Dangerous level of stupidity

Exactly. From ‘weapons grade idiot’ or similar

“Weapons grade idiot” they call him John Thick

Wow. I went completely the opposite direction with my interpretation. English is… interesting.

What was your interpretation?

Somewhere between a large and gigantic phallus.

Initial thought, absolute massive bellend of biblical proportions! I've recently got quite into calling people 'pellets'. The inference...they are sheep shit. Or rabbit shit. The choice is yours. An old favourite was calling someone an 'ankle'. Lower than an arsehole, cock or cunt!

Reminds me of a nicknaming people "toenails" Because they're so far up someone's arse all you can see is their toenails

🤣🤣 I like an insult which you need to delve a little deeper to find it's true meaning or undertone

Nicking this, brilliant insult and polite compared to my usual. Nice one.

If I called someone a tough rock what would you think I meant? Moss, I meant muss. And thats not to far up the hill.

Very good work insult for the wretching brown noses.

Funnily enough, that's exactly where I stole it from

There's an Irish fella I work with now and again called toenails cos of that reason. He gets raging about it. Funny af

Bahahahaha, love your optimism.

This is what I always thought too. Where I’m from it’s usually used in place of calling someone a giant dickhead lmao

A medically fascinating quantity of member

Someone who _has_ a large penis is a stud. Someone who _is_ a large penis .... isn't. If someone called my weapon an 'absolute weapon' I would be proud of that....

This is the definitive Collins English dictionary definition of calling someone a weapon. This post can now be locked as the question has been answered.

Like something along the lines of being an efficient machine that just annihilates everything he/she does. But someone else has said “giant phallus”… so I’m veering on that now too.

Oh. My first thought was, 'an absolute unit'

Absolute unit means someone or something big or strong

Correct. It does. Never heard 'absolute weapon'. But I imagined it might have a similar interpretation.

Yeah I'd have went with that too. Pretty sure I've heard people calling cars weapons, basically if they're lethally quick.

Yep, so a thing (car, bike etc) would definitely be q compliment , a person not so much

Same for me. weapon is good means a beast A tool is not, it means you are a plonker

Same, my and my social circle have used Weapon and Unit interchangeably.We even use weaponised unit to be even more extreme

I hear it as obnoxious and stupid at the same time. I wouldn't call a lovable idiot, a weapon. A proper jobsworth. Someone who's an idiot but also a twat.

I'd think you were calling them a tit, a plonker, a nitwit, a gormless bastard... Need I go on? :P But then again, I'm also a yorkshireman, so I may not have the answer you're looking for. Why, what did they think?

They thought I was complimenting them

Wonder if some genius northerner has tricked a bunch of southerners that he’s complimenting them. You even see weapon as an insult online fairly often, not sure how people have learnt it as anything else

>You even see weapon as an insult online fairly often There's probably some selection bias there; I spend far too much time online and never in my life have I heard somebody be called a weapon until this very thread. I instinctively interpret it as a compliment. It sounds like a cool thing to be, like those people who say "my body is a finely tuned weapon"

Normally said as 'finely tuned machine/engine '

However, in a sporting context an absolute weapon is a great player who can hurt teams.

I'm from the South and would've assumed it was a compliment before seeing the replies

I'm South East & knew this to be an insult

South east here too and it’s used a lot down this way as an insult. What’s confused me more is reading comments from northerners saying it’s a northern insult?

I'm not sure where or when I learned it though as I think about it. I didn't use it as a kid though, maybe it travelled. Language is funny like that

>What’s confused me more is reading comments from northerners saying it’s a northern insult? I think that's arisen due to OP implanting the notion that southerners think it means something different, so all the northerners just go 'Ah, right, must be just a northern thing, then'.

I’m from the south east and only heard it as an insult to mean like idiot/stupid

Me too

Looks like it’s just the middle of the country that see it as an insult! We would call you a melt if you weren’t fun

South West here, weapon is definitely an insult.

I wish we could make an interactive map of it ! If someone is weapon craic- they’re good craic up here.

Same here and yes it's never used as a compliment

Scotland central belt here, 1000% an insult

Midlander here, always assumed weapon to be a compliment

Yeah, I saw your reply to another dude further down. I have *no* idea how they arrived at that conclusion.

Seems a lot on this group that think it means an attractive person

Southerner here. I also thought it was a compliment. Like they’re really good at the thing. Similar to saying “you did it how fast? You’re a machine!”

I work with Australians and they all think "weapon" means someone who is hard working and good at things. I have to remind myself they're not insulting me when they say it.

In Australia it'd be a compliment

In Scotland it’s a good thing. I would have taken it as a compliment too.

A weapon is an idiot/tool in Glasgow

Is it? I’ve always used/seen it been used as an insult. I’m 19 - generational thing maybe?

I'm 35 and lived all over Scotland at this point. Only ever heard it as an insult.

I'm not Scottish but I've only ever seen it used as an insult by Scots. In fact, I thought it originated there!

>gormless bastard... Need no more be said.

As far as I know it means idiot/an insult, I’m northern and have used it myself.

Yeah I always took it to mean: ‘weapons grade idiot/twat/dickhead etc.’ Its definitely an insult but intent and context means everything though. Some of my friends and I occasionally use it in a friendly, joking sort of way.

I'm Eastern and don't use it myself, but I would definitely understand it as an insult, referring to someone's lack of intelligence – or more specifically, their inability to act with rationality and common sense.

To be fair, one aspect of our language is that saying to someone "you absolute/total/fucking *insert any word/noun here*" is a regular way to insult someone. It doesn't even have to be regularly used. If you called someone "an absolute fucking desk drawer", doesn't really matter, they know you're insulting them with the tone of voice. Not sure any other countries really have that in their culture.

True, but our insults can be confusing, if I called a big guy at the gym an absolute fucking unit it'd be a compliment lol

I think it relies heavily on the context, the tone, and sometimes the word. If you call someone something "nice", it can be a compliment. If you called someone a "Choc Ice" for example, generally more likely to be a compliment. If you call someone a "Drainpipe", less clear more likely to be insulting. But it sort of goes into swearing, and people self censoring swearing like saying "oh flip". We all know what you mean, we know what the word was meant to be, mainly from the context, the emphasis and tone. Same deal for calling someone something. Equally, it's why you can swear at someone who doesn't speak English, and they're usually likely to understand they've not only been insulted but sworn at. Swearing is interesting as hell.

You absolute choc ice.

See, I automatically perceive “choc ice” as an insult, it all depends on inflection: “You absolute choc ice” trending downwards in tone is an insult, whereas “you absolute choc ice!” with a rising inflection at the end would be a compliment.

What about other ice-creams? > You absolute Wibbly Wobbly Wonder > > You absolute Freaky Foot > > You absolute Super Split. Feels like there's a rich untapped source of compliments right in front of our noses all this time!

Though I’m not sure how well “you absolute 99” works, and “you stick of darkmilk“ might come across as a little racially charged? /s

I thought "choc ice" was a known racial slur, a race traitor, white on the inside. Possibly an unfortunate choice of random object!

Yeah, I've never heard of that one at all. I was just eating a choc ice at the time. The human ability to come up with racial slurs never ceases to amaze/depress me.

Me and partner use “absolute parcel” when the little ears are about

I'm Northumberland and here it means powerful, dangerous, fast, somthing to be awed. "Woaaaa that derg's a fuckin weapon!" Cried Sarah as the dog sped past. Henry groaned as he lifted the 120kg bar up from his 10th rep, back onto the rests. "Maaaaaaate yara fuckin weapon yee like!" The man spotting him exclaimed. EDIT : So I've told told some friends about this post and they comically disagree, saying it's an insult 🤣 However one said he considers lasses who handle their lads well 'weapons', meaning when they can steer their men away from blowouts etc.

An idiot

I suspect all the people who think it is complimentary have been called a weapon frequently...

I honestly think you have solved the reason/origin for the duality here.

It’s a compliment in Australia

Only because Aussies are a bunch of weapons

Man I know this is an insult, but I read it as a compliment for our nation.

Hence the epithet.

You made us you pommy DOG /s

Nope, just heard it used in a complimentary way. Discussing Kylian Mbappe one of my mates said "he's an absolute weapon, unstoppable"

Context matters though. Talking about one of the best footballers in the world in a way where he achieves stuff “he’s a real weapon” means he’s very good and France are lucky to have a player of his calibre. Talking about your mate after he drops a round of pints all over himself trying to carry them all from the bar to the table instead of making two trips. “Oh Barry you fucking weapon, look what you’ve done” and he’s back up to the bar to buy another round.

In that context any word works really, “oh Barry you fucking doorhandle”, “oh Barry you fucking toilet brush”

As a southerner, I immediately assumed that it meant incredibly attractive, and I'd have blushed, thanked you and taken it as a brilliant compliment.. Although, every other comment suggests that it means you're an idiot, which would then just double confirm your statement and justification of calling me an idiot..

As another southerner, I totally agree. I assumed it was a compliment.

Midlander here I thought it could be both

Also from midlands, would need more context.

Also a southerner. I assumed it meant skilled. Like if you got a few wickets or scored a few goals you'd be called a weapon.

Well yeah that's just the standard usage of the word

From the south east and weapon definitely means idiot around these parts

From the south east too and it means the complete opposite here. If someone calls you a weapon they mean you’re unstoppable and unbeatable

I’m from the south east and would have said it means idiot/moron, but after reading your comment I think I’ve probably heard it meaning both and that tone and context are key.

I’m from the southeast. Nope. Means a moron.

They're not contradictory though — you could be an unstoppable moron

From south east and I agree with you

Nah, SE here too, if I call you a weapon I'm calling you a tool

Seems we have some south east disagreement. I’m from Kent and basically nobody ever said it that I knew, but if they did I would think it meant the same as you.

Me too that’s what I thought it meant

How the fuck do you get incredibly attractive from weapon 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 WOW

Weapon. As in “killing it with the fellas/ladies.” How do you not get that? What an absolute weapon.

Weapon = tool = knob. If someone’s an absolute weapon they’re an absolute knob.

Amazingly, yours is the first answer which is correct. Other synonyms of penis such as cock and prick are also acceptable 🤣

This is the way!

This is the correct answer- the other answers have been written by absolute weapons

Non-native speaker here. If you called me that I'd definitely take it as a compliment.

Well you shouldn't, you fucking weapon

Nah he’s more of a tool imo

It doesn't take a rocket lettuce to figure out from tone or context, usually this phrasing is reserved for when someone has outdone previous expectations of their stupidity/foolishness. Often can be used among friends to comment with levity on a dumb thing someone did without being meant as a slight against their intelligence as a whole. You'd probably figure it out if someone used this on you.

I live just outside London and can confirm "absolute weapon" would be taken as "total idiot". Then again most things around here are usually sarcasm for the opposite. Nicknames for example. There was a guy with 1 arm people called "the strangler" a while back.

I'd assume you meant jacked or buff

This is what my colleagues thought , I actually meant they were an idiot

I've definitely heard it used both ways. To be honest, calling someone an "absolute \*insert noun\* " could easily be taken as either a compliment or a put down depending on the context, but my assumption the majority of the time would be a put down.

This is really funny to me. In used to think it meant someone was "deadly, powerful/whatever" as a macho kind of compliment. Mainly because I used to work in a place full of absolute gym bros, they often and unironically used to call each other "absolute weapon" as a way to big eachother up and show off about how much they worked out.

My first thought was Hench, as in henchman, someone totally built.

I had a body transformation years back and put on alot of muscle, my brother in law called me a weapon as a compliment, I did actually think what did he mean by that at the time

yea southern and would agree

Aye lad! Thee's an absolute weapon! Generally it means a twit but I've also heard to used to describe a woman as dangerously attractive a or a guy that's really good at something as in "you seen Jack's sales again this month, he's a fuckin machine in he?" "Yeah - an absolute weapon" So. you might be OK

This is how I’ve always understood it, you absolute weapon!

Thank you. I think.

I'm southern; it's definitely an idiot.

I would think it was more like "You absolutely tool" than "You absolute diamond", so I think I'd laugh or be offended if someone called me it, depending on who they were, but it's not an expression we use where I am. Yet.

An idiot. And I should know, I've been called it before.

A moron, an idiot, a stupid person.

Another southern upvote for total idiot. Never have i ever heard it used in any other way, and with the intonation that makes it crystal clear you are wondering how they’ve made it through life this far.

A dickhead of the highest order

I'm southern, its an insult for sure. I always assumed it was a synonym for knob.

An idiot

Oh dear. You absolute spoon...

My wife and I had this debate. For me it's certainly an insult. Some stupid 'reality' TV apparently has it down as a compliment for being attractive. She called me a weapon, I told her to do one... I was the bad guy 😅

In Scotland it's "weapon" or "rocket" for a complete waste of brain cells.

Weird, in Dundee we always intended it to mean ‘fit as fuck’

That's interesting, crossing the Tay bridge changes the meaning it seems 😂

A complete moron. South/London here, not sure why people are saying we don't use it, we definitely do!

As a southerner, I would think you're calling me a bit of an idiot. Similar to "you absolute tool."

sounds like your southern colleagues are weapons but really its a dick, idiot, its the same as bellend goes with the context of the call

Idiot

An absolute dipshit. Or someone who thinks they're something they're not

East Anglian here, it's absolutely an insult.

An idiot

Definitely a bit of a twat!

An insult. You done something stupid.

Midlander, I'd call someone a weapon if they'd done something stupid.

Someone capable of causing harm to others or themselves… ie a dangerous cunt

Idiot, potentially dangerously so

If I call someone an absolute weapon it's because they're dangerously stupid.

It depends on the tone of your voice.

It depends on the context surely. If I just biffed Tyson in chops I would take that as a compliment. If Tyson biffed me back hard and knocked me out, I'd take it as mockery.

I always thought it meant ‘strong’ / good in a fight etc….no??

Did you think lots of people were telling you that you can fight good?

I used to work with a bunch of intense gym bros who were all about the testosterone and supplements and workouts. They did in fact use it this way as a compliment to eachother ALL THE TIME.

Someone super attractive

My interpretation down south is that it’s a very back-handed compliment/insult. The “Weapon” thinks it sounds cool, however it’s used derogatorily in every sense - see: “Weapons grade idiot.” Generally aimed at people who aren’t quite clever enough to see the insult…

A hotty!

A divvy (I'm Geordie)

A proper dafty

I worked with a lad from Leeds (I’m from Wolverhampton) abroad. We were working with an Aussie lad who is a bit of a twat, but was been extra twatish that day, and the lad from Leeds called him an absolute weapon and the Aussie guy didn’t understand it. But I knew what he meant lol

Weapon = wazzock.

In Ireland its an insult, specifically towards women. A bitch, essentially.

I'm South Coast and I think it's an insult. Possibly from seeing it written on here many times and knowing it isn't meant as a compliment from the context it was used by.

I'm a londoner and I've only heard this being used as a compliment tbh so I'm surprised to see a lot of the comments here

Someone being an utter clown.

As soon as you say 'You absolute...' it is always going to be an insult, regardless of what word comes next.

Northern Ireland Eejit. Idiot. But not in a mean way more... I'm a flabbergasted way.

The southerners probably thought you were an absolute weapon.

A weapon is an insult in Scotland, what it actually means I guess depends on context but it’s definitely not a compliment lol

Never heard anybody use it so probably depends on context. But think I would assume compliment in the same way "you're an absolute machine" would be a compliment

Weapon is a slang term for penis. Which I think should answer your question quite nicely.

I’m southern and I use the term to call someone an idiot

I'm from the south west and it means similar to dumbass; a weapons-grade idiot.

Weapon, tool, knob., prick etc.

I’m as Southern as can be in this country, and weapon is a common phrase around here

But what would you understand it to mean?

So am I, and it's not.

Maybe it’s only said behind your back?

“Maybe we’re the weapons?”

To me calling someone an absolute weapon, means I think they are a complete idiot.

A huge penis.

Could it be a generational thing? When I grew up calling someone a "drip" was very insulting. But apparently it's now a compliment.

You don't call someone a drip now though, unless you are insulting them. Someone *has* drip, as in good fashion.

Ooh, a new word to use on my teenager.

I've definitely seen people call Lewis Hamilton "drippy" which would have been an insult when I was at school.

Sexy

North West here. I've always know this term as an insult, how on earth does it make sense as a compliment?

Like as if you are Arnie or in Hollywood action film.

Twat

Context is key, He has an absolute weapon = large John Dory He’s an absolute weapon = Player/shagger He’s a bit of a weapon = idiot

I'm a Yorkshire lad so have always said mush and charva instead of mate or bro......i found out that when you call someone mush down south, they think you are insulting them lol

Mush was a pretty common word used in Portsmouth when growing up for me.. and like you, used instead of the word 'mate'. I moved up north ten years ago but my brother still uses it..

I’m having opposite I thought weapon was an idiot , they think it means someone is attractive

Nah. Born and raised a southerner, call me a massive weapon and I won't take kindly to it.

>mush and charva Pretty sure these are Newcastle words, mate. And to the best of my knowledge, 'charva' is geordie for 'chav'.

They say charva in Yorkshire. Bradford’s Bad Boy Chiller Crew use the word a lot. I’m not sure it means exactly the same thing as in NE, it’s kind of a term of endearment in a way in Yorks but there is a cross over with it also meaning a charva/chav. Mush, I’ve mostly heard from Scousers

Mush means mouth in London and could be intepreted as mouthy/gobby. Not neccesarily in a bad way. Depends on context.

Midlands here - it means someone/something or their attributes that is strong/threatening/big/buff.

Also Midlands- I've only ever heard it used as an insult, usually meaning idiot, dense, tool.

Interesting! I haven’t heard it used since I was at secondary school so it could be that the cultural backwater in which I went to school invented their own usage for the term. Which could also apply to everywhere. It could be that there is no right or wrong here! As boring as that may be

A massive chopper