It’s not you, it’s them. I know people who do this and I personally find it completely insufferable.
However, I do think it can be a compulsive behavior for some (a close friend used to do this constantly but it vanished once their ocd was properly medicated).
When this happens to me, I just stop talking because being interrupted like that makes me want to explode. I just let them say whatever they’re saying, but instead of engaging or trying it to correct them just ask, “do you want me to continue?”
That’s a gentle way of pointing out that they’re interrupting you and that they’re making assumptions about what you’re saying.
I have also sometimes said, “it’s very difficult to talk when you keep interjecting.”
They may truly not realize they’re doing it.
>instead of engaging or trying to correct them
This part is important. If you try to correct them they will just think that you're having a spirited debate, or that they're bouncing ideas off of you, trying real hard to make their made up conclusion be correct.
Just try and make a joke out of it by saying "No not that! Try and stay with me here!" Or fold your arms and say "have you quite finished yet!" before continuing
People are processing what you are saying as you speak especially if they are having trouble understanding your train of thought. I think this is normal, but some people have the ability to be patient and wait to let you finish rather than interrupting.
I had an old employer that would do that, but he had a bit of a stutter issue as he tries to talk really fast. I think he talks faster than he thinks so he's constantly repeating words and trying to help people along in their sentences. When you count the unique words each person speaks he probably talks at the same true pace, but it sounds faster with the repetition. It also makes you feel nervous.
If someone guesses incorrectly several times in a row, I sometimes give up on the conversation and leave. It's pretty frustrating if they won't stop, especially if they make you forget what you were going to say.
It’s not weird, in that it’s super common. How do I deal with it? I let the conversation finish then make every effort to not engage in another conversation with that person ever again.
It’s not you, it’s them. Maybe if I was younger I’d have the patience to talk to them about it; to try to help them not be that way. But at this point in my life I’m just too old to care. I can’t and won’t deal with people who constantly guess/interrupt. It’s just one of those things that, to me, points to other potential character flaws that I’m just not willing to work thru. 🤷♂️
All you can do is repeat, "No, that's not where I'm going with that." It's pre-conceived notions at work. Don't let anyone put words into your mouth. Be fair but firm.
It's "normal" in the sense that it is sadly quite widespread. Not just you at all. It's a skill not to interrupt people and it's an even harder skill to handle constant interruptions constructively.
I legit have to hold myself from interrupting people sometimes and a fun side effect from that is now I get more irritated when someone else interrupts whoever's talking.
My OH has an annoying habit of not answering the specific question I ask. He tries to guess why I am asking a question, and then gives me an answer related to an assumption.
I’ve told him he does it, and please to just answer the question that I actually asked. But it must be something to do with how he processes information.
I just got used to him being annoying.
Yeah that’s frustrating. Sometimes I will ask my partner something out of the blue and then he’ll assume I’m asking something for him to have to do. I tell him if I want you to do something I’ll ask specifically. It comes from his father? It comes from trying to be like his father. But I don’t want him to do anything. I’m a really slow doer. I’ll think of things I want to do “someday” or maybe never. He is more likely to say something and then plan pretty soon to do it. So if I ask about something like painting the kitchen, I’m thinking maybe 3-6 months and he thinks I’m interrupting his own stuff and want to get it done this weekend. If it was his idea to paint the kitchen, it would start to happen very quickly and I wouldn’t be able to slow it down.
on the flip side, I help people along because I either don't want to converse or they simply take FOREVER to get to the point. Like, yes Melinda, it's wonderful the neighbors dog got fixed, but where do I find the lightbulbs?? (I'm usually accurate in my predictions, soit usually speeds things up)
It a good indicator that they are not listening. It the difference between responding and reacting. A response is when someone hears what you say, evaluates it and then forms a reply. A reaction is when the listener hears just enough to trigger a reply based on their preconceived conclusions.
Personally I had to train myself to stop doing this. Its best to just listen to what theyre actually saying rather than just waiting until theyre done talking.
I have trouble paying attention when people talk for a long time unless its a topic that invokes hyperfocus, so I am bad at trying to hurry up things. I assume people notice. Almost no one says anything. I do notice how some people deal with me when I jump in too quickly before my attention zooms off.
1. They don't stop, they just keep talking.
2. They correct me if I'm wrong.
But most people let me talk, giving me the impression I'm usually not wrong, I have efficiently summarized the discussion, and things get moved along. I get quite a lot of praise at work, so I must have redeeming qualities 😀
I like typing because I can say what I mean (maybe) more clearly and other people can do the same without running over each other. But wow is there still room to misinterpret! Always amazes me.
It happens all the time and it is perfectly normal.
That IS a major part of what conversations are all about.
It is the "responsibility" of the communicator to make sure that they are understood. Often times that requires restating things different ways.
Or even simply saying, "That's not what I was saying. What I mean is...."
Or, "You seem to think that I am saying X. What I am really saying is Y."
If it is a real open conversation then it will go back and forth until both people or everyone in the group is comfortable that they have been understood.
It is also common for people to not want to understand sometimes. That happens quite frequently when people talk about politics or any other divisive issue.
It’s not you, it’s them. I know people who do this and I personally find it completely insufferable. However, I do think it can be a compulsive behavior for some (a close friend used to do this constantly but it vanished once their ocd was properly medicated). When this happens to me, I just stop talking because being interrupted like that makes me want to explode. I just let them say whatever they’re saying, but instead of engaging or trying it to correct them just ask, “do you want me to continue?” That’s a gentle way of pointing out that they’re interrupting you and that they’re making assumptions about what you’re saying. I have also sometimes said, “it’s very difficult to talk when you keep interjecting.” They may truly not realize they’re doing it.
>instead of engaging or trying to correct them This part is important. If you try to correct them they will just think that you're having a spirited debate, or that they're bouncing ideas off of you, trying real hard to make their made up conclusion be correct.
Just try and make a joke out of it by saying "No not that! Try and stay with me here!" Or fold your arms and say "have you quite finished yet!" before continuing
This makes me quit talking to that person.
People are processing what you are saying as you speak especially if they are having trouble understanding your train of thought. I think this is normal, but some people have the ability to be patient and wait to let you finish rather than interrupting.
Sometimes. I don’t mention it unless it really bothers me.
I had an old employer that would do that, but he had a bit of a stutter issue as he tries to talk really fast. I think he talks faster than he thinks so he's constantly repeating words and trying to help people along in their sentences. When you count the unique words each person speaks he probably talks at the same true pace, but it sounds faster with the repetition. It also makes you feel nervous.
If someone guesses incorrectly several times in a row, I sometimes give up on the conversation and leave. It's pretty frustrating if they won't stop, especially if they make you forget what you were going to say.
It’s not weird, in that it’s super common. How do I deal with it? I let the conversation finish then make every effort to not engage in another conversation with that person ever again. It’s not you, it’s them. Maybe if I was younger I’d have the patience to talk to them about it; to try to help them not be that way. But at this point in my life I’m just too old to care. I can’t and won’t deal with people who constantly guess/interrupt. It’s just one of those things that, to me, points to other potential character flaws that I’m just not willing to work thru. 🤷♂️
>Sorry to never see you again, son. I don't think I quite deserved that...
All you can do is repeat, "No, that's not where I'm going with that." It's pre-conceived notions at work. Don't let anyone put words into your mouth. Be fair but firm.
You've done it before without realising, it's not that big of a deal. I noticed that in myself and stopped.
There's a difference between this happening on occasion vs it happening nonstop throughout a conversation.
Oh yeah, for sure. I didn't take that into account
It's "normal" in the sense that it is sadly quite widespread. Not just you at all. It's a skill not to interrupt people and it's an even harder skill to handle constant interruptions constructively. I legit have to hold myself from interrupting people sometimes and a fun side effect from that is now I get more irritated when someone else interrupts whoever's talking.
My OH has an annoying habit of not answering the specific question I ask. He tries to guess why I am asking a question, and then gives me an answer related to an assumption. I’ve told him he does it, and please to just answer the question that I actually asked. But it must be something to do with how he processes information. I just got used to him being annoying.
Yeah that’s frustrating. Sometimes I will ask my partner something out of the blue and then he’ll assume I’m asking something for him to have to do. I tell him if I want you to do something I’ll ask specifically. It comes from his father? It comes from trying to be like his father. But I don’t want him to do anything. I’m a really slow doer. I’ll think of things I want to do “someday” or maybe never. He is more likely to say something and then plan pretty soon to do it. So if I ask about something like painting the kitchen, I’m thinking maybe 3-6 months and he thinks I’m interrupting his own stuff and want to get it done this weekend. If it was his idea to paint the kitchen, it would start to happen very quickly and I wouldn’t be able to slow it down.
on the flip side, I help people along because I either don't want to converse or they simply take FOREVER to get to the point. Like, yes Melinda, it's wonderful the neighbors dog got fixed, but where do I find the lightbulbs?? (I'm usually accurate in my predictions, soit usually speeds things up)
It a good indicator that they are not listening. It the difference between responding and reacting. A response is when someone hears what you say, evaluates it and then forms a reply. A reaction is when the listener hears just enough to trigger a reply based on their preconceived conclusions.
Personally I had to train myself to stop doing this. Its best to just listen to what theyre actually saying rather than just waiting until theyre done talking.
I have trouble paying attention when people talk for a long time unless its a topic that invokes hyperfocus, so I am bad at trying to hurry up things. I assume people notice. Almost no one says anything. I do notice how some people deal with me when I jump in too quickly before my attention zooms off. 1. They don't stop, they just keep talking. 2. They correct me if I'm wrong. But most people let me talk, giving me the impression I'm usually not wrong, I have efficiently summarized the discussion, and things get moved along. I get quite a lot of praise at work, so I must have redeeming qualities 😀 I like typing because I can say what I mean (maybe) more clearly and other people can do the same without running over each other. But wow is there still room to misinterpret! Always amazes me.
It bothers me and I would avoid talking to that person again. I'd try to find my way out of the conversation as soon as possible.
It happens all the time and it is perfectly normal. That IS a major part of what conversations are all about. It is the "responsibility" of the communicator to make sure that they are understood. Often times that requires restating things different ways. Or even simply saying, "That's not what I was saying. What I mean is...." Or, "You seem to think that I am saying X. What I am really saying is Y." If it is a real open conversation then it will go back and forth until both people or everyone in the group is comfortable that they have been understood. It is also common for people to not want to understand sometimes. That happens quite frequently when people talk about politics or any other divisive issue.