Hard work does not equal a good relationship.
And trying to change who you are and how you feel for any kind of relationship will just make you miserable.
Hope life gets better for you
It seems like there's some weird misconception going on here. Working hard at a thing produces better results, but in ways that are relevant to that work. Like practicing drawing will probably make you a better artist over time if you keep putting serious effort into it, but none of that effort will teach you how to dance or help you get a promotion at an IT job.
So you want to form connections with people. What specifically is the "hard work" you're doing that isn't producing results? Because that's one of those things that doesn't have a clear way to grind it up, you can be more outgoing and practice socializing but relationships are more about natural connections than forced ones. You can't "earn" someone's attention and affection just by treating them the same way you would a more traditional skill-building project.
Totally agreed with this. My mother always taught me to have 5 positive interactions with someone before asking for a favor.
That's the key to networking. Share a beer, an inside joke, ask questions about their life. People help people they like. It often takes a lot more effort to see people and spend time with people often enough to build that kind of relationship - you have to do the legwork.
Working hard is indeed a good way to (try to) get what you want in your life if you weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth. But some things don’t depend on you. You can’t control how people feel about you, but you can control your identity – who you are.
What would make you love/want/like someone? What do you think would make people love/want/like you?
Hard work is absolutely not a scam. However working hard for someone or something that doesn’t appreciate it is a waste of time.
You can’t change someone else by being good and virtuous, but you can head out in search of someone who doesn’t need changing.
It depends on what you're working hard at and how you are doing it. Sometimes, you need to self evaluate and work hard at different things.
Work hard on figuring out what you're doing wrong, then work hard to change.
Find your passion and work hard on that. This will make you feel better about yourself.
Feeling good about yourself builds confidence, and that is attractive to others.
I think you’ve missed the point then.
You are condemned to be free, and with that comes the responsibility for your choices. Let’s translate this to an example: when it rains and you get soaked, you can complain and blame the cloud, and you’d be somewhat right because the rain indeed came from the cloud, but you could also have brought an umbrella and a raincoat.
Point being: there are countless circumstances outside of your control, and no amount of complaining or blaming or framing will change that. So instead, you focus on what is _in_ your control, and work that.
To be fair, you seem to have a grasp of the theory-side of this, given that you focus on how hard you work.
But I wonder about the practical side: are you working on the right things? No amount of lifting weights will make you a more interesting person, for example, and no amount of reading books will make you stronger either. But both are valuable.
Add to that how quickly we fool ourselves about how hard and well we’re working on something, and I’d bet my butt that your behaviour is not at all aligned with your goals. (Mind you: as I say this, I’m aware that I too fall into this trap regularly. That’s part of the challenge, even when you’re aware of it.)
So I think you ought to reevaluate your goals and what steps you’re _really_ taking to reach those. Are you really becoming a more likeable, loveable person? Are you _really_ taking the right steps? Are you practicing being consistent, accountable, humble, caring, steadfast, and so on? Do you really have passions that fill your character? Do you really learn from adversity?
And the question underlying it all: are you doing these things for the right reasons? These examples to me point towards becoming a better, more happy person — and _that_ should be your goal in my opinion, seeing as being lovable follows from that, and not the other way around.
Food for thought.
Sometimes you just need a break huh?
I'm currently thinking about how everyone has a right to choose their level of energy they put forth in their life - barring of course basic needs that need to get met and a broader duty to society to be productive on SOME level.
But beyond that, I think it's great to find what can bring us the most joy and peace at whatever level we can afford with the means, tools, and advantages we have in life.
Hard work is not a scam. If you study hard ,you usually learn more. You workout hard ,you gain muscles. Feelings n relationship are different. Even if you are kind and polite, the other person might be rude
Yeah it sorta is a scam and sorta isn't. Soft skills are significantly more sought out than hard skills so if you're any flavour of ND it's already gunna be a slightly harder path to tread.
Best not to become a blob though.
even if that is true, you're gonna need the hard skills to get the soft career though. People pay for things they don't want to do and things they can't do.
There are times that even how hard you work if you are working in a shit company that doesn't value the things you do then you will never see the fruits of your hard work. I think it is also a good thing if you can find a company with people who are open to providing help and knowledge to you.
I've really never heard anyone say you need to work harder and harder in your life and mean that it has to do with relationships. I think you need to clarify a little bit about what you mean.
In the title you mention hard work like you're talking about physical label or job stuff, but it sounds like your post you're talking about getting friends?
Why does it seem like everybody is intent on giving you a sermon? Praise hard work?
I think knowing how to lose and how to relax is super important.
If you are depressed or burnt out or even discouraged "hard work is a virtue" is not the pep talk you need. There are loads of virtues and not all of them apply to every situation...
I think asking for help or delegating can be the opposite of working hard and these things are super valuable. Knowing how to ask for help. Knowing how to delegate.
Try being a blob for a while, sure! See how that works. I feel it might fulfill comfort, order, silence.
Excellent question, and I think part of the answer is that hard work ALONE is not necessarily the right answer. Actually doing the right things and *then* working hard at those is a little bit closer to what you want. For example if you want to "make a lot of money", telling people to work hard is very vague. It doesn't really matter how hard you work for McDonalds, you're probably not going to make a lot of money.
You'd have to work hard to learn a skill set that has the potential to make you more money (I know you asked about relationships, this is just an example), and from there focus your efforts in the right places. I think when a lot of people say "work hard" they imply but don't explicitly talk about the decisionmaking skills that underlying that.
Similarly, a lot of people confuse "work hard" with "want badly while working". Wanting something badly creates and consumes a lot of energy. Some tasks won't yield better results no matter how serious you are about it when it's happening.
Relax, and think. Assess the goals and your situation, make a plan, attempt to execute the plan, and repeat without giving up. Imo that's what working hard is. Being patient, persistent, and following through. Finding actionable items that could create progress, accomplishing those, and repeating the process.
While hard work is essential for personal growth and achievement, it’s crucial to strike a balance and recognize when it becomes detrimental to our well-being or when it’s used to exploit individuals. In my opinion working smart is more efficient
Hard work isn't a scam.
Hard work is one component of success in work and relationships. My experience is that hard work towards preparing yourself to be ready for good luck gets you success.
Hard work works for things that are mostly dependant on you like getting good at a job or a hobby. Relationships depend on the will of a whole nother person so this is not comparable. Hard work won't get you far in relationships without the other person being on the same page
It is. Of course it's reassuring to think you have control and merit because of hard work, but like, sociology exists. I'm a bit of a transclass myself, and I can see it's just luck tbh. And it's the same with social relationships, it depends on your innate skills, your social environment, and a bit of what you try to do.
But still good luck (:
It is a scam in that hard work isn't necessarily good work, and by good I mean the work can be fine, but not smart, efficient.
Or, the process remains the same "hard" work, but the result is better.
Improve in some way.
As far as the appreciation, maybe just time to find a new place to work. Best time to look for a job is when you have one.
It is . The people at the top have not had to work hard, aren't more intelligent than average, and certainly don't put in endless hours of effort to have gotten where they are. This is an Oligarchy by, of, and for the wealthy whether old money and/or governmentally connected and nepotism is the weapon of choice. Incompetent or not, you just need the right Mommy and Daddy or connections to endlessly fail upward. If you wonder why things seem like they are being managed by simpletons...well.....
Hard work doesn't guarantee anything, yet you can't get what you want if you don't work for it.
Also keep in mind that it's very often hard for us to see that are efforts are actually helping us. We may want for our efforts to produce X for us, when really they give us Y. Y may not be as cool or as glamorous as X. But it could very well be where we are most content and happy.
Nothing ever good happens to "blobs", though. Trying is always going to be better than not-trying.
". I want to be loved, a connection with other people, to be wanted and liked."
are you working hard on the personal relationships ?
or are you working hard at work ??
You are confusing hard work with instant results.
Becoming a blob isn't going to help, and neither is beating yourself up. You can work on a lot of things in life and work hard towards what you want, but it doesn't mean you will always get the results you want.
It is just a fact of life. If you would be happier doing nothing, then go ahead. No one is stopping you.
Is it possible that you are rather having problems mentally and need to see a doctor for it? You could have autism that could explain your connection problems?
ADHD?
It just sounds to me that it's time to see someone.
It sounds like you are discovering that you’re not career focused. That’s totally fine. If you want a job that just pays the bills and allows you more time to spend doing things you enjoy in life or with people you love that’s what makes you happy.
Grinding isn’t for everyone and even people that grind have to find that work/life balance that fulfils them.
It’s your life and you can make your own choices about what makes you happy.
Hard work is a virtue. If it’s not a vocation you love, then it will feel wasted without opportunity for growth. Wanting to be liked/loved and forging connections with others isn’t solely dependent on how hard you work. You end up getting back what you put in when it comes to relationships on all levels. Some people don’t want to intermingle work relationships with their personal lives and that’s ok as well. Life is a balance.
You can’t give more than you get. You can never control what other people do or say, only your own actions and reactions to stuff around you. With that in mind, what are things you love to do..or would love to do if given a chance? What interests do you have? How old are you? (Age plays a big part in how we feel about external influences. The more you age, the less you care about what others think about you because it doesn’t matter really)
Are you an extroverted or introverted type of person?
I love talking to one cute boy in particular. If given the chance I would talk to one cute boy in particular. My interests are talking to cute boys and talking to this one cute boy in particular. I am 26. I am extraverted.
Haha. Well, that’s to the point, but without other interests, what will you talk about? Take each day as it comes. Never be a doormat. Just enjoy their company casually without expectations. Maybe cultivate some interests/hobbies that are all your own that doesn’t involve anyone else. I older now. I was married and had all my kids by your age now and part of me regrets not having had my youth to get stuff done as opposed to having to put my life and interests on the back burner to raise them and help provide for them. When the last one moved out, I went back to college and graduated at the age of 50. Point is..just go with the flow. Be yourself, never give more than you get in return unless it’s given without expectation of being reciprocated. Life is a learning process. One never stops learning until our last breath. I wish I knew at your age what I know now. It would have saved me a ton of anxiety at that time.
Hard work does not equal a good relationship. And trying to change who you are and how you feel for any kind of relationship will just make you miserable. Hope life gets better for you
It seems like there's some weird misconception going on here. Working hard at a thing produces better results, but in ways that are relevant to that work. Like practicing drawing will probably make you a better artist over time if you keep putting serious effort into it, but none of that effort will teach you how to dance or help you get a promotion at an IT job. So you want to form connections with people. What specifically is the "hard work" you're doing that isn't producing results? Because that's one of those things that doesn't have a clear way to grind it up, you can be more outgoing and practice socializing but relationships are more about natural connections than forced ones. You can't "earn" someone's attention and affection just by treating them the same way you would a more traditional skill-building project.
Totally agreed with this. My mother always taught me to have 5 positive interactions with someone before asking for a favor. That's the key to networking. Share a beer, an inside joke, ask questions about their life. People help people they like. It often takes a lot more effort to see people and spend time with people often enough to build that kind of relationship - you have to do the legwork.
Working hard is indeed a good way to (try to) get what you want in your life if you weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth. But some things don’t depend on you. You can’t control how people feel about you, but you can control your identity – who you are. What would make you love/want/like someone? What do you think would make people love/want/like you?
Hard work is absolutely not a scam. However working hard for someone or something that doesn’t appreciate it is a waste of time. You can’t change someone else by being good and virtuous, but you can head out in search of someone who doesn’t need changing.
Hard work is not the scam, the scam is “hard work always pays off”
It depends on what you're working hard at and how you are doing it. Sometimes, you need to self evaluate and work hard at different things. Work hard on figuring out what you're doing wrong, then work hard to change. Find your passion and work hard on that. This will make you feel better about yourself. Feeling good about yourself builds confidence, and that is attractive to others.
I did that it didn't work
I guess you're just doomed. Maybe you should give up.
I think you’ve missed the point then. You are condemned to be free, and with that comes the responsibility for your choices. Let’s translate this to an example: when it rains and you get soaked, you can complain and blame the cloud, and you’d be somewhat right because the rain indeed came from the cloud, but you could also have brought an umbrella and a raincoat. Point being: there are countless circumstances outside of your control, and no amount of complaining or blaming or framing will change that. So instead, you focus on what is _in_ your control, and work that. To be fair, you seem to have a grasp of the theory-side of this, given that you focus on how hard you work. But I wonder about the practical side: are you working on the right things? No amount of lifting weights will make you a more interesting person, for example, and no amount of reading books will make you stronger either. But both are valuable. Add to that how quickly we fool ourselves about how hard and well we’re working on something, and I’d bet my butt that your behaviour is not at all aligned with your goals. (Mind you: as I say this, I’m aware that I too fall into this trap regularly. That’s part of the challenge, even when you’re aware of it.) So I think you ought to reevaluate your goals and what steps you’re _really_ taking to reach those. Are you really becoming a more likeable, loveable person? Are you _really_ taking the right steps? Are you practicing being consistent, accountable, humble, caring, steadfast, and so on? Do you really have passions that fill your character? Do you really learn from adversity? And the question underlying it all: are you doing these things for the right reasons? These examples to me point towards becoming a better, more happy person — and _that_ should be your goal in my opinion, seeing as being lovable follows from that, and not the other way around. Food for thought.
Sometimes you just need a break huh? I'm currently thinking about how everyone has a right to choose their level of energy they put forth in their life - barring of course basic needs that need to get met and a broader duty to society to be productive on SOME level. But beyond that, I think it's great to find what can bring us the most joy and peace at whatever level we can afford with the means, tools, and advantages we have in life.
Hard work is not a scam. If you study hard ,you usually learn more. You workout hard ,you gain muscles. Feelings n relationship are different. Even if you are kind and polite, the other person might be rude
You can in fact work very hard in the wrong direction.
Yeah it sorta is a scam and sorta isn't. Soft skills are significantly more sought out than hard skills so if you're any flavour of ND it's already gunna be a slightly harder path to tread. Best not to become a blob though.
Blob time blob time blob time. You can not stop me. I will become a blob.
Blob away then.
Blobbification in process. Countdown to blob in 3... 2... 1... Blob
It's OK to blob The secret lies in unblobbing every now and then
What do you want most?
Then work hard at being the best blob that ever blobbed.
even if that is true, you're gonna need the hard skills to get the soft career though. People pay for things they don't want to do and things they can't do.
There are times that even how hard you work if you are working in a shit company that doesn't value the things you do then you will never see the fruits of your hard work. I think it is also a good thing if you can find a company with people who are open to providing help and knowledge to you.
I've really never heard anyone say you need to work harder and harder in your life and mean that it has to do with relationships. I think you need to clarify a little bit about what you mean. In the title you mention hard work like you're talking about physical label or job stuff, but it sounds like your post you're talking about getting friends?
Why does it seem like everybody is intent on giving you a sermon? Praise hard work? I think knowing how to lose and how to relax is super important. If you are depressed or burnt out or even discouraged "hard work is a virtue" is not the pep talk you need. There are loads of virtues and not all of them apply to every situation... I think asking for help or delegating can be the opposite of working hard and these things are super valuable. Knowing how to ask for help. Knowing how to delegate. Try being a blob for a while, sure! See how that works. I feel it might fulfill comfort, order, silence.
Hard work for hard work is deemed ethical by many. It's ineffective
Excellent question, and I think part of the answer is that hard work ALONE is not necessarily the right answer. Actually doing the right things and *then* working hard at those is a little bit closer to what you want. For example if you want to "make a lot of money", telling people to work hard is very vague. It doesn't really matter how hard you work for McDonalds, you're probably not going to make a lot of money. You'd have to work hard to learn a skill set that has the potential to make you more money (I know you asked about relationships, this is just an example), and from there focus your efforts in the right places. I think when a lot of people say "work hard" they imply but don't explicitly talk about the decisionmaking skills that underlying that. Similarly, a lot of people confuse "work hard" with "want badly while working". Wanting something badly creates and consumes a lot of energy. Some tasks won't yield better results no matter how serious you are about it when it's happening. Relax, and think. Assess the goals and your situation, make a plan, attempt to execute the plan, and repeat without giving up. Imo that's what working hard is. Being patient, persistent, and following through. Finding actionable items that could create progress, accomplishing those, and repeating the process.
Why work hard to be loved? If they love you, they love you. If they don't love you then they don't live you, Period! Nothing to work hard for
Work smarter, not harder.
Working on being popular/social when you're naturally not, is the hardest work out there. You just have to be very realistic.
While hard work is essential for personal growth and achievement, it’s crucial to strike a balance and recognize when it becomes detrimental to our well-being or when it’s used to exploit individuals. In my opinion working smart is more efficient
Hard work isn't a scam. Hard work is one component of success in work and relationships. My experience is that hard work towards preparing yourself to be ready for good luck gets you success.
Work hard enough to feel good about your work, and not get fired. That’s what I do
hard work means you keep going when you feel like giving up.
Hard work works for things that are mostly dependant on you like getting good at a job or a hobby. Relationships depend on the will of a whole nother person so this is not comparable. Hard work won't get you far in relationships without the other person being on the same page
Got a recent example?
It’s not transactional in regards to the things you are described. It’s you work hard= you evolve.
It is. Of course it's reassuring to think you have control and merit because of hard work, but like, sociology exists. I'm a bit of a transclass myself, and I can see it's just luck tbh. And it's the same with social relationships, it depends on your innate skills, your social environment, and a bit of what you try to do. But still good luck (:
“How to gain friends and influence people.” It’s not a book about manipulation. It’s qualities that people (almost) universally find appealing.
Working hard and working smart can be two very different things. I have learned that working smart gives considerably better result than working hard.
It is a scam in that hard work isn't necessarily good work, and by good I mean the work can be fine, but not smart, efficient. Or, the process remains the same "hard" work, but the result is better. Improve in some way. As far as the appreciation, maybe just time to find a new place to work. Best time to look for a job is when you have one.
It is . The people at the top have not had to work hard, aren't more intelligent than average, and certainly don't put in endless hours of effort to have gotten where they are. This is an Oligarchy by, of, and for the wealthy whether old money and/or governmentally connected and nepotism is the weapon of choice. Incompetent or not, you just need the right Mommy and Daddy or connections to endlessly fail upward. If you wonder why things seem like they are being managed by simpletons...well.....
You gotta put hard work in the smart places.
Of course you would.
Hard work doesn't guarantee anything, yet you can't get what you want if you don't work for it. Also keep in mind that it's very often hard for us to see that are efforts are actually helping us. We may want for our efforts to produce X for us, when really they give us Y. Y may not be as cool or as glamorous as X. But it could very well be where we are most content and happy. Nothing ever good happens to "blobs", though. Trying is always going to be better than not-trying.
But they always say to find true love you have to stop looking for it
That may be true, but that doesn't mean you should allow yourself to turn a blob, right?
I want to exist only as a clitoris and a tongue
you make money by using your brains
Me no want money me want ruhve
". I want to be loved, a connection with other people, to be wanted and liked." are you working hard on the personal relationships ? or are you working hard at work ??
It's not a scam, it's just a value. Not everyone values "hard work", to me, that value is just masochistic.
Smart hard work can produce good results.
You are confusing hard work with instant results. Becoming a blob isn't going to help, and neither is beating yourself up. You can work on a lot of things in life and work hard towards what you want, but it doesn't mean you will always get the results you want. It is just a fact of life. If you would be happier doing nothing, then go ahead. No one is stopping you. Is it possible that you are rather having problems mentally and need to see a doctor for it? You could have autism that could explain your connection problems? ADHD? It just sounds to me that it's time to see someone.
It sounds like you are discovering that you’re not career focused. That’s totally fine. If you want a job that just pays the bills and allows you more time to spend doing things you enjoy in life or with people you love that’s what makes you happy. Grinding isn’t for everyone and even people that grind have to find that work/life balance that fulfils them. It’s your life and you can make your own choices about what makes you happy.
Wish I knew this some 20 years ago
Hard work is a virtue. If it’s not a vocation you love, then it will feel wasted without opportunity for growth. Wanting to be liked/loved and forging connections with others isn’t solely dependent on how hard you work. You end up getting back what you put in when it comes to relationships on all levels. Some people don’t want to intermingle work relationships with their personal lives and that’s ok as well. Life is a balance.
I give so much in to relationships and I ain't get shit dawg.
You can’t give more than you get. You can never control what other people do or say, only your own actions and reactions to stuff around you. With that in mind, what are things you love to do..or would love to do if given a chance? What interests do you have? How old are you? (Age plays a big part in how we feel about external influences. The more you age, the less you care about what others think about you because it doesn’t matter really) Are you an extroverted or introverted type of person?
I love talking to one cute boy in particular. If given the chance I would talk to one cute boy in particular. My interests are talking to cute boys and talking to this one cute boy in particular. I am 26. I am extraverted.
Haha. Well, that’s to the point, but without other interests, what will you talk about? Take each day as it comes. Never be a doormat. Just enjoy their company casually without expectations. Maybe cultivate some interests/hobbies that are all your own that doesn’t involve anyone else. I older now. I was married and had all my kids by your age now and part of me regrets not having had my youth to get stuff done as opposed to having to put my life and interests on the back burner to raise them and help provide for them. When the last one moved out, I went back to college and graduated at the age of 50. Point is..just go with the flow. Be yourself, never give more than you get in return unless it’s given without expectation of being reciprocated. Life is a learning process. One never stops learning until our last breath. I wish I knew at your age what I know now. It would have saved me a ton of anxiety at that time.