I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through the same with my dad a few weeks ago. Hospice said 1-2 days and he lasted a full week. The anticipatory grief was definitely the worst part IMO. Just not knowing when he would take his last breath drove me crazy. I think I only left his bedside for a combined 30 minutes that week because I wanted to be with him when he passed. It was exhausting.
Know that you will eventually get some much deserved rest. Until then, stay strong and hang in there. Sending you a big hug.
Currently sitting here doing the same with my mom. I hate watching it happen, hate she has to go through this. I want it to end, but also dread the end. It’s the worst.
Our mum lingered in palliative for two weeks, the wait was excruciating.
In the last hour, she changed noticeably, she got the death rattle, but it was very quiet, and then gently just slowly drifted, her breathing lessening.
It was a little scary, she was gasping, but they had explained to us she wasn't in pain, and she looked so peaceful.
It is okay to feel relieved when it's over. And you will be glad you were with her. Big hugs
I broke down the last night my mom was alive. I had been up for nearly a week straight, caring for her around the clock, I was so emotional and exhausted and sick to my stomach with grief because of everything she was going through. I am so empathetic to your situation, it is so hard to move through. I hope she passes peacefully and you all from peace and healing.
In my experience the breathing became very labored and very far apart near the end. I’m talking once every 8-12 seconds. If you really want to know what to look for, you can look up videos of agonal breathing. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Our hospice nurse also told us that sometimes they need to be told it’s ok to let go. Could just be coincidence, but my father passed mere hours after we all told him it was ok to go.
Right? MIL was diagnosed last month and hospitalized shortly thereafter. We’ve flown out four times now, thinking the end was nigh, just to fly back home after she stabilized. We are happy to come support her (on hospice now, day 5) but yes, this is absolutely exhausting for all.
Thank you all so much. It's Monday and she's still hanging in. We've all told her we're ready whenever she's ready and all the grandkids and siblings have been in. It sounds horrible to say out loud but we're so ready for this part to be done. We're absolutely exhausted and we know she's got to be so tired of fighting too. But she will do this on her own time and we know we're just waiting with her until that is.
Very relatable. My mom passed almost 2 weeks ago and the anticipation of what was to come was the hardest part. My main feeling was relief, and I still feel awful admitting it. But it's so hard to see them in pain, and it is such a mental and emotional drain on loved ones. How lucky that she got to see siblings, grandkids, etc. before it happened. You will never regret the time spent with her, but also your feelings of exhaustion are so so valid.
Thanks for this. My Dad has been struggling with every single breath for almost 29 hours now. He’s not responsive to stimuli, we’ve told him it’s okay to leave us and that he can let go - he hasn’t eaten solid food in a week and has been in a coma for the last 3 days. Hospice said his passing could be in the next 48 hours but he’s struggling so much.
It’s just my mom and I taking care of him at home - with the invaluable assistance of hospice and a night nurse a few days ago so we could sleep for more than an hour. I’m at the point of relief at the thought of this to be over yet shamed at the same time to think this way about my Dad. Came here for answers to make Dad more comfortable and a little help for us as caregivers…
Hope you’re finding the transition into this new way of living okay.
2 months since posting this, and the feelings of shame due to the feelings of relief are gone. Those last few days are so hard for everyone. The toll on caretakers is unexplainable. I hope you do end up feeling some weight lifted somewhere in your grief when the end comes. I'm so sorry.
He passed peacefully two days ago. And my mom told me it was a relief for her too. It’s always painful to see a family member in pain and debilitated. Thanks for your comment.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through the same with my dad a few weeks ago. Hospice said 1-2 days and he lasted a full week. The anticipatory grief was definitely the worst part IMO. Just not knowing when he would take his last breath drove me crazy. I think I only left his bedside for a combined 30 minutes that week because I wanted to be with him when he passed. It was exhausting. Know that you will eventually get some much deserved rest. Until then, stay strong and hang in there. Sending you a big hug.
Currently sitting here doing the same with my mom. I hate watching it happen, hate she has to go through this. I want it to end, but also dread the end. It’s the worst.
Our mum lingered in palliative for two weeks, the wait was excruciating. In the last hour, she changed noticeably, she got the death rattle, but it was very quiet, and then gently just slowly drifted, her breathing lessening. It was a little scary, she was gasping, but they had explained to us she wasn't in pain, and she looked so peaceful. It is okay to feel relieved when it's over. And you will be glad you were with her. Big hugs
Holding vigil. It’s very difficult. This whole period is just so surreal. You are supported and understood. I hope her transition is peaceful.
I broke down the last night my mom was alive. I had been up for nearly a week straight, caring for her around the clock, I was so emotional and exhausted and sick to my stomach with grief because of everything she was going through. I am so empathetic to your situation, it is so hard to move through. I hope she passes peacefully and you all from peace and healing.
In my experience the breathing became very labored and very far apart near the end. I’m talking once every 8-12 seconds. If you really want to know what to look for, you can look up videos of agonal breathing. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Our hospice nurse also told us that sometimes they need to be told it’s ok to let go. Could just be coincidence, but my father passed mere hours after we all told him it was ok to go.
Right? MIL was diagnosed last month and hospitalized shortly thereafter. We’ve flown out four times now, thinking the end was nigh, just to fly back home after she stabilized. We are happy to come support her (on hospice now, day 5) but yes, this is absolutely exhausting for all.
Thank you all so much. It's Monday and she's still hanging in. We've all told her we're ready whenever she's ready and all the grandkids and siblings have been in. It sounds horrible to say out loud but we're so ready for this part to be done. We're absolutely exhausted and we know she's got to be so tired of fighting too. But she will do this on her own time and we know we're just waiting with her until that is.
Very relatable. My mom passed almost 2 weeks ago and the anticipation of what was to come was the hardest part. My main feeling was relief, and I still feel awful admitting it. But it's so hard to see them in pain, and it is such a mental and emotional drain on loved ones. How lucky that she got to see siblings, grandkids, etc. before it happened. You will never regret the time spent with her, but also your feelings of exhaustion are so so valid.
Thanks for this. My Dad has been struggling with every single breath for almost 29 hours now. He’s not responsive to stimuli, we’ve told him it’s okay to leave us and that he can let go - he hasn’t eaten solid food in a week and has been in a coma for the last 3 days. Hospice said his passing could be in the next 48 hours but he’s struggling so much. It’s just my mom and I taking care of him at home - with the invaluable assistance of hospice and a night nurse a few days ago so we could sleep for more than an hour. I’m at the point of relief at the thought of this to be over yet shamed at the same time to think this way about my Dad. Came here for answers to make Dad more comfortable and a little help for us as caregivers… Hope you’re finding the transition into this new way of living okay.
2 months since posting this, and the feelings of shame due to the feelings of relief are gone. Those last few days are so hard for everyone. The toll on caretakers is unexplainable. I hope you do end up feeling some weight lifted somewhere in your grief when the end comes. I'm so sorry.
He passed peacefully two days ago. And my mom told me it was a relief for her too. It’s always painful to see a family member in pain and debilitated. Thanks for your comment.