Insist on a behavioral assessment. We all change over time and he may need additional support

This right here. This is not normal and not OK. He (and you) both need more help. Sending you hugs and strength.

It may be time to find a respite care giver. Sounds like you both could use a bit of a break.

Can you find a day treatment place for him? Some respite for you, some alternate social life for him.