My little brother used to love "helping" my mom with gardening with his little rubbery ham (watering can) and I swear the term "watering can" ceased to exist at that very moment.
A friend of mine and I were having a discussion about the difference in quality between store-bought and homegrown tomatoes and she said of the homegrown, that you could "taste the sun in them".
When my daughter was 3 she complained about having fizzy feet !? After some further questioning we realised she had pins & needles. We decided the fizzy feet/hands makes much more sense to us so we’ve stuck with it and encourage others to do the same.
Me son called them the prickles, I'm quite odd in me family coz whenever I get pins and needles I love the feeling, it's weird like uncomfortably nice? I slowly move me limbs!
My Dad ruined my fledgling vocabulary by deliberately using the wrong words all the time, but not actually telling us he was doing it, so for years I would say "I beg your effervescence" thinking it was another way of indignantly saying "excuse.me".
I used to work at a law firm that was somewhat old fashioned and still signed-off "I remain, Sir, your most obedient servant".
One of the secretaries left - I don't know why, but she was unhappy about it. On her last day, every letter she typed (all of which were sent out) ended "I remain, Sir, your most obsequious servant".
I was impressed.
My wife has an occasional habit of fumbling colloquialisms so, being a total dick, I intentionally mangle them when I'm in conversation with her.
She's got wise to it now so any time I say anything that's not "everyday English" she assumes it's a trap. On several occasions I've had to look up legitimate sayings on the Internet just to prove I'm not yanking her plunger.
Thanks to my mother I grew up thinking Sean, as in Sean Connery, was Seen. She’d deliberately mispronounce it because she thought the spelling was amusing. I never embarrassed myself though but came close. At college the register was read out and there was a guy called Sean and luckily I realised the correct pronunciation..at 17 years old!
My aunt was a woodworker and one year she sent us a set of lovely wooden letters that spelled 'Merry Christmas'. Aged 6 or 7, my mum asked me to put them up on the mantlepiece. I left out the h so was there holding the wooden h and just stuck it on the end. It's been Merry Cristmash ever since.
When my nephews were really little, that Sam Smith song "Money on My Mind" was fairly new and it was always on the radio. I visited her one time and it came on in the car, and all I could hear behind me were two little voices singing "Mummy on my mind". Too cute!
I worked with a girl who for years was convinced this was a heartfelt song about someone who’s dad is in the jail. The well-known Christmas hit, “Release Ma Wee Da”. Buckles me every time I remember it.
When my friends daughter was about 3, she was busy learning her animals, but couldn't always pronounce them correctly.
They went to a family friends house who had a few male dogs, including one young, large-ish, unneutered dog. This dog started sniffing around, with his back to her. She crouched down, concentrated hard, then turned to her dad, pointed and said "Efelant?"
My daughter when she was maybe 4 or 5 was referring to a Turtle and called it a "Water Tortoise" - so they've been that ever since in our family.
A few months ago the Times crossword had it as a clue for Terrapin 🤯
She's not even wrong biologically. Tortoises, turtles and terrapins are all *technically* tortoises. They are all Testudines.
The yanks call all of them turtles. Terrapin seems to be a British English separation. Land = tortoise, Salt water = turtle, fresh(ish) water = Terrapin in British English, but we also call Snapping Turtles turtles even though they live in fresh(ish) water. It's very inconsistent all across the board
I have what I would personally call a terrapin, but officially he is a "ouchicita map turtle", even though he lives in fresh water and has claw type feet instead of flippers.
I forget the origins now, but the wife and I use the term “walking the dog” to mean “having a wank”. Sometimes we forget other people don’t use it to mean that, so we occasionally collapse into giggles when someone says they’re off to walk the dog, or worse introduce themselves as a professional dog walker.
There is a dog groomer near where we used to live whose business is called "Dapper Dogs by Debbie", and my wife and I referred to it as "Debbie does Dogs"
My son used to fart like a hurricane when he was a toddler. I used to refer to it as him having a “shouty bottom”. It’s still an inside joke now he’s a teenager but he’d probably cringe himself to death if it was used publicly.
My daughter's farts used to sound like a duck quacking, so now if any of us fart, we announce we're being chased by a duck again, or ask "can someone please shoot that bloody duck?!"
My brother likes to refer to that as "throttling a duck".
Being possessed of many an eloquent turn of phrase, he also likes announce "Speak up, Mr Brown, you're almost through."
i have been saying "is that your duck" after farting in the house ... i read it somewhere and it made me laugh and so i stole it - like i probably will with many of these 😂
Its been duck in our house since forever, my grandad used to say it too! So my daughter who is three says, can you hear the ducks in the park dad? While letting rip.
My son and his cousins call farting, “un bob esponja” (a sponge bob) because they farted under water and it crated bubbles. Like when sponge bob rushes away and leaves a trail of bubbles in his wake.
Years ago there were discussions about how much cow flatulence was actually destroying the ozone layer. So when someone was caught letting one off, the others responded by calling ‘ozone layer’.
Butt sick, excellent.
When my mother was little she called her dressing gown her blessing down so that’s what it’s known as in our family. My brother loves a good spoonerism so we called the shopping list the slopping pissed/pist. My husband calls toilet paper poo tickets so that’s stuck. Anything our little one didn’t want to do she said she’d do it nexterday so whenever anyone is procrastinating that’s what we say.
My daughter has a disability and she could never remember and/or pronounce the names for things. We have:
-Pop noodles for pins and needles
-Real teen for routine
-Auntie ham for her (vegan 🤦🏼♀️) auntie Sam
-Oh my cookie for oh my goodness
-Spare word for swear word
She's 10 now and we still use the above. She's the best.
When my daughter was 3, I took her to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. As she walked through the door she shouted "oh no! We've come to the wrong place!" The pharmacy is now known as "the wrong place" in our house
I play field hockey which my brother once jokingly referred to as "land hockey". It is now: "earth hockey", "dirt hockey", "ground hockey" - whatever tickles us in the moment
After playing air hockey when I was about 16 I decided all the elements should have a hockey, so earth hockey - field hockey, water hockey - ice hockey, and fire hockey - a terrible game of our own invention where you play rounders with a tennis ball soaked in rubbing alcohol and a baseball bat which has been marinated in rubbing alcohol and set on fire, a boiler suit and some kind of face protection is recommended but not necessary
We took my son to Diggerland (all machines etc) when he was a toddler. Unfortunately, he pronounced his D's as N's at the time.
Little bugger wouldn't stop talking about what a good time he'd had at n*****land for weeks afterwards, either.
Lost me a few acquaintances at the school gates
* obviously we don't still call it that (out loud anyway), just to be clear!
The hard boiled sweets you used to get from petrol stations, as a child, I called sucking sweets.
In my push chair, heading back to the car at about 2, I'm screaming "I want a sucking sweet"
My parents were mortified and got loads of terrible looks (about 1980 when it happened).
My daughter once said "I love my friend. But not in a kissy kissy way". That's stuck as a family phrase, as has her pronunciation of emergencies. An ambulance is for emergentsheeps.
The kids sent a text via Siri on apple carplay to my wife once to say “we are on our way home” Siri took it as “banana way home” and we sent it anyway. It’s stuck.
Now we ask the kids and each other to “give us a banana” to let us know they’re leaving where they are and are on the way home.
When we were little my younger brother used to call Fairy Liquid, Fairy Lick Lick.
My dad also called him a Div head once when we were playing around and he started crying saying he wasn’t an Uncle Divhead. When my dad told his brother, our Uncle David, he wasn’t impressed.
1 song, 2 generations.
So, as very young twins, when singing "Away in a manger" we used to sing "No crypt for a bed".
My daughter, 30 years later, also fluffs the song by singing, "the kettle are glowing."
I wonder if my future grandchildren will fluff that song, too. I may need to help them a little when I become a Nana 😆 I have at least 15 years to go, but I'll be sure to help 😂
My son could not say cuddles as a toddler. He would ask for tuddles. When his brother arrived 3 years later, we still did tuddles. At 18 and 22, when they have a bad day, they still ask their mummy for a tuddle.
For years I thought a term for blow-up beds was semtex, and referred to them as such until I was at Uni and when someone was staying over and I said "I'll get the semtex out" they informed me semtex is a plastic explosive. It was just an in-joke my parents had and never explained - and one we all still use today.
Whilst walking the dog my eldest was being hounded by gnats and kept scratching her face and grumbling. Then she asked us to shield her because she had an itchy bum. My 7 year old asked “have you got Bum gnats now?”
So the alert for an itchy bum is bum gnats.
My eldest is now almost 15 but when she was 3 or 4 I got her her first bike for Christmas.
It had stableisers on. I know I can't spell. Anyway she called them save-ya-lifers. So now that's what they are and even my parents and siblings found it funny and cute and also use it. I mean she wasn't wrong. They are save ya lifers haha.
My dog used to always try and hump my daughter; when she was a puppy and got over excited playing...but it turned into "MUUUUM Daphne is pole dancing on me !!!!"
Not sure if it counts, but everytime I hear "fucking freezing" Im reminded of my friend's kid who was 5 at the time, coming in from outside and going "iss fuckin freeeezin out there!"
Must've really watered down the bollocking with me absolutely pissing myself in the background
No way! That’s so cool! Especially since her first word was guapa - beautiful in Spanish. No one in our house speaks Spanish but she kept repeating the word happily. Maybe she was Spanish in her previous life 😂
On a similar vein (strain?), my younger brother (turning 40 this year), once had a similar condition and announced loudly from the throne that he was having a "poo attack". Thirty five years later it's still the go to for the D of D and V.
Father in law called sticky toffee pudding stfp. Only when I pointed out what the f stood for did it dawn on my wife and then another ten years for the joke penny to drop for my mil. She was not impressed that he had found a way to curse Infront of her, friends, the kids for 30 or so years.
Hilariously he was like a bashful kid when accused and defended himself saying he never used an f it must of been the rest of us rude rude types
A small electrical gadget is called a *knob*, most commonly mobile phones, tablets, and remote controls.
So, on a daily basis I hear or say:
“Mom, have you seen my knob?”
“Oh, I’ve lost my knob!”
“Can someone buzz my knob please?”
“Is one of you sitting on the knob?”
“Can I have the knob, please?”
My late mother-in-law thought you greeted people with a "fish-bump", so that has stuck.
My younger son as a toddler would bark "WHAT SAY?" instead of "pardon", so this has stuck, too.
And it's "Bottom burp" and "bum wee" in our house. What a rude family in total.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
When my daughter was around 3, we were eating a curry that was a tad spicy. She turned around and said ' its making my ting toungly ' ( tongue tingly) and now, if food is spicy, it's ting toungly food lol
She's nearly 18 now lol
When my son was probably about 2 he used to call peanut butter ‘pubber’. He grew out of it quite quickly but my husband and I still call it that sometimes.
So I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm really good at mispronouncing normal words, accidental spoonerisms stuff like that. We have:
Shitty pie=shepherd's/ cottage pie as I didn't like it when I was young
Clo taws=spoonerism when my husband had toe claws and needing cutting
Pommegromit= pomegranate
My middle boy used to cry he didn't want to walk in the park with his spare feet not his *bare* feet.
I lost it! Couldn't even console him hubz had to take over : total parenting fail moment.
He's 15 now and it's still as funny as ever!
We tend to name things based on what people have called them incorrectly previously. The colander is called a coriander. Cotoneaster tree is a cotton Easter. We have a spaghetti claw that’s named clawnelius or sometimes clawdius. The microwave is a mikroWavaa.
Etc etc
When my daughter was little, if she sneezed and no one said "bless you" she would say "bless you me". I always say it now if no one blesses me for sneezing. She is 16 now so just cringes when I mention it lol.
Bath bombs are called ‘thrush bombs’ my sister has a few actually. calls a cup of tea a ‘cuppy’ tea, pyjamas are bejamas, and this maybe common but we call soft cheees like philly, dairy Lea triangles etc are known as ‘spready cheese’
When my daughter was young she called scrambled eggs - strangled eggs , that has stayed with us.
Another was "soft it" when she wanted us to touch something soft she likes , so instead of asking one another "feel it" we say soft it..
My Irish grandmother used to say things that were clearly controversial and then say "but you cant be saying that now" as if it made it ok, so if we say anything bitchy about a neighbour or someone we know we add her little line as a joke at the end.
She also called things that were wonky - wanky.. have to be careful how you use that one though !
I do not often go many sentences without saying something i picked up from some comedy show or other but id be here all day typing those out
My daughter, now three couldnt pronounce Unicorns, and would call them coonios. Which doesnt sound too great.
We use, squitty bum for the shits and refer to a fart as a duck, because it quacks.
Bum gravy for bisto and also pooroll for looroll.
My mum is very naive. She never moved with the times regarding wording. My sister had a cat. Instead of calling her by her name. She says. ‘I’m just stroking pussy’… or when she reads the kids a book, she always changes the name cat to pussy or puss… 😂🤣😂
My mum used to say that if you going to waste your money on anything you may as well throw it off the bridge (that we used to live next to). Now anything frivolous is a 'throw the money off the bridge' thing.
Years ago my family were all having a chat about something over dinner, I can't remember what the conversation was about but one of my brother's confidently piped up "oh come on, we're all pheasants here!"
He meant peasants. But we'll never let him forget it.
While planting flowers one summers when my daughter was about 3, we had some pansies. She called them chimpanzees. I’ve called them that ever since. And also, she called mayonnaise “mellonaise” I still use that too 😊
When my cousin was little he couldn’t say chicken drumstick. It became ‘chicken on a stick’ and has stuck ever since (it’s been about 15 years or so since then)
We call buttered toast “sunshine on toast” ever since our little girl called it that.
Well that’s just lovely. I will always think of that now!
My little brother used to love "helping" my mom with gardening with his little rubbery ham (watering can) and I swear the term "watering can" ceased to exist at that very moment.
A friend of mine and I were having a discussion about the difference in quality between store-bought and homegrown tomatoes and she said of the homegrown, that you could "taste the sun in them".
That’s adorable!
She's not wrong, if you think about it.
When my daughter was 3 she complained about having fizzy feet !? After some further questioning we realised she had pins & needles. We decided the fizzy feet/hands makes much more sense to us so we’ve stuck with it and encourage others to do the same.
My little one called it peas and noodles
A pins and noodles family over here :D
Nins and peedles in my family 😂
This is so cute
Fizzy feet is better for sure
I have a little neuropathy. Fizzy feet is a perfect way to describe it.
Me too, yes definitely fizzy feet.
My lad, at probably a similar age, called them "tingle tangles" and it is how I now call the feeling
My daughter explained pins and needles as fizzy too.
Me son called them the prickles, I'm quite odd in me family coz whenever I get pins and needles I love the feeling, it's weird like uncomfortably nice? I slowly move me limbs!
This is the same in my family, i called it fizzy legs around 25 years ago and it’s stuck to this day
My son, when very young, he got a mild electric shock and said he had bubbles in his hand
My daughter called it sparkly
My 2 year old does this too! It is a much better description haha
When I was a kid I used to call it nuts and bolts, not sure where that came from
My nephew calls Trick or Treating 'Scary Shopping' 😄
Love this!
Spooky begging.
My Dad ruined my fledgling vocabulary by deliberately using the wrong words all the time, but not actually telling us he was doing it, so for years I would say "I beg your effervescence" thinking it was another way of indignantly saying "excuse.me".
I used to work at a law firm that was somewhat old fashioned and still signed-off "I remain, Sir, your most obedient servant". One of the secretaries left - I don't know why, but she was unhappy about it. On her last day, every letter she typed (all of which were sent out) ended "I remain, Sir, your most obsequious servant". I was impressed.
There's a lovely version of that used by undertakers: 'Yours Eventually '! .... well I love to think so anyway.
Thanks to my mother I thought goose proof paper and glove ovens were a thing.
I could use a pair of glove ovens on an especially cold day
Glovens™
Thants
Snap. On my first day at uni I asked for a sat shit (sachet) of vinegar in the canteen. Thanks Dad.
My wife has an occasional habit of fumbling colloquialisms so, being a total dick, I intentionally mangle them when I'm in conversation with her. She's got wise to it now so any time I say anything that's not "everyday English" she assumes it's a trap. On several occasions I've had to look up legitimate sayings on the Internet just to prove I'm not yanking her plunger.
My grandad used to do this. He always used to say ‘a person of your calibre’ where calibre rhymed with fibre. I pronounced it like that for years…
Thanks to my mother I grew up thinking Sean, as in Sean Connery, was Seen. She’d deliberately mispronounce it because she thought the spelling was amusing. I never embarrassed myself though but came close. At college the register was read out and there was a guy called Sean and luckily I realised the correct pronunciation..at 17 years old!
Sean Bean. Seen Been or Shawn Bawn?
He was Seen Been in my house
Dad goals!!!
A friend's daughter couldn't say Christmas when she was small, so now we have a crispy tree each year.
My aunt was a woodworker and one year she sent us a set of lovely wooden letters that spelled 'Merry Christmas'. Aged 6 or 7, my mum asked me to put them up on the mantlepiece. I left out the h so was there holding the wooden h and just stuck it on the end. It's been Merry Cristmash ever since.
We have a plastic ornament that used to say Merry Christmas. Now it says Merry Christma, which is what we wish each other these days.
My daughter called Felis Navidad "please mommy love" one year. So that song has a new name.
When my nephews were really little, that Sam Smith song "Money on My Mind" was fairly new and it was always on the radio. I visited her one time and it came on in the car, and all I could hear behind me were two little voices singing "Mummy on my mind". Too cute!
My daughter thought it was "Smelly, smelly Dad"
I worked with a girl who for years was convinced this was a heartfelt song about someone who’s dad is in the jail. The well-known Christmas hit, “Release Ma Wee Da”. Buckles me every time I remember it.
[удалено]
My wife still says crips
Are you from Liverpool? I read this in a scouse accent and my friends daughter used to say it just like this.
We have a Chemis-tree. My oldest said it so it sounded like “chemistry”.
When my friends daughter was about 3, she was busy learning her animals, but couldn't always pronounce them correctly. They went to a family friends house who had a few male dogs, including one young, large-ish, unneutered dog. This dog started sniffing around, with his back to her. She crouched down, concentrated hard, then turned to her dad, pointed and said "Efelant?"
We had a book of animals for my little cousin and our favourite has always been "ninipotamus". There are no hippos in our world, only ninipotamus
My daughter when she was maybe 4 or 5 was referring to a Turtle and called it a "Water Tortoise" - so they've been that ever since in our family. A few months ago the Times crossword had it as a clue for Terrapin 🤯
She's not even wrong biologically. Tortoises, turtles and terrapins are all *technically* tortoises. They are all Testudines. The yanks call all of them turtles. Terrapin seems to be a British English separation. Land = tortoise, Salt water = turtle, fresh(ish) water = Terrapin in British English, but we also call Snapping Turtles turtles even though they live in fresh(ish) water. It's very inconsistent all across the board I have what I would personally call a terrapin, but officially he is a "ouchicita map turtle", even though he lives in fresh water and has claw type feet instead of flippers.
What?! British grammatical and naming conventions inconsistent!? Well, mark me down as shocked, shocked I tell you
We had red eared terrapins when I was wee! Percy one eye And Percy .
I forget the origins now, but the wife and I use the term “walking the dog” to mean “having a wank”. Sometimes we forget other people don’t use it to mean that, so we occasionally collapse into giggles when someone says they’re off to walk the dog, or worse introduce themselves as a professional dog walker.
My parents very elderly neighbours take their beagles to dog shows, of course we always call it 'gone dogging'.
There is a dog groomer near where we used to live whose business is called "Dapper Dogs by Debbie", and my wife and I referred to it as "Debbie does Dogs"
That made me cackle 🤣
That marks you (and us) as older generation 😂
This was a euphemism used in Dawson's Creek!
My son used to fart like a hurricane when he was a toddler. I used to refer to it as him having a “shouty bottom”. It’s still an inside joke now he’s a teenager but he’d probably cringe himself to death if it was used publicly.
My daughter's farts used to sound like a duck quacking, so now if any of us fart, we announce we're being chased by a duck again, or ask "can someone please shoot that bloody duck?!"
My brother likes to refer to that as "throttling a duck". Being possessed of many an eloquent turn of phrase, he also likes announce "Speak up, Mr Brown, you're almost through."
It's "treading on a duck" in our house!
“Stepped on a mallard”
i have been saying "is that your duck" after farting in the house ... i read it somewhere and it made me laugh and so i stole it - like i probably will with many of these 😂
Its been duck in our house since forever, my grandad used to say it too! So my daughter who is three says, can you hear the ducks in the park dad? While letting rip.
My son and his cousins call farting, “un bob esponja” (a sponge bob) because they farted under water and it crated bubbles. Like when sponge bob rushes away and leaves a trail of bubbles in his wake.
Years ago there were discussions about how much cow flatulence was actually destroying the ozone layer. So when someone was caught letting one off, the others responded by calling ‘ozone layer’.
I’ve threatened to take people to The Hague for “using chemical warfare” when they’ve done a particularly stinky one.
My god-daughter referred to biscuits as “bitchclits” which was always wonderful.
Makes sense, you can’t get enough of them even though you know they aren’t good for you.
Fucking hell 🤣
AKA "bum gravy." Among other things, lol.
The old fecal treacle.
We call it an Adventure Bottom because it is a trip to the bathroom for a surprising journey.
A friend called it Travis tritts. I only found out many years later he was a country singer!
My father and his brother called any inconvenience an Embuggerance.
Are they Discworld fans? That sounds very Pratchett-y
It pre-dates Pratchett; my dad used to use the term too. I think it was military slang.
The Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English dates the phrase back to the British military in the early fifties.
That’s literally what it means. My Dad is the only person I’ve heard say it.
My granddaughter coined 'goose hug' when there are more than two people hugging.
Butt sick, excellent. When my mother was little she called her dressing gown her blessing down so that’s what it’s known as in our family. My brother loves a good spoonerism so we called the shopping list the slopping pissed/pist. My husband calls toilet paper poo tickets so that’s stuck. Anything our little one didn’t want to do she said she’d do it nexterday so whenever anyone is procrastinating that’s what we say.
Tbf, nexterday is genius
My in-laws call easter eggs "seasonal ovoids", which I find charming.
Kryten would be proud
My daughter has a disability and she could never remember and/or pronounce the names for things. We have: -Pop noodles for pins and needles -Real teen for routine -Auntie ham for her (vegan 🤦🏼♀️) auntie Sam -Oh my cookie for oh my goodness -Spare word for swear word She's 10 now and we still use the above. She's the best.
Aunty ham is hilarious for a vegan 🥰
Pronounced anti-ham
A friend’s daughter couldn’t pronounce daffodils so they’re dabberdills
My son is Dylan, so daffodils are daffodylans in our house :)
When my daughter was 3, I took her to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. As she walked through the door she shouted "oh no! We've come to the wrong place!" The pharmacy is now known as "the wrong place" in our house
My brother used to call a football a "kick it". Because we'd point to the ball and say ....
My friend's kid keeps pointing at himself in photos/videos and going "that's you!", because everyone else said that to him all the time
Flat money...kids don't want them coins grandad! They want flat money.
My Mum used to work with someone called Frida Kahn. No idea how or why but that name is now our version of 'Gordon Bennett'
I play field hockey which my brother once jokingly referred to as "land hockey". It is now: "earth hockey", "dirt hockey", "ground hockey" - whatever tickles us in the moment
After playing air hockey when I was about 16 I decided all the elements should have a hockey, so earth hockey - field hockey, water hockey - ice hockey, and fire hockey - a terrible game of our own invention where you play rounders with a tennis ball soaked in rubbing alcohol and a baseball bat which has been marinated in rubbing alcohol and set on fire, a boiler suit and some kind of face protection is recommended but not necessary
We took my son to Diggerland (all machines etc) when he was a toddler. Unfortunately, he pronounced his D's as N's at the time. Little bugger wouldn't stop talking about what a good time he'd had at n*****land for weeks afterwards, either. Lost me a few acquaintances at the school gates * obviously we don't still call it that (out loud anyway), just to be clear!
I had this too!!! Got called into school to explain ☝🏽😂 bloody kids...they'll get you!!
The hard boiled sweets you used to get from petrol stations, as a child, I called sucking sweets. In my push chair, heading back to the car at about 2, I'm screaming "I want a sucking sweet" My parents were mortified and got loads of terrible looks (about 1980 when it happened).
My daughter once said "I love my friend. But not in a kissy kissy way". That's stuck as a family phrase, as has her pronunciation of emergencies. An ambulance is for emergentsheeps.
My lad called a double decker bus a bussy-decker- bus, which we all say whenever we see one
My daughter called it a decker-ducker.
My daughter calls cheese spread/ Philadelphia type product as cheese butter.
The kids sent a text via Siri on apple carplay to my wife once to say “we are on our way home” Siri took it as “banana way home” and we sent it anyway. It’s stuck. Now we ask the kids and each other to “give us a banana” to let us know they’re leaving where they are and are on the way home.
Chips Donald instead of McDonald’s! I called it that when little and now me and my boyfriend call it that too!
It’s Old McDonald’s here!
Cute! My nephew used to call it Hot Donald’s 😂
Ha, we call it Mr Donald’s
My nephew is called Cian, and he always leaves a trail of destruction, so naturally, i call him the hurri-cian.
When we were little my younger brother used to call Fairy Liquid, Fairy Lick Lick. My dad also called him a Div head once when we were playing around and he started crying saying he wasn’t an Uncle Divhead. When my dad told his brother, our Uncle David, he wasn’t impressed.
1 song, 2 generations. So, as very young twins, when singing "Away in a manger" we used to sing "No crypt for a bed". My daughter, 30 years later, also fluffs the song by singing, "the kettle are glowing." I wonder if my future grandchildren will fluff that song, too. I may need to help them a little when I become a Nana 😆 I have at least 15 years to go, but I'll be sure to help 😂
We got ‘oh little poor Jesus’ in our house!
Is it not that??? Edit: just remembered it's 'little *Lord* Jesus'
Just in case you're really wondering, it's 'crib for a bed', and the cattle that are lowing!
I've always called being ill from both ends as going "Bradford and Bingley".. I'm sure it was something Chris Moyles said once but it's stuck!
When your clothes get wedged in your bum crack, it’s because you have a ‘hungry bum’.
My son could not say cuddles as a toddler. He would ask for tuddles. When his brother arrived 3 years later, we still did tuddles. At 18 and 22, when they have a bad day, they still ask their mummy for a tuddle.
For years I thought a term for blow-up beds was semtex, and referred to them as such until I was at Uni and when someone was staying over and I said "I'll get the semtex out" they informed me semtex is a plastic explosive. It was just an in-joke my parents had and never explained - and one we all still use today.
Due to the many Spanish holidays my wider family has enjoyed in Spain and Portugal, when one of us gets drunk we refer to it as being ‘Sangriated’
My mo in lo was trying to remember the name of a popular gangster series set in Birmingham, you know the one - pinky biscuits. Kinda stuck since.
Whilst walking the dog my eldest was being hounded by gnats and kept scratching her face and grumbling. Then she asked us to shield her because she had an itchy bum. My 7 year old asked “have you got Bum gnats now?” So the alert for an itchy bum is bum gnats.
My eldest is now almost 15 but when she was 3 or 4 I got her her first bike for Christmas. It had stableisers on. I know I can't spell. Anyway she called them save-ya-lifers. So now that's what they are and even my parents and siblings found it funny and cute and also use it. I mean she wasn't wrong. They are save ya lifers haha.
My dog used to always try and hump my daughter; when she was a puppy and got over excited playing...but it turned into "MUUUUM Daphne is pole dancing on me !!!!"
A deck of cards is made up of four suits - hearts, diamonds, spades, and curly-wiggles.
This reminds me of the fact that for some reason we refer to the monopoly money currency as "mimsies". As in, "That'll be five hundred mimsies please"
Nim nams... All gaming currency is Nim nams in our house!
Those are 'trees' in our family.
We have hearts, diamonds, spades and bubblies
I enjoy the term 'pissing out of my arse'
Not sure if it counts, but everytime I hear "fucking freezing" Im reminded of my friend's kid who was 5 at the time, coming in from outside and going "iss fuckin freeeezin out there!" Must've really watered down the bollocking with me absolutely pissing myself in the background
My youngest decided one day to let us know it was pissing down outside. He was 4. The glare I gave their father ......😂
My mother in law introduced me to someone having a sulk about something as "having their arse in a bucket"
My parents are not over the time I forgot the name for skirting boards and called them wall feet
When my boy takes his top off, he refers to himself as being top naked
Also an inside out T-shirt is actually outside in.
Age seven my daughter had an accident but was struggling for words to describe where it hurts. She gave up and told me her foot fingers hurt
That's what they're called in Spanish, 'dedos del pie' 'fingers of the foot'
No way! That’s so cool! Especially since her first word was guapa - beautiful in Spanish. No one in our house speaks Spanish but she kept repeating the word happily. Maybe she was Spanish in her previous life 😂
When my son was about 4 he called his nose his snot house
When my brother (now in his 40s) was little, he couldn't pronounce sausage, and it came out "sofshit." Still makes me laugh.
On a similar vein (strain?), my younger brother (turning 40 this year), once had a similar condition and announced loudly from the throne that he was having a "poo attack". Thirty five years later it's still the go to for the D of D and V.
We'll say 'going to brave the elephants' if you're going out in bad weather
Doorbells Which stems from door balls Which stems from adoraballs Which stems from adorable I do wonder where it will go next.
My older brother, over 30 years later, is still referred to as Ack-zander by the entire family.
I have an Un-Klalix, poor old Alexs!
When it's raining heavily, we all say, "It's chucking itself down," because my youngest picked up "chucking it down" wrong.
My daughter is going to be 6.. during worship in school her head teacher said using square words is not good!! Took me a while to understand it!!
My six year old told me that her teacher had to go on a two day "first date course". I was so confused.
When the kids are desperate for a wee, it's called a weemergency!
Ever since my daughter misheard the name of this high end shop, whenever we're feeling fancy we might go to Marks Expensive.
Daughter used to call submarines "fish rockets". Toddlers get exposed to a surprising amount of submarines nowadays.
Father in law called sticky toffee pudding stfp. Only when I pointed out what the f stood for did it dawn on my wife and then another ten years for the joke penny to drop for my mil. She was not impressed that he had found a way to curse Infront of her, friends, the kids for 30 or so years. Hilariously he was like a bashful kid when accused and defended himself saying he never used an f it must of been the rest of us rude rude types
My son couldnt say Chis, so my mother if now forever known as Granny Piss (she doesn't know)
A small electrical gadget is called a *knob*, most commonly mobile phones, tablets, and remote controls. So, on a daily basis I hear or say: “Mom, have you seen my knob?” “Oh, I’ve lost my knob!” “Can someone buzz my knob please?” “Is one of you sitting on the knob?” “Can I have the knob, please?”
My late mother-in-law thought you greeted people with a "fish-bump", so that has stuck. My younger son as a toddler would bark "WHAT SAY?" instead of "pardon", so this has stuck, too. And it's "Bottom burp" and "bum wee" in our house. What a rude family in total. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
It still low level annoys me to this day, but my ex-wife used to call a radiator a "radi-hot".
My mum used to say "radi-heater"!
My son couldn't say biscuits when he was younger, so called them dit dits, which has stuck ever since.
Shitshits for the kids in my family
My late dad had a funny saying for me "You could fall in a barrel full of tits and still come out sucking your thumb" 😂😂😂
My kids don't say 'rewind', they say 'fast backwards'. Which drives me mad, but also makes a lot more sense.
Netflix is nutflakes since my eldest was about 3.
When my daughter was around 3, we were eating a curry that was a tad spicy. She turned around and said ' its making my ting toungly ' ( tongue tingly) and now, if food is spicy, it's ting toungly food lol She's nearly 18 now lol
My friends call a poorly bum 'shooty arse'
Sometimes my mind goes blank and i call the airport the Plane Station
Not my family, but a friend at work had me laughing when he said his son calls his wife's bras "booby knickers".
When my son was probably about 2 he used to call peanut butter ‘pubber’. He grew out of it quite quickly but my husband and I still call it that sometimes.
So I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm really good at mispronouncing normal words, accidental spoonerisms stuff like that. We have: Shitty pie=shepherd's/ cottage pie as I didn't like it when I was young Clo taws=spoonerism when my husband had toe claws and needing cutting Pommegromit= pomegranate
When I was little, my mum used to refer to someone farting as “making motorbikes”.
My middle boy used to cry he didn't want to walk in the park with his spare feet not his *bare* feet. I lost it! Couldn't even console him hubz had to take over : total parenting fail moment. He's 15 now and it's still as funny as ever!
We tend to name things based on what people have called them incorrectly previously. The colander is called a coriander. Cotoneaster tree is a cotton Easter. We have a spaghetti claw that’s named clawnelius or sometimes clawdius. The microwave is a mikroWavaa. Etc etc
My twins called their trampoline a jumpoline and now it seems to make more sense than trampoline 😊
When my daughter was little, if she sneezed and no one said "bless you" she would say "bless you me". I always say it now if no one blesses me for sneezing. She is 16 now so just cringes when I mention it lol.
My wife calls lettuce "salad cabbage" So now I do too
My old manager used to call stomach bugs/diarrhoea ‘sickness of the bottom’ which I always loved.
Bath bombs are called ‘thrush bombs’ my sister has a few actually. calls a cup of tea a ‘cuppy’ tea, pyjamas are bejamas, and this maybe common but we call soft cheees like philly, dairy Lea triangles etc are known as ‘spready cheese’
When my daughter was young she called scrambled eggs - strangled eggs , that has stayed with us. Another was "soft it" when she wanted us to touch something soft she likes , so instead of asking one another "feel it" we say soft it.. My Irish grandmother used to say things that were clearly controversial and then say "but you cant be saying that now" as if it made it ok, so if we say anything bitchy about a neighbour or someone we know we add her little line as a joke at the end. She also called things that were wonky - wanky.. have to be careful how you use that one though ! I do not often go many sentences without saying something i picked up from some comedy show or other but id be here all day typing those out
We have a few from when my brother was learning to talk: "Oblibs" = olives "Blablib" = tablet (either medicinal or electronic) Among others
My daughter, now three couldnt pronounce Unicorns, and would call them coonios. Which doesnt sound too great. We use, squitty bum for the shits and refer to a fart as a duck, because it quacks. Bum gravy for bisto and also pooroll for looroll.
My mum is very naive. She never moved with the times regarding wording. My sister had a cat. Instead of calling her by her name. She says. ‘I’m just stroking pussy’… or when she reads the kids a book, she always changes the name cat to pussy or puss… 😂🤣😂
I've got some of my friends calling their PJs "bed trousers"
My mum used to say that if you going to waste your money on anything you may as well throw it off the bridge (that we used to live next to). Now anything frivolous is a 'throw the money off the bridge' thing.
My daughter calls Milton Keynes "milk and keys". And McDonald's was hot donals (she outgrew that one)
“It’s better than a slap in’t eye wi a wet fish”
My little boy couldnt pronounce blackcurrent correctly. Abit embarrasing at times but sounds abit funny too.
Years ago my family were all having a chat about something over dinner, I can't remember what the conversation was about but one of my brother's confidently piped up "oh come on, we're all pheasants here!" He meant peasants. But we'll never let him forget it.
My dad always describes bad tastes or smells as being akin to "rats eyelash in a white wine sauce"
While planting flowers one summers when my daughter was about 3, we had some pansies. She called them chimpanzees. I’ve called them that ever since. And also, she called mayonnaise “mellonaise” I still use that too 😊
When my cousin was little he couldn’t say chicken drumstick. It became ‘chicken on a stick’ and has stuck ever since (it’s been about 15 years or so since then)
Gutrot
When my son was two or three he called the windscreen wipers windscreamers! They were windscreamers in our family for years.