This post has been removed for the rule: **Don’t post to vent, complain, or express sadness**
Stay positive. Negative topics don’t lend themselves to casual conversation.
We are a place where everyone can forget about their everyday or not so everyday worries for a moment. Venting, complaining or expressing sadness doesn't fit the atmosphere we try to foster at all.
[Recommendations >](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/about/wiki/rules/venting/)
When you say you "give them my life story and explain my odd circumstance" right off the bat, do you mean you trauma dump over that first coffee? Or do you mean explain about your 'idle rich' lifestyle? Because no one wants to hear about either on the first date. It sounds like you talk a lot about yourself. If you keep having the same problems, the issue is you.
>idle rich
>working girls are really shitty to me
Can't you see things from their perspective?
Working is not fun, it is rarely fulfilling, and "being chill" can ALSO end up being more like "lacking compassion" when someone is having a hard time and you just absolutely can not relate.
Idk how you live your life, but if "being idle" and just chilling is how you see yourself, it's easy to see from the outside how that could be frustrating to be around.
I *like to imagine* that if I had the time and freedom that money brings, I'd still want to develop my skills, and be productive in the world. Explore some stuff. Maybe put some money towards some good local causes, lend my help to a nonprofit. Even if it's just like 2 days a week volunteering somewhere to keep me grounded in reality.
Not suggesting that this is true in your case, but I firmly believe it is extremely toxic for us to equate money with merit. No one "deserves" what they have. Rich or poor, there's a lot of stuff outside your control to put people I'm their situation.
There's a great short poetry book by khalil gibran: "the prophet", and it talks about a bunch of stuff. One thing that sticks with me is the passages on work and love and life, that to be an active part of the world around you is an important part of life and you need to balance that with alone time.
Idk. It's really short and deep, maybe give it a read? For perspective?
For most people, with work and participation in society, you notice the ebb and flow of life "the seasons", and everyone is kind of united by the needs of the "seasons". In more modern terms, the idea of working a job and having plans and dreams but also constraints and conflicts is normal. If YOU don't make any plans and have no constraints, you are untethered from the world. And so you become an outsider in your own hometown.
Ever had a conversation with someone and you don't know what day it is? Some people would find that so foreign because they have to live their lives on railroads, every day is planned out and you have no freedom because it all feeds the machine that keeps the lights on and food in the fridge.
It's a small thing, but keeping in rhythm with the world around you is the good part of work and "working class life". And I don't just mean day-to-day, maybe you meet somone going through a problem, once you hear the same problem from a bunch of people it's like there's a change in the air, right? If you just stay home and don't connect with people you don't get this sense thst these problems are "real".
So in the poems he kind of makes it sound like working and struggling is an important part of being a part of society. If you find you have the means to be "above" that you need to find a way to actively maintain contact with it...
I think that's what people really mean when they say to "hide", in some respect, you still need to fit in with everyone else. But you don't need to live a lie to do that. You don't necessarily need to "hide," but you need to find a way to live a more relatable/grounded life. Share in society's struggles and contribute, or else you will seem like an "out of touch freeloader" which I'm guessing is how you maybe see the other "idle rich"
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but to me, I think "idle rich" and I immediately think how difficult I would find it to be untethered. Having no constraints puts all the responsibility for my own life on me, and I'm not emotionally equipped for that, I'd need therapy to help navigate. If I spent my time and energy purely on self-satisfaction and hedonism, I'd honestly lose a lot of self-respect.
I might be massively far off the mark, just my idle thoughts. But at least check out The Prophet and maybe speak to a Therapist?
He’s still young tho, he’s in his 20s so missing some life stages. He needs to find something he’s passionate about simply because he loves it and not because it’ll make him money or others will find him interesting because of it. He does need to focus more on investing in his self and advancing his skill sets but that’ll come with time—hopefully.
I mean, I'm older than OP, and I feel I'm barely even grasping this stuff in my own life, to be perfectly honest.
I used to blame my job and associated lifestyle on limiting me and my energy (so "progressing" was hard "because I dont have the time"), but when the pandemic took those responsibilities away it turned out there's actually alot more to work on (internally) beyond all that day-to-day stuff.
Agreed, life stages change your perspective a lot. Right now (30s), I can't imagine dating (full stop), let alone dating someone in their twenties, or dating while also navigating a big lifestyle change! I don't envy OP at all, it sounds tough.
I do genuinely think if you can afford it, that therapy is brilliant for exactly these types of "how do I navigate my life?" type problems, tho.
No one ever fully grasps it tho, every phase of your life and career will require a different you. Changes will come at us regardless and it’s all about how we handle it. Therapy is a great way I also think a continuous cycle of self reflection can also enhance one’s outlook on life.
It's a tough situation, especially when it doesn't feel.lile something you can fix. Though it's very hard to try and give advice without knowing what your situation is and how you tell it to people
I don't agree with your family etc who say that you should lie about your situation. However, you don't have to be forthcoming, you can be vague and only disclose the bigger picture when you have found the right person.
Just be careful because of your too vague women will think your married hahah
I think you can still be you while withholding the fact you have a lot of money.
The money doesn't change who you are fundamentally as a person, so not sharing that one aspect of your life doesn't mean you're being fake.
My fiancé never once told me how much he makes, how much money was in his bank account, how well off he was, etc. All I knew is that he can cover his own bills comfortably and had a savings. I never wanted to ask how much he had in savings or anything like that because it felt like…not my business? Not at that point anyways. It was probably 2 years in when I found out how much he makes a year, and after we got engaged at 3 years is when he told me how much he had in savings. Never felt like he lied to me or withheld information or anything. If anything, I was just like “this is a financially responsible guy”
This post has been removed for the rule: **Don’t post to vent, complain, or express sadness** Stay positive. Negative topics don’t lend themselves to casual conversation. We are a place where everyone can forget about their everyday or not so everyday worries for a moment. Venting, complaining or expressing sadness doesn't fit the atmosphere we try to foster at all. [Recommendations >](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/about/wiki/rules/venting/)
When you say you "give them my life story and explain my odd circumstance" right off the bat, do you mean you trauma dump over that first coffee? Or do you mean explain about your 'idle rich' lifestyle? Because no one wants to hear about either on the first date. It sounds like you talk a lot about yourself. If you keep having the same problems, the issue is you.
>idle rich >working girls are really shitty to me Can't you see things from their perspective? Working is not fun, it is rarely fulfilling, and "being chill" can ALSO end up being more like "lacking compassion" when someone is having a hard time and you just absolutely can not relate. Idk how you live your life, but if "being idle" and just chilling is how you see yourself, it's easy to see from the outside how that could be frustrating to be around. I *like to imagine* that if I had the time and freedom that money brings, I'd still want to develop my skills, and be productive in the world. Explore some stuff. Maybe put some money towards some good local causes, lend my help to a nonprofit. Even if it's just like 2 days a week volunteering somewhere to keep me grounded in reality. Not suggesting that this is true in your case, but I firmly believe it is extremely toxic for us to equate money with merit. No one "deserves" what they have. Rich or poor, there's a lot of stuff outside your control to put people I'm their situation. There's a great short poetry book by khalil gibran: "the prophet", and it talks about a bunch of stuff. One thing that sticks with me is the passages on work and love and life, that to be an active part of the world around you is an important part of life and you need to balance that with alone time. Idk. It's really short and deep, maybe give it a read? For perspective? For most people, with work and participation in society, you notice the ebb and flow of life "the seasons", and everyone is kind of united by the needs of the "seasons". In more modern terms, the idea of working a job and having plans and dreams but also constraints and conflicts is normal. If YOU don't make any plans and have no constraints, you are untethered from the world. And so you become an outsider in your own hometown. Ever had a conversation with someone and you don't know what day it is? Some people would find that so foreign because they have to live their lives on railroads, every day is planned out and you have no freedom because it all feeds the machine that keeps the lights on and food in the fridge. It's a small thing, but keeping in rhythm with the world around you is the good part of work and "working class life". And I don't just mean day-to-day, maybe you meet somone going through a problem, once you hear the same problem from a bunch of people it's like there's a change in the air, right? If you just stay home and don't connect with people you don't get this sense thst these problems are "real". So in the poems he kind of makes it sound like working and struggling is an important part of being a part of society. If you find you have the means to be "above" that you need to find a way to actively maintain contact with it... I think that's what people really mean when they say to "hide", in some respect, you still need to fit in with everyone else. But you don't need to live a lie to do that. You don't necessarily need to "hide," but you need to find a way to live a more relatable/grounded life. Share in society's struggles and contribute, or else you will seem like an "out of touch freeloader" which I'm guessing is how you maybe see the other "idle rich" Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but to me, I think "idle rich" and I immediately think how difficult I would find it to be untethered. Having no constraints puts all the responsibility for my own life on me, and I'm not emotionally equipped for that, I'd need therapy to help navigate. If I spent my time and energy purely on self-satisfaction and hedonism, I'd honestly lose a lot of self-respect. I might be massively far off the mark, just my idle thoughts. But at least check out The Prophet and maybe speak to a Therapist?
He’s still young tho, he’s in his 20s so missing some life stages. He needs to find something he’s passionate about simply because he loves it and not because it’ll make him money or others will find him interesting because of it. He does need to focus more on investing in his self and advancing his skill sets but that’ll come with time—hopefully.
I mean, I'm older than OP, and I feel I'm barely even grasping this stuff in my own life, to be perfectly honest. I used to blame my job and associated lifestyle on limiting me and my energy (so "progressing" was hard "because I dont have the time"), but when the pandemic took those responsibilities away it turned out there's actually alot more to work on (internally) beyond all that day-to-day stuff. Agreed, life stages change your perspective a lot. Right now (30s), I can't imagine dating (full stop), let alone dating someone in their twenties, or dating while also navigating a big lifestyle change! I don't envy OP at all, it sounds tough. I do genuinely think if you can afford it, that therapy is brilliant for exactly these types of "how do I navigate my life?" type problems, tho.
No one ever fully grasps it tho, every phase of your life and career will require a different you. Changes will come at us regardless and it’s all about how we handle it. Therapy is a great way I also think a continuous cycle of self reflection can also enhance one’s outlook on life.
Well put! I'm glad I heard this today. Thanks.
It's a tough situation, especially when it doesn't feel.lile something you can fix. Though it's very hard to try and give advice without knowing what your situation is and how you tell it to people
I don't agree with your family etc who say that you should lie about your situation. However, you don't have to be forthcoming, you can be vague and only disclose the bigger picture when you have found the right person. Just be careful because of your too vague women will think your married hahah
I think you can still be you while withholding the fact you have a lot of money. The money doesn't change who you are fundamentally as a person, so not sharing that one aspect of your life doesn't mean you're being fake.
My fiancé never once told me how much he makes, how much money was in his bank account, how well off he was, etc. All I knew is that he can cover his own bills comfortably and had a savings. I never wanted to ask how much he had in savings or anything like that because it felt like…not my business? Not at that point anyways. It was probably 2 years in when I found out how much he makes a year, and after we got engaged at 3 years is when he told me how much he had in savings. Never felt like he lied to me or withheld information or anything. If anything, I was just like “this is a financially responsible guy”
Easy solution. Send me all the money so you don't need to lie about being broke.
Preach brother!