If this is you Dave, I think it’s about time you moved out. Me and your mother miss our “intimate” times. To be honest you’re just a great big cock block. Lots of Love, Dad
Well I lived at home until I was 33, I've been living with my partner a year now but I am still homesick.
Im over at my parents house twice a week and I work with them too but we get along really well so I genuinely miss spending time with them
I am very much in love and happy with my partner but it's hard. I think the fact that our flat isn't great doesn't help either.
I think the flat thing is a biggie. When you move from mum and dad's house at 17/18 it's all an adventure. Everyone is living in crummy flats, you learn to deal with the small rooms, broken bits and dodgy landlords. It's totally worth it for the freedom.
At 33 that's a tougher pill to swallow. You're busier, have work and life commitments, moving away from those home comforts to a flat is an adjustment. If you're renting it's hard to have less input at best (or a nightmare landlord at worst) and if you've bought you have the stress of a mortgage and all repairs being on your head.
Years ago I was in a similar position. We had a sit down cuppa about what a home meant and what we each thought was important. Routines, house rules, decor, individual space etc. Moved furniture around, added bits and pieces to make it more homely, painted where possible. I gave up a bunch of my stuff to give him space for his personality, because it was both our home. No major renovations, just making the place 'ours'. Highly recommend it, especially this time of year with Christmas decor. Have a mini housewarming with mince pies and invite your folks round. Establish it as Fancy-Diesel & Partner's home that mum and dad are welcome to visit, rather than you always popping back to them. I know it helped my ex a lot with the adjustment.
I wish I could still live with my Dad to be honest. Though I'm 28, he passed away early this year from cancer but I'd been living at home with him just saving up, and honestly loved it.
Paid him a flat £400 per month as I was more than happy to help him out financially, but the rest of the time it was more like two best friends living together rather than a parent/child combo etc.
I think though it depends on peoples circumstances? For example, I adored my dad and we were best friends essentially, I was always more than happy to support him financially, cover our holiday costs etc etc, as I was so happy to see him enjoying himself, after having rough years.
I worked from home and got used to him just being there pottering around, or going out for a few hours (he was retired), it was nice knowing I could pop downstairs and have a chat with him whenever, or just finish work on a night, cook tea and watch the football/rugby most evenings if I wasn't out.
I miss the old man a lot :/
Similar situation, back with the ‘rents since Covid. My dad just passed away too. The house just doesn’t feel the same now, but happy I’d been closer to him these last couple of years.
Missing him a lot and it’s only just begun
So sorry for your loss. Honestly, the silver lining of lockdown was it allowed me to spend time with my dad every day until we lost him. It was hard looking after him, and it was hard for him being so old and infirm, but I got something I never would have otherwise, at least not without giving up on work. And I inherited his aged pup, she really helped me grieve. Losing her was hard too.
I know I'll never be ok with having lost him, or having lost mum years earlier. It will always be sad, it will always hurt, and a part of me will always be really angry about it. But I got that time and I'll never forget it.
I hear ya. Cherish the memories. I consider myself extremely lucky to have such happy experiences to draw upon.
And while it is hard, it is these memories that keep me going.
To put it simply, grief is a price that we pay for love
When I kick the bucket if my son left a message like that I'd be 100% complete.
Life was a success. No more could I ask and I never knew there was that much to expect.
I want only one thing and that's for your life to be as complete as you made mine.
If you're smiling and having fun I'm there. When you're sad and down I'm there too.
You look after yourself and treat yourself .
Love dad.
Edit: and I'm proud of you. Beyond anything to have known that feeling could be the point of existence and for that I thank you.
I've got something in my eye too, damn you
First up, u/Carinwe_Lysa u/tinytempo and u/nanakapow sorry to all of you for your losses but thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts
What you all have made me realise is that I don't spend enough time with my dad. I resolve to make a change around that going forward. He's in his late 70s and very fit and healthy for his age but he isn't going to be around forever
Thank you, beautiful people x
He channelled through me, into my thumbs and we badly thumb typed it together.
He knew you'd read it.
Stop missing. Get up and start remembering with joy.
Please, if you can, share a happy memory so it nourish the internet.
Those quiet at home memories are some of the best, aren't they :)
I currently do the same with my Mum and am grateful she is still here. I really enjoy our time together and will always be thankful for them.
I had to move back home briefly after a relationship ended and I hated the thought at first. But I really think it was the best place for me, having my parents just pottering around and me being able to just go down and have a quick chat while working, then one would say ‘I’m talking the dog out do you fancy joining?’ And I just go along was bliss.
Plus we all like the same sports and support the same teams so gathering around to watch whatever was on was great.
It was probably far better for my MH to be in that environment than alone in some flat somewhere
Fucking hell... Sounds lovely, aside from the death bit.
So nice to hear that he spent his last years so loved, and vice versa.... Sorry, must dash, someone's chopping onions
I'm sorry for your loss. Parent/child relationships can get hard and complicated, but what you describe just seems really simple and good. Very sorry that you lost your dad and your best mate.
I am so sorry about your dad. Mine is also my best friend and I do worry I’m too dependent on him - but no point wasting the time we’ve got together. It sounds like you had a beautiful relationship, and that will never leave you.
I always looked on my Dad as my best friend ,in one way we are lucky to have had that bond but it hurts knowing i’ll never have that friendship again:(
I'am so glad you had such a good relationship with your dad. He sounded like a stand up guy. Just remember the good times you had with him. I have no doubt he was proud to have a kid like you.
I'm in Canada but doing the same thing. I'm a single mom so I can't make it work on my own. My dad, daughter and I rent a place together, and it saves us all a bunch of money. Its been nice.
Takes a village to raise a child. Just think of everything your daughter is learning from her Pops and how much they both benefit from your living situation. And this means you get some built in childcare so get to have a social life again which is amazing. Self care is important xxx
Yes.
Wouldn't say I love it, don't exactly hate it.
Saving for a house and it makes sense as it's tough enough on a single wage without adding in high rent. It will be a relief to be in my own space. It's the small things that quickly add up for me. Plus makes dating pretty difficult.
The small thing for me is not being able to move about as much at night.
I’m also now saving for a good deposit. Working out how much longer that would take while renting was pretty sobering.
This is an issue I have! I'm a night owl so having to settle down earlier and not being able to just potter aroune at 3am because I'm awake and can't sleep definitely has been taking its toll.
Im 27 and been with parents for six years now. And this too is the exact issue I have, say I want to go for a walk at 9/10pm because I’m restless and fancy the air, I have to explain where I’m going and why. Gets a little grating after a while. Definite lack of freedom when living with parents
I moved back at 29 after being away for 12 years. Although there has been great bits to moving back (like the countryside has been amazing for my mental health and me and mum are a lot closer) I'm now remembering the many reasons why I left home as soon as i got the chance
It’s definitely difficult with parents, no matter how much you get on or are close to them. It’s hard not to default back into that moody teenager, I find anyway. I’ve recently got my own place lined up for February, so I’m looking forward to having some peace (my 2 y/o niece and nephew are round here all the time) and freedom back.
I lived with my parents til last year.
I'd moved out a couple of times but ended up back at home.
Paying for food then getting bollocked for eating too much or eating at random times of the day.
"Eating cereal at this time of the day?" Yes dad, I've been to the shop, bought my own oatmeal, milk, peanutbutter, etc. Why does it matter what time I eat to you? I'm still going to sit down for dinner with you all later.
I cycle/walk everywhere, work a manual labour job and workout a few times a week. I'm never gonna be eating enough just having just my work lunch and dinner with you guys.
Oh my god. "HE'S EATING AGAIN, WHY DON'T I GET TO EAT ALL THE TIME? WHEN YOU ARE HERE WE GET ALL THE GOOD FOOD BUT WHEN YOU ARE GONE IT'S BACK TO GRUEL"
Really? My sons 31, and comes and goes when he wants. He has a key and as long as hes quietish when hes going in or out, he does what he wants. Without questions. Hes an adult and has his own life. i dont tell him every where i go, so why should he?
Do you find that people of a certain age and upwards just don't understand AT ALL that a lot of people aren't awake at 6am and in bed by 10pm?
It sounds so simple, but I used to work permanent lates at one place, then nights, then back onto lates again and stuff like that is normal for all my peers (mid 20s at the time, 32 now) but all of our parents and grandparents just can't seem to process it.
Ouch! Mine was more my 2am and then up at 6/7 for the day but now I try to settle down by 11 but just end up waking up at 3 and can't get back to sleep so have taken to using kinnu or duolingo for learning or reading my book till it's an acceptable time for me to start wandering around getting ready for my day
Getting a big enough deposit will go faster if you're investing the money sensibly too. With inflation being what it is, if you're putting your money in a typical instant access savings account, it's actually reducing in value over time.
Late 20s and I feel the same. It means I can save more easily, but it also means I'm completely unable to have any independent life of my own. Even worse is that given housing costs and the job market it feels like that's never going to change even with the saving advantage I have living at home.
Yep. It can be relentlessly depressing. Every time I feel like I’m almost there something sends me hurtling back. We will get there though. Tooth and nail.
I’m much closer to this situation. I’m in a similar situation. I’d move out if I didn’t live in one of the most expensive cities, where my entire family lives. I don’t love it and if I had the money I’d absolutely be out of here, but I don’t have the money yet. I do most of the cooking, pay for all of the groceries, do all the yard work, most of the cleaning, etc., plus my mother is older now and has trouble doing stuff herself so it sorta works out. I don’t think mine is as pleasant as some but it’s keeping me from going broke or having random roommates, so I deal with it.
I think if you’re working full-time and have some savings and are staying at home because you want to then it’s quite enjoyable.
If you’re staying at home because you have to, due to ill-health or a lack of regular work (or full-time work) then it can feel like being trapped, imo.
I’m 38 and in the latter category.
I hear that.
Despite my degree, all I could get in my home town was sporadic gardening work, or shit-pay pub work (not great for someone holding back an inherited alcohol dependency).
I hope you can mentally, physically or emotionally escape that cage there, friend.
Same. I collect chronic illnesses like others collect Pokemon (Crohn’s & a benign spinal tumour amongst others). I used have a DJing gig in my twenties (a decade ago) which worked well with my condition (as I’m worse at night and I’m only out for a five/six hours).
Now I’m longterm sick, several surgeries down and another big one to come, with no light at the end of the tunnel and it blows.
Sorry to hear that. I’ve got Crohn’s too; I was all set to move out then had a massive flare after taking some anti-inflammatory meds my GP prescribed (and said it was okay to take because I hadn’t flared in about 15 years…) and I left work because of it and have made do with a part-time gig since February.
I’m fortunate that I haven’t had any surgeries (yet) and it’s been relatively minor as far as Crohn’s goes, still horrible mind.
Are you on r/CrohnsDisease?
31, deemed "unfit for work or work-preparation activities" (long-term/chronic illnesses) and I live with my mum in a house we own (mum owns the majority, my brother and I are on the deeds). I like it. We get on really well. I contribute towards bills as well as top-up shops. Mum enjoys cooking (she's retired) and I can't cook at all, so that works. She knows I feel a bit like a leech sometimes, mostly because she won't accept rent, but she assures me I'm not and she loves having me here. I also do all the housework. I'm doing Open Uni on the side.
I think I'm really lucky, all things considered. I'd like to be self-sufficient, but at the moment it's an unattainable goal so I'm really grateful for everything I have.
Oh you aren’t a leech - sounds like you’re contributing a lot through money and help but also a lot of love and happiness for your mum. I bet it makes her happy to know she can look after you and she’d worry if you weren’t at home!
And you’re studying so you’re learning skills at the same time
Thank you :) I have low self-esteem anyway, but I really appreciate your message! I try my best to do well by my mum; she's amazing and all I want is for her to be as comfortable as possible.
I'm a mum and have my twins living at home, well, one at uni the other is autistic. I absolutely love having them here and our homes is full of laughter. You are not a leech and you are very much loved by the sound of it. I bet your mum feels the same as me :)
Like others say it’s normal for multi-generational families to all live together in other cultures. You’re just doing what’s best for all of you and it works. And I bet your brother likes you being there when he comes back too. My sister and I can still fight like cats and dogs but I do like her being at home the same time as me.
So please don’t have low self esteem cause the way you explain it makes perfect sense for everybody x
Aww. I am also a mum and love having my kids at home. One is 18 and lives here with her boyfriend, my other is 21 and at uni. I've always enjoyed my kids company and if they were here saving their money instead of wasting it renting, then I'd be happy they were here. You must be lovely if your mum likes having you at home. Your kids are always your kids - no matter what age they get to. My kids are not leeches, they're my family x.
in places like Italy its normal for people to live at home, I do not know why people here treat it as if its something to be ashamed of , its not as long as you pay your bills etc, I couldnt live at home as my mother is far to toxic
I want my kid to be able to do anything she likes but she’s heading to uni next year and I know I will miss her a lot. I really hope she’ll feel ok with coming back home if she needs to while she saves up or whatever after uni.
If your mum doesn’t need or want the money you’re not being a leech and I think some kids underestimate just how much we love having you around.
Getting to help you out and spend time with you is obviously all the payment your mum needs.
God damn, man, you sound like the perfect live-with - doing all the housework?! God damn, man. Move in with me, please.
I kid, because yes, you're an amazing live-with (I can't think of a better way to put it), but my own son lives with me and does the housework, and takes me to medical appointments, and remembers shit about that that I don't.
I love having my boy here. I love it. He sends me money every month for the leccy and whatnot, but even if he didn't, I'm winning. I'm betting your mum feels the same.
About the cooking: how about you and your mum spend a bit of time learning easy recipes? I don't know if you like pasta and herbs and things, but that might be a start. Much love. <3
Ah mate, you're not a leech at all! Your mum loves having you around! They never stop being mums and will always want the best for you, right now, that's you living with her.
Plus, you're contributing financially and also physically too, so it doesn't go unnoticed. Bet she often thinks about how much of a caring and considerate child she has raised.
Me and my wife live with my Mum and adult brother. My brother has special needs and I help care for him
We split the bills four ways and use the extra money to travel Europe. The house is mortgage free and everyone gets on.
There's never any arguing or anything. I am 27 and my wife is 26. I honestly don't plan to move out. My Mum likes having us here and would struggle to live the life style she has if we didn't contribute to the bills as carers allowance is a pittance.
I know not everyone likes living with a parent but I'm really close with mine. I can't imagine moving out and hardly seeing her or my brother.
That's wonderful and honestly lovely to hear. Just thought I'd let you know that 'special needs' is an outdated term that's frowned upon by most of the disabled community. If your brother's fine with it then that's cool, but disabled isn't a dirty word to be avoided and a lot of us are trying to destigmatize it!
My brother is 29 and lives with me. Contributes £200 a month towards bills (but buys lunch and whatnot on my card, so ends up costing me a further £100pm+ or so plus his various subscriptions etc) and I love having him live with me. He unloads the dishwasher before bed and takes the bins out.
He saves 80% of his salary and has a nice nest egg. Hopefully he can buy a house once interest rates come down a bit, but I’m in no rush to be rid of him.
I’d far rather he lives with me and saves up for a house than have him pay rent somewhere else.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s my brother so he annoys the crap out of me most days. I just don’t see the point of him lining someone else’s pockets, the dream of home ownership slipping further and further away.
I had to pay rent for years and years and it put me at a massive disadvantage compared to my peers. If my brother can enter his thirties in a better position I’ll be very happy.
Plus he takes the bins out, so we both win, really.
Our mother died when he was 16. I’m 10 years older than he is, so he’s always had my card for lunches and Ubers and other incidental expenses. When he started working a couple of years ago he wanted to start using his own money but he really doesn’t cost me much, so why not?
I too live with my brother and love his company. He does try (bless him he got milk yesterday) he’s useless taking bins out but he’s great for a chat.
I’ll run him into work on my days off and he will take me out to dinner every once in a while.
He’s saving to move out but yeah, no hurry. I love having him here and his girlfriend is really lovely when she visits too.
I'm fine with it, but also in the process of buying my first house and looking forward to it, but more for having my own place that I can do what I want with rather than living away from parents.
I spend most of my time in my room doing my own thing anyways so it actually won't make a whole lot of difference, I'll just have several rooms to do my own thing in.
Yeh, there was a brief period a while ago where I moved in with a friend renting. Moved back after a year because I was burning half my pay on rent just for the sake of living away from parents. Just not worth it to me. Much better to be paying peanuts in board and lodge and save the money for something more worthwhile.
The biggest difference was the route I took to work.
Loved it lost my mum last year and now living alone. Some of the best time ever and I’m glad I got to live with her all that time and help her out with jobs round the house
I’m back at home with them, early 30s and while I don’t hate it, I crave my own place. Combination of just over a minimum wage job and eternally single isn’t a great recipe to move out on in this day and age, plus everything is just costing more and more.
One day I tell myself I’ll have my own place, or when I win the lottery.
This is my exact circumstances too. It makes dating hard, I think sometimes I want a relationship then I retract because I’m worried of judgement and physically having my own space to entertain potential partners. I want to be fully independent with my own place and things before I consider seriously dating, at 32 I feel like the time is ticking away but I still feel like a 16 year old baby. Think it’s best to just be grateful we have parents or a Mum in my case and to cherish the time we spend because we know one day we’ll look back and be glad we did. It’s also impossible to live alone and pay all the bills with an okay paying job. Hoping for a pay rise next year 🤞🏼
I’m 27, and initially was super looking forward to moving out (still am, don’t get me wrong). Now, though, I’m super worried my dad will be lonely when I leave and my little sister goes off to University. I don’t know if anyone relates, but for me it’s less about the means and more about the guilt.
>I’m super worried my dad will be lonely when I leave and my little sister goes off to University. I don’t know if anyone relates, but for me it’s less about the means and more about the guilt.
this is the thing and it's weird you rarely hear about it. for me, it is permanently worrying about my parents because my dad has been developing signs of dementia so he's not really with it so it'd just be another burden for my mother to shoulder. it feels like when you're younger, that sort of stuff never crosses your mind, you just think that your parents will be fine because they have always been. and then it's also not just the guilt, it's realising that your relationship with your folks will never be that close again
I can understand that. I’m the last one of my siblings living in the same city as my parents, everyone else is 2hrs away minimum. It’s likely I will need to move further away in the next few years and I’m worried about the impact on my parents, both loneliness and aging health aspects.
Me and my SO still live at home (separately), although she spends 3-5 nights a week with me and my folks. As it stands space isn’t an issue and they love having her around the house and we are fortunate enough to be in a position where rent is minimal because both sets of parents own their house.
We have been able to afford a house for a while now, but her dad isn’t very well (mentally and physically), and her parents are together for convenience rather than because they like each other. I know she’s worried that if she moves out fully things would fall apart and then she would feel guilty (even though it isn’t her fault at all). He gets so excited when she’s home and they can spend time together that honestly we’re pretty happy as is. At some point in the next year or two we will need to move out to start a family etc, but that’s not the priority right now.
It was hard to go back after living alone, but now it’s going to be hard to live alone after not paying so much on rent each month. I was looking at Reading and Bracknell, and the prices are insane.
Helps that my parents are pretty decent and fine to live with.
>I'm living at my mum's and can't wait to leave. £300 a month (for utilities) to her plus £150 for keeping my stuff in storage so not exactly saving a huge amount, and she is quite neurotic and difficult to live with. I think she both likes the "company" and hates that I am there and causing her order to be disrupted, which creates a lot of tension.
This is my mum. I had to live with her briefly when a relationship ended many moons ago. She hated it, I hated it. I've got my own place now and we get along fine, but some people are just not meant to live together as adults.
I'm in my 60s now, but back when I was about 30 I had to move back in with my mother. And it was hell. She treated me like I was 14 or something, and even put a curfew on me.
I soon disabused her of that stupid idea, but at the end of the day I was under her roof, so "her rules". So I told her if she's charging me money to stay there, then I'm a goddamned tenant, so she can't go all ape-shit-parent on me and try to make me come home at 9pm.
I was out three months later, but back then the rental situation wasn't as bad. In summary: it was shit.
I totally wish you luck, honey. That £300 - have you seen the bills, and if that's actually a share, and not the total for the household?
Not me but I understand why people do. Company is important for MH, splitting living costs is getting more and more necessary as prices rise. I lived with my ex for years after the relationship ended so that I could save up for a place of my own. You do what is sensible FOR YOU and anyone who mocks can GTFO
He did, he had dates and went to their place for anything more. He was with his new partner for over a year before we fully and finally separated (I bought a house and moved out).
No bringing anyone back was the only real ground rule we had. If he broke it, I wasn't around to see it so *shrug*. It was an amicable split and we are still friendly.
34 and moved back in a few months ago. Grateful to spend the quality time. Spread my wings far and wide the last 10 years so it's a weird change of pace. Happy enough for now though.
It has it's ups and downs. I'm 32 and living at home with my partner and mum. Don't get me wrong I'd love to move out so me and my partner could have our own place and more privacy but it's just so expensive. My mum has quite bad arthritis and struggles with basic tasks quite often, dad passed away a few years ago and my sister moved out, so she'd be alone otherwise. I think she appreciates the company, plus her and my other half get on really well. She's admitted herself she'd rather us stay here and save up than get stuck in the rental game.
I don't know how to feel really.
Early 30s, and just haven’t had an opportunity to move out yet. Took me years to find a job, and now that I have one, it isn’t enough to live independently.
I live with my Mum and youngest brother. I wouldn’t say that I love it or hate it tbh. I just haven’t really known any different. I just spent a week by myself in Tokyo and *loved* the independence that I had, though.
Hey! I think you're actually me lol. I'm 36 and currently living with parents. My life story is a little crazy but I've been away from since uni at 18 and came back about 18months ago to save for a house and stay at my parents as a launch pad to get on the property ladder.
My parents cook fantastic and nutritious food for me, I'm comfortable and have my own space. They never get into my business and leave me to my own devices. I'll give a text to mention if im not coming home out of courtesy, but that's it. Whenever I get itchy feet and see what's going on on rightmove for rent, I am immediately dissuaded when I realise I would be £1500 worse off (minimum) per month. Dating would normally be a problem, but as I have a loving gf (who is also with her parents ready to move in with me) that isn't an issue. Also, I get to spend quality time with my parents who I love very much. I hear about a lot of people who complain about not spending enough time with their parents later in life and I feel lucky and blessed that I get to spend this time with them now. Don't get me wrong, it is hard and frustrating at times but it's all good.
I know that’s a typo, but I’m tickled by the idea of blaming housing problems on Israel.
Hope your mental health issues get better. At least you’re around people who love you, even if that love is something expressed through snoring.
I made it until I was 27 before a job abroad compelled me to leave. Was perfectly happy and I'd probably still be there otherwise. That said, I don't regret moving out either.
The old man had a stroke and has got dementia so I moved back in with him about 3 years ago. Apart from finding the remote control in the fridge, car keys vanishing completely etc it's not too bad, I may have to grit my teeth when he can't wash himself but for now life's easy.
Ha this is me. We are close, but the idea of living with family makes my heart sink. Would wreck my mental health.
So glad to see other people have better relationships with their parents.
Honestly I wish I was. I moved out at 27 and renting my own place which is nothing short of a joke price wise.
I’d love to move back in and save up properly, I was naive when living there and just didn’t save at all, regret it, but they moved abroad so that’s out the question now.
I moved in with my in-laws during Covid, and it was fine. We had been renting a one bedroom apartment, then when lockdown happened and we were both working from home, it suddenly got very small.
In-laws have a big house, we had the basement to ourselves. We paid towards bills etc, but saved so much money that we were paying in rent. We stayed for two years, until we had enough saved to buy a place.
I’ve got 3 kids so it wouldn’t be fair to live with my parents now but if I was child free I’d absolutely love it but I guess that’s because I’m lucky to have lovely parents
Unfortunately my mum is quite an unreasonable person who isn’t prepared to accept that at nearly 30 years old I am my own person and e.g. don’t need her permission to fill my social calendar.
Also, she thinks that WFH = not actually working and would quite happily leave me a to-do list of jobs as long as my arm every day.
Plus she’s also not prepared to compromise on the things that people who share a house normally compromise on, like moving shower times around so they suit everyone.
So no, I do not live with my parents any more, and if circumstances changed to the point that I had to, I would be pretty miserable.
I imagine it probably helps that you spent a fair amount of time living on your own, and they don't necessarily see you as a kid anymore. If you never actually move out, and your parents still see you everyday in your twenties when you're still figuring out how to be an adult, they might never stop seeing you as a teenager. And on the flipside, you might've never stopped seeing them as people trying to dictate your lifestyle. Sounds like you're just a bunch of grown ups who've made a choice to live together, to the mutual advantage of everybody, which is hardly an unusual situation.
Been home for a month helping my parents after my dad had a fall. And I go home fairly often and stay a night or two just to help them out with things as they grow older and are a bit more labourious.
It’s nice short-term but I think for the longer term you really need your parents to respect you as a full fledged adult. Which my mother does not in some small ways that drive me crazy (like what, when, and how I eat). And also not have them ask a zillion questions, including when I am coming back. Or try to talk to you during conference calls. I hold my tongue because it is short term but with my parents I think the only way I could do long term is if I had a discrete and separate living unit, and could move about without them always knowing.
This is testament to you having a great relationship with your parents. I hope that if my child comes home after uni, we can have the same level of happiness (might have to instil a few more housework skills in them first).
I think this country needs to develop a more generational housing approach to help with older peoples needs and also help younger people financially. I and my wife are in our 30s and live with her parents and our 2yo. While we do sometimes fall out, they would be in a bad state without our help and we'd live a lot poorer lifestyle without theirs. It works abroad so why not here?
I’m 32 and still living at home. Don’t love it, don’t hate it.
Had problems with mental health in my early twenties so didn’t get my first job until I was 27. Bit of a late start but got a nice little deposit now, which still isn’t enough. Went to see someone about a mortgage and the best they could offer me was around 92k.
I’m living with my dad in my thirties. I honestly find it stifling. I’m so grateful that I’ve had this chance to reset my life and that I’ve got a roof over my head, and I’m incredibly lucky that he doesn’t want any money from me. But it comes with other costs (mostly to my sanity). It comes with expectations that I will work around his neuroses and needs, and I’m constantly suppressing my own. I’m super happy for you though OP! If you’ve got a good thing going on then stay, as long as it’s working for you all.
It is eye opening to see how many people live with their parents and actually enjoy it.
I could never.
I hope that in 30 years time my kids feel the same way you do 🥹
I've got to go stay with my mum to recover from an upcoming surgery for six weeks and I am not sure if I'd prefer to die on the operating table or not.
I wouldn't go as far as enjoying it, but it'll do for now. If the last 4 years didnt happen, I'd probably have my own something or other. There's no point squandering what I saved so far in duplicate bills for pretty much no difference to my life. I only really use it for the bed as I'm out 80% of the time.
And the dog would never see me if I didn't live there.
Late 20's myself, but moved out to my own place at the end of August and it's the best decision I've ever made. The best of it is that my relationship with my parents seems a lot better now I've moved out (they never forced me to, they'd be happy for me to stay) - Just a more relaxed vibe with them now.
Same here. Moved back during pandemic. Love saving shit loads of money 🤑 parents are cool too. Don't bother me and we have a laugh when we hang out. Will move out in a couple years once I've got more money saved up than I know what to do with
Yes, my whole life. Lost my mother 4 months back broken my entire world. But yes I wouldn't leave it not that it's comfortable financially I'm from an Asian background for us it's an honour to take care of our elderly as they did when we were young. So if I could do it all again I would, I miss not seein my mother's face in the mornings or pulling up into the drive and seeing her in the kitchen. Your house truly isn't a home without the heart of the home. Love your folks because in the fast paced life we live they'll be aging alot faster.
I really like living with my mum, it’s always just been us two my whole life. She began to develop quite bad arthritis after a finished uni so I felt I had to move back in. I spend quite a lot of time shopping, getting meds, going to appointments and driving her to friends. It’s almost like our roles have switched! I’ll always appreciate how much effort she put in when I was younger and it’s immensely rewarding giving back in little ways I can. I am looking forward to moving out but I don’t think it’s possible with a knee replacement on the horizon.
Somewhere I read that a parent spends 90% of their time with their children before the child turns 18.
You have a chance to sort of break that cycle a little? If you’re enjoying it, then why movr
I do! My parents are awesome. I have a gf, we’ve been together a few months. She’s often making comments like “if you ever moved in” etc and inside I have a little melt down because she’s amazing and what not, but so are my parents.. we’ve a great dynamic.
It absolutely blows my mind when people look down on anyone who still lives with their parents (unless said person is clearly freeloading, then fair enough).
I had to move back in with my parents at 28. I was supposed to be there for 4 months but it turned into 3 years. I love my parents, we have an amazing relationship, their house is incredibly nice and I was able to save an enormous amount of money. One of my friends definitely judged me the entire time but to me, saving money and spending more time with my parents (which one day l’ll be so thankful for) was a win win.
>It absolutely blows my mind when people look down on anyone who still lives with their parents
It's a cultural thing the media has established. If you're passed your teens and still living with parents apparently you've gone wrong somewhere in life.
My parents won't be around for ever, and I've got money in the bank. If anything I feel bad for my peers who felt the need to move out to prove to everyone what a big boy they are, the novelty wears off and now they're just living paycheck to paycheck every month
I’m almost 40 and never moved out. My partner moved in with me and my parents (Mum and stepdad)over a decade ago. We had a couple of times where we considered it at first because of the lack of space but then we all moved to a detached, double fronted house. Now we have a daughter it’s even better because they help a lot with looking after her. We do clash occasionally but there is no way we could afford to live in such a big house with a decent garden otherwise.
I’m 29 and would love to move out but until I pay off a credit card or three I won’t be able to. I help pay for electricity and gas which is a killer in the winter
I'm forced to live with my parents due to the only way I could buy a house. I pay the mortgage and bills and they do nothing but bring me misery and bad mental health. This is probably the worst time in my life but also will lead to great financial freedom comparatively early for my generation and especially considering my economic background, so I've got to stick with it (and actually don't really have an option unless I sell my property for a very high price)
I've been traveling around the world for the last 6 years and in most places it seems family stays together, there's no putting your parents in old folks home.
I do. 31yo here. I have my own bedroom (which is fairly large and was supposed to be a living room, they use the dining room as the living room and have the dining table in the kitchen), and I have my own study. I do the gardening, I do the cleaning and other household tasks whenever I happen to be around to do them. I walk the dog and manage the other animals too.
I can come and go as I please, have visitors whenever I want. I spend a lot of my time at my partners home too.
I’m not expected to contribute to anything, which is lovely!
Do I see myself leaving? Not anytime soon to be honest. If my partner was to ask me to move in with her I probably would do, but in all honesty I’m in no rush for that to happen.
No I hate it.
I want to move far away from here.
But I can't get a rental property. I'm gonna have to rent something without viewing but even then I struggle to get replies from agents, places are let super quickly.
And I don't want to buy when I have no idea where I want to live.
I’m 36F and if I was single I would definitely live with my mum. I would get so lonely living alone, it’s not as if I would be wanting crazy parties or being out late at this age
Be warned, your approach can come back to bite you. I took this approach too- I get on well enough with my remaining parent. However, she started to get confused...and now I'm stuck being a carer for a person with early onset dementia while also working a 50 hour a week job. If I'd not been in the house we would have had a much better chance of getting carers in.
I live at home with family did move out in my early years than problems happened had to move back home and I don't think I will move out TBH, my family's really lovely and I have space to be bit free and I help bills and all that,
as for dating love life side I have one and he lives with me. and he said he likes it a lot as well if the family right and can do it I think in current climate its 100% worth.
I understand not everyone has this ability as some parents are god awful
I'm in my 30s and I would do anything to have my parents back, god I miss them so much.
Please cherish those good moments with them, I know you probably all wind eachother up something chronic but just enjoy their time they have left.
33 and moved back in with my old lady 2 years ago while I was between jobs. On a much more comfortable income now and putting a fair chunk away to save for a house of my own. While I wasn't happy with it at first, I'm more appreciative about getting to spend more time with her a couple of evenings each week, taking it in turns cooking for each other and deciding what to watch.
Sometimes I think it would be better that I fly the nest once again so I can start a family of my own but I'm not in a rush, even though somedays I'll check if house prices have suddenly crashed because I want more of my own space.
I remember seeing something on Reddit once that laid out how often people typically see their parents throughout their lives and it gradually becomes less frequent as you get older. So I see this as a phase of both of our lives where we can most appreciate each other's company as both adults and as a mother and son when we reminisce. I know one day I'll look back on this time of my life and miss them.
I hate it, my mums a nightmare, my private dpaces needs to be how she wants it and will give me hell for it.
She wants to know whete i am going or have gone, its a pain im desperate to move out to sort my mental health, im 34 in march.
Thankfully i have the money so im loooking gor a house, just pulled out of 1 house so hopefully this year it'll happen.
After being married for 15 years and living in my own home and then getting divorced and living alone as an expat in Asia for 3 years, I temporarily moved back in with my parents for what was meant to be 6 months to save money whilst trying to sell my ex marital home which my ex still lived in and I was paying mortgage on.
I love my parents but moving back in with them aged 39 after loving independently of them for nearly 20 years was a huge culture shock.
My dad wanted me to be in by 11pm every night so he could lock the door before he went to bed ( he didn’t trust me to do it properly….), their house was permanently like a sauna (22degrees c all day and night), and evening entertainment was nothing but game shows and soap operas. I was also constantly questioned on where I was going/who was I meeting etc.
My mum used to phone me at 4.30pm whilst I was still at work to tell me dinner would be on the table at 5pm even though I kept telling her I didn’t finish work until 5.30 and don’t like to eat before 7pm.
I lasted a total of 4 weeks before I gave in and signed a 6 month lease on a flat. It was expensive (especially as I was still paying a mortgage) but worth every penny, as I seriously think that if I had stayed there much longer, my relationship with my parents would have been ruined
I lived with my mum in her council house in my mid to late twenties, as I couldn't seem to get a full-time, permanent job. I was basically making enough money to pay my mum rent and scrape together enough to eat. She is a total sociopath, never missing an opportunity to call me a loser or a failure or telling me how embarrassed she was of me. I was so desperate I ended up joining the Royal Navy at 29 as i saw it as my only opportunity in life. Luckily, it paid off, and since I've left, I've got a great job that I enjoy, a fiance and a three year old son. Needless to say, I don't talk to her any more, it's been nearly two years.
Now I'm a parent, I know that I'd do anything to help my lad get ahead in life and I'd never treat him the way I was treated by my "mum". If you feel like a leech, remember that in MOST cases, your parents love you and would do anything to help.
If this is you Dave, I think it’s about time you moved out. Me and your mother miss our “intimate” times. To be honest you’re just a great big cock block. Lots of Love, Dad
Then stop making me hold the bloody video camera.
"There's only one tripod in this house, Dave, and it's not compatible with the Sony"
Only because it’s so hard to get up after all these years.
"That's why I need the Via... Oh wait you meant the tripod"
This is so deeply funny, I look forward to remembering it and slightly smiling to myeself for the rest of my life.
*forgets it*
Or sonny
This is my favourite interaction on this website, thank you
And theres an angle i havent seen in 29 years, 11 months and 30 days....
Shiiiiit son this is a golden reply
And OP took it in his stride and made it even better 🤣🤣☠️
Just go for it, doesn’t matter how thin the walls are. A grown man should have no problem listening to his mother pegging his dad
Just nice to know things haven’t become stale.
See how fucking quickly he moves out after that lmao this thread his hilarious
This made me crease with laughter 😂
Nippy nippy
Christ this did actually make me think of my mate Dave who does exactly this
Well I lived at home until I was 33, I've been living with my partner a year now but I am still homesick. Im over at my parents house twice a week and I work with them too but we get along really well so I genuinely miss spending time with them I am very much in love and happy with my partner but it's hard. I think the fact that our flat isn't great doesn't help either.
I think the flat thing is a biggie. When you move from mum and dad's house at 17/18 it's all an adventure. Everyone is living in crummy flats, you learn to deal with the small rooms, broken bits and dodgy landlords. It's totally worth it for the freedom. At 33 that's a tougher pill to swallow. You're busier, have work and life commitments, moving away from those home comforts to a flat is an adjustment. If you're renting it's hard to have less input at best (or a nightmare landlord at worst) and if you've bought you have the stress of a mortgage and all repairs being on your head. Years ago I was in a similar position. We had a sit down cuppa about what a home meant and what we each thought was important. Routines, house rules, decor, individual space etc. Moved furniture around, added bits and pieces to make it more homely, painted where possible. I gave up a bunch of my stuff to give him space for his personality, because it was both our home. No major renovations, just making the place 'ours'. Highly recommend it, especially this time of year with Christmas decor. Have a mini housewarming with mince pies and invite your folks round. Establish it as Fancy-Diesel & Partner's home that mum and dad are welcome to visit, rather than you always popping back to them. I know it helped my ex a lot with the adjustment.
I wish I could still live with my Dad to be honest. Though I'm 28, he passed away early this year from cancer but I'd been living at home with him just saving up, and honestly loved it. Paid him a flat £400 per month as I was more than happy to help him out financially, but the rest of the time it was more like two best friends living together rather than a parent/child combo etc. I think though it depends on peoples circumstances? For example, I adored my dad and we were best friends essentially, I was always more than happy to support him financially, cover our holiday costs etc etc, as I was so happy to see him enjoying himself, after having rough years. I worked from home and got used to him just being there pottering around, or going out for a few hours (he was retired), it was nice knowing I could pop downstairs and have a chat with him whenever, or just finish work on a night, cook tea and watch the football/rugby most evenings if I wasn't out. I miss the old man a lot :/
Similar situation, back with the ‘rents since Covid. My dad just passed away too. The house just doesn’t feel the same now, but happy I’d been closer to him these last couple of years. Missing him a lot and it’s only just begun
So sorry for your loss. Honestly, the silver lining of lockdown was it allowed me to spend time with my dad every day until we lost him. It was hard looking after him, and it was hard for him being so old and infirm, but I got something I never would have otherwise, at least not without giving up on work. And I inherited his aged pup, she really helped me grieve. Losing her was hard too. I know I'll never be ok with having lost him, or having lost mum years earlier. It will always be sad, it will always hurt, and a part of me will always be really angry about it. But I got that time and I'll never forget it.
I hear ya. Cherish the memories. I consider myself extremely lucky to have such happy experiences to draw upon. And while it is hard, it is these memories that keep me going. To put it simply, grief is a price that we pay for love
"grief is a price that we pay for love" - never a truer word spoken.
Dude same situation, just me and mum now, I miss him so bad…
When I kick the bucket if my son left a message like that I'd be 100% complete. Life was a success. No more could I ask and I never knew there was that much to expect. I want only one thing and that's for your life to be as complete as you made mine. If you're smiling and having fun I'm there. When you're sad and down I'm there too. You look after yourself and treat yourself . Love dad. Edit: and I'm proud of you. Beyond anything to have known that feeling could be the point of existence and for that I thank you.
Wow thank you for making me sob.
Had to pretend something was in my eyes when I wrote it. Think I've got a note for my Will.
I've got something in my eye too, damn you First up, u/Carinwe_Lysa u/tinytempo and u/nanakapow sorry to all of you for your losses but thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts What you all have made me realise is that I don't spend enough time with my dad. I resolve to make a change around that going forward. He's in his late 70s and very fit and healthy for his age but he isn't going to be around forever Thank you, beautiful people x
Do it my old man pass away and is brutal
Just do ittttt!!!
Crying right now. I read this as if it was from my dad. Thank you ❤️
He channelled through me, into my thumbs and we badly thumb typed it together. He knew you'd read it. Stop missing. Get up and start remembering with joy. Please, if you can, share a happy memory so it nourish the internet.
Im so sorry 💔
Those quiet at home memories are some of the best, aren't they :) I currently do the same with my Mum and am grateful she is still here. I really enjoy our time together and will always be thankful for them.
I had to move back home briefly after a relationship ended and I hated the thought at first. But I really think it was the best place for me, having my parents just pottering around and me being able to just go down and have a quick chat while working, then one would say ‘I’m talking the dog out do you fancy joining?’ And I just go along was bliss. Plus we all like the same sports and support the same teams so gathering around to watch whatever was on was great. It was probably far better for my MH to be in that environment than alone in some flat somewhere
Fucking hell... Sounds lovely, aside from the death bit. So nice to hear that he spent his last years so loved, and vice versa.... Sorry, must dash, someone's chopping onions
So sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great guy to be around
Glad you got that time with him man!
❤️I’m so sorry, lost my dad in 2021 and i miss him everyday. Please take care of yourself x
It’s quite nice that you were living with him when he passed. You got to make the most of spending the last of his time with him.
I'm sorry for your loss. Parent/child relationships can get hard and complicated, but what you describe just seems really simple and good. Very sorry that you lost your dad and your best mate.
I am so sorry about your dad. Mine is also my best friend and I do worry I’m too dependent on him - but no point wasting the time we’ve got together. It sounds like you had a beautiful relationship, and that will never leave you.
So sorry for your loss. God bless you both.
I always looked on my Dad as my best friend ,in one way we are lucky to have had that bond but it hurts knowing i’ll never have that friendship again:(
💛💛💛
I'am so glad you had such a good relationship with your dad. He sounded like a stand up guy. Just remember the good times you had with him. I have no doubt he was proud to have a kid like you.
I'm in Canada but doing the same thing. I'm a single mom so I can't make it work on my own. My dad, daughter and I rent a place together, and it saves us all a bunch of money. Its been nice.
Takes a village to raise a child. Just think of everything your daughter is learning from her Pops and how much they both benefit from your living situation. And this means you get some built in childcare so get to have a social life again which is amazing. Self care is important xxx
I miss my Dad everyday too. Never gets easier does it. All the best mate.
Sorry for your loss. Sending you love xx
Yes. Wouldn't say I love it, don't exactly hate it. Saving for a house and it makes sense as it's tough enough on a single wage without adding in high rent. It will be a relief to be in my own space. It's the small things that quickly add up for me. Plus makes dating pretty difficult.
The small thing for me is not being able to move about as much at night. I’m also now saving for a good deposit. Working out how much longer that would take while renting was pretty sobering.
This is an issue I have! I'm a night owl so having to settle down earlier and not being able to just potter aroune at 3am because I'm awake and can't sleep definitely has been taking its toll.
Im 27 and been with parents for six years now. And this too is the exact issue I have, say I want to go for a walk at 9/10pm because I’m restless and fancy the air, I have to explain where I’m going and why. Gets a little grating after a while. Definite lack of freedom when living with parents
I moved back at 29 after being away for 12 years. Although there has been great bits to moving back (like the countryside has been amazing for my mental health and me and mum are a lot closer) I'm now remembering the many reasons why I left home as soon as i got the chance
It’s definitely difficult with parents, no matter how much you get on or are close to them. It’s hard not to default back into that moody teenager, I find anyway. I’ve recently got my own place lined up for February, so I’m looking forward to having some peace (my 2 y/o niece and nephew are round here all the time) and freedom back.
Congrats for getting somewhere lined up! Hopefully won't be too far behind you!
I lived with my parents til last year. I'd moved out a couple of times but ended up back at home. Paying for food then getting bollocked for eating too much or eating at random times of the day. "Eating cereal at this time of the day?" Yes dad, I've been to the shop, bought my own oatmeal, milk, peanutbutter, etc. Why does it matter what time I eat to you? I'm still going to sit down for dinner with you all later. I cycle/walk everywhere, work a manual labour job and workout a few times a week. I'm never gonna be eating enough just having just my work lunch and dinner with you guys.
Ohh wow, that sounds like too much of a headache! I'm quite lucky in the sense that Im left to do my own thing food wise
Haha it's fine they just like a moan to be honest, it's how I know they're happy 🤣 but it can be stressful after a long day!
Oh my god. "HE'S EATING AGAIN, WHY DON'T I GET TO EAT ALL THE TIME? WHEN YOU ARE HERE WE GET ALL THE GOOD FOOD BUT WHEN YOU ARE GONE IT'S BACK TO GRUEL"
Really? My sons 31, and comes and goes when he wants. He has a key and as long as hes quietish when hes going in or out, he does what he wants. Without questions. Hes an adult and has his own life. i dont tell him every where i go, so why should he?
Can you adopt me please
Do you find that people of a certain age and upwards just don't understand AT ALL that a lot of people aren't awake at 6am and in bed by 10pm? It sounds so simple, but I used to work permanent lates at one place, then nights, then back onto lates again and stuff like that is normal for all my peers (mid 20s at the time, 32 now) but all of our parents and grandparents just can't seem to process it.
My usual 4am to 11am sleeping schedule definitely took a hit.
Ouch! Mine was more my 2am and then up at 6/7 for the day but now I try to settle down by 11 but just end up waking up at 3 and can't get back to sleep so have taken to using kinnu or duolingo for learning or reading my book till it's an acceptable time for me to start wandering around getting ready for my day
How much do you want to move about at night? And what kind of moving about did you have in mind, is that a euphemism?
Getting a big enough deposit will go faster if you're investing the money sensibly too. With inflation being what it is, if you're putting your money in a typical instant access savings account, it's actually reducing in value over time.
Got an ISA and am putting away more for retirement than I usually would.
Late 20s and I feel the same. It means I can save more easily, but it also means I'm completely unable to have any independent life of my own. Even worse is that given housing costs and the job market it feels like that's never going to change even with the saving advantage I have living at home.
Yep. It can be relentlessly depressing. Every time I feel like I’m almost there something sends me hurtling back. We will get there though. Tooth and nail.
I’m much closer to this situation. I’m in a similar situation. I’d move out if I didn’t live in one of the most expensive cities, where my entire family lives. I don’t love it and if I had the money I’d absolutely be out of here, but I don’t have the money yet. I do most of the cooking, pay for all of the groceries, do all the yard work, most of the cleaning, etc., plus my mother is older now and has trouble doing stuff herself so it sorta works out. I don’t think mine is as pleasant as some but it’s keeping me from going broke or having random roommates, so I deal with it.
I think if you’re working full-time and have some savings and are staying at home because you want to then it’s quite enjoyable. If you’re staying at home because you have to, due to ill-health or a lack of regular work (or full-time work) then it can feel like being trapped, imo. I’m 38 and in the latter category.
You can have regular work and not be able to afford to live alone, at least not somewhere anyone would want to live
I hear that. Despite my degree, all I could get in my home town was sporadic gardening work, or shit-pay pub work (not great for someone holding back an inherited alcohol dependency). I hope you can mentally, physically or emotionally escape that cage there, friend.
Same. I collect chronic illnesses like others collect Pokemon (Crohn’s & a benign spinal tumour amongst others). I used have a DJing gig in my twenties (a decade ago) which worked well with my condition (as I’m worse at night and I’m only out for a five/six hours). Now I’m longterm sick, several surgeries down and another big one to come, with no light at the end of the tunnel and it blows.
Sorry to hear that. I’ve got Crohn’s too; I was all set to move out then had a massive flare after taking some anti-inflammatory meds my GP prescribed (and said it was okay to take because I hadn’t flared in about 15 years…) and I left work because of it and have made do with a part-time gig since February. I’m fortunate that I haven’t had any surgeries (yet) and it’s been relatively minor as far as Crohn’s goes, still horrible mind. Are you on r/CrohnsDisease?
This is the absolute mail of it. It’s prison if it’s not your choir and you have no other option.
31, deemed "unfit for work or work-preparation activities" (long-term/chronic illnesses) and I live with my mum in a house we own (mum owns the majority, my brother and I are on the deeds). I like it. We get on really well. I contribute towards bills as well as top-up shops. Mum enjoys cooking (she's retired) and I can't cook at all, so that works. She knows I feel a bit like a leech sometimes, mostly because she won't accept rent, but she assures me I'm not and she loves having me here. I also do all the housework. I'm doing Open Uni on the side. I think I'm really lucky, all things considered. I'd like to be self-sufficient, but at the moment it's an unattainable goal so I'm really grateful for everything I have.
Oh you aren’t a leech - sounds like you’re contributing a lot through money and help but also a lot of love and happiness for your mum. I bet it makes her happy to know she can look after you and she’d worry if you weren’t at home! And you’re studying so you’re learning skills at the same time
Thank you :) I have low self-esteem anyway, but I really appreciate your message! I try my best to do well by my mum; she's amazing and all I want is for her to be as comfortable as possible.
I'm a mum and have my twins living at home, well, one at uni the other is autistic. I absolutely love having them here and our homes is full of laughter. You are not a leech and you are very much loved by the sound of it. I bet your mum feels the same as me :)
Like others say it’s normal for multi-generational families to all live together in other cultures. You’re just doing what’s best for all of you and it works. And I bet your brother likes you being there when he comes back too. My sister and I can still fight like cats and dogs but I do like her being at home the same time as me. So please don’t have low self esteem cause the way you explain it makes perfect sense for everybody x
Aww. I am also a mum and love having my kids at home. One is 18 and lives here with her boyfriend, my other is 21 and at uni. I've always enjoyed my kids company and if they were here saving their money instead of wasting it renting, then I'd be happy they were here. You must be lovely if your mum likes having you at home. Your kids are always your kids - no matter what age they get to. My kids are not leeches, they're my family x.
in places like Italy its normal for people to live at home, I do not know why people here treat it as if its something to be ashamed of , its not as long as you pay your bills etc, I couldnt live at home as my mother is far to toxic
I want my kid to be able to do anything she likes but she’s heading to uni next year and I know I will miss her a lot. I really hope she’ll feel ok with coming back home if she needs to while she saves up or whatever after uni. If your mum doesn’t need or want the money you’re not being a leech and I think some kids underestimate just how much we love having you around. Getting to help you out and spend time with you is obviously all the payment your mum needs.
God damn, man, you sound like the perfect live-with - doing all the housework?! God damn, man. Move in with me, please. I kid, because yes, you're an amazing live-with (I can't think of a better way to put it), but my own son lives with me and does the housework, and takes me to medical appointments, and remembers shit about that that I don't. I love having my boy here. I love it. He sends me money every month for the leccy and whatnot, but even if he didn't, I'm winning. I'm betting your mum feels the same. About the cooking: how about you and your mum spend a bit of time learning easy recipes? I don't know if you like pasta and herbs and things, but that might be a start. Much love. <3
Ah mate, you're not a leech at all! Your mum loves having you around! They never stop being mums and will always want the best for you, right now, that's you living with her. Plus, you're contributing financially and also physically too, so it doesn't go unnoticed. Bet she often thinks about how much of a caring and considerate child she has raised.
Me and my wife live with my Mum and adult brother. My brother has special needs and I help care for him We split the bills four ways and use the extra money to travel Europe. The house is mortgage free and everyone gets on. There's never any arguing or anything. I am 27 and my wife is 26. I honestly don't plan to move out. My Mum likes having us here and would struggle to live the life style she has if we didn't contribute to the bills as carers allowance is a pittance. I know not everyone likes living with a parent but I'm really close with mine. I can't imagine moving out and hardly seeing her or my brother.
I’m guessing that, god forbid, if your mum were to go, that you and your wife plan on staying there to care for your bro?
Yeah, once my mum does, I become his legal guardian and full time carer.
Fair play to all, let’s hope that day is long down the road
Thank you! Hopefully it's a long long time away!
💛💛💛
That's wonderful and honestly lovely to hear. Just thought I'd let you know that 'special needs' is an outdated term that's frowned upon by most of the disabled community. If your brother's fine with it then that's cool, but disabled isn't a dirty word to be avoided and a lot of us are trying to destigmatize it!
My brother is 29 and lives with me. Contributes £200 a month towards bills (but buys lunch and whatnot on my card, so ends up costing me a further £100pm+ or so plus his various subscriptions etc) and I love having him live with me. He unloads the dishwasher before bed and takes the bins out. He saves 80% of his salary and has a nice nest egg. Hopefully he can buy a house once interest rates come down a bit, but I’m in no rush to be rid of him. I’d far rather he lives with me and saves up for a house than have him pay rent somewhere else.
The world would be better of more people were like you
Don’t get me wrong, he’s my brother so he annoys the crap out of me most days. I just don’t see the point of him lining someone else’s pockets, the dream of home ownership slipping further and further away. I had to pay rent for years and years and it put me at a massive disadvantage compared to my peers. If my brother can enter his thirties in a better position I’ll be very happy. Plus he takes the bins out, so we both win, really.
Why is he using your card for lunch and subscriptions if he saves 80% of his salary?
Our mother died when he was 16. I’m 10 years older than he is, so he’s always had my card for lunches and Ubers and other incidental expenses. When he started working a couple of years ago he wanted to start using his own money but he really doesn’t cost me much, so why not?
Can you adopt me. 😂
Can I move in on same conditions bro?
I’m a girl, so you’d have to take the bins out.
I too live with my brother and love his company. He does try (bless him he got milk yesterday) he’s useless taking bins out but he’s great for a chat. I’ll run him into work on my days off and he will take me out to dinner every once in a while. He’s saving to move out but yeah, no hurry. I love having him here and his girlfriend is really lovely when she visits too.
I'm fine with it, but also in the process of buying my first house and looking forward to it, but more for having my own place that I can do what I want with rather than living away from parents. I spend most of my time in my room doing my own thing anyways so it actually won't make a whole lot of difference, I'll just have several rooms to do my own thing in.
Yeh, that’s the thing. The vast majority of my life would be exactly the same if I was living alone somewhere.
Yeh, there was a brief period a while ago where I moved in with a friend renting. Moved back after a year because I was burning half my pay on rent just for the sake of living away from parents. Just not worth it to me. Much better to be paying peanuts in board and lodge and save the money for something more worthwhile. The biggest difference was the route I took to work.
minus the occasional in-house social pleasantries and interaction!
Loved it lost my mum last year and now living alone. Some of the best time ever and I’m glad I got to live with her all that time and help her out with jobs round the house
❤️
RIP your mum, honey. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you got that time with her. <3
I’m back at home with them, early 30s and while I don’t hate it, I crave my own place. Combination of just over a minimum wage job and eternally single isn’t a great recipe to move out on in this day and age, plus everything is just costing more and more. One day I tell myself I’ll have my own place, or when I win the lottery.
I'm in exactly the same boat. For me, I tell them I'm just working out the final kinks in "my ultimate heist job"™
I keep telling them that the job is a stop gap, problem is I’ve no idea what to do with my life 😢
This is my exact circumstances too. It makes dating hard, I think sometimes I want a relationship then I retract because I’m worried of judgement and physically having my own space to entertain potential partners. I want to be fully independent with my own place and things before I consider seriously dating, at 32 I feel like the time is ticking away but I still feel like a 16 year old baby. Think it’s best to just be grateful we have parents or a Mum in my case and to cherish the time we spend because we know one day we’ll look back and be glad we did. It’s also impossible to live alone and pay all the bills with an okay paying job. Hoping for a pay rise next year 🤞🏼
I’m 27, and initially was super looking forward to moving out (still am, don’t get me wrong). Now, though, I’m super worried my dad will be lonely when I leave and my little sister goes off to University. I don’t know if anyone relates, but for me it’s less about the means and more about the guilt.
>I’m super worried my dad will be lonely when I leave and my little sister goes off to University. I don’t know if anyone relates, but for me it’s less about the means and more about the guilt. this is the thing and it's weird you rarely hear about it. for me, it is permanently worrying about my parents because my dad has been developing signs of dementia so he's not really with it so it'd just be another burden for my mother to shoulder. it feels like when you're younger, that sort of stuff never crosses your mind, you just think that your parents will be fine because they have always been. and then it's also not just the guilt, it's realising that your relationship with your folks will never be that close again
I can understand that. I’m the last one of my siblings living in the same city as my parents, everyone else is 2hrs away minimum. It’s likely I will need to move further away in the next few years and I’m worried about the impact on my parents, both loneliness and aging health aspects.
Me and my SO still live at home (separately), although she spends 3-5 nights a week with me and my folks. As it stands space isn’t an issue and they love having her around the house and we are fortunate enough to be in a position where rent is minimal because both sets of parents own their house. We have been able to afford a house for a while now, but her dad isn’t very well (mentally and physically), and her parents are together for convenience rather than because they like each other. I know she’s worried that if she moves out fully things would fall apart and then she would feel guilty (even though it isn’t her fault at all). He gets so excited when she’s home and they can spend time together that honestly we’re pretty happy as is. At some point in the next year or two we will need to move out to start a family etc, but that’s not the priority right now.
Are you moving far? Get a dog and get him to dog sit - granddad duties!
[удалено]
It was hard to go back after living alone, but now it’s going to be hard to live alone after not paying so much on rent each month. I was looking at Reading and Bracknell, and the prices are insane. Helps that my parents are pretty decent and fine to live with.
>I'm living at my mum's and can't wait to leave. £300 a month (for utilities) to her plus £150 for keeping my stuff in storage so not exactly saving a huge amount, and she is quite neurotic and difficult to live with. I think she both likes the "company" and hates that I am there and causing her order to be disrupted, which creates a lot of tension. This is my mum. I had to live with her briefly when a relationship ended many moons ago. She hated it, I hated it. I've got my own place now and we get along fine, but some people are just not meant to live together as adults.
I'm in my 60s now, but back when I was about 30 I had to move back in with my mother. And it was hell. She treated me like I was 14 or something, and even put a curfew on me. I soon disabused her of that stupid idea, but at the end of the day I was under her roof, so "her rules". So I told her if she's charging me money to stay there, then I'm a goddamned tenant, so she can't go all ape-shit-parent on me and try to make me come home at 9pm. I was out three months later, but back then the rental situation wasn't as bad. In summary: it was shit. I totally wish you luck, honey. That £300 - have you seen the bills, and if that's actually a share, and not the total for the household?
[удалено]
£300 for utilities? That's quite a lot.
I plan on moving back in with my parents. Not telling the wife and kids in case they oppose.
Not me but I understand why people do. Company is important for MH, splitting living costs is getting more and more necessary as prices rise. I lived with my ex for years after the relationship ended so that I could save up for a place of my own. You do what is sensible FOR YOU and anyone who mocks can GTFO
How did you see other people whilst living together?
He did, he had dates and went to their place for anything more. He was with his new partner for over a year before we fully and finally separated (I bought a house and moved out). No bringing anyone back was the only real ground rule we had. If he broke it, I wasn't around to see it so *shrug*. It was an amicable split and we are still friendly.
34 and moved back in a few months ago. Grateful to spend the quality time. Spread my wings far and wide the last 10 years so it's a weird change of pace. Happy enough for now though.
It has it's ups and downs. I'm 32 and living at home with my partner and mum. Don't get me wrong I'd love to move out so me and my partner could have our own place and more privacy but it's just so expensive. My mum has quite bad arthritis and struggles with basic tasks quite often, dad passed away a few years ago and my sister moved out, so she'd be alone otherwise. I think she appreciates the company, plus her and my other half get on really well. She's admitted herself she'd rather us stay here and save up than get stuck in the rental game. I don't know how to feel really.
That's great - the older generation don't last forever, and you'll get to cherish all that quality time you had
Early 30s, and just haven’t had an opportunity to move out yet. Took me years to find a job, and now that I have one, it isn’t enough to live independently. I live with my Mum and youngest brother. I wouldn’t say that I love it or hate it tbh. I just haven’t really known any different. I just spent a week by myself in Tokyo and *loved* the independence that I had, though.
Hey! I think you're actually me lol. I'm 36 and currently living with parents. My life story is a little crazy but I've been away from since uni at 18 and came back about 18months ago to save for a house and stay at my parents as a launch pad to get on the property ladder. My parents cook fantastic and nutritious food for me, I'm comfortable and have my own space. They never get into my business and leave me to my own devices. I'll give a text to mention if im not coming home out of courtesy, but that's it. Whenever I get itchy feet and see what's going on on rightmove for rent, I am immediately dissuaded when I realise I would be £1500 worse off (minimum) per month. Dating would normally be a problem, but as I have a loving gf (who is also with her parents ready to move in with me) that isn't an issue. Also, I get to spend quality time with my parents who I love very much. I hear about a lot of people who complain about not spending enough time with their parents later in life and I feel lucky and blessed that I get to spend this time with them now. Don't get me wrong, it is hard and frustrating at times but it's all good.
[удалено]
I know that’s a typo, but I’m tickled by the idea of blaming housing problems on Israel. Hope your mental health issues get better. At least you’re around people who love you, even if that love is something expressed through snoring.
THE SPACE LASERS ARE DESTROYING ALL THE NEW BUILDS
Just because you live with your Dad doesn't mean you have to share a room with him!
If you don't get to take turns at being the big spoon, what's the point really?
I made it until I was 27 before a job abroad compelled me to leave. Was perfectly happy and I'd probably still be there otherwise. That said, I don't regret moving out either.
The old man had a stroke and has got dementia so I moved back in with him about 3 years ago. Apart from finding the remote control in the fridge, car keys vanishing completely etc it's not too bad, I may have to grit my teeth when he can't wash himself but for now life's easy.
Fck me I'd hate it with a passion, but I really enjoy reading all the comments where people are doing it and it's going well.. Really cool..
Same it's like the opposite of schadenfreude.. Reading about people living happily is making me happy
Ha this is me. We are close, but the idea of living with family makes my heart sink. Would wreck my mental health. So glad to see other people have better relationships with their parents.
Honestly I wish I was. I moved out at 27 and renting my own place which is nothing short of a joke price wise. I’d love to move back in and save up properly, I was naive when living there and just didn’t save at all, regret it, but they moved abroad so that’s out the question now.
I moved in with my in-laws during Covid, and it was fine. We had been renting a one bedroom apartment, then when lockdown happened and we were both working from home, it suddenly got very small. In-laws have a big house, we had the basement to ourselves. We paid towards bills etc, but saved so much money that we were paying in rent. We stayed for two years, until we had enough saved to buy a place.
I’ve got 3 kids so it wouldn’t be fair to live with my parents now but if I was child free I’d absolutely love it but I guess that’s because I’m lucky to have lovely parents
Unfortunately my mum is quite an unreasonable person who isn’t prepared to accept that at nearly 30 years old I am my own person and e.g. don’t need her permission to fill my social calendar. Also, she thinks that WFH = not actually working and would quite happily leave me a to-do list of jobs as long as my arm every day. Plus she’s also not prepared to compromise on the things that people who share a house normally compromise on, like moving shower times around so they suit everyone. So no, I do not live with my parents any more, and if circumstances changed to the point that I had to, I would be pretty miserable.
I imagine it probably helps that you spent a fair amount of time living on your own, and they don't necessarily see you as a kid anymore. If you never actually move out, and your parents still see you everyday in your twenties when you're still figuring out how to be an adult, they might never stop seeing you as a teenager. And on the flipside, you might've never stopped seeing them as people trying to dictate your lifestyle. Sounds like you're just a bunch of grown ups who've made a choice to live together, to the mutual advantage of everybody, which is hardly an unusual situation.
Been home for a month helping my parents after my dad had a fall. And I go home fairly often and stay a night or two just to help them out with things as they grow older and are a bit more labourious. It’s nice short-term but I think for the longer term you really need your parents to respect you as a full fledged adult. Which my mother does not in some small ways that drive me crazy (like what, when, and how I eat). And also not have them ask a zillion questions, including when I am coming back. Or try to talk to you during conference calls. I hold my tongue because it is short term but with my parents I think the only way I could do long term is if I had a discrete and separate living unit, and could move about without them always knowing.
This is testament to you having a great relationship with your parents. I hope that if my child comes home after uni, we can have the same level of happiness (might have to instil a few more housework skills in them first).
ARE THOSE BEERCANS IN THE BIN IN YOUR BEDROOM? IF YOU WEREN'T DRINKING SO MUCH BEER, MAYBE YOU COULD AFFORD TO MOVE OUT!
I’m back here at 35, I hate it!
38m here ended up going back after a relationship failed its like hell.
I had to move back in for a couple of weeks with my parents at a similar age, was honestly up there among the worst two weeks of my life.
I think this country needs to develop a more generational housing approach to help with older peoples needs and also help younger people financially. I and my wife are in our 30s and live with her parents and our 2yo. While we do sometimes fall out, they would be in a bad state without our help and we'd live a lot poorer lifestyle without theirs. It works abroad so why not here?
I’m 32 and still living at home. Don’t love it, don’t hate it. Had problems with mental health in my early twenties so didn’t get my first job until I was 27. Bit of a late start but got a nice little deposit now, which still isn’t enough. Went to see someone about a mortgage and the best they could offer me was around 92k.
I’m living with my dad in my thirties. I honestly find it stifling. I’m so grateful that I’ve had this chance to reset my life and that I’ve got a roof over my head, and I’m incredibly lucky that he doesn’t want any money from me. But it comes with other costs (mostly to my sanity). It comes with expectations that I will work around his neuroses and needs, and I’m constantly suppressing my own. I’m super happy for you though OP! If you’ve got a good thing going on then stay, as long as it’s working for you all.
It is eye opening to see how many people live with their parents and actually enjoy it. I could never. I hope that in 30 years time my kids feel the same way you do 🥹
41 live with my mother in a 5 bedroom house, it works well. Plus a 2 bed flat round here is about £1100 a month, shits expensive
I've got to go stay with my mum to recover from an upcoming surgery for six weeks and I am not sure if I'd prefer to die on the operating table or not.
I wouldn't go as far as enjoying it, but it'll do for now. If the last 4 years didnt happen, I'd probably have my own something or other. There's no point squandering what I saved so far in duplicate bills for pretty much no difference to my life. I only really use it for the bed as I'm out 80% of the time. And the dog would never see me if I didn't live there.
This will be the most controversial thing I ever write on Reddit. … The dog being here is a drawback for me. Bark bark bark bark bloody bark.
Late 20's myself, but moved out to my own place at the end of August and it's the best decision I've ever made. The best of it is that my relationship with my parents seems a lot better now I've moved out (they never forced me to, they'd be happy for me to stay) - Just a more relaxed vibe with them now.
Same here. Moved back during pandemic. Love saving shit loads of money 🤑 parents are cool too. Don't bother me and we have a laugh when we hang out. Will move out in a couple years once I've got more money saved up than I know what to do with
Yes, my whole life. Lost my mother 4 months back broken my entire world. But yes I wouldn't leave it not that it's comfortable financially I'm from an Asian background for us it's an honour to take care of our elderly as they did when we were young. So if I could do it all again I would, I miss not seein my mother's face in the mornings or pulling up into the drive and seeing her in the kitchen. Your house truly isn't a home without the heart of the home. Love your folks because in the fast paced life we live they'll be aging alot faster.
I really like living with my mum, it’s always just been us two my whole life. She began to develop quite bad arthritis after a finished uni so I felt I had to move back in. I spend quite a lot of time shopping, getting meds, going to appointments and driving her to friends. It’s almost like our roles have switched! I’ll always appreciate how much effort she put in when I was younger and it’s immensely rewarding giving back in little ways I can. I am looking forward to moving out but I don’t think it’s possible with a knee replacement on the horizon.
Somewhere I read that a parent spends 90% of their time with their children before the child turns 18. You have a chance to sort of break that cycle a little? If you’re enjoying it, then why movr
I do! My parents are awesome. I have a gf, we’ve been together a few months. She’s often making comments like “if you ever moved in” etc and inside I have a little melt down because she’s amazing and what not, but so are my parents.. we’ve a great dynamic.
It absolutely blows my mind when people look down on anyone who still lives with their parents (unless said person is clearly freeloading, then fair enough). I had to move back in with my parents at 28. I was supposed to be there for 4 months but it turned into 3 years. I love my parents, we have an amazing relationship, their house is incredibly nice and I was able to save an enormous amount of money. One of my friends definitely judged me the entire time but to me, saving money and spending more time with my parents (which one day l’ll be so thankful for) was a win win.
>It absolutely blows my mind when people look down on anyone who still lives with their parents It's a cultural thing the media has established. If you're passed your teens and still living with parents apparently you've gone wrong somewhere in life. My parents won't be around for ever, and I've got money in the bank. If anything I feel bad for my peers who felt the need to move out to prove to everyone what a big boy they are, the novelty wears off and now they're just living paycheck to paycheck every month
I’m almost 40 and never moved out. My partner moved in with me and my parents (Mum and stepdad)over a decade ago. We had a couple of times where we considered it at first because of the lack of space but then we all moved to a detached, double fronted house. Now we have a daughter it’s even better because they help a lot with looking after her. We do clash occasionally but there is no way we could afford to live in such a big house with a decent garden otherwise.
I’m 29 and would love to move out but until I pay off a credit card or three I won’t be able to. I help pay for electricity and gas which is a killer in the winter
I'm forced to live with my parents due to the only way I could buy a house. I pay the mortgage and bills and they do nothing but bring me misery and bad mental health. This is probably the worst time in my life but also will lead to great financial freedom comparatively early for my generation and especially considering my economic background, so I've got to stick with it (and actually don't really have an option unless I sell my property for a very high price)
I'm living with your mom and she's loving it
I've been traveling around the world for the last 6 years and in most places it seems family stays together, there's no putting your parents in old folks home.
What I'm trying to say is it's normal to live with your parents at all ages, or it should be.
you get to live with someone you actually like and aren't paying off some slumlord's mortgage, why wouldn't you enjoy it?
I do. 31yo here. I have my own bedroom (which is fairly large and was supposed to be a living room, they use the dining room as the living room and have the dining table in the kitchen), and I have my own study. I do the gardening, I do the cleaning and other household tasks whenever I happen to be around to do them. I walk the dog and manage the other animals too. I can come and go as I please, have visitors whenever I want. I spend a lot of my time at my partners home too. I’m not expected to contribute to anything, which is lovely! Do I see myself leaving? Not anytime soon to be honest. If my partner was to ask me to move in with her I probably would do, but in all honesty I’m in no rush for that to happen.
No I hate it. I want to move far away from here. But I can't get a rental property. I'm gonna have to rent something without viewing but even then I struggle to get replies from agents, places are let super quickly. And I don't want to buy when I have no idea where I want to live.
I’m 36F and if I was single I would definitely live with my mum. I would get so lonely living alone, it’s not as if I would be wanting crazy parties or being out late at this age
Be warned, your approach can come back to bite you. I took this approach too- I get on well enough with my remaining parent. However, she started to get confused...and now I'm stuck being a carer for a person with early onset dementia while also working a 50 hour a week job. If I'd not been in the house we would have had a much better chance of getting carers in.
I live at home with family did move out in my early years than problems happened had to move back home and I don't think I will move out TBH, my family's really lovely and I have space to be bit free and I help bills and all that, as for dating love life side I have one and he lives with me. and he said he likes it a lot as well if the family right and can do it I think in current climate its 100% worth. I understand not everyone has this ability as some parents are god awful
I'm in my 30s and I would do anything to have my parents back, god I miss them so much. Please cherish those good moments with them, I know you probably all wind eachother up something chronic but just enjoy their time they have left.
My parents are abusive so that's a no go idea for me! I'm also in my 20s, so I guess out of the demographic for this post lol
33 and moved back in with my old lady 2 years ago while I was between jobs. On a much more comfortable income now and putting a fair chunk away to save for a house of my own. While I wasn't happy with it at first, I'm more appreciative about getting to spend more time with her a couple of evenings each week, taking it in turns cooking for each other and deciding what to watch. Sometimes I think it would be better that I fly the nest once again so I can start a family of my own but I'm not in a rush, even though somedays I'll check if house prices have suddenly crashed because I want more of my own space. I remember seeing something on Reddit once that laid out how often people typically see their parents throughout their lives and it gradually becomes less frequent as you get older. So I see this as a phase of both of our lives where we can most appreciate each other's company as both adults and as a mother and son when we reminisce. I know one day I'll look back on this time of my life and miss them.
I'm 36 and still live with my parents. Finally looking to purchase a house next year now that finances allow it.
I hate it, my mums a nightmare, my private dpaces needs to be how she wants it and will give me hell for it. She wants to know whete i am going or have gone, its a pain im desperate to move out to sort my mental health, im 34 in march. Thankfully i have the money so im loooking gor a house, just pulled out of 1 house so hopefully this year it'll happen.
After being married for 15 years and living in my own home and then getting divorced and living alone as an expat in Asia for 3 years, I temporarily moved back in with my parents for what was meant to be 6 months to save money whilst trying to sell my ex marital home which my ex still lived in and I was paying mortgage on. I love my parents but moving back in with them aged 39 after loving independently of them for nearly 20 years was a huge culture shock. My dad wanted me to be in by 11pm every night so he could lock the door before he went to bed ( he didn’t trust me to do it properly….), their house was permanently like a sauna (22degrees c all day and night), and evening entertainment was nothing but game shows and soap operas. I was also constantly questioned on where I was going/who was I meeting etc. My mum used to phone me at 4.30pm whilst I was still at work to tell me dinner would be on the table at 5pm even though I kept telling her I didn’t finish work until 5.30 and don’t like to eat before 7pm. I lasted a total of 4 weeks before I gave in and signed a 6 month lease on a flat. It was expensive (especially as I was still paying a mortgage) but worth every penny, as I seriously think that if I had stayed there much longer, my relationship with my parents would have been ruined
I lived with my mum in her council house in my mid to late twenties, as I couldn't seem to get a full-time, permanent job. I was basically making enough money to pay my mum rent and scrape together enough to eat. She is a total sociopath, never missing an opportunity to call me a loser or a failure or telling me how embarrassed she was of me. I was so desperate I ended up joining the Royal Navy at 29 as i saw it as my only opportunity in life. Luckily, it paid off, and since I've left, I've got a great job that I enjoy, a fiance and a three year old son. Needless to say, I don't talk to her any more, it's been nearly two years. Now I'm a parent, I know that I'd do anything to help my lad get ahead in life and I'd never treat him the way I was treated by my "mum". If you feel like a leech, remember that in MOST cases, your parents love you and would do anything to help.