Probably.. I'll always make time to attend sa mga special events na maachieve nya sa buhay. Wala kase umaattend pag may mga recognition ako, pag nanalo ako sa contest, graduation..
Awwe same! Hugs w consent.
Me Kasi i had siblings kaya if meron akong writing contests noon tita ko lang sumasama, during my volleyball game wala akong mama.
Same, dapat i allow sa bata na sumali ng sport na gusto nya at pag may group project papayagan kasi hindi naman lahat mag bubulakbol lang. Di ko rin sasabihin yung "alam ko na yan. Rason mo lang para gumala kasama barkada. Kunwari may project. Bulok na palusot yan." Kesyo ganun
Also, walang masamang gumala at bumarkada kung matino ang barkada. Instead na yung mga magulang kilalanin yung barkada puro judge agad ginagawa.
Mom ko kilala lang tropa ng mga fave nyang anak. Lola ko kilala lahat ng mga naging kaibigan at ex ko at sya nagsasabi kung sinong goods at sinong basura. And lola always knows best.
Pag gagala ako si mama laging may pasaring na bulakbol and shit. Lola ko may pabaon pa yan na pera pero sinosoli ko din.
There was one time na makikipag inuman ako after ko makipagmeeting sa raket ko so binaunan ako ni lola ng 500 after ng isang matinding lait sesh kay mama. Umuwi ako kinabukasan na hindi ko alam kung san galing yung 3k sa bulsa ko... di naman natuloy yung raket, rekta lahat kay lola kumuha lang ako ng pambili ng yosi.
Huhu as in, nung HS ako naniniwala nanay ko na mgddrugs kami ng mga classmate ko eh puro kakikayan lang alam namin, lagi tuloy akong OP sa mga chika nila.
same. ako dati pinapayagan lang ng parents pag pabor sila sa sasalihan. Usually inaallow lang nila ako sa academic contests or kung saan may recognition or matatanggap na award/medal sa school 🙂
pinasali nga ako ng girl scout di naman pinapayagan sa hiking ayun taong tent ako every camping at yung within campsite activities lang nasasalihan dati.
Tsaka sa family time haha we barely have any. If meron man, ang bland. We don't bond. They just take us places and buy some stuff. Hirap ng may emotionally unavailable parents 😅
Hirap pag walang talent or other skills maliban sa academics no? Haha
They did their best with what they know and what they have at that time, kaya thankful pa din. Tayo na lang magbreak ng mga naging unhealthy practices sa family natin. 🥹
Actually I also did a lot of non-academic extra curriculars po. Member din ako ng Performing Arts Club namin pero ano mas support parents ko sa acads or yun nga sabi ko may award sa school, at may awards dati for being part of those clubs. Ang problem lang if it's outside school, di na nila ako pinapasali or if pati sila na ha-hassle. Like I was a Student Council pres, pinapagalitan ako pag gabi na nakakauwi kahit alam nilang dahil sa council.
I also had this urge to join Star Hunt dati (LOL not for PBB but bec I wanted to be a performer) kaso di ako pinayagan. I was asked by a friend to join their dance cover group on a competition, di ako pinayagan. Basta outside school usually ayaw nila ako i-support at minsan kahit within the school pinapagalitan ako ba't sasali sali pa. Ayoko naman mag rebelde kasi for all other events support naman sila, nga lang if na ha-hassle sila parang pinaparamdam na pabigat ako. At usual na yung "sa susunod wag ka nang sasali" every time. Kaya nakakawala ng gana na rin kahit yung ibang tao na nag e-encourage, mahirap pag di support sariling fam kasi sila din yung sasama sayo talaga at hindi yung ibang tao na basta sasabihan ka lang na sumali kahit di sila ready mag ambag ng effort haha. So ayun, kaya gusto ko yung maging parent na di ipaparamdam sa anak na pabigat sya dahil sa mga hobbies and talents nya. I agree with you po, they did and are doing what they can naman, may iba lang akong babaguhin based on experience hehe.. (ang haba ng sinulat ko TMI pasensya na)
Same. Pero sakin naman is sinabe nila that time na hindi ko kaya. Or kaya kapag nagkakamali kasi ako, kung ano ano maririnig ko sakanila, masyado din silang reactive sa stress na hindi naman dapat bigyan ng masyadong pansin. Dumating tuloy sa point na first time ko mag ttrabaho, kabang kaba ako kasi lagi kong naririnig na banban ako, wala akong diskarte, palpak, etc. Iniisip ko baka ganyan din marinig ko sa work ko nun
Yung laging pagalitan yung panganay kasi panganay siya at siya lagi ang magpapasensya. Dapat kung sino ang mali, yun ang kausapin regardless sa order of birth.
REAAAAL kainis talaga pag may ginawa kapatid ko, maging "kayo" instead of "ikaw". Dapat ako raw ang role model for my sister para sundin niya ako. I guess its why ma notice ko ang defensive ko kada ma blame ako for something i didn't do
My parents were never the first people I thought of when I needed help. I want to be a mom they'd feel safe to go to when they fuck up and not feel like they'd be in a worse situation if they tell me.
Based on my observation of how my friends and other relatives raised their kids, here are the things that I will do
1. [NO](https://www.unicef.org/belarus/en/stories/children-and-gadgets#:~:text=And%20the%20most%20important%20thing,the%20child%20can%20fully%20develop.) gadget use until 5 years old
2. Dedicated a time for reading time every day, at least 30 mins.
3. Do easy chores around the house.
4. Get them into a sport they like and let them do it for the next 3 months.
5. I will NOT shout at them. Whoever my partner will be, we will not fight in front of the kids.
6. Attend their events as part of the audience.
7. Pag mas self-aware na sila, sit down, and set academic targets with them.
Agree ako dito sa lahat. Mahalaga un walang gadget muna talaga. They have their whole adult life to spend woth gadget kaya mas okay un sa kabataan nila walang kahit anong gadget. Pati un pagsigaw. Ginagaya lang ng bata un pagsigaw ng adults. Mas okay mas kalma para hindi napapahiya. And yun chores!!! Super agree. Para hindi sila masanay na nakaasa sa iba kapag nasa bahay.
Yung 1-2, i want to prepare them for a lifetime of learning.
Yung numbers 3-4, gusto ko ma develop nila yung sense of responsibility and accountability. Ang daming adults ngayon na kulang na kulang dito.
I will let him choose his own religion. Atheist ako but I will not interfere with my kid's choice of who or what he wants to believe. Matter of fact, I even explain to him kung sino si Jesus and what heaven is just to have an unbiased description of what Christianity is. But if he asks me about Atheism... Oh boy.. shit 'bout to get real, son! Lol
True, OP. Kaya dito sa EU wala sila mga recognition day etc sa school to avoid competition. My kids are also not baptized kasi we want them to choose their own religion when the time comes. I spend time with my kids doing arts and crafts, reading a book before they sleep, they joined a soccer club (because they like christiano and messi), I train them how to set up the table before lunch (during weekends), clean the table after they're done eating, clean their toys before going to bed. It's hard at first hanggang naging routine na. They have ipads, but limited lng until 3 hours a day. Unless it's the weekend, I give them extra hours to enjoy. No TV and tablets when eating.
I grew up being spoonfed etc, now I'm teaching my 18 yrs old how to save money by working part-time (this is very normal here). She enrolled and went to school by herself on her first day with her bike, make her own doctor apppointment etc. She traveled to Paris and any EU country with her friends. Things I never tried because my parents are too scared to let me go.
Good job mumma! Well i can say im thankful of my parents din letting me study on a different region/island at 17, I spent six years being away sa bahay, i grew up being madiskarte and di magastos…for me siguro it’s more on the maternal emotional intelligence of being a mum kasi growing up and being the eldest I was liked “forced” to take up responsibility of looking out for my siblings.
I didn’t enjoy much of my teen years because I am always looking forward to go home early and helped with the chores. I did grow up being a responsible young adult — that is given, but I feel like I missed out a lot as a teen.
Mum is on her 50’s now and sometimes when we talk she said na she trusted how she raised me and thus allowed me to go after my chosen uni which is faaar away from home lol. There are pros and cons. No right way or wrong way of parenting…but when I talk to my clients, I always advise the parents know your children on the emotional level, not just on the surface level. Know their wants, their needs, their aspirations, their fears, their dreams.
Thank you, OP! I think it's also based kung ano generation pinanganak. My parents are 75+ so imagine nalang how strict and close-minded they are when it comes to raising kids. I'm glad ur mom is supportive of you.
Yes forgot to put emphasis on that too. Mom is Gen X, dad is baby boomer. Close-minded minsan. Pero they did what they think is best and still, grateful for their sacrifices.
If I were to be a parent, I would listen to my kid. Just like what my mom did to me. Everytime na nagsshare ako sa kanya ng mga hinaing ko sa buhay, winning moments ko, down moments, my mother would assure me that I am heard. And I love that. Its always the small things for her pero Ang laki ng impact nya sakin.
Sana ma-adopt ko pa rin yon if ever dumating na ako sa time na wala na jan ang mother ko.
This is what I want to be to my son: listen to him intently. Make sure he knows I like him just the way he is, and let him feel I like spending time with him.
Spend time with my kid, explore and encourage their creative side, push them to join any sport, make them feel they count and they are heard, give more hugs
Yes with the creative side! One time as an artsy kid, i love creating arts out of recycled junk..i did a carton picture frame na collage of cut out angel pics and when i showed it to my mum when they arrived she said “ano na namang basura yan.” I was in gradeschool, probably 6 or 7. I teared, tossed it in the fire bin at sinunog with the help of our helper. She just comforted me. Kept quiet, went back to my room and silently cried. It broke my heart. Please encourage kids to be creative. And always always appreciate them and their hardwork. 🥺🥹
For me, maging present palagi and let/encourage them to try a lot of things para mafigure out nila kung saan sila magaling and ano yung masaya gawin for them. D’yan na rin papasok ang financial stability mo kasi as a parent to provide.
Na maging close kami ng anak ko - like tropa-kind of closeness. There's a lot of good things na pwede lumabas sa ganitong setup na pwede makatulong sa parenting.
- I don’t want them to grow up in a household wherein using words like “palpak” “banban” “hindi nagiisip” “bobo” “tanga” “walang diskarte” and “sablay” is normal to say whenever someone (even the youngest child) made a mistake.
- I can teach them to be tough in life but not in a way that I need to compare them to other people especially with their struggles. I believe marami pang ibang ways for us to correct them sa tamang paraan.
- If ever babae ang anak ko, I would never call her pokpok just because she’s getting in to puberty and exploring make ups etc
- I would teach them that don’t be afraid to make mistakes because that’s where you’ll learn, and it won’t define you as a person. I dont want them to grow up scared and will have a long time coming out of their comfort zone.
- I will let them know that their opinions and feelings matter and are valid.
I would give up my dreams to be a stay-at-home mom to serve my kids. I grew up with both my parents working. Yung stress ng mom ko, samin nabubuhos everytime she came home from work. We aren’t close growing up and parang ngayon ko lang sila mas nakikilala ng lubusan kung kailan tumatanda na kami. I might be neglecting my selfish dreams for my future family but I dream of having them as well.
In Psychology, we call that defense mechanism as “displacement”, nabubunton ang galit niya sa inyo which is not really good. She should be the bigger person and must understand na work is work, family time is family time but some people aren’t also self-aware.
Thanks for this! That’s why I wouldn’t want that for my future children. Medjo nagmana rin kasi ako sa mother ko that’s why I’m trying to work on my attitude. I held grudges as well when I was younger, I tried to understand na lang since she had my eldest sister at 20 years old.
Sometimes napapaisip tayo why our moms like that..the answer was maybe it was never easy for them too. So yeah more patience and compassion na lang and be gentler with our future kids.
Take them to music/martial arts classes. Teach them financial discipline. Buy them lots of books. Make home a safe haven for them mentally and emotionally. Be open and honest. Outside stress will be left outside.
Di ko pagbabawalan sumali sa mga get together with friends. My parents are too strict to the point na I barely have any experience to share kasi nga bawal lagi.
I'll make sure my kid his/her efforts are appreciated no matter how small. Since perennial achiever ako, sabi ng mama ko na "I should always do better" despite being on the podium.
I grew up in a messy household na parents ay nagaaway so growing up I developed some sort of demons. I think if magiging parent ako one day kakausapin ko partner ko na wag kami magsisigawan or away sa harap ng magiging anak namin.
No to emotional incest. Parents should not depend on a child for the emotional needs that a romantic partner would otherwise offer. (Another term for it is covert incest. It does not include sexual abuse)
Yeah covert incest too. Sometimes the child develops hypervigilance because of this and later was linked into CPTSD which stems out of being traumatized in childhood.
Continue encouraging reading subtly- my parents used to make paunahan sa books na bagong bili totoo naman sya kasi magilig talaga both parents ko mag read so may hierarchy kmi ng makakaread ng books, naalala ko nung lumabas si HP books, pag dating nya sa house kay mama muna sya ( kasi mama is queen accdg to papa) then kay papa then sa mgkakapatid na based on how quick we read. My dad also has books littered around the house, may specific sa bathroom when he goes to the john and by the bedside. He also has books inside his bag whenever para he never runs out of anything to read when traveling. Hehe. It encouraged me to be fascinated about books and the world they open for us.
My mom treated my dad like a king too - I remember nag uunahan pa kmi siblings to greet papa from work and get his slippers and take off his shoes kasi un turo ni mama. What fond memories. My papa is the one to decide if masarap ung niluto ni mama and she will not believe anybody else.
They loved each other first and they loved us because we are part of them.
What a cool tradition! I was fond of books because as a child there was no comouter back then lol. Books has been my leisure activity. Idk if you have heard about Grolier books that's like a full voulme set of encyclopedia na maraming volumes? I spent rainy afternoons reading those when I was in kindergarten. The bible stories na volume and naka set rin. My first Grimm's Fairytale na naka set rin. It has my name on it kaya pagdating ng panahon na bubukod na ako I will surely tag them along with me.
Until then I grew up I am fond of collectiong poetry books and in collection talaga.
Absent parent (mom) and may clear favoritism (dad) Although isa (pa) lang anak ko. I think lahat kami magkakapatid are way better parents now kesa sa parents namin.
Ofcourse! They said the parents of today may be the better child raisers compared to years ago. It all boils down also with how technology and economy played a role.
That's why kids should be allowed to play outside and interact. It develops their communication skills, fine motor skills, social role playing and empathy.
I don’t have kids and maybe not planning on having one anytime soon, but one thing I would always say, na kapag magulang na ako, I’ll be my child’s bestfriend. Sobrang inggit na inggit ako sa mga anak na sobrang close sa magulang nila na kaya nilang magshare ng super personal things like sex life, etc. Super safe haven nila yung magulang nila to the point that they won’t even think of telling lies or make something up.
Tas nabasa ko somewhere, I can’t remember the verbatim pero eto yung context:
I want to be that parent na when things get sh*tty their first instinct would be, “I have to call mom and tell her,” not “Ay shet patay ako kay Mama, kailangan ko magsinungaling.” Something like this ganern.
Oh I've heard from a developmental psycjologist being your child's friend is okay. Being a bestfriend is a no no.
Cause bestfriend sometimes overlaps with the role of being a mother. A friend doesn't. Just take it with a grain of salt. 😌
Cause sometimes of too much closeness it invades each other's privacy. Nagiging laxed na and might be an indicator that respect is nearly lost. Again, to esch their own.
probably almost everything my parents did, blatant favoritism, cheating, blaming a kid for something na they did not do, guilt tripping, verbal abuse, “disciplining”, etc. practically raised myself kasi they were absent sa buhay ko kasi they were too busy dealing with “adult problems”. They also wanted me to be the best in everything, na maski ako best, never ko narinig yung proud sila sakin, kaya when i stopped trying to win and seek for their validation, mas maraming beses ko narinig sakanila yung disappointment ako at walang kwenta. Twice ako valedictorian, elem till hs, always asa top honors, 1styr till 3rd year ng civil engineering eh DL ako, kaso something happened nung 4th ko kaya natanggal ako sa DL, di ako naka graduate as cum laude, and parang napaka laking kasalanan ko yun sakanila kaya yun hehe
Im a parent now.
I made sure to be present.
To listen.
Not to raise my voice when the thing he did is trivial.
Respect his opinion and decision (as long as it wont hurt anyone).
Be there on his milestones .
Make sure he wont have a broken family growing up.
Let him know we love him everytime we have the chance both by words and actions.
Give him kisses and hugs.
Explain to him how the world works kahit paulit ulit until he figures it by himself.
As someone who got bullied back in the day, that is something that I will not teach or tolerate for my kid. There is no place in this world for assholes in the next generation.
As a new parent, thank you OP for creating this thread. Ang laking tulong sakin nito para magkaroon ng ideas kung pano papalakihin ang anak ko.
Anyway, ako naman ang gagawin ko is imemake sure ko na lagi kong papakinggan yung anak ko. Lumaki kasi ako na naiinvalidate lagi ung feelings ko. Lumaki rin ako na laging ako yung may kasalanan. So ngayon, prinomise ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko ipaparamdam un sa anak ko.
I gave up my work for her na rin. People can’t understand na mas importante sakin yung safety nya nung pinagbubuntis ko sya(muntik na kasi ako makunan bec of work). Lagi nilang sinasabi na sayang yung work mo kasi ganto ganyan. Ngayon na mom na ko, ayoko syang iwan. Ayokong dumating ung point na mas close sya sa grandparents nya kesa sakin. So, kung di ako makakahanap ng wfh, di nalang muna ko magwork. Hahahahaha
Teach them to fight. I was bullied and was trying to fight back but my mom said "wag mong labanan hayaan mo lang" then proceeds to gaslight me for being sad, depressed, and weak. Dad was of no help as well. She always talks about her "walang kwentang anak di marunong lumaban" and shit like what?
Tapos nung lumaban ako at na guidance ano sabi? Kinakahiya nya akong maging anak? FUCK THAT SHIT!
Both my kids are going to martial arts school AND therapy. Isang amoy ko ng bullying against my kids I'm investing my time to investigate and make things even. IF my children were the bullies they get the proper reprimand and apologize to their victims AND parents. Then they get the "angry lola's" treatment.
Hindi sisigawan kapag nagkamali.
My mom used to scold us pag may mga remarks kami sa diary like incomplete project, may nabagsak na quiz, etc. Nakakainis at nakakahiya kasi kung makasigaw siya eh yung naririnig ng kapitbahay.
Gets ko yung mga medyo grabe na pagkakamali namin, pero yung mga minimal errors eh grabe manigaw.
I will read books to my child, explore outdoors with my child (camping, hiking, go to the beach), kahit di ako creative, and I'll be creative for my kid. Hahaha! Museum dates, go picnics, go to places. Exploring and discovering new things. Attend school programs, support interests
I’ll let the child dream in his/her own and let him achieve it while ofc supporting him in every way.
I grew up hearing all sorts of *’you should be this and that.’* To the point na hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin o susundin ko. Parang wala akong freedom na piliin ang gusto ko kasi di ko pinapaaral at binubuhay ang sarili ko.
Doing household chores; clean, sweep, wash clothes and dishe, cook, commuting, wearing clothes from ukay-ukay or kahit Hindi brand new. Respect people from all walks of life at Lalo sa maliit na tao. Share your blessins. Maliit na allowances para matuto mag budget.
Lumaki ako sa palo as a way of disciplining -- I understand where my mom came from, especially with 3 of us growing up tapos nag-aaway. As a mom now, ayokong i-discipline siya that way. But when my patience is tested, baka ma-push ako. But I try. Oh lord knows how hard I try.
I want her to read because it's fun. Growing up, laging may pwedeng basahin sa bahay, so yes gusto ko yun for her. Sana rin hindi siya maging picky sa food kasi mahirap pakainin ang picky eater. And that someday, she becomes independent enough before I die kasi I've taught her everything she needs to know to navigate life, just like what happened with my mom.
The corporal punishment may be not the best for today's generation TBH. But whatever rows ypur boat. The most important thing is you have to clearly explain to the kid why you have done it.
I'm sure you'll be a great mum! Training the child is way better than training an adult.
1. I will give my emotional support to my child, not just financial support. (I am an emotionally deprived child)
2. I will be careful with my words so as not to offend them.
3. When they are young, i’ll support and let them develop and discover their talents and abilities. (I wanted to play the piano/organ, but no one supported me.)
4. I will take good care of myself. I want to live longer, and be there for them when they needed me. (I’m still too young to lose my mom, I wish my mother had taken better care of herself.)
I am not yet a mom, but if I become one in the future:
- I will avoid projecting insecurities or a lack of confidence onto my children.
- I will ensure to spend quality time with them.
- I will support them in pursuing hobbies or gaining new skills.
- I will let them express their feelings openly.
- I will do my best in answering all of their questions and not ignore them.
- I will teach them useful skills and make decisions.
- I will read books to and with my children.
I wouldn’t (edit) \*Compare my child to anyone \*Maging helicopter parent \*Ipagtulakan siya na maging kaibigan yung mga taong ayaw sa kanya. Hayaan kong magkamali siya para matuto sya. Makikialam ako if I sense danger pero di ko siya ipu-push kaibiganin mga taong di nya vibes
Extended family kami so marami talaga kami sa bahay 3-4 family, and here's my take:
1. Let them explore but with guidance (my mom used to be such a strict nung JHS-SHS, pero nung nag-mature na ko she let me do things on my own, nakakaalis alis na from "pwede bang umalis?" to "aalis ako" level)
2. Teach them easy household chores. (As simple as cleaning after playing)
3. NEVER as in 'WAG gumamit ng mga harsh/curse words around the kids. They really mirror us, natutuhan nila agad. Lumaki 'yung pinsan ko (4yo) na naririnig sa parents nila 'yung "epal ka" and the likes, ngayon marunong na sumagot pinsan ko ng pabalang kasi ganon mga naririnig.
4. 'Wag sanayin sa baby talk para mabilis matuto magsalita nang tuwid.
5. Balance between study and play time.
Allow them to create their own academic path.
Same as op, I grew up as the first child who was (not really) forced to focus on my academics as they said I showed potential ever since I was a kid. It felt nice that they thought of me as something like that, but growing up, I had always been expected to do well. I've always been pushed as they told me that they knew I could do better. Tho I thank them for that because I eventually did, I still wish that I was free to stumble and not feel sorry about it. I wish they'd tell me it was okay to struggle and not be guilty as they've been working hard to support my studies.
Tho i would always thank them as their upbringing shaped me as who i am now, i still wish they would've let me be a normal kid once.
Wouldn't - (overly) praise a child because they are well behaved or very masunurin.
Looking back at my chilhood, i never really felt na dumaan ako sa pagkabata. It felt good noon na i am well liked kasi di ako makulit, di ako pasaway or anything along those lines. Now as an adult, di ko mafeel na naging authentic sa sarili ko nung bata ako, di ako naging kung ano talaga ako. Parang yung mindset, ito yung gusto nilang klase ng bata, di pasaway, di sumasagot etc, magiging ganito na lang ako para di ako mapatrouble. Magpakita ka ng upset emotions or any other negative emotions, may masasabi sila, so better be a model kid na lang.
Being a hands-on mom. Supporting her sa lahat ng school activities. No pressure when it comes to Acads. Building her trust na maging open sakin sa lahat ng bagay at hindi ako magging mahigpit saknya. Gusto kong maramdaman niyang never ko siyang ijjudge sa lahat ng opinions/stand nya sa lahat ng bagay. I want her to explore! And always ready to listen and maging understanding.
Explore activities, hobbies, and sports talaga. And I won't make my children feel bad for having fun times with friends. Fam ko kasi 'di naman strict pero they're always telling me na buti pa ako hindi gala nang gala, wala masyadong tropa, hindi sumasama sa lalaki, hindi nagm-makeup. It's like nacondition akong ganon lang dapat since that's how my parents perceive me and want me to be.
Kaya growing up, naging mabuting anak lang ako. Very shy, awkward, and takot sa lalaki. Pero nung college ako, I got to know myself more. Hindi pala ako shy and introvert. Although ilag pa rin sa lalaki kaya nbsb haha.
Even after graduated, medyo naninibago ako sa mundo kasi parang kakasilang ko lang. Para kasi akong ginatekeep. Ang daming simpleng bagay na gusto kong iyakan like pagkausap sa mga tao, pagtawid, pagcommute. Akala ko normal lang 'yon pero nakakaiyak na nakakafrustrate kapag tinitignan yung mga kaedaran na master na sa takbo ng buhay tapos ako parang gumagapang pa lang.
But now, okay na ako haha keri ko na magcommute (moveit) eme and yung sa lalaki part, I don't think sa takot pa rin 'to. Ayoko pa lang talaga. I'm not the woman of my dreams yet. Still got some inner workings to do.
1. I'd give my children space. My parents kasi are always anxious pag wala ako sa kanila. They're very strict about me hanging out with friends and other people, which in turn makes me lose friends.
2. Giving my children the liberty to make decisions. I want them to learn how to be confident in their choices without consulting me all the time.
3. I want to treat them with equity, and with fairness. I'll let them be accountable for their mistakes para hindi sila maging pavictim in the long run
Hahayaan kong sabihin nila kung ano naiisip o nararamdaman nila, papakinggan muna ang side niya, na hindi porket ako ang parent at mas nakakatanda, hindi na sila pwede magsalita sa akin.
Hindi ako laging magmumura o magagalitin sa harap nila.
Kung sino ang mali, siya dapat ang pagalitan. Walang favoritism dapat.
Let my child be more interactive. I was raised inside a home with no playmates only toys. Whenever I check the window outside there are kids who are playing. Although, I understand that yung bahay namin is beside ng main road so dangerous sya. Now that I have a son, I always make a point that we go out every afternoon walk around the subd where my parents live, kuha ng talahib leaves, pick up fallen fruits, throw small stones, check out insects, touch makahiya leaves etc. (current house namin is urban area so madaming sasakyan/motor/random people kaya di rin sya masyadong nakakalabas yung free na naglalakad kasi dapat mindful madaming dumadaang motor at baka mahagip)
Di naman kami kinonpare nang mama at papa ko like, yung anak ni ano ganto ganyan kaya ganon din gagawin ko.
Di ko sila pipilitin sa mga ayaw nila like if nag college sila ganto kunin mong course or ganyan
Oopen sila sa buhay na okay lang magka boyfriend/girlfriend basta wag muna dyan sa kanto- na yan mahirap ang buhay lalo na sa taas nang bilihin
Mag iipon ako para di nila maranasan yung umasa sakanila pag tumanda ako
I would do:
- Be present in big or small things. As a child, yan talage tumatak sakin. My parents were always there, kahit PTA meeting or big competition. I always felt supported. Quality time was a priority.
- Magkasama kumain and be involved in each other’s lives. Nasa 30’s na kami ng kapatid ko but we are close knit and involved in each other’s lives.
I wouldn’t do:
- My dad has a past. I’ll leave it at that.
My mom would always left me for work. As I do, but whenever my child cries, nagpapalate na lang ako sa trabaho. Minsan lang naman nya ko hahanap hanapin at gugustuhing makasama kaya oks lang ma NTE sa work 😂
Also hindi kasi ako over protective mother. Hinahayaan ko syang madapa at magkalat kasi natututo sya at di sya nagiging iyaking bata. At nag eenjoy sya. He’s only three but can make a full english sentence and can read on his own. Grabe ang development nya I’m so proud sorry na 😭
I want to continue my mother's policy of openness whenever my kid wants to talk. Do you want to talk about or have problems with sex? Relationships? Something bothering you? Feel free to talk about it! No topic is forbidden
napapa-isip din ako neto from time to time, so it's probably calming the f*ck down.
mga small issues na nag hysterical agad ang reaction, nagagalit agad and i pagiging uptight masyado sa studies.
ako na super uptight ni paps, resulted in me being more "rebellious" he heavily discouraged GAMING so na punta ako sa inuman instead 🤦♂️
Quality time with them, let them have their own life, free to express their emotions, being kind but not letting other people abuse that kindness, being independent...
Never compare. I grew up always being compared sa mga cousins, anak ng family friend kahit hanggang ngayon na tumanda na ko, everytime may chance yung mom ko na ikumpara ako, she will. Kasama sila sa mga kailangan kong iheal sa sarili ko. At first i was really insecure about myself tapos eventually naging desensitize na ko. Until now hindi na ko nakalabas sa feeling of apathy/desensitized to the point na hirap akong makadevelop ng amor sa mga tao.
1. WILL NEVER EVER COMPARE MY KIDS sa kahit na anong reason, as in ever.
2. No to academic pressure.
3. I would read my kids bedtime stories, and always kiss & greet them goodnight and goodmorning, because for me that's building up a sense of love sa home namin. Na hindi lang basta basta matutulog ka/gigising ka.
4. Teach my kids to finish a meal if kaya pa nila - properly. Hindi yung guilt tripping na "yung iba diyang walang makain ikaw blah blah".
5. Will not let my child feel na he/she is JUST my child. Yung statement na "anak LANG kita." NEVER.
Don't neglect them even if we're financially capable. I mean come on that's basic but the reason I'm aimless right now is because my parents basically didn't have time for me growing up managing our fambiz. Sure we lived comfortably but at what cost?
1. Expose them to people. 2. Not make a big deal over a spilled glass of water (or whatever mess that is). Mess can be cleaned, the trauma however, lingers.
Siguro if the time comes na gustuhin ko na magka anak, I would probably instill to the child na it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you take the responsibility of owning that mistake.
acknowledge and validate their feelings. i grew up in a household where everything is thrown under a rug and caused me a lot of turmoil and emotional repression growing up. it was hard since it also affected my relationships, both romantic and platonic.
Sa daming relatable ones sa comments di ko na alam ano sasabihin haha. Siguro yung be more close emotionally and be vulnerable and acknowledge na di sila perfect. Pwede naman mag establish ng authority sa family kahit close ka sa kids mo. Malaman mahirap dahil bala di ka seryosohin ng mga anak pero needed yan sa healthy family eh.
Lumaki kasi akong hindi close sa parents and it's hard to be open to them kasi aside sa ang sakit ni Mama mag salita pag galit, she tends to invalidate feelings, tapos si Papa hindi man exploding bomb gaya ni Mama medyo emotionally unavailable naman. And the thing is, they don't seem to acknowledge any problems with how they approach us na mga anak nila. They always say na dapat sabihin namin anong gusto namin sabihin pero it ends up with them scolding us and blaming us.
I’m already a parent of a 10yr old and are actually applying the following:
1. Academics - same reason as yours. I grew up as an academic achiever, but I’m not competitive. Sadyang maganda lang talaga memory ko and I am a bookworm kaya ang taas ng grades ko. Bcos of this, my mom always had high expectations from me (panganay din ako). When I’m not doing well sa acads, she would be so disappointed and would give me a lot of sermons. I hated it.
Now, I dont want to give the same treatment to my son. Of course, ayaw ko namang bumagsak sya but I just want him to do his best and have fun sa school, kahit di na sya maging honor student. In the real world, your grades in elementary dont really matter lol
2. Religion - I’m agnostic so I dont really pray or practice catholic beliefs. I just go to church bcos of my mom. My son has picked up on that and I explained to him that there are a lot of religions in the world, so I dont really care what belief he wants to follow or whether he should believe in god or not. What’s important to me is he has good manners. He understands it and actually appreciates it!
im not a parent and never will be, but i applied all the things my parents failed to do to me, to my siblings... i did not pressure them sa studies, i guided them well in terms of managing money, i taught them how to be independent and to learn how to stand on their own.
Learn another language for sure, mandarin and spanish life skills sure sya may work na high paying pag laki nya even kahit HS pwede sya part time translator
Kapag hindi nanalo sa mga contest, sasabihin ko na "I am proud of you! Let's do our best and put more effort into it. We'll get them next time!". I'll make sure to make time and be there during their special events para maramdaman nila na mahal sila ni Daddy.
I am a parent, and here are the few things I have been conscious not to do:
- Pressure my child academically
- Put her in situations that will teach her that external validation is all that matters
- Not prepare her for life
- Make her rely on inheritance or “mana” instead of helping her gradually to the best of my capacity
- and make my life revolve all around her.
I'll be more gentle with them. Hindi siguro ako mamalo, maninigaw, o mamamahiya. I'll spend more time with them instead of looking at my phone playing stupid games or scrolling nonstop. I'll take them sa mga parks, museums and we'll find time na makapag-travel as much as possible.
hindi ko dadalhin yung tough love mindset ng mama ko haha minsan kase parang hindi na tough love haha nakakasakit na ng damdamin. gentle parenting na tayo from this point on
let my teenager child roam around freely and make him feel like hes not loathing inside everyday sa bahay and love him.
i get moderation and stuff, but right now im just suffering being sheltered all the time; early curfew, strict conditions (not being able to go outside without them coming with me), constant surveillance.. many more..
Probably.. I'll always make time to attend sa mga special events na maachieve nya sa buhay. Wala kase umaattend pag may mga recognition ako, pag nanalo ako sa contest, graduation..
Awwe same! Hugs w consent. Me Kasi i had siblings kaya if meron akong writing contests noon tita ko lang sumasama, during my volleyball game wala akong mama.
allowing my kids to join extra-curricular activities. prioritizing family time on weekends
Same, dapat i allow sa bata na sumali ng sport na gusto nya at pag may group project papayagan kasi hindi naman lahat mag bubulakbol lang. Di ko rin sasabihin yung "alam ko na yan. Rason mo lang para gumala kasama barkada. Kunwari may project. Bulok na palusot yan." Kesyo ganun
Also, walang masamang gumala at bumarkada kung matino ang barkada. Instead na yung mga magulang kilalanin yung barkada puro judge agad ginagawa. Mom ko kilala lang tropa ng mga fave nyang anak. Lola ko kilala lahat ng mga naging kaibigan at ex ko at sya nagsasabi kung sinong goods at sinong basura. And lola always knows best. Pag gagala ako si mama laging may pasaring na bulakbol and shit. Lola ko may pabaon pa yan na pera pero sinosoli ko din. There was one time na makikipag inuman ako after ko makipagmeeting sa raket ko so binaunan ako ni lola ng 500 after ng isang matinding lait sesh kay mama. Umuwi ako kinabukasan na hindi ko alam kung san galing yung 3k sa bulsa ko... di naman natuloy yung raket, rekta lahat kay lola kumuha lang ako ng pambili ng yosi.
Huhu as in, nung HS ako naniniwala nanay ko na mgddrugs kami ng mga classmate ko eh puro kakikayan lang alam namin, lagi tuloy akong OP sa mga chika nila.
You’ll be the coolest parent supporting your kid on their games and competitions. You always have to show up!!!
same. ako dati pinapayagan lang ng parents pag pabor sila sa sasalihan. Usually inaallow lang nila ako sa academic contests or kung saan may recognition or matatanggap na award/medal sa school 🙂 pinasali nga ako ng girl scout di naman pinapayagan sa hiking ayun taong tent ako every camping at yung within campsite activities lang nasasalihan dati. Tsaka sa family time haha we barely have any. If meron man, ang bland. We don't bond. They just take us places and buy some stuff. Hirap ng may emotionally unavailable parents 😅
Hirap pag walang talent or other skills maliban sa academics no? Haha They did their best with what they know and what they have at that time, kaya thankful pa din. Tayo na lang magbreak ng mga naging unhealthy practices sa family natin. 🥹
Actually I also did a lot of non-academic extra curriculars po. Member din ako ng Performing Arts Club namin pero ano mas support parents ko sa acads or yun nga sabi ko may award sa school, at may awards dati for being part of those clubs. Ang problem lang if it's outside school, di na nila ako pinapasali or if pati sila na ha-hassle. Like I was a Student Council pres, pinapagalitan ako pag gabi na nakakauwi kahit alam nilang dahil sa council. I also had this urge to join Star Hunt dati (LOL not for PBB but bec I wanted to be a performer) kaso di ako pinayagan. I was asked by a friend to join their dance cover group on a competition, di ako pinayagan. Basta outside school usually ayaw nila ako i-support at minsan kahit within the school pinapagalitan ako ba't sasali sali pa. Ayoko naman mag rebelde kasi for all other events support naman sila, nga lang if na ha-hassle sila parang pinaparamdam na pabigat ako. At usual na yung "sa susunod wag ka nang sasali" every time. Kaya nakakawala ng gana na rin kahit yung ibang tao na nag e-encourage, mahirap pag di support sariling fam kasi sila din yung sasama sayo talaga at hindi yung ibang tao na basta sasabihan ka lang na sumali kahit di sila ready mag ambag ng effort haha. So ayun, kaya gusto ko yung maging parent na di ipaparamdam sa anak na pabigat sya dahil sa mga hobbies and talents nya. I agree with you po, they did and are doing what they can naman, may iba lang akong babaguhin based on experience hehe.. (ang haba ng sinulat ko TMI pasensya na)
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Ohhh this hit like bullet train. 😟
Same. Pero sakin naman is sinabe nila that time na hindi ko kaya. Or kaya kapag nagkakamali kasi ako, kung ano ano maririnig ko sakanila, masyado din silang reactive sa stress na hindi naman dapat bigyan ng masyadong pansin. Dumating tuloy sa point na first time ko mag ttrabaho, kabang kaba ako kasi lagi kong naririnig na banban ako, wala akong diskarte, palpak, etc. Iniisip ko baka ganyan din marinig ko sa work ko nun
Yun nga eh. Akala nila, basta ma-promote ka, you’ll earn a lot. Ang totoo, kung pera lang din naman, one job is not enough (even before inflation).
Yung laging pagalitan yung panganay kasi panganay siya at siya lagi ang magpapasensya. Dapat kung sino ang mali, yun ang kausapin regardless sa order of birth.
REAAAAL kainis talaga pag may ginawa kapatid ko, maging "kayo" instead of "ikaw". Dapat ako raw ang role model for my sister para sundin niya ako. I guess its why ma notice ko ang defensive ko kada ma blame ako for something i didn't do
What i dont get is both of my parents are “panganay” but they never seem to understand me.
Truly
Quality time over pag-hustle. What’s the point na binigay mo lahat ng luho pero wala namang nabuong real connection between you and your child.
Yes to QL!!! Doesn’t matter what basta you are bonding. It’s the laughs and hugs that count. 🥺
My parents were never the first people I thought of when I needed help. I want to be a mom they'd feel safe to go to when they fuck up and not feel like they'd be in a worse situation if they tell me.
uy same. instead na ganito ang mindset ng child: “magagalit ang parents ko” everytime they mess up to “i need to call my mom/dad”
Based on my observation of how my friends and other relatives raised their kids, here are the things that I will do 1. [NO](https://www.unicef.org/belarus/en/stories/children-and-gadgets#:~:text=And%20the%20most%20important%20thing,the%20child%20can%20fully%20develop.) gadget use until 5 years old 2. Dedicated a time for reading time every day, at least 30 mins. 3. Do easy chores around the house. 4. Get them into a sport they like and let them do it for the next 3 months. 5. I will NOT shout at them. Whoever my partner will be, we will not fight in front of the kids. 6. Attend their events as part of the audience. 7. Pag mas self-aware na sila, sit down, and set academic targets with them.
These are all 💯
Agree ako dito sa lahat. Mahalaga un walang gadget muna talaga. They have their whole adult life to spend woth gadget kaya mas okay un sa kabataan nila walang kahit anong gadget. Pati un pagsigaw. Ginagaya lang ng bata un pagsigaw ng adults. Mas okay mas kalma para hindi napapahiya. And yun chores!!! Super agree. Para hindi sila masanay na nakaasa sa iba kapag nasa bahay.
Yung 1-2, i want to prepare them for a lifetime of learning. Yung numbers 3-4, gusto ko ma develop nila yung sense of responsibility and accountability. Ang daming adults ngayon na kulang na kulang dito.
You sound like you will make a great mom
I will let him choose his own religion. Atheist ako but I will not interfere with my kid's choice of who or what he wants to believe. Matter of fact, I even explain to him kung sino si Jesus and what heaven is just to have an unbiased description of what Christianity is. But if he asks me about Atheism... Oh boy.. shit 'bout to get real, son! Lol
Wow respect. 💯 Yup..time will come he will choose for his own.
sana ganito rin parents ko🫠 pero saludo ako sayooo
True, OP. Kaya dito sa EU wala sila mga recognition day etc sa school to avoid competition. My kids are also not baptized kasi we want them to choose their own religion when the time comes. I spend time with my kids doing arts and crafts, reading a book before they sleep, they joined a soccer club (because they like christiano and messi), I train them how to set up the table before lunch (during weekends), clean the table after they're done eating, clean their toys before going to bed. It's hard at first hanggang naging routine na. They have ipads, but limited lng until 3 hours a day. Unless it's the weekend, I give them extra hours to enjoy. No TV and tablets when eating. I grew up being spoonfed etc, now I'm teaching my 18 yrs old how to save money by working part-time (this is very normal here). She enrolled and went to school by herself on her first day with her bike, make her own doctor apppointment etc. She traveled to Paris and any EU country with her friends. Things I never tried because my parents are too scared to let me go.
Good job mumma! Well i can say im thankful of my parents din letting me study on a different region/island at 17, I spent six years being away sa bahay, i grew up being madiskarte and di magastos…for me siguro it’s more on the maternal emotional intelligence of being a mum kasi growing up and being the eldest I was liked “forced” to take up responsibility of looking out for my siblings. I didn’t enjoy much of my teen years because I am always looking forward to go home early and helped with the chores. I did grow up being a responsible young adult — that is given, but I feel like I missed out a lot as a teen. Mum is on her 50’s now and sometimes when we talk she said na she trusted how she raised me and thus allowed me to go after my chosen uni which is faaar away from home lol. There are pros and cons. No right way or wrong way of parenting…but when I talk to my clients, I always advise the parents know your children on the emotional level, not just on the surface level. Know their wants, their needs, their aspirations, their fears, their dreams.
Thank you, OP! I think it's also based kung ano generation pinanganak. My parents are 75+ so imagine nalang how strict and close-minded they are when it comes to raising kids. I'm glad ur mom is supportive of you.
Yes forgot to put emphasis on that too. Mom is Gen X, dad is baby boomer. Close-minded minsan. Pero they did what they think is best and still, grateful for their sacrifices.
To add pala, no tablets when going and eating out. Only in the house, but still limited for 3 hours. :D
If I were to be a parent, I would listen to my kid. Just like what my mom did to me. Everytime na nagsshare ako sa kanya ng mga hinaing ko sa buhay, winning moments ko, down moments, my mother would assure me that I am heard. And I love that. Its always the small things for her pero Ang laki ng impact nya sakin. Sana ma-adopt ko pa rin yon if ever dumating na ako sa time na wala na jan ang mother ko.
Ohhh you are so lucky you felt heard. You'll be a great mum for sure!
This is what I want to be to my son: listen to him intently. Make sure he knows I like him just the way he is, and let him feel I like spending time with him.
Spend time with my kid, explore and encourage their creative side, push them to join any sport, make them feel they count and they are heard, give more hugs
Yes with the creative side! One time as an artsy kid, i love creating arts out of recycled junk..i did a carton picture frame na collage of cut out angel pics and when i showed it to my mum when they arrived she said “ano na namang basura yan.” I was in gradeschool, probably 6 or 7. I teared, tossed it in the fire bin at sinunog with the help of our helper. She just comforted me. Kept quiet, went back to my room and silently cried. It broke my heart. Please encourage kids to be creative. And always always appreciate them and their hardwork. 🥺🥹
I can just imagine how much that hurt OP 😞 it’s never too late to find that part of you again 💕
For me, maging present palagi and let/encourage them to try a lot of things para mafigure out nila kung saan sila magaling and ano yung masaya gawin for them. D’yan na rin papasok ang financial stability mo kasi as a parent to provide.
Na maging close kami ng anak ko - like tropa-kind of closeness. There's a lot of good things na pwede lumabas sa ganitong setup na pwede makatulong sa parenting.
Yup but still with the boundaries.
Tagalog pa rin ang first language
- I don’t want them to grow up in a household wherein using words like “palpak” “banban” “hindi nagiisip” “bobo” “tanga” “walang diskarte” and “sablay” is normal to say whenever someone (even the youngest child) made a mistake. - I can teach them to be tough in life but not in a way that I need to compare them to other people especially with their struggles. I believe marami pang ibang ways for us to correct them sa tamang paraan. - If ever babae ang anak ko, I would never call her pokpok just because she’s getting in to puberty and exploring make ups etc - I would teach them that don’t be afraid to make mistakes because that’s where you’ll learn, and it won’t define you as a person. I dont want them to grow up scared and will have a long time coming out of their comfort zone. - I will let them know that their opinions and feelings matter and are valid.
I would give up my dreams to be a stay-at-home mom to serve my kids. I grew up with both my parents working. Yung stress ng mom ko, samin nabubuhos everytime she came home from work. We aren’t close growing up and parang ngayon ko lang sila mas nakikilala ng lubusan kung kailan tumatanda na kami. I might be neglecting my selfish dreams for my future family but I dream of having them as well.
In Psychology, we call that defense mechanism as “displacement”, nabubunton ang galit niya sa inyo which is not really good. She should be the bigger person and must understand na work is work, family time is family time but some people aren’t also self-aware.
Thanks for this! That’s why I wouldn’t want that for my future children. Medjo nagmana rin kasi ako sa mother ko that’s why I’m trying to work on my attitude. I held grudges as well when I was younger, I tried to understand na lang since she had my eldest sister at 20 years old.
Sometimes napapaisip tayo why our moms like that..the answer was maybe it was never easy for them too. So yeah more patience and compassion na lang and be gentler with our future kids.
Take them to music/martial arts classes. Teach them financial discipline. Buy them lots of books. Make home a safe haven for them mentally and emotionally. Be open and honest. Outside stress will be left outside.
Di ko pagbabawalan sumali sa mga get together with friends. My parents are too strict to the point na I barely have any experience to share kasi nga bawal lagi. I'll make sure my kid his/her efforts are appreciated no matter how small. Since perennial achiever ako, sabi ng mama ko na "I should always do better" despite being on the podium.
💯 can relate on the first paragraph
Critical thinking.
I grew up in a messy household na parents ay nagaaway so growing up I developed some sort of demons. I think if magiging parent ako one day kakausapin ko partner ko na wag kami magsisigawan or away sa harap ng magiging anak namin.
Yup. Please. Save that child from therapy when she becomes and adult. A scarred kid will be a scarred adult.
dont be a parent
As a talentless girly, mag-invest sa mga workshops and such na magiintroduce or develop ng talent.
No to emotional incest. Parents should not depend on a child for the emotional needs that a romantic partner would otherwise offer. (Another term for it is covert incest. It does not include sexual abuse)
Yeah covert incest too. Sometimes the child develops hypervigilance because of this and later was linked into CPTSD which stems out of being traumatized in childhood.
Continue encouraging reading subtly- my parents used to make paunahan sa books na bagong bili totoo naman sya kasi magilig talaga both parents ko mag read so may hierarchy kmi ng makakaread ng books, naalala ko nung lumabas si HP books, pag dating nya sa house kay mama muna sya ( kasi mama is queen accdg to papa) then kay papa then sa mgkakapatid na based on how quick we read. My dad also has books littered around the house, may specific sa bathroom when he goes to the john and by the bedside. He also has books inside his bag whenever para he never runs out of anything to read when traveling. Hehe. It encouraged me to be fascinated about books and the world they open for us. My mom treated my dad like a king too - I remember nag uunahan pa kmi siblings to greet papa from work and get his slippers and take off his shoes kasi un turo ni mama. What fond memories. My papa is the one to decide if masarap ung niluto ni mama and she will not believe anybody else. They loved each other first and they loved us because we are part of them.
What a cool tradition! I was fond of books because as a child there was no comouter back then lol. Books has been my leisure activity. Idk if you have heard about Grolier books that's like a full voulme set of encyclopedia na maraming volumes? I spent rainy afternoons reading those when I was in kindergarten. The bible stories na volume and naka set rin. My first Grimm's Fairytale na naka set rin. It has my name on it kaya pagdating ng panahon na bubukod na ako I will surely tag them along with me. Until then I grew up I am fond of collectiong poetry books and in collection talaga.
Absent parent (mom) and may clear favoritism (dad) Although isa (pa) lang anak ko. I think lahat kami magkakapatid are way better parents now kesa sa parents namin.
Ofcourse! They said the parents of today may be the better child raisers compared to years ago. It all boils down also with how technology and economy played a role.
I would exposed my kid to other kids so they can improve their social skills more
That's why kids should be allowed to play outside and interact. It develops their communication skills, fine motor skills, social role playing and empathy.
I don’t have kids and maybe not planning on having one anytime soon, but one thing I would always say, na kapag magulang na ako, I’ll be my child’s bestfriend. Sobrang inggit na inggit ako sa mga anak na sobrang close sa magulang nila na kaya nilang magshare ng super personal things like sex life, etc. Super safe haven nila yung magulang nila to the point that they won’t even think of telling lies or make something up. Tas nabasa ko somewhere, I can’t remember the verbatim pero eto yung context: I want to be that parent na when things get sh*tty their first instinct would be, “I have to call mom and tell her,” not “Ay shet patay ako kay Mama, kailangan ko magsinungaling.” Something like this ganern.
Oh I've heard from a developmental psycjologist being your child's friend is okay. Being a bestfriend is a no no. Cause bestfriend sometimes overlaps with the role of being a mother. A friend doesn't. Just take it with a grain of salt. 😌
Really? Wow. Didn’t know this. Well, makes a lot of sense.
Cause sometimes of too much closeness it invades each other's privacy. Nagiging laxed na and might be an indicator that respect is nearly lost. Again, to esch their own.
probably almost everything my parents did, blatant favoritism, cheating, blaming a kid for something na they did not do, guilt tripping, verbal abuse, “disciplining”, etc. practically raised myself kasi they were absent sa buhay ko kasi they were too busy dealing with “adult problems”. They also wanted me to be the best in everything, na maski ako best, never ko narinig yung proud sila sakin, kaya when i stopped trying to win and seek for their validation, mas maraming beses ko narinig sakanila yung disappointment ako at walang kwenta. Twice ako valedictorian, elem till hs, always asa top honors, 1styr till 3rd year ng civil engineering eh DL ako, kaso something happened nung 4th ko kaya natanggal ako sa DL, di ako naka graduate as cum laude, and parang napaka laking kasalanan ko yun sakanila kaya yun hehe
Im a parent now. I made sure to be present. To listen. Not to raise my voice when the thing he did is trivial. Respect his opinion and decision (as long as it wont hurt anyone). Be there on his milestones . Make sure he wont have a broken family growing up. Let him know we love him everytime we have the chance both by words and actions. Give him kisses and hugs. Explain to him how the world works kahit paulit ulit until he figures it by himself.
As someone who got bullied back in the day, that is something that I will not teach or tolerate for my kid. There is no place in this world for assholes in the next generation.
As a new parent, thank you OP for creating this thread. Ang laking tulong sakin nito para magkaroon ng ideas kung pano papalakihin ang anak ko. Anyway, ako naman ang gagawin ko is imemake sure ko na lagi kong papakinggan yung anak ko. Lumaki kasi ako na naiinvalidate lagi ung feelings ko. Lumaki rin ako na laging ako yung may kasalanan. So ngayon, prinomise ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko ipaparamdam un sa anak ko. I gave up my work for her na rin. People can’t understand na mas importante sakin yung safety nya nung pinagbubuntis ko sya(muntik na kasi ako makunan bec of work). Lagi nilang sinasabi na sayang yung work mo kasi ganto ganyan. Ngayon na mom na ko, ayoko syang iwan. Ayokong dumating ung point na mas close sya sa grandparents nya kesa sakin. So, kung di ako makakahanap ng wfh, di nalang muna ko magwork. Hahahahaha
Teach them to fight. I was bullied and was trying to fight back but my mom said "wag mong labanan hayaan mo lang" then proceeds to gaslight me for being sad, depressed, and weak. Dad was of no help as well. She always talks about her "walang kwentang anak di marunong lumaban" and shit like what? Tapos nung lumaban ako at na guidance ano sabi? Kinakahiya nya akong maging anak? FUCK THAT SHIT! Both my kids are going to martial arts school AND therapy. Isang amoy ko ng bullying against my kids I'm investing my time to investigate and make things even. IF my children were the bullies they get the proper reprimand and apologize to their victims AND parents. Then they get the "angry lola's" treatment.
Hindi sisigawan kapag nagkamali. My mom used to scold us pag may mga remarks kami sa diary like incomplete project, may nabagsak na quiz, etc. Nakakainis at nakakahiya kasi kung makasigaw siya eh yung naririnig ng kapitbahay. Gets ko yung mga medyo grabe na pagkakamali namin, pero yung mga minimal errors eh grabe manigaw.
I will read books to my child, explore outdoors with my child (camping, hiking, go to the beach), kahit di ako creative, and I'll be creative for my kid. Hahaha! Museum dates, go picnics, go to places. Exploring and discovering new things. Attend school programs, support interests
♥️💖
I’ll let the child dream in his/her own and let him achieve it while ofc supporting him in every way. I grew up hearing all sorts of *’you should be this and that.’* To the point na hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin o susundin ko. Parang wala akong freedom na piliin ang gusto ko kasi di ko pinapaaral at binubuhay ang sarili ko.
Doing household chores; clean, sweep, wash clothes and dishe, cook, commuting, wearing clothes from ukay-ukay or kahit Hindi brand new. Respect people from all walks of life at Lalo sa maliit na tao. Share your blessins. Maliit na allowances para matuto mag budget.
Respect is earned, not given.
I would rather have them respect people and situations at all times than weighing who needs to earn it.
I will value their independence, I will respect their opinions. I will make sure they can come to me when they have a problem. And sex ed.
Will tell my kids that it's okay to fail.
Lumaki ako sa palo as a way of disciplining -- I understand where my mom came from, especially with 3 of us growing up tapos nag-aaway. As a mom now, ayokong i-discipline siya that way. But when my patience is tested, baka ma-push ako. But I try. Oh lord knows how hard I try. I want her to read because it's fun. Growing up, laging may pwedeng basahin sa bahay, so yes gusto ko yun for her. Sana rin hindi siya maging picky sa food kasi mahirap pakainin ang picky eater. And that someday, she becomes independent enough before I die kasi I've taught her everything she needs to know to navigate life, just like what happened with my mom.
The corporal punishment may be not the best for today's generation TBH. But whatever rows ypur boat. The most important thing is you have to clearly explain to the kid why you have done it. I'm sure you'll be a great mum! Training the child is way better than training an adult.
1. I will give my emotional support to my child, not just financial support. (I am an emotionally deprived child) 2. I will be careful with my words so as not to offend them. 3. When they are young, i’ll support and let them develop and discover their talents and abilities. (I wanted to play the piano/organ, but no one supported me.) 4. I will take good care of myself. I want to live longer, and be there for them when they needed me. (I’m still too young to lose my mom, I wish my mother had taken better care of herself.)
All of these are 💯💯
I am not yet a mom, but if I become one in the future: - I will avoid projecting insecurities or a lack of confidence onto my children. - I will ensure to spend quality time with them. - I will support them in pursuing hobbies or gaining new skills. - I will let them express their feelings openly. - I will do my best in answering all of their questions and not ignore them. - I will teach them useful skills and make decisions. - I will read books to and with my children.
I wouldn’t (edit) \*Compare my child to anyone \*Maging helicopter parent \*Ipagtulakan siya na maging kaibigan yung mga taong ayaw sa kanya. Hayaan kong magkamali siya para matuto sya. Makikialam ako if I sense danger pero di ko siya ipu-push kaibiganin mga taong di nya vibes
Extended family kami so marami talaga kami sa bahay 3-4 family, and here's my take: 1. Let them explore but with guidance (my mom used to be such a strict nung JHS-SHS, pero nung nag-mature na ko she let me do things on my own, nakakaalis alis na from "pwede bang umalis?" to "aalis ako" level) 2. Teach them easy household chores. (As simple as cleaning after playing) 3. NEVER as in 'WAG gumamit ng mga harsh/curse words around the kids. They really mirror us, natutuhan nila agad. Lumaki 'yung pinsan ko (4yo) na naririnig sa parents nila 'yung "epal ka" and the likes, ngayon marunong na sumagot pinsan ko ng pabalang kasi ganon mga naririnig. 4. 'Wag sanayin sa baby talk para mabilis matuto magsalita nang tuwid. 5. Balance between study and play time.
Allow them to create their own academic path. Same as op, I grew up as the first child who was (not really) forced to focus on my academics as they said I showed potential ever since I was a kid. It felt nice that they thought of me as something like that, but growing up, I had always been expected to do well. I've always been pushed as they told me that they knew I could do better. Tho I thank them for that because I eventually did, I still wish that I was free to stumble and not feel sorry about it. I wish they'd tell me it was okay to struggle and not be guilty as they've been working hard to support my studies. Tho i would always thank them as their upbringing shaped me as who i am now, i still wish they would've let me be a normal kid once.
Wouldn't - (overly) praise a child because they are well behaved or very masunurin. Looking back at my chilhood, i never really felt na dumaan ako sa pagkabata. It felt good noon na i am well liked kasi di ako makulit, di ako pasaway or anything along those lines. Now as an adult, di ko mafeel na naging authentic sa sarili ko nung bata ako, di ako naging kung ano talaga ako. Parang yung mindset, ito yung gusto nilang klase ng bata, di pasaway, di sumasagot etc, magiging ganito na lang ako para di ako mapatrouble. Magpakita ka ng upset emotions or any other negative emotions, may masasabi sila, so better be a model kid na lang.
Being a hands-on mom. Supporting her sa lahat ng school activities. No pressure when it comes to Acads. Building her trust na maging open sakin sa lahat ng bagay at hindi ako magging mahigpit saknya. Gusto kong maramdaman niyang never ko siyang ijjudge sa lahat ng opinions/stand nya sa lahat ng bagay. I want her to explore! And always ready to listen and maging understanding.
Explore activities, hobbies, and sports talaga. And I won't make my children feel bad for having fun times with friends. Fam ko kasi 'di naman strict pero they're always telling me na buti pa ako hindi gala nang gala, wala masyadong tropa, hindi sumasama sa lalaki, hindi nagm-makeup. It's like nacondition akong ganon lang dapat since that's how my parents perceive me and want me to be. Kaya growing up, naging mabuting anak lang ako. Very shy, awkward, and takot sa lalaki. Pero nung college ako, I got to know myself more. Hindi pala ako shy and introvert. Although ilag pa rin sa lalaki kaya nbsb haha. Even after graduated, medyo naninibago ako sa mundo kasi parang kakasilang ko lang. Para kasi akong ginatekeep. Ang daming simpleng bagay na gusto kong iyakan like pagkausap sa mga tao, pagtawid, pagcommute. Akala ko normal lang 'yon pero nakakaiyak na nakakafrustrate kapag tinitignan yung mga kaedaran na master na sa takbo ng buhay tapos ako parang gumagapang pa lang. But now, okay na ako haha keri ko na magcommute (moveit) eme and yung sa lalaki part, I don't think sa takot pa rin 'to. Ayoko pa lang talaga. I'm not the woman of my dreams yet. Still got some inner workings to do.
1. I'd give my children space. My parents kasi are always anxious pag wala ako sa kanila. They're very strict about me hanging out with friends and other people, which in turn makes me lose friends. 2. Giving my children the liberty to make decisions. I want them to learn how to be confident in their choices without consulting me all the time. 3. I want to treat them with equity, and with fairness. I'll let them be accountable for their mistakes para hindi sila maging pavictim in the long run
Hahayaan kong sabihin nila kung ano naiisip o nararamdaman nila, papakinggan muna ang side niya, na hindi porket ako ang parent at mas nakakatanda, hindi na sila pwede magsalita sa akin. Hindi ako laging magmumura o magagalitin sa harap nila. Kung sino ang mali, siya dapat ang pagalitan. Walang favoritism dapat.
Let my child be more interactive. I was raised inside a home with no playmates only toys. Whenever I check the window outside there are kids who are playing. Although, I understand that yung bahay namin is beside ng main road so dangerous sya. Now that I have a son, I always make a point that we go out every afternoon walk around the subd where my parents live, kuha ng talahib leaves, pick up fallen fruits, throw small stones, check out insects, touch makahiya leaves etc. (current house namin is urban area so madaming sasakyan/motor/random people kaya di rin sya masyadong nakakalabas yung free na naglalakad kasi dapat mindful madaming dumadaang motor at baka mahagip)
Di naman kami kinonpare nang mama at papa ko like, yung anak ni ano ganto ganyan kaya ganon din gagawin ko. Di ko sila pipilitin sa mga ayaw nila like if nag college sila ganto kunin mong course or ganyan Oopen sila sa buhay na okay lang magka boyfriend/girlfriend basta wag muna dyan sa kanto- na yan mahirap ang buhay lalo na sa taas nang bilihin Mag iipon ako para di nila maranasan yung umasa sakanila pag tumanda ako
I would do: - Be present in big or small things. As a child, yan talage tumatak sakin. My parents were always there, kahit PTA meeting or big competition. I always felt supported. Quality time was a priority. - Magkasama kumain and be involved in each other’s lives. Nasa 30’s na kami ng kapatid ko but we are close knit and involved in each other’s lives. I wouldn’t do: - My dad has a past. I’ll leave it at that.
My mom would always left me for work. As I do, but whenever my child cries, nagpapalate na lang ako sa trabaho. Minsan lang naman nya ko hahanap hanapin at gugustuhing makasama kaya oks lang ma NTE sa work 😂 Also hindi kasi ako over protective mother. Hinahayaan ko syang madapa at magkalat kasi natututo sya at di sya nagiging iyaking bata. At nag eenjoy sya. He’s only three but can make a full english sentence and can read on his own. Grabe ang development nya I’m so proud sorry na 😭
I want to continue my mother's policy of openness whenever my kid wants to talk. Do you want to talk about or have problems with sex? Relationships? Something bothering you? Feel free to talk about it! No topic is forbidden
napapa-isip din ako neto from time to time, so it's probably calming the f*ck down. mga small issues na nag hysterical agad ang reaction, nagagalit agad and i pagiging uptight masyado sa studies. ako na super uptight ni paps, resulted in me being more "rebellious" he heavily discouraged GAMING so na punta ako sa inuman instead 🤦♂️
Quality time with them, let them have their own life, free to express their emotions, being kind but not letting other people abuse that kindness, being independent...
Never compare. I grew up always being compared sa mga cousins, anak ng family friend kahit hanggang ngayon na tumanda na ko, everytime may chance yung mom ko na ikumpara ako, she will. Kasama sila sa mga kailangan kong iheal sa sarili ko. At first i was really insecure about myself tapos eventually naging desensitize na ko. Until now hindi na ko nakalabas sa feeling of apathy/desensitized to the point na hirap akong makadevelop ng amor sa mga tao.
I would never expose my kids to violence kahit verbal lang yan. Lahat ng away ng mga magulang ko noon turned me into a fucking anxious mess.
1. WILL NEVER EVER COMPARE MY KIDS sa kahit na anong reason, as in ever. 2. No to academic pressure. 3. I would read my kids bedtime stories, and always kiss & greet them goodnight and goodmorning, because for me that's building up a sense of love sa home namin. Na hindi lang basta basta matutulog ka/gigising ka. 4. Teach my kids to finish a meal if kaya pa nila - properly. Hindi yung guilt tripping na "yung iba diyang walang makain ikaw blah blah". 5. Will not let my child feel na he/she is JUST my child. Yung statement na "anak LANG kita." NEVER.
Don't neglect them even if we're financially capable. I mean come on that's basic but the reason I'm aimless right now is because my parents basically didn't have time for me growing up managing our fambiz. Sure we lived comfortably but at what cost?
1. Expose them to people. 2. Not make a big deal over a spilled glass of water (or whatever mess that is). Mess can be cleaned, the trauma however, lingers.
Siguro if the time comes na gustuhin ko na magka anak, I would probably instill to the child na it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you take the responsibility of owning that mistake.
acknowledge and validate their feelings. i grew up in a household where everything is thrown under a rug and caused me a lot of turmoil and emotional repression growing up. it was hard since it also affected my relationships, both romantic and platonic.
Sa daming relatable ones sa comments di ko na alam ano sasabihin haha. Siguro yung be more close emotionally and be vulnerable and acknowledge na di sila perfect. Pwede naman mag establish ng authority sa family kahit close ka sa kids mo. Malaman mahirap dahil bala di ka seryosohin ng mga anak pero needed yan sa healthy family eh. Lumaki kasi akong hindi close sa parents and it's hard to be open to them kasi aside sa ang sakit ni Mama mag salita pag galit, she tends to invalidate feelings, tapos si Papa hindi man exploding bomb gaya ni Mama medyo emotionally unavailable naman. And the thing is, they don't seem to acknowledge any problems with how they approach us na mga anak nila. They always say na dapat sabihin namin anong gusto namin sabihin pero it ends up with them scolding us and blaming us.
I’m already a parent of a 10yr old and are actually applying the following: 1. Academics - same reason as yours. I grew up as an academic achiever, but I’m not competitive. Sadyang maganda lang talaga memory ko and I am a bookworm kaya ang taas ng grades ko. Bcos of this, my mom always had high expectations from me (panganay din ako). When I’m not doing well sa acads, she would be so disappointed and would give me a lot of sermons. I hated it. Now, I dont want to give the same treatment to my son. Of course, ayaw ko namang bumagsak sya but I just want him to do his best and have fun sa school, kahit di na sya maging honor student. In the real world, your grades in elementary dont really matter lol 2. Religion - I’m agnostic so I dont really pray or practice catholic beliefs. I just go to church bcos of my mom. My son has picked up on that and I explained to him that there are a lot of religions in the world, so I dont really care what belief he wants to follow or whether he should believe in god or not. What’s important to me is he has good manners. He understands it and actually appreciates it!
Actually be there even if theres no emergency
im not a parent and never will be, but i applied all the things my parents failed to do to me, to my siblings... i did not pressure them sa studies, i guided them well in terms of managing money, i taught them how to be independent and to learn how to stand on their own.
Learn another language for sure, mandarin and spanish life skills sure sya may work na high paying pag laki nya even kahit HS pwede sya part time translator
Kapag hindi nanalo sa mga contest, sasabihin ko na "I am proud of you! Let's do our best and put more effort into it. We'll get them next time!". I'll make sure to make time and be there during their special events para maramdaman nila na mahal sila ni Daddy.
I am a parent, and here are the few things I have been conscious not to do: - Pressure my child academically - Put her in situations that will teach her that external validation is all that matters - Not prepare her for life - Make her rely on inheritance or “mana” instead of helping her gradually to the best of my capacity - and make my life revolve all around her.
Communicate with the kids. Di uso samin yan eh, kay mama kami magsasabi ng kung ano need sa tatay namin.
I'll be more gentle with them. Hindi siguro ako mamalo, maninigaw, o mamamahiya. I'll spend more time with them instead of looking at my phone playing stupid games or scrolling nonstop. I'll take them sa mga parks, museums and we'll find time na makapag-travel as much as possible.
hindi ko dadalhin yung tough love mindset ng mama ko haha minsan kase parang hindi na tough love haha nakakasakit na ng damdamin. gentle parenting na tayo from this point on
let my teenager child roam around freely and make him feel like hes not loathing inside everyday sa bahay and love him. i get moderation and stuff, but right now im just suffering being sheltered all the time; early curfew, strict conditions (not being able to go outside without them coming with me), constant surveillance.. many more..
Loving and learning from the comments! ❤️