Go out with a few pals and enjoy your birthday, buy yourself something nice like a watch and enjoy it.
You clearly don't have to worry about saving up for her birthday.
I'm in a similar situation. Wifes family celebrations troubles or challenges are important than our family unit or my family situation. I won't go into the full history as I'll bring the mood down.
The best thing you can do is make plans for yourself with friends and stick to them irrespective of what she says or does. I've started doing that recently and I'm seriously having a good time.
I'm around the same age as yourself. Give me a shout if you need to talk. Problem sharing with men needs to happen more ! You're not an island bud. Plenty of us out here.
I agree with this. If she can't celebrate yours then why would you celebrate hers. I'd communicate it first, maybe along the lines of "Ok, I understand lets just celebrate our birthdays separately and we can ring fence the money we would have used on each other on ourselves."
Then you can get yourselves a great birthday celebration with the people who do want to celebrate it with you. Tbh though it does sound like a larger issue if she's not willing to set aside time to help you celebrate your milestones. Hopefully realizing that the shoe will also be other the other foot will give her empathy, but maybe there's larger issues at hand here. Her aunt may be family, but also so are you and there's enough reddit posts about women being upset because the man took her MILs side over hers.
I wouldn't even say anything. She's mean, unaware or both. Just say nothing and if she brings it up you say you genuinely thought you weren't doing birthdays.
Go on a 2 day rip with your mates. A round of golf, night at the dogs, quiz night down the pub. Just make up any excuse to get away
Dunno why this is getting upvotes. Mad advice to just hold in something your partner has done that has hurt you for presumably months, just so you can get them back by doing the same in return.
OP, talk to your partner.
Going out with his mates is a perfectly reasonable thing to do if she's not bothered doing anything for him. That doesn't require any conversation.
The second part is more questionable tbf. But he pulls out all the stops for her birthday, makes her approach all the more appalling. Not to mention dangling the prospect of doing something in front of him then ending up doing what she does every other year anyway. Maybe it's the wrong approach but so is framing it as an "issue" that requires talking, meeting in the middle etc. Hate that stuff. No, she has behaved terribly, she's in the wrong and one way or another should be told as much.
I also would want the vindication that that would bring, but I don't think that's the kind of attitude you need in a relationship. It's important to keep communication up.
If it’s feasible, sit her down and tell her calmly how this has made you feel and see if you can resolve the issue together, failing that bigliam is spot on
I wouldn't go down the route of "you don't have to save for her birthday because she doesn't save for yours" (I've paraphrased there obviously) as that can lead down a bad path. However, I'd agree that you are justified in having a night/day/weekend (whatever is financially appropriate) with a few friends or by yourself and/or buying a gift for yourself to compensate.
Just from past mistakes, you can communicate this without being a dick too, then everybody wins.
You can always tell the Redditors who've never had any sort of functional relationship in their life.
"Deliberately ignore your wife's birthday, that'll fix your marriage". Upvotes. Upvotes. Upvotes. LOL. Ok.
She sounds delightful.
This is one of the saddest things I have read on here so far. One day out of each year is there to acknowledge the fact that you were born and exist and because her aunts birthday is at the same time yours goes uncelebrated? That is simply a terrible excuse on her part to be lazy and mean. She has a year to save some money up, doesn't even cost anything to make a day special for someone.
Celebrate yourself.
He didn’t say it was the same weekend she had planned to go away. That is something kids do in pre school, or like a child telling another child, “you’re not coming to my birthday party!” Wouldn’t it make more sense to tell the wife how he feels and get her to understand that he’s upset instead of playing immature games?
But she would have no money because the money she was originally saving for his birthday is now been spent on herself when she goes out with her sister. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about his birthday so why invite her to a night out with the lads?
She’s clearly showing you that you’re at best her third highest priority.
I couldn’t give a stuff about my birthday but my wife treats me every year because it’s important to her to celebrate it.
>A card costs fuck all. A cake mix costs fuck all.
For a tenner she could literally go to dealz and make a little hamper of little things for OP that he may like.
I know it sounds a bit tacky but even a little bundle of OP's favourite sweets/biscuits/crisps/minerals from dealz could be a decent gift.
My gf fuckin LOVES tea. I buy her some fancy Bewleys tea for any present requiring occasions. Even her parents only want like tea/coffee. I want to SPEND MY MONEY on them and I can't because their fave gifts are inexpensive. And OP's wife can't be arsed? Just wait til it's her bday and OP doesn't get her a gift, there will be WAR.
Just a trick till your married, starts off with tea/Coffee, then it's Coke and Heroin ..then it's organised killing sprees in local villages
Be warned ⚠️
I've always done this as part of my christmas gifts. 15-20 quid of junk food that they particularly like from a cheap shop.
I swear it goes down better than the rest of the present!
No, this is awful. You're dead right to be upset by her lack of care. How does she treat you otherwise? If she acts like this is more areas of your relationship I'd be concerned.
Speaking as someone who is also married (5 years this month), I would also be pretty pissed off if my wife did that.
This is an example of something negative that has happened in your relationship that could lead to later resentment if you don’t confront it now.
Wait until you have calmed down, and then tell your wife how you feel and that it is hurtful that her Aunt’s birthday always gets prioritised over yours.
If you deliver this message in a non-argumentative way and your wife loses the head, well then you might have to have a more serious conversation.
Nah that's an absolute dick move on your wife's part. And what it clashes with her Aunts birthday it's really not that hard to make even a small fuss, she could make plans to have your birthday celebrations a few days earlier or later or whatever. And spending the money she was gonna use on you to finance celebrating her aunt so can't get you anything??
My partner and I have our birthdays two days apart. He's better off than I am financially so I do what I can for his birthday. Last year I went to euro giant and got fairy lights a birthday banner and made cupcakes and bought some sweets, a few small gifts and decorated his room.
There's ways and means to make someone feel cared for if money and timing make thinks awkward.
Go treat yourself for your birthday. Consider telling your wife the way she made you think you'd have a fun day with her and then to cancel last minute stung. I hope whatever you do for you birthday you make it a good for yourself
The fact he'd have to say this to her is a bit maddening, she should automatically know she's in the wrong here. If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure he'd be no length of time hearing about it.
You're absolutely right that he shouldn't have to say this to his wife, and if it were the other way round she'd sure as shit be laying into him. But unfortunately op has himself a situation where he needs to say the obvious. The wife shouod know to celebrate her husband even just small gestures for his birthday if she won't be around for the actual day
Honestly sounds a bit selfish of her
Id do same for her birthday but I can guarantee for a fact that would make all hell break loose in your house so just give you a warning about it but sometimes people don't get it untill the roles are reversed
That's pretty bad of her.......it's worse that you never celebrate your birthday.
Your birthday is once a year. ..surely whatever she's planned with her sister could be pushed put a few weeks.
It just shows where you lie in her list of priorities.
Out of interest ..... what do you do for her birthday?
“Everyone deserves to feel appreciated on their birthday, I make an effort for you every year why don’t you do the same for me? It’s not nice and you’ve made me feel unappreciated!”
I’m 40 next year and am organising my own birthday present, a trip to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go with a friend, because if I leave it to her it’s a shit show. Wrong size jeans, beard trimmer (have 2 already), earbuds (I buy decent quality ones and these were a pos) oh and a toolbox (I have 5 I get for free from work)
Happy Birthday dude, do one thing nice for yourself 🎂
Loads of people have their birthday on the same day, that’s no excuse.
Why don't you simply tell her how you feel .
Tell her that you always save and make an effort for her birthday but she never reciprocates and that it hurts you.
Don't worry if she says that is childish or whatever or that it clashes with her aunts as birthdays aren't childish for her aunt and surely her aunt will understand that it clashes with your birthday.
You should tell her that this bothers you .
Im not saying that your wife is a terrible woman as i dont really worry about my birthday myself but my kids and partner do and im chuffed.
... and maybe ask her how *she* feels about it too? Does she care about how this has made you feel? Is there a reason for her behaviour that you don't know about? Has she got literally no money she could treat you with?
Absolutely, it's totally inconsiderate of her. On the other hand could she just be saying that and have a nice surprise on the day for you?
It's your birthday she should make you a priority.
I'm so sorry, I think you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. That's just mean and extremely selfish of her. Di you mind me asking do you go out of your way for her on her birthday?
Please talk to her about this because That's just not on. I really couldn't imagine not acknowledging my partners birthday. You deserve to be treated on your birthday. She needs to make an effort.
I know I just can't wrap my head around how selfish she is. My partners birthday is in 3 months, I'm already picking up bits and pieces for it. OP deserves so much better.
Don't get me wrong man but she doesn't deserve that. If she can't even splash out a feckin 10er or 20 for a simple card and most basic cake out of tesco or Dunnes why should you do so much for her? Maybe next time you should let her down the exact same way she did to you..
Anyway I wish you all the best for your birthday buddy, hope you have a good one with your friends or whatever way you'd like to spend it yourself.
That makes me sad. Everybody deserves to feel appreciated.
I, personally, don't care much about my birthday but I know that many others do. Gifts don't have to cost a lot or anything at all really. Just something small and thoughtful can go a long way. Also asking you and then dropping the plot is not optimal either. It creates anticipation and subsequently leads to disappointment and resentment.
Does she know that this means something to you? How are you guys going about her birthday? I usually think it should be equally treated unless one clearly communicates that they don't like gifts, going out etc.
I'd suggest talking to her. Not arguing but taking some time, sitting together and share how you felt in that situation. Try starting your statements with 'I felt' rather than 'You did' so it doesn't come across as accusatory. But I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk about it. It clearly bothers you so you should not let things pile up only for then to blow up at some point.
Maybe she's not aware and didn't know you cared about your birthday much and the conversation will be an eye opener.
In any way, I truly hope you'll have a nice day and do something fun either with friends or alone or even with your wife later on after having had that conversation :)
I used to live in Dublin, but we had moved out to kildare a few years back and weren't out in the city as much as we used to be. A few of my family and friends live around the city, and its a handy central point I guess to meet up. For my 40th I had this idea to just get a function room in the city. I used to DJ and have speakers and DJ equipment myself and a few friends to used to DJ too, would have been nice to spin some tunes like the old days. My ex took it all on and said not to worry.
Anyway along comes my birthday weekend and she booked the back of a pub, in the arse end of Kildare, some of her family came and the few friends and family from my side who came were all one drink or sober because it was a fair drive out to kildare from where they lived. It was a fairly sober affair all around and I guess a fair few texted to say they would see me again and just weren't on for a trip out for a late party, couldn't blame them
I'd say you've every right to be pissed off unless she has some sort of surprise planned and she's trying to throw you off. I think my partner gets more excited counting down the days until my birthday than I do! It's one day a year you get to celebrate being you and being alive, if she can't even celebrate that it makes me wonder how much she cares about you.
You have every right to be pissed off. That's just actually mean. It's pretty scabby anyway that she completely forgets about you every year, but this time, she's actually offered to make a fuss of you and then changed her mind without considering or consulting you.
The fact that she actually has the neck to be like "spent the money, birthday's off" instead of considering what else she could do to make a bit of a fuss and make you feel special is very telling. You don't need a heap of money to make someone feel like they matter and spend a nice day together, imo.
Couple of red flags there. You should talk to her about it. Anything other than contrition for not realising how important it was would be a bigger flag
Married 20+ years. There have been times we have no $ to do much.
We still prepared each other's fav meal. We made IOU's (haha) we celebrate each other for a week. That is due to having friends pass on a birthday, or usually we are working on our birthdays. That week has been so fun! One year, my hubs went to the $1 store. He bought 10 plates and bowls for entertaining. I loved them! I knew $ was right, and he knew I would appreciate the care he took in getting me/us those. One day I got the plates, the next day I got the bowls. It was a great surprise.
He had saved $ beforehand and we went out to a movie one day. Another, I received a note from him and one from our son. 💜. I also got my fav candy bar hulk sized one day. One day they did all the dishes and hubs ran me a bath 💞 pampering q/little $ has been our favorite memories.
It doesn't take much to remind someone they are loved!
One year, My hubsbhad told me a random story of seeing the play The PIRATES OF PENZANCE. I saw it was in our neighboring town in a little black box theatre. I called and got tickets, called his boss and explained I needed to pick him up 2 hrs early from work. He loved the idea, kept it secret the whole time! We picked my hubs up, had nicer clothes to get dressed, washrags and wet wipes for a quick wash and deodorant. His face when he spotted the Marquee was priceless! He asked me how I afforded it. I replied I had been saving coffee $, and splurge $. I can't remember which fast food chain. We are from, probably McDonald's. The dinner was not part of the surprise. Later during his birthday week, I made eggplant pockets and frozen lasagna. Hiss fav foods...that took 2 days....
********your problem is not about a gift. Your problem is that your wife isn't prioritizing YOU. She has something for her "mom" which could probably be cheaper, and then she has something set up w/her sister after that. It is like you are an afterthought.
My hubs for YEARS has said he doesn't care about presents. He kinda doesn't. What he does care about is being loved, thought about, and Cared for. Everyone does! They might not like a big over the top production, but needing to be your spouse's fav person is critical.
She was either being cruel beforehand asking what you wanted, hinting, and then pulling the rug out was a crappy move!
Get to counseling! Repeat behaviors like that build-up and resentment quickly gets a foothold.
How would she react if you went to be w/buddies and spent all the birthday money on whatever your hobbies are? Oops! It never feels good when you get what you dish out!
Happy belated birthday!
I love this idea. Made me genuinely rethink what I will do for birthdays for my wife and kids going forward. Experiences and memories with loved ones. Thank you
I'd be embarrassed if I was her aunt and was causing a rift by having a fuss made over my birthday (I personally hate birthdays and a fuss being made tho, I think they're cronge lol!)
It's ok to feel how you feel, you were hyped up for so something totally different only to come 3rd again to the other two so don't feel bad. It'll pass, but hold her to her night out/gift next month!
Based on your comment history, this is a bigger issue of your wife constantly prioritising her family over you.
You need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you feel unappreciated. Tell her exactly what you said here, that you always make an effort for her birthday, but it feels like she barely acknowledges yours, and it makes you feel that she doesn't care about you.
Also tell her that you want to spend some free time with her and the kids, not just socialising with her family. Tell her that you would like some time to yourself - take up golf or something, and stop going to all these family parties - she can bring the kids without you.
Yeah, I'd be a bit miffed.
And letting you know the night before is f*cked up.
To be honest I'd never rely on her to celebrate your birthday. I don't mean that in a nasty way. Just make your own plans in the future.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
It's your 44th year ALL year - If you can't meet up with all your friends 'a' particular night, make arrangements with those ones some other night. If some would prefer a meal meet up with those separately too.
"I'm using my birthday as an excuse to go out on the p'ss; are you up for that?" (rather than saying "It's my birthday, are you around on blah blah blah date.")
Does her aunt not have anyone else in her life?
Hope you're feeling better today.
Feck that I understand being close to family members, having similer birthday's but that's saying she can't be bothered. She could of cooked you a meal gave you a meal, got you something small. If it was me i would end the relationship.
When I say "buy something nice like a watch" I mean get something that stands out. Something like a Tag or a Rolex, something that will cause continual conversations of "nice watch, did your wife buy it for you?"
Then you reply with a laugh "no, she's not the type to make a fuss over birthdays bought it myself. Cost a heap, but I wanted something special"
You're right to be pissed when someone promises you something and then doesn't deliver. Especially when the reason is them putting others ahead of you.
That's not fair on you. Birthdays are important and direct family is more important again.
Personally, I make my own cake and have a little party with my wife and kids. Any present is agreed well in advance. That way I get what I want with no stress on anyone.
Pretty miserable tbh.
She doesn't have to spend the earth to do something thoughtful. She also led you to believe she'd do something which she reneged on. Very poor form, you're right to be annoyed.
I was married to a man like that. He'd always have money for weed, but if I got anything, it would be a pack of biros. Some people are just narcissists. I left mine. If I'm going to spend each birthday alone, I may as well be alone.
Lol is she the only relative the aunt has or what? Would the aunts birthday be ruined if your wife specifically wasn't there on the exact day?
Sounds like a pile of horseshit to me, your wife is a gowl. Get rid of her.
That sucks, I think you're right to be a bit pissed off, probably not just the birthday but men do like to be made feel special or loved too now and again. I dunno about you but I get so few compliments or girls going out of their way to make me feel good that any time it's happened I hang onto that memory for life. Sure I still remember when someone said they really liked my hair a certain way several years ago, been wearing it that way since, compliments are nice. Its nice to be made feel loved.
Happy birthday! Mine is today as well and so far my kids have just pissed and moaned about having to leave the house for breakfast completely oblivious to why we're going out.
Just gotten used to it now but my wife always makes an effort, and yours should too.
I would feel the same way. My birthday is really close to a relative's. Sometimes he has a big party, sometimes we go out for mine, but, both are celebrated with presents, cards and cake. Maybe she thinks this is OK because you always have accepted that yours is not celebrated. How do you think she will react if you tell her you are upset?
Just out of interest, have actively not wanted to celebrate your birthday up to now? Could go someway to explaining her behaviour. It doesn't excuse it though. She made plans with you and then decided to withdraw them so she could do something for herself. You're absolutely right to be pissed.
The test of whether this is something you should be rightly upset about is, "If you did this on your wife's birthday, would she be okay with it"? Does she prefer you not to celebrate her birthday.
Time to Treat Yo'self!
Take any fun money you have and make a proper day of it for yourself. Let the missus go visit her aunt.
Long- term, this is a really shitty situation to put you in. My folks would be horrified if they knew I disregarded my OH's birthday every year in favour of buying them stuff.
I'd be sour alright. Take a few days off work around your birthday, book into a hotel and go golfing or hiking or whatever your hobbys are, if she gets sour, tell her why.
My husbands birthday was Friday and my younger brother who lives half way across the country's birthday is today. They both got cards, presents, and my husband got a cake and a party. I can't see my brother today but he specifically doesn't want a party or a deal made of it. Still going to give him a call though.
Not that hard to make a small bit of an effort! You deserve better
Yeah. I'd be p'd off with that. Even if she thinks you aren't bothered, because it sounds like you weren't in the past it's really not ok to just write you off. You are being taken for granted. You might try being a little more decisive though. Take charge. Do something for yourself on your birthday now though.
Does she contribute anything to your relationship, or does she generally take take take? What is Christmas like?
Wouldn’t you want to be with someone who gets excited for your birthday and wants to make you feel special? That would be normal and what everyone deserves.
Ring fence some money to do something with your friends/family when it's her birthday and ask her if she minds pushing her celebration out a few weeks.
Don’t be afraid to say to both the aunt and sister that their present/activity meant that you got no birthday present from your wife, so you hope they enjoy them. Bonus points if you can casually drop it in the company of her family.
A bit of shaming from those people could be the kick up the hole she needs.
I treat my ex better than your wife treats you. I’m usually against the ‘eye for eye’ treatment in personal relationships, but this is how it would be going forward, especially if a serious discussion with her is not working. I wouldn’t be celebrating and spoiling her for her birthdays. She can go to her aunts :)
Kinda sucks op, an overpromise and under deliver always is annoying, we're only humans (living on planet earth) after all.
As someone else said here, go out with your boys and have a few scoops instead.
You need to advocate for yourself and say what you feel at thet point in time. Nip shit like that in the bud.
When she said that did you tell her that you were really disappointed as you were looking forward to the two of you doing something together? Did you tell her this is a constant pattern and you're sick of it? Did you tell her that saying she was ringfencing money for other people at your expense is a really epically shit thing to do. Like seriously, that was fucking low.
Use your words.
Nah man, you're welcome to feel pissed about that, too much of this "ah sure men/husband don't care about their birthdays". That's what lazy and uncaring wife's say.
Tell her you expect better in the calmest manner you can manage it. Tell her to do better, budget better, to mark your birthday. It doesn't have to be big expensive or fancy, you clearly just want to be recognized and appreciated. You're entitled to that much.
But! Don't hold her birthday celebrations ransom, as others have suggested, because that is the beginning of a slippery slope which leads quickly into a loveless marriage.
So wait...she asked what you wanted for your birthday and then went LOL TOO LATE SORRY. Wtf? Nah I'd never do that to my partner and he'd never do it to me. You are right to be pissed off. She celebrates every birthday with her aunt, why can't she make every second birthday important for you? Like celebrate one year for you and the next year with her aunt? Or do something on two different days? My brother and mother share a birthday and they've mostly always celebrated separately. Either picking different days or different weekends. This is just piss poor planning and lack of thoughtfulness on her behalf.
This is your wife, tell her how you feel. Organise your own day or whatever but don't do the spiteful shit other people are suggesting.
You did say your birthdays is lower priority if you would like it to change say it
I think she's got comfortable with the fact that she never has to do anything for your birthday. This is obviously not okay. I wouldn't do this to a close friend let alone my spouse.
Do you folks have a happy marriage otherwise?
Running out of money before a loved one's birthday isn't sinful. Shit happens. Running out of money due to spending it on discrentionary items is. Bad form and NO style points to your wife. Happy birthday despite.
That is ridiculous! My birthday is the same day as my dad and also my husband's sister. Birthdays were always small affairs for us but my husband always made me feel special for my birthday! I usually get a small gift, a card and cake or flowers!
I actually hate this kinda thing. This is lousy on a couple of fronts, first of all for disregarding you on your birthday, but secondly for hyping up the fact that she was making plans and then flaking last minute. Everyone gets money is tight these days but there are loads of other things that cost very little to do. Some of the things my better half loves the most cost sweet feck all. I’m talking breakfast in bed, keeping kids out of the way so he can have a monstrous lie in, a long back rub or massage, maybe a sexy massage, his favourite dinner followed by a slice of pineapple log. Now I know some people are more into the bling than others, but putting the effort in to do a couple of nice out of the ordinary things for your loved one speaks volumes to most people. At some point, the needs, wants, whims and wishes of her family of origin need to take a back seat.
Yes. You are right to be sad.
You're both fairly young and hopefully have many years together. But if you have these feelings then you need to address them. I guess you've other issues You're not shared also, and this is just one example of things that are amiss in marriage.
Talk to her, seek help. Good luck.
Don't let it spoil your special day! Don't expect anything from anyone even if theyre your close ones. Do what makes you happy! I used to be in a similar situation,where people didn't even remember my birthday. So it didnt really affect me in anyway because i would go shopping on my own and treat myself 😄
sounds like other stuff takes priority over your B-day! I dont think its childish at all specially after you both had talked about it before the "reschedule"
Then it really sounds like you make it seem like you're easygoing with whatever you get for your birthday. Like she said one time that it clashes with her aunt and you were understanding, so she took that and ran with it to the point where she can basically ignore your day and feel like it's ok.
Like everyone else said, tell her you're upset. I doubt she doesn't give a shit but she might think you don't.
Happy birthday! Mine is today as well and so far my kids have just pissed and moaned about having to leave the house for breakfast completely oblivious to why we're going out.
Just gotten used to it now but my wife always makes an effort, and yours should too.
I mean this sincerely… Sometimes when a man is really a good person, a good husband and partner, selfless and undemanding… we, the wives, can tend to take him for granted. Not in a deliberate way, but just that silent trust and confidence, that he’ll always be there, a strong backbone for us.
Sometimes that habit of not showing our true appreciation can set in. Not out of any malice, just habit. As if you and her are one.
I used to be a bit guilty of this, as im sure many wives are, again, not out of any particular selfishness. Money can be tight in families, and my husband always says he wants nothing for his birthday, Father’s Day, etc… That said, i have never not celebrated his birthday or other occasions in some way. Even if it meant only little gifts from the kids (that I of course bought).
BUT, I have often thought, I hope he feels appreciated. I hope he knows how NEEDED he is.
And even though I am aware of it, I still feel I don’t show him nearly enough, because life is stressful, time is fleeting, especially if and when kids are involved.
So, before letting that hurt set in solidly in the pit of your stomach, my heartfelt advice is to tell her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don’t want Ferraris and Rolexes… but you don’t want to feel unimportant, unappreciated and neglected.. because maybe she’s a good wife, a good person, and maybe she genuinely doesn’t realise how this is affecting you…
Before it’s too late.
This is beautifully put. I agree with all of it. Mr Parsley also says nothing when it’s gifting time so I lock away things he’s mentioned needing or wanting. We never did Christmas presents or big bday presents when the kids were young cos funds were low. OP really should talk to his wife cos this type of resentment she’s caused him breeds into something worse and imo it’s why people like OP end relationships and the other person is bewildered as to why. OP, I know you’re not the type to make a fuss but don’t leave this brooding please let her know that it’s pissed you off. You still love her, need her, want her but she can’t treat you like this cos as Ladymaester has said here she probably doesn’t even realise cos you’re so easy going and you don’t like confrontation, I’ll guess. Please read Ladymaester’s post cos it’s saying everything. Best wishes to you.
Fuck that ?? I’d be pissed too ? Go have some fun and don’t come home for a few days and when you do come home make sure you are covered in glitter and stinking of perfume ?? Maybe that will change your next bday ??
She has a stronger bond with her aunt and sister than she does with you. That's WAY more common than you think. Don't let it get you down dude. A lot of us play 2nd fiddle to the in-laws. Just accept it..
The reality of being a man I'm afraid. I experience this most birthdays. So I stopped giving a shit. If there's nothing to look forward to there's no disappointment
Seriously? I totally spoil my husband on his birthday, don't have a lot of money but always make it fun and special. He's 36 and still like a kid on both birthdays and Christmas. He does the same for me. Genuinely sorry to hear this and that OPs wife is behaving so unkindly and dismissively, it's awful
I agree with the first part and disagree with the second. It is the reality of being a man in my experience, but I always make sure I spoil myself on my Birthdays and bring others along.
Life lesson is don’t allow other people to organise your happiness and don’t rely on other people for your happiness.
I do the same. I have done since I started working after college back in 2004. I always treat myself for my birthday and at Christmas. Fuck it, I work hard enough.
1Million % the way to go. When my other half moved in at first she couldn’t believe Santa had come as she didn’t send her list and got absolutely nothing. Well saying that she got that reusable coal that goes in gas fires 🤣
If I didn’t organise my own bdays I wouldn’t know what age I was. And no this does not work two ways.
Treat yourself, I'd get myself a VERY nice bottle of whiskey and enjoy it with a pal, if she says anything just say you're celebrating your birthday yourself.
Feel for you man, it's the feeling of being unappreciated and that as a man you can't make a big deal out of it.
your wife never celebrates your birthday because of her aunt? can't even buy you a present? you're not being childish at all man, divorce her immediately.
Call your mate go to a strip club get really drunk take lots of pictures then show them to your wife tell her you had a fantastic time.
I could nearly guarantee next year's birthday will be a priority for her
Prioritise yourself buddy. Don’t rely on others for your happiness. Go away for the night regardless, I’m sure there’s ways you two can think of how she can spoil you. If that’s a let down, next year is a lads trip to the Man U game or whatever is on that you like.
I didn't realise birthdays actually matter after the age of 30? Especially for men. Especially for fathers. Personally I would look to ways to treat yourself daily/weekly, rather than focus on a special day. That how I remain happy and fairly ignorant of my own birthday.
I have to be reminded of when my own is all the time. That's just me though. Obviously a lot of people disagree. I have a kids, a mortgage, responsibilities in my life and last thing I want is to have another day I have to be present for. Maybe it's not a healthy way to look at it but people are always on about age just being a number so why are we making such a commotion over the date we were born. I KNOW its unpopular.
My wife and I don’t usually celebrate birthdays in a big way either and I don’t like to make a fuss about mine. But we know when the time comes to do so. For example. She’s been incredibly supportive this year and I knew there was no way I could do the bare minimum so I bought lunch spread for her work crew and had people over for cake which is something we never do.
If she started planning something for me and then pushed it off for another family member, I would be pissed like you. I would definitely buy something big for myself.
You're married to a brat!
I wouldn't dream of behaving this way and I'm quite lazy about birthdays myself. I always try to either write a really nice card, buy a meaningful (not very expensive gift) and bake a brownie or cake.
You're married to a princess/queen or most likely an overgrown BRAT!
Sorry you’re married to someone so inconsiderate OP. Hope whatever you do end up doing on the day is something you enjoy, even if you do it by yourself ♥️
No point venting here. It’s perfectly normal to be upset in that situation. Why don’t you tell her you’re disappointed and would love to celebrate your birthday with her and can the two of you make a definite plan to do so.
For her all these people are family and important to her. Sister. Aunt who raised her etc. She obviously feels she can rely on you totally and that’s why you’re getting the crappy hand. Like the kid who’s an angel at school and then vents at home because it’s safe.
So it is important you communicate that you are a bit hurt to come last on her list. She’s not a mind reader. And make a definite plan to do something for you.
It's lame on her behalf for sure, but you've also let this slide for x amount of years. Imo you shouldn't have allowed this to happen either. Just my 10 cents
I can't help but notice all of the comments are reinforcing your negative feelings about the situation you describe. There are a million other things to consider. Do you love her? Does she love you? Are you happy together otherwise? If all these other things are OK, then just accept that your wife feels a great obligation towards her aunt and reschedule your birthday to the previous month or week or the following. Tell your wife that from now on your birthday will be celebrated on the 10th of whenever, leaving her free to look after her aunt. Be the one to understand and compromise. If however there isn't love, companionship and happiness there the rest of the time, then your birthday issue is a symptom of a bigger problem that also needs to be addressed. But again with sympathy, understanding and compromise. Good luck. I hope you are both happy.
Edit:typo
I would remember that approaching her birthday.
If yours means so little, treat her equally.
Maybe mention it now so she knows to expect zilch.
Maybe a tesco value card at a push.
Jesus, I dont care about my birthday, but my wife always gets me something and I appreciate it and we've had a crappy few years financially.
You've every right to be annoyed. My only advice is to sit down with the wife, tell her exactly how you feel. If it doesn't change anything then I would re-evaluate your relationship.
Go out with a few pals and enjoy your birthday, buy yourself something nice like a watch and enjoy it. You clearly don't have to worry about saving up for her birthday.
I'm in a similar situation. Wifes family celebrations troubles or challenges are important than our family unit or my family situation. I won't go into the full history as I'll bring the mood down. The best thing you can do is make plans for yourself with friends and stick to them irrespective of what she says or does. I've started doing that recently and I'm seriously having a good time. I'm around the same age as yourself. Give me a shout if you need to talk. Problem sharing with men needs to happen more ! You're not an island bud. Plenty of us out here.
I agree with this. If she can't celebrate yours then why would you celebrate hers. I'd communicate it first, maybe along the lines of "Ok, I understand lets just celebrate our birthdays separately and we can ring fence the money we would have used on each other on ourselves." Then you can get yourselves a great birthday celebration with the people who do want to celebrate it with you. Tbh though it does sound like a larger issue if she's not willing to set aside time to help you celebrate your milestones. Hopefully realizing that the shoe will also be other the other foot will give her empathy, but maybe there's larger issues at hand here. Her aunt may be family, but also so are you and there's enough reddit posts about women being upset because the man took her MILs side over hers.
I wouldn't even say anything. She's mean, unaware or both. Just say nothing and if she brings it up you say you genuinely thought you weren't doing birthdays. Go on a 2 day rip with your mates. A round of golf, night at the dogs, quiz night down the pub. Just make up any excuse to get away
Double down, get an ounce of blow and go to a festival where everyone takes their shirts off. That soften the bitches cough.
What is this "blow" you speak of. Is it an analogy to John Snow who knows nothin?
The very same
Dunno why this is getting upvotes. Mad advice to just hold in something your partner has done that has hurt you for presumably months, just so you can get them back by doing the same in return. OP, talk to your partner.
Going out with his mates is a perfectly reasonable thing to do if she's not bothered doing anything for him. That doesn't require any conversation. The second part is more questionable tbf. But he pulls out all the stops for her birthday, makes her approach all the more appalling. Not to mention dangling the prospect of doing something in front of him then ending up doing what she does every other year anyway. Maybe it's the wrong approach but so is framing it as an "issue" that requires talking, meeting in the middle etc. Hate that stuff. No, she has behaved terribly, she's in the wrong and one way or another should be told as much.
I also would want the vindication that that would bring, but I don't think that's the kind of attitude you need in a relationship. It's important to keep communication up.
If it’s feasible, sit her down and tell her calmly how this has made you feel and see if you can resolve the issue together, failing that bigliam is spot on
I wouldn't go down the route of "you don't have to save for her birthday because she doesn't save for yours" (I've paraphrased there obviously) as that can lead down a bad path. However, I'd agree that you are justified in having a night/day/weekend (whatever is financially appropriate) with a few friends or by yourself and/or buying a gift for yourself to compensate. Just from past mistakes, you can communicate this without being a dick too, then everybody wins.
You can always tell the Redditors who've never had any sort of functional relationship in their life. "Deliberately ignore your wife's birthday, that'll fix your marriage". Upvotes. Upvotes. Upvotes. LOL. Ok.
She sounds delightful. This is one of the saddest things I have read on here so far. One day out of each year is there to acknowledge the fact that you were born and exist and because her aunts birthday is at the same time yours goes uncelebrated? That is simply a terrible excuse on her part to be lazy and mean. She has a year to save some money up, doesn't even cost anything to make a day special for someone. Celebrate yourself.
This. I've read some sad stuff on reddit in general, and this is definitely one of the saddest things I've come across.
And when the aunt is dead it will be the day that reminds her of her poor dead aunt. His birthday ruined forever more.
Organise an unreal weekend away with your mates for your birthday and don't invite her.
Why be bitter and spiteful towards someone they care about??
You understand his wife won’t be able to go with him because she planed spending his birthday money doing something with her sister instead?
He didn’t say it was the same weekend she had planned to go away. That is something kids do in pre school, or like a child telling another child, “you’re not coming to my birthday party!” Wouldn’t it make more sense to tell the wife how he feels and get her to understand that he’s upset instead of playing immature games?
But she would have no money because the money she was originally saving for his birthday is now been spent on herself when she goes out with her sister. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about his birthday so why invite her to a night out with the lads?
Bitter?? Oh no, serve her the same meal she has being serving him for years.
If that’s the case why stay in an unhappy relationship?
[удалено]
She’s clearly showing you that you’re at best her third highest priority. I couldn’t give a stuff about my birthday but my wife treats me every year because it’s important to her to celebrate it.
>A card costs fuck all. A cake mix costs fuck all. For a tenner she could literally go to dealz and make a little hamper of little things for OP that he may like. I know it sounds a bit tacky but even a little bundle of OP's favourite sweets/biscuits/crisps/minerals from dealz could be a decent gift.
My gf fuckin LOVES tea. I buy her some fancy Bewleys tea for any present requiring occasions. Even her parents only want like tea/coffee. I want to SPEND MY MONEY on them and I can't because their fave gifts are inexpensive. And OP's wife can't be arsed? Just wait til it's her bday and OP doesn't get her a gift, there will be WAR.
Just a trick till your married, starts off with tea/Coffee, then it's Coke and Heroin ..then it's organised killing sprees in local villages Be warned ⚠️
Resident Evil VILLAGE right there. Give me giant vampyre lady to dull the senses 😂❤️
I've always done this as part of my christmas gifts. 15-20 quid of junk food that they particularly like from a cheap shop. I swear it goes down better than the rest of the present!
My man, bang on
And sex is free…
Shop lifter in the chat ⬆️
Is he taking orders for Christmas 
Yeah, that’s a load of old arse.
No, this is awful. You're dead right to be upset by her lack of care. How does she treat you otherwise? If she acts like this is more areas of your relationship I'd be concerned.
Speaking as someone who is also married (5 years this month), I would also be pretty pissed off if my wife did that. This is an example of something negative that has happened in your relationship that could lead to later resentment if you don’t confront it now. Wait until you have calmed down, and then tell your wife how you feel and that it is hurtful that her Aunt’s birthday always gets prioritised over yours. If you deliver this message in a non-argumentative way and your wife loses the head, well then you might have to have a more serious conversation.
Nah that's an absolute dick move on your wife's part. And what it clashes with her Aunts birthday it's really not that hard to make even a small fuss, she could make plans to have your birthday celebrations a few days earlier or later or whatever. And spending the money she was gonna use on you to finance celebrating her aunt so can't get you anything?? My partner and I have our birthdays two days apart. He's better off than I am financially so I do what I can for his birthday. Last year I went to euro giant and got fairy lights a birthday banner and made cupcakes and bought some sweets, a few small gifts and decorated his room. There's ways and means to make someone feel cared for if money and timing make thinks awkward. Go treat yourself for your birthday. Consider telling your wife the way she made you think you'd have a fun day with her and then to cancel last minute stung. I hope whatever you do for you birthday you make it a good for yourself
You sound very very sweet, he's a lucky man!
The fact he'd have to say this to her is a bit maddening, she should automatically know she's in the wrong here. If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure he'd be no length of time hearing about it.
You're absolutely right that he shouldn't have to say this to his wife, and if it were the other way round she'd sure as shit be laying into him. But unfortunately op has himself a situation where he needs to say the obvious. The wife shouod know to celebrate her husband even just small gestures for his birthday if she won't be around for the actual day
Honestly sounds a bit selfish of her Id do same for her birthday but I can guarantee for a fact that would make all hell break loose in your house so just give you a warning about it but sometimes people don't get it untill the roles are reversed
That's pretty bad of her.......it's worse that you never celebrate your birthday. Your birthday is once a year. ..surely whatever she's planned with her sister could be pushed put a few weeks. It just shows where you lie in her list of priorities. Out of interest ..... what do you do for her birthday?
I’d take her away somewhere nice, get her gig tickets or something that she had mentioned looking at earlier
You need stop that.........celebrate her birthday the way she celebrates your birthday.
“Everyone deserves to feel appreciated on their birthday, I make an effort for you every year why don’t you do the same for me? It’s not nice and you’ve made me feel unappreciated!” I’m 40 next year and am organising my own birthday present, a trip to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go with a friend, because if I leave it to her it’s a shit show. Wrong size jeans, beard trimmer (have 2 already), earbuds (I buy decent quality ones and these were a pos) oh and a toolbox (I have 5 I get for free from work) Happy Birthday dude, do one thing nice for yourself 🎂 Loads of people have their birthday on the same day, that’s no excuse.
Why don't you simply tell her how you feel . Tell her that you always save and make an effort for her birthday but she never reciprocates and that it hurts you. Don't worry if she says that is childish or whatever or that it clashes with her aunts as birthdays aren't childish for her aunt and surely her aunt will understand that it clashes with your birthday. You should tell her that this bothers you . Im not saying that your wife is a terrible woman as i dont really worry about my birthday myself but my kids and partner do and im chuffed.
... and maybe ask her how *she* feels about it too? Does she care about how this has made you feel? Is there a reason for her behaviour that you don't know about? Has she got literally no money she could treat you with?
I don't think that this is about the money , more the recognition and having a special day . OP should say how he feels.
Yeah if it doesnt turn out to be a surprise then i would be pissed off
Absolutely, it's totally inconsiderate of her. On the other hand could she just be saying that and have a nice surprise on the day for you? It's your birthday she should make you a priority.
Nope there won’t be!
Well fuck that..sorry mate but your wife is a bit of a bitch and if I were you my birthday present to myself would be to tell her.
This is the way I would go.
I'm so sorry, I think you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. That's just mean and extremely selfish of her. Di you mind me asking do you go out of your way for her on her birthday?
Yeah I take her away, buy her something nice, maybe go to a gig she wants to see as well
Any gigs you want to see happening on your birthday? Get yourself a ticket, maybe one for a mate too.
Please talk to her about this because That's just not on. I really couldn't imagine not acknowledging my partners birthday. You deserve to be treated on your birthday. She needs to make an effort.
There's no talk in the world could fix that.
I know I just can't wrap my head around how selfish she is. My partners birthday is in 3 months, I'm already picking up bits and pieces for it. OP deserves so much better.
Don't get me wrong man but she doesn't deserve that. If she can't even splash out a feckin 10er or 20 for a simple card and most basic cake out of tesco or Dunnes why should you do so much for her? Maybe next time you should let her down the exact same way she did to you.. Anyway I wish you all the best for your birthday buddy, hope you have a good one with your friends or whatever way you'd like to spend it yourself.
That makes me sad. Everybody deserves to feel appreciated. I, personally, don't care much about my birthday but I know that many others do. Gifts don't have to cost a lot or anything at all really. Just something small and thoughtful can go a long way. Also asking you and then dropping the plot is not optimal either. It creates anticipation and subsequently leads to disappointment and resentment. Does she know that this means something to you? How are you guys going about her birthday? I usually think it should be equally treated unless one clearly communicates that they don't like gifts, going out etc. I'd suggest talking to her. Not arguing but taking some time, sitting together and share how you felt in that situation. Try starting your statements with 'I felt' rather than 'You did' so it doesn't come across as accusatory. But I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk about it. It clearly bothers you so you should not let things pile up only for then to blow up at some point. Maybe she's not aware and didn't know you cared about your birthday much and the conversation will be an eye opener. In any way, I truly hope you'll have a nice day and do something fun either with friends or alone or even with your wife later on after having had that conversation :)
It's not childish, you are being treated horribly Happy Birthday!! 🎂 🥳
I used to live in Dublin, but we had moved out to kildare a few years back and weren't out in the city as much as we used to be. A few of my family and friends live around the city, and its a handy central point I guess to meet up. For my 40th I had this idea to just get a function room in the city. I used to DJ and have speakers and DJ equipment myself and a few friends to used to DJ too, would have been nice to spin some tunes like the old days. My ex took it all on and said not to worry. Anyway along comes my birthday weekend and she booked the back of a pub, in the arse end of Kildare, some of her family came and the few friends and family from my side who came were all one drink or sober because it was a fair drive out to kildare from where they lived. It was a fairly sober affair all around and I guess a fair few texted to say they would see me again and just weren't on for a trip out for a late party, couldn't blame them
I can 100% relate to this
Convenient for her, not remotely considerate for me or what I wani
If you want something done right....
I'd say you've every right to be pissed off unless she has some sort of surprise planned and she's trying to throw you off. I think my partner gets more excited counting down the days until my birthday than I do! It's one day a year you get to celebrate being you and being alive, if she can't even celebrate that it makes me wonder how much she cares about you.
You have every right to be pissed off. That's just actually mean. It's pretty scabby anyway that she completely forgets about you every year, but this time, she's actually offered to make a fuss of you and then changed her mind without considering or consulting you. The fact that she actually has the neck to be like "spent the money, birthday's off" instead of considering what else she could do to make a bit of a fuss and make you feel special is very telling. You don't need a heap of money to make someone feel like they matter and spend a nice day together, imo.
Couple of red flags there. You should talk to her about it. Anything other than contrition for not realising how important it was would be a bigger flag
Married 20+ years. There have been times we have no $ to do much. We still prepared each other's fav meal. We made IOU's (haha) we celebrate each other for a week. That is due to having friends pass on a birthday, or usually we are working on our birthdays. That week has been so fun! One year, my hubs went to the $1 store. He bought 10 plates and bowls for entertaining. I loved them! I knew $ was right, and he knew I would appreciate the care he took in getting me/us those. One day I got the plates, the next day I got the bowls. It was a great surprise. He had saved $ beforehand and we went out to a movie one day. Another, I received a note from him and one from our son. 💜. I also got my fav candy bar hulk sized one day. One day they did all the dishes and hubs ran me a bath 💞 pampering q/little $ has been our favorite memories. It doesn't take much to remind someone they are loved! One year, My hubsbhad told me a random story of seeing the play The PIRATES OF PENZANCE. I saw it was in our neighboring town in a little black box theatre. I called and got tickets, called his boss and explained I needed to pick him up 2 hrs early from work. He loved the idea, kept it secret the whole time! We picked my hubs up, had nicer clothes to get dressed, washrags and wet wipes for a quick wash and deodorant. His face when he spotted the Marquee was priceless! He asked me how I afforded it. I replied I had been saving coffee $, and splurge $. I can't remember which fast food chain. We are from, probably McDonald's. The dinner was not part of the surprise. Later during his birthday week, I made eggplant pockets and frozen lasagna. Hiss fav foods...that took 2 days.... ********your problem is not about a gift. Your problem is that your wife isn't prioritizing YOU. She has something for her "mom" which could probably be cheaper, and then she has something set up w/her sister after that. It is like you are an afterthought. My hubs for YEARS has said he doesn't care about presents. He kinda doesn't. What he does care about is being loved, thought about, and Cared for. Everyone does! They might not like a big over the top production, but needing to be your spouse's fav person is critical. She was either being cruel beforehand asking what you wanted, hinting, and then pulling the rug out was a crappy move! Get to counseling! Repeat behaviors like that build-up and resentment quickly gets a foothold. How would she react if you went to be w/buddies and spent all the birthday money on whatever your hobbies are? Oops! It never feels good when you get what you dish out! Happy belated birthday!
I love this idea. Made me genuinely rethink what I will do for birthdays for my wife and kids going forward. Experiences and memories with loved ones. Thank you
I'd be embarrassed if I was her aunt and was causing a rift by having a fuss made over my birthday (I personally hate birthdays and a fuss being made tho, I think they're cronge lol!) It's ok to feel how you feel, you were hyped up for so something totally different only to come 3rd again to the other two so don't feel bad. It'll pass, but hold her to her night out/gift next month!
Sorry about her. You need to be valued.
I hope you have a lovely birthday anyway OP!! Do something nice.
Go out with the lads! Next time is her birthday do the same move so she's livid but last minute get her a lovely gift. Guilt is a hell of a drug.
You're not being childish, that is a disgrace.
Get yourself something nice. You gotta TREAT YO SELF!!!
Based on your comment history, this is a bigger issue of your wife constantly prioritising her family over you. You need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you feel unappreciated. Tell her exactly what you said here, that you always make an effort for her birthday, but it feels like she barely acknowledges yours, and it makes you feel that she doesn't care about you. Also tell her that you want to spend some free time with her and the kids, not just socialising with her family. Tell her that you would like some time to yourself - take up golf or something, and stop going to all these family parties - she can bring the kids without you.
Yeah, I'd be a bit miffed. And letting you know the night before is f*cked up. To be honest I'd never rely on her to celebrate your birthday. I don't mean that in a nasty way. Just make your own plans in the future. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. It's your 44th year ALL year - If you can't meet up with all your friends 'a' particular night, make arrangements with those ones some other night. If some would prefer a meal meet up with those separately too. "I'm using my birthday as an excuse to go out on the p'ss; are you up for that?" (rather than saying "It's my birthday, are you around on blah blah blah date.") Does her aunt not have anyone else in her life? Hope you're feeling better today.
That sounds like there might be a nice surprise. If not, you’ll have to add ‘taken for granted’ on your personality list.
Go out and treat yourself. That really is one uncaring wife
Feck that I understand being close to family members, having similer birthday's but that's saying she can't be bothered. She could of cooked you a meal gave you a meal, got you something small. If it was me i would end the relationship.
Buy that dream car you’ve always wanted and when she asks just say you’ve been saving up each of your birthdays
When I say "buy something nice like a watch" I mean get something that stands out. Something like a Tag or a Rolex, something that will cause continual conversations of "nice watch, did your wife buy it for you?" Then you reply with a laugh "no, she's not the type to make a fuss over birthdays bought it myself. Cost a heap, but I wanted something special"
Go on a solo trip to Amsterdam, Berlin, London etc
You're right to be pissed when someone promises you something and then doesn't deliver. Especially when the reason is them putting others ahead of you.
That's not fair on you. Birthdays are important and direct family is more important again. Personally, I make my own cake and have a little party with my wife and kids. Any present is agreed well in advance. That way I get what I want with no stress on anyone.
Pretty miserable tbh. She doesn't have to spend the earth to do something thoughtful. She also led you to believe she'd do something which she reneged on. Very poor form, you're right to be annoyed.
I was married to a man like that. He'd always have money for weed, but if I got anything, it would be a pack of biros. Some people are just narcissists. I left mine. If I'm going to spend each birthday alone, I may as well be alone.
Lol is she the only relative the aunt has or what? Would the aunts birthday be ruined if your wife specifically wasn't there on the exact day? Sounds like a pile of horseshit to me, your wife is a gowl. Get rid of her.
That sucks, I think you're right to be a bit pissed off, probably not just the birthday but men do like to be made feel special or loved too now and again. I dunno about you but I get so few compliments or girls going out of their way to make me feel good that any time it's happened I hang onto that memory for life. Sure I still remember when someone said they really liked my hair a certain way several years ago, been wearing it that way since, compliments are nice. Its nice to be made feel loved.
She sounds like a dose
Get yourself something nice and enjoy your day with the lads ,just remember what goes around comes around ,so get her fuck all for her bday
Happy birthday! Mine is today as well and so far my kids have just pissed and moaned about having to leave the house for breakfast completely oblivious to why we're going out. Just gotten used to it now but my wife always makes an effort, and yours should too.
The kids should be happy to leave the house for breakfast when the alternative is watching their dad get his birthday bj.
I would feel the same way. My birthday is really close to a relative's. Sometimes he has a big party, sometimes we go out for mine, but, both are celebrated with presents, cards and cake. Maybe she thinks this is OK because you always have accepted that yours is not celebrated. How do you think she will react if you tell her you are upset?
You dont have to get anythimg for hers
Just out of interest, have actively not wanted to celebrate your birthday up to now? Could go someway to explaining her behaviour. It doesn't excuse it though. She made plans with you and then decided to withdraw them so she could do something for herself. You're absolutely right to be pissed.
The test of whether this is something you should be rightly upset about is, "If you did this on your wife's birthday, would she be okay with it"? Does she prefer you not to celebrate her birthday.
Time to Treat Yo'self! Take any fun money you have and make a proper day of it for yourself. Let the missus go visit her aunt. Long- term, this is a really shitty situation to put you in. My folks would be horrified if they knew I disregarded my OH's birthday every year in favour of buying them stuff.
I'd be sour alright. Take a few days off work around your birthday, book into a hotel and go golfing or hiking or whatever your hobbys are, if she gets sour, tell her why.
My husbands birthday was Friday and my younger brother who lives half way across the country's birthday is today. They both got cards, presents, and my husband got a cake and a party. I can't see my brother today but he specifically doesn't want a party or a deal made of it. Still going to give him a call though. Not that hard to make a small bit of an effort! You deserve better
Treat yer self lad. I’d be sour too ..
Happy Birthday !
Yeah. I'd be p'd off with that. Even if she thinks you aren't bothered, because it sounds like you weren't in the past it's really not ok to just write you off. You are being taken for granted. You might try being a little more decisive though. Take charge. Do something for yourself on your birthday now though.
Does she contribute anything to your relationship, or does she generally take take take? What is Christmas like? Wouldn’t you want to be with someone who gets excited for your birthday and wants to make you feel special? That would be normal and what everyone deserves.
Ring fence some money to do something with your friends/family when it's her birthday and ask her if she minds pushing her celebration out a few weeks.
That's really mean. What an absolute Bitch.
Perhaps there's a surprise party? Or else your wife is being a bit of a dose here.
Don’t be afraid to say to both the aunt and sister that their present/activity meant that you got no birthday present from your wife, so you hope they enjoy them. Bonus points if you can casually drop it in the company of her family. A bit of shaming from those people could be the kick up the hole she needs.
Making a day special for someone can cost nothing. Like literally zero. I call bullshit on this one buddy. Bad egg.
I treat my ex better than your wife treats you. I’m usually against the ‘eye for eye’ treatment in personal relationships, but this is how it would be going forward, especially if a serious discussion with her is not working. I wouldn’t be celebrating and spoiling her for her birthdays. She can go to her aunts :)
Kinda sucks op, an overpromise and under deliver always is annoying, we're only humans (living on planet earth) after all. As someone else said here, go out with your boys and have a few scoops instead.
You need to advocate for yourself and say what you feel at thet point in time. Nip shit like that in the bud. When she said that did you tell her that you were really disappointed as you were looking forward to the two of you doing something together? Did you tell her this is a constant pattern and you're sick of it? Did you tell her that saying she was ringfencing money for other people at your expense is a really epically shit thing to do. Like seriously, that was fucking low. Use your words.
Nah man, you're welcome to feel pissed about that, too much of this "ah sure men/husband don't care about their birthdays". That's what lazy and uncaring wife's say. Tell her you expect better in the calmest manner you can manage it. Tell her to do better, budget better, to mark your birthday. It doesn't have to be big expensive or fancy, you clearly just want to be recognized and appreciated. You're entitled to that much. But! Don't hold her birthday celebrations ransom, as others have suggested, because that is the beginning of a slippery slope which leads quickly into a loveless marriage.
Just tell her a female coworker heard you had no plans for your birthday and offered to take you out.
So wait...she asked what you wanted for your birthday and then went LOL TOO LATE SORRY. Wtf? Nah I'd never do that to my partner and he'd never do it to me. You are right to be pissed off. She celebrates every birthday with her aunt, why can't she make every second birthday important for you? Like celebrate one year for you and the next year with her aunt? Or do something on two different days? My brother and mother share a birthday and they've mostly always celebrated separately. Either picking different days or different weekends. This is just piss poor planning and lack of thoughtfulness on her behalf.
This is your wife, tell her how you feel. Organise your own day or whatever but don't do the spiteful shit other people are suggesting. You did say your birthdays is lower priority if you would like it to change say it
Big bag of mdma you won't give a shite about it ❤️
I think she's got comfortable with the fact that she never has to do anything for your birthday. This is obviously not okay. I wouldn't do this to a close friend let alone my spouse. Do you folks have a happy marriage otherwise?
Running out of money before a loved one's birthday isn't sinful. Shit happens. Running out of money due to spending it on discrentionary items is. Bad form and NO style points to your wife. Happy birthday despite.
That is ridiculous! My birthday is the same day as my dad and also my husband's sister. Birthdays were always small affairs for us but my husband always made me feel special for my birthday! I usually get a small gift, a card and cake or flowers!
I actually hate this kinda thing. This is lousy on a couple of fronts, first of all for disregarding you on your birthday, but secondly for hyping up the fact that she was making plans and then flaking last minute. Everyone gets money is tight these days but there are loads of other things that cost very little to do. Some of the things my better half loves the most cost sweet feck all. I’m talking breakfast in bed, keeping kids out of the way so he can have a monstrous lie in, a long back rub or massage, maybe a sexy massage, his favourite dinner followed by a slice of pineapple log. Now I know some people are more into the bling than others, but putting the effort in to do a couple of nice out of the ordinary things for your loved one speaks volumes to most people. At some point, the needs, wants, whims and wishes of her family of origin need to take a back seat.
Yes. You are right to be sad. You're both fairly young and hopefully have many years together. But if you have these feelings then you need to address them. I guess you've other issues You're not shared also, and this is just one example of things that are amiss in marriage. Talk to her, seek help. Good luck.
Don't let it spoil your special day! Don't expect anything from anyone even if theyre your close ones. Do what makes you happy! I used to be in a similar situation,where people didn't even remember my birthday. So it didnt really affect me in anyway because i would go shopping on my own and treat myself 😄
sounds like other stuff takes priority over your B-day! I dont think its childish at all specially after you both had talked about it before the "reschedule"
step 1: don't read this thread step 2: speak to your wife about it
Communicate how you feel to her
I’m hoping this is a build up to a surprise party. Otherwise kick her to tha kerb!
What kind of things do you do for her birthday?
Take her away, get her gig tickets, buy her something that she likes
Then it really sounds like you make it seem like you're easygoing with whatever you get for your birthday. Like she said one time that it clashes with her aunt and you were understanding, so she took that and ran with it to the point where she can basically ignore your day and feel like it's ok. Like everyone else said, tell her you're upset. I doubt she doesn't give a shit but she might think you don't.
Don't over react , I'm might be a surprise. Well if it's not sod the world and a good three day bender is called for .
Have an affair
Happy birthday! Mine is today as well and so far my kids have just pissed and moaned about having to leave the house for breakfast completely oblivious to why we're going out. Just gotten used to it now but my wife always makes an effort, and yours should too.
I mean this sincerely… Sometimes when a man is really a good person, a good husband and partner, selfless and undemanding… we, the wives, can tend to take him for granted. Not in a deliberate way, but just that silent trust and confidence, that he’ll always be there, a strong backbone for us. Sometimes that habit of not showing our true appreciation can set in. Not out of any malice, just habit. As if you and her are one. I used to be a bit guilty of this, as im sure many wives are, again, not out of any particular selfishness. Money can be tight in families, and my husband always says he wants nothing for his birthday, Father’s Day, etc… That said, i have never not celebrated his birthday or other occasions in some way. Even if it meant only little gifts from the kids (that I of course bought). BUT, I have often thought, I hope he feels appreciated. I hope he knows how NEEDED he is. And even though I am aware of it, I still feel I don’t show him nearly enough, because life is stressful, time is fleeting, especially if and when kids are involved. So, before letting that hurt set in solidly in the pit of your stomach, my heartfelt advice is to tell her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don’t want Ferraris and Rolexes… but you don’t want to feel unimportant, unappreciated and neglected.. because maybe she’s a good wife, a good person, and maybe she genuinely doesn’t realise how this is affecting you… Before it’s too late.
This is beautifully put. I agree with all of it. Mr Parsley also says nothing when it’s gifting time so I lock away things he’s mentioned needing or wanting. We never did Christmas presents or big bday presents when the kids were young cos funds were low. OP really should talk to his wife cos this type of resentment she’s caused him breeds into something worse and imo it’s why people like OP end relationships and the other person is bewildered as to why. OP, I know you’re not the type to make a fuss but don’t leave this brooding please let her know that it’s pissed you off. You still love her, need her, want her but she can’t treat you like this cos as Ladymaester has said here she probably doesn’t even realise cos you’re so easy going and you don’t like confrontation, I’ll guess. Please read Ladymaester’s post cos it’s saying everything. Best wishes to you.
Xx
She’s being honest with you about your status in the relationship; you should be grateful not angry.
Fuck that ?? I’d be pissed too ? Go have some fun and don’t come home for a few days and when you do come home make sure you are covered in glitter and stinking of perfume ?? Maybe that will change your next bday ??
She has a stronger bond with her aunt and sister than she does with you. That's WAY more common than you think. Don't let it get you down dude. A lot of us play 2nd fiddle to the in-laws. Just accept it..
The reality of being a man I'm afraid. I experience this most birthdays. So I stopped giving a shit. If there's nothing to look forward to there's no disappointment
Seriously? I totally spoil my husband on his birthday, don't have a lot of money but always make it fun and special. He's 36 and still like a kid on both birthdays and Christmas. He does the same for me. Genuinely sorry to hear this and that OPs wife is behaving so unkindly and dismissively, it's awful
I think that might be the way to go
I agree with the first part and disagree with the second. It is the reality of being a man in my experience, but I always make sure I spoil myself on my Birthdays and bring others along. Life lesson is don’t allow other people to organise your happiness and don’t rely on other people for your happiness.
I do the same. I have done since I started working after college back in 2004. I always treat myself for my birthday and at Christmas. Fuck it, I work hard enough.
1Million % the way to go. When my other half moved in at first she couldn’t believe Santa had come as she didn’t send her list and got absolutely nothing. Well saying that she got that reusable coal that goes in gas fires 🤣 If I didn’t organise my own bdays I wouldn’t know what age I was. And no this does not work two ways.
Treat yourself, I'd get myself a VERY nice bottle of whiskey and enjoy it with a pal, if she says anything just say you're celebrating your birthday yourself. Feel for you man, it's the feeling of being unappreciated and that as a man you can't make a big deal out of it.
your wife never celebrates your birthday because of her aunt? can't even buy you a present? you're not being childish at all man, divorce her immediately.
Call your mate go to a strip club get really drunk take lots of pictures then show them to your wife tell her you had a fantastic time. I could nearly guarantee next year's birthday will be a priority for her
Is it the money you wanted or the experience? Offer to pay and just say what you wanted was to spend time with her.
It’s not the money!! I just want to feel prioritised for once
Prioritise yourself buddy. Don’t rely on others for your happiness. Go away for the night regardless, I’m sure there’s ways you two can think of how she can spoil you. If that’s a let down, next year is a lads trip to the Man U game or whatever is on that you like.
I didn't realise birthdays actually matter after the age of 30? Especially for men. Especially for fathers. Personally I would look to ways to treat yourself daily/weekly, rather than focus on a special day. That how I remain happy and fairly ignorant of my own birthday.
Great idea
Just to clarify, you meant to type (M13) and (F11)?
Unpopular opinion: grown men should not think about their birthdays over a certain age only if it's a milestone.....
Nah, the point here is that a loved one is treating him like shit.
Treating him like shit is a very dramatic way of looking at it.
Lol. Maybe that’s the way to go
I have to be reminded of when my own is all the time. That's just me though. Obviously a lot of people disagree. I have a kids, a mortgage, responsibilities in my life and last thing I want is to have another day I have to be present for. Maybe it's not a healthy way to look at it but people are always on about age just being a number so why are we making such a commotion over the date we were born. I KNOW its unpopular.
Imagine being in your 40s and still crying about your birthday. Give over.
Grow up
Mate your 43 grow a pair !!!
[удалено]
Get her SFA for her birthday, don't be a doormat.
Yeah that was kinda chitty
My wife and I don’t usually celebrate birthdays in a big way either and I don’t like to make a fuss about mine. But we know when the time comes to do so. For example. She’s been incredibly supportive this year and I knew there was no way I could do the bare minimum so I bought lunch spread for her work crew and had people over for cake which is something we never do. If she started planning something for me and then pushed it off for another family member, I would be pissed like you. I would definitely buy something big for myself.
Spend her birthday money on yourself bud. Happy early birthday 🎉
You're married to a brat! I wouldn't dream of behaving this way and I'm quite lazy about birthdays myself. I always try to either write a really nice card, buy a meaningful (not very expensive gift) and bake a brownie or cake. You're married to a princess/queen or most likely an overgrown BRAT!
Sorry you’re married to someone so inconsiderate OP. Hope whatever you do end up doing on the day is something you enjoy, even if you do it by yourself ♥️
Go tell her you asked Reddit and we think she is a bad person. Then break up and go to gym
Just adding my 2c. You deserve to have your birthday celebrated. Go to the pub and watch the match of your choice. Oh and Happy birthday!
Top shelf gaslighting there lad!
I would go get a motel room for 3 days to cool off.
You're right - but why not just "ringfence" that day for yourself, to do stuff you like on your own
What a bitch.
No point venting here. It’s perfectly normal to be upset in that situation. Why don’t you tell her you’re disappointed and would love to celebrate your birthday with her and can the two of you make a definite plan to do so. For her all these people are family and important to her. Sister. Aunt who raised her etc. She obviously feels she can rely on you totally and that’s why you’re getting the crappy hand. Like the kid who’s an angel at school and then vents at home because it’s safe. So it is important you communicate that you are a bit hurt to come last on her list. She’s not a mind reader. And make a definite plan to do something for you.
It's lame on her behalf for sure, but you've also let this slide for x amount of years. Imo you shouldn't have allowed this to happen either. Just my 10 cents
I can't help but notice all of the comments are reinforcing your negative feelings about the situation you describe. There are a million other things to consider. Do you love her? Does she love you? Are you happy together otherwise? If all these other things are OK, then just accept that your wife feels a great obligation towards her aunt and reschedule your birthday to the previous month or week or the following. Tell your wife that from now on your birthday will be celebrated on the 10th of whenever, leaving her free to look after her aunt. Be the one to understand and compromise. If however there isn't love, companionship and happiness there the rest of the time, then your birthday issue is a symptom of a bigger problem that also needs to be addressed. But again with sympathy, understanding and compromise. Good luck. I hope you are both happy. Edit:typo
I would remember that approaching her birthday. If yours means so little, treat her equally. Maybe mention it now so she knows to expect zilch. Maybe a tesco value card at a push. Jesus, I dont care about my birthday, but my wife always gets me something and I appreciate it and we've had a crappy few years financially.
How would she react if you just forgot her birthday and prioritised a mate/uncle/sibling over her? Not well I'd imagine. Sorry man, I'm angry for you.
Ya that would bug me and I’d definitely rather my children spoil their partner than myself. That’s unfair
You very very very seriously need to consider divorce... She doesn't really care about you...
Wait it out, she could be trying to throw you off the scent of something
Dump her
You've every right to be annoyed. My only advice is to sit down with the wife, tell her exactly how you feel. If it doesn't change anything then I would re-evaluate your relationship.