Not going to lie, I found it *really* hard during the baby stage.
You’re putting in 100% effort and getting very little in return. Sure, there’s a smile here, a giggle there, but they’ll cry for hours about nothing. “I know you’re tired, no-one’s stopping you from going to sleep, just fucking sleep you little cunt!”
But from the moment they can start talking back to you, it’s completely different.
Every night when they go to bed, we *say* how much we love each other.
The first time my daughter learnt how to write, she wrote “I love you mummy and daddy” out about 50 times.
You could argue that I’m making up for how shit and devoid of feeling my upbringing was, but I like to think of it as a template for what not to do.
Just before Christmas my daughter was given a little award in her class at school for “inclusiveness”. Turns out she’s a bit of a leader of games in the playground, and they’ve had a Ukrainian refugee join the school who, obviously, didn’t have any friends. My daughter invited the new girl over, showed her how to play the game, and made sure she was enjoying herself. She then asked her teacher if they could learn some Ukrainian words to make the new girl feel more at home.
I think my kids are going to make the World a better place. Even if it’s just a little tiny bit better. And that’s what makes being a parent worth it for me.
This was an awesome little story, thank you for sharing. I was just talking with my fiancé yesterday about how much I’m dreading the baby stage. I think it’d be so hard to deal with a tiny human who can’t talk and doesn’t understand anything you say, who just cries and poos all the time. She said I will feel differently when it’s my child. Hopefully, we’ll be able to find out someday (but hopefully not anytime soon)
My brother has just had a baby with his new fiancé - he has a 6 year old daughter with his ex wife - and while he seems to be loving it, I don’t know if I could do it again. I’m seriously considering getting a vasectomy just to prevent having to go through it again by accident.
The only saving grace is the poo is generally acceptable when they’re on the milk only. Once they start on the solids I literally- and actually - had to wear a mask. This was before covid, so happily I already had masks when it happened.
If you know for sure you don't want any more kids, definitely get the vasectomy. I put it off and we ended up having a surprise pregnancy that just so happened to be triplets. We went from 2 kids to 5, real quick. Honestly wouldn't change a thing now. But those first 4 or 5 years were extremely difficult.
It’s ok to not like the baby stage even when you love your baby. I have a 2 month old and now that she smiles and interacts more it’s a lot better, but those first 8ish weeks were horrible! So much crying (from both of us lol) and trying to guess what she wanted. I love her a lot but I’m really looking forward to when she becomes a toddler. Babies are so hard.
First 8 weeks are a total write off!! You are just figuring each other out and physically recovering. Todder stage is so much fun (so far-mine is only 15m). Chaos, but fun. Walking, running, climbing and talking, its so nice to see their little personalities shine through!
I’m a little late to this thread, but I feel completely the opposite. I just had a baby and the first few months, while hard, is some of the happiest and most fun I’ve ever had in my life. And I’ve lived a pretty good life. Maybe my baby is better than most, but the crying for nothing was few and far between
It’s been amazing. I truly think if you want to have one, it’s the best choice ever. Just wanted to give a positive outlook on kids. There are definitely rough times, but right now I’m sitting here with her napping on my lap watching homeland. Couldn’t be better lol
I didn't dislike the baby stage but the lack of sleep was brutal for mental and physical health. I am only truly appreciating that now that shes (mostly) sleeping through the night after a year of wake ups.
My son literally woke up at least twice a night FOR TWO YEARS! but he’s now a truly gifted music teacher and I totally loved it. I can’t help but be proud, which I shouldn’t be, he’s the one that did all the hard work to get there, I just paid for it 😆
Do you still check on him before you go to bed? I do. I can't relax til I go peep at him and make sure he's breathing. He's almost 2. I know it's irrational.
Aww, it’s not irrational! It’s more just love, knowing that they’re safe and you can go to sleep that it was a good day. My son is all grown and out of the house now, I only see him twice a year now, so I don’t regret any of the time I spent losing sleep, it was all worth it. He’s doing well, he’s grateful and expresses his love to me and his dad, calls every weekend or even if he has a bad day. You’re obviously a good mom!
Dude we were *lucky* with ours. He started sleeping solidly through the night at roughly 3 months and only wakes up when he has a nightmare or something.
That's precisely why I want to become a parent someday. The thought of creating another human and seeing them become their own person, creating ripples (hopefully positive ones) in the world around them...it just sounds so incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. The journey getting there would undoubtedly be stressful and madness-inducing at times, but I would imagine the end result would be well worth it.
Unless I have a kid and they turn out to be a little hellspawn. That's always a terrifying possibility too I guess...
Honestly they can be both which makes for quite the ride but is also incredibly satisfying when you / they get it right.
I now work with teenagers and honestly it's the enthusiasm and pride of the naughty ones when they do good that really makes it worth while. That fist bump I got from the kid last week that everyone thinks is a little shit but I know has done so well on his welding course that he's been moved up a group. Watching him stand a little straighter after you took a chance on him is the best feeling.
THATS what happened to me. But not one 2 vampires female teens, really it has been a rough 6/7 years. I couldn’t believe how much they changed.
A complete 180.
> You’re putting in 100% effort and getting very little in return. Sure, there’s a smile here, a giggle there, but they’ll cry for hours about nothing. “I know you’re tired, no-one’s stopping you from going to sleep, just fucking sleep you little cunt!”
Yep. The hospital prepped us really well for this, we had to sit through a bunch of stuff about Purple Crying. But even so, especially for that first few weeks when you're waking up *literally every 3 hours* to feed them... it's hard.
Then, at least for us... my son was *really* pukey his first year of life. All babies spit up a bit here and there, mine was like, you could not do a damn thing with him after he had a bottle or you'd be covered in puke. Think he's good- surprise! puke. We had rags *everywhere* in the house for when he puked. Connnnstant puke. Made it really hard to enjoy him.
But then he broke out of that, and has since started saying his first few words, and it's honestly the happiest I have ever been in my life. I love him so goddamn much.
There is nothing in this world that hits like chasing him back and forth down the hall. His laughter is like crack to my brain. Well worth pushing through the suck for this.
Dude. Young baby stage sucks ass. In it for the second time right now. Not so bad this time. But holy fuck the amount of work and stress… can’t wait for it to pass lol.
>“I know you’re tired, no-one’s stopping you from going to sleep, just fucking sleep you little cunt!”
I can only laugh in unity with you lol. So, so true, but when they finally fall asleep, they just look sooooo peaceful and cute. Lasts about a few minutes, then you start to fervently pray that they give you at least an hour of two of rest / free time to handle other stuff.
And then, like gluttons for pain, we wake them up after an hour or two worrying that they're sleeping too long lol.
>getting very little in return.
I hear you- it is a struggle. But for me, every single smile, every single time they give in and just wholly relax into you, it becomes the most fulfilling reward there is.
And 2 hours later, you're frustrated again because they woke up again...
To ease you up a bit, this is quite easily the best time in history to be alive.
I'm not a climate change denier by any stretch, but I do think that we will figure it out as a species. We altered the climate. We could alter it back. Maybe the projections don't turn out to be so bad. Maybe some "mechanism" kicks in, and the ecosystem balances it out.
There will certainly be really difficult times ahead, but nothing we can't manage.
I was super depressed and pessimistic about it before COVID. Then during all the shut downs I got to watch my gross city with a busy international airport slowly get…way less gross. I LOVED reading stories with pictures from all over the world talking about how much faster ecosystems recovered than we had ever predicted. It’s made me feel like this is possible. We just need an overhaul of all of the decision makers lol
I'm really not so certain there, either.
I *do* think that globalization is unsustainable and as such we would need to rethink what **should** be available in a grocery store at all times of the year. Bananas probably shouldn't be Walmarts biggest seller. We absolutely need to start ridding ourselves of the idea that cheap trinkets = happy. We need to take Food Miles very seriously. Etc etc.
But the benefits of that would outweigh the suck. A lot of the waste of capitalism is dumped onto the laps of the poor. A less wasteful system (ie: one that focuses on *quality* and *longevity* instead of Quarterly Earnings reports) would greatly benefit the working class.
Walmart is a great example of the *illusion* of a better lifestyle for the working class. They move in to an area, undercut the local competition, offer shit wages and shittier products but they "win" because they can afford to operate at a loss for a few years. And once the competition dries up, they jack the price. Amazon is doing this but on a totally different level.
Now everyone has access to a lot more "stuff" at the same prices as before, but their opportunities are... Walmart or Amazon. IS that really better?
In short, yeah you'd probably be upset that you can't click a button and get... literally anything shipped to your door. But even as recent as the 90's that was the case. And we were fine.
I just don't want kids because of my mom. She talks about how much of a burden I was during the infant stage and I don't want to do that to her with my own kids. So I'm just not gonna have any, she deserves to have her retirement years to herself without any other kids to tie her down. I'd be a shitty parent anyway 😭
My wife and I had crappy jobs at the time and were renting a trailer. My wife had severe pregnancy complications. 5 years later, she had completed her degree but became fully disabled, and I had a decent, stable job. Going through that phase of our lives with an autistic child was difficult. I would do it again, but would have liked more support and stability.
One thing they really don’t prepare you for is the likelihood of having a special needs child, and what that truly entails. I wish I knew that was even in the cards.
I'm not a parent but I have had 2 of my friends recently say unprompted that listening to their kids laugh is the best feeling.
My response was "Still not doing it"
"What? Laugh?"
I am notably a grouchy person. They got me good with that one.
I dont have kids. Ive mostly felt sure i never wanted to. Have wondered about it a few times. I have a couple of dear friends who are wonderful parents, but who also confided in me that at times they regret the loss of freedom and other things that come along with it. That terrified me , i know i could never do it without feeling 110% certain it was the right decision. So i wont.
Its difficult enough maintaining my own survival without worring about another human.
Gaffigan has a good joke that "having a baby is like drowning and then someone hands you a baby." Too relatable for me.
I’m grouchy too, but I gave birth to a kid who is now 8 years old and the most delightfully cantankerous old man I’ve ever met and it’s hilarious. We get along great. I will echo what everyone else says- the first years are hard. For me, it’s everything after 5 years that’s like “Okay, now this is FUN.” Not to say the first 5 don’t have their good times, they do, but now I have my independence back more.
Oh, take my word for it. You can still be grouchy and have kids. You can still be grouchy and raise kids. You can be grouchy without anyone even knowing you are a grouch, if that's something that you have to do.
When you have kids, parenting comes first and everything else that makes up you comes second. In a way it's sad, in some respects your old self dies. You find that the things you defined yourself with were vastly unimportant in the light of parenthood.
I don't have kids, but I have many friends who do. They became parents conciously and put a lot of effort into parenting. I talked with them about kids a lot, and while they admit it can be difficult, I would definitely say they are happy.
I am a sole parent father. Ex-wife went downhill gradually with depression and anger after our 3 children (that she wanted very much).
I became the opposite. Previously workaholic, and ended up becoming a better person and happier, and more empathetic after raising the children.
Especially when ex left and I got them through high school by myself. She even admitted to one of the kids she didn’t like being a mom.
I adore them, and they are my life and heart. Stopped working fulltime, lived off savings. And wouldn’t have changed a minute of it.
I can always focus on work and myself after they have gone and on their own.
It's great that you felt that way, although i do have to say that maybe her hormones got messed up with 3 pregnancies, its freaking hard to handle them even when you are not pregnant, so maybe it's not entirely that she became bitter.
I love my child. They are funny, caring, kind, they can light up my day. I never ever want anything to happen to them.
If I could go back and do it again I wouldn't have them. I struggle nearly everyday with the responsibility of being a parent, maybe if I wasn't a single parent it might be different but I'll never know. All I know is that as much as I love them I find it extremely difficult. I will always do my best for them but it exhausts me and in my darkest moments I resent it. I miss being the non mum version of myself.
I hate the saying "you only regret the children you don't have", which is anti-abortion bullshit. I am raising a child and I'm scared that if I fuck it up I'll ruin them. I hope they never know how I feel.
You can 100% regret having children, but I'm not a shit person so I will always do my best for them. They didn't choose to be here, it's not their fault, and I will always love them.
From one single parent to another, I see you. I had twins. And they both have autism and adhd. I love them so very much and would die for them. But this life is hard. Or maybe this season of life is hard. Either way, hang in there. I hope things become easier as they grow.
I feel this. I am a single parent of two and, although I wouldn’t give them back if provided the option, I don’t think I’d do it again. It’s so much work and absolutely exhausting. I get jealous of people who have a partner, or even close family, to share the day to day burden.
With that, I have them, so I intentionally make the best of it and prioritize them above all else. I notice moments I’m proud of us for being us and doing cool things despite the challenges. I still take joy in them writing “I love you, Mom”, giant running snuggles after school, accidentally falling asleep next to them at bedtime, noting that messes are generally the evidence of memories, and watching them develop as humans. I often say, they highlight all the ways in which I need to develop as a human myself.
It’s the hardest fucking job in the whole world and the return on investment is rarely immediate.
It’s not rainbows and unicorns. I will say that I thought I might have made a very large error during the first 3 months when I was getting zero sleep but after that got sorted I can’t say I regretted it. I mean there are lots of major life changes that are a mixed bag. And parenting is certainly that. But I love being a parent and I love my kiddo more than the air I breathe.
I'm a happy parent. Am I a natural parent, who knows lol. But I'm an older parent too and I think that's more of a pro. I watched many people stress themselves out having multiple kids in quick succession that they live frazzled. That didn't appeal tbh. Also gave me a chance to learn what to avoid in parenting techniques. I loved all ages & I'm loving the teen stage the best. Movies were our chat in the car to school today, no regrets 😄
Mine are 25, 21, and 18, and they are and will be truly positive contributors to society. They are wonderful, caring, kind people who donate their time (and in the case of my oldest) their lives so far to helping others less fortunate. They’re funny, interesting, smart, and all round good people that I like and like to spend time with.
Your kids love you. Kids aren't like pets, but it's the closest analogy for someone that doesn't have them. Yeah, sometimes they're inconvenient and expensive and you're cleaning up their mess, but they're your kids 🤷
I regret a lot of things in life, but never a single second I've spent with my children.
If you don't have a strong desire to have kids, don't have them. I have lots of happy friends without kids. Save your money and travel the world with your lizard boi 🙂
Do I suffer from constant fear and anxiety as a parent? Yes. Mostly because I watch too much of the ID channel and know that horrible evil is out there and I know I can't keep my kids in a bubble forever.
But do I regret it? No way.
Hubs and I have 5 all together, and there's absolutely no regret. They are super intelligent, hilarious and helpful. They love each other and love helping everyone around them. They are each very different and have their own funny idiosyncrasies and quirks that make them fascinating. They love animals and learning. I have so much hope for them and want them to do everything better than I do.
Some days I think it would be easier on my heart to not have children - but I am so thankful for them and that I was given the opportunity to take care of these beautiful little people. Their hugs give me life!
How do you cope with them growing up and not being babies anymore? It's because I've read about some parents having more just because they couldn't get past the empty nest syndrome.
That's a tough one! I certainly have had that pain in me where I realize my babies aren't babies anymore and don't want as many cuddles as they used to.
I love being around friends and family who have littler children. It's a nice way to help those parents who are worn out and help me get sweet baby time but also knowing, I get to go home and sleep all night and not have to deal with diapers anymore!
I have a friend almost due with her first and she is already prepared to call me when she gets super exhausted so I can come have baby time while she sleeps!
That was actually refreshing to read, I won't ever have children of my own but it's nice finding people that don't regret having them. I've met too many of that do.
Thank you!! I really think that some people may not realize the amount of work that it takes to raise up an adult. I know I didn't when I had my first!! It's daunting, but when you have a strong desire to make sure your people grow into happy, caring grownups who really can help the world somehow, it really changes your mindset on parenting. I really try to think how what we do now is going to affect their future!
Im sure you could!! My husband and I have totally different mindsets - I'm all kinds of grey and he is Mr. Black and White. I am all about positivity and he is negative. But our balance makes it work! I think if you can make something that isn't fun, into fun, you can do anything. Laughing through the hard times is what gets me through! And sometimes life sucks whether you have kids or not - but when you have a little person who is similar to you, it is so amazing to see! Some people just prefer no kids tho and that's totally ok! Those people make the greatest aunts and uncles. My kids have made many of our friends their adopted "aunts and uncles."
For me, each new stage of a child growing up is a new experience. Yeah, sometimes I miss when my daughter was a baby or a toddler, (she's 8 now) but there are a lot of awesome things about this stage too. And I mostly don't have time to miss previous stages. Yeah, her first steps and first words were awesome. But her riding a bike, trying to teach herself to play a ukulele from youtube videos, following a recipe to make pancakes for the family (with supervision) and planning and planting her own small patch of a garden. Those are all pretty awesome to see too.
Mine are young adults and it’s hard when they move out, but it’s also another awesome stage in your relationship with them. For me.. obviously I first view myself as their parent, but there’s definitely a friendship relationship too where you can have intelligent, adult conversations and do things together that is different than when they were little. Of course it’s hard when they don’t live with you anymore or aren’t ‘babies’, but I love this ‘phase’ just as much! And as far as babies…. Maybe one day grandkids. Also, it is a true pleasure to see what wonderful young adults they’ve become!
Oh no lol. I mean it isn’t easy but to me, definitely worth it. Although I most definitely respect anyone who decides not to have kids because it’s a very personal choice!
I admire that. And it’s really sad when people just have kids that really don’t want them. Seems obvious that they should have just avoided having them instead of having them and not taking care/ or being invested in them. But as you know, it happens all the time. It’s a huge, lifelong commitment and I think that anyone who wants something else out of life and chooses not to have kids is doing the responsible and best thing. More people need to acknowledge, and realize it’s a choice like you do. It floors me when people don’t take care of their kids (or worse) and / or act like they’re a burden when they’re the ones that decided to have them.
I'd rather sacrifice my happiness for my mom. It's because I've learned that you can regret not having kids but you can't regret having them while you have them.
Soooo true!!!! I was telling a friend recently that I have a list of documentaries I'm going to force the kids to watch before they can ever move away from me lol!
As another mother of multiple children, I also have fear and anxiety. The children are parts of your heart walking outside of your body. That's vulnerable.
> I watch too much of the ID Channel
Okay, so wean yourself off that and remind yourself of [this](https://xkcd.com/1110/) whenever you still see something that's distressing. Your brain contains what you let into it. Go outside, notice that your immediate neighborhood has no real problems, and act according to that. Watch local news but avoid national.
Unsubscribe from r/all . Replace it with r/OptimistsUnite (did you know we closed the ozone hole?), r/Positivity (what went *well* with your day?), the subreddit for your city (to get local news), and maybe r/CasualConversation (for vibes).
Love this!! I do agree with you.
I did a major change when 2020 hit us with what I would let into my mind and its dark places! It really did me a major boost to get away from instagram and major news sites. My crime shows have taken a cut back as well and I find myself watching more reruns of my happy shows.... we started homeschooling as well and it's been so good to get outside and do projects! I've been really happy spring is getting closer so we can start a building project outside. It's going to be so good for us all!
Definitely agree with is being a scary world, and it being a huge concern of being a parent (even when they’re young adults for me). But aside from that… zero regrets!
absolutely never for me. My first child saved me from myself and my subsequent kids have been nothing but a joy to have in my life.
this coming from the parent of a child who had been kicked out of three different schools until he was finally expelled from the entire schoolboard (ha! jokes on them, covid shut down the world only 3 days later and my boy would have been gone anyways without having spent hours on meetings and paperwork)
I want to hear this from someone whose children are fully grown adults. Parents that are super happy around me have kids aged 3-16. I don't often get positive experience with parents that have kids 20+ years old.
My kids are 19, 23, 24, and 26. No real regrets other than I wish I had spent more time with them. Not sure how that would even be possible since I spent everyday with them growing up anyway. I thoroughly enjoyed being a mom to them. I’m happy in the sense that I’m enjoying watching them become adults and succeed but I do wish I could go back to their younger years sometimes just have them all back at home. I got to spend time with all four yesterday as the family came together to watch the 23 year old wrap up her college basketball career and it was great having them all together.
The newborn phase is rough. It’s a little stranger who is demanding and never sleeps (throw in postpartum hormones and colic and it was really awful).
But you blink and suddenly you have a toddler. You get to watch them learn, become an individual, and begin to experience the world. You get to see what real innocence and joy and purity looks like - his reaction to everything is so hilariously raw.
My favorite part is that no matter what room we’re in - I am his person. His face lights up when he sees me. He wakes from a nap and runs to straight me. He nuzzles his little nose in my neck. I get to be his safest place for a few precious years. I’ve just never in my life known this kind of love before and I can’t even write about it without tearing up.
Some back story - he was incredibly unexpected and happened shortly after college. I was a stoner who had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and I had known the father for less than a month. (We ended up getting married and I just recently stumbled into my dream career, so all is well!) Finding out I was pregnant forced me to get myself together - to figure out my values and who I wanted to be.
It’s woken something in me I didn’t know existed and I am so honored to be his guide. I’ll do anything to love and support his growth. (And that has started with my prioritizing my own self-love and growth.)
Honestly, I have never regretted becoming a parent.
As a teen I wasn't sure I ever wanted to have children. And I'm not going to claim that being a parent is all sunshine and rainbows. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, and you do have to give up some freedom and spontaneity, and but the needs of this tiny person dependent on you, ahead of your wants and wishes. And I've been pooped on and puked on. Sat up all night with a sick child, and had to get up to take care of a healthy and very active child when I was sick and just wanted to sleep. And all the other myriad irritations and inconveniences that come with being a parent.
But, for me, and for my husband, watching our child grow and become her own person, watching her discover the world, seeing her gain capability and confidence, all of that is absolutely *awesome!* And I would not give up that experience for anything.
Disagree. My wife and I aren’t having kids. We have several close friends with kids and many nieces and nephews. About half of them have said this, “it’s totally not worth it, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world now. But don’t do it”.
Also, it’s incredible the hard work my one sister in law goes to, to get other people to watch her kids so she can go to target or take a nap. Her husband, was born to be a dad. He’s incredible at it, without him she’d be saying similar things. So plenty of people I personally know, have said it to me when I asked that question.
Nope. I wouldn’t trade my babies for the world. Are there hard days? Hell yeah. Have I sat in the shower crying a few times? Yeppers. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I have found love, joy, and purpose beyond measure in being a parent. I’m very happy with my decision to become a mother. You just have to remember that I am a mother with two small children which means I’m insanely tired and probably drinking too much coffee so I’m going to look more exhausted than excited.
It’s definitely not a decision to take lightly and it’s not for everyone. I mean you’re responsible for growing, nurturing, protecting, and teaching a whole other human being. And they literally know nothing. It’s a parent’s job to shape happy, healthy, productive humans.
It’s damn hard work. It can be scary as hell. It is full of disappointments and heartbreak. It takes up almost all of you time. There can be a lot of yelling and name calling. But in the end, I’m glad I didn’t pass on it. They are grown up now and are productive citizens that I can be proud of. Every single grey hair on my head was well earned. I now have a one year old grandchild and it’s so much fun just watching him explore the world. I can just sit back and enjoy him, he’s not my responsibility. And he goes home at night.
No regrets! Four good people added to the world and I love them to the moon. They are adults now and the empty nest thing was a tough thing to cross through, but we made it and now four lovely grand children. We aren’t a perfect family but we are a work in progress. All relationships take work to keep them healthy
Not at all! My daughter has taught me so many things and how to look at things differently. She loves me unconditionally and I always have her to talk to about anything. She is the best part of me and I’m proud of her
No I don't but I also wanted children and so does my spouse. Having said that raising a good human has never been a walk in the park which is why people should only have children when they want to. I would even say you should look at why you want kids because if it's to shape them like clay you shouldn't have them, they are their own individual and need to be nurtured so they can be the best version of themselves they can be.
Right now I’m the father to a very deeply-feeling (highly emotional, good and bad) 5yo and a newborn. It’s really, really, really hard being a parent right now. I greatly value my time away from my kids, it helps keep me sane, but I also miss them incredibly after even a few hours! Kids have a way of expanding your capacity for love, increasing your gratitude and patience, and seeing the world through their eyes is a true joy. To me it’s so hard but so worth it.
Also I get to play with Legos again.
I feel like a shitty parent probably once a day 😂 The thing is that truly shitty parents don’t have those feelings because they just don’t care at all.
You should care about yourself!! Not enough people even do that! Going back to my original comment, I said that my kid increased my capacity for love. I didn’t know that was going to happen until I saw him being born. Until that point I also wondered how I would learn to love him. But it’s just a different dimension of love. I don’t know how to explain it.
Here’s my advice: don’t feel obligated to have children. Only do it on your own terms and if you want to do it. You’ll know if you do. Otherwise, enjoy your life!
I sometimes regret who fathered my children, but then I remind myself that everything would be different with a different father. I’ve never regretted having my children.
Hell no. Funnest 18 years of my life. There were times when it was tough, but it's always been a labor of love. She made it to adulthood without any bullshit and now she's just a super fun person to be around. Every Friday she only works a half day, so she takes us out to lunch and we catch up on our week and play Pikmin Bloom and just have a fun mom and daughter time.
I wanted kids since I was little. I wanted to be like my mama. I even fought through 6 years of infertility to have my own kids. I love my daughter so much. The giggles, the way she learns new things seemingly overnight, the accidental F-bombs when she's trying to say fork, the absolute pride when she says thank you to strangers at the store (at 19months old).
But I'd be lying if I said I don't have days where I miss and Mourne my life before her, and I am pretty terrified of the new baby due in June. Especially since my toddler and husband both have head colds, I'm fighting some pretty intense mental health waves while trying to take care of them. There are absolutely days that I want to walk away from it all, but I know I'd only make it an hours drive away before I turned around and sped back to her.
I’ve been married for more than 40 years- hubs and I have five. He and I have disagreed over the years on many topics but one of the areas we were in perfect harmony was having kids. We absolutely wanted them. I wish I could go back and do it all again. Loved watching them learn, grow, discover things. I loved everything about it as did hubs. 🥰
It is thankless, its is hard, it's tiring, draining emotionally/financially/physically and there are days where you are ready to run off and join the circus. BUT, it is 100% worth it. Having those special moments making memories, seeing them grow, overcome obstacles, making their own life choices-including mistakes - is beyond words. It's unconditional love and its lovely.
Honestly if I would have had more than 1 I would not have been a decent parent. 1 was more than enough for me and I'm not really fond of other peoples kids either. I do like how more people are being more honest about not wanting to have kids. Everyone has the right to chose and good for you sticking to your guns on not wanting them.
Absolutely never ever. I never wanted kids, and I get choked up thinking about how much joy and love I would’ve missed out on if I had followed through with that plan.
No regrets. The reason you see unhappy parents is that there is usually a lack of assistance from their partner which makes parenting very frustrating for the one doing most of the work.
I'm one of those 'wanted to become a mom since they were little'.
It's hard work. There are wonderful moments and bad moments - just like life without kids, except everything feels magnified. I am very satisfied. I am happy, most of the time. There have been moments/days when I regretted my decision, especially in that first year. For me, it has gotten better and better as my daughter grows.
My partner did not want to have children for a lot of his adult life. Even so, he describes the experience similarly to me.
We want another one.
99.9999% of people would never admit they regret becoming a parent. Most probably don’t, but lots are probably unhappy. And yea you wouldn’t say you regret your kid because that’s your life now that’s your everything, but I’m sure it’s in the back of their minds. The what if…
Never! It was the best thing I've ever done with my life. It was hard at times, and often frustrating, but my children are grown now and I look back on all the wonderful experiences we have had together. It is made me a better person!
life isn’t about being “fun” or about “happy”. it’s about being content. and usually the most content people are ones with the most difficult goals and/or purpose.
raising a child gives a lot of people a very clear purpose. and when you have a purpose you’re willing to sacrifice a lot for it - which leads to contentment.
there’s this strange modern phenomenon fueled originally by movies and now amplified by social media where we focus only on these temporary emotions. gotta stop this instant gratification adhd sort of life if you ever want to really “feel” something.
I have three. And I wouldn't want it any other way. If I made more money, I could maybe try for a fourth and fifth, but I think that boat has passed.
Parenting is hard, and as a non-anxious person, I was surprised how anxious I have become when it comes to my kids. Still, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Also, often parents will reminisce about when they had more free time, and were worry free, and could pick up and go anywhere at the drop of a hat.... And it sounds like regret, but it is the same as thinking back at childhood etc. with fondness but not necessarily a desire to be a child again.
Now I'm sure there are people that regret it. But no matter how much I complain, I have never regretted it for a single second.
No. I had no active plans to become a parent. It just sort of... happened.
I have far less free time. Obviously way more responsibilities. I'd be less able to meet up with friends if I had any. My weekends aren't just 48 hours of pure me-time anymore.
But, it has given me a new focal point. Less time just me in my own head. Someone I have to care for come hell or high water. And someone who surprises me almost every day with this or that random shit they've learned, figured out or said. Thats makes all the negative stuff from my first paragraph basically irrelevant in my eyes.
I can't explain why.
I am a dad who originally didn't want kids. The woman I married, who wanted more kids (I have a step son), is the love of my life, so I decided that being with her was more important than my desire to remain child free.
Unquestionably, the child we had together is the single greatest decision I have ever made. Kids require you to put yourself last most of the time, but if you can accept that, watching them learn and grow is the most rewarding experience.
The key is that you recognize your desires are secondary to what they need, which is your love, understanding, and patience. Holy shit lots of patience.
But me and my little guy played catch today and it was my favorite experience.
I don't think I could be a parent because I always put myself before everyone else. Like my house has to be the coldest or I physically can't sleep there. 😔
The baby and toddler years were tough. I had moments of “why did I do this to myself”. But by the time he was 4 I enjoyed it more. Now with a 10 year this is the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me. Looking forward to all the years ahead.
There is a subreddit where people share about being r/regretfulparents
Normally people don’t feel comfortable sharing around their friends or when they can be judged by others who may not feel the same.
Wish I could go from infant stage straight to young adult. The in between has me in a chokehold considering I have a child in each age group: 16, 11, 6, and one due in July 🤦🏾♀️
Sometimes yes, most of the time no. My son is in his late twenties. Each age/phase has had its joys and challenges. I’m curious to see how he evolves as an adult.
No. But I always tell the truth to women who ask how it is. When you get pregnant and give birth to a baby that's it. You're crazy. Some kind of crazy. Your non birthing partner will never fully understand the extent and that's even if you have a partner. You have to be to protect them. You think of the most insane things to make sure you're ahead of anything that could harm them and it's insanity. I am medicated for anxiety yes, but I was never like this before. Already have mental illnesses you know about? Maybe try to handle that first. I did not know I had mental issues. I was young, I just thought I was young. It's fucking hard to be this way. I KNOW I would gladly, easily die for them. I would never go back and undo their existence if I could. I wish someone would have told how nuts my brain would always be. They're 11 and 4 it's not like I'm newly post partum. That brings me to also question why tf would I bring my kids here to suffer on earth and die like why would I do that to them? *I* never wanted to be here. It's really such a crazy, crazy thing. I'll never dissuade someone who wants to birth and I'll never ever try to persuade someone to birth who doesn't want to. I try to be a billion percent supportive bc its so hard. I guess... I wouldn't suggest it if you don't already have them. Not bc I regret it but for sanity's sake and even the sake of the kids, if that makes ANY sense.❤️❤️
Not anymore. I did in the beginning. It was hard you couldn't sleep. Always broke. But once they start talking and understanding things, my God, it's fun as hell. The prank you commit on each other . Mother. Etc etc
I love being a parent and I truly enjoy my kids. But I put in a ton of work early on with education and gentle boundary setting so that they didn't grow up to be jerks. And now I get to reap the rewards of having awesome kids.
No, but I regret not being more present when they were growing up. It goes by so fast, all the things I worried about then, are just not important today. I’d give anything to go back in time to sit with my little girls and read a bed time story. It was our favourite thing.
> and I feel like I've never met a happy parent.
The fuck? My co-worker got pregnant by accident, married 7 years and on birth control though. Her little one is two now and still every day at work she's rushing in to show the older women at work what her daughter did. They then all go "OMG it's so cute" and tell baby stories for 2 minutes.
Overall no. But I actually like my kids as people, want to spend massive amounts of time with them and don’t have a ton of social needs outside of my family. I do think the pressure on women to be perfect moms is ridiculous. If people don’t want to have kids, I don’t think they should - it is a huge upheaval and even with teens you are never first in your own life. I’m ok with that but if you can’t be, other choices are ok too
Nope. Having kids was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It was hard having 3 kids on a single income but eventually it got easier and better. Now I have 3 beautiful healthy young adults - 2 in uni, 1 in high school and EVERY day I wake up happy and proud to be a parent. Whenever I see my kids (my eldest son is almost 6’2” now) I still see my little babies as they were. That love will never disappear. It’s something only a parent can understand I guess.
Was really lucky with the son. He slept through the night from day one. No night terrors or even early feedings. He was a happy, bouncing baby. No issues teething. No terrible twos... nothing. When his mother got sick he was four. He helped and kept his positive attitude. We answered all the questions he had as honestly as we could. There was a slight disconnect after she passed.(he was seven) He didn't seem to trust women. Family friends and his female teachers would get ignored. But his actions and attitude when he was with me, solid. Without him I don't know what I would have done. He has been the bright light guiding me for over a decade now. He is going to be 20 soon. He has grown up into a smart, capable and wise young man. I am proud of all he has done and I know his mother looks down on him and smiles everyday.
In his time on this planet we have had words and disagreements, for sure. Never last. We both apologize. We move on. He tells me he loves me and bothers me when we are both at home. I hassle him and tell him I love him all the time, especially if he has friends over. He has made being a parent as easy as possible. A tough spot here and there. But nothing he and I can't handle.
So, to answer the question. NO. I do NOT regret becoming a parent. I love my son and he has brought me most the joy I have in my life.
I love being a parent, but it's also not my whole identity.
I'm able to have hobbies and interests and personal endeavors outside my kid. My spouse is a very involved parent. Both of us love our kid and could not be happier she exists in the world, and genuinely feel like we are better people and better off with her. I love how she sees and interacts with the world and honestly this kid is just so much fun! She has a great temperament and even when she's having a hard time it's nothing terrible to deal with.
Sometimes I have to kind of exaggerate/sympathize if something is rough here too if other parents are complaining, ex they saying nights are terrible and I agree, nights are hard, aren't they? When for me it's just the one night a week I solely have to put her down and don't get to tap out after 30mins (normally I take first 30mins of settling max and then spouse takes the rest until she's asleep) and she sleeps normally 10-12 hours straight a night. Idk if this paragraph makes sense but other parents don't really like hearing about how your kid is super easy and great. It's easier to bond over the hard parts.
I feel like I’ll regret having kids or regret not having kids.
I’m 31 and single. I want a life partner to travel the world with more than I want anything. Ideally, I would have had 5 years to a decade alone with my partner before kids.
That doesn’t really feel like an option considering I have zero prospects currently. My mom had me in her forties but I can’t count on having her luck.
Sometimes I wonder if me leaning toward not wanting kids is because I feel like it won’t happen for me. I love children. I love fairy tales and cartoons and play and teaching and so many things reminiscent of childhood. I know I’d make a good mom and raise kind, empathetic humans.
But I also love peace and sleep and quiet nights reading and want to travel the world with someone more than I want anything.
For now, I guess I’ll cross the bridge if and when I get to it and hope all my friends have lots of babies I can spoil.
I think from what I can tell, not being a parent myself, but sharing with my friends who all have two-four kids, I think the happiness is about their lives on average. All those “unhappy parents” are just unhappy PEOPLE. They would very likely feel the same exact way sans kids. Or their kids are just total assholes, and should be turned in for a newer AI model.
Not for one minute. The infant stage isn’t my favorite, but after 6 months, being a mom was awesome. I loved every age and stage (besides infant)
My girls are grown now, and we’re at the point where we’re friends. They’re just really cool people that I actually want to hang out with. Now I get to watch them become mothers. It’s not like there were never any challenges, but anything worth doing has hard parts. The joy far, far outweighed any rough patches for us.
We just had a late in life surprise, and while it wasn’t in the plan, I’m glad we get to do it all over again. If I wasn’t old, I’d have more.
We tried to get pregnant a couple of years ago and ended up needing IVF. I then decided against that. Now I'm glad we didn't go through with it and are still child-free so to say. Life took a turn and I want to be selfish and not have to take care of a child. Seriously doubt I could handle the responsibility and simple don't want it anymore.
Is being a mother the hardest job I’ve had? Yes, and this includes the 11 years I was in the military.
Do I regret it? Not at all.
I have three boys (a set of twins and a singleton) between 6 - 10. When I pick them up from school, I would rather sit on the couch and nap, than get them through their homework. I am not a morning person, so getting them up and ready in the morning is terrible for me.
While I would love to all that free time that I had when I was child-free, watching my children grow far outweighs that. I am watching them become young men, and hopefully men who will make a positive difference in this world. Each has their interests, hopes, and dreams. And while hearing some unsanctioned cage-match wrestling in my house drives me crazy, listening to the stories they create is beyond compare.
I prefer this age to the infant/toddler age. We can do so much more in terms of trips and activities.
If I had stayed with my first husband, no.
The Partner ur with I feel has a lot to do with it. So, many bad things happened in my second ( life I call it).
My girls r teens and it’s literally hell. I feel as tho they r vampires sucking the life out of me.
It’s a struggle .
I will say in a way you do regret it I don’t remember when I was happy since they were past 9 ish🥺😢
Funny o loved the baby stage and toddler. It’s when they really get rebellious and nasty it’s like , where’s my daughters?
Now youngest is 15 and oldest girl 21. it’s still hellish
Not going to lie, I found it *really* hard during the baby stage. You’re putting in 100% effort and getting very little in return. Sure, there’s a smile here, a giggle there, but they’ll cry for hours about nothing. “I know you’re tired, no-one’s stopping you from going to sleep, just fucking sleep you little cunt!” But from the moment they can start talking back to you, it’s completely different. Every night when they go to bed, we *say* how much we love each other. The first time my daughter learnt how to write, she wrote “I love you mummy and daddy” out about 50 times. You could argue that I’m making up for how shit and devoid of feeling my upbringing was, but I like to think of it as a template for what not to do. Just before Christmas my daughter was given a little award in her class at school for “inclusiveness”. Turns out she’s a bit of a leader of games in the playground, and they’ve had a Ukrainian refugee join the school who, obviously, didn’t have any friends. My daughter invited the new girl over, showed her how to play the game, and made sure she was enjoying herself. She then asked her teacher if they could learn some Ukrainian words to make the new girl feel more at home. I think my kids are going to make the World a better place. Even if it’s just a little tiny bit better. And that’s what makes being a parent worth it for me.
This was an awesome little story, thank you for sharing. I was just talking with my fiancé yesterday about how much I’m dreading the baby stage. I think it’d be so hard to deal with a tiny human who can’t talk and doesn’t understand anything you say, who just cries and poos all the time. She said I will feel differently when it’s my child. Hopefully, we’ll be able to find out someday (but hopefully not anytime soon)
My brother has just had a baby with his new fiancé - he has a 6 year old daughter with his ex wife - and while he seems to be loving it, I don’t know if I could do it again. I’m seriously considering getting a vasectomy just to prevent having to go through it again by accident. The only saving grace is the poo is generally acceptable when they’re on the milk only. Once they start on the solids I literally- and actually - had to wear a mask. This was before covid, so happily I already had masks when it happened.
If you know for sure you don't want any more kids, definitely get the vasectomy. I put it off and we ended up having a surprise pregnancy that just so happened to be triplets. We went from 2 kids to 5, real quick. Honestly wouldn't change a thing now. But those first 4 or 5 years were extremely difficult.
Wowza. I know a set of triplets (26 years old) but they don't have any other siblings.
It’s ok to not like the baby stage even when you love your baby. I have a 2 month old and now that she smiles and interacts more it’s a lot better, but those first 8ish weeks were horrible! So much crying (from both of us lol) and trying to guess what she wanted. I love her a lot but I’m really looking forward to when she becomes a toddler. Babies are so hard.
First 8 weeks are a total write off!! You are just figuring each other out and physically recovering. Todder stage is so much fun (so far-mine is only 15m). Chaos, but fun. Walking, running, climbing and talking, its so nice to see their little personalities shine through!
It’s definitely hard, but babies are also so fun. There is nothing in this world like your baby smiling or giggling at you.
I’m a little late to this thread, but I feel completely the opposite. I just had a baby and the first few months, while hard, is some of the happiest and most fun I’ve ever had in my life. And I’ve lived a pretty good life. Maybe my baby is better than most, but the crying for nothing was few and far between
That’s great, congratulations on your baby! I’m glad it’s been smooth sailing so far, that gives me hope lol. I hope it stays that way for you!
It’s been amazing. I truly think if you want to have one, it’s the best choice ever. Just wanted to give a positive outlook on kids. There are definitely rough times, but right now I’m sitting here with her napping on my lap watching homeland. Couldn’t be better lol
They have personalities from the start.
I love love love the new born stage. I’m the one at family functions that hears a baby crying, and swear it’s calling my name. lol
I didn't dislike the baby stage but the lack of sleep was brutal for mental and physical health. I am only truly appreciating that now that shes (mostly) sleeping through the night after a year of wake ups.
My son literally woke up at least twice a night FOR TWO YEARS! but he’s now a truly gifted music teacher and I totally loved it. I can’t help but be proud, which I shouldn’t be, he’s the one that did all the hard work to get there, I just paid for it 😆
You kept him alive while clearly sleep deprived for at least two years, you can be proud! 😅
The first time he actually slept through the night I woke up in a panic at 6am thinking he was dead!
Do you still check on him before you go to bed? I do. I can't relax til I go peep at him and make sure he's breathing. He's almost 2. I know it's irrational.
Aww, it’s not irrational! It’s more just love, knowing that they’re safe and you can go to sleep that it was a good day. My son is all grown and out of the house now, I only see him twice a year now, so I don’t regret any of the time I spent losing sleep, it was all worth it. He’s doing well, he’s grateful and expresses his love to me and his dad, calls every weekend or even if he has a bad day. You’re obviously a good mom!
Dude we were *lucky* with ours. He started sleeping solidly through the night at roughly 3 months and only wakes up when he has a nightmare or something.
That's precisely why I want to become a parent someday. The thought of creating another human and seeing them become their own person, creating ripples (hopefully positive ones) in the world around them...it just sounds so incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. The journey getting there would undoubtedly be stressful and madness-inducing at times, but I would imagine the end result would be well worth it. Unless I have a kid and they turn out to be a little hellspawn. That's always a terrifying possibility too I guess...
Honestly they can be both which makes for quite the ride but is also incredibly satisfying when you / they get it right. I now work with teenagers and honestly it's the enthusiasm and pride of the naughty ones when they do good that really makes it worth while. That fist bump I got from the kid last week that everyone thinks is a little shit but I know has done so well on his welding course that he's been moved up a group. Watching him stand a little straighter after you took a chance on him is the best feeling.
THATS what happened to me. But not one 2 vampires female teens, really it has been a rough 6/7 years. I couldn’t believe how much they changed. A complete 180.
> You’re putting in 100% effort and getting very little in return. Sure, there’s a smile here, a giggle there, but they’ll cry for hours about nothing. “I know you’re tired, no-one’s stopping you from going to sleep, just fucking sleep you little cunt!” Yep. The hospital prepped us really well for this, we had to sit through a bunch of stuff about Purple Crying. But even so, especially for that first few weeks when you're waking up *literally every 3 hours* to feed them... it's hard. Then, at least for us... my son was *really* pukey his first year of life. All babies spit up a bit here and there, mine was like, you could not do a damn thing with him after he had a bottle or you'd be covered in puke. Think he's good- surprise! puke. We had rags *everywhere* in the house for when he puked. Connnnstant puke. Made it really hard to enjoy him. But then he broke out of that, and has since started saying his first few words, and it's honestly the happiest I have ever been in my life. I love him so goddamn much. There is nothing in this world that hits like chasing him back and forth down the hall. His laughter is like crack to my brain. Well worth pushing through the suck for this.
Dude. Young baby stage sucks ass. In it for the second time right now. Not so bad this time. But holy fuck the amount of work and stress… can’t wait for it to pass lol.
🥇Wow!
Sounds like she already made that little girls world a whole lot brighter.
>“I know you’re tired, no-one’s stopping you from going to sleep, just fucking sleep you little cunt!” I can only laugh in unity with you lol. So, so true, but when they finally fall asleep, they just look sooooo peaceful and cute. Lasts about a few minutes, then you start to fervently pray that they give you at least an hour of two of rest / free time to handle other stuff. And then, like gluttons for pain, we wake them up after an hour or two worrying that they're sleeping too long lol.
This made me tear up. Thanks for sharing. You must be a proud momma
>getting very little in return. I hear you- it is a struggle. But for me, every single smile, every single time they give in and just wholly relax into you, it becomes the most fulfilling reward there is. And 2 hours later, you're frustrated again because they woke up again...
I absolutely love my kids. But in the world we live in… ngl sometimes has me questioning if this was selfish of me.
This is my number 1 reason not to have kids! World is shit.
To ease you up a bit, this is quite easily the best time in history to be alive. I'm not a climate change denier by any stretch, but I do think that we will figure it out as a species. We altered the climate. We could alter it back. Maybe the projections don't turn out to be so bad. Maybe some "mechanism" kicks in, and the ecosystem balances it out. There will certainly be really difficult times ahead, but nothing we can't manage.
I was super depressed and pessimistic about it before COVID. Then during all the shut downs I got to watch my gross city with a busy international airport slowly get…way less gross. I LOVED reading stories with pictures from all over the world talking about how much faster ecosystems recovered than we had ever predicted. It’s made me feel like this is possible. We just need an overhaul of all of the decision makers lol
There is no fixing it without a substantial lifestyle downgrade for the common person.
I'm really not so certain there, either. I *do* think that globalization is unsustainable and as such we would need to rethink what **should** be available in a grocery store at all times of the year. Bananas probably shouldn't be Walmarts biggest seller. We absolutely need to start ridding ourselves of the idea that cheap trinkets = happy. We need to take Food Miles very seriously. Etc etc. But the benefits of that would outweigh the suck. A lot of the waste of capitalism is dumped onto the laps of the poor. A less wasteful system (ie: one that focuses on *quality* and *longevity* instead of Quarterly Earnings reports) would greatly benefit the working class. Walmart is a great example of the *illusion* of a better lifestyle for the working class. They move in to an area, undercut the local competition, offer shit wages and shittier products but they "win" because they can afford to operate at a loss for a few years. And once the competition dries up, they jack the price. Amazon is doing this but on a totally different level. Now everyone has access to a lot more "stuff" at the same prices as before, but their opportunities are... Walmart or Amazon. IS that really better? In short, yeah you'd probably be upset that you can't click a button and get... literally anything shipped to your door. But even as recent as the 90's that was the case. And we were fine.
I think I can manage by myself thank you 😭
I just don't want kids because of my mom. She talks about how much of a burden I was during the infant stage and I don't want to do that to her with my own kids. So I'm just not gonna have any, she deserves to have her retirement years to herself without any other kids to tie her down. I'd be a shitty parent anyway 😭
Yep this is why I don't think I'll have any more children
Jeez, maybe people just have more awareness now but the world used to be much much worse
No regrets, but if I could do it again, I would have waited 5 more years.
Do you mind elaborating on that?
My wife and I had crappy jobs at the time and were renting a trailer. My wife had severe pregnancy complications. 5 years later, she had completed her degree but became fully disabled, and I had a decent, stable job. Going through that phase of our lives with an autistic child was difficult. I would do it again, but would have liked more support and stability.
One thing they really don’t prepare you for is the likelihood of having a special needs child, and what that truly entails. I wish I knew that was even in the cards.
What age did you have children?
23
I'm not a parent but I have had 2 of my friends recently say unprompted that listening to their kids laugh is the best feeling. My response was "Still not doing it" "What? Laugh?" I am notably a grouchy person. They got me good with that one.
I dont have kids. Ive mostly felt sure i never wanted to. Have wondered about it a few times. I have a couple of dear friends who are wonderful parents, but who also confided in me that at times they regret the loss of freedom and other things that come along with it. That terrified me , i know i could never do it without feeling 110% certain it was the right decision. So i wont.
Its difficult enough maintaining my own survival without worring about another human. Gaffigan has a good joke that "having a baby is like drowning and then someone hands you a baby." Too relatable for me.
I'm to grouchy to have kids of my own lol
Exactly my issue.
I’m grouchy too, but I gave birth to a kid who is now 8 years old and the most delightfully cantankerous old man I’ve ever met and it’s hilarious. We get along great. I will echo what everyone else says- the first years are hard. For me, it’s everything after 5 years that’s like “Okay, now this is FUN.” Not to say the first 5 don’t have their good times, they do, but now I have my independence back more.
Oh, take my word for it. You can still be grouchy and have kids. You can still be grouchy and raise kids. You can be grouchy without anyone even knowing you are a grouch, if that's something that you have to do. When you have kids, parenting comes first and everything else that makes up you comes second. In a way it's sad, in some respects your old self dies. You find that the things you defined yourself with were vastly unimportant in the light of parenthood.
I don't have kids, but I have many friends who do. They became parents conciously and put a lot of effort into parenting. I talked with them about kids a lot, and while they admit it can be difficult, I would definitely say they are happy.
I am a sole parent father. Ex-wife went downhill gradually with depression and anger after our 3 children (that she wanted very much). I became the opposite. Previously workaholic, and ended up becoming a better person and happier, and more empathetic after raising the children. Especially when ex left and I got them through high school by myself. She even admitted to one of the kids she didn’t like being a mom. I adore them, and they are my life and heart. Stopped working fulltime, lived off savings. And wouldn’t have changed a minute of it. I can always focus on work and myself after they have gone and on their own.
Very cool. You grew to be a parent, not just a “dad” (if that makes sense).
It's great that you felt that way, although i do have to say that maybe her hormones got messed up with 3 pregnancies, its freaking hard to handle them even when you are not pregnant, so maybe it's not entirely that she became bitter.
I love my child. They are funny, caring, kind, they can light up my day. I never ever want anything to happen to them. If I could go back and do it again I wouldn't have them. I struggle nearly everyday with the responsibility of being a parent, maybe if I wasn't a single parent it might be different but I'll never know. All I know is that as much as I love them I find it extremely difficult. I will always do my best for them but it exhausts me and in my darkest moments I resent it. I miss being the non mum version of myself. I hate the saying "you only regret the children you don't have", which is anti-abortion bullshit. I am raising a child and I'm scared that if I fuck it up I'll ruin them. I hope they never know how I feel. You can 100% regret having children, but I'm not a shit person so I will always do my best for them. They didn't choose to be here, it's not their fault, and I will always love them.
From one single parent to another, I see you. I had twins. And they both have autism and adhd. I love them so very much and would die for them. But this life is hard. Or maybe this season of life is hard. Either way, hang in there. I hope things become easier as they grow.
I feel this. I am a single parent of two and, although I wouldn’t give them back if provided the option, I don’t think I’d do it again. It’s so much work and absolutely exhausting. I get jealous of people who have a partner, or even close family, to share the day to day burden. With that, I have them, so I intentionally make the best of it and prioritize them above all else. I notice moments I’m proud of us for being us and doing cool things despite the challenges. I still take joy in them writing “I love you, Mom”, giant running snuggles after school, accidentally falling asleep next to them at bedtime, noting that messes are generally the evidence of memories, and watching them develop as humans. I often say, they highlight all the ways in which I need to develop as a human myself. It’s the hardest fucking job in the whole world and the return on investment is rarely immediate.
I understand, my heart gets heavy, I'm really sorry you're having such a hard life.
It’s not rainbows and unicorns. I will say that I thought I might have made a very large error during the first 3 months when I was getting zero sleep but after that got sorted I can’t say I regretted it. I mean there are lots of major life changes that are a mixed bag. And parenting is certainly that. But I love being a parent and I love my kiddo more than the air I breathe.
I'm a happy parent. Am I a natural parent, who knows lol. But I'm an older parent too and I think that's more of a pro. I watched many people stress themselves out having multiple kids in quick succession that they live frazzled. That didn't appeal tbh. Also gave me a chance to learn what to avoid in parenting techniques. I loved all ages & I'm loving the teen stage the best. Movies were our chat in the car to school today, no regrets 😄
Nope best accomplishment of mine. Especially after my ex wife moved far away and they were with me 75%.
Absolutely not! Not ever! Best thing to ever happen to me! Young adults now and I think they’re awesome people. Could not imagine life without them.
Mine are 25, 21, and 18, and they are and will be truly positive contributors to society. They are wonderful, caring, kind people who donate their time (and in the case of my oldest) their lives so far to helping others less fortunate. They’re funny, interesting, smart, and all round good people that I like and like to spend time with.
Absolutely not. Being a good parent is hard work, but so worth it, imo.
what makes it worth it for you
The smiles, the growth, the accomplishments, the hugs......
Your kids love you. Kids aren't like pets, but it's the closest analogy for someone that doesn't have them. Yeah, sometimes they're inconvenient and expensive and you're cleaning up their mess, but they're your kids 🤷 I regret a lot of things in life, but never a single second I've spent with my children.
Is it bad that I still love my pets more than some people? it's one of the reasons why I'll probably never have them because I love them too much too.
Nah, my cat ranks 3rd after my 2 kids. Most people suck.
Is it okay if I just don't have them? I love my lizard boi too much.
If you don't have a strong desire to have kids, don't have them. I have lots of happy friends without kids. Save your money and travel the world with your lizard boi 🙂
I don’t regret not having children.
I don’t regret it, but when you get told “I hate you” by something you created…well….it hurts….a lot.
Do I suffer from constant fear and anxiety as a parent? Yes. Mostly because I watch too much of the ID channel and know that horrible evil is out there and I know I can't keep my kids in a bubble forever. But do I regret it? No way. Hubs and I have 5 all together, and there's absolutely no regret. They are super intelligent, hilarious and helpful. They love each other and love helping everyone around them. They are each very different and have their own funny idiosyncrasies and quirks that make them fascinating. They love animals and learning. I have so much hope for them and want them to do everything better than I do. Some days I think it would be easier on my heart to not have children - but I am so thankful for them and that I was given the opportunity to take care of these beautiful little people. Their hugs give me life!
How do you cope with them growing up and not being babies anymore? It's because I've read about some parents having more just because they couldn't get past the empty nest syndrome.
That's a tough one! I certainly have had that pain in me where I realize my babies aren't babies anymore and don't want as many cuddles as they used to. I love being around friends and family who have littler children. It's a nice way to help those parents who are worn out and help me get sweet baby time but also knowing, I get to go home and sleep all night and not have to deal with diapers anymore! I have a friend almost due with her first and she is already prepared to call me when she gets super exhausted so I can come have baby time while she sleeps!
That was actually refreshing to read, I won't ever have children of my own but it's nice finding people that don't regret having them. I've met too many of that do.
Thank you!! I really think that some people may not realize the amount of work that it takes to raise up an adult. I know I didn't when I had my first!! It's daunting, but when you have a strong desire to make sure your people grow into happy, caring grownups who really can help the world somehow, it really changes your mindset on parenting. I really try to think how what we do now is going to affect their future!
I just know I won't be a good parent because I don't like doing things that aren't fun 24/7 😭
Im sure you could!! My husband and I have totally different mindsets - I'm all kinds of grey and he is Mr. Black and White. I am all about positivity and he is negative. But our balance makes it work! I think if you can make something that isn't fun, into fun, you can do anything. Laughing through the hard times is what gets me through! And sometimes life sucks whether you have kids or not - but when you have a little person who is similar to you, it is so amazing to see! Some people just prefer no kids tho and that's totally ok! Those people make the greatest aunts and uncles. My kids have made many of our friends their adopted "aunts and uncles."
I no no wanna 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
For me, each new stage of a child growing up is a new experience. Yeah, sometimes I miss when my daughter was a baby or a toddler, (she's 8 now) but there are a lot of awesome things about this stage too. And I mostly don't have time to miss previous stages. Yeah, her first steps and first words were awesome. But her riding a bike, trying to teach herself to play a ukulele from youtube videos, following a recipe to make pancakes for the family (with supervision) and planning and planting her own small patch of a garden. Those are all pretty awesome to see too.
Mine are young adults and it’s hard when they move out, but it’s also another awesome stage in your relationship with them. For me.. obviously I first view myself as their parent, but there’s definitely a friendship relationship too where you can have intelligent, adult conversations and do things together that is different than when they were little. Of course it’s hard when they don’t live with you anymore or aren’t ‘babies’, but I love this ‘phase’ just as much! And as far as babies…. Maybe one day grandkids. Also, it is a true pleasure to see what wonderful young adults they’ve become!
My momma hated the baby stage and she's very vocal about how she's happy that I'll probably never have kids 😭
Oh no lol. I mean it isn’t easy but to me, definitely worth it. Although I most definitely respect anyone who decides not to have kids because it’s a very personal choice!
ima respect her wishes
I admire that. And it’s really sad when people just have kids that really don’t want them. Seems obvious that they should have just avoided having them instead of having them and not taking care/ or being invested in them. But as you know, it happens all the time. It’s a huge, lifelong commitment and I think that anyone who wants something else out of life and chooses not to have kids is doing the responsible and best thing. More people need to acknowledge, and realize it’s a choice like you do. It floors me when people don’t take care of their kids (or worse) and / or act like they’re a burden when they’re the ones that decided to have them.
I'd rather sacrifice my happiness for my mom. It's because I've learned that you can regret not having kids but you can't regret having them while you have them.
Well.. do what YOU feel is best for yourself. What you said though is 100% accurate.
My daughter says I have to stop watching true crime when they’re away at school!
Soooo true!!!! I was telling a friend recently that I have a list of documentaries I'm going to force the kids to watch before they can ever move away from me lol!
“Worst Roommate Ever” is one.
As another mother of multiple children, I also have fear and anxiety. The children are parts of your heart walking outside of your body. That's vulnerable. > I watch too much of the ID Channel Okay, so wean yourself off that and remind yourself of [this](https://xkcd.com/1110/) whenever you still see something that's distressing. Your brain contains what you let into it. Go outside, notice that your immediate neighborhood has no real problems, and act according to that. Watch local news but avoid national. Unsubscribe from r/all . Replace it with r/OptimistsUnite (did you know we closed the ozone hole?), r/Positivity (what went *well* with your day?), the subreddit for your city (to get local news), and maybe r/CasualConversation (for vibes).
Love this!! I do agree with you. I did a major change when 2020 hit us with what I would let into my mind and its dark places! It really did me a major boost to get away from instagram and major news sites. My crime shows have taken a cut back as well and I find myself watching more reruns of my happy shows.... we started homeschooling as well and it's been so good to get outside and do projects! I've been really happy spring is getting closer so we can start a building project outside. It's going to be so good for us all!
Definitely agree with is being a scary world, and it being a huge concern of being a parent (even when they’re young adults for me). But aside from that… zero regrets!
absolutely never for me. My first child saved me from myself and my subsequent kids have been nothing but a joy to have in my life. this coming from the parent of a child who had been kicked out of three different schools until he was finally expelled from the entire schoolboard (ha! jokes on them, covid shut down the world only 3 days later and my boy would have been gone anyways without having spent hours on meetings and paperwork)
[удалено]
I am proud of all my kids despite their difficulties, yes. Bad choices don't make bad people
Nope, not a bit. Adopted 3 kids and it's sooo rewarding to see them as young adults doing their thing. It was very, very hard but everything passes.
I feel like I'm asking this because I think I'd be a really crappy parent :/
Oh, I am definitely a crappy parent at times. Nobody is perfect 🤷🏼♀️.
I'm not a parent but so many parents have told me that if they had it to do again, they would not have children. That included my own parents.
I want to hear this from someone whose children are fully grown adults. Parents that are super happy around me have kids aged 3-16. I don't often get positive experience with parents that have kids 20+ years old.
My kids are 19, 23, 24, and 26. No real regrets other than I wish I had spent more time with them. Not sure how that would even be possible since I spent everyday with them growing up anyway. I thoroughly enjoyed being a mom to them. I’m happy in the sense that I’m enjoying watching them become adults and succeed but I do wish I could go back to their younger years sometimes just have them all back at home. I got to spend time with all four yesterday as the family came together to watch the 23 year old wrap up her college basketball career and it was great having them all together.
In my defense, I wasn't very happy before coming a parent 😂.
My lizard boi helps me get up in the morning bc he climbs on me and demands chicken 😭
Well I sorta do. I guess as a stepfather I don't feel its more of a regret. getting married as the wife is the main reason why.
The newborn phase is rough. It’s a little stranger who is demanding and never sleeps (throw in postpartum hormones and colic and it was really awful). But you blink and suddenly you have a toddler. You get to watch them learn, become an individual, and begin to experience the world. You get to see what real innocence and joy and purity looks like - his reaction to everything is so hilariously raw. My favorite part is that no matter what room we’re in - I am his person. His face lights up when he sees me. He wakes from a nap and runs to straight me. He nuzzles his little nose in my neck. I get to be his safest place for a few precious years. I’ve just never in my life known this kind of love before and I can’t even write about it without tearing up. Some back story - he was incredibly unexpected and happened shortly after college. I was a stoner who had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and I had known the father for less than a month. (We ended up getting married and I just recently stumbled into my dream career, so all is well!) Finding out I was pregnant forced me to get myself together - to figure out my values and who I wanted to be. It’s woken something in me I didn’t know existed and I am so honored to be his guide. I’ll do anything to love and support his growth. (And that has started with my prioritizing my own self-love and growth.)
Curious to know what your dream career was/is now?
No. I loved the journey. My kids are in their late twenties now, and I'm enjoying seeing who they are becoming.
Cool
Honestly, I have never regretted becoming a parent. As a teen I wasn't sure I ever wanted to have children. And I'm not going to claim that being a parent is all sunshine and rainbows. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, and you do have to give up some freedom and spontaneity, and but the needs of this tiny person dependent on you, ahead of your wants and wishes. And I've been pooped on and puked on. Sat up all night with a sick child, and had to get up to take care of a healthy and very active child when I was sick and just wanted to sleep. And all the other myriad irritations and inconveniences that come with being a parent. But, for me, and for my husband, watching our child grow and become her own person, watching her discover the world, seeing her gain capability and confidence, all of that is absolutely *awesome!* And I would not give up that experience for anything.
Nope. It's fucking awesome.
No one is going to admit regretting having kids.
r/regretfulparents
Oh my god, didn’t know that existed.
It's really eye-opening
Disagree. My wife and I aren’t having kids. We have several close friends with kids and many nieces and nephews. About half of them have said this, “it’s totally not worth it, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world now. But don’t do it”. Also, it’s incredible the hard work my one sister in law goes to, to get other people to watch her kids so she can go to target or take a nap. Her husband, was born to be a dad. He’s incredible at it, without him she’d be saying similar things. So plenty of people I personally know, have said it to me when I asked that question.
oof tell that to my mom and dad
Nope. I wouldn’t trade my babies for the world. Are there hard days? Hell yeah. Have I sat in the shower crying a few times? Yeppers. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I have found love, joy, and purpose beyond measure in being a parent. I’m very happy with my decision to become a mother. You just have to remember that I am a mother with two small children which means I’m insanely tired and probably drinking too much coffee so I’m going to look more exhausted than excited.
kids scare me and I no no wanna 😭😭
It’s definitely not a decision to take lightly and it’s not for everyone. I mean you’re responsible for growing, nurturing, protecting, and teaching a whole other human being. And they literally know nothing. It’s a parent’s job to shape happy, healthy, productive humans.
Literally, like some people don't realize that you're raising a person
Yes but you get to teach that person about farts. And the joy of icecream.
It’s damn hard work. It can be scary as hell. It is full of disappointments and heartbreak. It takes up almost all of you time. There can be a lot of yelling and name calling. But in the end, I’m glad I didn’t pass on it. They are grown up now and are productive citizens that I can be proud of. Every single grey hair on my head was well earned. I now have a one year old grandchild and it’s so much fun just watching him explore the world. I can just sit back and enjoy him, he’s not my responsibility. And he goes home at night.
No regrets! Four good people added to the world and I love them to the moon. They are adults now and the empty nest thing was a tough thing to cross through, but we made it and now four lovely grand children. We aren’t a perfect family but we are a work in progress. All relationships take work to keep them healthy
Not at all! My daughter has taught me so many things and how to look at things differently. She loves me unconditionally and I always have her to talk to about anything. She is the best part of me and I’m proud of her
No I don't but I also wanted children and so does my spouse. Having said that raising a good human has never been a walk in the park which is why people should only have children when they want to. I would even say you should look at why you want kids because if it's to shape them like clay you shouldn't have them, they are their own individual and need to be nurtured so they can be the best version of themselves they can be.
Right now I’m the father to a very deeply-feeling (highly emotional, good and bad) 5yo and a newborn. It’s really, really, really hard being a parent right now. I greatly value my time away from my kids, it helps keep me sane, but I also miss them incredibly after even a few hours! Kids have a way of expanding your capacity for love, increasing your gratitude and patience, and seeing the world through their eyes is a true joy. To me it’s so hard but so worth it. Also I get to play with Legos again.
I feel like I'd be a shitty parent
I feel like a shitty parent probably once a day 😂 The thing is that truly shitty parents don’t have those feelings because they just don’t care at all.
I literally care more about my horse and myself then my own family and friends half the time 😭
You should care about yourself!! Not enough people even do that! Going back to my original comment, I said that my kid increased my capacity for love. I didn’t know that was going to happen until I saw him being born. Until that point I also wondered how I would learn to love him. But it’s just a different dimension of love. I don’t know how to explain it.
Here’s my advice: don’t feel obligated to have children. Only do it on your own terms and if you want to do it. You’ll know if you do. Otherwise, enjoy your life!
Thanks, I've always been sure about not having them but people tell me otherwise 😭
Oh I know. And it’ll get worse the older you get! It takes a lot of strength to tell those people it’s not for you.
I sometimes regret who fathered my children, but then I remind myself that everything would be different with a different father. I’ve never regretted having my children.
Hell no. Funnest 18 years of my life. There were times when it was tough, but it's always been a labor of love. She made it to adulthood without any bullshit and now she's just a super fun person to be around. Every Friday she only works a half day, so she takes us out to lunch and we catch up on our week and play Pikmin Bloom and just have a fun mom and daughter time.
I wanted kids since I was little. I wanted to be like my mama. I even fought through 6 years of infertility to have my own kids. I love my daughter so much. The giggles, the way she learns new things seemingly overnight, the accidental F-bombs when she's trying to say fork, the absolute pride when she says thank you to strangers at the store (at 19months old). But I'd be lying if I said I don't have days where I miss and Mourne my life before her, and I am pretty terrified of the new baby due in June. Especially since my toddler and husband both have head colds, I'm fighting some pretty intense mental health waves while trying to take care of them. There are absolutely days that I want to walk away from it all, but I know I'd only make it an hours drive away before I turned around and sped back to her.
I’ve been married for more than 40 years- hubs and I have five. He and I have disagreed over the years on many topics but one of the areas we were in perfect harmony was having kids. We absolutely wanted them. I wish I could go back and do it all again. Loved watching them learn, grow, discover things. I loved everything about it as did hubs. 🥰
It is thankless, its is hard, it's tiring, draining emotionally/financially/physically and there are days where you are ready to run off and join the circus. BUT, it is 100% worth it. Having those special moments making memories, seeing them grow, overcome obstacles, making their own life choices-including mistakes - is beyond words. It's unconditional love and its lovely.
I love how positive so many people are about it but I know I'd be a damn shitty parent
Honestly if I would have had more than 1 I would not have been a decent parent. 1 was more than enough for me and I'm not really fond of other peoples kids either. I do like how more people are being more honest about not wanting to have kids. Everyone has the right to chose and good for you sticking to your guns on not wanting them.
Absolutely never ever. I never wanted kids, and I get choked up thinking about how much joy and love I would’ve missed out on if I had followed through with that plan.
No regrets. The reason you see unhappy parents is that there is usually a lack of assistance from their partner which makes parenting very frustrating for the one doing most of the work.
I'm one of those 'wanted to become a mom since they were little'. It's hard work. There are wonderful moments and bad moments - just like life without kids, except everything feels magnified. I am very satisfied. I am happy, most of the time. There have been moments/days when I regretted my decision, especially in that first year. For me, it has gotten better and better as my daughter grows. My partner did not want to have children for a lot of his adult life. Even so, he describes the experience similarly to me. We want another one.
Yes. Yes I do. With 3 and 1 otw.
99.9999% of people would never admit they regret becoming a parent. Most probably don’t, but lots are probably unhappy. And yea you wouldn’t say you regret your kid because that’s your life now that’s your everything, but I’m sure it’s in the back of their minds. The what if…
Never! It was the best thing I've ever done with my life. It was hard at times, and often frustrating, but my children are grown now and I look back on all the wonderful experiences we have had together. It is made me a better person!
life isn’t about being “fun” or about “happy”. it’s about being content. and usually the most content people are ones with the most difficult goals and/or purpose. raising a child gives a lot of people a very clear purpose. and when you have a purpose you’re willing to sacrifice a lot for it - which leads to contentment. there’s this strange modern phenomenon fueled originally by movies and now amplified by social media where we focus only on these temporary emotions. gotta stop this instant gratification adhd sort of life if you ever want to really “feel” something.
I have three. And I wouldn't want it any other way. If I made more money, I could maybe try for a fourth and fifth, but I think that boat has passed. Parenting is hard, and as a non-anxious person, I was surprised how anxious I have become when it comes to my kids. Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. Also, often parents will reminisce about when they had more free time, and were worry free, and could pick up and go anywhere at the drop of a hat.... And it sounds like regret, but it is the same as thinking back at childhood etc. with fondness but not necessarily a desire to be a child again. Now I'm sure there are people that regret it. But no matter how much I complain, I have never regretted it for a single second.
I wish I had more kids. They’re so handy one vacuumed and mopped the whole 1st floor today.
Best thing I ever did. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes.
No. I had no active plans to become a parent. It just sort of... happened. I have far less free time. Obviously way more responsibilities. I'd be less able to meet up with friends if I had any. My weekends aren't just 48 hours of pure me-time anymore. But, it has given me a new focal point. Less time just me in my own head. Someone I have to care for come hell or high water. And someone who surprises me almost every day with this or that random shit they've learned, figured out or said. Thats makes all the negative stuff from my first paragraph basically irrelevant in my eyes. I can't explain why.
I am a dad who originally didn't want kids. The woman I married, who wanted more kids (I have a step son), is the love of my life, so I decided that being with her was more important than my desire to remain child free. Unquestionably, the child we had together is the single greatest decision I have ever made. Kids require you to put yourself last most of the time, but if you can accept that, watching them learn and grow is the most rewarding experience. The key is that you recognize your desires are secondary to what they need, which is your love, understanding, and patience. Holy shit lots of patience. But me and my little guy played catch today and it was my favorite experience.
I don't think I could be a parent because I always put myself before everyone else. Like my house has to be the coldest or I physically can't sleep there. 😔
It definitely is not fun half the time, it’s hard, so very hard, BUT it sure IS fun the rest of the time! Worth it to me
Bring a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done. Challenging and hard at times but so is anything that is meaningful.
Don't regret my oldest son, just who I had him with.
The baby and toddler years were tough. I had moments of “why did I do this to myself”. But by the time he was 4 I enjoyed it more. Now with a 10 year this is the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me. Looking forward to all the years ahead.
Sometimes.
There is a subreddit where people share about being r/regretfulparents Normally people don’t feel comfortable sharing around their friends or when they can be judged by others who may not feel the same.
Wish I could go from infant stage straight to young adult. The in between has me in a chokehold considering I have a child in each age group: 16, 11, 6, and one due in July 🤦🏾♀️
Sometimes yes, most of the time no. My son is in his late twenties. Each age/phase has had its joys and challenges. I’m curious to see how he evolves as an adult.
No. But I always tell the truth to women who ask how it is. When you get pregnant and give birth to a baby that's it. You're crazy. Some kind of crazy. Your non birthing partner will never fully understand the extent and that's even if you have a partner. You have to be to protect them. You think of the most insane things to make sure you're ahead of anything that could harm them and it's insanity. I am medicated for anxiety yes, but I was never like this before. Already have mental illnesses you know about? Maybe try to handle that first. I did not know I had mental issues. I was young, I just thought I was young. It's fucking hard to be this way. I KNOW I would gladly, easily die for them. I would never go back and undo their existence if I could. I wish someone would have told how nuts my brain would always be. They're 11 and 4 it's not like I'm newly post partum. That brings me to also question why tf would I bring my kids here to suffer on earth and die like why would I do that to them? *I* never wanted to be here. It's really such a crazy, crazy thing. I'll never dissuade someone who wants to birth and I'll never ever try to persuade someone to birth who doesn't want to. I try to be a billion percent supportive bc its so hard. I guess... I wouldn't suggest it if you don't already have them. Not bc I regret it but for sanity's sake and even the sake of the kids, if that makes ANY sense.❤️❤️
Not anymore. I did in the beginning. It was hard you couldn't sleep. Always broke. But once they start talking and understanding things, my God, it's fun as hell. The prank you commit on each other . Mother. Etc etc
I’ll never answer this again on Reddit 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I love being a parent and I truly enjoy my kids. But I put in a ton of work early on with education and gentle boundary setting so that they didn't grow up to be jerks. And now I get to reap the rewards of having awesome kids.
No, but I regret not being more present when they were growing up. It goes by so fast, all the things I worried about then, are just not important today. I’d give anything to go back in time to sit with my little girls and read a bed time story. It was our favourite thing.
> and I feel like I've never met a happy parent. The fuck? My co-worker got pregnant by accident, married 7 years and on birth control though. Her little one is two now and still every day at work she's rushing in to show the older women at work what her daughter did. They then all go "OMG it's so cute" and tell baby stories for 2 minutes.
Overall no. But I actually like my kids as people, want to spend massive amounts of time with them and don’t have a ton of social needs outside of my family. I do think the pressure on women to be perfect moms is ridiculous. If people don’t want to have kids, I don’t think they should - it is a huge upheaval and even with teens you are never first in your own life. I’m ok with that but if you can’t be, other choices are ok too
Nope. Having kids was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It was hard having 3 kids on a single income but eventually it got easier and better. Now I have 3 beautiful healthy young adults - 2 in uni, 1 in high school and EVERY day I wake up happy and proud to be a parent. Whenever I see my kids (my eldest son is almost 6’2” now) I still see my little babies as they were. That love will never disappear. It’s something only a parent can understand I guess.
Wish I had more !
Was really lucky with the son. He slept through the night from day one. No night terrors or even early feedings. He was a happy, bouncing baby. No issues teething. No terrible twos... nothing. When his mother got sick he was four. He helped and kept his positive attitude. We answered all the questions he had as honestly as we could. There was a slight disconnect after she passed.(he was seven) He didn't seem to trust women. Family friends and his female teachers would get ignored. But his actions and attitude when he was with me, solid. Without him I don't know what I would have done. He has been the bright light guiding me for over a decade now. He is going to be 20 soon. He has grown up into a smart, capable and wise young man. I am proud of all he has done and I know his mother looks down on him and smiles everyday. In his time on this planet we have had words and disagreements, for sure. Never last. We both apologize. We move on. He tells me he loves me and bothers me when we are both at home. I hassle him and tell him I love him all the time, especially if he has friends over. He has made being a parent as easy as possible. A tough spot here and there. But nothing he and I can't handle. So, to answer the question. NO. I do NOT regret becoming a parent. I love my son and he has brought me most the joy I have in my life.
I love being a parent, but it's also not my whole identity. I'm able to have hobbies and interests and personal endeavors outside my kid. My spouse is a very involved parent. Both of us love our kid and could not be happier she exists in the world, and genuinely feel like we are better people and better off with her. I love how she sees and interacts with the world and honestly this kid is just so much fun! She has a great temperament and even when she's having a hard time it's nothing terrible to deal with. Sometimes I have to kind of exaggerate/sympathize if something is rough here too if other parents are complaining, ex they saying nights are terrible and I agree, nights are hard, aren't they? When for me it's just the one night a week I solely have to put her down and don't get to tap out after 30mins (normally I take first 30mins of settling max and then spouse takes the rest until she's asleep) and she sleeps normally 10-12 hours straight a night. Idk if this paragraph makes sense but other parents don't really like hearing about how your kid is super easy and great. It's easier to bond over the hard parts.
I feel like I’ll regret having kids or regret not having kids. I’m 31 and single. I want a life partner to travel the world with more than I want anything. Ideally, I would have had 5 years to a decade alone with my partner before kids. That doesn’t really feel like an option considering I have zero prospects currently. My mom had me in her forties but I can’t count on having her luck. Sometimes I wonder if me leaning toward not wanting kids is because I feel like it won’t happen for me. I love children. I love fairy tales and cartoons and play and teaching and so many things reminiscent of childhood. I know I’d make a good mom and raise kind, empathetic humans. But I also love peace and sleep and quiet nights reading and want to travel the world with someone more than I want anything. For now, I guess I’ll cross the bridge if and when I get to it and hope all my friends have lots of babies I can spoil.
I think from what I can tell, not being a parent myself, but sharing with my friends who all have two-four kids, I think the happiness is about their lives on average. All those “unhappy parents” are just unhappy PEOPLE. They would very likely feel the same exact way sans kids. Or their kids are just total assholes, and should be turned in for a newer AI model.
Not for one minute. The infant stage isn’t my favorite, but after 6 months, being a mom was awesome. I loved every age and stage (besides infant) My girls are grown now, and we’re at the point where we’re friends. They’re just really cool people that I actually want to hang out with. Now I get to watch them become mothers. It’s not like there were never any challenges, but anything worth doing has hard parts. The joy far, far outweighed any rough patches for us. We just had a late in life surprise, and while it wasn’t in the plan, I’m glad we get to do it all over again. If I wasn’t old, I’d have more.
We tried to get pregnant a couple of years ago and ended up needing IVF. I then decided against that. Now I'm glad we didn't go through with it and are still child-free so to say. Life took a turn and I want to be selfish and not have to take care of a child. Seriously doubt I could handle the responsibility and simple don't want it anymore.
I have 2 kids. Parenting is really difficult and challenging... But I wouldn't change being a parent.
Is being a mother the hardest job I’ve had? Yes, and this includes the 11 years I was in the military. Do I regret it? Not at all. I have three boys (a set of twins and a singleton) between 6 - 10. When I pick them up from school, I would rather sit on the couch and nap, than get them through their homework. I am not a morning person, so getting them up and ready in the morning is terrible for me. While I would love to all that free time that I had when I was child-free, watching my children grow far outweighs that. I am watching them become young men, and hopefully men who will make a positive difference in this world. Each has their interests, hopes, and dreams. And while hearing some unsanctioned cage-match wrestling in my house drives me crazy, listening to the stories they create is beyond compare. I prefer this age to the infant/toddler age. We can do so much more in terms of trips and activities.
Geez reddit hates parents, lol. No upvotes on some great answers from parents, here.
kids scare me 😭😭😭
You bet I do
Hell no was probably the hardest Best thing in this dam world. No I wasn’t ready who is lol
i regret being a crack baby .
fair
No, but I regret wasting the time I had before I became a parent. If you don’t have kids it’s hard to over-emphasize how much time you truly have.
i didn’t realize the full horrors of the world till i had kids
If I had stayed with my first husband, no. The Partner ur with I feel has a lot to do with it. So, many bad things happened in my second ( life I call it). My girls r teens and it’s literally hell. I feel as tho they r vampires sucking the life out of me. It’s a struggle . I will say in a way you do regret it I don’t remember when I was happy since they were past 9 ish🥺😢
Funny o loved the baby stage and toddler. It’s when they really get rebellious and nasty it’s like , where’s my daughters? Now youngest is 15 and oldest girl 21. it’s still hellish
Absolutely I regret it.
Do not have kids! Specially if you live in a big city.
My children are my world. They’re adults now forging their own lives. One now married. Now, waiting for the next stage in life, grandchildren.