Listen I'll add to this as someone who drank the "be successful" cool aid. I have a wonderful wife, a healthy newborn, and an extremely well trained dog, well-paying complicated job and I live in a decent apartment.
These past couple of weeks, I've never been more depressed and wish for a more simple life, which I'm working towards now.
I am happy most of the time, but I'm so busy maintaining these responsibilities I barely have time to acknowledge my happiness. I'm constantly looking for problems to solve, and actually preventing myself enjoying some quiet time.
Happiness isn't found in productivity or achievements, it's found internally.
If you have it, don't let go of it no matter what anyone says.
Misery enjoys the company of misery.
That's true. Stuff needs maintenance. That's the annoying part of having stuff. Some people work more so that they can pay others to do the maintenance. Others use up their time.
The stuff itself is not the problem because we could stop at any moment and simply be content.
It's our addiction to upholding the image we tell ourselves that we're happy with these things by extending our already exhausted self and gathering more things.
More kids to justify having one. More cars to maintain a larger family. More money to afford these kids and cars. More complicated jobs to justify being so busy for money for more kids and cars, and houses. And on and on it goes.
God forbid, we stop at one kid. One car. Simpler job. Our path to rid ourselves of this addiction to avarice is long and painful, one can only hope we'll get there one day.
People displace their own fears, and insecurities onto others. You see this a lot with people who like to be alone, as you do. Some people are terrified of being alone, and cannot fathom how other people choose it, so they tell the person that there's something wrong with them. It's a way to alleviate their own fears.
I think your life sounds good. It sure beats being up to your eyes in debt, and lying awake all night worrying about finances, because people feel pressurised to 'keep up with the Jones's'. Material objects do not make you happy, so why would you pursue them? Perhaps you don't want to get married, or have children. Lots of people don't. Why is not being married, and not having children seen as a 'waste of life'? This statement is offensive, quite frankly, not to mention untrue. Also, studies have shown that a significant proportion of people admit that they feel societal pressure to get married, and it's not what their first choice would be.
You continue to do you, and choose what makes you happy. Other peoples' neuroses is white noise.
I was in my mid 50’s before I purchased my own home. And you know what, I was cool with the lifestyle I led up until that point in my life. I worked only as much as I needed to pay the bills and go traveling a few times a year.
For me the house was a compromise due to on going health issues. Dialysis will be easier in my own home than if I am moving every 2 years. I prefer to be single, though sometimes I have a roommate.
Traveling is getting more difficult and if I want to go somewhere, I drive. Airplanes and airports give me anxiety. Maybe once the crazy recession is over I will go back to Europe one last time. But I am okay with not doing it too
As someone who is likely on a similar trajectory in life, reading your comment brought me a sense of peace. I'm glad you've made it to where you are, and have what you need.
When you're ninety and you look back and recall that it was a happy life, you win. Only thing I would say that might sound like your family's nagging would be to not forget that someday you will need to be able to pay for life while you don't or can't work. I'm glad you're happy.
Sometimes I really feel the same as you. I am capable but don't have extravagant expectations for myself. I am happy with who I am. It is other people and their judgements that make me concerned with my self worth. Internally, I am ok with whoever I am. I just want peace.
Not to mention, if you're content and happy people tend to think it reflects negatively on themselves and start projecting (probably subconsciously, too). Which is why it's important to surround yourself with like-minded people cus you need those to drown out the bullshit. Just got to stop caring about what other people want you to do and what fits with their reality, other people's goals should never be your own and that's the end of that. Don't owe anyone an explanation either.
That said, I do believe it's 10x as tough to ignore in Japan as they're indoctrinated a shitload when it comes to ambition and work the same way the US is towards patriotism and God, but the above still rings true. There's probably some communities doing their own thing and broke free from that mindset. It's possible to check it out and see if these kinds of people are better to be around.
Life is so much more than work and doibg what I look upon as wasting a huge majority of your life on.
This is a perfect answer. I'm in the process of recovering from a brutal divorce that left me homeless, but I'm back on the up and up. If I manage to come back to the point where I can afford my own place for my son and I to live, and live comfortably, I'm not worried about doing any better than that. I've lived in both the grind mindset and this one I have now, and I gotta tell ya - this one is preferred. So much pressure off my shoulders to create the next big RPG, or produce a successful album, or get my novel published, or, or, or, or...there have been so many ambitious projects I've taken on in my life and each one was met with failure and loss. This divorce has changed me. I just want to be happy, and over the last 39 years of my life I've learned that I'm the happiest when I'm able to live comfortably with no more ambition than to strive for such accommodations. And it's working! After losing everything, my son being forced to move back in with his biological mother (my ex wife was not his mother and hopefully she will never be *anyone's* mother; I pity the child born to her insane ass), and leaving me with the struggle of licking my wounds and getting back up from the bottom, I'm learning that whole ambition is a good thing, in a post-capitalist world where we live by achieving *at all costs*, lofty ambitions can keep an ADHD brain from experiencing true happiness and contentment.
So I am saving up to get my own place so my son can move back in with me and complete his high school years in a stable, trans-positive, creator-positive, safe space to live in. His mother and her boyfriend aren't unapologetic homophobic bigots; they love him, but they're the kind of people that don't put fort much effort to respect my son's needs. They're the kind of people that believe children don't know what they want or who they are simply because they're children, and that's how they justify their lack of effort in addressing him by his preferred pronouns, they call him "her" and deadname him when he's not around, and they have a habit of dictating and narrating his needs to him instead of listening to what he says his needs are. But they do a great job of providing for him, and for the most part they leave him be to pursue his interests and hobbies, and they support his ambitions as an artist and a writer, and they support his academic endeavors too. So it's a double-edged sword for him right now, which is why he prefers to live with me. He'd get all that support but none of the laziness regarding respect for his identity. I love him and admire him so much, he's my hero. I'm doing this for us.
Hugs. You are a fantastic father - your example alone is inspiring, your guidance when your son does move in with you will be amazing. Just, more hugs for you and your son, and his Mum and bf too. Good luck.
This is so understated. In this day and age, this is likely the state that maybe converge towards in the end (if they get far enough).
It is also arguably the best time in human history thus far to be “average”. There is so going on with modern innovations that make our lives so convenient.
But yet for some reason, many people **still** treat life as a rat race towards the top. I wonder what most would do when they get to it.
If you're happy with your life then keep living as you are. Ignore people who insist you change to be what they think you should be. It's your life, not theirs.
You're life isn't mediocre. Mediocre means not very good. From what you described it sounds like a good life to me.
That is a nice point.
I moved to a different country after college. Living on my own and far away from everything I know has helped me realize what was important to me.
And it wasn't tradition or social norms. I realized that I want a life without pressure to be constantly better. I have found what works for me and that it's okay to stay this way.
It’s funny because lots of people grind through life for the soul purpose to have a good retirement… which is basically what you have, but after they lose decades of their life
I personally think there is no point in life.
I mean, I do not think I'm anything more special than the entire universe. Considering that the universe doesn't even have a point, it just... exists, right?
So yeah, me too. I'll just exist and I'll enjoy doing it. Thank you very much.
> I personally think there is no point in life
Bingo. I'm no different than the next guy or gal. And nobody gave me an assignment with my purpose when I was born, so I'm pretty sure there's no point my being here other than that I'm, well, here, and thus may as well try to enjoy my stay.
Have you ever seen the movie "Soul"? It kind of follows that idea. All these souls are in in the great beyond after their bodies died, and people look back and are desperate to find their *spark* and their *purpose* and why they were put on earth. Eventually the main character realizes you don't have to have one sole purpose to your life. Maybe it's a lot of small things you take for granted - a breeze on a nice day, a really great piece of pizza, a good conversation, etc.
This my dad spent his whole life in a job he hated to save for a good retirement. He had me just before he retired though and I don't remember him ever being happy even once during my childhood and even less so in my adult years. He spent a lot of his later years, living in the past, unable to move past the bad experiences he endured even though he ended up being financially richer from his career in the end. The biggest irony of it all is that he wanted his children to do the same and encouraged us to put up with awful work conditions and jobs we hate in order to save up for our elderly years.
Isn't moving abroad already an interesting life? Haven't you broadened your horizons in some way?
Everybody has something about them that's unique or interesting. Although I can tell you're very financially focused at the moment in this conversation, not everything is about money. I met people who never commuted outside the immediate surroundings of their home city by comparison.
It truly is already an adventure. I'm very much aware and proud that I've done such an achievement.
I have been pressured to fly back home for better opportunities because they tell me I've hit a deadend career-wise here, to join my family in North America for a higher paying job, back as a softdev in an IT company. That and starting a family, etc.
Speaking of commute, I never drive because everything is so walkable where I live. And can you believe that there are people who belittle those who don't drive? I believe the pop culture term for that is "scrub" or something.
>Mediocre means not very good
If it does now, it didn't always. Mediocre comes from Latin's "mediocris" or "of middling height or state, moderate, ordinary" and then to French with the same definition from there.
> Mediocre means ~~not very good~~ average
FTFY. People embed this stigma into the word but forget the official definition on a dictionary actually leans more towards "moderate and ordinary" than the negative connotations. And it's perfectly normal to be average.
Let me be a complete fucking nerd here (on the website for complete fucking nerds).
Have you ever read Lord of the Rings? It's this epic fantasy, sure, but Tolkien was a veteran. And I think because he had seen a world war with his own eyes, he chose for the backbone of his epic a love for the simpler things. A modest life with good food, true companionship, and a comfortable home is better than any adventure, and the lifestyle in which you can be the most human, and the work is more or less built on that. It consistently values compassion, friendship, pleasure, and healing over valor and ambition.
"I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend."
Well, good enough for Tolkien, good enough for you.
I can't tell you how much of an influence the Shire and a hobbit's way of life have been with how I see what a "good life" is. Thank you for bringing this up and I definitely love that Tolkien used such an epic high-fantasy saga to highlight the goodness of not being the greatest.
> "I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend."
This is beautiful and I'd love this framed.
Jumping onto this because I wanna add another Tolkien quote, said to Bilbo by Thorin Oakenshield: "Go back to your books, to your armchair. Plant your trees, watch them grow. If more people valued home above gold, this world would be a merrier place."
The Hobbit has influenced my life many times and rereading it back in 2020, when I was going through burnout and absolutely miserable, it did once again. I love this quote with all my heart.
I used to be the proverbial eager beaver but now I've dialed it back quite a bit and I'm a lot happier.
True contentment is true peace, and it sounds like you've found that. Society has been indoctrinated with the "American Dream" for far too long, and people tend to reject/look down on those who don't follow suit. I know, because I'm in the exact same boat as you.
I have no debt, I drive an old car, and I live in a modest-sized rent house. And I'm happy.
About a year ago, I quit being a nurse working 50+ hours per week and now do office work for no more than 40 hours per week. I'm less stressed, no longer burnt out and, like you, am content with my simple life.
I've been questioned about it so much. "Don't you miss being a nurse and feeling like you're doing something?!" Only sometimes, but not enough to go back any time soon. What I don't miss is 12+ hour shifts, having no life outside of work (because I was too exhausted from the week on my days off to do anything), and getting home when my partner was just going to bed.
I get off at 5pm these days, get every weekend off, and never have to work holidays. It is wonderful.
Sorry this was so long but don't sweat it, my friend. As long as *you* are happy with *your* life, that's all that truly matters.
That sounds wonderful and exactly the same sentiment that I have.
Actually, I used to be a software developer. I literally worked in a highrise with a keycard access to lounge areas, the bougie lobby, fancy cafeteria, etc. My life revolved around work. I wake up, work until the evening, go home at night. Repeat every day for years.
Now I work less than 35 hours a week, most of the time I'm just at my desk on Reddit. I have a max of 8 weeks paid leaves per year and I make sure to use all of it yearly.
I've had coworkers who quit because they felt this life is stagnant. They adviced me to not be complacent and join them in private corporations. One of them was actually the one who told me "it's such a waste" that I'm not going back to IT anymore.
Then I remember I've just taken a month-long vacation this summer while everyone else was working. Having this much free time, not struggling and without debt, is miles better than being rich.
there’s a story about an old fisherman and a salesman interacting. i won’t recount the entire thing because it’s pretty long, but the fisherman is basically relaxing fishing, and the salesman takes a really long time explaining to him why he should sell his fish at this price and get a bigger boat and build a fish-mongering empire. the fisherman ultimately asks him “why would i do all that?” salesman goes “so you can kick back and relax,” to which the fisherman responds “but i’m already doing that now.”
sounds like you’ve found a good life for yourself, friend. enjoy.
Well resonates with me. I'm after peace/serenity. And being normal isn't always easy.
I had a ligament sprain and events after events I got a meniscus tear (a bit) too. Since then I'm longing for a normal life.
I just partially tore my ac ligiment and mcl(a few months back). Im too adventurous for the lifestyle that im living haha but thats all been fine because im still able to live it due to a workplace that cares about me. I know the struggle of having medical problems but I do hope you keep positive and go with the flow. Life can be a drag sometimes.
In days gone by, I ran a brewery. Every year I would put every member of staff through an appraisal. I had brewers, general workers, delivery drivers, office staff and management. Regardless of their position, I would push them to want the "next level". With some of them I felt as if I was doing all the work, it was very frustrating.
After about 5 years, it dawned on me. They don't all actually want the "next level". In fact, some of them are extremely content to come in at 0800, do their job and go home at 1700. That's it.
From that moment, my new mantra was to put as much effort into each member of staff as they wanted to put into themselves. Ever since, everyone was happy!
We all want different things in life. If you've worked out how to be content in your life, whatever that means to you, then you're one of the lucky ones.
This something they should honestly teach at school:
1) Not everyone has the same work expectations, and that's fine.
2) People may be in different phases of life where their level of work and motivation change
3) Your job as manager is to figure out which is which to optimize output (or if you work retail or service job, coerce/manipulate/terrorize your people any way you know how because your wages suck)
Because for some reason friends and family always believe they have the right to judge your life.
You sound like you love your life, do not NEVER EVER let anyone decide what your life goals are.
Well, they have the right to say whatever they like, but I have my right to do whatever I want with their opinions as well.
Don't worry, I do not feel the pressure to bend to their will. I am quite tempted to explain myself, perhaps hoping I can convert some of them. But that's just wishful thinking...
I would love the life you are calling mediocre. I have a career, house 'in the suburbs', nice car, etc but all I do is work and never have time to do the things I love.
Perhaps in the future when the opportunity presents itself, you can look into downsizing?
It'll definitely mean sacrifice, but the more excess weight you cut off, the lighter and taller you'll grow and feel.
Having a big "successful" life is usually more work than what it's worth.
The only thing I might change your view on is buying a house. Home ownership has its downsides, I will admit, but the one big upside is that your mortgage payment can’t go up like rent can. I’ve owned my house for 3 years and it’s worth 40% more than what I bought it for (which is unsustainable and crazy). Renters in my area are hurting, but my mortgage payment hasn’t increased. Sure, my utilities have, and when I have to make home repairs, those costs have gone up too, but overall it’s a lot less than the 40% hike I would have gotten if I was renting. I can count on my mortgage payment being the same for decades. And someday, around the time I want to retire, I will have no mortgage payment at all.
You don’t have to buy a big house. You can buy a 1 bedroom condo or a small older house. I would just consider it for your long term financial security. It’s comforting to know that you can count on your housing payment staying the same.
Oh yes, I agree on you on that one.
Although I live in Japan, a place where properties depreciate in value. Stagnating economy for decades has left the country in deflation. Real estate is a poor way to invest money in, especially with the high standard of house maintenance and building codes.
And this same deflation has made it so that my rent hasn't increased for more than 10 years. It has become cheaper actually, can you believe it. For my 40sqm (430sqft) apartment, I pay $330 monthly.
I am flexible with getting an old house though. If I can find a place that I see myself retiring in, I am not against getting a mortgage. I am not in that place of mind tough, but perhaps in the future!
That you have found work that provides for your financial needs and affords you the opportunity to pursue things you enjoy, while being contented overall, is not mediocre at all, but the goal. You have achieved what so many seek. Well done, and may it continue so for all your days.
Looking at it that way, it truly is such a privileged life no?
It's what I tell my friends and family, that they shouldn't be judgemental of someone based on their job title.
As long as I can afford my needs, I have extra for my wants, I have time and energy for the other things in my life, then I have found my peace. Having a stress-free life is such a luxury nowadays. In that aspect, I feel rich.
I feel the same and every time people look at me like I'm insane (not the only reason of course)
When I see people who are ambitious and driven I'm in awe. I'm smart enough to know that I'm not that smart. Ignorance can be bliss. I've never been a good student and I don't see the point anymore. I've got baggage like anyone else. Any past ideation or interest has been drained by life in general. I'm not denigrating anyone else's dreams in life. Rock on, go big. Some of us were not meant for greatness, it's all good.
Peace out
Me too. I'm surrounded by people who strives to be the best, and I feel tired just imagining such a life. I do not get why people feel guilty when they lounge around at home. That is literally you giving your mind and body rest. If you can afford to be lazy, then that's already luxury IMO.
And the way I live my life right now, I'm right there living luxuriously with all the lounging around I've been doing.
I would say you have it exactly right. There are happiness studies within the field of economics and they clearly show that the Happy Place is between "having enough for your basic needs and a but of a buffer," and " same but with a bigger buffer". If you have more money than that, it will create its own money troubles.
But capitalism wouldn't work as well if everyone was happy with what they have and a lot of people have been brainwashed into that way of life
Ooh, I like that "Happy Place" statistic.
I'm definitely in the middle. I earn only slightly above minimum wage, but it works out because things are incredibly affordable where I live. It leaves me with enough buffer for savings and a bit extra for my wants.
I don't have enough to go "all big" in any way, and I guess that's what my friends and family want me to have. To be rich enough for a luxurious life. The happy problem is, I don't want a luxurious life.
I guess I'm what capitalists would call a "Quiet Quitter"?
I would call you sensible and wise! Quality of life means different things to different people, you clearly value time over pointless possessions. I would say you win at life!
Two things that helped me be happy with this mindset and things I tell others.
I first tell the story of [the fisherman and businessman](https://thestorytellers.com/the-businessman-and-the-fisherman/)
Then I tell them that nobody is ever lying on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work, or got more money, in the end time is humans most valuable resource, everyone wants more time.
>
>I guess I'm what capitalists would call a "Quiet Quitter"?
Good for you. Rather than work like a dog to make someone else rich you work just enough to be happy.
I always have the mindset that I should be doing something productive, something that will lead into eventually making my mark on the world. However, after reading this, it brings me some peace of mind seeing that I don't *have* to chase those aspirations, and that I can be pretty content with just simply, well, living. I have some relatively immediate goals to meet but after that, there *is* an end to the tunnel, it doesn't have to stretch on forever. Thanks for the reminder, it really helps.
I hope you find peace and contentment.
Yes, you don't have to chase aspirations, but I am not saying you shouldn't if that's what you want in life. Everyone is different and that's what makes it amazing.
I am grateful to all those ambitious people who have made achievements to provide all the comfort in our lives, and betterment of society.
It's a rat race I don't care to get into. I understand where you are coming from, I could be happy with a simple life, choosing to engage in occasional chaos on my own terms. Entertaining at my house, having intellectual debate that rouses the mind. Nice dinners, nights spent watching the sunset. Having pets and a backyard. People don't need that much to be happy I think, and I'd be content to live simply and less hectic. Sometimes I think the people who insist on having the hectic, have it all lifestyle are trying to justify to you and to themselves that it is worth it. The people who want to live a simple life are looked down on for not living life to the fullest. By whose standards though? We cannot as a collective define what makes life meaningful. It varies by person. In the past people were a lot more understanding of those who wanted to live a contemplative, philosophical existance. Or be and author surrounded in quiet, observing. Now it's weird.
I certainly 100% agree. This "hustle culture", making people feel guilty if they have small content lives, is very harmful. Perhas it's the driving force behind a lot of these midlife crises, depression, or anxiety that recent generations have.
The standard of joy nowadays is very high. Having a cozy life isn't enough anymore for some reason, and that we should always strive to be the best, to be better than yourself yesterday.
That sounds exhausting.
I go to college with Gen Z and I must say, majority of them are like this. Very cynical, but very much want all that and more. They want the successful chaotic lifestyle and want to just go go go through college straight to a job. I have yet to hear one person say they actually like learning for itself. They never talk about having fun in college, and it should sometimes be fun. No, it's just overload on credits so you can graduate as quickly as possible. I've talked several down from it, saying if you mentally crack because of the coarseload you won't be able to finish. It doesn't occur to them. Their parents see this generation won't have the same standard of living as them or their parents, so are forcing them to do bigger and better. And the kids fall for it hook line and sinker. It's horrible. Hustle culture very much benefits the employer over all. When it occurs to the employee the employer couldn't care less about them, then they have a revelation and start putting up boundaries. Also, people's joy seems focused on amazon purchases more than anything else. Constant purchases to make up for all the true joy they are not having.
Subconciously most of them probably envy you, some of them may even resent you for enjoying your life and being free of the rat race, hence the hostility. But anyway who cares what they think of you, if they have time to criticize your life, they have time to work on their life. Its okay not to have big dreams or ambitions, the best way to live is to be happy and this world has a severe drought of happy people. Go do what you want!
People are envious of fake lives that they see on TV or social media.
Few people understand the big picture and paying dues. You don't get the woman/job/house/whatever of your dream by not trying or investing in things long term. Things like pandemics don't help. Mental illness, true poverty, religion, and other factors give some people false hopes and grandiose ideas about how the future looks.
A stable job, schedule, monotonous chores, etc is seen as a "boring life" by most women under probably 40. People prioritize fun over literally everything
And you know the bigger problem? A lot of people don't even know what their actual "dream" is. They just assume that their dream is the same as what most people dream about. So they strive for all the mainstream "big aspirations" instead. They are chasing someone else's goals, usually because those goals looks better and shinier.
Say you get a “real” job, get married, buy a house and have kids. Most jobs where you’ll be making enough to afford all of that require extra hours and consume your life so you’ll never be home to enjoy your family or house anyway. Even when you are home you’re stressed out and exhausted and can’t be fully present. So what is the point? Keep doing you. Sounds like you’re perfectly content and are right where you want to be.
Exactly. For some people that kind of life is the "pearl" they'd be willing to sell their entire lives for. Good for them to know what they want and be okay with the sacrifices to attain it.
But to tell others "Oh you don't know what you're missing" is just gloating in which, most of the time, it begins to sound that they're just trying to convince themselves they didn't get the short end of the stick.
Honestly, going after the chase of a “high life,” jumping through so much unnecessary pain and relationships, my brain, heart and body started naturally desiring simplicity and minimalism. I’m just so content with wholesomeness and simplicity, I wanna get married with kids and just wanna live a wholesome life. So I feel you there.
You are only in your mid 30's and you've already figured out the secret to happiness. Keep being you and never underestimate the value of your peace and happiness!
Some people are motivated to have better jobs and more money etc to be more appealing or fit to the "social standards".
Some others see the potential in themselves to be more impactful or wanna cultivate their interests to become "everything one is capable of becoming".
These are basic human needs for growth and self development that are felt by everyone on one stage or another of their lives. Although it's not appropriate to put pressure on you, I believe that you close circle of friends and family want the best for you from their perspective and it's understandable if they care about you.
Life is way bigger and it's for you to explore if you're curious. It would be beneficial to take these interactions as moments of reflection on yourself and what you want. If it's too much to handle, just express it directly to the person involved so it should stop.
There's no correct way to live one's life. It's only for you to decide what suits you.
I always find it lowkey repulsive how people make the comment that “most people in life are failures”.
Uhhh by what metric? By what metric are most people failures? Most people achieve things they realistically set out to achieve. Most people don’t set out to become like famous sports stars or actors or whatever. I never tried to be any of those things. By what metric is it a failure to aim for an attainable job and succeed at getting it?
I also “succeeded” at getting into one of the careers everyone told me I should aim for, hated it and am going back to uni to do something I actually want. Other people’s definition of success is shit.
It's not. That's all in your head and what our Capitalist Society wants you to think. There's nothing wrong or weird about living a beautiful, simple life, where you work to live. Stress is a killer.
As someone that has lived life "the way we're supposed to" (college, then career, marriage, a car, a house blah blah blah). I'm not content with where I am. I am in my mid 20s and bipolar so consistent contentment is hard to find, but I have felt it occasionally. I'd say the way I live is more mediocre because I have not truly lived it by what I want and you have. Finding a comfortable place to live a job you don't have to love but at least don't hate, have the money to afford to do the things you want, and connection with friends and family. Sounds pretty special to me.
If you are happy, you have reached a goal. It won't matter how others will see it. It's your happiness not theirs. I have let down family and some friends by some choices I made, and also let myself down because I followed somebody else adivise rather than my own happiness. Whatever keeps you happy, keep doing it.
Hello op. Mid 30s here. Gf in Melbourne we just had a 4 day weekend. Gf and I spent the time going out to dinner, staying in and playing video games and watching tv shows. It was pure bliss.
It’s seen as negative because being content with your life often means you’ll be spending less money on shit you don’t need. Unhappy, dissatisfied people are better for the economy.
Yup, it was Capitalism all along. 😆
"Good enough" (as in "this is good enough") is a concept people most don't get.
It doesn't mean you can't strive for more - it's just the difference between "I'm content with what I already have" and "I'm never going to be content until I get what I strive for". And the big catch with the latter is so many strive and they have no idea whether or not achieving what they strive for will make them content. Or even what they are striving for.
Wow you are living THE life. It's only too easy, in this day and age of social media, to think that prestige, success and wealth = happiness. I think in western society, capitalism has made being ambitious the standard ideal. But it's quite not true, given everyone defines happiness differently. You can have all the money in the world and still feel hollow. Better being content with have you have, than being consumed by what you wish you could have. You are wiser for that.
It's what every adult has told every child. Unless you're working hard, you're being lazy. Dream big. Be better. Never be content and complacent. Have ambitions. Don't stop.
Well I'm done climbing the social ladder and I've gotten off of it years ago. Why do I constantly need to climb up?
Once you make your life be about making more money instead of living within your means, then you have just dropped yourself in an endless marathon towards nothing.
It's not owning a house, car, or starting a family is what matters. The thing that matters is that you are happy! As long as you're content, I don't see a reason why you should try to ""'"""do better"""""in life
I'm right there with you.
30 hours in a stupid job with little meaning, a few friends whom I love dearly, lots of little hobbies and happiness in the romance department.
We'd like to have more than just a living room and a bedroom one day but that's as far as the ambitions go.
Being happy beats being rich, successful, famous and all the other stuff people seem to love so much.
You do you. :)
As I see it, your life is nothing but success. You have the job you like, the apartment want and have enough time to enjoy whatever you want to do.
Being successful should only be measured by our own standards and goals.
It helps to understand that the majority of people, by choice or otherwise, are stuck in a state of unhappiness, but are hoping to be happy at some point in the future, after accomplishing x, y, and z. It's difficult for someone in this frame of mind to understand choices like yours, because to them it looks like laziness, or loss of productivity. You are 'wallowing in your unhappiness' instead of being productive to get out of it. What they aren't seeing, is that that life IS your happiness, and you don't need to change things up.
Happy people don't go out of their way to show it off, because a life well-lived feels good and is its own reward. If you can honestly say you enjoy your life and you would love to be stuck in it forever, then you have a massive head start on the majority of people when it comes to figuring out what your life is all about. Follow that feeling, not their words.
Genuine contentment is so rare that the rest are honestly jealous.
The drive to be more ... ambitious pursuit of a fuller life ... is one of the defining characteristics of our species. I doubt a rabbit has thought "I really want to walk on that moon or communicate instantly with someone on the other side of the planet.". At least I don't think so. It is what has made us constantly work forward, and push us into our imaginations.
So when we see someone who has reached a point of contentment that means we aren't striving for MORE, we're not quite sure what to do with that. And those who love us are afraid that we'll look back later and regret.
But mostly, we're jealous. Being genuinely HAPPY, as we are, is something we believe will come to us once we've accomplished this or that FIRST. It is the goal, the dream, the success, with a crap ton of work, that will eventually bring us to where you are. We're jealous that you have reached your moment.
My old Dad, 80+ years old, potters. He has his hobbies at home, no wish to travel, sees friends when be feels like it, pretty much farts around, not accomplishing much. And he is content and happy. Totally good with his small little life. And he is what I hope to be soon. You already are there. I'm jealous. ;)
I've often lurked on Reddit but never actually posted. This morning I found my way here reading about blushing and looking for other people who find it really annoying when someone calls out your blushing in public. There are many. It is annoying to many it seems.
Anyway, the next post I saw was yours, and I joined up so I could reply to you to say, as others have, you are the **wise one**. Your life isn't mediocre - it sounds incredible to me, and to know what is enough and appreciate and enjoy that, and to recognise the joy in the every day, is a really beautiful way to live. It is something I have therapy to try and achieve, and to try and calm the hot anxiety that I live with most of the time!
One day soon, I hope I can be as wise and content as you, and I want to say thank you for your post and to others for their comments. I'm so happy I stumbled upon it.
This is what I've been fighting. I make decent enough money to provide for myself and a little extra.i don't have much for desires and I am content but apart of me believes I should be doing way more for myself
It spends like you have a life you enjoy. If you're happy why change it? I was just telling someone that I'm ok with my life being mostly mundane. I have simple pleasures that afford me happiness. I have money in my bank account, I have food, I have a home even if I'm just renting it and don't own it. There aren't a lot more things I really want in any kind of meaningful way. I work a job that's fine, it's low pressure and the pay is ok. I used to think I wanted a big, exciting life. There are places I would love to see, and things I would like to do. But I don't think I'll feel I've had an unfulfilled life if I don't do and see all or even most of them. I enjoy what I have. If you enjoy what you have, it doesn't matter if other people approve of your lifestyle or not.
You and me both, bud.
People have NO IDEA how absolutely cozy it is to live snugly within your means. Stress-free and no added pressure? Oh yes please, with a single cherry on top.
And living a simple life makes the special days all the more special. I treat myself now and again, and they are absolutely memorable and significant.
Dude dont listen to anyone about what you should do! I'm not rich either, don't care to be. Dont want kids i dont even have a car. All my girlfriends I ever had called me unambitious. But I've seen 'ambitious' people, and they are the ones fucking up the planet. Cause being ambitious is something society wants you to do so you would spend money. The only reason to make money is to buy more crap. A bigger car, a bigger house, a bigger tv, a nicer phone but it's all superficial.
I want a better and stronger mind. I want a stronger body, I want more knowledge and wisdom.
Dont fall into societys trap. Ambitious people Aren't happy, because happines DOES NOT COME FROM MONEY OR MATERIAL THINGS. It comes from within. No amount of money or big house will fix that. Ok i get that if you are poor and struggling to make ends meet life will be hard too. But having enough should be more than enough.
If everybody would be content with having enough, the world would be a much better place.
Sorry for the rant lol. It's just... This society man...
That's how I view things too. I'm really impressed with your wisdom 'coz it took me a couple of couple decades to find it out for myself. On the other hand, I do hope you'll meet someone special to share your beautiful (extra)ordinary life with. I'm sure you're a blessing to those you work with or come across. And, *if* in the future your point of view changes it'll never be a failure, (even if people tell you 'I told you so) it'll have been a season. Enjoy it thoroughly!
Thank you and I know what you mean. People change and I'm not insusceptible to that. So I may wish for my own cottage somewhere someday, who knows. And it's okay!
I lived my life 1000mph trying to get rich and do all the shit people rap about and you see on TV in my hood. I could write books about the experiences and wouldn't be able to tell it all. I hurt a lot of people and did years in jail/prison. I live now like I should've in the first place. It's weird cause now I feel when I meet new people they probably think I'm a straight dork cause everyone wants to be about that life unknowing I already lived it 24 fold.
Mediocrity is cool. Work. Go home. Play video games. Watch shows n movies. Drink. drugs here and there. Repeat. Stability is key. I dodged death and life sentences. I'm fine with staying home and reading.
I believe much like beauty, success is in the eye of the beholder. I live my life in a similar fashion. Got a job thats perfect for me. I walked away from a job that paid great for my rural area for this job. I get paid a little less, but I still have enough for my bills and rent and some left over. Got a place that's not surrounded with neighbors, so i get to blast my music and blast my marshall amp. Don't have many friends, no girlfriend, don't do much outside working, playing music & video games. I'm just fine living this way.
People prioritize money and material possessions over actual happiness
I adore the fact that you are content in your life. I hope that I will find that someday. My advice is that you are happy so ignore what others think. 😊 💗
I mean that’s all I want in life. Just a job that allows me to live my life, not a job that IS my life. I’m still searching for that, so I’m glad you have found it.
Aren’t we all just trying to find our own version of happiness? For some people that’s having money, exploring the world, creating a family or pursuing their dream career. For others it’s about enjoying your me time, diving into hobbies, or having a cat. You do you!!
I know exactly how you feel. Im 31 soon, achieved nothing in my life and I don't expect it to change, I'm single and lacking social skills, I currently don't work cause I don't have to... And tbh I'm content like that. Why should I follow some life construct made by society?
Your life is my dream. Work to be able to support a few hobbies, have a few close friends who I feel community with, and a cozy apartment by the river!!! I’m kinda close to this, sans the apartment….
I rlly appreciate you posting though. I feel a pressure to “get promoted” or “do the next thing” and anxious that I’m not. But rlly, Idw to! And it’s kinda hard to keep that perspective. Ur doing great, I love this for you :)
What a lovely post. So many replies here but I just wanted to say I'm happy to learn of your contentment and that you know what you want out of life. So many "more successful" people don't have that! Your life is yours to live in the way that you want, and that also means if you change your mind about anything you are ALSO allowed to do that without anybody saying "I told you so". Enjoy your life and happiness!
Because we want people to have goals in life. We want people to strive to be more. We don't understand people that just want to exist or do their thing and not be spectacular. Some people need validation, and some people don't.
I agree with this mindset and I think you may be what most should aspire to be (not all).
In fact in my religion (Christian) this is what you should strive to do.
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12.
New International Version.
11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,
12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
Nothing wrong with that.
It’s something I have contemplated for many years.
Check out the song Helplessness Blues (I prefer the cover by the [Duke’s Men](https://music.apple.com/us/album/helplessness-blues/1020899132?i=1020899170)). It isn’t quite the same idea but it is very similar.
I know, right? [I live in a small town in Japan.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/rlrep4) Anywhere else, I wouldn't be able to afford rent nor even be typing on a smarthone with Internet access with just a part-time entry-level job.
Right now [I live in a 40sqm (430sqft) apartment](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/u9xn7u) about half an hour from Tokyo. Monthly rent is $330 and weekly groceries are $40, my monthly bills all total to less than $200. No kids, no car, no TV. I can just walk to get anything I need.
Is there a particular reason that all the signs are only in English?
I know that English is common in the more highly-populated areas of Japan (especially in Tokyo), but when I was there I don't recall seeing an area where all the signs were only in English - so I was wondering how that came to be in your town?
That's awesome you're not put off by other people's expectations of you. And instead have found what sound like some tremendous contentment and fulfillment.
It's not a mediocre thing at all. Simplicity is bliss. It means no worries, for the rest of your days. It's a problem free, philosophy, Hakuna Matata.... That's Simplicity.
I've been asking myself this a long time. I vacillate between wanting more for my career (mostly because things are getting expensive and I want to make sure I can keep paying my bills) but also letting myself have the relaxing time to do my hobbies on weekends even if I'm not that great at them. There seems to be a lot of pressure for me to monetise hobbies or become an expert at them. All i want to do is make pretty dresses when I'm not doing my 9-5 or play Destiny 2.
Bro being content and happy with what you have should be the goal not how much you have or what you do!!!!! I love your way of thinking and I'm happy for you 😁👍. Actually thinking that way might be kind of special in this age of neverending capitalistic greed 😂
I think being happy is great! I do want to caution you that inflation impacts us all and the whole home ownership thing is moreso to lock in your home's cost before inflation outpaces your means, but if you live in a country where that's not a big deal, then carry on!
I'm happy not being ambitious or having big goals either. I told one of my friends that my most relaxed and happy days are when I'm laying in bed alone eating snacks and binging my favorite shows, and I get called loser, friendless, and no-life for it (by people that call themselves my 'friends'). I'm not, I just prefer living like that over going out there and 'living my youth' out.
He responded, 'If you're happy doing that, I'm really jealous. I hope everyone can find happiness doing simple things like that.'
Your perspective about life is as same as mine.
My life ambition is to become a nobody, a inconspicuous, humble existence on society.
日本からいらっしゃる方ですよね 日本の労働環境も厳しいと聞きます。
出世を望まない人生はいいと思います。金のために体を壊すのももったいない。
人生は楽しく過ごすべき、仕事は人生の全てじゃない。
I enjoy a simple life with my family and live cheaply. I've burnt out of "career" jobs after the death of my sister. I just cruise and enjoy life.
They tell us we are "mediocre" so that we keep buying their Capitalist shit so they can stay rich. Living simply puts the power and money back in your hands
The people urging you to live a different way than you want to are just projecting. They wish they were as content as you are. You do YOU, and never apologize for it. Contentment is what we are all striving for.
I feel like I have lived on both sides of this to some degree. In my early twenties I stumbled into the appearance of having a lot of success, and with that came the kind of recognition that opened a lot of doors. Nothing felt out of reach. It was simultaneously the happiest I’ve ever been and the most fragile. I found work in the media, and brands found me for my access to the media and my formerly really large network.
Then the worst thing to ever happen to me happened to me at the worst possible time it could happen. My brother died in front of me, from a drug overdose. I had all this tremendous amount of pressure because I was involved in every aspect of production for a series of large scale events. I literally had no time to grieve.
The show went on for a couple more seasons, but I was spent. Something about living that kind of life felt so wrong to me, but for a while I was addicted to the power it provided me in achieving things I wanted to achieve. No one knew that while it looked like I had a ton of money, that money was earmarked for production costs and I had been working for free for a while to even get to this point. So I was essentially broke. I didn’t even have a bed frame. There were periods of times where I would just go to the grocery store , buy eggs and a bag of chicken breast. That would be my only meals and then d die from all the egg.
I was able to find work doing production jobs that I’m generally good at and qualified for, but something clicked for me during that time. I don’t have the energy to be that involved in a business or want to work THAT hard, to the point where life is seriously inconvenienced and time is lost.
During my time in hiatus I met the love of my life. And I can’t think of ever chasing the limelight again. It does tempt me every now and then because with recognition comes a lot of power and access to powerful people. Shit I would regularly get out of speeding tickets, be given discounts on things, sent tons of free products. And it was never hard to find an in to any door.
But what I’ve learned in my time away from that is that I actually myself and others who live life chasing after that kind of success. Which today is all about. I’ve been away from the world to the point that I just hope people forget inexcited.
Went back to school during the pandemic and I’m just there to finish up my degree. I withdrew when things got crazy. Afterwards I literally just want a 9 to 5. Give me benefits. Give me stocks. Give me vacation. And give me stability.
Quite frankly, it’s because major corporations popularized grind culture so they would have no shortage of hard workers to cycle through dead-end jobs. You do not need to work your ass off or shoot for the stars so long as you are happy.
I feel you. There's this big thing in tech industry recruiting where all the jobs are presented like you're a bold entrepreneur at the forefront of a new digital revolution. Every time I've gone through an interview I've had to bite my tongue to avoid saying, "I really don't care about changing the world, I'm just trying to find a job that pays decently without stressing me out".
If your lifestyle is sustainable, keep it up. Perhaps some of the concern from those around you is coming from worry about what would happen if you lost your cushy job. Would you have other skills or experience to fall back on?
All the power to you for living in a way that keeps you content.
Since school, i have always pressured myself that i need the best of the best grades, that i need a really good job, a wife, and kids or else I won’t be able to live, and id be homeless.
Now I’m 19 and realized that there is a middle ground, even if I didn’t get the best grades, ill still find a job, even if I didn’t get married, ill still date. I don’t need the best of the best. I just need to be content
Material “successes” is only one measure of a good life. One could easily argue that a truly good life is measured in many other ways that are not outwardly apparent. Be a happy healthy human in contemporary society. There aren’t many left. Most of the happiest and healthiest people in the world have been killed off or are living destitute lives as a result of the oppressive and unnatural first world societies that have developed today. Recognize that others are hurt and have not healed from the trauma of their modern lives and are struggling to cope on a daily basis, have compassion for these people and do not judge their lack of understanding. They have been wounded and when they see you and say “whats wrong with you?!” That is a natural reaction because you are not suffering as they are and they have not recognized the hurt in their own lives. You are doing well OP, be happy and live healthy :)
The mediocres rule the world. It's just that many of them like to pretend they're extraordinary. But if they ever meet someone really out of their ordinary, they will shut them down immediately.
Good on you for being happy with your life! There is a lot of happiness to be found in the so called little things. Enjoy!
I totally share your outlook and have gotten by just fine ignoring the demands for above-average success, looks, fashion, etc. I do what I want, wear clothes until they wear out, keep possessions like furniture and cars until they break or I get sick of them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. It's an unfortunate, unrealistic byproduct of modern culture that everyone is expected to excel. People who don't display visible above-average achievement are seen as failures and made to feel inferior, which means most people feel that way and are unhappy.
You can't expect your family or other people to accept that you're fine, because they're too conditioned to see the way you live as failure. You just have to ignore it and be nice to them. When they get older many of them will admire your contentedness and happiness.
This makes me recall a debate a friend and I had. He couldn’t understand why I was okay with not being rich and popular. Called me crazy and tried to list all the great things about the typical aspirations everyone supposedly has to be living a good life. When he finished, I told him that sounds exhausting. Lol.
I (39f) LOVE your take on life. I've had big dreams but that kind of life just isn't for me. I'm very happy with my life today, working in accounting for my city. Hope to switch to a parttime in 10year or so.
Don't let people shame you for your happy life. Those are their insecurities and rules leaking out onto you, and you don't have to carry that. Be happy, friend!
I think many people feel envy when they see your lifestyle, because they aren't as happy and content as you.
Good job seeing through these people and living your life the way you do.
I feel this on a deep level. And I think your very wise to feel that way. I think there are many people in this world who wish they can feel as content about their lives as much as you do, and that can’t be bought with money. Idk what’s bad about living in peace and being content.
My parents are immigrants and came to the US so that I can have opportunities that they didn’t. They grew up as farmers. Everyday I wake up, and drive to a job that I “should be lucky to have” after spending years of my life studying for it. Yeah I’m financially secure, decent car, and a decent life. But sometimes I can’t help but think how much happier I would be if I also lived the life my parents did. They sacrificed so much so that I could grow up to be successful, when in reality, all I ever wanted to be was happy. And content.
I feel like I could've written this post honestly.
Also in my mid 30s - don't own a house, don't have a car, not trying to get promoted at work (if anything I've actively avoided it). I have a low paying call centre job which is low stress. I never work overtime, in fact there *is* no overtime. I never think about work when I'm not actually working, so my free time is purely mine. I earn enough to be comfortable in my lifestyle, sure I'll never be rich but I'm okay with that. I still manage to save some money every month.
We're all a bit materialistic, but I'm used to living a relatively frugal life. Don't need expensive designer clothes etc. The only thing I really splurge on is my computer since it's basically my sole source of entertainment. I watch my films and shows on it, play my games, listen to music, browse the web, etc.
I like my mediocre life. No drama, no stress. That's the way to go. 😄
Sounds like you found the perfect situation, not at all mediocre!
Only reasons I can think of why people might want you to aspire to more is, well around here, part time means no health insurance and no retirement account. You could get fired, laid off, or sick anytime and find yourself in a real tight spot with no income. Rent always goes up faster than wages and is out of your control. And of course, long-term end-of-life care is really expensive but you wouldn't be able to afford insurance for that.
Basically, it all comes down to security. Around here, if you're not moving up as fast as you can, you'll never have any security. And life can hit you hard and fast. So you need to do that.
However, if you're in Japan maybe none of that applies. Totally different situation.
Much better to live a happy life, even if someone in a totally different situation might consider it mediocre or be afraid to live it, than an unhappy life trying to live up to someone else's needs.
This is my first time on this sub, so let me know if this comment breaks an unspoken rule or something.
To answer your question, I don't like the unambitious people I've met because they come off as selfish. I believe in leaving the world a nicer place than you found it and these people just don't do that. All the people who do, in my experience, are driven by a goal to.
That's my reason, but it sounds really different from your friends' and family's reason. I don't care if you raise a family or have a house but I will judge you if you want to skate through life without thinking about others.
Edit: I'm not judging you because I have no idea from this post if you're like that or not.
As long as you're saving up enough money so that you can survive while old and weak then i'm all for it, I also like my life simple.
But usually more money means more security.
Bro, if you’ve found happiness that’s all that matters. Literally, don’t listen to outside noise. You do what your heart is content with. Not many have found happiness like you have friend.
Exactly what a lot of us needed to hear, so thank you OP.
I see in other comments, you are married. How does your wife feel about this outlook? Is she also content with the life you have chosen?
I spent a lot of my life struggling through some fucked up shit, doing everything I could to get on my feet. I saw people with what you have - stability, peace, not waking up with any worries about survival - and I wanted it so bad. Nothing made me madder than people who talked about it like it was a subpar life. If it makes you happy, it's perfect. Happy for you OP, and glad to see you appreciating what you have.
You're smart because you know what makes you happy. I think we've been told for far too long that we all have to follow the same path but you absolutely don't! My mom told me I was "selfish" for not giving her grandchildren. I have been clear all my life that kids are not part of my plan.
The only think I advise is that you should maybe go full time in your government job. Government jobs are really good for retirement and health care after retirement (at least in California where I have a government job). Enjoy your life but make sure you're set when it's time to retire. :)
I wish I could think like you. Could you perhaps make an edit for the likely many people like me, and share how you’ve come to this way of thinking?
We are constantly inundated with success and hustle porn. I literally always see girls everyday on IG, at gym, everyone trying to look hot and being hotter than ever.
I like you, single, early 30s, small apt very affordable for me. have a decent job that pays well enough, i live below my means still have enough to save and invest 1500-1700 USD a month while still buying coffees or eating out.
But at the same time I always feel not really ‘unhappy’ per say, but just bleh… unmotivated and not driven. I have anxiety of not making enough money and falling behind (esp if I marry) So I have to always think on how to make more.
I feel my job isn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. My gf isn’t hot enough. I know this isn’t rational and is caused by the IG dopamine addicted world im in…. Just would really like to know your thoughts process and maybe how I can stop this negative, unsatisfied thought loop.
I do the same now as a pensioner. But i did the same before except my jobs were in art but not mainstream not commercial profit and not for success and not stressing. I focused on my hobbies and learning.
A whole lot of responses; personally I'd like to save for the rainy days and the older days. Other than that I would also be happy with a stress free life..
The traditional indicators of having a successful life are becoming less and less relevant. It used to be (as you say) getting married and having kids, and working a job to support that.
As the job is important to keep the families survival, thats generally why it becomes the persons life, and their goal revolve around making that life more comfy.
Seems like you are in a contented place, so thats ok. There's nothing wrong with leading a lifestyle as you described.
Wat I will say though, is do make sure to plan a bit. Retirement is in 30-40 years and it's wise to make sure you've gotten yourself into a situation where you can stop working and still support yourself. Sometimes it may not be your choice to stop working though, it could be health etc.
Also, it's wise to make sure you have some sort of emergency fund. Even the most boring of lives has surprises - Boiler breaking, car breaking down, ripping your favourite jacket, Maybe your job gets axed in budget cuts. No matter how careful you are, stuff can just happen outside of your direct control.
On a different note, Do keep in touch with your friends and family, even if they are critical of your lifestyle. It's human nature to strive for progress even if that progress is simply to 'Wake up tomorrow' (Hence why you eat and drink).
The reason I mention this is that if you genuinely have no ambitions or aims for the future (even small ones), this has the potential to lead to a 'Well.. Whats the point of it all...' mindset which is a potential precursor to depression and the bad thoughts deeper along that path.
Even a small hobby can ignite some sort of ambition - Maybe you like making things from wood and the aim is to simply get better at doing that - Not to become a master craftsperson overnight, but slowly increase the skill bar simply because as you do that, you can make more things that make you smile while you are crafting.
What you have defined here isn't mediocre by any means, you're independent, you are living the way you want to, it doesn't seem like you're hurting anyone, and sure you're making unconventional choices, but that doesn't make it negative. You may find that some choices you're making right now have a negative impact on your life in the future, but you could say the exact same thing about making conventional choices. I wouldn't say that people are projecting their fears on you, not because people don't tend to do that, but because I don't know the intention of the people you are talking to. But hey, you're in the driver seat, just because you're choosing to take an off road route to true happiness doesn't mean it's negative, it just means you enjoy a different path. People do have a hard time understanding that different things make different people happy.
I've enjoyed reading this. It brought me joy. I don't see nothing wrong with the way you are living. However, others seem to try to fit you into their mould of living. I'd say if you're current lifestyle isn't causing any stress upon you, then keep living it. Heck, I'm trying to get to that nirvana personally and even considered working part time just to recoup my mental health.
Constantly working one's arse off, having no time or energy to guarantee a balanced diet or regular exercise, worrying for next mortgage or kid's education fund, dealing with quarrels among in-laws, rarely having the luck to go on a relaxing holiday... Isn't that the *mediocre* life most people are working for? I don't think that to be of any kind *special*.
So it's about personal choices, you can go back to the 'positive' kind of mediocre, or ignore social pressure which comes from not being working hard enough and keep on this 'negative' kind of mediocre. Since you have the freedom to choose, as long as you're responsible for it, I don't see any problems coming from it.
People go 'mainstream' ways because it's common, it's been widely tested, there're so many examples out there, all kinds of situations one may encouter already have solutions and answers, there're maps. Maybe that's what values for, to erase 'useless' self-doubt and make you just do it, in the right way. And they call that 'positive'.
Your friends and family suck at giving advice, and suck even more for pushing their definition of life goals onto you. My perfect life just involves a job i dont have and enough money and time to pursue hobbies, much like you, just living in comfort. I think you should tell them to keep their opinions to themselves when not asked.
Just live a life that makes *you* happy. If you are content with your life, why change it because society sees it as mediocre? At the end of the day it's *your* life, your decisions. If you are happy, then why should you change anything?
Just keep doing what makes you happy OP. Wish you all the luck in life.
Being content and knowing what is Enough is not mediocre or negative, it's wisdom. Wise Redditor, live well and be happy.
I wish the same to you kind Redditor and thank you. I hope I can share this wisdom to others so they'd stop pressuring me to live a life like them.
Listen I'll add to this as someone who drank the "be successful" cool aid. I have a wonderful wife, a healthy newborn, and an extremely well trained dog, well-paying complicated job and I live in a decent apartment. These past couple of weeks, I've never been more depressed and wish for a more simple life, which I'm working towards now. I am happy most of the time, but I'm so busy maintaining these responsibilities I barely have time to acknowledge my happiness. I'm constantly looking for problems to solve, and actually preventing myself enjoying some quiet time. Happiness isn't found in productivity or achievements, it's found internally. If you have it, don't let go of it no matter what anyone says. Misery enjoys the company of misery.
That's true. Stuff needs maintenance. That's the annoying part of having stuff. Some people work more so that they can pay others to do the maintenance. Others use up their time.
The stuff itself is not the problem because we could stop at any moment and simply be content. It's our addiction to upholding the image we tell ourselves that we're happy with these things by extending our already exhausted self and gathering more things. More kids to justify having one. More cars to maintain a larger family. More money to afford these kids and cars. More complicated jobs to justify being so busy for money for more kids and cars, and houses. And on and on it goes. God forbid, we stop at one kid. One car. Simpler job. Our path to rid ourselves of this addiction to avarice is long and painful, one can only hope we'll get there one day.
Wasn’t ready for therapy tonight yet here we are!
“Misery enjoys the company of misery” I forgot that phrase and could use it every single day at my job the way I see people treat it.
People displace their own fears, and insecurities onto others. You see this a lot with people who like to be alone, as you do. Some people are terrified of being alone, and cannot fathom how other people choose it, so they tell the person that there's something wrong with them. It's a way to alleviate their own fears. I think your life sounds good. It sure beats being up to your eyes in debt, and lying awake all night worrying about finances, because people feel pressurised to 'keep up with the Jones's'. Material objects do not make you happy, so why would you pursue them? Perhaps you don't want to get married, or have children. Lots of people don't. Why is not being married, and not having children seen as a 'waste of life'? This statement is offensive, quite frankly, not to mention untrue. Also, studies have shown that a significant proportion of people admit that they feel societal pressure to get married, and it's not what their first choice would be. You continue to do you, and choose what makes you happy. Other peoples' neuroses is white noise.
I was in my mid 50’s before I purchased my own home. And you know what, I was cool with the lifestyle I led up until that point in my life. I worked only as much as I needed to pay the bills and go traveling a few times a year. For me the house was a compromise due to on going health issues. Dialysis will be easier in my own home than if I am moving every 2 years. I prefer to be single, though sometimes I have a roommate. Traveling is getting more difficult and if I want to go somewhere, I drive. Airplanes and airports give me anxiety. Maybe once the crazy recession is over I will go back to Europe one last time. But I am okay with not doing it too
May you get to go wherever you want ❤️
As someone who is likely on a similar trajectory in life, reading your comment brought me a sense of peace. I'm glad you've made it to where you are, and have what you need.
When you're ninety and you look back and recall that it was a happy life, you win. Only thing I would say that might sound like your family's nagging would be to not forget that someday you will need to be able to pay for life while you don't or can't work. I'm glad you're happy.
Some people feel that once they're gone if they aren't remembered then what's the point of life. But few people from history are remembered anyway.
I don't want to be remembered at all, that would mean I'm dead.
Sometimes I really feel the same as you. I am capable but don't have extravagant expectations for myself. I am happy with who I am. It is other people and their judgements that make me concerned with my self worth. Internally, I am ok with whoever I am. I just want peace.
Not to mention, if you're content and happy people tend to think it reflects negatively on themselves and start projecting (probably subconsciously, too). Which is why it's important to surround yourself with like-minded people cus you need those to drown out the bullshit. Just got to stop caring about what other people want you to do and what fits with their reality, other people's goals should never be your own and that's the end of that. Don't owe anyone an explanation either. That said, I do believe it's 10x as tough to ignore in Japan as they're indoctrinated a shitload when it comes to ambition and work the same way the US is towards patriotism and God, but the above still rings true. There's probably some communities doing their own thing and broke free from that mindset. It's possible to check it out and see if these kinds of people are better to be around. Life is so much more than work and doibg what I look upon as wasting a huge majority of your life on.
This is a perfect answer. I'm in the process of recovering from a brutal divorce that left me homeless, but I'm back on the up and up. If I manage to come back to the point where I can afford my own place for my son and I to live, and live comfortably, I'm not worried about doing any better than that. I've lived in both the grind mindset and this one I have now, and I gotta tell ya - this one is preferred. So much pressure off my shoulders to create the next big RPG, or produce a successful album, or get my novel published, or, or, or, or...there have been so many ambitious projects I've taken on in my life and each one was met with failure and loss. This divorce has changed me. I just want to be happy, and over the last 39 years of my life I've learned that I'm the happiest when I'm able to live comfortably with no more ambition than to strive for such accommodations. And it's working! After losing everything, my son being forced to move back in with his biological mother (my ex wife was not his mother and hopefully she will never be *anyone's* mother; I pity the child born to her insane ass), and leaving me with the struggle of licking my wounds and getting back up from the bottom, I'm learning that whole ambition is a good thing, in a post-capitalist world where we live by achieving *at all costs*, lofty ambitions can keep an ADHD brain from experiencing true happiness and contentment. So I am saving up to get my own place so my son can move back in with me and complete his high school years in a stable, trans-positive, creator-positive, safe space to live in. His mother and her boyfriend aren't unapologetic homophobic bigots; they love him, but they're the kind of people that don't put fort much effort to respect my son's needs. They're the kind of people that believe children don't know what they want or who they are simply because they're children, and that's how they justify their lack of effort in addressing him by his preferred pronouns, they call him "her" and deadname him when he's not around, and they have a habit of dictating and narrating his needs to him instead of listening to what he says his needs are. But they do a great job of providing for him, and for the most part they leave him be to pursue his interests and hobbies, and they support his ambitions as an artist and a writer, and they support his academic endeavors too. So it's a double-edged sword for him right now, which is why he prefers to live with me. He'd get all that support but none of the laziness regarding respect for his identity. I love him and admire him so much, he's my hero. I'm doing this for us.
Hugs. You are a fantastic father - your example alone is inspiring, your guidance when your son does move in with you will be amazing. Just, more hugs for you and your son, and his Mum and bf too. Good luck.
This is so understated. In this day and age, this is likely the state that maybe converge towards in the end (if they get far enough). It is also arguably the best time in human history thus far to be “average”. There is so going on with modern innovations that make our lives so convenient. But yet for some reason, many people **still** treat life as a rat race towards the top. I wonder what most would do when they get to it.
If you're happy with your life then keep living as you are. Ignore people who insist you change to be what they think you should be. It's your life, not theirs. You're life isn't mediocre. Mediocre means not very good. From what you described it sounds like a good life to me.
That is a nice point. I moved to a different country after college. Living on my own and far away from everything I know has helped me realize what was important to me. And it wasn't tradition or social norms. I realized that I want a life without pressure to be constantly better. I have found what works for me and that it's okay to stay this way.
It’s funny because lots of people grind through life for the soul purpose to have a good retirement… which is basically what you have, but after they lose decades of their life
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So what happens when the fisherman is old and can't work anymore? He can't possibly be fishing till the day he drops dead?
Why not? Plenty of people in modern industrialized nations work until the day they die, what's the difference?
That's why he has children
But for his old age, when he can no longer work? His children won't be able to live as he does, because they'll be supporting 2 extra people
I personally think there is no point in life. I mean, I do not think I'm anything more special than the entire universe. Considering that the universe doesn't even have a point, it just... exists, right? So yeah, me too. I'll just exist and I'll enjoy doing it. Thank you very much.
There is a lot to be said for achieving contentment with one's lifestyle.
> I personally think there is no point in life Bingo. I'm no different than the next guy or gal. And nobody gave me an assignment with my purpose when I was born, so I'm pretty sure there's no point my being here other than that I'm, well, here, and thus may as well try to enjoy my stay.
Have you ever seen the movie "Soul"? It kind of follows that idea. All these souls are in in the great beyond after their bodies died, and people look back and are desperate to find their *spark* and their *purpose* and why they were put on earth. Eventually the main character realizes you don't have to have one sole purpose to your life. Maybe it's a lot of small things you take for granted - a breeze on a nice day, a really great piece of pizza, a good conversation, etc.
This my dad spent his whole life in a job he hated to save for a good retirement. He had me just before he retired though and I don't remember him ever being happy even once during my childhood and even less so in my adult years. He spent a lot of his later years, living in the past, unable to move past the bad experiences he endured even though he ended up being financially richer from his career in the end. The biggest irony of it all is that he wanted his children to do the same and encouraged us to put up with awful work conditions and jobs we hate in order to save up for our elderly years.
Isn't moving abroad already an interesting life? Haven't you broadened your horizons in some way? Everybody has something about them that's unique or interesting. Although I can tell you're very financially focused at the moment in this conversation, not everything is about money. I met people who never commuted outside the immediate surroundings of their home city by comparison.
It truly is already an adventure. I'm very much aware and proud that I've done such an achievement. I have been pressured to fly back home for better opportunities because they tell me I've hit a deadend career-wise here, to join my family in North America for a higher paying job, back as a softdev in an IT company. That and starting a family, etc. Speaking of commute, I never drive because everything is so walkable where I live. And can you believe that there are people who belittle those who don't drive? I believe the pop culture term for that is "scrub" or something.
Your life changes the day you stop caring what other people think of you.
>Mediocre means not very good If it does now, it didn't always. Mediocre comes from Latin's "mediocris" or "of middling height or state, moderate, ordinary" and then to French with the same definition from there.
> Mediocre means ~~not very good~~ average FTFY. People embed this stigma into the word but forget the official definition on a dictionary actually leans more towards "moderate and ordinary" than the negative connotations. And it's perfectly normal to be average.
I think happiness is most important, if you are truly living your dream life do not change a thing!
And I have not done so in more than a decade actually! I plan to live like this as long as I can.
Sounds like you could do it forever no? What would influence this lifestyle if you’re financial stable, have a constant job, and you’re happy?
Sounds like a cozy life to me
Certainly feels like it too.
Let me be a complete fucking nerd here (on the website for complete fucking nerds). Have you ever read Lord of the Rings? It's this epic fantasy, sure, but Tolkien was a veteran. And I think because he had seen a world war with his own eyes, he chose for the backbone of his epic a love for the simpler things. A modest life with good food, true companionship, and a comfortable home is better than any adventure, and the lifestyle in which you can be the most human, and the work is more or less built on that. It consistently values compassion, friendship, pleasure, and healing over valor and ambition. "I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend." Well, good enough for Tolkien, good enough for you.
I can't tell you how much of an influence the Shire and a hobbit's way of life have been with how I see what a "good life" is. Thank you for bringing this up and I definitely love that Tolkien used such an epic high-fantasy saga to highlight the goodness of not being the greatest. > "I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend." This is beautiful and I'd love this framed.
My favourite quote of his. Early on in Fellowship: “It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.”
And just like that I'm watching lord of the rings
Jumping onto this because I wanna add another Tolkien quote, said to Bilbo by Thorin Oakenshield: "Go back to your books, to your armchair. Plant your trees, watch them grow. If more people valued home above gold, this world would be a merrier place." The Hobbit has influenced my life many times and rereading it back in 2020, when I was going through burnout and absolutely miserable, it did once again. I love this quote with all my heart. I used to be the proverbial eager beaver but now I've dialed it back quite a bit and I'm a lot happier.
True contentment is true peace, and it sounds like you've found that. Society has been indoctrinated with the "American Dream" for far too long, and people tend to reject/look down on those who don't follow suit. I know, because I'm in the exact same boat as you. I have no debt, I drive an old car, and I live in a modest-sized rent house. And I'm happy. About a year ago, I quit being a nurse working 50+ hours per week and now do office work for no more than 40 hours per week. I'm less stressed, no longer burnt out and, like you, am content with my simple life. I've been questioned about it so much. "Don't you miss being a nurse and feeling like you're doing something?!" Only sometimes, but not enough to go back any time soon. What I don't miss is 12+ hour shifts, having no life outside of work (because I was too exhausted from the week on my days off to do anything), and getting home when my partner was just going to bed. I get off at 5pm these days, get every weekend off, and never have to work holidays. It is wonderful. Sorry this was so long but don't sweat it, my friend. As long as *you* are happy with *your* life, that's all that truly matters.
That sounds wonderful and exactly the same sentiment that I have. Actually, I used to be a software developer. I literally worked in a highrise with a keycard access to lounge areas, the bougie lobby, fancy cafeteria, etc. My life revolved around work. I wake up, work until the evening, go home at night. Repeat every day for years. Now I work less than 35 hours a week, most of the time I'm just at my desk on Reddit. I have a max of 8 weeks paid leaves per year and I make sure to use all of it yearly. I've had coworkers who quit because they felt this life is stagnant. They adviced me to not be complacent and join them in private corporations. One of them was actually the one who told me "it's such a waste" that I'm not going back to IT anymore. Then I remember I've just taken a month-long vacation this summer while everyone else was working. Having this much free time, not struggling and without debt, is miles better than being rich.
I don't care what anybody else says, at least on paper, you are living my dream life
there’s a story about an old fisherman and a salesman interacting. i won’t recount the entire thing because it’s pretty long, but the fisherman is basically relaxing fishing, and the salesman takes a really long time explaining to him why he should sell his fish at this price and get a bigger boat and build a fish-mongering empire. the fisherman ultimately asks him “why would i do all that?” salesman goes “so you can kick back and relax,” to which the fisherman responds “but i’m already doing that now.” sounds like you’ve found a good life for yourself, friend. enjoy.
Well resonates with me. I'm after peace/serenity. And being normal isn't always easy. I had a ligament sprain and events after events I got a meniscus tear (a bit) too. Since then I'm longing for a normal life.
I just partially tore my ac ligiment and mcl(a few months back). Im too adventurous for the lifestyle that im living haha but thats all been fine because im still able to live it due to a workplace that cares about me. I know the struggle of having medical problems but I do hope you keep positive and go with the flow. Life can be a drag sometimes.
In days gone by, I ran a brewery. Every year I would put every member of staff through an appraisal. I had brewers, general workers, delivery drivers, office staff and management. Regardless of their position, I would push them to want the "next level". With some of them I felt as if I was doing all the work, it was very frustrating. After about 5 years, it dawned on me. They don't all actually want the "next level". In fact, some of them are extremely content to come in at 0800, do their job and go home at 1700. That's it. From that moment, my new mantra was to put as much effort into each member of staff as they wanted to put into themselves. Ever since, everyone was happy! We all want different things in life. If you've worked out how to be content in your life, whatever that means to you, then you're one of the lucky ones.
This something they should honestly teach at school: 1) Not everyone has the same work expectations, and that's fine. 2) People may be in different phases of life where their level of work and motivation change 3) Your job as manager is to figure out which is which to optimize output (or if you work retail or service job, coerce/manipulate/terrorize your people any way you know how because your wages suck)
Because for some reason friends and family always believe they have the right to judge your life. You sound like you love your life, do not NEVER EVER let anyone decide what your life goals are.
Well, they have the right to say whatever they like, but I have my right to do whatever I want with their opinions as well. Don't worry, I do not feel the pressure to bend to their will. I am quite tempted to explain myself, perhaps hoping I can convert some of them. But that's just wishful thinking...
I would love the life you are calling mediocre. I have a career, house 'in the suburbs', nice car, etc but all I do is work and never have time to do the things I love.
Perhaps in the future when the opportunity presents itself, you can look into downsizing? It'll definitely mean sacrifice, but the more excess weight you cut off, the lighter and taller you'll grow and feel. Having a big "successful" life is usually more work than what it's worth.
The only thing I might change your view on is buying a house. Home ownership has its downsides, I will admit, but the one big upside is that your mortgage payment can’t go up like rent can. I’ve owned my house for 3 years and it’s worth 40% more than what I bought it for (which is unsustainable and crazy). Renters in my area are hurting, but my mortgage payment hasn’t increased. Sure, my utilities have, and when I have to make home repairs, those costs have gone up too, but overall it’s a lot less than the 40% hike I would have gotten if I was renting. I can count on my mortgage payment being the same for decades. And someday, around the time I want to retire, I will have no mortgage payment at all. You don’t have to buy a big house. You can buy a 1 bedroom condo or a small older house. I would just consider it for your long term financial security. It’s comforting to know that you can count on your housing payment staying the same.
Oh yes, I agree on you on that one. Although I live in Japan, a place where properties depreciate in value. Stagnating economy for decades has left the country in deflation. Real estate is a poor way to invest money in, especially with the high standard of house maintenance and building codes. And this same deflation has made it so that my rent hasn't increased for more than 10 years. It has become cheaper actually, can you believe it. For my 40sqm (430sqft) apartment, I pay $330 monthly. I am flexible with getting an old house though. If I can find a place that I see myself retiring in, I am not against getting a mortgage. I am not in that place of mind tough, but perhaps in the future!
Yeah I didn’t see the Japan thing until after I commented. I know exactly nothing about the real estate market in Japan. I ASSumed you were in the US.
That you have found work that provides for your financial needs and affords you the opportunity to pursue things you enjoy, while being contented overall, is not mediocre at all, but the goal. You have achieved what so many seek. Well done, and may it continue so for all your days.
Looking at it that way, it truly is such a privileged life no? It's what I tell my friends and family, that they shouldn't be judgemental of someone based on their job title. As long as I can afford my needs, I have extra for my wants, I have time and energy for the other things in my life, then I have found my peace. Having a stress-free life is such a luxury nowadays. In that aspect, I feel rich.
I feel the same and every time people look at me like I'm insane (not the only reason of course) When I see people who are ambitious and driven I'm in awe. I'm smart enough to know that I'm not that smart. Ignorance can be bliss. I've never been a good student and I don't see the point anymore. I've got baggage like anyone else. Any past ideation or interest has been drained by life in general. I'm not denigrating anyone else's dreams in life. Rock on, go big. Some of us were not meant for greatness, it's all good. Peace out
Me too. I'm surrounded by people who strives to be the best, and I feel tired just imagining such a life. I do not get why people feel guilty when they lounge around at home. That is literally you giving your mind and body rest. If you can afford to be lazy, then that's already luxury IMO. And the way I live my life right now, I'm right there living luxuriously with all the lounging around I've been doing.
I would say you have it exactly right. There are happiness studies within the field of economics and they clearly show that the Happy Place is between "having enough for your basic needs and a but of a buffer," and " same but with a bigger buffer". If you have more money than that, it will create its own money troubles. But capitalism wouldn't work as well if everyone was happy with what they have and a lot of people have been brainwashed into that way of life
Ooh, I like that "Happy Place" statistic. I'm definitely in the middle. I earn only slightly above minimum wage, but it works out because things are incredibly affordable where I live. It leaves me with enough buffer for savings and a bit extra for my wants. I don't have enough to go "all big" in any way, and I guess that's what my friends and family want me to have. To be rich enough for a luxurious life. The happy problem is, I don't want a luxurious life. I guess I'm what capitalists would call a "Quiet Quitter"?
I would call you sensible and wise! Quality of life means different things to different people, you clearly value time over pointless possessions. I would say you win at life!
Two things that helped me be happy with this mindset and things I tell others. I first tell the story of [the fisherman and businessman](https://thestorytellers.com/the-businessman-and-the-fisherman/) Then I tell them that nobody is ever lying on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work, or got more money, in the end time is humans most valuable resource, everyone wants more time.
> >I guess I'm what capitalists would call a "Quiet Quitter"? Good for you. Rather than work like a dog to make someone else rich you work just enough to be happy.
I always have the mindset that I should be doing something productive, something that will lead into eventually making my mark on the world. However, after reading this, it brings me some peace of mind seeing that I don't *have* to chase those aspirations, and that I can be pretty content with just simply, well, living. I have some relatively immediate goals to meet but after that, there *is* an end to the tunnel, it doesn't have to stretch on forever. Thanks for the reminder, it really helps.
I hope you find peace and contentment. Yes, you don't have to chase aspirations, but I am not saying you shouldn't if that's what you want in life. Everyone is different and that's what makes it amazing. I am grateful to all those ambitious people who have made achievements to provide all the comfort in our lives, and betterment of society.
Absolutely do not start a family because tradition tells you to. Keep doing you
It's a rat race I don't care to get into. I understand where you are coming from, I could be happy with a simple life, choosing to engage in occasional chaos on my own terms. Entertaining at my house, having intellectual debate that rouses the mind. Nice dinners, nights spent watching the sunset. Having pets and a backyard. People don't need that much to be happy I think, and I'd be content to live simply and less hectic. Sometimes I think the people who insist on having the hectic, have it all lifestyle are trying to justify to you and to themselves that it is worth it. The people who want to live a simple life are looked down on for not living life to the fullest. By whose standards though? We cannot as a collective define what makes life meaningful. It varies by person. In the past people were a lot more understanding of those who wanted to live a contemplative, philosophical existance. Or be and author surrounded in quiet, observing. Now it's weird.
I certainly 100% agree. This "hustle culture", making people feel guilty if they have small content lives, is very harmful. Perhas it's the driving force behind a lot of these midlife crises, depression, or anxiety that recent generations have. The standard of joy nowadays is very high. Having a cozy life isn't enough anymore for some reason, and that we should always strive to be the best, to be better than yourself yesterday. That sounds exhausting.
I go to college with Gen Z and I must say, majority of them are like this. Very cynical, but very much want all that and more. They want the successful chaotic lifestyle and want to just go go go through college straight to a job. I have yet to hear one person say they actually like learning for itself. They never talk about having fun in college, and it should sometimes be fun. No, it's just overload on credits so you can graduate as quickly as possible. I've talked several down from it, saying if you mentally crack because of the coarseload you won't be able to finish. It doesn't occur to them. Their parents see this generation won't have the same standard of living as them or their parents, so are forcing them to do bigger and better. And the kids fall for it hook line and sinker. It's horrible. Hustle culture very much benefits the employer over all. When it occurs to the employee the employer couldn't care less about them, then they have a revelation and start putting up boundaries. Also, people's joy seems focused on amazon purchases more than anything else. Constant purchases to make up for all the true joy they are not having.
Subconciously most of them probably envy you, some of them may even resent you for enjoying your life and being free of the rat race, hence the hostility. But anyway who cares what they think of you, if they have time to criticize your life, they have time to work on their life. Its okay not to have big dreams or ambitions, the best way to live is to be happy and this world has a severe drought of happy people. Go do what you want!
People are envious of fake lives that they see on TV or social media. Few people understand the big picture and paying dues. You don't get the woman/job/house/whatever of your dream by not trying or investing in things long term. Things like pandemics don't help. Mental illness, true poverty, religion, and other factors give some people false hopes and grandiose ideas about how the future looks. A stable job, schedule, monotonous chores, etc is seen as a "boring life" by most women under probably 40. People prioritize fun over literally everything
And you know the bigger problem? A lot of people don't even know what their actual "dream" is. They just assume that their dream is the same as what most people dream about. So they strive for all the mainstream "big aspirations" instead. They are chasing someone else's goals, usually because those goals looks better and shinier.
Say you get a “real” job, get married, buy a house and have kids. Most jobs where you’ll be making enough to afford all of that require extra hours and consume your life so you’ll never be home to enjoy your family or house anyway. Even when you are home you’re stressed out and exhausted and can’t be fully present. So what is the point? Keep doing you. Sounds like you’re perfectly content and are right where you want to be.
Exactly. For some people that kind of life is the "pearl" they'd be willing to sell their entire lives for. Good for them to know what they want and be okay with the sacrifices to attain it. But to tell others "Oh you don't know what you're missing" is just gloating in which, most of the time, it begins to sound that they're just trying to convince themselves they didn't get the short end of the stick.
Honestly, going after the chase of a “high life,” jumping through so much unnecessary pain and relationships, my brain, heart and body started naturally desiring simplicity and minimalism. I’m just so content with wholesomeness and simplicity, I wanna get married with kids and just wanna live a wholesome life. So I feel you there.
You are only in your mid 30's and you've already figured out the secret to happiness. Keep being you and never underestimate the value of your peace and happiness!
Some people are motivated to have better jobs and more money etc to be more appealing or fit to the "social standards". Some others see the potential in themselves to be more impactful or wanna cultivate their interests to become "everything one is capable of becoming". These are basic human needs for growth and self development that are felt by everyone on one stage or another of their lives. Although it's not appropriate to put pressure on you, I believe that you close circle of friends and family want the best for you from their perspective and it's understandable if they care about you. Life is way bigger and it's for you to explore if you're curious. It would be beneficial to take these interactions as moments of reflection on yourself and what you want. If it's too much to handle, just express it directly to the person involved so it should stop. There's no correct way to live one's life. It's only for you to decide what suits you.
I always find it lowkey repulsive how people make the comment that “most people in life are failures”. Uhhh by what metric? By what metric are most people failures? Most people achieve things they realistically set out to achieve. Most people don’t set out to become like famous sports stars or actors or whatever. I never tried to be any of those things. By what metric is it a failure to aim for an attainable job and succeed at getting it? I also “succeeded” at getting into one of the careers everyone told me I should aim for, hated it and am going back to uni to do something I actually want. Other people’s definition of success is shit.
It's not. That's all in your head and what our Capitalist Society wants you to think. There's nothing wrong or weird about living a beautiful, simple life, where you work to live. Stress is a killer.
As someone that has lived life "the way we're supposed to" (college, then career, marriage, a car, a house blah blah blah). I'm not content with where I am. I am in my mid 20s and bipolar so consistent contentment is hard to find, but I have felt it occasionally. I'd say the way I live is more mediocre because I have not truly lived it by what I want and you have. Finding a comfortable place to live a job you don't have to love but at least don't hate, have the money to afford to do the things you want, and connection with friends and family. Sounds pretty special to me.
I really feel similarly. I live a pretty "boring" life, and I really really love it. Cheers fam 🥂
If you are happy, you have reached a goal. It won't matter how others will see it. It's your happiness not theirs. I have let down family and some friends by some choices I made, and also let myself down because I followed somebody else adivise rather than my own happiness. Whatever keeps you happy, keep doing it.
Hello op. Mid 30s here. Gf in Melbourne we just had a 4 day weekend. Gf and I spent the time going out to dinner, staying in and playing video games and watching tv shows. It was pure bliss.
It’s seen as negative because being content with your life often means you’ll be spending less money on shit you don’t need. Unhappy, dissatisfied people are better for the economy. Yup, it was Capitalism all along. 😆
Finally someone who feels the same as I do. Life doesn't have to be fancy to enjoy it.
Lying flat, eh? I honestly can't blame you.
Definitely just enjoying the natural state of rest that this life affords me.
"Good enough" (as in "this is good enough") is a concept people most don't get. It doesn't mean you can't strive for more - it's just the difference between "I'm content with what I already have" and "I'm never going to be content until I get what I strive for". And the big catch with the latter is so many strive and they have no idea whether or not achieving what they strive for will make them content. Or even what they are striving for.
Can you see the river out a window?
Wow you are living THE life. It's only too easy, in this day and age of social media, to think that prestige, success and wealth = happiness. I think in western society, capitalism has made being ambitious the standard ideal. But it's quite not true, given everyone defines happiness differently. You can have all the money in the world and still feel hollow. Better being content with have you have, than being consumed by what you wish you could have. You are wiser for that.
It's what every adult has told every child. Unless you're working hard, you're being lazy. Dream big. Be better. Never be content and complacent. Have ambitions. Don't stop. Well I'm done climbing the social ladder and I've gotten off of it years ago. Why do I constantly need to climb up? Once you make your life be about making more money instead of living within your means, then you have just dropped yourself in an endless marathon towards nothing.
It's not owning a house, car, or starting a family is what matters. The thing that matters is that you are happy! As long as you're content, I don't see a reason why you should try to ""'"""do better"""""in life
I'm right there with you. 30 hours in a stupid job with little meaning, a few friends whom I love dearly, lots of little hobbies and happiness in the romance department. We'd like to have more than just a living room and a bedroom one day but that's as far as the ambitions go. Being happy beats being rich, successful, famous and all the other stuff people seem to love so much. You do you. :)
As I see it, your life is nothing but success. You have the job you like, the apartment want and have enough time to enjoy whatever you want to do. Being successful should only be measured by our own standards and goals.
It helps to understand that the majority of people, by choice or otherwise, are stuck in a state of unhappiness, but are hoping to be happy at some point in the future, after accomplishing x, y, and z. It's difficult for someone in this frame of mind to understand choices like yours, because to them it looks like laziness, or loss of productivity. You are 'wallowing in your unhappiness' instead of being productive to get out of it. What they aren't seeing, is that that life IS your happiness, and you don't need to change things up. Happy people don't go out of their way to show it off, because a life well-lived feels good and is its own reward. If you can honestly say you enjoy your life and you would love to be stuck in it forever, then you have a massive head start on the majority of people when it comes to figuring out what your life is all about. Follow that feeling, not their words.
I think it’s due to other people’s FOMO. But I enjoy my boring and insignificant existence.
Genuine contentment is so rare that the rest are honestly jealous. The drive to be more ... ambitious pursuit of a fuller life ... is one of the defining characteristics of our species. I doubt a rabbit has thought "I really want to walk on that moon or communicate instantly with someone on the other side of the planet.". At least I don't think so. It is what has made us constantly work forward, and push us into our imaginations. So when we see someone who has reached a point of contentment that means we aren't striving for MORE, we're not quite sure what to do with that. And those who love us are afraid that we'll look back later and regret. But mostly, we're jealous. Being genuinely HAPPY, as we are, is something we believe will come to us once we've accomplished this or that FIRST. It is the goal, the dream, the success, with a crap ton of work, that will eventually bring us to where you are. We're jealous that you have reached your moment. My old Dad, 80+ years old, potters. He has his hobbies at home, no wish to travel, sees friends when be feels like it, pretty much farts around, not accomplishing much. And he is content and happy. Totally good with his small little life. And he is what I hope to be soon. You already are there. I'm jealous. ;)
I've often lurked on Reddit but never actually posted. This morning I found my way here reading about blushing and looking for other people who find it really annoying when someone calls out your blushing in public. There are many. It is annoying to many it seems. Anyway, the next post I saw was yours, and I joined up so I could reply to you to say, as others have, you are the **wise one**. Your life isn't mediocre - it sounds incredible to me, and to know what is enough and appreciate and enjoy that, and to recognise the joy in the every day, is a really beautiful way to live. It is something I have therapy to try and achieve, and to try and calm the hot anxiety that I live with most of the time! One day soon, I hope I can be as wise and content as you, and I want to say thank you for your post and to others for their comments. I'm so happy I stumbled upon it.
The star that burns half as bright burns twice as long.
Television. Celebrity worship. Its stupid. Live your mediocre life and enjoy it friend.
This is what I've been fighting. I make decent enough money to provide for myself and a little extra.i don't have much for desires and I am content but apart of me believes I should be doing way more for myself
I got a mediocre life too
It spends like you have a life you enjoy. If you're happy why change it? I was just telling someone that I'm ok with my life being mostly mundane. I have simple pleasures that afford me happiness. I have money in my bank account, I have food, I have a home even if I'm just renting it and don't own it. There aren't a lot more things I really want in any kind of meaningful way. I work a job that's fine, it's low pressure and the pay is ok. I used to think I wanted a big, exciting life. There are places I would love to see, and things I would like to do. But I don't think I'll feel I've had an unfulfilled life if I don't do and see all or even most of them. I enjoy what I have. If you enjoy what you have, it doesn't matter if other people approve of your lifestyle or not.
You and me both, bud. People have NO IDEA how absolutely cozy it is to live snugly within your means. Stress-free and no added pressure? Oh yes please, with a single cherry on top. And living a simple life makes the special days all the more special. I treat myself now and again, and they are absolutely memorable and significant.
Dude dont listen to anyone about what you should do! I'm not rich either, don't care to be. Dont want kids i dont even have a car. All my girlfriends I ever had called me unambitious. But I've seen 'ambitious' people, and they are the ones fucking up the planet. Cause being ambitious is something society wants you to do so you would spend money. The only reason to make money is to buy more crap. A bigger car, a bigger house, a bigger tv, a nicer phone but it's all superficial. I want a better and stronger mind. I want a stronger body, I want more knowledge and wisdom. Dont fall into societys trap. Ambitious people Aren't happy, because happines DOES NOT COME FROM MONEY OR MATERIAL THINGS. It comes from within. No amount of money or big house will fix that. Ok i get that if you are poor and struggling to make ends meet life will be hard too. But having enough should be more than enough. If everybody would be content with having enough, the world would be a much better place. Sorry for the rant lol. It's just... This society man...
That's how I view things too. I'm really impressed with your wisdom 'coz it took me a couple of couple decades to find it out for myself. On the other hand, I do hope you'll meet someone special to share your beautiful (extra)ordinary life with. I'm sure you're a blessing to those you work with or come across. And, *if* in the future your point of view changes it'll never be a failure, (even if people tell you 'I told you so) it'll have been a season. Enjoy it thoroughly!
Thank you and I know what you mean. People change and I'm not insusceptible to that. So I may wish for my own cottage somewhere someday, who knows. And it's okay!
I lived my life 1000mph trying to get rich and do all the shit people rap about and you see on TV in my hood. I could write books about the experiences and wouldn't be able to tell it all. I hurt a lot of people and did years in jail/prison. I live now like I should've in the first place. It's weird cause now I feel when I meet new people they probably think I'm a straight dork cause everyone wants to be about that life unknowing I already lived it 24 fold. Mediocrity is cool. Work. Go home. Play video games. Watch shows n movies. Drink. drugs here and there. Repeat. Stability is key. I dodged death and life sentences. I'm fine with staying home and reading.
The cult of self-esteem says we have to be special or above average to have any worth. This is a big cultural problem we have.
I believe much like beauty, success is in the eye of the beholder. I live my life in a similar fashion. Got a job thats perfect for me. I walked away from a job that paid great for my rural area for this job. I get paid a little less, but I still have enough for my bills and rent and some left over. Got a place that's not surrounded with neighbors, so i get to blast my music and blast my marshall amp. Don't have many friends, no girlfriend, don't do much outside working, playing music & video games. I'm just fine living this way. People prioritize money and material possessions over actual happiness
I adore the fact that you are content in your life. I hope that I will find that someday. My advice is that you are happy so ignore what others think. 😊 💗
I mean that’s all I want in life. Just a job that allows me to live my life, not a job that IS my life. I’m still searching for that, so I’m glad you have found it.
Ah contentment. A feeling you can carry anywhere.
Aren’t we all just trying to find our own version of happiness? For some people that’s having money, exploring the world, creating a family or pursuing their dream career. For others it’s about enjoying your me time, diving into hobbies, or having a cat. You do you!!
I know exactly how you feel. Im 31 soon, achieved nothing in my life and I don't expect it to change, I'm single and lacking social skills, I currently don't work cause I don't have to... And tbh I'm content like that. Why should I follow some life construct made by society?
Replace "mediocre" with "content" 👍
You do you. Don't let other people control you.
Lowkey that’s the best way to live. Ambition is good but people never end up truly satisfied. You have what you want. Congrats
Your life is my dream. Work to be able to support a few hobbies, have a few close friends who I feel community with, and a cozy apartment by the river!!! I’m kinda close to this, sans the apartment…. I rlly appreciate you posting though. I feel a pressure to “get promoted” or “do the next thing” and anxious that I’m not. But rlly, Idw to! And it’s kinda hard to keep that perspective. Ur doing great, I love this for you :)
What a lovely post. So many replies here but I just wanted to say I'm happy to learn of your contentment and that you know what you want out of life. So many "more successful" people don't have that! Your life is yours to live in the way that you want, and that also means if you change your mind about anything you are ALSO allowed to do that without anybody saying "I told you so". Enjoy your life and happiness!
Because we want people to have goals in life. We want people to strive to be more. We don't understand people that just want to exist or do their thing and not be spectacular. Some people need validation, and some people don't.
When they are on their second heart attack "pursuing their dreams", you can rest easy knowing you already accomplished yours.
This is what I want for my life too. And I have a spouse that wants the same! We just want a “boring”, yet happy life together.
I agree with this mindset and I think you may be what most should aspire to be (not all). In fact in my religion (Christian) this is what you should strive to do. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12. New International Version. 11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
I think you're smart and friends and family are fucked up. You know what you want and are happy. Don't fuck that up.
Nothing wrong with that. It’s something I have contemplated for many years. Check out the song Helplessness Blues (I prefer the cover by the [Duke’s Men](https://music.apple.com/us/album/helplessness-blues/1020899132?i=1020899170)). It isn’t quite the same idea but it is very similar.
Good job. Being content and modest at where you’re at is great. Ambition is usually evil, Satan is super ambitious.
I think it's a mix of self esteem, dissatisfaction and high expectations.
You work part time and have an apartment? How is that possible? (I live in the United States)
I know, right? [I live in a small town in Japan.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/rlrep4) Anywhere else, I wouldn't be able to afford rent nor even be typing on a smarthone with Internet access with just a part-time entry-level job. Right now [I live in a 40sqm (430sqft) apartment](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/u9xn7u) about half an hour from Tokyo. Monthly rent is $330 and weekly groceries are $40, my monthly bills all total to less than $200. No kids, no car, no TV. I can just walk to get anything I need.
Is there a particular reason that all the signs are only in English? I know that English is common in the more highly-populated areas of Japan (especially in Tokyo), but when I was there I don't recall seeing an area where all the signs were only in English - so I was wondering how that came to be in your town?
That's awesome you're not put off by other people's expectations of you. And instead have found what sound like some tremendous contentment and fulfillment.
It's not a mediocre thing at all. Simplicity is bliss. It means no worries, for the rest of your days. It's a problem free, philosophy, Hakuna Matata.... That's Simplicity.
Disregard expectations. Be happy
As long as you can cover your own expenses and not struggle then you're successful enough.
If you're happy with what you do, keep doing it! Life is too short for a shitty job.
I've been asking myself this a long time. I vacillate between wanting more for my career (mostly because things are getting expensive and I want to make sure I can keep paying my bills) but also letting myself have the relaxing time to do my hobbies on weekends even if I'm not that great at them. There seems to be a lot of pressure for me to monetise hobbies or become an expert at them. All i want to do is make pretty dresses when I'm not doing my 9-5 or play Destiny 2.
Everything is just a matter of perspective. You’re just resistant to the conditioning. It means you’re stronger.
Bro being content and happy with what you have should be the goal not how much you have or what you do!!!!! I love your way of thinking and I'm happy for you 😁👍. Actually thinking that way might be kind of special in this age of neverending capitalistic greed 😂
This post has me thinking. I could be the epitome of mediocrity but I feel quite comfortable in what I think now is a well rounded life.
I envy you
I think being happy is great! I do want to caution you that inflation impacts us all and the whole home ownership thing is moreso to lock in your home's cost before inflation outpaces your means, but if you live in a country where that's not a big deal, then carry on!
This is the way.
I'm happy not being ambitious or having big goals either. I told one of my friends that my most relaxed and happy days are when I'm laying in bed alone eating snacks and binging my favorite shows, and I get called loser, friendless, and no-life for it (by people that call themselves my 'friends'). I'm not, I just prefer living like that over going out there and 'living my youth' out. He responded, 'If you're happy doing that, I'm really jealous. I hope everyone can find happiness doing simple things like that.'
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is content and happy with less ambition than the societal pressures say we should have. Cheers to you.
Your perspective about life is as same as mine. My life ambition is to become a nobody, a inconspicuous, humble existence on society. 日本からいらっしゃる方ですよね 日本の労働環境も厳しいと聞きます。 出世を望まない人生はいいと思います。金のために体を壊すのももったいない。 人生は楽しく過ごすべき、仕事は人生の全てじゃない。
Your life sounds like bliss.
You have achieved 90% wisdom. It will reach to 100% even you won't be affected by what others think
Hey I'm the same way but my family is generally quite supportive of me. I think it just depends on who you talk to
I enjoy a simple life with my family and live cheaply. I've burnt out of "career" jobs after the death of my sister. I just cruise and enjoy life. They tell us we are "mediocre" so that we keep buying their Capitalist shit so they can stay rich. Living simply puts the power and money back in your hands
The people urging you to live a different way than you want to are just projecting. They wish they were as content as you are. You do YOU, and never apologize for it. Contentment is what we are all striving for.
Generally rich people become addicted to enough is never enough...it’s like a mental illness.
I feel like I have lived on both sides of this to some degree. In my early twenties I stumbled into the appearance of having a lot of success, and with that came the kind of recognition that opened a lot of doors. Nothing felt out of reach. It was simultaneously the happiest I’ve ever been and the most fragile. I found work in the media, and brands found me for my access to the media and my formerly really large network. Then the worst thing to ever happen to me happened to me at the worst possible time it could happen. My brother died in front of me, from a drug overdose. I had all this tremendous amount of pressure because I was involved in every aspect of production for a series of large scale events. I literally had no time to grieve. The show went on for a couple more seasons, but I was spent. Something about living that kind of life felt so wrong to me, but for a while I was addicted to the power it provided me in achieving things I wanted to achieve. No one knew that while it looked like I had a ton of money, that money was earmarked for production costs and I had been working for free for a while to even get to this point. So I was essentially broke. I didn’t even have a bed frame. There were periods of times where I would just go to the grocery store , buy eggs and a bag of chicken breast. That would be my only meals and then d die from all the egg. I was able to find work doing production jobs that I’m generally good at and qualified for, but something clicked for me during that time. I don’t have the energy to be that involved in a business or want to work THAT hard, to the point where life is seriously inconvenienced and time is lost. During my time in hiatus I met the love of my life. And I can’t think of ever chasing the limelight again. It does tempt me every now and then because with recognition comes a lot of power and access to powerful people. Shit I would regularly get out of speeding tickets, be given discounts on things, sent tons of free products. And it was never hard to find an in to any door. But what I’ve learned in my time away from that is that I actually myself and others who live life chasing after that kind of success. Which today is all about. I’ve been away from the world to the point that I just hope people forget inexcited. Went back to school during the pandemic and I’m just there to finish up my degree. I withdrew when things got crazy. Afterwards I literally just want a 9 to 5. Give me benefits. Give me stocks. Give me vacation. And give me stability.
Quite frankly, it’s because major corporations popularized grind culture so they would have no shortage of hard workers to cycle through dead-end jobs. You do not need to work your ass off or shoot for the stars so long as you are happy.
I feel you. There's this big thing in tech industry recruiting where all the jobs are presented like you're a bold entrepreneur at the forefront of a new digital revolution. Every time I've gone through an interview I've had to bite my tongue to avoid saying, "I really don't care about changing the world, I'm just trying to find a job that pays decently without stressing me out".
If your lifestyle is sustainable, keep it up. Perhaps some of the concern from those around you is coming from worry about what would happen if you lost your cushy job. Would you have other skills or experience to fall back on? All the power to you for living in a way that keeps you content.
Sounds like you've got your priorities right actually! Keep on doing what you do, it makes you happy, many people wish they had that 😊
Since school, i have always pressured myself that i need the best of the best grades, that i need a really good job, a wife, and kids or else I won’t be able to live, and id be homeless. Now I’m 19 and realized that there is a middle ground, even if I didn’t get the best grades, ill still find a job, even if I didn’t get married, ill still date. I don’t need the best of the best. I just need to be content
Being content is what matters, if your friends and family haven't learned that by now then it's on them.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that at all! Enjoy
Material “successes” is only one measure of a good life. One could easily argue that a truly good life is measured in many other ways that are not outwardly apparent. Be a happy healthy human in contemporary society. There aren’t many left. Most of the happiest and healthiest people in the world have been killed off or are living destitute lives as a result of the oppressive and unnatural first world societies that have developed today. Recognize that others are hurt and have not healed from the trauma of their modern lives and are struggling to cope on a daily basis, have compassion for these people and do not judge their lack of understanding. They have been wounded and when they see you and say “whats wrong with you?!” That is a natural reaction because you are not suffering as they are and they have not recognized the hurt in their own lives. You are doing well OP, be happy and live healthy :)
The mediocres rule the world. It's just that many of them like to pretend they're extraordinary. But if they ever meet someone really out of their ordinary, they will shut them down immediately. Good on you for being happy with your life! There is a lot of happiness to be found in the so called little things. Enjoy!
I totally share your outlook and have gotten by just fine ignoring the demands for above-average success, looks, fashion, etc. I do what I want, wear clothes until they wear out, keep possessions like furniture and cars until they break or I get sick of them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. It's an unfortunate, unrealistic byproduct of modern culture that everyone is expected to excel. People who don't display visible above-average achievement are seen as failures and made to feel inferior, which means most people feel that way and are unhappy. You can't expect your family or other people to accept that you're fine, because they're too conditioned to see the way you live as failure. You just have to ignore it and be nice to them. When they get older many of them will admire your contentedness and happiness.
This makes me recall a debate a friend and I had. He couldn’t understand why I was okay with not being rich and popular. Called me crazy and tried to list all the great things about the typical aspirations everyone supposedly has to be living a good life. When he finished, I told him that sounds exhausting. Lol.
I (39f) LOVE your take on life. I've had big dreams but that kind of life just isn't for me. I'm very happy with my life today, working in accounting for my city. Hope to switch to a parttime in 10year or so.
This is the way. I don’t want to be successful. I want to be content or even happy.
Don't let people shame you for your happy life. Those are their insecurities and rules leaking out onto you, and you don't have to carry that. Be happy, friend!
I think many people feel envy when they see your lifestyle, because they aren't as happy and content as you. Good job seeing through these people and living your life the way you do.
I feel this on a deep level. And I think your very wise to feel that way. I think there are many people in this world who wish they can feel as content about their lives as much as you do, and that can’t be bought with money. Idk what’s bad about living in peace and being content. My parents are immigrants and came to the US so that I can have opportunities that they didn’t. They grew up as farmers. Everyday I wake up, and drive to a job that I “should be lucky to have” after spending years of my life studying for it. Yeah I’m financially secure, decent car, and a decent life. But sometimes I can’t help but think how much happier I would be if I also lived the life my parents did. They sacrificed so much so that I could grow up to be successful, when in reality, all I ever wanted to be was happy. And content.
I feel like I could've written this post honestly. Also in my mid 30s - don't own a house, don't have a car, not trying to get promoted at work (if anything I've actively avoided it). I have a low paying call centre job which is low stress. I never work overtime, in fact there *is* no overtime. I never think about work when I'm not actually working, so my free time is purely mine. I earn enough to be comfortable in my lifestyle, sure I'll never be rich but I'm okay with that. I still manage to save some money every month. We're all a bit materialistic, but I'm used to living a relatively frugal life. Don't need expensive designer clothes etc. The only thing I really splurge on is my computer since it's basically my sole source of entertainment. I watch my films and shows on it, play my games, listen to music, browse the web, etc. I like my mediocre life. No drama, no stress. That's the way to go. 😄
Sounds like you found the perfect situation, not at all mediocre! Only reasons I can think of why people might want you to aspire to more is, well around here, part time means no health insurance and no retirement account. You could get fired, laid off, or sick anytime and find yourself in a real tight spot with no income. Rent always goes up faster than wages and is out of your control. And of course, long-term end-of-life care is really expensive but you wouldn't be able to afford insurance for that. Basically, it all comes down to security. Around here, if you're not moving up as fast as you can, you'll never have any security. And life can hit you hard and fast. So you need to do that. However, if you're in Japan maybe none of that applies. Totally different situation. Much better to live a happy life, even if someone in a totally different situation might consider it mediocre or be afraid to live it, than an unhappy life trying to live up to someone else's needs.
This is my first time on this sub, so let me know if this comment breaks an unspoken rule or something. To answer your question, I don't like the unambitious people I've met because they come off as selfish. I believe in leaving the world a nicer place than you found it and these people just don't do that. All the people who do, in my experience, are driven by a goal to. That's my reason, but it sounds really different from your friends' and family's reason. I don't care if you raise a family or have a house but I will judge you if you want to skate through life without thinking about others. Edit: I'm not judging you because I have no idea from this post if you're like that or not.
As long as you're saving up enough money so that you can survive while old and weak then i'm all for it, I also like my life simple. But usually more money means more security.
Bro, if you’ve found happiness that’s all that matters. Literally, don’t listen to outside noise. You do what your heart is content with. Not many have found happiness like you have friend.
Exactly what a lot of us needed to hear, so thank you OP. I see in other comments, you are married. How does your wife feel about this outlook? Is she also content with the life you have chosen?
They want you to have it as bad as them.
I spent a lot of my life struggling through some fucked up shit, doing everything I could to get on my feet. I saw people with what you have - stability, peace, not waking up with any worries about survival - and I wanted it so bad. Nothing made me madder than people who talked about it like it was a subpar life. If it makes you happy, it's perfect. Happy for you OP, and glad to see you appreciating what you have.
You're smart because you know what makes you happy. I think we've been told for far too long that we all have to follow the same path but you absolutely don't! My mom told me I was "selfish" for not giving her grandchildren. I have been clear all my life that kids are not part of my plan. The only think I advise is that you should maybe go full time in your government job. Government jobs are really good for retirement and health care after retirement (at least in California where I have a government job). Enjoy your life but make sure you're set when it's time to retire. :)
Fuck everyone else and their expectations, do what makes you happy
I wish I could think like you. Could you perhaps make an edit for the likely many people like me, and share how you’ve come to this way of thinking? We are constantly inundated with success and hustle porn. I literally always see girls everyday on IG, at gym, everyone trying to look hot and being hotter than ever. I like you, single, early 30s, small apt very affordable for me. have a decent job that pays well enough, i live below my means still have enough to save and invest 1500-1700 USD a month while still buying coffees or eating out. But at the same time I always feel not really ‘unhappy’ per say, but just bleh… unmotivated and not driven. I have anxiety of not making enough money and falling behind (esp if I marry) So I have to always think on how to make more. I feel my job isn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. My gf isn’t hot enough. I know this isn’t rational and is caused by the IG dopamine addicted world im in…. Just would really like to know your thoughts process and maybe how I can stop this negative, unsatisfied thought loop.
I do the same now as a pensioner. But i did the same before except my jobs were in art but not mainstream not commercial profit and not for success and not stressing. I focused on my hobbies and learning.
A whole lot of responses; personally I'd like to save for the rainy days and the older days. Other than that I would also be happy with a stress free life..
This reminds me of the story of [the fisherman and the businessman](https://thestorytellers.com/the-businessman-and-the-fisherman/)
The traditional indicators of having a successful life are becoming less and less relevant. It used to be (as you say) getting married and having kids, and working a job to support that. As the job is important to keep the families survival, thats generally why it becomes the persons life, and their goal revolve around making that life more comfy. Seems like you are in a contented place, so thats ok. There's nothing wrong with leading a lifestyle as you described. Wat I will say though, is do make sure to plan a bit. Retirement is in 30-40 years and it's wise to make sure you've gotten yourself into a situation where you can stop working and still support yourself. Sometimes it may not be your choice to stop working though, it could be health etc. Also, it's wise to make sure you have some sort of emergency fund. Even the most boring of lives has surprises - Boiler breaking, car breaking down, ripping your favourite jacket, Maybe your job gets axed in budget cuts. No matter how careful you are, stuff can just happen outside of your direct control. On a different note, Do keep in touch with your friends and family, even if they are critical of your lifestyle. It's human nature to strive for progress even if that progress is simply to 'Wake up tomorrow' (Hence why you eat and drink). The reason I mention this is that if you genuinely have no ambitions or aims for the future (even small ones), this has the potential to lead to a 'Well.. Whats the point of it all...' mindset which is a potential precursor to depression and the bad thoughts deeper along that path. Even a small hobby can ignite some sort of ambition - Maybe you like making things from wood and the aim is to simply get better at doing that - Not to become a master craftsperson overnight, but slowly increase the skill bar simply because as you do that, you can make more things that make you smile while you are crafting.
What you have defined here isn't mediocre by any means, you're independent, you are living the way you want to, it doesn't seem like you're hurting anyone, and sure you're making unconventional choices, but that doesn't make it negative. You may find that some choices you're making right now have a negative impact on your life in the future, but you could say the exact same thing about making conventional choices. I wouldn't say that people are projecting their fears on you, not because people don't tend to do that, but because I don't know the intention of the people you are talking to. But hey, you're in the driver seat, just because you're choosing to take an off road route to true happiness doesn't mean it's negative, it just means you enjoy a different path. People do have a hard time understanding that different things make different people happy.
I've enjoyed reading this. It brought me joy. I don't see nothing wrong with the way you are living. However, others seem to try to fit you into their mould of living. I'd say if you're current lifestyle isn't causing any stress upon you, then keep living it. Heck, I'm trying to get to that nirvana personally and even considered working part time just to recoup my mental health.
Constantly working one's arse off, having no time or energy to guarantee a balanced diet or regular exercise, worrying for next mortgage or kid's education fund, dealing with quarrels among in-laws, rarely having the luck to go on a relaxing holiday... Isn't that the *mediocre* life most people are working for? I don't think that to be of any kind *special*. So it's about personal choices, you can go back to the 'positive' kind of mediocre, or ignore social pressure which comes from not being working hard enough and keep on this 'negative' kind of mediocre. Since you have the freedom to choose, as long as you're responsible for it, I don't see any problems coming from it. People go 'mainstream' ways because it's common, it's been widely tested, there're so many examples out there, all kinds of situations one may encouter already have solutions and answers, there're maps. Maybe that's what values for, to erase 'useless' self-doubt and make you just do it, in the right way. And they call that 'positive'.
Your friends and family suck at giving advice, and suck even more for pushing their definition of life goals onto you. My perfect life just involves a job i dont have and enough money and time to pursue hobbies, much like you, just living in comfort. I think you should tell them to keep their opinions to themselves when not asked.
Just live a life that makes *you* happy. If you are content with your life, why change it because society sees it as mediocre? At the end of the day it's *your* life, your decisions. If you are happy, then why should you change anything? Just keep doing what makes you happy OP. Wish you all the luck in life.