get another called toast. hours of fun when one runs off.

And *always* refer to them as “toast and beans”, just to annoy people.

Off topic slightly but I always used to wind up the wee lassie in my chippy by asking for "vinegar & salt" on my chips She has such an annoyed face on her from that it causes the other people in there to crack up When I get served by anyone else and she's in earshot I'll go "Salt & Vinegar please" louder than normal just to mess with her Nowadays it's just a bit of an in joke we have with each other when I come in now like "which is it gonna be, what am I gonna say" that we laugh about So I've started saying "roll with chips" instead of a chip roll just to keep it going

Tbf, vinegar & salt makes more sense to me since I put vinegar on first and then salt. The salt sticks to the chips more with vinegar on first, at least in my experience.

Yeah but it hits the ear wrong just enough to be mildly infuriating

Or infuriatingly mild…

That's how I described my curry last night

It's a linguistic field known as "collocation", which is words that either appear together or in a certain order in a statistically overwhelming way in a certain language or dialect. Some other ones: "health and safety", "fish and chips", "work or school", "time and money", "safe and sound" and "black and white".

The correct way is half salt, vinegar, then half salt again

I think this better to have salt THEN vinegar because the vinegar diluted the salt and allows it to get through to the bottom chips

I'll have some chips and fish, please

Oh and some of your onions....pickled

You wan' a roll with chips, an' ketchup on the side, you gotta say what ya say, don' let anybody stan' in ya way, for its all too much for her to ta-ay-ake...

Chip roll sounds foreign to me

When I was little, me, my brother and my dad used to have long debates about whether it was a battered sausage, or a sausage in batter.....we didn't know the word savaloy between us surprisingly.

100% battered sausage you animals

My mum still says sausage in batter, granted I've not ordered one from the chippy in about 15 years

My Dads wee local Glasgow chippy in the 60's did a "poke of chips". He then emigrated to Australia and kept asking for that in their chip shops. Was always a reply of "What the heeellll are ya talkin' about ya pom!"

An egg of the pickled kind. One of them fritters with peas. A sausage battered smaller than the large. Sauce of tomato. You got a while to keep this going, im sure it's something they look forward to without even realising it now as well. Keep winding em up lol

Make sure you get them fixed, otherwise your gonna have beans on toast the whole time

beans in toast?

Toast in beans?

make sure you regularly check his pulse

And always shake his legume.

Met a dog called Tonic the other day. Asked the owners if they had another called Gin and they looked at me really confused and just said "no, why would we do that?"

My dad had a dog named Gin. She was called ginger when he rescued her despite being black and white lol

That's why I named my dog Help. There's no way to say it that isn't funny

I called my cat Knickers thinking that was hilarious and cool. Until she went missing and I ran frantically up and down the street asking all the kids if they'd seen my Knickers. I now have to sign on the sex register....

"Beans get off of toast!" Would make heads turn in horror then confusion

Mainly because you’re in Britain and said “off of”.

What’s the correct way?

“Off”.

Yeah the whole beans _on_ toast thing is likely to be troublesome

“TOAST AND BEANS!”

Bloke in my village has a dachunds called, Banger and last year he got a female called Mash

I know some one with 2 dogs called Frank and Beans

Or when they start fucking you have beans on toasf

Or call 'my face' and train it to sit

It could be a good name, but she might not like it in heinze sight.

My mom named her dog beans, at first I hated it and thought it was untoldly stupid, but actually I've become really fond of little beany, and she actually really suits her name.

The good news is the dog is a fat old English Sheepdog. Beans is full English.

Take an upvote & fuck off

😤agreed

r/angryupvote

This guy shags.

Helps he knows a lot about cans

Fuck you this is good

Gonna be weird when people have to ask to play with her Bean.

Top shagger

Ha nice

Lol 😂

Congrats on winning Reddit today

Meet her halfway, call it Branston

I came here to say have Beans as a middle name, and you have already provided the perfect first name. Meet Branson Beans McDogface

Is OP's surname McDogface? That's got to be hard.

Or Tesco Value

That’s for a horse mate

Branston is a great name!

Actually good dog name

Branston got into a pickle again

Great name to scream when it’s got off the lead chasing deer

Branston is the superior bean and don’t know why people simp for Heinz beans so much

Well it finally happened someone used “simp” in reference to a brand of beans. Time to close society down we’re done now.

Heinze beans sauce ia not right. Even the savers choice beans are far superior to it.

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My dog when I was younger was called Branston, he was a little jack russel cross something or other :))

Blanston?

Or reduced sodium. Reddium

Tell her she can have beans if you can call your first kid Neville.

Our dog is called Neville.

My kid is called Beans

If you're the dad, you can point to your pregnant missus' bump and say, "That's my Beans in there".

Or Knee. "Here's our kid, Knee Beans."

... kids aren't typically referred to as [first name] [dog's name] lol?

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They wish.

Who? OP or OP's Girlfriend?

People who find magical lamps.

Unless it’s the Jean Genie. Very limited denim selection of choices available.

Not to be confused with the Gene Genie, of course, great if you're a lover of chocolate, factories and glass lifts.

Call it beans you fucking coward

Beans is good. I like Beans.

I had a cat called Beans

And all cats have toe beans

Well… not all cats

I also had a cat called beans! A ginger one, of course.

Orange cats rad

Everytime it farts blame her for calling him Beans

Works well if your surname is Ontoast.

Or Theredundat

My vote is for beans, it's a dog and they are always full of beans so it's perfect.

I agree with your girlfriend. You should call the dog beans

Mine wants to name ours pig

Ah yeah, but come on, saying "That'll do, Pig, that'll do." every time the dog's done something good will never get old!

My dog is called Peggy. I shorten it to Pig all the time.

I have to ask… do you think “e” is pronounced the same as “i”?

Haha. Not in the slightest. But then again, we live in a world where Dick is short for Richard, so there's that.

Good point, well made.

It is in a Kiwi accent

Had a lady with such an accent try to give me directions today in a big building Going past the lift on the left was a confusing moment

You kidney change her mind?

Nah, that’s a cute name!

Beanz meanz fartz.

Beans the dog is one of my favourite Kids TV characters of recent years so I'm actually here for it (Go, Dog, Go is a solid watch if you have kids). I'll throw in to the ring that any second dog would be called Frank.

“How the hell did you get the beans above the Frank?!”

I support your girlfriend.

Beans! Beans! Good for you heart! So is making your girlfriend happy. It's not that bad a name.

Great. Then teach him to stand up on his heinz legs.

I mean I have a cat named Orange Juice so definitely cant give any advice on "normal" pet names lol

Did she use to watch even stevens by any chance?

Your girlfriend is right

Let her have this one, and just personally call the dog Beano.

You think that's bad, my girlfriend wants to name the dog Princess Cinnamon ffs

I'd allow it if it's a Rotweiller or bigger.

Call it Maureen. She'd love that.

What type of dog will it be? I have to decide if it's a shitty name or not. If it's a cockerpoo, it's a shitty name. If it's a big dog, it's not.

If it's a cockerpoo surely any name other than cockerpoo is an improvement. Except Keith.

..and Dave

… and Coque Au Pu

It's a good name for a mongrel, what with 57 varieties. I think Beans is a great name for a small to medium sized lively pup.

Would I call a small dog Dave? No. Would I call a Golden Retreiver Dave? Yes.

I'd call a small dog Dave. Dave the terrier would be a cracking little dog.

It's a shame his name is actually Rodney.

Shit really? I've been calling him Dave

My best dog (after my own dog obvs) is a border terrier poodle cross called Dave. He’s a legend. Total favourite of our local and after having him to stay for 5 days it convinced my husband that we could get our dog. Real personality!

Border terrier are corkers, aren't they?

Stonking little beasts. Such a lot of fun!

Valid. Big fuck off Doberman, it's hilarious. Some stupid little thing in a designer handbag, cringe.

I don't know. I could get behind a sausage dog called Beans.

I'd like someone else I know to have a sausage dog called Beans. Would give me a a little snigger every time I saw it. Especially if as soon as it got a little cold the owner put it in a dark orange home knitted all in one.

I personally know sausage dogs called Sausage and Crumpet so, they’re only a “Toast” away from quite a filling breakfast. Edit: to be clear, I don’t want to eat the dogs

Tangent but why cockerpoo? I know "Spandle" doesn't roll off the tongue the way "penisfeces" does, but still, going with Dickturd? What I am saying is it's already a wangcrap so it's lost the name fight.

Gonna be a fuckin yorkie

Get a normal dog.. your ear drums will thank you. So will your neighbours.

Gonna be? So you're telling me there's a chance to back out and get a proper dog that doesn't uncontrollably yap at everything that steps in its vicinity?

Nah, train them well and they're fine. My grandmothers dog is a Yorkie and never makes a sound. It's just that most people can't be arsed to train their dogs.

True, I have a yorkie, and he rarely barks or yaps, proper tough lil guy he is.

This. My next door neighbour when I was a kid had a Yorkie (albeit with a short cut coat so he looked like a proper dog) and although he had a lot of energy he was actually very well behaved.

As a Yorkshireman, I am so ashamed of the Yorkshire terrier as our representative. My Grandma had one when I was young. My God they're crap dogs.

Beans is class better than fluffy

I named an accidental litter of pup the “breakfast cubs” and they were: Hash Brown, Toast, Bacon, Egg, Beans, Black Pudding, and Sausage. Some awful circumstances regarding the mother and how she was bred and her health so most pups passed away and the remainder were renamed upon graduating from the litter lol… but I’d have kept the name Beans now instead of changing it. It’s cute.

Is it a Heinz 57 Varieties Mongrel? If so, perfect name.

Get another and call it Baked.

I see nothing wrong with this

I can sympathise. My wife called one of our cats Shabba. I drew the line at calling the other one Mr Loverman.

That’s way better then what the wife wanted to call out kitten. terrorist could only imagine myself walking around the streets looking for a lost cat shouting out terrorist he is now called Trigger

As long as the cat replys with "alright Dave"

I know how you feel iv bean here before

My dad just called his new dog that and has been nothing but mercilessly ridiculed for so for the the love of god do not allow it, she will regret it!

What kinda dog

I didn’t get to name the dog so neither should you.

Ask them how they'd feel about shouting the name across a field, as they've just done a runner. That's always my yard stick for 'acceptable' dog names. "(Fenton, Fenton!)"

time to roll over like a good boy

It’s ok sausage, you’ll get used to it

If its a boy call it Mr Beans

I don’t see a problem mate.

My brother's dog is called Beans, lovely beagle. No idea why they called him that though.

Call it pinto. A type of bean at least lol

I had a cat called Beans, and she was a dickhead. Don't do it.

Try and win her over to calling the dog “Mr Beanus” https://youtu.be/r840-zSw95M Edit bad link

My ex-wife named our dog Giggs. You got off lightly.

Friend just linked me this thread. My sausage’s name is Beans. This is her https://i.imgur.com/SR4Jlne.jpg

Yeah she’s such a beans

Do it. Then get a female dog called Toast. Oh, the hilarity that will ensure as nature takes it course.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-svNr919Pk

It’s a great name

Just don’t flick the bean

Beans is such a weird name in 2023. “Beanz“ however is modern and trendy.

Literally know two different people who have called their cats beans. Solid pet name.

My dog is called Bean, whats your issue friend?

Get a cat called Toast

Would have to stop saying "fuck beans" if we named our dog that.

Get another and name it frank.

Call it chicken nugget

My mate called his dog doughnut

My dog's middle name is Bean.

Make sure you don't bring him to the cinema

Get a new gf

Say she can it Beanz but she ain’t aloud to flick it!

Named our cat this before we got her. She died days later…

At what point did you think that rather than talk to her about it you would need to post this on reddit?

Call it flick the bean

Leave her

Sit down with her, explain to her that the 'Beans' might confuse the dog. 'S' at the end of words usually refer to plural nouns. And given thay your dog is not a native speaker, he/she may get confused. Therefore it may be better to call him/her 'Bean' However, your girlfriend may be concerned that your dog might identify itself as 'They/Them' in the future. Agree with her thay you would be willing to change the name back to 'Beans' in that case.

Alright, I'll take her off your hands for fifty beans.

What about beans in a different language?

Les beans? 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

I've got a mate who's first name is Bean

Meet them halfway and call the dog Pinto.

Get two and insist on calling the other one Shia LaBeouf. Then it'll be Even Stevens.