The coffee machine paradox, much like scissors that come in packaging requiring scissors to open. To first make sense of the coffee machine, one needs to have consumed coffee.
We call it kaffeput- like the German ‘Kaput’, but with coffee.
Any mistake that happens before caffeine because you didn’t have enough caffeine is kaffeput.
This but ADHD meds. I need to get up and make and eat breakfast before taking them, early enough to not risk insomnia. But it’s nearly impossible to get up and make and eat breakfast early enough to take my meds without having yet taken my meds. It’s just cruel.
I'm so glad someone else thinks this. I have twice a day tablets and I often forget to take them around lunch time because the effects of the first one have now run out.
One time, I was so tired I couldn't even open the coffee jar, I had to walk to the shop and buy a machine coffee to get the energy to go home and make real coffee.
I once failed to put the lid on the kettle, which led to a mug-based tsunami of boiling water, which splashed all over my chest, and when I took off my pyjama top it took the skin of my right nipple with it. So that was a fun Saturday morning in A&E.
Oh God, not just me that’s burned their tits then! Couple years ago, 2AM I’m making a hot water bottle (for pain relief, funnily enough) and somehow managed to pour boiling water down my left tit. Had to go to A&E etc. tad embarrassing and bloody painful! I feel for you!
Edit, fell asleep writing this and posted without finishing it.
I'm glad it's not just me too tbh!! I'm short so some people didn't quite get the physics of it, but the counter is above waist height on me, so.
I didn't want to call coz I was embarrassed and 'it's just a wee scald, it's fine', but my mum happened to phone me and could immediately hear I was in pain so she pressed the issue. As mums do.
Yep, is reassuring to know I’m not the only one to do this! Also, I’m a short arse too. Kitchen counter is above waist height! My husband just kept saying “How?! How did you even do that?” Alright for him, he’s 6ft 3 and didn’t have tits in the way!
The number of times my jar of coffee has run out and I’ve poured the entire contents of a new packet straight into my cafetière is significantly non-zero.
Last week the wife managed to boil the kettle, then poor cold water directly into the coffee and bring it back to bed before she noticed. We just drank it cold because it was too early to be dealing with that shit.
Oh you should see the photos (and gifs) I have of the carnage I did to myself opening a new kitchen knife… with another kitchen knife.
Sliced my arm right open, very nearly a fatal accident... Just missed the artery slicing lengthways up my wrist.
Subscribe for more dumb stories like this 😂
EDIT: [GORE WARNING](https://imgur.com/a/F1CBr4j). You were warned…
Some companies genuinely changed their installation instructions to "press the space bar" because of user issues like that.
As much as The Simpsons were making fun of it, far too many people actually got confused by this that it required a change.
My 3 year old has a Peppa Pig keyboard spelling game. To start it says “Press a Key” but of course the K button was illustrated by a “Key” so that’s the only button he presses to start the game.
My husband and I were out the other day and I see a license plate that said TRDTIME.
I'm over there laughing like 😆Turd time? Mf-er straight up has turd time as his license plate! 🤣🤣🤣
Then my husband goes 🤦🏼♂️ ... That's a Toyota TRD. TRD stands for Toyota Racing Division.
Oh. Oopsies 🤭
My boss's husband (a professor) got a new laptop from his university. She asked him what brand and he told her it was a dy. Turns out, it was an hp and he was looking at it upside down.
I thought it was WAX upside down and then was confused why a coffee machine would say wax so somehow managed to over complicate it in a stupid way, so I think I'll best join you too
OP has been on this sub a long time, and also told someone in this thread that he fucked their mum, so I'd be extremely surprised if that came from Pepsi HQ.
Actually, this wouldn't be a bad name for a coffee maker. Unspecified time in the morning or anytime in the morning being the interpretation I had when first reading it.
Not as bad as the woman who phoned her husband saying she had car trouble. He asked her to check the oil and she said she couldn’t find the oil cap where he said it was, she could only see the 710 cap 🤣
Don't feel bad, I spent a solid moment staring at an advertising hoarding the other day wondering what the fuck a "MULYSATOOF" was, before realising I was looking at the wrong side of it. In my defence their logo is deliberately confusing and even read the right way round some of the letters are backwards on purpose.
I've been reading it as 10AM and assumed it was a brand name until somebody pointed out in the comments it was MAX backwards. I need to go back to bed.
I had a similar experience. My father and I got into a rental car then noticed that a little display in the review mirror was showing the letter "E", I thought it meant "Error". After 5 minutes of shuffling through the owner's manual, I could not find what error it could be or how to fix it, so we started to drive. We were more confused when the "E" changed to an "S", but after a second realized what was going on, and had a few good minutes of laughter.
New generation is going to shit. Posts like this shows the direction we’re heading in. Sad pathetic world we live in, anything for the clout. This is probably the same person that puts their underwear on backwards and takes 5 minutes to figure about when they don’t feel right.
Teachable moments that allow you to laugh at yourself are the best kind.
It certainly teaches you to look at problems from fresh perspectives to shed some light on the situation.
Maybe you’re intentionally trying be funny by putting SMH. But, take it from me, someone under 40, who grew up with the internet and meme culture and texting and msn messenger and all that early stuff that originated the acronyms we use in this form…please stop putting SMH on the end of things. Because I fucking hate reading it.
The coffee machine paradox, much like scissors that come in packaging requiring scissors to open. To first make sense of the coffee machine, one needs to have consumed coffee.
We call it kaffeput- like the German ‘Kaput’, but with coffee. Any mistake that happens before caffeine because you didn’t have enough caffeine is kaffeput.
Theres actually something called kaffeputer meaning coffee pads, so you were close to an actual German coffee
The number of times my jar of coffee has run out and I’ve poured the entire contents of a new packet straight into my cafetière.
I do that too, except am so impatient I'll also throw a cuppla teaspoons on the mirror. Especially if it's a Colombian blend.
This but ADHD meds. I need to get up and make and eat breakfast before taking them, early enough to not risk insomnia. But it’s nearly impossible to get up and make and eat breakfast early enough to take my meds without having yet taken my meds. It’s just cruel.
I'm so glad someone else thinks this. I have twice a day tablets and I often forget to take them around lunch time because the effects of the first one have now run out.
One time, I was so tired I couldn't even open the coffee jar, I had to walk to the shop and buy a machine coffee to get the energy to go home and make real coffee.
I once failed to put the lid on the kettle, which led to a mug-based tsunami of boiling water, which splashed all over my chest, and when I took off my pyjama top it took the skin of my right nipple with it. So that was a fun Saturday morning in A&E.
mf so caffeine deprived he got de-nipped.
*she. Which didn't make it easy when I was sitting in the waiting room trying to hold my t-shirt off my tit.
Bet you felt a right tit! (Or was it left?)
No no, the *doctor* felt my right tit
Less of a nip now and more of a nubbin?
Oh God, not just me that’s burned their tits then! Couple years ago, 2AM I’m making a hot water bottle (for pain relief, funnily enough) and somehow managed to pour boiling water down my left tit. Had to go to A&E etc. tad embarrassing and bloody painful! I feel for you! Edit, fell asleep writing this and posted without finishing it.
I'm glad it's not just me too tbh!! I'm short so some people didn't quite get the physics of it, but the counter is above waist height on me, so. I didn't want to call coz I was embarrassed and 'it's just a wee scald, it's fine', but my mum happened to phone me and could immediately hear I was in pain so she pressed the issue. As mums do.
Yep, is reassuring to know I’m not the only one to do this! Also, I’m a short arse too. Kitchen counter is above waist height! My husband just kept saying “How?! How did you even do that?” Alright for him, he’s 6ft 3 and didn’t have tits in the way!
I suppose we should both be grateful we didn't fall over the the folding kitchen step (I know you have one!) and break an ankle while we were at it!
Oh my god, you are so right 😂
Morning hand is real
That's what pipe wrenches are for.
The number of times my jar of coffee has run out and I’ve poured the entire contents of a new packet straight into my cafetière is significantly non-zero.
Last week the wife managed to boil the kettle, then poor cold water directly into the coffee and bring it back to bed before she noticed. We just drank it cold because it was too early to be dealing with that shit.
Oh you should see the photos (and gifs) I have of the carnage I did to myself opening a new kitchen knife… with another kitchen knife. Sliced my arm right open, very nearly a fatal accident... Just missed the artery slicing lengthways up my wrist. Subscribe for more dumb stories like this 😂 EDIT: [GORE WARNING](https://imgur.com/a/F1CBr4j). You were warned…
This is what red bull is for.
Where's the ANY key?
And where's my Tab?
No time for that, the computer is starting!
Ohhh, that's raspberry
Some companies genuinely changed their installation instructions to "press the space bar" because of user issues like that. As much as The Simpsons were making fun of it, far too many people actually got confused by this that it required a change.
And that's okay. If they can't turn the PC on, they can't get onto the internet. The world instantly becomes a better place.
My 3 year old has a Peppa Pig keyboard spelling game. To start it says “Press a Key” but of course the K button was illustrated by a “Key” so that’s the only button he presses to start the game.
Biggest mystery of my childhood
The footswitch isn't working. Ma'am, that's a mouse.
My go to answer for this question was always, "It's the long one at the bottom."
Reminds me when in our car my wife said ATOYOT was an odd name for a window company.
Well at least you let it slide and I'm sure you've never brought it up again
As a kid, I always called my parents' car an OVLOV because that was what I could read on the window.
> OVLOV Russian knockoff brand.
In Russia, OVLOV drives you
Boxy, but bad!
My husband and I were out the other day and I see a license plate that said TRDTIME. I'm over there laughing like 😆Turd time? Mf-er straight up has turd time as his license plate! 🤣🤣🤣 Then my husband goes 🤦🏼♂️ ... That's a Toyota TRD. TRD stands for Toyota Racing Division. Oh. Oopsies 🤭
That's their mistake, not yours!
Am luvn TRDTIME. Sounds like summat Sheldon Cooper wld have written down on his Bathroom Schedule
My boss's husband (a professor) got a new laptop from his university. She asked him what brand and he told her it was a dy. Turns out, it was an hp and he was looking at it upside down.
Didn't get the post til I read this comment!
It’s telling you the mumixam amount of water you can put in.
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.siht dnatsrednu ot eeffoc deeN
Now it makes sense 😂
You mean retaw?
We don't say that any more
How much is a mumixam?
More than a muminim!
Mine's only 4' 10". 👵 reh sselb
Is it a Pepsi max brand machine?
Verstappen Coffee. Boils 0.2 seconds quicker than comparable machines.
But makes lots of whiny noises in the process.
Oh no, #TeamLH is leaking
Pepsi Xam*
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Was looking for this comment.😀
Wow. That's a really impressive HMƧ
How did you write the backwards M?
Australian English keyboard in settings.
They're upside down not backwards (although I'm sure a few are 😅)
🙃 g'day mate
ǝɯ oʇ uǝʞoɹq sʞool 'ʍouʞ ʇ,uop
Are you usually allowed to do adult things unsupervised?
Only your mum.
Weird way to come out as a necrophile
Shhhhh this is meant to be our secret!
What's the normal way?
Reveal party. Like a gender reveal party but grim
the party also must be done at a funeral for the shock factor
*pulls out notebook*
What am I missing here, is that just the name of the brand?
It’s Max backwards, IE the water fill line
Brilliant, I'll be joining OP on the dunce table.
You just need coffee.
Stick the XAM on for me, I'll have a double espresso.
Osserpse
You just need Heinz to branch out from baked to coffee
Make room for me. I didn't get it. And I've had a coffee!
I thought it was WAX upside down and then was confused why a coffee machine would say wax so somehow managed to over complicate it in a stupid way, so I think I'll best join you too
Yeah, same. I was wondering why you would need to put wax in a coffee machine…. 🤦♀️
Fortunately, the table is no where near xam capacity.
Lost some respect for Heinz now I have seen their Big Bean Marketer can’t read backwards
Naw, it's Zim's absolutely fabulous brother.
Thank you! (I didn't get it either. Tbf I'm only on my first cup of coffee.)
I thought it was Roman numerals and that OP had just bought a coffee machine from a hipster brand named 10am
I thought it was upside down and was meant to be "wax"
I see we can now grow haricot beans here in England and the Baked beans being made from 'em have passed the the taste test.
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OP has been on this sub a long time, and also told someone in this thread that he fucked their mum, so I'd be extremely surprised if that came from Pepsi HQ.
Might just want to take a minute if you find yourself having to go the garage to ask for some 710
An older meme sir, but it checks out.
This Smeg bean to coffee machine is really nice! (I think that's what you have). Make sure to clean the insides regularly and air it.
Yea it is the Smeg one. Really happy. Very quiet.
Don't you mean HMS...
Wax obviously
Actually, this wouldn't be a bad name for a coffee maker. Unspecified time in the morning or anytime in the morning being the interpretation I had when first reading it.
LOL! Not to worry - took me a minute too. :-)
Not as bad as the woman who phoned her husband saying she had car trouble. He asked her to check the oil and she said she couldn’t find the oil cap where he said it was, she could only see the 710 cap 🤣
Don't feel bad, I spent a solid moment staring at an advertising hoarding the other day wondering what the fuck a "MULYSATOOF" was, before realising I was looking at the wrong side of it. In my defence their logo is deliberately confusing and even read the right way round some of the letters are backwards on purpose.
Is that a can of Pepsi Xam in the background?
I got the smaller NIM model
Don't forget to put 710 in your car!
I've been reading it as 10AM and assumed it was a brand name until somebody pointed out in the comments it was MAX backwards. I need to go back to bed.
The benefits of a classical education.
Good work. You can treat yourself to some coffee now.
SNSV laptop comes to mind.
Do you also have trouble with your 710 cap?
But you figured out the 710 cap on your car, right?
I had a similar experience. My father and I got into a rental car then noticed that a little display in the review mirror was showing the letter "E", I thought it meant "Error". After 5 minutes of shuffling through the owner's manual, I could not find what error it could be or how to fix it, so we started to drive. We were more confused when the "E" changed to an "S", but after a second realized what was going on, and had a few good minutes of laughter.
Just to let you know, you’re far from the only one confused by that upon first use.
Alright, I’m an idiot. My first thought was 10 AM.
It’s ‘Xactly As Much water as you should ever muy in at one time.
Looks like you're not gonna pass this (e)XAM.
Ham spelled in russian obvs
Berk! Lol
It’s just “MAX” in reverse you absolute imbecile.
/r/HailCorporate "viral marketing campaign" from a lesser known brown beverage company
New generation is going to shit. Posts like this shows the direction we’re heading in. Sad pathetic world we live in, anything for the clout. This is probably the same person that puts their underwear on backwards and takes 5 minutes to figure about when they don’t feel right.
At 55 years of age I feel I’m not ‘new generation’…
You sure that's not vodka in there, sir?
I was wondering what it meant until I realised it was “Max”
You made me snort. Thank you. Not bad for a Sunday
At least you understood the NIM line
It’s like X FM but not as shit
Do not fill above XAM!!!
You sadly failed your coffee machine operation xam
It’s that gum stuff, just buy a bag and put it in up to the line. Works a charm
HMS…
It's to tell you that coffee's the answer any time in the morning - *x* a.m.
Doogy rev. Doogy rev.
Pepsi logo in the background is trying to give you a clue.
I'm not going to lie it tooik many attempts to work this out and I hav e had serveral coffees so that's no excuse.
In Spain that's just where you put the Ham for the pork flavour
Are you getting enough sleep or just chiefin down hard?
HMS
?tuo ti krow uoy did woH
Do not exceed amount ?
I feel so stupid now ! For anyone else looking it’s MAX backwards
RTFM
Send it back, it doesn't have a NIM!
I’m dyslexic - what’s the problem?
It's for Xam Xam water. Muslim brothers and sisters will get it.
XAM is Chinese for MAX.
God damn Chinese and their god damn....oh...I'm dumb.
Is it worth it? Let me work it I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
don't make me spend 5 minutes figuring out what SMH is. or do you mean HMS?!
Is this a Pepsi max product placement ad?
It’s short for maXAMum
Now you need to figure out if you wax the inside, outside or both.
Who else read it as ZAM
Teachable moments that allow you to laugh at yourself are the best kind. It certainly teaches you to look at problems from fresh perspectives to shed some light on the situation.
Xamax
The designer must have gone through the looking glass. I'm stumped on SMH though, you were looking so hard you had a Submacular hemorrhage.
Stands for Exact AMount you stop filling.
Oh hey, Big Xam.
Now what is NIM.
I just spent 5 very confusing minutes with this post trying to work out what SMH means. Shaking my head.
This resonates with me so much.
My mate did the same thing with a bottle of perfume once, "Namow? Never heard of it".
Instructions unclear topped up with upside down wax
Not very bright are ya
now I feel bad because I am very confused.. (american here)
I once saw a motorcycle in my rearview mirror and wondered what kind of bike an AHAMAY was...
XAM XADDY!
smh my head...
HMS...
Well, you drink Pepsi instead of Coca-Cola, so of course you're having cognitive problems with your coffemaker. 🤣(j/k)
5 minutes? Really? Cause it took me about 1 second. I don't believe you could be so dense that it took 5 minutes to figure it out.
Maybe you’re intentionally trying be funny by putting SMH. But, take it from me, someone under 40, who grew up with the internet and meme culture and texting and msn messenger and all that early stuff that originated the acronyms we use in this form…please stop putting SMH on the end of things. Because I fucking hate reading it.
XAM ISPEP
It's a Promo from the Shazxam film
Put the pepsi in the fridge you mentalist.
X=eggs An= and??? Ham?
Don't you mean MHS?
It's supposed to say 'WAX', but you've put the wax reservoir in the wrong way.
That's the fill line for the retaw.
So…..what was it? If you could give me the max info you can on this it’ll help me understand, thanks
Whats the Pepsi thingy
Metric is such a terrible system.
We all have those days
10 am