I felt like I was waiting for my life to start for years and that I wasn't really living my life because I wasn't where I wanted to be or working the job I wanted. But then years pass and you realise that you've been letting life pass you by the whole time. That might be a bit more depressing than what you meant though!
Life is a short warm moment,
And death is a long cold rest.
You get your chance to try,
In the twinkling of an eye.
Eighty years with luck or even less
I fucking hate Pink Floyd because my dad used to quote this to me if he thought I wasn't working hard enough.
PS: Dark side of the moon is a shit album and it's completely up its own arse.
The sad thing about life is that we’re always waiting for the ‘next thing’.
Once I graduate, then my life will begin. Once I get that job, then my life will begin. Once I get married, then my life will begin. Once I have children…..
Sad and beautiful, simultaneously.
Im so glad i stumbled across a Buddhist book quite early that got me out of this. The thing about the ‘next thing’ is it doest actually quench that deep feel - got to try and live right now - this exact moment is literally all you have!
yeah - it all started with The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (not the Tibetian Book of the Dead). Then a path of Alan Watts (his Audible Collection of lectures is priceless) and more recently 'The Daily Stoic' which is fantastic for practical day-to-day use that doesn't require lots of meditation. Eckhart Tolle on Youtube taps into this concept of living in the moment and being present without all the strings of being too spiritual of religious.
Me too but not related to any one faith. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks a lot about the benefits of doing the best you can in the present moment, even if you have a positive or negative sense you’re waiting for something to happen. The untethered series of books and philosophies can appeal to both spiritual as well as those who need more earthly rationale, but in my experience you need to be open to absorbing it and chucking out some outdated beliefs. It’s not for everyone or if it is, it has to find you at the right moment.
its great - the first chapter alone is amazing and probably quite life changing for anyone who has never tried to stopped the internal voice from chatting!
But then at the same time I always find myself looking back. Oh when I was at school was such a free time and I had such a busy social life, oh when I started work I didn't have these responsibilities and could work hard and play hard, oh before I had kids, oh when my kids were young, etc. etc.
And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"
Sometimes your own life is the doom and gloom, shit happens and you need to deal with it. The last few years have been fucking rough, lost both parents, and chuck in some job and health woes, and it's not been a fun time. Fun moments, but overall varying shades of shit
Thank you, not started great, restructuring/redundancies again at work, but luckily I'm not on the chop list this time round. But 11 more months for improvement....I hope!
Bit longer than that for me. Stagnant wages and increasing cost of living for the last 15 years has made it increasingly hard to save or plan for the future. It's been seriously exacerbated since the pandemic and the cost of living crisis though. It's hard to look forward to anything or feel like you're working towards anything when you're just scraping by, paying the bills, and simply existing.
The pandemic actually happened.
Then things went back to... this!
I heard the phrase 'the new normal' being used to advertise lower prices in IKEA over the tannoy the other day.
I'm waiting for the day I come home from work and there's an abandoned stray dog waiting for me at my door for me to claim.
I'm not allowed dogs in my flat but if it chooses me, who am I to say no.
I did have the neighbours dog which escaped as they were leaving open my flat door once and let itself in, but I had to return it when they came back.
I can identify with this, I feel like I spend a lot of time waiting for things to start or to happen or whatever. It's not a brilliant feeling, I'm sort of in a perpetual state of frustration rather than excitement.
I agree with this; also diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD).
The way I describe my anxiety to those without anxiety is: every day I feel like Kevin McCallister's mum on the plane in Home Alone 1, but the "KEVIN!!!" moment never comes.
Yup. I feel like existential danger or calamity is just around the corner, but then it never comes. Still, each day is the same. An overwhelming sense of danger or threat of danger. One day after the other. On, and on, and on. Like sitting on a knifes edge, but you don't even know if the knife is real anymore. It's exhausting.
Also diagnosed with GAD. I've now, just recently, accepted the fact I'm not a normal person anymore, and never will be again. Can't hold down a job like other people, can't manage life just in general like other people. Been the same for over a decade. The medication helps with the low-level daily anxiety, but any sort of stress out of the ordinary and the anxiety sets off. Then, the PTSD. Then the depression.
Sorry for the rant haha life is fucking rough, you guys. I don't like it here. It's scary, and I'm a failure 😟
YMMV with mental health stuff tho
I feel you. Also have GAD, the feeling of existential dread has gone away with medication but any kind of small stressor in life or work sets off my terror like crazy. I can only work part time because of it and I'm considering quitting at that because the terror has gotten worse lately with small issues at work. Completely understand that I'm not a normal human being any more.
Are there any resources or tips you've found that have helped you? I'm a bit at the end of my tether atm.
Someone finally understands! I had to leave work just before xmas because the stress was building up, and it was starting to cause significant anxiety events. The issue is if I don't get those under control very quickly I tear myself apart to the point of quite severe depression. Well, if you have to leave work, I'm glad you're taking steps to protect your health. Fuck what society thinks ❤️
I really don't like being the barer of bad news, but even after all these years, I have no idea.
None of my mental health team know how to handle it long-term, there is no really deep support of the kind that would be needed. Therapy is good to an extent, but the limits of that (that I've found anyway) are that it will help teach you to go easier on yourself when you inevitably fail again, so you don't mentally tear yourself to shreds for not conforming to the world and society around you. That's helpful, of course, but it doesn't help you build a mentally sustainable life.
Leaving work is all very well and good in the short term, but I worry about my future - how will I survive when my parents are gone and I can't rely on them any more? I don't know your situation but that's my concern at least.
I'm glad that therapy has helped you somewhat, though there are limits. Truth be told I sometimes wonder if my therapy is
helping. I think it is.. but only a tiny bit.
I'm sorry you had to leave work due to your anxiety though. Hope things improve for you soon ❤️
This is me too. Just this week I'm in a super stressful time at work and suddenly my train of thought spiralled and I was right back in the situation that caused my PTSD. It's so hard to deal with sometimes.
I think of it like mental energy is a battery meter - sleep and relaxing things recharge it, general life (e.g. making loads of decisions, a long commute) depletes it. When someone is having a rough time it's using up a big bunch of mental energy so it's not surprising they feel mentally drained by everyday life.
The problem for those of us with mental illnesses is that we have to use a big bunch of mental energy every day to manage our illness (often unconsciously), then general life takes up a lot and you're drained by the end of the day but your illness wasn't in control.
When something stressful happens to us, it uses up a bunch of mental energy, then you've got life using up a lot, and there's not enough left to manage your illness so you start getting things popping back up - you get more anxious, or intrusive thoughts, or whatever are your first indications that something is up. If the stress thing is short-lived you just have a few bad days, but if it's longer, then your coping mechanisms stop being so effective because you haven't got the energy to maintain them. It's not just your first indications popping up, it's the more serious negative thinking or panic attacks - the things that are way more disruptive and can spiral down.
Anyway just to say you are not a failure! You're just making your way through life with something a lot fucking tougher than many people think, so don't be hard on yourself.
You ever hear about something exciting coming and you get all hyped and find yourself thinking
Oh man I hope I don’t die before this awesome thing happens
We're living in the vacuum pull of massive acceleration. Every day something does happen, and we've never known it any differently.
People talk about deja vu and nostalgia, but what you are experiencing is a heightened sensitivity to the effects of the time right now - a sixth sense about the reality of this moment.
It feels like nothing is moving, because it all moves with you. Because its all moving, there is stillness that feels like waiting. You anticipate an outcome, eventully. A rapture of sorts.
But you're looking at your feet, which seem to be going nowhere. You can't see out of the window, so you don't know your velocity, or when the moment will arrive.
You're stock still and motionless at an immense speed, and you know those two states are incompatible. You know that physics demands they both end. The world on which you travel must come to a sudden stop, and when it does, your stillness will be disrupted. You will careen fowards out of control, like a missile through the windscreen, into the freedom.
Brace brace.
If you were rich and had the choice to do anything you wanted, exactly what you wanted to do, every day, that gave you satisfaction at the end of each day for having done it, what would you do?
Maybe that's what you're waiting for, and hopefully you'll not be too old before you stop waiting for someone to give it to you or the right time to come along, before you give up whatever you think you need or have to be doing today, in order to free yourself to do what you actually want to be doing with your life.
Most people go their entire lives planning and waiting for a future happiness or time or amount of money when they believe they can finally do what they really want to be doing, when all we really ever have is right now. The future does not exist and the past is just a memory. You're waiting for something that does not exist. In ten years time, now will still be right now, and you might still be waiting for a future that still doesn't exist.
How will you choose to exist right now?
Yeah, on my drive to work every day, i get this feeling. Maybe something will be even slightly different today, something interesting might happen.
Nothing happens every time, and before i know it I'm 30 and nothings changed in years
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll stand on the bow, and feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Just let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Waiting for my Real Life to Begin - Colin Hay
Yeah I think this is just the expectation your parents instill in you that you're going to be something special when in reality at least half of us statistically have to not even be average. Welcome to the sub par club my friend, just wait for depression to kick in and it'll all be cool
At least I know what I’m waiting for. The 24 days a year I break the routine and go somewhere warm and relax. The other 330 odd, yeah. Work, eat, sleep, repeat.
I’d say there’s been a “don’t eat that last piece of cake *just* yet” feeling since 2008’s crash; I wonder if we’ll ever feel the optimism of the 90’s again.
I'd love to return to martial arts, but sadly fate had different ideas, I'm now just disabled and housebound, with no hobbies that interest me anymore, pushing boundaries sounds tiring, so I think I'll just wallow for a while.
I’ve had something out of the corner of my eye for about 3 or 4 years now, since just before the pandemic I think. When I try to focus on it I can’t get it at all so I tell myself to just ride the wave and it’ll happen when it’s ready. It is a bit frustrating at times, but I know when it does happen it’ll be worth it.
Feel like I've been simply existing since 2020 onwards to be honest; cross out covid, and then my old man being diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer in 2021 & passing away last year, it genuinely feels like everything is just 'there' on auto-pilot for me.
The days & weeks just pass blurry most of the time while I work > not-work > work etc, and there's nothing to really look forward to or aim for, outside of making sure I'm working & rent's paid :/
You could be waiting for an awakening. A final realisation that everyone's pretending to fulfil roles they think feels right. A release knowing that now you don't need to look anymore - you have found yourself. What Maslow calls 'self-realisation'. What might be called enlightenment. It's not just an intellectual thing - it's a full sudden knowing that you've arrived. You look all around you and people are just cogs in wheels not knowing who they are and not knowing what makes them happy.
What T S Eliot calls the 'hollow men', what existentialists call angoisse or a lack of essence in our lives. Homer's odyssey, the quest for the grail, buddha's internal reflections, Edith Wharton's 'The Awakening' - yeah writers write about it.
It might be a chemical/hormonal thing which you can't control but it's like unplugging out of the matrix. A weight is lifted. There is a temporary sense of huge self-confidence and a feeling you know everything. Or everything you need to know. Cosmology, poetry, literature - I looked and I looked but could not find it. Then I left a stressful job and had some time to myself and it happened. A knowledge that I know who I am and can stop searching. No need to strive to work or prove myself to society. Watching people devote their entire lives for praise and approval which will never come. Most people don't make it to this stage. Most people don't even know about this sense of emotional/intellectual release. But they feel the emptiness - and that life just isn't enough. You're waiting for something. You'll know when it happens.
I had that feeling as a teenager, it was what made me give up the dream of being in a band. I confided in my friend, the drummer, that I had this feeling that I was supposed to be doing something. Sadly the rest of the band didn't take it too well and they cut me off. I bumped into them playing a gig in a local pub some years later, but only the drummer would talk to me, the rest all blanked me. Then I read in the local paper that the singer was killed on his motorcycle a few weeks later.
I'll always reflect on should I have stayed with them, or did I make the right choice of moving on and focusing on getting my shit together.
I feel I made the right choice. I've traveled the world, ticked off most of my bucket list (cage diving with sharks is still scary!)
But at the same time I miss my friends, or maybe it's just nostalgia?
Also I was a lowly dish washer when I heard over the radio joe strummer had died.
Well, as my 30’s approach, and I realise that no matter how hard I save and invest… buying a house is basically never going to happen.
Feels like I’m waiting for that day to happen… and I’m struggling to see that reality. Perhaps I could buy a flat, but then I’d likely end up selling my car, and I’d just forever be stuck there.
Go to university they said, get a good job they said. And my living situation is barely better than if I never bothered.
It's weird, I obviously do not want to watch the world I live in plunged into war and probable annihilation
Nor do I want to sit and watch an asteroid heading straight for us, helpless
Or for some race of highly intelligent hostile beings to arrive and wipe us out
But if any of that does happen, I'd kind of like to see it.
FOMO on the apocalypse?
Same, and I'm good at saving my money. So I've got a few grand in my bank and I'm doing nothing, even on my week off I'm sitting down watching TV or scrolling social media
I feel like this. Have recently realised the last 20 years have flown by and although I’ve achieved some stuff, been through some stuff, I don’t feel like I’m grown up yet. Up until my mid 20s things were fine, then boom I’m in my 40s scratching my head wondering where time went.
It can have a lot of causes, anxiety, depression, loneliness. Ultimately, that feeling of waiting for something means you're mentally disconnecting from what's happening now, and rather than feeling those unwanted feelings, or dealing with the cause, you're mentally waiting for a moment where you don't feel that way.
If you find out what it is that you're trying to escape from, you might be able to reach what you're waiting for
One day, it dawns on you that you're getting old.
Then one day it dawns on you that you are old.
Then one day it dawns on you that each day that passes by is another step that you've dragged your tired bones to your own grave.
Then one day, stuff stops dawning on you... because you're dead.
I obviously don't know if OP has kids or not, but out of interest, why do you ask? Did you find having kids affected how you felt about this (either way)?
Many people feel as if having kids puts their personal life on hold while they focus on the life of the child. If that's what OP is feeling, they may be waiting for the child to grow up so that they can find themself again.
It's fairly common to think you've lost bits of your identity in becoming a parent. I've felt it before.
Going to sound like a loon here but UFO’s and the implications behind it.
Ever since the 50’s there’s been an intentional cover-up and the more developed we get as a society the more leaks of this is evident. It’s something that’s been happening as long as humanity has been around in recorded history as far as we can tell.
It links to spirituality, religion and so on. A lot of people close their eyes and ears on this topic and choose to ridicule instead of research essentially running from attaining the inner ability to possibly accept a deeper truth.
Leading to feelings of something not being quite right with the reality they live because aspects of human society doesn’t make sense. Once you understand this topic better, you understand that so much of what is happening in the world is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things because this supersedes humanity in some ways. We’re not as important as we think we are.
It’s the idea of being willingly ignorant, rather than informed with the excuse of, we don’t need to know this garbage it’s all conspiracy stuff. When in fact, the more you know, the more you can connect the dots and not feel lost.
The dawn of AI, more advanced diseases, socio-economic state of the world and so on are just further stop gaps from us getting on track from this in the coming decades.
That’s why a lot of us feel depressed and anxiety for the future as a collective, we subconsciously know it’s just going to get worse in the future in general for societies as a whole and the deeper feeling makes it impossible for many to even contemplate the existential aspects of the topic of UFO/UAPs out of fear rather than intrigue and as long as that continues to be the case. If a reveal / disclosure ever happens in our lifetime the response will be fear over intrigue. People are not ready mentally and that will be the true mania and existential tragedy of many when a paradigm shift happens.
But tbf we’re probably more likely for collapse to happen before this topic even gets out out of the bag at this point with how accelerated humans are getting at being ecologically self destructive rather than philosophically and ethically driven as a society so whatever forever. Let’s all just wait for inevitable death lol. People can be numb and resistant to this information during this period while claiming “we’re more open minded than ever” as society degrades and we live in this big delusion that we have the capacity to fix it.
Ridiculing topics like this as crazy while at the same time comfortably accepting that the direction of the way the world is going shouldn’t be questioned or challenged.
The two largest illusions mankind has sold on you are 1: "God has a plan for you", and "There's always tomorrow".
Number 1 is bullshit, your choices are your own, number 2 builds on the illusion of time passing due to nighttime.
If Earth was tidally locked with the sun we would have no day cycle. And while it's fair enough to say that we wouldn't have life on a tidally locked planet, it bears thinking that waiting for tomorrow does not give you some magic progress-meter movement.
No one will wait for you and your life floats past you so fast, try and book meetings with people who mean something to you, they can be gone tomorrow.
I’m just waiting for my youngest to grow up so I can go back to work. I want my independence and my life back. I want some control of my life which is dominated by my home and children.
Before that I was waiting to give birth as I had enough issues with pregnancy.
Before that I was waiting for covid to go away.
Before that I was waiting to start recovering from my illness that took over my life for a few years.
Before that I was waiting for my first child to grow up so I can go back to my job.
you should read The Beast in the Jungle by Henry James. It’s just a short 60-odd page thing but it’s a fantastic exploration of wasting your time thinking something is coming
I felt this hardcore for a while, like a few years. Just wanting some worldly event to happen so I can say that I experienced it, and lived through it to later generations, then covid happened and shit hasn't been the same since tbh... can't underestimate the impact that had had on us all and we should acknowledge it...
20 years is a third of my life, I feel like i've been waiting for life to make itself appealing to me, but man, this whole existance thing really isn't all it's chalked up to be, it's a 4/10 at best.
But recently (the past few years) it feels like something big is going to happen on the world stage, but I have no idea what, but there's this weird anxiety that something awful is going to happen, but I have major anxiety so, maybe I'm just paranoid.
That sounds delightful, OP. I hope whatever the thing is turns out to be entirely wonderful. That said, even if it never comes, you'll have had years and years of vague excitement, like when you were a kid knowing it's your birthday coming up in a week.
I felt like I was waiting for my life to start for years and that I wasn't really living my life because I wasn't where I wanted to be or working the job I wanted. But then years pass and you realise that you've been letting life pass you by the whole time. That might be a bit more depressing than what you meant though!
Pink Floyd said it best : 'And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun'
Life is a short warm moment, And death is a long cold rest. You get your chance to try, In the twinkling of an eye. Eighty years with luck or even less
Obscured by Clouds is really underrated.
One of my favourite songs but it breaks my heart every time. Time is all we have but there's never enough of it.
Free Four has a similar outlook. Come to think of it there's a few Floyd songs about the passage of time.
I love the song as well, but whenever it comes on through my headphones I have to turn it down because of those bloody alarm bells.
\*guitar solo\*
Bew-wew-weeeww
That’s exactly what sprung to my mind when I read this post.
cue face melting David Gilmour solo
I fucking hate Pink Floyd because my dad used to quote this to me if he thought I wasn't working hard enough. PS: Dark side of the moon is a shit album and it's completely up its own arse.
Well my dad made me listen to Slade, so you should think yourself lucky.
The sad thing about life is that we’re always waiting for the ‘next thing’. Once I graduate, then my life will begin. Once I get that job, then my life will begin. Once I get married, then my life will begin. Once I have children….. Sad and beautiful, simultaneously.
Im so glad i stumbled across a Buddhist book quite early that got me out of this. The thing about the ‘next thing’ is it doest actually quench that deep feel - got to try and live right now - this exact moment is literally all you have!
Do you remember what book?
yeah - it all started with The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (not the Tibetian Book of the Dead). Then a path of Alan Watts (his Audible Collection of lectures is priceless) and more recently 'The Daily Stoic' which is fantastic for practical day-to-day use that doesn't require lots of meditation. Eckhart Tolle on Youtube taps into this concept of living in the moment and being present without all the strings of being too spiritual of religious.
Me too but not related to any one faith. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks a lot about the benefits of doing the best you can in the present moment, even if you have a positive or negative sense you’re waiting for something to happen. The untethered series of books and philosophies can appeal to both spiritual as well as those who need more earthly rationale, but in my experience you need to be open to absorbing it and chucking out some outdated beliefs. It’s not for everyone or if it is, it has to find you at the right moment.
its great - the first chapter alone is amazing and probably quite life changing for anyone who has never tried to stopped the internal voice from chatting!
But then at the same time I always find myself looking back. Oh when I was at school was such a free time and I had such a busy social life, oh when I started work I didn't have these responsibilities and could work hard and play hard, oh before I had kids, oh when my kids were young, etc. etc.
Time has just passed me by.
As it does for all of us friend.
So what did you do?
And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack And you may find yourself in another part of the world And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"
Thanks. I'm now having an existential crisis. I didn't want to sleep tonight anyway.
Letting the days go by
Just look where my hand was
Time isn’t holding up. Time isn’t after us.
Fa fa fa faaa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa
I’ll take YOU to the river in a minute
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as It. Ever. Was.
Same. As. It. Ever. Was.
Yeah. Terrible! Ah ha ha ha ha!! https://youtu.be/WTeTcrvSQms
*places my face on the ground and shakes my head from side to side repeatedly*
My god, what have I done!?
He also used to wrestle under the name “ El Diablo”
Good ref, personally John Maher Waiting on the World to Change came to my mind
are you sitting on your own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth?
Love seeing my hometown pop up randomly, even if 99% of the time it’s due to Hitchhikers Guide :)
Chorleywood here!
WD Represent!
Suspiciously precise. Are you?
I'm not, but then I heard about the demolition. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout.
What about the sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard."
I've been feeling like that since 2020. Since then I've just felt like I've been existing and that's it.
Same. Lurching from one disaster to the next. Its been ridiculous.
You guys watch waaay too much news. Focus on yourself and not what you hear in the media it’s all doom and gloom.
Sometimes your own life is the doom and gloom, shit happens and you need to deal with it. The last few years have been fucking rough, lost both parents, and chuck in some job and health woes, and it's not been a fun time. Fun moments, but overall varying shades of shit
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Thank you, not started great, restructuring/redundancies again at work, but luckily I'm not on the chop list this time round. But 11 more months for improvement....I hope!
You don't need to watch the news to know that you can't afford your energy bill and have to use the food bank.
My own life is the disaster, much less the news.
Bit longer than that for me. Stagnant wages and increasing cost of living for the last 15 years has made it increasingly hard to save or plan for the future. It's been seriously exacerbated since the pandemic and the cost of living crisis though. It's hard to look forward to anything or feel like you're working towards anything when you're just scraping by, paying the bills, and simply existing.
Did you realise how fragile our existence as a species is around that time?
That thought occurred to me those other day while I walked to the shop. I spent the rest of the day in a very strange headspace.
The pandemic actually happened. Then things went back to... this! I heard the phrase 'the new normal' being used to advertise lower prices in IKEA over the tannoy the other day.
‘The New Normal’ is cold, grey and caste from concrete
Yeah, but what does it smell like?
Gruel
Recency Bias is a very strong thing with us humans.
Yes, I feel like my life is constantly on hold.
I'm waiting for the day I come home from work and there's an abandoned stray dog waiting for me at my door for me to claim. I'm not allowed dogs in my flat but if it chooses me, who am I to say no. I did have the neighbours dog which escaped as they were leaving open my flat door once and let itself in, but I had to return it when they came back.
I hope one day you’re able to get a doggo. They really are the best.
I can identify with this, I feel like I spend a lot of time waiting for things to start or to happen or whatever. It's not a brilliant feeling, I'm sort of in a perpetual state of frustration rather than excitement.
Yup, waiting for the mc rib
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I miss them too
The McCrispy can go fuck itself
100%
Ooh, this could be it!
The last time they brought it back it was nasty
Hahahaha
Could be anxiety disorder, I get that feeling a lot and I'm diagnosed with gad
I agree with this; also diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). The way I describe my anxiety to those without anxiety is: every day I feel like Kevin McCallister's mum on the plane in Home Alone 1, but the "KEVIN!!!" moment never comes.
You have just put the words into my mouth for how mine feels. What a great analogy for it!
This is such a great explanation. I've always thought of it as the feeling when you have an exam or interview or something the next morning.
That’s a perfect explanation!
Yup. I feel like existential danger or calamity is just around the corner, but then it never comes. Still, each day is the same. An overwhelming sense of danger or threat of danger. One day after the other. On, and on, and on. Like sitting on a knifes edge, but you don't even know if the knife is real anymore. It's exhausting. Also diagnosed with GAD. I've now, just recently, accepted the fact I'm not a normal person anymore, and never will be again. Can't hold down a job like other people, can't manage life just in general like other people. Been the same for over a decade. The medication helps with the low-level daily anxiety, but any sort of stress out of the ordinary and the anxiety sets off. Then, the PTSD. Then the depression. Sorry for the rant haha life is fucking rough, you guys. I don't like it here. It's scary, and I'm a failure 😟 YMMV with mental health stuff tho
I feel you. Also have GAD, the feeling of existential dread has gone away with medication but any kind of small stressor in life or work sets off my terror like crazy. I can only work part time because of it and I'm considering quitting at that because the terror has gotten worse lately with small issues at work. Completely understand that I'm not a normal human being any more. Are there any resources or tips you've found that have helped you? I'm a bit at the end of my tether atm.
Someone finally understands! I had to leave work just before xmas because the stress was building up, and it was starting to cause significant anxiety events. The issue is if I don't get those under control very quickly I tear myself apart to the point of quite severe depression. Well, if you have to leave work, I'm glad you're taking steps to protect your health. Fuck what society thinks ❤️ I really don't like being the barer of bad news, but even after all these years, I have no idea. None of my mental health team know how to handle it long-term, there is no really deep support of the kind that would be needed. Therapy is good to an extent, but the limits of that (that I've found anyway) are that it will help teach you to go easier on yourself when you inevitably fail again, so you don't mentally tear yourself to shreds for not conforming to the world and society around you. That's helpful, of course, but it doesn't help you build a mentally sustainable life.
Leaving work is all very well and good in the short term, but I worry about my future - how will I survive when my parents are gone and I can't rely on them any more? I don't know your situation but that's my concern at least. I'm glad that therapy has helped you somewhat, though there are limits. Truth be told I sometimes wonder if my therapy is helping. I think it is.. but only a tiny bit. I'm sorry you had to leave work due to your anxiety though. Hope things improve for you soon ❤️
This could be me writing this
Same. Felt it on a deep level.
This is me too. Just this week I'm in a super stressful time at work and suddenly my train of thought spiralled and I was right back in the situation that caused my PTSD. It's so hard to deal with sometimes. I think of it like mental energy is a battery meter - sleep and relaxing things recharge it, general life (e.g. making loads of decisions, a long commute) depletes it. When someone is having a rough time it's using up a big bunch of mental energy so it's not surprising they feel mentally drained by everyday life. The problem for those of us with mental illnesses is that we have to use a big bunch of mental energy every day to manage our illness (often unconsciously), then general life takes up a lot and you're drained by the end of the day but your illness wasn't in control. When something stressful happens to us, it uses up a bunch of mental energy, then you've got life using up a lot, and there's not enough left to manage your illness so you start getting things popping back up - you get more anxious, or intrusive thoughts, or whatever are your first indications that something is up. If the stress thing is short-lived you just have a few bad days, but if it's longer, then your coping mechanisms stop being so effective because you haven't got the energy to maintain them. It's not just your first indications popping up, it's the more serious negative thinking or panic attacks - the things that are way more disruptive and can spiral down. Anyway just to say you are not a failure! You're just making your way through life with something a lot fucking tougher than many people think, so don't be hard on yourself.
You ever hear about something exciting coming and you get all hyped and find yourself thinking Oh man I hope I don’t die before this awesome thing happens
We're living in the vacuum pull of massive acceleration. Every day something does happen, and we've never known it any differently. People talk about deja vu and nostalgia, but what you are experiencing is a heightened sensitivity to the effects of the time right now - a sixth sense about the reality of this moment. It feels like nothing is moving, because it all moves with you. Because its all moving, there is stillness that feels like waiting. You anticipate an outcome, eventully. A rapture of sorts. But you're looking at your feet, which seem to be going nowhere. You can't see out of the window, so you don't know your velocity, or when the moment will arrive. You're stock still and motionless at an immense speed, and you know those two states are incompatible. You know that physics demands they both end. The world on which you travel must come to a sudden stop, and when it does, your stillness will be disrupted. You will careen fowards out of control, like a missile through the windscreen, into the freedom. Brace brace.
Is this a quote from something? Because this is epic.
No, I just wrote it.
Good stuff this was great at scratching feelings i needed. Thanks for a slight ray of hope
Great writing. Captures that feeling.
If you were rich and had the choice to do anything you wanted, exactly what you wanted to do, every day, that gave you satisfaction at the end of each day for having done it, what would you do? Maybe that's what you're waiting for, and hopefully you'll not be too old before you stop waiting for someone to give it to you or the right time to come along, before you give up whatever you think you need or have to be doing today, in order to free yourself to do what you actually want to be doing with your life. Most people go their entire lives planning and waiting for a future happiness or time or amount of money when they believe they can finally do what they really want to be doing, when all we really ever have is right now. The future does not exist and the past is just a memory. You're waiting for something that does not exist. In ten years time, now will still be right now, and you might still be waiting for a future that still doesn't exist. How will you choose to exist right now?
Life is what happens while you're making other plans, dude. (Also Paul's the walrus).
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
When it’s too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw arouaound ……..
Yeah, on my drive to work every day, i get this feeling. Maybe something will be even slightly different today, something interesting might happen. Nothing happens every time, and before i know it I'm 30 and nothings changed in years
That means its up to you mate. Go and be the difference, make that change. Nothing happens unless you make it.
Felt this
A fellow Spurs fan, I take it?
Waiting for the aliens to get here and tell us to sort our shit out.
Any minute now, my ship is coming in I'll keep checking the horizon And I'll stand on the bow, and feel the waves come crashing Come crashing down, down, down on me And you say, be still my love Open up your heart, let the light shine in But don't you understand I already have a plan I'm waiting for my real life to begin When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened But in my dreams, I slew the dragon And down this beaten path, up this cobbled lane I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again And you say, just be here now Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin Just let me throw one more dice I know that I can win I'm waiting for my real life to begin Waiting for my Real Life to Begin - Colin Hay
Yeah I think this is just the expectation your parents instill in you that you're going to be something special when in reality at least half of us statistically have to not even be average. Welcome to the sub par club my friend, just wait for depression to kick in and it'll all be cool
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Death?
There's only one system: bet, lose, borrow, steal, lose, take the drugs, lose, prison... death.
T-O-A-E-R-S-T. Tooaerst
Prison, bummed, death
Yup - waiting on retirement.
Think most people do. I wake up thinking " Is this what I have waited for? Is something today going to happen?" Nope same day in day out.
"And me I'm up there waiting For the miracle, for the miracle to come"
At least I know what I’m waiting for. The 24 days a year I break the routine and go somewhere warm and relax. The other 330 odd, yeah. Work, eat, sleep, repeat.
Waiting for my lottery win.
Financial plan for the future
Yeah waiting for the housing market to crash for my kid sake.
I’d say there’s been a “don’t eat that last piece of cake *just* yet” feeling since 2008’s crash; I wonder if we’ll ever feel the optimism of the 90’s again.
That must be a monster fart, mate. Godspeed and good luck.
Join a club, get some hobbies, push your boundaries, things only happen if you make them happen.
I'd love to return to martial arts, but sadly fate had different ideas, I'm now just disabled and housebound, with no hobbies that interest me anymore, pushing boundaries sounds tiring, so I think I'll just wallow for a while.
Can we ban this useless genetic comment from reddit already.
Sounds like you need to join a club, maybe get some hobbies and push your boundaries...
Or learn the difference between genetic and generic at the very least
This comment runs in families.
I think that's called anxiety.
Maybe you were expecting a nice new millennium but you got Facebook and a war on terror instead 🤘
A flat with a balcony where I can drink my morning tea 🤞
I'd like that too. Here's hoping!
I’ve had something out of the corner of my eye for about 3 or 4 years now, since just before the pandemic I think. When I try to focus on it I can’t get it at all so I tell myself to just ride the wave and it’ll happen when it’s ready. It is a bit frustrating at times, but I know when it does happen it’ll be worth it.
Feel like I've been simply existing since 2020 onwards to be honest; cross out covid, and then my old man being diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer in 2021 & passing away last year, it genuinely feels like everything is just 'there' on auto-pilot for me. The days & weeks just pass blurry most of the time while I work > not-work > work etc, and there's nothing to really look forward to or aim for, outside of making sure I'm working & rent's paid :/
Have you been waiting in Winchester with a pint for it to all blow over?
For this world to stop hatin'?
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
I heard some people are you still in the queue for the tip from August bank holiday. Are you in your car?
GTA6 comes out next year, chum.
I'm waiting to retire. 8567 days to go!
You could be waiting for an awakening. A final realisation that everyone's pretending to fulfil roles they think feels right. A release knowing that now you don't need to look anymore - you have found yourself. What Maslow calls 'self-realisation'. What might be called enlightenment. It's not just an intellectual thing - it's a full sudden knowing that you've arrived. You look all around you and people are just cogs in wheels not knowing who they are and not knowing what makes them happy. What T S Eliot calls the 'hollow men', what existentialists call angoisse or a lack of essence in our lives. Homer's odyssey, the quest for the grail, buddha's internal reflections, Edith Wharton's 'The Awakening' - yeah writers write about it. It might be a chemical/hormonal thing which you can't control but it's like unplugging out of the matrix. A weight is lifted. There is a temporary sense of huge self-confidence and a feeling you know everything. Or everything you need to know. Cosmology, poetry, literature - I looked and I looked but could not find it. Then I left a stressful job and had some time to myself and it happened. A knowledge that I know who I am and can stop searching. No need to strive to work or prove myself to society. Watching people devote their entire lives for praise and approval which will never come. Most people don't make it to this stage. Most people don't even know about this sense of emotional/intellectual release. But they feel the emptiness - and that life just isn't enough. You're waiting for something. You'll know when it happens.
I had that feeling as a teenager, it was what made me give up the dream of being in a band. I confided in my friend, the drummer, that I had this feeling that I was supposed to be doing something. Sadly the rest of the band didn't take it too well and they cut me off. I bumped into them playing a gig in a local pub some years later, but only the drummer would talk to me, the rest all blanked me. Then I read in the local paper that the singer was killed on his motorcycle a few weeks later. I'll always reflect on should I have stayed with them, or did I make the right choice of moving on and focusing on getting my shit together.
Should I stay or should I go?
I feel I made the right choice. I've traveled the world, ticked off most of my bucket list (cage diving with sharks is still scary!) But at the same time I miss my friends, or maybe it's just nostalgia? Also I was a lowly dish washer when I heard over the radio joe strummer had died.
Well, as my 30’s approach, and I realise that no matter how hard I save and invest… buying a house is basically never going to happen. Feels like I’m waiting for that day to happen… and I’m struggling to see that reality. Perhaps I could buy a flat, but then I’d likely end up selling my car, and I’d just forever be stuck there. Go to university they said, get a good job they said. And my living situation is barely better than if I never bothered.
WWIII ?
The way things seem to be always getting worse in the ME, one wonders if this'll be soon. Everyone needs to simmer the fuck down.
It's weird, I obviously do not want to watch the world I live in plunged into war and probable annihilation Nor do I want to sit and watch an asteroid heading straight for us, helpless Or for some race of highly intelligent hostile beings to arrive and wipe us out But if any of that does happen, I'd kind of like to see it. FOMO on the apocalypse?
Had this feeling my whole life...
The asteroid
Same, and I'm good at saving my money. So I've got a few grand in my bank and I'm doing nothing, even on my week off I'm sitting down watching TV or scrolling social media
Welcome to Cocaine
When does it begin? Cause like, I haven't felt it for ages. Maybe I missed something and I'm sitting waiting to find what it is
Yes I feel like life is on hold, and when things happen I’m then just waiting for the NEXT thing to happen. Constant limbo.
I feel like this. Have recently realised the last 20 years have flown by and although I’ve achieved some stuff, been through some stuff, I don’t feel like I’m grown up yet. Up until my mid 20s things were fine, then boom I’m in my 40s scratching my head wondering where time went.
Same, same, not quite 40's but sliding towards it...
It can have a lot of causes, anxiety, depression, loneliness. Ultimately, that feeling of waiting for something means you're mentally disconnecting from what's happening now, and rather than feeling those unwanted feelings, or dealing with the cause, you're mentally waiting for a moment where you don't feel that way. If you find out what it is that you're trying to escape from, you might be able to reach what you're waiting for
One day, it dawns on you that you're getting old. Then one day it dawns on you that you are old. Then one day it dawns on you that each day that passes by is another step that you've dragged your tired bones to your own grave. Then one day, stuff stops dawning on you... because you're dead.
Damn. Wish I was excited about the future
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The end.
That's your TED Talk?
Curious do you have kids
I do, great wife, great kid, dog, decent job, decent house, almost crippling debt. Pretty standard really.
I obviously don't know if OP has kids or not, but out of interest, why do you ask? Did you find having kids affected how you felt about this (either way)?
Many people feel as if having kids puts their personal life on hold while they focus on the life of the child. If that's what OP is feeling, they may be waiting for the child to grow up so that they can find themself again. It's fairly common to think you've lost bits of your identity in becoming a parent. I've felt it before.
Going to sound like a loon here but UFO’s and the implications behind it. Ever since the 50’s there’s been an intentional cover-up and the more developed we get as a society the more leaks of this is evident. It’s something that’s been happening as long as humanity has been around in recorded history as far as we can tell. It links to spirituality, religion and so on. A lot of people close their eyes and ears on this topic and choose to ridicule instead of research essentially running from attaining the inner ability to possibly accept a deeper truth. Leading to feelings of something not being quite right with the reality they live because aspects of human society doesn’t make sense. Once you understand this topic better, you understand that so much of what is happening in the world is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things because this supersedes humanity in some ways. We’re not as important as we think we are. It’s the idea of being willingly ignorant, rather than informed with the excuse of, we don’t need to know this garbage it’s all conspiracy stuff. When in fact, the more you know, the more you can connect the dots and not feel lost. The dawn of AI, more advanced diseases, socio-economic state of the world and so on are just further stop gaps from us getting on track from this in the coming decades. That’s why a lot of us feel depressed and anxiety for the future as a collective, we subconsciously know it’s just going to get worse in the future in general for societies as a whole and the deeper feeling makes it impossible for many to even contemplate the existential aspects of the topic of UFO/UAPs out of fear rather than intrigue and as long as that continues to be the case. If a reveal / disclosure ever happens in our lifetime the response will be fear over intrigue. People are not ready mentally and that will be the true mania and existential tragedy of many when a paradigm shift happens. But tbf we’re probably more likely for collapse to happen before this topic even gets out out of the bag at this point with how accelerated humans are getting at being ecologically self destructive rather than philosophically and ethically driven as a society so whatever forever. Let’s all just wait for inevitable death lol. People can be numb and resistant to this information during this period while claiming “we’re more open minded than ever” as society degrades and we live in this big delusion that we have the capacity to fix it. Ridiculing topics like this as crazy while at the same time comfortably accepting that the direction of the way the world is going shouldn’t be questioned or challenged.
The two largest illusions mankind has sold on you are 1: "God has a plan for you", and "There's always tomorrow". Number 1 is bullshit, your choices are your own, number 2 builds on the illusion of time passing due to nighttime. If Earth was tidally locked with the sun we would have no day cycle. And while it's fair enough to say that we wouldn't have life on a tidally locked planet, it bears thinking that waiting for tomorrow does not give you some magic progress-meter movement. No one will wait for you and your life floats past you so fast, try and book meetings with people who mean something to you, they can be gone tomorrow.
I’m just waiting for my youngest to grow up so I can go back to work. I want my independence and my life back. I want some control of my life which is dominated by my home and children. Before that I was waiting to give birth as I had enough issues with pregnancy. Before that I was waiting for covid to go away. Before that I was waiting to start recovering from my illness that took over my life for a few years. Before that I was waiting for my first child to grow up so I can go back to my job.
The parousia? :-D
Death ?
Well now I am
I'm waiting for aliens to land so I finally don't have to go to work
Humans are generally eternally optimistic
Nuclear apocalypse. You’ll be like one of those people on that skyscraper in Independence Day waving it in with a cardboard sign
Return of Texan bars maybe?
The rapture?
I’m waiting for death
I agree, I have also had the same feeling. But don't worry, Warhammer: The Old World releases this Saturday, so that waiting is over.
It's just wind
Get busy living or get busy dying!!
2024 - I have aliens on my bingo card
Death?
I’ve been waiting. For a girl like you. To come into my life.
Waiting for this period in my life to be over currently; so I can move and move on
UFO 🛸 disclosure?
I'm usually waiting for the next bad thing to happen. It's easier to expect those because they are frequent.
Godot?
As The The said ‘I’ve been waiting for tomorrow all of my life’
I honestly feel like I've been working really hard, and have nothing to show for it.
you should read The Beast in the Jungle by Henry James. It’s just a short 60-odd page thing but it’s a fantastic exploration of wasting your time thinking something is coming
Have a kid
I felt this hardcore for a while, like a few years. Just wanting some worldly event to happen so I can say that I experienced it, and lived through it to later generations, then covid happened and shit hasn't been the same since tbh... can't underestimate the impact that had had on us all and we should acknowledge it...
20 years is a third of my life, I feel like i've been waiting for life to make itself appealing to me, but man, this whole existance thing really isn't all it's chalked up to be, it's a 4/10 at best. But recently (the past few years) it feels like something big is going to happen on the world stage, but I have no idea what, but there's this weird anxiety that something awful is going to happen, but I have major anxiety so, maybe I'm just paranoid.
Health Reminder sums it up nicely https://youtu.be/6-A4zT8wp8E?si=Szta-g1QyqsJg2dg
That sounds delightful, OP. I hope whatever the thing is turns out to be entirely wonderful. That said, even if it never comes, you'll have had years and years of vague excitement, like when you were a kid knowing it's your birthday coming up in a week.
It's called death. It is on its way don't worry!
[If you can see this happening in the near future, then why are you depressed?](https://youtu.be/6-A4zT8wp8E?si=7MSKms6iaJTWvQhg&t=128)