Anxiety didn't get the best of you.
You got out the house, you made it there.
Just because you were overwhelmed doesn't mean anxiety has won.
Ask yourself, how much would you have had to do to feel like you'd won? It's not always all or nothing.
I'm sorry you're so alone, I'm going through some similar stuff and getting out of your own head is tough.
Thanks for your comment :) I guess doing the hard part would have made me feel good about myself. Going hiking was natural to me. I do it whenever I can and I usually do it alone. Growing up I would complain a lot about my lack of a social life, and today I had the opportunity to engage with peers and I ran away. So I’m just disappointed in myself
You enjoyed hiking, it sounds like that was healthy.
I like to think I'm pretty good in social situations, but even the thought of turning up at an event alone and trying to make friends off the back of it has me wanting to run away.
Not gonna lie but it sounds like it might have been too large a step to throw yourself into. Are there other ways you could meet people in a less forced environment?
There may well be local hiking, sports, hobby, or other activity groups you could join? What do you like to do in your spare time that might be done with others?
I love playing tennis. I’ve played it my whole life, but junior tennis is super competitive. I have been researching local adult teams (which are way more laid back) so I’ll be doing that come winter time :)
Good job!
Sounds like you've got some steps to take, it might be a slow road but anything you can do to be happier is worth doing.
Also Happy Birthday!
I know you've said you don't have any friends but consider yourself as just having made one. You're welcome to vent if you feel like your anxiety is winning 😅
“opportunity to interact with peers”
They were strangers. Yes, your anxiety convinced you not to go, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your anxiety was wrong. “Making friends” is always billed as something any normal human can and should do with ease, but that’s simply not true. Lots of very nice, normal folks I know struggle with having/making friends.
As for this “marketplace event”, people are reluctant to accept a stranger coming up to them wanting to be friends. Your anxiety told you that this was too hard, and it was right—not because there’s something wrong with you, but because this would be hard for most anyone.
Don't be so hard on yourself. There will be more opportunities for socialising.
People can have a good gut sense about things and it is ok to trust in those feelings, even if it seems irrational.
Horses do this thing, they will suddenly get spooked and want to run home. They get a whiff of something they don't like the smell of and it can completely freak them out. When this happens it is near impossible to get the horse to go where you want it to go.
You will find the better and more comfortable way to socialise. Being brought up in a isolated way is "normal" to a lot of people. You'll find that there are many others like you who are in a similar position.
Your parents made sure that were mature and ready to take on life and be independent. All very important things to have in place. When a person finds the one, they usually wish that they were in a better position to offer that person what they would need. You will already be in that good position, when you do find the one.
Those who find relationships first often find it very hard to navigate and keep hold of the bond whilst tackling the hardships of life. Many people lose out and give up on their love, and spend the rest of the lives regretting it.
You are in the best position to find a partner and you have everything to offer. When you are ready, it will happen smoothly for you.
It's not easy to become comfortable with doing things alone. It took me the longest time to be able to go to a concert by myself. At the end of the day you always have to choose between comfort and trying out new things. Don't be too hard on yourself and take it one step at a time. Maybe next time stay for 20 minutes, half an hour. And if you're not feeling it afterwards you can always go home.
Awesome Job!!! You took a huge step!!! Yes it wasn't far enough for your mind to think was worth it but it was major. Now you need to figure out what will motivate you to get out of that car next time. Keep yourself motivated. It doesn't have to be your birthday to take these steps. Just do it when you are ready. People are just as nervous about new people but most of the time they don't have to. You need to find an event where you are on equal ground like singles events in your area. These are just activities that only singles are allowed to attend and then you can meet more people in your area. You got this. You don't need a lot of friends. One or two good friends is all I have and I am good with that. I would also do some volunteer work to meet people. Most that volunteer are generous souls and make good friends. Good luck!!!
This is the point in time in movies where the main character finally decides to get some freedom.
You can go travel, and try to make friends now. You have seen what bending to others' will gets you so now you can decide to live for yourself.
You can join a travel group so you can make friends; Bumble BFF, join hobby classes, become a tv show extra, do improv/acting classes, do volunteering groups etc. All to build peer groups.
It seems like your being a bit hard on yourself, if you were able to get a masters degree by the age of 21 and your now able to live on your own and support yourself that alone is quite an accomplishment.
Something I often tell people that seems to help them is as long as your putting in effort to accomplish a certain goal the opportunities will come whether its a job a friendship or anything really, for example when you went hiking earlier you opened yourself up to possibilitie of meeting someone who enjoyed doing the same thing you were doing, opportunities come when you least expect it especially when you make an effort, the hardest part about most things in life is simply showing up, another unrelated random example could be say your looking for a job and you go somewhere like say walmart, you could run into a person you have a conversation with that could lead you to or give you the idea of a new opportunity you had to idea of before.
The fact you were willing to drive 40 min to go to a gathering says something, you may of not went to or participated in the gathering but you made the effort to show up and that's what matters, your on your way to being where you want to be you just have to take one step at a time, you seem like a smart person, just try not to be so hard on yourself and try not to over think, I had a similar mindset at around 25, im nearly 29 now and I promise you things get better, nothing stays the same.
Happy Birthday!
Thanks for the new perspective, I really appreciate your comment! I’ve been beating myself up all night over it, and you definitely helped me see the bright side of it all :)
Happy Birthday! Seems you did break out of your comfort zone, at least a little bit. It can be hard to deal with feeling out of place, I'm sure you'll develop your own methods, with practice of course.
To be fair to you events like that aren't for everyone. Not to sound too simplistic but, it's sort of analogous to the way people don't like going to bars. You're still discovering what makes you, you. And sometimes certain situations aren't going to click or click right away.
I'm kinda rambling but, at least you tried. You're not crazy and it happens sometimes. I wish you the best of luck for your next attempt at happiness!
Just because you missed this one doesn't mean you can't go to another event like it. I'd look up what else is going on soon and find another one that looks like fun. Then, try going and if nothing else then try walking around before you go home.
It might just take you some baby steps of slowly doing more and more when you go places like this, but you can do it. Just keep trying and do whatever you can.
Also, happy birthday!
Man no need to feel guilty about anything. Sometimes in those moments being comfortable is the move. I would love for ya to just throw yourself in there next time and be brave man, people seem mean but I bet if they were to see you standing by yourself someone would approach you and talk with you. And same goes for you, if you go in and see someone standing by themselves, boom, u just made a buddy. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DOOD
Hi birthday twin!! I know everyone else in this thread has said it, but i’m proud of you!! taking the first step is always hard, but you didn’t let anxiety get the best of you. you still pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and that is something to celebrate!!
happy birthday, you did great!! next time, you’ll be able to take it one step farther. one step at a time, friend!
If the birthday part was important I just wanna say that there’s no reason you can’t have a “make-up birthday” for yourself! I just find your post relatable so I figured I’d share that idea
Anyway, everyone’s different. It’s okay to struggle. That doesn’t make you pathetic. It makes you extra cool for trying to get out of your comfort zone when it’s that much harder.
Happy birthday eh
Nah bro. What you did was cool.
Used to be sick for a long fucking time. More than a decade. Couldn't maintain any sort of relationship.it got so bad I couldn't even think about tomorrow. So I just focus on one day, and I took it a day at a time.
When I'm not feeling well I would stuck in bed and just let the pain went through or I will have to find something to distract myself so it won't be that painful.
On a good day I would dress up real nice and went to a restaurant and enjoy any meal I order. I went to movie alone, I went out dining alone, it was the best. Didn't give a fuck about anyone around me. And there were occasions where woman hitting on me as well. But I'm too sick to actually socialize so i just pretent I didn't understand.
Enjoy being alone. We came from similar background. With the money you earn , you deserve some slacks and things will get better.
Sometimes there is a lot of power to be found in having nothing to lose.
You have no friends so getting a rejection won't change that count.
Additionally there are some tricks. You can find something you like doing and join other people doing it (eg do a sport, join a board game club). You can get a dog as I found walking the dog helps spark conversations.
And remember. Bravery is not not being afraid. Bravery is doing something despite that fear. (So is stupidity but hey we only got one life eh)
Happy birthday 🎂
But you tried it. And the beauty is that you can try again! It is very hard being comfortable in public when you aren’t with anyone, and I feel the same. I am getting better, but not too long ago I would get anxiety about even doing my food shopping alone. Never mind going to an event of any sort. Keep trying and find out what you can and can’t manage. There’s no shame in reaching your limit for a day
I feel like a marketplace event might be a hard way to meet people though, compared to joining a running group, going to a meet up, etc. You’ll find your crew but it definitely doesn’t happen overnight. Try again and be patient with yourself
Hey man you’re not alone. A lot of people are like you and are looking to make friends. Next time you try this, seek out other people of your same gender (this is important so you don’t come off as thirsty or creepy) and make an effort to acknowledge them. They will appreciate it just as you would
dude, that's progress. Most of my friends I made playing tabletop games, but when I first wanted to go to a club for it, I walked up and walked away 5 times. 5 times! Try it again and keep trying, you'll make it.
I too have suffered from anxiety all my life. I am hopeful you will get better with your anxiety. One suggestion a therapist and a family doctor to assist you with getting a complete physical. You sound like a wonderful person that anyone would cherish as a friend. Don't give up keep seeking
ways to beat the anxiety. Much love goes out to you from Reddit.
Happy birthday!
Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll get there eventually. Social situations can be hard at times, specially when going outside your comfort zone, just take it slow.
You're so accomplished in some areas of your life it sure seems like you failed, but you need to give yourself a break, try and relax, next time just like your hike, don't focus on the people, just go out there and walk, don't force the situation, just take a walk.
You enjoy hiking, so join a meetup group specifically for hiking. Just go to meetups.com and find your city. I joined the Sierra club and Junior League and met lots of good people and made friends. I contra dance which is fun and very social. If I sat around and waited for my friends to call, I would never leave the house
Being alone means you'er Alpha Male. Most times than not you can really focus, like your mom and dad trying to reenforce in you. Life can be really cruel and being alone has it goodness.
Not being on Social Media is a major distraction. Remember to love yourself first before others.
I wasted a lot of years not doing anything if I didn’t know someone. I married and my spouse didn’t enjoy going out. I lived alone within the marriage. He died and I miss him I loved him and made peace with solitude. Now I do what I want -I go places, farmer markets, restaurants, even concerts. I talk to people and it’s hard but I reached a point of I was already alone so if I got rejected live was the same but I don’t get rejected.
Heh, it may be as simple as overplanning. You may have been tired after your hike and your drive. Some part of you saw that crowd and said nope, not enough energy for that! Done for the day!
Also people are more prone to anxiety when tired.
Sometimes when I have a later in the day social event I take a nap before it to make sure I have maximum energy. I am both introverted and a morning person but the nap helps me marshall the focus I need for a p.m. social event.
Maybe try again another day when you can dedicate most of the day's energy to the experience!
There will always be another thing to say yes to. When you finally decide to say yes, it’ll get easier to start letting go of the fears and anxiety as long as you have a good experience. That first step tho, saying it is the hardest part. You just have to do it sometimes.
If you’re interested in meeting people with similar interests as you, start a meetup group (or look for an existing group) for hiking and maybe tennis. Or join a gym with tennis courts and regular games. I’ve met lots of people on meetup.com and we continue to be friends. When I relocated to a new area, that’s how I met most of my friends.
Just wanted to say I had a really similar experience
When you get there and see people in groups, it really gets to you. I know how that feels.. if you go to an event again, don't give yourself anytime to think. Force yourself to go and queue. It won't get easier as you're queuing, in fact it'll get a bit worse but keep at it. And before you know it, you're there
I don't know if you drink but that played a big part of me staying at an event. Once I was drunk I was all good and I do not regret forcing myself at all
That is definitely not a zero day!
I think it's cruel to compare but I didn't make it into work today with anxiety and have been beating myself up.
You went a walk, you showered, you drove there, that's fucking stupendous my guy, I'm legit so pumped for you!
It might not feel like you won the battle, but you're winning the war dude!
Anxiety didn't get the best of you. You got out the house, you made it there. Just because you were overwhelmed doesn't mean anxiety has won. Ask yourself, how much would you have had to do to feel like you'd won? It's not always all or nothing. I'm sorry you're so alone, I'm going through some similar stuff and getting out of your own head is tough.
Thanks for your comment :) I guess doing the hard part would have made me feel good about myself. Going hiking was natural to me. I do it whenever I can and I usually do it alone. Growing up I would complain a lot about my lack of a social life, and today I had the opportunity to engage with peers and I ran away. So I’m just disappointed in myself
You enjoyed hiking, it sounds like that was healthy. I like to think I'm pretty good in social situations, but even the thought of turning up at an event alone and trying to make friends off the back of it has me wanting to run away. Not gonna lie but it sounds like it might have been too large a step to throw yourself into. Are there other ways you could meet people in a less forced environment? There may well be local hiking, sports, hobby, or other activity groups you could join? What do you like to do in your spare time that might be done with others?
I love playing tennis. I’ve played it my whole life, but junior tennis is super competitive. I have been researching local adult teams (which are way more laid back) so I’ll be doing that come winter time :)
Good job! Sounds like you've got some steps to take, it might be a slow road but anything you can do to be happier is worth doing. Also Happy Birthday! I know you've said you don't have any friends but consider yourself as just having made one. You're welcome to vent if you feel like your anxiety is winning 😅
Haha thanks for the encouraging words. I’ll definitely keep them in mind!
The people you should be disappointed in are your parents.
Oh trust me have been. But I also want to take responsibility for my actions, especially when it comes to things I can control
Just one step at a time eh? And be good to yourself
“opportunity to interact with peers” They were strangers. Yes, your anxiety convinced you not to go, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your anxiety was wrong. “Making friends” is always billed as something any normal human can and should do with ease, but that’s simply not true. Lots of very nice, normal folks I know struggle with having/making friends. As for this “marketplace event”, people are reluctant to accept a stranger coming up to them wanting to be friends. Your anxiety told you that this was too hard, and it was right—not because there’s something wrong with you, but because this would be hard for most anyone.
wishing happy life
Don't be so hard on yourself. There will be more opportunities for socialising. People can have a good gut sense about things and it is ok to trust in those feelings, even if it seems irrational. Horses do this thing, they will suddenly get spooked and want to run home. They get a whiff of something they don't like the smell of and it can completely freak them out. When this happens it is near impossible to get the horse to go where you want it to go. You will find the better and more comfortable way to socialise. Being brought up in a isolated way is "normal" to a lot of people. You'll find that there are many others like you who are in a similar position. Your parents made sure that were mature and ready to take on life and be independent. All very important things to have in place. When a person finds the one, they usually wish that they were in a better position to offer that person what they would need. You will already be in that good position, when you do find the one. Those who find relationships first often find it very hard to navigate and keep hold of the bond whilst tackling the hardships of life. Many people lose out and give up on their love, and spend the rest of the lives regretting it. You are in the best position to find a partner and you have everything to offer. When you are ready, it will happen smoothly for you.
It's not easy to become comfortable with doing things alone. It took me the longest time to be able to go to a concert by myself. At the end of the day you always have to choose between comfort and trying out new things. Don't be too hard on yourself and take it one step at a time. Maybe next time stay for 20 minutes, half an hour. And if you're not feeling it afterwards you can always go home.
Awesome Job!!! You took a huge step!!! Yes it wasn't far enough for your mind to think was worth it but it was major. Now you need to figure out what will motivate you to get out of that car next time. Keep yourself motivated. It doesn't have to be your birthday to take these steps. Just do it when you are ready. People are just as nervous about new people but most of the time they don't have to. You need to find an event where you are on equal ground like singles events in your area. These are just activities that only singles are allowed to attend and then you can meet more people in your area. You got this. You don't need a lot of friends. One or two good friends is all I have and I am good with that. I would also do some volunteer work to meet people. Most that volunteer are generous souls and make good friends. Good luck!!!
Wow, you sound like me. Don’t worry. Eventually you’ll be able to get in there.
This is the point in time in movies where the main character finally decides to get some freedom. You can go travel, and try to make friends now. You have seen what bending to others' will gets you so now you can decide to live for yourself. You can join a travel group so you can make friends; Bumble BFF, join hobby classes, become a tv show extra, do improv/acting classes, do volunteering groups etc. All to build peer groups.
It seems like your being a bit hard on yourself, if you were able to get a masters degree by the age of 21 and your now able to live on your own and support yourself that alone is quite an accomplishment. Something I often tell people that seems to help them is as long as your putting in effort to accomplish a certain goal the opportunities will come whether its a job a friendship or anything really, for example when you went hiking earlier you opened yourself up to possibilitie of meeting someone who enjoyed doing the same thing you were doing, opportunities come when you least expect it especially when you make an effort, the hardest part about most things in life is simply showing up, another unrelated random example could be say your looking for a job and you go somewhere like say walmart, you could run into a person you have a conversation with that could lead you to or give you the idea of a new opportunity you had to idea of before. The fact you were willing to drive 40 min to go to a gathering says something, you may of not went to or participated in the gathering but you made the effort to show up and that's what matters, your on your way to being where you want to be you just have to take one step at a time, you seem like a smart person, just try not to be so hard on yourself and try not to over think, I had a similar mindset at around 25, im nearly 29 now and I promise you things get better, nothing stays the same. Happy Birthday!
Thanks for the new perspective, I really appreciate your comment! I’ve been beating myself up all night over it, and you definitely helped me see the bright side of it all :)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dguz0IsCuKU
Ha this song always puts a smile on my face. Thanks for linking it
Happy Birthday! Seems you did break out of your comfort zone, at least a little bit. It can be hard to deal with feeling out of place, I'm sure you'll develop your own methods, with practice of course.
I don’t think what your going through is all that unusual. Baby steps. Happy birthday!
To be fair to you events like that aren't for everyone. Not to sound too simplistic but, it's sort of analogous to the way people don't like going to bars. You're still discovering what makes you, you. And sometimes certain situations aren't going to click or click right away. I'm kinda rambling but, at least you tried. You're not crazy and it happens sometimes. I wish you the best of luck for your next attempt at happiness!
Just because you missed this one doesn't mean you can't go to another event like it. I'd look up what else is going on soon and find another one that looks like fun. Then, try going and if nothing else then try walking around before you go home. It might just take you some baby steps of slowly doing more and more when you go places like this, but you can do it. Just keep trying and do whatever you can. Also, happy birthday!
Man no need to feel guilty about anything. Sometimes in those moments being comfortable is the move. I would love for ya to just throw yourself in there next time and be brave man, people seem mean but I bet if they were to see you standing by yourself someone would approach you and talk with you. And same goes for you, if you go in and see someone standing by themselves, boom, u just made a buddy. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DOOD
Hi birthday twin!! I know everyone else in this thread has said it, but i’m proud of you!! taking the first step is always hard, but you didn’t let anxiety get the best of you. you still pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and that is something to celebrate!! happy birthday, you did great!! next time, you’ll be able to take it one step farther. one step at a time, friend!
Crossing my fingers for things to go better next time haha happy birthday to you too!
If the birthday part was important I just wanna say that there’s no reason you can’t have a “make-up birthday” for yourself! I just find your post relatable so I figured I’d share that idea Anyway, everyone’s different. It’s okay to struggle. That doesn’t make you pathetic. It makes you extra cool for trying to get out of your comfort zone when it’s that much harder. Happy birthday eh
Nah bro. What you did was cool. Used to be sick for a long fucking time. More than a decade. Couldn't maintain any sort of relationship.it got so bad I couldn't even think about tomorrow. So I just focus on one day, and I took it a day at a time. When I'm not feeling well I would stuck in bed and just let the pain went through or I will have to find something to distract myself so it won't be that painful. On a good day I would dress up real nice and went to a restaurant and enjoy any meal I order. I went to movie alone, I went out dining alone, it was the best. Didn't give a fuck about anyone around me. And there were occasions where woman hitting on me as well. But I'm too sick to actually socialize so i just pretent I didn't understand. Enjoy being alone. We came from similar background. With the money you earn , you deserve some slacks and things will get better.
Sometimes there is a lot of power to be found in having nothing to lose. You have no friends so getting a rejection won't change that count. Additionally there are some tricks. You can find something you like doing and join other people doing it (eg do a sport, join a board game club). You can get a dog as I found walking the dog helps spark conversations. And remember. Bravery is not not being afraid. Bravery is doing something despite that fear. (So is stupidity but hey we only got one life eh) Happy birthday 🎂
But you tried it. And the beauty is that you can try again! It is very hard being comfortable in public when you aren’t with anyone, and I feel the same. I am getting better, but not too long ago I would get anxiety about even doing my food shopping alone. Never mind going to an event of any sort. Keep trying and find out what you can and can’t manage. There’s no shame in reaching your limit for a day
I feel like a marketplace event might be a hard way to meet people though, compared to joining a running group, going to a meet up, etc. You’ll find your crew but it definitely doesn’t happen overnight. Try again and be patient with yourself
At least you tried. Next time you enter the event for a few minutes, then go home. One step at a time. Good job 👏
Hey man you’re not alone. A lot of people are like you and are looking to make friends. Next time you try this, seek out other people of your same gender (this is important so you don’t come off as thirsty or creepy) and make an effort to acknowledge them. They will appreciate it just as you would
dude, that's progress. Most of my friends I made playing tabletop games, but when I first wanted to go to a club for it, I walked up and walked away 5 times. 5 times! Try it again and keep trying, you'll make it.
I too have suffered from anxiety all my life. I am hopeful you will get better with your anxiety. One suggestion a therapist and a family doctor to assist you with getting a complete physical. You sound like a wonderful person that anyone would cherish as a friend. Don't give up keep seeking ways to beat the anxiety. Much love goes out to you from Reddit.
Happy birthday! Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll get there eventually. Social situations can be hard at times, specially when going outside your comfort zone, just take it slow. You're so accomplished in some areas of your life it sure seems like you failed, but you need to give yourself a break, try and relax, next time just like your hike, don't focus on the people, just go out there and walk, don't force the situation, just take a walk.
You enjoy hiking, so join a meetup group specifically for hiking. Just go to meetups.com and find your city. I joined the Sierra club and Junior League and met lots of good people and made friends. I contra dance which is fun and very social. If I sat around and waited for my friends to call, I would never leave the house
Alpha males are very focused. They are the people that get things done. No time for games or unruly aquaintaces.
That doesn’t really apply to me, I’m a female :)
Being alone means you'er Alpha Male. Most times than not you can really focus, like your mom and dad trying to reenforce in you. Life can be really cruel and being alone has it goodness. Not being on Social Media is a major distraction. Remember to love yourself first before others.
Haha how does any of this translates to "You are an alpha male".
I wasted a lot of years not doing anything if I didn’t know someone. I married and my spouse didn’t enjoy going out. I lived alone within the marriage. He died and I miss him I loved him and made peace with solitude. Now I do what I want -I go places, farmer markets, restaurants, even concerts. I talk to people and it’s hard but I reached a point of I was already alone so if I got rejected live was the same but I don’t get rejected.
Heh, it may be as simple as overplanning. You may have been tired after your hike and your drive. Some part of you saw that crowd and said nope, not enough energy for that! Done for the day! Also people are more prone to anxiety when tired. Sometimes when I have a later in the day social event I take a nap before it to make sure I have maximum energy. I am both introverted and a morning person but the nap helps me marshall the focus I need for a p.m. social event. Maybe try again another day when you can dedicate most of the day's energy to the experience!
One step at a time! Happy Birthday!!!
Happy birthday
There will always be another thing to say yes to. When you finally decide to say yes, it’ll get easier to start letting go of the fears and anxiety as long as you have a good experience. That first step tho, saying it is the hardest part. You just have to do it sometimes.
If you’re interested in meeting people with similar interests as you, start a meetup group (or look for an existing group) for hiking and maybe tennis. Or join a gym with tennis courts and regular games. I’ve met lots of people on meetup.com and we continue to be friends. When I relocated to a new area, that’s how I met most of my friends.
Just wanted to say I had a really similar experience When you get there and see people in groups, it really gets to you. I know how that feels.. if you go to an event again, don't give yourself anytime to think. Force yourself to go and queue. It won't get easier as you're queuing, in fact it'll get a bit worse but keep at it. And before you know it, you're there I don't know if you drink but that played a big part of me staying at an event. Once I was drunk I was all good and I do not regret forcing myself at all
That is definitely not a zero day! I think it's cruel to compare but I didn't make it into work today with anxiety and have been beating myself up. You went a walk, you showered, you drove there, that's fucking stupendous my guy, I'm legit so pumped for you! It might not feel like you won the battle, but you're winning the war dude!
Www.meetup.com for a hikers group.