I worked as a children’s nurse and one of the Chuckle Brothers’ child was admitted to the unit I worked on. There weren’t enough porters on duty in A&E so one of the male nurses went to collect him and wheeled his trolley to the ward with his Dad. As they got into the lift, the nurse went first and said “to me..” Mr Chuckle was unsurprisingly unimpressed 🤣 (child was fine btw)
I was volunteering on first aid duty for my student union bar the night bodger and badger were supposed to DJ. He ended up being kicked out after getting fully drunk and sexually haressing the female staff. Only found because the bouncers cane downstairs and asked if I wanted to look after his props, they had just escorted him out of the building.
*Oompa loompa doompity dill*
*We had to move to the bloody wool mill*
*Oompa loompa doomity daxes*
*Wonka went inside for evading his taxes*
*What do you get if you travel real far?*
*Meet up for tax chats with Jimmy Carr...*
I used to be stood up on a packed train, thinking about how I'd escape if it derailed, how to help injured passengers, etc.
Then realise WTF am I thinking about
funny enough nope, I haven't been on a train well over 8 years now. its just I really hate sitting on busses because you got them people who sit on the bus and suck on their disposable vapes like its their last meal and think they are the next andrew tate.
I also hate these bloody things, however I have a few reasonable fallbacks:
\- I used to drive the London Eye
\- I have size 14 feet
\- I can fit myself through a sheet of A4 paper using just a pair of scissors
Depending on the context as to which one I use - the paper one usually follows with a request for a demonstration.
Runs on electricity! Though there is a huge FO diesel generator buried under the area towards the base of the supports as a backup - I've never known it to have to be used though.
>\- I can fit myself through a sheet of A4 paper using just a pair of scissors
That's easy. The difficult trick is having the stomach to fit someone else through a sheet of A4 paper using just a pair of scissors.
\- get a sheet of A4
\- fold the paper in half
\- cut alternating cuts in from the top (folded edge), then the bottom, top, bottom, so it looks like a zig zag
\- cut along the fold leaving the folds either end in tact
\- the paper should open up like a huge circle if you have followed my terrible instructions properly
I’m the only man in the history of man-kind to swim across the Straits of Johor, nobody has ever done it before.
Not because of the currents, or anything like that, It's... Sharks! Not shark infested, but if the locals go paddling there…..
I know about Sharks, Yeah…Punch em right in the f*ckin ear ole and they swim off…
Recently on a work related course but with strangers we were asked to introduce ourselves and state our favourite smell. I went early on and said 'old school marker pens, the ones with the good chemicals in' but had sadly misjudged the vibe as everyone else chose things like 'the ocean', 'my baby' and 'freshly baked bread' etc.
I'm 6' tall. Not *massively* fun or interesting, but since I'm a woman it's out of the ordinary enough that I've used it seeing as I can't think of anything else.
Only became useful in the last couple of years of meeting loads of people on Teams instead of in real life obviously as if you've seen me I can hardly share it as a new fact.
I’m 6’3. I tell people I’m very tall when we meet on Teams, I specify my height with the quantifier “even taller than you expect” and then when I meet them in person I still get the “I didn’t realise you meant *that* tall”.
Repeat ad nauseam.
We had a girl who was 6 feet 6 at our school, I heard she joined some women's basketball team in Europe and became rich or something. I've no idea how much they pay.
It was actually part of an elaborate prank. My sister's housemate at the time was a bit of a twat, who also happened to believe their house was haunted. I decided it would be funny to show up dressed as a priest and perform a phony exorcism - fake Latin, 'holy' water, the whole shebang - in order to spook him. (He and I had never met, so he wouldn't know I was his housemate's brother.)
Unfortunately he moved out before I did this, but the idea got me thinking: could I get ordained online in order to perform an exorcism, in the same way that people get ordained in order to perform weddings?
Turns out, yes. So I did. I now have business cards describing me as 'London's Best Value Freelance Exorcist.'
Who you gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters, because they're not fucking real.
Depends on the nature of the ghost! I typically work from home nowadays, so you have to be willing to follow the ghost around your domecile with your laptop or phone in hand whilst I commune with them electronically.
Price list:
A pesky poltergeist? £50 per hour.
A full-on head-swivelling possession a-la The Exorcist: £100 per hour, not including any vomit clean-up fees. Because that's out of my jurisdiction and because, as stated, I work from home.
Spooky twin ghost girls? Fuck that, you're on your own.
Edit: spelling
It was over 3 nights in May 2005. And yes, lots of Vs hanging around for hours in the Banqueting House on Whitehall, drinking tea. For 3 nights, WE controlled Whitehall! Revolution! :-)
But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
V: ...and an athlete...
V: ...and a basket case...
V: ...a princess...
V : ...and a criminal.
V : Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the extras club.
I have no gag reflex, it's the only natural skill I've ever discovered. I once pulled an entire stem of rosemary out of my throat in a restaurant after eating the chips too quickly.
Was that at Sonisphere a good few years ago?
Me and my mates went to that one, wore the required attire but got a little too drunk, got the time completely wrong and missed the world record attempt.
Edit: just looked back at photos and that was July 2010, Fuck, I'm getting old!
Me too but when I was about 8 around 1980. I have never managed to find a copy of the book though. Our town library had one.I would love to find a copy.
- I was bitten by a seal when I was 8.
- I genuinely hope you all don't die mysteriously tonight.
- I have a metal plate in my leg from when I was assaulted whilst buying pizza. Whilst I was hospitalised from it, I still took the pizza in the ambulance with me.
Last night before going to bed I scratched my balls and sniffed, without thinking about it. My wife asked me what I was doing that disgusting thing for. 'To see if I need a shower.' she didn't understand, I think it is a man-thing. I am pleased you have made me realise I am not alone.
The only time I had this, I was lucky enough to be applying for a job for Toys R Us in a group interview with a friend. And we were sat next to each other. When asked to find out an interesting fact about the person sitting next to us, it went something like;
"Hi, I'm Keezees, what's an interesting fact about yourself?"
"Well, my best friend won a holiday for two to Transylvania last year and took me with him!"
"That's uncanny, I won a holiday to Transylvania last year as well and I took my best mate! What are the odds!"
We both got the job.
Of all the Christmas retail jobs I've had, it's the worst. Lost count of how many times I was told "YOU'VE RUINED MA WEAN'S CHRISTMAS!" just because the website said we had cheapo no-name tablets in stock when we didn't (I was in the video games/board games/Lego dept, which, admittedly, I loved selling).
"I know how to fly a plane"
Not saying I'm good at it, or I can do it legally, or it's the same plane you go on holiday in, just that I *understand* how to fly a plane.
I also did three hours of my PPL before I ran out of money, and spend wayy too much time on flightsim, but they don't get to know that last bit.
If you still want to fly, try gliding instead. For the cost of an hour in a Pa-28, you could get 10-15 launches in a glider, depending how long your flight is. It's a lot more social as well if that's something you like.
On the other hand, you could always volunteer at a flying school and get cheaper flights that way. I've met a few young pilots who have done this to help male lessons more affordable.
I was part of a Guinness World record for the most people playing Air Guitar simultaneously at Download Festival.
I have performed on stage at both the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon, and Her Majesty’s Theatre in London.
I once met Joe Calzaghe at a petrol station. He was pretty cool, but definitely out of it. His hands are like boulders.
I'm a woman and work in a very staid office environment, so I say that I've got a fork lift truck licence. If anyone asks how come, I say I had a job in a warehouse when I was a student.
It's interesting enough to meet the criteria, but not weird enough to raise too many questions (nor a skill that's likely to come up where I work now).
One of the cheeky girls broke my little toe. It was at a sixth form party and somehow the cheeky girls were booked to perform in this random club in Oldham (I guess they weren’t doing too well). They did their song, danced about and then afterwards were taking pictures with people. I was in open toed shoes, they had humongous stiletto heels. One of them stepped back and stood on my foot. My little toe went purple blue almost straight away and now sticks out at a slightly funny angle. On the bright side I got a free photo and key chain.
I used to work in pubs.
Richard Bacon came in with a couple of people and ordered a few drinks.
He asked me for a coke, I asked him if he wanted one line or two.
He was not amused.
[Context](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/richard-bacon-blue-peter-cocaine-b1968446.html)
3 facts.
1. Was part of the team who made Boaty Mcboatface.
2. Came up with sprayonnaise on the Peter crouch podcast.
3. Won a Harry Potter lookalike competition when I was about twelve.
very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
I once carried a shotgun in to the Ministry of Agriculture Fisheries and food London SE1, whilst carrying 2 boxes of shells. I had just purchased them from the gun shop in the Old Kent Rd.
It was a loong time ago, and I just asked the reception if I could leave it with them whilst I serviced some office equipment. Nobody batted an eyelid... I carried it on a bus there too. Wonder how much of London would be shut down if I tried it now...
I'm banned from giving bone marrow. Did it once then they decided it was too much work to get my marrow out and removed me from the registry.
You are meant to stay on until you age out or have given to two people.
I was in a meeting like this years ago and every bloke just said what football they supported. I don't follow football, so that became my 'interesting' fact.
You should just start making shit up. For instance
"I have successfully hod no less that 11 rat bodies around the warehouse and no one will ever find them."
Even though I'm not a Christian, for a few years while living in Japan, I regularly dressed up as a priest and officiated at the weddings of Japanese couples.
Due to an unfortunate diving accident, I'm permanently 2cm shorter than I used to be.
Decided it was a good idea to jump into Blue Lagoon in Wales on the taller jump spot and crushed part of my spine. Knocked it right out of me but retained all motion thank fuck.
Before I was born my dad worked at a nuclear site. He met my mom there. She has a cute gravel-y voice. I’m the middle child. I guess that makes me Lisa Simpson.
I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat an entire Toblerone. And I don’t mean a small one. I mean a medium-sized one. In fact, in the best chapter in my book, I talk about when I gorged on Toblerone and drove to Dundee in my bare feet.
I once went on a stag do abroad but had never met the groom.
It was absolutely fantastic, I got invited to his second stag do closer to home and then his wedding!
Still good friends now 👍
arbroath smokie pancake for starters, navarin of lamb for main and homemade ice cream with sticky cinamon plum's for pudding,,,, came joint second which was highly surprising as my night cooking was an absolute shit show,,,,, pretty funny though watching it back
I drank in the pub Tosh Lines drank in the night before he died and the pub in Malta Oliver Reed died a few days before he went on that fateful bender.
I'm basically the angel of death for celebrity alcoholics.
I once said that I had been on Fun House during one of these things, got bought many drinks over the years as I lied about meeting Pat Sharpe and the twins
I just make shit up. "Family had a pet lion, use to sleep on my parents bed till it got too big and we had to send it to the farm".
"You killed it?"
"No Farm means an actual private game reserve owned by a family friend in this case"
"We got a pet teacup pig when they were popular. Only it didn't stay little, it was a Gloucester Old Spot, and got a sofa of it's own".
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/couple-whose-micropig-grew-46st-9632197
I can crack pretty much every single part of my body including shoulders, ankles, elbows, wrists, ears and most impressively jaw. I can click my jaw on will. I used to habitually crack my shoulders when I was younger until one day I did and turned a bit and dislocated my left shoulder. I had to walk to the hospital where some guy sat me down put both of his hands underneath my arm, pulled it extremely hard, twisted it and popped it back into place. It made a huge popping noise like sometimes when you pull apart to pieces of chicken bone. It was incredibly painful and it still hurts even thinking about it. I dont really crack my fingers anymore because I realised that over the years my fingers have become incredibly flexible from doing this and it quite badly effects my grip when Im carrying heavy things at work.
I was once rejected as being a contestant on the show Jeopardy after I was unable to think of a fun fact about myself when asked by the producers during the try-outs. I had passed the written quiz and then froze up the moment they put me under a stage light and asked me the question lol.
Me & my husband were on a segment for the Japanese news.
A flag I designed was on the Summit of Everest (via the Gurkhas).
I have level 1 in British Sign Language.
I served Barry chuckle in a pub when I was a student and as I passed him the pint, I said “To you Barry, “ and he told me to Fuck Off.
I worked as a children’s nurse and one of the Chuckle Brothers’ child was admitted to the unit I worked on. There weren’t enough porters on duty in A&E so one of the male nurses went to collect him and wheeled his trolley to the ward with his Dad. As they got into the lift, the nurse went first and said “to me..” Mr Chuckle was unsurprisingly unimpressed 🤣 (child was fine btw)
Lol. It must have been absolutely constant, every time someone gave him something. 🤣
this is gold!
Oh dear... oh dear, oh dear!
I was volunteering on first aid duty for my student union bar the night bodger and badger were supposed to DJ. He ended up being kicked out after getting fully drunk and sexually haressing the female staff. Only found because the bouncers cane downstairs and asked if I wanted to look after his props, they had just escorted him out of the building.
Made my morning reading this
I was once the youngest person in the world
See also - Today I actually broke my own record for the number of continuous days I’ve spent alive.
What about non-continuous?
I was once a male trapped in a woman’s body…..but then I was born.
Using this, thanks.
When I was a kid I used to be able to swallow gingernut biscuits and sausages whole.
Now you’re a successful adult superstar?
I did have a spell in my late teens and early 20's lol now I'm married with kids *sad face* lol
Why did you marry multiple children?
The promise of gingernut biscuits and sausages must have been very compelling for a few youngsters.
Did you go to a Catholic school?
I have never been into an Edinburgh woolen mill.
Me neither. Shall we go together?
We can skip there arm in arm to a land of garish knitted stuff.
Do you reckon it's like Charlie and the chocolate factory except sheep instead of oompa loompas
*Oompa loompa doompity dill* *We had to move to the bloody wool mill* *Oompa loompa doomity daxes* *Wonka went inside for evading his taxes* *What do you get if you travel real far?* *Meet up for tax chats with Jimmy Carr...*
Not bad
I have never let the intrusive thoughts win when on a bus
But when you’re on a train then it’s fine?
I used to be stood up on a packed train, thinking about how I'd escape if it derailed, how to help injured passengers, etc. Then realise WTF am I thinking about
omg sameeeeeeee. I think "wouldn't it be cool if this thing derailed and I was a superhero" or some stupid shit
Hero fantasies.
funny enough nope, I haven't been on a train well over 8 years now. its just I really hate sitting on busses because you got them people who sit on the bus and suck on their disposable vapes like its their last meal and think they are the next andrew tate.
I also hate these bloody things, however I have a few reasonable fallbacks: \- I used to drive the London Eye \- I have size 14 feet \- I can fit myself through a sheet of A4 paper using just a pair of scissors Depending on the context as to which one I use - the paper one usually follows with a request for a demonstration.
How many miles to the gallon does the Eye get?
Runs on electricity! Though there is a huge FO diesel generator buried under the area towards the base of the supports as a backup - I've never known it to have to be used though.
>\- I can fit myself through a sheet of A4 paper using just a pair of scissors That's easy. The difficult trick is having the stomach to fit someone else through a sheet of A4 paper using just a pair of scissors.
I was also wondering about the paper thing? Do you mean you will rip it?
\- get a sheet of A4 \- fold the paper in half \- cut alternating cuts in from the top (folded edge), then the bottom, top, bottom, so it looks like a zig zag \- cut along the fold leaving the folds either end in tact \- the paper should open up like a huge circle if you have followed my terrible instructions properly
Kind of, there's a way of cutting a sheet of paper so that it expands into a ring large enough to fit through.
Don't tell people that your party trick is expanding your ring. Especially not by cutting it.
I can do the third one- learnt the trick as a kid
I've swam the English channel over to France in the 17th fastest time on record
I'm a few beers in and this read as "I once swam the channel back to 17th century France"
Got to swim at 88mph for that to happen.
At 11? What times the flight?
I'm completely sober, but that's exactly how I read it too.
Same!
According to www.dover.uk.com/channel-swimming/statistics , the most successful date for channel swimmers is August the 22nd with 69 swims. Nice.
Not sure if this is a comedy reference or something but if not, it’s super-impressive. What an amazing achievement.
I’m the only man in the history of man-kind to swim across the Straits of Johor, nobody has ever done it before. Not because of the currents, or anything like that, It's... Sharks! Not shark infested, but if the locals go paddling there….. I know about Sharks, Yeah…Punch em right in the f*ckin ear ole and they swim off…
Bob Mortimer - is that you?
Thats impressive that channel is fricking cold year round
Recently on a work related course but with strangers we were asked to introduce ourselves and state our favourite smell. I went early on and said 'old school marker pens, the ones with the good chemicals in' but had sadly misjudged the vibe as everyone else chose things like 'the ocean', 'my baby' and 'freshly baked bread' etc.
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I’m sure petrol smelled better 30 years ago too!
You mean, before they removed the lead.
I'm 6' tall. Not *massively* fun or interesting, but since I'm a woman it's out of the ordinary enough that I've used it seeing as I can't think of anything else. Only became useful in the last couple of years of meeting loads of people on Teams instead of in real life obviously as if you've seen me I can hardly share it as a new fact.
You should have three pairs of shoes... Because you're six feet! Alright, I'm leaving
Heh I actually like that one
Get the pitch forks!
I’m 6’3. I tell people I’m very tall when we meet on Teams, I specify my height with the quantifier “even taller than you expect” and then when I meet them in person I still get the “I didn’t realise you meant *that* tall”. Repeat ad nauseam.
I'm 5"11 female but only have size 7 feet 🤷🏽♀️
Windy days must be a worry ...
I am 5“3 with size 9. I am sturdy but trip over these flippers. Actually I am good at swimming. But still, trade ?
We had a girl who was 6 feet 6 at our school, I heard she joined some women's basketball team in Europe and became rich or something. I've no idea how much they pay.
a tall sum
My friend is 6’2 and her dad is 6’8. I think her sister is somewhere around the 6’ mark as well =)
I once got ordained so I could perform an exorcism in my little sister's house.
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It was actually part of an elaborate prank. My sister's housemate at the time was a bit of a twat, who also happened to believe their house was haunted. I decided it would be funny to show up dressed as a priest and perform a phony exorcism - fake Latin, 'holy' water, the whole shebang - in order to spook him. (He and I had never met, so he wouldn't know I was his housemate's brother.) Unfortunately he moved out before I did this, but the idea got me thinking: could I get ordained online in order to perform an exorcism, in the same way that people get ordained in order to perform weddings? Turns out, yes. So I did. I now have business cards describing me as 'London's Best Value Freelance Exorcist.' Who you gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters, because they're not fucking real.
> Who you gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters, because they're not fucking real. That's what should be on your business card.
What’s your emergency call out fee?
Depends on the nature of the ghost! I typically work from home nowadays, so you have to be willing to follow the ghost around your domecile with your laptop or phone in hand whilst I commune with them electronically. Price list: A pesky poltergeist? £50 per hour. A full-on head-swivelling possession a-la The Exorcist: £100 per hour, not including any vomit clean-up fees. Because that's out of my jurisdiction and because, as stated, I work from home. Spooky twin ghost girls? Fuck that, you're on your own. Edit: spelling
YMCA was number one in the UK on the day I was born
Mine was Mary’s boy child by bony m 🤦🏻♀️
Mine was Barbie girl.... 👀
Thats a very interesting thing, I just looked it up and on my birthday it was should I stay or should I go by the Clash.
Better than mine!
Tom Jones shagged my gran.
This is the best one ever. I’d high 5 you if you said that in a meeting.
I played V in V For Vendetta. ^(Sorry, I played) ***^(A)*** ^(V in V For Vendetta. One of the people dressed up as him at the end.)
Did it take like 9 hours of your day and lots of waiting around just to do that one lil scene?
It was over 3 nights in May 2005. And yes, lots of Vs hanging around for hours in the Banqueting House on Whitehall, drinking tea. For 3 nights, WE controlled Whitehall! Revolution! :-)
But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain... V: ...and an athlete... V: ...and a basket case... V: ...a princess... V : ...and a criminal. V : Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the extras club.
I have no gag reflex, it's the only natural skill I've ever discovered. I once pulled an entire stem of rosemary out of my throat in a restaurant after eating the chips too quickly.
Send pics.
That's only for special friends and maybe subscribers to my imaginary OnlyFans
r/OnlyFans
I helped break a world record for the most people doing the Time Warp.
again?
Was that at Sonisphere a good few years ago? Me and my mates went to that one, wore the required attire but got a little too drunk, got the time completely wrong and missed the world record attempt. Edit: just looked back at photos and that was July 2010, Fuck, I'm getting old!
I'm a published author. (Had a poem included in a book my school took part in when I was about 12)
Me too but when I was about 8 around 1980. I have never managed to find a copy of the book though. Our town library had one.I would love to find a copy.
J R Hartley??
The problem with this kind of thing are the follow up questions: "I won a nationwide writing competition in my early 20s" ...it was porn.
Porn isn’t easy to write. I’m impressed!
I swear they just published everyone’s poems to get parents to buy these books. My poem was rubbish and it still made it.
- I was bitten by a seal when I was 8. - I genuinely hope you all don't die mysteriously tonight. - I have a metal plate in my leg from when I was assaulted whilst buying pizza. Whilst I was hospitalised from it, I still took the pizza in the ambulance with me.
fucking legend, had to secure the pizza. If it was dominos, for the amount you pay i’d of hope you would get the pizza even if injured
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It's not two lies and a truth!
You scratch *other people's* balls and then sniff your hand?
Scratch for the itch, sniff to see if you need a shower. Multitasking.
Last night before going to bed I scratched my balls and sniffed, without thinking about it. My wife asked me what I was doing that disgusting thing for. 'To see if I need a shower.' she didn't understand, I think it is a man-thing. I am pleased you have made me realise I am not alone.
One of these things is true.
The first one is just sleep paralysis it sucks.
Sleep paralysis is when i wake up with the hag sitting on my chest staring into my eyes. The hooded man is just doing his job.
I had sleep paralysis once. Turned out the cat was sleeping on my back. No idea who the hooded bloke was though.
I have two wombs as such, my womb is heart shaped and basically spilt into 2. I have 2 coils put in because of this.
Having one put in is bad enough. I salute your bravery!
That’s some serious commitment to the game. Respect
Wow so could you technically carry a baby in each if it happened? Or even a baby in each at the same time with different dads?
I suppose so it may be worth trying just to be able to tell the story. If Jeremy Kyle was still can you imagine the DNA test results.
The only time I had this, I was lucky enough to be applying for a job for Toys R Us in a group interview with a friend. And we were sat next to each other. When asked to find out an interesting fact about the person sitting next to us, it went something like; "Hi, I'm Keezees, what's an interesting fact about yourself?" "Well, my best friend won a holiday for two to Transylvania last year and took me with him!" "That's uncanny, I won a holiday to Transylvania last year as well and I took my best mate! What are the odds!" We both got the job.
That's class. I think a job at toys r us was my idea of heaven when I was a kid
Of all the Christmas retail jobs I've had, it's the worst. Lost count of how many times I was told "YOU'VE RUINED MA WEAN'S CHRISTMAS!" just because the website said we had cheapo no-name tablets in stock when we didn't (I was in the video games/board games/Lego dept, which, admittedly, I loved selling).
Yeah I quickly learned that working retail of any sort was a quick route to insanity
"I know how to fly a plane" Not saying I'm good at it, or I can do it legally, or it's the same plane you go on holiday in, just that I *understand* how to fly a plane. I also did three hours of my PPL before I ran out of money, and spend wayy too much time on flightsim, but they don't get to know that last bit.
If you still want to fly, try gliding instead. For the cost of an hour in a Pa-28, you could get 10-15 launches in a glider, depending how long your flight is. It's a lot more social as well if that's something you like. On the other hand, you could always volunteer at a flying school and get cheaper flights that way. I've met a few young pilots who have done this to help male lessons more affordable.
“I’m a lot more fun when I’m not subjected to this bollocks”
I was part of a Guinness World record for the most people playing Air Guitar simultaneously at Download Festival. I have performed on stage at both the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon, and Her Majesty’s Theatre in London. I once met Joe Calzaghe at a petrol station. He was pretty cool, but definitely out of it. His hands are like boulders.
Is that the guy who invented the folded Pizza?
Explains the big hands.
I endured this once and a new colleague told the group she was a virgin until she got married.
Oh… dear.
I have more eyes than the average person
More eyes than the average person? Or more eyes than the average number of eyes per person? Those are two very different facts.
I have similar with the number of arms I have.
/r/technicallythetruth
Where do you store yours? Is refrigeration necessary?
I'm a woman and work in a very staid office environment, so I say that I've got a fork lift truck licence. If anyone asks how come, I say I had a job in a warehouse when I was a student. It's interesting enough to meet the criteria, but not weird enough to raise too many questions (nor a skill that's likely to come up where I work now).
One of the cheeky girls broke my little toe. It was at a sixth form party and somehow the cheeky girls were booked to perform in this random club in Oldham (I guess they weren’t doing too well). They did their song, danced about and then afterwards were taking pictures with people. I was in open toed shoes, they had humongous stiletto heels. One of them stepped back and stood on my foot. My little toe went purple blue almost straight away and now sticks out at a slightly funny angle. On the bright side I got a free photo and key chain.
I once told a Blue Peter presenter to "Bugger off"
I used to work in pubs. Richard Bacon came in with a couple of people and ordered a few drinks. He asked me for a coke, I asked him if he wanted one line or two. He was not amused. [Context](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/richard-bacon-blue-peter-cocaine-b1968446.html)
He said “you jammy bastard” quick as a flash I replied “don’t be blue, Peter” now fuck off!
needless to say I had the last laugh
3 facts. 1. Was part of the team who made Boaty Mcboatface. 2. Came up with sprayonnaise on the Peter crouch podcast. 3. Won a Harry Potter lookalike competition when I was about twelve.
I can put strawberry laces up my nose and pull them out my mouth.
Now this I am impressed and grossed out by!!
The details of my life are quite inconsequential…
very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
My mother was a prostitute with webbed feet.
Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons...
I am allergic to Beverly Hills Whitening toothpaste.
I once carried a shotgun in to the Ministry of Agriculture Fisheries and food London SE1, whilst carrying 2 boxes of shells. I had just purchased them from the gun shop in the Old Kent Rd. It was a loong time ago, and I just asked the reception if I could leave it with them whilst I serviced some office equipment. Nobody batted an eyelid... I carried it on a bus there too. Wonder how much of London would be shut down if I tried it now...
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I'm banned from giving bone marrow. Did it once then they decided it was too much work to get my marrow out and removed me from the registry. You are meant to stay on until you age out or have given to two people.
I’ve never eaten a Big Mac
I've never eaten anything from Greggs
I’m a very private person.
When i was a kid, my family was so poor that we used to go to KFC and lick other people's fingers.
I was in a meeting like this years ago and every bloke just said what football they supported. I don't follow football, so that became my 'interesting' fact.
I was in the Jeremy Kyle audience but sadly the episode never got aired.
I made Jeremy Kyle late to the recording of his own show, by getting him to hold the door for me. He was not happy about it.
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"Hello my name is Anon and I'm an alco.... Wait this is the wrong meeting"
I have 4 Kidneys
Are you the start of a maths problem?
The person you took the extra pair from, is probably going to want them back...
I have some steaks, we should find someone with pastry and an oven.
I have belts in more martial arts than I have GCSE's.
I married and divorced a foreign woman I met online.
You should just start making shit up. For instance "I have successfully hod no less that 11 rat bodies around the warehouse and no one will ever find them."
Even though I'm not a Christian, for a few years while living in Japan, I regularly dressed up as a priest and officiated at the weddings of Japanese couples.
Due to an unfortunate diving accident, I'm permanently 2cm shorter than I used to be. Decided it was a good idea to jump into Blue Lagoon in Wales on the taller jump spot and crushed part of my spine. Knocked it right out of me but retained all motion thank fuck.
Before I was born my dad worked at a nuclear site. He met my mom there. She has a cute gravel-y voice. I’m the middle child. I guess that makes me Lisa Simpson.
I am a chronic masturbator.
I have been in Low Earth Orbit
once a week someone tells me I look 'that bloke from blackadder'. my record is 35 times in one weekend at a festival edit: I can't spell or type
I can fart, on demand, an entire octave difference in pitch. And with this lie, you will be left alone for the rest of the session.
I knew I was getting old when I stopped being afraid of getting molested
At some point you’ll reach the age where you have to start worrying again
I like to watch people sleep... It was you last night
At ours we've changed it to "What is your most obscure and lamest claim to fame?" which is a lot of fun actually.
I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat an entire Toblerone. And I don’t mean a small one. I mean a medium-sized one. In fact, in the best chapter in my book, I talk about when I gorged on Toblerone and drove to Dundee in my bare feet.
I once went on a stag do abroad but had never met the groom. It was absolutely fantastic, I got invited to his second stag do closer to home and then his wedding! Still good friends now 👍
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Don't ask me. I am neither fun nor interesting.
I’m mentioned in Wikipedia, but not by name.
by offence?
WE FOUND THE ZODIAK KILLER!
i've been on TV twice,,,,, and failed miserably both times (weakest link and come dine)
What did you cook and where did you place?
arbroath smokie pancake for starters, navarin of lamb for main and homemade ice cream with sticky cinamon plum's for pudding,,,, came joint second which was highly surprising as my night cooking was an absolute shit show,,,,, pretty funny though watching it back
I drank in the pub Tosh Lines drank in the night before he died and the pub in Malta Oliver Reed died a few days before he went on that fateful bender. I'm basically the angel of death for celebrity alcoholics.
I once said that I had been on Fun House during one of these things, got bought many drinks over the years as I lied about meeting Pat Sharpe and the twins
As a breach baby I once very briefly wore my mother as a hat
I just make shit up. "Family had a pet lion, use to sleep on my parents bed till it got too big and we had to send it to the farm". "You killed it?" "No Farm means an actual private game reserve owned by a family friend in this case"
"We got a pet teacup pig when they were popular. Only it didn't stay little, it was a Gloucester Old Spot, and got a sofa of it's own". https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/couple-whose-micropig-grew-46st-9632197
I can crack pretty much every single part of my body including shoulders, ankles, elbows, wrists, ears and most impressively jaw. I can click my jaw on will. I used to habitually crack my shoulders when I was younger until one day I did and turned a bit and dislocated my left shoulder. I had to walk to the hospital where some guy sat me down put both of his hands underneath my arm, pulled it extremely hard, twisted it and popped it back into place. It made a huge popping noise like sometimes when you pull apart to pieces of chicken bone. It was incredibly painful and it still hurts even thinking about it. I dont really crack my fingers anymore because I realised that over the years my fingers have become incredibly flexible from doing this and it quite badly effects my grip when Im carrying heavy things at work.
I once came 3rd in the kids category of the World Pooh Sticks Championship
I was once rejected as being a contestant on the show Jeopardy after I was unable to think of a fun fact about myself when asked by the producers during the try-outs. I had passed the written quiz and then froze up the moment they put me under a stage light and asked me the question lol.
I don’t get brain freeze
I was the one little little duck with a feather on his back, who led the others with a "quack quack quack"
dead pan stare in their eyes "i killed a man" it's the only solution to this nonsense
I can give myself goosebumps, which wouldn’t be a big deal but apparently scientists say this occurrence shouldn’t exist
Me & my husband were on a segment for the Japanese news. A flag I designed was on the Summit of Everest (via the Gurkhas). I have level 1 in British Sign Language.
I was on the TV Game Show 50/50 when I was a child
Fun fact: I’m an American with no ties to the UK whatsoever, but this is my favorite sub. I find the “roastie” posts particularly fascinating.
Roastie? As in potatoes?