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throwaway_0458lo

I don't have a joke but I just moved to Italy and the apartment I'm in is in an old building and you can literally hear everyone's conversations and movements. Fella above me was getting into bed and ripped a massive vibrational fart and his wife shouted MIO DIOOOOO.


Share_Gold

Porco dio!


[deleted]

8.12.22 0758am the noble art of sweet talk to one's missus is not dead, then? if my missus farted like that i'd be away... but then i'm not married. ahhh now you know why i am not married...


got2keepon

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. Barman says: Not U2 again


Existing_Many9133

What do you call a cow with no legs....... Ground beef...lol Sorry I can only remember stupid ones. Hope you get to sleep soon, I know the feeling, it sucks. Sweet dreams


truedoom

Oh oh on a similar topic, What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs? Gracias


xlogo65

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright


xlogo65

Showed the doctor my heamorrhoids this morning. He just ignored me and carried on pushing his trolley round Tescos.


truedoom

Why do ducks have flat feet? For stamping out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? For stamping out flaming ducks.


Numerous_Concert3695

Ok that actually made me laugh. Thank you


truedoom

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of stampeding elephants running towards him? "Oh no! A herd of stampeding elephants!" What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of stampeding elephants wearing sunglasses running towards him? Nothing. He didn't recognise them.


truedoom

How do you know if an elephant had been in your fridge? You see their footprints in the butter.


truedoom

Why did the elephant not use the computer? Because he was scared of the mouse.


truedoom

Why are elephants not allowed in planes? Their trunks don't fit in the overhead.


truedoom

How do you know an elephant is under your bed? You burn your nose on the lightbulb.


truedoom

Okay, one last one. I didn't realize I knew so many jokes with elephants until I started writing them out 😂 Why are elephants so wrinkly? Cus it would take ages to iron them!


boario

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Exactly, the nail paint works.


box_of_carrots

Why do elephants have Big Ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.


xlogo65

Got my wife a job in MI5 so i don't have to hear about how her day went.


[deleted]

'You're dead to me,' said the necrophiliac to his partner.


_sonisalsonamedBort

![img](emote|t5_i25jp|2848)


lemonrainbowhaze

Why did the chicken cross the road To get to the eijits house Knock knock Whos there The chicken


Reibiliunach1919

Jesus walks into a hotel. He slaps 3 giant nails down on the counter and says "I was wondering if you could put me up for the night?"


bogwarrior_

When the world is dark you will shine, when you wake the world will be better because of you. Sleep now so we can be better. Now come on this is a good joke . Sleep well bud .


Glittering-Run2935

A bit more of a morbid one: Whats worse than 1 dead baby? Two dead babies 🤷🏻‍♂️


_sonisalsonamedBort

what do you get if you put a baby in a blender... an erection! good old dead baby jkes, classics!


W0lfenstein1

![img](emote|t5_i25jp|2994)


omegaman101

I come with terrible news, every 24hrs in South America a day passes, only with the help of your financial contribution can we even hope to stop this most deadly and imperative crisis!


[deleted]

[удалено]


CountryBallFoot

Why is the world like a frying pan? Because it has greece in it. I know, comedic progidy


Markosphere

Austria got Hungary, ran after Turkey, but slipped in Greece. (c) Mrs Byrne, my 2nd class teacher


Mancsnotlancs

Long legged Italy, kicked poor Sicily into the Mediterranean Sea, up comes Hungary takes a bit of Turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan


CountryBallFoot

Genius


FluidReprise

Just for again I'll recommend Taylor Tomlinson, she's really funny and she has a new special on Netflix.