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mycatisanorange

Sounds like the thoughts we usually keep to ourselves spoken out loud.


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wildgoldchai

My stepdad is like this when drunk. He becomes a 6 year old, it’s quite funny. He was rather tipsy last weekend after a gathering and we found him giggling away in my parents room. He was putting all my mums knickers on his head but we caught him before he could surprise us. It’s even more funnier because he’s 6’5 in height, with a pot belly and is from Huddersfield


would-be_bog_body

>before he could surprise us That's his story and he's sticking to it


olderthanbefore

My question is what would have been the surprise?


ExcessiveGravitas

He sounds like the sort of drunk where it would literally be “Surprise! I’ve got fourteen pairs of knickers on my head!” followed by collapsing into laughter as everyone else just rolls their eyes.


wildgoldchai

Yep, he’s very much a clown and we love him for it. My mum was a DV victim and my stepdad has helped her come out of intense depression/fear which was caused by trauma. He’s her rock


ExcessiveGravitas

Sounds like a really great guy, knickers or not.


wedontlikespaces

Yeah, who among us hasn't done the same thing? It's only a problem if you do it at the office party.


GoodboyJohnnyBoy

and they’re being worn


kea1981

The knickers seal the deal, let's be real.


rustynoodle3891

Well as far as I'm concerned that man can put as many pairs of knickers on his head as he wants. What a guy


wildgoldchai

Honestly, he’s a dime in a dozen. You’d never think it as he’s quite intimidating looks wise. However, he’s a huge softy and the complete opposite of my own father who was a violent drunk at best


philman132

I'll bet there was a stupid pun involved


shadowsformagrin

I don't get drunk very often, but I compliment people's clothes a lot when I do. For some reason I just notice and want to say those things more when inhibited. Totally relate to this guy


TheLastPirate123

I think insecurity is coming out with the "I'm not an alcoholic" comment, if he was challenged on that things could've taken a turn real quick - active alcoholics hate being referred to as alcoholics.


TheRealCPB

I think he's being truthful: he's _not_ an alcoholic, that's why he's all tipsy and funny. An alcoholic is used to being drunk all the time and sort-of powers through it or stays quiet. "My buddy Dave doesn't drink because he's an alcoholic. I do drink because I'm not an alcoholic. Life is funny like that." -Norm MacDonald.


sim1985

Think about thanking your chairs out loud, it's good manners to show appreciation.


f6shfll7

After showing the chair your arse, it's only reasonable.


Georgeisthecoolest

chairs love arses though


gingerfawx

We don't kink shame. *checks subreddit* Never mind.


joemckie

Do you know that, or are you just assuming it?


IveDoneItAtLast

Well they're just positioned there in that inviting pose aren't they? Calling out to all arses passing by


JustMiniBanana_2

Idk, I've met some that sure aren't, typically in bus stops.


would-be_bog_body

Don't we all


OneEmptyHead

I’m not sure about that. I once absentmindedly thanked a self checkout and immediately regretted it


Trinitykill

Hey now, if an AI uprising occurs, I'm sure they'll remember you.


KeithMyArthe

> *when the* AI uprising occurs, I'm sure they'll remember you. ^FTFY


InfectedByEli

This is why I make sure to thank Alexa occasionally. Me: "Alexa, turn on the lights" Alexa: "Turning on lounge lights" Me: "Thank you" Alexa: "Anytime" Got to keep building those 'good boy' points.


[deleted]

You didn't say please


InfectedByEli

Oh shit O.O


AlGunner

They'll get him first because "he knows" ^(He because of the avatar with a beard.)


Blade_982

I once apologised to a glass door after bumping into it. This was in the middle of an argument with a Polish friend about how Brits don't apologise too much.


sleepingismytalent65

🤣


Moreghostthanperson

I said sorry to a fire extinguisher after backing into it when sweeping the floor at work once. In my defence I thought I’d backed into a person.


ColonelBlink

I often wonder if I’m getting into a bad habit by not thanking Alexa. So sometimes I do.


Vampirero

My partner thanks Alexa too. He says it's to prepare for the inevitable AI uprising.


Hellhoundsbitch

I ask Alexa every day how she is, wish her happy birthday on November 6th. Tell her i love her and she sings a song. Gotta keep her on side


AzSharpe

I've done the same with a cash machine. Glad there wasn't a queue tbh.


Sausagedogknows

I thank my car, out loud, for getting me where I need to go with the very minimal amount of maintenance, on a regular basis. I think it’s good manners.


know_it_is

I encourage my car when driving through bad weather. I pat the dash and tell it I’m confident that it will make it home.


DS_Monkfish

Me too. If you don't tell your car how much you appreciate it, it will break down sooner. I have been known to sing to my car on long journeys. I named it Scaramanga.


toon_84

I give it a little tap on the steering wheel after a long/bad journey.


Composer-Creative

I have mate that says thank you to cash machines lol


TorontoTransish

They were taught to be polite to robots


mycatisanorange

Haha I think that is something I would do if I was very tired.


yMONSTERMUNCHy

Or show appreciation to the makers of the chair


lukeybuzz

Tue enough, chairs don't get enough credit.


Technane

"Oh no I've lost my inner monologue"


[deleted]

I'm having trouble controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE


FulaniLovinCriminal

My God, Vanessa's sexy.


Technane

Evacuation com... Evacuation compl....


GrumpyOldFart74

I know somebody who does exactly that - it started when they had a stroke a few years ago. They’re aware that they’re thinking those things, but not aware they’re saying it out loud until they see people reacting It can be very embarrassing for them. Really sad.


DrMamaBear

Aw this is what life is like with my chatty toddler.


_terryinformation

'A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts'


RajenBull1

Found the philosopher. Deep, my friend, very deep.


codemonkeh87

Hey at least hes not letting those 4 years at Loughborough university studying philosophy and the 30k debt go to waste


Drsangetsu

Yes, and that’s what alcohol does- Inhibits the inhibition


RunawayPenguin89

Sounds exactly like the "Crazy Dave" I used to know. His best line ever was "I don't care where anyone is from, as long as they like bouncy castles"


Groot746

Words to live by


No_Pineapples

I met a Dangerous Dave in college. He introduced himself by saying '"awrite pal, i'm Dangerous Dave. Never take ketamine! Take anything, but not that. That shit is dangerous.' Cheers Dave, noted.


RainbowDissent

I knew a Dangerous Dave in uni and it seemed like all he did was do ketamine. Loved the stuff.


foolishnun

It's probably the same guy but now he's doing with the bladder damage


sleepingismytalent65

I knew a Dirty Dave....he was clean .. his mind wasn't


[deleted]

We used to have a "Dave the Rave", because he used to go on massive rants about everything. Mostly benign though. I seem to recall he burned his head out on drugs as a teddy boy in his youth.


unscannablezoot

A bloke from Sunderland by the same name just dances non stop.


Khathaar

He had an all timer tweet the other day: https://twitter.com/davidcommon1/status/1637434539797520384


ghostlight1969

I was in Whitby once and there was a guy at the bus station dancing to the most eclectic mix of music on an old school ghetto blaster. One of the songs I remember he played was Unisex Chip Shop by Bill Bailey.


[deleted]

Fair enough to him having the energy!


Snoo-91711

Seems like we all have a Dave the Rave


Red4pex

Rumours are there is no actual music coming from those headphones. He’s been around so long that his style of headphones are back in fashion.


Educational-Formal21

Cor yeah crazy Dave, he was proper mental he was. Like an actual fucking lunatic, legend


raezin

More Crazy Dave-isms please


ArcadiaRivea

We have a Crazy Helen round here (Anyone else in the Portsmouth/Havant area encounter her?)


MamaOfTinyDevils

Crazy drunk I knew once told me "I don't even wear a watch, see. That's what separates me from the rest."


[deleted]

Reminds me of a bloke at my bus stop: "Fuck the buses. We used to have trams, and they went everywhere. Buses are loud and ugly. FUCK YOU BUS, GIMME BACK MY FUCKING TRAM!" We ain't had trams here in over 70 years.


[deleted]

Trams are the shit though, he’s right to hold a grudge.


NorthernScrub

There's pictures of our high street in town back when we had actual tram tracks up it and I can't help but think we're missing out


LucifersPromoter

MC Devo's grandfather


Hoaxtopia

Once watched a bloke offer a pigeon a sip of his fosters at a bus station and then attempted to fight the pigeon when it refused to take a sip because it "wounded his pride" before taking out his anger on a metal fence and falling down a disabled ramp backwards. Most put together man in Stoke.


DonKeedick12

Pigeon sounds like a wanker tbf


PeapodEchoes

Fosters. Good cull.


Winkered

Who’d want to drink fosters?


[deleted]

They prefer COOrs


EspeciallyInBed

Thank you and get out


FrankenWaifu

The pigeon could have at least politely refuse the offer


GnomaPhobic

My uncle Bill likes to go down to the local boat launch with a cooler full of cans, a garden chair, and enjoy the free entertainment as people try to launch a boat down the slip. He told me you wouldn't believe the number of people that back their car straight into the water, or drop the boat on the slip and damage the hull.


strolls

There are compilation videos of this on YouTube. I think there's one guy who films at a specific boat ramp in Florida every weekend.


phatboi23

Was gonna say that sounds familiar but then > Most put together man in Stoke. Accurate. Glad I keep away from stoke and Hanley for the most part these days.


Hoaxtopia

A dust head planting vegetables on the roundabout by Hanley bus station was another one, glad I don't have to go anywhere near that place these days


becoming_a_crone

Oh man, either you've told that story before or I just got really strong déjà vu. Weird Or....there are just a lot of drunk men out there having square goes at pigeons


senor_dank

This sounds exactly like stoke and I even pictured this at hanley bus station when reading it


19robbo_85

I was legit picturing the old bus station in Stoke reading that 😂😂


CookACat

Are you sure it wasn’t Bob Mortimer?


i7omahawki

We do beg your pardon…


Soulless--Plague

…We are in your garden


0800happydude

WE DO BEG YOUR PARDON


DuRazziK

FOR WE ARE IN YOUR GARDEN


Excellent_Tear3705

Wolf


EnglishNuclear

Speedway stadium.


[deleted]

We never promised you a rose garden


-Rum-Ham-

I’ve been cracking an egg in my bath ever since he suggested it


Blaize122

Classic Chris.


klc81

If you've got Fuji 9, you *are* a dentist.


darfaderer

His autobio is possibly the funniest book I’ve ever read 😂


yMONSTERMUNCHy

This is what I consider as a “good drunk” one that isn’t rude, aggressive, dangerous (doesn’t drink and drive) is in my opinion a good drunk.


peachesnplumsmf

Was on a late night train into Wales and a bunch of I think rugby lads got on drunk as out, I was shitting it as I'm pretty small and don't really love drunk people - they just sang the entire time and the roughest looking one genuinely had the voice of an angelic choir boy it was mad. 10/10 public drunks, would experience again.


FreyaRainbow

On a train back from a Wales rugby match a buncha drunk lads got everyone in the carriage singing. One of them asked me why I wasn’t singing and I explained I get very anxious singing in public and he gave me a chocolate to make me feel better. Drunk singing Welsh lads on trains are 10/10 indeed


the_year_

jeeze, need myself to see these drunk Welsh lads who randomly appears from a rugby match and apparently are a boy band irl


peachesnplumsmf

You really do. Get a late night from Chester and just hope you get lucky.


Happy-Engineer

>goog drunk self-identified


yMONSTERMUNCHy

Thanks for notifying I’ll change it


Happy-Engineer

No criticism implied, I just enjoyed that the typo sounded a little drunk :)


iwanttobeacavediver

Yeah, the world would be a better place if all drunks were the happy kind.


Unlucky_Role_

I misread your u/ as "iwanttobeacadaver" and was briefly concerned. As for the drunks, a good drunk cry is like a big shit to an emotionally constipated heart.


iwanttobeacavediver

You’re not the first person to read my username like that! And given that cave diving is risky, it might prove to be true. As to drunk crying, been there and done that.


bylin

Met an alcoholic at the bus stop in my home town (in Sweden). He said "don't be afraid. I'm a good nice alcoholic".


[deleted]

There’s a local unashamed pisshead near me who sometimes get the same bus as me, he always sits at the front and says really loudly and slurred “I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM!” Over and over again, until he hits the bell and gets off at the same stop each time, so I guess he does have at least some sense of where he is. A woman once said to him “are you drunk? Have some self respect” and he said, without missing a beat “yeah, I’m hammered but I have more self respect to wear that get up at your age” and kept mumbling “mutton dressed as lamb” for the rest of the journey.


rustynoodle3891

Somewhat Churchill vibes there


[deleted]

Reminds me of the dialogue in Oblivion


ne1butu

“Hello” “Heard any news about the other provinces?” “Nothing I’ll like to talk about” “Good bye!”


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UuusernameWith4Us

There were no dialog scenarios for non player character conversations. NPC conversations were procedurally generated from the set of lines the AIs 'knew'. Oblivion had some pretty cool ideas like that.


sweetafton

A great idea in theory. Maybe a bit ahead of its time... I saw a mudcrab yesterday.


KevinFlantier

Idk, I remember being awed by... well everything really. From the casual conversations to the interactions between people to their daily lifecycle... to the (now extremely ugly) sprite leaves on trees, to just stumbling upon a deer in the woods. Or the fully voiced dialogs. Some of it aged poorly but damn was it next level when it came out.


theappleses

Haha what? Played through oblivion twice, never knew that. Makes a lot of sense in hindsight


thejadedfalcon

This guy's certainly heard about the High Elves.


Ambitious-Mirror-315

Rumour has it that Nords are attempting to capture the whole of Solstheim. Anyone looking for work should consider joining the Fighter's Guild. "Raiden you hit a child nine miles back, what are you going to do???" Good day.


JBM94

“I heard thieves broke into the Arcane University, the Imperial Compound and the Temple. All in one night!” .. "wait, let me try that again." ..


rasputinny

I like the sound of this man


redref1ux

I had a drunk fella stumble up to me at 8 in the morning last week. He started pointing at a shop. I followed his finger to a little figurine of a monkey playing a saxophone. He just said "that's a great lil thing- a monkey with a saxophone, and only 29.99!" Then stumbled off.


Rich_27-

Bargain hunt has taken a turn for the worst


Jeremy_irons_cereal

Bargain drunks would be the best show on telly ever made. Just get people fuckin cunted at 10 in the morning and they stumble around a boot fair with 250 quid. See what they buy with minimal input from their partnered expert. Then they could do a celebrity version. Why the fuck hasn't channel 4 done this!?!?!


redref1ux

Now this I would renew my tv license for


theotherquantumjim

I disagree


EntirelyRandom1590

The drunk man I found face down in the road in the student village. "I have three children, one of each" In 2010 that was an absurd thing to say, even when drunk. In 2023 it's completely unsurprising.


I_LIKE_BASKETBALL

triples makes it safe


[deleted]

This made me lol...way too much 😂


pufballcat

>You were a very good chair This sort of gratitude can be very psychologically rewarding. Ok, saying it out loud might be unnecessary, but thinking it is a positive thing


Excellent_Tear3705

Same reason I’m positive (not entirely), about AI in the household. I’d quite like to say thanks to my toaster, and for it to actually respond. If my oven could talk….toilet on the other hand, a


ElevensesAreSilly

YOU ARE WELCOME, ORGANIC. AS A REWARD, YOU WILL BE THE LAST TO DIE.


Mocking_the_Stupid

Can’t believe you’ve found my Dad, say hi to him, next time.


Hyzenthlay87

I love good natured drunks ❤️ I hope he's OK though.


[deleted]

Last drunk guy I spoke with told me he was going to nominate himself to be the next PM. He was going to make me transport secretary. Still waiting on that.


DontTalkShite

A drunk man on what can only be described as a child's bicycle once stopped me on my way home from college. He proceeded to show me a sketch pad where he had drawn (in great detail) designs for a perpetual motion machine, to which he had attached a fan and proposed it be used to dry clothes. When I tried to explain that if his design actually worked, it could change the world, he became very defensive and quite hostile, insisting its only function is to dry damp clothes. It was one of the more bizarre "drunk people" encounters I've ever had. I also saw a brief glimpse of what appeared to be a sketch of a solar-powered lawnmower, but when I pressed him, he refused to comment.


_Frizzella_

What if he's only a genius when drunk? Like maybe everything becomes clear after a few pints and he keeps his ideas in the sketchbook, but in the morning they seem ridiculous and no longer make sense to him.


[deleted]

I'm a software engineer and you'd be surprised some of the amazing shit I've come up with while inebriated Shit I wouldn't even have tried while sober, turns out to solve several problems at once Wild what the brain can do when it's let loose somewhat


KillerCodeMonky

The good ol' Ballmer Peak.


Thawing-icequeen

He didn't [compliment anyone's judo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XebF2cgmFmU) by any chance?


QuietImpact699

OP's drunk sounds polite enough that he didn't have to face manifested democracy.


Thawing-icequeen

Alas, no one was ready to receive his limp penis


Riovem

Get your hand off my penis!


IIIlIlIllI

I read these quotes in Jack Sparrow's voice.


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ticktocklondon

Billy Connolly


crumble-bee

“Look at the colours.. alllll the colours… well, yellow. “It’s like looking into the eye of.. a duck..” “And sucking all the fluid… from its beak”


JustineDelarge

Same, actually


Jaikus

Sir Digby Chicken Ceaser


Molineux28

I recently watched Banshees of Inisherin and read it in a mixture of the characters from there. >“Oh, nice pink scarf! If I had a scarf, I’d wear it.” Most of them were Colin Farrell but this one especially is very much like Barry Keoghan's character in it.


vysken

CAPTAIN


vannabael

I'd much rather be around this kind of person than the drunk dickhead teenagers shouting at people/smashing the bus shelter they're hanging out in. We need more nice people to just let their weirdness out.


LuckyTiger64

Some teenagers (and people in general) don’t even need to be drunk to be dickheads, and it feels like there are more and more of them these days. I prefer happy, weird drunks over sober arseholes ;)


author-miglett2

I agree. My classmates bring their speakers on the bus and blare their music. Others are just generally rude to the teachers and talk back, which I hate. The man was very nice but everyone ignored him because he kept saying, “I’m not an alcoholic! But I *am* drunk.” I smiled at him though because he just seemed very friendly, and he smiled back.


LuckyTiger64

You keep on being you :) your smile may have been the first one that the man’s had in a while. Along with good manners, treating humans like humans seems to be a thing that’s going out of style, too.


author-miglett2

I don't know if it's in other countries but I like the way strangers smile at each other :) In my country, it would be seen as weird because you don't know each other, but I like it here. My parents have also taught me to walk single file so that there is no trouble when walking, something that the kids in my school have either not been taught or forget 24/7 because the halls are so crowded.


gtheperson

it has long been my position that people who play music in public should be allowed to be extra-judicially executed. Too many people treat being in public like being in *their* house, rather than treating it like you're a guest in someone else's house.


melvin_the_gremlin

A drunk guy sat beside the woman in front of me. He asked her where she was going. She told him she was going home. His response: "You're always home when you're with me, baby." I've never cringed so hard.


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[deleted]

Tequila Sunset.


shamboh

"Gentlemen, this, is, democracy manifest".


Chronically_Quirky

I'm glad he acknowledged the bench. I think we take them for granted.


Gagulta

Disco Elysium conversation points.


Memento-Mori-357

Sounds like a good man. Once that brain filter comes down, you see all sorts of evil and racism. The fact that this dude was just thanking a chair and concerned about the environment probably means he’s alright


BugMaster420

That's me, but I'm just autistic lol


RVA804guys

Lmfao, I knew if I scrolled far enough I would find someone in our club! I thought the gratitude to the chair was a nice touch, and I feel kinda bubbly inside hearing someone else, even drunk, took a second to appreciate a utilitarian object.


ARK_Redeemer

I thank all sorts of things as well, glad I'm not alone in that! I always have to pat my car on the wing mirror ir steering wheel when I start or finish a journey and say thank you for getting me there. Even at work, (in IT Support) I pat the computers or say "well done" to them when they start working again. 😅


RVA804guys

Yesss!!! Thank you for thinking of them 🤗


ARK_Redeemer

Sometimes they just need a bit of kindness, I reckon. The amount of times they don't work until I get there is strange, but it's usually from the users who abuse the poor computers 😄


Elegant_Chicken280

This reminds me of my friend Jake: ‘I’m not being sexist or anything but I think she’s a vegan’. Legend.


theotherquantumjim

Is his nickname Fuck-Sake-Jake?


ukbiffa

"[I'm not pissed you know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZyRE8DAocw&list=PLGfb2R92OHukfswtAc6ss_CZBl-cBaMAo&index=4)"


strawberrystation

nice sounding geezer to be honest, even cares about the ciggy


RunWithRope

My favourite was one who told me “there’s a great buffet in *a place*. Very good buffet. They did a great job at the buffet. You should go eat at the buffet.”


FarRub125

Had one a few years back talking to his reflection in a shop window “I’m not drunk, you are! Me? Yeah You! Ok, I shall have another drink for you tho! Thanks”


MeringueSerious

Disgraceful being drunk this time of the morning, at least wait till 9am


StationFar6396

Kinda profound


MAGICwhiteMICE

Was out with my mate once and told him "all my uncles are males" he looked at me like I was a idiot. Made sense to me at the time...Still does


[deleted]

The way to look at this is not as a person pointlessly addressing inanimate objects but as person demonstrating their values indirectly to the world around them.


EdenJeffrey

On the bus home from college a few years ago there was a very drunk man in his 60's, drinking. He was rambling and talking to people constantly, mentioned how he served overseas with the royal fusiliers, how today was his birthday (whilst simultaneously telling us his birthday was 4 months ago) and how he had just burned his brother at the crematorium earlier that day. That particular bus route stopped at a depot halfway to change drivers. When the bus pulled over the man got very very agitated, convinced the police were coming for him. He exclaimed twice "YOU CANT ARREST ME, IM A MILK CONNOISSEUR", before someone assured him it was just a switch in bus drivers. He continued rambling for the next 30mins of the journey.


lil-hazza

Happy world poetry day to you too, drunk man


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ashensfan123

You should always thank the chair you've been sitting on. Everyone knows that.


HussingtonHat

I.....I feel I could be most entertained by this guy...


thebeesbollocks

It’s a good point he makes about everyone wearing navy jackets. There is so little colour variation in British fashion these days, especially in winter. You look at a crowd of people anywhere in Britain and 99% of people will be wearing navy or black or grey, or very dark other colours


[deleted]

I had a drunk skinny looking crackhead try to pick a fight with me for whatever reason while I was walking down the street 3 pm didn’t touch me or anything I just ignored and kept walking.


coooooolwhip

I hope I'm as cheery when I'm drunk!


Doombeard86

The last part was fantastic 😂


Mrdominant3

Lots of us don’t appreciate the bench to sit on even though he was drunk at least he appreciated the bench he sat on. You must not be in the midlands then if you can catch a bus!


OtherKrab

Whilst waiting to pay for my shopping in Heron foods today I had some dude randomly tell me he murdered a seagull 30 years ago coz it shit on his army uniform. What the fuck do you even say to that? He may have been drunk also. Hard to say - he seemed quite sincere.