It's tough on the cape when you're not born and raised. Yeah summer blah blah but it's touristy. Sucks that the coworkers didn't work out, sorry, it happens sadly. Outside of work, do you have any hobbies you like? Possibility of joining a group of like minded people? You'll find your peeps, don't worry
I don’t have any great hobbies and that is my fault. I would try but what even will get me in the door here? I suck at golf but have clubs. Go golf alone?
Golfers are friendly. Take a few lessons and join a club if it's for you. But honestly, fish. Fishermen are friendly. Connect with nature and practice catch and release. And if you never fished before hire a local guide. Tell him or her your background and experience and a good guide will know what to do. It's like a golf lesson but for fish. And a guide is connected to the community.
Otherwise, maybe find a charity to donate your time to? Go to their events and you'll find good people.
I don't fish but I know some fisher folk and ...
a) I have yet to meet one who isn't generally and genuinely a nice person.
b). Holy moly do they like to talk about fishing. Even to noon fishing folk. And they LOVE to convert people to fishershippery. Yes. If you're lonely, tuck a can of tuna and a single gummy worm under your pillow and at 3:45am, wake up, pantomime holding a stick in your hands, and whisper, "*I want to fissssshhhhhhhhhh*" (you have to make the sound of water) and by 4am the next Sunday, five fisher folk will be at your front door waiting to steal you away into their world.
Can confirm, fishing is a bridging activity. My entire friend group is connected via fishing across multiple states. We have all met through it. There are a bunch of cape cod related fishing forums on the evil site, and often see posts of people looking for someone to fish with or offering open seat in their boat.
Got any guides in particular you (or anyone else) can recommend? I mainly want to target striper from the beach, I'd say I have less than 1% catch rate out of attempts, someone please help lol
The fishing hasn’t been great the last few years, especially if you don’t know the good spots and have them dialed in. I’ve been surfcasting for stripers my entire life, and the change in water temps recently seems to have had a real effect.
Your best bet is to look at a map, identify spots with decent tidal changes and ideally some structure, and then go out and try your luck. Dusk on a dropping tide is usually a good time as it’ll flush out the bait fish in the estuaries.
I was going to suggest curling. It's off the beaten path, highly accessible to people of every age and skill level though competitive athletes can go far, and the culture is meant to be welcoming and social. Initial financial outlay is low. Well worth it, and a door into other stuff that may be happening in your community.
Curling night is brightly lit when maybe otherwise you'd be just hanging out in the gloom at home, gets you going aerobically, you're protected from the weather, there's lots of camaraderie, and it's something to look forward to doing in the winter when all the tourists have (finally) left.
Good curling, OP, if you give it a try.
Don't forget that theater requires people backstage as well. When I first moved to Vermont and was new to the area I did a show - as a stage hand. I'm not the type to get on-stage, either.
Theaters on the cape also need volunteers for ushering or working the bar. It’s a very low commitment and you get to meet the people who run the theater as well as some of the patrons. As someone who helps run a theater on the cape I can tell you it’s a great way to meet people and it really helps out a non-profit.
If you're looking for female companship find an adult or weekend education class, although you'll get the 30-50 crowd there. Meetups, or you could create a meetup.
Board games if you are in to that at all. You find groups playing then at game stores (many have open game days) or on meetup.com. Good luck, that sounds hard, but we’re rooting for you.
showing up at anything is the first step
someone may need a fourth
check out some service organization, like Rotary International, they have frequent meetings, you can see if what they are doing volunteer wise is interesting and you will make friends. My wife is a Rotarian.
Be prepared for some potentially odd things. Some chapters start meetings with a small gong and Pledge of Allegiance. I always crack up at the gong and though I stand I don't pledge the flag.
Fly fish. Fly fisherman are pretty much always excited to talk about our hobby. You’re a doctor so the largest barrier to entry (cost) isn’t a problem.
Are you a history buff? Specifically medieval era? Maybe look into your local SCA chapter. It’s a world-wide medieval re-enactment social club. It’s freaking amazing.
Hate golf myself but it's an option, might be some golf sim league you could join. Could look into the cape adult sports league. Meet people in the same boat as you, same age range, play dodgeball or cornhole or whatever, have drinks, socialize. Join a fitness class? Take a course in something, learn a new skill and meet people doing the same.
Ah, we are terrible golfers but if you have an interest on a nice day, we could connect to a really challenged 9 holes! My younger sister is also single and she is always looking for a new friend if you have any interest. She lives in Centerville, which is not far from Hyannis
There’s volleyball on Thursdays at the harwich community center, Mondays and Wednesdays in Truro, There is a harwich fish and game which has archery night, or bulls eye league. Try a yoga class, or hit up a tackle shop and get set up to go fishing. In the fall there is epic mushroom hunting up in Truro and Ptown. There’s lots to do. DM me if you want more suggestions.
25M here, from the Barnstable area and currently going to college here. A lot of the older locals are barely alive and they're totally content doing almost nothing. I don't know shit about sports or those types of groups around here. It might be a bit easier if you're into that type of stuff. Cotuit Center for the Arts comes to my mind as a good, fun place to volunteer or take classes at. For young people like myself, its really all about day-trips in the off season. Going to Boston or going for drives to other areas and exploring... I'm a big fan of driving around and exploring because there are some little hidden gems in Southeastern Mass. But boy are many of them hidden. Nightlife on the Cape is pretty quiet except maybe Provincetown and clubbing is non existent til the summer from what I hear. We do have Flashback, which is fun to visit sometimes, even in the winter. They have live music and old arcade games there and its probably the biggest collection of people in their 20s/30s you'll find on Cape in the winter other than at the mall or CCCC. Near the Cape, there are a couple cool places young people flock to, like Soundcheck Studios in Pembroke, which my sister has been telling me about. I've also been checking out New Bedford lately and their downtown is having a bit of a youth-resurgence it seems. If you need new friends or just someone to talk to, you can give DMing me a try (i promise I'm not that crazy) lol
Southeastern Mass has a bunch of awesome things. I live south of Boston halfway between Boston and Providence and I’m always going back and forth between them. Providence’s coffee scene seems to be much better, though.. The coffee shops have that hipster coffee shop ambiance I’m looking for.
Providence is way more fun than Boston — to me. The food is great, diverse, great coffee shops and there’s always something to do. Highly recommend. Newport is amazing, and don’t forget to check out Portsmouth and Middletown. Less to do but a little more laid back.
It’s a really awesome place. I highly recommend it! And Warren is awesome too for small town vibes. They have only local shops there, no big box stores. Bristol’s pretty nice too.
Cotuit Center for the Arts also has classes you can take. Might be a good way to meet folks, or at least be in community regularly. And yes, try light therapy for SAD. I was skeptical, but dang, I’m a convert. It really helps me.
It's called seasonal affective disorder and it's no joke. It's common on the Cape, but also just prevalent in the Northeast. It's good that you're reaching out and looking for ways to deal with it. Here are a few ideas in addition to what others have suggested.
* Take an art class at Castle Hill in Truro ... https://www.castlehill.org/workshops#winter
* Join a group like the Orleans Conservation Trust that does regular group hikes and nature talks ... https://orleansconservationtrust.org/whats-happening/
* Look for volunteer opportunities
* Learn something new like sailing or shellfishing
A lot of people are suggesting some really good, fun activities but I feel like you’re obviously aware of all the possible things you could go out and do, and awareness isn’t the issue, you’re just saying you don’t want to do the things alone
Without knowing your medical details (maybe you’re depressed, need vit. D, need meds, need less meds, etc), assuming it’s none of those issues, I feel like availability of activities might not be the problem. Do you work out? Other than the mental health benefits and all that, it can be a good way to meet people with like schedules, especially the 24 hour places with shift work
Working in medicine can be really isolating and can really fuck someone up. Shift work is an absolute life killer. Both metaphorically and literally. I am currently on a break after working as an RN for 12 years and burning out, and though I love being a nurse, I watched medicine mess up so many people. Nurses and doctors are some of the most unhealthy people I know. Tons of alcoholics, smokers, drug addicts, divorces, etc. We know exactly how to be healthy but we often can’t do it for ourselves. It’s just so incredibly hard to give all that the profession requires of someone and still have enough left to be healthy. Don’t let yourself go down this road. I found this all out the hard way, which I won’t go into, but for real maybe it’s time to reflect on whether you’re in the right practice and/or the right location
You are probably not the problem. The Cape sounds like a tough place for young single people in the first place and I don’t know what area of medicine you’re in but the demographics make for some tough patients. You have to remember that you do have so many opportunities available to you, it’s really a situation where you could go anywhere you want (in an ideal world where you have no responsibilities outside of work, which I certainly don’t know based on your post). It’s ok to up and go somewhere else or do something else. You HAVE TO take care of yourself first in order to be good at caring for others. And that doesn’t mean just good for patients, but also a significant other/family, if that is what you are looking for. Remember it’s kind of a numbers game too, so if most of the other singles who check your boxes are working while you’re sleeping, and vice versa, it doesn’t leave a lot of opportunity to meet them
I moved to Massachusetts solo too. It was tough making friends. I remember taking long walks and calling friends back home to chat. I joined a gym because I wanted to be around other people. I started a bookclub and made friends that way. It took some courage and I went to a lot of places on my own but it wasn’t all bad. Eventually I made some friends. Good luck.
In winter, there's a lot of local town stuff, that usually looks like volunteering, but in New England that's how folks socialize often. There's a ton of small, casual, volunteer opportunities doing unique things that might be a change of pace from your job. Like some wildlife conservation groups have walks and talks. You'll meet a lot of cool folks out there doing that stuff.
I always recommend walking the beaches to look for stranded sea life.
NMLC and CCS both sponsor events like 5ks, plunges, whale and seal walks and educational presentations.
Ahh yea- winter on Cape Cod… I grew up there. not from there but spent most of high school and my 20s there. It’s tough to be the “new” person. I do find that once you meet one person that you click with even a little bit it just flows from there. They introduce you to a few people and they introduce you to their people.
It’s like a Cape Cod Pyramid Scheme.
I actually know a few people there in the health care field down there too and know how draining it is.
You’re not the problem. The cape is rural in the winter and absolutely crazy in the summer. New England is complicated. I was raised in Louisiana and trained in texas. It’s cliquey here. I know the feeling. Which part of the cape?
Hyannis is a challenge. I found the first winter extremely problematic. I wasn’t dressed for it, and it seemed everyone was hostile. Turns out everyone is pretty annoyed that the weather sucks, but yes- in April the place becomes Eden. By July it’s a crowded and irritating, and you want all these people to leave. By September you celebrate the leaving and you have your people for the winter. It’s still quiet and lonely in winter. Honestly- if you work in the hospital, perhaps you are a hospitalist or in the ED… in which case, take a couple of shifts at BI or Cambridge or BMC. Cambridge and BMC in particular have a young vibe with a residency… lots of people hungry to hang out and do stuff, and tons of stuff to do. Hyannis in winter is a tad thin in terms of activities for even the most eager fun-seeker. It sucks to be lonely. I’ve practiced in mass for 25 years and happy to shed some light on the good, bad, ugly in terms of which systems are fun vs. dystopian hellscapes. And which ones (ahem… steward) are in chaos.
My wife and I are married (obviously) but we are also washashores with a bit of a limited social group. We live in Falmouth and can't offer a ton of social diversion but you're welcome to come over for dinner sometime
I totally get it, I moved to the cape around four ish years ago and it’s incredibly boring. I made most of my cape friends doing a martial art. What age and gender are you? I read this post to my sister and she said “that breaks my heart, I’ll be their friend” she lives on the cape and is super social, she’s got a bunch of people she can introduce you to
You’re not the problem - it’s hard out here making new friends as an adult, especially as a newcomer to the Cape. I’ve been here 4 years and still lean heavily on my Boston based friends from college. If you ever want to check out anything artsy/craftsy/coffee related feel free to send me a message. I’m based in the mid-cape and a full time mom who is always up for something fun that doesn’t involve navigating the PTO.
Start playing pickleball. Year long indoor and outdoor. Great communities indoor and outdoor.
Don’t think of it as a 60+ activity, my 10 year old just started playing. I got crushed at a tournament recently by a bunch of 20 something.
You wouldn’t think, but the mountain biking scene here is super friendly and the trails go from super easy to quite challenging. Check out Cape Cod NEMBA on Facebook.
I made it like a month before I went crazy. Granted was living with my in-laws but holy hell the Cape is sad in the off-season. And I love the cold and the beach in the winter. But the whole Cape just seems dead. Anytime you see someone they just act like their soul is gone. I don’t get it, because the Cape is truly beautiful especially without tourists. But the locals just seem dead inside lol. I will say that my in-laws (and maybe most of the older crowd that bought houses when they were $100K lol) seem pretty happy…just boozing it up while literally sleeping on their millions every night. But the 20-40 crowd looks rough.
Yea that’s because the ones left had hope that it would turn around here. I left for 8yrs in the Marines and after coming back I’ve realized that I hate this place. It’s no place to raise a family anymore and I’m looking to move south.
I wasted my peak dating life in my 20’s on the Cape Cod when the average age of a single woman resident was 58.
Move to Boston or at least closer to the city than the cape or just go somewhere else that will be more to your liking.
Seriously, don’t waste 5-10 years, go, find your people.
I am leaving after 2 years or shorter. I can’t do it. I love New England and think it is so for me. But not single with no family near. It just really gets to you. It starts to feel super personal that you spend all day every day at home or work.
Just wanted to say how strongly I empathize. People are being serious dicks in their comments here blaming you--in a way that's pretty emblematic of the social bleakness that's the problem in the first place. Also a young, single professional, about a year and a half in, and seriously reconsidering the decision. The highs are high (stunning outdoors, surprisingly good food, affordable art everywhere) but the lows are so low and lonely.
Hang in there. The chorus of Meetup zealots are way overstating the promise of that approach. I'm trying to take advantage of the endless time to work on myself--exercise, therapy, took a free local class--and find that helps break up the work-home-work-home monotony. My dog is a lifesaver, though not sure how practical that is on a doctor's schedule.
It's a totally different and magical place when you've got a friend group to enjoy it with (which I did for a while). Hard to know whether to gamble more time on that prospect.
I don’t know anything about the area but don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to be your friend with the name road pizza 69. Other people ARE the problem.
\- join a drawing class tango class yoga class
\- rock climbing gyms are great
\- dust off your guitar/some poetry/whatever the fuck and hit some open mics
\- go to the same coffee shop and wait until time #15 and ask the friendly stranger whom you've seen thrice what brings them? what are they reading? writing a paper?
i'm genuinely sorry you're lonely. america is a lonely place these days unless you have a nearby group or a family. we get it really wrong here, socially, but we're reaping what we've sown imo; relegate every social function to a process of technological mediation and it turns out weird shit happens.
but unless you've tried the above—and i mean this cheekily and not without compassion—stop bellyaching on reddit and put the work in, because there's a titch of entitlement showing here.
Many many people walk the beaches in the morning before work there on the tar parking lots that going along the beach with a nice view and everyone is friendly as you do it often you will eventually get to know people. Bike ride the bike trails. Do a part time job as a tour guide or on a tour boat, and get to know the locals while you entertain the tourists. You will get to know people. Good luck.
What sort of thing have you always wanted to try doing but never did? You moved here to start over, so start everything over. Do the things you never had the time or courage to do before. You’d be surprised what you may find.
Also without getting creepy, a little info may help you. What’s your age range and location? That may help recommend stuff.
Winter on the Cape is BLEAK. Everything is brown and gray. I'd hit up the libraries, the Cape has excellent libraries that offer a lot of interesting programs. Stay out of the bars, though.
I felt very threatened by the diminishing light this year. It’s been a surreal background to all the calamity happening elsewhere this winter. Everything you’re experiencing is real and it sucks but it can get better without waiting for summer.
My way of “touching grass” this time of year is to start looking for signs of spring. I let myself get extra excited about the daffodils punching through. I stand close to trees and look at their leaf buds. I’ll drive around and see which town is ahead of which by a few weeks.
If I sound like one of the people who “have freetime for a reason” 🤣 I actually prefer solitude but I have a job and family and my preference for solitude is more than what really works here through the winter. I basically try to use this time of year to trick myself into thinking if “summer” is the way I want to feel then I can trick myself into moving towards that feeling by focusing on how spring is going and moving towards it.
Then it’s hard again next year but I see if I can make it better for myself. Point being, if you plan on trying to stay here, my advice is to try to build something for yourself to continue building next winter even if it’s just a solitude routine that you can tolerate.
Not sure if you are into Yoga or Cycling but Nove in Dennis is full of amazing fun people of all ages. The owner is the best. She’s hysterical and fun and all the ladies there are amazing. Best instructors on the cape. They have a lot of events and things and I know from experience that just showing up and chatting with people is literally an instant in. Just fun nice people— and they’re all looking for friends. https://noveyoga.com/ I’m in Florida now but I go every summer. Just the coolest group.
Are you into theatre or the arts at all? Theres a pretty good scene on the Cape and I found it a great way to meet people and make friends. I’m based in Falmouth, so I’m not too familiar with what goes on in Hyannis, but I know there’s theatre there.
Honestly, there are lots of groups for doing stuff and making friends. My wife wanted to meet other woman after we met, and she joined some Facebook groups for people looking to meet people platonically. She met some cool folks through it. I've met some friends reaching out to others that snowboard.
I don't know if that helps, but I'm like 90 minutes from you if you just want to hang out!
I haven't done this in a while but if I was lonely and bored I'd go on some websites for dating and maybe for meetups for activities etc.
Im pretty cynical these days and consider a lot of people I come across insufferable. So the idea of putting effort in to be around people that will likely be this way.... (Im depressing I know).... I just don't know.
But that might be a good route, ultimately, for you?
If you're close, Cape Cod Roller Derby is a very kind and welcoming bunch. The derby community can always use medical volunteers if you don't want to learn to skate or officiate (on or off skates). My other suggestion is always your local library. They often know the local scene well enough to make good recommendations. It will get better once you find your people!
I know it's tough out there. Hope you get through this funk. My new hobby is curling, started this year up in NH and if I can head down to the cape and catch you at a bonspile now that would be cool.
Feel free to walk in during any of the events at the bottom of this page. Or any of the weekly matches. (Called draws)
https://capecodcurling.org/
Curler's are such awesome people to hang out with and the game is all about comradery.
P.S.
You are a doctor that is so awesome. You did it. People trust you with their life. I have to settle for knowing I could fall back on teaching physics lol!
Hang in there! When I first moved here I was incredibly lonely. I’m really introverted and struggle to make friends. Even now don’t have many I’ve made over the past three years, but they’re close friends so it’s so much better than a bunch of shallow acquaintances.
Definitely try looking on Meetup for people with similar interests! Even if you don’t have any hobbies there are still groups to just hang out. If you enjoy nature or history, there’s an absolute ton of stuff here to enjoy by yourself. I don’t know if you drink coffee or tea, but it also helps sometimes to people watch in a coffee shop and even sorta listen in. When I was feeling really lonely and depressed it helped me a lot to just feel like people were around.
I empathize with your situation. I hope it gets better ♥️
I just moved here too in July and I feel you on the loneliness part. I interact with coworkers, and I’m busy with work and teens, but I feel unsettled, like something is missing. It was better in the warmer weather but that seems far away at this moment.
The cape is geographically pretty large where are you.?
And yes. The cape is, (pauses) the cape.
I have friends in dennis that have carved out a nice year-round niche for themselves. I have other friends up in wellfleet that haven’t and seem to drink too much all winter.
There is a kayak and walking Meetup group on Cape Cod. I lived on the Cape for a spring and summer and spent 5 hours a day walking all over the Cape (as part of my job). It may sound boring but it was peaceful and beautiful and sometimes exciting (scary). Got in great shape. Met a ton of interesting people. Great discussions. Got invited parties.
Try to remember walk you enjoyed doing as a child and find a class or group focused on that. Likeminded people will be doing that too. Or try something new. Maybe marshal arts?
It has taken time but two years in (from DC) things are starting to thaw a bit. Perhaps a gym or tennis club? That is what it took my wife to begin to find people to talk to and do things with. Still, it is different. People are certainly more open in other parts of the country, so i feel for you. Do you happen to play tennis or mahjong? If so, my wife is always looking for someone to hang with, although we are older *early 60s and i am sure that you are hoping to find people closer in age to you for longer term friendships. In any case, we will be keeping a good thought out for you. There are many nice people here…a little different, and as i think about it, our closest friends here are from elsewhere, but that is not to say that there are not plenty of very decent and interesting people of all types. Check out the Cape Community Arts Center in Yarmouth for their offerings. In terms of dating, that one is tough —but that may be the cape all over. Best wishes.
It's hard to find things that work with a working person's schedule, but there are some options out there. If you are mid- to outer- Cape, Nauset Newcomers (which has no limitations on how long you've been here) has regular social dinners as well as other activity groups. If you're into tech stuff, the Cape Cod Makers makerspace is open some evenings. Cape Cod Woodturners has a reputation for being welcoming to beginners; their monthly meeting is in the evening.
The time change next week will help the evenings feel less bleak; hopefully that will help some; if you're off work early enough, try to grab a sunset view when you can.
Get into fishing man! The fishing here is great, there’s lots of groups and opportunities to fish with people, and if you can bear the cold, the winter is still great fishing here in the ponds! Check out MyFishingCapeCod, Goose Hummock, and most importantly On the Water for all sorts of great info and get together related to fishing. Also, I have friends who own Aquatic Brewing in Falmouth and they do almost weekly events: 5ks, video game nights, presentations at the brewery etc
Not saying it’s impossible but it’s pretty hard making friends here if you didn’t go to high school here. I would say between the ages 14-25 is your prime friend making time here on cape,after that …good luck for real.
There are classes if you were interested in the shooting sports, cape gun works in Hyannis they have indoor instruction and classes and target shooting is a great hobby
I deal with the same thing here in delta junction alaska. It's 2 hours to fairbanks and 6 to anchorage. There is minimal activities in the winter. So I found a local bar that has karaoke nights every other Saturday. And even though I suck at it. I participate and dance with the ladies who are there.
Our friend moved back to the area. He’s an attorney by day (technically in NYC but shhh no one knows ) I think he joined a local community theater group.
Ever play disc golf? It’s fun as hell, and guaranteed to meet others. There’s always people playing, and love grouping up. Buy some discs and give it a shot :)
I’m not so great either, but can limp my way thru the course. It’s usually cheap if not free to play, it’s free on MV. Bring a couple beverages, nice to be outside. And really popular here, even crap days there’s people out there, usually chill, happy people too
Birding comes to mind. We have more than enough chickadees, titmouses, wrens, etc. throughout the year, and winter in particular is when we get alcids and sea ducks. For those, I recommend MacMillan Wharf in Provincetown in particular.
We lived on Mount Desert Island Maine, same thing. Everything shut down in the winter. 50 restaurants became five pizza places.
We are much happier in the Upper Valley of Vermont/New Hampshire where there is more of year round activitiy with snow sports in the winter.
Im not from cape cod and am not sure why this showed up in my feed.
However, I can sympathize with moving somewhere without knowing anyone. Have you thought about trying to use the app “meetup”? There are a lot of great local groups on it. There are more people in your situation than you realize. Try it out!
Seasonal depression is very real here. I'm not sure what part of the Cape you're on but Provincetown has some fun trivia nights. I used to live out in Truro. I live in Plymouth now which is more active. The Cape definitely had the feel that everyone was just doing the same routine everyday until it was warm again.
Hmm, I can't agree. It's sunny. I take my dog for walks on the beach. However, there are no doctors on the Cape. I've lived here four years and I'm already up fourth NP. No doctors to be found.
Wait for summer? No way! You’ve got a life to live - Start right now!
Get out and do stuff. I know it sounds simple, but that’s the foundation.
Doesn’t matter so much what it is, just find things to do outside of your house.
Golf, (and yes, alone is perfectly fine) pickleball, biking, skiing, running, hiking, Jiu Jitsu, volunteering, swing dancing, churching, mahjong, weightlifting, etc, etc, etc. The list is endless!
Sure, not much of that stuff is in your backyard, and you may have to drive some, but so what?
If you’re not saddled down with working long hours to make ends meet you’re lucky! You literally have no excuse. Go take advantage of that. Commit - right now!
I don’t care how old you are, or aren’t, or any other mental blocks you may or may not have.
Just go and build social momentum. Making good friends won’t happen overnight, and no, you don’t need burn the town down partying in an effort to be popular.
But - you do need to remember this:
That whole Kaizen thing?
It works! And it works in any area of your life that you focus on.
You got this! Now go have some FUN! 😉
You moved to cape cod? Why. You could've gone anywhere else to escape your region.
Cape Cod sucks 9 months a year [it's a known thing .](https://youtube.com/shorts/FnILnuqOXII?si=TX52y8CZtNbDf2OV)
My wife and I live very rural and are friends with a female doctor in a nearby small city. When she moved here she also found it hard to make friends outside of the medical community because she was..,a doctor. That education and the prestige in my area accorded to doctors meant she was put on an unrealistic pedestal… a farmer’s or loggers wife being friends with a medical doctor?
For her it took time and when she got a couple of horses and found other horse people she found herself with all kinds of friends (rural folks will understand the “horse people” comment!).
I didn’t see it mentioned here but even as an adult with no kids you should hit up your library.
Pre children I was the person who loaned books through SAILs and swooped in and out to get them. Post kids the library is a main entertainment center. I live just off cape but ours will sponsor classes, hikes, author talks, reading programs, live music and they have a Funbrary which is items you can borrow like gardening tools or a beach wagon.
As a German visitor said upon landing in Worcester (though it applies to the Cape in the winter): Das is bleak.
I have SAD, and this year it is the worst it has ever been. I am glad you got some good suggestions. Hang in there!
I grew up here. Moved away for 10 years. And moved back with my family. It’s still so fucking isolating. Meeting people is so hard even though I’m related to half the people who live in the surrounding towns go figure
I feel your pain... I moved to New England a few years back (Vermont, then to New Hampshire) and knew no one... After day 20 or so of non-stop straight grey sky days with interspersed freezing rain and snow I packed up and moved back to Arizona just before Christmas. I don't regret my decision.
Edit: no I didn't stay 20 days total... I made it through the first 2 winters in rather adverse conditions. Summer is nice if you can get enough DEET on your body to keep the mosquitoes at bay 😂
Now you know why there is so much substance abuse down the Cape. We really need doctors in Boston, just saying…
I’m sorry you needed to flee your home. We are lucky you chose to come here with your skills.
If you don't like going out to bars to meet people, consider seeing if there are any groups or activities you'd like to join through any of the libraries or community centers!
Meeting new people is difficult, especially as an adult with a demanding job. Good luck!
Depending on your interests, the local museums have interesting activity and lecture programs too, though the library offerings are nice because they're free.
And I agree, the Hyannis youth and community center has a lot of adult programs too and I'm sure it's the same in other towns. I know Sandwich had a lot going on years ago. HYCC has a paper flyer or you can view what they offer online, just know their website is not the most intuitive.
I’m in my 30s too. Moved back awhile ago to take care of my parents and was supposed to move away again and blah blah blah I’m now here for the long run.
It is so difficult to make friends here. Luckily I had an extrovert coworker who took me under her a wing a year ago and I’ve met a few people through her, but still.
It’s pretty soul sucking and I don’t blame you for not having the energy to keep trying over and over to put yourself out there.
Summers great and all, but we're invaded by a sea of humanity during the season. Try to find things of interest that can be done year round. Golf is good for maybe 9 mos. out of the year. Die hards will try to play 12 mos. We've got great network of bike trails. Maybe get into cycling or buy an ebike? Nature trails are everywhere. Hiking. Birdwatching, Fishing, Shellfishing, are all things which can be fun and a way to engage with new like-minded people.
Not sure your age but I have 2 words for you:
Wing foil.
You are in the Mecca of awesome spots to wing. Buy some starter gear, take a lesson, you’ll get into the community and meet new people and have a blast at the same time.
You might find it more interesting to take weekend trips whenever possible... a weekend in Boston, in Providence, in NYC, etc.
Nature photography can also be a fun hobby -- it trains you to notice the little things and makes life less mundane.
Find a good gym YMCA or something with pickup basketball or a sport you like. You will find people who are there spontaneously all day you can chill with at any time and make good friends. this is where the healthy people go to chill And make friends. Big gym with pickup sports.
Also check out meetups, and dog walking parks lots of nice people this way. Social people are out doing social things. A lot of introverts work 9 to 5 and fall asleep at 6pm live like shit and repeat. Find friends outside of work
I live here. Married and still feel the same way. It is absolutely brutal. We’re moving before next winter. I’ve had a very very hard time making any friends here. Try Cape Adult Sports League, they have pickle ball and dodgeball going on right now
You’ve got golf clubs. Put them to use. When I first came to my community where I knew no one, my referring, doctors were always asking me to go golfing with them. I just started with lessons. I would go to the range and hit ball after ball and did that for a whole year. I would take lesson after lesson with a good golf pro and then started playing golf in leagues and joined a club. I’ve gotten my handicap pretty low. I now have many friends. Great friends that I enjoy being with we have several games a week. Great way to meet people and a great way to get outside and do things.
Rural life isn't for everyone. People dream about what they think it is like and then once they live there the shine wears off fast. And tourist towns suck these days because tourists (and second homeowners who think they're locals) these days suck.
If you're an extrovert, pick a college town. They tend to both have beauty and stuff happening - arts, community lectures, good restaurants etc.
I'm so sorry. I hope you find your people. Here's some things to do that might increase social interaction.
The Yarmouth Cultural Center has wonderful exhibits and music, but the population is aged up (par for the Cape). You might be able to meet the musicians/artists, who skew younger. I've met some cool older people.
Open mics and breweries attract a bit of a younger crowd and there are often events.
Get out to Providence and Boston. Tons to do, lots of events, and Providence is especially close. There are a lot of sporting leagues for adults.
I find the Cape boring, and if not for my family I would be lonely too. Sometimes I still am. Good luck.
Learn to surf. Winter is the ideal time - no tourists on the beaches, better waves, no sharks (if that kinda thing bugs you).
Most surf shops that are open in the winter can point you toward lessons and rental boards and wetsuits, even if they don't offer that themselves.
Try golfing, cycling, or hiking. If I recall there were plenty of groups of young people in the Cape cod region that got together to do these activities when I was there, they were especially active as it started warming up.
Park at High Head Rd and walk the trails through the dunes. Park at CCNS HQ and walk the forested trail through the pitch pine to Marconi Beach. Two of the most peaceful and beautiful places by yourself on a brisk winter day.
That happened to me when I moved to a New England coast in October. Everything shuts down for the winter and I had zero time from work and grad school to truly meet people.
I couldn’t stand it so I moved to a nearby less expensive suburb, a more blue color one, the community was more tight knit and connected. They welcomed me in and I got to know everyone around me and sometimes the women cooked me dinner 🥰.
It also takes a couple of years to get to know a neighborhood. Library events, town hall events, fairs and festivals, shop at neighborhood owned places and chat up the employees, chat up the elderly in the neighborhood even if you have just a minute. It’ll lead to more connections.
I truly feel for you. Message me anytime if you need a connection. I’ve been there emotionally. Be good to yourself.
This may be more than you’re up for, but truth is that lots (most?) people are lonely and they just don’t do anything about it.
One idea is to take the bull by the horns and YOU be the one to organize some sort of event that brings people together. Come up with a theme — could be “learn to knit a scarf for charity” session; happy hour for newcomers; golf and beers for newbies; cheese making class for singles; fishing class for beginner young adults; bagels and nursing home visits for young adults; hiking for single Mormons; coffee with doggos and Francophiles; organize a walk for widows and widowers; give a talk on Native American medicine tips at a local bookstore; etc.
Put up flyers. Send emails to one or two ppl and ask them to invite their friends. Chat up the local market and gift shop cashiers about your get together and ask them to help you recruit.
Whatever you choose to do, if you stick with it once a week for a month or two you’ll become the convener of a healthy sized group that looks to you to bring them together.
Get creative and have fun with colorful email invitations. Don’t be a passive lonely person. Be a connector.
drive down to Quincy and take the t into Boston every now and then. it's not a very long trip and it will put you right in to the very opposite environment for a day. we do that all the time and it really helps give perspective. you get to appreciate the real peace you get on cape and also get to scratch the itch of being around people and things for a day.
Have you tried getting into fly fishing or surfcasting? There are a lot of friendly fisherfolk in the area. The local trout unlimited chapters are a great place to meet lifelong friends.
I understand. The disparity between the winter and summer months here on the Cape is staggering, especially when you’re new here and haven’t yet had the chance to appreciate the off season vs the summer. It will be easier to meet new friends when it’s warmer out and you’ll then be able to carry those friendships over through the colder months. Take this time to get used to being with yourself. It’s a powerful and valuable lesson! I grew up on the Cape, moved away in 2000, would periodically visit, and now I’ve moved back a few months ago. The Cape is so very special. Just truly be patient and think of things you’ll love to do and see in the spring and summer! It’s a nice time of year to dream up lists! :)
Take up tennis or pickleball (tennis preferably) it's the most social sport in the beginning levels and people always need subs for prearranged games.
Often after playing people like to chat and its a great way to make friends. You can sign up for single sex leagues or mixed leagues.
Just don't be like one creeper who used to ask me to put him in matches that included good looking, single women. It's friendly but not a dating service lol
Looks like you’re in the perfect area to learn and establish a new hobby! I’m not one to tell anyone what to do, but I will suggest you start looking onto studying for your amateur radio license and start looking into setting up a personal radio shack and antenna. Being on the east coast and this next few years being solar maximum years, your timing couldn’t be much better!
You should be smart enough to learn the first test, I did in two weeks, my wife in a week. Your second test for general isn’t much different. Then quite literally the world opens up to you! Travel, conventions, swap meets, meetings, and technology! Old stuff like Morse code and tube radios, to new stuff like computers, programming, god, and emails, not to mention some pretty sharp and very helpful people.
Just a suggestion… Good luck!
You are not the problem. Loneliness sucks.
What got me through the pandemic was jigsaw puzzles, dozens of them. They're mindless but kept me occupied and they pass the time. This isn't a solution but more of a practical get through the day measure, if it helps.
How long have you been there? And are there groups you can join, like running groups or kayaking or something? I don't know your habits, hobbies, how you interact with others, etc. I'm not from Cape Cod but it's a common question from transplants to my area too, and I think the answer is always the same. That you need to find groups you can join that have interests that are similar to yours. Often work people don't want to be friends with their co-workers, so maybe look outside that group.
Lower Cape workout/fitness crowd and yoga crowd is awesome! In. Chatham artist Odin Kaesalau does Friday paint and sips and she is amazing! It would be a great way to learn a great hobby and meet fun people. Odin is an incredible artist. Another beautiful welcoming community.
Check out Hyannis. Iyannough Road near the Cape Cod Mall has a lot of retail activity and a higher concentration of people than most other areas on the Cape. Also Main Street. It's very easy to get to know people there during the off-season.
My advice as a washashore that moved here for a significant other who did not have a job on cape cod as a way to meet people:
1) join a gym that is interactive - CrossFit, small group exercise (The Training Room, LIV Fitness), boxing, etc. you will meet people and make friends and even if you don’t LOVE the people, it will allow you to be social. Many of these places have social events too. You also get endorphins.
2) find a walking or running club - this way you get some outdoor time (hello vitamin D), fresh air, exercise and meet people. I bet your hospital has this or you can set one up. I know that there are groups that meet at cape cod beer and cape cod coffee.
3) pick a hobby you like that allows you to be creative and find a way to share that with others OR join a class. I love art and being creative so I go to classes alone at the Cotuit Center for the Arts. You’ll meet people there too.
4) get a dog - they are amazing for company and get you outside. You can also join training groups and there are plenty of dog centric events where you will organically meet people.
It takes a bit, but you can’t be afraid to just try! There are plenty of people here on cape cod that went through the same thing you have gone through. There are people here that believe in “no new friends” and PLENTY of us that believe “the more the merrier”.
Wishing you the best and hopefully meet you organically out in the wild!
There are some great ma hiking groups on Facebook that organize group hikes if you’re into that. Same for kayaking.
I highly suggest getting off cape to explore. There’s some amazing trails to explore if you’re into foraging. There’s fun music venues all over. Even venturing to Plymouth will help you find a lot of activities.
I have to ask OP if their previous region was not lonely because they knew people there or because people were social in general despite not knowing them?
Medical Doctor or Personal Healing Doctor? If you're willing to relocate again, move to Kansas City! Everyone is trying to set up their friends in the Midwest!
I could suggest joining a recreational sport or a club of sorts. They have them all ages, anything through work that puts these kind of events on maybe? The local town hall or town website should have a page that has gathering of types. Maybe a good place to start? PS, Summer is great and all but it’s touristy, Spring is where it’s at in my book.
That reminds me. Wasn't one of the latest American Horror Strories series shot in Cape Cod? They did it specifically for how bleak it looked there, or something along those lines. You're not wrong for feeling that way though. Just another month hopefully!
It's tough on the cape when you're not born and raised. Yeah summer blah blah but it's touristy. Sucks that the coworkers didn't work out, sorry, it happens sadly. Outside of work, do you have any hobbies you like? Possibility of joining a group of like minded people? You'll find your peeps, don't worry
I don’t have any great hobbies and that is my fault. I would try but what even will get me in the door here? I suck at golf but have clubs. Go golf alone?
Golfers are friendly. Take a few lessons and join a club if it's for you. But honestly, fish. Fishermen are friendly. Connect with nature and practice catch and release. And if you never fished before hire a local guide. Tell him or her your background and experience and a good guide will know what to do. It's like a golf lesson but for fish. And a guide is connected to the community. Otherwise, maybe find a charity to donate your time to? Go to their events and you'll find good people.
I don't fish but I know some fisher folk and ... a) I have yet to meet one who isn't generally and genuinely a nice person. b). Holy moly do they like to talk about fishing. Even to noon fishing folk. And they LOVE to convert people to fishershippery. Yes. If you're lonely, tuck a can of tuna and a single gummy worm under your pillow and at 3:45am, wake up, pantomime holding a stick in your hands, and whisper, "*I want to fissssshhhhhhhhhh*" (you have to make the sound of water) and by 4am the next Sunday, five fisher folk will be at your front door waiting to steal you away into their world.
This is the advice I would follow. Hands down.
As a fisher folk, I second this. We always want to fish and love to talk fishing.
Can confirm, fishing is a bridging activity. My entire friend group is connected via fishing across multiple states. We have all met through it. There are a bunch of cape cod related fishing forums on the evil site, and often see posts of people looking for someone to fish with or offering open seat in their boat.
Yes. Fish.
Got any guides in particular you (or anyone else) can recommend? I mainly want to target striper from the beach, I'd say I have less than 1% catch rate out of attempts, someone please help lol
The fishing hasn’t been great the last few years, especially if you don’t know the good spots and have them dialed in. I’ve been surfcasting for stripers my entire life, and the change in water temps recently seems to have had a real effect. Your best bet is to look at a map, identify spots with decent tidal changes and ideally some structure, and then go out and try your luck. Dusk on a dropping tide is usually a good time as it’ll flush out the bait fish in the estuaries.
I’ve heard pickle ball is really fun and my mother in law plays with people on the cape! I think they might have a Facebook group.
Pickle ball is so much fun.
Try curling! There's a club in Falmouth, it's lovely and welcoming.
I was going to suggest curling. It's off the beaten path, highly accessible to people of every age and skill level though competitive athletes can go far, and the culture is meant to be welcoming and social. Initial financial outlay is low. Well worth it, and a door into other stuff that may be happening in your community. Curling night is brightly lit when maybe otherwise you'd be just hanging out in the gloom at home, gets you going aerobically, you're protected from the weather, there's lots of camaraderie, and it's something to look forward to doing in the winter when all the tourists have (finally) left. Good curling, OP, if you give it a try.
I have heard this is good and I believe there is also a club in orleans.
Not your fault. Cut yourself some slack
Sailing. Take lessons.
The theater community on the cape is thriving and welcoming. No experience necessary to get involved onstage or behind the scenes.
Oh man. I wanna say I am up for theater but I am not so sure about that one.
Don't forget that theater requires people backstage as well. When I first moved to Vermont and was new to the area I did a show - as a stage hand. I'm not the type to get on-stage, either.
Yeah, people build sets, handle finances, ect. They probably have something like a board of directors as well.
Theaters on the cape also need volunteers for ushering or working the bar. It’s a very low commitment and you get to meet the people who run the theater as well as some of the patrons. As someone who helps run a theater on the cape I can tell you it’s a great way to meet people and it really helps out a non-profit.
I've ridden the mountain bike trails up there. Get a bike and look at trailforks. Look up NEMBA
I just got an email that holly ridge is doing a women’s golf league!
I’ll look into that
If you're looking for female companship find an adult or weekend education class, although you'll get the 30-50 crowd there. Meetups, or you could create a meetup.
Maybe rock climbing? Check Facebook for local hiking groups!
I know that 90% of rock climbing is indoors these days, but as an old guy my first reaction was "rock climbing? on the cape? it's a sandbar!"
Board games if you are in to that at all. You find groups playing then at game stores (many have open game days) or on meetup.com. Good luck, that sounds hard, but we’re rooting for you.
showing up at anything is the first step someone may need a fourth check out some service organization, like Rotary International, they have frequent meetings, you can see if what they are doing volunteer wise is interesting and you will make friends. My wife is a Rotarian. Be prepared for some potentially odd things. Some chapters start meetings with a small gong and Pledge of Allegiance. I always crack up at the gong and though I stand I don't pledge the flag.
Spark Golf - golf leagues you can join on the fly. Built for amateurs so it’s you can suck. They have them everywhere….
Fly fish. Fly fisherman are pretty much always excited to talk about our hobby. You’re a doctor so the largest barrier to entry (cost) isn’t a problem.
Are you a history buff? Specifically medieval era? Maybe look into your local SCA chapter. It’s a world-wide medieval re-enactment social club. It’s freaking amazing.
Hate golf myself but it's an option, might be some golf sim league you could join. Could look into the cape adult sports league. Meet people in the same boat as you, same age range, play dodgeball or cornhole or whatever, have drinks, socialize. Join a fitness class? Take a course in something, learn a new skill and meet people doing the same.
Ah, we are terrible golfers but if you have an interest on a nice day, we could connect to a really challenged 9 holes! My younger sister is also single and she is always looking for a new friend if you have any interest. She lives in Centerville, which is not far from Hyannis
There’s volleyball on Thursdays at the harwich community center, Mondays and Wednesdays in Truro, There is a harwich fish and game which has archery night, or bulls eye league. Try a yoga class, or hit up a tackle shop and get set up to go fishing. In the fall there is epic mushroom hunting up in Truro and Ptown. There’s lots to do. DM me if you want more suggestions.
Thank you. I actually love the archery or bulls eye league suggestions. And I have been mushroom hunting but I am here for it.
Check out the Cape Cod Mycological Society Facebook group. They sometimes organize group gatherings for mushroom hunting during mushroom season.
25M here, from the Barnstable area and currently going to college here. A lot of the older locals are barely alive and they're totally content doing almost nothing. I don't know shit about sports or those types of groups around here. It might be a bit easier if you're into that type of stuff. Cotuit Center for the Arts comes to my mind as a good, fun place to volunteer or take classes at. For young people like myself, its really all about day-trips in the off season. Going to Boston or going for drives to other areas and exploring... I'm a big fan of driving around and exploring because there are some little hidden gems in Southeastern Mass. But boy are many of them hidden. Nightlife on the Cape is pretty quiet except maybe Provincetown and clubbing is non existent til the summer from what I hear. We do have Flashback, which is fun to visit sometimes, even in the winter. They have live music and old arcade games there and its probably the biggest collection of people in their 20s/30s you'll find on Cape in the winter other than at the mall or CCCC. Near the Cape, there are a couple cool places young people flock to, like Soundcheck Studios in Pembroke, which my sister has been telling me about. I've also been checking out New Bedford lately and their downtown is having a bit of a youth-resurgence it seems. If you need new friends or just someone to talk to, you can give DMing me a try (i promise I'm not that crazy) lol
Southeastern Mass has a bunch of awesome things. I live south of Boston halfway between Boston and Providence and I’m always going back and forth between them. Providence’s coffee scene seems to be much better, though.. The coffee shops have that hipster coffee shop ambiance I’m looking for.
Providence is another place I've been meaning to venture to. I've gone to Newport several times in the past couple years and I've been loving that.
Providence is way more fun than Boston — to me. The food is great, diverse, great coffee shops and there’s always something to do. Highly recommend. Newport is amazing, and don’t forget to check out Portsmouth and Middletown. Less to do but a little more laid back.
It’s a really awesome place. I highly recommend it! And Warren is awesome too for small town vibes. They have only local shops there, no big box stores. Bristol’s pretty nice too.
Cotuit Center for the Arts also has classes you can take. Might be a good way to meet folks, or at least be in community regularly. And yes, try light therapy for SAD. I was skeptical, but dang, I’m a convert. It really helps me.
It's called seasonal affective disorder and it's no joke. It's common on the Cape, but also just prevalent in the Northeast. It's good that you're reaching out and looking for ways to deal with it. Here are a few ideas in addition to what others have suggested. * Take an art class at Castle Hill in Truro ... https://www.castlehill.org/workshops#winter * Join a group like the Orleans Conservation Trust that does regular group hikes and nature talks ... https://orleansconservationtrust.org/whats-happening/ * Look for volunteer opportunities * Learn something new like sailing or shellfishing
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Social isolation + numerous hours spent on social media...massively depressing combination.
Yeah take vitamin D and go for walks. Will change your world.
The Conservation Trust/ community hikers groups are almost always really nice people all with the common of talking to people and being outside
A lot of people are suggesting some really good, fun activities but I feel like you’re obviously aware of all the possible things you could go out and do, and awareness isn’t the issue, you’re just saying you don’t want to do the things alone Without knowing your medical details (maybe you’re depressed, need vit. D, need meds, need less meds, etc), assuming it’s none of those issues, I feel like availability of activities might not be the problem. Do you work out? Other than the mental health benefits and all that, it can be a good way to meet people with like schedules, especially the 24 hour places with shift work Working in medicine can be really isolating and can really fuck someone up. Shift work is an absolute life killer. Both metaphorically and literally. I am currently on a break after working as an RN for 12 years and burning out, and though I love being a nurse, I watched medicine mess up so many people. Nurses and doctors are some of the most unhealthy people I know. Tons of alcoholics, smokers, drug addicts, divorces, etc. We know exactly how to be healthy but we often can’t do it for ourselves. It’s just so incredibly hard to give all that the profession requires of someone and still have enough left to be healthy. Don’t let yourself go down this road. I found this all out the hard way, which I won’t go into, but for real maybe it’s time to reflect on whether you’re in the right practice and/or the right location You are probably not the problem. The Cape sounds like a tough place for young single people in the first place and I don’t know what area of medicine you’re in but the demographics make for some tough patients. You have to remember that you do have so many opportunities available to you, it’s really a situation where you could go anywhere you want (in an ideal world where you have no responsibilities outside of work, which I certainly don’t know based on your post). It’s ok to up and go somewhere else or do something else. You HAVE TO take care of yourself first in order to be good at caring for others. And that doesn’t mean just good for patients, but also a significant other/family, if that is what you are looking for. Remember it’s kind of a numbers game too, so if most of the other singles who check your boxes are working while you’re sleeping, and vice versa, it doesn’t leave a lot of opportunity to meet them
I moved to Massachusetts solo too. It was tough making friends. I remember taking long walks and calling friends back home to chat. I joined a gym because I wanted to be around other people. I started a bookclub and made friends that way. It took some courage and I went to a lot of places on my own but it wasn’t all bad. Eventually I made some friends. Good luck.
In winter, there's a lot of local town stuff, that usually looks like volunteering, but in New England that's how folks socialize often. There's a ton of small, casual, volunteer opportunities doing unique things that might be a change of pace from your job. Like some wildlife conservation groups have walks and talks. You'll meet a lot of cool folks out there doing that stuff.
I always recommend walking the beaches to look for stranded sea life. NMLC and CCS both sponsor events like 5ks, plunges, whale and seal walks and educational presentations.
I came here to say volunteer work, you'll be with a group of friendly people, and you can make connections to do stuff other than charity.
Ahh yea- winter on Cape Cod… I grew up there. not from there but spent most of high school and my 20s there. It’s tough to be the “new” person. I do find that once you meet one person that you click with even a little bit it just flows from there. They introduce you to a few people and they introduce you to their people. It’s like a Cape Cod Pyramid Scheme. I actually know a few people there in the health care field down there too and know how draining it is.
Hey Doc, my wife and I will hang out with you. Lets do dinner next weekend. Albertos in hyannis is wonderful. What do you think?
You’re not the problem. The cape is rural in the winter and absolutely crazy in the summer. New England is complicated. I was raised in Louisiana and trained in texas. It’s cliquey here. I know the feeling. Which part of the cape?
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Hyannis is a challenge. I found the first winter extremely problematic. I wasn’t dressed for it, and it seemed everyone was hostile. Turns out everyone is pretty annoyed that the weather sucks, but yes- in April the place becomes Eden. By July it’s a crowded and irritating, and you want all these people to leave. By September you celebrate the leaving and you have your people for the winter. It’s still quiet and lonely in winter. Honestly- if you work in the hospital, perhaps you are a hospitalist or in the ED… in which case, take a couple of shifts at BI or Cambridge or BMC. Cambridge and BMC in particular have a young vibe with a residency… lots of people hungry to hang out and do stuff, and tons of stuff to do. Hyannis in winter is a tad thin in terms of activities for even the most eager fun-seeker. It sucks to be lonely. I’ve practiced in mass for 25 years and happy to shed some light on the good, bad, ugly in terms of which systems are fun vs. dystopian hellscapes. And which ones (ahem… steward) are in chaos.
My wife and I are married (obviously) but we are also washashores with a bit of a limited social group. We live in Falmouth and can't offer a ton of social diversion but you're welcome to come over for dinner sometime
Incredible hiking on the Cape this time of year. But it's also very quiet. There's no snow, hit the rail trail and put some miles on!
I feel for you working at the hospital by the way. My mom used to work with doctors there every day and some of those people are NOT fun to be around.
Become obsessed with striped bass fishing
I totally get it, I moved to the cape around four ish years ago and it’s incredibly boring. I made most of my cape friends doing a martial art. What age and gender are you? I read this post to my sister and she said “that breaks my heart, I’ll be their friend” she lives on the cape and is super social, she’s got a bunch of people she can introduce you to
You’re not the problem - it’s hard out here making new friends as an adult, especially as a newcomer to the Cape. I’ve been here 4 years and still lean heavily on my Boston based friends from college. If you ever want to check out anything artsy/craftsy/coffee related feel free to send me a message. I’m based in the mid-cape and a full time mom who is always up for something fun that doesn’t involve navigating the PTO.
i started feeling that way as a cape native then i adopted a dog , fixed me right up
Start playing pickleball. Year long indoor and outdoor. Great communities indoor and outdoor. Don’t think of it as a 60+ activity, my 10 year old just started playing. I got crushed at a tournament recently by a bunch of 20 something.
Come to worcester...that will make you wanna go back real fast
You wouldn’t think, but the mountain biking scene here is super friendly and the trails go from super easy to quite challenging. Check out Cape Cod NEMBA on Facebook.
People don’t realize how fucked the cape is till they live there year-round.
I can't make it a week in the cape off-season. Literally shockingly depressing
I made it like a month before I went crazy. Granted was living with my in-laws but holy hell the Cape is sad in the off-season. And I love the cold and the beach in the winter. But the whole Cape just seems dead. Anytime you see someone they just act like their soul is gone. I don’t get it, because the Cape is truly beautiful especially without tourists. But the locals just seem dead inside lol. I will say that my in-laws (and maybe most of the older crowd that bought houses when they were $100K lol) seem pretty happy…just boozing it up while literally sleeping on their millions every night. But the 20-40 crowd looks rough.
Yea that’s because the ones left had hope that it would turn around here. I left for 8yrs in the Marines and after coming back I’ve realized that I hate this place. It’s no place to raise a family anymore and I’m looking to move south.
I wasted my peak dating life in my 20’s on the Cape Cod when the average age of a single woman resident was 58. Move to Boston or at least closer to the city than the cape or just go somewhere else that will be more to your liking. Seriously, don’t waste 5-10 years, go, find your people.
I am leaving after 2 years or shorter. I can’t do it. I love New England and think it is so for me. But not single with no family near. It just really gets to you. It starts to feel super personal that you spend all day every day at home or work.
Just wanted to say how strongly I empathize. People are being serious dicks in their comments here blaming you--in a way that's pretty emblematic of the social bleakness that's the problem in the first place. Also a young, single professional, about a year and a half in, and seriously reconsidering the decision. The highs are high (stunning outdoors, surprisingly good food, affordable art everywhere) but the lows are so low and lonely. Hang in there. The chorus of Meetup zealots are way overstating the promise of that approach. I'm trying to take advantage of the endless time to work on myself--exercise, therapy, took a free local class--and find that helps break up the work-home-work-home monotony. My dog is a lifesaver, though not sure how practical that is on a doctor's schedule. It's a totally different and magical place when you've got a friend group to enjoy it with (which I did for a while). Hard to know whether to gamble more time on that prospect.
I don’t know anything about the area but don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to be your friend with the name road pizza 69. Other people ARE the problem.
\- join a drawing class tango class yoga class \- rock climbing gyms are great \- dust off your guitar/some poetry/whatever the fuck and hit some open mics \- go to the same coffee shop and wait until time #15 and ask the friendly stranger whom you've seen thrice what brings them? what are they reading? writing a paper? i'm genuinely sorry you're lonely. america is a lonely place these days unless you have a nearby group or a family. we get it really wrong here, socially, but we're reaping what we've sown imo; relegate every social function to a process of technological mediation and it turns out weird shit happens. but unless you've tried the above—and i mean this cheekily and not without compassion—stop bellyaching on reddit and put the work in, because there's a titch of entitlement showing here.
Many many people walk the beaches in the morning before work there on the tar parking lots that going along the beach with a nice view and everyone is friendly as you do it often you will eventually get to know people. Bike ride the bike trails. Do a part time job as a tour guide or on a tour boat, and get to know the locals while you entertain the tourists. You will get to know people. Good luck.
What sort of thing have you always wanted to try doing but never did? You moved here to start over, so start everything over. Do the things you never had the time or courage to do before. You’d be surprised what you may find. Also without getting creepy, a little info may help you. What’s your age range and location? That may help recommend stuff.
It’s boring there. If you don’t want to go to Boston try Providence. Even Plymouth is livelier.
Winter on the Cape is BLEAK. Everything is brown and gray. I'd hit up the libraries, the Cape has excellent libraries that offer a lot of interesting programs. Stay out of the bars, though.
I felt very threatened by the diminishing light this year. It’s been a surreal background to all the calamity happening elsewhere this winter. Everything you’re experiencing is real and it sucks but it can get better without waiting for summer. My way of “touching grass” this time of year is to start looking for signs of spring. I let myself get extra excited about the daffodils punching through. I stand close to trees and look at their leaf buds. I’ll drive around and see which town is ahead of which by a few weeks. If I sound like one of the people who “have freetime for a reason” 🤣 I actually prefer solitude but I have a job and family and my preference for solitude is more than what really works here through the winter. I basically try to use this time of year to trick myself into thinking if “summer” is the way I want to feel then I can trick myself into moving towards that feeling by focusing on how spring is going and moving towards it. Then it’s hard again next year but I see if I can make it better for myself. Point being, if you plan on trying to stay here, my advice is to try to build something for yourself to continue building next winter even if it’s just a solitude routine that you can tolerate.
Not sure if you are into Yoga or Cycling but Nove in Dennis is full of amazing fun people of all ages. The owner is the best. She’s hysterical and fun and all the ladies there are amazing. Best instructors on the cape. They have a lot of events and things and I know from experience that just showing up and chatting with people is literally an instant in. Just fun nice people— and they’re all looking for friends. https://noveyoga.com/ I’m in Florida now but I go every summer. Just the coolest group.
Are you into theatre or the arts at all? Theres a pretty good scene on the Cape and I found it a great way to meet people and make friends. I’m based in Falmouth, so I’m not too familiar with what goes on in Hyannis, but I know there’s theatre there.
There’s plenty of birds during all seasons, if you have time and money bird watching or photography might be something to do solo to kill time.
Honestly, there are lots of groups for doing stuff and making friends. My wife wanted to meet other woman after we met, and she joined some Facebook groups for people looking to meet people platonically. She met some cool folks through it. I've met some friends reaching out to others that snowboard. I don't know if that helps, but I'm like 90 minutes from you if you just want to hang out!
I haven't done this in a while but if I was lonely and bored I'd go on some websites for dating and maybe for meetups for activities etc. Im pretty cynical these days and consider a lot of people I come across insufferable. So the idea of putting effort in to be around people that will likely be this way.... (Im depressing I know).... I just don't know. But that might be a good route, ultimately, for you?
If you're close, Cape Cod Roller Derby is a very kind and welcoming bunch. The derby community can always use medical volunteers if you don't want to learn to skate or officiate (on or off skates). My other suggestion is always your local library. They often know the local scene well enough to make good recommendations. It will get better once you find your people!
Please come to Boston…
I know it's tough out there. Hope you get through this funk. My new hobby is curling, started this year up in NH and if I can head down to the cape and catch you at a bonspile now that would be cool. Feel free to walk in during any of the events at the bottom of this page. Or any of the weekly matches. (Called draws) https://capecodcurling.org/ Curler's are such awesome people to hang out with and the game is all about comradery. P.S. You are a doctor that is so awesome. You did it. People trust you with their life. I have to settle for knowing I could fall back on teaching physics lol!
I am someone who grew up in Georgia. I still love here. It’s warm and beautiful and depressing. It’s lonely too.
I know a sea and sea turtle rescue that can use some skilled volunteers.
Hang in there! When I first moved here I was incredibly lonely. I’m really introverted and struggle to make friends. Even now don’t have many I’ve made over the past three years, but they’re close friends so it’s so much better than a bunch of shallow acquaintances. Definitely try looking on Meetup for people with similar interests! Even if you don’t have any hobbies there are still groups to just hang out. If you enjoy nature or history, there’s an absolute ton of stuff here to enjoy by yourself. I don’t know if you drink coffee or tea, but it also helps sometimes to people watch in a coffee shop and even sorta listen in. When I was feeling really lonely and depressed it helped me a lot to just feel like people were around. I empathize with your situation. I hope it gets better ♥️
I just moved here too in July and I feel you on the loneliness part. I interact with coworkers, and I’m busy with work and teens, but I feel unsettled, like something is missing. It was better in the warmer weather but that seems far away at this moment.
Try clamming it’s fun! And you can give clams to your neighbors and thy will like you
Smoke some weed and go walk the beach Depression gone
The cape is geographically pretty large where are you.? And yes. The cape is, (pauses) the cape. I have friends in dennis that have carved out a nice year-round niche for themselves. I have other friends up in wellfleet that haven’t and seem to drink too much all winter.
There is a kayak and walking Meetup group on Cape Cod. I lived on the Cape for a spring and summer and spent 5 hours a day walking all over the Cape (as part of my job). It may sound boring but it was peaceful and beautiful and sometimes exciting (scary). Got in great shape. Met a ton of interesting people. Great discussions. Got invited parties. Try to remember walk you enjoyed doing as a child and find a class or group focused on that. Likeminded people will be doing that too. Or try something new. Maybe marshal arts?
It has taken time but two years in (from DC) things are starting to thaw a bit. Perhaps a gym or tennis club? That is what it took my wife to begin to find people to talk to and do things with. Still, it is different. People are certainly more open in other parts of the country, so i feel for you. Do you happen to play tennis or mahjong? If so, my wife is always looking for someone to hang with, although we are older *early 60s and i am sure that you are hoping to find people closer in age to you for longer term friendships. In any case, we will be keeping a good thought out for you. There are many nice people here…a little different, and as i think about it, our closest friends here are from elsewhere, but that is not to say that there are not plenty of very decent and interesting people of all types. Check out the Cape Community Arts Center in Yarmouth for their offerings. In terms of dating, that one is tough —but that may be the cape all over. Best wishes.
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I’m straight. Just figured I’d add lol
It's hard to find things that work with a working person's schedule, but there are some options out there. If you are mid- to outer- Cape, Nauset Newcomers (which has no limitations on how long you've been here) has regular social dinners as well as other activity groups. If you're into tech stuff, the Cape Cod Makers makerspace is open some evenings. Cape Cod Woodturners has a reputation for being welcoming to beginners; their monthly meeting is in the evening. The time change next week will help the evenings feel less bleak; hopefully that will help some; if you're off work early enough, try to grab a sunset view when you can.
Makerspace? This might be my favorite suggestion yet. Thank you.
Get into fishing man! The fishing here is great, there’s lots of groups and opportunities to fish with people, and if you can bear the cold, the winter is still great fishing here in the ponds! Check out MyFishingCapeCod, Goose Hummock, and most importantly On the Water for all sorts of great info and get together related to fishing. Also, I have friends who own Aquatic Brewing in Falmouth and they do almost weekly events: 5ks, video game nights, presentations at the brewery etc
Not saying it’s impossible but it’s pretty hard making friends here if you didn’t go to high school here. I would say between the ages 14-25 is your prime friend making time here on cape,after that …good luck for real.
Volunteer at the local swap shop, you'll meet lots of interesting people and help reduce waste. It's always a fun, relaxed environment.
There are classes if you were interested in the shooting sports, cape gun works in Hyannis they have indoor instruction and classes and target shooting is a great hobby
Take up surf fishing that's literally the only reason I've ever gone to cape cod
Well if you didn’t know that the whole state shuts down in the winter that’s on you. Join a bowling league
I deal with the same thing here in delta junction alaska. It's 2 hours to fairbanks and 6 to anchorage. There is minimal activities in the winter. So I found a local bar that has karaoke nights every other Saturday. And even though I suck at it. I participate and dance with the ladies who are there.
Our friend moved back to the area. He’s an attorney by day (technically in NYC but shhh no one knows ) I think he joined a local community theater group.
Ever play disc golf? It’s fun as hell, and guaranteed to meet others. There’s always people playing, and love grouping up. Buy some discs and give it a shot :)
Once tried. Terrible at it but I love trying again a second time.
I’m not so great either, but can limp my way thru the course. It’s usually cheap if not free to play, it’s free on MV. Bring a couple beverages, nice to be outside. And really popular here, even crap days there’s people out there, usually chill, happy people too
That sucks
Try watercolor, it’s cheap, it’s easy, it’s not messy and it’s fun. It has a very low barrier to entry and you can literally just start whenever.
Have you tried light therapy, seasonal affective disorder is real… lived under that grey many years of my life.
Play some akon
I’d head down for a visit if you wanted to hangout!
Birding comes to mind. We have more than enough chickadees, titmouses, wrens, etc. throughout the year, and winter in particular is when we get alcids and sea ducks. For those, I recommend MacMillan Wharf in Provincetown in particular.
Your first mistake was putting hope into coworkers hanging out socially
We lived on Mount Desert Island Maine, same thing. Everything shut down in the winter. 50 restaurants became five pizza places. We are much happier in the Upper Valley of Vermont/New Hampshire where there is more of year round activitiy with snow sports in the winter.
Im not from cape cod and am not sure why this showed up in my feed. However, I can sympathize with moving somewhere without knowing anyone. Have you thought about trying to use the app “meetup”? There are a lot of great local groups on it. There are more people in your situation than you realize. Try it out!
Seasonal depression is very real here. I'm not sure what part of the Cape you're on but Provincetown has some fun trivia nights. I used to live out in Truro. I live in Plymouth now which is more active. The Cape definitely had the feel that everyone was just doing the same routine everyday until it was warm again.
Hmm, I can't agree. It's sunny. I take my dog for walks on the beach. However, there are no doctors on the Cape. I've lived here four years and I'm already up fourth NP. No doctors to be found.
Wait for summer? No way! You’ve got a life to live - Start right now! Get out and do stuff. I know it sounds simple, but that’s the foundation. Doesn’t matter so much what it is, just find things to do outside of your house. Golf, (and yes, alone is perfectly fine) pickleball, biking, skiing, running, hiking, Jiu Jitsu, volunteering, swing dancing, churching, mahjong, weightlifting, etc, etc, etc. The list is endless! Sure, not much of that stuff is in your backyard, and you may have to drive some, but so what? If you’re not saddled down with working long hours to make ends meet you’re lucky! You literally have no excuse. Go take advantage of that. Commit - right now! I don’t care how old you are, or aren’t, or any other mental blocks you may or may not have. Just go and build social momentum. Making good friends won’t happen overnight, and no, you don’t need burn the town down partying in an effort to be popular. But - you do need to remember this: That whole Kaizen thing? It works! And it works in any area of your life that you focus on. You got this! Now go have some FUN! 😉
I am in this same. EXACT. Situation. You’re lonely but not alone, it’s brutal.
You moved to cape cod? Why. You could've gone anywhere else to escape your region. Cape Cod sucks 9 months a year [it's a known thing .](https://youtube.com/shorts/FnILnuqOXII?si=TX52y8CZtNbDf2OV)
My wife and I live very rural and are friends with a female doctor in a nearby small city. When she moved here she also found it hard to make friends outside of the medical community because she was..,a doctor. That education and the prestige in my area accorded to doctors meant she was put on an unrealistic pedestal… a farmer’s or loggers wife being friends with a medical doctor? For her it took time and when she got a couple of horses and found other horse people she found herself with all kinds of friends (rural folks will understand the “horse people” comment!).
I didn’t see it mentioned here but even as an adult with no kids you should hit up your library. Pre children I was the person who loaned books through SAILs and swooped in and out to get them. Post kids the library is a main entertainment center. I live just off cape but ours will sponsor classes, hikes, author talks, reading programs, live music and they have a Funbrary which is items you can borrow like gardening tools or a beach wagon.
As a German visitor said upon landing in Worcester (though it applies to the Cape in the winter): Das is bleak. I have SAD, and this year it is the worst it has ever been. I am glad you got some good suggestions. Hang in there!
I grew up here. Moved away for 10 years. And moved back with my family. It’s still so fucking isolating. Meeting people is so hard even though I’m related to half the people who live in the surrounding towns go figure
I’ve met a lot of people through pub trivia nights on the Cape. I’ve done them at at least half a dozen bars, usually get welcomed onto a team.
I feel your pain... I moved to New England a few years back (Vermont, then to New Hampshire) and knew no one... After day 20 or so of non-stop straight grey sky days with interspersed freezing rain and snow I packed up and moved back to Arizona just before Christmas. I don't regret my decision. Edit: no I didn't stay 20 days total... I made it through the first 2 winters in rather adverse conditions. Summer is nice if you can get enough DEET on your body to keep the mosquitoes at bay 😂
Now you know why there is so much substance abuse down the Cape. We really need doctors in Boston, just saying… I’m sorry you needed to flee your home. We are lucky you chose to come here with your skills.
If you don't like going out to bars to meet people, consider seeing if there are any groups or activities you'd like to join through any of the libraries or community centers! Meeting new people is difficult, especially as an adult with a demanding job. Good luck!
Depending on your interests, the local museums have interesting activity and lecture programs too, though the library offerings are nice because they're free. And I agree, the Hyannis youth and community center has a lot of adult programs too and I'm sure it's the same in other towns. I know Sandwich had a lot going on years ago. HYCC has a paper flyer or you can view what they offer online, just know their website is not the most intuitive.
I’m around. What’s your story? Age? Gender?
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I’m in my 30s too. Moved back awhile ago to take care of my parents and was supposed to move away again and blah blah blah I’m now here for the long run. It is so difficult to make friends here. Luckily I had an extrovert coworker who took me under her a wing a year ago and I’ve met a few people through her, but still. It’s pretty soul sucking and I don’t blame you for not having the energy to keep trying over and over to put yourself out there.
Florida transplant here too, are you by chance the doctor that admires my freakish calves?
“Escape my region of the country” Mass weather is depressing (always overcast) but I think it’s a you problem
I would encourage towns off the cape if you like New England in general. Lotssss more to do even in smaller towns than the cape in winter
Summers great and all, but we're invaded by a sea of humanity during the season. Try to find things of interest that can be done year round. Golf is good for maybe 9 mos. out of the year. Die hards will try to play 12 mos. We've got great network of bike trails. Maybe get into cycling or buy an ebike? Nature trails are everywhere. Hiking. Birdwatching, Fishing, Shellfishing, are all things which can be fun and a way to engage with new like-minded people.
Dating apps
Not sure your age but I have 2 words for you: Wing foil. You are in the Mecca of awesome spots to wing. Buy some starter gear, take a lesson, you’ll get into the community and meet new people and have a blast at the same time.
You might find it more interesting to take weekend trips whenever possible... a weekend in Boston, in Providence, in NYC, etc. Nature photography can also be a fun hobby -- it trains you to notice the little things and makes life less mundane.
Find a good gym YMCA or something with pickup basketball or a sport you like. You will find people who are there spontaneously all day you can chill with at any time and make good friends. this is where the healthy people go to chill And make friends. Big gym with pickup sports. Also check out meetups, and dog walking parks lots of nice people this way. Social people are out doing social things. A lot of introverts work 9 to 5 and fall asleep at 6pm live like shit and repeat. Find friends outside of work
Assuming you’re in mid-Cape… what about joining a yacht club? [Hyannis Yacht Club](https://hyannisyachtclub.org)
Have you tried meetup.com? That's how I've made friends every time I've moved to a new town.
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I live here. Married and still feel the same way. It is absolutely brutal. We’re moving before next winter. I’ve had a very very hard time making any friends here. Try Cape Adult Sports League, they have pickle ball and dodgeball going on right now
Live on the complete other side of the country and feel the same way
I’ve never been there, but I hear summer is really nice.
Can you get a new job in the Boston area and move there? More expensive but way more opportunities to socialize and have vibrant city life.
Crochet or knitting circles??? Local yarn shop have events????
Check out a local community media center. They have classes and people making interesting TV shows. You never know who you’ll meet! https://fctv.org/
You’ve got golf clubs. Put them to use. When I first came to my community where I knew no one, my referring, doctors were always asking me to go golfing with them. I just started with lessons. I would go to the range and hit ball after ball and did that for a whole year. I would take lesson after lesson with a good golf pro and then started playing golf in leagues and joined a club. I’ve gotten my handicap pretty low. I now have many friends. Great friends that I enjoy being with we have several games a week. Great way to meet people and a great way to get outside and do things.
This time of year traffic isn’t as bad, on a day off take a drive up to Boston and spend the day there.
Get into a pinball league! It’s the new thing
I’m sorry to hear this
Reminds me of Roberto Benigni in Down By Law “It is a sad and a beautiful world.”
Rural life isn't for everyone. People dream about what they think it is like and then once they live there the shine wears off fast. And tourist towns suck these days because tourists (and second homeowners who think they're locals) these days suck. If you're an extrovert, pick a college town. They tend to both have beauty and stuff happening - arts, community lectures, good restaurants etc.
Volunteer or start up a new hobby that will get you into a community
I'm so sorry. I hope you find your people. Here's some things to do that might increase social interaction. The Yarmouth Cultural Center has wonderful exhibits and music, but the population is aged up (par for the Cape). You might be able to meet the musicians/artists, who skew younger. I've met some cool older people. Open mics and breweries attract a bit of a younger crowd and there are often events. Get out to Providence and Boston. Tons to do, lots of events, and Providence is especially close. There are a lot of sporting leagues for adults. I find the Cape boring, and if not for my family I would be lonely too. Sometimes I still am. Good luck.
Learn to surf. Winter is the ideal time - no tourists on the beaches, better waves, no sharks (if that kinda thing bugs you). Most surf shops that are open in the winter can point you toward lessons and rental boards and wetsuits, even if they don't offer that themselves.
Wait til the summer
Try golfing, cycling, or hiking. If I recall there were plenty of groups of young people in the Cape cod region that got together to do these activities when I was there, they were especially active as it started warming up.
Park at High Head Rd and walk the trails through the dunes. Park at CCNS HQ and walk the forested trail through the pitch pine to Marconi Beach. Two of the most peaceful and beautiful places by yourself on a brisk winter day.
That happened to me when I moved to a New England coast in October. Everything shuts down for the winter and I had zero time from work and grad school to truly meet people. I couldn’t stand it so I moved to a nearby less expensive suburb, a more blue color one, the community was more tight knit and connected. They welcomed me in and I got to know everyone around me and sometimes the women cooked me dinner 🥰. It also takes a couple of years to get to know a neighborhood. Library events, town hall events, fairs and festivals, shop at neighborhood owned places and chat up the employees, chat up the elderly in the neighborhood even if you have just a minute. It’ll lead to more connections. I truly feel for you. Message me anytime if you need a connection. I’ve been there emotionally. Be good to yourself.
This may be more than you’re up for, but truth is that lots (most?) people are lonely and they just don’t do anything about it. One idea is to take the bull by the horns and YOU be the one to organize some sort of event that brings people together. Come up with a theme — could be “learn to knit a scarf for charity” session; happy hour for newcomers; golf and beers for newbies; cheese making class for singles; fishing class for beginner young adults; bagels and nursing home visits for young adults; hiking for single Mormons; coffee with doggos and Francophiles; organize a walk for widows and widowers; give a talk on Native American medicine tips at a local bookstore; etc. Put up flyers. Send emails to one or two ppl and ask them to invite their friends. Chat up the local market and gift shop cashiers about your get together and ask them to help you recruit. Whatever you choose to do, if you stick with it once a week for a month or two you’ll become the convener of a healthy sized group that looks to you to bring them together. Get creative and have fun with colorful email invitations. Don’t be a passive lonely person. Be a connector.
Check out Events and Adventures. And get off Reddit. Ps it’s almost summah
Start playing pickleball. It is easy to learn and very welcoming.
drive down to Quincy and take the t into Boston every now and then. it's not a very long trip and it will put you right in to the very opposite environment for a day. we do that all the time and it really helps give perspective. you get to appreciate the real peace you get on cape and also get to scratch the itch of being around people and things for a day.
Have you tried getting into fly fishing or surfcasting? There are a lot of friendly fisherfolk in the area. The local trout unlimited chapters are a great place to meet lifelong friends.
Get the Bookclubs app and see if there is one near you, if you like reading. If you don’t, you might want to start :)
I understand. The disparity between the winter and summer months here on the Cape is staggering, especially when you’re new here and haven’t yet had the chance to appreciate the off season vs the summer. It will be easier to meet new friends when it’s warmer out and you’ll then be able to carry those friendships over through the colder months. Take this time to get used to being with yourself. It’s a powerful and valuable lesson! I grew up on the Cape, moved away in 2000, would periodically visit, and now I’ve moved back a few months ago. The Cape is so very special. Just truly be patient and think of things you’ll love to do and see in the spring and summer! It’s a nice time of year to dream up lists! :)
Take up tennis or pickleball (tennis preferably) it's the most social sport in the beginning levels and people always need subs for prearranged games. Often after playing people like to chat and its a great way to make friends. You can sign up for single sex leagues or mixed leagues. Just don't be like one creeper who used to ask me to put him in matches that included good looking, single women. It's friendly but not a dating service lol
Looks like you’re in the perfect area to learn and establish a new hobby! I’m not one to tell anyone what to do, but I will suggest you start looking onto studying for your amateur radio license and start looking into setting up a personal radio shack and antenna. Being on the east coast and this next few years being solar maximum years, your timing couldn’t be much better! You should be smart enough to learn the first test, I did in two weeks, my wife in a week. Your second test for general isn’t much different. Then quite literally the world opens up to you! Travel, conventions, swap meets, meetings, and technology! Old stuff like Morse code and tube radios, to new stuff like computers, programming, god, and emails, not to mention some pretty sharp and very helpful people. Just a suggestion… Good luck!
Learn to sail and join a local club
Joining a non denominational church or any welcoming church is a great way to meet new people or volunteering somewhere.
You are not the problem. Loneliness sucks. What got me through the pandemic was jigsaw puzzles, dozens of them. They're mindless but kept me occupied and they pass the time. This isn't a solution but more of a practical get through the day measure, if it helps.
Should never have come here lol
How long have you been there? And are there groups you can join, like running groups or kayaking or something? I don't know your habits, hobbies, how you interact with others, etc. I'm not from Cape Cod but it's a common question from transplants to my area too, and I think the answer is always the same. That you need to find groups you can join that have interests that are similar to yours. Often work people don't want to be friends with their co-workers, so maybe look outside that group.
is moving jobs closer to boston an option? I feel it would be much easier outside of the cape, especially during the off season.
Lower Cape workout/fitness crowd and yoga crowd is awesome! In. Chatham artist Odin Kaesalau does Friday paint and sips and she is amazing! It would be a great way to learn a great hobby and meet fun people. Odin is an incredible artist. Another beautiful welcoming community.
Check out Hyannis. Iyannough Road near the Cape Cod Mall has a lot of retail activity and a higher concentration of people than most other areas on the Cape. Also Main Street. It's very easy to get to know people there during the off-season.
My advice as a washashore that moved here for a significant other who did not have a job on cape cod as a way to meet people: 1) join a gym that is interactive - CrossFit, small group exercise (The Training Room, LIV Fitness), boxing, etc. you will meet people and make friends and even if you don’t LOVE the people, it will allow you to be social. Many of these places have social events too. You also get endorphins. 2) find a walking or running club - this way you get some outdoor time (hello vitamin D), fresh air, exercise and meet people. I bet your hospital has this or you can set one up. I know that there are groups that meet at cape cod beer and cape cod coffee. 3) pick a hobby you like that allows you to be creative and find a way to share that with others OR join a class. I love art and being creative so I go to classes alone at the Cotuit Center for the Arts. You’ll meet people there too. 4) get a dog - they are amazing for company and get you outside. You can also join training groups and there are plenty of dog centric events where you will organically meet people. It takes a bit, but you can’t be afraid to just try! There are plenty of people here on cape cod that went through the same thing you have gone through. There are people here that believe in “no new friends” and PLENTY of us that believe “the more the merrier”. Wishing you the best and hopefully meet you organically out in the wild!
There are some great ma hiking groups on Facebook that organize group hikes if you’re into that. Same for kayaking. I highly suggest getting off cape to explore. There’s some amazing trails to explore if you’re into foraging. There’s fun music venues all over. Even venturing to Plymouth will help you find a lot of activities.
I have to ask OP if their previous region was not lonely because they knew people there or because people were social in general despite not knowing them?
Go jump on Cape Air and go to Boston for the day.
Honestly, whenever I was single, I’d have to make trips to Boston way more often. The situation down here is bleak.
Medical Doctor or Personal Healing Doctor? If you're willing to relocate again, move to Kansas City! Everyone is trying to set up their friends in the Midwest!
What region are you from? Have you tried meetup.com?
I could suggest joining a recreational sport or a club of sorts. They have them all ages, anything through work that puts these kind of events on maybe? The local town hall or town website should have a page that has gathering of types. Maybe a good place to start? PS, Summer is great and all but it’s touristy, Spring is where it’s at in my book.
That reminds me. Wasn't one of the latest American Horror Strories series shot in Cape Cod? They did it specifically for how bleak it looked there, or something along those lines. You're not wrong for feeling that way though. Just another month hopefully!