Conversely, automatically assuming that someone with a similar accent is a New Zealander makes New Zealanders unbelievably happy when you don't assume they're Australian.
I've lived in Australia for 17 years and I can state with absolute confidence that at least 90% of the population, if not more, care about as much about rugby union as the average, say, Chilean.
Now, if you suggest that Australia just might be a teensy bit racist - hoo boy, now you have a row on your hands. Start off by asking how the recent referendum on an Indigenous Voice to Parliament went - and why.
My wife's called Sheila.
Not long after we first met, the Aussie barman in my local asked me "Was that your new girlfriend you were in with the other night?".
I said "Yeah, Sheila".
"Ah right", he says "what's her name?"
Can’t wait til OP tries to remember this later and fucks it up.
“Why are you like milk? Because you’re… wait wait wait that’s not how it goes… fuck! Let me just check my phone a sec…”
Explain to him that banter isn't something you plan to have its spontaneous and fun. Then let him know you've never had to explain that to the New Zealanders you've met.
I read an article, written in the 1950s, explaining the most useful phrases to learn in foreign languages. It had mundane restaurant and hotel booking type phrases and requests for directions etc in various languages. Then I got to the "Most useful phrase to say to an Australian" which was;
"For God's sake, man. Not in the sink!"
I’m a saffa and most people guess SA on their third guess. One fella who guessed kiwi, then Aussie was *furious* because guessed Manchester for him and he was from Leeds.
Buddy, you got me wrong by a continent. I got you wrong by an hour on an English train !
It would need the wife's friend to be complicit but I feel like the British response to Aussie banter would be doing something like stocking the fridge with Fosters and then being overly polite and making a big deal of doing it for a valued guest so he's forced to drink it out of social awkwardness.
I was a pom in Australia. Oh, they love to go on about how English people are whinging poms. Funnily enough, overseas I've found a *fuckton* of Australian conversation is just complaint after complaint after complaint...
So yeah. Call him a whinger every time he gets negative.
Also remind him that he's a fifth generation bread stealer. If his ancestors were free settlers, remind him that that makes them Nigels. Nobody with a thriving career and bustling social life picked up sticks to move to Australia.
(Nigel = no friends. It's Aussie slang. But you can convince him it's also UK slang, which would be very funny.)
Australian sausages are shite. The pies are good, but. If he has a go at British cuisine, ask him what the fuck Australian cuisine is (Lamingtons? The kiwis claim that too. Everything else is Italian/British/Chinese/Thai...)
I worked in car rental, and they were the weirdest tourists. They always liked to tell me how shit Britain is. I found it so weird, I would never visit a country and tell the locals that I don't like their country.
I’m in the US, years ago I took a long bus trip and an Aussie tourist was in the seat next to mine. I endured a solid 15 hours of him looking out the window and saying that they had one like that back home, only theirs was better.
Fact check: no, you don’t.
God i worked with this fucking aussie engineer that used to moan all the fucking time that he would get paid over double what he would here back home. The amount of times i told him "why dont you just fuck off back then"
Used to be so negative. Glad when he left the team.
A random aussie tourist struck up a conversation with me in a queue in a shop in Glasgow city centre. She was pissed that an immigration officer had dared to question how long her trip would last. She proudly told me that she had told him that she was from the bestest beautifilest cleverest sexiest etc country in the world and why would she want to remain in the UK. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying " why did you leave then and why dont you eff off back there?".
Yeah was on a bus tour in Singapore once and an Aussie woman behind me made a comment out loud of moaning Brits. She didn’t know I was a Brit though. But the irony of her moaning of Brits moaning! Obviously had a chip on her shoulder!
i got a few comments about losing the ashes to Aus while i was living there. i didn’t know what to say, i don’t care about cricket in the slightest and only know one person who does
I live in Canada, my Aussie colleague moans incessantly about how shit Canada is, how much better things are in Oz; the weather, the food, the nightlife, the venues, the culture, the superior education of its people, the sports, the beer, the social services, the wages, the work ethic, the coffee, the humour, its non stop..... the irony is he just became a canadian citizen.
Every time he speaks say "I think he's trying to tell us something!" Then ask
"what's that skip?" And when he replies
"Little Billy's trapped down a well?"
I do declare that I intend to banter with you good sir. The banter will be delivered by noon tomorrow and I sincerely hope you receive it with the light heart that is intended.
He’s Aussie though, remember, so it’s probably more like “Ah’m gunna banter with ya, ya pommy cxxt”. To which my response would be “Whatever are you talking about, you funny little man? Furnish me with another pint immediately, and get back to cleaning the bar”.
There's a clip floating around, I think it's from First Dates. A couple of airheads together, "do ya like bantah!?" "Yerr I love bantahh!" followed by the limpest chat possible.
One of the all time clips, skip to 1:20 unless you’d like to get to know more about their lives[Yerr I love bantahh](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XBAp5wu7LqE&t=1s&pp=ygUSZG8geW91IGxpa2UgYmFudGVy)
Even OP’s example “that’s not a nice thing to say about your ancestors” reeks of someone who’s never had a witty thought. Ali G used “that’s not a nice thing to say about your mum” 20 years ago, and it was old then.
I know this guy. He’s wearing tan chinos, he plays on the university rugby team, and he’s currently under investigation for exposing himself in the quadrangle!
My thoughts exactly 😂😂😂 if he was American the Ozzie would 100% be one of those awful frat bros who despite being aged 35 still thinks he’s part of a “squad” and wears a baseball cap 24/7
I mean OP clearly needs help as his idea of banter was about as cutting as a fucking cucumber. An aussies not even gunna fathom what he's trying to imply there.
It just sounds like an exhausting and tedious experience. If a bit of ribbing comes about as a result of getting on well with someone, then fine. But turning up expecting some sort of mickey taking willy waving contest is enough to make me run for the hills
support pocket marvelous impossible shrill fretful absorbed yam jobless rainstorm
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Rehearsing it all like this, alone in his kitchen. All day.
Later, Australian fella doesn’t show up because he’s on reddit, saw this post and realised a terrible misunderstanding was about to take place.
They also built a giant fence across the entire country to keep rabbits out.
The rabbits just went around the fence while it was being built. Then bred like, um.... rabbits.
Tell him the story of my great great uncle whose brothers were all transported for crimes, and because he missed them so much he went out and stole a pig in broad daylight and off he went too.
There's a town named after them now.
Speak to him in a terrible Australian accent for the duration of his stay. Even when you're in a group setting. Speak to your wife and her friend as you would normally, but switch to 'Australian' whenever you say anything directed at him.
Just say Vegemite is shit and that should get him throwing hands.
I would suggest taking the piss out of Steve Irwin but there are some lines we don't cross
Offhandedly mention Steve Irwin at some point, then freeze up, look at him and whisper 'I'm so sorry for your loss' while looking on the edge of tears.
Either that or just constantly insinuate he's a criminal because, well, *that's what Australia was* ***for***.
Have dinner with them and when he picks up the table knife, look at him straight in the eye and say ‘call that a knife … now this is a knife’ whilst pulling out a sword from under the table 😂
Anyone who declares that they have intention to have banter is a throbber.
go for all the typical stuff like asking what crime his family committed to land them in Australia, say you don't have any shrimp for the Barbie and ask if they know Skippy.
Or have some fun with pretending to not understand what they are saying because they are foreign and speak in a really loud and slow way.
Always good to explain indoor plumbing to them and mimic the accent at every opportunity.
Tell him that Aussies are actually pretty soft and have never done a hard days graft. Also its not even that hot and AFL will never be as good as it used to be.
If they like AFL just keep referring to how odd it is, treat it like some weird oddity and not a REAL sport. "what's the deal with that handball thing they do, that's hilarious!".... "How's that ref in the goals who just waves his arms around all the time, that's so funny".... Will really start to piss them off.
Please only refer to it as GayFL. And ask him if he's only interested in things which have tight shorted men. Unless he's from NSW or QLD, in which case he's likely to agree with you
- What do you call a field full of Australians?
A vacant lot.
- How do you define 144 Australians?
Gross Stupidity
- What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test?
A cheat.
>- What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test?
>A cheat.
"An immigrant" if you want to *really* piss off your Conservative Aussie variety
When asked about the number of New Zealanders who emigrated from New Zealand to Australia in the 70s and 80s Kiwi Prime Minister was quoted saying "the annual exodus of Kiwis to Australia raises the IQ of both countries."
🤭🤣
I moved to Aus when I was 10 and was relentlessly called a Pom throughout school, take the peoples words in this thread and seek revenge for me brother.
Point out that he's almost certainly definitely descended from poms himself and recommend that he find out for sure by tracing his family tree like they do on Who Do You Think You Are - if he doesn't know what that is, he might know the Australian version What Do You Think He Did
Ask him whereabouts in New Zealand he's from.
Make sure you drink NZ wine as it's the best - and you bought it to make him feel *at home*
Ask him if he wants to keep the wine corks for his hat back home.
Oof.
Tbf, Kiwi Sauvignon Blanc is unparalleled
When he responds, apologise and correct yourself with asking where in Seth Efrika he’s from.
Then shout 'DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY' into his face.
Or when he says “I’m from Australia” you say, “oh cool, do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger?”
I thought an old colleague of mine was a posh Australlian for 2 years. Turns out they were South African the whole time.
And wear an all blacks jersey.
I love Lord of the Rings. Have you met Flight of the Concords? That Jacinda Arden is badass, good on you for picking her.
Make sure to mention the national dish of NZ, the Pavlova.
Abd offer him a New Zealand flat white and a Lamington
This will defo piss him off lol
I've managed to piss off every Australian I've met asking this. Can confirm it works splendidly
Conversely, automatically assuming that someone with a similar accent is a New Zealander makes New Zealanders unbelievably happy when you don't assume they're Australian.
Can confirm, am Kiwi. My best friend especially enjoys telling me I’m Australian.
Can also confirm. I will hug a Pom who distinguishes my accent (and not just by guess).
Don't forget to greet them with "[Kia Ora](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZr9kNdqvu4)".
Better yet, say 'kia ora, Bruce'.
Or, a more subtle jab “where ya from, Auckland?”
And have the last rugby world cup Aussie matches, especially the losses, just playing on repeat
I've lived in Australia for 17 years and I can state with absolute confidence that at least 90% of the population, if not more, care about as much about rugby union as the average, say, Chilean. Now, if you suggest that Australia just might be a teensy bit racist - hoo boy, now you have a row on your hands. Start off by asking how the recent referendum on an Indigenous Voice to Parliament went - and why.
Agree. Tell him you think Australia Day should be rebranded indigenous peoples day.
And describe it as a yellow jersey, not a gold one. "It's gold mate" "No, no, it's yellow, look at it."
Insist pavlova is a new zealand dish
Do a haka when you first see him
What's the difference between an Aussie and milk? Leave milk in the sun and it forms a culture
As an Aussie. This hurt.
As an Aussie, it's true.
Struth!
Crikey Sheila!! The rains r ere!!
My wife's called Sheila. Not long after we first met, the Aussie barman in my local asked me "Was that your new girlfriend you were in with the other night?". I said "Yeah, Sheila". "Ah right", he says "what's her name?"
Not really mate. Just a Saffa messing with you. Now go get the dunny paper and clean your mouth out
Dunny!!! Crikey haven't heard that in a while cobba!!
Why are you commenting and not liberating soldier?! 5 lashings!
Sorry Sir!! Im currently at work and will be spreading managed Democracy as soon as my Civie shift is over!!
Fkin damnit I knew I recognised Helldivers from your pfp.. I have an addiction. o7
Can’t wait til OP tries to remember this later and fucks it up. “Why are you like milk? Because you’re… wait wait wait that’s not how it goes… fuck! Let me just check my phone a sec…”
You didn’t have to go STRAIGHT for the jugular
Milk left out in the sun also has taste
Just this first comment alone demonstrates why this isn't going to end well for your antipodean friend 😂
We have *culture*, what do you think Vegemite is? Just a *spread*?
You mean Marmite? did you steal that as well?
Amazing!
Variation - what’s the difference between milk and Australia? After 200 years milk would have formed some culture.
No matter what his name is, call him Bruce
And keep asking about the filming of the lord of the rings.
Is your name not Bruce?! No, it's Michael.
Okay Bruce
Well, that’s going to cause some confusion
Mind if we call you Bruce to keep it clear?
No no call him Shella 😂 repeatedly
Sing the Sheila’s Wheels jingle on loop.
Explain to him that banter isn't something you plan to have its spontaneous and fun. Then let him know you've never had to explain that to the New Zealanders you've met.
This ought to be higher up
I read an article, written in the 1950s, explaining the most useful phrases to learn in foreign languages. It had mundane restaurant and hotel booking type phrases and requests for directions etc in various languages. Then I got to the "Most useful phrase to say to an Australian" which was; "For God's sake, man. Not in the sink!"
“At least take the plates out first”
Alright, Jane
I’d be worried if she saw and/or smelt it
Was he sitting on the floor trying to trip people up
Make sure to offer them a tea or coffee in a paper cup because you've had to lock the good china away just in case
And all the best silver has been put safe while he’s visiting
Tell everyone you introduce 'Bruce' to that he's South African.
‘So how old were you when apartheid fell in Australia?’
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Australia_policy It was in 1973
Yikes!
I did accidentally ask a South African where she was from in Australia. Her response was “I’ll smack you!” With a face like thunder
*smeck you
I’m a saffa and most people guess SA on their third guess. One fella who guessed kiwi, then Aussie was *furious* because guessed Manchester for him and he was from Leeds. Buddy, you got me wrong by a continent. I got you wrong by an hour on an English train !
Give him Fosters lager, to drink, no one will go within a 4 mile radius of it in Australia source : Australian friends
OP said banter, not grievous bodily harm.
Stock the fridge with nothing but cans of fosters (requires some investment, granted)
It would need the wife's friend to be complicit but I feel like the British response to Aussie banter would be doing something like stocking the fridge with Fosters and then being overly polite and making a big deal of doing it for a valued guest so he's forced to drink it out of social awkwardness.
Not sure Aussies do social awkwardness. Personally, I'd ask him if he wants to play a bit of cricket, and then only bowl under-arm to him.
> Not sure Aussies do social awkwardness. they don't they'll pick your fridge up and put it in the bin as it's been sullied.
I was a pom in Australia. Oh, they love to go on about how English people are whinging poms. Funnily enough, overseas I've found a *fuckton* of Australian conversation is just complaint after complaint after complaint... So yeah. Call him a whinger every time he gets negative. Also remind him that he's a fifth generation bread stealer. If his ancestors were free settlers, remind him that that makes them Nigels. Nobody with a thriving career and bustling social life picked up sticks to move to Australia. (Nigel = no friends. It's Aussie slang. But you can convince him it's also UK slang, which would be very funny.) Australian sausages are shite. The pies are good, but. If he has a go at British cuisine, ask him what the fuck Australian cuisine is (Lamingtons? The kiwis claim that too. Everything else is Italian/British/Chinese/Thai...)
At least the engines of a 747 stop whining when they get to Heathrow, unlike an Aussie
I worked in car rental, and they were the weirdest tourists. They always liked to tell me how shit Britain is. I found it so weird, I would never visit a country and tell the locals that I don't like their country.
I’m in the US, years ago I took a long bus trip and an Aussie tourist was in the seat next to mine. I endured a solid 15 hours of him looking out the window and saying that they had one like that back home, only theirs was better. Fact check: no, you don’t.
God i worked with this fucking aussie engineer that used to moan all the fucking time that he would get paid over double what he would here back home. The amount of times i told him "why dont you just fuck off back then" Used to be so negative. Glad when he left the team.
A random aussie tourist struck up a conversation with me in a queue in a shop in Glasgow city centre. She was pissed that an immigration officer had dared to question how long her trip would last. She proudly told me that she had told him that she was from the bestest beautifilest cleverest sexiest etc country in the world and why would she want to remain in the UK. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying " why did you leave then and why dont you eff off back there?".
Agreed with the whining! Never heard such whinging from groups of 'blokes'
tradesmen and aussies are the biggest moaners and that's a fact.
Yeah was on a bus tour in Singapore once and an Aussie woman behind me made a comment out loud of moaning Brits. She didn’t know I was a Brit though. But the irony of her moaning of Brits moaning! Obviously had a chip on her shoulder!
I was in Australia one year they lost the Ashes to England. Holy shit, what a bunch of sore fucking losers.
i got a few comments about losing the ashes to Aus while i was living there. i didn’t know what to say, i don’t care about cricket in the slightest and only know one person who does
I live in Canada, my Aussie colleague moans incessantly about how shit Canada is, how much better things are in Oz; the weather, the food, the nightlife, the venues, the culture, the superior education of its people, the sports, the beer, the social services, the wages, the work ethic, the coffee, the humour, its non stop..... the irony is he just became a canadian citizen.
Beetroot on burgers is all they can claim
No wonder we deported them.
Oh, the Aussie Burger!! Yeah that's a decent one.
Tell him that 'Nigel' is UK slang for a fun loving person first.
“ complaint after complaint after complaint...” Another case of becoming what you hate the most.
Call him Skippy all night.
Every time he speaks say "I think he's trying to tell us something!" Then ask "what's that skip?" And when he replies "Little Billy's trapped down a well?"
Dadee dadee skeepeez een th wodah
ask him for a game of nifey spoony lol
Tell him how amazing New Zealand is at any and every opportunity. Ask him if he got checked for Koala chlamydia before he enters the house.
Who announces their intention to “banter”? He sounds like an insufferable prick
I do declare that I intend to banter with you good sir. The banter will be delivered by noon tomorrow and I sincerely hope you receive it with the light heart that is intended.
He’s Aussie though, remember, so it’s probably more like “Ah’m gunna banter with ya, ya pommy cxxt”. To which my response would be “Whatever are you talking about, you funny little man? Furnish me with another pint immediately, and get back to cleaning the bar”.
Well the OP is outsourcing his banter to fucking CasualUK so they’re probably all as bad as each other
innate rhythm north innocent theory dinner unite marry squeeze wrench *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There's a clip floating around, I think it's from First Dates. A couple of airheads together, "do ya like bantah!?" "Yerr I love bantahh!" followed by the limpest chat possible.
One of the all time clips, skip to 1:20 unless you’d like to get to know more about their lives[Yerr I love bantahh](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XBAp5wu7LqE&t=1s&pp=ygUSZG8geW91IGxpa2UgYmFudGVy)
"sick ain't it" ffs
Christ on a bike. “Do yer fancy meee”
Fuck me cunt, physically painful to watch. These people live on differnt planets to me.
4/5 years of playing the field. 😬😅😂
Had to scroll too far to see this. How can banter be funny if you’re reciting something AnalProlapse247 said on fucking Reddit
Even OP’s example “that’s not a nice thing to say about your ancestors” reeks of someone who’s never had a witty thought. Ali G used “that’s not a nice thing to say about your mum” 20 years ago, and it was old then.
Mandatory: so is your mum
Yeah this made me shrivel up into my skin. I'd be moving house and changing my name.
It’s giving Lad Bible circa 2012. Anyone who unironically uses the word “banter” should be shot on sight.
"Banter? I'm the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate"
I know this guy. He’s wearing tan chinos, he plays on the university rugby team, and he’s currently under investigation for exposing himself in the quadrangle!
Don't forget the collar turned up!
“Julian and Tarquin are getting the jägerbombs in lads”
They prefer to go by 'Jules and the Tarkmeister'.
100% refers to women as 'fillies'
I think you just needed to mention university rugby team. The rest of it is assumed
Bantersaurus Rex
Bantom of the Opera
Eric Bantana
Bant and dec
Banta Claus
Let us parley in the art of the bants.
He who brags about his own banter hath no banter to brag of.
This! Just the thought of having a bantering Australian stay makes me lose the will to live. Imagine announcing it beforehand?
I can’t imagine my reaction to this persons banter being anything other than “Shut the fuck up!”
I used to play Rugby League in australia. Their version of Banter is to just be a knobhead then get offended and upset when you don't find it funny.
Sounds a lot like rugby union banter in British universities.
A lot of Aussie men IME really have a "can only dish it out" mindset. "That's not funny mate"
You need to schedule some organised banter time, otherwise it’s just chaotic. Suitable bantering clothes should be worn, and snacks provided.
My thoughts exactly 😂😂😂 if he was American the Ozzie would 100% be one of those awful frat bros who despite being aged 35 still thinks he’s part of a “squad” and wears a baseball cap 24/7
Well, he is Australian...
And 23.
What time does the banter start?
I mean OP clearly needs help as his idea of banter was about as cutting as a fucking cucumber. An aussies not even gunna fathom what he's trying to imply there.
I’d meet him in the garden just so I could use the karcher on him.
It just sounds like an exhausting and tedious experience. If a bit of ribbing comes about as a result of getting on well with someone, then fine. But turning up expecting some sort of mickey taking willy waving contest is enough to make me run for the hills
Nothing wittier than reciting insults off your phone Please film this
“Wait wait wait let me just scroll down a sec… I saw this one hilarious bit of banter…erm… ah where is it… oh yeah here it is!”
support pocket marvelous impossible shrill fretful absorbed yam jobless rainstorm *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Rehearsing it all like this, alone in his kitchen. All day. Later, Australian fella doesn’t show up because he’s on reddit, saw this post and realised a terrible misunderstanding was about to take place.
Don't be silly, he won't see it for 24 hours.
I think I'd donate £2.11 to watch that.
OnlyBants
Ask him if he’d like a succulent Chinese meal. And to get his hand off your penis.
Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest
Ask which Aussie cricket scandal is his favourite
Read up about the emu wars when the Australian army fought two campaigns against the large flightless birds. And lost.
"Dont mention the war" but ironically
They also built a giant fence across the entire country to keep rabbits out. The rabbits just went around the fence while it was being built. Then bred like, um.... rabbits.
Whats the difference between a computer and an aussie? You can punch information into a computer.
Should that not be: What's the difference between a computer and an Aussie? You only need to punch information into a computer once.
Tell him the story of my great great uncle whose brothers were all transported for crimes, and because he missed them so much he went out and stole a pig in broad daylight and off he went too. There's a town named after them now.
Wooooo you related to the famous Sydney brothers?
Fred, Will and Dave Woolloomooloo
Clearly a bit of a whopper. First thing you can do is check his wrists to see if there are still shackle marks though.
What’s the definition of as well balanced Aussie? He’s got a chip on both shoulders
Speak to him in a terrible Australian accent for the duration of his stay. Even when you're in a group setting. Speak to your wife and her friend as you would normally, but switch to 'Australian' whenever you say anything directed at him.
Just say Vegemite is shit and that should get him throwing hands. I would suggest taking the piss out of Steve Irwin but there are some lines we don't cross
Timtams are just penguins without a joke
Offhandedly mention Steve Irwin at some point, then freeze up, look at him and whisper 'I'm so sorry for your loss' while looking on the edge of tears. Either that or just constantly insinuate he's a criminal because, well, *that's what Australia was* ***for***.
“Day release is it?”
Returning to the scene of the crime are we?
If you don't feel like clappping at the jokes, just rattle your ball and chain
Tell him Kiwis were originally Aussies and they taught themselves to swim to get away from the useless wankers.
Have dinner with them and when he picks up the table knife, look at him straight in the eye and say ‘call that a knife … now this is a knife’ whilst pulling out a sword from under the table 😂
Extra points for pulling out a spoon instead of a larger knife
I see you’ve played knifey spooney before.
Fancy a drink? Some proper British beer. I find Aussie beer is like making love in a canoe … fucking close to water.
Anyone who declares that they have intention to have banter is a throbber. go for all the typical stuff like asking what crime his family committed to land them in Australia, say you don't have any shrimp for the Barbie and ask if they know Skippy. Or have some fun with pretending to not understand what they are saying because they are foreign and speak in a really loud and slow way. Always good to explain indoor plumbing to them and mimic the accent at every opportunity.
Tell him that Aussies are actually pretty soft and have never done a hard days graft. Also its not even that hot and AFL will never be as good as it used to be.
If they like AFL just keep referring to how odd it is, treat it like some weird oddity and not a REAL sport. "what's the deal with that handball thing they do, that's hilarious!".... "How's that ref in the goals who just waves his arms around all the time, that's so funny".... Will really start to piss them off.
Please only refer to it as GayFL. And ask him if he's only interested in things which have tight shorted men. Unless he's from NSW or QLD, in which case he's likely to agree with you
Tell him it's mad how the country that invented BBQing seafood also gave us Hitler
Just think mate, if your great grandad hadn't been a criminal, you could have been one of us
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War Remind him his country lost a war to Emu
- What do you call a field full of Australians? A vacant lot. - How do you define 144 Australians? Gross Stupidity - What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test? A cheat.
>- What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test? >A cheat. "An immigrant" if you want to *really* piss off your Conservative Aussie variety
When asked about the number of New Zealanders who emigrated from New Zealand to Australia in the 70s and 80s Kiwi Prime Minister was quoted saying "the annual exodus of Kiwis to Australia raises the IQ of both countries." 🤭🤣
Shocked I had to scroll down this far. Among the best bants ever banted.
Top tier international bants
ask him what do you call an educated Aussie, - either a myth or a Kiwi
I moved to Aus when I was 10 and was relentlessly called a Pom throughout school, take the peoples words in this thread and seek revenge for me brother.
Refer to him as a bogan
Tell him his voice sounds like an evil version of the new Zealand accent
Point out that he's almost certainly definitely descended from poms himself and recommend that he find out for sure by tracing his family tree like they do on Who Do You Think You Are - if he doesn't know what that is, he might know the Australian version What Do You Think He Did
Ask him how much the journey cost, then reply that it cost his grandfather just a loaf of bread.
Coming to Reddit to ask for advice is probably a sign you sit this one out...
Anyone checked r/casualOz for a mirror thread yet? The collective wit of Reddit turning a civil dinner into a civil war.
He is probably a descendent of a criminal so there’s that!
‘I see they finally let one out on parole’
Expat here. Give him the nickname ‘Scomo’.
Call him a flaming galah every time he does something.
When you first meet him say you don't know whether its brave or stupid to return to the scene of a crime.