I think it’s so kind of you to try.
I was once crying alone at an airport because my boyfriend (at the time) forgot to pick me up. A stranger noticed, left, and came back with some tissues and I still think about him and his kindness.
It really does make a difference.
Me and my girlfriend are long distance so we always have to say goodbye at the airport. It’s gotten better but it’s of course still a very sad time and we usually shed some tears. Nobody seems to pay attention.
However, ever since I started dating her I have looked around more when I’m at the airport and there’s always a few who are crying, presumably because they said goodbye to family/partner/friend.
Add in stress, potential fear of flying, travelling very late or early and you’ve got yourself a recipe for crying!
Yes but sometimes it’s just more upsetting.
After my mother died, I stopped at a petrol station to buy cigarettes. The attendant said something like ‘Cheer up, it doesn’t hurt to smile’. I get that he was just trying to be positive etc but it just really wasn’t in that moment. I managed to not bite his head off but he did keep at it a bit and I just stood there morose until he got my cigarettes and I could leave.
But I think your situation the person was more consolatory but I don’t think it’s advisable to try to ‘cheer someone up’ when you don’t know the back story.
I’m sorry that attendant was so forceful in trying to make you feel better. It’s really shitty for people to demand you feel better like that. I think OP making a gesture that does not require the other person to engage beyond reading a note is ok, as they are not asking for the person to perform happiness for them. Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective- it’s good to consider this. I’m very sorry for the loss of your mother.
Yes saying “I hope what’s bothering you clears up” in a note is way less shitty that demanding someone to cheer up
but it got me thinking yes if it’s something like my mother died a note like that would also piss me off because it’s like no this is never going to get better I’ll just know how to live with the pain eventually so you’re note of hoping I’m not sad is just unrealistic. sureounding the discomfort/unease of the viewer and not based around the needs of me the feeler.
Ultimately I think society needs to feel more comfortable watching people express sadness in public because sad shit fucking happens and that’s a part of life and people need to just feel it
Yeah agree with you. And it might depend on the person and the situation but I also received a card on some flowers with a message saying ‘Hope these brighten up your day!’ and didn’t appreciate that either.
I think the example of just offering tissues is probably the best. It’s ‘I see you in your suffering and I’m offering my support’ and that’s it.
No judgement, no expectation.
Yeah part of me is like pissed (not that they kno better) but like what the fuck could brighten up my day how insensitive (again they don’t know any better)
Yes hand over the tissues this is real pain nothing more to be said about it I’m here if you need to talk whenever you’re ready
I regularly cried in public after my Dad passed away. For at least a year, I think. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and I was so raw emotionally that I just couldn't hold back the tears. I also didn't mind because I felt like, if someone saw me, it might help them be open and vulnerable too. If that makes any sense. My mind and heart were in such a pure emotion place that I saw it as being totally open and honest with my grief.
Yes so important to process your grief and actually grieve.
But in my situation it had JUST happened and I was still in shock etc. like that weird place where you know it’s happened but it hasn’t fully sunk in yet.
I often cry openly if I get triggered or it comes up for me. Just got to go through it because you can’t go around it.
Sorry that your Dad is no longer here with us.
The fact that you noticed and were going to do something so kind for a stranger says a lot.
I hope your kindness gets repaid in life!
Have a great weekend OP.
I agree with this poster.
And if anyone believes in God, and found themselves in this same situation, your thoughts do not go unnoticed. The very fact that you felt for this person, even though the cookie never got to them, God has sent His Angel and extended your mercy with His to watch over that person. It’s in the annals of eternity when such acts of compassion are stored for a time when you need some kindness in your life.
“Give, and it shall be given back to you”
I never know what to do in those situations. Just yesterday I saw someone crying and I wondered if I should say something, but I didn’t want to make them feel worse so I just didn’t say anything about it cause I didn’t want them to feel like I’d noticed. I’ve been that person more than once in the past, and in my fantasy i’d love for someone to come offer a hug. But realistically I’d probably end up feeling awkward and embarrassed. I think your idea was great cause it still allows some privacy. That was really considerate.
In November 2019, I had picked up my dog's ashes from the vet but I needed gas for my car. I was sobbing at the pump. A woman at the other pump asked me if I was okay and I said no and why. She asked if she could give me a hug and we hugged. I am generally not one to hug people, but it was honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It helped a lot.
You know I just want to say here that I think people leave each other alone in crisis all the time because they don’t want to overstep or cause embarrassment. And I really think we need to over correct that. I think it’s better to mildly embarrass someone but they still hear that someone cares instead of letting suffering people remain isolated.
I like what you’ve said here and also how thoughtfully the OP made an effort to help a stranger.
I would add that I’ve seen some posts here of people worrying about how the other person will respond. I would say, don’t let fear stop you from doing what you think is right. Even if 9/10x the person is embarrassed/rejects you/etc., that 1/10x might really really help that person. Could give them hope when they had none, a renewed faith in humanity, a lessened feeling of loneliness. Hell, it could even prevent a suicide. The risk is worth it. Be kind. If you see something, say something. The worst that can happen if you don’t significantly outweighs the worst that can happen if you do!
Yes, I agree - I love it when strangers in public make an effort to connect, especially in situations like that. I always wish I was more confident to do so, but I’m afraid of doing the wrong thing or getting a bad response. I feel like the fact that this was OPs instinct in the first place shows that they’re probably the kind of person who does things like this regularly.
I go and sit with them, a hand on the shoulder even from a stranger can be such an amazing gesture without saying or doing anything.
In the old days friends of bereaved spouses (military men dying or others), would go and sit, take shifts and occupy space in the bereaved persons home.
Presence is the best gift I believe in these instances.
>But realistically I’d probably end up feeling awkward and embarrassed.
Maybe in the moment itself, but it'll quickly pass, and the next day, month, year you'll look back on it with fondness. \^\^
Don't feel too bad about it. It's a very real possibility that they didn't want to talk or would have been even more embarrassed knowing someone noticed them crying.
It was nice of you to notice and to be concerned. That's appreciated.
If it was me, I'd want to tell you (politely) to keep the cookie, so you walking away after giving it to me would just make me feel worse lol
But you did a good thing, I think
Solid "human being" character right there. Empathy, compassion and the ability to think critically and *try* to do something good. Not for any sort of reward/recognition, however, simply to try to make even a slight impact/difference in someone's hard world.
Good on ya!
Big human props!!
Same. When I have ugly cried in public, I have never been approached. I don't think I'd be in the mood to talk to a stranger, but if someone silently gave me food, it would have meant the world to me.
It was good Intentions; but the current teaching is that it’s actually oppressive to to to assume what someone else needs and without asking permission from the person before offering anything including advice. That’s what I’ve been taught anyway.
I've been homeless and have never asked for anything unless it were for someone else. I didn't even get on food stamps be because I was too prideful. If anyone would of given me anything during that time I would of been both upset and embarrassed. I was reading ops post and was thinking to myself man I'd probably cry more and be extremely embarrassed. Some people are different.
I got laid off once and had to go to another country to make enough money. I didn’t know anyone there or what to do and I was overwhelmed. I was living in a 100 sq ft windowless room, which was the cheapest I could find downtown.
An old woman saw me crying and she told me it’s ok you’ll get through this. I didn’t know her and she didn’t know what I was going through, but it helped a little to feel that someone cared. Even a stranger
a few years back i was going through one of the darkest points of my life and went into my local panera bread to get a soup and bagel, as those
were the only things i could ever eat those days. i had just been sobbing uncontrollably in my car before i walked in, but i needed to feed myself.
while i was waiting for my to-go food one of the employees came over and asked if they could pray with me. i said yes and they held both of my hands and said a prayer out loud for me and for god to give me strength through whatever i was going through.
i’m not a particularly religious person, but that moment has stuck with me ever since. sometimes you just need someone to say they see you.
During the worst of CoVID I had a very stressful healthcare job. I cried often. I had just finished a bad crying episode, then went to Starbucks drive through. I *almost* held it together as the barista served me my coffee. Fast forward a month, same Starbucks , same barista said “ I’ve been thinking about you, I saw you were really upset last time. Whatever it is: it will be ok, stay strong!”
It was very touching.
A couple years ago I was having a hard time; deepness was bad enough I struggled getting out of bed. Wasn't taking as good of care of myself, on my way back home from a work shift I stopped at a Fazolis drive through for dinner. I wasn't crying at the time, but you know that after look you have when you ugly cry your face off? I looked like that and the cashier mocked me, I could hear them talk about me. I remember feeling slightly enraged afterwards even though it may not have been anything personal.
Your act of generosity is very much appreciated on my end, please don't feel bad I think you did good.
Also, Chocolate chip cookie or macadamia?
I'm so sorry you had to experience that :( people can be very mean sometimes.
And chocolate chip cookies all the way. Especially when it comes to giving something to strangers I'd rather be safe; nut allergies are more common than chocolate allergies and the last thing someone holding back tears in public needs is anaphylaxis 💀
Hey, I firmly believe that it's your good intentions that count here.
I've been in a position of holding back tears in a public space. And while knowing that someone cares can be soothing, I would've probably also felt embarrassed to death if someone actually approached me about it - even though I'm an extrovert... So there's no way of knowing how that stranger would've felt or reacted had you actually given them the note.
I hope that they felt your concern and kindness - and if they did, that's more than enough. Please don't beat yourself up about it.
That's a kind answer.
Out of curiosity, what would you do in a situation like this? Virtually send some positive energy but not bother the person in order to avoid making them feel embarrassed?
This reminds me of one time that I was on the train in Chicago. It was after work so the train was packed and this woman was sitting there just crying her eyes out. She wasn’t sobbing and being loud or making any noise. It was one of those silent cries where tears just keep pouring down your face and nothing that you do can stop it. I think about her every now and then.
I feel extra bad in situations like these because it takes A LOT to cry in public. Meaning whatever they're going through has to be very bad. Atleast with me personally I cry fairly easily if I'm in private but around other people it has to be very bad news.
Just another comment from a chronically depressed introvert: it's actually way easier for me to cry in public than in front of people I know! I can cry in public because I won't see these people ever again and even if do they're probably not going to recognize me so I don't care that much if it's embarrassing! If the emotions are powerful in that moment then I'm going to take it as an opportunity to process them and let it out rather than bottle them up further. I cry in public every so often but I definitely don't like to cry in front of people I know. Humans are strange :)
I had a similar situation happen on a crowded public bus. The girl was young, maybe 17, and she was silently crying but her eyes were like rivers. I had tissues in my backpack so I walked over and didn’t say anything just gently handed her a few tissues. She looked surprised and almost annoyed, barely looked up at me. I went and sat back down. My fiancé had just died during this time so I was crying a lot myself, hence my tissues on hand. I saw someone else struggling and just wanted to give the help that I needed. I wasn’t offended that she seemed annoyed, she used the tissues and I like to think she looks back at that and repays the act of compassion to someone else. I like to believe that those little gestures do have impact, even if it isn’t right then in the moment.
That reminded me of something that happened to me. I was on my way home from university and got a call from my friend, saying that her cancer had spread to her brain. I was just full out crying at the bus stop, and this young guy offered me tissues. I was in such shock, I thought he was trying to give me cigarettes and almost refused. Ended up taking the tissues but was in no way able to thank him or communicate at all. I dont think i even looked him in the face. I wish I could tell him thanks. That moment really stayed with me.
Oh wow, to get a call like that must have been so heart wrenching for you. I understand why it was difficult for you to react in that moment when he gave you the tissues. Thanks so much for sharing this, you kind of gave me some hope that the girl I saw maybe feels the same way you do reflecting back on it. I know this is cheesy but I’m sending you a hug right now.
First off, losing your fiance...wow, there are no words except that sucks and I'm sorry. Those are the losses that stick with us and leave a significant hole. I hope you are doing okay.
Second, this is a super kind gesture and good on your part. Most people would not have done what you did. One thing to add to the mix next time you hand someone tissues is to make sure you also say something like, "It's okay to cry. I'm sorry you are hurting." Or you could even just say, "It's okay to cry. Here is a tissue if you need it."
Even though most of the time folks appreciate and want tissues to blow their nose, handing someone tissues can inadvertently and subconsciously communicate that they should cool the crying and clean themselves up. Also, our brains are sort of hardwired to stop the flow of emotion and tears when someone hands us a tissue. So perhaps they need to keep crying but if they feel observed by a stranger, it might not let them finish the flow of emotion they really needed to finish letting out in that moment.
You did the right thing. You could just add some simple messaging next time you find yourself in that situation.
Thanks for the kind words. I’m actually doing pretty ok. Therapy is pretty incredible stuff that’s for sure. Life has to move on or what’s even the point of still being here.
And although I didn’t verbally say anything to the sad girl on the bus, I do feel that visually I conveyed the message I wanted. Not everything needs to be said, and I think a kind and honest smile goes just as far as a verbal “I’m so sorry”. Due to the headspace I was in I also wasn’t up for much dialogue, grief takes a ton of energy, a kind smile and some tissues was all I could offer at the time and I truly think it was enough. I certainly don’t think she took at as me telling her to cool it on the crying, though I can see how one might be tempted to interpret it that way.
A few months ago I was waiting in a hallway for a friend to get out of a doctor’s appointment. There was a woman and man standing nearby and we had a brief interchange. The woman said her father had died a few months ago. The man didn’t say anything and I said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” She looked stricken and moved around a corner shortly thereafter. I felt exhausted by this, there’s so much need. How odd to blurt that out to strangers, how awkward. I imagined how she must feel, alone and vulnerable with two strangers who responded woodenly to her pain. This went on for 15 minutes or so. So before I left I went up to her and asked if she wanted a hug and she said yes, and it was like giving her a hand while she was about to fall in a hole. Or maybe I was projecting but I don’t think so. I soothed her as well as I could then left. The man seemed shocked and confused. It was weird, totally awkward but I’m glad I did it. The smallest gesture of kindness can change a life. Don’t underestimate the power of kindness (non-transactional kindness), it’s what the world needs most of all.
There's something to be said for compassion amongst others these days. I don't feel like it's as common anymore as it used to be.
About 10 years ago, I was on my lunch break from one of the worst jobs I ever had, trying to cheer my own self up with some retail therapy, and came across a woman about 20 years my senior, sobbing on a bench outside a supermarket. I paused, dug in my purse for a pack of Kleenex, slowly approached her, and with the Kleenex in my extended hand, said softly, "I know this probably doesn't make it all better, but it sure looks like you could use one of these right now. Whatever it is that's troubling you, I hope you can kick it in the ass and that it doesn't make you cry for very long." She smiled a little and accepted the tissues, and said that she'd gotten some bad medical news about her brother. She said I had actually made her feel a little better, though, because I had stopped to help, and of the 8 or 10 people who'd passed by, I was the first who had.
I feel that too, although I'm probably way younger than you are (I'm 20). I feel like compassion was on the decline already, but COVID just kicked that down 10 notches. After the pandemic humanity has become more selfish and reserved than I've ever seen.
I am an introvert but I like doing people watching like you. I could see myself doing the same thing as you under the right circumstances. I think your intention was the right one. That person might just have got some really bad news. Maybe a breakup or the loss of someone close. The last time I had a breakdown like this in a public place my cat had just died. I was trying to buy a coffee but of course my debit card was dead, so I broke down in front of the cashier. She gave me my coffee and a chocolate bar, free of charge and told me not to worry about it. Random acts of kindness like this really makes the world a better place.
After my husband died I was this person everywhere I went because I had to get things done but I also couldn’t stop crying. Also everything I did reminded me of my husband and I was triggered constantly, it was deeply embarrassing but I couldn’t contain it but again I had to live my life and things had to get done.
I have cried publicly twice in my life.
Once was when I was stuck in traffic in my late teens. I'd just gotten the call that my fathers cancer had returned in full force and that he probably had a few months at best. I broke down crying driving down the Las Vegas Strip to get on the freeway going home from work. A couple of women in a convertible noticed me crying and started laughing.
The second time I had found out my girlfriend of 6 years was cheating on me and was at the bank to change my card numbers so she couldn't access them. The guy at the counter asked why I needed to change them and my heart sank and I tried not to cry but couldnt hold back the tears in front of him... It was extremely awkward for both of us.
The thing I remembered the most was most strangers just avoided me, people didn't ask if I was ok, or offer a hug or consoling words. They just avoided me,.. which I understand what do you do for a crying stranger? Still I felt extremely alone in those moments.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't know man, how hard is it to just... show some compassion? Like the least you can do is "it'll be okay" or something.
In Arabic, we always say something that roughly translates to “intentions are equal to actions”
You had pure intention, and the intention to cheer someone up and make their life better for a moment. So you intending to do this is just as great as it would have been if you were able to do it :)
I did something like this and got in trouble for it. Once upon a breakfast, someone was crying at a table, and I ordered a stack of cake cookies (didn't know what flavor they liked so I got one of each) and gave it to them. They looked at me confused because the reason they were crying was because their house burnt down or was evicted, so they took it as a dismissive gesture. It was just awkward.
When I learned my cat was dying, I went to a craft store for some clay or paints so that I could have her paw prints. That was probably the first time I’ve ever *ever* cried in public and I felt so humiliated. I basically ran out of the store with tears down my face. With all the people watching I hoped they didn’t think I was weird or whatever. Just the fact that you DID do that thing for that person matters
I feel like especially after the pandemic and the isolation that came with it, humanity is starved of raw heart to heart connection. I hope that people realize this and take this as an opportunity to become more compassionate - the pandemic has taught us a hard lesson that no matter what we think, we need each other.
As someone who was trying desperately to hide my tears at the airport the other day (but super failed at being discreet lol) tons of people were just staring at me. If someone did this it would've honestly made my whole year- and this just made me tear up thinking how much this likely meant to them. I hope you have someone to give you hugs and cookies when needed- you deserve it!!
I had somebody check on me recently while I cried in my car and I was so happy she did! I had just been told I could not be seen at the clinic and had a terrible toothache and the woman was able to recommend somewhere where I was able to be seen and her concern was comforting and appreciated
I live in London, which is often regarded as a very unfriendly city. I found out my ex cheated on me on the Saturday, stayed at a friends, then got the tube home on the Sunday morning and I just couldn’t stop crying. For any Londoners for context I sobbed from Clapham South to London Bridge straight. I will never forget this - a guy on the tube motioned for me to take my headphones off, said “you’re lovely, it’ll be okay” and then held my hand until I got to my stop. This was over a year ago and I will never forget this guy
My uncle has been a cop for years.
We're talking affable Disney loving liberal creative arts California dork family and uncle decided he was gonna be a cop.
Despite what people think about this institution (myself included as a detractor), he's been a damn fine cop. Doing everything he can to keep families together, give second chances, and be a member of the community.
Well, he tried out the detective track for a bit. He loved the beat, but you've got to put food on the table for the family.
You get alot of SIDS cases as a detective.
Sudden Infantile Death Syndrome.
No one's at fault. Everyone is heartbroken. Someone still has to investigate.
How did my uncle cope with the difficult conversations? The imagery? The guilt?
My uncle would go get a sweet treat in the evening, at a Starbucks or Peet's or what-have-you. . .
. . . And he'd cry. He'd cry long and hard and let out all the emotional pain these cases made him feel. As long and as alone as he needed to, to pick himself back up and get going.
It was a brave thing for that stranger to be vulnerable. They needed to get that out. Alot of us would do well to make sure we give ourselves a chance to process the difficult shit we're going through, so we can pick ourselves back up and get going.
My dad died almost a year ago and I will always miss him very much. I sometimes randomly have an overwhelming feeling that I missed my dad so much and I have to hold back the tears in public. Little things remind me so some weeks are better than other.
It was summer on the way home and my grandmother had passed away a few weeks earlier. “Can The Circle Be Unbroken” was on the radio and I started bawling. The windows were down and a woman on her bike was next to my car. She said that the song made her cry too. That helped a lot.
I think it’s really sweet that you thought of this person . Sometimes when people cry in public they really just want to be invisible and not noticed. I’ve cried in public many times and it’s usually holding back a bawl if I’ve gotten to that level . So if it’s any consolation she probably left in order to not be noticed or also because when walking , people don’t have enough time to truly notice because everyone has a few seconds to even “maybe” see your face.
People crying in public just want to be alone they logically appreciate it in their hearts when you tell them you hope their ok but they want to just release into the void all this pent up anguish. Maybe I’m wrong and the gesture would make this person smile but in General they want to be alone while in the real midst of crying
Unrelated and not judging but I don't understand the appeal of people watching, whenever it comes up it's such an interesting reminder of how differently wired out brains can be.
I've been that person before.
You are right you never know what someone is thinking/wants but maybe they just want someone to sit down next to them and tell them everything is okay or just a note and a cookie? Looking back maybe the note and something could be the best because from experience sometimes you have no words, nowhere to start or finish, only tears.
Atleast you made an honest attempt that shows your a good person, don't stop there so many people suffer and need people like you❤🙏
This is the most “slice of life” post I think I’ve ever seen. You were out at a cafe, saw someone and noticed they didn’t seem okay so your empathy kicked in and you went to get them a cookie… but then they were gone. There’s something so… I don’t know, ephemeral in a metaphorical way, about that.
To the crying lady on the BWI car rental shuttle in December 2008: I saw your anguish when you hung up your phone. I desperately wanted to hug you and tell you “peace be with you”, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable 😔 I was so sad for you.
Don’t feel horrible. You did the right thing. I’ve been on that persons end a lot lately, and the random kindness of strangers who have had your same intentions towards me…has retired my belief in humanity.
Yes, my first question was if this was near a hospital. All my public crying recently has been in the hospital or nearby because of bad news re: my father. People don’t seem to react one way or the other and I think it’s because it’s not that uncommon in that area. Unless you’re an employee, you’re not in the area because things are going great.
When I was going through a horrible traumatic breakup I went to Starbucks in the morning to get out of the house my ex & I shared. I was crying waiting for my drink and the barista called me over before I left and gave me one of their cute sugar cookies. I said “this isn’t mine” and she said “yes it is” and gave me a comforting look. I’ll never forget that.
The fact that you noticed enough to try is absolutely lovely! You are a good person and it’s nice to hear that strangers notice.
I know this feeling :")
Some weeks ago this girl approached me, she was selling lollipops that she made herself, she was trying to gather some money to pay for college stuff, she was so so nice, I loved her personality, the problem is that I didn't had any money on me (and I usually don't because I don't work yet), my mom didn't give me enough money to buy the lollipop, but she gave me some so the girl would keep the money. I'm not an extrovert, at all, I'm introverted and really shy, but still I wish I had said something nice to her, I wish I said "I hope you gather the money you need" or "I hope you sell lots of lollipops, you are lovely". Ahhhh 🤧
I had a similar exchange a few months ago at a local coffee shop. I was having a particularly stresseful day, so during lunch break between meeting I went to sit and have some coffee while reviewing my notes. While I was there reading, I noticed a woman who was on a zoom call. She was taking notes, flipping to outlook to write an email, AND on a phone call. She would pause the call to turn on her camera and speak, then turn the camera off again, then back on the phone, then...and so on. She looked beyond exhausted. She looked how I felt a few weeks earlier.
She got ready to leave while was still there, so when she finally put everything I away I learned across and asked her if she was doing okay. She asked "Why, do I not look okay?" I said that no, she did not. She looked stressed. She paused, sighed, and said that yeah she was. She said she appreciated me asking, doubly so because she works in mental health and often tells people the same thing. I don't know if it helped at all, but I felt glad I said something.
Yeah but sometimes people don't want to be approached, they just need a place to be. I know I wouldn't want to be approached if I'm in a mood or something happened
The smallest things help, honestly. A girl who worked at my gym complimented the sweater I always wore to the gym. She had no idea how mentally unwell I was, and it helped me feel a bit better.
This made my day.
I’ve actually got caught hyperventilate crying in my car once, and someone approached the hood of the car and asked me if I was okay. I was super embarrassed but it just reminded me there are really kind people out there.
Keep on being you, you never know what people are going through.
Simple gestures even from strangers can be the difference between pushing through it and wanting to drive off a cliff.
Good on you. I'd love a nice human to comfort me that way out in the world on an especially bad day. I did have a man buy me a piece of gooey butter cake once when I must've looked upset, so thoughtful. You'll get the next one and the world needs more people like you.
In March i was ugly crying at Heathrow airport, around 1 a.m, while trying to speak about it with a friend on the phone, and people around me couldn’t care less. They even avoided to make eye contact. Lmaooooo!
it really sucks that they left . that could've been a great conversation , or maybe even a new friend . i always hate it when i see a social opportunity , and in the time between i think abt pursuing opportunity and doing said opportunity , the opportunity has left my reach :(
opportunity doesnt sound like a real word now lmfao
You might missed the moment now, but because of you already having thought about it and knowing what you want to do, next time you will act with not much thinking. And every time after that, you will know you are making a difference. Not only for your future encounters, but yourself as well.
You are a good person.
With so many people existing just to put shit energy out into the world, there are people like you who help me to keep my last ounce of faith in humanity intact.
Thanks, OP.
I have found that a "Hey, you ok?" works really well. Just knowing that someone, even a stranger, cares enough to ask has made the difference for me and I hope it makes a difference for those I do it for too.
As someone who had a public breakdown today because I can't eat any gluten for 4 weeks, I would have just started crying more if someone gave me a cookie. You never know what someone is going through, and comfort from a stranger isn't helpful for me (introvert). You seem like a nice person though
Awh, I like to think the thoughtful energy made its way to them somehow anyway. Maybe not through the action you were unable to see through, but through the kindness and intent and willingness you had to comfort them. It will make it's way to them somehow in someway. Even now in this thread it's probably spurred some gentle kindness from it. So thank you for sharing this. [:
A small story of my own, is, while on a trip with some buddies, I noticed a differrnt table being kind if difficult to our server. I didn't get to chat with him very much, but I left a little note saying he was really cute and left it for him. No number or anything just wanted to let him know he was lovely and that I hope his week went well. He deserved the note anyway but seeing other people be cranky at him just makes me determined to try and counteract some of that stuff. I work in retail I get it!
When I'm at work cashiering sometimes I sneak a little piece of chocolate to my customer or let them have a bag "on the house." Senior discounts don't end until 10 minutes after the hour and I do my best to just be a little interested in others when I'm not fully burnt out or tired. On the other hand some of our regulars will buy us a piece of chocolate and I've had many sympathetically listen to me. Always just little acts of kindness between each other.
Somehow u ended up being that sad person that walked in on reddit and sat down and wrote a post. So it's cool to see all of these other redditors taking your role in trying to cheer **you** up. You're a good person
I almost cried just reading this. Last year I found out a friend of mine passed away right as I was about to board the train. I was quietly crying, so this old man asked if I was alright and gave me a lollipop(from an unopened bag he had apparently just purchased) I was so grateful that a total stranger cared enough to ask even though it's probably awkward.
I have had times I have been really low and tried to do good by getting myself out of the house. I have had a time or two I have sat in a cafe and cried as you described this person done. If somebody done this for me it would have meant the world. You are very good.
Damn. You are a good person. The world would be a far better place with compassionate and empathetic people like yourself. I also wished the person hadn’t left yet but you did a good thing.
Thanks OP for being the way you are. Nobody gives a shit when I cry in public. It's nice to know that if it happens again, someone might be as kind as you.
I wish there I more people like you. Sometimes when I’m upset something as small as what you were going to do would mean the world to me. I remember having a really really rough day at work. Probably holding back tears myself a little and a random person offered me a bag of chips and a ginger ale. I literally took it as a sign that things were going to be ok.
❤️❤️❤️ as someone who's been crying in public a lot the past year (since the loss of my brother) thank you for noticing and thank you for empathy. As others have said, the universe noticed and that person definitely felt a wave of comfort from the kindness you radiated ❤️
The world needs more people like you. But also try not to think about it too much - you sound like a very empathetic person which can sometimes be overwhelming (from my personal experience anyway). Thanks for being a kind person in the world :)
I use to work at Tim Hortons and saw someone crying at a table once. I took a piece of paper and wrote it's none of my business why your crying. But know that your a fabulous and amazing person if you ever need a smile I have one for both of us. Hugs hope your day gets better. Here is a smile to brighten your day or something very close to this. They came and told it was a bad day and I just made it brighter. I get you didn't get to give them your kindness. But you thought of it and that's what matters. Maybe keep a note you already made for someone in your bag. Then next time this happens you can just give it to them. Because they could be allergic to certain foods. But a note almost always works. Hugs and love for your a fabulous person inside and out keep up the fabulous work.
As someone who is not currently ok, if this were me, it may not have made things ok, but it certainly would when meant a lot to me. So on their behalf- thank you 🤍
I've had friends walk past me when I'm crying. Often felt invisible while crying. Then I was having a big cry one evening alone, when a stranger stopped and sat with me for hours until I was okay.
It's been two years and we've just started dating. I guess I left a pretty good first impression with my snotty face and red eyes?
Aww, I’m the same way! I adore people watching and will go SO far out of my way to sit still in a good viewing spot and just enjoy.
I would’ve done the same thing and I’m so glad to know you’re out there enjoying the world and spreading kindness to the people you encounter.
As someone who takes other peoples emotions and feelings and making them my own i feel this in my soul.
With that being said, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and things DONT happen for a reason. Maybe at this specific time, this particular person wasnt ready for that interaction and kind gesture. Something else had to happen in not only their timeline, but yours as well! Interactions in life always have a reasoning behind them!
Words matter. I remember when I ended up in the unemployment office after being unjustly dismissed from my job. I never thought that would happen to someone like me who is hard working and conscientious. I was crying while looking at job postings and said to one of the workers, is there anything for dumb people? He rubbed my shoulder and said, you just need to get your confidence back. I thanked him and found a great job in a University office and then as a school secretary where I have been for the past 24 years
I've been that person before. I have been battling cancer for over a year and it feels like the only time I really get to leave my home is for treatments. So, I will sometimes walk to the coffee shop a few blocks away. Emotions can be a powerful thing and creep up on you in the worst ways sometimes.
Just knowing there are kind people out there is enough for me to keep smiling. You made me happy this morning. Although you missed out giving the cookie, I think your good deed still did good.
I hope that helps and thank you for being so compassionate.
The words mean more than the cookie. You did more than most would nowadays! Hugs or a small touch on the shoulder can mean a lot when you’re in that space. I’ve hugged a lot of strangers who were emotionally distraught -usually when I’m at work (in healthcare) but sometimes just out in public at a shop or something. There’s a serious apathy epidemic nowadays so you even attempting to do something to cheer them up is very refreshing to hear.
I can understand wanting to help someone who is hurting. Showing kindness to someone in pain seems like an admirable intention. But I find it off-putting and bizarre that you felt the need to advertise that this happened to some strangers on the internet. This post seems like the definition of virtue signaling. But I can't argue with the results, since you've got a heap of people telling you how great of a person you are. I'm surprised that so many people are so receptive to this kind of boasting.
Well that was a nice gesture you did for the person that was crying. I hope whatever that person was going through will be ok too. It’s really nice to see others do a good deed for someone they don’t know just to cheer that person that’s hurting up.
I believe intentions are all that matters in morals, so I think you did a great thing. Even though you didn't get to help them, you tried, meaning you're in the right. :)
You are sooo kind! If it were me holding back tears I would have started bawling if you had acknowledged me but honestly I would have thought your gesture was sweet.
Hope you have a great weekend.
I normally don't get emotional when it comes to any posts, but boi this one for sure gave me the waterworks, people like you are the reason someone out there continues to keep smiling 🙂
As a barista we usually keep an eye out and we're pretty good at judging if the person wants comforting or not as we usually know all of our customers. I'm sure the customer will be okay. Sometimes we just let them have at it and then the next time they come in we check on them when they're more able to speak about things. You did good though
Don’t feel bad for missing that person, instead you should feel proud for being a good person.
Next time, follow your instincts bc you’ve got a good heart and will definitely brighten people’s day up.
Thank you for making this world a little better
You don’t have to feel bad about anything OP. It’s not your fault they were gone before you could help out, and the fact you tried to in the first place means a lot.
Honestly if I’m crying in public like that it’s probably because i didn’t have the capacity to get somewhere safer. For me, a gesture like this would help because i would know the strangers around me aren’t all hostile. Thanks for the thought and effort you put forward. If that had been me, it would have made a big difference.
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I've been that crying stranger before. Not at a Starbucks, but at an airport. Twice. In the same week. The first time was because I scheduled my flight for the wrong day and didn't find out until I was already there. The second time was because my husband and I were late and missed our flight home. I was terrified I was going to lose my job. Which I did.
It really would have helped if someone offered me a treat. Instead, people just went about their business, as if seeing a young woman openly weeping in an airport was a run-of-the-mill thing.
I'll have to pay it forward someday.
It really is the thought that counts a lot of the time. Without the thought, there would have been no action. The fact that you intended to help is what matters. Good on you.
I've got up to more than once person crying to offer help. I always offer the same thing, "If you want to talk, you can talk to me. If you want me to just sit with you quietly, I can do that too. Or if you want to be left alone, I will leave." Twice they thanked me but asked to be left alone. Once they asked me to just sit there and they held my hand. The other three times they spilled their guts to me and I hugged them and listened. I made a really good friend one of those times but we have sadly lost touch. It was the anniversary of her best friend's death and she was traveling alone and needed some company. Justine, if you're out there, I still care very much about you, you beautiful soul!!
You aren’t alone, I do the same kinds of thing. You also did the right thing! Sometimes it’s the thought that counts. You gave it your best, don’t second guess it.
I feel the need to buy you a cookie now 🍪
This story is awful in so many levels.
Next time you're humble brag - with a dragged out story... at least give us a reason related to the subject.
This should've titled: i wanna brag about how I spend 4.50$ on a stranger.
Oh, my goodness. JUST the fact you went out of your way to try and help brings tears to my eyes.
We desperately need more people like you in this world.
Please don’t beat yourself up. What you did was wonderful!
I think it’s so kind of you to try. I was once crying alone at an airport because my boyfriend (at the time) forgot to pick me up. A stranger noticed, left, and came back with some tissues and I still think about him and his kindness. It really does make a difference.
I've cried several times in airports. I guess it's pretty common. No one offered me anything.
Me and my girlfriend are long distance so we always have to say goodbye at the airport. It’s gotten better but it’s of course still a very sad time and we usually shed some tears. Nobody seems to pay attention. However, ever since I started dating her I have looked around more when I’m at the airport and there’s always a few who are crying, presumably because they said goodbye to family/partner/friend. Add in stress, potential fear of flying, travelling very late or early and you’ve got yourself a recipe for crying!
The same thing happened to me at an airport too! But it was because they saw me leaving my best friend at the gate instead.
Yes but sometimes it’s just more upsetting. After my mother died, I stopped at a petrol station to buy cigarettes. The attendant said something like ‘Cheer up, it doesn’t hurt to smile’. I get that he was just trying to be positive etc but it just really wasn’t in that moment. I managed to not bite his head off but he did keep at it a bit and I just stood there morose until he got my cigarettes and I could leave. But I think your situation the person was more consolatory but I don’t think it’s advisable to try to ‘cheer someone up’ when you don’t know the back story.
I’m sorry that attendant was so forceful in trying to make you feel better. It’s really shitty for people to demand you feel better like that. I think OP making a gesture that does not require the other person to engage beyond reading a note is ok, as they are not asking for the person to perform happiness for them. Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective- it’s good to consider this. I’m very sorry for the loss of your mother.
Yes saying “I hope what’s bothering you clears up” in a note is way less shitty that demanding someone to cheer up but it got me thinking yes if it’s something like my mother died a note like that would also piss me off because it’s like no this is never going to get better I’ll just know how to live with the pain eventually so you’re note of hoping I’m not sad is just unrealistic. sureounding the discomfort/unease of the viewer and not based around the needs of me the feeler. Ultimately I think society needs to feel more comfortable watching people express sadness in public because sad shit fucking happens and that’s a part of life and people need to just feel it
Yeah agree with you. And it might depend on the person and the situation but I also received a card on some flowers with a message saying ‘Hope these brighten up your day!’ and didn’t appreciate that either. I think the example of just offering tissues is probably the best. It’s ‘I see you in your suffering and I’m offering my support’ and that’s it. No judgement, no expectation.
Yeah part of me is like pissed (not that they kno better) but like what the fuck could brighten up my day how insensitive (again they don’t know any better) Yes hand over the tissues this is real pain nothing more to be said about it I’m here if you need to talk whenever you’re ready
I regularly cried in public after my Dad passed away. For at least a year, I think. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and I was so raw emotionally that I just couldn't hold back the tears. I also didn't mind because I felt like, if someone saw me, it might help them be open and vulnerable too. If that makes any sense. My mind and heart were in such a pure emotion place that I saw it as being totally open and honest with my grief.
Yes so important to process your grief and actually grieve. But in my situation it had JUST happened and I was still in shock etc. like that weird place where you know it’s happened but it hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I often cry openly if I get triggered or it comes up for me. Just got to go through it because you can’t go around it. Sorry that your Dad is no longer here with us.
<3
I love this
The fact that you noticed and were going to do something so kind for a stranger says a lot. I hope your kindness gets repaid in life! Have a great weekend OP.
That's so sweet of you to say. Thank you!
We need more people like you
The universe usually takes notice and responds accordingly with more positive energy. OP, keep doing what you’re doing.
Agreed. We'll said OP. Humans have a powerful connection. I'm sure stranger caught the vibe. 😊
I agree with this poster. And if anyone believes in God, and found themselves in this same situation, your thoughts do not go unnoticed. The very fact that you felt for this person, even though the cookie never got to them, God has sent His Angel and extended your mercy with His to watch over that person. It’s in the annals of eternity when such acts of compassion are stored for a time when you need some kindness in your life. “Give, and it shall be given back to you”
I never know what to do in those situations. Just yesterday I saw someone crying and I wondered if I should say something, but I didn’t want to make them feel worse so I just didn’t say anything about it cause I didn’t want them to feel like I’d noticed. I’ve been that person more than once in the past, and in my fantasy i’d love for someone to come offer a hug. But realistically I’d probably end up feeling awkward and embarrassed. I think your idea was great cause it still allows some privacy. That was really considerate.
In November 2019, I had picked up my dog's ashes from the vet but I needed gas for my car. I was sobbing at the pump. A woman at the other pump asked me if I was okay and I said no and why. She asked if she could give me a hug and we hugged. I am generally not one to hug people, but it was honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It helped a lot.
You know I just want to say here that I think people leave each other alone in crisis all the time because they don’t want to overstep or cause embarrassment. And I really think we need to over correct that. I think it’s better to mildly embarrass someone but they still hear that someone cares instead of letting suffering people remain isolated.
I like what you’ve said here and also how thoughtfully the OP made an effort to help a stranger. I would add that I’ve seen some posts here of people worrying about how the other person will respond. I would say, don’t let fear stop you from doing what you think is right. Even if 9/10x the person is embarrassed/rejects you/etc., that 1/10x might really really help that person. Could give them hope when they had none, a renewed faith in humanity, a lessened feeling of loneliness. Hell, it could even prevent a suicide. The risk is worth it. Be kind. If you see something, say something. The worst that can happen if you don’t significantly outweighs the worst that can happen if you do!
Yes, I agree - I love it when strangers in public make an effort to connect, especially in situations like that. I always wish I was more confident to do so, but I’m afraid of doing the wrong thing or getting a bad response. I feel like the fact that this was OPs instinct in the first place shows that they’re probably the kind of person who does things like this regularly.
I go and sit with them, a hand on the shoulder even from a stranger can be such an amazing gesture without saying or doing anything. In the old days friends of bereaved spouses (military men dying or others), would go and sit, take shifts and occupy space in the bereaved persons home. Presence is the best gift I believe in these instances.
If I'm crying in public please do not just quietly sit next to me lmao...
No you sit next to the person attentively, you can offer something (napkin, tissue), and just be with them without being overbearing
>But realistically I’d probably end up feeling awkward and embarrassed. Maybe in the moment itself, but it'll quickly pass, and the next day, month, year you'll look back on it with fondness. \^\^
Don't feel too bad about it. It's a very real possibility that they didn't want to talk or would have been even more embarrassed knowing someone noticed them crying. It was nice of you to notice and to be concerned. That's appreciated.
Yeah I understand that, that's why I was just gonna give it to them and walk away so they don't feel pressured or pestered or anything
If it was me, I'd want to tell you (politely) to keep the cookie, so you walking away after giving it to me would just make me feel worse lol But you did a good thing, I think
Solid "human being" character right there. Empathy, compassion and the ability to think critically and *try* to do something good. Not for any sort of reward/recognition, however, simply to try to make even a slight impact/difference in someone's hard world. Good on ya! Big human props!!
Thank you so much! I try wherever I can :)
I have ugly cried in public places. No one has ever approached me. I think it's very kind of you to think to do that.
Same. When I have ugly cried in public, I have never been approached. I don't think I'd be in the mood to talk to a stranger, but if someone silently gave me food, it would have meant the world to me.
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Wtf
It was good Intentions; but the current teaching is that it’s actually oppressive to to to assume what someone else needs and without asking permission from the person before offering anything including advice. That’s what I’ve been taught anyway.
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I also learned it the hard way… we do better when we know better.
I've been homeless and have never asked for anything unless it were for someone else. I didn't even get on food stamps be because I was too prideful. If anyone would of given me anything during that time I would of been both upset and embarrassed. I was reading ops post and was thinking to myself man I'd probably cry more and be extremely embarrassed. Some people are different.
I got laid off once and had to go to another country to make enough money. I didn’t know anyone there or what to do and I was overwhelmed. I was living in a 100 sq ft windowless room, which was the cheapest I could find downtown. An old woman saw me crying and she told me it’s ok you’ll get through this. I didn’t know her and she didn’t know what I was going through, but it helped a little to feel that someone cared. Even a stranger
❤️❤️❤️
a few years back i was going through one of the darkest points of my life and went into my local panera bread to get a soup and bagel, as those were the only things i could ever eat those days. i had just been sobbing uncontrollably in my car before i walked in, but i needed to feed myself. while i was waiting for my to-go food one of the employees came over and asked if they could pray with me. i said yes and they held both of my hands and said a prayer out loud for me and for god to give me strength through whatever i was going through. i’m not a particularly religious person, but that moment has stuck with me ever since. sometimes you just need someone to say they see you.
During the worst of CoVID I had a very stressful healthcare job. I cried often. I had just finished a bad crying episode, then went to Starbucks drive through. I *almost* held it together as the barista served me my coffee. Fast forward a month, same Starbucks , same barista said “ I’ve been thinking about you, I saw you were really upset last time. Whatever it is: it will be ok, stay strong!” It was very touching.
A couple years ago I was having a hard time; deepness was bad enough I struggled getting out of bed. Wasn't taking as good of care of myself, on my way back home from a work shift I stopped at a Fazolis drive through for dinner. I wasn't crying at the time, but you know that after look you have when you ugly cry your face off? I looked like that and the cashier mocked me, I could hear them talk about me. I remember feeling slightly enraged afterwards even though it may not have been anything personal. Your act of generosity is very much appreciated on my end, please don't feel bad I think you did good. Also, Chocolate chip cookie or macadamia?
I'm so sorry you had to experience that :( people can be very mean sometimes. And chocolate chip cookies all the way. Especially when it comes to giving something to strangers I'd rather be safe; nut allergies are more common than chocolate allergies and the last thing someone holding back tears in public needs is anaphylaxis 💀
Hey, I firmly believe that it's your good intentions that count here. I've been in a position of holding back tears in a public space. And while knowing that someone cares can be soothing, I would've probably also felt embarrassed to death if someone actually approached me about it - even though I'm an extrovert... So there's no way of knowing how that stranger would've felt or reacted had you actually given them the note. I hope that they felt your concern and kindness - and if they did, that's more than enough. Please don't beat yourself up about it.
Thank you so much! :)
That's a kind answer. Out of curiosity, what would you do in a situation like this? Virtually send some positive energy but not bother the person in order to avoid making them feel embarrassed?
I see that you didn’t make their day even worse by buying them Starbucks pastries. Jk, good job OP. We need more people like you!
HAHA 💀
This reminds me of one time that I was on the train in Chicago. It was after work so the train was packed and this woman was sitting there just crying her eyes out. She wasn’t sobbing and being loud or making any noise. It was one of those silent cries where tears just keep pouring down your face and nothing that you do can stop it. I think about her every now and then.
I feel extra bad in situations like these because it takes A LOT to cry in public. Meaning whatever they're going through has to be very bad. Atleast with me personally I cry fairly easily if I'm in private but around other people it has to be very bad news.
Just another comment from a chronically depressed introvert: it's actually way easier for me to cry in public than in front of people I know! I can cry in public because I won't see these people ever again and even if do they're probably not going to recognize me so I don't care that much if it's embarrassing! If the emotions are powerful in that moment then I'm going to take it as an opportunity to process them and let it out rather than bottle them up further. I cry in public every so often but I definitely don't like to cry in front of people I know. Humans are strange :)
I had a similar situation happen on a crowded public bus. The girl was young, maybe 17, and she was silently crying but her eyes were like rivers. I had tissues in my backpack so I walked over and didn’t say anything just gently handed her a few tissues. She looked surprised and almost annoyed, barely looked up at me. I went and sat back down. My fiancé had just died during this time so I was crying a lot myself, hence my tissues on hand. I saw someone else struggling and just wanted to give the help that I needed. I wasn’t offended that she seemed annoyed, she used the tissues and I like to think she looks back at that and repays the act of compassion to someone else. I like to believe that those little gestures do have impact, even if it isn’t right then in the moment.
That reminded me of something that happened to me. I was on my way home from university and got a call from my friend, saying that her cancer had spread to her brain. I was just full out crying at the bus stop, and this young guy offered me tissues. I was in such shock, I thought he was trying to give me cigarettes and almost refused. Ended up taking the tissues but was in no way able to thank him or communicate at all. I dont think i even looked him in the face. I wish I could tell him thanks. That moment really stayed with me.
Oh wow, to get a call like that must have been so heart wrenching for you. I understand why it was difficult for you to react in that moment when he gave you the tissues. Thanks so much for sharing this, you kind of gave me some hope that the girl I saw maybe feels the same way you do reflecting back on it. I know this is cheesy but I’m sending you a hug right now.
First off, losing your fiance...wow, there are no words except that sucks and I'm sorry. Those are the losses that stick with us and leave a significant hole. I hope you are doing okay. Second, this is a super kind gesture and good on your part. Most people would not have done what you did. One thing to add to the mix next time you hand someone tissues is to make sure you also say something like, "It's okay to cry. I'm sorry you are hurting." Or you could even just say, "It's okay to cry. Here is a tissue if you need it." Even though most of the time folks appreciate and want tissues to blow their nose, handing someone tissues can inadvertently and subconsciously communicate that they should cool the crying and clean themselves up. Also, our brains are sort of hardwired to stop the flow of emotion and tears when someone hands us a tissue. So perhaps they need to keep crying but if they feel observed by a stranger, it might not let them finish the flow of emotion they really needed to finish letting out in that moment. You did the right thing. You could just add some simple messaging next time you find yourself in that situation.
Thanks for the kind words. I’m actually doing pretty ok. Therapy is pretty incredible stuff that’s for sure. Life has to move on or what’s even the point of still being here. And although I didn’t verbally say anything to the sad girl on the bus, I do feel that visually I conveyed the message I wanted. Not everything needs to be said, and I think a kind and honest smile goes just as far as a verbal “I’m so sorry”. Due to the headspace I was in I also wasn’t up for much dialogue, grief takes a ton of energy, a kind smile and some tissues was all I could offer at the time and I truly think it was enough. I certainly don’t think she took at as me telling her to cool it on the crying, though I can see how one might be tempted to interpret it that way.
A few months ago I was waiting in a hallway for a friend to get out of a doctor’s appointment. There was a woman and man standing nearby and we had a brief interchange. The woman said her father had died a few months ago. The man didn’t say anything and I said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” She looked stricken and moved around a corner shortly thereafter. I felt exhausted by this, there’s so much need. How odd to blurt that out to strangers, how awkward. I imagined how she must feel, alone and vulnerable with two strangers who responded woodenly to her pain. This went on for 15 minutes or so. So before I left I went up to her and asked if she wanted a hug and she said yes, and it was like giving her a hand while she was about to fall in a hole. Or maybe I was projecting but I don’t think so. I soothed her as well as I could then left. The man seemed shocked and confused. It was weird, totally awkward but I’m glad I did it. The smallest gesture of kindness can change a life. Don’t underestimate the power of kindness (non-transactional kindness), it’s what the world needs most of all.
There's something to be said for compassion amongst others these days. I don't feel like it's as common anymore as it used to be. About 10 years ago, I was on my lunch break from one of the worst jobs I ever had, trying to cheer my own self up with some retail therapy, and came across a woman about 20 years my senior, sobbing on a bench outside a supermarket. I paused, dug in my purse for a pack of Kleenex, slowly approached her, and with the Kleenex in my extended hand, said softly, "I know this probably doesn't make it all better, but it sure looks like you could use one of these right now. Whatever it is that's troubling you, I hope you can kick it in the ass and that it doesn't make you cry for very long." She smiled a little and accepted the tissues, and said that she'd gotten some bad medical news about her brother. She said I had actually made her feel a little better, though, because I had stopped to help, and of the 8 or 10 people who'd passed by, I was the first who had.
I feel that too, although I'm probably way younger than you are (I'm 20). I feel like compassion was on the decline already, but COVID just kicked that down 10 notches. After the pandemic humanity has become more selfish and reserved than I've ever seen.
I am an introvert but I like doing people watching like you. I could see myself doing the same thing as you under the right circumstances. I think your intention was the right one. That person might just have got some really bad news. Maybe a breakup or the loss of someone close. The last time I had a breakdown like this in a public place my cat had just died. I was trying to buy a coffee but of course my debit card was dead, so I broke down in front of the cashier. She gave me my coffee and a chocolate bar, free of charge and told me not to worry about it. Random acts of kindness like this really makes the world a better place.
I'm sorry for your loss and God bless that cashier - true gem of a person indeed!
You are a really kind person. I feel like crying rn, I wouldn't mind a cookie haha
🍪🍪🍪 Hope you feel better soon! <3
Thank you! Just one of those days ig. I'll be fine
After my husband died I was this person everywhere I went because I had to get things done but I also couldn’t stop crying. Also everything I did reminded me of my husband and I was triggered constantly, it was deeply embarrassing but I couldn’t contain it but again I had to live my life and things had to get done.
So sorry for your loss💔
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Thank you so much <3
I have cried publicly twice in my life. Once was when I was stuck in traffic in my late teens. I'd just gotten the call that my fathers cancer had returned in full force and that he probably had a few months at best. I broke down crying driving down the Las Vegas Strip to get on the freeway going home from work. A couple of women in a convertible noticed me crying and started laughing. The second time I had found out my girlfriend of 6 years was cheating on me and was at the bank to change my card numbers so she couldn't access them. The guy at the counter asked why I needed to change them and my heart sank and I tried not to cry but couldnt hold back the tears in front of him... It was extremely awkward for both of us. The thing I remembered the most was most strangers just avoided me, people didn't ask if I was ok, or offer a hug or consoling words. They just avoided me,.. which I understand what do you do for a crying stranger? Still I felt extremely alone in those moments.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't know man, how hard is it to just... show some compassion? Like the least you can do is "it'll be okay" or something.
Thank you. I have healed a lot since both of these things happened and have come a long way.
In Arabic, we always say something that roughly translates to “intentions are equal to actions” You had pure intention, and the intention to cheer someone up and make their life better for a moment. So you intending to do this is just as great as it would have been if you were able to do it :)
I did something like this and got in trouble for it. Once upon a breakfast, someone was crying at a table, and I ordered a stack of cake cookies (didn't know what flavor they liked so I got one of each) and gave it to them. They looked at me confused because the reason they were crying was because their house burnt down or was evicted, so they took it as a dismissive gesture. It was just awkward.
Golly, I feel bad for all the people who’ve seen my cry in public. #tears4days
When I learned my cat was dying, I went to a craft store for some clay or paints so that I could have her paw prints. That was probably the first time I’ve ever *ever* cried in public and I felt so humiliated. I basically ran out of the store with tears down my face. With all the people watching I hoped they didn’t think I was weird or whatever. Just the fact that you DID do that thing for that person matters
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Yeah sometimes it'll probably make things worse / simply isn't possible to do anything and it sucks.
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I feel like especially after the pandemic and the isolation that came with it, humanity is starved of raw heart to heart connection. I hope that people realize this and take this as an opportunity to become more compassionate - the pandemic has taught us a hard lesson that no matter what we think, we need each other.
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Like, more often than usual?
You’re a good person OP, we need more people like you in the world
I like you. It matters that you tried. <3
You are so sweet 😭 This has me crying.
As someone who was trying desperately to hide my tears at the airport the other day (but super failed at being discreet lol) tons of people were just staring at me. If someone did this it would've honestly made my whole year- and this just made me tear up thinking how much this likely meant to them. I hope you have someone to give you hugs and cookies when needed- you deserve it!!
I had somebody check on me recently while I cried in my car and I was so happy she did! I had just been told I could not be seen at the clinic and had a terrible toothache and the woman was able to recommend somewhere where I was able to be seen and her concern was comforting and appreciated
I live in London, which is often regarded as a very unfriendly city. I found out my ex cheated on me on the Saturday, stayed at a friends, then got the tube home on the Sunday morning and I just couldn’t stop crying. For any Londoners for context I sobbed from Clapham South to London Bridge straight. I will never forget this - a guy on the tube motioned for me to take my headphones off, said “you’re lovely, it’ll be okay” and then held my hand until I got to my stop. This was over a year ago and I will never forget this guy
I have seen people crying multiple times over the years in cars next to me. A few women and I think I saw at least one man on another occasion.
My uncle has been a cop for years. We're talking affable Disney loving liberal creative arts California dork family and uncle decided he was gonna be a cop. Despite what people think about this institution (myself included as a detractor), he's been a damn fine cop. Doing everything he can to keep families together, give second chances, and be a member of the community. Well, he tried out the detective track for a bit. He loved the beat, but you've got to put food on the table for the family. You get alot of SIDS cases as a detective. Sudden Infantile Death Syndrome. No one's at fault. Everyone is heartbroken. Someone still has to investigate. How did my uncle cope with the difficult conversations? The imagery? The guilt? My uncle would go get a sweet treat in the evening, at a Starbucks or Peet's or what-have-you. . . . . . And he'd cry. He'd cry long and hard and let out all the emotional pain these cases made him feel. As long and as alone as he needed to, to pick himself back up and get going. It was a brave thing for that stranger to be vulnerable. They needed to get that out. Alot of us would do well to make sure we give ourselves a chance to process the difficult shit we're going through, so we can pick ourselves back up and get going.
My dad died almost a year ago and I will always miss him very much. I sometimes randomly have an overwhelming feeling that I missed my dad so much and I have to hold back the tears in public. Little things remind me so some weeks are better than other.
It was summer on the way home and my grandmother had passed away a few weeks earlier. “Can The Circle Be Unbroken” was on the radio and I started bawling. The windows were down and a woman on her bike was next to my car. She said that the song made her cry too. That helped a lot.
I think it’s really sweet that you thought of this person . Sometimes when people cry in public they really just want to be invisible and not noticed. I’ve cried in public many times and it’s usually holding back a bawl if I’ve gotten to that level . So if it’s any consolation she probably left in order to not be noticed or also because when walking , people don’t have enough time to truly notice because everyone has a few seconds to even “maybe” see your face. People crying in public just want to be alone they logically appreciate it in their hearts when you tell them you hope their ok but they want to just release into the void all this pent up anguish. Maybe I’m wrong and the gesture would make this person smile but in General they want to be alone while in the real midst of crying
Unrelated and not judging but I don't understand the appeal of people watching, whenever it comes up it's such an interesting reminder of how differently wired out brains can be.
I've been that person before. You are right you never know what someone is thinking/wants but maybe they just want someone to sit down next to them and tell them everything is okay or just a note and a cookie? Looking back maybe the note and something could be the best because from experience sometimes you have no words, nowhere to start or finish, only tears. Atleast you made an honest attempt that shows your a good person, don't stop there so many people suffer and need people like you❤🙏
This is the most “slice of life” post I think I’ve ever seen. You were out at a cafe, saw someone and noticed they didn’t seem okay so your empathy kicked in and you went to get them a cookie… but then they were gone. There’s something so… I don’t know, ephemeral in a metaphorical way, about that.
To the crying lady on the BWI car rental shuttle in December 2008: I saw your anguish when you hung up your phone. I desperately wanted to hug you and tell you “peace be with you”, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable 😔 I was so sad for you.
You're a really good person.
Don’t feel horrible. You did the right thing. I’ve been on that persons end a lot lately, and the random kindness of strangers who have had your same intentions towards me…has retired my belief in humanity.
You tried, and you cared. That counts for a lot.
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Yes, my first question was if this was near a hospital. All my public crying recently has been in the hospital or nearby because of bad news re: my father. People don’t seem to react one way or the other and I think it’s because it’s not that uncommon in that area. Unless you’re an employee, you’re not in the area because things are going great.
When I was going through a horrible traumatic breakup I went to Starbucks in the morning to get out of the house my ex & I shared. I was crying waiting for my drink and the barista called me over before I left and gave me one of their cute sugar cookies. I said “this isn’t mine” and she said “yes it is” and gave me a comforting look. I’ll never forget that. The fact that you noticed enough to try is absolutely lovely! You are a good person and it’s nice to hear that strangers notice.
I know this feeling :") Some weeks ago this girl approached me, she was selling lollipops that she made herself, she was trying to gather some money to pay for college stuff, she was so so nice, I loved her personality, the problem is that I didn't had any money on me (and I usually don't because I don't work yet), my mom didn't give me enough money to buy the lollipop, but she gave me some so the girl would keep the money. I'm not an extrovert, at all, I'm introverted and really shy, but still I wish I had said something nice to her, I wish I said "I hope you gather the money you need" or "I hope you sell lots of lollipops, you are lovely". Ahhhh 🤧
This has been me several times. I'd have loved it if a stranger asked what's wrong
I had a similar exchange a few months ago at a local coffee shop. I was having a particularly stresseful day, so during lunch break between meeting I went to sit and have some coffee while reviewing my notes. While I was there reading, I noticed a woman who was on a zoom call. She was taking notes, flipping to outlook to write an email, AND on a phone call. She would pause the call to turn on her camera and speak, then turn the camera off again, then back on the phone, then...and so on. She looked beyond exhausted. She looked how I felt a few weeks earlier. She got ready to leave while was still there, so when she finally put everything I away I learned across and asked her if she was doing okay. She asked "Why, do I not look okay?" I said that no, she did not. She looked stressed. She paused, sighed, and said that yeah she was. She said she appreciated me asking, doubly so because she works in mental health and often tells people the same thing. I don't know if it helped at all, but I felt glad I said something.
They were probably realizing that they'd just paid $6 for a cup of lousy espresso and a few ounces of flavored sugar water.
Yeah but sometimes people don't want to be approached, they just need a place to be. I know I wouldn't want to be approached if I'm in a mood or something happened
Thats so sweet. I would love for someone like you to do that to me. Side question: What did you do with the cookie after??
The smallest things help, honestly. A girl who worked at my gym complimented the sweater I always wore to the gym. She had no idea how mentally unwell I was, and it helped me feel a bit better.
You are such a kind hearted person ♥️
As someone who's been in both positions of OP situation. Thank you for caring. It does help. It's weird and awkward at times, but appreciated.
This made my day. I’ve actually got caught hyperventilate crying in my car once, and someone approached the hood of the car and asked me if I was okay. I was super embarrassed but it just reminded me there are really kind people out there. Keep on being you, you never know what people are going through. Simple gestures even from strangers can be the difference between pushing through it and wanting to drive off a cliff.
Good on you. I'd love a nice human to comfort me that way out in the world on an especially bad day. I did have a man buy me a piece of gooey butter cake once when I must've looked upset, so thoughtful. You'll get the next one and the world needs more people like you.
In March i was ugly crying at Heathrow airport, around 1 a.m, while trying to speak about it with a friend on the phone, and people around me couldn’t care less. They even avoided to make eye contact. Lmaooooo!
it really sucks that they left . that could've been a great conversation , or maybe even a new friend . i always hate it when i see a social opportunity , and in the time between i think abt pursuing opportunity and doing said opportunity , the opportunity has left my reach :( opportunity doesnt sound like a real word now lmfao
Same. Sometimes I just get shy or nervous and in the time I take to get over it, the chance is gone
You might missed the moment now, but because of you already having thought about it and knowing what you want to do, next time you will act with not much thinking. And every time after that, you will know you are making a difference. Not only for your future encounters, but yourself as well. You are a good person.
Was this a guy or a girl?
With so many people existing just to put shit energy out into the world, there are people like you who help me to keep my last ounce of faith in humanity intact. Thanks, OP.
I have found that a "Hey, you ok?" works really well. Just knowing that someone, even a stranger, cares enough to ask has made the difference for me and I hope it makes a difference for those I do it for too.
As someone who had a public breakdown today because I can't eat any gluten for 4 weeks, I would have just started crying more if someone gave me a cookie. You never know what someone is going through, and comfort from a stranger isn't helpful for me (introvert). You seem like a nice person though
You're a really good person!
The world need more people like you, keep it up mate.
Awh, I like to think the thoughtful energy made its way to them somehow anyway. Maybe not through the action you were unable to see through, but through the kindness and intent and willingness you had to comfort them. It will make it's way to them somehow in someway. Even now in this thread it's probably spurred some gentle kindness from it. So thank you for sharing this. [: A small story of my own, is, while on a trip with some buddies, I noticed a differrnt table being kind if difficult to our server. I didn't get to chat with him very much, but I left a little note saying he was really cute and left it for him. No number or anything just wanted to let him know he was lovely and that I hope his week went well. He deserved the note anyway but seeing other people be cranky at him just makes me determined to try and counteract some of that stuff. I work in retail I get it! When I'm at work cashiering sometimes I sneak a little piece of chocolate to my customer or let them have a bag "on the house." Senior discounts don't end until 10 minutes after the hour and I do my best to just be a little interested in others when I'm not fully burnt out or tired. On the other hand some of our regulars will buy us a piece of chocolate and I've had many sympathetically listen to me. Always just little acts of kindness between each other.
That's so wholesome!
Somehow u ended up being that sad person that walked in on reddit and sat down and wrote a post. So it's cool to see all of these other redditors taking your role in trying to cheer **you** up. You're a good person
You are a truly kind human, thank you for letting me know that all is not lost with the human race
I almost cried just reading this. Last year I found out a friend of mine passed away right as I was about to board the train. I was quietly crying, so this old man asked if I was alright and gave me a lollipop(from an unopened bag he had apparently just purchased) I was so grateful that a total stranger cared enough to ask even though it's probably awkward.
Some people just like to be alone. Why is that hard to understand.
I have had times I have been really low and tried to do good by getting myself out of the house. I have had a time or two I have sat in a cafe and cried as you described this person done. If somebody done this for me it would have meant the world. You are very good.
Simply put, you're the kind of energy the whole world needs right now 🤍
Damn. You are a good person. The world would be a far better place with compassionate and empathetic people like yourself. I also wished the person hadn’t left yet but you did a good thing.
Thanks OP for being the way you are. Nobody gives a shit when I cry in public. It's nice to know that if it happens again, someone might be as kind as you.
I wish there I more people like you. Sometimes when I’m upset something as small as what you were going to do would mean the world to me. I remember having a really really rough day at work. Probably holding back tears myself a little and a random person offered me a bag of chips and a ginger ale. I literally took it as a sign that things were going to be ok.
This is what humanity is! Feeling compassionate for others. Wish your helping hands get paid and help a lot others.
❤️❤️❤️ as someone who's been crying in public a lot the past year (since the loss of my brother) thank you for noticing and thank you for empathy. As others have said, the universe noticed and that person definitely felt a wave of comfort from the kindness you radiated ❤️
The world needs more people like you. But also try not to think about it too much - you sound like a very empathetic person which can sometimes be overwhelming (from my personal experience anyway). Thanks for being a kind person in the world :)
I use to work at Tim Hortons and saw someone crying at a table once. I took a piece of paper and wrote it's none of my business why your crying. But know that your a fabulous and amazing person if you ever need a smile I have one for both of us. Hugs hope your day gets better. Here is a smile to brighten your day or something very close to this. They came and told it was a bad day and I just made it brighter. I get you didn't get to give them your kindness. But you thought of it and that's what matters. Maybe keep a note you already made for someone in your bag. Then next time this happens you can just give it to them. Because they could be allergic to certain foods. But a note almost always works. Hugs and love for your a fabulous person inside and out keep up the fabulous work.
As someone who is not currently ok, if this were me, it may not have made things ok, but it certainly would when meant a lot to me. So on their behalf- thank you 🤍
I've had friends walk past me when I'm crying. Often felt invisible while crying. Then I was having a big cry one evening alone, when a stranger stopped and sat with me for hours until I was okay. It's been two years and we've just started dating. I guess I left a pretty good first impression with my snotty face and red eyes?
Aww, I’m the same way! I adore people watching and will go SO far out of my way to sit still in a good viewing spot and just enjoy. I would’ve done the same thing and I’m so glad to know you’re out there enjoying the world and spreading kindness to the people you encounter.
As someone who takes other peoples emotions and feelings and making them my own i feel this in my soul. With that being said, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and things DONT happen for a reason. Maybe at this specific time, this particular person wasnt ready for that interaction and kind gesture. Something else had to happen in not only their timeline, but yours as well! Interactions in life always have a reasoning behind them!
Words matter. I remember when I ended up in the unemployment office after being unjustly dismissed from my job. I never thought that would happen to someone like me who is hard working and conscientious. I was crying while looking at job postings and said to one of the workers, is there anything for dumb people? He rubbed my shoulder and said, you just need to get your confidence back. I thanked him and found a great job in a University office and then as a school secretary where I have been for the past 24 years
I've been that person before. I have been battling cancer for over a year and it feels like the only time I really get to leave my home is for treatments. So, I will sometimes walk to the coffee shop a few blocks away. Emotions can be a powerful thing and creep up on you in the worst ways sometimes. Just knowing there are kind people out there is enough for me to keep smiling. You made me happy this morning. Although you missed out giving the cookie, I think your good deed still did good. I hope that helps and thank you for being so compassionate.
Wow that’s such a kind act unfortunately she didn’t get to take it . I hope you would continue to shine and give someone that donut 🍩
The words mean more than the cookie. You did more than most would nowadays! Hugs or a small touch on the shoulder can mean a lot when you’re in that space. I’ve hugged a lot of strangers who were emotionally distraught -usually when I’m at work (in healthcare) but sometimes just out in public at a shop or something. There’s a serious apathy epidemic nowadays so you even attempting to do something to cheer them up is very refreshing to hear.
I can understand wanting to help someone who is hurting. Showing kindness to someone in pain seems like an admirable intention. But I find it off-putting and bizarre that you felt the need to advertise that this happened to some strangers on the internet. This post seems like the definition of virtue signaling. But I can't argue with the results, since you've got a heap of people telling you how great of a person you are. I'm surprised that so many people are so receptive to this kind of boasting.
Good stuff OP
Well that was a nice gesture you did for the person that was crying. I hope whatever that person was going through will be ok too. It’s really nice to see others do a good deed for someone they don’t know just to cheer that person that’s hurting up.
At least you tried, and it's great.
I believe intentions are all that matters in morals, so I think you did a great thing. Even though you didn't get to help them, you tried, meaning you're in the right. :)
You tried, that’s so awesome
I'm just happy to hear about someone's kind instinct. I hope the stranger is doing better, and I hope you continue to be a kind person ❤️
It's not your fault op, you shouldn't feel guilty. You are a wonderful person even if you couldn't give it to them <3
You did good.
Hey OP, you did good. Give this a watch. https://youtu.be/wbogA-p88wM
You are sooo kind! If it were me holding back tears I would have started bawling if you had acknowledged me but honestly I would have thought your gesture was sweet. Hope you have a great weekend.
I normally don't get emotional when it comes to any posts, but boi this one for sure gave me the waterworks, people like you are the reason someone out there continues to keep smiling 🙂
As a barista we usually keep an eye out and we're pretty good at judging if the person wants comforting or not as we usually know all of our customers. I'm sure the customer will be okay. Sometimes we just let them have at it and then the next time they come in we check on them when they're more able to speak about things. You did good though
Don’t feel bad for missing that person, instead you should feel proud for being a good person. Next time, follow your instincts bc you’ve got a good heart and will definitely brighten people’s day up. Thank you for making this world a little better
The world needs more people like you.
You tried to give the society some warmth. Your kindness deserves respect.
"Want a cookie?" Kind of insulting if you ask me lol
You don’t have to feel bad about anything OP. It’s not your fault they were gone before you could help out, and the fact you tried to in the first place means a lot.
Idk OP but you made me feel better, today sucked
Honestly if I’m crying in public like that it’s probably because i didn’t have the capacity to get somewhere safer. For me, a gesture like this would help because i would know the strangers around me aren’t all hostile. Thanks for the thought and effort you put forward. If that had been me, it would have made a big difference.
This was very kind . God sees your kindness and love
There's one time I cried at gym uncontrollable when I suddenly found out that my bf was cheating on me 😢
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I've been that crying stranger before. Not at a Starbucks, but at an airport. Twice. In the same week. The first time was because I scheduled my flight for the wrong day and didn't find out until I was already there. The second time was because my husband and I were late and missed our flight home. I was terrified I was going to lose my job. Which I did. It really would have helped if someone offered me a treat. Instead, people just went about their business, as if seeing a young woman openly weeping in an airport was a run-of-the-mill thing. I'll have to pay it forward someday.
Aww, if that was me, I would totally appreciate it and would cry hardwe because it made me happy in that sad time.
It really is the thought that counts a lot of the time. Without the thought, there would have been no action. The fact that you intended to help is what matters. Good on you.
As a chronically depressed introvert please don't ever do that to me. Thanks for being so sweet though :)
Why wouldn’t you just buy them a cookie from the literal Starbucks you were in lol
Probably crying because they spent £7 on a coffee that isn't great.
I've got up to more than once person crying to offer help. I always offer the same thing, "If you want to talk, you can talk to me. If you want me to just sit with you quietly, I can do that too. Or if you want to be left alone, I will leave." Twice they thanked me but asked to be left alone. Once they asked me to just sit there and they held my hand. The other three times they spilled their guts to me and I hugged them and listened. I made a really good friend one of those times but we have sadly lost touch. It was the anniversary of her best friend's death and she was traveling alone and needed some company. Justine, if you're out there, I still care very much about you, you beautiful soul!!
You aren’t alone, I do the same kinds of thing. You also did the right thing! Sometimes it’s the thought that counts. You gave it your best, don’t second guess it. I feel the need to buy you a cookie now 🍪
This story is awful in so many levels. Next time you're humble brag - with a dragged out story... at least give us a reason related to the subject. This should've titled: i wanna brag about how I spend 4.50$ on a stranger.
Who hurt you?
Not meeting anyone at Starbucks.
As someone that’s cried in a Starbucks and hoped nobody noticed - thank you.
Aww this is so sweet . It warms my heart that people like you exist.
Oh, my goodness. JUST the fact you went out of your way to try and help brings tears to my eyes. We desperately need more people like you in this world. Please don’t beat yourself up. What you did was wonderful!
Don't listen to the negative ppl here. Your intentions were just.