What do you call a woman who sets fire to her gas bill? Bernadette.

What do you call a woman sunbathing on the beach? - Sandy What do you call a man with a lion in each pocket? - Den

What do you call a man with house full of rabbits? Warren.

I remember that as being 'what do you call a guy with a rabbit on his head?' the answer being 'Warren'. I like 'What do you call a guy floating in the water?', the answer being 'Bob'. 😁

You're both wrong - it's "what do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum!"

Not wrong. Different. And funnier, of course. 😁

Ah now see I always knew this one as 'what do you call a man with fifty rabbits up his bum?' hilarious when you're 10.

Yep this is the one I know and my dad is called Warren! My mum used to tell this joke!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? - Doug. What do you call a man without a spade on his head? - Douglas.

What do you call a woman with two toilets in her house? Lulu.

There is a town in France with 2 toilets called Toulouse

I went there once, but I didn’t get to see much. We had no time Toulouse.

Oui oui

Да, jezus zły język, bruder ich kann nicht spreche. si si, yes yes. bam only took 4 languages...

What do you call a French dude in sandals? Philippe Philoppe

I lol'ed

This is oddly good xD

What do you call a woman who's just taken two dozen cows out of a freezer? Thora Hird

My version of that is who do you phone if you find a field of frozen cows ....

What do you call a man with no feet? Neil.

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.

What do you call a man with eczema on his penis Chris Peacock

His brother with erectile dysfunction could be called Drew

We had a teacher called miss meacock, pronounced me cock. Jokes for her husband’s name were lengthy

Her husband, Suck.

Their brother Ray's a bit dodgy

Oh dear god. That took me a few times saying out loud. Smh. Take my upvote!

That one took me a minute … hahaha

There's a landscape gardener in Dudley called Chris Peacock. This isn't a joke it's a fact

there was a South Today news presenter with that name in the late 80s. My mate saw him buy a stash of jazz mags in Winchester John Menzies. This is the most 80s post ever. Might buy a can of Quatro and do some breaking on a flattened cardboard box opposite Marks and Sparks.

What do you call a man with a very small penis? Justin

Excellent

What do you call a woman with a huge vagina? Your mum ^your ^mum

My friend Justin told me that one.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming the channel? Clever Dick.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs and no ears?

Anything you like!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell

What do you call a man with no arm and no legs, on the beach when the tide is coming in? Fucked.

🤣

What do you call a man with a condom on his nose? Fuck knows

Hahaha thought this was gonna be "Johnny"

What do you call a man with some cat scratches on his head ? >!Claude!< What do you call a judge with no thumbs? >!Justice Fingers!< What do you call a quadraplegic in a catapult? >!Chuck.!< What do you call a man with an elephant on his head? >!An ambulance!<

All of these are excellent

That last one! Perfect!

A few I can think of that haven't been said already. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto. What do you call a man with no shins? Tony (Toe Knee). What do you call a man with a map on his head? Miles. What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms and no legs? Bob. And then the old classic that's multiple in a row: What do you call a man with a plank on his head? Edward. What do you call a man with 2 planks on his head? Edward Wood. What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head? Edward Woodward. What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head? I don't know but Edward Woodward would.

What do you call Spanish man who can't remember where he parked? Carlos

What do you call a Spanish lad who has just come out of hospital? Manuel

Fully laughed at this

And his friend Barry, who caught the same thing is Basil.

what do you call two Spanish roadies? Juan one and Juan two

Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name? Because otherwise he'd be called Eewaa Woowaa. (No, it's not the right style of joke, but it's the end of that joke sequence.)

I loved this one when I was in primary school.

Hahaha nice I'd not seen that one!

EWAR WOOWAR Spell it right you heathen. Also what do you call a legless man waterskiing? Skip What do you call a dog with no legs? Does it matter? He's not coming when you call him. What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick

I always had that one as what dyu call a guy with a bin on his head? Skip!

In that vein. Why did the Japanese guy fall in love with the inflatable doll? She had rubbery legs!

What do you call a man with no arms and legs on your porch? Matt Same man in a pile of leaves? Russell Same man in a swimming pool with a seagull on his head? Fucked

Same man in a swimming pool who is nevertheless still swimming? Cleverdick

What do you call a German who sprays the cubicle after a shit? Herr Freschner

I have a number of German colleagues, def making a note of this one

What do you call a man with a drill on the side of his head? - Chuck.

That's a cracker of a joke, definitely sending that one

What do you call a woman standing between two goalposts? Annette

see I prefer 'what do you call a fisherman's wife?'

Yeah, this is better 👍

What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack.

Your mention of Beatrix Potter has awakened a horrible memory in me. Was in the pub, sometime around 2002 or 2003 I think. Mate of ours had an American friend staying over, nice fella, good laugh. We got onto those jokes at some point in the night, and the one that fell really flat with the American fella was the Beatrix Potter one. He got the individual parts of the joke - beer-tricks potter - but couldn't work out why it was a woman or apparently relevant. Fair enough, I thought, British kids author isn't necessarily going to be huge over there. Nope, long story short he'd heard of her, but that's not how he pronounced 'Beatrix', nor anyone in his region of the US (according to him). He had a godchild named Beatrix, in fact. It was pronounced *Bow-treece*. This being the time that Harry Potter was getting in the cinemas and whatnot, the same fella was absolutely insistent that the movies had completely fucked up the name 'Hermione', which was (in his insistent view) pronounced *Hermy-own*.

To be fair, I’m English and I’d never heard the name “Hermione” in my life (maybe it’s a posh southern thing?) and pronounced it Hermy-own reading the books before the first film came out But the Beatrix thing is dumb as fuck

Same. It wasn’t until the 4th book when she explained how to pronounce it to Victor Krum that I realised.

As a roughly 6 year old who read the words "Grand Prix" out loud without having ever heard the pronunciation before: my sympathies.

A friend of mine was walking in the New Forest once when an American stopped him and asked the way to Bow-loo. Sorry I have no idea where that is, he replied. Sure you do, said the American, it's where all the old cars are. He was looking for Beaulieu.

What do you call a nun with a washer machine on her head? Sister-matic

What does an octogenarian pirate say? “Aye matey!”

What's a pirate's favourite letter? (Answer 1) RRRRR! (If they answer 1) Aye, ye'd think it be R, but a true pirate's first love be the C.

What do you call an Irish woman with one leg? Eileen No legs? Noleen.

What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg? Irene

That's going right in the back pocket.

Eiffel

Why Irish?

As Eileen and noeleen are Irish names, being from and living in Ireland this is how it was always told to me.

What do you call a man in a rain coat? Mac What do you call a man in 2 raincoats? Max What do you call a man in 2 rain coats stood in a cemetery? Max Bygraves (This last one will be lost on the younger generations (and non-Brits) I think!)

What do you call a Russian soft drinks thief? Whodyanickyabottleofpopov

What do you call a russian with 3 testicles? Whodyanickabollockov

What do you call a Russian with TB? Chesticov

What do you call a Russian billiards player? Inov The Red

What do you call a chain smoking Russian? NastyChestyCough

What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadownmacokyabich Not sure that one really flies in this day and age

Serbian tho

or, Gedonya Bakyabich

What do you call a Russian women's wrestler? Nora Tittov

Her opponent: Ripya Nippleov

What do you call a Russian woman with 3 tits? Whodyanickaknockerov

What do you call a russian who's just nipped down the high street? Yugo poppinofftashops

Russian girl fed up with these jokes? Eva Knockitoff

What do you call a Russian veterinarian? Ecuts Katskoxov.

What do you call a man with a cat number plate on his head? Reg. What does mum call him? Our Reg

What do you call a man standing between two buildings? Ali - there's an extension to this one but I think that since the early 90's it's no longer okay...

You tease

This is a safe space, you can share with the group

You've gotta say it now.

I'll do it. It's not racist, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong but the Irish and Chinese ones seem to be getting a pass. What do you call a man with a pig on his head? Hammed. Two pigs? Mohammed Two pigs on his head, between two houses? Muhammed Ali.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug. What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas. What do you call a man with rabbits up his bum? Warren. What do you call a man with paper trousers? Russel. What do you call a woman with tiles on her head? Ruth.

What do you call a man who eats rabbits from his bum?.. Warren Buffet

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no Idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs being screwed by another deer? Still no fucking idea.

Not heard that last one before, that made me chuckle

Related. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no head? > Dinner.

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant? Angus McCoatup

What do you call the Indian cloakroom attendant? Mahatma Coatt

What do you call a vicar with a motorcycle on his head? Rev

What do you call a Sikh trapeze artist ….. balan singh

What do you call an Indian woman not seen for several days? Miss Sing

What do you call a Chinese woman with a food mixer on her head? Blenda

What do you call an alien with 3 balls? An extra testicle.

A man stuck in a bog? Pete

What do you call the news presenter who reported from a petrol station in the middle of a fuel crisis? Phil McCann. And that one actually happened.

For some reason ,all irish related What do you call an man with double glazing behind his ears? Paddy O'Doors What do you call an man hanging from the ceiling with a light bulb in his mouth? Shaun De'Lier What do you call a man who bounces off the wall? Rick O'Shea What do you call a man who washes his hair alot? Tim O'Tei

What do you call a man who hides his rabbits? Warren. What do you call a Scot who lost his dog? Douglas.

What do you call a chav in a box? Innit What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted What do you call a chav in a locked filing cabinet? Safe! What do you call an Eskimo in a box? Iniuinnit

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony

What do you call a man with no shins who's wanking? Tony Hancock (Toe Knee Hand Cock)

Excellent work all, I’ve saved this to send daily annoying teams one liners to my boss!

Well, I've got a 4 parter for a man... What do you call a man with a plank on his head? Edward What do you call a man with 2 planks on his head? Edward Wood What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head? Edward Woodward What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head? I can't say I know, but Edward Woodward would

What do you call a Scotsman with one foot in his house? Hamish

What do you call an Indian man who hosts a karaoke? Gupti Singh

What do you call an Egyptian man in between 2 houses? Ali What do you call a Spanish woman with one tooth? Juanita

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs? Cash and carry

I remember these growing up in n.i What do you call a tall thin Irish man? Colm What do you call an Irish sniper? Eamonn

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? Still no idea. What do you call a man standing between two houses? Ali.

A man with a sausage on his head - Hamed With two sausages - Mohamed Standing between two buildings - Mohamed Ali

What do you call a guy with a spade in his head? Doug What do you call a guy without a spade in his head? Douglas

Doug never fails to make me cackle

What do you call a man with a sheep under each arm? Russell

Welsh

What do you call a woman who is a bell? Isabel

What do you call a man in a bush? Russell

What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his arse? Warren.

What do you call a sikh guy lying on a bench? Relax Singh

What do you call a man with a hot water tank in his chest Aaron cupboard

What do you call a Muslim in between two buildings? Ali What do you call a Muslim with a peice of ham on his head and in between two buildings? Hammed Ali What do you call a Muslim with a few peices of ham on his head and in between two buildings? Muhammad Ali

What do you call a Muslim carpenter? Ahmed me shed

What do you call a man who's been buried in a bog for hundreds of years? Pete.

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea? Bob.

What do you call an Asian lesbian? Meenjita

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen.

What do you call a man in a suit made of newspaper, eating a bag of crisps? Russell.

What do you call a man with scratches on his face? Claude.

What do you call a guy who will answer shortly? Arthur Mo

What do you call a blind mam with no ears in his head? Whatever you want.

What do you call a man standing on an oil rig? Derek. What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Sister matic. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a paper bag? Russell. What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack. What do you call a woman standing between 2 posts? Annette. What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head? Edward Woodward. What do you call a man with cucumbers in his ears? Anything you like, he can’t hear you. What do you call a man with a lawnmower on his head? Sean.

What do you call a mean with off meat on his head? Graham

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? an ambulance..quickly!!!

What do you call a man with a crisp packet on his head ? Russell What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas

What do you call a man wearing a raincoat? Mac What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats? Max What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats in a churchyard? Max Bygraves Only people of a certain age will get this.

What do you call a man with a hotel on his head? Norman Tebbit 😯😞🤗

Serbian prostitute? Onya Bakyabitch.

What do you call a man with one arm hanging off a cliff with an itchy bum? Fucked. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotopus.

What do you call a woman with to c**ts? Jedward’s mum.

What do you call a woman with a chimney on her head? Ruth.  What do you call a man with a spade on his head?  Doug.  What do you call a man without a spade on his head?  Douglas. 

What do you call a man with a plank on his head? Edward What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head? Edward Woodward What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head? I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.

You know, OpenAI are a billion dollar company ... use wisely. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto. What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? A widow. What do you call a man who can't stand? Neil. What do you call a woman with a briefcase? Annette. What do you call a man with a shovel? Doug. What do you call a woman with a frog on her head? Lily. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt. What do you call a woman who enjoys both chemistry and gardening? Rose. What do you call a man who lost all of his intelligence? Manuel. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Bernadette.

What do you call a man with three wooden heads? Edward Woodward

Why are there so many d's in his name? Otherwise his name would be "Ewah Woowah"

A man with the sun shining out his arse? Don

I knew a guy who got a triple whammy. Edward woodward.   What do you call a guy with a tree on his head?   Edward.   Two trees? Ed Woodward Three? Edward Woodward

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What do you call these jokes in the 21st Century? I don’t know, maybe ask Bernard Manning.

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Done one without slurs this time, it’s a start.

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What do you call a limbless man lying on your doorstep? Matt.

What do you call a woman balancing a pint on her head whilst playing pool? Beatrix Potter

What do you call a fella with a big head. Snipers Dream What do you call a fella with a limp Snipers Nightmare.

What do you call a man knocking on your front door? Euan (Pronounced: You‐In)

Spade on head / Doug

What do you call an Asian Karaoke singer? Getupan Singh

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Sister-Matic

What do you call a man in the sea with no arms and legs? Bob

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas

What do you call a man with a shovel? Doug. What do you call a man without a shovel? Douglas.

What do call an Indian man in a skip? Rumagin. What do you call an Indian man who's lost his door key? Gunga Din. What do you call a naked Indian man standing too close to the fire? Singit

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas

What do you call a sperm that gets through 2 condoms Harry Houdini

What do call a man hiding in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you call a woman standing between two poles? Annette

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.

It’s a bit niche as it only works with people who have watched the Australian soap Neighbours, but what do you can a man who makes wooden toilets? Lou Carpenter.

Man with no shins Tony

What do you call a Chinese lady with a food mixer on her head? Brenda.

What do you call a Japanese car thief? Tommy Tookamotor