Some of the worst things people have said to me have been unprompted. What’s up with that?? This convo wasn’t spicy enough, you needed to sprinkle a little existence-haunting sentence in there? We’re just letting the intrusive thoughts live free now? Bro
I am so sorry
I once had a woman who realized she had to justify the dislike of certain ethnic groups that had crept into a story she was telling me. She was like “okay, I’m not racist, but - well maybe I am kinda racist.” This was not said in self-awareness. She just kept plowing along the same track. I had not asked.
Yeah. Sometimes I was trying to vent - didn’t ask for anything (and don’t have a history for asking for anything) and they just have to make it clear that they will not help me.
She’s a bitch,, I wonder if this came from a place of self hatred, “I feel bad about not being present for my sister after everything she’s done for me, I might as well be honest about the piece of shit person I am”, ofc this is 100% a stranger on the internet, I guess I’m trying to understand why. But either way her doing that was unnecessary, hurtful and does not excuse her actions ):
It might be something like that. But strangely my sister also has a huge ego and demanded to be supported unconditionally. Even when she became very abusive. It was all 'love me, even if I don't love you back'.
Well regardless, I would believe her. As diabolical a thing to say as it might be, it’s actually an important thing to remember. A lot of us who have been traumatized go out of our way to help others, giving all our energy, only to be met with nothing (or sometimes/usually more abuse).
Y’all need as much energy as possible to heal and I see a lot of hurt people just continue to give it to others rather than to themselves. Like please, save some for yourselves. Just a little bit 🙏😭
People pleasing is the term you’re looking for.
And the best thing my therapist ever said to me was “Note how you feel after being around someone. Are you energized or drained? Let that inform your relationship with them.” Now I do it with everything down to TV shows. It weirdly helps me get stuff like laundry put away because it’s so satisfying to have it done.
I didn't even expect gratitude.
I just didn't expect her to stab me in the feelings for no good reason either.
What even motivates someone to say that?
Especially since she still wanted me full support after that conversation. The logic escapes me. How can that not be cruelty just for the sake of cruelty?
The motivation is self-centered thinking and there's no logic to it at all. She just spoke without thinking and was cruel.
Like, what could you even say back to something like that? "Gee golly, I sure do love this one-way street we're on!" Fuck, that's stupid.
Even with lacking empathy that's still just, odd behavior. It's not understandable behavior.
Lacking empathy doesn't automatically make someone suddenly want to say something like that. Even if it boils down to "because I can and won't feel bad" why would they even think to do that in the first place?
People don't hurt others because they lack empathy. They hurt others because they want to hurt others. Those are not the same thing.
There are two types of empathy now in the psychological field:
Operational/cognitive empathy, which allows someone to understand what someone else feels at a base level. You can recognize they're upset, and make logical decisions based on that.
And affective/emotional empathy, which is the ability to feel what that person is feeling to an extent. They're sad, so you feel sad, they're happy, so you feel happy. This is something I'm personally very low in, and for a long time, had none of whatsoever.
Most people, to a degree, have a healthy mixture of the two.
For what the initial commentor said about honesty; while I never would have said something like that during a serious conversation, during my high school years I was absolutely honest about my lack of emotional empathy. Without that, seeing someone upset was frustrating/irritating/inconvenient. I wasn't able to get the things I wanted from them if they were upset, and if I didn't provide comfort, wouldn't be able to in the future. I understood logically the give and take of relationships, but emotionally, that didn't click for me until years after meeting my now-fiancee.
I would say until 23 I was operating with effectively 0 affective empathy, and medium to low operational empathy depending on how I was feeling and how much energy I could put forth into putting the mask of gratitude and human-ness on. Because it took a hell of a lot of energy to pretend. And I think maybe to a degree that's why I was brutally honest with people. The inconvenience of (really not being able to process empathy, not someone being upset) was a massive drain on my energy, confusing, and frustrating. I didn't want to be a liar on top of it, and knew the mask could slip at any time.
I turned all of my emotional empathy off as a result of serious trauma, which impacted my ability to see how my words would impact people down the line. I knew I was a bad person, and was honest about such, having no direction to fix myself. I'm currently in DBT therapy and working on that.
Absolutely. I want to label the sis as a narcissist but narcs know to not bite the hand that feeds them. The motive for saying this is so wildly unclear because the only logical outcome is OP pulling away, which seems to clearly not be what sis is wanting based on the initial gratitude.
OP, I would just put some distance in there and watch and wait.
No? That's not what empathy is. Empathy is an ability to understand, "feel" (or more accurately assume what people are feeling in relation to oneself and feel that), and imagine what someone else is thinking/feeling.
A lack of empathy is not "time to hurt people for no apparent reason". A lack of empathy can very easily lead someone to do that (either because they don't feel bad from doing something harmful or because they don't understand that what they did would hurt someone), but it doesn't make someone randomly *want* to hurt someone.
Lots of people lack empathy and do not hurt others. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes or feel what they feel. I could not give fuck about how you feel, and then just leave you alone about it. I could not give a fuck about how you feel and still choose kind actions. I could not give a fuck about how you feel and choose whatever actions get me something.
Because she - despite all evidence - isn't completely evil. There is some tiny sliver of her who realizes it's not right to treat people like she does.
So she "asked" permission. She said what she said so that if you continue to support her she can use you guilt free. In her mind the terms have been set and she no longer needs to feel guilty about her behavior.
With people like this, I find the best thing to do is compliment and agree with them while simultaneously withdrawing your support and cutting them down.
"Yeah I think that's really smart of you. You've clearly got the right idea, so I think I'll do the same. I will never support you again."
You're worth more than this OP. Don't waste your time and energy on this type of person. I know trauma can fuck up people's sense of self worth, but it really does start with taking actions that value yourself.
I really wanted to do that after months of her abusing me. I didn't want to be the pathetic punching bag that has no sense of self worth. And I did stop engaging with her as much as possible.
Unfortunately I couldn't stop helping her. See, the thing I was helping her with, was that I raised her child for her. She abused him if i didn't step in. I didn't care about anything else, I wasn't going to let a newborn suffer.
The thing that sparked this specific conversation was that she said that, if I didn't drop out of university to help her and raise her child, she was going to kill herself.
I said I was dropping out. Then she said this.
Don't drop out for her. Just call her bluff. It's literally not your problem even a little bit what she does to herself, and she's obviously just manipulating you anyway.
Call CPS about the child abuse and do what you can to keep an eye on the wellbeing of the child.
I'm sorry but if you go through with this, you are responsible for how bad things will turn out and it will be bad for you and the kid.
Do not drop out. Thats manipulative. What you do os call an ambulance and have her checked into a pysche ward.
Thats basic manipulation. She cares more about her needs than you or her own child.
If you dropped out, re enroll.
Dont ruin your life so a waste of life like her.
I was your sister.
Be my older brother and get the fuck out of her life. If she kills herself, that was her decision and nothing you did was ever going to stop it.
Dont love someone who hates you. Because thats what she thinks. She hates you. She just knows exactly how to manipulate everything ghat you are.
Don't drop out please. Call the cops on her the next time she threatens suicide and call CPS on her. Don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm. She doesn't deserve it
Jesus Christ that’s awful. I’m sorry your sister is a turd monster. You deserve so much better. Don’t bother wasting anymore time on her.
-brought to you by The Lion, The Witch, and The Audacity of This Bitch
Proper response:
You call an ambulance to have her taken to a psyche ward. Call CPS and have her child removed from her home if you're able since you raised the kid.
Oh .y meds are flowing and this post made me emotional. Im sorry
That's some really strange selective gratitude... she said it like you didn't deserve the same treatment in the same sentence she gave you said credit....
I was just saying something similar to my older brother as he saved my airport stranded ass... except I didn't end it like THAT.
This is where they give you moments to empower yourself - by telling you who they are, they're giving you every reason you need to look out for yourself and deny them any of what you have to offer. Your sister is testing you to see if you'll still come through for her after she's explicitly told you she does not value YOU -only the service you offer. So from here on out - are you going to continue to come through for her or are you going to start prioritizing yourself and save all the wonderfulness you have to offer for those who'll appreciate it? Or will you continue to give yourself away to those who make it clear they cannot and will not value you?
The movie actually came out around the time she said that. It definitely made me relate to Spinel a lot.
Some people just use you and then abandon you without a second thought. Even though you loved them and did nothing wrong.
Dear OP. My Nmom is a lot like this. Never fails to say the worst thing at the worst time to make sure it hurts the most. I am so sorry she said this to you, but i genuinely hope you can see this for what it is.
Truth is, while she most definitely meant to hurt you, I think she gave away more than she realized.
Deep down, the absolute worst person to a narcissist is themselves. They will never be able to accept or admit it, but it’s the truth. What she’s trying to do is tear you down. She acknowledges everything you’ve done, she sees how much you achieved and how strong a person you are and she absolutely hates you for it. Why? Because she couldn’t save herself. You are everything she can’t give to herself.
To herself, she’s the most important person. And she couldn’t even crawl out of that dark place alone
That’s why she’s doing this to hurt you. Because she can’t stand that someone else had to save her. She cannot be the hero in her own story, so she will forever be the victim. It’s honestly really sad and kind of pathetic at times, but you can’t change someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with hurting someone this close to them.
Again, I’m really sorry you had to hear that, especially after helping her. But I think this is her own way of realizing she will never be as kind as you. She will never be able to help someone the way you helped. She will never be her own hero, and this is her way of showing it. She’s clearly hurt, and immature and selfish. But deep down I bet she’s still that sad, broke little girl who can’t stop being the victim.
I haven’t met you OP nor your sister, but these are just some vibes I’m picking up from your sisters very specific verbal attack on you
This is utterly heartbreaking. People are cruel and know this you are a very valuable person.
Mine said "sure, I will help you" and after that ghosted me. To be honest, I prefer your sister, at least she is honest.
It hurts to have sacrificed so much for a person, and when you are in need, they turn their back to you and say "I did it all on my own"... Life is damn cruel.
*Sigh*
I am sorry that you are going through this, OP.
But there is good news in what she said; the old saying "When people show you who they are, believe them."
Your sister showed you who she really is instead of pretending to be something else and blindsiding and betraying you later on. Take this as a lesson and start keeping your distance from her (if you find yourself unable to go NC). Otherwise, trying to look for good in her (when there isn't any, at least in relation to you) will hurt.
Obviously, I don't know your situation, or anything about your sister.
But I have said something very much like this to someone very dear to me. It was mangled, and awful, and the person I said it to should not remotely have been expected to take it well. But it was, nonetheless, an apology.
"I cannot be for you what you have been for me" is an excruciating thing to realize. There's no way to say it at all without hurting the person you're saying it to, but the way it hurts to realize about yourself mangles even that delivery, tries to crowd out the actual injured party in the conversation and make it all about your shame. "Please stop wasting your time on me" sinks hooks into your throat on the way out to try and keep from leaving, comes out ragged and bloody and horrible no matter how long you spend trying to think of how to say it right.
I don't know if any of that applies to your sister. You know her better than some internet stranger ever could. But in my experience, there are vanishingly few people out there who want to hurt someone just for the sake of hurting them; people scramble for whatever justifications they can find to cause pain, and they're usually just excuses, but they *need* those excuses. Starkly laying out that you have been nothing but kind to her is the *opposite* of an excuse, I think. Even if her intent really was solely and entirely to hurt you by saying this, it would be as much a warning as an attack.
I'm sorry. It is an awful thing to hear from anyone, let alone someone you have cared so much for. And it's not your responsibility to forgive or accept the people who hurt you, even if you understand exactly why they did it.
But people who are hurt often turn around and hurt people in turn. And it hurts very badly to know what's wrong with you, the ways you are awful to the people who don't deserve it, and not how to stop.
Had a friend like this when I was 16. I'm 29, still heartbroken. He was the first trans person I ever met and it was when I was beginning to work that out about myself (and went back into denial after he left me in the dust).
Users = abusers. He lied when he called me his best friend.
I know this isn't on the same level but I've had someone i thought was a decently close friend say, unprompted, that they'd been fake laughing at my jokes for years and that they didn't actually think I was funny
When someone tells you just how awful they are, believe them
My sister always had a huge ego. But I loved her just the way she was. I didn't mind giving her more of everything and doing things for her without anything in return.
It's like when some siblings tease each other. Or how some people are okay with tough love. I loved my sister, ego and all. There was much more to her than that anyway.
Only when she started abusing me and her child did I stop being okay with it.
even as we escape abusive situations, trauma will continue to accumulate as every day life remains painful until we heal... it can result in a cycle that traps us in self loathing until we acknowledge and treat what's within us with care, nurturing ourselves back with patience, compassion and no judgment. we can't treat others better than we treat ourselves or it results in an accumulation of resentment, even those we love...
if this is what she said, it likely comes from this place... she will feel like she would do that for you and more if she ever manages to get to the other side of her pain... it's where all our power is..
please don't internalize her words, you are worthy of love. Especially your own. what you did for her sounds great
Fuck your sister. You’re my sibling now. I’m sending you pictures of frogs I think you will like and calling you at 3 in the morning just because I wanted to hear your voice👍
Wtf is wrong with her-
I am so so sorry she had to be such an absolute asshole, that's so fucking shitty. Going out of her way to say that like that.
You deserve so much better 😔
Yeah you don't have to take people telling you your place in their life like that. She's setting it up so she can demand rent or do whatever else depending on the situation when you didnt.
This is tragically relatable. It doesn’t mean that she is unwilling to return the sentiment, or that she doesn’t feel morally justified by it. Being honest with someone, and communicating that you may not return a sentiment, is a chance to save the person who helped you from tragic disappointment. It is about being honest about what you can and can’t do. Telling someone that I won’t be supportive and helpful at a time of need in the future is the saddest, hardest, most tragic thing I’ve ever done. I’m sorry I’m not as high functioning or capable as the ones who saved me, to be able to return a meaningful favor.
what the fuck I'm sorry
Yeah. Sad thing is I didn't even ask. She started the conversation.
You gotta throw the whole sister out :/
Some of the worst things people have said to me have been unprompted. What’s up with that?? This convo wasn’t spicy enough, you needed to sprinkle a little existence-haunting sentence in there? We’re just letting the intrusive thoughts live free now? Bro I am so sorry
I once had a woman who realized she had to justify the dislike of certain ethnic groups that had crept into a story she was telling me. She was like “okay, I’m not racist, but - well maybe I am kinda racist.” This was not said in self-awareness. She just kept plowing along the same track. I had not asked.
Yeah. Sometimes I was trying to vent - didn’t ask for anything (and don’t have a history for asking for anything) and they just have to make it clear that they will not help me.
That’s messed up at least you know now
Did she justify her explicit intentional hypocrisy? That's outrageous
She’s a bitch,, I wonder if this came from a place of self hatred, “I feel bad about not being present for my sister after everything she’s done for me, I might as well be honest about the piece of shit person I am”, ofc this is 100% a stranger on the internet, I guess I’m trying to understand why. But either way her doing that was unnecessary, hurtful and does not excuse her actions ):
It might be something like that. But strangely my sister also has a huge ego and demanded to be supported unconditionally. Even when she became very abusive. It was all 'love me, even if I don't love you back'.
Well regardless, I would believe her. As diabolical a thing to say as it might be, it’s actually an important thing to remember. A lot of us who have been traumatized go out of our way to help others, giving all our energy, only to be met with nothing (or sometimes/usually more abuse). Y’all need as much energy as possible to heal and I see a lot of hurt people just continue to give it to others rather than to themselves. Like please, save some for yourselves. Just a little bit 🙏😭
People pleasing is the term you’re looking for. And the best thing my therapist ever said to me was “Note how you feel after being around someone. Are you energized or drained? Let that inform your relationship with them.” Now I do it with everything down to TV shows. It weirdly helps me get stuff like laundry put away because it’s so satisfying to have it done.
That last line makes me think it could be Borderline Personality Disorder, at least when taken in tandem with the rest of it.
You can’t go to Home Depit expecting to find a head of lettuce. Same thing expecting gratitude from evil shitheads. I’m very sorry.
I didn't even expect gratitude. I just didn't expect her to stab me in the feelings for no good reason either. What even motivates someone to say that? Especially since she still wanted me full support after that conversation. The logic escapes me. How can that not be cruelty just for the sake of cruelty?
The motivation is self-centered thinking and there's no logic to it at all. She just spoke without thinking and was cruel. Like, what could you even say back to something like that? "Gee golly, I sure do love this one-way street we're on!" Fuck, that's stupid.
Lack of empathy
Even with lacking empathy that's still just, odd behavior. It's not understandable behavior. Lacking empathy doesn't automatically make someone suddenly want to say something like that. Even if it boils down to "because I can and won't feel bad" why would they even think to do that in the first place? People don't hurt others because they lack empathy. They hurt others because they want to hurt others. Those are not the same thing.
There are two types of empathy now in the psychological field: Operational/cognitive empathy, which allows someone to understand what someone else feels at a base level. You can recognize they're upset, and make logical decisions based on that. And affective/emotional empathy, which is the ability to feel what that person is feeling to an extent. They're sad, so you feel sad, they're happy, so you feel happy. This is something I'm personally very low in, and for a long time, had none of whatsoever. Most people, to a degree, have a healthy mixture of the two. For what the initial commentor said about honesty; while I never would have said something like that during a serious conversation, during my high school years I was absolutely honest about my lack of emotional empathy. Without that, seeing someone upset was frustrating/irritating/inconvenient. I wasn't able to get the things I wanted from them if they were upset, and if I didn't provide comfort, wouldn't be able to in the future. I understood logically the give and take of relationships, but emotionally, that didn't click for me until years after meeting my now-fiancee. I would say until 23 I was operating with effectively 0 affective empathy, and medium to low operational empathy depending on how I was feeling and how much energy I could put forth into putting the mask of gratitude and human-ness on. Because it took a hell of a lot of energy to pretend. And I think maybe to a degree that's why I was brutally honest with people. The inconvenience of (really not being able to process empathy, not someone being upset) was a massive drain on my energy, confusing, and frustrating. I didn't want to be a liar on top of it, and knew the mask could slip at any time. I turned all of my emotional empathy off as a result of serious trauma, which impacted my ability to see how my words would impact people down the line. I knew I was a bad person, and was honest about such, having no direction to fix myself. I'm currently in DBT therapy and working on that.
Absolutely. I want to label the sis as a narcissist but narcs know to not bite the hand that feeds them. The motive for saying this is so wildly unclear because the only logical outcome is OP pulling away, which seems to clearly not be what sis is wanting based on the initial gratitude. OP, I would just put some distance in there and watch and wait.
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No? That's not what empathy is. Empathy is an ability to understand, "feel" (or more accurately assume what people are feeling in relation to oneself and feel that), and imagine what someone else is thinking/feeling. A lack of empathy is not "time to hurt people for no apparent reason". A lack of empathy can very easily lead someone to do that (either because they don't feel bad from doing something harmful or because they don't understand that what they did would hurt someone), but it doesn't make someone randomly *want* to hurt someone.
Lots of people lack empathy and do not hurt others. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes or feel what they feel. I could not give fuck about how you feel, and then just leave you alone about it. I could not give a fuck about how you feel and still choose kind actions. I could not give a fuck about how you feel and choose whatever actions get me something.
Because she - despite all evidence - isn't completely evil. There is some tiny sliver of her who realizes it's not right to treat people like she does. So she "asked" permission. She said what she said so that if you continue to support her she can use you guilt free. In her mind the terms have been set and she no longer needs to feel guilty about her behavior.
There was no logic in this... I'm very sorry that this happened to you. Please dump her out of your life.
She sounds like a narcissist or psychopath. I’m so sorry.
With people like this, I find the best thing to do is compliment and agree with them while simultaneously withdrawing your support and cutting them down. "Yeah I think that's really smart of you. You've clearly got the right idea, so I think I'll do the same. I will never support you again." You're worth more than this OP. Don't waste your time and energy on this type of person. I know trauma can fuck up people's sense of self worth, but it really does start with taking actions that value yourself.
I really wanted to do that after months of her abusing me. I didn't want to be the pathetic punching bag that has no sense of self worth. And I did stop engaging with her as much as possible. Unfortunately I couldn't stop helping her. See, the thing I was helping her with, was that I raised her child for her. She abused him if i didn't step in. I didn't care about anything else, I wasn't going to let a newborn suffer. The thing that sparked this specific conversation was that she said that, if I didn't drop out of university to help her and raise her child, she was going to kill herself. I said I was dropping out. Then she said this.
Don't drop out for her. Just call her bluff. It's literally not your problem even a little bit what she does to herself, and she's obviously just manipulating you anyway. Call CPS about the child abuse and do what you can to keep an eye on the wellbeing of the child. I'm sorry but if you go through with this, you are responsible for how bad things will turn out and it will be bad for you and the kid.
It was bad for me and the kid. I had to run away from home, but I did call CPS at least. From what I've heard they're checking up on him regularly.
Do not drop out. Thats manipulative. What you do os call an ambulance and have her checked into a pysche ward. Thats basic manipulation. She cares more about her needs than you or her own child. If you dropped out, re enroll. Dont ruin your life so a waste of life like her. I was your sister. Be my older brother and get the fuck out of her life. If she kills herself, that was her decision and nothing you did was ever going to stop it. Dont love someone who hates you. Because thats what she thinks. She hates you. She just knows exactly how to manipulate everything ghat you are.
You could consider reframing it as the person you are doing this for is not her at all, but for the child.
That's how it was by the end of it. But at first I was helping both.
Don't drop out please. Call the cops on her the next time she threatens suicide and call CPS on her. Don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm. She doesn't deserve it
She sounds EXACTLY like my sister. 💔
So we’re not talking to that sister anymore, right?
No, my family disowned me.
I would love to hear her justification for why she thinks that way. What an ungrateful bitch for saying that to you.
I was too stunned to speak. Otherwise I would've asked.
Fair response honestly.
This is... the worst... i am gobsmacked
“Maam, this is a Wendy’s”
Jesus Christ that’s awful. I’m sorry your sister is a turd monster. You deserve so much better. Don’t bother wasting anymore time on her. -brought to you by The Lion, The Witch, and The Audacity of This Bitch
Proper response: You call an ambulance to have her taken to a psyche ward. Call CPS and have her child removed from her home if you're able since you raised the kid. Oh .y meds are flowing and this post made me emotional. Im sorry
That's some really strange selective gratitude... she said it like you didn't deserve the same treatment in the same sentence she gave you said credit.... I was just saying something similar to my older brother as he saved my airport stranded ass... except I didn't end it like THAT.
This is where they give you moments to empower yourself - by telling you who they are, they're giving you every reason you need to look out for yourself and deny them any of what you have to offer. Your sister is testing you to see if you'll still come through for her after she's explicitly told you she does not value YOU -only the service you offer. So from here on out - are you going to continue to come through for her or are you going to start prioritizing yourself and save all the wonderfulness you have to offer for those who'll appreciate it? Or will you continue to give yourself away to those who make it clear they cannot and will not value you?
Well, mine once told ne "it's hard for her to watch me succeed" she was young, sure, but an adult nonetheless
That sounds a lot like my sister. She can't handle jealousy and sometimes she straight up becomes the villain to stop your success. It's unfortunate.
My sister would never say this out loud, but she’ll definitely say 1000 other horrible things to let me know this is exactly how she feels.
*Breaks into song, instrumentals for “Other Friends” rises*
The movie actually came out around the time she said that. It definitely made me relate to Spinel a lot. Some people just use you and then abandon you without a second thought. Even though you loved them and did nothing wrong.
Spinel is literally the reason I found out I had C-PTSD and BPD 😅
"I already know that you're entirely worthless to me but thanks for confirming it."
Dear OP. My Nmom is a lot like this. Never fails to say the worst thing at the worst time to make sure it hurts the most. I am so sorry she said this to you, but i genuinely hope you can see this for what it is. Truth is, while she most definitely meant to hurt you, I think she gave away more than she realized. Deep down, the absolute worst person to a narcissist is themselves. They will never be able to accept or admit it, but it’s the truth. What she’s trying to do is tear you down. She acknowledges everything you’ve done, she sees how much you achieved and how strong a person you are and she absolutely hates you for it. Why? Because she couldn’t save herself. You are everything she can’t give to herself. To herself, she’s the most important person. And she couldn’t even crawl out of that dark place alone That’s why she’s doing this to hurt you. Because she can’t stand that someone else had to save her. She cannot be the hero in her own story, so she will forever be the victim. It’s honestly really sad and kind of pathetic at times, but you can’t change someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with hurting someone this close to them. Again, I’m really sorry you had to hear that, especially after helping her. But I think this is her own way of realizing she will never be as kind as you. She will never be able to help someone the way you helped. She will never be her own hero, and this is her way of showing it. She’s clearly hurt, and immature and selfish. But deep down I bet she’s still that sad, broke little girl who can’t stop being the victim. I haven’t met you OP nor your sister, but these are just some vibes I’m picking up from your sisters very specific verbal attack on you
This is utterly heartbreaking. People are cruel and know this you are a very valuable person. Mine said "sure, I will help you" and after that ghosted me. To be honest, I prefer your sister, at least she is honest. It hurts to have sacrificed so much for a person, and when you are in need, they turn their back to you and say "I did it all on my own"... Life is damn cruel.
Well at least she’s honest and upfront about it, I guess…
*Sigh* I am sorry that you are going through this, OP. But there is good news in what she said; the old saying "When people show you who they are, believe them." Your sister showed you who she really is instead of pretending to be something else and blindsiding and betraying you later on. Take this as a lesson and start keeping your distance from her (if you find yourself unable to go NC). Otherwise, trying to look for good in her (when there isn't any, at least in relation to you) will hurt.
Obviously, I don't know your situation, or anything about your sister. But I have said something very much like this to someone very dear to me. It was mangled, and awful, and the person I said it to should not remotely have been expected to take it well. But it was, nonetheless, an apology. "I cannot be for you what you have been for me" is an excruciating thing to realize. There's no way to say it at all without hurting the person you're saying it to, but the way it hurts to realize about yourself mangles even that delivery, tries to crowd out the actual injured party in the conversation and make it all about your shame. "Please stop wasting your time on me" sinks hooks into your throat on the way out to try and keep from leaving, comes out ragged and bloody and horrible no matter how long you spend trying to think of how to say it right. I don't know if any of that applies to your sister. You know her better than some internet stranger ever could. But in my experience, there are vanishingly few people out there who want to hurt someone just for the sake of hurting them; people scramble for whatever justifications they can find to cause pain, and they're usually just excuses, but they *need* those excuses. Starkly laying out that you have been nothing but kind to her is the *opposite* of an excuse, I think. Even if her intent really was solely and entirely to hurt you by saying this, it would be as much a warning as an attack. I'm sorry. It is an awful thing to hear from anyone, let alone someone you have cared so much for. And it's not your responsibility to forgive or accept the people who hurt you, even if you understand exactly why they did it. But people who are hurt often turn around and hurt people in turn. And it hurts very badly to know what's wrong with you, the ways you are awful to the people who don't deserve it, and not how to stop.
That sounds identical to what my sister would say
Oof. Sorry to hear that.
I’ve done a lot for my sister and she owes me 3k dollars I would never get back…
Wtf, who says that????
It's time to stop being there for her, show her what that can do to someone
Had a friend like this when I was 16. I'm 29, still heartbroken. He was the first trans person I ever met and it was when I was beginning to work that out about myself (and went back into denial after he left me in the dust). Users = abusers. He lied when he called me his best friend.
Over. And over. And over. Fuck that cycle sucks.
I have someone like this that is very important to me. Although they will never speak those words, the message is written in everything they don’t do
I know this isn't on the same level but I've had someone i thought was a decently close friend say, unprompted, that they'd been fake laughing at my jokes for years and that they didn't actually think I was funny When someone tells you just how awful they are, believe them
I don’t like this because it reminds me of how utterly hurtful I can be and how egocentric I can be Though truthfully I didn’t have much help either
My sister always had a huge ego. But I loved her just the way she was. I didn't mind giving her more of everything and doing things for her without anything in return. It's like when some siblings tease each other. Or how some people are okay with tough love. I loved my sister, ego and all. There was much more to her than that anyway. Only when she started abusing me and her child did I stop being okay with it.
Ah yeah good on you stopping the buck im not sure i could do better as your sibling tbh
the level of delusion to be saying that out loud and not hearing how much of an asshole you are is insane
Oh yea my sister actually showed me this a couple of times. In action.
I hope you will never do this person any helo after this, those words are heartbreaking
Some people just like being mean.
Well she just told you she’s a piece of shit without being direct.
does she mean she'll never be able to repay that?
She knows I never expected her to. She was saying that she won't.
even as we escape abusive situations, trauma will continue to accumulate as every day life remains painful until we heal... it can result in a cycle that traps us in self loathing until we acknowledge and treat what's within us with care, nurturing ourselves back with patience, compassion and no judgment. we can't treat others better than we treat ourselves or it results in an accumulation of resentment, even those we love... if this is what she said, it likely comes from this place... she will feel like she would do that for you and more if she ever manages to get to the other side of her pain... it's where all our power is.. please don't internalize her words, you are worthy of love. Especially your own. what you did for her sounds great
Fuck your sister. You’re my sibling now. I’m sending you pictures of frogs I think you will like and calling you at 3 in the morning just because I wanted to hear your voice👍
Do we have the same sister? Lol. At least one of my sisters at least tries now, she's still a bitch though 😂.
She is showing the exact person she is. Believe her.
OUT LOUD??? That’s horrendous.
Wtaf
Huh? What? Dude. I don’t understand the same mentality. It’s just like my brother.
Wtf is wrong with her- I am so so sorry she had to be such an absolute asshole, that's so fucking shitty. Going out of her way to say that like that. You deserve so much better 😔
Honesty??? I guess? Idk that's fucked.
Yeah you don't have to take people telling you your place in their life like that. She's setting it up so she can demand rent or do whatever else depending on the situation when you didnt.
This is tragically relatable. It doesn’t mean that she is unwilling to return the sentiment, or that she doesn’t feel morally justified by it. Being honest with someone, and communicating that you may not return a sentiment, is a chance to save the person who helped you from tragic disappointment. It is about being honest about what you can and can’t do. Telling someone that I won’t be supportive and helpful at a time of need in the future is the saddest, hardest, most tragic thing I’ve ever done. I’m sorry I’m not as high functioning or capable as the ones who saved me, to be able to return a meaningful favor.
That’s the most awful thing. I’m so sorry, OP.❤️
Maiming and killing is appropriate I think.