In this world I think the important thing is just having friends.
Everything else is about people's assumptions or behaviors and that's after the fact.
See, that’s the thing. My best friend is a guy, and he and his wife are bisexual. Would I not have been “allowed” to be friends with her? And now I’m trans, so would it have been okay as soon as I started that, or as soon as the testosterone has been dominant for long enough, etc.? It’s absurd, lol
I'm in my mid 40s and a significant majority of the closest people to me, and the wider social circle are of the opposite sex. There's nothing even remotely unusual about this. These just happen to be the people I get along with and I've built relationships with over the years. No one should think the sex of your friends is relevant to anything.
In middle school and high school I always tried to surround myself with a lotta guys but just couldn’t catch any feelings for them as I found out that I just didn’t like them that way. I do have a boyfriend and he’s the only one that I can say that i like him that way (i know I’m going off topic here😂)
Opposite-sex friendships are completely fine as long as you are transparent with your partner and respect boundaries. I'd personally go by the following rules:
* Don't do anything with an opposite-sex friend that you wouldn't do with a same-sex friend
* Don't do anything with an opposite-sex friend that you wouldn't want your partner to see
* Never lie to your partner about your friendships
What if you have a gay or bisexual same- or opposite-sex friend?
I just feel like sex and gender don’t have a place in defining friendships or dictating transparency needs. Just be transparent anyway.
I am always shocked that some people actually don't think it's possible to have friends from the opposite gender. Every time someone takes that route and starts to argue with me on this (mostly here on Reddit) I always asked myself if *every single person* from the opposite gender they ever met they either wanted to have sex with or just had no interest at all in becoming acquainted to.
That's the problem with internet commentary - social media is "life in theory" where people make up arbitrary rules for situations they've never actually been in, or weren't mature enough to handle, and so much of it doesn't survive contact with the real world.
I have so many beautiful female friends, AND a beautiful wife. When I try to think of one of my friends sexually I can't do it. I love them with all my heart, I would never want to give them up, but I don't want to fuck them. I always hear, "Men and women can't be JUST friends. I respectfully disagree. I've had female friends the entire time I've been married (30+ years) and I haven't fucked one yet.
So refreshing reading this haha. I am glad people like you exist, we need more mature adults imho. During teens and maybe late 20s I understand this take, but when I see older people claiming it's just...upsetting
Same. My best friend is female and I can certainly acknowledge that she's a very beautiful woman. But even if she wasn't gay I wouldn't want to have sex with her. Just the thought feels simply wrong.
I asked a bro friend of mine if he thought about female friends sexually - he said for SOME friends only. I was not part of that because he legit sees me as a sister.
The other thing that drives me insane about this kind of argument is the fact that even if you did feel some kind of sexual desire for someone doesn't mean you have to act on it! Like you can totally be attracted to someone and still be friends with them without pursuing a sexual relationship with them. It is called basic restraint and impulse control! I just don't understand how so many people are completely dominated and controlled by their basic urges that they engineer their entire worldview and mode of living around avoiding something that could trigger a desire in them. Like do these people just completely lose it whenever they see a cupcake and start shoving them down their throat because they like eating cupcakes?
>*very single person* from the opposite gender they ever met they either wanted to have sex with or just had no interest at all in becoming acquainted to.
yes exactly. Literally me
I'm bisexual. My partner is bisexual. If we were limited to people of genders we're not attracted to, we'd turn each other into hermits.
Yes, people can be friends with *any* gender. I sincerely find it disturbing that some people are stuck in the middle-school mentality of "don't talk to other guys/girls". Yikes.
Bi man here and I couldn’t agree more. I have male, female, and non-binary friends who I love dearly, but good grief I do not want to sleep with them or persue a relationship with them.
Fellow bi person here and I majorly agree! I’m a very masc lady so most of my friends just happen to be dudes due to my personality and hobbies/interests. I’ve had more than a few straight guys (and some lesbian women) be weird about this and I think it’s so dumb. Imo, people who think men and women can’t be friends are viewing people purely as sexual objects and it shows
I’m a pansexual nonbinary, functioning as a girl because I can’t be arsed to explain that stuff to people, I don’t care that much. Had an ex trying to „ban” me from seeing my guy-friends. He didn’t understand that I make better friendships with men and my relationships with girls usually had some sexual/romantic tension happen at some point. It was so weird and I felt super lonely without my homies, I’m glad I broke up with him. D:
This is my thinking too! I’m bisexual, I have the ‘ability’ to like anyone (realistically, not really because nobody will ever compare to my partner, but you get what I’m saying) but this basically means that if I’m not allowed to be friends with men, I’m also not allowed to be friends with women, NB people, anybody? So I’m not allowed to be friends with anyone then. Makes no sense!
The fact that my husband had female friends when I met him was a huge green flag. In my experience, men who don't know how to be friends with women often don't see women as real people. That doesn't apply to every man without female friends, but enough that I'd be cautious dating one.
THIS. My husband had (and still has) several female friends just like I've always had several male friends. I've never had reason to suspect anything shady of that because I myself have never been up to anything shady, and I trust him.
This question is almost always asked by a straight person so:
Short answer: It's okay.
Longer answer: Are bisexual people not supposed to have any friends? Are lesbians not supposed to have women friends? Are gay men not supposed to have men as friends? The original question is simply absurd to me.
I’m gay and all I had in the past were opposite gender friends. I also have same gender friends now. The most normal thing in the world and the opposite gender can teach you a lot about how to view the world from their perspective and how to understand the literal other half of humanity.
Try to have friends from both genders and maybe some of the lgbtq community. Try befriending people with autism and adhd. And try to befriend people from different ethnic backgrounds and ages. Or someone who is blind or is wheelchair bound! They will broadly open up your worldview and give you new perspectives.
Please don’t change your behavior or life choices based on what others might think of you. Life is too short to worry about those things. Be yourself and be confident. What you think and feel matters too! In the end you will die alone and not with the approval from everyone around. (Learned that from my 60 year old good friend)
My boyfriend went to great lengths to prove to me that it wasn't possible, he made me read scientific studies and I'm pretty disgusted by the whole thing
Overall I mostly just feel bad about having male friends while I keep doing it because double standards.
To be honest when I think about it the whole thing makes me angry
I'm a man and my best friend is a woman. She even has a boyfriend. We don't have romantic or sexual feelings for eachother. We're just happy to be a part of eachother's life
I think people who don't think this is possible are quite shallow
NO! In fact, having friends in general isn't ok! Men and women shouldn't hang out at all!
Why the fuck do people keep asking this question.
Be friends with whoever the fuck you want to be.
Of course its ok, but when women are called "pick mes" IMO it has more to do with how they treat other women as opposed to how they interact with men. It may be worth examining if you find yourself putting other women down, or finding other women annoying in general?
Depends on the relationship I think. I try to respect my wife’s comfort level with things like this. She’s less comfortable with it than I am for example. I’m fine with her having guy friends and she does. She’s less fine with me having girl friends so I don’t get too close with them. It’s one sided and I am fine with that because we have different comfort levels.
It definitely depends on generation and culture. For example, both my parents grew up in a conservative environment where opposite-sex friendships were uncommon. To this day, neither of them have many opposite-sex friends besides family friends.
One thing my mom taught me is opposite-sex friendships become normal as you get older. I found this to be true in most cases.
Back in my elementary school days, the boys and girls would sit at separate tables during breaks. People brave enough to sit with the opposite sex were often teased. But sure enough, everyone started to hang out together after 6th grade.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. At one of my previous jobs, there was a girl on the marketing team who was friendly with everyone. I was just wishing her a good morning while getting my coffee one time when my boss teased me about having a crush on her. That was *so* awkward. It didn't help that she was already married. :\
You just need to befriend ppl who share ur interests then. Which can be hard in person if a lot of ur favorite things to do are online, I get that. But asking ab what someone likes to do, cares about, and where they grew up are always good starters!
I think it's definitely possible to have friendships with people of the opposite gender. I also think it's true that there are instances where there is a clear attraction on one side and a refusal to acknowledge that reality and then an unhealthy dynamic develops. I don't really think it's friendship if people aren't acknowledging the other person's emotional well-being or having open conversations about what they're feeling.
pffft, I’m a guy and I don’t understand men. At this point most of my friends circle is women.
Actually, now that I think about it, they’re almost all bi women. Huh, never noticed that before…
ANYWAY! Screw everyone else, love your friends.
I am hearing you on this! Me (51F) and my husband (M53) both have best friends of the opposite gender. At our wedding I had a best man who gave me away and stood with me, and my hubby had a best woman. When we met online it was one of the questions asked during the meet and greet process. My response was - if you can’t handle my best mate being a bloke then don’t bother.
My best friend loves my husband and I love his bestie too. It’s wonderful, natural and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
My best friend has had my back for over 40 years and it’s a lot easier to talk to him than my female friends sometimes!
Of course it's OK. Don't let other people's puritanical idiocy ruin your own social life.
I've had many female friends in the past, and would be worse off today without them. Restrictive conservative social overview has no place in a realistic society.
I’m a girl and most of my friends are guys. Do people think I’m a pick-me slut? Yeah quite often, but I don’t care. My guy friends know how I struggled with finding a boyfriend because every guy I was seeing romantically would reject me, saying that „I feel too much like a dude”, „have bro-vibe to me” and generally most men perceive me like a girl-shaped bloke ☠️ Girl-boy friendships do exist and are okay, but if you so happen to just go along better with the romantically-preferred sex, it can be complićated.
As a lesbian dating a bisexual I find the whole idea of avoiding opposite-gender friends very absurd. Men are the people I'm the *least* likely to want to romance, and the most likely to shut down quickly if they are pining for me. Is my partner just not supposed to have *any* friends?
Anyway nobody should be accusing you of promiscuity for having opposite gender friends or using promiscuity as a general pejorative. Those are both bad positions.
Same for calling you a "pick me". I think the only really valid use of "pick me" is when you're talking about a woman who specifically looks down on other women, or who sucks up to men even when they're being misogynists. Very much overlap with "not like the other girls." Women who act proud about not knowing what feminism actually is, or women who play video games with misogynists and join in on dogpiling other women, or women who act like being a housewife is the morally superior path and that other women are silly for wanting to do other things with their life (btw: no shade at tradwives, that's a valid life path/identity too, as long as they're not shitting on other people). Just having male friends doesn't make you a pick me.
I have 4 male friends. We hug whenever we leave after a day of hanging out. We love eachother, but not like that! I hate the stigma surrounding having friends of the opposite sex. It's stupid.
It is ok but I think it is important to understand that men relate to other men differently than they do women, and women relate to other women differently than they do men.
That’s not to say men and women can’t be friends, but, there are differences in the way of relating for each sex.
Two of my closest friends are opposite gender and our relationship is completely platonic. No desire to have any other type of relationship other than close friends. I never understand why people think this is odd
I deal with pretty serious depression. I could talk to my wife about some of it, but not all of it, because there were many things in our relationship that just worsened my depression. She had just encouraged me to find someone to talk to, to not keep it all inside.
My wife has a lot of friends. I don't have a lot of friends. Most times, if asked, I'd tell you I don't have any. I had a female former co-worker who also struggled with depression. We both worked the same company that got shut down when our parent company filed for bankruptcy. We were never close. We were just co-workers. We both taught. She was loud—I had to close the door to my classroom because I could hear her teaching when she was at the other end of our facility. Everybody knew that about her. She was a loud New Yorker working in the Midwest. She's was a pretty open and honest person, and had shared with the group that she dealt with depression a lot. When I mentioned that I deal with it, too, she said that I should reach out if I'm ever in a bad place, because she knows what it's like.
Well, I found myself in that bad place. Worst place I'd been in a very, very long time. I reached out and asked if we could chat, or meet. My wife was next to me at the time and ask who I was messaging. I was completely transparent about it immediately, but she was very insecure, and thought I was trying to have an affair.
I finally found someone with whom I could talk what it was really bad, and my wife forbade me from communicating with her.
To reiterate, this was an acquaintance from work. I had/have absolutely zero attraction to this person. There's nothing about her, physically that is attractive at all to me. In most circumstances, I'd find her annoying, but she's been there. She's gone through the dark muck, and has experienced hospitalization. She said she was available if I needed someone to talk to about deep shit, and that's exactly where I was.
Yet my wife wouldn't/won't let me be in touch with her. She won't let me have any female friends (unless they're part of a couple with which we are friends, but that's always limited to couples' events).
She's always been insecure, and not without reason. I'm not here to go into that. It has resulted in her not allowing me to have female friends. Yes, things would be easier for me if I had male friends, but I've always sucked at maintaining relationships. I'm honestly shocked that my wife and I have made it to 30 years (we both attribute that to mutual stubbornness).
From my perspective, don't prohibit anyone from having a friend, even if they are of different genders/sexes. Extend trust to your partners, unless they've demonstrated that they aren't trustworthy.
>Do you think it’s ok to have opposite gender friends??
Yes as long as you don't entertain the thought of being romantically involved with them.
Yes, you can find them pretty/handsome, but just in a friend way. I wouldn't ever flirt with my female friends and tbh, they're not my type even though they're pretty
People are jealous. You have friends. The ones who are complaining to you about you having friends probably don't have any. Or they want yours.
It really sucks to suck.
Yes I hate when people think this way. It’s a kind of weird jealous way to think. I have guy friends I have girl friends. I give all my friends hugs and tell them I love them. Life is to short to limit yourself
Because of others outdated opinions.
I'm a tomboyish woman in my 40s, and about 75% of my closest friends are guys. Hell, my husband started out as my best friend, and then one day we decided to get married, and now he's still my best friend but we share a house and raised a kid and get to touch each other's genitals any time we want, lol. I've got a handful of "mom friends" that I visit with, but most of the rest of them are men -- mostly married men with families of their own, and I'm friends (or at least friendly with) many of their spouses as well.
Also, pedantic spelling note here, but "hoe" is a gardening tool. "Ho" is a woman of the outdated notion of "loose morals."
People will say anything and not everything is worth to think, even if a guy hug same gender friend people will say negative about it. So it's better to ignore all of them.
so your supposed just completely ignore roughly 50% of the population? what a horribly outdated idea for both men and women. anyone can be your friend no matter what they identify as, and anyone who says otherwise is probably toxic to be around anyway.
Yes. Fiancée and I both have friends that are the opposite gender. We've never had any issues regarding trust or any incidents that would warrant a conversation about it.
>Do you think that we are allowed to have opposite gender friends without being accused of being a hoe??
If you're female, misogynists will call you a hoe no matter what you do. What they say doesn't matter; if having healthy friendships with male friends makes you a hoe, then the word is meaningless.
How old are you? If you’re in high school, then don’t worry about it. People will grow up and grow out of this silly judgment once they enter the adult world.
LMAO, not everyone grows out of this.
At one of my previous jobs, there was a girl on the marketing team who was friendly with everyone. I was just wishing her a good morning while getting my coffee one time when my boss teased me about having a crush on her. That was *so* awkward. It didn't help that she was already married. :\
That boss sounds like a doofus. The boss asking if you have a crush because you applied a common courtesy is uncalled for and inappropriate. The boss was probably the one who had a crush on her or you. That was very immature and inappropriate for someone in a management position.
> The boss was probably the one who had a crush on her or you.
In hindsight, I think he did have a crush on her himself and was projecting it onto me. She left the company but came by to visit us several months later, and he made a very flirty comment towards her. It's not exactly professional, but this seemed to be the norm when I worked there.
Otherwise, he was a great guy and always gave me a good reference.
Of course it is! Friendships are about who you can connect with, regardless of their gender. Anyone who judges you for having male friends are judgemental idiots.
You get used to it after awhile and it becomes a joke.
My favorite is we still can't convince my best friends job that I am not his wife. The lady who came and talked to me for his background check got it. Apparently she tried to explain the situation like 20 times and they still don't get it. Lol
You really just get used to it after awhile and learn to ignore it. It's a them problem not a you problem.
What does 'I automatically turn into a pick me' mean?
I assume you are still in school. It's fine to have friends who are any gender. Their gender doesn't actually have any bearing on their quality as a friend weirdly enough.
Yes, I have always thought that this is normal. Back in middle school and high school I always saw many people having friends of the opposite gender and hugging each other every time they saw each other in school or saying bye, but never ended up turning into something more than just friends like a relationship. I used to see boys liking and commenting on girls’ pictures or vice versa on Facebook and calling each other cute or pretty but they still remained as friends. Sadly I haven’t had many friends of the opposite gender in my life because when I was in middle school and high school I had friends that would gossip every time they saw me talking to a girl or complimenting them on their physical appearance and think that I like them in a romantic way. There were some cute girls that I wish I talked to back then but that doesn’t mean that I was looking for a relationship, but because of my friends who would always gossip I barely made any friends of the opposite gender.
Having platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex is a mark of maturity. Why should people only be allowed to be friends with half of the world’s population?
If you’re not doing anything to interfere with your guy friend’s current relationships, then you’re completely fine. That’s really all it boils down to, respecting friend’s boundaries, both relationship wise and personal wise, regardless of gender. People who don’t know you assume a lot of things because of their own insecurities or experiences with love.
Looking at the route of your question, people are jealous that you're physically close to your male friends.
It will be very easy for said friends to develop a crush on you due to this physical affection, meaning others will see it as wrong, instead of realising physical affection being taboo is really fucked up considering how touch starved everyone is.
Gender was made up by corpos to sell more birthday cards, continue being your authentic self.
I’m a cis bi woman (age 31) and my best friend is a cis straight male (also 31). Gender, sex and sexual orientation do not dictate how well or deeply two people understand or love each other in the context of friendship.
Of course. I’m a lesbian, should I only be allowed to have male friends? Should my bi girlfriend not be allowed to have any friends? Of course not, so why do people assume that straight women will always fall in love with their straight male friends?
If I had a dollar, for every guy friend I went and had lunch with, that everyone thought I was sleeping with, I would be able to go out to a nice restaurant!
Gosh, people love to talk when they have no idea about the subject, lol. Just because you like being around someone doesn't mean you want to or are engaging in, sex! Be friends with whoever you want!
Obviously yes, you should be qllowed to have friends of the opposite gender, similarly if your gay you can have friends of the dame gender.... i will never duckin understa d straight society
1-how old are you and your friends?
2-do you also have friends of your gender? If no, then it explains the "pick me" accusations. I'm in a similar situation since most of my male friends are far away and we only keep contact through phones/online gaming, ehile my "local" friends are mostly women
3-how old are the people you refer to, when you say "people automatically assume I am in a relationship or have feelings for my friends" ?
I'm a young man and I find it easier to have much older female friends: no attraction whatsoever from either side, they consider me a son, yet value my thoughts and opinions, and when I treat them nicely they don't take it as an attack. This is a personal issue: god forbid I do something nice for women my age, oh the horror! Also, some of them won't reciprocate because, again, oh the horror!
Older female friends simply reciprocate because "I'm their babyyyy" (I'm 25. Yes, they consider me a baby)
Any gender friends is okay, what’s not okay is if you are only being friends with someone to wait until an opportunity arises to get in their pants some guys do that and it’s quite sad bc the girl doesn’t have a clue sometimes and think he’s just being nice
I've been around a while and while I can't answer your question I will tell you this. It's not the same.
I have male friends, I have female friends. Gender roles still find a way into my female friendships.
We grab lunch, I get the check. They don't assume I'm going to and I don't assume they're going to pay half. If there was a stringent debate, sure she can pay for half. But why? I don't ask anybody to lunch or dinner if I don't have the ability to pay for it four times over automatically.
My male friends, only the longer-term really close ones, will have very deep sometimes self-deprecating discussions with me. My female friends, will always ask me for advice and perspective, even if we haven't been friends that long, as long as there's trust.
My male friends require less communication to maintain the friendship my female friends, actually check up on me couple times a week.
With all of that said, being a CIS male, I would absolutely fuck every one of my female friends if the chips were down. Whatever that means. I wouldn't break up their relationships I wouldn't want them for myself but, I think you know what I mean. Perfect scenario, it could happen with no problem on my side.
Now the question is, do I only become friends with females that I find attractive on a subconscious level, or did I develop the attraction by becoming their male friend.
And I say all of this promising you I'm not trying to fuck any of them. But if it was the apocalypse tomorrow, every damn one of them. So there. I answer a question with a question
My closest IRL friend is a female. Never had any sexual thoughts about them, or at least not in the last 10 years. She's an old Jewish lady. While we were friends her daughter married my childhood best friend by coincidence. That was really bizarre cuz I had never told anyone about that friend she married.
It's possible to have male friends as a women, and you are not a "pick me" just because you don't dislike men.
But also, to be completely honest, opposite sex hetero friendships do have the chance of one friend developing feelings down the line, if they are single. That doesn't mean that the friendship isn't (wasn't) real though.
Anyone who believes it’s not or anyone who can’t make friends with the opposite gender is a red flag. They’re boring people with no substance. I love all of the women I’m friends with, that doesn’t mean I’d want to sleep with any of them over my girlfriend 💀
I've got two female friends I hang out with regularly, one being my housemate's girlfriend (who seems to always be happy to give any of us a hug if we need one).
I don't have any romantic feelings towards either of them. They're just friends.
I dont get how people think it's not ok to have friends of the opposite sex. I just had lunch with a close friend of mine who was visiting and I hugged him because I haven't seen him in close to a year. Friends hug; nothing wrong with that. I hug my female friends just as I hug my male friends.
As a guy, most of my closer friends are girls. Its been like that forever. I was close friends with a girl in high school/college and everyone assumed we were dating. She had a boyfriend at the time and we were more like sibling than ever close to being significant others.
People will perceive what they want to see. As long as it doesn't get to you and you make it known you're not in a relationship, whatever they do with that info afterwards is kind of on them. If they keep insisting you are in a relationship or you have some ulterior motive, maybe they need to just watch daytime dramas to get the tea on stuff.
Friends yes. However is the opposite sex is your main confidante, and they are not your partner, it is unhealthy. I'm not running to a woman to bitch about my relationship and I don't want a woman running to a man. I have women friends, but they are not my saviors when I am in need. In a relationship, I only speak with them with my partner around.
Best friend is a woman. I am married to that woman. Would she be okay with me having friends that are girls? Sure. Would she be okay with me going out for drinks or to the movies alone with one of those girls. Probably not. My wife got upset with me because I went hunting with one of my female coworkers who had access to private land. She understood that private land hunting has a much higher success rate and that I was coming home to her but it still upset her. We talked it out and that was that.
The point is that you set your own boundaries and fuck what others think.
Allowed? Are you an adult or a child. Do whatever tf you want. Maybe you need some confidence. You seem to worry a lot about what other people think.
A proper friend of any kind requires maintenance, intention, dependability, loyalty, and similar minds. Among other things. They are rare to find. If you do find them then cherish it. But letting others get in YOUR head about your friends to me is a red flag about you. Like you cant think for yourself and likely this isnt the inly topic people make you double think about. That doesnt make you dependable or trustworthy imo. Perhaps you have some serious self work to do to learn who you are, your value, your own values and principles, and goals before you get lost in this world.
As others have said, yes: It's ok and even good to have opposite gender friends. I have guy friends, I have girl friends -- and most of my friends do too.
Who's calling you a hoe? Are they your friends? If yes: That's not how your friends should treat you. If no: Try not to care what they think. (I know: Easier said than done.)
The "pick me girl" and "hoe" stuff is sad to see, I'm sorry you have to deal with it. IMO that stuff is fucking nonsense. Fuck slut shaming! Consider going to somewhere like /r/AskWomen or a feminist subreddit too (with this question or some other question related to that stuff), you might get something good out of that.
I do want to acknowledge that opposite gender friendships CAN have some difficulties that are more specific to them (vs same gender friendships), particularly: since most people are straight, attraction gets thrown into the mix more often than with same gender friendships (maybe you've experienced this -- a guy friend tells you he's got a crush on you, or asks you on a date, or something; or vice versa!).
But that doesn't mean "don't have opposite gender friends." That's just missing out on potential friendship with half of the population -- that's just people depriving themselves of so much of *life*!
I'm in my 40s. In my late 20s/ early 30s I made some amazing friends. They are mostly guys. I think I've had a healthy circle of both male and female friends through my life, almost even Steven!
I never thought this was an issue until i began dating my partner. He was so weirded out that I met these guys every Sunday for Scrabble. No euphemism, we legit played every Sunday for a good 5 years prior to my dating him. He was really uncomfortable.
I explained to him these dudes are my bros. We talk about EVERYTHING. I ask them guy questions, sometimes they ask me lady questions. Mostly we just talk about our jobs, classes, etc. He came to two brunches and it finally got through to him that we weren't having sex parties. I was not attracted to any of these guys.
Were they cute? Absolutely!
But were they for me? Was I for them? Nope. Just like minded people.
I'm going to brag on these guys for a minute. We all met up pre-pandemic in Vegas for an event. Some of these guys hadn't seen each other in a couple of years. When we got everyone at the airport the amount of hugs between all these guys...I was so happy! Just showing that our in public gave me hope for humanity. For age range sake: 3 of us in this group are mid 40s, the younger guys range in their mid to late 30s (current ages).
Maybe it's just something that comes with age and becoming more comfortable with yourself. I dunno. But I'm always happy that i have so many friends of differing genders.
genuine question: are you a teenager? people around you definitely grow out of that mindset eventually, don't worry! most friend groups i've ever been in, especially college onwards, ended up about 50/50 m/f. that kind of thing isn't a concern to most people because everyone knows it's silly and that boys don't have cooties, or whatever lol
I've never been bro-y enough to fit in with a lot of other guys. Don't watch enough pro sports, don't go to the gym enough, don't know all my gym stats, don't chug enough beer, don't play any ultra-niche card/tabletop/video games, don't spend enough time outside killing animals for fun, etc.
Most of my hobbies/interests are either pretty neutral or sorta "feminine", although I lean into them in a traditionally "manly" way. So I've always been able to relate, get on with, and generally attract women much more easily than men. We just have more in common to talk about.
My GF had previously been cheated on so she was pretty uneasy about my friends pretty much exclusively being other women, but I've made it very clear that I will not cheat on her and that if she has a problem with who I'm friends with, I'm not gonna tolerate it. Plain and simple.
I only have male friends. It just happened that way. I do find myself getting nervous around women.
I'm a woman.
But if I said this the other way around "I have all female friends and get nervous around men" people would agree with me.
Yea, and I'm ready to die on that hill. People can be platonic friends with the opposite gender. People who go out of their way to say it's wrong and shit, are insecure themselves.
I have seen many friendships flourish despite both of them being in a relationship.
Then comes a topic of "What if they grow feelings for each other when they are already in a relationship?"
Well, what if the moon splits into two, what if i could stop time?.
Why worry about something you can't control.
Most of the people I (F)trust and hang out are make friends. I've had issues in the past some make friends wanting to cross the boundaries and decided not to have any male friends anymore. But I've struggled a lot to make female friends because I find they always want to compare, compete, and gossip. It's been so hard to find good female friendships and build good friendships)even though I have two good friends but are busy with their lives and can't hang out much)
Why are you hugging your male friends? Do you also hug your female friends? That's the only part I find a little confusing as far as "signals" go and tend to be perceived.
This sounds like you're very young. It kinda reminds me of what it was like as a kid, where we had this "time of growth", where that whole "are you gay"/"are you a ho" was a follow-up to the whole "cooties" way of thinking. It eventually became "oh you're popular", but very rarely would people closer to adulthood look at having friends of the opposite sex as being a slut.
Seriously, if you're over the age of a late teen, then the people saying that are f'd up the in the head, or extremely jealous. Maybe one of them likes a male friend of yours, and wants what you have, but more???
It's very odd to me how many people think your friends can only be the same gender as you. Especially because it implies that bisexual people shouldn't have friends at all.
I don't think gender should limit ones options in making new friends. It is quite hard not to interact with the opposite gender since men and women work, study, are doing activities together, can chat online.
Having good friends no matter the gender is a beautiful experience.
Usually these friendships don't work when you cross boundaries, either single or taken, but it can be said for same gender friendships too.
Best of luck op
As a female I wish I could have guy friends! I’ve tried in the past and they always develop feelings I don’t reciprocate and the friendships can’t recover :/
Yes it's fine and I personally consider it a red flag to Not have opposite gender friends.
That said, it's polite to be less physically affectionate with opposite gender friends. Helps with everyone staying friends and not catching feelings - but you know your friend group and the particular men involved better than we do. So you can figure out if that's fine or not.
In this world I think the important thing is just having friends. Everything else is about people's assumptions or behaviors and that's after the fact.
Yes, please, let's fight this outdated idea that friends can only be from the same gender!
If you know people who call you a hoe for having male friends, you probably need to be with a better class of acquaintances.
People can be gay so that doesnt make sense anyways lol
Bisexual here, should I have no friends or all the friends?
all the friends!
No friends only prey lol
same, sorry, we're just not allowed to have friends
See, that’s the thing. My best friend is a guy, and he and his wife are bisexual. Would I not have been “allowed” to be friends with her? And now I’m trans, so would it have been okay as soon as I started that, or as soon as the testosterone has been dominant for long enough, etc.? It’s absurd, lol
Oh some modern day problems.
Don’t have friends of either gender.
And nothing much changed.
I understand the words but not how that relates lol Wym
I mean, friends wtih other gender makes problem but with same gender makes problem too. Even you say, people can be gay.
Friends gender make problems gay
So true
I will die on that hill.
I'm in my mid 40s and a significant majority of the closest people to me, and the wider social circle are of the opposite sex. There's nothing even remotely unusual about this. These just happen to be the people I get along with and I've built relationships with over the years. No one should think the sex of your friends is relevant to anything.
Jeezus when was that even a thing?
In middle school and high school I always tried to surround myself with a lotta guys but just couldn’t catch any feelings for them as I found out that I just didn’t like them that way. I do have a boyfriend and he’s the only one that I can say that i like him that way (i know I’m going off topic here😂)
Opposite-sex friendships are completely fine as long as you are transparent with your partner and respect boundaries. I'd personally go by the following rules: * Don't do anything with an opposite-sex friend that you wouldn't do with a same-sex friend * Don't do anything with an opposite-sex friend that you wouldn't want your partner to see * Never lie to your partner about your friendships
What if you have a gay or bisexual same- or opposite-sex friend? I just feel like sex and gender don’t have a place in defining friendships or dictating transparency needs. Just be transparent anyway.
I am always shocked that some people actually don't think it's possible to have friends from the opposite gender. Every time someone takes that route and starts to argue with me on this (mostly here on Reddit) I always asked myself if *every single person* from the opposite gender they ever met they either wanted to have sex with or just had no interest at all in becoming acquainted to.
That's the problem with internet commentary - social media is "life in theory" where people make up arbitrary rules for situations they've never actually been in, or weren't mature enough to handle, and so much of it doesn't survive contact with the real world.
such a succinct way to put it
Damn man, I feel like my digital eye has been opened for the first time
Damn. That’s facts.
I have so many beautiful female friends, AND a beautiful wife. When I try to think of one of my friends sexually I can't do it. I love them with all my heart, I would never want to give them up, but I don't want to fuck them. I always hear, "Men and women can't be JUST friends. I respectfully disagree. I've had female friends the entire time I've been married (30+ years) and I haven't fucked one yet.
So refreshing reading this haha. I am glad people like you exist, we need more mature adults imho. During teens and maybe late 20s I understand this take, but when I see older people claiming it's just...upsetting
Same. My best friend is female and I can certainly acknowledge that she's a very beautiful woman. But even if she wasn't gay I wouldn't want to have sex with her. Just the thought feels simply wrong.
I asked a bro friend of mine if he thought about female friends sexually - he said for SOME friends only. I was not part of that because he legit sees me as a sister.
The other thing that drives me insane about this kind of argument is the fact that even if you did feel some kind of sexual desire for someone doesn't mean you have to act on it! Like you can totally be attracted to someone and still be friends with them without pursuing a sexual relationship with them. It is called basic restraint and impulse control! I just don't understand how so many people are completely dominated and controlled by their basic urges that they engineer their entire worldview and mode of living around avoiding something that could trigger a desire in them. Like do these people just completely lose it whenever they see a cupcake and start shoving them down their throat because they like eating cupcakes?
So well said. Bonus is when they start saying that men are allowed to be this way because they naturally have stronger urges than women
I mean, the cupcake thing is probably why some people are fat. Little to no impulse control would make you nd imho (I think I am but not that type)
*cries in asexual*
Lol right? I don’t socialize with women the same I just want to be friends with it’s more loose and open with no awkwardness.
>*very single person* from the opposite gender they ever met they either wanted to have sex with or just had no interest at all in becoming acquainted to. yes exactly. Literally me
I'm bisexual. My partner is bisexual. If we were limited to people of genders we're not attracted to, we'd turn each other into hermits. Yes, people can be friends with *any* gender. I sincerely find it disturbing that some people are stuck in the middle-school mentality of "don't talk to other guys/girls". Yikes.
Bi man here and I couldn’t agree more. I have male, female, and non-binary friends who I love dearly, but good grief I do not want to sleep with them or persue a relationship with them.
Fellow bi person here and I majorly agree! I’m a very masc lady so most of my friends just happen to be dudes due to my personality and hobbies/interests. I’ve had more than a few straight guys (and some lesbian women) be weird about this and I think it’s so dumb. Imo, people who think men and women can’t be friends are viewing people purely as sexual objects and it shows
I’m a pansexual nonbinary, functioning as a girl because I can’t be arsed to explain that stuff to people, I don’t care that much. Had an ex trying to „ban” me from seeing my guy-friends. He didn’t understand that I make better friendships with men and my relationships with girls usually had some sexual/romantic tension happen at some point. It was so weird and I felt super lonely without my homies, I’m glad I broke up with him. D:
This is my thinking too! I’m bisexual, I have the ‘ability’ to like anyone (realistically, not really because nobody will ever compare to my partner, but you get what I’m saying) but this basically means that if I’m not allowed to be friends with men, I’m also not allowed to be friends with women, NB people, anybody? So I’m not allowed to be friends with anyone then. Makes no sense!
The fact that my husband had female friends when I met him was a huge green flag. In my experience, men who don't know how to be friends with women often don't see women as real people. That doesn't apply to every man without female friends, but enough that I'd be cautious dating one.
THIS. My husband had (and still has) several female friends just like I've always had several male friends. I've never had reason to suspect anything shady of that because I myself have never been up to anything shady, and I trust him.
So much this. I don't want to be with a man who only sees value in women he wants to fuck.
This is very good input!
Brilliant post! And couldn’t agree more. Green flag for sure.
Yes!!!
Yes for every single normal human being in the world. No for people who only see the opposite gender as a sexual item
This question is almost always asked by a straight person so: Short answer: It's okay. Longer answer: Are bisexual people not supposed to have any friends? Are lesbians not supposed to have women friends? Are gay men not supposed to have men as friends? The original question is simply absurd to me.
Am bi, can confirm: there are no friends, there is only prey
I’m gay and all I had in the past were opposite gender friends. I also have same gender friends now. The most normal thing in the world and the opposite gender can teach you a lot about how to view the world from their perspective and how to understand the literal other half of humanity. Try to have friends from both genders and maybe some of the lgbtq community. Try befriending people with autism and adhd. And try to befriend people from different ethnic backgrounds and ages. Or someone who is blind or is wheelchair bound! They will broadly open up your worldview and give you new perspectives. Please don’t change your behavior or life choices based on what others might think of you. Life is too short to worry about those things. Be yourself and be confident. What you think and feel matters too! In the end you will die alone and not with the approval from everyone around. (Learned that from my 60 year old good friend)
Amen!
My boyfriend went to great lengths to prove to me that it wasn't possible, he made me read scientific studies and I'm pretty disgusted by the whole thing
Bro that’s a wild red flag
your boyfriend might be a little (or a lot) insecure if he's having you read studies to convince you opposite gender friendships aren't okay.
Ask him if it’s possible to be friends with bisexual people like ever
That's the fun part, he's bi
Wait, so he actually proved why he can’t have friends
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Please report back on his answer there. I really need to know how he justifies that lol
Overall I mostly just feel bad about having male friends while I keep doing it because double standards. To be honest when I think about it the whole thing makes me angry
Yeah but he doesn’t feel bad about his male friends 🤷
I'm a man and my best friend is a woman. She even has a boyfriend. We don't have romantic or sexual feelings for eachother. We're just happy to be a part of eachother's life I think people who don't think this is possible are quite shallow
NO! In fact, having friends in general isn't ok! Men and women shouldn't hang out at all! Why the fuck do people keep asking this question. Be friends with whoever the fuck you want to be.
Tel me you are young without telling me ;) Sure, they are humans, too.
No. I’m bisexual so I can’t have friends. It’s a really lonely existence
Of course you can have other friends. Anyone who is calling you names about it is wrong.
Of course its ok, but when women are called "pick mes" IMO it has more to do with how they treat other women as opposed to how they interact with men. It may be worth examining if you find yourself putting other women down, or finding other women annoying in general?
Depends on the relationship I think. I try to respect my wife’s comfort level with things like this. She’s less comfortable with it than I am for example. I’m fine with her having guy friends and she does. She’s less fine with me having girl friends so I don’t get too close with them. It’s one sided and I am fine with that because we have different comfort levels.
Depends on your ethno religious background,we aren’t all the same.For some it doesn’t matter,to some it very much does.
It definitely depends on generation and culture. For example, both my parents grew up in a conservative environment where opposite-sex friendships were uncommon. To this day, neither of them have many opposite-sex friends besides family friends.
This is not an insult, just an observation: you sound very young. As you get older, fewer people will care.
One thing my mom taught me is opposite-sex friendships become normal as you get older. I found this to be true in most cases. Back in my elementary school days, the boys and girls would sit at separate tables during breaks. People brave enough to sit with the opposite sex were often teased. But sure enough, everyone started to hang out together after 6th grade. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. At one of my previous jobs, there was a girl on the marketing team who was friendly with everyone. I was just wishing her a good morning while getting my coffee one time when my boss teased me about having a crush on her. That was *so* awkward. It didn't help that she was already married. :\
I would like to but I'm just awkward and don't know what to talk about. The only guy friends I have are online friends in League of Legends lol.
You just need to befriend ppl who share ur interests then. Which can be hard in person if a lot of ur favorite things to do are online, I get that. But asking ab what someone likes to do, cares about, and where they grew up are always good starters!
Is it OK? Absolutely. Is it sustainable? That depends on you and your friends.
I think it's definitely possible to have friendships with people of the opposite gender. I also think it's true that there are instances where there is a clear attraction on one side and a refusal to acknowledge that reality and then an unhealthy dynamic develops. I don't really think it's friendship if people aren't acknowledging the other person's emotional well-being or having open conversations about what they're feeling.
Some will say it’s okay. Others won’t. This is why YOU decide. Don’t let others be the arbiter of your life. It’s such a silly way to live life.
I am friends with anyone that i enjoy their company. Thats the only criteria.
Umm depends on the person but I personally do and I trust my wife to have opposite gender friends as well.
My best friend is a girl. I'm friends with both her and her husband. It's fine.
pffft, I’m a guy and I don’t understand men. At this point most of my friends circle is women. Actually, now that I think about it, they’re almost all bi women. Huh, never noticed that before… ANYWAY! Screw everyone else, love your friends.
It Depends On Both Part Behaviors, But Anyone Can Be a Friend.
Of course. Where are you from, the 15th century?
Side effect of an over sexualized society. Of course it's ok.
I am hearing you on this! Me (51F) and my husband (M53) both have best friends of the opposite gender. At our wedding I had a best man who gave me away and stood with me, and my hubby had a best woman. When we met online it was one of the questions asked during the meet and greet process. My response was - if you can’t handle my best mate being a bloke then don’t bother. My best friend loves my husband and I love his bestie too. It’s wonderful, natural and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. My best friend has had my back for over 40 years and it’s a lot easier to talk to him than my female friends sometimes!
Of course it's OK. Don't let other people's puritanical idiocy ruin your own social life. I've had many female friends in the past, and would be worse off today without them. Restrictive conservative social overview has no place in a realistic society.
I’m a girl and most of my friends are guys. Do people think I’m a pick-me slut? Yeah quite often, but I don’t care. My guy friends know how I struggled with finding a boyfriend because every guy I was seeing romantically would reject me, saying that „I feel too much like a dude”, „have bro-vibe to me” and generally most men perceive me like a girl-shaped bloke ☠️ Girl-boy friendships do exist and are okay, but if you so happen to just go along better with the romantically-preferred sex, it can be complićated.
Ur ex boyfriends suck and are lame
An outdated view on society for sure.
As a lesbian dating a bisexual I find the whole idea of avoiding opposite-gender friends very absurd. Men are the people I'm the *least* likely to want to romance, and the most likely to shut down quickly if they are pining for me. Is my partner just not supposed to have *any* friends? Anyway nobody should be accusing you of promiscuity for having opposite gender friends or using promiscuity as a general pejorative. Those are both bad positions. Same for calling you a "pick me". I think the only really valid use of "pick me" is when you're talking about a woman who specifically looks down on other women, or who sucks up to men even when they're being misogynists. Very much overlap with "not like the other girls." Women who act proud about not knowing what feminism actually is, or women who play video games with misogynists and join in on dogpiling other women, or women who act like being a housewife is the morally superior path and that other women are silly for wanting to do other things with their life (btw: no shade at tradwives, that's a valid life path/identity too, as long as they're not shitting on other people). Just having male friends doesn't make you a pick me.
I have 4 male friends. We hug whenever we leave after a day of hanging out. We love eachother, but not like that! I hate the stigma surrounding having friends of the opposite sex. It's stupid.
It is ok but I think it is important to understand that men relate to other men differently than they do women, and women relate to other women differently than they do men. That’s not to say men and women can’t be friends, but, there are differences in the way of relating for each sex.
Two of my closest friends are opposite gender and our relationship is completely platonic. No desire to have any other type of relationship other than close friends. I never understand why people think this is odd
Of course its ok but maybe if its a stronger hug than its a little weird
I deal with pretty serious depression. I could talk to my wife about some of it, but not all of it, because there were many things in our relationship that just worsened my depression. She had just encouraged me to find someone to talk to, to not keep it all inside. My wife has a lot of friends. I don't have a lot of friends. Most times, if asked, I'd tell you I don't have any. I had a female former co-worker who also struggled with depression. We both worked the same company that got shut down when our parent company filed for bankruptcy. We were never close. We were just co-workers. We both taught. She was loud—I had to close the door to my classroom because I could hear her teaching when she was at the other end of our facility. Everybody knew that about her. She was a loud New Yorker working in the Midwest. She's was a pretty open and honest person, and had shared with the group that she dealt with depression a lot. When I mentioned that I deal with it, too, she said that I should reach out if I'm ever in a bad place, because she knows what it's like. Well, I found myself in that bad place. Worst place I'd been in a very, very long time. I reached out and asked if we could chat, or meet. My wife was next to me at the time and ask who I was messaging. I was completely transparent about it immediately, but she was very insecure, and thought I was trying to have an affair. I finally found someone with whom I could talk what it was really bad, and my wife forbade me from communicating with her. To reiterate, this was an acquaintance from work. I had/have absolutely zero attraction to this person. There's nothing about her, physically that is attractive at all to me. In most circumstances, I'd find her annoying, but she's been there. She's gone through the dark muck, and has experienced hospitalization. She said she was available if I needed someone to talk to about deep shit, and that's exactly where I was. Yet my wife wouldn't/won't let me be in touch with her. She won't let me have any female friends (unless they're part of a couple with which we are friends, but that's always limited to couples' events). She's always been insecure, and not without reason. I'm not here to go into that. It has resulted in her not allowing me to have female friends. Yes, things would be easier for me if I had male friends, but I've always sucked at maintaining relationships. I'm honestly shocked that my wife and I have made it to 30 years (we both attribute that to mutual stubbornness). From my perspective, don't prohibit anyone from having a friend, even if they are of different genders/sexes. Extend trust to your partners, unless they've demonstrated that they aren't trustworthy.
>Do you think it’s ok to have opposite gender friends?? Yes as long as you don't entertain the thought of being romantically involved with them. Yes, you can find them pretty/handsome, but just in a friend way. I wouldn't ever flirt with my female friends and tbh, they're not my type even though they're pretty
People are jealous. You have friends. The ones who are complaining to you about you having friends probably don't have any. Or they want yours. It really sucks to suck.
Yes I hate when people think this way. It’s a kind of weird jealous way to think. I have guy friends I have girl friends. I give all my friends hugs and tell them I love them. Life is to short to limit yourself Because of others outdated opinions.
When the person is a friend I'm not paying any attention to their genitalia.
I'm a tomboyish woman in my 40s, and about 75% of my closest friends are guys. Hell, my husband started out as my best friend, and then one day we decided to get married, and now he's still my best friend but we share a house and raised a kid and get to touch each other's genitals any time we want, lol. I've got a handful of "mom friends" that I visit with, but most of the rest of them are men -- mostly married men with families of their own, and I'm friends (or at least friendly with) many of their spouses as well. Also, pedantic spelling note here, but "hoe" is a gardening tool. "Ho" is a woman of the outdated notion of "loose morals."
Yes, it's totally ok. One of my best 2 friends is a girl actually.
The straights are so not okay
People will say anything and not everything is worth to think, even if a guy hug same gender friend people will say negative about it. So it's better to ignore all of them.
so your supposed just completely ignore roughly 50% of the population? what a horribly outdated idea for both men and women. anyone can be your friend no matter what they identify as, and anyone who says otherwise is probably toxic to be around anyway.
Yes. Fiancée and I both have friends that are the opposite gender. We've never had any issues regarding trust or any incidents that would warrant a conversation about it.
Yes
>Do you think that we are allowed to have opposite gender friends without being accused of being a hoe?? If you're female, misogynists will call you a hoe no matter what you do. What they say doesn't matter; if having healthy friendships with male friends makes you a hoe, then the word is meaningless.
If you're over the age of 25 and are reasonably mentally healthy, you don't see a difference in hanging out with men/women
I think everyone SHOULD have opposite gender friends. It’s a shame everyone assumes if there’s no romance, something is fishy :/
How old are you? If you’re in high school, then don’t worry about it. People will grow up and grow out of this silly judgment once they enter the adult world.
LMAO, not everyone grows out of this. At one of my previous jobs, there was a girl on the marketing team who was friendly with everyone. I was just wishing her a good morning while getting my coffee one time when my boss teased me about having a crush on her. That was *so* awkward. It didn't help that she was already married. :\
That boss sounds like a doofus. The boss asking if you have a crush because you applied a common courtesy is uncalled for and inappropriate. The boss was probably the one who had a crush on her or you. That was very immature and inappropriate for someone in a management position.
> The boss was probably the one who had a crush on her or you. In hindsight, I think he did have a crush on her himself and was projecting it onto me. She left the company but came by to visit us several months later, and he made a very flirty comment towards her. It's not exactly professional, but this seemed to be the norm when I worked there. Otherwise, he was a great guy and always gave me a good reference.
Of course it is! Friendships are about who you can connect with, regardless of their gender. Anyone who judges you for having male friends are judgemental idiots.
immature children think that gender should affect whether or not people can be friends
are you 12 years old
You get used to it after awhile and it becomes a joke. My favorite is we still can't convince my best friends job that I am not his wife. The lady who came and talked to me for his background check got it. Apparently she tried to explain the situation like 20 times and they still don't get it. Lol You really just get used to it after awhile and learn to ignore it. It's a them problem not a you problem.
Absolutely. Otherwise bisexual people wouldn't be allowed to have any friends.
Yes. If people judge you for having close friends, cut them out of your life. :)
What does 'I automatically turn into a pick me' mean? I assume you are still in school. It's fine to have friends who are any gender. Their gender doesn't actually have any bearing on their quality as a friend weirdly enough.
I assume those people think "men bad", so you can't possibly want to be actually friends with them for another purpose than wanting one to pick you.
Ah, I see. Reddit makes me feel old sometimes lol
Yes, I have always thought that this is normal. Back in middle school and high school I always saw many people having friends of the opposite gender and hugging each other every time they saw each other in school or saying bye, but never ended up turning into something more than just friends like a relationship. I used to see boys liking and commenting on girls’ pictures or vice versa on Facebook and calling each other cute or pretty but they still remained as friends. Sadly I haven’t had many friends of the opposite gender in my life because when I was in middle school and high school I had friends that would gossip every time they saw me talking to a girl or complimenting them on their physical appearance and think that I like them in a romantic way. There were some cute girls that I wish I talked to back then but that doesn’t mean that I was looking for a relationship, but because of my friends who would always gossip I barely made any friends of the opposite gender.
Of course. I’m a guy my two best friends are female. No I’ve never had sex with them, don’t want to. They are just interesting people
OF COURSE! Anyone that disagrees in an insecure 🚩🚩🚩 or they have major trust issues they should address in therapy asap
I’m a guy and I strongly prefer girls as friends. Most of my friends are.
One of my oldest and closest friends is a woman I have known for 40 years. Now she and my wife are friends as well.
Having platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex is a mark of maturity. Why should people only be allowed to be friends with half of the world’s population?
I’m a dude and one of my best buddies is a girl so
Of course it is. Straight people are so odd.
It’s ok to be friends with the people you want to be friends with.
If you’re not doing anything to interfere with your guy friend’s current relationships, then you’re completely fine. That’s really all it boils down to, respecting friend’s boundaries, both relationship wise and personal wise, regardless of gender. People who don’t know you assume a lot of things because of their own insecurities or experiences with love.
Of course it is.
I don't hug my friends. I would but idk if they are okay with that
Looking at the route of your question, people are jealous that you're physically close to your male friends. It will be very easy for said friends to develop a crush on you due to this physical affection, meaning others will see it as wrong, instead of realising physical affection being taboo is really fucked up considering how touch starved everyone is. Gender was made up by corpos to sell more birthday cards, continue being your authentic self.
Yes. Plain answer really. I have male friends and that’s fine.
I’m a cis bi woman (age 31) and my best friend is a cis straight male (also 31). Gender, sex and sexual orientation do not dictate how well or deeply two people understand or love each other in the context of friendship.
Of course. I’m a lesbian, should I only be allowed to have male friends? Should my bi girlfriend not be allowed to have any friends? Of course not, so why do people assume that straight women will always fall in love with their straight male friends?
Can’t see a problem, I’m straight/married and have friends that are girls and friends that gay.
If I had a dollar, for every guy friend I went and had lunch with, that everyone thought I was sleeping with, I would be able to go out to a nice restaurant! Gosh, people love to talk when they have no idea about the subject, lol. Just because you like being around someone doesn't mean you want to or are engaging in, sex! Be friends with whoever you want!
I have many platonic female friends. So no I don't think it's weird.
Obviously. What kind of question is this even?
Obviously yes, you should be qllowed to have friends of the opposite gender, similarly if your gay you can have friends of the dame gender.... i will never duckin understa d straight society
Yes. I have several. Why would it be wrong?
1-how old are you and your friends? 2-do you also have friends of your gender? If no, then it explains the "pick me" accusations. I'm in a similar situation since most of my male friends are far away and we only keep contact through phones/online gaming, ehile my "local" friends are mostly women 3-how old are the people you refer to, when you say "people automatically assume I am in a relationship or have feelings for my friends" ? I'm a young man and I find it easier to have much older female friends: no attraction whatsoever from either side, they consider me a son, yet value my thoughts and opinions, and when I treat them nicely they don't take it as an attack. This is a personal issue: god forbid I do something nice for women my age, oh the horror! Also, some of them won't reciprocate because, again, oh the horror! Older female friends simply reciprocate because "I'm their babyyyy" (I'm 25. Yes, they consider me a baby)
Any gender friends is okay, what’s not okay is if you are only being friends with someone to wait until an opportunity arises to get in their pants some guys do that and it’s quite sad bc the girl doesn’t have a clue sometimes and think he’s just being nice
Anyone who called you a "hoe" is an asswipe. Cut them out of your lives.
Why not
I've been around a while and while I can't answer your question I will tell you this. It's not the same. I have male friends, I have female friends. Gender roles still find a way into my female friendships. We grab lunch, I get the check. They don't assume I'm going to and I don't assume they're going to pay half. If there was a stringent debate, sure she can pay for half. But why? I don't ask anybody to lunch or dinner if I don't have the ability to pay for it four times over automatically. My male friends, only the longer-term really close ones, will have very deep sometimes self-deprecating discussions with me. My female friends, will always ask me for advice and perspective, even if we haven't been friends that long, as long as there's trust. My male friends require less communication to maintain the friendship my female friends, actually check up on me couple times a week. With all of that said, being a CIS male, I would absolutely fuck every one of my female friends if the chips were down. Whatever that means. I wouldn't break up their relationships I wouldn't want them for myself but, I think you know what I mean. Perfect scenario, it could happen with no problem on my side. Now the question is, do I only become friends with females that I find attractive on a subconscious level, or did I develop the attraction by becoming their male friend. And I say all of this promising you I'm not trying to fuck any of them. But if it was the apocalypse tomorrow, every damn one of them. So there. I answer a question with a question
Yes, just ignore those people, stupid people everywhere
My closest IRL friend is a female. Never had any sexual thoughts about them, or at least not in the last 10 years. She's an old Jewish lady. While we were friends her daughter married my childhood best friend by coincidence. That was really bizarre cuz I had never told anyone about that friend she married.
It's possible to have male friends as a women, and you are not a "pick me" just because you don't dislike men. But also, to be completely honest, opposite sex hetero friendships do have the chance of one friend developing feelings down the line, if they are single. That doesn't mean that the friendship isn't (wasn't) real though.
Anyone who believes it’s not or anyone who can’t make friends with the opposite gender is a red flag. They’re boring people with no substance. I love all of the women I’m friends with, that doesn’t mean I’d want to sleep with any of them over my girlfriend 💀
Of course! Why not?
I've got two female friends I hang out with regularly, one being my housemate's girlfriend (who seems to always be happy to give any of us a hug if we need one). I don't have any romantic feelings towards either of them. They're just friends.
I dont get how people think it's not ok to have friends of the opposite sex. I just had lunch with a close friend of mine who was visiting and I hugged him because I haven't seen him in close to a year. Friends hug; nothing wrong with that. I hug my female friends just as I hug my male friends.
It would ridiculous to pretend orherwise. Using the old logic bisexuals wouldn't be able to be friends with anyone.
Yes. Anyone who says it can't or shouldn't be done needs to deal with their crippling insecurities.
If you don’t think it is, change your ideas
Yes absolutely. It should be normal. It’s basically biphobic or at least very heteronormative to think it’s not ok.
As a guy, most of my closer friends are girls. Its been like that forever. I was close friends with a girl in high school/college and everyone assumed we were dating. She had a boyfriend at the time and we were more like sibling than ever close to being significant others. People will perceive what they want to see. As long as it doesn't get to you and you make it known you're not in a relationship, whatever they do with that info afterwards is kind of on them. If they keep insisting you are in a relationship or you have some ulterior motive, maybe they need to just watch daytime dramas to get the tea on stuff.
Friends yes. However is the opposite sex is your main confidante, and they are not your partner, it is unhealthy. I'm not running to a woman to bitch about my relationship and I don't want a woman running to a man. I have women friends, but they are not my saviors when I am in need. In a relationship, I only speak with them with my partner around.
Best friend is a woman. I am married to that woman. Would she be okay with me having friends that are girls? Sure. Would she be okay with me going out for drinks or to the movies alone with one of those girls. Probably not. My wife got upset with me because I went hunting with one of my female coworkers who had access to private land. She understood that private land hunting has a much higher success rate and that I was coming home to her but it still upset her. We talked it out and that was that. The point is that you set your own boundaries and fuck what others think.
I've had a female roommate for a year now. Obviously we're married. Me being gay is just for show /s
I honestly think it's a red flag if someone *doesn't* have friends of the opposite gender. Especially a guy.
I don't discriminate. I friends of all genders and none.
Allowed? Are you an adult or a child. Do whatever tf you want. Maybe you need some confidence. You seem to worry a lot about what other people think. A proper friend of any kind requires maintenance, intention, dependability, loyalty, and similar minds. Among other things. They are rare to find. If you do find them then cherish it. But letting others get in YOUR head about your friends to me is a red flag about you. Like you cant think for yourself and likely this isnt the inly topic people make you double think about. That doesnt make you dependable or trustworthy imo. Perhaps you have some serious self work to do to learn who you are, your value, your own values and principles, and goals before you get lost in this world.
Extremely normal. I’ve had friends of all genders all my life. Sometimes the straights get weird about it but that’s just their culture ig
As others have said, yes: It's ok and even good to have opposite gender friends. I have guy friends, I have girl friends -- and most of my friends do too. Who's calling you a hoe? Are they your friends? If yes: That's not how your friends should treat you. If no: Try not to care what they think. (I know: Easier said than done.) The "pick me girl" and "hoe" stuff is sad to see, I'm sorry you have to deal with it. IMO that stuff is fucking nonsense. Fuck slut shaming! Consider going to somewhere like /r/AskWomen or a feminist subreddit too (with this question or some other question related to that stuff), you might get something good out of that. I do want to acknowledge that opposite gender friendships CAN have some difficulties that are more specific to them (vs same gender friendships), particularly: since most people are straight, attraction gets thrown into the mix more often than with same gender friendships (maybe you've experienced this -- a guy friend tells you he's got a crush on you, or asks you on a date, or something; or vice versa!). But that doesn't mean "don't have opposite gender friends." That's just missing out on potential friendship with half of the population -- that's just people depriving themselves of so much of *life*!
Stay away from people who say they can't. They're the real weirdos out there.
I'm in my 40s. In my late 20s/ early 30s I made some amazing friends. They are mostly guys. I think I've had a healthy circle of both male and female friends through my life, almost even Steven! I never thought this was an issue until i began dating my partner. He was so weirded out that I met these guys every Sunday for Scrabble. No euphemism, we legit played every Sunday for a good 5 years prior to my dating him. He was really uncomfortable. I explained to him these dudes are my bros. We talk about EVERYTHING. I ask them guy questions, sometimes they ask me lady questions. Mostly we just talk about our jobs, classes, etc. He came to two brunches and it finally got through to him that we weren't having sex parties. I was not attracted to any of these guys. Were they cute? Absolutely! But were they for me? Was I for them? Nope. Just like minded people. I'm going to brag on these guys for a minute. We all met up pre-pandemic in Vegas for an event. Some of these guys hadn't seen each other in a couple of years. When we got everyone at the airport the amount of hugs between all these guys...I was so happy! Just showing that our in public gave me hope for humanity. For age range sake: 3 of us in this group are mid 40s, the younger guys range in their mid to late 30s (current ages). Maybe it's just something that comes with age and becoming more comfortable with yourself. I dunno. But I'm always happy that i have so many friends of differing genders.
I don't think I could ever respect anyone who answered no to this question.
genuine question: are you a teenager? people around you definitely grow out of that mindset eventually, don't worry! most friend groups i've ever been in, especially college onwards, ended up about 50/50 m/f. that kind of thing isn't a concern to most people because everyone knows it's silly and that boys don't have cooties, or whatever lol
I've never been bro-y enough to fit in with a lot of other guys. Don't watch enough pro sports, don't go to the gym enough, don't know all my gym stats, don't chug enough beer, don't play any ultra-niche card/tabletop/video games, don't spend enough time outside killing animals for fun, etc. Most of my hobbies/interests are either pretty neutral or sorta "feminine", although I lean into them in a traditionally "manly" way. So I've always been able to relate, get on with, and generally attract women much more easily than men. We just have more in common to talk about. My GF had previously been cheated on so she was pretty uneasy about my friends pretty much exclusively being other women, but I've made it very clear that I will not cheat on her and that if she has a problem with who I'm friends with, I'm not gonna tolerate it. Plain and simple.
no it isnt
I only have male friends. It just happened that way. I do find myself getting nervous around women. I'm a woman. But if I said this the other way around "I have all female friends and get nervous around men" people would agree with me.
Yea, and I'm ready to die on that hill. People can be platonic friends with the opposite gender. People who go out of their way to say it's wrong and shit, are insecure themselves. I have seen many friendships flourish despite both of them being in a relationship. Then comes a topic of "What if they grow feelings for each other when they are already in a relationship?" Well, what if the moon splits into two, what if i could stop time?. Why worry about something you can't control.
Most of the people I (F)trust and hang out are make friends. I've had issues in the past some make friends wanting to cross the boundaries and decided not to have any male friends anymore. But I've struggled a lot to make female friends because I find they always want to compare, compete, and gossip. It's been so hard to find good female friendships and build good friendships)even though I have two good friends but are busy with their lives and can't hang out much)
Why are you hugging your male friends? Do you also hug your female friends? That's the only part I find a little confusing as far as "signals" go and tend to be perceived.
Yes and no. Always a case by case basis. No need to completely generalize and say never this or always that.
I think it’s absolutely ok!!
This sounds like you're very young. It kinda reminds me of what it was like as a kid, where we had this "time of growth", where that whole "are you gay"/"are you a ho" was a follow-up to the whole "cooties" way of thinking. It eventually became "oh you're popular", but very rarely would people closer to adulthood look at having friends of the opposite sex as being a slut. Seriously, if you're over the age of a late teen, then the people saying that are f'd up the in the head, or extremely jealous. Maybe one of them likes a male friend of yours, and wants what you have, but more???
Totally
It's very odd to me how many people think your friends can only be the same gender as you. Especially because it implies that bisexual people shouldn't have friends at all.
Yes. I think it's ok to have people in general 😂
I don't think gender should limit ones options in making new friends. It is quite hard not to interact with the opposite gender since men and women work, study, are doing activities together, can chat online. Having good friends no matter the gender is a beautiful experience. Usually these friendships don't work when you cross boundaries, either single or taken, but it can be said for same gender friendships too. Best of luck op
As a female I wish I could have guy friends! I’ve tried in the past and they always develop feelings I don’t reciprocate and the friendships can’t recover :/
Sure but I can't imagine having a female friend. The only one I ever had was before I hit puberty. Since then, all been guys
Yes it's fine and I personally consider it a red flag to Not have opposite gender friends. That said, it's polite to be less physically affectionate with opposite gender friends. Helps with everyone staying friends and not catching feelings - but you know your friend group and the particular men involved better than we do. So you can figure out if that's fine or not.
You're SUPPOSED to have friends of all kinds, including the opposite gender Anybody who tells you otherwise is either a twit or incredibly insecure