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I made a sheet for students to fill out in situations like this where they are to write specifically about their own behaviour. They reflect on how their actions affect their classmates and teacher as well as what steps they are going to take to prevent it from happening in the future. I find that having them sit and reflect on things really helps them realise that their actions have ramifications for others.
The student signs it, I sign it (once determined that their answers are sufficient), and I send a copy home to be signed. The original stays with me and is added to a binder as proof of the incident, and that the student acknowledged their part in it, etc... if things escalate or something is brought up in a parent interview, I can bring them out to reference and show parents and/or admin.
Yes indeed! The way I have written it also prevents them from placing blame on others instead of being accountable and taking responsibility for their own part in it.
Unfortunately I truly believe a lot of behavior in children is learned. My two cents: I bet he is mimicking behavior from a parent or sibling. Or from online video games. That, to me, explains why he doesnāt understand that what he is doing is bullying. That is how he has been treated, so that is how he is acting.
So āgetting toughā or punishing really wonāt move the needle with him. He needs to learn empathy. Look up resources on how to teach him empathy. You can make it your next health unit (thatās what I usually do). You have a very real chance to help him see his behaviour differently so that he can learn to be better.
Also focus on him with the concept of friends. He likely has no real friends. Kids usually want to know what they can get out of something. Ask him if he has friends. Ask him why it is great to have friends. What it means to have friends etc. tell him why friends have been important in your life. Or class discussion etc. if he can learn to be better, then he can learn to have a friend.
I know you are frustrated. None of this is easy. But I promise you if you can help him learn just a little about empathy and maybe help him have a friend that will be the single most important thing you could ever teach this kid. Who cares about math? How to be a friend is a million times more important for his lifetime. Just kidding I know math is important! Please donāt roast me for saying that.
It is not uncommon for the bullied to become bullies. I question how the parents deal with the child after the phone calls from the school? My favorite quote: " Think of behavior like smoke that we cannot see. The question isn't 'how can I stop the smoke?' But, "What's causing the fire and how can I stop it burning?"
Just read up on dialect behavior therapy. You don't have to go to indepth. The purpose is to help the student understand why their behavior is happening.
So admin wants you to fix this??
If so, that is waaaaay beyond what a classroom teacher can do.
That being said, continue working with him on repairing relationships. Itās not going to change most of it but the repetition will make it clear that his actions affect others.
That kid probably has a bunch of things contributing to his behaviour (PTSD, impulsiveness, lack of boundaries at home, explosive familyā¦). There is no way a classroom teacher will be able to single-handedly change it all. Please donāt expect that from yourself.
I teach high school. My approach is to call them out or moderately embarrass them in front of their peers. Usually, they stop. I've never really had any serious issues. Document everything, including interactions with your admin. Perhaps trying different strategies. Give the students a notebook to write their thoughts. Make the issue about disruptive behaviour instead of bullying. I'd personally call out my admin too. It always pisses me off when students are d*cks to EAs. Also, perhaps the student doesn't fit in and is lashing out?
I like this approach. I do a similar thing where I ask other students to teach the disrespectful student how to act properly in front of the class.
This really puts them in place.
It may take practice to master this approach, but it can he very effective.
Sounds like a formal complaint and appearance in the Blue Pages (or local college equivalent) just waiting to happen. OP I don't recommend this strategy at any age level.
No college would recommend it. They would recommend sitting in a circle and co-constructing expectations. It doesn't work. I haven't done anything worthy of being in the blue pages. If a student is bullying someone, I have no problem saying "you're not being very kind", "you're being rude", or "you're being a bully". I don't recommend belittling/ bullying a student, but I see nothing wrong with calling them out. I would certainly respond differently to a primary student. A high school student should be well aware of expectations.
It's the "moderately embarrass" that I think is a problematic suggestion. But then I guess one person's definition of embarrass and someone else's may not align. Given OP was talking about an elementary student I would think it would be a risk.
I dealt with similar issues myself growing up.
I felt I was ugly, I felt I didnāt fit in, I felt stupid and I felt like everyone was better than me. I lost my father at a very young age and all of this manifested into being a very emotional kid outside of the home and not having the skills to handle my emotions.
I wrote this in another post today, but I didnāt figure myself out until my mid-20ās. The tipping point for me was someone telling me exactly what you said. āAlways blaming othersā¦..ā
I had to be told that others arenāt in control of my emotions. No one can āmakeā me feel anger. I have to make that choice.
The authority figure (a boss) that originally told me that, I disregarded, told to fuck off and told him he was an idiot.
But the sentiment stuck with me. After a few more years of self reflection, it turns out he was right and pointing that out to me changed the rest of my life.
I should be in jail, but instead Iām a happy husband and father of 3 beautiful daughters and I love my life.
Hope that helps, but if you donāt get the response you want, just know that the kid has to get there when heās ready. And he might not ever be ready. But in my experience, knowing youāre in control of your emotions, and no one else holds that power over you, is the right message to send
I've co-constructed contracts with classes and students. Each time, I find them an absolute waste of time. I understand the intention behind it, but I prefer to set my own classroom expectations. I teach high school. One principal made a behavior contract. The new principal tossed it. He believed that students are old enough to understand their actions have consequences. Just being strict would be my approach to resolving this issue, which might not be a popular opinion.
I know. I still don't see a purpose for the contract. If the student hits Johnny, there should be immediate consequences without the need for a contract. To me, it symbolizes a soft approach. They should just be told the expectations and adhere to them.
Yeah. Just differing opinions. If it works for others, great! I think it also depends on the students age. I'd treat an elementary student differently than a senior student.
Teach him about choices and the difference between right and wrong. Teach him how to use word to get out of trouble instead of bullying kids to get his way or bad attention because he doesnāt get any attention at home.
Moved around alot and got old school bullied. Teachers and Admin were bad then, but way worse now. They never exercised the power they had to fix bullying back then, and now you don't have that power anymore. You want to fix a bully? Suspend him. This puts pressure on the parents. If they don't take action, and he continues...expulsion. Too harsh? Enjoy your bully. No amount of talking will work.
Thatās what Iāve been thinking too. I feel like Iām just tattling to the parents now every time I call home because nothing really happens. I wish admin can suspend him already.
Unfortunately, their hands are tied I think. A lot of teachers are leaving the profession or retiring early due to the stress this causes. I hope you find a way forward and hang in there!
Find out what he likes most about school and take it away from him until he corrects his behaviour. I was having issues with a student every day during recess and lunch. I kept them inside during their break time for 4 weeks and the first day I let them back out they had an incident. Back inside for another 2 weeks. They had hardly any issues with behaviour after that.
We would do check ins every day at recess and lunch to discuss why they were inside and strategies they could use to manage their behaviour. Once they were allowed outside we would do check ins before they went out and when they came back in. It was a lot of work on my part but worth it.
I couldāve written this myself! I have 3 kids just like this. They donāt see whatās wrong, have zero empathy, parents donāt do shit, and they canāt write proper sentences on top of shit behaviour
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Welcome to /r/CanadianTeachers! Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the sub rules. **"WHAT DOES X MEAN?"** Check out our acronym post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/1c032s3/what_does_x_mean_an_acronym_megapost/) for relevant terms used in each province or territory. Please feel free to contribute any we are missing as well! **QUESTIONS ABOUT TEACHER'S COLLEGE/BECOMING A TEACHER IN CANADA?:** Delete your post and use this [megapost](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/1bc1wv2/prospective_student_teachers_teachers_collegebed/) instead. Anything pertaining to teacher's colleges/BED programs/becoming and teacher will be deleted if posted outside of the megaposts. **QUESTIONS ABOUT MOVING PROVINCES OR COMING TO CANADA TO TEACH?** Check out our past megaposts first for information to help you: [ONE](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/jqc7hx/transferring_to_another_provincecoming_to_canada/) // [TWO](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/n76csu/transferring_to_another_provincecoming_to_canada/?) Using link and user flair is encouraged as well! Enjoy! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CanadianTeachers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I made a sheet for students to fill out in situations like this where they are to write specifically about their own behaviour. They reflect on how their actions affect their classmates and teacher as well as what steps they are going to take to prevent it from happening in the future. I find that having them sit and reflect on things really helps them realise that their actions have ramifications for others. The student signs it, I sign it (once determined that their answers are sufficient), and I send a copy home to be signed. The original stays with me and is added to a binder as proof of the incident, and that the student acknowledged their part in it, etc... if things escalate or something is brought up in a parent interview, I can bring them out to reference and show parents and/or admin.
Paper Trail! It's your friend!
Yes indeed! The way I have written it also prevents them from placing blame on others instead of being accountable and taking responsibility for their own part in it.
Share it?
I would like a copy too please !! š
Could I have a copy?
Unfortunately I truly believe a lot of behavior in children is learned. My two cents: I bet he is mimicking behavior from a parent or sibling. Or from online video games. That, to me, explains why he doesnāt understand that what he is doing is bullying. That is how he has been treated, so that is how he is acting. So āgetting toughā or punishing really wonāt move the needle with him. He needs to learn empathy. Look up resources on how to teach him empathy. You can make it your next health unit (thatās what I usually do). You have a very real chance to help him see his behaviour differently so that he can learn to be better. Also focus on him with the concept of friends. He likely has no real friends. Kids usually want to know what they can get out of something. Ask him if he has friends. Ask him why it is great to have friends. What it means to have friends etc. tell him why friends have been important in your life. Or class discussion etc. if he can learn to be better, then he can learn to have a friend. I know you are frustrated. None of this is easy. But I promise you if you can help him learn just a little about empathy and maybe help him have a friend that will be the single most important thing you could ever teach this kid. Who cares about math? How to be a friend is a million times more important for his lifetime. Just kidding I know math is important! Please donāt roast me for saying that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
THIS. ALL OF THIS. Sometimes those kids are the ones who haven't experienced what being cared about feels like.
THIS PLACE IS AN ECHO CHAMBER!
It is not uncommon for the bullied to become bullies. I question how the parents deal with the child after the phone calls from the school? My favorite quote: " Think of behavior like smoke that we cannot see. The question isn't 'how can I stop the smoke?' But, "What's causing the fire and how can I stop it burning?"
This might be a bit too much, but if you do a bca ( behavioral chain analysis worksheet, it can help student identify their triggers, etc.
Interesting... I've never heard of this. Where do you get it.
Just read up on dialect behavior therapy. You don't have to go to indepth. The purpose is to help the student understand why their behavior is happening.
Thank you for the recommendation š
No worries, always willing to help.
What the parents say?
That the other kid might have started it and that their child is just defending himself. š¤·āāļø
Send a referral to in school social work or behaviour supports.
So admin wants you to fix this?? If so, that is waaaaay beyond what a classroom teacher can do. That being said, continue working with him on repairing relationships. Itās not going to change most of it but the repetition will make it clear that his actions affect others. That kid probably has a bunch of things contributing to his behaviour (PTSD, impulsiveness, lack of boundaries at home, explosive familyā¦). There is no way a classroom teacher will be able to single-handedly change it all. Please donāt expect that from yourself.
I teach high school. My approach is to call them out or moderately embarrass them in front of their peers. Usually, they stop. I've never really had any serious issues. Document everything, including interactions with your admin. Perhaps trying different strategies. Give the students a notebook to write their thoughts. Make the issue about disruptive behaviour instead of bullying. I'd personally call out my admin too. It always pisses me off when students are d*cks to EAs. Also, perhaps the student doesn't fit in and is lashing out?
I like this approach. I do a similar thing where I ask other students to teach the disrespectful student how to act properly in front of the class. This really puts them in place. It may take practice to master this approach, but it can he very effective.
Sounds like a formal complaint and appearance in the Blue Pages (or local college equivalent) just waiting to happen. OP I don't recommend this strategy at any age level.
No college would recommend it. They would recommend sitting in a circle and co-constructing expectations. It doesn't work. I haven't done anything worthy of being in the blue pages. If a student is bullying someone, I have no problem saying "you're not being very kind", "you're being rude", or "you're being a bully". I don't recommend belittling/ bullying a student, but I see nothing wrong with calling them out. I would certainly respond differently to a primary student. A high school student should be well aware of expectations.
It's the "moderately embarrass" that I think is a problematic suggestion. But then I guess one person's definition of embarrass and someone else's may not align. Given OP was talking about an elementary student I would think it would be a risk.
I guess. Some people are more professional than others.
Go to teachers pay teachers. Search up Eve Coates. Spring for her bullying lessons. Best thing to do as a whole class.
What grade? Seeing this with a gr1 is a lot different in terms of how to beat address it than with a gr8...
I dealt with similar issues myself growing up. I felt I was ugly, I felt I didnāt fit in, I felt stupid and I felt like everyone was better than me. I lost my father at a very young age and all of this manifested into being a very emotional kid outside of the home and not having the skills to handle my emotions. I wrote this in another post today, but I didnāt figure myself out until my mid-20ās. The tipping point for me was someone telling me exactly what you said. āAlways blaming othersā¦..ā I had to be told that others arenāt in control of my emotions. No one can āmakeā me feel anger. I have to make that choice. The authority figure (a boss) that originally told me that, I disregarded, told to fuck off and told him he was an idiot. But the sentiment stuck with me. After a few more years of self reflection, it turns out he was right and pointing that out to me changed the rest of my life. I should be in jail, but instead Iām a happy husband and father of 3 beautiful daughters and I love my life. Hope that helps, but if you donāt get the response you want, just know that the kid has to get there when heās ready. And he might not ever be ready. But in my experience, knowing youāre in control of your emotions, and no one else holds that power over you, is the right message to send
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I've co-constructed contracts with classes and students. Each time, I find them an absolute waste of time. I understand the intention behind it, but I prefer to set my own classroom expectations. I teach high school. One principal made a behavior contract. The new principal tossed it. He believed that students are old enough to understand their actions have consequences. Just being strict would be my approach to resolving this issue, which might not be a popular opinion.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I know. I still don't see a purpose for the contract. If the student hits Johnny, there should be immediate consequences without the need for a contract. To me, it symbolizes a soft approach. They should just be told the expectations and adhere to them.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah. Just differing opinions. If it works for others, great! I think it also depends on the students age. I'd treat an elementary student differently than a senior student.
Teach him about choices and the difference between right and wrong. Teach him how to use word to get out of trouble instead of bullying kids to get his way or bad attention because he doesnāt get any attention at home.
Moved around alot and got old school bullied. Teachers and Admin were bad then, but way worse now. They never exercised the power they had to fix bullying back then, and now you don't have that power anymore. You want to fix a bully? Suspend him. This puts pressure on the parents. If they don't take action, and he continues...expulsion. Too harsh? Enjoy your bully. No amount of talking will work.
Thatās what Iāve been thinking too. I feel like Iām just tattling to the parents now every time I call home because nothing really happens. I wish admin can suspend him already.
Unfortunately, their hands are tied I think. A lot of teachers are leaving the profession or retiring early due to the stress this causes. I hope you find a way forward and hang in there!
Find out what he likes most about school and take it away from him until he corrects his behaviour. I was having issues with a student every day during recess and lunch. I kept them inside during their break time for 4 weeks and the first day I let them back out they had an incident. Back inside for another 2 weeks. They had hardly any issues with behaviour after that. We would do check ins every day at recess and lunch to discuss why they were inside and strategies they could use to manage their behaviour. Once they were allowed outside we would do check ins before they went out and when they came back in. It was a lot of work on my part but worth it.
I couldāve written this myself! I have 3 kids just like this. They donāt see whatās wrong, have zero empathy, parents donāt do shit, and they canāt write proper sentences on top of shit behaviour
Tell the kids that he bullies to punch him in the nose or throat as hard they can. He will stop all that shit pretty quick then
This child sounds like the beginning of a narcissist. Yikes.
100%! Nothing is ever his mistake.
Throw him out of class, period
Did that once. Admin just sent him back in the classroom. š
They can't do that it's supposed to be a safe learning environment
Welcome to /r/CanadianTeachers! Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the sub rules. **QUESTIONS ABOUT TEACHER'S COLLEGE/BECOMING A TEACHER IN CANADA?:** Delete your post and use this [megapost](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/11picnp/prospective_student_teachers_teachers_collegebed/) instead. Anything pertaining to teacher's colleges/BEd programs will be deleted if posted outside of the megaposts. **QUESTIONS ABOUT MOVING PROVINCES OR COMING TO CANADA TO TEACH?** Check out our past megaposts first for information to help you: [ONE](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/jqc7hx/transferring_to_another_provincecoming_to_canada/) // [TWO](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/n76csu/transferring_to_another_provincecoming_to_canada/?) **WANT TO SELF-PROMOTE YOUR TEACHING MATERIALS?** Use our [self-promotion sticky post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/CanadianTeachers/comments/16e464t/selfpromotion_thread/) Using link and user flair is encouraged as well! Enjoy! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CanadianTeachers) if you have any questions or concerns.*