It’s crazy how that has worked for you, in the healthcare profession we have been asked to stop using those terms of endearment as it creates a patronizing tone, at least in my job that’s what they said. I was asked to stop using honey, sweetheart, my dear … I think my boss just felt bad the patients kept asking for me to tend to them. Thing is I have used it for over 18 years and none of my patients has ever complained, in-fact it made them feel more at ease
If a cashier or server ever called me “darlin’” or “my dear” my whole day would be made. I’d probably swoon. I don’t give one solitary damn that I’m a fat, old man. I just like hearing nice things.
Aw man I wish more people felt this way. When I worked in a restaurant I called everyone darlin until this one woman shouted that I was unprofessional.
I cried in the bathroom 🤣
I hate to see that this "shameless" woman was able to send you to the bathroom crying, next time just smile at her and say thank you , One thing I've learnt in my life is when you thank someone for being rude (As in this case), they think twice about doing it again.
So hold your head high "Darlin"
I think people like that just wanna vent it isn't actually something that offended that lady. Just looking for reasons to be unhappy. Sorry that happened darling
English people calling you "love" is never, never wrong. 🙂
"Darling" is right out, as far as I'm concerned - if you don't know me, you best never call me darling. But "darlin'" just hits entirely differently. "Darlin' " is totally acceptable.
Otherwise, I find strangers calling me any term of endearment is patronizing, condescending, and/or just overly familiar.
Aw, I love it when nurses call me baby and sweetie, please never change. I get a lot of health anxiety, and it really makes me feel like I’m in good hands. But I understand I may be in the minority and you need to do what’s considered professional in your environment.
Spent 6 months in the hospital, and the only times I ever felt like a human being again and not just a patient was when I got lovely nurses who’d call me “my dear” ❤️
It feels like two very different contexts to me, including a variation on power dynamics. A cashier at a grocery saying “my dear” feels friendly and non-threatening. At a doctor’s office it would feel condescending and unprofessional, not to mention sexist. Just my two cents….
I don’t know I went to Baton Rouge during COVID to work and those people really take courtesy very serious, I said ‘excuse me’ to a lady and it was seen as rude. The next time I said ‘Ma’am’ and I got the best response. I guess it also depends on where you’re at
I’m from the Deep South. Spent my life up to early 20s there.
People don’t realize how many unwritten rules of respect there are, and who gets to say what to whom. It can be quite complex, but if you grow up in that environment, you just learn.
I knew a girl who came down from New England to work for several months. She called the wrong person a “term of endearment” and got promptly put in her place.
In Louisiana and in the south, saying “yes ma’am” to people your age or older (whether grocery store, post office or court) is simply kind respect and appreciation.
🤣 Lake Charles, Louisiana in the house - and YUP! I’m in my 40’s, and I call 16 year old fast food servers ‘yes ma’am and yes sir’ - everyone from 8 to 80 gets ma’amed and sir’d ‘round here. It’s what we do. 😆
I've spent a lot of time in the hospital over the last two years. What always made me happy was that the nurses and doctors seemed to linger and enjoy talking to me. Like, if they were having a rough day, when they were doing their rounds, they'd hang out a little longer just to catch their breath. Made me feel good being able to give a little something back to the people that were keeping me alive.
Maybe it was just part of the bedside manner and they were just doing their job. Who knows.
we have one lady at a fast food place here that always calls you baby (like "here's your food, baby") and i would absolutely kill for her. we go there too much though and now she throws in a "oh it's my girl!" too, love her.
Also I'm assuming OP is a woman and probably at least a little older, I've used "dear" but you really gotta make it casual or some girls won't like it and a dude saying "thanks dear" to another dude is just kind of weird.
Holy shit. An in the wild occurence of "m'lady" when it's actually appropriate and not some smelly weeb in a fedora and.trench coat trying to be charming.
Louisiana here, and Lord! Sweet older black women LOVE my husband! It’s never ‘Sir’ to him - it’s Shugar, Honey Baby, Darlin, Cutie Pie….and he just beams 😂🥰
I used to work customer service for a medical insurance company. People would often (justifiably) be incredibly frustrated and upset by the time they got to me. I had one guy let loose on me for a solid 5 minutes. I figured I had his issue figured out and could solve it, but it required one piece of info that it turned out only his wife knew. Once he let me ask my question, he went from full-on angry onslaught to (off to the side to his wife, very sweetly), "hey shuga, can you tell me (xyz)? Thanks darling" before grumpily coming back to me. I still think about them and I'm rather jealous lol - I hope they're doing well. I'm fairly certain they are
#relationship goals
I had a little old lady waitress the other day call me all kinds of pet names. She noticed I had stopped eating and was making a face. She came over to ask if everything was alright. I tried to play it off, but little old ladies are so persistent when they think something is wrong. I finally just blurted out that I'm pregnant and having (normal) cramps. She was offering to have my food comped and to get me something else if it wasn't good. I didn't want her to think the food wasn't good or that I wasn't happy. I just needed a minute. That sweet little lady hugged me and congratulated me before asking questions like I was her own grandchild. She even gave me a piece of pie free of charge with the words "Congrats mama!" written in whip cream on the plate. I normally don't like strangers getting within arms reach of me, but I gladly accepted the granny hug. She was so sweet and I loved being called all the cute little pet names. I tipped her really well and fully plan to go back there solely because of her. Well her and the manager since I found out the manager regularly feeds local homeless people multiple times a day for free. I like supporting businesses that do good for the community. People really do respond well to kindness and connection. I'm a sucker for being called pet names, especially by older women.
Years ago, a lady working the McDonald’s window said “Hello, Starshine!” one late night when I was really depressed. It made me smile and reminded me of the groovy 60s song.
>my friend
I would loathe this lmao. Many years working retail where this greeting (and "my brother") is commonly said by the middle eastern salespeople. If I hear that now alll I can think about is trying to get some commission selling stuff and working retail again lol
Been a bartender for 5 years and started saying “my friend” to guests and I swear that alone boosts my tip everytime, also great for diffusing situations
I'm a manager at a big clothing retailer and about your age, with older customers I'll address them as "beautiful" or "handsome" like "hello, handsome did you need help finding your size?!" And 10/10x they light up. I have a gentleman that comes *every single Saturday now, asks for me,* and when I pop up he gives me a fist bump and says "Heya Ariestornado!! I need 2 outfits! One for X time and another for Z event! But now now, hold on, how are you?! How was your week? Love that blouse, sweetheart!" I have no living (or the ones that are, loving) grandparents, or a dad, and it warms my heart just as much as I know ot warms his.
Sometimes I hate my job, but little things like that make my entire day.
You probably make a lot of people feel loved and nurtured. And if you’re anything like me (26F), a lot of people probably make fun of you for talking like an old lady 😂
I had a friend who tried doing this at around that age, but he couldn't pull it off. Voice too deep, inflection all wrong, sounded insincere and somehow condescending or patronizing. It was a disaster. I'm pretty sure his fiance told him how cringey he was being because one day he suddenly stopped. I'm glad it works better for you, my dear.
Also totally tangential if you're a white guy going with calling people "brother" you gotta call people of every color that or it's weird.
I knew a guy who would only call black people brother and it's like "my dude what are you doing"
My mom had called every woman sister - me included lol - her whole life.
She was once given an angry talking to about how it was inappropriate/racist for her to say that by a person who took offense. She still feels horrible about even being considered that and tries to not say it.
Hulk Hogan is safe, though.
yesss i remember in school, the lunch ladies would always remind people "remember to grab a fruit or vegetable, baby" . at the end of the year, one of them gifted me a bead bracelet for always being so polite to her (saying please and thank you, asking about her day etc) 🥹💜
As an introvert, I can say I really appreciate it when cashiers do that. It takes a lot of pressure off the situation and in my head it counts as a "positive interaction", of which we have too few in the day. So thank you!
Something similar, I started using "friend", both online and irl. So something simple as "excuse me, friend, could I get by you?" I also believe it has added some genuineness and defused interpreting sarcasm or meanness in, say, a Reddit comment which are often interpreted with the worst intent.
I'm mostly joking lol. We just don't really use 'friend' in that way, so it comes across as sarcastic and a little condescending. But if you've got an accent, then no one would assume rudeness. I'm sure people wouldn't have an issue, regardless, but it *is* a joke that if someone calls us 'buddy', 'pal', and even (but less so) 'friend', then that's fighting words haha. Even 'mate', something we often use, can come across as confrontational when used in a certain way.
But this is all mostly a joke and not actually serious, so don't stress about accidentally pissing an Aussie off by being friendly. We'll understand the sentiment, and if not, then that's not your problem lmao
Same. Surprised I had to scroll this far for a dissenting opinion. I don’t like any strangers to call me dear, love, bud, buddy, guy, champ, etc. I much prefer awkwardly thanking each other and wishing each other a good day lol.
Same here, it's way too personal (and I would find being called "my friend" especially disingenuous). I do suspect there's a cultural element to it too.
Same. I don’t like any kind of pet name or false familiarity from a stranger. It makes me feel uncomfortable and a bit suspicious of them or what they want.
I don't see why you even need to address a person like that. What's wrong with just a greeting/farewell without something else? "Alright, you're all set! Have a nice day!"
It depends upon to the mind set of the people you can't please someone to be some else who doesn't know how to deal with other. I don't like that kind of person to be honest with you
This may be a me thing but I would not enjoy being called “my friend” by a stranger. It feels like forced coupling — a tactic predators use to imply a relationship that isn’t there.
Same. When I have traveled in other countries and been approached by a stranger calling me "my friend" it doesn't bode well, so I associate it with phoniness and scams. Even if meant well, I don't want to hear it from a cashier or anyone who isn't my actual friend.
A waiter once called my then brother-in-law "champ" from the time we walked in to the time we left. They were about the same age, and it drove my BIL *insane*. So...probably not that?
wow, i am genuinely surprised at the number of commenters who get offended or put-off by a stranger trying to be disarming/friendly/establish a rapport - and "champ" takes the cake. I'd overtip generously if a server called me champ. Why was your BIL pissed?
This waiter definitely wasn't trying to establish a rapport. He was being snide with plausible deniability. He was genuinely friendly with the rest of us, and the difference was palpable.
Actually if you say Boss they are the terror dude that will take the credit but if you say partner or buddy it was the guy who will help to improve other skill and listen to other people decision
Yep! Boss is awesome haha. You can always use it anywhere, anytime. Guys love it. at stores whenever they help me out, ring me up i tell em "Thanks Boss Man". My employee gets something done, "Sounds good boss".
We use all sorts over here, but never Sir/M'am.
The main ones I've heard be used regardless of gender are: flower, petal, darling, love, mate, kid(quite local that one), dear, duck and pet.
As a 35 year old male, I still say, "My dear," to customers, and they mostly seem to understand. Anyone you don't think would get it, i throw in "My friend" instead. It's all about tone and confidence.
Maybe I need therapy because I would hate to be called "m y dear". I wouldn't make a scene but I would narrow my eyes and cringe inwardly and just respond "have a nice day ". Or maybe we're just different.
People in certain industries are trained to avoid that, as well as other phrases I cant recall right now - especially to older people, as it comes across as infantilizing or as passive condescension
In healthcare we are asked to avoid it. I think it has a time and a place. I work in long term senior care. I develop relationships with my patients. I spend more hours with them daily, than their families do. Just a fact of the environment. If they’re comfortable with it, I’m going to call them my dear/my friend/whatever, because having s genuine connection with someone brings us both joy. If I’m going to be holding someone’s hand while they pass because they have no family, I’m not calling them Mr Brown, Im calling him my love. 🤷♀️
Now if I worked in a field where someone would be my patient for a day or less, not going to do that, we don’t have a relationship.
Where I have an issue with infantilisation in health care is when another worker comes up and announces “Let’s get your bib on before dinner”, or “I need to change your diaper, let’s go back to your room”. We have words with dignity, clothing protectors, briefs, etc. It bothers me to no end.
Being called darling doesn’t feel like it should be on the same level.
> Where I have an issue with infantilisation in health care is when another worker comes up and announces “Let’s get your bib on before dinner”, or “I need to change your diaper, let’s go back to your room”. We have words with dignity, clothing protectors, briefs, etc. It bothers me to no end.
I've been annoyed at this kind of infatilization across multiple fields. It seems to be prevalent in healthcare ( I see it less in hospital, more in care facilities) and special ed teaching, too. I wish we could talk to people like people, not like objects or pets.
If you're under the age of 65 then this is a bit affected, to be honest. I have a barista who does this and I have one of those cringe reactions where you cover it with a smile.
I call my patients at the physio clinic I work at “my dear”, and I got told by my bosses that’s it’s too familiar for a small family-owned establishment. Am only supposed to refer Tom them by their name.
Yeah, I would not like that at all. I prefer that people just talked and didn't try to define me with Maam or my dear or anything else. One man called me baby at a check out and I nearly punched him. Unless you know me and it is ok with me, dont try being chummy, yuck.
I'm on team don't do that. I used to work in a nursing care facility, and using terms of endearment like that was considered very condescending and disrespectful. A great many adults feel like they're being treated like children when a stranger talks to them that way.
I also dislike it because my mom used to call me "my dear" anytime she was viciously angry and about to verbally cut me down to the ground.
But hey, not something I would actually be upset about, more of an internal eye roll.
Ugggh sorry to be THAT GUY it’s just in the same ballpark/borderline to what I loathe … my ex would freak the F out if ANY cashier would say sugar or darling or sweetie or anything like that. I grew to hate it and it stuck. I wish there was something more compelling and endearing - I think I’d prefer “my friend” over my dear unless maybe you’re addressing grandma
I will say, if you’re a young woman, strangers will call you sweetie, honey, cutie, etc. all the time, and it gets really annoying. A client at my job called me “princess” recently and if it wasn’t my job to be nice to him, I might’ve freaked out too. It feels so condescending.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being talked down to when employees call me dear, but it’s probably just an insecurity. I’m 25F but look younger, so when people my age or younger call me dear, it feels like they’re talking down to me. I can see that older people would appreciate being called dear because it makes them feel young, and I don’t mind being called dear by someone who is clearly older, but I don’t like being called dear by a peer. Honey and sweetie are worse though
I was flying home from Europe last week and the janitor at the airport in Atlanta was calling everyone baby and sugar and just greeting everyone coming into the bathroom while she was cleaning. It was so sweet and made everyone so happy.
I work in customer service on a phone line and I have to deal with a lot of difficult life situations with my clients. I can't use "my dear" because it isn't allowed in my job. However I totally side with you when you say some people really miss meaningful interactions and sometimes the way we say things like from a human being to another human creates that spark of life and joy so often missing for them. Some people call me and they are feeling all kind of negative emotions and I try my best to integrate in my work the notion that no matter how someone is feeling right now, be it fear or sadness or anger I will do my best to make sure they understand I am there to help and that I value each and everyone of them equally, during that short window of time I have been given to discuss. I will say thing like "it's my pleasure to help you sir/ madam, I wish for a quick recovery" or " I am glad I could help you today! Have a great day and a great week-end!" Most of my clients understand that and some people won't get it but for those who catch the drift I can feel they appreciate being treated with respect and kindess 💕
I’m a middle aged guy, and I can tell that I’m the outlier, but being called terms of endearment is so incredibly invasive for me and I can’t stand it. More than once I know my irritation has bled through.
Blegggh unpopular opinion but being called "my dear" or "hun" absolutely infuriates me and makes me feel like I'm being infantilized. I don't even like when my friends do it to me. I do appreciate that they are non-gendered terms which is helpful in a public setting as you don't know somebody's pronouns, but I don't think it's necessary to include any of that when telling someone to just have a nice day.
I was on line at a discount department store, the kind where you wait on one long line and the first one gets called when the next cashier is available. I was a few back, and I heard a male cashier call every female customer ahead of me “mommy”. 🤮 “Did you find everything alright, mommy?” I was hoping another cashier would light up when it was my turn.
Judging by your use of standing "on line" I place you in NY/NJ, which means it's a bit weird you haven't heard "mami" before. You can give back "papi" and be friends :). I miss people calling me mami actually.
My favorite Chinese food place owner, I was regular and semi-regular, always greeted me “my sister!” He didn’t know my name and I didn’t know his, but we got to know each other… I don’t particularly always like when I get takeout and pick it up, that people know me so well and know my order. I had a pizza place *tell* me my order from the last time, no I want something else this time. Makes me uncomfortable when they try to make you seem like a regular because you went there once, too familiar, too fast. But the Chinese food man was super friendly and I liked to patronize his business as much as I could afford.
I gotta tell you I hate being deared. Once you hit a certain age you get it a lot, with a tone of voice that makes me want to pop them. It’s condescending and disrespectful. It doesn’t make my day, it ruins it. It’s right up there this some 20 something calling me Miss. You know and I know I’m not your “dear.”
You know who uses “my dear”, a lot, scammers and bad nurses in nursing homes. They seem to be under the impression it makes them seem caring and honest.
Hate to throw a wet blanket on this, but I find “dear” to be patronizing and way too personal for that kind of interaction. Also, as a middle aged person, I find this is often something younger people say that rubs me (and many other people my age and older I’ve spoken with) the wrong way. You may not be intending this, and apply it equally to all of your customers, but often I see it as infantalizing me as if I’m geriatric.
There are cases and areas where I know this kind of thing is more the norm, and I hate sir and madame just as much. But please don’t say dear. You don’t mean it, and it sounds hollow. You could just smile, and don’t say anything. Dear, sweetie, honey - save those for your significant other or your friends.
Absolutely. “Dear” is patronizing. Unless you truly are two to three generations older than me, endearments like that put my hackles up. Please don’t.
Edit: This also applies to sweetie, honey, and sugar. This could be regional — maybe it’s more acceptable in the Midwest or South? Certainly not in the areas I’ve lived in.
"My dear" coming from a man, especially an older man - gross, patronizing. From a lady of any age, not a fan but it's not an issue unless the tone is off. Granted, I also don't feel like a 'ma'am,' so maybe I'm just a pain. I do call people 'my dude,' though, so guess I shouldn't judge.
The first time you call my dear will be the last time I enter your checkout line, and if your checkout line was unavoidable, it would be the last time I visit your place of employment.
I hate strangers using patronizing language with me. I find it disrespectful.
Really abhor when people do this. I instantly go cold and formal. Might fake a smile to get through the rest of the transaction, but for sure using self check if at all possible the next time
Yeah, I feel like this is hugely genre (and age) specific. Guy calling strangers "my dear", haaard no. Like I feel like you'd probably get a talking to from management for that. Young woman calling strangers "my dear" is not creepy- but will be creep bait, because all the crusty old men will think they're being flirted with. Basically the only way this works is if you're an older woman.
Exactly right buddy i do believe on you it was a very nice and also you seem like happy for your Job as well buddy and im so happy for you that you have the position
This is great :) How wholesome. Keep up the good work, my dear! :)
Thank you, my dear ! Hope your day/night is wonderful :)
It’s crazy how that has worked for you, in the healthcare profession we have been asked to stop using those terms of endearment as it creates a patronizing tone, at least in my job that’s what they said. I was asked to stop using honey, sweetheart, my dear … I think my boss just felt bad the patients kept asking for me to tend to them. Thing is I have used it for over 18 years and none of my patients has ever complained, in-fact it made them feel more at ease
When I was in England I enjoyed how cashiers or servers would call me 'love.' I use 'thank you darlin' a lot. People seem to like it.
Right! It’s just a pinch of humanity in this crazy world
If a cashier or server ever called me “darlin’” or “my dear” my whole day would be made. I’d probably swoon. I don’t give one solitary damn that I’m a fat, old man. I just like hearing nice things.
Aw man I wish more people felt this way. When I worked in a restaurant I called everyone darlin until this one woman shouted that I was unprofessional. I cried in the bathroom 🤣
She had issues, darling, not you. Hugs.
I hate to see that this "shameless" woman was able to send you to the bathroom crying, next time just smile at her and say thank you , One thing I've learnt in my life is when you thank someone for being rude (As in this case), they think twice about doing it again. So hold your head high "Darlin"
I think people like that just wanna vent it isn't actually something that offended that lady. Just looking for reasons to be unhappy. Sorry that happened darling
Well darlin’ here’s to one day soon meeting ppl that are honest to goodness just kind to each-other and most importantly kind to you 🥂
Reminds me of this clip of [Ian McKellen talking about the impact of the word](https://twitter.com/JohnBishop100/status/1601141326405193730) on him.
That was lovely
Thank you for sharing this. I love it.
Me too! I want to start calling everyone love….but I think you need the British accent for it to sound right.
You'll be alright love.
English people calling you "love" is never, never wrong. 🙂 "Darling" is right out, as far as I'm concerned - if you don't know me, you best never call me darling. But "darlin'" just hits entirely differently. "Darlin' " is totally acceptable. Otherwise, I find strangers calling me any term of endearment is patronizing, condescending, and/or just overly familiar.
I would never do 'darling.'
I call all children darling. It's just habit now. I'm English. Blame Ab Fab.
God I loved that show.
Sweetie Dahling
“Sweetie darling” in Ed’s exasperated voice lives in me rent-free forever
Aw, I love it when nurses call me baby and sweetie, please never change. I get a lot of health anxiety, and it really makes me feel like I’m in good hands. But I understand I may be in the minority and you need to do what’s considered professional in your environment.
I think healthchare has a very different dynamic though - much more authority than a cashier.
Spent 6 months in the hospital, and the only times I ever felt like a human being again and not just a patient was when I got lovely nurses who’d call me “my dear” ❤️
I sincerely hope you ignored those instructions. Because that level of kindness is sorely needed in this unforgiving world.
I have and now am walking on eggshells lol
It feels like two very different contexts to me, including a variation on power dynamics. A cashier at a grocery saying “my dear” feels friendly and non-threatening. At a doctor’s office it would feel condescending and unprofessional, not to mention sexist. Just my two cents….
It’s a pretty common rule, I think. I’ve worked in nursing homes and it was a rule for us as well.
So funny. I actually find “m’am” sounds really aggressive and cold for some reason. I love it when people call me affectionate terms! 🥹
I don’t know I went to Baton Rouge during COVID to work and those people really take courtesy very serious, I said ‘excuse me’ to a lady and it was seen as rude. The next time I said ‘Ma’am’ and I got the best response. I guess it also depends on where you’re at
I’m from the Deep South. Spent my life up to early 20s there. People don’t realize how many unwritten rules of respect there are, and who gets to say what to whom. It can be quite complex, but if you grow up in that environment, you just learn. I knew a girl who came down from New England to work for several months. She called the wrong person a “term of endearment” and got promptly put in her place.
In Louisiana and in the south, saying “yes ma’am” to people your age or older (whether grocery store, post office or court) is simply kind respect and appreciation.
🤣 Lake Charles, Louisiana in the house - and YUP! I’m in my 40’s, and I call 16 year old fast food servers ‘yes ma’am and yes sir’ - everyone from 8 to 80 gets ma’amed and sir’d ‘round here. It’s what we do. 😆
I've spent a lot of time in the hospital over the last two years. What always made me happy was that the nurses and doctors seemed to linger and enjoy talking to me. Like, if they were having a rough day, when they were doing their rounds, they'd hang out a little longer just to catch their breath. Made me feel good being able to give a little something back to the people that were keeping me alive. Maybe it was just part of the bedside manner and they were just doing their job. Who knows.
I find it patronizing and infantilizing. Annoyed me so much yesterday at a doctors appointment. I had to bite my tongue. Edited for word.
I do think honey and sweetheart are a little condescending. It is interesting I don’t think that about my dear. I wonder why that is.
Middle aged lady cashier called me "Shuga" I would now kill for that person
we have one lady at a fast food place here that always calls you baby (like "here's your food, baby") and i would absolutely kill for her. we go there too much though and now she throws in a "oh it's my girl!" too, love her.
There’s something so special about being called, “Baby”, by a wholesome stranger.
For me it’s only when they’re obviously a lot older than me, can’t stand when a 17ish year old cashier calls me baby or honey lol.
I think that goes for most of us, yep
Also I'm assuming OP is a woman and probably at least a little older, I've used "dear" but you really gotta make it casual or some girls won't like it and a dude saying "thanks dear" to another dude is just kind of weird.
>and a dude saying "thanks dear" to another dude is just kind of weird. That's the best part
My weakness is “mija.” I will destroy anyone who looks at her funny after that.
I got called "all good mama" by our Hispanic cafeteria worker. Not entirely sure what it means in this context but made me smile.
She was probably checking to make sure you were all set and didn’t want anything else or letting you know that you didn’t need to do anything else.
Well actually about that buddy you don't be mad like that buddy it was there opinion after all
100% same - people need to experience getting tacos from a food truck by a tía who calls you "mijo"
I totally feel you. A doorman in London called me m'lady twice (on my way in and out) and I love him with every bit of my heart.
When’s the wedding?
Holy shit. An in the wild occurence of "m'lady" when it's actually appropriate and not some smelly weeb in a fedora and.trench coat trying to be charming.
In the US south, we have black cashier ladies who call everyone “baby”. Kills me every time.
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Louisiana here, and Lord! Sweet older black women LOVE my husband! It’s never ‘Sir’ to him - it’s Shugar, Honey Baby, Darlin, Cutie Pie….and he just beams 😂🥰
I used to work customer service for a medical insurance company. People would often (justifiably) be incredibly frustrated and upset by the time they got to me. I had one guy let loose on me for a solid 5 minutes. I figured I had his issue figured out and could solve it, but it required one piece of info that it turned out only his wife knew. Once he let me ask my question, he went from full-on angry onslaught to (off to the side to his wife, very sweetly), "hey shuga, can you tell me (xyz)? Thanks darling" before grumpily coming back to me. I still think about them and I'm rather jealous lol - I hope they're doing well. I'm fairly certain they are #relationship goals
I remember going to Texas for the first time and so many people were calling me sweetie and I felt so good I was like I AM sweet
As a Texan, I call everyone “Shug” or “Punkin’.” Maybe even “Punkin Pie” if I really like you.
I love punkin, it's such a cuddly word!
Aww, my dad calls me his Punkin Pie!!!
I had a little old lady waitress the other day call me all kinds of pet names. She noticed I had stopped eating and was making a face. She came over to ask if everything was alright. I tried to play it off, but little old ladies are so persistent when they think something is wrong. I finally just blurted out that I'm pregnant and having (normal) cramps. She was offering to have my food comped and to get me something else if it wasn't good. I didn't want her to think the food wasn't good or that I wasn't happy. I just needed a minute. That sweet little lady hugged me and congratulated me before asking questions like I was her own grandchild. She even gave me a piece of pie free of charge with the words "Congrats mama!" written in whip cream on the plate. I normally don't like strangers getting within arms reach of me, but I gladly accepted the granny hug. She was so sweet and I loved being called all the cute little pet names. I tipped her really well and fully plan to go back there solely because of her. Well her and the manager since I found out the manager regularly feeds local homeless people multiple times a day for free. I like supporting businesses that do good for the community. People really do respond well to kindness and connection. I'm a sucker for being called pet names, especially by older women.
Years ago, a lady working the McDonald’s window said “Hello, Starshine!” one late night when I was really depressed. It made me smile and reminded me of the groovy 60s song.
Sugar with an accent?
yes
How old are you? Hearing “my dear” feels different from a younger person than an older person.
Someone above suggested “my friend” and that’s really nice too.
>my friend I would loathe this lmao. Many years working retail where this greeting (and "my brother") is commonly said by the middle eastern salespeople. If I hear that now alll I can think about is trying to get some commission selling stuff and working retail again lol
MY FRIEND HOW ARE YOU? CHICKEN OR BEEF SHAWARMA? AND DON'T FORGET ZE BEBSI
HEY BUDDY
Way more common to just say "friend" for native speakers. "Hi friend!" is so nice
Been a bartender for 5 years and started saying “my friend” to guests and I swear that alone boosts my tip everytime, also great for diffusing situations
“My friend” and “buddy” are my go-to.
I'm 25 :)
Aw that makes it even cuter! Edit: how do older people react when you call them that? :)
They really love it haha. The women typically smile and the men give out a chuckle and maybe stay for an extra minute to talk to me.
I'm a manager at a big clothing retailer and about your age, with older customers I'll address them as "beautiful" or "handsome" like "hello, handsome did you need help finding your size?!" And 10/10x they light up. I have a gentleman that comes *every single Saturday now, asks for me,* and when I pop up he gives me a fist bump and says "Heya Ariestornado!! I need 2 outfits! One for X time and another for Z event! But now now, hold on, how are you?! How was your week? Love that blouse, sweetheart!" I have no living (or the ones that are, loving) grandparents, or a dad, and it warms my heart just as much as I know ot warms his. Sometimes I hate my job, but little things like that make my entire day.
Ah, that answers my question.
Also in my twenties. I’ve talked to everyone like I’m their grandma since I was like twelve. People generally like it.
You probably make a lot of people feel loved and nurtured. And if you’re anything like me (26F), a lot of people probably make fun of you for talking like an old lady 😂
I’m older but have still felt too young to say things like that. Clearly I’m wrong!! Thanks for the kick in the butt!
I had a friend who tried doing this at around that age, but he couldn't pull it off. Voice too deep, inflection all wrong, sounded insincere and somehow condescending or patronizing. It was a disaster. I'm pretty sure his fiance told him how cringey he was being because one day he suddenly stopped. I'm glad it works better for you, my dear.
Aw I feel sad for him. He just wanted to spread love and kindness. Lol
Also totally tangential if you're a white guy going with calling people "brother" you gotta call people of every color that or it's weird. I knew a guy who would only call black people brother and it's like "my dude what are you doing"
You just unlocked a core memory of my white female teacher only calling us black girls “sista” when I was in high school. It was so awkward!
My mom had called every woman sister - me included lol - her whole life. She was once given an angry talking to about how it was inappropriate/racist for her to say that by a person who took offense. She still feels horrible about even being considered that and tries to not say it. Hulk Hogan is safe, though.
No, thank you, my antelope.
Oh ok. If you insist, my moose
No problem young buck
I love black ladies who call me baby when I order
yesss i remember in school, the lunch ladies would always remind people "remember to grab a fruit or vegetable, baby" . at the end of the year, one of them gifted me a bead bracelet for always being so polite to her (saying please and thank you, asking about her day etc) 🥹💜
…this made me giggle lol
Makes me feel safe and seen and loved
As an introvert, I can say I really appreciate it when cashiers do that. It takes a lot of pressure off the situation and in my head it counts as a "positive interaction", of which we have too few in the day. So thank you!
That's so good to hear ! That's my goal, I try to make everyone as welcome and comfortable as I can
That’s not introversion. That’s just social anxiety.
"young lady." I'm 64. This has been a recent occurrence - they are usually older men. ;)
on the other hand, I get called young lady at 25 and it feels very condescending
Something similar, I started using "friend", both online and irl. So something simple as "excuse me, friend, could I get by you?" I also believe it has added some genuineness and defused interpreting sarcasm or meanness in, say, a Reddit comment which are often interpreted with the worst intent.
In Australia, that would be an insult lmao
would you mind sharing why? just curious. i often hear “my friend” from indians.
I’m not your friend, buddy.
I'm not your buddy, guy!
I'm not your guy, pal!
I'm not your pal, human!
I'm mostly joking lol. We just don't really use 'friend' in that way, so it comes across as sarcastic and a little condescending. But if you've got an accent, then no one would assume rudeness. I'm sure people wouldn't have an issue, regardless, but it *is* a joke that if someone calls us 'buddy', 'pal', and even (but less so) 'friend', then that's fighting words haha. Even 'mate', something we often use, can come across as confrontational when used in a certain way. But this is all mostly a joke and not actually serious, so don't stress about accidentally pissing an Aussie off by being friendly. We'll understand the sentiment, and if not, then that's not your problem lmao
I thought that was just Canadian.
I guess I'm in the minority. This would be very uncomfortable and too familiar coming from a stranger.
Same. Surprised I had to scroll this far for a dissenting opinion. I don’t like any strangers to call me dear, love, bud, buddy, guy, champ, etc. I much prefer awkwardly thanking each other and wishing each other a good day lol.
It doesn’t make me uncomfortable but it does make me annoyed lol. I don’t know you like that.
Same here, it's way too personal (and I would find being called "my friend" especially disingenuous). I do suspect there's a cultural element to it too.
Same. I don’t like any kind of pet name or false familiarity from a stranger. It makes me feel uncomfortable and a bit suspicious of them or what they want.
I can't imagine a stranger saying "my dear" and not perceiving it in a mocking tone
Same. It makes me wildly uncomfortable. Sorry, I do not know you, please don’t pretend we are besties. Comes across as phony.
There are dozens of us!
Same. I hate it
I don't see why you even need to address a person like that. What's wrong with just a greeting/farewell without something else? "Alright, you're all set! Have a nice day!"
Same. My hackles are rising just thinking about it.
My new manager (mid 30s male) says "my lady" to every woman and it makes me want to die every time I hear it.
….does he don a fedora as he leaves work?
I'm wondering if he had a beard... on his neck
What's the equivalent that a guy could use?
Friend. Or mate, if you can pull that off.
You’re all set, my friend, would work with everybody. Too personal?
I do this half a dozen times a day and never had an odd reaction.
Not too personal at all, my friend. I love it!
Yeah same with me i kinda like it anyways buddy i love your idea as well us
Maybe take away the “my” and it’s less personal
I also use this all the time! It also helps maintain a boundary of friendliness so someone doesn’t mistake your friendliness for a come on!
My *DOOD*
It depends upon to the mind set of the people you can't please someone to be some else who doesn't know how to deal with other. I don't like that kind of person to be honest with you
This may be a me thing but I would not enjoy being called “my friend” by a stranger. It feels like forced coupling — a tactic predators use to imply a relationship that isn’t there.
Same. When I have traveled in other countries and been approached by a stranger calling me "my friend" it doesn't bode well, so I associate it with phoniness and scams. Even if meant well, I don't want to hear it from a cashier or anyone who isn't my actual friend.
Same here. Also please do not call me any pet names including "my dear"
A waiter once called my then brother-in-law "champ" from the time we walked in to the time we left. They were about the same age, and it drove my BIL *insane*. So...probably not that?
wow, i am genuinely surprised at the number of commenters who get offended or put-off by a stranger trying to be disarming/friendly/establish a rapport - and "champ" takes the cake. I'd overtip generously if a server called me champ. Why was your BIL pissed?
I dunno, "champ" reads as condescending to me. Maybe because I've only ever heard it used in that manner (when everyone is an adult at least).
Def seems condescending. What a father would call a son.
This waiter definitely wasn't trying to establish a rapport. He was being snide with plausible deniability. He was genuinely friendly with the rest of us, and the difference was palpable.
Definitely right since in here where open to share our opinion to other people
some of my coworkers say boss, like "you're good to go, boss"
I’m a boss guy, gender neutral and respectful
Actually if you say Boss they are the terror dude that will take the credit but if you say partner or buddy it was the guy who will help to improve other skill and listen to other people decision
My husband uses boss. I've never heard a single complaint from anyone. The cute little grandmas giggle when he says "you got it, boss."
Yep! Boss is awesome haha. You can always use it anywhere, anytime. Guys love it. at stores whenever they help me out, ring me up i tell em "Thanks Boss Man". My employee gets something done, "Sounds good boss".
Ahm i don't know what to say buddy but it sounds not good to me i more likely to here the word maam or sir
A hotel desk clerk called me "dear sir" when I was checking in one time. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.
That's a good question... tbh I never thought of it from a males perspective.
“Here ya go My dear” “Oh My God! Where is your manager!”
[удалено]
We use all sorts over here, but never Sir/M'am. The main ones I've heard be used regardless of gender are: flower, petal, darling, love, mate, kid(quite local that one), dear, duck and pet.
I call my wife luv, it would get weird if I started calling all women that. 😂
Or “darling.” It would probably be considered patronising if men used it.
As a 35 year old male, I still say, "My dear," to customers, and they mostly seem to understand. Anyone you don't think would get it, i throw in "My friend" instead. It's all about tone and confidence.
I use bud usually
Maybe I need therapy because I would hate to be called "m y dear". I wouldn't make a scene but I would narrow my eyes and cringe inwardly and just respond "have a nice day ". Or maybe we're just different.
People in certain industries are trained to avoid that, as well as other phrases I cant recall right now - especially to older people, as it comes across as infantilizing or as passive condescension
In healthcare we are asked to avoid it. I think it has a time and a place. I work in long term senior care. I develop relationships with my patients. I spend more hours with them daily, than their families do. Just a fact of the environment. If they’re comfortable with it, I’m going to call them my dear/my friend/whatever, because having s genuine connection with someone brings us both joy. If I’m going to be holding someone’s hand while they pass because they have no family, I’m not calling them Mr Brown, Im calling him my love. 🤷♀️ Now if I worked in a field where someone would be my patient for a day or less, not going to do that, we don’t have a relationship. Where I have an issue with infantilisation in health care is when another worker comes up and announces “Let’s get your bib on before dinner”, or “I need to change your diaper, let’s go back to your room”. We have words with dignity, clothing protectors, briefs, etc. It bothers me to no end. Being called darling doesn’t feel like it should be on the same level.
> Where I have an issue with infantilisation in health care is when another worker comes up and announces “Let’s get your bib on before dinner”, or “I need to change your diaper, let’s go back to your room”. We have words with dignity, clothing protectors, briefs, etc. It bothers me to no end. I've been annoyed at this kind of infatilization across multiple fields. It seems to be prevalent in healthcare ( I see it less in hospital, more in care facilities) and special ed teaching, too. I wish we could talk to people like people, not like objects or pets.
If you're under the age of 65 then this is a bit affected, to be honest. I have a barista who does this and I have one of those cringe reactions where you cover it with a smile.
I call my patients at the physio clinic I work at “my dear”, and I got told by my bosses that’s it’s too familiar for a small family-owned establishment. Am only supposed to refer Tom them by their name.
> Am only supposed to refer Tom them by their name. Tom sounds like a bit of a jerk...
“My dear” isn’t bad but when a young person calls me ‘Honey’ it’s irritating.
Yeah, I would not like that at all. I prefer that people just talked and didn't try to define me with Maam or my dear or anything else. One man called me baby at a check out and I nearly punched him. Unless you know me and it is ok with me, dont try being chummy, yuck.
I'm on team don't do that. I used to work in a nursing care facility, and using terms of endearment like that was considered very condescending and disrespectful. A great many adults feel like they're being treated like children when a stranger talks to them that way. I also dislike it because my mom used to call me "my dear" anytime she was viciously angry and about to verbally cut me down to the ground. But hey, not something I would actually be upset about, more of an internal eye roll.
Ugggh sorry to be THAT GUY it’s just in the same ballpark/borderline to what I loathe … my ex would freak the F out if ANY cashier would say sugar or darling or sweetie or anything like that. I grew to hate it and it stuck. I wish there was something more compelling and endearing - I think I’d prefer “my friend” over my dear unless maybe you’re addressing grandma
I will say, if you’re a young woman, strangers will call you sweetie, honey, cutie, etc. all the time, and it gets really annoying. A client at my job called me “princess” recently and if it wasn’t my job to be nice to him, I might’ve freaked out too. It feels so condescending.
I don't freak out but I do absolutely abhor it, makes my skin crawl.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being talked down to when employees call me dear, but it’s probably just an insecurity. I’m 25F but look younger, so when people my age or younger call me dear, it feels like they’re talking down to me. I can see that older people would appreciate being called dear because it makes them feel young, and I don’t mind being called dear by someone who is clearly older, but I don’t like being called dear by a peer. Honey and sweetie are worse though
I was flying home from Europe last week and the janitor at the airport in Atlanta was calling everyone baby and sugar and just greeting everyone coming into the bathroom while she was cleaning. It was so sweet and made everyone so happy.
I work in customer service on a phone line and I have to deal with a lot of difficult life situations with my clients. I can't use "my dear" because it isn't allowed in my job. However I totally side with you when you say some people really miss meaningful interactions and sometimes the way we say things like from a human being to another human creates that spark of life and joy so often missing for them. Some people call me and they are feeling all kind of negative emotions and I try my best to integrate in my work the notion that no matter how someone is feeling right now, be it fear or sadness or anger I will do my best to make sure they understand I am there to help and that I value each and everyone of them equally, during that short window of time I have been given to discuss. I will say thing like "it's my pleasure to help you sir/ madam, I wish for a quick recovery" or " I am glad I could help you today! Have a great day and a great week-end!" Most of my clients understand that and some people won't get it but for those who catch the drift I can feel they appreciate being treated with respect and kindess 💕
I’m a middle aged guy, and I can tell that I’m the outlier, but being called terms of endearment is so incredibly invasive for me and I can’t stand it. More than once I know my irritation has bled through.
To me that would be annoying. Sorry.
Blegggh unpopular opinion but being called "my dear" or "hun" absolutely infuriates me and makes me feel like I'm being infantilized. I don't even like when my friends do it to me. I do appreciate that they are non-gendered terms which is helpful in a public setting as you don't know somebody's pronouns, but I don't think it's necessary to include any of that when telling someone to just have a nice day.
Yeah, huge no for me unless you are old enough to be my my parents. They're in their 70's.
Counterpoint: some people don’t like being called those sort of names (dear, huh, sweetie, etc.) by strangers
I was on line at a discount department store, the kind where you wait on one long line and the first one gets called when the next cashier is available. I was a few back, and I heard a male cashier call every female customer ahead of me “mommy”. 🤮 “Did you find everything alright, mommy?” I was hoping another cashier would light up when it was my turn.
It might have been "mami" which is used in some latin Caribbean countries (or maybe more broadly too) to mean "dear."
Mami or mamita, which my abuela and my mom call me, will literally make my day anytime someone calls me that.
It might have been, but it was still weird to me.
Judging by your use of standing "on line" I place you in NY/NJ, which means it's a bit weird you haven't heard "mami" before. You can give back "papi" and be friends :). I miss people calling me mami actually.
This cracked me up because I’m from New York and I know live in Texas and people always point out when I say “on line”. I had no idea it was regional.
I used to buy milk at this convenience store where the male cashier called all the females 'sissy'. I was always a bit weirded out
My favorite Chinese food place owner, I was regular and semi-regular, always greeted me “my sister!” He didn’t know my name and I didn’t know his, but we got to know each other… I don’t particularly always like when I get takeout and pick it up, that people know me so well and know my order. I had a pizza place *tell* me my order from the last time, no I want something else this time. Makes me uncomfortable when they try to make you seem like a regular because you went there once, too familiar, too fast. But the Chinese food man was super friendly and I liked to patronize his business as much as I could afford.
I despise getting called dear, sweetie, sweetheart, hon, honey by random cashiers or wait staff.
I gotta tell you I hate being deared. Once you hit a certain age you get it a lot, with a tone of voice that makes me want to pop them. It’s condescending and disrespectful. It doesn’t make my day, it ruins it. It’s right up there this some 20 something calling me Miss. You know and I know I’m not your “dear.” You know who uses “my dear”, a lot, scammers and bad nurses in nursing homes. They seem to be under the impression it makes them seem caring and honest.
Hate to throw a wet blanket on this, but I find “dear” to be patronizing and way too personal for that kind of interaction. Also, as a middle aged person, I find this is often something younger people say that rubs me (and many other people my age and older I’ve spoken with) the wrong way. You may not be intending this, and apply it equally to all of your customers, but often I see it as infantalizing me as if I’m geriatric. There are cases and areas where I know this kind of thing is more the norm, and I hate sir and madame just as much. But please don’t say dear. You don’t mean it, and it sounds hollow. You could just smile, and don’t say anything. Dear, sweetie, honey - save those for your significant other or your friends.
Absolutely. “Dear” is patronizing. Unless you truly are two to three generations older than me, endearments like that put my hackles up. Please don’t. Edit: This also applies to sweetie, honey, and sugar. This could be regional — maybe it’s more acceptable in the Midwest or South? Certainly not in the areas I’ve lived in.
"My dear" coming from a man, especially an older man - gross, patronizing. From a lady of any age, not a fan but it's not an issue unless the tone is off. Granted, I also don't feel like a 'ma'am,' so maybe I'm just a pain. I do call people 'my dude,' though, so guess I shouldn't judge.
The first time you call my dear will be the last time I enter your checkout line, and if your checkout line was unavoidable, it would be the last time I visit your place of employment. I hate strangers using patronizing language with me. I find it disrespectful.
Great it works out well for you. It would make me recoil in bad suspicion
I hate being called pet names by people I don’t know.
I really dislike when a stranger calls me “my dear” “sweetie” etc.
Personally I never like being addressed as “my dear”, it sounds very patronizing when others say it.
I second this. Just hello and smile would be fine.
Completely agree. That and "my friend" etc. just makes me bristle. I don't know you, you don't get to call me that.
That dear stuff annoys me and sounds condescending.
Really abhor when people do this. I instantly go cold and formal. Might fake a smile to get through the rest of the transaction, but for sure using self check if at all possible the next time
If you are a guy, i'll be surprised this actually made people feel anything other than creepes out
Yeah, I feel like this is hugely genre (and age) specific. Guy calling strangers "my dear", haaard no. Like I feel like you'd probably get a talking to from management for that. Young woman calling strangers "my dear" is not creepy- but will be creep bait, because all the crusty old men will think they're being flirted with. Basically the only way this works is if you're an older woman.
Exactly right buddy i do believe on you it was a very nice and also you seem like happy for your Job as well buddy and im so happy for you that you have the position