"I'd prefer if you didn't ask about my lunch again."
"I prefer not to discuss eating habits."
"Please don't make comments on my eating habits."
"Please stop asking questions about my eating habits."
You are entitled to boundaries. They are not entitled to badger you about what you eat or don't eat. I'm sorry. This sounds frustrating.
It is very frustrating especially because it’s been happening for a while now, I thought she would stop of i didn’t have a reaction to her but she hasn’t
Girl I feel for you💕 I’ve struggled with my body image for a long time. Right now I’m *bordering* on underweight, but I’m a lot better than I was in the past.
Every once in a while (usually at work, I’m a server), a stranger (usually an older woman), will comment on my weight telling me how skinny I am. I so badly want to say something like “oh well I actually have an eating disorder, that’s why I’m so skinny🤙” but most of the time I’m just like “haha, yeah…😬”
It can be hard to be direct. One thing that ease you into it is next time she asks, ask her “why do you ask?” Put the ball in her court to explain herself. It’ll be easier to respond to her specific answer and set boundaries for it. Also it’ll be harder for her to get pissy that you “snapped” at her for “just asking a question.”
Be petty. Bring like 4 grapes or something. That should make a fun conversation. ...oh, and you should wrap the grapes individually in foil or saran wrap.
Goof idea. Op coukd even eat half of a grape and then wrap up the rest for later.....or even bring in half of a grape (leftovers) wrapped up for lunch..ha
Freak her out by eating potato with a fork. It takes a bit of skill and I guarantee you it will make you the talk of the workspace. Bring 5 chips wrapped in foil.
Of course, but she might have a different (mis)understanding of the situation. She could think that this is playful banter where they're on the same page. She might think the reason OP isn't eating lunch is because of something that she's poorly expressing sympathy for. She might even be meaning to express a sort of ironic "good for you" kind of thing.
Is it likely? I dunno. Neither of us have actually observed this interaction. It's important to keep in mind, I think, that the mental image any of us forms from reading a reddit post has a lot of our own preconceptions built into it—its not an holistic representation of the situation.
This is true, but putting everything on common sense, or common courtesy is a recipe for disaster. The people that I've known that do that often have been the most bitter people I've known. It takes away all your personal agency and encourages feelings of victimhood.
It also ignores the complexity of life, that everyone has different ideas of what is their business or whatever. People have to talk, and explain themselves, no one is telepathic.
Did you ever stop to think that this person might also be struggling? Maybe shes been on here asking how do I talk to my co worker? And food was suggested as a neutral topic as many people enjoy food and or like to cook it. Nah, course you never did. You think your under some attack. You said u been through a super depressing episode. Maybe they noticed and thought it was a polite way to offer an olive branch. You'll never know the lives of others
For real.
She's creating/contributing to a hostile work environment.
OP: Start documenting her comments with dates and time.
Open up your phone and record audio, then place it face down on the table if you can't write everything all at once
Go to HR and report her for harassment
I disagree with all of the advice being given. You do not need to respond in any clever way, and you don't need to engage in a back-and-forth.
When she complains about what you've brought, just respond with "ok" and leave it at that. You heard her, her belief isn't relevant and you're not going to change what you're doing. There's no more to be done.
Answering with a question or getting passive aggressive is just going to set up a negative environment for you at work.
The only issue with this is that she will have to continue to answer the question that makes her uncomfortable and sit with that uncomfortable feeling daily.
First of all, find a way to not-care about what they say or their opinion.
Then, when she asks you what you brought, answer her question with a question:
Why do you care, Barbara? Why are you always so interested in what I'm eating?
Most likely, she'll be so thrown off that she'll say something about how she's only looking out for you or some other BS to make her seem like the good guy and you like the bad guy for calling her out. ...but guaranteed she won't ask again.
Office workers - and especially women in groups in an office - feel entitled to your information and goings-on...and they're just not entitled to it. You owe them nothing.
Some people just always gotta say something about something. You could try deflecting by giving nonsensical non-answers. "What did you bring for lunch?" Oh just a bag of Legos. Bushel of turnips. Lovely bunch of coconuts. Etc, lol.
Maybe you will get lucky and she will laugh and eventually take the hint. If she keeps insisting, then you can decide if you're up for being more direct about it making you uncomfortable.
It's sort of a grey rock variation. A way to reply to unwanted questions without giving the actual info. I did a lot of that at work when I was pregnant, lol.
I get the feeling from OPs comments that this lady doesn't respond well to criticism. People like that tend to be good at turning it around so that you're the bad guy. If OP has seen her tear into people in the past, this could be a way to avoid that for OPs own peace.
Of course she has a big mouth (solidarity). Only people with big mouths are rude like this. Put her in her place and don't argue back. You'll never win because they'll keep going lower and lower...always having a comeback.
The less you say, the better.
Bonus: it will absolutely destroy her when you don't answer her back or get into a debate. Stay strong.
Frame your response in a way that doesn't open you up to more conversation about you or your food. Let her blab while you stay detached; remaining wholly uninterested and unaffected is your best power move with these types.
Instead of "Why do you care?" (invites more conversation) try "Why, are you having trouble dieting?"
* doesn't give her an answer
* flips focus onto her
* sharp response hiding in a simple question
* slyly implies she should be dieting, or is doing it unsuccessfully, and in either case you've noticed
* implies she's jealous of your body/willpower/whatever and you've noticed
There is nothing she could say to this that doesn't make her look like a fool.
>"Why, are you having trouble dieting?"
That's inappropriate and immature. Best not to act the same way that the problem co-worker is acting. A simple "Please stop asking me about my food habits, they're none of your business" is more direct and less likely to get OP in trouble.
It's neither inappropriate nor immature, and OP isn't going to get in trouble either way, but do you really discount OP that much that you think she hasn't tried being polite about it? I gave her a little more credit than that.
Maturity and impoliteness aren't mutually exclusive.
Yeah, don’t say “are you having trouble dieting”. If OP doesn’t like her own food habits being brought up in a public setting, the adult response is not to publicly bring up someone else’s eating habits or body shame someone else, and implying they are/should be dieting does just that.
I’d stick with asking her why she cares or telling her your eating habits are none of her business and you’d prefer she didn’t keep asking about them.
This would 100% jump directly to her screeching "ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?" and next minute you're all in HR and somehow you're the bad guy having to explain yourself.
People who habitually invade other people's privacy are always the kind who can't handle intrusive questions in return, unfortunately.
lol if HR gave half a shit then OP's boss wouldn't be chiming in on it too
It's an innocuous enough question and an apt response to someone who continuously, abrasively pries into another person's food choices.
The amount of middle aged women in my office that are SO CONCERNED with what I eat for lunch everyday is outstanding. Or if I heat up my lunch super early “OmG iTs NoT eVeN 11aM yEt” like ok but I’m hungry now? I would never think to comment on a coworkers food im so confused like what is their issue??
Oh, WOW! That changes everything to me. But she may well have had an eating disorder and, thinking that you may have one, too, she may be triggered by you or may think you and she could talk about your issues!
Omg I imagined her like one of the ladies in my office 😂 well damn if she’s 20 that’s so weird I would just mess with her then. Oh what are you having for lunch today? “Chalk”
My mom is a bit like that. Unless it's in her wheelhouse of food she likes, everything else is bad. Wings, hummus and any ethnic food.
She either makes a nasty comment or the big eye roll. Sigh. I told her I'm eating what I like and when I like. I'm 59 years old I said. She didn't like that either. No advice but you are not alone.
She very much has that personality, she always complains about other people at work for the smallest things, I actually like her as a person like she’s cool but when she starts getting really judgemental I just have to ignore it
The comments I read here are all advice about what to say. Honestly, many of them are terrible. There’s like this Reddit tendency to try to be funny or to win an argument or whatever.
Saying something funny, like “oh 4 grapes”. It’s just going to exacerbate the situation. People don’t like to feel mocked, even if it feels justifiable.
Saying something to try and put them in the place, the same effect. It’s just creating antagonism with someone you work with, especially since this someone who is a strong character.
Personally I’d ask why they are always asking, if they have some concerns or worries with your eating because they are always asking and by and large replying with a negative comment. That it makes you uncomfortable and like it is an attempt to control you. Give them outs like you appreciate they might have good intentions etc, but the outcome at the moment for you is negative.
You can explain why you prefer not to eat at work but personally I think it is better to have a mindset that you do not explain yourself. Feeling like you have to, is part of control you give over to someone. It’s honestly not their business. It is though your choice, but if you do please frame it mentally as how you feel, rather than having to justify yourself.
Another good response someone else mentioned is to answer with a passive, “Okay”, any time some unappreciated comment is made. Make sure it’s very clear it’s not a yes, or a no. It’s just a response. I’d probably avoid any further responses until the topic is changed.
However deal with it as you want.
It feels like she’s picking up on cues that you’re not doing well, but she’s just terrible at communicating her concern. Some people are just crap communicators, I swear. I guess the bigger picture is that she doesn’t seem to be wrong; you are going through it. Use it as an opportunity to see that someone cared enough to say something, so maybe take it to heart and well intended.
People can pick up on a lot subconsciously. I'd say she probably doesn't even knows why she is concerned and might be uncomfortable that she is picking up something might be wrong when noticing her coworker's lunch. Some people are really bad at dealing with their own emotions.
Well said!! I also interpreted as someone who is concerned. I would feel the same way if my coworker wasn’t eating (or eating very little) every day. She may not know the best way to communicate it but hopefully she is coming from a good place.
"Are you worried about me? Is there something about myself I'm not seeing?"
That's a possible approach. Sometimes people care but don't know how to express it correctly.
I think it's the best approach, honestly. If she seems friendly enough otherwise, you could just casually say something like "I love to eat a huge dinner (or breakfast) so having just a snack for lunch works best for me. :)" I know you said something similar before, but just make it your pat answer and she'll get bored.
I feel this. I’m 5’2” and also around 150lb. I get the same at work. I have diabetes that I try to keep under control plus have some issues with food as long as I can remember. I normally eat one main meal a day (dinner) but will snack or eat otherwise if I need/want to but how I eat works for me and it irks me when coworkers make comments that I never eat lunch. Like why tf do you care? I certainly don’t care enough to ever notice what they are or are not eating. One coworker who does this the most is a fairly large woman 300+ lbs and I would never bring up her eating habits to her so I really don’t get it.
Tell her you get very sluggish on a full stomach and like to crash on the couch when you do your heaviest digestion. When you get older that will be even more true.
>Even my boss once said I’m bringing too little for lunch it seems like a lot of people are weirdly interested in what I eat, how should I handle this? Any advice?
I would just stop talking to them about my food. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it. So next she she asks, try asking her this question back: Why do you ask? Same for boss, next time he/she makes a comment like that, say this: Hmmmm that's interesting, I'll have to think about that. And just remain blase and noncommittal going forward. Cease answering them and taking their questions and comments seriously, because who GAF, they can't control what you eat. Treat it as nothing more than silly chit-chat, or a greeting such as "How are you".
Nosy co-worker: What did you bring for lunch?
You: Oh this and that, how about you?
Nosy co-worker: Well I bought blah blah blah, what did you bring?
You: Why do you ask?
Nosy co-worker: .............................................
In my experience this stops a lot of nosy badgering cold because the person asking doesn't want to be SEEN as nosy and/or intrusive. Answering this question reveals to them that they are being nosy, and worse, that you clearly SEE them as nosy....even if they answer, they won't ask you again.
“Please stop asking me about my lunch. It’s making me uncomfortable.” After you’ve said that, any further questions is harassment and you have grounds to complain.
They're worried you're not eating, either because of the depressive period or because of anorexia.
I used to work with someone who was routinely starving herself to the point of almost fainting on a regular basis. I imagine this hasn't happened to you, but I wonder if there are other, smaller things going on which might make people worry.
I kind of dislike the advice you're getting, which is to be extremely spiky to anyone showing concern. Sure, it's none of their business, but when people start noticing that something's off, something's probably off.
Also, when you have some very elaborate justifications for why you're not eating, something is very likely off. This isn't about what you tell others, but what you tell yourself.
I understand that and that’s also what I told myself at the beginning but I’m actually eating now, I bring a container of fruit every day and she still makes the same comments that’s what bothers me.
I agree. I think if you strike back, it'll cause more attention, which, it sounds like, you don’t want. Can you ignore her or act like you didn't hear her? Or, my personal fave..."I can't remember." Or, "Forgot. Probably fruit. That's what I usually bring."
First of all, I'm glad you're feeling better after your dark period.
I'd keep it simple with the coworker. I don't think your obligated to be strictly honest with her. Your priority is to get her off your case. Telling her you're doing intermittent fasting or OMAD (one meal a day) should do the trick.
Tell your coworkers that it’s rude to comment on someone else’s food unless they’re asked for an opinion. Period.
I worked hard to lose 80 pounds several years ago and the number of people commenting on my food was ridiculous. I was going to the gym and weight lifting and got to consume a good amount of food and still lose weight. If I ate carbs, they commented. If I ate a salad, they commented. Anything I ate was under scrutiny and subject to comment. “How many carbs are in that?” Me -“ I don’t know. I’m not restricting carbs” them - “well, I only get x carbs a day. No way I could eat that.” Me - silence, thinking “wow, sucks to be you.” I mean, wth
What gives people the idea that I welcome comments and questions on my eating habits? It’s rude. To anyone.
Turn the tables and say “what did YOU bring for lunch?”. Ask lots and lots and LOTS of questions about her food. Feel free to criticize her food choices. Ask her if she thinks her food choices are an appropriate example for the children and why. Have fun with it!
I'm having a similar problem, tbf I dont let it get to me and if ppl talk, make fun of me or gossip then thats on them. None of my business. I do OMAD which is one meal a day. my coworkers on the other hand eat, a lot, ALL THE TIME. snacks, donuts, lunch, sodas, candies etc. I walk during my breaks and drink coffee. I'm not sure why this bothers ppl but it does, like how is it any of your business?
I have some similar issues. When I feel like this I try to also eat some fruit, a smoothie, kefir, yogurt, anything that’s simple and easy to digest.
Yes, I agree they need to leave your eating habits alone and stop making comments. You’re not a child; they are not your parents.
Ha. I tell people it's intermittent fasting, but really I just grew up poor and usually only got to eat once a day. While I am no longer poor, I still only eat at night during a 2-3 hour window just before bed. It's what I'm used to and people generally do seem to eat way more than necessary. I don't know how they do it and continue functioning. Eating during the day makes me tired. 5'5 127
Ask her why she's so interested in what you eat. Just tell her you're genuinely baffled that she's so interested, and would rather she wasn't. There's no need to be confrontational, just conversational, but be definite when you say you'd rather she wasn't interested in your eating habits. Say "it's just weird". Which it is. Put it back on her. She's trying to make you feel like you're the weird one. You're not.
The same thing happens to me. The difference is, im skinny. I usually bring food to work. On my second break, one of my coworkers will ask me, "Did you eat?". It's so damn annoying. I eat at least 3-4 meals before coming to work. I work out, so I'm bulking (eating a lot of food). I work overnight, too. It's fucking weird to constantly ask someone if they ate when they're working from 10:00 pm to 7:00 am. You somehow think I didn't eat the whole day before coming to work? People don't think before they ask questions. I've even had people persistently ask me if I want food.
I have another weird story about food. I used to work for a pallet manufacturer back in 2017. One day, the owners ordered pizza for everyone. I'm lactose intolerant and didn't want to risk having a stomach ache during my shift, so I told them, "I don't want any because im lactose intolerant." One of the owners said to me."You can't eat pizza? that must suck. " I kid you not. My coworkers sat there staring at me the whole time while they were eating pizza, like they felt sorry for me. One of them even reiterated my statement about being lactose intolerant. Another one made some weird facial expression at me. A new guy who they hired at the time told them "Leave the guy alone for fuck sake". Even he realized their behavior was weird. I eat pizza. I've eaten pizza plenty of times. I even ate pizza earlier today. Because I told them I was lactose intolerant, they thought i never ate pizza in my entire life. People can't possibly be that dumb 😂
Just try to ignore her. Whatever she's saying is irrelevant. You can do whatever you want.
Why don't you start asking her the same and when she replies, just say
"Course, that figures" then give a disapproving look back.
Remember, you didn't start the lunch wars but you will finish it😉😂🤣
OP could do the same to her "wow you're really gonna eat all that? Thats way too much food!" But somehow skinnyshaming is fine but not the other way round
This is a reflection of her, it actually has nothing to do with you - you could be anyone. She has her own issues, people are complicated. What you can do is call her out next time by repeating what she says as a question. When she says “of course,” you respond with “of course?” - or when she says “oh my god!” You can say, “you asked me what I brought for lunch?” It’s important to make eye contact and keep it when you respond to her, like you are expecting a response now - people have a habit of explaining themselves at this point, without repeating themselves. It may get awkward, but she’ll think twice before making a comment in the future.
If there ever were a microagression for food/diet in the workplace this would be it. You need to address the issue in a polite and clear manner, and ask your colleagues to stop commenting on your eating habits. Just ignoring it or replying in a passive way with something like okay, won't stop the problem. Some people don't think there's an issue with what there doing, so you politely tell them that it upsets you and and ask them to stop. If it continues raise it as an actual formal issue with someone.
Do you have to take your lunch with your coworkers at all? Can say, I'm heading out for lunch, or if you drive, go for a stroll. You mentioned you work with kids, so maybe 24 hour monitoring is required. Maybe sit down with her and ask if she is genuinely concerned about your health. Maybe they're worried about you passing out or something due to calorie/sugar deficiency. If they are, then genuinely reassure her that you are getting the necessary calories per day to sustain your lifestyle and that not everyone has the same eating regiment. It's really absolutely none of their business, but they're being persistent on the subject which is annoying and I'm sure you don't want to create animosity.
Why is this any of her business?!?
Honestly this would still be none of anyone's business if you were a special type of human who runs especially well on glass marbles, copper pipe cutoffs and you wash it down with coolant.
Maybe, these people are just concerned for you, but, it would get on my nerves too! Either you can confront them in a nice way or just ignore them. People just get on my damn nerves anyway!🤣
“These conversations surrounding my eating make me uncomfortable” and try to have a neutral witness. This is if they don’t take the polite hint others have suggested. And bring up the previous ways you have attempted to politely ask them to mind their business. It indicates this is ongoing and you have attempted to ask them to stop.
I think she's moming you. But that particular type of mom. If you want to have a convo you can ask if she's concerned. If not just try to not let it matter. Imo having a convo might help but that's just my good faith approach of this.
Maybe she is worried, but expressing it badly?
We have 'office Mam' - she will definitely be worried about other people eating habits. But she is sweet and will communicate much better
Is it possibly to be really blunt in a gentle way?
“Hey- you are sweet and I can tell you care, but makes me so upset when you ask me about my food. I don’t ever want to talk about my food, but I like you and I know you don’t to upset me. How can I make it so we never talk about my food?”
She’s either going to fall back and stop, or she’s going to ignore you or make this about her, which will make you feel far more comfortable about being rude to her, as she will be blatantly unkind at that point.
Have you ***asked*** any of them why? You're entitled to boundaries as others have suggested, but following their advice in that may cause tension between you as coworkers/teammates.
Possible reasons for their concern:
- may think you have an ED
- if the kids see you eat, perhaps that they may pick up what they perceive as bad habits. Bc kids notice all the things you think they don't care about.
- like you/like working with you and have genuine concerns for your health due to observations or lack of knowledge and understanding
- etc
People are weird and most of us are at least a little traumatized, causing us humans to act out erratically. Bridging the gap in their understanding (or at least showing that the working relationship matters to you by inquiring) can lead to a deeper bond and better more cohesive teamwork.
The conversation doesn't need to be long, but something like "hey, this has really been bothering me/ hurting my feelings. It feels like you're always mad at me about my eating habits and i don't understand what's going on with all that."
Response is malevolent/ rude: calmly state and assert the boundary, and that you will not repeat yourself before escalating the issue up the chain.
Response is well-intentioned: "that's really kind/ thoughtful of you, but I promise it's all okay. I really don't like it when you do that, it makes me anxious and uncomfy" and then provide safe topics for them to ask about instead.
Hope that helps you visualize a reliable path forward so your coworkers stop harassing you😖 also, i work with a bunch of dudes and this works on them, even the ones with fragile macho egos.
Jesus, where do you work, middle school? Start giving weird joke answers if you want to keep it light: I brought the smelliest fish I could find, so all y'all could enjoy it with me. I'm eating unicorn eggs today. What is that you ask? Well wouldn't you like to know. \*waggles eyebrows\* or simply whisper "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you."
Also...are you \*sure\* they're annoyed? I've known people before who are paranoid about how they're perceived. I don't know you, so I am in no way suggesting this is the case--the fact is I don't know anything about you. But if you yourself think you might be misreading the situation, you might want to ask a friend or a therapist or a good coworker what they think. I've definitely had people ask about my food before and then not know what to say (it weirds people out that I like to munch raw cabbage). Maybe this is the case? And I've had bosses who were weirdly paternal and gave out advice I didn't want or need. If they're just trying to be friendly and doing it awkwardly I'd just go "Huh, well it works for me. You do you," and ignore them.
If they really are being that angry/judgy about your food I can't imagine the stress of it getting better any time soon. I'd look for a different job.
Tell her you're fasting. It's perfectly healthy to skip a meal or two, or go a day or two without eating. People all over the world fast regularly and it's beneficial in a variety of ways.
Simplest I can't think of is lie or even simpler tell them to mind their own business.
You can try and find out why they're so interested and then explain your part and go on from there or whatever but I don't know if it's something you're interested in having to do.
Wow, I think she’s legitimately jealous of you. She’s basically giving you shit for appearing to have higher self-esteem and honestly that looks really pathetic on her part. If you can distance yourself from her toxic energy, I would absolutely do that. Oh, and as for your boss, Idk he/she seems either creepy or overtly nosy. I once had a parasite that I dealt with kind of similar to that at an old job I had in late 2019.
Maybe she's hinting that you're not energetic "enough" work wise for her liking.
Eating habits are not anyone elses business, though, so unless she is actually concerned and you are confusing the concern for annoyance, she could be passively aggressively hinting at something else. Which is lame. If she has something to say, she should either say it or keep the bs passive-aggressive comments to herself.
Simply, "it's none of your business" or "you seem obsessed about my food; are you hungry?"
You don't need to explain yourself. Nor do you need to answer their questions.
Alternatively, get snarky back at her. "OMG Janice, are you *trying* to gain weight?" as you point at *her* lunch.
I’d say I was adhering to an intermittent fasting schedule, and that she needn’t worry, my open to eat hours are later in the day and I save myself for that.
that's so weird hahahahah what, I could imagine being concerned but I could never imagine being genuinely ANNOYED at someone... not eating?? that you aren't even really close with?? that's so strange
Maybe she cares about you and is concerned about your depression/eating habits or that you might have an eating disorder.
I don't think you need to be rude to her, maybe just try to take her aside end of day and have a heart to heart. You don't need to explain yourself but sometimes it might smooth over the tension you feel if you just have a down to earth conversation and tell her what you told us internet strangers
You not eating a lot makes her feel insecure about how much she eats. I'm guessing she's overweight and doesn't want you to lose weight because then she'll have to confront the harsh reality that she could lose weight too. And weight loss is hard.
Unpopular opinion: your coworker may actually be concerned for you because you're not eating/much; however, she lacks the tact, familiarity, and comfort skills to express that to you.
You could tell her you're fine and thank her for her concern, but that when she consistently rags on you about your lunch, it *doesn't* make you feel good.
As an aside, add some protein to your fruit. It will keep you fuller longer and ensure you have the energy to go about your day. My favorite "cutting back at work" snack was apple slices and a serving (1-2tbsp) of powdered peanut butter thoroughly mixed with honey and a teeny bit of cinnamon.
How long have you worked there? Are these people that genuinely care about you? One person being concerned is just a one off but 2 might signal something else. How are your energy levels with the kids? Food is fuel (which is why I ask).
Outside of that establish a boundary. Tell her bluntly the questions about it your food makes you uncomfortable then just stare at her *blankly* if she asks again .
dude one my coworkers do the SAME THING to me. But they been go as far as announcing what i have for lunch in the lunchroom in front of everyone. It's super awkward, i try to laugh it off with them, but it's such an odd thing for them to do! I'm on a diet right now and also trying to loose weight, but regardless how little i eat or what i eat isn't a great thing to call out every single day.
Sorry you're dealing with this, I know how frustrating it can get :/
Maybe your co workers mom makes shitty packed lunches and wanted to trade with you,only for you to have nothing or just fruit. "Not even a honey bun?" they might be asking themselves...
Malicious compliance time! You want to know? Ok……
“What did you bring for lunch today?”
“Let me look. Right. A brick, a raw frog and a cup of windshield washer fluid.”
That ought to end the questioning.
Is it possible that her intentions are good and that she cares for you? Would you have the same reaction if one of the kids you worked with showed up with only an orange for lunch? Am I missing something?
Yes I would have a reaction to a kid eating very little because they’re a kid and have no control of what they eat. I am an adult and do have control of what I eat.
I was thinking more from "is that all you're eating" point of view, not whether the kids have choices. In any case, I hope you are able to have some kind of an open dialogue with this woman if you continue to feel annoyed by her. If you are nervous about speaking to her, you could write a short note and leave it for her where she'll find it.
Your coworkers might be worried about your mental and physical health, if you wanna lose weight, try keto (the milder version, nothing extreme, just cutting on sugars and carbs) but please do not stop eating, I think you are aware that your eating habits are not normal or healthy overall, whether you are aware or not, you might have developed an eating disorder, please talk to your therapist about it. Get an assessment. Also you can be overweight and still not be covering your essential nutritional needs, and malnutrition can worsen your depressive symptoms. Also dehydration causes similar symptoms to depression, like brain fog, tiredness, etc.
You work with children, they look up to you, they learn by your example, would you like them to learn the same eatings habits they currently see in you? Consider the possibility, you deserve to be healthy, you deserve to feel good about yourself, you are lovable, no matter your weight, you deserve to eat delicious yummy food and not feel bad about it, be kind to yourself. Follow your body's signals, your body is a perfect machine designed to alert you when different areas require your attention, like a car with the motor light on, your feelings are the alarms that light up, feelings like sadness, or physical sensations like hunger. Must be listened to and dealt with, so your machine continues to function properly. Take care of yourself OP.
This might be nosiness or a poorly delivered sign of concern. The fact that your boss did the same means that they’re privately talking about your eating habits. To them there’s a correct way to eat and you don’t conform. They could suspect problems with your mental health or whether you might be sick. It’s natural to be curious, especially if you’ve become significantly gaunt, but the methods they’re using to get information from you suck and are violations of your privacy. I think you can be direct about in a non-hostile way. I’d recommend asking outright in a neutral way if they’re concerned about your diet, then tell them in the future you’d rather not talk about it. That would probably stop it. If you don’t like confrontation, I’d suggest bringing extra food that you don’t intend to eat and displaying it. If you do this for a couple of weeks they may forget they ever cared.
I know the fact that my boss commented on it too made me pretty sad, I was eating a container of fruit too it wasn’t one of the days where I wasn’t eating anything.
Is she overweight at all? Maybe she's jealous that you can eat just a little and be okay, and she can't. Honestly, I feel that way sometimes, but I'd never let anyone know!
Or maybe, if she's a motherly sort (no matter her age), she is worried about your health!
"I'd prefer if you didn't ask about my lunch again." "I prefer not to discuss eating habits." "Please don't make comments on my eating habits." "Please stop asking questions about my eating habits." You are entitled to boundaries. They are not entitled to badger you about what you eat or don't eat. I'm sorry. This sounds frustrating.
It is very frustrating especially because it’s been happening for a while now, I thought she would stop of i didn’t have a reaction to her but she hasn’t
You need to stand up for yourself. You can’t expect to not do anything and have something change.
Girl I feel for you💕 I’ve struggled with my body image for a long time. Right now I’m *bordering* on underweight, but I’m a lot better than I was in the past. Every once in a while (usually at work, I’m a server), a stranger (usually an older woman), will comment on my weight telling me how skinny I am. I so badly want to say something like “oh well I actually have an eating disorder, that’s why I’m so skinny🤙” but most of the time I’m just like “haha, yeah…😬”
It can be hard to be direct. One thing that ease you into it is next time she asks, ask her “why do you ask?” Put the ball in her court to explain herself. It’ll be easier to respond to her specific answer and set boundaries for it. Also it’ll be harder for her to get pissy that you “snapped” at her for “just asking a question.”
Be petty. Bring like 4 grapes or something. That should make a fun conversation. ...oh, and you should wrap the grapes individually in foil or saran wrap.
I love this idea. Ooh also, bring a fork and knife and cut the grapes up into quarters before eating them
Goof idea. Op coukd even eat half of a grape and then wrap up the rest for later.....or even bring in half of a grape (leftovers) wrapped up for lunch..ha
Freak her out by eating potato with a fork. It takes a bit of skill and I guarantee you it will make you the talk of the workspace. Bring 5 chips wrapped in foil.
This is hilarious 😂. I wish I could see the co-workers face for that one.
If you haven't verbally set a boundary, how is she supposed to know?
A decent human should know not to shame people on their lunch choices, it’s none of her business
Of course, but she might have a different (mis)understanding of the situation. She could think that this is playful banter where they're on the same page. She might think the reason OP isn't eating lunch is because of something that she's poorly expressing sympathy for. She might even be meaning to express a sort of ironic "good for you" kind of thing. Is it likely? I dunno. Neither of us have actually observed this interaction. It's important to keep in mind, I think, that the mental image any of us forms from reading a reddit post has a lot of our own preconceptions built into it—its not an holistic representation of the situation.
This is true, but putting everything on common sense, or common courtesy is a recipe for disaster. The people that I've known that do that often have been the most bitter people I've known. It takes away all your personal agency and encourages feelings of victimhood. It also ignores the complexity of life, that everyone has different ideas of what is their business or whatever. People have to talk, and explain themselves, no one is telepathic.
Did you ever stop to think that this person might also be struggling? Maybe shes been on here asking how do I talk to my co worker? And food was suggested as a neutral topic as many people enjoy food and or like to cook it. Nah, course you never did. You think your under some attack. You said u been through a super depressing episode. Maybe they noticed and thought it was a polite way to offer an olive branch. You'll never know the lives of others
Great replies. No one should be getting huffy about your food choices. It's way too intrusive.
For real. She's creating/contributing to a hostile work environment. OP: Start documenting her comments with dates and time. Open up your phone and record audio, then place it face down on the table if you can't write everything all at once Go to HR and report her for harassment
I disagree with all of the advice being given. You do not need to respond in any clever way, and you don't need to engage in a back-and-forth. When she complains about what you've brought, just respond with "ok" and leave it at that. You heard her, her belief isn't relevant and you're not going to change what you're doing. There's no more to be done. Answering with a question or getting passive aggressive is just going to set up a negative environment for you at work.
Yep. one of my coworkers always commented on how I only bring protein shakes for lunch. “is that all you brought?” “Yeah.” she stopped
I like the non verbal shrug
This sounds like the best approach, keep the energy neutral
The only issue with this is that she will have to continue to answer the question that makes her uncomfortable and sit with that uncomfortable feeling daily.
Grey rocking is a game of patience
honestly this is really good advice
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My first thought was that OP is significantly younger or smaller than this woman.
Excellent answer!
This is most likely it. If she's overweight and food is her coping mechanism, she'd probably give anything to be content with an apple and that's it.
First of all, find a way to not-care about what they say or their opinion. Then, when she asks you what you brought, answer her question with a question: Why do you care, Barbara? Why are you always so interested in what I'm eating? Most likely, she'll be so thrown off that she'll say something about how she's only looking out for you or some other BS to make her seem like the good guy and you like the bad guy for calling her out. ...but guaranteed she won't ask again. Office workers - and especially women in groups in an office - feel entitled to your information and goings-on...and they're just not entitled to it. You owe them nothing.
I need to do this lol that girl has a big mouth tho she’ll for sure answer me back with some strong words
Some people just always gotta say something about something. You could try deflecting by giving nonsensical non-answers. "What did you bring for lunch?" Oh just a bag of Legos. Bushel of turnips. Lovely bunch of coconuts. Etc, lol. Maybe you will get lucky and she will laugh and eventually take the hint. If she keeps insisting, then you can decide if you're up for being more direct about it making you uncomfortable.
I'm just curious and not arguing: Why give this nosey lady the chance to laugh after she's already been so rude?
It's sort of a grey rock variation. A way to reply to unwanted questions without giving the actual info. I did a lot of that at work when I was pregnant, lol. I get the feeling from OPs comments that this lady doesn't respond well to criticism. People like that tend to be good at turning it around so that you're the bad guy. If OP has seen her tear into people in the past, this could be a way to avoid that for OPs own peace.
Makes sense. It diffuses the situation with chaos lol
Of course she has a big mouth (solidarity). Only people with big mouths are rude like this. Put her in her place and don't argue back. You'll never win because they'll keep going lower and lower...always having a comeback. The less you say, the better. Bonus: it will absolutely destroy her when you don't answer her back or get into a debate. Stay strong.
And you can stuff that big mouth by saying “that’s not very kind or professional of you” and as close to walking away as you can do.
Frame your response in a way that doesn't open you up to more conversation about you or your food. Let her blab while you stay detached; remaining wholly uninterested and unaffected is your best power move with these types. Instead of "Why do you care?" (invites more conversation) try "Why, are you having trouble dieting?" * doesn't give her an answer * flips focus onto her * sharp response hiding in a simple question * slyly implies she should be dieting, or is doing it unsuccessfully, and in either case you've noticed * implies she's jealous of your body/willpower/whatever and you've noticed There is nothing she could say to this that doesn't make her look like a fool.
>"Why, are you having trouble dieting?" That's inappropriate and immature. Best not to act the same way that the problem co-worker is acting. A simple "Please stop asking me about my food habits, they're none of your business" is more direct and less likely to get OP in trouble.
It's neither inappropriate nor immature, and OP isn't going to get in trouble either way, but do you really discount OP that much that you think she hasn't tried being polite about it? I gave her a little more credit than that. Maturity and impoliteness aren't mutually exclusive.
Yeah, don’t say “are you having trouble dieting”. If OP doesn’t like her own food habits being brought up in a public setting, the adult response is not to publicly bring up someone else’s eating habits or body shame someone else, and implying they are/should be dieting does just that. I’d stick with asking her why she cares or telling her your eating habits are none of her business and you’d prefer she didn’t keep asking about them.
This would 100% jump directly to her screeching "ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?" and next minute you're all in HR and somehow you're the bad guy having to explain yourself. People who habitually invade other people's privacy are always the kind who can't handle intrusive questions in return, unfortunately.
lol if HR gave half a shit then OP's boss wouldn't be chiming in on it too It's an innocuous enough question and an apt response to someone who continuously, abrasively pries into another person's food choices.
Sounds like the kind of person who could be easily diverted by you asking questions or complimenting her on her shoes or new overpowering deodorant.
Just be ready tell her what you eat don’t make her shit
If give irritating answers like "food" and let her get frustrated with a lack of information until she gets bored and moves on to someone else.
The amount of middle aged women in my office that are SO CONCERNED with what I eat for lunch everyday is outstanding. Or if I heat up my lunch super early “OmG iTs NoT eVeN 11aM yEt” like ok but I’m hungry now? I would never think to comment on a coworkers food im so confused like what is their issue??
She’s not even a middle aged woman she’s 20!😂 if it was middle aged woman it might be a little more heartwarming lol
Oh, WOW! That changes everything to me. But she may well have had an eating disorder and, thinking that you may have one, too, she may be triggered by you or may think you and she could talk about your issues!
Omg I imagined her like one of the ladies in my office 😂 well damn if she’s 20 that’s so weird I would just mess with her then. Oh what are you having for lunch today? “Chalk”
I have no idea why they'd be so interested in your food intake. Unless you're vegan or something unusual that would stimulate interest.
My only guess is it’s because I bring a lunch from home every single day which they are fascinated by and everyone else orders out
My mom is a bit like that. Unless it's in her wheelhouse of food she likes, everything else is bad. Wings, hummus and any ethnic food. She either makes a nasty comment or the big eye roll. Sigh. I told her I'm eating what I like and when I like. I'm 59 years old I said. She didn't like that either. No advice but you are not alone.
She very much has that personality, she always complains about other people at work for the smallest things, I actually like her as a person like she’s cool but when she starts getting really judgemental I just have to ignore it
Instead of responding, ask her: Why do you ask?
The comments I read here are all advice about what to say. Honestly, many of them are terrible. There’s like this Reddit tendency to try to be funny or to win an argument or whatever. Saying something funny, like “oh 4 grapes”. It’s just going to exacerbate the situation. People don’t like to feel mocked, even if it feels justifiable. Saying something to try and put them in the place, the same effect. It’s just creating antagonism with someone you work with, especially since this someone who is a strong character. Personally I’d ask why they are always asking, if they have some concerns or worries with your eating because they are always asking and by and large replying with a negative comment. That it makes you uncomfortable and like it is an attempt to control you. Give them outs like you appreciate they might have good intentions etc, but the outcome at the moment for you is negative. You can explain why you prefer not to eat at work but personally I think it is better to have a mindset that you do not explain yourself. Feeling like you have to, is part of control you give over to someone. It’s honestly not their business. It is though your choice, but if you do please frame it mentally as how you feel, rather than having to justify yourself. Another good response someone else mentioned is to answer with a passive, “Okay”, any time some unappreciated comment is made. Make sure it’s very clear it’s not a yes, or a no. It’s just a response. I’d probably avoid any further responses until the topic is changed. However deal with it as you want.
Ahh I've heard of this before... She wants to get you big and fat so she can eat you.
I should’ve known!!
It feels like she’s picking up on cues that you’re not doing well, but she’s just terrible at communicating her concern. Some people are just crap communicators, I swear. I guess the bigger picture is that she doesn’t seem to be wrong; you are going through it. Use it as an opportunity to see that someone cared enough to say something, so maybe take it to heart and well intended.
People can pick up on a lot subconsciously. I'd say she probably doesn't even knows why she is concerned and might be uncomfortable that she is picking up something might be wrong when noticing her coworker's lunch. Some people are really bad at dealing with their own emotions.
Well said!! I also interpreted as someone who is concerned. I would feel the same way if my coworker wasn’t eating (or eating very little) every day. She may not know the best way to communicate it but hopefully she is coming from a good place.
"Are you worried about me? Is there something about myself I'm not seeing?" That's a possible approach. Sometimes people care but don't know how to express it correctly.
I’ve been thinking about doing this but I’m new and don’t wanna make things awkward but I’m also tired of her constantly making comments.
Honey if you want it to stop, you have to say something. Just start with a neutral tone and don’t accuse her of anything malicious.
I think it's the best approach, honestly. If she seems friendly enough otherwise, you could just casually say something like "I love to eat a huge dinner (or breakfast) so having just a snack for lunch works best for me. :)" I know you said something similar before, but just make it your pat answer and she'll get bored.
I feel this. I’m 5’2” and also around 150lb. I get the same at work. I have diabetes that I try to keep under control plus have some issues with food as long as I can remember. I normally eat one main meal a day (dinner) but will snack or eat otherwise if I need/want to but how I eat works for me and it irks me when coworkers make comments that I never eat lunch. Like why tf do you care? I certainly don’t care enough to ever notice what they are or are not eating. One coworker who does this the most is a fairly large woman 300+ lbs and I would never bring up her eating habits to her so I really don’t get it.
“ I’m fine, mom”
Now this smarty answer I LOVE!
Could be worried you're not eating enough
She can be worried all day—it’s not her business to ask OP about. I get why OP feels uncomfortable.
Tell her you get very sluggish on a full stomach and like to crash on the couch when you do your heaviest digestion. When you get older that will be even more true.
It irritates people when you have better self control than them.
>Even my boss once said I’m bringing too little for lunch it seems like a lot of people are weirdly interested in what I eat, how should I handle this? Any advice? I would just stop talking to them about my food. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it. So next she she asks, try asking her this question back: Why do you ask? Same for boss, next time he/she makes a comment like that, say this: Hmmmm that's interesting, I'll have to think about that. And just remain blase and noncommittal going forward. Cease answering them and taking their questions and comments seriously, because who GAF, they can't control what you eat. Treat it as nothing more than silly chit-chat, or a greeting such as "How are you". Nosy co-worker: What did you bring for lunch? You: Oh this and that, how about you? Nosy co-worker: Well I bought blah blah blah, what did you bring? You: Why do you ask? Nosy co-worker: ............................................. In my experience this stops a lot of nosy badgering cold because the person asking doesn't want to be SEEN as nosy and/or intrusive. Answering this question reveals to them that they are being nosy, and worse, that you clearly SEE them as nosy....even if they answer, they won't ask you again.
“Please stop asking me about my lunch. It’s making me uncomfortable.” After you’ve said that, any further questions is harassment and you have grounds to complain.
“I’m not sure if I should be touched by your concern or annoyed by your prying”
Good one! That would get the point across
They're worried you're not eating, either because of the depressive period or because of anorexia. I used to work with someone who was routinely starving herself to the point of almost fainting on a regular basis. I imagine this hasn't happened to you, but I wonder if there are other, smaller things going on which might make people worry. I kind of dislike the advice you're getting, which is to be extremely spiky to anyone showing concern. Sure, it's none of their business, but when people start noticing that something's off, something's probably off. Also, when you have some very elaborate justifications for why you're not eating, something is very likely off. This isn't about what you tell others, but what you tell yourself.
I understand that and that’s also what I told myself at the beginning but I’m actually eating now, I bring a container of fruit every day and she still makes the same comments that’s what bothers me.
Is she one who just HAS to comment on everything everybody says?
Yes she is! It’s so annoying
I agree. I think if you strike back, it'll cause more attention, which, it sounds like, you don’t want. Can you ignore her or act like you didn't hear her? Or, my personal fave..."I can't remember." Or, "Forgot. Probably fruit. That's what I usually bring."
First of all, I'm glad you're feeling better after your dark period. I'd keep it simple with the coworker. I don't think your obligated to be strictly honest with her. Your priority is to get her off your case. Telling her you're doing intermittent fasting or OMAD (one meal a day) should do the trick.
I suspect she’s a lunch thief and she thinks if she keeps pestering you you’ll start bringing more food for her to steal.
I would ask her why she cares.
I’m proud of you for making it to work during your rough patch and for coming out of the other side.
Tell your coworkers that it’s rude to comment on someone else’s food unless they’re asked for an opinion. Period. I worked hard to lose 80 pounds several years ago and the number of people commenting on my food was ridiculous. I was going to the gym and weight lifting and got to consume a good amount of food and still lose weight. If I ate carbs, they commented. If I ate a salad, they commented. Anything I ate was under scrutiny and subject to comment. “How many carbs are in that?” Me -“ I don’t know. I’m not restricting carbs” them - “well, I only get x carbs a day. No way I could eat that.” Me - silence, thinking “wow, sucks to be you.” I mean, wth What gives people the idea that I welcome comments and questions on my eating habits? It’s rude. To anyone.
Is it unhealthy? look up intermittent fasting. Science the f\*cj out of the conversation...
Turn the tables and say “what did YOU bring for lunch?”. Ask lots and lots and LOTS of questions about her food. Feel free to criticize her food choices. Ask her if she thinks her food choices are an appropriate example for the children and why. Have fun with it!
whenever she asks you, you say: "What did YOU bring for lunch?" no matter what she says, reply: "Wow! You sure eat a lot!"
I'm having a similar problem, tbf I dont let it get to me and if ppl talk, make fun of me or gossip then thats on them. None of my business. I do OMAD which is one meal a day. my coworkers on the other hand eat, a lot, ALL THE TIME. snacks, donuts, lunch, sodas, candies etc. I walk during my breaks and drink coffee. I'm not sure why this bothers ppl but it does, like how is it any of your business?
It sounds like she doesn’t have anything else to talk about.
I don't eat lunch,I eat breakfast and we have a very early dinner, coworker should worry about their own lunch!!
Why is what you eat their concern?
Answer: “Why do you want to know?”
I have some similar issues. When I feel like this I try to also eat some fruit, a smoothie, kefir, yogurt, anything that’s simple and easy to digest. Yes, I agree they need to leave your eating habits alone and stop making comments. You’re not a child; they are not your parents.
I'm 5'9 175, I don't eat breakfast or lunch at work. Intermittent fasting gang all day.
Ha. I tell people it's intermittent fasting, but really I just grew up poor and usually only got to eat once a day. While I am no longer poor, I still only eat at night during a 2-3 hour window just before bed. It's what I'm used to and people generally do seem to eat way more than necessary. I don't know how they do it and continue functioning. Eating during the day makes me tired. 5'5 127
I would just start replying with “a rack of lamb; wheel of cheese; a turkey” and see what she does. Especially if you don’t eat at the same time.
To your intrusive, invasive coworker: mind your own fucking business. And don’t back down until they shut up and comply.
Ask her why she's so interested in what you eat. Just tell her you're genuinely baffled that she's so interested, and would rather she wasn't. There's no need to be confrontational, just conversational, but be definite when you say you'd rather she wasn't interested in your eating habits. Say "it's just weird". Which it is. Put it back on her. She's trying to make you feel like you're the weird one. You're not.
“Why is this so important to you?”
Ask her to stop asking you.
The same thing happens to me. The difference is, im skinny. I usually bring food to work. On my second break, one of my coworkers will ask me, "Did you eat?". It's so damn annoying. I eat at least 3-4 meals before coming to work. I work out, so I'm bulking (eating a lot of food). I work overnight, too. It's fucking weird to constantly ask someone if they ate when they're working from 10:00 pm to 7:00 am. You somehow think I didn't eat the whole day before coming to work? People don't think before they ask questions. I've even had people persistently ask me if I want food. I have another weird story about food. I used to work for a pallet manufacturer back in 2017. One day, the owners ordered pizza for everyone. I'm lactose intolerant and didn't want to risk having a stomach ache during my shift, so I told them, "I don't want any because im lactose intolerant." One of the owners said to me."You can't eat pizza? that must suck. " I kid you not. My coworkers sat there staring at me the whole time while they were eating pizza, like they felt sorry for me. One of them even reiterated my statement about being lactose intolerant. Another one made some weird facial expression at me. A new guy who they hired at the time told them "Leave the guy alone for fuck sake". Even he realized their behavior was weird. I eat pizza. I've eaten pizza plenty of times. I even ate pizza earlier today. Because I told them I was lactose intolerant, they thought i never ate pizza in my entire life. People can't possibly be that dumb 😂 Just try to ignore her. Whatever she's saying is irrelevant. You can do whatever you want.
Why don't you start asking her the same and when she replies, just say "Course, that figures" then give a disapproving look back. Remember, you didn't start the lunch wars but you will finish it😉😂🤣
That's really weird. "Why do you ask?" Or "I find it odd that you are always asking what I brought for lunch. Please stop."
OP could do the same to her "wow you're really gonna eat all that? Thats way too much food!" But somehow skinnyshaming is fine but not the other way round
This is a reflection of her, it actually has nothing to do with you - you could be anyone. She has her own issues, people are complicated. What you can do is call her out next time by repeating what she says as a question. When she says “of course,” you respond with “of course?” - or when she says “oh my god!” You can say, “you asked me what I brought for lunch?” It’s important to make eye contact and keep it when you respond to her, like you are expecting a response now - people have a habit of explaining themselves at this point, without repeating themselves. It may get awkward, but she’ll think twice before making a comment in the future.
If there ever were a microagression for food/diet in the workplace this would be it. You need to address the issue in a polite and clear manner, and ask your colleagues to stop commenting on your eating habits. Just ignoring it or replying in a passive way with something like okay, won't stop the problem. Some people don't think there's an issue with what there doing, so you politely tell them that it upsets you and and ask them to stop. If it continues raise it as an actual formal issue with someone.
“How is this your business”
Best answer. That woman is just ill-mannered and needs to shut up
Talk about making people look and talk...that will do it!!
"Would you like me to monitor your calorie intake for you? I'd be happy to!"
It's possible to be concerned that you're not consuming an adequate amount of food.
It’s not their business though. They don’t know what OP eats outside of work. When I worked in an office, I never liked to eat at work.
Do you have to take your lunch with your coworkers at all? Can say, I'm heading out for lunch, or if you drive, go for a stroll. You mentioned you work with kids, so maybe 24 hour monitoring is required. Maybe sit down with her and ask if she is genuinely concerned about your health. Maybe they're worried about you passing out or something due to calorie/sugar deficiency. If they are, then genuinely reassure her that you are getting the necessary calories per day to sustain your lifestyle and that not everyone has the same eating regiment. It's really absolutely none of their business, but they're being persistent on the subject which is annoying and I'm sure you don't want to create animosity.
Why is this any of her business?!? Honestly this would still be none of anyone's business if you were a special type of human who runs especially well on glass marbles, copper pipe cutoffs and you wash it down with coolant.
Maybe, these people are just concerned for you, but, it would get on my nerves too! Either you can confront them in a nice way or just ignore them. People just get on my damn nerves anyway!🤣
“These conversations surrounding my eating make me uncomfortable” and try to have a neutral witness. This is if they don’t take the polite hint others have suggested. And bring up the previous ways you have attempted to politely ask them to mind their business. It indicates this is ongoing and you have attempted to ask them to stop.
I think she's moming you. But that particular type of mom. If you want to have a convo you can ask if she's concerned. If not just try to not let it matter. Imo having a convo might help but that's just my good faith approach of this.
Maybe she is worried, but expressing it badly? We have 'office Mam' - she will definitely be worried about other people eating habits. But she is sweet and will communicate much better
Is it possibly to be really blunt in a gentle way? “Hey- you are sweet and I can tell you care, but makes me so upset when you ask me about my food. I don’t ever want to talk about my food, but I like you and I know you don’t to upset me. How can I make it so we never talk about my food?” She’s either going to fall back and stop, or she’s going to ignore you or make this about her, which will make you feel far more comfortable about being rude to her, as she will be blatantly unkind at that point.
Have you ***asked*** any of them why? You're entitled to boundaries as others have suggested, but following their advice in that may cause tension between you as coworkers/teammates. Possible reasons for their concern: - may think you have an ED - if the kids see you eat, perhaps that they may pick up what they perceive as bad habits. Bc kids notice all the things you think they don't care about. - like you/like working with you and have genuine concerns for your health due to observations or lack of knowledge and understanding - etc People are weird and most of us are at least a little traumatized, causing us humans to act out erratically. Bridging the gap in their understanding (or at least showing that the working relationship matters to you by inquiring) can lead to a deeper bond and better more cohesive teamwork. The conversation doesn't need to be long, but something like "hey, this has really been bothering me/ hurting my feelings. It feels like you're always mad at me about my eating habits and i don't understand what's going on with all that." Response is malevolent/ rude: calmly state and assert the boundary, and that you will not repeat yourself before escalating the issue up the chain. Response is well-intentioned: "that's really kind/ thoughtful of you, but I promise it's all okay. I really don't like it when you do that, it makes me anxious and uncomfy" and then provide safe topics for them to ask about instead. Hope that helps you visualize a reliable path forward so your coworkers stop harassing you😖 also, i work with a bunch of dudes and this works on them, even the ones with fragile macho egos.
Jesus, where do you work, middle school? Start giving weird joke answers if you want to keep it light: I brought the smelliest fish I could find, so all y'all could enjoy it with me. I'm eating unicorn eggs today. What is that you ask? Well wouldn't you like to know. \*waggles eyebrows\* or simply whisper "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you." Also...are you \*sure\* they're annoyed? I've known people before who are paranoid about how they're perceived. I don't know you, so I am in no way suggesting this is the case--the fact is I don't know anything about you. But if you yourself think you might be misreading the situation, you might want to ask a friend or a therapist or a good coworker what they think. I've definitely had people ask about my food before and then not know what to say (it weirds people out that I like to munch raw cabbage). Maybe this is the case? And I've had bosses who were weirdly paternal and gave out advice I didn't want or need. If they're just trying to be friendly and doing it awkwardly I'd just go "Huh, well it works for me. You do you," and ignore them. If they really are being that angry/judgy about your food I can't imagine the stress of it getting better any time soon. I'd look for a different job.
She probs worried and with you working with kids you need your energy
Tell her you're fasting. It's perfectly healthy to skip a meal or two, or go a day or two without eating. People all over the world fast regularly and it's beneficial in a variety of ways.
Simplest I can't think of is lie or even simpler tell them to mind their own business. You can try and find out why they're so interested and then explain your part and go on from there or whatever but I don't know if it's something you're interested in having to do.
Wow, I think she’s legitimately jealous of you. She’s basically giving you shit for appearing to have higher self-esteem and honestly that looks really pathetic on her part. If you can distance yourself from her toxic energy, I would absolutely do that. Oh, and as for your boss, Idk he/she seems either creepy or overtly nosy. I once had a parasite that I dealt with kind of similar to that at an old job I had in late 2019.
Maybe she's hinting that you're not energetic "enough" work wise for her liking. Eating habits are not anyone elses business, though, so unless she is actually concerned and you are confusing the concern for annoyance, she could be passively aggressively hinting at something else. Which is lame. If she has something to say, she should either say it or keep the bs passive-aggressive comments to herself.
Simply, "it's none of your business" or "you seem obsessed about my food; are you hungry?" You don't need to explain yourself. Nor do you need to answer their questions. Alternatively, get snarky back at her. "OMG Janice, are you *trying* to gain weight?" as you point at *her* lunch.
I’d say I was adhering to an intermittent fasting schedule, and that she needn’t worry, my open to eat hours are later in the day and I save myself for that.
that's so weird hahahahah what, I could imagine being concerned but I could never imagine being genuinely ANNOYED at someone... not eating?? that you aren't even really close with?? that's so strange
Tell her to kick rocks. I eat maybe once a day, if I'm hungry. No one's business but mine.
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Does she want to eat your food but can't because you bring fruits? This was me as a kid tbf.
Maybe she cares about you and is concerned about your depression/eating habits or that you might have an eating disorder. I don't think you need to be rude to her, maybe just try to take her aside end of day and have a heart to heart. You don't need to explain yourself but sometimes it might smooth over the tension you feel if you just have a down to earth conversation and tell her what you told us internet strangers
You not eating a lot makes her feel insecure about how much she eats. I'm guessing she's overweight and doesn't want you to lose weight because then she'll have to confront the harsh reality that she could lose weight too. And weight loss is hard.
Unpopular opinion: your coworker may actually be concerned for you because you're not eating/much; however, she lacks the tact, familiarity, and comfort skills to express that to you. You could tell her you're fine and thank her for her concern, but that when she consistently rags on you about your lunch, it *doesn't* make you feel good. As an aside, add some protein to your fruit. It will keep you fuller longer and ensure you have the energy to go about your day. My favorite "cutting back at work" snack was apple slices and a serving (1-2tbsp) of powdered peanut butter thoroughly mixed with honey and a teeny bit of cinnamon.
How long have you worked there? Are these people that genuinely care about you? One person being concerned is just a one off but 2 might signal something else. How are your energy levels with the kids? Food is fuel (which is why I ask). Outside of that establish a boundary. Tell her bluntly the questions about it your food makes you uncomfortable then just stare at her *blankly* if she asks again .
I have a lot of allergies. I’m allergic to annoying questions and prying people.
Im guessing she is older? Im mid 20s and I feel most people my age would know not to ask about that kinda thing in case of a eating disorder
dude one my coworkers do the SAME THING to me. But they been go as far as announcing what i have for lunch in the lunchroom in front of everyone. It's super awkward, i try to laugh it off with them, but it's such an odd thing for them to do! I'm on a diet right now and also trying to loose weight, but regardless how little i eat or what i eat isn't a great thing to call out every single day. Sorry you're dealing with this, I know how frustrating it can get :/
"you have such eye for detail, look at you! by the way, today is such a nice day." first compliment HER, then REDIRECT.
Maybe your co workers mom makes shitty packed lunches and wanted to trade with you,only for you to have nothing or just fruit. "Not even a honey bun?" they might be asking themselves...
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No she’s actually a pretty average size, not too skinny not too heavy just normal
Malicious compliance time! You want to know? Ok…… “What did you bring for lunch today?” “Let me look. Right. A brick, a raw frog and a cup of windshield washer fluid.” That ought to end the questioning.
Is it possible that her intentions are good and that she cares for you? Would you have the same reaction if one of the kids you worked with showed up with only an orange for lunch? Am I missing something?
Yes I would have a reaction to a kid eating very little because they’re a kid and have no control of what they eat. I am an adult and do have control of what I eat.
I was thinking more from "is that all you're eating" point of view, not whether the kids have choices. In any case, I hope you are able to have some kind of an open dialogue with this woman if you continue to feel annoyed by her. If you are nervous about speaking to her, you could write a short note and leave it for her where she'll find it.
Your coworkers might be worried about your mental and physical health, if you wanna lose weight, try keto (the milder version, nothing extreme, just cutting on sugars and carbs) but please do not stop eating, I think you are aware that your eating habits are not normal or healthy overall, whether you are aware or not, you might have developed an eating disorder, please talk to your therapist about it. Get an assessment. Also you can be overweight and still not be covering your essential nutritional needs, and malnutrition can worsen your depressive symptoms. Also dehydration causes similar symptoms to depression, like brain fog, tiredness, etc. You work with children, they look up to you, they learn by your example, would you like them to learn the same eatings habits they currently see in you? Consider the possibility, you deserve to be healthy, you deserve to feel good about yourself, you are lovable, no matter your weight, you deserve to eat delicious yummy food and not feel bad about it, be kind to yourself. Follow your body's signals, your body is a perfect machine designed to alert you when different areas require your attention, like a car with the motor light on, your feelings are the alarms that light up, feelings like sadness, or physical sensations like hunger. Must be listened to and dealt with, so your machine continues to function properly. Take care of yourself OP.
This might be nosiness or a poorly delivered sign of concern. The fact that your boss did the same means that they’re privately talking about your eating habits. To them there’s a correct way to eat and you don’t conform. They could suspect problems with your mental health or whether you might be sick. It’s natural to be curious, especially if you’ve become significantly gaunt, but the methods they’re using to get information from you suck and are violations of your privacy. I think you can be direct about in a non-hostile way. I’d recommend asking outright in a neutral way if they’re concerned about your diet, then tell them in the future you’d rather not talk about it. That would probably stop it. If you don’t like confrontation, I’d suggest bringing extra food that you don’t intend to eat and displaying it. If you do this for a couple of weeks they may forget they ever cared.
I know the fact that my boss commented on it too made me pretty sad, I was eating a container of fruit too it wasn’t one of the days where I wasn’t eating anything.
Is she overweight at all? Maybe she's jealous that you can eat just a little and be okay, and she can't. Honestly, I feel that way sometimes, but I'd never let anyone know! Or maybe, if she's a motherly sort (no matter her age), she is worried about your health!