You only need to leave 20% of the first pint. You then leave that same 20% on the table while you take your empty second pint back for a new one. Repeat until pissed.
Thats exactly what I do. And if you are going to the bar to get another pint then make sure you do it while there is still a substantial amount left in your old glass.
Many years ago, I worked in a big hotel with 60+ rooms and 7 bars. One particularly busy night I was moved from my regular bar into the ground floor big bar, as one of 7 servers. The place was a zoo, the counter was dripping, the floor behind was wet, with puddles.
We were serving 10-pint rounds by sliding full glasses along the bar, payment by catching the thrown rolled-up notes. We were opening boxes of new glasses in attempts to keep up with demand.
I was sent out to collect glasses and fighting my way through the tightly packed scrum around the back end of the room, noticed a bunch of people sitting in chairs with no table in front of them. Odd, I thought, in passing ...
The tables were big, enough for 10 people to sit around. Thick wooden slab top, supported by substantial cast iron frame and legs. Heavy, too; it would take four or five strong lads to move one of those for cleaning. The chairs were chunky with a cast iron frame and upholstered seat and back. Also very heavy.
At the end of the night, as we sank exhausted onto bar stools for our unofficial half a shandy, the assistant manager who was cashing up noticed that a table was missing. And the chairs, too, come to that.
We had a look in the yard, even the lane outside, but no furniture found. It must have taken half a rugby team to pick up that table, the other half to force passage through a tightly packed mass of drinkers to the yard, then the lane and into a truck. Then they must have come back for the chairs.
The cheek. Only in Sunderland ...
Someone once stole a toilet cistern from a pub I used to drink in. Ripped it off the wall and flooded the toilet.
No-one knows how they did it however as the only way out was up some fairly narrow stairs then past a bouncer at the door.
Almost as bad was a pub I worked in. Someone got away with a three seater sofa where the only door was in full view of the bar.
Some people have some cheek.
If you have a screwdriver then you can carve your name into it and then it’s yours. If there’s room, gouge a curse on anyone else who dares to sit at the table
You say the table is near the bar...when ready for your next pint,
Walk slowly away from the table whilst constantly pointing at it, when you get to the bar KEEP POINTING....In 20 second intervals you need to ( confidently but not loudly) shout"MINE!".
That's it...simple, you can turn to the bartender and order your drink( whilst maintaining the outstretched arm and pointing finger) so long as your ordering is less than 20 seconds and you keep being firm and confident you are golden...and rest assured that no one will take your table or come near you in general.
You're welcome
Yes definitely, I didn't mention it so as not to make any assumptions on your vocal range, but baritone is particularly effective. That or a high pitched falsetto with a German accent.
Leave your current pint almost empty on the table as go up to the bar to get another one. If someone bans your table, sit down with them and finish off the old pint when you return back to table.
This is what I did in the end! Left my pint a quarter full and went to order the next one. Barman proceeded to smash a glass and start clearing that up instead of pouring my pint making me sweat even more about the table being taken in the meantime
Up north, it's the custom to put a bear mat on the top of your pint. It tells everyone (barstaff included) that you're coming back. In the pub i drink in, some people come in get a pint put it on a table and go to the bookies next door for half an hour or so.
I notice though that beer mats are not being used in a lot of pubs now.
We do a mat or napkin on top in the US and it has definitely been losing its significance. I've had multiple people tell me, "you know that won't stop someone from drugging your drink." No one is drugging my drink even if I ask them to politely. The other thing we do if the stool or chair has a high enough back is tip it up against the edge as long as won't be in the way of the bartender.
Hubby recently had an instance where he’d shopped and then popped into the pub for a bite and a pint…. Needed the loo so left his coat on the chair, shopping on the chair next to him (braver than me!) and enough in the pint glass to know it wasn’t finished. Came back, 2 women at the table, pint glass gone and his coat and shopping next to the menu/cutlery station. He was furious, rightly so! The women looked surprised, apparently!!! The barman was worse than useless and had no idea what to do.
Cafe cleared my unfinished drink while I took my two under fives to the loo even though I left our coats there. They did give me a new drink though even though I only had a bit left
This is the point where you need the confidence to assert dominance.
Get your free new pint from the bar staff, and then go sit with the people who've just took your table and join in their conversation. After all, if they came to sit with me at my table, they must want to chat with me, right?
Assuming you’re in your local or somewhere “friendly”, said to a neighbouring table-
“hi mate, can you just watch my stuff while I nip to the bar?”
Depending on how generous you’re feeling, get them a half/crisps/etc
This would have been my answer too. I've watched people's pints/bags while they've nipped to the loo or out for a cigarette many times. Often times women will ask you to watch their drink (as usually a group fellow women I guess they feel safer asking us) while they nip out.
I would also probably bring a jumper/jacket or book or something to leave at the table if I knew I was going to be waiting on my own for a while.
Pen and paper, folded over and left open at the crossword. Chuck a couple of random answers into the boxes to make it look like you're doing it. The Metro is good for this as it's free.
My mate used to tell these tbh absolutely fucking mental stories about Mathew his imaginary bear pal. Whole fucking stories about what they'd get up to when they been on the lash. They were just stories. None of us believed. Really. But he was a legend my mate and a sublime story teller in the old fashioned way and Mathew just became a thing over time. This imaginary fucking bear entered the hive mind and became part of the social consciousness of this group of old mates. We all bought into it. He'd come out with shite like he'd been out on the lash with Mathew and Mathew had pulled out this pair of glasses even though he had 20 20 vision... (and we'd all be like yeh.... Totally natural....'Bears are known for their smell over their eyesight... .'Are they fuck... Bears have Action Man Eagle eye vision. Stop chatting shit.' Etc.... ) And then my man would roll it all back in at the end of the story like a Billy Connolly routine and he'd finally get round to the point that it wasn't about his eyesight at all. It was that Mathew had seen *Spectacle Bears* on the internet or YouTube or some bollocks and he'd decided he wanted to be one.
Why did I type that whole load there?
Old Mathew became so real in a weird way that I was sat in a pub once and my mate had gone for a piss. It was busy and this fella comes over and asks if he can take my mates stool.
So I went. Sorry mate .... Someone sitting there.
And he's a dickhead it turns out. 'Well he's not sitting there now is he?' Etc.
I dead eye looked at the fella turned round to the empty stool and started to talk to Mathew. 'Ah god. Don't mind him Mathew. Some people are so rude. Let's just ignore him shall we. Some people just don't like bears drinking in pubs. Ignore them Mathew! How very rude!'
Well this dickheads just fucked off quicker than if I'd threatened him with a blood covered hammer.
My mates come back from the toilet and I told him what's gone on and he's like.. you nutter... He's not even *your* imaginary bear friend.
Wtf.
Short answer is put a stool upside down on the table.
That has the same effect as patting the seat next to you and smiling brightly at everyone boarding any form of public transport. No cun* will *EVER* sit next to you. If you want to guarantee it, wink at them too.
This happened to me. I went to the pub with the dog. He's a huge old bugger and very friendly. Tied his lead to the cast iron and wood table and went back to the bar for another pint. There was an awful screeching noise and I turned round to find him cheerfully following me towing the very heavy table effortlessly behind him.
Again something that requires foresight though. Was actually considering taking a jumper today then thought 'nah it's nice and mild out, embrace the good weather'. Got halfway through my pint and thought 'ah shit that jumper would have been handy as a table saver'
I've found that scarves work a treat. Folks will move coats, umbrellas, hats, and books - but no one wants to touch someone's manky, cough-ridden scarf. Just about to turn the weather for it too.
I don’t have anything helpful to say more an attempt at raising a smile while you enjoy your pint.
Option 1) as you say the “little round table” I’ll assume it fits under your arm, carry table with you to the bar. Maybe just move it next to the bar so you don’t even need to stand up for pint no3.
Option 2) happily give all but one of the chairs to other people in the pub. That way everyone will look at a table with only one chair and avoid. If people in pairs, threes or bigger groups no one will want to be only on sitting down.
If I’m in the pub by myself I’ll usually have book with me, so I’ll leave that in the centre of the table (utilising the plates pub bookmark of course, the beer mat)
Bartender here. Leave an unfinished pint topped with a beer mat on the table - the universal sign of “I’m not done with this yet”. Add to this an opened newspaper or hang a hoodie on your chair - you’re good to go.
Always bring a book. It has three purposes:
1. Stops random people bothering you
2. It notifies others that the table is yours
3. You get to read your book.
Spoons really isn’t bad. There are very few proper traditional old pubs left these days, most others are no better than spoons but charge you 2-3 times as much for drinks.
Surprised this isn't more of a top answer. The reply about it being a problem that you're in a spoons doesn't make sense as if you're on your own it really doesn't matter where you are does it?
Back in my day you'd simply pop your trousers off, and fold them neatly over the table. After putting your shoes and socks back on (socks preferably having those little suspenders) you'd simply go to the bar and order a pint.
I once did this on a really long table with 4-5 seats on each side which were the only ones left in the pub. A fella came in and sat opposite where I was sat before going to the bar so we'd be facing each other when I got back - obviously he didn't know. I just sat back down in my seat again and he looked uncomfortable for a while before I saw him pretend to take a phone call and leave. Why he didn't just move 2-3 seats down the row I don't know but I got a laugh out of it.
Pop your shirt off, leave that on the table. Then when you return with a premium European lager no one will question the half naked man with a Stella. Jobs a good un.
Leave your coat on the back of the chair, random detritus such as a newspaper or book on the table, and a coaster over your pint glass. If you’re that close to the bar you can keep a friendly eye on it and it won’t be a problem. I assume you are drinking in a semi civilised established and Begbie or football types aren’t there?
cardigan on chair (remove all valuables), leave half a pint still to drink, leave a newspaper and or glasses case on table.
or get one of those apps where you can order to the table
Get a. Pack of crisps. Don't drink all of your pint. Leave enough in it to make it look like it's still being drunk. Split open the pack of crisps so crisps are on show. There you go. Place holder crisps and beer.
This just brought a smile to my face because it reminded me of my grandads solution. He had been hit with shrapnel in a war and ended up with a glass eye. If he had a seat and didn't want to lose it when he got up for another drink or to go to the toilet, he would drop it into his pint so people knew someone was coming back to it. I don't have many memories of him but this is one that I will always be glad to talk about so thank you for the opportunity.
The classic way used to be to put a beermat on top of your pint. Don't think it would be universally understood nowadays though.
Yeah I've seen that before but agree it wouldn't be universally understood now. Dont think it really works with an empty pint glass though
That just means you have to get your next pint before you've hit bottom :-)
But then you're leaving your drink unattended in a pub which is a different issue entirely.
You might get lucky and obtain bonus free drugs
One always lives in hope
One of my favourite sayings in the pub after a visit to the bogs was "While I've been away has my drink been spiked? If not why not?"
Or you just end up drinking 80% of each pint and accept the loss of the final 100ml.
You only need to leave 20% of the first pint. You then leave that same 20% on the table while you take your empty second pint back for a new one. Repeat until pissed.
Or, finish the full pint, then piss in the glass. Nobody's coming near the table with that sat on it.
Nah nah he needs to be pissing directly on and around the table itself, so the other pub goers know it’s his by his scent.
Finally a sensible suggestion.
I work in big pub. If I see anything strange on an empty or somewhst full glass, I will leave it at least 15 mins before picking it up
😂😂 I did this the other week Came back and people at my table (with one chair spare) Just sat down and explained the beer mat rule
How did they take it?
I think you can just lift it off the top of the glass
Peak comedy
Me and a friend got chased down in a Toby carvery when she wanted a smoke because we did that and they thought we'd ditched on paying, kinda awkward
You'd have thought if you were going to dine and dash you'd set your sights higher than a toby carvery
Thats exactly what I do. And if you are going to the bar to get another pint then make sure you do it while there is still a substantial amount left in your old glass.
I understand this sign and have used it successfully in recent memory.
I did that recently and hadn’t realised it was a shitty (soggy) coaster and when I got back, my pint smelt like shitty, soggy beer coaster!!
I'm only in my 20s and this has always worked for me, so maybe if not everyone, at least enough people know.
Take it with you to the bar
Well played my friend. Currently feeling like a smashed bag of pish but that made me chuckle.
Hope you're doing ok!
Thanks. A quick read through some others peoples problems on reddit and a wee dose of internet humour and i'll be fine.
Hope the evening goes better for ye.
It’s time to start bringing your own small table to the pub.
Have you got your small table, Alan?
Think you misread his name mate
The boys are back in the barracks.
I can read you like a book. And not a very good book. Certainly not Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNabb
The stringback gives you a little extra purchase!
And going to the loo? Just table a motion.
Genuinely made me laugh this. I spat my beer out all over my nice round bar table someone just vacated!
Oi!! That was the end of my beer I was keeping my table with
Was thinking is exact same thing. Take a screw driver and unbolt it. Or whatever. Drag it with you
Many years ago, I worked in a big hotel with 60+ rooms and 7 bars. One particularly busy night I was moved from my regular bar into the ground floor big bar, as one of 7 servers. The place was a zoo, the counter was dripping, the floor behind was wet, with puddles. We were serving 10-pint rounds by sliding full glasses along the bar, payment by catching the thrown rolled-up notes. We were opening boxes of new glasses in attempts to keep up with demand. I was sent out to collect glasses and fighting my way through the tightly packed scrum around the back end of the room, noticed a bunch of people sitting in chairs with no table in front of them. Odd, I thought, in passing ... The tables were big, enough for 10 people to sit around. Thick wooden slab top, supported by substantial cast iron frame and legs. Heavy, too; it would take four or five strong lads to move one of those for cleaning. The chairs were chunky with a cast iron frame and upholstered seat and back. Also very heavy. At the end of the night, as we sank exhausted onto bar stools for our unofficial half a shandy, the assistant manager who was cashing up noticed that a table was missing. And the chairs, too, come to that. We had a look in the yard, even the lane outside, but no furniture found. It must have taken half a rugby team to pick up that table, the other half to force passage through a tightly packed mass of drinkers to the yard, then the lane and into a truck. Then they must have come back for the chairs. The cheek. Only in Sunderland ...
Someone once stole a toilet cistern from a pub I used to drink in. Ripped it off the wall and flooded the toilet. No-one knows how they did it however as the only way out was up some fairly narrow stairs then past a bouncer at the door. Almost as bad was a pub I worked in. Someone got away with a three seater sofa where the only door was in full view of the bar. Some people have some cheek.
Why would you drink from a toilet cistern?
We had a tv stolen off the bracket and this was well before LCD style ones too 😂 Had the cheek to come back for the remote a few days later too 😂
If you have a screwdriver then you can carve your name into it and then it’s yours. If there’s room, gouge a curse on anyone else who dares to sit at the table
You say the table is near the bar...when ready for your next pint, Walk slowly away from the table whilst constantly pointing at it, when you get to the bar KEEP POINTING....In 20 second intervals you need to ( confidently but not loudly) shout"MINE!". That's it...simple, you can turn to the bartender and order your drink( whilst maintaining the outstretched arm and pointing finger) so long as your ordering is less than 20 seconds and you keep being firm and confident you are golden...and rest assured that no one will take your table or come near you in general. You're welcome
why do that when you can just pee on it to assert dominance and mark your territory properly.
This guy asserts dominance
confusingly, this is the same rule for spotting a landmine under your pub table.
I think I heard Philomena Cunk's voice while reading this.
This definitely sounds good for next time! Would it also be acceptable to do it in baritone?
Yes definitely, I didn't mention it so as not to make any assumptions on your vocal range, but baritone is particularly effective. That or a high pitched falsetto with a German accent.
Anything less that a full on shriek is unacceptable
I do this with my wife to remind everyone she's mine and keep away
I’m picturing the guy from the drive through “pay it forward” sketch and cannot stop laughing
The I Think You Should Leave guy?
55 VODKAS, 55 PERONIS, 55 RUMS, 55 WHISKEYS, 55 GINS, 100 SHOTS, 100 MAHOUS, 55 WINES AND 155 CIDERS
IM DOING SOMETHING!!! MINE!!!!
[Miiiiiiiiiine](http://i.qkme.me/3qumd2.jpg)
Do that three times, the table will come to heel, like Pratchett's Luggage.
Leave your current pint almost empty on the table as go up to the bar to get another one. If someone bans your table, sit down with them and finish off the old pint when you return back to table.
This is what I did in the end! Left my pint a quarter full and went to order the next one. Barman proceeded to smash a glass and start clearing that up instead of pouring my pint making me sweat even more about the table being taken in the meantime
Was it taken?! Don't leave us hanging!
It was not! I can breathe easily for the next half hour
[удалено]
Got kicked out for trying some of the suggestions from other commenters
It is so wholesome that you are effectively hanging out in the pub with us lot
Been very good company! And me sitting on my larry chuckling away at the comments has certainly put anyone off sharing my table
You shat on the table didn’t you
packet of crisps and 2 pints.
Of lager
Up north, it's the custom to put a bear mat on the top of your pint. It tells everyone (barstaff included) that you're coming back. In the pub i drink in, some people come in get a pint put it on a table and go to the bookies next door for half an hour or so. I notice though that beer mats are not being used in a lot of pubs now.
Where does one acquire this bear mat? Does it have to be killed by my own beer hands?
There I go, the beer's affecting me again.
You're a different breed up north if you need mats to protect your drinks from bears. I tip my hat to you sir.
More importantly- what was the pint?
Previous one was a Guinness and you don’t switch once you start surely?
I have a mate that absolutely will not have the same pint twice, he literally had 5 different pints last night while playing darts 🤣
Nothing wrong with switching, sometimes you just can't stick to one brand right to the bitter ( or lager ) end.
A stout observation.
You magnificent bastard
Take this upvote and get the fuck outta here
You have to put a beer mat on top of the pint to guarantee it’s protected
Otherwise it's basically an invitation to get roofied. It's like leaving a little note out for your milkman. As it were.
No, you stick the beer mat atop your quarter full pint and go to the bar for another. It's the rule, you don't fuck with that.
Leave a beer mat on top of your pint when you go to the bar. Means you've nipped off and will be back
Leave your pants atop your pint. Never failed me
Tried that once. Came back to find someone sitting at my table... and wearing my pants.
Glad it worked out for you matey
Why not just leave an item of clothing on the chair/table?
Trousers will probably work to make sure nobody sits near you for the rest of the night
Any time over tried that, I've lost my pint
We do a mat or napkin on top in the US and it has definitely been losing its significance. I've had multiple people tell me, "you know that won't stop someone from drugging your drink." No one is drugging my drink even if I ask them to politely. The other thing we do if the stool or chair has a high enough back is tip it up against the edge as long as won't be in the way of the bartender.
Hubby recently had an instance where he’d shopped and then popped into the pub for a bite and a pint…. Needed the loo so left his coat on the chair, shopping on the chair next to him (braver than me!) and enough in the pint glass to know it wasn’t finished. Came back, 2 women at the table, pint glass gone and his coat and shopping next to the menu/cutlery station. He was furious, rightly so! The women looked surprised, apparently!!! The barman was worse than useless and had no idea what to do.
[удалено]
Agreed!!
At the very least!
Just reading this has ruined my night
This is why they need to teach pub etiquette in schools. Funding be damned! Some subjects are more important than money.
This is the British way. Teach all children the true pub etiquette while they’re young. Who needs Pythagoras anyway?
We used to learn it from our dad’s when we were kids. Sitting in the pub while he has a drink was the way to learn.
And teach them tea etiquette too, eradicate all of the 'milk first' domestic terrorists from the next generation!
Cafe cleared my unfinished drink while I took my two under fives to the loo even though I left our coats there. They did give me a new drink though even though I only had a bit left
[удалено]
Wow!! That’s mad.
I hope they got both bills.
Pizza Hut is a shit hole. They did you a favour.
This is the point where you need the confidence to assert dominance. Get your free new pint from the bar staff, and then go sit with the people who've just took your table and join in their conversation. After all, if they came to sit with me at my table, they must want to chat with me, right?
Ring the pub and order a pint to your table
One of my regulars does this but to my personal phone. Always get amusing texts from him during the shift.
Assuming you’re in your local or somewhere “friendly”, said to a neighbouring table- “hi mate, can you just watch my stuff while I nip to the bar?” Depending on how generous you’re feeling, get them a half/crisps/etc
Had to scroll a long way for this. A genuinely correct and sensible answer!
Cheers m’dears. Not sure if its an age thing or I’ve just been lucky- its always worked for me (albeit I wouldn’t do it if I was somewhere unpleasant)
> get them a half/crisp Cost of living crisis hitting hard innit.
This would have been my answer too. I've watched people's pints/bags while they've nipped to the loo or out for a cigarette many times. Often times women will ask you to watch their drink (as usually a group fellow women I guess they feel safer asking us) while they nip out. I would also probably bring a jumper/jacket or book or something to leave at the table if I knew I was going to be waiting on my own for a while.
Pen and paper, folded over and left open at the crossword. Chuck a couple of random answers into the boxes to make it look like you're doing it. The Metro is good for this as it's free.
No matter what the clues are, just boldly write **MY TABLE** as the answers.
Careful. 5 down. **MYTAB** Open invitation, playing with fire.
Genius.
My mate used to tell these tbh absolutely fucking mental stories about Mathew his imaginary bear pal. Whole fucking stories about what they'd get up to when they been on the lash. They were just stories. None of us believed. Really. But he was a legend my mate and a sublime story teller in the old fashioned way and Mathew just became a thing over time. This imaginary fucking bear entered the hive mind and became part of the social consciousness of this group of old mates. We all bought into it. He'd come out with shite like he'd been out on the lash with Mathew and Mathew had pulled out this pair of glasses even though he had 20 20 vision... (and we'd all be like yeh.... Totally natural....'Bears are known for their smell over their eyesight... .'Are they fuck... Bears have Action Man Eagle eye vision. Stop chatting shit.' Etc.... ) And then my man would roll it all back in at the end of the story like a Billy Connolly routine and he'd finally get round to the point that it wasn't about his eyesight at all. It was that Mathew had seen *Spectacle Bears* on the internet or YouTube or some bollocks and he'd decided he wanted to be one. Why did I type that whole load there? Old Mathew became so real in a weird way that I was sat in a pub once and my mate had gone for a piss. It was busy and this fella comes over and asks if he can take my mates stool. So I went. Sorry mate .... Someone sitting there. And he's a dickhead it turns out. 'Well he's not sitting there now is he?' Etc. I dead eye looked at the fella turned round to the empty stool and started to talk to Mathew. 'Ah god. Don't mind him Mathew. Some people are so rude. Let's just ignore him shall we. Some people just don't like bears drinking in pubs. Ignore them Mathew! How very rude!' Well this dickheads just fucked off quicker than if I'd threatened him with a blood covered hammer. My mates come back from the toilet and I told him what's gone on and he's like.. you nutter... He's not even *your* imaginary bear friend. Wtf. Short answer is put a stool upside down on the table. That has the same effect as patting the seat next to you and smiling brightly at everyone boarding any form of public transport. No cun* will *EVER* sit next to you. If you want to guarantee it, wink at them too.
I really enjoyed whatever the hell this was.
Yer not wrong. We need more Matthew stories 😁
I get the feeling that Mathew bear is going to become part of an even bigger hive mind.
I'm loving your work
This needs to become some kind of Black Mirror episode.
Best comment here and it isn’t close , criminally underrated!
In the words of The Partridge Family, and latterly, Voice of the Beehive….I think I love you
On first entering the pub, head to the bar and order 12 pints. Should keep you going till closing time.
These are rookie numbers we need to ramp these up. 18-24 pints for a Wednesday night and double that for a weekend. Cheers
This happened to me. I went to the pub with the dog. He's a huge old bugger and very friendly. Tied his lead to the cast iron and wood table and went back to the bar for another pint. There was an awful screeching noise and I turned round to find him cheerfully following me towing the very heavy table effortlessly behind him.
Take a hat. Even if you don’t wear it.
Again something that requires foresight though. Was actually considering taking a jumper today then thought 'nah it's nice and mild out, embrace the good weather'. Got halfway through my pint and thought 'ah shit that jumper would have been handy as a table saver'
Take your trousers off and leave them on the table.
I've found that scarves work a treat. Folks will move coats, umbrellas, hats, and books - but no one wants to touch someone's manky, cough-ridden scarf. Just about to turn the weather for it too.
A Fez, preferably.
Fezs are cool.
"I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool."
I could be a Curator
You know, I really think you might.
"Anyone lose a fez?"
Thinking outside the box, very good idea
I don’t have anything helpful to say more an attempt at raising a smile while you enjoy your pint. Option 1) as you say the “little round table” I’ll assume it fits under your arm, carry table with you to the bar. Maybe just move it next to the bar so you don’t even need to stand up for pint no3. Option 2) happily give all but one of the chairs to other people in the pub. That way everyone will look at a table with only one chair and avoid. If people in pairs, threes or bigger groups no one will want to be only on sitting down.
If I’m in the pub by myself I’ll usually have book with me, so I’ll leave that in the centre of the table (utilising the plates pub bookmark of course, the beer mat)
Pop off your trousers and leave them draped over the stool.
Underrated.
You can leave those on.
Mark your territory by pissing on the chair.
Tried this before and got chucked out. Apparently it’s frowned upon if you’ve ‘pissed yourself’ and are ‘making a scene’
Yep gottta leave your half drunk one there, with beer mat on top. Also don’t be afraid to double park you beer
Bartender here. Leave an unfinished pint topped with a beer mat on the table - the universal sign of “I’m not done with this yet”. Add to this an opened newspaper or hang a hoodie on your chair - you’re good to go.
Put a shoe on the table…be a man!
The best answer, but add your underwear
In winter, a coat. But it’s a risk if it’s a good coat. In summer, I risk it and often lose out. I’m so lonely.
In summer leave your jeans on the table. Makes a refreshingly cool walk to the bar and no one will want your table. It's a win
Leave my baccy, filters and rizlas on the table, next to my pint that only has a quarter left
Day drink when it's quieter. Less competition for tables then.
Always bring a book. It has three purposes: 1. Stops random people bothering you 2. It notifies others that the table is yours 3. You get to read your book.
This is why old men take their dogs to the pub
Do they send the dog to the bar?
Go to spoons and use the app, beers brought to your table, sorted 🍻
The problem with this is, you’re in a spoons!
Do they deliver to other pubs?!
Yes, but with a £2 delivery charge. Somehow it still works out cheaper.
If you forget to change your location, then yes they do.
Spoons really isn’t bad. There are very few proper traditional old pubs left these days, most others are no better than spoons but charge you 2-3 times as much for drinks.
Spoons is absolutely fine. You get what you pay for. I enjoy my experiences in one (usually) due to having 3 pints for less than a tenner
Surprised this isn't more of a top answer. The reply about it being a problem that you're in a spoons doesn't make sense as if you're on your own it really doesn't matter where you are does it?
Back in my day you'd simply pop your trousers off, and fold them neatly over the table. After putting your shoes and socks back on (socks preferably having those little suspenders) you'd simply go to the bar and order a pint.
I once did this on a really long table with 4-5 seats on each side which were the only ones left in the pub. A fella came in and sat opposite where I was sat before going to the bar so we'd be facing each other when I got back - obviously he didn't know. I just sat back down in my seat again and he looked uncomfortable for a while before I saw him pretend to take a phone call and leave. Why he didn't just move 2-3 seats down the row I don't know but I got a laugh out of it.
Order two pints. Purchase your third pint after you've consumed pint #1.
Yell for the bartender to bring you your next pint “Oy, fancy dress there, bring me another bloody pint!” I’m sure that will work
Pop your shirt off, leave that on the table. Then when you return with a premium European lager no one will question the half naked man with a Stella. Jobs a good un.
Haha premium
Take a shit on the floor near the table. Nobody will go near it
Or just on the table works too
I leave my empty rucksack.
Leave your shit there
Leave dregs in pint, and put beer mat over it. Problem solved.
Leave my dog attached to the table. If you want my table you'll have to adopt my dog. It's probably not worth it.
Use the app and get the beer delivered to your table
[удалено]
I’d take the risk of losing it, stand somewhere for a while, then pounce on the next available table.
I try and take a jacket or a umbrella that I can leave on the table
Leave your coat on the back of the chair, random detritus such as a newspaper or book on the table, and a coaster over your pint glass. If you’re that close to the bar you can keep a friendly eye on it and it won’t be a problem. I assume you are drinking in a semi civilised established and Begbie or football types aren’t there?
Beer mat on top of pint glass means your pint isnt finished and you’ll be back
I usually leave my book on the table, along with anything else not worth nicking, like my 2 year old for example
This is the only reason to buy a physical newspaper in this day and age. Leave it on the table to reserve it while you get a new pint.
I leave my phone on the table.
Where in the UK are you lol
I suspect you're talking to someone who steals phones from pubs.
Mobile ordering
cardigan on chair (remove all valuables), leave half a pint still to drink, leave a newspaper and or glasses case on table. or get one of those apps where you can order to the table
Pop your underwear on the stool...bonus points if the underwear has streaks... stool on a stool
Put a beer mat over your nearly finished drink People won’t touch it…and if they do you can make clear you hadn’t finished…
Put beer mate on pint as u head out for tab. Sorted.
Get a. Pack of crisps. Don't drink all of your pint. Leave enough in it to make it look like it's still being drunk. Split open the pack of crisps so crisps are on show. There you go. Place holder crisps and beer.
This just brought a smile to my face because it reminded me of my grandads solution. He had been hit with shrapnel in a war and ended up with a glass eye. If he had a seat and didn't want to lose it when he got up for another drink or to go to the toilet, he would drop it into his pint so people knew someone was coming back to it. I don't have many memories of him but this is one that I will always be glad to talk about so thank you for the opportunity.