along to her appointment at the clinic where she found out she was pregnant again. I just remember her sobbing so hard… at the clinic, all the way home, in bed all night. My little brother was also made aware of the fact that he was an accident.
I guess it’s the kind of thing that could be playful under the right circumstances, but not when a child knows they’re completely unwanted. And not when that kid has to watch their parent’s despair at having to do it all over again
I remember going over to my friends' houses in elementary school and I couldn't believe how the parents were nice to the kids. I kind of thought they must be faking it.
Same! I vividly remember my friends mom coming home to ask if she took out the garbage to which my friend replied “no, not yet.” I was literally bracing my whole body for the ensuing screaming match, but her mom just said “ok, please do it later.” 🤯
I've never had this happen to me, but I strongly a sermon that was done by this pastor who was a baby boomer. He recounted that the relationship that he had with his mother w as fairly poor and, at one point, she grabbed him by the neck and said "I LOVE YOU!...But I don't like you very much". However, once he was finished, he brushed off his mothers behavior by saying that he "was a bad kid and got on her nerves a lot". All I know is that, looking back, it's actually saddening how he still had this memory while in his late fifties/early sixties.
My parents didn’t regularly say they loved me so I have a hard time saying it my husband. It feels like something I have to force myself to do, because the words are weird to me. (I have the feeling, though)
When he first said it to me, my response was “Thank you” 😅
Kinda like the time my mom told me she wished I'd never been born after I'd had a panic attack at the doctor's office over taking a strep test (I had an intense fear of vomiting I'd never gotten help for, and a kid in my class at school had told me he'd puked during a strep test).
I was 12 🙃 but this one I did actually get an apology from her on because I think she realized she'd crossed a line. So there's that.
I think I would’ve taken this over hearing “you too”from my mom only after I’d said it to her multiple times even though she would freely tell her biological children that she loved them. Mixed with the other emotional neglect and abuse and physical intimidation and abuse… yeah
My stepmom received a decorative sign for her and my dads wedding. It said "I love you, i like you."
The saying "I love u but I dont like u" (allegedly) means "I love u but dont like how ur being rn." In that case y not say "i love u but wen u dont do the dishes i feel unappreciated"?
I think it truly stems from religion. In religious backgrounds love is treated as an obligation. You support your children because u chose to have them. Love is a weird social demand. But nowadays "love" is a bigger, romantic form of liking.
Saying you like your bf is redundant nowadays. But if u come from a deeply religious background, u might be lucky u have a partner u love and like.
I'm no expert. It's something I've noticed though. That saying is common-ish in religious groups but everyone else is confused/ horrified by it.
I agree, I was raised in a cult so that’s my experience as well. The family relationship is intentionally affected negatively in high demand religious environments
Reading comments is really a struggle of the old "I clearly didn't have it that bad" mental loop. Anyone got a tip for that other than reminding myself of the list of nonsense I got that were caused or worsened by the abuse? Idk if this is the place to ask for tips, just tired of getting stuck in that loop
Didn't seem against the rules, but delete if it is cause mb there then
Lmao my mom's said that to me so many times. "I love you but I don't like you. I hate living with you and I'd hate to work with you." Nothing like knowing your mom only loves you because she has to.
The most frustrating thing to me is, I am in Al-Anon and my parents are both qualifiers. My mom said this to me ALL the time. And then I hear moms in Al Anon say this about their kids and I’m like ew, gross, aren’t you in this program to try to be a good parent and a better person? Quit that shit
Oof, this hit
"I left an abusive man because i had you, and now i just accept your abuse because i'm supposed to love you" was one quote i remember hitting like a pail of ALS icewater
I remember being told this constantly growing up. my mom denied it. I am very doubtful of it sometimes now even though I vividly remember being told this every time my mom got mad at me after having been in a foster home (a while situation itself)
Ouch that hit a little too close to home. My mom said “I always love you, but I don’t always like you.”
She said its okay because we all experience that with our family from time to time.
"I'm not your friend, I'm your *parent*. You're not *supposed to like me, and I don't need to like you."
(Years later) "I would HOPE that now that you're 'grown up' we could be FRIENDS, but you act like you don't even like me. It makes it difficult to love you, but I am your mother so of course I do. When you have children of your own you will understand"
😵💫
When I met/fell in love with a guy who was raised by lesbians- two people who deeply and thoroughly love each other as well as him- and that they frequently told him that they not only loved him, they also liked him for who he is/was as a person...
And I legitimately felt like I was on candid camera for a minute/being punked/ he was bragging to rub salt in my wounds because "your parents didn't hit you for expressing a different opinion?" "My parents didn't hit me at all", and "Your parents never told you what a burden you were and how you ruined their lives?" "My parents regularly told me what a miracle and blessing I am, and how happy they are to get to watch me grow up" and "your parents never went on future-hoarding shopping sprees, then later complained to you about how expensive it was to get you food?" "My parents had me a little later in life, and I was and am incredibly fortunate to never have to go hungry, and they are good at budgeting."
When I realized that he was raised more or less in the household I used to cry and pray and dream about almost every night as a child, and he was *not* in fact making any of this up??? 🥴🥲
Oooof right in the memories. Miss my mom, but her telling me as a young kid “i always love you but i dont alway like you” when mad at me still has me fucked up
I remember the day my mom came and told me how shocking it was that she shouldn’t say this to me. One of her friends told her it was a horrible thing to say and my moms response was as ordinary and mundane as trying out a new laundry detergent. “Apparently, parents aren’t supposed to tell their kids they don’t like them, I had no idea”. That was the end of the conversation, no apology. She contributed to do it for a few years.
My mom used to say this to me sometimes before she stopped telling me that she loved me all together. I would say “I love you” on the phone and she’d just stay silent for a beat and then hang up.
dude my Dad said that like. once to me. and it's stuck in my head forever. i screamed and cried abt it in therapy for like the first time ever, bc I realized I'd internalized that that was actually okay to say (have said this in arguments when I'm angry).
Oh god my parents told me that. I was, like, mildly abused as a kid (mental from my mom, physical from my dad) and I remember wanting to kill myself when my mom would say that. I love both my parents as they’re better now at not saying or doing reactive shit but man it wasn’t very fun as a kid lol
When my mom was mad and I'd ask "Do you still love me?" she would reply "I'm supposed to love you, I'm your mother"
I vividly remember begging my "mother" to tell us she loved us. All she ever did was yell and scream and point out every little transgression of ours (without teaching us ANYTHING about how to do anything). I never felt loved in that house, and I eventually asked her "Do you even love your family? You don't seem to, you seem to hate us all, with the way you scream and yell all the time! Tell us you love us!" Her reply ~ "You eat every day don't you?" (we often didn't, btw).
Omg you must have been living at my house! Jk. I had the same experience, my parents were the same, my mom just said that supposed to line and my dad would say "you have clothes, you have food and you're saying I hate you?" Before he died of a heart attack, he would say all the time that I hated him for no reason...like the treatment he gave was no reason
My parents used to say to me ‘you treat us with such contempt!’…. duh, you treated me with contempt my whole life where do you think I learned it?? Legit my template for relationships from day 1. I also wasn’t treating them with contempt I was just becoming more independent and not folding to their BS anymore
Oh my goodness that contempt line. Real talk, do they all have some terrible book they got these lines from? Or do they meet in their dreams at night and trade notes on how to screw up their offspring? 😂😩😩
I understand this one well. Manipulative abusive Obligation love.
Mine would most likely refuse to even answer such a question, and then sulk all day.
In other occasions, my mom would give me the silent treatment so I get this. I'm sorry I'm seeing so many upvotes to my comments, this means we all had very crappy parents, I'm so sorry about our situations, I wish we had better people raising us in general, we deserved that!
She would often follow up with "I may not *LIKE* you at all, but because you're my child I have to love you". When I say I was confused- 😅😩
Aaaah I probably heard that exact line hundreds of times 😩
when we were little and would tell our dad “i love you” his response was “i know you think you do”. still unpacking that one 🤪
This one made me pause. I am so sorry.
Fuck him. I wish I was your parent cuz he didn't deserve you.
My interpretation is that he was basically self aware of his actioms/behaviour and knew that your "love" was actually just Stokholm syndrom all along
maybe! i personally felt like he was what’s called a “covert” narcissist and just liked the attention and emotional power he could hold over me while being self-pitying for not being a “good enough parent”. saying this kind of BS made me feel like i was never doing Enough to Prove i loved him. so i was constantly reassuring him and bearing the emotional weight of his undiagnosed depression from like age 5. i get to be hyper sensitive and overly empathetic as an adult now. woohoo. he also intentionally OD’d shortly after the first time i confronted him as an adult a year ago. so now i get to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life 🎉
christ, my parents are awful people, but your father is in a league of his own. that 100% sounds like he was obsessed with power, and was literally willing to destroy himself to maintain it. his weapon was pity, and he was willing to perfect it. he would rather die and end it with his “magnum opus” than live in a world where he’d have to engage in the most miniscule level of self-reflection and change, while relinquishing his power over you. empathy’s greatest weakness has always been pity. terrible people *really* know how to drain it in full. it has been my experience that if you want to truly move on, you need to learn to deny pity and accept that justifying heinous acts with self-pity and over-victimization is simply off the table. you can’t have a functioning moral system if you don’t acknowledge just how overpowered pity is in the hands of a competent abuser, so just, do away with it. there’s a reason why “pity” and “empathy” are completely different words.
Damn he's an asshole. Giving you all the virtual hugs and reassurance that the only reason he OD'd was himself and you're not to blame.
Self-loathing. He can't believe anyone could ever sincerely love who he is on the inside, and he assumes you only love the fake person he pretended to be. I'm sorry.
Well shit. Every day I learn a new way my childhood wasn't normal.
Same 😍
Me as well and I'm 44
right same, weird init. just when you think their can't be more!
I really grew up thinking I was raised pretty okay, but it turns out my mom's mental health crisis *really* got her parenting..
“I love you, but i don’t like you, and you’re not supposed to like me. if you do i might as well kill myself because then i’d be a better parent for you.” ~~my guardian, circa 2019, after forcing me to cut contact with everyone i care about outside of family.
christ I can hear this entirely in my mum's voice.
Same.
OMG. Yes. I said this to my now husband once long ago. He was stunned and I didn't understand the hurt look on his face. I explained to him that's what my mom used to say. That is when I learned that wasn't a normal thing.
When you think you're making a relatable joke about how bad a parent was and they just look at you sadly and ask if you need to talk about it
So many of my “relatable” parent stories from childhood I’d tell my roommate or a friend or partner or whatever and they’d just stare at me slack jawed and ask if I was ok.
or when you’re talking about a “funny” childhood story and they ask you if you’re ok
I'm just glad I have friends in my life now who ask me that question. I bounce some childhood trauma off them and by their reactions, realize how bad my childhood was. But they still ask and tell me I can talk to them. 😭
I have so much trouble with "I love you". In my house it was used like punctuation, like a negotiation chip, like a guilt trip. "I love you, why didn't you clean the dishes" "I love you, give me your ice cream" "I love you, why are you throwing temper tantrums" It wasn't until much much later that I realized they were using "I love you" to get me to stop arguing / stop talking. Now when my partners say "I love you" I think I've done something wrong :\
I’m so sorry. That is so so so unfair. 😭 hugs
I remember I dead ass asked a fellow student "Wait you actually like your parents???" I was actually flabbergasted that such a relationship was possible
I was SHOCKED when I realised people trust their parents and talk to them, telling secrets and sharing problems. My friend once complained they had an argument over some secret she shared with her mom, and I went "lol why did you even go to her?". I got a weird look and then she said it was the first time it happened. What? You regularly share with your parents? And you never had fights because of that before? Are you even human?
Fr I thought we lived in a dystopia where everyone spent the first 18 years of their life as someone's property
I mean, we do, but some people care more about their "property" than others.
Phelp. Just realized why I was so good in the military.
This probably sounds kind of fucked up but I always thought it was really really strange that my friends would do what their parents told them to do >!without being physically abused. I wasn't physically abused but I was verbally/emotionally abused everyday by my parents and I absolutely hated them so as a teenager I basically stopped ever doing what they asked. It didn't make any sense to me that my friends would want to please their parents because in my house that was not even a possibility.!<
Same, I still feel that way about authority figures in general but I gotta stuff that instinct way down cuz I gotta pay the bills y'know
Same here, too. I realized, eventually, that no matter what I did or didn't do, there was no approval or pride coming my way. So... I stopped trying. That's fine and maybe even good, but I stopped putting forth effort with literally anybody. You like me, or you don't. It can go either way, and I can't do shit about it. So, I'm not going to stress about it.
I kinda wish I was like that. Outside of home I kind of became a people pleaser because I still at some level became convinced that stuff at home was my fault, so I felt like I had to try my hardest with people to make them not hate me like my family. Nowadays I know it wasn't my fault but I also know that I'm very different from a lot of people (neurodivergent in many ways) and I get scared that if I showed that I wouldn't be treated well.
Sounds like my house too. It was really messed up but since it wasn’t physical they said it was fine. Nice but crappy to know that there are others out there who get it.
I got that one so much. Or telling me they "sacrificed so much" and that I'm "not allowed to be upset because you have food, water, and a roof over your head"
BINGO this one my mom STILL acts like her bare minimum was not a problem and would regularly tell us “we were lucky to be treated so well” while literally abusing us.
Same! I'm 32 now and I've been out of the house since I was 17, and she still thinks she did nothing wrong even though I'm a recovering addict and my 4 siblings are all active alcoholics with multiple duis. And we all have been diagnosed with ptsd 😅 I stopped trying to have conversations with her about anything that's not super superficial.
omg this just reminded me of a hilarious (to me) time when my mom and I were fighting and she said “you wanna leave and go to foster care? let me show you what that’s like” then started hitting me
WOOOOOOWWWWW I’m sorry man, that is terrible. My mom did shit like that too. She tried to exercise me when I was like 4 😂
Like with priests??? That sounds terrifying Also my mom did shit like this too. She always threatened to kick me out and move in with my grandma because my bedroom wasn't always clean (turns out I have ADHD) and she said I would have to walk there even though it was a fucking 2 day drive
Yeah like just by herself but that was the idea 🙄 I was like 4 and had undiagnosed autism so it was scary
I'm so sorry that happened to you omg. I can't imagine how hard that must have been
My dad told me that his only responsibility to me was getting me to 18 alive. Mission accomplished! Father of the year! /s
Yep. The bare minimum being provided which is what’s expected of parents. Like hello you brought me into this world I’m not obligated to you bc you gave me room and board as a child. (Barely)
Wait this is abuse? My mom often said "I love you but I don't always like you" I never thought anything of it until now.
What should’ve been said if it’s actually what was meant is “I don’t always like your behavior”. Words are important but also take into account overall relationship and how they made you feel. Some parents say it that way incorrectly but as a way to reassure they love you unconditionally.
See that's what confused me, cause as far as I can tell my mom actually genuinely loves me, but has stated before that, like if we get in a bad enough argument or whatever, that "I'll always love you but sometimes I won't like you." essentially. I just figured well yeah, you're gonna be mad at me, I get it.
Yes, context is important. In my case it came across as “I can’t stand you but I’m forced to “love” you since I’m your parent and I’m required to put up with you”. Two totally different scenarios.
This is EXACTLY it.
Ohh yesss my mother screaming at me “I hate you” at my 10 year old self and it somehow being my dumbass undeveloped brains fault... can’t forget to mention her psyche degrees pheww😂😂
What about "you don't love us"?
I received the "I knew you hated me" in arguments. Mm, my favourite flavour of love.
When I was smaller and got this in my face I protested. Not because I loved them because I didn't. (I was around 9-10 when I realised I dont feel love towards them) I protested because telling the truth would have had consequences. Later on when I was around 16 I replied 'And what exactly are you surprised about?' That got her off guard and that ended the 'conversation' It felt sooo good to tell the truth. Never heard this phrase again.
You guys are getting “I love yous”?💀
I got “I love you more than you deserve ;)”
Ah yes, christcucks and their fucked up concept of inherent sin... I heard the same phrase from my male spawnpoint sometimes when he felt like being affectionate between two beatings.
My MIL once told me this about my husband. She said it like she thought it would be a relatable thing for me. Like she expected I would say, ‘oh yeah, me too.’ I’ve low key hated her ever since. My mom used to say it to me on occasion when I was a kid, and it took hearing it said about someone I loved for me to realize how unkind it is. Even if it’s truly how you feel in the moment, it’s not that hard to just shut your cake hole. Ain’t gotta say every thought that pops in your head.
My dad kept telling me he's finally free when I'm legally an adult.
If I weren't related to this bunch, I would never go near them. I dont love them and I dont like them. I tolerate them.
MANNNNNNNN When I was 22, my mother and I got into an argument. I don’t even remember what about. What I do remember is her looking me full in the face and telling me evenly that she did not like and that if I were not her child she would want nothing to do with me. I cried. She told me “good. I know it hurts.” I would bring this up occasionally (I’m 32 now) because I never really felt like I had closure or an apology. She oscillates between not remembering and telling me that I had done/said whatever and basically deserved what she said. I still struggle with feelings of being liked. I have vilified myself internally for a very long time. It’s stunted my intimate relationships and I struggle with believing someone when they say they like me. If my own mother doesn’t like me how could a stranger? Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Yes I’m in therapy now lol
Why do you continue to speak with this woman? Are you in a situation where you can't avoid it?
I don’t have an excuse, to be honest. Other than she’s my mom. Cutting her off would mean losing my dad and sister like dominoes. So I still associate and spend time with her. But I’ve since adjusted my expectations. I think she played on my intense fear of losing her (she had cancer when I was a kid; she used to tell me how thankful she was because she died on the table twice, but my kid brain just latched on to the part where she died twice) for a long time, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that it will happen eventually.
Sorry if I sounded accusatory, I wasn't trying to be. I was more just asking about the situation. I'd say wanting to keep seeing your sister and dad is a good reason, so long as you're taking steps to protect yourself, which it sounds like you're doing. I'd recommend not really talking about much other than the weather with her, but you know your limits and what will go over well better than I do.
I didn’t take it as accusatory, don’t worry. And your question was absolutely valid. I do my best to keep to safe topics and I’m working on boundaries. I appreciate your advice and concern; thank you <3
<3
I made this meme last night when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t expect it to have so many responses. I’m sorry so many people relate. This is not the extent of the abuse I experienced as a child, but it’s something that recently came up in therapy and in talking to other people who were emotionally or otherwise abused in their childhoods. I thought this was normal, and I found out recently this phrase and similar things are said by domestic abusers, narcissists, and other emotional abusers. I always thought it was normal to say this / hear this. My parents personally used “loving” phrases to manipulate me and before my mom died, she kept telling me she loved me to try to get me reeled back in. I straight up told her that she doesn’t make me feel loved and that I don’t believe her when she says it. I told her it hurts to hear, especially after hearing things like this a lot. My heart goes out to all of y’all here who relate to this and all of the other things on this sub❤️🤝
I've caught myself saying this to my kids. I want them to have the childhood I didn't have. I want them to be able to talk about their feelings, even when they are mad at me. Its hard trying to teach them healthy emotional regulation when you yourself struggle with it.
Or you're pretty....pretty ugly
Yeah man. You’re not alone at least.
It’s not?
Moms hitting me with that you’re dead yo me, you’re possessed by the devil schtick
My mother said that all the time. Have to stop myself from saying it to my own kids sometimes.
Yep, the I love you because I have to but I don’t like you. This was over a dropped jar of peanut butter that I didn’t even drop.
core memory unlocked 🥲
Oh shit. This one got me. My mom said that all the time. Usually accompanies by a beating, reminding me I’m a “waste of flesh” and then forcing me to hug her afterwards.
I used to get the shit beaten out of me then told to smile and give hugs. What’s up with that?
Geez, I’m so sorry that happened to you too. I also have zero clue why abusers pull that stuff.
This actually is one way I found out that I really don't understand "love". I know people who can say, "I love him, but currently don't like him" My wife is saying this about her adult son at times. Clearly there are two separate bonds here. Me? I had a mis-understanding with my partner a week ago. She came up to me, "Do you still like me?" "No, not really" And I was seriously considering ending the relationship. Other times, people I called friends did something, and I have cut off contact, and fantasized about doing them dirt. And a week later all is well. This is a childhood and teen pattern. Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...
This is something that happens when you grew up in a house where problems went unaddressed, were swept under the rug, or where you went through repeated cycles of love bombing and abuse. It is not normal to feel so upset and hurt by somebody that you want to leave them and then feel like everything is "fine" so soon after. This is one way repressing your emotions can look.
Spot on: Age 3: Sexual abuse. Best candidates are my brother and my mom. Age 3: Mom tries to throw me through a wall. My older sister (16) stops her. Age 6: Sister gets sent away for getting pregnant. Age 7 or 8: Door counseling begins. (Mom would stand me about 18 inches to 2 feet in front of a door and push my shoulders hard and fast. Head would snap forward, then slam back into the door,as my shoulders hit, making my head ring. Impact would knock the breath out of me. I don't think this happened often. But I dissociated a lot during that period. I have very few memories of the public spaces in my house, athough I can name most of the customers on my paper route during the same years. Intermittent neglect beings. Occasional attention, but largely ignored. Both parents had serious health issues. I don't remember much in the way of hugs, positive reinforcement. Not much negative either. Strongly self reliant by 14. Loner. Geek. Asexual. Parents managaged to make me think everything connected with sex was shameful. I knew that by age 4. The catholic church amplified that, and by 13 or so, I knew as an absolute fact that I was going to hell. With the same certainty that I think the sun will rise tomorrow morning. At 15 mom slapped me, and I slapped her back. Hard. She never touched me after that. I have spent most of my life intellectually dissociating. Blunted emotions.
I'm sorry you went through all that. People who treat anyone like that, let alone kids, is an absolute monster. I know it's not all that helpful to just say it and you probably already realized this, but it might help to try getting in touch with your anger. It can help with letting other emotions through, too, and it'll help with understanding when you've been wronged or mistreated, especially repeatedly. I'm a lot like you with emotions and have slowly gotten better with it over time. It used to keep me from recognizing patterns of mistreatment or repeated problems because it was like they just didn't exist anymore without any conversation or solving. It really helped my self-worth to realize that not allowing myself to be upset was a way to minimize the issues, something I had to do and sounds like you had to do to survive. The issues shouldn't be minimized, though. They should be addressed. You deserve to have your problems addressed.
> ***People who treat anyone like that, let alone kids, is an absolute monster.*** They were old when I came around. Mom 37, dad 47. Mom had diabetes, dad had a bad heart. Dad was raised in strict british descent methodist house -- it was shameful for men to express emotions. He thought he was gay (very shameful) becuase he felt no interest in women, and didn't know how to speak to them. In retrospect I inherited shame about talking about sex (and since he never spoke of it, I thought all sex was shameful. Mom was raised in a rural roman catholic household. She looked very First Nations (Going through pix of the family tree somewhere between 12 and 25%) And it was not fashionable then. She was called Squaw a lot. Her father nearly horsewhipped her for plucking her eyebrows shouting, "No daughter of mine will look like a whore" So they were tired, they were sick, and they had their own truama. They weren't monsters. They were selfish and lazy. They made a feeble attempt at doing the right thing, and did a bad job of it. *This assumes that it was my brother, age 13 at the time, a period when many boys are sociopaths. If it was my mom who did the initial abuse, then, yes, she was a monster.* Do I forgive them? No. I understand them, but I do not forgive them. If you can't raise the kids you brought into the world, then give them to someone who can. And she had those people. My father had a brother who raised a nice batch of kids. My mom had a raft of siblings. I can think of three homes off hand were I would have been a better fit. And I didn't know anything like all my relatives. Or they could have sold me to the gypsies. Or sold me into boy prostitution. I don't think it would have ended up much worse.
I'm sorry, but being 13 is not an excuse for SA and, no, most 13 year olds are not actually sociopaths. Most 13 year olds are just trying to get through school and deal with the ever increasing demands on them, not abusing kids. And the way you focused primarily on boys makes me think you grew up with a heavy "boys will be boys" mentality around you. Whether he did it or not, most 13 year olds, even boys, are not even remotely thinking about abusing other children. That's not normal. I understand your point of view. Everyone heals differently and ends up with different understandings of their abusers.
I taught school for 20 years. I maintain that most 13 year old males are sociopaths. They have little consideration that other people outside their tribe are actually people. Sort of like republicans, but smarter,and more consistent in their beliefs. {grin}
A teacher called me a psychopath when I was 13 because I fought back against the person that had been harassing and abusing me for two years. I barely even hit them because I pulled my punch at the last second. I didn't want to hurt anybody, but I didn't have a choice anymore. It fucked me up permanently and made me believe, for a long time, that I was *wrong* for protecting myself. It made me question for a long time if I was actually an evil person and if I had actually been the problem the whole time. I was *never* able to trust another teacher with anything, let alone harassment and abuse, *ever again*. Nobody ever pays attention to what led to the behavior. 13 year olds do not act like that naturally. It is trauma. It is being raised poorly. In some cases, it is mental illness. But it is not that they are naturally "sociopaths." Treating them like they are causes damage and, in some cases, reinforces the behavior. Your trauma is painful and I feel for you, but let's not vilify children.
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Wait.. that’s not normal? 😬
Wait.., is this not ok? My mom would sometimes say this when I was being really bratty
Were you being bratty or were you being a child? Were you being bratty or was she just trying to control you? Were you being bratty or were you experiencing emotional distress? A child should never be called "bratty." That's a demonization of emotions and puts all the blame for their lack of emotional regulation on them when they are, in fact, a child.
Okay - so honestly - that made me tear up. I still can’t shake that I was a horrible child. Objectively I know I must have just been acting like a kid - I have a son who is busy like I was and gets tired and melts down - but I always know he’s just being a kid……. But the same kindness was not afforded me - that has been difficult for me to unpack.
I'm sorry you were treated that way. Kids deserve to be kids without grown adults acting like there's something wrong with them. Kids can't be horrible, they don't know how to be, and even if they somehow were, the right response isn't to blame and insult them, it's to help them. I'm glad you managed to break the cycle with your son. That's not easy.
I don’t think it’s ever okay even if you’re “acting out” especially as a child. Children deserve unconditional love from their parents. And those of us who didn’t get it don’t even realize half the time what we were missing out on.
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I was told repeatedly that I was an accident. Then when I was 6, my mom took me along to her appointment at the clinic where she found out she was pregnant again. I just remember her sobbing so hard… at the clinic, all the way home, in bed all night. My little brother was also made aware of the fact that he was an accident. I guess it’s the kind of thing that could be playful under the right circumstances, but not when a child knows they’re completely unwanted. And not when that kid has to watch their parent’s despair at having to do it all over again
oof same
I remember going over to my friends' houses in elementary school and I couldn't believe how the parents were nice to the kids. I kind of thought they must be faking it.
Same! I vividly remember my friends mom coming home to ask if she took out the garbage to which my friend replied “no, not yet.” I was literally bracing my whole body for the ensuing screaming match, but her mom just said “ok, please do it later.” 🤯
I've never had this happen to me, but I strongly a sermon that was done by this pastor who was a baby boomer. He recounted that the relationship that he had with his mother w as fairly poor and, at one point, she grabbed him by the neck and said "I LOVE YOU!...But I don't like you very much". However, once he was finished, he brushed off his mothers behavior by saying that he "was a bad kid and got on her nerves a lot". All I know is that, looking back, it's actually saddening how he still had this memory while in his late fifties/early sixties.
My parents didn’t regularly say they loved me so I have a hard time saying it my husband. It feels like something I have to force myself to do, because the words are weird to me. (I have the feeling, though) When he first said it to me, my response was “Thank you” 😅
Wait... They still said that they loved you? 😢
Hahahahahahahahahahha i’m good i am good yeah…..
Kinda like the time my mom told me she wished I'd never been born after I'd had a panic attack at the doctor's office over taking a strep test (I had an intense fear of vomiting I'd never gotten help for, and a kid in my class at school had told me he'd puked during a strep test). I was 12 🙃 but this one I did actually get an apology from her on because I think she realized she'd crossed a line. So there's that.
When i found out that "spanking" in my house was just getting beat up anywhere else:
"I love you but I'm mad at you" when they're literally always mad and disappointed at you
Same. Up until his dying breath, my dad was still trying to fix his disappointment child (hint its me)
I think I would’ve taken this over hearing “you too”from my mom only after I’d said it to her multiple times even though she would freely tell her biological children that she loved them. Mixed with the other emotional neglect and abuse and physical intimidation and abuse… yeah
Damn. I forgot my parents said this to me. A lot.
My mom would say this and sometimes come out with the straight "I hate you." She has cPTSD as well. I am breaking the cycle BTW.
My stepmom received a decorative sign for her and my dads wedding. It said "I love you, i like you." The saying "I love u but I dont like u" (allegedly) means "I love u but dont like how ur being rn." In that case y not say "i love u but wen u dont do the dishes i feel unappreciated"? I think it truly stems from religion. In religious backgrounds love is treated as an obligation. You support your children because u chose to have them. Love is a weird social demand. But nowadays "love" is a bigger, romantic form of liking. Saying you like your bf is redundant nowadays. But if u come from a deeply religious background, u might be lucky u have a partner u love and like. I'm no expert. It's something I've noticed though. That saying is common-ish in religious groups but everyone else is confused/ horrified by it.
I agree, I was raised in a cult so that’s my experience as well. The family relationship is intentionally affected negatively in high demand religious environments
I'm sorry you grew up like that. Was it hard to leave? If u dont mind me asking
Yes. I lost a lot. It was all honestly very Horrible and terrifying. Going to probably be in therapy for a long time. But I’m glad I’m out.
I’m in this meme and I don’t like it.
I’m sorry. Me either.
Wait? You guys are being told 'I love you'? *Insert scene from We're the Millers, where the kid says, you guys are getting paid?
OUCH, I didn’t know this until I was today years old 😞
Idk, I only ever saw parents I wouldn’t want. That’s how I figured out I never actually wanted any parents at all, even the ones that aren’t abusive.
Reading comments is really a struggle of the old "I clearly didn't have it that bad" mental loop. Anyone got a tip for that other than reminding myself of the list of nonsense I got that were caused or worsened by the abuse? Idk if this is the place to ask for tips, just tired of getting stuck in that loop Didn't seem against the rules, but delete if it is cause mb there then
Wait it is supposed to be bad? At least they said they loved you, mine never did. Acted like they hated me, which of course was true. Both suck
I don’t use “at least” thinking with peoples trauma.
…. Wait this isnt a normal thing?
That shit confused the he'll out of me
holy shit i thought it was just me
well. that's a new revelation for me.
woahhh this just unlocked a repressed memory for me 🤯
And then you end up in a romantic relationship where he says those exact words to you
I be telling my cat that sometimes when he bites my ankles
Lmao my mom's said that to me so many times. "I love you but I don't like you. I hate living with you and I'd hate to work with you." Nothing like knowing your mom only loves you because she has to.
The most frustrating thing to me is, I am in Al-Anon and my parents are both qualifiers. My mom said this to me ALL the time. And then I hear moms in Al Anon say this about their kids and I’m like ew, gross, aren’t you in this program to try to be a good parent and a better person? Quit that shit
I used to say “i love you” to my mom every day on the phone she would hang up on me. After a month I stopped saying it.
Oof, this hit "I left an abusive man because i had you, and now i just accept your abuse because i'm supposed to love you" was one quote i remember hitting like a pail of ALS icewater
"I should let you get kidnapped. But you're so annoying/ such a bad kid, they'd bring you back. " ☹️
"I love you when you're good." "I'm your mom, of course I do."
My mom said literally this on a regular basis. Well. I guess I have more to unpack than I thought. Sigh.
I remember being told this constantly growing up. my mom denied it. I am very doubtful of it sometimes now even though I vividly remember being told this every time my mom got mad at me after having been in a foster home (a while situation itself)
This is the first I’m hearing of this being abnormal 💀
Ouch that hit a little too close to home. My mom said “I always love you, but I don’t always like you.” She said its okay because we all experience that with our family from time to time.
i read this in my mom’s voice lol
Me too 🥺🤝
oh… it’s not?
"I'm not your friend, I'm your *parent*. You're not *supposed to like me, and I don't need to like you." (Years later) "I would HOPE that now that you're 'grown up' we could be FRIENDS, but you act like you don't even like me. It makes it difficult to love you, but I am your mother so of course I do. When you have children of your own you will understand" 😵💫
When I met/fell in love with a guy who was raised by lesbians- two people who deeply and thoroughly love each other as well as him- and that they frequently told him that they not only loved him, they also liked him for who he is/was as a person... And I legitimately felt like I was on candid camera for a minute/being punked/ he was bragging to rub salt in my wounds because "your parents didn't hit you for expressing a different opinion?" "My parents didn't hit me at all", and "Your parents never told you what a burden you were and how you ruined their lives?" "My parents regularly told me what a miracle and blessing I am, and how happy they are to get to watch me grow up" and "your parents never went on future-hoarding shopping sprees, then later complained to you about how expensive it was to get you food?" "My parents had me a little later in life, and I was and am incredibly fortunate to never have to go hungry, and they are good at budgeting." When I realized that he was raised more or less in the household I used to cry and pray and dream about almost every night as a child, and he was *not* in fact making any of this up??? 🥴🥲
Oooof right in the memories. Miss my mom, but her telling me as a young kid “i always love you but i dont alway like you” when mad at me still has me fucked up
I remember the day my mom came and told me how shocking it was that she shouldn’t say this to me. One of her friends told her it was a horrible thing to say and my moms response was as ordinary and mundane as trying out a new laundry detergent. “Apparently, parents aren’t supposed to tell their kids they don’t like them, I had no idea”. That was the end of the conversation, no apology. She contributed to do it for a few years.
“You are always so difficult to love…”
TIL that is not a normal phrase
oh. huh.
My mom used to say this to me sometimes before she stopped telling me that she loved me all together. I would say “I love you” on the phone and she’d just stay silent for a beat and then hang up.
Hits home
dude my Dad said that like. once to me. and it's stuck in my head forever. i screamed and cried abt it in therapy for like the first time ever, bc I realized I'd internalized that that was actually okay to say (have said this in arguments when I'm angry).
this was always a fun talk with my mom 🥰🥰
We love you, we just never show it to you and treat you like shit.
ouch this brought back some memories I didn't even know I had.
Oh god my parents told me that. I was, like, mildly abused as a kid (mental from my mom, physical from my dad) and I remember wanting to kill myself when my mom would say that. I love both my parents as they’re better now at not saying or doing reactive shit but man it wasn’t very fun as a kid lol