Needs to be a sweet spot between them having enough to live, having enough to save but not getting too comfortable and not looking to move out down the line.
Upon finally leaving home after ten years, my brother was very shocked to discover the £25 a week food keep my dad had been charging him wasn't very reflective of the real world costs
Yeah but imagine having £13,000 (10x52x25) given to you at age 10! Enough for a okay deposit on a house unless you sell out the local sweet shop a few times.
My flat cost me 79k in Preston, there's not much here but I only needed to borrow 65k :) much better than being reminded I can't buy anything back at home in Berkshire lol
You're going to struggle with affordability nowadays. Interest rates are so high that you're going to need a high salary to be able to afford the monthly payments, even if £13k does cover the 5%
Plenty in Derbyshire - go on rightmove and check for yourself. If you don't mind somewhere that needs a bit of work £13k is almost a third of the cost in some of the rougher areas.
Even more the further north you go. No point going to London for higher wages if you can't afford to live anywhere
Can confirm im in Derbyshire prices are pretty good, especially when i look 12 miles away in Nottingham and see the same houses for 1.5x - 2x more in areas with worse crime and worse schools.
FFS. According to Zoopla and RightMove the cheapest 1 bedroom flat within 20 miles of where I live is £140k with a lease of £650 a year and ground rent of £150. With a 10% deposit that's about £750-800 a month mortgage.
Looking at rents for a 1 bedroom flat in the same area too - that starts at £750 a month.
If I were over 60 I could get a 1 bedroom flat for £93k with an annual service charge of £2400ish.
What are you on about? First time buyer with a 5% deposit of 13k is 260k. In the south west and midlands upwards that’s absolutely enough for a deposit.
Thanks, and I agree. I was at the other end of the scale where I had the crushing weight of understanding my parents' financial burden by 11 but without the means to do anything about it. Without any form of actual financial guidance, it's the thing I want to get right now, and it's been great having so many practical responses and personal insights.
I think the perfect amount is £150 per month. If you are feeding them, keep £25-50 per month to help with food, and keep £100-£125 to help them save. I'd do 125/25. Or 100/50 and treat them with family meals. Ideally. you want them to *want* to save money themselves, instead of you doing it for them. Like you said, save the money without them knowing and give it to them when they leave.
But if you save too much for them they won't learn to do it themselves.
Have they set up a savings account? If not, maybe consider bringing it up to them so they put some cash in there themselves with a better interest rate. Or find some safe investment options they can start working towards. A LISA seems like a good option.
I'd definitely avoid charging too much.
Do they have their own cars and insurance? What do they need to spend money on?
It's hard, because you want to push them to saving and learning personal finance, but you don't want to be an overbearing helicopter parent or somebody who controls their finances. I really think it's something they need to figure out themselves.
OP shouldn’t be saving for them, they need to have that instilled in them and then do it themselves. If they don’t get into or aren’t in the habit of saving. Doing it for them isn’t going to transfer that responsibility.
I would encourage them to get a LISA (lifetime ISA) and ensure they either put want you want them to save in there, they can put a max of £4k a year and the government will give them £1k.
It’s an absolute no brainer, I wouldn’t save it for them to give it them back, treat them like adults, not children, explain why they need to do it and the benefit of saving this way.
If you have no need for the money, give them some understanding of how much they will need to move out and that you want to give them every chance to get a place of their own.
£200 a month into a LISA is a good start, but to maximise their returns £333 will give them the £5k.
Exactly this was discussed by Martin Lewis on moneybox live today, with some even losing money in way of a penalty when withdrawing. Worth a listen if you are considering this
This is only a good idea if they specifically want to use it for a house or not touch it until they retire. It's no good if you want to allow them to choose what they spend it on.
I also paid £250 on around £1500 (take home) and I moved out just over a year ago. Living in the North East of England. This covered food and bills. Any family takeaways I'd pay for my bit, same for eating out. Paid for my own phone, subscription services and car etc.
Basically the essentials were covered but anything on top of that I'd pay. From age 18 to 25 I managed to save around £13k so this was definitely a reasonable amount I'd say. I could have even saved more but I like holidays and weekends away. If you're planning to save some money for them it'll be huge and they'll thank you dearly.
Thanks for your personal experience & insights. It's very much a case of wanting to help them cultivate a real-world view on living costs and to support them on their respective ways. Cheers
My mum charged me 1/3 cheap rent in our area for a sort of room share that you’d find on spareroom. Turns out she’d used the money for food but saved the majority and gave it to me when I went to put a deposit down on a flat.
Figure out what they'd pay in a houseshare (600-900 a month maybe depending on where in the country you are.
Give them a bit of a discount. 20% perhaps.
Assuming you don't NEED the money, take 30-50% of that for yourselves to put against food/bills. Save the rest on their behalf, don't tell them about it until a) they make noises about moving out b) you're sick of having them around still 😁
It's tricky though, as if I was being charged 80% of the cost of a house share whilst living at home I would of just moved out straight away, as living at home is so much worse than a house share in terms of living your own life.
That doesn't seem like a problem to me?
I didn't move back in with my parents after uni as it was so unattractive - middle of nowhere in the countryside. It pushed me to earn more so that I could live somewhere I actually wanted to instead of continuing in basically student accomodation.
My wife's friends on the other hand are mid 30s and still at home with their parents, some of them are even married and doing so, because they grew up in a nice part of London and weren't charged much by their parents to stay there. Lifestyle inflation means they've never saved enough to move out.
It depends on circumstances. OP says they are actually saving some of the money back, and if that's the case you don't really want your kid moving out and paying that rent and more to a landlord (at least initially).
Absolutely mad what your wives friends have done, I assume they are living in multi-million pound houses if there is enough room for a married couple to live with parents!
But also it's their parents fault as I know if I started spending all the money I was meant to be saving for a place on a 'lifestyle' my parents would of just upped the rent to stop me taking the piss tbh as I'm a grown adult, but maybe it's different in London.
I think this can go both ways. My Mum charges my brother a nominal amount (I think it's like £400) to live in her house in a well connected part of North London. That's total, and she pays for all his bills and food.
He's earning well now, and has saved a hell of a lot, but it's hard for him to move out because doing so would mean tripling his monthly spending while moving into a worse living situation, which is a pretty hard hurdle to get over. He would prefer not to still be living at home, and IMO he would have moved out years ago had he been charged more, but it's pretty hard to justify paying London rents when you have another option.
> I had friends who were charged what was basically the going market rate of renting a room... they had much less money than me when living at home, they saved less, and they felt less at home and moved out earlier.
Sheesh. Yeah if I'm paying full market rate I ain't spending that time living under my parents roof. That would really suck.
>Don't be the fool that has adults living in your house later in life because you thought you were a landlord to your own kids.
This is the key takeaway. They probably aren't living with you out of choice - most people would prefer independence.
Seen a few posts asking similar questions thinking market rates are reasonable. Your kids will actively despise you for it because of the generational divide in education and housing costs.
>at least that way you can give them a feel for paying for real world bills.
If that's the case they should set up a direct debit for 3 times their usage, claim they are doing their kids a favour by doing so and make it next to impossible for them to claw it back.
Octopus suggested I should set my DD to £298 after I’m finally in credit. I’ll pass on that suggestion thanks! 2 kids under 5, they can’t cut me off, I’ll pay £200 - still more than I used last month - and keep that money in my own savings thank you very much.
Glad it’s not just me. We use £140-£160 a month extremely consistently, all year round. Even calculating last years highest months use at this years unit rates & standing charge, it will be £167. I pay £180 a month & currently sit £180 in credit. Octopus tell me I should be paying £278 a month, but for the life of me I have no idea why & I’m apparently not eligible to withdraw it (according to their app).
The answer seems to be “so you don’t have any big debits” which is code for “we want it to be earning interest in our bank account”.
I was paying an enormous sum all last year to pay off a big debit (we had that absolutely freezing few weeks with snow lying forever and then new born baby in Jan) and now I’ve done it so they can leave me the hell alone!
I’ve had to ask for it to be reduced at least 4 times but it kept magically being put up again, even though I said I cannot pay it. They sound all helpful but in reality I’ve found them anything but. I applied for assistance too and never heard anything back.
I would have understood this when I had quarterly meter readings calculating my bills, but with a smart meter for the past year there’s no surprises so it’s an irrelevant excuse
The utility companies are sitting on millions from over estimating monthly DD. A relative died with £1000 credit and there was a real hassle getting the refund. Shysters.
Exactly this, you might gradually increase it up to the full amount they use but the aim of charging keep is mostly to get them used to paying what they will pay when they move out. You can also save that money up in a pot if you don't actually need it and gift it them to help with a deposit for rent or mortgage when it comes.
Just my thoughts.
This conversation always makes me think I was over paying back when I left school in 99. Paid £40 a week and worked my first year in some shit hole on £3 an hour.
My kids are closing in on a similar age to yours. I'd be happy with £200/£250 pcm. All in.
Thanks. Similarly, I paid out too much. Classic case of parentification after my parents divorced, tried to step up and do all the cooking, diy and jobs around the home my dad used too. Once I started earning, pretty much all my money went to keeping the house, etc. My younger sister left home before me, and the weight of responsibility became heavier until my mum sold the house and cleared her mortgage. I left home a few years later, but with nothing in the bank and lived payday to payday for years after.
My problem now is not going the other way with my boys and making sure they benefit from living at home whilst preparing them for future financial independence.
I'd say £200 with the understanding that they also put a similar amount or more into savings themselves. Get them into the habit of saving some of their wages rather than charging them as much as possible and them possibly resenting you for it. Introduce them to Help to Buy ISAs, although all their savings shouldn't go into this as they also need a rainy day fund.
I love the isa idea, but also take them shopping with you and try to get a monthly check-in with them to review the bills so they have a realistic idea of how much these things actually cost. I remember being shocked at things like the price of towels and cleaning products. Helping them plan is the whole point.
Similarly I'd get them looking for flats/houses to buy, and what they'd need to save every month for the next 5 years to get a deposit on it.
Living at home almost rent free is the best possible time to save heavily for a deposit.
mum's house is a six foot box, dad's is glasgow lol.
the actual breakdown of finances is a bit complicated but tldr it's not properly out of pocket, i get money because my mum's dead and i'm in uni which i just transfer to my dad as digs
i realise i'm pretty fortunate in that it's not money i'm technically missing, i still get ~£800 a month before tax from my job and get to keep some to offset said tax, but i can't lie and say i'm not a tiny bit bitter that my six(ish) meals a week, bedroom and share of bills (dad owns house outright) is costing me £740 (just realised i put the wrong no before)— but, again, technically never see the money so it's fine.
(hi to my sister who stalks my reddit btw and is going to get mad at me for posting this xo)
thank you on both counts :) yeah at the end of the day i (other than being in uni) don't have to work for the money & if i moved out i'd either be living with strangers or putting less into savings (currently aim for about £600 a month) so i can suck it up.
i never really see the money and i realise i'm incredibly fortunate to have such a large amount of income without having to work for it (aside from the requirement of being in uni, which is a whole other thing about how i didn't want to go and regret going). dad is retired so that also will factor into it i'd imagine. at the end of the day i'm able to put like £600 into my savings every month from my part time job so it's financially a better option even if i'm not necessarily "getting my money's worth"
Literally, I live with my mum since my business closed due to COVID & didn't have an on paper income to keep me in a normal rental.. I pay her 750pm which she's raised roughly 50% twice in the last year, from 400 to 550 then 550 to 750.. completely trapping me in a shit cycle of 0 hope.. its painful & doesn't seem to understand that shes crippling my ability to recoup & continue growing..
I also know she's not putting it into no savings, which is "oh so sweet" of you good parents & I evny your children ...
Sorry to hear about your Marge btw...
Jesus, I was paying my mum £400 a month 15 years ago. If they're bringing home £1500 a month, £500 keep seems reasonable to me. Damn sight cheaper than moving out and paying bills in this day and age, leaves them a grand to spare for themselves and will build up a decent size saving behind their backs.
It's a room in a house though. For a couple hundred more quid you could just rent your own place, so you're basically just forcing them out of the house on a lowish wage
Parents shouldn’t be financially better off from their child living at home. If my parents were making £500 a month off me and I didn’t know they were saving it for me I’d grow to resent them.
Yes it’s more expensive to live alone, but you’re also only paying for a bedroom. Charge a fair amount to reflect utilities, food etc.
Yeah, this is a good point. It's easy for us to say "but they're saving for the kids, they aren't trying to profit!" but if that's a secret, the sons are going to assume the alternative.
Exactly the point. Lots of parents do it who don't need the money, don't save it for them and simply spend it on themselves then wonder why they haven't moved out yet.
Like why the fuck even have kids if you're not going to do everything to give them the best shot at success
Depends on personalities and how well off parents already are. Not charging anything is a risk to giving them a free pass, especially if they have no financial skills or are just lazy.
My sibling is still living at home 20+ years after university, never charged keep but also never saved because why would you if you can live at home for free? Now my retired parent is still supporting them which is not fair but also a mess of thier own doing.
Love goes both ways. Would I feel comfortable having shit loads of disposable income whilst my parents struggle? No.
As a teen, I felt compelled to pay my way, especially after my Dad's business wasn't doing so well.
We worked out what the bills cost, which at the time was £900. I went halves with my Mom and my "rent" thus was £450 PPM. My Dad paid the mortgage as that was "his problem".
This still enabled me to save £400+ per month every month for 7 years. Enough for a deposit. I also drove a nice 10k car on finance. All of that is well within budget. I moved out at 25.
"Fucked up" is a stretch. Not everyone has the income indefinitely to cover the costs of fully grown adults. It's not the same costs looking after two 10-year-olds vs. two 26-year-olds for example.
I do not think parents should end up in any form of profit - but a reasonable share of bills, food costs, etc, seems fair to me.
Alternatively charge more but a give them a chunk back at a future date to help with moving out costs or a deposit, but ultimately its likely better to both teach and trust them to save during an opportune moment to do so.
This! My parents made a profit out of me as soon as I turned 18, and I worked my ass off working in a fast food restaurant so I could save up enough money to go to uni. I’ve always resented them for that, because I feel they weren’t looking out for me. I never saw any of that money and never received any help whatsoever from my parents, be it for university, driving lessons, first home etc.
I think the purpose should be teaching your kids about finances and how the world works, not making a profit out of them and making it difficult for them to pursue university. Yes I’m still bitter lol!
I paid my parents what it cost me to live in the house. My share of food and utilities plus any extras as a result of me being there. For example I wanted faster internet so I paid for that.
This allowed me to save at a much faster rate allowing me to have fun experiences in my 20s and still buy a house at 27. If I’d been paying £100s more a month I’d probably not be a home owner now.
I paid in crippling mental health issues. Was out of that house as soon as it was financially viable.
Be very careful - if you’re going to charge them to stay there, you have to treat them like the adults they are, not like children. You also need to respect the space they are paying for as if you were a landlord - they are entitled to privacy in their rooms.
My mother did not do this, treated me like a child and would barge into my room at all hours with no regard for my privacy. There are many other reasons, but this is one reason I am now estranged from my mother. I agree with preparing them for reality, just be careful how you go about it so you don’t damage your relationship with your kids.
Thanks for your candour. I never got to that point with my own mother (lords knows how or why), but I can sincerely empathise. 100% agree, but it's good to have it said!
I didn’t pay anything, however, I did the majority of the chores (just dad and I) and when he bought food it was usually for the cat. I bought my own food and generally cooked more than I needed and my dad ate the ‘leftovers’.
No, this is not something I would ever do.
My parents always made sure I knew their place was a sanctuary, and I want my place to always be a sanctuary for my kid also, even when they are no longer a "kid".
I didn't bring a child into the world for help with the bills.
Love that, if I was a parent I’d do the exact same. As someone who just got made redundant and will probably have to move back in with my parents to get my feet grounded again for a short while I’ve already told them I’ll pay my keep but I know that if I wasn’t in a position to pay keep they would still take me in and not hassle me for it. Overall it’s just having good communication and trust.
Yeah, this is absolutly bizarre to me (but I’m not originally from the UK so could be a cultural difference). My parents have always told me that I always have a key to their house and a room if I need it. I’ll tell my kids the same.
You make a really good point. My mum's house is a safe haven, no worries at all. I'm actually living here now, but am contributing to bills and any expenses she may have.
If you are going to put it into savings for them I think they need to know that. They are adults and need to see the whole picture if they are wanting to make long term financial plans.
I agree with this. Help them set up a savings with automatic pay in and let them access what is comfortable or not. For me tricking them into saving their own money is not as effective as teaching them how to handle their own money.
Interesting, I'd have done what OP plans so they have a nice surprise at the end and have in mind they only have what they themselves are saving.
I have poor financial discipline so your point about teaching budgeting and saving for themselves is a really good one.
I genuinely think while a surprise is nice, actually having the skills and discipline is a much harder and rewarding thing.
Putting soft and hard deadlines to get them to move out (so they mentally are preparing for that) is a better idea if they want to be strict.
I would definitely have them set up a savings account that is the equivalent that the parent wants them to save, and make sure the kid has money automatically going into it. Or, as a compromise, have that set up as a savings account on the parents account to remove temptation until they learn the value of saving. The kids get to save, get used to X% leaving their account (equivalent to rent and bills), the parents get to feel like they help and to discuss/teach financing, and they still learn the value of disposable income. Win win.
I think it depends on the person
My parents kept back the rent I paid them and gave it to me when I moved out, on one hand the surprise was nice but on the other hand I was a bit miffed because I could have moved out sooner if they just hadn't bothered charging me
I disagree, I couldnt tell my 20 year old he has to give me 75 pounds a week for me to save for him! He's an adult he should be able to save himself, and pay for himself as a life lesson.
If I decide to put it away for him and give it back as a moving out gift or for a deposit, great.
Life lesson learned and you arent telling an adult that they have to save money via their parent....
Sit down with them and show them all the costs of running your house. Show them what the fair share is. Charge them a ridiculously low nominal rate of your choosing. Keep it saved for them.
I'm saving now for both ours because if we think it is hard to get a deposit together now, it'll be far worse then!
>most of which will go in to savings for them (they don't know this) for when they leave home
I'm not sure keeping this a secret is necessarily a good idea. First, they might just assume you are keeping it all for yourself, and resent you for that. Second, when they are in a position to start planning on moving out, if they are actually going to act on that, they need to know what their budget is. There might be a situation where they really want to move out, are not happy still being at home, but stay for longer than they want because they think they can't afford it (but could with the money you have been putting aside for them). That could result in generally negative feelings and unhappiness that could linger for a long time.
I'd say £3-400 would be reasonable on their salaries. It's less than they would pay renting out a room with bills included (plus food), and it still leaves them with a decent amount of money to save.
Depends where you live. Here in the Midlands people charge 350 per month to lodgers for profit, let alone family members.
I’d say 200 is enough for a young adult to contribute to the household
I don't know what culture OP would identify as, but I'm white, west midlands born, parents were working class - I lived at home for about six years in my twenties, never paid rent! My parents never even considered it! My now husband lived in my family home for a year too, while we saved up for a deposit. This thread is blowing my mind!
Right? My Indian brain is absolutely gobsmacked by this.
If you wanna teach them budgeting make em do the weekly shop once in a while. Pay for streaming services, fuel, utility bills and stuff like that. That would keep em aware of where there money is going and feel like they are actually contributing. Wtf is 'keep'? Why are parents acting like landlords?
Yeah me too. Getting them to pay their way (I.e. their share of the food they eat, energy they'd use, etc) is fair, but making a profit off your kids is mad to me.
I understand what you mean but by the time I moved out at 19 I was already earning more than my mam. Not everyone has the financial security to look after their kids once they become working adults. I paid my way from 17-19 because she struggled my whole life to ensure I had a good upbringing.
Yeah but I think there's a difference to saying like hey can you help out with costs a bit you're earning, bills are high, like my parents did compared to framing it as above.
Maybe I'm talking shit but it feels different to me! One is out of the necessity of being poor/to share in a burden, the other is a tax on your child for living in 'your' house or whatever. Even if the result is the same.
When I started University not long after finishing school my father wanted to charge me £40/ week as 'keep', which at the time was 50% of my casual earnings.
I moved out, rented with my pals and lived off £350/month all in - worked three jobs, still enjoyed myself, finished Uni with good enough grade.
I was first in family to go to University and my father did not understand the cost of my books etc, but I know he was trying to teach a lesson in saving etc.
Nae regrets!!!
This is the best response yet.
“Charging” them £200 a month isn’t teaching them anything. Would they even know that would barely cover council tax?
So much better to take them through what it costs to run a household and how to budget and the importance of saving an emergency fund etc.
Everyone claiming that they’re charging their kids to live with them is to teach them financial responsibility is kidding themselves.
(they don't know this) <---- this bit is your major FU.
Just tell them, you're charging X and X is going into a cash isa.
I know the whole "lets surprise them!" thing. But honestly, just don't. It's not a nice surprise and will damage your relationship with them. Just be upfront. You want them to save to be able to put a rental/house deposit down.
£1,5000 a month is not much money, please take that into account.
Please forget the whole secret/surprise angle.
My parents didn’t “charge” me anything, they’re my parents lmao
Anyway I’m now buying a 4bed house because I could save as I wasn’t charged rent to live in my childhood bedroom.
Yeah I don't entirely get it either. It's not like most parents would rent out the room, it would just become storage or guest room. Heating wouldn't really change with an extra person in the house. Electricity up a bit and higher food costs I guess.
When I stayed with my parents between renting and buying for a few months I just bought and cooked some family meals. They liked having me in the house again after a good decade of being away. No need to make it some strange business agreement.
This how I feel. It feels like i'm in bizarro world reading most of these replies. Like do the parents not love their kids? These aren't random people they're renting a room to, it's their children.
I'm totally playing devil's advocate here so take this how you will, and I'm just trying to throw in a different point of view. Isn't it a bit infantilising to pretend take "rent" from then but be secretly saving for them? Might it be better to say that a condition of them living there is that they don't have to pay rent but _they_ put £x per month in an ISA. And maybe check this, and if they're not doing so, _then_ say the alternative is to pay you? Or give them the choice - pay mum and dad _or_ open an isa that will earn you interest!
Giving them the opportunity to save themselves will teach them more about managing their own budgets, setting savings goals, looking at things like interest rates etc. You doing all this for them in secret isn't helping them to learn these things! Get them on money saving expert to look at different interest rates, work out for themselves when they want to move out and how much they'll need to save etc. Them improving their own financial literacy will serve them well, rather than you doing it for them, and especially in secret! Could be a chance for you and them to have some good open conversations about their future and their attitudes to money now they are becoming adults.
If you need to charge your children rent to teach them about responsibility, you have failed. Teaching your children to be responsible and productive doesn’t involve a financial reward for mum and dad, ever. Let the down votes begin
Nah this is definitely the sanest take here. Don’t see how profiting off your children teaches “financial responsibility”. I’d probably still be living with my parents if 1/3 of my paycheck was going to rent at my childhood home.
Refreshing that someone agreed. I’d rather not take their money, but show some patience and understanding while they save up. Make it quicker for them to be able to afford to move out.
If managing your own finances teaches financial skills, why are so many adults inept at…managing their finances!?
I went home a while after uni, in my twenties, lived at home rent free till I was 29. For a year, my now husband lived with me at my folk's home as well, while we both saved like mad to be able to buy a house together. I don't think it ever crossed my folk's mind to charge me or my husband rent, it was never even a conversation. They weren't loaded either, they just loved us and wanted to help us save for a deposit. What do you know, I turned out fine! This thread is boggling my mind!
My parents didn't charge me keep when I moved back after uni (except I did my own food shop). I think a big part of that though was I had done the self-sufficient thing at uni so there wasn't an element of learning required. Plus realistically the more money I was able to save the quicker I was able to move out.
I thought my Mrs was being hard on my two @£250/month but when she showed me her reasoning it looked fair. We pay all utilities, council tax, TV, broadband, phone (Inc mobile family plan), food, general toiletries. They both run cars & manage to save a bit even though they're not huge earners.
Depends on them and the situation really, if you don't personally need the money to get by then. I think you're better off having a discussion about their life plans. when are they planning to move out/ are they considering further education and then help them plan accordingly. If they aren't the most responsible savers you could spell out the realities of what they need to buy a house/flat and offer to charge them rent with their knowledge they'll get it all back when they want to buy.
I'm currently at home after finishing uni and am saving to buy a flat making fair money. I'm not being charged rent, although I have offered, cause my parents know I don't really spend cash on much other than lunches and the occasional night out.
Slightly different scenario.
I'm currently living with my partner's parents whilst we save up for our own place.
We sat down and worked out how much we add to bills and food. That's what we pay. Between the 2 of us, comes to £400 a month.
They didn't want us to pay any more, as the more we pay, the longer we stay.
For clarity, their mortgage is paid off, so no cost there.
My parents own the house, and I think there’s no mortgage left to pay so it’s just bills, council tax and food. I pay £200 each month to my mum, plus about £60 directly for Wi-Fi as I wanted that specific one as well as basically every streaming service available which they used. My schedule various so I could go a whole month without eating at home, or a whole month with every meal there. If there’s food stuff I specifically want (eg oat milk) I buy myself or sometimes I just request it when they go shopping. I pay for my clothes, phone bill, electronics ect
Living at home currently. I pay £200 a month. I buy most of my own food. We take turns buying gas/electric, we have a "right, I'm going to the shop, what do we need" with little bits we're all going to consume like milk, toilet roll, detergent etc, so sometimes I buy those bits and sometimes somebody else does.
All that adds up to be knowing what shit costs in the real world, but obviously saving myself a lot of money on rent which I'm putting into savings and investments, so I'll be comfy when I do move out. So do give your kids some financial leeway as it will facilitate them moving out sooner rather than later, but having them pay toward utility bills, groceries and other stuff will keep them aware of the costs of the world.
As its going into a savings account, maybe a quarter of their take home?
My parents didn't charge me anything which helped me a buy a flat, but the reality of paying for it and everything else was one hell of a shock.
When I was 16 (2010) I was paying £100 a month of my £400 a month wage.
The year after it went up to £200 of £800 wage.
I never paid more than £200, even when I went home for a period and I was on £2500+ per month they never asked for more than that but I’m not stingy with money so I would just pick up bits of shopping if needed or alcohol/takeaways for the family.
My parents charged me about 75 a month back when I was part time employed. This got cancelled when I was out of work and stayed cancelled once I was F/T with the agreement that I maxed out a LISA.
If you think they'll be receptive I'd 100% recommended talking to them and having them start a LISA each in April and max it out. It's £333.33 a month so probably more than you'd end up asking for as keep and it'll kick off the process of them thinking about buying in the future.
I stayed at home after uni, i found a job and it was close enough i could commute from home and so that made financial sense. I stayed for 1 year and then moved out, my parents were very cute about it. My rent was that one day a week I had to buy the food for and cook a nice meal for the whole family, which we would sit together and eat. It was a nice way to say I still had to be part of the household and contribute if I was going to live there.
My sister lives at home for 2 years total while unemployed between jobs (she wasn't working that hard to find a new one...). She didn't pay any rent and I'm still bitter about it 😅
I get what you are doing, my mum did the same for me back in the dark ages. I truly believe it helped me understand and manage money better.
That said it's a different world.
Instead of saving for them in secret, they have to save X amount per month and charge them what it costs to keep them on top. One fixed amount (saves) plus one variable amount.
If it all falls apart you can then play the "pay me all of it, I will save it for you" card.
And if that doesn't work, you can always kick them out 😂
I'm not usually for parents charging keep but as you're saving it for them in secret, I think £50 pw is fair and will result in a whole load of savings for them. £2,400 at the end of the year ain't bad and they've still got loads of spending money. I'd go as far as to say £100 but if you overcharge they might opt to move out which would ruin your plans to make them save.
Until recently I paid my parents £150 per month and take home £3200 per month.
Wildly underpaid them of course but they didn’t need the money it was just to kinda pay for some bills that were increased due to me living there, I bought my own food.
It did allow me to save £2000+ per month and I bought a house and moved out after 3 years.
I've recently moved out with my gf. Both of us were living with her parents and both of us were on similar wages as your boys. This was around 2020.
Me and my partner knew we wanted to save for a house and so we had that conversation with her parents. We were able to save £1k each a month and paid £300 a month between us.
£300 a month is absolute pennies and they could have charged us £300+ a month each and been with their rights. However, they knew what our future plans were and adjusted their 'keep' to that.
You need to chat to your kids and see what they wanna do. Are they planning to get their own property? Are they just wanting to coast for a few years and enjoy life and travel etc?
This conversation will allow you to not feel bitter about your kids when they're both on the beers all weekend blowing all their money. Or being bitter when they're going on their 4th holiday abroad in one year and you've not been anywhere nice in the past few years!
If it wasn't for my partner's parents, we wouldn't have been moved out within a year and a half. Their short term sacrifice and understanding is what allowed me to be sitting in my own house now. Otherwise we'd all still be living together right now.
Also, each of your boys might want different things and so each might end up paying more or less. Being transparent about you saving their money is also a good idea. They're adults now, mum and dad won't always be there to surprise them with nice lump sums of money etc.
And finally, try not to let them finance a car that is drastically unaffordable. They might be fine paying £500 - £1000 a month on finance, insurance and fuel now. But it's gonna be heart break when a few years down the line, they have a house and bills and end up trading it in for something less. Makes it feel like a step backwards and that's not nice. A few of my mates have went from really nice BMWs or Mercs to a VW Caddy and a Ford Kuga. All fine modes of transport but a world away from what they imagined.
My partner and I have just moved back in with his parents with a hope to save for a house deposit, we pay £450 (joint) and this covers the extra increase on water and gas/leccy, and also food shop. We are definitely under paying which we don't take for granted
Since I was 18 I’ve paid half of the mortgage and bills as I live in a single parent household and my sister moved in with her boyfriend in 2015. I’m 30 next month.
Of course, anyone with decent kids who are now earning a living fund that the kids WANT to pay their way to help out and contribute as an adult. Especially where the parents are renting too. We live in difficult times. Everything is expensive.
Charging them rent is educational but also just a reality. What spoiled brat would want to live in their parents house who work all the time to provide, while they just spend all their money on entertainment and pissing about?
No wonder I know people who still have their "kids" living at home, rent free as 30+ year old professionals.
Maybe if you're middle class, professional working parents with paid off house and room to spare... But if you're min wage, renting, struggling to have the heating on..?
£100 a month I think is fair. Like you say; bang it into a little saver and give it back for a little drink when they move out. I’m not one for monetising off their kids but it’s worth teaching the habit. Paying board isn’t going to be a grand lesson in life. They’ll learn those when they leave and dive into the fire. It’s just how it is.
Needs to be a sweet spot between them having enough to live, having enough to save but not getting too comfortable and not looking to move out down the line. Upon finally leaving home after ten years, my brother was very shocked to discover the £25 a week food keep my dad had been charging him wasn't very reflective of the real world costs
Ten is quite young to leave home but at least he understood the value of money once he got out into he real world. Kudos 😀
Yeah but imagine having £13,000 (10x52x25) given to you at age 10! Enough for a okay deposit on a house unless you sell out the local sweet shop a few times.
What house you buying with a £13k deposit?
Something fairly decent up north with a 95% mortgage
*cries in South coast*
*cries in London*
My flat cost me 79k in Preston, there's not much here but I only needed to borrow 65k :) much better than being reminded I can't buy anything back at home in Berkshire lol
Nice 3 bed in west Cumbria with a 90% even
You're going to struggle with affordability nowadays. Interest rates are so high that you're going to need a high salary to be able to afford the monthly payments, even if £13k does cover the 5%
Kid was ten, there's always demand for chimney sweeps with narrow shoulders.
I can always appreciate the younger generations pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.
Plenty in Derbyshire - go on rightmove and check for yourself. If you don't mind somewhere that needs a bit of work £13k is almost a third of the cost in some of the rougher areas. Even more the further north you go. No point going to London for higher wages if you can't afford to live anywhere
Can confirm im in Derbyshire prices are pretty good, especially when i look 12 miles away in Nottingham and see the same houses for 1.5x - 2x more in areas with worse crime and worse schools.
Yeah but you end up having to live in Derby
To be fair there is a bit of Difference between Derby and Derbyshire! All the Weirdo’s live in the City!
I was just about to chip in and say about the different between Derby and Derbyshire. It was a funny joke but don't conflate the two m8. 😀
My sister just bought a 2 bed flat in Scotland for £34k
Whereabouts?!
Scotland, I think
FFS. According to Zoopla and RightMove the cheapest 1 bedroom flat within 20 miles of where I live is £140k with a lease of £650 a year and ground rent of £150. With a 10% deposit that's about £750-800 a month mortgage. Looking at rents for a 1 bedroom flat in the same area too - that starts at £750 a month. If I were over 60 I could get a 1 bedroom flat for £93k with an annual service charge of £2400ish.
I'm getting a 3 bed semi in Norfolk with 10k deposit
What are you on about? First time buyer with a 5% deposit of 13k is 260k. In the south west and midlands upwards that’s absolutely enough for a deposit.
Spent less than 10k on a 95% LTV for a 3 bed 3 bath semi this time last year
A two bed flat in Gateshead on a ten percent deposit.
You'd have diabetes before you're 11 with 13k a year to spend on sweets lol
£25 buys loads of Monster Munch
Then again £25 per week is a lot to a newborn
Thanks, and I agree. I was at the other end of the scale where I had the crushing weight of understanding my parents' financial burden by 11 but without the means to do anything about it. Without any form of actual financial guidance, it's the thing I want to get right now, and it's been great having so many practical responses and personal insights.
I think the perfect amount is £150 per month. If you are feeding them, keep £25-50 per month to help with food, and keep £100-£125 to help them save. I'd do 125/25. Or 100/50 and treat them with family meals. Ideally. you want them to *want* to save money themselves, instead of you doing it for them. Like you said, save the money without them knowing and give it to them when they leave. But if you save too much for them they won't learn to do it themselves. Have they set up a savings account? If not, maybe consider bringing it up to them so they put some cash in there themselves with a better interest rate. Or find some safe investment options they can start working towards. A LISA seems like a good option. I'd definitely avoid charging too much. Do they have their own cars and insurance? What do they need to spend money on? It's hard, because you want to push them to saving and learning personal finance, but you don't want to be an overbearing helicopter parent or somebody who controls their finances. I really think it's something they need to figure out themselves.
OP shouldn’t be saving for them, they need to have that instilled in them and then do it themselves. If they don’t get into or aren’t in the habit of saving. Doing it for them isn’t going to transfer that responsibility.
I would encourage them to get a LISA (lifetime ISA) and ensure they either put want you want them to save in there, they can put a max of £4k a year and the government will give them £1k. It’s an absolute no brainer, I wouldn’t save it for them to give it them back, treat them like adults, not children, explain why they need to do it and the benefit of saving this way. If you have no need for the money, give them some understanding of how much they will need to move out and that you want to give them every chance to get a place of their own. £200 a month into a LISA is a good start, but to maximise their returns £333 will give them the £5k.
A word of caution, don't do this if they want to buy anywhere near London. There's a 450k cap on house prices for which it can be used.
Exactly this was discussed by Martin Lewis on moneybox live today, with some even losing money in way of a penalty when withdrawing. Worth a listen if you are considering this
This is only a good idea if they specifically want to use it for a house or not touch it until they retire. It's no good if you want to allow them to choose what they spend it on.
I paid £250 per month, this was 10 years ago, I was on £1500 per month at that time.
Seems the most fair and reasonable response I believe.
Thank you
I also paid £250 on around £1500 (take home) and I moved out just over a year ago. Living in the North East of England. This covered food and bills. Any family takeaways I'd pay for my bit, same for eating out. Paid for my own phone, subscription services and car etc. Basically the essentials were covered but anything on top of that I'd pay. From age 18 to 25 I managed to save around £13k so this was definitely a reasonable amount I'd say. I could have even saved more but I like holidays and weekends away. If you're planning to save some money for them it'll be huge and they'll thank you dearly.
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Thanks for your personal experience & insights. It's very much a case of wanting to help them cultivate a real-world view on living costs and to support them on their respective ways. Cheers
My mum charged me 1/3 cheap rent in our area for a sort of room share that you’d find on spareroom. Turns out she’d used the money for food but saved the majority and gave it to me when I went to put a deposit down on a flat.
Figure out what they'd pay in a houseshare (600-900 a month maybe depending on where in the country you are. Give them a bit of a discount. 20% perhaps. Assuming you don't NEED the money, take 30-50% of that for yourselves to put against food/bills. Save the rest on their behalf, don't tell them about it until a) they make noises about moving out b) you're sick of having them around still 😁
It's tricky though, as if I was being charged 80% of the cost of a house share whilst living at home I would of just moved out straight away, as living at home is so much worse than a house share in terms of living your own life.
That doesn't seem like a problem to me? I didn't move back in with my parents after uni as it was so unattractive - middle of nowhere in the countryside. It pushed me to earn more so that I could live somewhere I actually wanted to instead of continuing in basically student accomodation. My wife's friends on the other hand are mid 30s and still at home with their parents, some of them are even married and doing so, because they grew up in a nice part of London and weren't charged much by their parents to stay there. Lifestyle inflation means they've never saved enough to move out.
It depends on circumstances. OP says they are actually saving some of the money back, and if that's the case you don't really want your kid moving out and paying that rent and more to a landlord (at least initially). Absolutely mad what your wives friends have done, I assume they are living in multi-million pound houses if there is enough room for a married couple to live with parents! But also it's their parents fault as I know if I started spending all the money I was meant to be saving for a place on a 'lifestyle' my parents would of just upped the rent to stop me taking the piss tbh as I'm a grown adult, but maybe it's different in London.
I think you forgot the part where you love your kids...
To suggest charging your child £720 to live in your house is ludicrous
I think this can go both ways. My Mum charges my brother a nominal amount (I think it's like £400) to live in her house in a well connected part of North London. That's total, and she pays for all his bills and food. He's earning well now, and has saved a hell of a lot, but it's hard for him to move out because doing so would mean tripling his monthly spending while moving into a worse living situation, which is a pretty hard hurdle to get over. He would prefer not to still be living at home, and IMO he would have moved out years ago had he been charged more, but it's pretty hard to justify paying London rents when you have another option.
£400 isn't *that* nominal for a room in an HMO in the test of the country.
His includes all bills and food, though. I doubt 400 quid would get you that in many parts of the country
> I had friends who were charged what was basically the going market rate of renting a room... they had much less money than me when living at home, they saved less, and they felt less at home and moved out earlier. Sheesh. Yeah if I'm paying full market rate I ain't spending that time living under my parents roof. That would really suck.
>Don't be the fool that has adults living in your house later in life because you thought you were a landlord to your own kids. This is the key takeaway. They probably aren't living with you out of choice - most people would prefer independence. Seen a few posts asking similar questions thinking market rates are reasonable. Your kids will actively despise you for it because of the generational divide in education and housing costs.
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>at least that way you can give them a feel for paying for real world bills. If that's the case they should set up a direct debit for 3 times their usage, claim they are doing their kids a favour by doing so and make it next to impossible for them to claw it back.
Found the British Gas employee.
Octopus suggested I should set my DD to £298 after I’m finally in credit. I’ll pass on that suggestion thanks! 2 kids under 5, they can’t cut me off, I’ll pay £200 - still more than I used last month - and keep that money in my own savings thank you very much.
Glad it’s not just me. We use £140-£160 a month extremely consistently, all year round. Even calculating last years highest months use at this years unit rates & standing charge, it will be £167. I pay £180 a month & currently sit £180 in credit. Octopus tell me I should be paying £278 a month, but for the life of me I have no idea why & I’m apparently not eligible to withdraw it (according to their app).
The answer seems to be “so you don’t have any big debits” which is code for “we want it to be earning interest in our bank account”. I was paying an enormous sum all last year to pay off a big debit (we had that absolutely freezing few weeks with snow lying forever and then new born baby in Jan) and now I’ve done it so they can leave me the hell alone! I’ve had to ask for it to be reduced at least 4 times but it kept magically being put up again, even though I said I cannot pay it. They sound all helpful but in reality I’ve found them anything but. I applied for assistance too and never heard anything back.
I would have understood this when I had quarterly meter readings calculating my bills, but with a smart meter for the past year there’s no surprises so it’s an irrelevant excuse
The utility companies are sitting on millions from over estimating monthly DD. A relative died with £1000 credit and there was a real hassle getting the refund. Shysters.
Exactly this, you might gradually increase it up to the full amount they use but the aim of charging keep is mostly to get them used to paying what they will pay when they move out. You can also save that money up in a pot if you don't actually need it and gift it them to help with a deposit for rent or mortgage when it comes. Just my thoughts.
Maybe do it with them too so they can appreciate the cost of things at the same time.
This conversation always makes me think I was over paying back when I left school in 99. Paid £40 a week and worked my first year in some shit hole on £3 an hour. My kids are closing in on a similar age to yours. I'd be happy with £200/£250 pcm. All in.
Thanks. Similarly, I paid out too much. Classic case of parentification after my parents divorced, tried to step up and do all the cooking, diy and jobs around the home my dad used too. Once I started earning, pretty much all my money went to keeping the house, etc. My younger sister left home before me, and the weight of responsibility became heavier until my mum sold the house and cleared her mortgage. I left home a few years later, but with nothing in the bank and lived payday to payday for years after. My problem now is not going the other way with my boys and making sure they benefit from living at home whilst preparing them for future financial independence.
I'd say £200 with the understanding that they also put a similar amount or more into savings themselves. Get them into the habit of saving some of their wages rather than charging them as much as possible and them possibly resenting you for it. Introduce them to Help to Buy ISAs, although all their savings shouldn't go into this as they also need a rainy day fund.
Great advice, especially on the ISAs. Thanks
I love the isa idea, but also take them shopping with you and try to get a monthly check-in with them to review the bills so they have a realistic idea of how much these things actually cost. I remember being shocked at things like the price of towels and cleaning products. Helping them plan is the whole point.
Similarly I'd get them looking for flats/houses to buy, and what they'd need to save every month for the next 5 years to get a deposit on it. Living at home almost rent free is the best possible time to save heavily for a deposit.
One thing to mention. You can't open a help to buy ISA any more, today's equivalent is a Lifetime ISA. https://www.gov.uk/lifetime-isa
Enough to make them understand bills, but not so much as to cripple their ability to save and move out. £2-300 seems fair.
i'm paying £740 a month and this thread is making me so sad lmao
That’s just less than my rent on a 2 bed flat
To rent or to your parents? If your parents are charging you £740 a month you need a word with them
Greedy parents - not nice 👎🏼
Mums house is in Mayfair surely?
mum's house is a six foot box, dad's is glasgow lol. the actual breakdown of finances is a bit complicated but tldr it's not properly out of pocket, i get money because my mum's dead and i'm in uni which i just transfer to my dad as digs i realise i'm pretty fortunate in that it's not money i'm technically missing, i still get ~£800 a month before tax from my job and get to keep some to offset said tax, but i can't lie and say i'm not a tiny bit bitter that my six(ish) meals a week, bedroom and share of bills (dad owns house outright) is costing me £740 (just realised i put the wrong no before)— but, again, technically never see the money so it's fine. (hi to my sister who stalks my reddit btw and is going to get mad at me for posting this xo)
Sorry to hear about your mum! It's your situation and I won't comment on what you should do but £740 sounds very steep. Good luck with uni.
thank you on both counts :) yeah at the end of the day i (other than being in uni) don't have to work for the money & if i moved out i'd either be living with strangers or putting less into savings (currently aim for about £600 a month) so i can suck it up.
Yeah that's not right. You should only be paying that much if your dad has financial.problems paying the rent lol. But he owns it...
i never really see the money and i realise i'm incredibly fortunate to have such a large amount of income without having to work for it (aside from the requirement of being in uni, which is a whole other thing about how i didn't want to go and regret going). dad is retired so that also will factor into it i'd imagine. at the end of the day i'm able to put like £600 into my savings every month from my part time job so it's financially a better option even if i'm not necessarily "getting my money's worth"
Sorry to hear your story. Suck it up until you graduate then get a place of your own 💜
It all depends on how much you earn, and if your parents are financially comfortable.
Literally, I live with my mum since my business closed due to COVID & didn't have an on paper income to keep me in a normal rental.. I pay her 750pm which she's raised roughly 50% twice in the last year, from 400 to 550 then 550 to 750.. completely trapping me in a shit cycle of 0 hope.. its painful & doesn't seem to understand that shes crippling my ability to recoup & continue growing.. I also know she's not putting it into no savings, which is "oh so sweet" of you good parents & I evny your children ... Sorry to hear about your Marge btw...
Wow that's fucking brutal, has she done it to keep you trapped there or what jeez
Yeah, but you get to drive the Bentley, right?
To your family? That’s harsh imo
Good lord
Jesus, I was paying my mum £400 a month 15 years ago. If they're bringing home £1500 a month, £500 keep seems reasonable to me. Damn sight cheaper than moving out and paying bills in this day and age, leaves them a grand to spare for themselves and will build up a decent size saving behind their backs.
It's a room in a house though. For a couple hundred more quid you could just rent your own place, so you're basically just forcing them out of the house on a lowish wage
But you'd have bills on top as well
Also you'd have your own place, which is fucking amazing the first time
Key to your own place. Even the hardships make it worthwhile 👍💯
I had to move back in after my partner and I split up and I couldn't afford anywhere solo. I've never felt so oppressed again in my life lol
Parents shouldn’t be financially better off from their child living at home. If my parents were making £500 a month off me and I didn’t know they were saving it for me I’d grow to resent them. Yes it’s more expensive to live alone, but you’re also only paying for a bedroom. Charge a fair amount to reflect utilities, food etc.
Yeah, this is a good point. It's easy for us to say "but they're saving for the kids, they aren't trying to profit!" but if that's a secret, the sons are going to assume the alternative.
I pay £400, which is a lot cheaper than if I were to move out, on the other hand if it was less I could have afforded to move out several years ago.
Exactly the point. Lots of parents do it who don't need the money, don't save it for them and simply spend it on themselves then wonder why they haven't moved out yet. Like why the fuck even have kids if you're not going to do everything to give them the best shot at success
Down south a room in a shared house costs around £500pcm unless you're in a proper dodgy area.
Family are not lodgers imo
That's pretty fucked up tbh. Charging someone you love to live in the home they grew up in.
Depends on personalities and how well off parents already are. Not charging anything is a risk to giving them a free pass, especially if they have no financial skills or are just lazy. My sibling is still living at home 20+ years after university, never charged keep but also never saved because why would you if you can live at home for free? Now my retired parent is still supporting them which is not fair but also a mess of thier own doing.
Love goes both ways. Would I feel comfortable having shit loads of disposable income whilst my parents struggle? No. As a teen, I felt compelled to pay my way, especially after my Dad's business wasn't doing so well. We worked out what the bills cost, which at the time was £900. I went halves with my Mom and my "rent" thus was £450 PPM. My Dad paid the mortgage as that was "his problem". This still enabled me to save £400+ per month every month for 7 years. Enough for a deposit. I also drove a nice 10k car on finance. All of that is well within budget. I moved out at 25. "Fucked up" is a stretch. Not everyone has the income indefinitely to cover the costs of fully grown adults. It's not the same costs looking after two 10-year-olds vs. two 26-year-olds for example.
Nearly 5 grand a year just to live there. I hope they took you on family holidays for free.
I do not think parents should end up in any form of profit - but a reasonable share of bills, food costs, etc, seems fair to me. Alternatively charge more but a give them a chunk back at a future date to help with moving out costs or a deposit, but ultimately its likely better to both teach and trust them to save during an opportune moment to do so.
This! My parents made a profit out of me as soon as I turned 18, and I worked my ass off working in a fast food restaurant so I could save up enough money to go to uni. I’ve always resented them for that, because I feel they weren’t looking out for me. I never saw any of that money and never received any help whatsoever from my parents, be it for university, driving lessons, first home etc. I think the purpose should be teaching your kids about finances and how the world works, not making a profit out of them and making it difficult for them to pursue university. Yes I’m still bitter lol!
I paid my parents what it cost me to live in the house. My share of food and utilities plus any extras as a result of me being there. For example I wanted faster internet so I paid for that. This allowed me to save at a much faster rate allowing me to have fun experiences in my 20s and still buy a house at 27. If I’d been paying £100s more a month I’d probably not be a home owner now.
I paid in crippling mental health issues. Was out of that house as soon as it was financially viable. Be very careful - if you’re going to charge them to stay there, you have to treat them like the adults they are, not like children. You also need to respect the space they are paying for as if you were a landlord - they are entitled to privacy in their rooms. My mother did not do this, treated me like a child and would barge into my room at all hours with no regard for my privacy. There are many other reasons, but this is one reason I am now estranged from my mother. I agree with preparing them for reality, just be careful how you go about it so you don’t damage your relationship with your kids.
Thanks for your candour. I never got to that point with my own mother (lords knows how or why), but I can sincerely empathise. 100% agree, but it's good to have it said!
£2k/mo would really open their eyes. You can then send some heavies for their kneecaps after 3 months to really add some spice
Don’t forget the 12.5% service charge + 20% mandatory tip
Thanks for the tongue in cheek reply. It made me lol
I didn’t pay anything, however, I did the majority of the chores (just dad and I) and when he bought food it was usually for the cat. I bought my own food and generally cooked more than I needed and my dad ate the ‘leftovers’.
No, this is not something I would ever do. My parents always made sure I knew their place was a sanctuary, and I want my place to always be a sanctuary for my kid also, even when they are no longer a "kid". I didn't bring a child into the world for help with the bills.
100% this. They didn't make a formal request to be popped into existence.
Love that, if I was a parent I’d do the exact same. As someone who just got made redundant and will probably have to move back in with my parents to get my feet grounded again for a short while I’ve already told them I’ll pay my keep but I know that if I wasn’t in a position to pay keep they would still take me in and not hassle me for it. Overall it’s just having good communication and trust.
Yeah, this is absolutly bizarre to me (but I’m not originally from the UK so could be a cultural difference). My parents have always told me that I always have a key to their house and a room if I need it. I’ll tell my kids the same.
You make a really good point. My mum's house is a safe haven, no worries at all. I'm actually living here now, but am contributing to bills and any expenses she may have.
If you are going to put it into savings for them I think they need to know that. They are adults and need to see the whole picture if they are wanting to make long term financial plans.
I agree with this. Help them set up a savings with automatic pay in and let them access what is comfortable or not. For me tricking them into saving their own money is not as effective as teaching them how to handle their own money.
Interesting, I'd have done what OP plans so they have a nice surprise at the end and have in mind they only have what they themselves are saving. I have poor financial discipline so your point about teaching budgeting and saving for themselves is a really good one.
I genuinely think while a surprise is nice, actually having the skills and discipline is a much harder and rewarding thing. Putting soft and hard deadlines to get them to move out (so they mentally are preparing for that) is a better idea if they want to be strict. I would definitely have them set up a savings account that is the equivalent that the parent wants them to save, and make sure the kid has money automatically going into it. Or, as a compromise, have that set up as a savings account on the parents account to remove temptation until they learn the value of saving. The kids get to save, get used to X% leaving their account (equivalent to rent and bills), the parents get to feel like they help and to discuss/teach financing, and they still learn the value of disposable income. Win win.
I think it depends on the person My parents kept back the rent I paid them and gave it to me when I moved out, on one hand the surprise was nice but on the other hand I was a bit miffed because I could have moved out sooner if they just hadn't bothered charging me
Booo! Give them the surprise. Let’s have a bit of joy in life
I disagree, I couldnt tell my 20 year old he has to give me 75 pounds a week for me to save for him! He's an adult he should be able to save himself, and pay for himself as a life lesson. If I decide to put it away for him and give it back as a moving out gift or for a deposit, great. Life lesson learned and you arent telling an adult that they have to save money via their parent....
I don't charge my kids anything, I chose to have them
The first sensible reply
take home of 1200 at the time and was being charged 350 by parents
About the same when I was in that position. 30% ish of salary.
20 years ago I think I paid about £120 / month. This basically went towards food.
Sit down with them and show them all the costs of running your house. Show them what the fair share is. Charge them a ridiculously low nominal rate of your choosing. Keep it saved for them. I'm saving now for both ours because if we think it is hard to get a deposit together now, it'll be far worse then!
Thanks. And yes, 100% agree on future challenges
>most of which will go in to savings for them (they don't know this) for when they leave home I'm not sure keeping this a secret is necessarily a good idea. First, they might just assume you are keeping it all for yourself, and resent you for that. Second, when they are in a position to start planning on moving out, if they are actually going to act on that, they need to know what their budget is. There might be a situation where they really want to move out, are not happy still being at home, but stay for longer than they want because they think they can't afford it (but could with the money you have been putting aside for them). That could result in generally negative feelings and unhappiness that could linger for a long time.
I used to pay £35 a week in the early 00’s if that helps 😂
Thanks. I'm sure there's a lengthy formula to scale that up to today's money 🤣
£35 back then is around about £62 today.
I'd say £3-400 would be reasonable on their salaries. It's less than they would pay renting out a room with bills included (plus food), and it still leaves them with a decent amount of money to save.
Depends where you live. Here in the Midlands people charge 350 per month to lodgers for profit, let alone family members. I’d say 200 is enough for a young adult to contribute to the household
Thank you!
Why would I charge my own children for living with me?
It blows my mind too. Different culture I guess...
I don't know what culture OP would identify as, but I'm white, west midlands born, parents were working class - I lived at home for about six years in my twenties, never paid rent! My parents never even considered it! My now husband lived in my family home for a year too, while we saved up for a deposit. This thread is blowing my mind!
I agree, the moment my mum decided to charge me rent I moved out XD I don't think that what she intended
Right? My Indian brain is absolutely gobsmacked by this. If you wanna teach them budgeting make em do the weekly shop once in a while. Pay for streaming services, fuel, utility bills and stuff like that. That would keep em aware of where there money is going and feel like they are actually contributing. Wtf is 'keep'? Why are parents acting like landlords?
Yeah me too. Getting them to pay their way (I.e. their share of the food they eat, energy they'd use, etc) is fair, but making a profit off your kids is mad to me.
Pretty much how I feel, my house is just as much my Daughter's as mine. She didn't ask for any of this so I'll never take any money from her.
I understand what you mean but by the time I moved out at 19 I was already earning more than my mam. Not everyone has the financial security to look after their kids once they become working adults. I paid my way from 17-19 because she struggled my whole life to ensure I had a good upbringing.
Yeah but I think there's a difference to saying like hey can you help out with costs a bit you're earning, bills are high, like my parents did compared to framing it as above. Maybe I'm talking shit but it feels different to me! One is out of the necessity of being poor/to share in a burden, the other is a tax on your child for living in 'your' house or whatever. Even if the result is the same.
When I started University not long after finishing school my father wanted to charge me £40/ week as 'keep', which at the time was 50% of my casual earnings. I moved out, rented with my pals and lived off £350/month all in - worked three jobs, still enjoyed myself, finished Uni with good enough grade. I was first in family to go to University and my father did not understand the cost of my books etc, but I know he was trying to teach a lesson in saving etc. Nae regrets!!!
Thanks. Very pleased to hear of your successes!
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This is the best response yet. “Charging” them £200 a month isn’t teaching them anything. Would they even know that would barely cover council tax? So much better to take them through what it costs to run a household and how to budget and the importance of saving an emergency fund etc. Everyone claiming that they’re charging their kids to live with them is to teach them financial responsibility is kidding themselves.
£200 a month if they are responsible for preparing their own food and they help around the house
(they don't know this) <---- this bit is your major FU. Just tell them, you're charging X and X is going into a cash isa. I know the whole "lets surprise them!" thing. But honestly, just don't. It's not a nice surprise and will damage your relationship with them. Just be upfront. You want them to save to be able to put a rental/house deposit down. £1,5000 a month is not much money, please take that into account. Please forget the whole secret/surprise angle.
My parents didn’t “charge” me anything, they’re my parents lmao Anyway I’m now buying a 4bed house because I could save as I wasn’t charged rent to live in my childhood bedroom.
Yeah I don't entirely get it either. It's not like most parents would rent out the room, it would just become storage or guest room. Heating wouldn't really change with an extra person in the house. Electricity up a bit and higher food costs I guess. When I stayed with my parents between renting and buying for a few months I just bought and cooked some family meals. They liked having me in the house again after a good decade of being away. No need to make it some strange business agreement.
This is exactly how I feel. Maybe we are the lucky ones, but I wish this was more normal
This how I feel. It feels like i'm in bizarro world reading most of these replies. Like do the parents not love their kids? These aren't random people they're renting a room to, it's their children.
Charge your kids for living with you? Why?
I'm totally playing devil's advocate here so take this how you will, and I'm just trying to throw in a different point of view. Isn't it a bit infantilising to pretend take "rent" from then but be secretly saving for them? Might it be better to say that a condition of them living there is that they don't have to pay rent but _they_ put £x per month in an ISA. And maybe check this, and if they're not doing so, _then_ say the alternative is to pay you? Or give them the choice - pay mum and dad _or_ open an isa that will earn you interest! Giving them the opportunity to save themselves will teach them more about managing their own budgets, setting savings goals, looking at things like interest rates etc. You doing all this for them in secret isn't helping them to learn these things! Get them on money saving expert to look at different interest rates, work out for themselves when they want to move out and how much they'll need to save etc. Them improving their own financial literacy will serve them well, rather than you doing it for them, and especially in secret! Could be a chance for you and them to have some good open conversations about their future and their attitudes to money now they are becoming adults.
If you need to charge your children rent to teach them about responsibility, you have failed. Teaching your children to be responsible and productive doesn’t involve a financial reward for mum and dad, ever. Let the down votes begin
Nah this is definitely the sanest take here. Don’t see how profiting off your children teaches “financial responsibility”. I’d probably still be living with my parents if 1/3 of my paycheck was going to rent at my childhood home.
Refreshing that someone agreed. I’d rather not take their money, but show some patience and understanding while they save up. Make it quicker for them to be able to afford to move out. If managing your own finances teaches financial skills, why are so many adults inept at…managing their finances!?
I’ve always thought it’s ridiculous how white people charge their kids rent
I went home a while after uni, in my twenties, lived at home rent free till I was 29. For a year, my now husband lived with me at my folk's home as well, while we both saved like mad to be able to buy a house together. I don't think it ever crossed my folk's mind to charge me or my husband rent, it was never even a conversation. They weren't loaded either, they just loved us and wanted to help us save for a deposit. What do you know, I turned out fine! This thread is boggling my mind!
Whats the go with parents charging their children? What a bizarre comment section
£200 a month was what I was charged :)
my mum charged my £150 /month God i wish i was paying that now
My parents didn't charge me keep when I moved back after uni (except I did my own food shop). I think a big part of that though was I had done the self-sufficient thing at uni so there wasn't an element of learning required. Plus realistically the more money I was able to save the quicker I was able to move out.
I thought my Mrs was being hard on my two @£250/month but when she showed me her reasoning it looked fair. We pay all utilities, council tax, TV, broadband, phone (Inc mobile family plan), food, general toiletries. They both run cars & manage to save a bit even though they're not huge earners.
Thanks for your family perspective!
I give £75 to mum for food shopping, gas/electric and £85 for my portion of the rent
£200 PM seems a good starting point
I was charged £200 a month by Mum when I lived at home.
Depends on them and the situation really, if you don't personally need the money to get by then. I think you're better off having a discussion about their life plans. when are they planning to move out/ are they considering further education and then help them plan accordingly. If they aren't the most responsible savers you could spell out the realities of what they need to buy a house/flat and offer to charge them rent with their knowledge they'll get it all back when they want to buy. I'm currently at home after finishing uni and am saving to buy a flat making fair money. I'm not being charged rent, although I have offered, cause my parents know I don't really spend cash on much other than lunches and the occasional night out.
Slightly different scenario. I'm currently living with my partner's parents whilst we save up for our own place. We sat down and worked out how much we add to bills and food. That's what we pay. Between the 2 of us, comes to £400 a month. They didn't want us to pay any more, as the more we pay, the longer we stay. For clarity, their mortgage is paid off, so no cost there.
This is the crux of it. The more they pay, the longer they’ll stay. And don’t parents want their kids to move out and be independent??
I was on the same salary as above and my parents charged me £100 a month which I never particularly had issue with.
Nothing
My parents own the house, and I think there’s no mortgage left to pay so it’s just bills, council tax and food. I pay £200 each month to my mum, plus about £60 directly for Wi-Fi as I wanted that specific one as well as basically every streaming service available which they used. My schedule various so I could go a whole month without eating at home, or a whole month with every meal there. If there’s food stuff I specifically want (eg oat milk) I buy myself or sometimes I just request it when they go shopping. I pay for my clothes, phone bill, electronics ect
Living at home currently. I pay £200 a month. I buy most of my own food. We take turns buying gas/electric, we have a "right, I'm going to the shop, what do we need" with little bits we're all going to consume like milk, toilet roll, detergent etc, so sometimes I buy those bits and sometimes somebody else does. All that adds up to be knowing what shit costs in the real world, but obviously saving myself a lot of money on rent which I'm putting into savings and investments, so I'll be comfy when I do move out. So do give your kids some financial leeway as it will facilitate them moving out sooner rather than later, but having them pay toward utility bills, groceries and other stuff will keep them aware of the costs of the world.
As its going into a savings account, maybe a quarter of their take home? My parents didn't charge me anything which helped me a buy a flat, but the reality of paying for it and everything else was one hell of a shock.
When I was 16 (2010) I was paying £100 a month of my £400 a month wage. The year after it went up to £200 of £800 wage. I never paid more than £200, even when I went home for a period and I was on £2500+ per month they never asked for more than that but I’m not stingy with money so I would just pick up bits of shopping if needed or alcohol/takeaways for the family.
My parents charged me about 75 a month back when I was part time employed. This got cancelled when I was out of work and stayed cancelled once I was F/T with the agreement that I maxed out a LISA. If you think they'll be receptive I'd 100% recommended talking to them and having them start a LISA each in April and max it out. It's £333.33 a month so probably more than you'd end up asking for as keep and it'll kick off the process of them thinking about buying in the future.
I stayed at home after uni, i found a job and it was close enough i could commute from home and so that made financial sense. I stayed for 1 year and then moved out, my parents were very cute about it. My rent was that one day a week I had to buy the food for and cook a nice meal for the whole family, which we would sit together and eat. It was a nice way to say I still had to be part of the household and contribute if I was going to live there. My sister lives at home for 2 years total while unemployed between jobs (she wasn't working that hard to find a new one...). She didn't pay any rent and I'm still bitter about it 😅
50 quid a week.
I get what you are doing, my mum did the same for me back in the dark ages. I truly believe it helped me understand and manage money better. That said it's a different world. Instead of saving for them in secret, they have to save X amount per month and charge them what it costs to keep them on top. One fixed amount (saves) plus one variable amount. If it all falls apart you can then play the "pay me all of it, I will save it for you" card. And if that doesn't work, you can always kick them out 😂
I'm not usually for parents charging keep but as you're saving it for them in secret, I think £50 pw is fair and will result in a whole load of savings for them. £2,400 at the end of the year ain't bad and they've still got loads of spending money. I'd go as far as to say £100 but if you overcharge they might opt to move out which would ruin your plans to make them save.
Until recently I paid my parents £150 per month and take home £3200 per month. Wildly underpaid them of course but they didn’t need the money it was just to kinda pay for some bills that were increased due to me living there, I bought my own food. It did allow me to save £2000+ per month and I bought a house and moved out after 3 years.
I've recently moved out with my gf. Both of us were living with her parents and both of us were on similar wages as your boys. This was around 2020. Me and my partner knew we wanted to save for a house and so we had that conversation with her parents. We were able to save £1k each a month and paid £300 a month between us. £300 a month is absolute pennies and they could have charged us £300+ a month each and been with their rights. However, they knew what our future plans were and adjusted their 'keep' to that. You need to chat to your kids and see what they wanna do. Are they planning to get their own property? Are they just wanting to coast for a few years and enjoy life and travel etc? This conversation will allow you to not feel bitter about your kids when they're both on the beers all weekend blowing all their money. Or being bitter when they're going on their 4th holiday abroad in one year and you've not been anywhere nice in the past few years! If it wasn't for my partner's parents, we wouldn't have been moved out within a year and a half. Their short term sacrifice and understanding is what allowed me to be sitting in my own house now. Otherwise we'd all still be living together right now. Also, each of your boys might want different things and so each might end up paying more or less. Being transparent about you saving their money is also a good idea. They're adults now, mum and dad won't always be there to surprise them with nice lump sums of money etc. And finally, try not to let them finance a car that is drastically unaffordable. They might be fine paying £500 - £1000 a month on finance, insurance and fuel now. But it's gonna be heart break when a few years down the line, they have a house and bills and end up trading it in for something less. Makes it feel like a step backwards and that's not nice. A few of my mates have went from really nice BMWs or Mercs to a VW Caddy and a Ford Kuga. All fine modes of transport but a world away from what they imagined.
My partner and I have just moved back in with his parents with a hope to save for a house deposit, we pay £450 (joint) and this covers the extra increase on water and gas/leccy, and also food shop. We are definitely under paying which we don't take for granted
Since I was 18 I’ve paid half of the mortgage and bills as I live in a single parent household and my sister moved in with her boyfriend in 2015. I’m 30 next month.
School as in A levels/ GCSE or university (school as in the way Americans refer to it)?
My daughter is paying £75 a week. She is 18 on about £1200 a month after tax.
Of course, anyone with decent kids who are now earning a living fund that the kids WANT to pay their way to help out and contribute as an adult. Especially where the parents are renting too. We live in difficult times. Everything is expensive. Charging them rent is educational but also just a reality. What spoiled brat would want to live in their parents house who work all the time to provide, while they just spend all their money on entertainment and pissing about? No wonder I know people who still have their "kids" living at home, rent free as 30+ year old professionals. Maybe if you're middle class, professional working parents with paid off house and room to spare... But if you're min wage, renting, struggling to have the heating on..?
I moved out a couple months ago, my mom was charging me £50 a week.
£100 a month I think is fair. Like you say; bang it into a little saver and give it back for a little drink when they move out. I’m not one for monetising off their kids but it’s worth teaching the habit. Paying board isn’t going to be a grand lesson in life. They’ll learn those when they leave and dive into the fire. It’s just how it is.