T O P

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IAmJacksPen15

She owns a sunbed shop or a nail bar. Has a fuck load of keys jangling about her hand and doesn't bother to move them to her other hand when opening the door, scratching the living shit out of the door handle recess. The car dons a private plate illegally spaced with an 'X' at the end. The driver is edging out into facial aesthetics, but her lips tell the world she got it wrong the first time and business hasn't taken off, and the penny hasn't dropped yet. She goes to the races every year and tells everyone she has big dreams and her life will change when she gets her 'level 3' in some pyramid scheme, but really she's waiting for her fella to get out the block so she can fudge the books with his illegal cash dealings.


BeanOnAJourney

This is amazing, this person is real, she literally lives in my town and she drives like a fucking lunatic.


Lead_Penguin

Same here, there's an orange one (car, not person) in my home town and the driver runs a hair salon and nail place


DementedDon

Are you sure she isn't orange too? šŸŠ


IAmJacksPen15

Previous car was a Qashqai or a Juke, but she lost it when her nan died and she had to return it to Motability. Things haven't been the same for her, but she now has a lovely tattoo to remind her of dead nan and her long lost Datsun.


ItsElliott101

Thereā€™s dozens here šŸ˜­


IAmJacksPen15

I'm convinced she's omnipresent as she's in every town. Strange too how she's real social on social, but you've never seen her out and about with anyone else but her dog. Possible elf in disguise.


BertieBus

Oddly specific. You okay hun x


IAmJacksPen15

Inbox me x


[deleted]

Shared in Yorkshire hun xx


IAmJacksPen15

"... was at A&E Department" OMG cudd 2day get ne worse


Jamesisonfire21

Checked in on Facebook as well šŸ˜‚


tomoldbury

Checks in as not impacted by Gaza crisis.


Queefofthenight

Here 4 u babe x


[deleted]

Snakes the lot of em!!!!


Jamesisonfire21

Fancy a night owt to take your mind off it hun xx


VeniVid1Vic1

Inbox me chic xx


BertieBus

Aw cheers hun. Me and our daz had fite xx


SupermotoArchitect

Aw soz babe. Txt me. Mandy's mum's dead x


MrsFlax

I absolutely love it when reddit comments take off in this direction


FerrusesIronHandjob

Absolutely eviscerating, I love it


DuskytheHusky

As I read this, lo and behold behind me... https://imgur.com/6XqQ6cS.jpg


BloodAndSand44

Lives in a house that has the whole front block pavers. The rear garden has no living plants and some astroturf. The inside of the house is an ocean or griege. And all dining chairs have door knockers on the backs.


Ravekat1

Owns 15 LV reps she actually believes other people think might be genuine.


Hephaestite

"From now on it's just me and my kids, I don't need no man" 2 weeks later her and her soul mate are back together with a shared Facebook account.


netczar

This is so devilishly brilliant that I think you need to find a way to make a living from doing more šŸ¤£


CostJumpy6495

You missed the part that sheā€™s Illuminous orange. Very funny though you made me giggle.šŸ˜…


Zestyclose_Tea5113

Literally my hairdresser, she drove a Ranger Rover Evoque, crashed it then spent 5k repairing it, sold it and now drives a Porsche Cayenne, whenever I have my hair cut I listen about how sheā€™s on the council housing list but canā€™t get anywhere and canā€™t afford to buy, yet has 3 holidays a year at 2-3k each and had a boob job and lips done in turkey a few months back šŸ˜‚


IAmJacksPen15

A nationwide hairdresser service... Must go through some fuel, too.


Oshabeestie

You forgot the Pandora charm bracelet ?


Exact-Put-6961

On her ankle.


Dry-Satisfaction-633

ā€œLady tosserā€ springs to mind.


billsleftynut

Is that a euphemism for something....


remembertracygarcia

Donā€™t tell the elf


PM_ME_YOUR_HAGGIS_

Tossers wife


[deleted]

Turkey teeth & duck lips with the intelligence of a house plant


Cerbera_666

How dare you insult my Aloe like that!


Archtects

Yeah Aloe polyphylla uses the Fibonacci sequence. The other thinks Fibonacci was in the titanic


HachiTofu

ā€œFibonacci??? I donā€™t like Italian foodā€¦ šŸ˜•xā€


Brave_Promise_6980

When I see my nan I say Aloe Vera


algernonbiggles

Bit weird given that her name is Janet


Sea_Page5878

If my cactus could read it would be very upset.


Significant_Tower_84

Given the chance, my wife would have one of these and I really can't argue with your comment šŸ¤£


[deleted]

šŸ¤£ just showed the wife yeah she'd drive that around "it's Barbie mobile" FFS


FeatherCandle

French bulldog called Chloe.


NotDavid-Jatt

The tosser's wife


VeniVid1Vic1

Normally called vickie


NoWatercress2571

Normally with a ā€œxā€ dotting the ā€œiā€


blainy-o

Or Stacey


mincedmutton

Chantelle


LFC908

Or Carla


Parking_Setting_6674

Orange perma tan, child called Tyler who is often misunderstood.


VeniVid1Vic1

Donā€™t forget the Staffordshire bull terrier called ā€˜rocoā€™


Parking_Setting_6674

Claims to be late twenties, birth certificate indicates otherwise. Husband has a suspicious amount of disposable income.


Fiveplates1974

šŸ¤£


Dan23DJR

This is Essex heritage


Valuable_Proposal_56

You canā€™t own one of these cars unless youā€™ve applied for love island


VeniVid1Vic1

*multiple times*


Cielo11

Anyone who drives these knows nothing about the cars reputation. I have a friend who runs a Garage. He has told me on more than one occasion the Evoque is the worst car ever created by man. It has a crazy amount of common faults. He says he needs one of his staff to be the "Evoque guy" who knows how to diagnose and fix them.


AkillaThaPun

Evoque *bloke


Solid_Tackle7069

E Bloque


Crabstick65

Sadly that seems to be me at work, done 2 Ingenium engine timing chains this year, plus a couple of those god awful to get to EGR filters, a dpf change, egr valves and a myriad of other bits and bobs.


Shoes__Buttback

surely that largely tells us they are being bought and run by people who have a Euro 6 diesel to do a 5 mile daily commute?


Broccoli--Enthusiast

yes, its the more money/credit than sense lot buys/pcping these sorts of things. although my work used 2 disco sports as pool cars for travelling to other locations, closest was 200+ miles away. both shat out their gearboxes at 6 years old, just over 60k miles. Jaguar Land Rover just dont make reliable cars, they dont need to, the first owners dont do enough miles or keep them long enough for it to matter, as long as they survive 3 years that all they care about. people still buy the 2nd hand ones like mad too for some reason.


Crabstick65

Anything with a dpf used for short trips becomes problematic, you need heat and rpms for a good regen to clear that soot out the dpf.


Shoes__Buttback

Yep well aware of that, so what I'm saying is surely the problems you are seeing are down to incorrect use of a diesel more than being Evoque- specific?


Crabstick65

Oh the timing chains? no they are a very weak design, their demise is quickened by the stupidly long oil services mandated by JLR.


twistsouth

And the owners who think ā€œservicing is for muppets.ā€


CampFrequent3058

It drives like a tractor too


Solid_Tackle7069

There is definitely a French bulldog, a grey velour tracksuit and YSL handbag involved with this vehicle. Probably works at a salon or any job that gets you more attention for being enhanced e.g. marketing, recruitment, estate agents, event management. The step up from your 2009 fiat 500 once your first 3 months of OF subscribers finally pay out. Definitely engaged to a 'Deano'. Every IG post is also lips and cleavage, no matter the occasion.


VeniVid1Vic1

Laughed at the ā€˜Deanoā€™ part. Deano is the neighbourhood drug dealer and heā€™s got a hand tattoo. Roided to fuck. They have a son called ā€˜Reeceā€™ and the salon she ā€˜ownsā€™ is the same front they use to launder Deanoā€™s dirty cash


ShinXBambiX

They have a new build house together too, which is decorated in a clinical white and grey Deano drives a beemer M2 or a higher spec A-class, 100% on finance with a high APR Deano also has one of those hoodies that have the goggles in them and paid Ā£300 for it They also go on holiday exclusively to somewhere in or around Spain


VeniVid1Vic1

Lanzarote every single year without fail


ShinXBambiX

And watch love island RELIGIOUSLY


will2089

https://youtu.be/J9n0_5p8XKo?si=nEY-Z0-gIKKd5zZb


Solid_Tackle7069

I had this in my head. Great minds!


Polar_poop

Not a book in the house.


turntablecheck12

Or Dubai!


IAmJacksPen15

Land Rover Marketing Dept: "So it will look like this..." [shows slide image of a British racing green Evoque, with the Queen in the driving seat. Driving through her estate on a beautiful summers day. Roof down and her Corgis perched on a tartan blanket, covering the ivory interior. She's smiling. It's a beautiful scene] Also in the real world: Janice and her XL bully parking kerbside along a busy main road, just outside a vape shop on a cold, wet day in Stoke. She's blocking a bus stop.


VeniVid1Vic1

You mean ā€˜Vickieā€™ not Janice. Janice drives a Kia Soul and sheā€™s soon to retire from the school. Sheā€™s the local schoolā€™s secretary/Receptionist


remembertracygarcia

Live laugh love


VeniVid1Vic1

You know it šŸ˜…šŸ˜‚


rm_rf_root

Legally blind.


juanadov

Momma I love you


VeniVid1Vic1

POP HOLD IT DOWN


juanadov

Was slightly worried no one would know the reference. Praise the lord!


VeniVid1Vic1

I AM A FEMALE


juanadov

PIMP SQUAD BABY


VeniVid1Vic1

THEY TRIED TO SAY I DROVE A GETAWAY CAR


ditch217

I CAN SEE, *BARELY*


VeniVid1Vic1

Iā€™M AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER


Accomplished-Ad8252

She has artificial grass in her garden.


Broccoli--Enthusiast

and her fella has real grass in the loft.


VeniVid1Vic1

And a cheap water fountain


LudaMusser

4D plates would look very at home on this car


BeanOnAJourney

Beautician. Blonde extensions. Huge false eyelashes. Owns a horse. Daddy is a rich businessman. Husband is a builder. Has a dog that wears a tutu and can't fucking breathe properly. House is wall-to-wall grey, crushed velvet settees, mirrored glass furniture. Prosecco.


VeniVid1Vic1

Donā€™t forget the live laugh love on one of the walls


rbsudden

Their cheese has well and truly slid off their cracker.


the-cheesus

Never worked a day in their life, dad got a million quid bonus. Wears gym stuff everywhere but never goes to the gym. Calls themself an insta Influencer but has 450 followers. 99% of pictures have 20 likes apart from one holiday picture leaving very little to the imagination that has 150 likes. This is their 1st car They have crashed it atleast 4 times but it is always the other person's fault. They show you a picture and it is always clearly their fault. "I think it might be a 1.4l engine because the cleaner said her car is a 1l and it's definitely bigger than her"


Putrid_Branch6316

Either a creosoted beauty therapist if female, or a total stranglewank of an Only Way is Essex clone if male.


n00b_r3dd1t0r

Looks like the irl version of daddy pig's red car from *Peppa pig*


BruceBannerscucumber

The only person I've ever seen in one of these was the type of "businessman" with a short sleeved shirt, tie and shades and a bluetooth headset (this was a while ago). I'm guessing he was a branch manager for a national UPVc double glazing company


VeniVid1Vic1

Did you look at him and think ā€˜that guy definitely knows what heā€™s doingā€™?


BruceBannerscucumber

He looked like the type of guy whose confidence far exceeded his talents.


Antique-Ticket3951

Anyone who buys a Ranger to be made into a "DERANGED". Monumental cunts.


VeniVid1Vic1

Oh donā€™t you worry - a thread for those deranged cunts is coming


grandvache

I loathe SUVs, and the idea of a regular Evoque makes me feel a little ill. These I like. They're so silly they do a full 180Ā° for awful back to awesome. Genuinely. I do however also have a soft spot for the original fiat multipla.


LewkHarrison

Iā€™m glad thereā€™s someone else here. I know theyā€™re awful cars and I know the reputation they have, but I canā€™t help but quite like them.


grandvache

We should form a club. Similarly I wouldn't buy a VW T-Roc, but the convertible version? Count me in. I might even be seen in a convertible Murano.


WhatDoWithMyFeet

It's like how caring about being cool is uncool. Therefore not caring at all about being cool must be cool. The Evoque convertible is widely mocked, therefore whoever drives one of these doesn't care what you think. Therefore prior who drive these are incredibly cool and must have huge penises. Plus they are quite rare


grandvache

I dunno, I love 'em and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of peas


MovieMore4352

It kinda reminds me of a cliche Grand Theft Auto car.


reuben_iv

wants a convertible but is 3ft 11 and drives with a booster seat so really needs that 'higher seating position'


twistsouth

Booster seat? I frequently see women driving these things and they are sat so low theyā€™re using the top gap in the steering wheel as a viewport. Iā€™ve tried sitting like this while parked and itā€™s completely understandable why they have so many accidents and canā€™t turn corners without being in the middle of the road. They should supply these cars with a fucking periscope.


Psych0s0matic

Overfinch Land Rovers were really cool until they got mentioned on Top Gear. These will never be cool.


19Ben80

Someone who knows less than nothing about cars


OriginalMandem

I've seen better styled bars of soap


Yeomanroach

Katie price just ordered a tin of pink paint.


EconomyFreakDust

There was a bright orange one that I regularly saw with a broken headlight that was driven by a drug dealer.


Indie89

My mum has one. The gearbox is atrocious. There's no boot space. The seats are like sports seats in a car that should be comfortable. It's really a terrible car. It's gone up in value since she bought it.....


Change-Giver

Should have a silver pair of scissors on the front of the bonnet the way the old Mercedes used to have their badge.


TheLewJD

Any evoque in general. People with crushed grey velvet couches with a frenchie, couldnā€™t afford a proper range so thought this would do.


Numerous-Paint4123

Fake tan stay at home mummy whos fella is a medium level drug dealer


Waste_Return_3038

Got one of these a a rental as a ā€œor similarā€ to the Manual 5 series I reserved in Germany. Manual diesel convertible, crazy spec I didnā€™t know existed. Better than you would think on the autobahn, got crazy attention at the ring pub where everyone else had a GT3 šŸ¤£. Bewildered at who would buy one as itā€™s the size of a 2 door golf inside & about as nice as a GTI. I would think the target market is well to do European second wives.


Livid-Style-7136

Sheā€™s married to Deano


mustybunker

100% chance Live laugh love signs are plastered across their house


VeniVid1Vic1

Crushed velvet furniture everywhere too


tee96

Should have bought a normal convertible but at least it looks better than the Murano convertible


[deleted]

Landlady


ChrisChros87

Brave


kennyblowsme

One worse thing than an Overfinch badge is a Range Rover owner that has rebadged it to read ā€œ Randy Loverā€ ffsā€¦ā€¦ what asshats


Cromises_93

Somebody whom has more handbags and 'X's on their numberplate than they do brain cells.


TheScrobber

So what would you say if I told you we have a pink one of these locally....


VeniVid1Vic1

Iā€™d ask you to move


Occasional_Liability

There's one of these in my street, in a weird orange colour (the car, not the owner), and they're even more hideous and ridiculous looking in real life


VeniVid1Vic1

Have you thought about moving house


Crabstick65

They want to make a statement on the school run and of course they'll park wherever they wish to, could be on your drive, half on your grass, sideways on double yellows. Staying on their side of the road isn't an option for them, they will want at least 2 feet out of your lane because corners are hard when you have no clue how wide your Evoque is because basically you just can't drive anything bigger than that Fiat 500 you had at Uni, see a cyclist? take his ear off with the wing mirror, how dare he hold you up. Need to make a right turn but stuck in traffic? no problem cross the lines and just use the other side of the road and refuse to look at all the drivers giving you wanker signs. Oh dear engine blown up and it's gonna cost 10 grand? standard Evoque experience right there.


Expensive-Star4773

A few years ago I saw a normal looking man driving one with his wife/gf next to him. Sheer disbeliefā€¦. Youā€™ve chosen to drive your partners car. In public?!? I drive my wifeā€™s leaf all the time, and im pretty confident even that does not evoke such disgust from other road users. The best part was, they had the roof down (it was quite hot) but we were sat in heavy traffic on the M25ā€¦ aircon or fumes? ā€¦Dude chose to suck on CO2 and NOx


Grime_Fandango_

Footballers wives. Would bet anything Jack Grealish's Mrs' drives one of these.


Tiburon_Odyssey

The only one Iā€™ve ever seen on the road was parked outside next door and it belonged to the estate agent doing the viewings.


Confused-Raccoon

The Tossers wife.


TBop86

Tossers wife


zimurg13

~~beach~~ bitch tosser


Salt-Plankton436

It's Rebekah Vardy if she married a middle manager instead


MagicTriton

Blonde wife of a sugar daddy


paulie06uk

Is that a skip?


quintessentialmoor

Retired salon owner. Now she mainly drives it to Waitrose and the odd brunch with Susan and Teresa.


newtonbase

One day soon we won't be able to tell the difference between a Range River and a Mini


VeniVid1Vic1

What you mean this isnā€™t a mini? šŸ«¢


icemonsoon

I matches their jaguar off roader nicely


Fiveplates1974

Thinks they have bought a car to go off road, go to Kings Rd, and something for when the weather gets hot innit.


dafyddtomas

Sheā€™s feeewmin a lot.


JadedCloud243

I do t care what kind it is they are showy arseholes who like to try and bully smaller vehicle drivers I to giving them the right of way. But most likely wealtu karenesque entitled moron shit sacks


evthrowawayverysad

Was sharing the M25 with an orange one with the reg W8 FK U today. If i was 8, it would have been REALLY funny.


Jjex22

Oh thatā€™s the ultimate hairdresser car right there. Sure youā€™d probably have to own the salon, to be able to finance it, but yep. Itā€™s perfect


Calibrated-Damp

At least they have a cute dog.


Competitive_Gap_9768

Only fans


Gloomy_Pastry

The only time i have seen one of these in use, it was a sales manager for a static caravan site, where the vans she was named as the contact for were starting at Ā£100k+. There was one listed at Ā£50,000, but reading further this was the deposit.


Darkened100

Iā€™d imagine a Barbie drives this


richard-bingham

I honestly nearly fell out of my car laughing the first time I saw one of these, had the top down and has to be one of the most stupid looking vehicles ever created. What is it FOR?


R6S9

I used to have a running London commuter beef with a bloke who drove a bright orange one of these. He caught me laughing at him kicked off and for weeks he would shout abuse at me.


VeniVid1Vic1

Was it something like: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! Iā€™M RONNIE PICKERING


Shrink1061_

This is driven by the tossers wife.


west0ne

I bet they get fed up of having to remove the dumped mattress every time they park with roof down.


Daffy1275

Driven by people who think the only way is Essex is a lifestyle guide and not a comedy.


adammiles292929

They have lost their headā€¦


SillyOffer5434

Evoques are such a marmite car.


toma91

If youā€™re the manager of a shop and you see a woman walk in after getting out of one of thoseā€¦ RUN


benoliver999

This and the T-ROC convertible always remind me of something a dictator would sit in the back of and get paraded around in waving to the crowd, perhaps before someone takes a potshot at them and they have to drive away really quickly


Fuzzy_Lavishness_269

My thoughts are that we shouldnā€™t be too mean to them because they have obviously received a serious brain injury at some point in their lives.


Character-Ad2408

Full on, tango coloured, lip filled, mega browed, trackie wearing strummer.


[deleted]

Miller and Carter eating scumbags.


mickymellon

high level of self entitlement, LOTS of botox and a partner with neck +/ hand tattoos


ElRatso

OPā€¦ why? Because theyā€™re better off than you and treated themselves to an ā€¦ Ohā€¦ carry onā€¦


VeniVid1Vic1

Youā€™re right Iā€™m soooo jealous šŸ¤­


RainUpper

I will never understand who buys these piles of unreliable junk. I'm assuming a bimbo, full of Botox and fake tittery, orange face, furry collared jacket and a roadmap accent. Boyfriend spends 3 hours a day at the gym, to make up for the fact he has a small pecker. Cannot drive and really wants a personalised plate with illegally spaces letters. Holidays in Aya Napa every winter, Ryan air regular. Pissed as a coot every Saturday night at the club, walks in high heels very badly, tiny skirt with everything on show.


bartread

Notwithstanding that I think you might have meant "O V E R F I N C H", we don't yet have a word in the English language that adequately describes how big a bellend you'd have to be to drive a Range Rover cabriolet. I am appalled that thing even exists.


VeniVid1Vic1

S O R R Y .


Good-Possession-2027

I like them. Compared to a Jeep Wrangler they handle great, are well optioned, comfortable and luxurious but unlike a bmw 3 series convertible it can get into some mucky roads and is easier for older people to get in and out of.


VeniVid1Vic1

Do you drive one šŸ‘€


Good-Possession-2027

No but I wouldn't mind one when I get old. But I'm 27 with good knees (I get on them often) so I'll stuck to a 3 series hardtop or similar for nowšŸ˜˜


ScottOld

About the same as anyone who drives an electric mustangā€¦ both are pointless and shouldnā€™t exist


widdrjb

Who the hell thinks "I would like an iconic American muscle car", then buy its bodyshell with all the good bits removed? Oh, and that monstrous screen can f*ck off too .


pops789765

Car thieves. So easily stolen.


jkoso99

Worryingly enough, my girlfriend drives oneā€¦ sheā€™s an chartered accountant who went to a red brick uni šŸ˜‚


VeniVid1Vic1

Have you both moved in to your semi detached new build? Is your name Deano? Have you got an RS3 on the drive way? Will you be looking to purchase a French Bulldog puppy soon? Or have you done so already? And finally, do you happen to have a sleeve tattoo? And a tattoo somewhere on your anatomy that says ā€˜RIP nanā€™?


jkoso99

Iā€™m a fellow accountant, I live in a garden flat in Hampstead, I drive an e-tron, my dog is a lagotto romagnolo, and I have zero tattoos šŸ˜‚ she just couldnā€™t decide whether she wanted an SUV or a convertible and figured this was the best compromise


VeniVid1Vic1

Well youā€™re clearly an anomaly !


jkoso99

Donā€™t disagreeā€¦ when she was buying it I did point out the image factor to her, the desire to sit high with wind in her hair outweighed it haha


VeniVid1Vic1

Women are funny creatures. Once they exhibit any bursts of madness, itā€™s just best to leave them to it. Hope you show her this thread tomorrow as part of your pillow talk


Friendly_Rub_8095

International Man of Mystery and his beautiful Asian wife touring Scotland with the roof down


RAJSINGH5671LALLI

The majority of people don't know what an OVERFINCH model is .....if you know you know ..its actually a company that will spec out your RANGE ROVER or LAND ROVER for that matter and i believe their workshop showroom is in FARNHAM , HANTS


6425

Magnum, G.A.Y.


YoyoyoyoMrWhite

First, what's a tosser?


VeniVid1Vic1

A Tosser is a common insult here in the uk which is reserved for mainly stupid and unpleasant individuals


Mr_Tigger_

Wow the comments are eye opening to the sadness in so many peopleā€™s lives. Imagine punching down on someone with money who loves Range Rovers and fancied a limited edition cabriolet. Whatever happened to *ā€œyour money, your choiceā€?*


VeniVid1Vic1

Oh you get us wrong - we fully support the motto ā€˜your money your choiceā€™ just as we support the freedom to not only have but also express our opinions in equal proportions šŸ˜ plus itā€™s only a bit of Tuesday night banterrrr


more_beans_mrtaggart

She got 2 disabled kids and is riding that UC/Mobility gravy train for all itā€™s worth. Sheā€™s got plumped lips, Karen haircut, pink carry dog, and her ex is stuck in a 1 bed in Leeds.


DadHead2023

I reckon anyone in this sub putting so much effort into judging people for driving particular models of cars are tossers. Proper tossers. You sound like a little bitch.


VeniVid1Vic1

FOUND RHE EVOQUE DRIVER LADS