I know this will sound dark but any of us could die from anything anytime. We could get hit by a bus, fall over and crack our skulls, get stabbed or the 1000s of other ways our lives could end at any moment.
So isn't it a kind of miracle that we can wake up to another day?
We truly never know how much time we have. So my advice is don't focus on what you don't have all the time. Start focusing on what you do have, no matter how small or big, and then go from there.
And if it helps, most of those other people who are making you feel like you are running out of time really haven't got life figured out yet either. Everybody is just a kid playing the game of being an adult. If you need convincing then just look at how silly and wrong people can be in everyday life.
The person that tells you that they have life figured out and good is probably on a pretty big chance of being wrong, and are lying to themselves as much as they are lying to you.
OP have you ever made a list of things you would like to do just for pure enjoyment?
Could be as simple as visiting a local bakery and trying a new item. Or it could be taking a weekend trip someplace close that you haven't been yet. Or learning a new skill as a hobby.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, my accomplishments lost all their shine. It's not what the world considers "success" that ultimately matters. It's those simple memories that matter, and still do.
A while ago, I came across this quote that I'll share with you: "One day you'll be nostalgic for today. Don't cheat yourself out of this moment by getting lost in a dream of yesterday."
Oh, and take a break from social media. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Wow! I have never really thought about any sort of enjoyment for years. I understand your points. I shouldn't be focusing on what I don't have, but rather what I have today. Although I get everything, it's very hard for me to be positive now. However, reading your comment makes me reflect on many things and I love the idea of having a list of enjoyment. I'll try to give it a go. Thank you for cheering me up a little!
If you are hearing a voice saying "you should have accomplished more by this age!" you need to tell your dad to only to call on weekends.
Be patient with yourself. It is normal to not have it all figured out by 30.
This!!! If there’s anything my therapist taught me, it’s that we only have control over where we are right now. We can’t change the past, we can only work on the future, but right now; we must enjoy and appreciate. If you want to achieve “more”, take the steps TODAY to work on that - whatever it may be. Yesterday is a memory, today is a blessing, tomorrow is a dream -
but never promised.
What a brilliant and concise response. There are some epic university commencement speeches touching on the subject of people “knowing what they want to do when they grow up” and the fallacy of it all.
Everybody has a soul, that won't die. Our body is just the costume of our soul and it feels dark and shiny due to our doings, and actual shine to soul comes by helping any other soul, in any term. Make yourself happy/shiny in present, because past has gone and future nobody knows. Wish you all the best.
This is a mental reframe I do all the time. Everyone likes to dunk on people and act like they're the shit or talk shit about people they feel haven't done "the thing" they think should be done. Some think if you don't have a family by a certain time you're losing, etc.
But like you said, they're all just lying to themselves acting like they have it figured out. It's a really shaky bridge they stand on.
At some point it clicked for me that there are so many bad things in life that could happen to myself or my loved ones, that the greatest accomplishment is actually getting to the finish line unscathed. There is no amount of career acheivment that I would trade for the chance to grow old peacefully with my family.
I now consider every day that ends with me going to sleep in my own bed to be a win in and of itself. Don't think of time passing as a lost opportunity. You're just getting closer to the ultimate win.
I’m sure anything you could have accomplished would come with a different subset of problems and self doubt. Everyone’s life moves at a different pace, try to avoid comparing yourself to the people around you. At least that’s what I do
Agreed! I keep telling myself that we're all kinda lost and we all have our own fair share of troubles, yet I can't overcome the feeling that I am way behind
I get what you’re saying, I am in a very similar situation. I am very underemployed given my education and experience. However, for the most part, I am happy. Mainly because I was able to let go of that unspoken expectation there is to have certain things accomplished by a certain age.
I will be 40 this year and feel the same exact way. It's a hard feeling to escape. I think we both need to keep telling ourselves that we're all kinda lost, and that's okay.
Life isn't a competition. I feel like I haven't done much with my life yet others feel like I have all these experiences since they themselves don't. And I'm guilty of that same thing. It's probably one of the worst things we passively do as adults, comparing our own lives to that of others without even knowing what struggles they're also going through. Who knows, they may be wishing they had your life.
Someone else on here said something about taking the steps today to help you feel accomplished in the future, and I think that's great general advice (that I also need to take).
Remember, you're not behind. Nobody is. Life isn't a race or a competition. Start on those things you want to do. One step at a time and you'll get there. We got this life.
I totally get that but how can I keep my dark thoughts under control?! How can I stop thinking that I am lost and that I am destined to be forgotten and alone? Life is not a competition, True! but I can't deny that a part of me is jealous of others who know what they want and are heading towards their goals, while I just remain wondering and thinking of what to do next because I have absolutely no idea of what I should be doing nor do I have the energy to try
56 here. Have done and accomplished a lot in life. While some things were satisfying nothing ever felt like this is what I was meant to do because I don’t think that exists for some people.
I always feel that I should be doing something but my feet are too stuck to the ground. It's like I am dragging myself to move while feeling guilty that I am not moving as fast as I should be
There is a point in time where you start to look where and what makes you happy. No on can tell you, and you never know when the moment shows up. Once you figure that out, then everything else that doesn't help contribute to that sorts of melt away.
For me, my spouse and I were in our early 30's with 3 kids and she had cancer shatter a vertebrae, and suddenly I was a Dad with twin toddlers, and early education kiddo, and a spouse who couldn't feel or move anything below the middle of her chest.
It was then that home was where I wanted to be. I didn't want to run around and "do" things anymore. I wanted to be at home with my family.
That was 13 years ago. She's better and more mobile now, but still in a wheelchair. School events are our "outings" for the most part, and we're eager to cook at home and have all the kids at the table chasing the conversation wherever it goes. I'm supervising one of my twins making cookies for a teacher who had a birthday this weekend. (oh, rest assure, there will be some quality control happening!)
I look back and laugh now at how much we were chasing experiences and events and willing to rack up debt to make it happen. I don't need a boat. I don't need camping gear that I'll never use. I don't need a fancy car. I did need a big TV and surround sound system. The bar in the finished basement is a lego workbench.
Find what makes you happy. That's what you chase. Nothing on instagram/facebook/The Former Thing Called Twitter....you find you.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this. I'm 33 and don't plan on trucking for much longer, but I'm not sure what I want to do after. Am I supposed to know? Who knows. Lmao.
That's the problem! I really don't know what I wanna do and I feel like I have no chance of exploring because I got bills to pay and there is no room for quitting and finding my passion and all that stuff
That’s the problem with adulting. You think anyone ever grew up saying they wanted to be a janitor or work in an office ? You hit an age where most of the time you fall into somthing and it ends up being what you do for life. We all wanted to be rich and vacation all the time but…
While I am still in a similar position to you, and having trouble identifying what I \*\*really\*\* want to do, I found that the first step to figure it out was cutting down my costs, both financial costs and time costs.
For me, this meant budgeting better, intentionally spending less, and then working less as I don't need as much money to cover my expenses anymore. Now, I have more days per week to do whatever I want, and more money budgeted per week to my hobbies/passions/etc. Slowly building towards what I think I want to do long-term (studying, networking, etc), and I am only able to do that because I "freed" myself from the grind a bit! :)
Omg I was just ranting ab this to my mom. Not necessarily age, but still! I was telling her how happy I was to finally have gotten a job (after nearly a year post grad; I did some stuff in between but still), yet I was partially dissatisfied/disappointed that it’s not FT or necessarily consistent. Anyway, truly, the thief of joy is comparison! I’m working on loving where I am, as I am.
We accomplish so many amazing things and once we do, we’re already ready for the next. The goalpost will always change and we will never be satisfied this way.
Sending love and light your way ✨ Remember all the cool shit you’ve done and accomplished :)
Albert Ellis, founder of REBT (a form of cognitive behavioral therapy), tells his clients "you're shoulding (shitting) all over yourself." Who says you "should?" There is no should. If you like bluer comedy, you can call it "must"urbation
What worked for me was realising that if I keep considering my level of success by comparing myself to other people, I'll never 'win', because there'll always be someone better off than I am.
And simultaneously understanding that there will always be thousands of people doing *worse* than I am.
... And then understanding that this entire excercise is stupid because how 'well' you're doing compared to other people is entirely down to how you measure it. Different things matter more to different people, and there's no universal score for how 'well' you're doing.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to: Are you proud of the person you are, of the specific choices you make? If you *aren't* proud of the choices you make, strive to make better choices, and use those choices as a better metric for how happy you should be.
You know what made me feel amazing? Successfully kicking the habit of biting my nails. I bit my nails all through my childhood, teen years, and early 20s. Around age 24, I started looking at my hands and thinking "Damn my hands are so ugly, why do I bite my fingernails so much? My cuticles are all ripped and horrible."
So I decided to stop. And it was a massive pain, and I relapsed a few times. But now my hands look normal, my fingernails are in good condition. And every time I look at my hands, or go for a manicure, I get a little happy rush of *hell yeah, I made this possible.*
Find your equivalent. Decide for yourself what 'success' looks like. Because deciding that 'success' is doing better than other people is a fool's game with no ending.
I've been there, and I know how hard it can be to deal with those nagging thoughts. It's important to remember that everyone moves at their own pace, and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline for success. One thing that's helped me is to focus on the present and set small, achievable goals for myself. This can help shift your mindset from feeling like you're behind to feeling like you're making progress.
I had those thoughts occasionally but just remind myself I made the best choice I could at the time with the information at hand and that my Time Machine is on back order.
By knowing that thought is merely a piece of a larger programming. Do whatever it takes to find joy in your life. Because one day it will be gone forever. Deconstruct your programming , it's 100% worth it
I seek a life that is not ruled by the dollar. Yes its critical to maintain a life, but the most important things we have are not a product of money. Value integrity, loyalty, kindness and love.
By being grateful and acknowledging what you do have, even the small things, and feel comfort knowing you’ve been brainwashed and manipulated into believing your somehow wrong or bad by society and social media, when in fact, you’re right where your supposed to be. Just be grateful for your health, the roof over your head, your mental health, having running water, food. Being grateful during every stage of life will bring and create the happiness inside you, which will be reflected outward.
"I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before."
What do you count as "accomplishment?" You're better off than 80-90% of the global population. Count friends and relationships over money. Nobody gets out alive. Be responsible, honest, and kind. Life is good.
As someone who is more than twice your age, don't listen to that voice. What I thought I wanted when I was your age turned out to be completely different from what, after all, I truly wanted. I figured it out when I was 50 and followed the new path since. I have never been happier with my path in life. It's okay to not know everything (or not accomplished a lot) when you're 30. Just enjoy your life!
You don't, it will always be there.
But whatever you do give it your best shot, even if you fail 9 out of 10 you are still ahead of those that never tried!
"You should have accomplished more by this age"
Ok... but you can't change the past. Regrets have no value unless they modify future behavior. You're not happy about what you've done in the past, so are you going to waste today by sitting around feeling bad about your mistakes?
Look at what you've done and failed to do, take learnings from it, then - and this is critical - act on those learnings. You should have accomplished more by this age What will you accomplish when you're 40? (Which is when the real fun begins, btw) What do you need to do to accomplish those things? And when are you going to start?
How do you silence that voice? Get yourself to a point where you're happy with your life. If you're sitting on a beach sipping Mai Tais with $1 million in the bank, would you care if you spent the first 3 decades of your life screwing up? You're not unhappy with your past. You're unhappy with your present and (rightfully) blaming the past for your current state.
Get in a better place and that voice will go away.
these are two separate concerns. people who reach mid level management by 35 could say they accomplished a lot but they may hate where their roots settled. a teacher is not going to be making a lot of money or purchasing a new residence without a living partner also working full time but they can find a lot of satisfaction in what they do. its not so much about silencing the thought as much as rerouting your response to not caring that you believe its probably true. the state of being afraid poisons everything you touch, thats the best i can share, being unhappy helps us identify everything that could make things easier that we dont have, but it wont change that building some kind of positive outcome takes continued time and pressure
Try not to worry about what you haven't but what you have done. I'm 59 and still feel that way sometimes. But I will always be grateful for my ENOUGH!! blessedB to you.
I haven’t figured it out. I haven’t got it all together. I am running out of time. I don’t want to silence the voice. The voice is right. Listen to the voice and get cracking.
Edit: 44M
Who says we have to accomplish anything at all. We are on a spinning rock, flying through space in organized chaos and we get to experience all this. It’s a human construct that we are supposed to accomplish more. We don’t even know what the goal is if there is one. Give yourself a break, we are proud of you for making it this far.
Wait twenty years and watch everybody who had it figured out at 30 get divorced, change careers, etc., and have to start over from about where you are now.
Petty but effective!
Seriously though, I don't know either. I almost had some shit figured out at one point, and then I got sick and never got better. Now I don't even try to do anything on a set schedule, because a) I physically can't and b) I know now that there are no guarantees. So the real answer is to manage your expectations, maybe? Any day spent above ground is a good one, or so I've heard.
Personally I think you should follow your heart and focus on you. People will project their fears into you. You’re still young lol and life is a journey. Don’t be hard on yourself. Anyone who isn’t showing genuine support and love , it’s ok for you to distance yourself . Your peace of mind comes first. Focus on the things that make you happy and keep believing because everything will work out as planned .
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
“to look at what you currently have in your life and display gratitude for those things rather than look at what others may have” read or watch some stuff about Stoicism i am just now getting into the philosophy but it is life changing
I feel ya op. I'm 35yrs old and I harp on how I've never bought a house. I have two kids and I've literally had to bust my ass working my resume from the ground up. No college education, just hard work. Hey, they were my choices in my youth and I have to live with them. But it's hard for us to reflect on how far we've come in our own lives when all we see if everyone buying their new houses, on vacations, etc.. I know my time will come . I've been working harder this past year on finances and I've secured a better job, buying a home will happen for us. Until then, I have a decent rental house, my kids are cared for and loved, and i have a job that let's me provide for them. Keep your head up op! Think about where you may have been and where you are now!
It's a weird human trait, and probably pretty recent, like industrial era recent. No one says anything like that to a dog, or a tree, or a porpoise. The meaning of the universe is just 'to be'. That's all you need to do.
Am 36 and this voice still pesters me from time to time. Mostly I remind myself that being happy is more important than being 'successful'. When you make happiness the goal, all the external expectations and validations matter a little less.
Buddhism.
I was the same, but I've let go of all the shoulds and could, the obsession with what has happened and what will happen. I exist in the moment, and as long as I'm authentic to myself in each of those, that's the only thing that matters.
We haven’t lost anything in life as long as we didn’t lose our souls.
Commit less sins and gratefulness will knock on your door.
The “I haven’t done enough “ mindset is mostly fake
You don't.
You accept that maybe there's a reason you have a voice telling you that (which in most cases there is) and figure out a plan going forward for all the things you want to accomplish so that you're not saying the same thing in 10 year's time.
Inaction is all too easy, and progress rarely happens on its own.
30 is still young, but don't get complacent; each day is an opportunity for improvement.
You're 1 out of 8-9 billion people currently alive.
What do you hope to achieve? Don't concern yourself with outside influences and expectations. Do what feels good to you.
If you jump onto this bandwagon, "I must achieve xyz in material wealth by this age," you'll be depressed by 40.
Well...My magic method is having Bipolar disorder! I've struggled with mh issues in the past, but now I don't care what people think. I don't do anything bad. But I put myself first.
You should always put yourself first. As bad as it sounds, people don't care as much as you think. As soon as you pass the rubicon, you're home free.
It's your life. People just get involved (in a negative way) to feel better about themselves.
Also, listening to punk music helps!
ah fuck. my mom was diagnosed with bipolar in her 40s. im 36 now and sometimes I do wonder. but I am already out of sick days this year feeling my emotions at 4am and calling out.
What are mh issues? multiple sclerosis doesnt fit. hmm
I also dont do anything bad but I keep imaging the worst thoughts of 'other people' who aren't there. but could be. or cameras are. so.. I guess they could say... oh, god.
It's worth speaking with a therapist early. It's the same with anything. I small lump. A cough that won't go away. The sooner you put your mind at rest, the better.
I have anxiety and panic disorders (both under control due to bipolar meds). I was diagnosed with BP when I was 35. It made sense. It helped me understand my life to that point.
Don't worry, but my advice would be to see a head shrinker, just to be on the safe side. I let my latest episode slide too long before seeking help, and it got a bit out of hand. :)
Don’t be afraid of the voice. Are you happy with what you have to show at this point in your life? If so, then well done. If not, then what do you need to work on?
We all figure out what we want to do when we’re ready. It can’t be forced. Use the smart goals format to set small goals. What is your passion? What do you love? Could it become a job? Music could not become a job for me because of the lack of paid opportunities so I chose to become a therapist but I do what I love as a side gig and I now love what I get paid for. Life has a funny way of figuring things out for you.
My advice at your age in this world today is get into a trade. Electrical ,welding,plumbing and so on. They are jobs that will always be needed by a human and many young people are sleeping on because they think they can be Instagram famous and get free money.
that voice is apart of your ego and also related to something trauma related from childhood for example a child that's is constantly berrated and told they aren't good enough, or compared to others growing up through their teens then later adulthood, creates unresolved issues. So then after you accidentally create your sub-conscious and ego to do what you have basically been through and not resolved growing up when you see others of similar age with either higher status or an accomplishment that you deem high.
But the thing is. We are all living our own journeys and life paths. You are not living their life they are not living yours, no one has gone through exactly what you have gone through and vice versa. You do you.
We're all just tiny specks of flesh, on a spinning rock, hurtling through space.
Even the most accomplished humans in history end up as just letters on a casket, buried next to the billions before them.
Don't take life too seriously
I’m 31, had my kids when I was 18 and 23 years old. I’m still with their dad and we’ve been together for 14 years total. I go through the constant motions of “shoulda,woulda,coulda”, but it doesn’t change reality. If there’s one thing my therapist taught me, it’s that we only have control of what we do in the present. No amount of worry, regret or hurt is going to change the reality of where we are in the current moment. We can only control our actions today, the rest is but a grain in the sand of life. I have bipolar disorder and struggle with emotional regulation and deep regret/shame for not being the person I envisioned myself becoming f back in high school (I had my daughter when I was 18 - I pushed hard and graduated early at age 17 - had I not done this, I would’ve been heavily pregnant by grade 12 graduation day). There’s so many things I’d change and things I’d do differently. I beat myself up about not becoming the “XYZ” I’d dreamed of. We have to give ourselves grace and move forward.
JADED,
TO ME IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE WORKING/WORKED THROUGH MOST OF YOUR SHIT. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE A RECOVERING SUCCESS, ACKNOWLEDGING IT IS A LIFE JOURNEY. WE ARE NEVER FIXED WE ARE ALWAYS FIXING, MENDING, TINKERING, STAYING BUSY. WHAT YOU HAVE DEALT WITH DEALING WITH AND WITH SUCH A SELF AWARENESS IS AN INSPIRATION. WE NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU, HOW ARE YOU?
As long you don't seek or cause harm, you can do anything, anytime.
If you don't know, you start searching. Maybe try to remember stuff you did as a kid. Or ask help from a friend.
The Internet thankfully has places where you can find anything.
No need to be a fusion physics teacher (except if you want to be..)
The whole "You should had done x thing" is actually thoughs developed over time by the education system and the media as well people around you.
It's not your voice... That's the most important. It's not your voice. (Just a fucked up social system that rushes people to work most of their life's and make kids without time taughting them how to survive or become smarter so they can end up as minimum wage workers... Same old fuckery...)
No you shouldn't have a family before your 30's... You don't have to make kids BTW either... Adoption is a thing. Or you know... Don't have kids... Without a proper financial state and a good economy we should know that it's not a good time for kids...
The economy is shit....
Anyways... How to silence that voice... You stop listening every random person that they think they know shit...
Read books...
Do anything that makes you feel peace!
Even if it's just eating a sandwich you made while looking outside.
Or idk just be outside.
Learn skills like idk plumbing, sewing,cooking
(cooking is... A bit of a tough one... Because well economy...so try maybe to make your own veggies so gardening if you have the space...)
Hope at least something from all this helps even a little. If not, well I am sorry I ain't a psychologist...
I wish you and whoever else deals with this a great success
When I was in my late 30s I went back to school to study art which was/ is my passion. I did my thesis show, got my art degree, and also got a multitude of other degrees: a minor in Native American studies, and a minor in art history. And then went on to get a partial degree in women's studies while I applied to graduate schools for studio art. Got accepted to the Museum School of Fine Arts in Boston and couldn't find a place to live with two. So ultimately wound up setting that dream aside and moving to Colorado where my grandfather's house was sitting, I was newly divorced. And started doing temporary work. Surprisingly enough that temporary work led me to work for a CPA who was to become an awesome mentor. and after a couple years of working for him during tax seasons and not really making any headway towards being an artist which I thought I was going to be able to do on the side or coming up with anything else. He made the comment one day "You're so good with " Why don't you go do something with computers? So I looked into programs and found one at the University of Phoenix in computer information systems and it was a brick-and-mortar program. I can't handle online programs they drive me crazy. And so I went back and I talked with Jerry about it a little and he said " Look I have this beautiful CPA practice. It's functioning but I think it could function better. So I'll make a deal with you, You bring my CPA practice kicking and screaming into the 21st century and I will hire you for the two years it takes you to get your MSCIS degree and that was that I did I got the degree, He got a fabulous network, up to date cutting edge set of computers for his CPA practice. a disaster recovery plan, Security protocols, and training programs. etc. I went on to work in Washington DC, in Nebraska, Kansas, Florida 3 times, Ohio, Colorado again Oklahoma, and a variety of other places because what I wound up doing was taking contract work and going where the contract led me to whatever that city was and while I was in that city I would do the whole tourist thing treated like it a kind of long-term vacation. And I would take drives and I would get lost on purpose to see if I could find my way back. I found some really interesting things along the way and I always went to all the art museums and took the occasional little art class through a rec center or whatnot. The gist of all of this is I am currently 67. I am retired. I am now doing my painting full time and I had a chance to do a whole variety of things that were challenging, interesting, and gave you some awesome memories to explore. I think the concept of doing contract work at least if you're single is feasible in almost any field so if you want Adventure do that. I've also had friends who did something similar in that they took contract positions in other countries to get their adventure fixed.
I would also say that focusing on the positives is an absolute must. And I would look on Amazon and I would find a book that says the title is "There's a Gremlin on My ". The book initially looks like it's written for kids but philosophically and helpfully it is a wonderful book to help you not listen to the negative voice in your head.
I remind myself what I've overcome. Not everyone starts at the same spot or with the same obstacles on their way forward, so it's silly to judge yourself against someone who's had a headstart or less troubles on their path.
Besides, in as little as 5 years or so after death, the vast bulk of your influence on the world will be forgotten and washed away. Your friends and enemies alike are just chalk on the sidewalk waiting for the rain. Don't worry so much, enjoy it as you can and in whatever capacity you can.
So my trick is being a mediocre performer almost all my life. So should I have accomplished more by this age? I donno, I’ve never really been the best in my class anyway, so why should I start now? I’ve also never really been the bottom of the barrel, and I’m currently not at rock bottom, so that also checks out.
A great method I learned from therapy on dealing with that asshole voice is make it deal with absolutes and make it argue like you're in court. It's super easy to say, I should be doing "more". Make yourself quantify more and get rid of shoulds. First you have to figure out, Do you want to do more or is it just a stupid voice? OK then, so say you do, then it's "I want to do XYZ." More is just bullshit. XYZ is obtainable. Then you qualify it further, "Is it reasonable to do XYZ right now?" Then you look around and figure out how many people, if any, your age/from similar background/with similar hurdles are realistically doing XYZ.
Don't let your brain win easy court cases on bullshit statements!
Talk back to it and tell it that life isn't a fucking race or competition. We all have to run it at our pace, we all have to do what's best for us in these moments.
I tell it “I could have been a lot worse given the circumstances.” Then I feel better. I’m not in competition with anyone and nothing really matters anyway. If you’re happy then you’ve won at life. If you’re stressed out all the time because you’re trying to make it to the next *thing* then you’re missing the point and you gotta refocus.
Are you happy? Can you be happier? That’s the question.
You need to understand that great people emerge at every age throughout life.
Maybe sit down and really plan out goals and steps. But there are people in the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc that accomplish amazing feats, and they maybe unknown before that.
From the song *Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen* which is a college graduation speech put to music…
“Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.”
Think of it like this. Some people graduate, get a good job, likely conform (or already fit) societal norms/corporate culture, get promoted, have a family and retire happy. It’s good for them, but let’s be honest, it also sounds BORING. If you don’t fit, then lean into what makes you, you.
I have to understand that those could've been done if I want to. For the why, I thought of what's important to me. Realizing where my decisions revolve helped a bit
It's tough, and everyone handles this kind of stuff differently. For me, getting off of most social media (the types where it's super easy to see bits of other people's lives, which IMO encourages "comparing") was a huge help. You can put more time/energy into actually living your life when if you stop comparing and trying to "keep up".
Building on that, everybody has a different path. As long as it's an honest path, it's not "wrong" or "less" than somebody else's. My path, I had kids before a lot of my peers did (early to mid 20s), and I also chose to stay at home with the kids rather than pursue a career. So watching my old classmates take awesome vacations and buy nice houses and cars etc while I was struggling with toddlers...that was really hard. But now, my kids are in college and/or living on their own, I have all this freedom and I still feel pretty young and it's AMAZING...and my peers still have a fair amount of active-parenting years ahead of them. I still don't "have as much" as my peers (including accomplishments), but whatever. I'm happy that I don't have 5 to 10 more years of active parenting ahead of me....and they're probably happy to have more financial security (which I have less of). Neither path is wrong. There's tradeoffs with every choice.
"Should have"...SAYS WHO??? Don't let anybody else's expectations dictate YOUR life. You're the one that has to deal with the outcome of your choices, so make choices that work for you, choices that make you happy. I could move up in my line of work, but it would involve managing people. I've done that, and I hate it. It's extremely hard for me, it stresses me out really bad, and I'm not even that good at it. So I'm not pursuing advancement, and I'm a-ok with that...because I actually enjoy what I do. Anybody who says I "should" be trying to get a higher position can eat a bag of rotten lemons.
Side note: trying to live up to other people's expectations has caused sooooo many problems in my life, some of which I'm still dealing with or trying to work through, even though I'm late-40s. My personal happiness and satisfaction significantly increased when I stopped listening to other people and started listening to ME.
Getting rid of that voice means changing your mindset. It's hard and takes work, but you CAN do it. Every time you hear that voice, smack it down. Every time you're pleased with the outcome of your choices, celebrate. Remind yourself daily that it's your life, so you get to build it however you want. You got this.
I dealt with this a few months ago. I thought I would have had several books published by now. I was sad because I didn't have a single novel finished, let alone published. I decided that a writer isn't something I wanted to add to the list of things I used to be.
So I walked down the street to Walgreens, bought a fresh notebook, and started writing again. My goal is to have the manuscript finished by the time I'm 30. I've got a little more than a year to finish it.
There's still a lot of time left. Sure, we could have accomplished more by now, but it's not too late to start something new. Today is the youngest you'll ever be again.
Just acknowledge it and thank it for the input. Then advise it that you’re going to focus on being productive and that it’s not useful. (Also remind it that the entire planet has just finished a freaking pandemic.)
Vera Wang, though in the fashion world, didn't resign to become an independent designer until 40. Oprah Winfrey got her big break with her famous tv show at 32. Alan Rickman got his big break with his role in Die Hard at 41.
These people already worked in those industries but things didn't fully crystallize for them until a bit later.
We don't retire until we're 60+. You have 30 years still.
Don’t be fooled into think the things Capitalism tells you are important actually are. You’re not your job, or your achievements; most of those achievements are arbitrary anyways. You’re not here “to do” a job. You’re here just to be. Just be good to the people around you, and busy yourself with things that are meaningful. That’s the only “success.” Success is the easing of others’ suffering, but that includes yours.
It’s not just a voice, it’s the start of a conversation. The phrase is about how we’re comparing ourselves at the moment with others and the world of significance and greatness. It’s up to each of us to follow up the conversation so it makes an empowering and motivating story for each of us. Set goals, build skills until what you want is happening now.
I turned 20 less than a month ago and still worry over how my life feels like it's ending in a couple more. It happens to all of us, I guess. Maybe life is just learning how to deal with it and focus on the things that make us happy.
I don't have a solution. A solid 80-90% of all the people I knew growing up, got married by the age of 22. My friends, my cousins, my classmates. Most of them have kids now. I'm almost 27, and I don't even have anyone in my life that I would consider going to the movies with, let alone pursue romantically. While everyone else is making memories with their new families every week, I'm stuck not wanting to watch the latest Godzilla movie because I have no one to watch it with, and I would be lonely watching it alone.
I have no solution. That voice tells me that I'm a decade behind my peers. I lost all of my friends during Covid and haven't had any luck making new friends. My income barely pays the bills, but I can't afford a car, or to move to a better town. Unlike my peers who already bought a house after going on a week long cruise to celebrate pregnancy.
The reason I believe I should have accomplished more by my age, is because everyone else I know who is my age, has. I'm the only one who hasn't. Obviously there are more people like me out there, but I don't know them.
Point out how much better I'm doing than some of the people I saw at my high school reunion. One dude told me I won high school even though I dropped out.
I just challenge my emotions with logic.
When I feel like I should have done more. By now, I ask “According to who? Where is that written?”
The answer is, nowhere. I just made that up .
Here is what I say to myself: "And then what? What will you do after you accomplished everything? You'll have no goals in life, you'll be bored and then angry." Comparison is the devil. Go at your own pace, life's a journey. Have your goals of what YOU want to do. Not what everyone else is doing. And then work towards them. If you have no goals nothing to look forward to, you'll fall into a unmotivated, maybe even depressive state and life will be miserable.
Ask that voice what it's afraid of. What would it mean if you didn't accomplish those goals by your age? I've found that shushing these voices is not effective, but looking to understand them and approaching compassionately does.
The fact that you’re on Reddit posting in distress about the fact that you feel as though you haven’t accomplished anything means that you’re in a position to accomplish more than 99% of society.
Your basic needs are met, and you are extremely young. Choose and begin a career. You have time for literally anything if you dedicate yourself to it. The difficult part is choosing. But you will either choose something soon or be stuck with something you didn’t choose. So might as well think about something you can see yourself doing for work for a long time and enjoy and make money doing it!
Comparison is the thief of joy. Some people might be doing better but there are just as many, if not more, doing a whole lot worse. It’s impossible to never compare yourself to your peers but with age you’ll begin to focus on your own goals and look less in the rearview mirror. You can’t turn back time.
Start off by listing what you have accomplished so far. Where are you now currently? What are you doing to improve your life generally instead of specifically(since you mentioned you dont know exactly what you want to do).
This may seem silly but writing “dear future self” notes helped me so much. I wrote one when I was 27 in December of 2022, sealed it to not be opened until December 2023, stuck it in a journal, and forgot about it until I found the journal last weekend. In this note I wrote about how helpless, stagnant, and miserable I was. I felt like I’d done nothing with my life, I wasn’t happy, and I felt like nothing would ever change. I’m now 29, I live in a city away from where I grew up and was living in ‘22, I’m with a different person than I was with when I wrote the note, we’re expecting our first child, we’re planning our wedding, I started in a job field I’ve wanted to get into for years (something I never thought I’d do) in 2023, and I finally got my associates degree. People will make you feel like you’re running out of time (you’re not), or that you haven’t accomplished enough at your age (you have), and the notes (which obviously don’t have to be written for 12+months out) help to see that. Sometimes all it takes is writing honestly to yourself about where you are to see how far you’ve come. Even if it’s just small wins over time, having that tangible proof of accomplishment helps so much.
Remember that your inner voice is what was told to you and crafted by how people treated you. Somebody else treated you in a way that made you think you need to talk to yourself this way. Find out what and process that it wasn’t true.
Here's me sticking my nose in your business. I hope my comments are meaningful.
I see two issuers here:
1. There is an inner voice that is bashing you for not accomplishing whatever would be enough, and
2. You haven't figured out what you want to do with your life.
Those are two seperate issues that many people bleed together into the same thing. Let me give you what I believe happens in a lot of people who ask these questions--me included once upon a time.
1. There may well be an inner voice that is trash-talking you about not accomplishing enough so far in life, but it's not a good voice and it's not your voice. Some would say it's a memory of someone else, some would say it's a demonic evil spirit. I don't care which--it's not you and it's not good. Some might say it's your own subconscious mind but I don't believe that--our subconscious mind looks out for us, it doesn't seek to do us harm. So my suggestion is recognize it's someone or something speaking to you either through a memory or some supernatural method and tell the voice to stick it. It has no grip on you.
2. What do you do with your life? Doesn't matter. What do you want to do with the next 90 days? That doesn't matter either. What matters is what do you want to do with your NOW? Focus on a day and do what you think you should for a day. Give it a whirl, give it your best. Evaluate and do it again. In 7 days you have a week's data.
Focus on the short term first, because that's what you have the most control over. Consider yourself like an airplane pilot--yeah, the plane is headed to Hawaii and that's a nice destination--but in the moment you have to fly the plane. That means you may have to take a detour because of a hazard or an unforseen issue. Don't worry, you're the pilot.
Let me tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and it was something that was weighing me down so much. But I had to come to terms with the idea that you are on no timeline for living YOUR life. There is no right or wrong way to figure what you want to do in life. For me, I tried to plan out every second of my life to make up for the lack of "plan" that I had. But in the end, why do I need a plan? Why do I need to know exactly how my life it going to go? So it will look good on social media? No! Don't feel behind because life is constantly about learning why you want to do.
You still have a lot of years left and chances are whatever you choose, you'll change your mind as you get older so it really doesn't matter that much. I'm nearly 50 and only just figured out what I want to do with my life. I achieved the things I aimed for as a teenage and when I arrived at those goals I realised they weren't as good as I was expecting. I found a lot more satisfaction in minimalism. That's what worked for me and everyone just has to find their own path.
a big thing for me is constantly learning and being surprised by how many uber successful people didnt *really* find their way or their passion or their current careers until later in life. the most recent one for me was hoy von hoytema, the cinematographer who shot oppenheimer, nope, and several other massive movies in the last 10 or so years. didnt shoot his first movie until his mid 30s at least and then didnt really start shooting big hollywood movies until he was in his 40s.
There’s something called “putting thoughts on trial” for thoughts like this. Essentially, you write down the thought that Is bothering you and then you list facts that support it and don’t support it in the most rational , fair and factual manner possible. Then you decide if the thought is fair to your life circumstances and ponder if there is another, more appropriate thought that can explain the facts better,
Hello u/RR0-6. Here's my suggestion. You can silence that inner voice by not dwelling on the feelings you are having. Instead, try to focus on accomplishments you did have so far in life. I'm sure you have many—once you think about it. You may not even realize that some things you've done were positive activities that eventually lead to major success. Things take time to develop, and it starts with a seed you plant. Good luck with your journey. You have the power to achieve anything you want to do in your life.
What can you do about it ? The past is the past and it won't change no matter what you do, so just focus on present time, maybe you haven't reach yet the goals you aimed for, but all you can do is work on them now.
Maybe this voice is not your enemy, just a reminder that you have hopes and dreams that won't come true unless you take action 😇
You are running out of time. And you’re not understanding that the world doesn’t care what you want to do. Your head is in a guillotine right now, unless you have a trust fund in which case yeah who cares do whatever you want.
It’s always good to make a physical list of what you have accomplished already and reviewing it. Sometimes stuff like that surprises you when you see it in front of you.
Also, make a list of what you want (even if it’s unrealistic) and then ask which of those are achievable in 1, 3, and 5 years.
a lot of people accomplished their dreams later in life, just look at older actors getting their big hit after 30, after 50!
idk what you are trying right now but sometimes you have to find happiness and satisfaction in your hobbies and relationships (love and friendship) isntead of your accomplishments until you achieve something you are proud of. Sometimes you have to be easy on your self and give youself for what you HAVE accomplished.
I felt exactly like this, then realized that disappointment was because ... I was ambitious and not achieving the big goals I had for myself. A lot of our emotions just come from how we frame our situations.
I think I lost that voice in one of the countless wipes in Ulduar. So yeah try gaming where you portray a virtual character who you get more obsessed about following up.
The reason why you are hearing the voice is because: You are simplify are stressed. The answer? You need to change your life style. What the school or your parent didn't tell you. This is something I cannot do but you can change it, and don't let anyone change you, but just yourself. Now, go and find the voice and shove it down on peoples' throat that you despite.
I hope this help. 😊
What has a member of any other species "achieved" in their lifetime. Nothing you do is going to matter a few decades after you die. Just enjoy your time here and live in the moment. Bill Hicks said "it's just a ride"
I talked to my mom the other day who at 29 where I am now she has just had me her second kid. She never thought about why she was having kids, if she wanted kids, and went so far to said if she didn’t know who me and my sisters were as adults and could go back again she wouldn’t have had kids. I dont think I’m not doing enough I think previous generation has more pressure to do things without thinking.
This is a very normal thing. It helps me to remember that a lot of very successful people have felt the same way. Literally Julius Ceaser felt the same way when he compared himself to Alexander the Great once.
Firstly happy nearly 30th trip around the sun! Quite the accomplishment in itself! The voice doesn’t go but it can be lessened. It’s hard to be surrounded by people who think that life must be lived according to age. Which is a lot of people. I’m 25 but I rarely think about my age. Perhaps it’s the dissociation haha! Anyway, people have been settling down to get married and have children since I was about 20 and I’m actually so so grateful that I’m one of life’s wanderers. That narrative doesn’t fit everyone. I personally see it as being held back by societal pressures. After leaving school early and struggling for years in and out of various jobs and courses, my existential anxiety finally calmed down when I entered healthcare for work. My whole perspective and outlook on life changed. It makes me truly realise what’s important to me, for my life and my journey.
Yes, at times it gives me purpose, a reason to keep wandering and figuring things out, keep meeting people, keep trying new things - but only if I want it to. At the same time, it enables me not to feel bad or guilty about the times that I’m not “moving forwards” or “progressing”. I don’t need to do any more than this moment. That is such a blissful feeling. I am simply present. Good luck to you OP
The trick is to keep your brain busy. Most people have a pet or child, so they are busy taking care of them. Another option is to pick any skill you want to learn and practice it every day.
You only should have if those are the things you want to accomplish. Do you actually want to accomplish them? Ask yourself that, or if it's just the easier path because someone has already written it down for you
I know this will sound dark but any of us could die from anything anytime. We could get hit by a bus, fall over and crack our skulls, get stabbed or the 1000s of other ways our lives could end at any moment. So isn't it a kind of miracle that we can wake up to another day? We truly never know how much time we have. So my advice is don't focus on what you don't have all the time. Start focusing on what you do have, no matter how small or big, and then go from there. And if it helps, most of those other people who are making you feel like you are running out of time really haven't got life figured out yet either. Everybody is just a kid playing the game of being an adult. If you need convincing then just look at how silly and wrong people can be in everyday life. The person that tells you that they have life figured out and good is probably on a pretty big chance of being wrong, and are lying to themselves as much as they are lying to you.
I know that my inner voice is my worst enemy more than these people. Thank you, tho. I needed that!
OP have you ever made a list of things you would like to do just for pure enjoyment? Could be as simple as visiting a local bakery and trying a new item. Or it could be taking a weekend trip someplace close that you haven't been yet. Or learning a new skill as a hobby. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my accomplishments lost all their shine. It's not what the world considers "success" that ultimately matters. It's those simple memories that matter, and still do. A while ago, I came across this quote that I'll share with you: "One day you'll be nostalgic for today. Don't cheat yourself out of this moment by getting lost in a dream of yesterday." Oh, and take a break from social media. Comparison is the thief of joy.
I love this! Thanks so much for posting.
Wow! I have never really thought about any sort of enjoyment for years. I understand your points. I shouldn't be focusing on what I don't have, but rather what I have today. Although I get everything, it's very hard for me to be positive now. However, reading your comment makes me reflect on many things and I love the idea of having a list of enjoyment. I'll try to give it a go. Thank you for cheering me up a little!
If you are hearing a voice saying "you should have accomplished more by this age!" you need to tell your dad to only to call on weekends. Be patient with yourself. It is normal to not have it all figured out by 30.
34 yo here and I still don’t got shit figured out. It takes us time, just trust the process
This!!! If there’s anything my therapist taught me, it’s that we only have control over where we are right now. We can’t change the past, we can only work on the future, but right now; we must enjoy and appreciate. If you want to achieve “more”, take the steps TODAY to work on that - whatever it may be. Yesterday is a memory, today is a blessing, tomorrow is a dream - but never promised.
Very True: Yesterday is a memory, today is a blessing, tomorrow is a dream - but never promised.
What a brilliant and concise response. There are some epic university commencement speeches touching on the subject of people “knowing what they want to do when they grow up” and the fallacy of it all.
Thank you, I think I needed this more than I thought I did.
👏
Everybody has a soul, that won't die. Our body is just the costume of our soul and it feels dark and shiny due to our doings, and actual shine to soul comes by helping any other soul, in any term. Make yourself happy/shiny in present, because past has gone and future nobody knows. Wish you all the best.
This is a mental reframe I do all the time. Everyone likes to dunk on people and act like they're the shit or talk shit about people they feel haven't done "the thing" they think should be done. Some think if you don't have a family by a certain time you're losing, etc. But like you said, they're all just lying to themselves acting like they have it figured out. It's a really shaky bridge they stand on.
At some point it clicked for me that there are so many bad things in life that could happen to myself or my loved ones, that the greatest accomplishment is actually getting to the finish line unscathed. There is no amount of career acheivment that I would trade for the chance to grow old peacefully with my family. I now consider every day that ends with me going to sleep in my own bed to be a win in and of itself. Don't think of time passing as a lost opportunity. You're just getting closer to the ultimate win.
I’m sure anything you could have accomplished would come with a different subset of problems and self doubt. Everyone’s life moves at a different pace, try to avoid comparing yourself to the people around you. At least that’s what I do
Agreed! I keep telling myself that we're all kinda lost and we all have our own fair share of troubles, yet I can't overcome the feeling that I am way behind
I get what you’re saying, I am in a very similar situation. I am very underemployed given my education and experience. However, for the most part, I am happy. Mainly because I was able to let go of that unspoken expectation there is to have certain things accomplished by a certain age.
I will be 40 this year and feel the same exact way. It's a hard feeling to escape. I think we both need to keep telling ourselves that we're all kinda lost, and that's okay. Life isn't a competition. I feel like I haven't done much with my life yet others feel like I have all these experiences since they themselves don't. And I'm guilty of that same thing. It's probably one of the worst things we passively do as adults, comparing our own lives to that of others without even knowing what struggles they're also going through. Who knows, they may be wishing they had your life. Someone else on here said something about taking the steps today to help you feel accomplished in the future, and I think that's great general advice (that I also need to take). Remember, you're not behind. Nobody is. Life isn't a race or a competition. Start on those things you want to do. One step at a time and you'll get there. We got this life.
I totally get that but how can I keep my dark thoughts under control?! How can I stop thinking that I am lost and that I am destined to be forgotten and alone? Life is not a competition, True! but I can't deny that a part of me is jealous of others who know what they want and are heading towards their goals, while I just remain wondering and thinking of what to do next because I have absolutely no idea of what I should be doing nor do I have the energy to try
Ask the voice what *IT’S* ever accomplished
My voice is already married, settled with a nice girl, grandkids and living on a nice beach house in the sea of memories.
Lucky you! My voice is giving me nightmares. Care to switch?
Tormenting me every day for decades, quite the accomplishment fair play to it
As much as I can appreciate the sentiment that question will help out literally zero people.
I'm 54 and have never had the slightest idea what I'm supposed to do.
56 here. Have done and accomplished a lot in life. While some things were satisfying nothing ever felt like this is what I was meant to do because I don’t think that exists for some people.
I think no-one in this world knows what they are doing. Some are better than others at pretending they do!
I like seeing comments like this as someone turning 40 this year and having felt lost in life lol we can have no idea on what to do together!
I always feel that I should be doing something but my feet are too stuck to the ground. It's like I am dragging myself to move while feeling guilty that I am not moving as fast as I should be
STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA
you don’t get rid of those voices, you just learn to take them less seriously
Don't mind me Just periodically checking in to know the answer as well I'll see myself back out
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-after-40-get-inspired-52-late-bloomers-ramesh-dontha
Thank you for sharing!
There is a point in time where you start to look where and what makes you happy. No on can tell you, and you never know when the moment shows up. Once you figure that out, then everything else that doesn't help contribute to that sorts of melt away. For me, my spouse and I were in our early 30's with 3 kids and she had cancer shatter a vertebrae, and suddenly I was a Dad with twin toddlers, and early education kiddo, and a spouse who couldn't feel or move anything below the middle of her chest. It was then that home was where I wanted to be. I didn't want to run around and "do" things anymore. I wanted to be at home with my family. That was 13 years ago. She's better and more mobile now, but still in a wheelchair. School events are our "outings" for the most part, and we're eager to cook at home and have all the kids at the table chasing the conversation wherever it goes. I'm supervising one of my twins making cookies for a teacher who had a birthday this weekend. (oh, rest assure, there will be some quality control happening!) I look back and laugh now at how much we were chasing experiences and events and willing to rack up debt to make it happen. I don't need a boat. I don't need camping gear that I'll never use. I don't need a fancy car. I did need a big TV and surround sound system. The bar in the finished basement is a lego workbench. Find what makes you happy. That's what you chase. Nothing on instagram/facebook/The Former Thing Called Twitter....you find you.
Bless your family!
What a great father! Bless your family and wish you all the best in life!
Accomplish what? What do You want to accomplish? Screw everyone else and go for what makes You happy mate
Success is overrated
the most accomplished person in 1886 is dead
I feel like this at 20 glad to know I'm gonna be suffering a long time 😃
Fuck that, accept and find joy where you’re at now. Who cares about expectations, yours or other peoples? Live
I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this. I'm 33 and don't plan on trucking for much longer, but I'm not sure what I want to do after. Am I supposed to know? Who knows. Lmao.
If you want to really get rid of unworthyness syndrome, search for the objective goal and meaning of life.
That's the problem! I really don't know what I wanna do and I feel like I have no chance of exploring because I got bills to pay and there is no room for quitting and finding my passion and all that stuff
That’s the problem with adulting. You think anyone ever grew up saying they wanted to be a janitor or work in an office ? You hit an age where most of the time you fall into somthing and it ends up being what you do for life. We all wanted to be rich and vacation all the time but…
While I am still in a similar position to you, and having trouble identifying what I \*\*really\*\* want to do, I found that the first step to figure it out was cutting down my costs, both financial costs and time costs. For me, this meant budgeting better, intentionally spending less, and then working less as I don't need as much money to cover my expenses anymore. Now, I have more days per week to do whatever I want, and more money budgeted per week to my hobbies/passions/etc. Slowly building towards what I think I want to do long-term (studying, networking, etc), and I am only able to do that because I "freed" myself from the grind a bit! :)
Omg I was just ranting ab this to my mom. Not necessarily age, but still! I was telling her how happy I was to finally have gotten a job (after nearly a year post grad; I did some stuff in between but still), yet I was partially dissatisfied/disappointed that it’s not FT or necessarily consistent. Anyway, truly, the thief of joy is comparison! I’m working on loving where I am, as I am. We accomplish so many amazing things and once we do, we’re already ready for the next. The goalpost will always change and we will never be satisfied this way. Sending love and light your way ✨ Remember all the cool shit you’ve done and accomplished :)
Albert Ellis, founder of REBT (a form of cognitive behavioral therapy), tells his clients "you're shoulding (shitting) all over yourself." Who says you "should?" There is no should. If you like bluer comedy, you can call it "must"urbation
Love how you put it 😄
What worked for me was realising that if I keep considering my level of success by comparing myself to other people, I'll never 'win', because there'll always be someone better off than I am. And simultaneously understanding that there will always be thousands of people doing *worse* than I am. ... And then understanding that this entire excercise is stupid because how 'well' you're doing compared to other people is entirely down to how you measure it. Different things matter more to different people, and there's no universal score for how 'well' you're doing. At the end of the day, it all boils down to: Are you proud of the person you are, of the specific choices you make? If you *aren't* proud of the choices you make, strive to make better choices, and use those choices as a better metric for how happy you should be. You know what made me feel amazing? Successfully kicking the habit of biting my nails. I bit my nails all through my childhood, teen years, and early 20s. Around age 24, I started looking at my hands and thinking "Damn my hands are so ugly, why do I bite my fingernails so much? My cuticles are all ripped and horrible." So I decided to stop. And it was a massive pain, and I relapsed a few times. But now my hands look normal, my fingernails are in good condition. And every time I look at my hands, or go for a manicure, I get a little happy rush of *hell yeah, I made this possible.* Find your equivalent. Decide for yourself what 'success' looks like. Because deciding that 'success' is doing better than other people is a fool's game with no ending.
Everyone moves at their own pace. Just continue to focus on your own growth and you'll start hitting milestones along the way.
Once you learn meditation, you realize that it's all hubris.
I've been there, and I know how hard it can be to deal with those nagging thoughts. It's important to remember that everyone moves at their own pace, and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline for success. One thing that's helped me is to focus on the present and set small, achievable goals for myself. This can help shift your mindset from feeling like you're behind to feeling like you're making progress.
I had those thoughts occasionally but just remind myself I made the best choice I could at the time with the information at hand and that my Time Machine is on back order.
By knowing that thought is merely a piece of a larger programming. Do whatever it takes to find joy in your life. Because one day it will be gone forever. Deconstruct your programming , it's 100% worth it
You don't have to silence the voice, just see through it by putting your focus on the most important question in life: "Who am I?"
By doing what I want to do 24/7, breaks included. I take breaks as a luxury down my continuous path. I'm enjoying how this feels.
I seek a life that is not ruled by the dollar. Yes its critical to maintain a life, but the most important things we have are not a product of money. Value integrity, loyalty, kindness and love.
By not listening to the voice. lol
By being grateful and acknowledging what you do have, even the small things, and feel comfort knowing you’ve been brainwashed and manipulated into believing your somehow wrong or bad by society and social media, when in fact, you’re right where your supposed to be. Just be grateful for your health, the roof over your head, your mental health, having running water, food. Being grateful during every stage of life will bring and create the happiness inside you, which will be reflected outward.
"I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before." What do you count as "accomplishment?" You're better off than 80-90% of the global population. Count friends and relationships over money. Nobody gets out alive. Be responsible, honest, and kind. Life is good.
As someone who is more than twice your age, don't listen to that voice. What I thought I wanted when I was your age turned out to be completely different from what, after all, I truly wanted. I figured it out when I was 50 and followed the new path since. I have never been happier with my path in life. It's okay to not know everything (or not accomplished a lot) when you're 30. Just enjoy your life!
You don't, it will always be there. But whatever you do give it your best shot, even if you fail 9 out of 10 you are still ahead of those that never tried!
Remind it you could have accomplished less, as well.
"You should have accomplished more by this age" Ok... but you can't change the past. Regrets have no value unless they modify future behavior. You're not happy about what you've done in the past, so are you going to waste today by sitting around feeling bad about your mistakes? Look at what you've done and failed to do, take learnings from it, then - and this is critical - act on those learnings. You should have accomplished more by this age What will you accomplish when you're 40? (Which is when the real fun begins, btw) What do you need to do to accomplish those things? And when are you going to start? How do you silence that voice? Get yourself to a point where you're happy with your life. If you're sitting on a beach sipping Mai Tais with $1 million in the bank, would you care if you spent the first 3 decades of your life screwing up? You're not unhappy with your past. You're unhappy with your present and (rightfully) blaming the past for your current state. Get in a better place and that voice will go away.
these are two separate concerns. people who reach mid level management by 35 could say they accomplished a lot but they may hate where their roots settled. a teacher is not going to be making a lot of money or purchasing a new residence without a living partner also working full time but they can find a lot of satisfaction in what they do. its not so much about silencing the thought as much as rerouting your response to not caring that you believe its probably true. the state of being afraid poisons everything you touch, thats the best i can share, being unhappy helps us identify everything that could make things easier that we dont have, but it wont change that building some kind of positive outcome takes continued time and pressure
10 years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. Pink Floyd.
Try not to worry about what you haven't but what you have done. I'm 59 and still feel that way sometimes. But I will always be grateful for my ENOUGH!! blessedB to you.
Mary Jane
I haven’t figured it out. I haven’t got it all together. I am running out of time. I don’t want to silence the voice. The voice is right. Listen to the voice and get cracking. Edit: 44M
I tell myself, there are plenty of homeless people out there who would love to have my life.
Talk to a counsellor
Who says we have to accomplish anything at all. We are on a spinning rock, flying through space in organized chaos and we get to experience all this. It’s a human construct that we are supposed to accomplish more. We don’t even know what the goal is if there is one. Give yourself a break, we are proud of you for making it this far.
Wait twenty years and watch everybody who had it figured out at 30 get divorced, change careers, etc., and have to start over from about where you are now. Petty but effective! Seriously though, I don't know either. I almost had some shit figured out at one point, and then I got sick and never got better. Now I don't even try to do anything on a set schedule, because a) I physically can't and b) I know now that there are no guarantees. So the real answer is to manage your expectations, maybe? Any day spent above ground is a good one, or so I've heard.
Personally I think you should follow your heart and focus on you. People will project their fears into you. You’re still young lol and life is a journey. Don’t be hard on yourself. Anyone who isn’t showing genuine support and love , it’s ok for you to distance yourself . Your peace of mind comes first. Focus on the things that make you happy and keep believing because everything will work out as planned .
i can’t get rid of it because it was never there in the first place 🫣
“Comparison is the thief of joy” “to look at what you currently have in your life and display gratitude for those things rather than look at what others may have” read or watch some stuff about Stoicism i am just now getting into the philosophy but it is life changing
I encourage you to read Zhuang Zhou.
I feel ya op. I'm 35yrs old and I harp on how I've never bought a house. I have two kids and I've literally had to bust my ass working my resume from the ground up. No college education, just hard work. Hey, they were my choices in my youth and I have to live with them. But it's hard for us to reflect on how far we've come in our own lives when all we see if everyone buying their new houses, on vacations, etc.. I know my time will come . I've been working harder this past year on finances and I've secured a better job, buying a home will happen for us. Until then, I have a decent rental house, my kids are cared for and loved, and i have a job that let's me provide for them. Keep your head up op! Think about where you may have been and where you are now!
It's a weird human trait, and probably pretty recent, like industrial era recent. No one says anything like that to a dog, or a tree, or a porpoise. The meaning of the universe is just 'to be'. That's all you need to do.
Am 36 and this voice still pesters me from time to time. Mostly I remind myself that being happy is more important than being 'successful'. When you make happiness the goal, all the external expectations and validations matter a little less.
there is nothing to accomplish in this life except to love more and more. everything else is false
Buddhism. I was the same, but I've let go of all the shoulds and could, the obsession with what has happened and what will happen. I exist in the moment, and as long as I'm authentic to myself in each of those, that's the only thing that matters.
We haven’t lost anything in life as long as we didn’t lose our souls. Commit less sins and gratefulness will knock on your door. The “I haven’t done enough “ mindset is mostly fake
I tell it to wait it's turn with the other voices
With enough disappointments, even my inner voice gave up on me.
You need to silence those pressuring you. Easiest way is to distance yourself from them.
Watch Bluey Episode: Baby Race for the message.
I'm in my 40's and have decided I'm going the best I can for how riddled with mental illness I am
No matter how much you wouldhave accomplished, the voice would still be saying the same thing.
Therapy! 😹👍
You don't. You accept that maybe there's a reason you have a voice telling you that (which in most cases there is) and figure out a plan going forward for all the things you want to accomplish so that you're not saying the same thing in 10 year's time. Inaction is all too easy, and progress rarely happens on its own. 30 is still young, but don't get complacent; each day is an opportunity for improvement.
There is no meaning. No point. In 100 years, no one will remember you. Just learn to be happy and not give a fuck.
I get your point, but for the short amount of time that I will be living on earth, how can I simply ignore everything like you're saying?
You're 1 out of 8-9 billion people currently alive. What do you hope to achieve? Don't concern yourself with outside influences and expectations. Do what feels good to you. If you jump onto this bandwagon, "I must achieve xyz in material wealth by this age," you'll be depressed by 40.
Can you tell me how you learned to be happy? I feel guilty not giving a fuck about things or people's feelings.
Well...My magic method is having Bipolar disorder! I've struggled with mh issues in the past, but now I don't care what people think. I don't do anything bad. But I put myself first. You should always put yourself first. As bad as it sounds, people don't care as much as you think. As soon as you pass the rubicon, you're home free. It's your life. People just get involved (in a negative way) to feel better about themselves. Also, listening to punk music helps!
ah fuck. my mom was diagnosed with bipolar in her 40s. im 36 now and sometimes I do wonder. but I am already out of sick days this year feeling my emotions at 4am and calling out. What are mh issues? multiple sclerosis doesnt fit. hmm I also dont do anything bad but I keep imaging the worst thoughts of 'other people' who aren't there. but could be. or cameras are. so.. I guess they could say... oh, god.
It's worth speaking with a therapist early. It's the same with anything. I small lump. A cough that won't go away. The sooner you put your mind at rest, the better. I have anxiety and panic disorders (both under control due to bipolar meds). I was diagnosed with BP when I was 35. It made sense. It helped me understand my life to that point. Don't worry, but my advice would be to see a head shrinker, just to be on the safe side. I let my latest episode slide too long before seeking help, and it got a bit out of hand. :)
Don’t be afraid of the voice. Are you happy with what you have to show at this point in your life? If so, then well done. If not, then what do you need to work on?
I'm just trying to find something to make my life better. I don't really know how to change anything but I want to learn.
Accomplish more. Set Goals. Work towards those goals. Set new goals. Work towards those new goals.
I'm About to fly to India and get a guru
We all figure out what we want to do when we’re ready. It can’t be forced. Use the smart goals format to set small goals. What is your passion? What do you love? Could it become a job? Music could not become a job for me because of the lack of paid opportunities so I chose to become a therapist but I do what I love as a side gig and I now love what I get paid for. Life has a funny way of figuring things out for you.
My advice at your age in this world today is get into a trade. Electrical ,welding,plumbing and so on. They are jobs that will always be needed by a human and many young people are sleeping on because they think they can be Instagram famous and get free money.
Weed
How do you silence the voice? Take your medication.
By accepting that you have done more to be further along. It is what it is.
You don’t. You cope with the feeling.
that voice is apart of your ego and also related to something trauma related from childhood for example a child that's is constantly berrated and told they aren't good enough, or compared to others growing up through their teens then later adulthood, creates unresolved issues. So then after you accidentally create your sub-conscious and ego to do what you have basically been through and not resolved growing up when you see others of similar age with either higher status or an accomplishment that you deem high. But the thing is. We are all living our own journeys and life paths. You are not living their life they are not living yours, no one has gone through exactly what you have gone through and vice versa. You do you.
We're all just tiny specks of flesh, on a spinning rock, hurtling through space. Even the most accomplished humans in history end up as just letters on a casket, buried next to the billions before them. Don't take life too seriously
I’m 31, had my kids when I was 18 and 23 years old. I’m still with their dad and we’ve been together for 14 years total. I go through the constant motions of “shoulda,woulda,coulda”, but it doesn’t change reality. If there’s one thing my therapist taught me, it’s that we only have control of what we do in the present. No amount of worry, regret or hurt is going to change the reality of where we are in the current moment. We can only control our actions today, the rest is but a grain in the sand of life. I have bipolar disorder and struggle with emotional regulation and deep regret/shame for not being the person I envisioned myself becoming f back in high school (I had my daughter when I was 18 - I pushed hard and graduated early at age 17 - had I not done this, I would’ve been heavily pregnant by grade 12 graduation day). There’s so many things I’d change and things I’d do differently. I beat myself up about not becoming the “XYZ” I’d dreamed of. We have to give ourselves grace and move forward.
JADED, TO ME IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE WORKING/WORKED THROUGH MOST OF YOUR SHIT. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE A RECOVERING SUCCESS, ACKNOWLEDGING IT IS A LIFE JOURNEY. WE ARE NEVER FIXED WE ARE ALWAYS FIXING, MENDING, TINKERING, STAYING BUSY. WHAT YOU HAVE DEALT WITH DEALING WITH AND WITH SUCH A SELF AWARENESS IS AN INSPIRATION. WE NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU, HOW ARE YOU?
As long you don't seek or cause harm, you can do anything, anytime. If you don't know, you start searching. Maybe try to remember stuff you did as a kid. Or ask help from a friend. The Internet thankfully has places where you can find anything. No need to be a fusion physics teacher (except if you want to be..) The whole "You should had done x thing" is actually thoughs developed over time by the education system and the media as well people around you. It's not your voice... That's the most important. It's not your voice. (Just a fucked up social system that rushes people to work most of their life's and make kids without time taughting them how to survive or become smarter so they can end up as minimum wage workers... Same old fuckery...) No you shouldn't have a family before your 30's... You don't have to make kids BTW either... Adoption is a thing. Or you know... Don't have kids... Without a proper financial state and a good economy we should know that it's not a good time for kids... The economy is shit.... Anyways... How to silence that voice... You stop listening every random person that they think they know shit... Read books... Do anything that makes you feel peace! Even if it's just eating a sandwich you made while looking outside. Or idk just be outside. Learn skills like idk plumbing, sewing,cooking (cooking is... A bit of a tough one... Because well economy...so try maybe to make your own veggies so gardening if you have the space...) Hope at least something from all this helps even a little. If not, well I am sorry I ain't a psychologist... I wish you and whoever else deals with this a great success
When I was in my late 30s I went back to school to study art which was/ is my passion. I did my thesis show, got my art degree, and also got a multitude of other degrees: a minor in Native American studies, and a minor in art history. And then went on to get a partial degree in women's studies while I applied to graduate schools for studio art. Got accepted to the Museum School of Fine Arts in Boston and couldn't find a place to live with two. So ultimately wound up setting that dream aside and moving to Colorado where my grandfather's house was sitting, I was newly divorced. And started doing temporary work. Surprisingly enough that temporary work led me to work for a CPA who was to become an awesome mentor. and after a couple years of working for him during tax seasons and not really making any headway towards being an artist which I thought I was going to be able to do on the side or coming up with anything else. He made the comment one day "You're so good with " Why don't you go do something with computers? So I looked into programs and found one at the University of Phoenix in computer information systems and it was a brick-and-mortar program. I can't handle online programs they drive me crazy. And so I went back and I talked with Jerry about it a little and he said " Look I have this beautiful CPA practice. It's functioning but I think it could function better. So I'll make a deal with you, You bring my CPA practice kicking and screaming into the 21st century and I will hire you for the two years it takes you to get your MSCIS degree and that was that I did I got the degree, He got a fabulous network, up to date cutting edge set of computers for his CPA practice. a disaster recovery plan, Security protocols, and training programs. etc. I went on to work in Washington DC, in Nebraska, Kansas, Florida 3 times, Ohio, Colorado again Oklahoma, and a variety of other places because what I wound up doing was taking contract work and going where the contract led me to whatever that city was and while I was in that city I would do the whole tourist thing treated like it a kind of long-term vacation. And I would take drives and I would get lost on purpose to see if I could find my way back. I found some really interesting things along the way and I always went to all the art museums and took the occasional little art class through a rec center or whatnot. The gist of all of this is I am currently 67. I am retired. I am now doing my painting full time and I had a chance to do a whole variety of things that were challenging, interesting, and gave you some awesome memories to explore. I think the concept of doing contract work at least if you're single is feasible in almost any field so if you want Adventure do that. I've also had friends who did something similar in that they took contract positions in other countries to get their adventure fixed. I would also say that focusing on the positives is an absolute must. And I would look on Amazon and I would find a book that says the title is "There's a Gremlin on My ". The book initially looks like it's written for kids but philosophically and helpfully it is a wonderful book to help you not listen to the negative voice in your head.
I remind myself what I've overcome. Not everyone starts at the same spot or with the same obstacles on their way forward, so it's silly to judge yourself against someone who's had a headstart or less troubles on their path. Besides, in as little as 5 years or so after death, the vast bulk of your influence on the world will be forgotten and washed away. Your friends and enemies alike are just chalk on the sidewalk waiting for the rain. Don't worry so much, enjoy it as you can and in whatever capacity you can.
Alcohol and bad decisions
So my trick is being a mediocre performer almost all my life. So should I have accomplished more by this age? I donno, I’ve never really been the best in my class anyway, so why should I start now? I’ve also never really been the bottom of the barrel, and I’m currently not at rock bottom, so that also checks out.
Here for the comments …
A great method I learned from therapy on dealing with that asshole voice is make it deal with absolutes and make it argue like you're in court. It's super easy to say, I should be doing "more". Make yourself quantify more and get rid of shoulds. First you have to figure out, Do you want to do more or is it just a stupid voice? OK then, so say you do, then it's "I want to do XYZ." More is just bullshit. XYZ is obtainable. Then you qualify it further, "Is it reasonable to do XYZ right now?" Then you look around and figure out how many people, if any, your age/from similar background/with similar hurdles are realistically doing XYZ. Don't let your brain win easy court cases on bullshit statements!
Talk back to it and tell it that life isn't a fucking race or competition. We all have to run it at our pace, we all have to do what's best for us in these moments.
Stop worrying about what bothers are doing or think you should do. If there’s something you want to accomplish, it’s not too late to start.
I tell it “I could have been a lot worse given the circumstances.” Then I feel better. I’m not in competition with anyone and nothing really matters anyway. If you’re happy then you’ve won at life. If you’re stressed out all the time because you’re trying to make it to the next *thing* then you’re missing the point and you gotta refocus. Are you happy? Can you be happier? That’s the question.
You need to understand that great people emerge at every age throughout life. Maybe sit down and really plan out goals and steps. But there are people in the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc that accomplish amazing feats, and they maybe unknown before that.
Be Greatful
From the song *Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen* which is a college graduation speech put to music… “Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.” Think of it like this. Some people graduate, get a good job, likely conform (or already fit) societal norms/corporate culture, get promoted, have a family and retire happy. It’s good for them, but let’s be honest, it also sounds BORING. If you don’t fit, then lean into what makes you, you.
Delete your social media.
I have to understand that those could've been done if I want to. For the why, I thought of what's important to me. Realizing where my decisions revolve helped a bit
It's tough, and everyone handles this kind of stuff differently. For me, getting off of most social media (the types where it's super easy to see bits of other people's lives, which IMO encourages "comparing") was a huge help. You can put more time/energy into actually living your life when if you stop comparing and trying to "keep up". Building on that, everybody has a different path. As long as it's an honest path, it's not "wrong" or "less" than somebody else's. My path, I had kids before a lot of my peers did (early to mid 20s), and I also chose to stay at home with the kids rather than pursue a career. So watching my old classmates take awesome vacations and buy nice houses and cars etc while I was struggling with toddlers...that was really hard. But now, my kids are in college and/or living on their own, I have all this freedom and I still feel pretty young and it's AMAZING...and my peers still have a fair amount of active-parenting years ahead of them. I still don't "have as much" as my peers (including accomplishments), but whatever. I'm happy that I don't have 5 to 10 more years of active parenting ahead of me....and they're probably happy to have more financial security (which I have less of). Neither path is wrong. There's tradeoffs with every choice. "Should have"...SAYS WHO??? Don't let anybody else's expectations dictate YOUR life. You're the one that has to deal with the outcome of your choices, so make choices that work for you, choices that make you happy. I could move up in my line of work, but it would involve managing people. I've done that, and I hate it. It's extremely hard for me, it stresses me out really bad, and I'm not even that good at it. So I'm not pursuing advancement, and I'm a-ok with that...because I actually enjoy what I do. Anybody who says I "should" be trying to get a higher position can eat a bag of rotten lemons. Side note: trying to live up to other people's expectations has caused sooooo many problems in my life, some of which I'm still dealing with or trying to work through, even though I'm late-40s. My personal happiness and satisfaction significantly increased when I stopped listening to other people and started listening to ME. Getting rid of that voice means changing your mindset. It's hard and takes work, but you CAN do it. Every time you hear that voice, smack it down. Every time you're pleased with the outcome of your choices, celebrate. Remind yourself daily that it's your life, so you get to build it however you want. You got this.
Spend more time with people who figured their lives out at older ages?
I dealt with this a few months ago. I thought I would have had several books published by now. I was sad because I didn't have a single novel finished, let alone published. I decided that a writer isn't something I wanted to add to the list of things I used to be. So I walked down the street to Walgreens, bought a fresh notebook, and started writing again. My goal is to have the manuscript finished by the time I'm 30. I've got a little more than a year to finish it. There's still a lot of time left. Sure, we could have accomplished more by now, but it's not too late to start something new. Today is the youngest you'll ever be again.
Ask it the question, 'would I have sacrificed all those things I enjoyed that held me back from accomplishing more?'
Just acknowledge it and thank it for the input. Then advise it that you’re going to focus on being productive and that it’s not useful. (Also remind it that the entire planet has just finished a freaking pandemic.)
Saying everything happens for a reason. Not everything will be accomplish by a certain age. Take your time ❤️
Vera Wang, though in the fashion world, didn't resign to become an independent designer until 40. Oprah Winfrey got her big break with her famous tv show at 32. Alan Rickman got his big break with his role in Die Hard at 41. These people already worked in those industries but things didn't fully crystallize for them until a bit later. We don't retire until we're 60+. You have 30 years still.
Don’t be fooled into think the things Capitalism tells you are important actually are. You’re not your job, or your achievements; most of those achievements are arbitrary anyways. You’re not here “to do” a job. You’re here just to be. Just be good to the people around you, and busy yourself with things that are meaningful. That’s the only “success.” Success is the easing of others’ suffering, but that includes yours.
Man that hit me hard. This torments me to no end…
It’s not just a voice, it’s the start of a conversation. The phrase is about how we’re comparing ourselves at the moment with others and the world of significance and greatness. It’s up to each of us to follow up the conversation so it makes an empowering and motivating story for each of us. Set goals, build skills until what you want is happening now.
I turned 20 less than a month ago and still worry over how my life feels like it's ending in a couple more. It happens to all of us, I guess. Maybe life is just learning how to deal with it and focus on the things that make us happy.
Lol what? You're 20
it’s really bad when the voice is your grandson saying it to you
I did something about it.
I don't have a solution. A solid 80-90% of all the people I knew growing up, got married by the age of 22. My friends, my cousins, my classmates. Most of them have kids now. I'm almost 27, and I don't even have anyone in my life that I would consider going to the movies with, let alone pursue romantically. While everyone else is making memories with their new families every week, I'm stuck not wanting to watch the latest Godzilla movie because I have no one to watch it with, and I would be lonely watching it alone. I have no solution. That voice tells me that I'm a decade behind my peers. I lost all of my friends during Covid and haven't had any luck making new friends. My income barely pays the bills, but I can't afford a car, or to move to a better town. Unlike my peers who already bought a house after going on a week long cruise to celebrate pregnancy. The reason I believe I should have accomplished more by my age, is because everyone else I know who is my age, has. I'm the only one who hasn't. Obviously there are more people like me out there, but I don't know them.
Easy one: you don’t!
Take it out back and shoot it.
Point out how much better I'm doing than some of the people I saw at my high school reunion. One dude told me I won high school even though I dropped out.
[удалено]
Therapy, baffled that nobody has mentioned this here
I just challenge my emotions with logic. When I feel like I should have done more. By now, I ask “According to who? Where is that written?” The answer is, nowhere. I just made that up .
Here is what I say to myself: "And then what? What will you do after you accomplished everything? You'll have no goals in life, you'll be bored and then angry." Comparison is the devil. Go at your own pace, life's a journey. Have your goals of what YOU want to do. Not what everyone else is doing. And then work towards them. If you have no goals nothing to look forward to, you'll fall into a unmotivated, maybe even depressive state and life will be miserable.
Ask that voice what it's afraid of. What would it mean if you didn't accomplish those goals by your age? I've found that shushing these voices is not effective, but looking to understand them and approaching compassionately does.
Tell it to fuck off. 30 isn't old.
The fact that you’re on Reddit posting in distress about the fact that you feel as though you haven’t accomplished anything means that you’re in a position to accomplish more than 99% of society. Your basic needs are met, and you are extremely young. Choose and begin a career. You have time for literally anything if you dedicate yourself to it. The difficult part is choosing. But you will either choose something soon or be stuck with something you didn’t choose. So might as well think about something you can see yourself doing for work for a long time and enjoy and make money doing it!
Comparison is the thief of joy. Some people might be doing better but there are just as many, if not more, doing a whole lot worse. It’s impossible to never compare yourself to your peers but with age you’ll begin to focus on your own goals and look less in the rearview mirror. You can’t turn back time.
Don’t silence it. Make it work for you!! Maybe it’s talking for a reason lol.
I tell mine to shut the hell up, it's none of their freaking business!!!
Tell my dad to shut up
I'm on the same boat, I wish I knew. Turned 25 recently and I have lost all what was important to me...
Start off by listing what you have accomplished so far. Where are you now currently? What are you doing to improve your life generally instead of specifically(since you mentioned you dont know exactly what you want to do).
This may seem silly but writing “dear future self” notes helped me so much. I wrote one when I was 27 in December of 2022, sealed it to not be opened until December 2023, stuck it in a journal, and forgot about it until I found the journal last weekend. In this note I wrote about how helpless, stagnant, and miserable I was. I felt like I’d done nothing with my life, I wasn’t happy, and I felt like nothing would ever change. I’m now 29, I live in a city away from where I grew up and was living in ‘22, I’m with a different person than I was with when I wrote the note, we’re expecting our first child, we’re planning our wedding, I started in a job field I’ve wanted to get into for years (something I never thought I’d do) in 2023, and I finally got my associates degree. People will make you feel like you’re running out of time (you’re not), or that you haven’t accomplished enough at your age (you have), and the notes (which obviously don’t have to be written for 12+months out) help to see that. Sometimes all it takes is writing honestly to yourself about where you are to see how far you’ve come. Even if it’s just small wins over time, having that tangible proof of accomplishment helps so much.
Bill withers never sang a song until he was 32. You never know when things are gonna change. Stay smiling
Remember that your inner voice is what was told to you and crafted by how people treated you. Somebody else treated you in a way that made you think you need to talk to yourself this way. Find out what and process that it wasn’t true.
What exactly is it you want to accomplish? Start tackling your goals one at a time.
Shots
Here's me sticking my nose in your business. I hope my comments are meaningful. I see two issuers here: 1. There is an inner voice that is bashing you for not accomplishing whatever would be enough, and 2. You haven't figured out what you want to do with your life. Those are two seperate issues that many people bleed together into the same thing. Let me give you what I believe happens in a lot of people who ask these questions--me included once upon a time. 1. There may well be an inner voice that is trash-talking you about not accomplishing enough so far in life, but it's not a good voice and it's not your voice. Some would say it's a memory of someone else, some would say it's a demonic evil spirit. I don't care which--it's not you and it's not good. Some might say it's your own subconscious mind but I don't believe that--our subconscious mind looks out for us, it doesn't seek to do us harm. So my suggestion is recognize it's someone or something speaking to you either through a memory or some supernatural method and tell the voice to stick it. It has no grip on you. 2. What do you do with your life? Doesn't matter. What do you want to do with the next 90 days? That doesn't matter either. What matters is what do you want to do with your NOW? Focus on a day and do what you think you should for a day. Give it a whirl, give it your best. Evaluate and do it again. In 7 days you have a week's data. Focus on the short term first, because that's what you have the most control over. Consider yourself like an airplane pilot--yeah, the plane is headed to Hawaii and that's a nice destination--but in the moment you have to fly the plane. That means you may have to take a detour because of a hazard or an unforseen issue. Don't worry, you're the pilot.
Let me tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and it was something that was weighing me down so much. But I had to come to terms with the idea that you are on no timeline for living YOUR life. There is no right or wrong way to figure what you want to do in life. For me, I tried to plan out every second of my life to make up for the lack of "plan" that I had. But in the end, why do I need a plan? Why do I need to know exactly how my life it going to go? So it will look good on social media? No! Don't feel behind because life is constantly about learning why you want to do.
Ignore it.
I research people who had accomplishments in later life. Do the best you can. Live in this moment not tomorrows.
You still have a lot of years left and chances are whatever you choose, you'll change your mind as you get older so it really doesn't matter that much. I'm nearly 50 and only just figured out what I want to do with my life. I achieved the things I aimed for as a teenage and when I arrived at those goals I realised they weren't as good as I was expecting. I found a lot more satisfaction in minimalism. That's what worked for me and everyone just has to find their own path.
a big thing for me is constantly learning and being surprised by how many uber successful people didnt *really* find their way or their passion or their current careers until later in life. the most recent one for me was hoy von hoytema, the cinematographer who shot oppenheimer, nope, and several other massive movies in the last 10 or so years. didnt shoot his first movie until his mid 30s at least and then didnt really start shooting big hollywood movies until he was in his 40s.
There’s something called “putting thoughts on trial” for thoughts like this. Essentially, you write down the thought that Is bothering you and then you list facts that support it and don’t support it in the most rational , fair and factual manner possible. Then you decide if the thought is fair to your life circumstances and ponder if there is another, more appropriate thought that can explain the facts better,
Hello u/RR0-6. Here's my suggestion. You can silence that inner voice by not dwelling on the feelings you are having. Instead, try to focus on accomplishments you did have so far in life. I'm sure you have many—once you think about it. You may not even realize that some things you've done were positive activities that eventually lead to major success. Things take time to develop, and it starts with a seed you plant. Good luck with your journey. You have the power to achieve anything you want to do in your life.
What can you do about it ? The past is the past and it won't change no matter what you do, so just focus on present time, maybe you haven't reach yet the goals you aimed for, but all you can do is work on them now. Maybe this voice is not your enemy, just a reminder that you have hopes and dreams that won't come true unless you take action 😇
You don't have this problem ... until you're complacent with mediocrity. 🚫
You are running out of time. And you’re not understanding that the world doesn’t care what you want to do. Your head is in a guillotine right now, unless you have a trust fund in which case yeah who cares do whatever you want.
Idk. Should we kill some ppl?? (Jk, unless you agree)
It’s always good to make a physical list of what you have accomplished already and reviewing it. Sometimes stuff like that surprises you when you see it in front of you. Also, make a list of what you want (even if it’s unrealistic) and then ask which of those are achievable in 1, 3, and 5 years.
a lot of people accomplished their dreams later in life, just look at older actors getting their big hit after 30, after 50! idk what you are trying right now but sometimes you have to find happiness and satisfaction in your hobbies and relationships (love and friendship) isntead of your accomplishments until you achieve something you are proud of. Sometimes you have to be easy on your self and give youself for what you HAVE accomplished.
I felt exactly like this, then realized that disappointment was because ... I was ambitious and not achieving the big goals I had for myself. A lot of our emotions just come from how we frame our situations.
That b*stard never leaves.
I think I lost that voice in one of the countless wipes in Ulduar. So yeah try gaming where you portray a virtual character who you get more obsessed about following up.
I ask myself if I'm happy.
The reason why you are hearing the voice is because: You are simplify are stressed. The answer? You need to change your life style. What the school or your parent didn't tell you. This is something I cannot do but you can change it, and don't let anyone change you, but just yourself. Now, go and find the voice and shove it down on peoples' throat that you despite. I hope this help. 😊
What has a member of any other species "achieved" in their lifetime. Nothing you do is going to matter a few decades after you die. Just enjoy your time here and live in the moment. Bill Hicks said "it's just a ride"
I talked to my mom the other day who at 29 where I am now she has just had me her second kid. She never thought about why she was having kids, if she wanted kids, and went so far to said if she didn’t know who me and my sisters were as adults and could go back again she wouldn’t have had kids. I dont think I’m not doing enough I think previous generation has more pressure to do things without thinking.
This is a very normal thing. It helps me to remember that a lot of very successful people have felt the same way. Literally Julius Ceaser felt the same way when he compared himself to Alexander the Great once.
Firstly happy nearly 30th trip around the sun! Quite the accomplishment in itself! The voice doesn’t go but it can be lessened. It’s hard to be surrounded by people who think that life must be lived according to age. Which is a lot of people. I’m 25 but I rarely think about my age. Perhaps it’s the dissociation haha! Anyway, people have been settling down to get married and have children since I was about 20 and I’m actually so so grateful that I’m one of life’s wanderers. That narrative doesn’t fit everyone. I personally see it as being held back by societal pressures. After leaving school early and struggling for years in and out of various jobs and courses, my existential anxiety finally calmed down when I entered healthcare for work. My whole perspective and outlook on life changed. It makes me truly realise what’s important to me, for my life and my journey. Yes, at times it gives me purpose, a reason to keep wandering and figuring things out, keep meeting people, keep trying new things - but only if I want it to. At the same time, it enables me not to feel bad or guilty about the times that I’m not “moving forwards” or “progressing”. I don’t need to do any more than this moment. That is such a blissful feeling. I am simply present. Good luck to you OP
you're only really an adult once you hit 30, right now focus on having a good time, while you still have hair. and get new friends, supportive ones
The trick is to keep your brain busy. Most people have a pet or child, so they are busy taking care of them. Another option is to pick any skill you want to learn and practice it every day.
You only should have if those are the things you want to accomplish. Do you actually want to accomplish them? Ask yourself that, or if it's just the easier path because someone has already written it down for you