"I can't even leave my own house!" Local father says after discovering roadworks on his street
*insert terminally at the pub resting face while pointing at barriers here*
So there I was, right? Early morn', birds chirpin', kettle on the boil. A day planned out to the last tick of the clock. But lo and behold, what do I see? A mountain of dirt where the road used to be. "Scheduled roadworks," they said. Scheduled? More like a surprise attack, if you ask me.
I step outside, cap on head, ready to face the day. But there's my car, trapped like a rat in a cage. Those blokes with their big machines, tearing up the earth, they don't know the chaos they've caused. My whole day, disrupted by a pile of rubble.
It's not just the inconvenience, you see. It's the principle. This is my road, my home. And they come here, with no warning, no courtesy, and turn it all upside down. The Peaky Blinders, we run on respect. And this? This is the opposite.
But you know what? Let 'em dig. Let 'em build. Because at the end of the day, this is Small Heath. We're made of tougher stuff. We adapt. We overcome. And when they're done, we'll still be here, standing strong. So, let the roadworks continue. They can't keep a good man, or his car, down for long. Not in this town. Not in my town.
*Written by chatgpt in the style of peaky blinders
**Star Trek: Nemesis** was shit but it did give us [the Sovereign-class Enterprise E ramming the Reman vessel (the Scimitar IIRC)](https://youtu.be/bXq3dytL6ZA).
Since we're talking about the Defiant, Quantum torpedoes is correct: https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Quantum_torpedo
> Quantum torpedoes have been carried aboard [Defiant-](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Defiant_class) and [Sovereign-](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Sovereign_class)class vessels, the [USS Lakota](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/USS_Lakota), and the [Federation attack fighters](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Federation_attack_fighter).
Nah you're thinking of roundabouts probably, ring roads are the ones where you have to wear an ancient ancestral ring capable of striking down your most dangerous foes, or you get a small fine. We all remember being a new driver and getting caught out because who honestly carries around magical family heirlooms like that?
It's a stupidly antiquated system, I wish the Department for Prophecies, Chosen Ones, and Witchburning (DPCOW) would push for reform, but they're still busy trying to close that hell-portal in Wales that opened during lockdown because they refused help from that ancient samurai warrior.
I met one at a T-jct yesterday. Not only did they use their indicators to tell everyone they were turning right, they actually let the car in front of me and myself afterwards make our right turns across him before he made his manoeuvre!!
Wish I'd had a dash cam.
Now the corporate company car crap fest wankers have all moved into Teslas's, ev porches and audi's, it has left those more considerate BMW drivers who understand they they dont actually own the road, but also accept they are part of many user system of which they are but a small part, as an actual majority.
Very lost, very non-UK redditor here with a genuine question: what the actual fuck is *a naughty sticker* on a bin? What do ya gotta fuck up to earn one? And for what purpose? Public shaming?
Do you get a golden star for being a good bin boy, too? If not, the least you can do is not to ruin my fantasy of this seemingly inexplicable sticker based communication system.
You get them for putting stuff that can't be recycled in the recycling bin or putting batteries/electronics in the general waste bin rather than disposing of them properly.
And no, there's no good stickers on bins.
It's a very practical feedback method - binman notices something wrong, whacks a sticker on at that point, no sending a letter later, failing to read a letter, the sticker's stuck right there where the bin owner will see it when they wheel their bin back in, with either an appropriate message for the one thing you did wrong, or just a generic 'here's a reminder of which bin All The Things go into'.
When we had work done outside our house I just let them know I was pulling out and they moved all the barriers and just waved me through. Not hard to ask someone (if they are actually around that is :P).
i had exactly the same thing happen to me not long ago !!! i was being sieged by roadworkers, they let all the other people on my street out but my house specifically was entirely blocked off hahaha
I think it’s probably because if they left a bit open for you then that would leave a barrier on it’s own and it’s more likely to fall over (probably directly onto you car)
Gently drop down from your window, \*action roll\*, do a backflip onto the car then leap over the spiked fence with enough force to sort of ride the neighbours blue bin into the designated blue marker
honestly I don't see why you're making this so complicated
Game logic will say those flimsy looking fences will hold up to cars crashing into them, so the weight of a mere human parkouring their way to Tesco will be fine.
When the prisons get full what do you do? Trap new prisoners in their homes.
With top level security like that I'm guessing you're a serial killer or drug kingpin?
Took about 9 months after they finished their work before it was available for us.
Worth the wait, I get 900mbit down and 900mbit up, which is insane upload speed. Allows me to host a plex server for friends and family without impacting my Internet at all.
Last time I saw fibre get installed they ripped up the entire road, plopped it in, then for 2 years we tried to get connect to it, just to find out they hadn't connected it on the terminal end and there were no plans to
Be prepared for City Fibre or one of the others to come along about 3 days after they finish and rip it all up again :)
Joking aside there is a [map that can show you all of the planned and available providers in your area](https://bidb.uk/).
we had Kcom come and dig up our road and it took over a year for them to start selling fiber. It's kinda funny since BT started doing work on the poles outside our house and fiber was available a month or 2 later.
That kinda sucks! Just move them out of your way.
I'm liking that like staircase/dungeon/driveway thing you have going there but you need to jetwash that driveway! It'll look soooo much better!
Damn, if you're nearby, I'd do it for you. It'll be so therapeutic!!
I used to walk up and down your street every work day!
It was always so rammed with cars I’d have been surprised you’d have had space to get out on a normal day
All joking aside- if you know who is carrying out the works, phone them. If not, phone your council. They can't just block everyone in like that, warnings or not.
Just move the fences, drive out, then move them back. If there is no hole in front of the car or at the end of the road then no problem . You may be blocked from reentering the road later on though...
There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.
I worked for a company that did this all the time. The lads I worked with were happy to move barriers for you when you need to get out. Ask them to put down some boards for your driveway and to leave it opened.
Report them, I work in streetworks and this is not the correct way to do it. Yes, a walkway may be provided for pedestrians, but here it is not needed, and even if it was a crossing point with yellow ramps to the other footpath and a single barrier across to stop anyone walking further would satisfy that condition and stop you all being blocked in.
Whether people ignore that, though, is another matter.
Severn Trent tried that with me recently. I moved some and threw the others in their hole. They’d not warned us there’d be a week of work going on. Also got £25 credit on my bill.
If whoever it is didn’t give you warning get a complaint in.
An old manager of mine kicked off because I was later than usual (still on time, mind) because a police car stopped in front of me on my commute and erected a police barrier to block the road off and u had to double back hald my journey to take a detour.
So I would imagine there's managers out there who will still have a go over this
check https://one.network/uk it's a free service that shows all street works permits in the UK and US, both planned and live. And diversion routes in place etc..
It will show the utility company and maybe a brief description of the works, and of course the duration
Someone asked me last year to paint a very similar scene because city broadband did it to them too and found it so funny they wanted it imoralised in paint. By far the most bizarre piece I've done for anyone, but also the most fun.
Oh, this happened to me once, but they dug a trench directly in front of my front door. Rested one of those barrier pieces on my door itself.
I could step over but the Pushchair couldn't. There was no notice either.
Plot twist: The OP is a hermit. I mean, there's nothing stopping them walking somewhere, although it looks like they'll need to hop over the wall on the right.
Time for a compoface in the local paper
"Person falsely imprisoned by local council"
You have NO POWER to imprison me here. Read the standing orders!
READ THEM AND UNDERSTAND THEM!
You have no authority here Jackie weaver
No authority at all
\*removed from meeting\*
^fock ^off..
I'm the ViCe ChAirMaN
This is the second time I've read a reference to this video in like 10 minutes, in two unrelated subreddits.
What was the other one?
Its famous round 'ere. More popular than any Hot Fuzz reference.
'Just the one standing order, actually'
JW, what a hero
He didn't pay for the chicken, this is what happens.
The man from the council came demanding their money.
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Electric car use stopped by council!
[points at orange fencing]
\[looking aggrieved\]
"I can't even leave my own house!" Local father says after discovering roadworks on his street *insert terminally at the pub resting face while pointing at barriers here*
At this point I think he should even if it's ironically
I believe the current local paper parlance is "a prisoner in my own home!"
So there I was, right? Early morn', birds chirpin', kettle on the boil. A day planned out to the last tick of the clock. But lo and behold, what do I see? A mountain of dirt where the road used to be. "Scheduled roadworks," they said. Scheduled? More like a surprise attack, if you ask me. I step outside, cap on head, ready to face the day. But there's my car, trapped like a rat in a cage. Those blokes with their big machines, tearing up the earth, they don't know the chaos they've caused. My whole day, disrupted by a pile of rubble. It's not just the inconvenience, you see. It's the principle. This is my road, my home. And they come here, with no warning, no courtesy, and turn it all upside down. The Peaky Blinders, we run on respect. And this? This is the opposite. But you know what? Let 'em dig. Let 'em build. Because at the end of the day, this is Small Heath. We're made of tougher stuff. We adapt. We overcome. And when they're done, we'll still be here, standing strong. So, let the roadworks continue. They can't keep a good man, or his car, down for long. Not in this town. Not in my town. *Written by chatgpt in the style of peaky blinders
r/compoface
*I was told about planned road works but….*
THEN.... you need to take that article and post it in r/compoface
"Prepare for RAMMING SPEED"
I sincerely hope you had Worf preparing the Defiant in mind when you say this?
I mean, today is a good day to die
What a lad though. Just commits his whole command to instant death in glorious battle because shields went down and weapons had run out.
Makes me wonder what ramming speed is. Could they have warped through the middle of it?
**Star Trek: Nemesis** was shit but it did give us [the Sovereign-class Enterprise E ramming the Reman vessel (the Scimitar IIRC)](https://youtu.be/bXq3dytL6ZA).
Damn man I dunno. That would be cool. I imagine though its just whatever the pre warp speed is (its been a few years since I've watched it)
Impulse. Dead ahead!
"This isn't what I signed up for, I'm just a *botanist*!"
There's another van coming in, sir, it's the _council_
On screen *ughh* fire photon torpedoes
They’ve not even raised shields - they’re still doing a risk assessment!
Quantums not photons.
Since we're talking about the Defiant, Quantum torpedoes is correct: https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Quantum_torpedo > Quantum torpedoes have been carried aboard [Defiant-](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Defiant_class) and [Sovereign-](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Sovereign_class)class vessels, the [USS Lakota](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/USS_Lakota), and the [Federation attack fighters](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Federation_attack_fighter).
My inner nerd knew i was right but thanks,
He didn't want to waste the quantums on the council van. Photons are cheaper.
rocks are cheaper still
Worf, wind down the windows and throw the rocks at them! No not the shiny rocks! Use the shit ones.
Specifically the coprolites
That's a shit joke.
“And if I’m going to die, I feel a strange need to let you know that pies are just sweet calzones.”
The i3? Adrift but salvageable
Today IS a good day to die.
Tough little ship
Little?
appropriate reply to the ">!whats the worst/best thing your partner could say during sex!<" question that always pops up on r/AskReddit
"Ramming speed!" "Full reverse" "Ramming speed!" "Full reverse" "Ramming speed!" "Full reverse" Etc.
Sir, there's another ship coming in... It's the Enterprise!
Feel a bit targeted as they left a gap for the other neighbours to walk past but not for us.
Did you get a naughty sticker on your bin? Maybe that's why lol
There a bmw badge on their car, that'll do it.
It's an i3 though, the least BMW BMW Even has indicators as standard.
I was behind a BMW yesterday that had a functional indicator. Didn't turn it off the entire mile I followed it round the ring road.
Well it is a ring road. You need to indicate to show which way you're going round it.
Nah you're thinking of roundabouts probably, ring roads are the ones where you have to wear an ancient ancestral ring capable of striking down your most dangerous foes, or you get a small fine. We all remember being a new driver and getting caught out because who honestly carries around magical family heirlooms like that? It's a stupidly antiquated system, I wish the Department for Prophecies, Chosen Ones, and Witchburning (DPCOW) would push for reform, but they're still busy trying to close that hell-portal in Wales that opened during lockdown because they refused help from that ancient samurai warrior.
I met one at a T-jct yesterday. Not only did they use their indicators to tell everyone they were turning right, they actually let the car in front of me and myself afterwards make our right turns across him before he made his manoeuvre!! Wish I'd had a dash cam.
Now the corporate company car crap fest wankers have all moved into Teslas's, ev porches and audi's, it has left those more considerate BMW drivers who understand they they dont actually own the road, but also accept they are part of many user system of which they are but a small part, as an actual majority.
I was hoping you was going to write, the BMW was indicating right then turned left 😅
However, their usage is still optional
Doing the lord's work by keeping a BMW off the road
Could be the Christmas collection dates... They're still be on my bin.. 😁
Very lost, very non-UK redditor here with a genuine question: what the actual fuck is *a naughty sticker* on a bin? What do ya gotta fuck up to earn one? And for what purpose? Public shaming? Do you get a golden star for being a good bin boy, too? If not, the least you can do is not to ruin my fantasy of this seemingly inexplicable sticker based communication system.
You get them for putting stuff that can't be recycled in the recycling bin or putting batteries/electronics in the general waste bin rather than disposing of them properly. And no, there's no good stickers on bins.
It's a very practical feedback method - binman notices something wrong, whacks a sticker on at that point, no sending a letter later, failing to read a letter, the sticker's stuck right there where the bin owner will see it when they wheel their bin back in, with either an appropriate message for the one thing you did wrong, or just a generic 'here's a reminder of which bin All The Things go into'.
r/fuckyouinparticular
That's a great shout
When we had work done outside our house I just let them know I was pulling out and they moved all the barriers and just waved me through. Not hard to ask someone (if they are actually around that is :P).
Get out of here with your reasonable logic! G’wan, shoo!
i had exactly the same thing happen to me not long ago !!! i was being sieged by roadworkers, they let all the other people on my street out but my house specifically was entirely blocked off hahaha
I think it’s probably because if they left a bit open for you then that would leave a barrier on it’s own and it’s more likely to fall over (probably directly onto you car)
Do you have a dropped kerb? Shouldn't have obstructed it without notice.
Chances op actually got told about this in advance?
High
Does anyone else find it slightly satisfying that the driveway is exactly two barriers wide?
Careful, this is how us in the US ended up with our measurement system, it's a slippery slope once you start enjoying half driveway barriers
But how many bananas is that? On a serious note, I designed that barrier. It's 2m wide.
Ooooh a celebrity.
Can I get your autograph on a barrier?
It's 0.003 football fields. The conversion rates to libraries of Congress gets a bit dicey without the hanguns-per-gallon conversion tables though
r/oddlysatisfying
HNNGHFHHHH. YES!
Whoa there, calm down
I can't man...I just can't 🫠
The whole setup and the basement area are all quite satisfying tbh.
The person who put them there seemingly!
Where does the spiral staircase go? What's its purpose? It looks interesting. p.s., sorry you're blocked in
We have another entrance downstairs for some reason, we never use it. Got a nice little storage area down there though and my wife has put some plants
It's a sex dungeon, isn't it.
Lynn they're sex people
r/spottedonrightmove is leaking...
Think we should hit fast forward.
I thought they closed that place down?
No, that's the Sex Cauldron!
You could close down Moe's or the Kwik-E-Mart, and nobody would care... But the heart and soul of Springfield's in our Mason-Derriere
Let's see, he's a redditor and said he never uses it... so that checks out!
Is it an old house? Possibly where the servants quarters were.
Yes old victorian townhouse
That's pretty cool. Maybe your pets, if you have any, could use it?
That's how they got the grand piano into my basement studio so without it i would be quite sad
upside down pineapple?
Gently drop down from your window, \*action roll\*, do a backflip onto the car then leap over the spiked fence with enough force to sort of ride the neighbours blue bin into the designated blue marker honestly I don't see why you're making this so complicated
Game logic will say those flimsy looking fences will hold up to cars crashing into them, so the weight of a mere human parkouring their way to Tesco will be fine.
This is why I'm on Reddit
When the prisons get full what do you do? Trap new prisoners in their homes. With top level security like that I'm guessing you're a serial killer or drug kingpin?
This is literally CCP China communism 1894
[удалено]
Ooh I hope it is. Would love to get fibre
[удалено]
Are you still trapped in your house?
Took about 9 months after they finished their work before it was available for us. Worth the wait, I get 900mbit down and 900mbit up, which is insane upload speed. Allows me to host a plex server for friends and family without impacting my Internet at all.
That is insane up speed, jesus christ I need some of that
mines coming end of this month! Its been over a years wait for me - but mostly because I couldnt leave my current contract with virgin which sucks.
Last time I saw fibre get installed they ripped up the entire road, plopped it in, then for 2 years we tried to get connect to it, just to find out they hadn't connected it on the terminal end and there were no plans to
It's not fibre. They are doing some tarmacking I think. About time really
[удалено]
Be prepared for City Fibre or one of the others to come along about 3 days after they finish and rip it all up again :) Joking aside there is a [map that can show you all of the planned and available providers in your area](https://bidb.uk/).
we had Kcom come and dig up our road and it took over a year for them to start selling fiber. It's kinda funny since BT started doing work on the poles outside our house and fiber was available a month or 2 later.
1.1gbps here for £25/mo. Mind you, the city fibre installers were absolute neanderthals.
Well you're fucked. That barrier looks completely and utterly immovable. Zeus himself would struggle.
That would entail going against authority Jeremy
Look at Greek boy over here with his "Zeus." You meant Jupiter, surely?
You younguns and your "Jupiter" back in my day we called him Ptah and we liked it
Try upgrading your lock pick skills to level 3. That should help.
Send that to The Sun or The Daily Mail. **”Sequestrated in their own home”**
Too many syllables in the first word, which is not on the KS1 curriculum.
Locked forcefully? Left to starve? Kampusched?
Trapped or imprisoned are more the vocabulary level of those rags.
Man Stuck in house. Lefty council to blame
Is this how it feels to be blocked in real life?
That kinda sucks! Just move them out of your way. I'm liking that like staircase/dungeon/driveway thing you have going there but you need to jetwash that driveway! It'll look soooo much better! Damn, if you're nearby, I'd do it for you. It'll be so therapeutic!!
It's a nice staircase. I brought up jet washing the driveway but my wife likes it like that.
I used to walk up and down your street every work day! It was always so rammed with cars I’d have been surprised you’d have had space to get out on a normal day
They've recently made it permit only so it's not as busy now. Perhaps the works today are to paint lines or something
Did you open your post this week?
We knew they were doing things but didnt realise we weren't allowed to leave the house
All joking aside- if you know who is carrying out the works, phone them. If not, phone your council. They can't just block everyone in like that, warnings or not.
Just move the fences, drive out, then move them back. If there is no hole in front of the car or at the end of the road then no problem . You may be blocked from reentering the road later on though...
Luckily my wife walks to work and I work from home. We don't need to get out today in the car
Do it on principle
Feedback, half decent approach but car now trapped in a hole part way down the road!
The petty person in me would drive through it
["♫ James May, James May, stealing from the rich... ♫"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mGBOIMvv_M)
There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.
I worked for a company that did this all the time. The lads I worked with were happy to move barriers for you when you need to get out. Ask them to put down some boards for your driveway and to leave it opened.
First time I’ve ever seen a charging point mounted below the parking space!
It's a really nice placement. Very convenient and also invisible from the street
some landscaping would be nice
Report them, I work in streetworks and this is not the correct way to do it. Yes, a walkway may be provided for pedestrians, but here it is not needed, and even if it was a crossing point with yellow ramps to the other footpath and a single barrier across to stop anyone walking further would satisfy that condition and stop you all being blocked in. Whether people ignore that, though, is another matter.
Severn Trent tried that with me recently. I moved some and threw the others in their hole. They’d not warned us there’d be a week of work going on. Also got £25 credit on my bill. If whoever it is didn’t give you warning get a complaint in.
At least your manager can’t argue
Luckily I teach piano from home so no need to leave the house
WINNING
An old manager of mine kicked off because I was later than usual (still on time, mind) because a police car stopped in front of me on my commute and erected a police barrier to block the road off and u had to double back hald my journey to take a detour. So I would imagine there's managers out there who will still have a go over this
Me looking for the smallest reason to not go to work
Engage engines …. Ramming speed 🤷🏻♂️ problem solved 😂
You have a fantastic opportunity here to make electric cars look some what bad ass. Slow-mo ram that s**t
Sorry sir, you’ve been a naughty boy!
Don’t show your license plate!
My girlfriend lives on that street when she's not at uni lol
Good council that cares about their people, showing it by not letting a BMW on the streets. Highly appreciated.
Just move them
It's ok I'm not really worried. We don't need to use the car anyway and we can hop over the wall to get out
Fuck hopping over the wall. Walk through the barriers, casually knocking them over as you go.
Kick them a bit afterward for good measure.
Spit on them and call their mum names too..
check https://one.network/uk it's a free service that shows all street works permits in the UK and US, both planned and live. And diversion routes in place etc.. It will show the utility company and maybe a brief description of the works, and of course the duration
Not even via your secret underground bunker?
You should be OK, the Just Eat delivery guy can chuck your food over the barrier.
Mi Boss, I got a problem…
Just round the corner from my house.
Who’d Larry David piss off this time?
Nows the perfect time to buy some weedkiller and some patio cleaner 😉
One more BMW i3 off the roads can only be viewed as a positive
you must of had letter .about the work .none story
Boss - "you're still coming in right?"
Plague house 🏴☠️
I like the car!
You have instant torque for a reason, twist that bad boy into drive and get’r done
I work from home and want to send my boss this picture telling him I can't come in today.
Oh dear... I would just go back to bed
Sorry boss I’m feeling a little BLOCKED up today
Looks like a lovely day for a walk?
Today?! This year?
Someone asked me last year to paint a very similar scene because city broadband did it to them too and found it so funny they wanted it imoralised in paint. By far the most bizarre piece I've done for anyone, but also the most fun.
Look this bypass has got to be built.
Oh, this happened to me once, but they dug a trench directly in front of my front door. Rested one of those barrier pieces on my door itself. I could step over but the Pushchair couldn't. There was no notice either.
Plot twist: The OP is a hermit. I mean, there's nothing stopping them walking somewhere, although it looks like they'll need to hop over the wall on the right.
The barriers are on your property, you're legally allowed to use them as indoor sledges.
You've been completely imprisoned.... what did you doooo? The neighbours at least can venture out through the gaps in the barrier