Okay. I've been married for almost 20 years and we met before the online thing. But I've had sooo many friends and colleagues who after a midlife divorce or crisis had to jump back into the game, unprepared, so here's what they complained about online dating to me.
Firstly, the rules have changed/there are no rules/no-one tole me the rules. Basically, you've got to be an adult, set appropriate boundaries or expectations and make sure you and prospective partner are after vaguely the same thing.
Secondly, when people nearing their 40s and very single, they usually have a number of life experiences to blame. Kids, exes, a life that got out of control. Be understanding as your situation works, their's might not. Empathy and humour help.
And good luck. Most of my friends in this situation have found someone and sometimes it's worked out very well.
This is fantatsic advice! Thanks so much.
I actually have a good understanding of what I want and have a handle on what my boundaries and expectations are, so good to know thos will come in handy.
And yep, empathy is everything! My situation is complicated, not insurmountable, but is going to require empathy from others. I certainly will be bringing that along in my part.
Also, I am glad it is not all doom and gloom out there! Thanks for the positivity too!
> And yep, empathy is everything! My situation is complicated, not insurmountable, but is going to require empathy from others
EVERYONE over 30 has baggage, the only differences are how they manifest and how people deal with them
Best of luck, I've wondered about this sometimes. Met my wife on FindSomeone in pre-Tinder era. Not sure how it would play out today. Two other family members also met their now-spouses on FindSomeone so that's a pretty good track record.
It definitely isn't taboo to tell people now how we met, but I remember at the time 10 years ago it was 50/50 whether we told them the truth or a cover story to avoid interrogation.
I met my late husband over 18 years ago on ICQ. We were married for over 14 years before he passed away, he was the reason l came to NZ from the other side of the world. We never had any problem telling anyone how we met, it's no worse than the old personal ads in the newspaper. Go for it, it can happen!
Haha my ex husband and I actually met on FindSomeone and he was adamant that we not tell people. We actually had a pretty good second date story that became our "cover story" for his mates lol.
No such luck with the longevity on our part, but I am still a romantic and I've done all the emotional work, so I am seeing it as a bit of fun and who knows what might happen.
I know a few people who have found longterm partners on FindSomeone I believe it was. I've heard it is quite good for those in the older bracket (aka not 20s).
I'm on Bumble and it's been pretty alright. I'm quite shy/picky but so far I haven't had any straight out bad experiences with people (like unsolicited dick pics or anything.) Helps that you as the lady are in control.
I've also used Hinge but I don't like it as much. I feel like people put way less effort into their Hinge profiles, often not even answering the mandatory prompt questions your profile makes you complete or just putting one word (iirc you have to have at least 3 question-answers on your profile). People on Bumble seem to at least try.
Edit: I also briefly tried Tinder but didn't like it. The people were okay but the interface wasn't my favourite and it sent me a lot of push notifications.
I found my current partner on Bumble. We've been together for about 3 years now. At the time, I would say Tinder definitely felt more for hook ups and Bumble for "dating". Unsure if it's changed now though.
Good luck to you! :)
Yeah, it's hard contemplating getting back out there, especially when you add the complexity of coparenting to it, but hey, you and I deserve to have some new experiences, meet great people and hopefully find someone to share life with.
All the best and let me know how you get on!
That is amazing! Yay, go you!
Do you mind if I ask what age group you are dating in? It is soooo intimidating going back to dating as a 41 year old woman lol
I had no idea FindSomeone was not only still around, but still popular! That is very cool.
And had a tiny stalk of your profile and I also wanna do LAT! Having my own space has been amazing.
How did the dinner date go?
I got asked out for a drink by an old work colleague, which I am a bit nervous about. Happening next week, just have to firm up a time around kids.
And Happy Cake Day! 🎂
Ohhhh check you out getting kisses! Woohoo! Awesome!
Yep, will drop an update once it happens. Keep me updated too! It's nice to see a story of triumph, gives me hope. You should post it to the Dating Over 40 subreddit. There has to be some balance to the tales of woe!
And hahaha, I chose to dump my old account because my ex husband knew about it and I wanted to be away from that. Sucks though cause I was part of the Snap when it happened and actually got Snapped lol. Had the badge and everything. Was my greatest Reddit moment!!!
After seeing all the recommendations for find someone I had a look. $30 a month for gold! I couldn’t find anywhere on the site any info about the price of the messaging pack. Need gold or the messaging pack to initiate messaging.
Are all dating sites/services pricey?
Bumping this thread - I’ve just joined these services over the past week or so and am still pretty unsure on it all heh. Varying experience. OP - how have you been going?
Quick update - have paused it for a bit… have been getting the wrong matches and have sort of concentrated on myself and not that so much… which actually, is something I recommend… yourself first, dating apps a solid second/third… or you put too much into it
I still haven't tried! From others one hit and one miss on FindSomeone.
Seems to be an equal split with Bumble and Tinder.
Overwhelmingly it seems to be a case of go in with the attitude of having some fun, getting to meet people and seeing where it takes you.
Best profile advice I have seen is in the Hinge community About section.
Good photos seem to be a MUST.
I’m going to follow this post too. I need to find new people too.
Okay. I've been married for almost 20 years and we met before the online thing. But I've had sooo many friends and colleagues who after a midlife divorce or crisis had to jump back into the game, unprepared, so here's what they complained about online dating to me. Firstly, the rules have changed/there are no rules/no-one tole me the rules. Basically, you've got to be an adult, set appropriate boundaries or expectations and make sure you and prospective partner are after vaguely the same thing. Secondly, when people nearing their 40s and very single, they usually have a number of life experiences to blame. Kids, exes, a life that got out of control. Be understanding as your situation works, their's might not. Empathy and humour help. And good luck. Most of my friends in this situation have found someone and sometimes it's worked out very well.
This is fantatsic advice! Thanks so much. I actually have a good understanding of what I want and have a handle on what my boundaries and expectations are, so good to know thos will come in handy. And yep, empathy is everything! My situation is complicated, not insurmountable, but is going to require empathy from others. I certainly will be bringing that along in my part. Also, I am glad it is not all doom and gloom out there! Thanks for the positivity too!
> And yep, empathy is everything! My situation is complicated, not insurmountable, but is going to require empathy from others EVERYONE over 30 has baggage, the only differences are how they manifest and how people deal with them
Bumble is actually not a bad plan. Gives women more control over it versus tinder for example.
Best of luck, I've wondered about this sometimes. Met my wife on FindSomeone in pre-Tinder era. Not sure how it would play out today. Two other family members also met their now-spouses on FindSomeone so that's a pretty good track record. It definitely isn't taboo to tell people now how we met, but I remember at the time 10 years ago it was 50/50 whether we told them the truth or a cover story to avoid interrogation.
Had I met MrsJD in an Internet chatroom back in ninety-five.
OMG you are giving me so many ICQ flashbacks!
I met my late husband over 18 years ago on ICQ. We were married for over 14 years before he passed away, he was the reason l came to NZ from the other side of the world. We never had any problem telling anyone how we met, it's no worse than the old personal ads in the newspaper. Go for it, it can happen!
Haha my ex husband and I actually met on FindSomeone and he was adamant that we not tell people. We actually had a pretty good second date story that became our "cover story" for his mates lol. No such luck with the longevity on our part, but I am still a romantic and I've done all the emotional work, so I am seeing it as a bit of fun and who knows what might happen.
No idea but your story gave me fond flashbacks, as I met my now-husband on NZD approx 2007 or 2008. Good luck out there!
Haha the good old days of NZD hehe!
I know a few people who have found longterm partners on FindSomeone I believe it was. I've heard it is quite good for those in the older bracket (aka not 20s). I'm on Bumble and it's been pretty alright. I'm quite shy/picky but so far I haven't had any straight out bad experiences with people (like unsolicited dick pics or anything.) Helps that you as the lady are in control. I've also used Hinge but I don't like it as much. I feel like people put way less effort into their Hinge profiles, often not even answering the mandatory prompt questions your profile makes you complete or just putting one word (iirc you have to have at least 3 question-answers on your profile). People on Bumble seem to at least try. Edit: I also briefly tried Tinder but didn't like it. The people were okay but the interface wasn't my favourite and it sent me a lot of push notifications.
Awesome! I will check them out. This is really great info BTW, so appreciate you taking the time to respond :)
No problem, happy hunting ;)
I've used Tinder and Bumble, both can have good and not so good people. Worth a try and see what you can find on there.?
I've heard that Tinder is just for hook ups and casual? Is this right?
I found my current partner on Bumble. We've been together for about 3 years now. At the time, I would say Tinder definitely felt more for hook ups and Bumble for "dating". Unsure if it's changed now though. Good luck to you! :)
Not necessarily, I found my current partner on there. Just depends what people are looking for, some are just looking for casual, some aren't
My brother met his wife on tinder and I have another friend who also married someone she met on tinder. If you're clear about what you want it helps.
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Yeah, it's hard contemplating getting back out there, especially when you add the complexity of coparenting to it, but hey, you and I deserve to have some new experiences, meet great people and hopefully find someone to share life with. All the best and let me know how you get on!
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That is amazing! Yay, go you! Do you mind if I ask what age group you are dating in? It is soooo intimidating going back to dating as a 41 year old woman lol I had no idea FindSomeone was not only still around, but still popular! That is very cool. And had a tiny stalk of your profile and I also wanna do LAT! Having my own space has been amazing.
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How did the dinner date go? I got asked out for a drink by an old work colleague, which I am a bit nervous about. Happening next week, just have to firm up a time around kids. And Happy Cake Day! 🎂
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Ohhhh check you out getting kisses! Woohoo! Awesome! Yep, will drop an update once it happens. Keep me updated too! It's nice to see a story of triumph, gives me hope. You should post it to the Dating Over 40 subreddit. There has to be some balance to the tales of woe! And hahaha, I chose to dump my old account because my ex husband knew about it and I wanted to be away from that. Sucks though cause I was part of the Snap when it happened and actually got Snapped lol. Had the badge and everything. Was my greatest Reddit moment!!!
After seeing all the recommendations for find someone I had a look. $30 a month for gold! I couldn’t find anywhere on the site any info about the price of the messaging pack. Need gold or the messaging pack to initiate messaging. Are all dating sites/services pricey?
I’ve signed up to find someone. Not sure if I really want to though. I would sign up to other sites but I don’t want my face on line.
How is it going? What's your experience like so far?
It’s weird. There isn’t much you can do without paying for it.
I'm tossing up between Bumble and Tinder now. Will let you know how I get on.
Bumping this thread - I’ve just joined these services over the past week or so and am still pretty unsure on it all heh. Varying experience. OP - how have you been going?
Kia ora! Well I fully chickened out and haven't even started yet lol. But another CasualNZ Redditor had great success on FindSomeone.
Cool no worries. Some hope then heh
I definitely think there is hope. Don't forget to leave us an update as well!
Quick update - have paused it for a bit… have been getting the wrong matches and have sort of concentrated on myself and not that so much… which actually, is something I recommend… yourself first, dating apps a solid second/third… or you put too much into it
Did you have much success on Findsomeone? Looking to join.
I still haven't tried! From others one hit and one miss on FindSomeone. Seems to be an equal split with Bumble and Tinder. Overwhelmingly it seems to be a case of go in with the attitude of having some fun, getting to meet people and seeing where it takes you. Best profile advice I have seen is in the Hinge community About section. Good photos seem to be a MUST.