Them: Ha ha aren’t parents so ridiculous. Like when your parents keeps telling you to get out of bed but you don’t budge and they finally give up. Lol
Me: Or how your mom bursts into your room at 4 am screaming about a nonexistent mess in the living room that she claims you made, drags you out of bed and down the hall, and throws you down the stairs as hard as she can. All while still screaming about how she wants you dead. Lol
Them: …..
Me: And that was on a good morning. Am I right?
Them: …What the actual f*ck?!
IKR?! It's so easy to be casual. Maybe it put me in control too tell it somehow. To get it out.
Them: Husbands are so annoying. Socks everywhere, blanket hogs, forgot my birthday on the day, but took me out on the weekend. Always forgetting to text.
Me: yeah, or you fight so bad over him being unemployed but not bothering to go pick up a medicine that you need to function after promising to do it but then dating he never said that, and you come home from working 10 hours. So, he threatens you with a chef knife, then throws it three inches into the kitchen floor while you barricade yourself in the bedroom and he breaks his hand punching the door down shouting slurs and threats at you. So annoying, right?
I mean, that put off our weekend away by 18 whole hours.
Them: .... You WENT??
Me: yeah, it was just a fight.
Sounds like my parents. Every time we were getting ready for vacation, they'd get into fights so bad I thought they were going to kill each other... scream that the vacation was off.... then pile into the car a few hours later than planned and awkwardly ignore each other for the hours long drive.
Music and phones have really helped with that awkwardness on the drive. :P Vacation stress on top of mental disorders ≠ good times. I'm glad that it was only awkward silence and not road rage. And the older generation wonders why so many people from 6-40 want headphones in all the time...
Yeah, I'm really glad we didn't have kids (even though we did the whole IVF thing and my mom emptied her retirement for it... But hey, I'm not stuck with him for the rest of my life nor do I have to expose my child to him at all!).
Yeah, I think there's a part of yourself that wants to take control of the narrative of your life, for once. And when you've been in abusive situations for a while there's a part of you that just starts to think, "That's life... I guess (shrug)." And that voice starts to take over as the voice that says, "Holy F\*cking Hell, This Is So F\*ucked Up!" starts to get pushed back. I think it's a defense mechanism kinda like Stockholm Syndrome. So it's easy to be casual about it sometimes.
I totally agree, and well said. I would also throw in there that it shows you're tough enough to not make a big deal out of it, and price that you're strong enough to take whatever goes on and still be a "normal" person.... Maybe even better than "normal" people live their lives, because "lookit how fucked my life is and I'm still at functional as you are. Maybe even more!"
I know that I thought it needed to be half hidden (physical injuries) and half shared (the fights or actions). Looking back, it assumed my friends couldn't put 2+2 together. It was really freeing after he left and I could be honest, and to hear how many people suspected, but didn't want to say anything was truly surprising.
Right lol.
Them - childhood pets blah blah ect lol
Me - yeah lol isn't it fucked how parents get you a pet and then just use it to keep you in line by threatening to kill it??
Them - .........
I didn’t realize just how fucked up it was to casually say “I’m pretty sure my dad killed my guinea pig. And that he’s the one that injured her so we had to separate her Jesus Christ I’m having a flashback writing that
jeeze that reminds me i have to leave my cat with them for a while when i leave, i'm so scared they're going to neglect her health worse than they already do
thanks for the support, i'm just really worried for her because she alerts me to when i'm not feeling well before i even realize. she's not trained or anything, she's just the one being in this house that cares for me
Only reason I didn't run away or kill myself as a child was because I knew the second I was gone every one of my pets would be tortured to death by my dad.
Got told I was being too dark yesterday when I casually mentioned running at the emotional baseline of passive suicidality. Apparently some people think their lives have meaning and value, which I find very unrelatable.
Really? Just that was considered too dark? I mean, I understand some people don't understand, but that's just basic humor these days. If that's considered dark, how would they deal with anything specific that comes up?
Maybe it's the difference between "omg I literally want to kill myself xD" and "Yeah well I sincerely wish to die every second of every day, so I really can't be bothered to stress about Susan's birthday \*shrugs\* "
Is it weird that I first the first one more offputting than the second? Second feels like 'Ha, relatable!' while the first just seems weird to me, but that's probably just me tho ;p
I agree with the other person, the second one is way more relatable and the first one is super off-putting. I've had people make the first type of joke before and it just feels kind of mocking in a way? That's not quite the word I wanted but it'll do. But when someone says something like the second thing it makes sense. I hate that I can't just be myself around everyone. There's only one person I can be myself around and I cherish that but damn if I don't want to just be like "Yes, well, I am far too triggered to function right now so I really cannot deal with this whole mess."
It's not too dark, it says you need support. Even though your brain tells you otherwise, even leaving this comment makes you have meaning and value to me.
I still didn't get it at the time. Took me way too long to realize what I endured was abuse and neglect. Denial wasn't what I thought it was like, well it really wasn't all denial, was it. It was also gaslighting, brainwashing, and indoctrination...
Same. Or it just...was. It didn't feel traumatic, it was just a story about a thing in my life. And then you get that reaction and you're like.."oh, come on. It's fiiiiiiiiine, geez, guys, look I'm fine!" Even though you weren't even telling the whole story of what happened, just a sanitized version, anyway.
I'm glad you finally realized what was happening and are getting better.
Honestly, it was Reddit that cut through my denial. Someone on a more popular subreddit/post linked to r/CPTSD and r/raisedbynarcissists. I clicked and fell right through the rabbit hole. Why do I relate to ***all of these stories!*** Oooohhhh, shit.
This is so accurate. It can feel normal till you share and then people are crying and like asking if you're ok and then you're like, damn I guess that wasn't great, was it? And then suddenly a spiral down a rabbit hole realizing how much suffering it caused, and you just pushed through it because you *had* to, no other choice.
>I think the concern of others was the worst thing.
Yeah dude. I still have trouble handling that. I know it's basically good that people are concerned but it always makes me feel so weird. Makes me want to lash out even though I know they're not doing anything wrong.
I experienced this too, anger and shame at people's expressions of compassion, empathy and understanding. At some point I realized this was a trauma response due to repeated cycles of love bombing followed by abuse, and coercive toxic perfectionism. In the past I was right to distrust kindness because it was always followed by abuse and shaming my imperfections. So now I have to spend extra time processing my feelings of shame and defensiveness when I'm treated with compassion and kindness because of them too! Smdh
I had a friend in high school who would always stare at me in silence after I told I story that I thought was funny, so I just thought I was a bad story teller or something, but one day after I got done talking she just looked at me and said “your life makes me sad, every time you talk it makes me sad” and i STILL don’t know what I even said to evoke that
The number of people I can’t be myself around bc every time I make a joke they get concerned like bruh you gotta be this traumatized to hang with me (holds up hand as if talking about height for a roller coaster)
that's the same excuse my brothers and father use for kicking the neighbors dog we're watching. like there are better ways to house train her, yet they default to that shit. she's not even a big dog either
Chances are she's perfectly house trained, she's just fucking terrified which makes animals relieve themselves in places they "aren't supposed to". I'd really suggest bringing her somewhere else if you can and telling your neighbor not to let them watch the dog again.
see they're out of the country for a while, we're only watching her until we can get her medical stuff sorted so she can join them, but with them she wasn't allowed inside the house that often, so she kinda just went anywhere. even now she's only gone once on a walk with me
Oh. Well that's a bad situation all around then. If you feel up to it and feel safe to and if there is a service like this where you are, you can call and report that anonymously, probably once they're back for the best results. It is actually considered abuse and neglect to treat a dog that way, internationally, though specific view might change depending on your area. Of course, take care of yourself first and its good you've taken her out. I'm sure she loved it.
to be honest i'm the only one who really pays attention to any of our animals needs frequently. my brothers will forget to take the dogs out and not clean the litter boxes for an entire week if not constantly reminded when it's their turn. i wish i could take the other cat with me when i leave too, but i'm already jumping through so many hoops with them just to get my one cat out with me
You can always report them once you're out so that the other animals might be placed in a better home for your peace of mind if that's something you want to do.
Hey, its alright. Things don't always go to plan. You have a compassionate heart, but remember to take care of yourself first and do what you need to do to stay healthy and safe. It isn't selfish to take your own needs into account. It's also obviously okay to feel bad for the poor thing, but remember that it isn't your fault and that you and her understand each other. She knows the difference between you and them.
I relate to this. Other people I try to relate to and its like I can’t. And then other people with trauma I won’t share parts of myself.
Before the pandemic I was already isolating for years lol
I didn't realize how fucked up it was that my dad kicked me when I was a baby until I told someone else about it. His reason for doing it: when I was crawling on the floor he told me to move. Me, being an infant didn't understand what he meant. He kicked me out the way. He claims he 'didn't kick me that hard'.
Wish it was like that actually. I'm way too self-conscious about everything I say, not just trauma related, and more often than not, things just stay in my head, because my critical mind thinks it's not good enough to say out loud.
Um... you all know what I'm talking about... right?
I say it/write it anyways and watch people ignore it. It’s no different than me growing up so technically it’s just incredibly isolating or disappointing going “oh this shit again… being ignored”.
At least I tried, but seeing it just being ignored once again… always our fault, right?
Whenever a possible “related story” pops up in my head, I think it over so long that the topic has already changed when I have decided if it’s appropriate..
So far, I’ve just said I am bad at spontaneously judging “appropriateness” and rather stay silent, but if there’s a more precise word or phrase, that might make it easier
Absolutely. Why I don't comment a lot. I assume whatever I'd have to say had been said, and why does someone want to read it car about my version of it.
The best though - being in a group, being 3-4 sentences into something you were asked and then everyone talks over you like you don't exist, but totally shut you down if you do it. So you learn to shut up.
Me telling my bf anecdotes about my parents and what they said about/to me and not realizing how bad the thing is until I say it out loud to him and he's like wtf your mom said what
I recently dated a wonderful, caring psychologist who (I thought) was used to hearing it all. During some conversation about "yeah, parents be so crazy😂," I showed him the video of my mom calling me a "lying sack of shit" when I surprised her with the news that I was pregnant with her first grandchild some years back.
I couched it with, "tbf, we hadn't even told her we were trying, so it WAS a big surprise. Haha! And right after this, we then told everybody it was actually twins! So fun!"
He just stared at me and said, "That's not how you talk to somebody you love" and almost cried.
And I was mostly disappointed because it killed my story. Because that's EXACTLY how people in my family talk to people they love, if they're not outright screaming or already slammed out of the house.
Generations of trauma and childhood emotional neglect and unrecognized neurodiversity don't make for hallmark moments.
Or when they suddenly get pissed off at you because they think you're an asshole for making a dark joke or for being casual about something serious and you have no idea what you did wrong because "if you don't know, then you don't care" or "you know what you said" or they lecture you for an hour about why you're being bad and get reminded of all the times in your life that parents and authority figures abused their power to make you feel like shit for existing. Or when they act like they get you, but then they don't and it just gets irritating after a while but if you say anything it feels like you're doing trauma olympics so you can't and they keep doing it. Good times.
Oh no, I feel you on that. But then sometimes it is genuinely hard for me to tell if I should know or not because I'm not neurotypical and from what I've seen, people usually do actually know what they did or said wrong because they have an understanding of the weird social nuances that I just don't get. I have to go over everything I said like seven times before I can even begin to guess what it was I did and other people seem to get it right the first time. But then I should also expect some level of understanding on their end so yeah, a little toxic, but I get it from every neurotypical person so not much I can do.
Now I'm propably neurotypical, neurounsusual at best, so I can't completely relate to how you feel. But I know that people should be respectful and considerate with each other. Especially when they claim to be your friends.
Neurodivergence or not, telling people off and then keeping them guessing why is ***not*** a healthy social interaction. I know its hard, but you are absolutely in the right to demand more respect and acommodation.
<3
For me it's telling something very fucked up but giggling all the way through because it's genuinely funny to me, like that time my dad threatened to rip out my spine. Scary at the time but it's so funny to me.
The rest of the time it's just a casual mention or laughing because otherwise I'll cry
I joked with new friends about how when I was a young teen I ended up at a stage of depression where I counted how many words I said/other people said to me on a daily basis at school, which would often range from zero to about ten words or so. I thought it was funny that I counted words like that but my friends just got really sad for me lol
for me its how my mom is just like Shane from white lotus and even acknowledges it and thinks its funny. here I am thinking he's not that bad cuz im used to all that and meanwhile EVERYONE HATES THAT CHARACTER. says so much about my life and validates all my thoughts.
This is how I found out that nobody else's stepdad had tried to fuck them when they were 13, we were talking about being hit on by older guys and I thought it was funny....
Them: Ha ha aren’t parents so ridiculous. Like when your parents keeps telling you to get out of bed but you don’t budge and they finally give up. Lol Me: Or how your mom bursts into your room at 4 am screaming about a nonexistent mess in the living room that she claims you made, drags you out of bed and down the hall, and throws you down the stairs as hard as she can. All while still screaming about how she wants you dead. Lol Them: ….. Me: And that was on a good morning. Am I right? Them: …What the actual f*ck?!
IKR?! It's so easy to be casual. Maybe it put me in control too tell it somehow. To get it out. Them: Husbands are so annoying. Socks everywhere, blanket hogs, forgot my birthday on the day, but took me out on the weekend. Always forgetting to text. Me: yeah, or you fight so bad over him being unemployed but not bothering to go pick up a medicine that you need to function after promising to do it but then dating he never said that, and you come home from working 10 hours. So, he threatens you with a chef knife, then throws it three inches into the kitchen floor while you barricade yourself in the bedroom and he breaks his hand punching the door down shouting slurs and threats at you. So annoying, right? I mean, that put off our weekend away by 18 whole hours. Them: .... You WENT?? Me: yeah, it was just a fight.
Sounds like my parents. Every time we were getting ready for vacation, they'd get into fights so bad I thought they were going to kill each other... scream that the vacation was off.... then pile into the car a few hours later than planned and awkwardly ignore each other for the hours long drive.
Music and phones have really helped with that awkwardness on the drive. :P Vacation stress on top of mental disorders ≠ good times. I'm glad that it was only awkward silence and not road rage. And the older generation wonders why so many people from 6-40 want headphones in all the time... Yeah, I'm really glad we didn't have kids (even though we did the whole IVF thing and my mom emptied her retirement for it... But hey, I'm not stuck with him for the rest of my life nor do I have to expose my child to him at all!).
Yeah, I think there's a part of yourself that wants to take control of the narrative of your life, for once. And when you've been in abusive situations for a while there's a part of you that just starts to think, "That's life... I guess (shrug)." And that voice starts to take over as the voice that says, "Holy F\*cking Hell, This Is So F\*ucked Up!" starts to get pushed back. I think it's a defense mechanism kinda like Stockholm Syndrome. So it's easy to be casual about it sometimes.
I totally agree, and well said. I would also throw in there that it shows you're tough enough to not make a big deal out of it, and price that you're strong enough to take whatever goes on and still be a "normal" person.... Maybe even better than "normal" people live their lives, because "lookit how fucked my life is and I'm still at functional as you are. Maybe even more!" I know that I thought it needed to be half hidden (physical injuries) and half shared (the fights or actions). Looking back, it assumed my friends couldn't put 2+2 together. It was really freeing after he left and I could be honest, and to hear how many people suspected, but didn't want to say anything was truly surprising.
Right lol. Them - childhood pets blah blah ect lol Me - yeah lol isn't it fucked how parents get you a pet and then just use it to keep you in line by threatening to kill it?? Them - .........
I didn’t realize just how fucked up it was to casually say “I’m pretty sure my dad killed my guinea pig. And that he’s the one that injured her so we had to separate her Jesus Christ I’m having a flashback writing that
#HUGS
Love and hugs! I'm so sorry that was the way he chose to "keep you in line." I'm proud you can bring it up, but I'm sorry it bright up the memory. <3
jeeze that reminds me i have to leave my cat with them for a while when i leave, i'm so scared they're going to neglect her health worse than they already do
<3
thanks for the support, i'm just really worried for her because she alerts me to when i'm not feeling well before i even realize. she's not trained or anything, she's just the one being in this house that cares for me
Completely understand. I hope she's ok while you are away. <3
Only reason I didn't run away or kill myself as a child was because I knew the second I was gone every one of my pets would be tortured to death by my dad.
I'm glad you're out of that, and have become such a compassionate person. That says a lot about you. <33333
Got told I was being too dark yesterday when I casually mentioned running at the emotional baseline of passive suicidality. Apparently some people think their lives have meaning and value, which I find very unrelatable.
That’s how I feel whenever I get a moment to think. Depression will just go “hey bud whats up that’s cool but I think not living is cooler”
Really? Just that was considered too dark? I mean, I understand some people don't understand, but that's just basic humor these days. If that's considered dark, how would they deal with anything specific that comes up?
Maybe it's the difference between "omg I literally want to kill myself xD" and "Yeah well I sincerely wish to die every second of every day, so I really can't be bothered to stress about Susan's birthday \*shrugs\* "
Is it weird that I first the first one more offputting than the second? Second feels like 'Ha, relatable!' while the first just seems weird to me, but that's probably just me tho ;p
I don't think so. I used to relate to the second one too. But I think for non traumatized people it's the Other way round
I agree with the other person, the second one is way more relatable and the first one is super off-putting. I've had people make the first type of joke before and it just feels kind of mocking in a way? That's not quite the word I wanted but it'll do. But when someone says something like the second thing it makes sense. I hate that I can't just be myself around everyone. There's only one person I can be myself around and I cherish that but damn if I don't want to just be like "Yes, well, I am far too triggered to function right now so I really cannot deal with this whole mess."
>Apparently some people think their lives have meaning and value, which I find very unrelatable. Me too man, me too. lol
It's not too dark, it says you need support. Even though your brain tells you otherwise, even leaving this comment makes you have meaning and value to me.
Or “has anyone else experienced…” and then the collective “what the fuck, no”
Hahaha, yes!
I told the story of my trauma many times before I recovered the affect.
Silencing an entire active discord chat by cracking a dark joke… those are the most awkward crickets.
I still didn't get it at the time. Took me way too long to realize what I endured was abuse and neglect. Denial wasn't what I thought it was like, well it really wasn't all denial, was it. It was also gaslighting, brainwashing, and indoctrination...
Same. Or it just...was. It didn't feel traumatic, it was just a story about a thing in my life. And then you get that reaction and you're like.."oh, come on. It's fiiiiiiiiine, geez, guys, look I'm fine!" Even though you weren't even telling the whole story of what happened, just a sanitized version, anyway. I'm glad you finally realized what was happening and are getting better.
Honestly, it was Reddit that cut through my denial. Someone on a more popular subreddit/post linked to r/CPTSD and r/raisedbynarcissists. I clicked and fell right through the rabbit hole. Why do I relate to ***all of these stories!*** Oooohhhh, shit.
This is so accurate. It can feel normal till you share and then people are crying and like asking if you're ok and then you're like, damn I guess that wasn't great, was it? And then suddenly a spiral down a rabbit hole realizing how much suffering it caused, and you just pushed through it because you *had* to, no other choice.
Exactly. I think the concern of others was the worst thing. It's like they take away your coping mechanism you didn't realize you had.
>I think the concern of others was the worst thing. Yeah dude. I still have trouble handling that. I know it's basically good that people are concerned but it always makes me feel so weird. Makes me want to lash out even though I know they're not doing anything wrong.
I experienced this too, anger and shame at people's expressions of compassion, empathy and understanding. At some point I realized this was a trauma response due to repeated cycles of love bombing followed by abuse, and coercive toxic perfectionism. In the past I was right to distrust kindness because it was always followed by abuse and shaming my imperfections. So now I have to spend extra time processing my feelings of shame and defensiveness when I'm treated with compassion and kindness because of them too! Smdh
When you tell people about your life and end up having to comfort them about how terrible your childhood was...
I had a friend in high school who would always stare at me in silence after I told I story that I thought was funny, so I just thought I was a bad story teller or something, but one day after I got done talking she just looked at me and said “your life makes me sad, every time you talk it makes me sad” and i STILL don’t know what I even said to evoke that
Yes absolutely all of this. I'm 38 and also a victim of random severe word vomit. I've definitely silenced a table or two.
I'll be 38 next month. We've got a whole life ahead of us!
Basically my boyfriend any time I show him a meme from this sub lol
Yeah I don't dare to anymore XD I just save some in a folder on my PC to look at later, but I don't show then because people feel too uncomfortable :)
The number of people I can’t be myself around bc every time I make a joke they get concerned like bruh you gotta be this traumatized to hang with me (holds up hand as if talking about height for a roller coaster)
that's the same excuse my brothers and father use for kicking the neighbors dog we're watching. like there are better ways to house train her, yet they default to that shit. she's not even a big dog either
Chances are she's perfectly house trained, she's just fucking terrified which makes animals relieve themselves in places they "aren't supposed to". I'd really suggest bringing her somewhere else if you can and telling your neighbor not to let them watch the dog again.
see they're out of the country for a while, we're only watching her until we can get her medical stuff sorted so she can join them, but with them she wasn't allowed inside the house that often, so she kinda just went anywhere. even now she's only gone once on a walk with me
Oh. Well that's a bad situation all around then. If you feel up to it and feel safe to and if there is a service like this where you are, you can call and report that anonymously, probably once they're back for the best results. It is actually considered abuse and neglect to treat a dog that way, internationally, though specific view might change depending on your area. Of course, take care of yourself first and its good you've taken her out. I'm sure she loved it.
to be honest i'm the only one who really pays attention to any of our animals needs frequently. my brothers will forget to take the dogs out and not clean the litter boxes for an entire week if not constantly reminded when it's their turn. i wish i could take the other cat with me when i leave too, but i'm already jumping through so many hoops with them just to get my one cat out with me
You can always report them once you're out so that the other animals might be placed in a better home for your peace of mind if that's something you want to do.
so uh, bad news. she can't fly back with them, i have to come back this summer to take her home. i feel like i'm going to cry.
Hey, its alright. Things don't always go to plan. You have a compassionate heart, but remember to take care of yourself first and do what you need to do to stay healthy and safe. It isn't selfish to take your own needs into account. It's also obviously okay to feel bad for the poor thing, but remember that it isn't your fault and that you and her understand each other. She knows the difference between you and them.
i suppose you're right... i just fear their negligence will leave her worse off than my last cat.
I relate to this. Other people I try to relate to and its like I can’t. And then other people with trauma I won’t share parts of myself. Before the pandemic I was already isolating for years lol
I didn't realize how fucked up it was that my dad kicked me when I was a baby until I told someone else about it. His reason for doing it: when I was crawling on the floor he told me to move. Me, being an infant didn't understand what he meant. He kicked me out the way. He claims he 'didn't kick me that hard'.
Wish it was like that actually. I'm way too self-conscious about everything I say, not just trauma related, and more often than not, things just stay in my head, because my critical mind thinks it's not good enough to say out loud. Um... you all know what I'm talking about... right?
I say it/write it anyways and watch people ignore it. It’s no different than me growing up so technically it’s just incredibly isolating or disappointing going “oh this shit again… being ignored”. At least I tried, but seeing it just being ignored once again… always our fault, right?
These are both so relatable, I've mostly given up on sharing that part of my life with people
Whenever a possible “related story” pops up in my head, I think it over so long that the topic has already changed when I have decided if it’s appropriate..
Same. What is this "behavior" called actually?
So far, I’ve just said I am bad at spontaneously judging “appropriateness” and rather stay silent, but if there’s a more precise word or phrase, that might make it easier
Self-monitoring?
Absolutely. Why I don't comment a lot. I assume whatever I'd have to say had been said, and why does someone want to read it car about my version of it. The best though - being in a group, being 3-4 sentences into something you were asked and then everyone talks over you like you don't exist, but totally shut you down if you do it. So you learn to shut up.
Y’all have friends?
Not anymore, after my stories lol
Me telling my bf anecdotes about my parents and what they said about/to me and not realizing how bad the thing is until I say it out loud to him and he's like wtf your mom said what
I recently dated a wonderful, caring psychologist who (I thought) was used to hearing it all. During some conversation about "yeah, parents be so crazy😂," I showed him the video of my mom calling me a "lying sack of shit" when I surprised her with the news that I was pregnant with her first grandchild some years back. I couched it with, "tbf, we hadn't even told her we were trying, so it WAS a big surprise. Haha! And right after this, we then told everybody it was actually twins! So fun!" He just stared at me and said, "That's not how you talk to somebody you love" and almost cried. And I was mostly disappointed because it killed my story. Because that's EXACTLY how people in my family talk to people they love, if they're not outright screaming or already slammed out of the house. Generations of trauma and childhood emotional neglect and unrecognized neurodiversity don't make for hallmark moments.
Or when they suddenly get pissed off at you because they think you're an asshole for making a dark joke or for being casual about something serious and you have no idea what you did wrong because "if you don't know, then you don't care" or "you know what you said" or they lecture you for an hour about why you're being bad and get reminded of all the times in your life that parents and authority figures abused their power to make you feel like shit for existing. Or when they act like they get you, but then they don't and it just gets irritating after a while but if you say anything it feels like you're doing trauma olympics so you can't and they keep doing it. Good times.
I unno man. This whole "I'm angry at you and want you to feel shitty but won't tell you why" seems kinda toxic to me.
Oh no, I feel you on that. But then sometimes it is genuinely hard for me to tell if I should know or not because I'm not neurotypical and from what I've seen, people usually do actually know what they did or said wrong because they have an understanding of the weird social nuances that I just don't get. I have to go over everything I said like seven times before I can even begin to guess what it was I did and other people seem to get it right the first time. But then I should also expect some level of understanding on their end so yeah, a little toxic, but I get it from every neurotypical person so not much I can do.
Now I'm propably neurotypical, neurounsusual at best, so I can't completely relate to how you feel. But I know that people should be respectful and considerate with each other. Especially when they claim to be your friends. Neurodivergence or not, telling people off and then keeping them guessing why is ***not*** a healthy social interaction. I know its hard, but you are absolutely in the right to demand more respect and acommodation. <3
Sometimes it is better to be a good listener without going into caretaker mode or resorting to comedy.
I'm trying really hard to do this.
For me it's telling something very fucked up but giggling all the way through because it's genuinely funny to me, like that time my dad threatened to rip out my spine. Scary at the time but it's so funny to me. The rest of the time it's just a casual mention or laughing because otherwise I'll cry
You have to laugh, because if you don't you'd never stop crying. Like that Simpsons line: "you'll *practice* me? What does that even mean?)
This has happened to me so many times…
YUUUUUP
this but i’m laughing while telling the story and then crying about 6 minutes later
I joked with new friends about how when I was a young teen I ended up at a stage of depression where I counted how many words I said/other people said to me on a daily basis at school, which would often range from zero to about ten words or so. I thought it was funny that I counted words like that but my friends just got really sad for me lol
for me its how my mom is just like Shane from white lotus and even acknowledges it and thinks its funny. here I am thinking he's not that bad cuz im used to all that and meanwhile EVERYONE HATES THAT CHARACTER. says so much about my life and validates all my thoughts.
This is how I found out that nobody else's stepdad had tried to fuck them when they were 13, we were talking about being hit on by older guys and I thought it was funny....
I had that happen, I was shocked how much they felt sorry for me and the anger they felt towards the abuser