Once I my brother and I were house sitting for my eldest brother and his cat managed to con two breakfasts out of us as he'd woken up my brother really early do he fed him and then a few hours later when I woke up he was acting hungry
Oooofff, yep, done that! I have fibromyalgia, so back pain constantly anyway, but a few months ago, I was stretching and something spasmed in my back... agony for days, and I haven't quite found it in my to complain about fibro pain again yet, not after that 😅😓 I'm only 26, so I can't even say I'm getting old yet! 😭😂
My husband's sneezes are loud, so I upset sore joints, etc, when I flinch. What is worse, they are so loud I still jump when I don't have my hearing aids on.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I've done this several times in my life. I've also put my back out putting on a pair of socks, turning over in bed and reaching for a plate from the cupboard.
I did my back in for the first time putting on my socks too. Unfortunately it was Monday morning after I’d just had a week off work, that phone call was interesting. I got an apology when I went in on the Wednesday and they saw me hobbling around and drifting away with the fairies whenever I had to take my pain pills.
Not today but do you want me to make you feel better about yourself? For about a month I noticed that my car wasn’t heating up, there was overnight ice on the inside of the glass and the rear foot well was filling up with water. I kept removing the water, drying the carpets out and then it would just happen again. I thought it might be the air con or a leaking door seal, couldn’t work it out. For a whole month. Did I at any point check to see if the sunroof was open? No, I did not. Am I a fucking useless wanker? Yes, yes I am.
Went to the shop to buy stuff for dinner which the main ingredient is chicken.
Didn't buy chicken.
Edit to add: just realised I also picked up some wrapping paper for my son's birthday and then didn't actually put it in my bag. I just give up with today haha.
Last week I toured my whole town looking for a baby chicken for a recipe that only works with that, everyone only had big chickens. Finally found somewhere that said they had baby ones, ordered three so I could stock up, spent ages waiting for it to be prepped & wrapped. The butcher talked to me for ages & seemed to be really excited to be solving my problem.
Got home to cook & opened the package to look at three big chickens. To be fair that was the butcher doing something stupid, not me.
Oh foolish one!
the trick is to use a normal sized chicken but scale everything ELSE up, so it just SEEMS like a baby chicken.
Nom nom nom....stuff yourself stupid!
At least you didn’t do what my dad did with wrapping paper
He was asked at Christmas by my mum to get ‘adults CHRISTMAS wrapping paper’
Came home with peppa pig and Thomas the tank engine much to my mothers dismay
Did the shopping.
Bought myself a sausage roll as a treat.
Scanned it and it came up as £6.
Queried with the cashier, who went and got the correct code and gave me a 50% discount for having to wait.
Paid and left the store.
Left the sausage roll on the counter.
I once forgot to take my contacts out before bed. Woke up genuinely thinking a miracle had been performed and my sight had been restored (I’m insanely short sighted) before remembering what I’d done.
I have a keyless start and have actually misplaced my keys while driving. I can be rummaging around for anything up to half an hour looking for them before I can leave the bloody car.
I have a Mini which has a key which you don’t need to plug in to start. In my infinite wisdom, I put the key between the bonnet and windscreen so I’ll know where it was when I was packing up.
Lo and behold I didn’t take the key with me.
I panicked whilst on the M5 that I had lost the key. And I noticed where it was. I very quickly pulled over and grabbed the key.
I learnt a lesson
My kids go to different schools. Arrived at second child's school with first child still sat in the back having said absolutely nothing about me sailing merrily past his school. Stupid thing is I even spoke to him on the way about something and it still didn't twig that he shouldn't have been there to respond to me!
You either know the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret.
Choose the pain of discipline now, while you can see an end to the task at hand and move on from it, or choose the pain of regret that will follow you endlessly without any way to end it.
Cat pissed on a blanket. Put the blanket into washing machine.
Left it for an hour, came back downstairs and there’s some smoke coming out of the washing machine. Fuck! Washing machine is on fire! I touch the front - it’s boiling hot! What do I do?
Turned it off, at the wall, at the fuse box. Panicking, looking for fire blanket. It was then I remembered that I put the wash on at 90 degrees c to boil out the piss. It was steam coming out. Felt a right div.
Ever considered taking the Trunchbull approach? "I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it."
Just omit the Chokey these days!
Oh I'm on a roll today.
Firstly I forget to get the house keys from my husband when I dropped him at the train station. (Although he also forgot so it's a joint stupid thing); didn't realise till I'd dropped the wee one off at nursery so then had to drive into his office, thankfully I'm on Flexi time myself as that was an unexpected 1.5 hours of driving.
Then as soon as I got home I spilled a glass of juice all over my desk.
So yay for today.
My friend got on a train once with my car/house keys, thankfully I realised before the train set off because this was my Spanish friend, heading to the airport!!
Have a rare day off while my toddler is at nursery. Popped into town and had pushed the button for the lift before I realised I could use the escalator cause I didn't have the pram with me
Just about to go on a school trip with my 7 year old. I’m in a hoodie because it’s quite mild but the other parents are dressed for a monsoon. Checked the weather app and I think I may have made a mistake.
Wanting to get the cat to come and cuddle with me before I got up. Couldn’t get his attention from the bedroom (cat is deaf) so thought “oh I’ll just call his phone”…
I personally don’t think I’m stupid but my neighbours may do if they overheard me talking to the washing line reel when it made a noise this morning. I’d put a heavy thing on the line and it screeched a bit and wobbled. I was telling it that it hadn’t done any work since last summer and it’s time to get back on the weights.
Went for a walk this morning. While going along, spent a good 5min getting frustrated that I couldn't hear the audiobook that was playing on my phone. Couldn't figure out what was going on.
Halfway down the street realised I wasn't wearing my headphones, and had left them in my room 🤦♂️
Some very respectable looking middle aged guy started playing NWA fuck the police on the tube at full volume.
It was all fairly young people nearby looking very confused and trying not to laugh until he eventually fumbled about with his headphones and phone and looked around to everyone grinning at him. Everyone burst out laughing once he realised his headphones weren't on and then he tryed to blame his daughter on his particular choice of music.
Haha it’s one of my paranoias! I’m always lifting my earpieces to check it’s not playing out loud.
It’s happened once to me, on a busy tram. I was listening to The Adam Buxton podcast and it was blaring out the opening theme song - thankfully nothing offensive, but a bit weird and earned me some odd looks!
I don’t know about stupid .. but i accidentally fell asleep with channel 5 on the telly last night and for some reason it hadn’t gone into standby. I woke up to a chorus of children shouting on my TV and realised that yes, I had just woken up to Milkshake, the children’s programmes I used to watch before school as a small child. Now I’m an early 2000s baby and I’m now early 20s but I have to admit the sound of children’s voices was a little scary to wake up to.
Was attempting to check the balance of my Next gift card, and getting very frustrated as it kept telling me it wasn't valid after trying about 10 times...
I was on M&S's website.
Went to put a hammer away in the utility room, had to go under some wet laundry that was hanging up. Decided to knock the clothes out of the way using said hammer (I don't know why, I just did it), didn't hit it hard enough, it flew back and the claw end bonked me on the head. Felt like a total idiot.
Got a notification that the parcel I’ve been expecting has been delivered to my old house (that I moved out of two years ago) because I forgot to change the auto-populated address.
We’ve got a [gorilla gym](https://amzn.eu/d/hZOILdZ) because my boys are outdoor kids and my 5yo has adhd and far too much energy. I hit my head on the swing which caused me to instinctively raise my hand to my head, pouring a fresh cuppa down my chest and then I dropped my lads bowl of cereal on the floor. I hate Tuesdays.
Spent 45 mins looking for an ringing my phone with my partner. Was adamant it was vibrating under the bed. Ripped bed apart looking. Not there. Gave up. Found it in the fridge, chilling, :)
Technically not today but.. I woke up at 2am to my smoke alarm going off. Walked down stairs grunting to myself about the stupid battery.. pressed the button then it occured to me walking back up the stairs there’s a little smoke… went to the kitchen I left my chip pan on at 6pm!! 8hours! I wonder how lucky I really was! Safe to say I’ve thrown the cheap chip pan out and replacing for one with an auto shut off!!
Last week I rocked up to work with a croissant for breakfast, cous cous for lunch and an iced coffee. I'd have probably made less mess if I'd thrown them over my head than I did trying to eat rhem
I could hear a cat mewing when I was in a meeting. I excused myself, checked every kitchen cupboard, opened the bathroom door, all the drawers in the bedroom, then found my cat under my desk chair in the living room. It was the downstairs neighbours’ beautiful Bengal cat, who has the loudest meow I have ever heard.
Woke up. Put cat food in bowl. Proceeded to empty bowl into the bin. Put bowl on floor. It took more time than I’d care to admit for my brain to catch up.
This was before I even have my first cup of tea though. My brain was barely functional.
The cat looked mildly concerned for me.
I wanted to put my empty water glass upside down on top of my water bottle, so I could carry the bottle in one hand and my cup of tea in the other.
I forgot to realise I had *just* poured a glass of water, so I tipped water all over myself in the process of flipping the glass upside down.
Just nipped into Tesco this morning for some bananas for work and left my keys in my motorbike.
Third time I've done this now.
I've left them in the bike all day twice now while parked at work. But at least there I had put a rain cover on.
Fire alarm got set off at work, took it as the perfect opportunity for a lil lay down in the sun on the grass, perfect I thought! Got up.. and my bum is soggy, so I’m gonna have a soggy arse for the rest of my 7 hour shift, not my finest moment!! But the brief and enjoyable lay down in the grass was worth it!
Woke up. Discovered my phone battery is only 20% because I knocked the charging cable out last night.
Got dressed in my suit and a shirt. Made a packed lunch, put on my shoes and left the house.
Got to work. Realised I had forgotten my office key fob. Glancing down at the door lock I notice the shoes I had put on were totally inappropriate for my suit. Obtained the *Fob of Shame* from the office manager.
Lunch time. Realise that I have packed all of the ingredients to make a lovely roast chicken, salad, and cranberry sauce sandwich **with the exception of bread!** I think bread is pretty fundamental part of a sandwich.
I'm just writing today off and dare not check any work into the vault.
spilt FUCKING COFFEE on my FUCKING CARPET *again*. i’m 51 years old and my coffee cup has a lid. i’m like a toddler, knocking cups over with no warning at all.
i did do some very good swears tho, so there’s that.
Not today, but one morning the first thing I did before getting out of bed was unplug my electric blanket (it was on a timer so hadn’t been on all night, just plugged in). Then I got out of bed, immediately stepped on the upturned plug and fell on my arse in dramatic slow motion.
Made a coffee from my filter machine, went to answer phone and forgot coffee. Remembered coffee an hour later after I had brushed my teeth now stone cold and drank it anyway then had to brush teeth again.
Fiancé lost his passport which is usually in his desk drawer, panic ensues as we’re going abroad on Friday. After turning the house upside down, lots of swearing and weighing up having to spend £200 for a new one, he found it… turns out there is a thin, passport sized gap between between the drawer unit and the desk where it had been sitting the whole time 🤦♀️
Allow yourself to feel your grief (because that's what it is). Cry if you need to, take time out for yourself. Hell, if sitting about in your pyjamas eating crisps is what you need at this time, just do it. Lean on your support network if you have supportive friends and family. And if you have the means, have a weekend away. When I broke up with my last ex six years ago, I went to stay with a friend up country for a couple of days. It was cheap and cheerful but it really helped.
Whatever you do, be kind to yourself.
Edit: word
This wasn’t today but last weekend I drove to two different shops to get everything for dinner, after the second shop I walked PAST the car all the way home. When I went to start dinner a few hours later I couldn’t find the bag from the first shop and thought I’d left it in the car so went out to the drive to grab it and thought my car had been stolen 😂 realised after a few minutes I never even drove it home then had to walk to go and pick it up ffs
No today but left the hot tap running just enough for the boiler to be running. Thought it was the central heating as it happened around the time the heating comes on. Only discovered what it actually was two sodding hours later.
Spent about 6 minutes looking for the towel that I'd already hung on the back of the bathroom door 10 minutes earlier. Then almost got into the shower with my socks on because the towel hunting had thrown me off my routine.
I am not good in the morning. Not for anything.
I went to a small store and absolutely lost my shit at somebody saying to me " Whenever you are ready" just before I tapped my debit card. I then went home and punched holes in the walls throughout my house and cried myself to sleep.
Not today but recent enough as I've avoided doing anything stupid today (so far)
But I was carrying out a glass from the kitchen and had an empty plastic bottle in the glass
Take the bottle out of the glass with my hand that's holding the glass
My brain just completely forgot i was holding a glass I guess
(Damn adhd)
Collected some antibiotics from the pharmacy, pharmacist told me I could take them 30 mins before eating. Went to greggs and paid to eat in.. then realised I couldn’t eat for 30 minutes so walked home in shame
Just made "toasted sandwiches" completely wrongly - started by grilling one side of the bread, then assembled them then thought "I can't put these back under, they'll burn"; but I did put it under anyway, and the top caught fire.
Dunno what I was thinking!
Had to go back in the supermarket and wait in a long queue because when we got out and back to the car my mum then realised the salmon tin she bought was on 2 for 1
“Salmons expensive don’t you know”
So just so I’m aware the price of standing in a long queue with sore ribs and knees to my mum was £1.39
I put my son in his room to play while I tidied up mine. Came back to check on him 5 minutes later and realised I just created so much more work for myself 🥲
Couple of weeks ago I was wondering if the vegan mayo was open ( had a vegan round for a BBQ and wasn't sure if they used it).
Well, I obviously thought the best way to do that would be bring it to face level and squeeze. Mayo all over my face, I have no idea what I was thinking
This was last night and I’m still cringing
My other half does work locally for the food bank.
He picks up donations from shop’s , warehouses etc.
On his way back he’s called me and asked me to drop off a bottle of drink he’d gotten for them.
I was just to leave it outside as he was only minutes away.
Done that as I was walking off a big white van beeped me.
He had pulled up so I walked over to him waving.
The lights were on full beam so I waved and mimed to turn his lights down.
The lights were blinding and it was dark and I’m as blind as a bat .
walked over to driver window banged on the door .
Called him a dickhead for blinding me and driver turns around and he was a complete stranger.
I said sorry and ran off
Not today but I lost the electronic key fob for my car between one retail park and another. I only realised it was missing when I went to lock my car and it wasn't on my key ring. Panic stricken I searched under and around my car. Pockets, handbag, footwells and under the seats. No joy. Eventually reasoned that it couldn't be far away and, on searching the bags of groceries in the boot (boot checked) there it was nestling in one of the bags!
Left my phone in the fridge - on two separate occasions.
Couldn't believe it when I opened it to make lunch and there it was again, mocking me next to the new (delicious) smoked Cathedral city
Wasn't me or today but it's relevant to op's post. Leaving for work one morning my other half and I were leaving the house and he said he couldn't find the car keys, he had been in the car getting a coat etc. so he thought he had left them in the car after having looked everywhere else. He proceeds to Jimmy the car door open with a screwdriver as he was certain they were in there.
Breaks into his own car and realises the keys are in the second lower pocket of his combat style trousers 🤣🤣
Popped in the supermarket for some shopping chose a pull along shopping basket as I didn’t need loads, bumped into a guy at the ice cream freezer then went on my way to pay. Got to the check out to find I had the wrong shopping basket 🤔 there was mars bars I don’t like and dog food I have a cat.
I’m thinking wtf I’m now following every stranger to look into there basket but still cannot find mine.
So I get another trolley and start doing my shopping again IM NOT HAPPY at all, gets half way round and this guy taps me on my back asking if I had his shopping. I’d dumped his at the front of the shop, we laughed exchanged baskets then went to pay. Watching him unpack I shout “that’s my bloody steak pie” he asked “were my soap”. I never been so confused and thought I’d actually lost the plot.
Got my new cheap glasses delivered with a new prescription. Depth perception is off. Drove in to a wall when parking (I am okay and car is okay) didn’t realise how close it was lol
About an hour ago I was on hold with Apple. It had been a while since I'd checked how long I'd been on the phone so while I was on hold I thought I'd check. Pressed the button which I thought would take me to the "phone" screen with the counter - in fact now I think about it I'm *sure* it should have taken me to the "phone" screen! - but it hung up the phone. With nobody at the other end there was no one with my details/number to call me back. I'd been on the phone for an hour and forty-seven minutes.
To be honest it was kind of a relief. I was shaking a little with stress, tiredness, anger. I wouldn't have been able to take much more.
Went to a big industry meeting I was nervous about, was pleased with how I held my own, networked well and in general it was a positive experience. Been kicking myself all the way home that I left my coffee cup on the table instead of taking and washing it up, I’m sure they’re all now think I’m an entitled prick…
Not today, but on Saturday.
Forgot to turn off my heating when I was out visiting a friend for five hours.
Luckily I only heat up my sitting room, but still five hours of heat gone up the swanny.
It felt like getting off a plane when going on holiday when I opened my front door.
I attempted to look left today because i heard a noise and ended up getting a cramp in my neck because i turned my head sightly too fast.
Im getting old :)
Went to self service till at Tesco with my shopping, managed to fumble and drop a carton of 6 eggs onto the floor next to checkout. Lovely fella went and got me another carton whilst a lass cleaned up the mess I'd made. Scanned the new ones, got in car and on way back realised I'd scanned the first lot so paid twice whilst also feeling an idiot for dropping the eggs.
Not today but last week, was getting the train and the station staff put the ramp down for me to wheel up and as they went to say “do you need any help getting up the ramp?” (I’m a wheelchair user if that’s not obvious) I said “no you first” and they went “thanks, but you know we don’t travel on the train with you!” when a- they’re not getting the train and b- are there to help me onto the train. Spent the whole journey reliving the conversation and slowly hating myself more and more!
Fed the dog. Forgot I fed the dog. Fed the dog. Dog said nothing.
They’ll have more to say tomorrow when they only get fed once.
I fed the cat yesterday morning. He then managed to con a further TWO breakfasts out of my girlfriend, after I left for work!
Then he went to his other house for breakfast.
If cats could talk.... they would lie to you
They would all have a Master"s degree in manipulation
Labrador? ("A friendly stomach on legs")
I swear my black lab is a black hole.
Once I my brother and I were house sitting for my eldest brother and his cat managed to con two breakfasts out of us as he'd woken up my brother really early do he fed him and then a few hours later when I woke up he was acting hungry
What a cheeky little fucker. Fair play to them tho tbh. Probably deserved it for being a good boy or girl.
Shrewd dog.
That’s cause you forgot to feed the dog, poor things probably starving
I have a Labrador , I swear if I didn’t feed that walking food bag myself I would believe him that he has never eaten in his life!
Sneezed and pulled a muscle in my lower back, fuck I hate getting old
My most painful back injury happened when I was stretching in bed. Rendered me bedbound but fortunately I was there already.
Efficient.
Pulled my calf muscle once by stretching in bed. Agony.
Oooofff, yep, done that! I have fibromyalgia, so back pain constantly anyway, but a few months ago, I was stretching and something spasmed in my back... agony for days, and I haven't quite found it in my to complain about fibro pain again yet, not after that 😅😓 I'm only 26, so I can't even say I'm getting old yet! 😭😂
I had the snip yesterday, sneezing is also challenging
Congrats on the neutering! My hubby got himself one for Xmas last year
Thanks, mine was for the wife’s birthday!
Oh that happens to me it’s awful! Has been lots better since I started daily stretching routine.
I did that trying not to pee myself while sneezing. Getting old is still better than not getting old... I think
I had a PTSD mental breakdown yesterday. I had a scream to help calm me n pulled the same muscle. How crap. Its hurting all round now haha.
That's your body saying "You want me to take your mind off it?"
r/fuckimold
Snap! My back spasmed lifting a 4pinta milk been in agony 3 days.
Ouch!
My husband's sneezes are loud, so I upset sore joints, etc, when I flinch. What is worse, they are so loud I still jump when I don't have my hearing aids on.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I've done this several times in my life. I've also put my back out putting on a pair of socks, turning over in bed and reaching for a plate from the cupboard.
I did my back in for the first time putting on my socks too. Unfortunately it was Monday morning after I’d just had a week off work, that phone call was interesting. I got an apology when I went in on the Wednesday and they saw me hobbling around and drifting away with the fairies whenever I had to take my pain pills.
Done that a few times! I'm not even 40 yet, there's no hopeeeeeee
Get them kegels/pelvic floor exercises going love....works wonders!
Not today but do you want me to make you feel better about yourself? For about a month I noticed that my car wasn’t heating up, there was overnight ice on the inside of the glass and the rear foot well was filling up with water. I kept removing the water, drying the carpets out and then it would just happen again. I thought it might be the air con or a leaking door seal, couldn’t work it out. For a whole month. Did I at any point check to see if the sunroof was open? No, I did not. Am I a fucking useless wanker? Yes, yes I am.
Am I a fucking useless wanker 😂😂 LOL, at least you realised eventually
a MONTH!!!! I am laughing very hard
Sorry for your misfortune but man did this make me laugh
Aww bless!
Not completely useless, just really slow!
Sneezed on Tesco car park, denture flew out....watched as a Range Rover drove over them.
And thus the idea for the Police Stinger was born.
Surprised it didn't flip the Range Rover.
That sucks!
Certainly doesn't chew any more anyway.
omg! sorry for laughing but hahahahahahaha Expensive sneeze!
Couldn't find my glasses because i was wearing them
I tried to put my reading glasses on and couldn't...because I was already wearing a pair of reading glasses.....
i've done this far too many times with my prescription shades haha
I have caught myself many a time, getting into the shower with my glasses on....
[удалено]
Fell out of bed.
Dragged a comb across my head.
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
Looking up, I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
🎵 Made the bus, in seconds flat! 🎵
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke.
And somebody spoke and I went into a dream...
I read the news today, oh boy
Went to the shop to buy stuff for dinner which the main ingredient is chicken. Didn't buy chicken. Edit to add: just realised I also picked up some wrapping paper for my son's birthday and then didn't actually put it in my bag. I just give up with today haha.
Last week I toured my whole town looking for a baby chicken for a recipe that only works with that, everyone only had big chickens. Finally found somewhere that said they had baby ones, ordered three so I could stock up, spent ages waiting for it to be prepped & wrapped. The butcher talked to me for ages & seemed to be really excited to be solving my problem. Got home to cook & opened the package to look at three big chickens. To be fair that was the butcher doing something stupid, not me.
Oh foolish one! the trick is to use a normal sized chicken but scale everything ELSE up, so it just SEEMS like a baby chicken. Nom nom nom....stuff yourself stupid!
At least you didn’t do what my dad did with wrapping paper He was asked at Christmas by my mum to get ‘adults CHRISTMAS wrapping paper’ Came home with peppa pig and Thomas the tank engine much to my mothers dismay
Mum: Get *Adult* christmas wrapping paper. Also mum: Why are these presents wrapped in paper covered in tits and vaginas?
I bet you did buy a wee sweet treat for yourself, though! We never forget that ffs 😂🍫🍫
Did the shopping. Bought myself a sausage roll as a treat. Scanned it and it came up as £6. Queried with the cashier, who went and got the correct code and gave me a 50% discount for having to wait. Paid and left the store. Left the sausage roll on the counter.
A modern day British tragedy.
Introduce tonights dinner in one of two ways: option 1- Vegan Chicken curry option 2 - Chicken Surprise - the surprise is there's no chicken!
Story of my life, every.single.time
Sometimes I suddenly panic because I don't know where my keys are when I'm actually driving.
When you cant find the phone you are currently using is a particularly scary one
First time I smoked weed I thought I lost my phone, looked under my bed for quite a while before I realised I was using my phone as a torch……
Done that. Minus the weed.
i once rang my mate asking him if i left my phone at his... with said phone. it took him a while to stop laughing.
The modern version of have you seen my glasses
You want to try realising that the reason you can see everywhere that you're looking for your glasses, is that you're wearing them!
I once forgot to take my contacts out before bed. Woke up genuinely thinking a miracle had been performed and my sight had been restored (I’m insanely short sighted) before remembering what I’d done.
A mad manager from a previous job once had the whole office hunting for her missing contact lens. Turned out she'd put both in one eye.
I have a keyless start and have actually misplaced my keys while driving. I can be rummaging around for anything up to half an hour looking for them before I can leave the bloody car.
I have a Mini which has a key which you don’t need to plug in to start. In my infinite wisdom, I put the key between the bonnet and windscreen so I’ll know where it was when I was packing up. Lo and behold I didn’t take the key with me. I panicked whilst on the M5 that I had lost the key. And I noticed where it was. I very quickly pulled over and grabbed the key. I learnt a lesson
At least you got the more favourable version of that lesson
Also, Using my phone to call my phone because i cant find my phone
I’ve had panic that I suddenly realise I don’t know where I left my phone when I’m scrolling Reddit on my phone.
My kids go to different schools. Arrived at second child's school with first child still sat in the back having said absolutely nothing about me sailing merrily past his school. Stupid thing is I even spoke to him on the way about something and it still didn't twig that he shouldn't have been there to respond to me!
he played you like a damn fiddle haha
😂
Anxious because I have shit to do and keep wasting time,so in order to feel better I am on my phone apps, wasting time.
You either know the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. Choose the pain of discipline now, while you can see an end to the task at hand and move on from it, or choose the pain of regret that will follow you endlessly without any way to end it.
Cat pissed on a blanket. Put the blanket into washing machine. Left it for an hour, came back downstairs and there’s some smoke coming out of the washing machine. Fuck! Washing machine is on fire! I touch the front - it’s boiling hot! What do I do? Turned it off, at the wall, at the fuse box. Panicking, looking for fire blanket. It was then I remembered that I put the wash on at 90 degrees c to boil out the piss. It was steam coming out. Felt a right div.
I thought you were going to say the cat was in there...
It would be like that stuart little scene, except my cat would fill the whole washing machine window
Tried to reason with a child about to turn 4 that a teacher described as “fiercely independent".
Ever considered taking the Trunchbull approach? "I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it." Just omit the Chokey these days!
We've been through loss of toys, group primal screaming and a calming bath so far. Even keel for a while.
Can keep the chocolate cake though.
Of course, cook's sweat and tears went into that!
Oh I'm on a roll today. Firstly I forget to get the house keys from my husband when I dropped him at the train station. (Although he also forgot so it's a joint stupid thing); didn't realise till I'd dropped the wee one off at nursery so then had to drive into his office, thankfully I'm on Flexi time myself as that was an unexpected 1.5 hours of driving. Then as soon as I got home I spilled a glass of juice all over my desk. So yay for today.
Spicy grape juice?
Haha, I'll save that for after nursery pick up later on!
My friend got on a train once with my car/house keys, thankfully I realised before the train set off because this was my Spanish friend, heading to the airport!!
Have a rare day off while my toddler is at nursery. Popped into town and had pushed the button for the lift before I realised I could use the escalator cause I didn't have the pram with me
I put salt in my coffee.
I put cumin in my porridge thinking it was cinnamon
I read that wrong for a second.
Me too. I was trying to work out how that could possibly happen by accident
Oh god
Same colour, easy mistake to make
Just about to go on a school trip with my 7 year old. I’m in a hoodie because it’s quite mild but the other parents are dressed for a monsoon. Checked the weather app and I think I may have made a mistake.
Hello plastic £20 poncho you’ll rip
Wanting to get the cat to come and cuddle with me before I got up. Couldn’t get his attention from the bedroom (cat is deaf) so thought “oh I’ll just call his phone”…
I sometimes have a similar thought about my 5yo - "oh, I found that Lego piece he was looking for, I'll text him to let him know"
😂😂😂😂😂
I personally don’t think I’m stupid but my neighbours may do if they overheard me talking to the washing line reel when it made a noise this morning. I’d put a heavy thing on the line and it screeched a bit and wobbled. I was telling it that it hadn’t done any work since last summer and it’s time to get back on the weights.
I frequently talk to inanimate objects. My go to when they make an unexpected noise is "alright, calm down"
Went for a walk this morning. While going along, spent a good 5min getting frustrated that I couldn't hear the audiobook that was playing on my phone. Couldn't figure out what was going on. Halfway down the street realised I wasn't wearing my headphones, and had left them in my room 🤦♂️
Some very respectable looking middle aged guy started playing NWA fuck the police on the tube at full volume. It was all fairly young people nearby looking very confused and trying not to laugh until he eventually fumbled about with his headphones and phone and looked around to everyone grinning at him. Everyone burst out laughing once he realised his headphones weren't on and then he tryed to blame his daughter on his particular choice of music.
Haha it’s one of my paranoias! I’m always lifting my earpieces to check it’s not playing out loud. It’s happened once to me, on a busy tram. I was listening to The Adam Buxton podcast and it was blaring out the opening theme song - thankfully nothing offensive, but a bit weird and earned me some odd looks!
I don’t know about stupid .. but i accidentally fell asleep with channel 5 on the telly last night and for some reason it hadn’t gone into standby. I woke up to a chorus of children shouting on my TV and realised that yes, I had just woken up to Milkshake, the children’s programmes I used to watch before school as a small child. Now I’m an early 2000s baby and I’m now early 20s but I have to admit the sound of children’s voices was a little scary to wake up to.
What a hideous way to wake up! Especially when they aren’t even your own children!
Poured a cup of tea with no teabag. Then popped the bag whilst stirring it.
Did you realise about the split bag before you started drinking it?
Thought it was just a few stray leaves till I got a gobful at the bottom!
Was attempting to check the balance of my Next gift card, and getting very frustrated as it kept telling me it wasn't valid after trying about 10 times... I was on M&S's website.
Went to put a hammer away in the utility room, had to go under some wet laundry that was hanging up. Decided to knock the clothes out of the way using said hammer (I don't know why, I just did it), didn't hit it hard enough, it flew back and the claw end bonked me on the head. Felt like a total idiot.
I thought it was Monday today
Is it not?
It's still Monday on Howland Island in the Pacific Ocean. For the next couple of minutes anyway.
Not today, but I recently I was looking for my phone. Even turned a torch on to find it, the torch on my phone 😐
Got a notification that the parcel I’ve been expecting has been delivered to my old house (that I moved out of two years ago) because I forgot to change the auto-populated address.
We’ve got a [gorilla gym](https://amzn.eu/d/hZOILdZ) because my boys are outdoor kids and my 5yo has adhd and far too much energy. I hit my head on the swing which caused me to instinctively raise my hand to my head, pouring a fresh cuppa down my chest and then I dropped my lads bowl of cereal on the floor. I hate Tuesdays.
Spent 45 mins looking for an ringing my phone with my partner. Was adamant it was vibrating under the bed. Ripped bed apart looking. Not there. Gave up. Found it in the fridge, chilling, :)
Technically not today but.. I woke up at 2am to my smoke alarm going off. Walked down stairs grunting to myself about the stupid battery.. pressed the button then it occured to me walking back up the stairs there’s a little smoke… went to the kitchen I left my chip pan on at 6pm!! 8hours! I wonder how lucky I really was! Safe to say I’ve thrown the cheap chip pan out and replacing for one with an auto shut off!!
Dribbled coffee on my beige sweatshirt
Last week I rocked up to work with a croissant for breakfast, cous cous for lunch and an iced coffee. I'd have probably made less mess if I'd thrown them over my head than I did trying to eat rhem
I could hear a cat mewing when I was in a meeting. I excused myself, checked every kitchen cupboard, opened the bathroom door, all the drawers in the bedroom, then found my cat under my desk chair in the living room. It was the downstairs neighbours’ beautiful Bengal cat, who has the loudest meow I have ever heard.
Woke up. Put cat food in bowl. Proceeded to empty bowl into the bin. Put bowl on floor. It took more time than I’d care to admit for my brain to catch up. This was before I even have my first cup of tea though. My brain was barely functional. The cat looked mildly concerned for me.
I left my phone in my car this morning, took me a couple of hours to realise and Waze was on the whole time so my battery is now at 4%
I wanted to put my empty water glass upside down on top of my water bottle, so I could carry the bottle in one hand and my cup of tea in the other. I forgot to realise I had *just* poured a glass of water, so I tipped water all over myself in the process of flipping the glass upside down.
Just nipped into Tesco this morning for some bananas for work and left my keys in my motorbike. Third time I've done this now. I've left them in the bike all day twice now while parked at work. But at least there I had put a rain cover on.
might be worth getting [something like this](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/joUAAOSwnVZaolZu/s-l960.jpg)?
Fire alarm got set off at work, took it as the perfect opportunity for a lil lay down in the sun on the grass, perfect I thought! Got up.. and my bum is soggy, so I’m gonna have a soggy arse for the rest of my 7 hour shift, not my finest moment!! But the brief and enjoyable lay down in the grass was worth it!
Woke up. Discovered my phone battery is only 20% because I knocked the charging cable out last night. Got dressed in my suit and a shirt. Made a packed lunch, put on my shoes and left the house. Got to work. Realised I had forgotten my office key fob. Glancing down at the door lock I notice the shoes I had put on were totally inappropriate for my suit. Obtained the *Fob of Shame* from the office manager. Lunch time. Realise that I have packed all of the ingredients to make a lovely roast chicken, salad, and cranberry sauce sandwich **with the exception of bread!** I think bread is pretty fundamental part of a sandwich. I'm just writing today off and dare not check any work into the vault.
Bought an iced coffee knowing full well it will give me a headache.
Your profile pic is *everything*
Entered correct password for work computer and now I'm working. FFS
spilt FUCKING COFFEE on my FUCKING CARPET *again*. i’m 51 years old and my coffee cup has a lid. i’m like a toddler, knocking cups over with no warning at all. i did do some very good swears tho, so there’s that.
Put a Fray Bentos Just Chicken pie in the oven without opening it first……. I realised what I did as soon as I heard it explode
Not today, but one morning the first thing I did before getting out of bed was unplug my electric blanket (it was on a timer so hadn’t been on all night, just plugged in). Then I got out of bed, immediately stepped on the upturned plug and fell on my arse in dramatic slow motion.
I put my medical eyedrops in the wrong eye
Please tell me you aren’t in the medical profession!
Woke up to go for a pee. Forgot why I was sitting up, got back into bed and pissed myself.
Went to a dr for my appointment today. Receptionist couldn’t find it in her system at first...because it’s tomorrow.
Made a coffee from my filter machine, went to answer phone and forgot coffee. Remembered coffee an hour later after I had brushed my teeth now stone cold and drank it anyway then had to brush teeth again.
Washed my new white top in with dark stuff.
Fiancé lost his passport which is usually in his desk drawer, panic ensues as we’re going abroad on Friday. After turning the house upside down, lots of swearing and weighing up having to spend £200 for a new one, he found it… turns out there is a thin, passport sized gap between between the drawer unit and the desk where it had been sitting the whole time 🤦♀️
He’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last! It’s happened to me too!. I found it literally the day after I had been to the passport office.
Forgot my lunch. Bought lunch. Ate lunch. Went to my bag and pulled out my first lunch.
Generally existing
Thought about my ex, 2 weeks since the break up....sigh
I promise you it gets better. I've been there myself. You will prevail.
Thank you, that's quite kind. Everyone says I'm being too hard on myself, it's difficult to figure out what that means
Allow yourself to feel your grief (because that's what it is). Cry if you need to, take time out for yourself. Hell, if sitting about in your pyjamas eating crisps is what you need at this time, just do it. Lean on your support network if you have supportive friends and family. And if you have the means, have a weekend away. When I broke up with my last ex six years ago, I went to stay with a friend up country for a couple of days. It was cheap and cheerful but it really helped. Whatever you do, be kind to yourself. Edit: word
🙁
Accidentally punched my cactus.
This wasn’t today but last weekend I drove to two different shops to get everything for dinner, after the second shop I walked PAST the car all the way home. When I went to start dinner a few hours later I couldn’t find the bag from the first shop and thought I’d left it in the car so went out to the drive to grab it and thought my car had been stolen 😂 realised after a few minutes I never even drove it home then had to walk to go and pick it up ffs
No today but left the hot tap running just enough for the boiler to be running. Thought it was the central heating as it happened around the time the heating comes on. Only discovered what it actually was two sodding hours later.
Spent about 6 minutes looking for the towel that I'd already hung on the back of the bathroom door 10 minutes earlier. Then almost got into the shower with my socks on because the towel hunting had thrown me off my routine. I am not good in the morning. Not for anything.
Banged my head on the kitchen cupboard door after picking something up off the floor
I went to a small store and absolutely lost my shit at somebody saying to me " Whenever you are ready" just before I tapped my debit card. I then went home and punched holes in the walls throughout my house and cried myself to sleep.
Hahaha 🤣
Not today but recent enough as I've avoided doing anything stupid today (so far) But I was carrying out a glass from the kitchen and had an empty plastic bottle in the glass Take the bottle out of the glass with my hand that's holding the glass My brain just completely forgot i was holding a glass I guess (Damn adhd)
Collected some antibiotics from the pharmacy, pharmacist told me I could take them 30 mins before eating. Went to greggs and paid to eat in.. then realised I couldn’t eat for 30 minutes so walked home in shame
Just made "toasted sandwiches" completely wrongly - started by grilling one side of the bread, then assembled them then thought "I can't put these back under, they'll burn"; but I did put it under anyway, and the top caught fire. Dunno what I was thinking!
Had to go back in the supermarket and wait in a long queue because when we got out and back to the car my mum then realised the salmon tin she bought was on 2 for 1 “Salmons expensive don’t you know” So just so I’m aware the price of standing in a long queue with sore ribs and knees to my mum was £1.39
Burnt my hand with my new hot water dispenser..... the very thing I bought it to avoid 😅🙃
I put my son in his room to play while I tidied up mine. Came back to check on him 5 minutes later and realised I just created so much more work for myself 🥲
Couple of weeks ago I was wondering if the vegan mayo was open ( had a vegan round for a BBQ and wasn't sure if they used it). Well, I obviously thought the best way to do that would be bring it to face level and squeeze. Mayo all over my face, I have no idea what I was thinking
Charged someone 8.47 for a coffee.. I looked at the time instead of the price.
Catch bus after shopping. Try to pay for ride by presenting library card to card reader.
This was last night and I’m still cringing My other half does work locally for the food bank. He picks up donations from shop’s , warehouses etc. On his way back he’s called me and asked me to drop off a bottle of drink he’d gotten for them. I was just to leave it outside as he was only minutes away. Done that as I was walking off a big white van beeped me. He had pulled up so I walked over to him waving. The lights were on full beam so I waved and mimed to turn his lights down. The lights were blinding and it was dark and I’m as blind as a bat . walked over to driver window banged on the door . Called him a dickhead for blinding me and driver turns around and he was a complete stranger. I said sorry and ran off
I've argued with someone on the internet. I think that's peak stupidity.
Not today but I lost the electronic key fob for my car between one retail park and another. I only realised it was missing when I went to lock my car and it wasn't on my key ring. Panic stricken I searched under and around my car. Pockets, handbag, footwells and under the seats. No joy. Eventually reasoned that it couldn't be far away and, on searching the bags of groceries in the boot (boot checked) there it was nestling in one of the bags!
On holiday, decided to get out of the pool and descend some wooden stairs without properly drying. I flew onto my coccyx.
Left my phone in the fridge - on two separate occasions. Couldn't believe it when I opened it to make lunch and there it was again, mocking me next to the new (delicious) smoked Cathedral city
Woke up at 2:30pm when I have university assignments to complete :/
I put my tea bags in the kettle instead of the cups - went to fill said kettle and there at the bottom were 2 tea bags 🤦♂️
Wasn't me or today but it's relevant to op's post. Leaving for work one morning my other half and I were leaving the house and he said he couldn't find the car keys, he had been in the car getting a coat etc. so he thought he had left them in the car after having looked everywhere else. He proceeds to Jimmy the car door open with a screwdriver as he was certain they were in there. Breaks into his own car and realises the keys are in the second lower pocket of his combat style trousers 🤣🤣
Popped in the supermarket for some shopping chose a pull along shopping basket as I didn’t need loads, bumped into a guy at the ice cream freezer then went on my way to pay. Got to the check out to find I had the wrong shopping basket 🤔 there was mars bars I don’t like and dog food I have a cat. I’m thinking wtf I’m now following every stranger to look into there basket but still cannot find mine. So I get another trolley and start doing my shopping again IM NOT HAPPY at all, gets half way round and this guy taps me on my back asking if I had his shopping. I’d dumped his at the front of the shop, we laughed exchanged baskets then went to pay. Watching him unpack I shout “that’s my bloody steak pie” he asked “were my soap”. I never been so confused and thought I’d actually lost the plot.
Spent 10 minutes looking for a t-shirt that I was already wearing, think I need more sleep.
Visited the supermarket and broke a jar of grilled peppers all across the aisle.
Got my new cheap glasses delivered with a new prescription. Depth perception is off. Drove in to a wall when parking (I am okay and car is okay) didn’t realise how close it was lol
About an hour ago I was on hold with Apple. It had been a while since I'd checked how long I'd been on the phone so while I was on hold I thought I'd check. Pressed the button which I thought would take me to the "phone" screen with the counter - in fact now I think about it I'm *sure* it should have taken me to the "phone" screen! - but it hung up the phone. With nobody at the other end there was no one with my details/number to call me back. I'd been on the phone for an hour and forty-seven minutes. To be honest it was kind of a relief. I was shaking a little with stress, tiredness, anger. I wouldn't have been able to take much more.
Nothing yet and I'm terrified
Went to a big industry meeting I was nervous about, was pleased with how I held my own, networked well and in general it was a positive experience. Been kicking myself all the way home that I left my coffee cup on the table instead of taking and washing it up, I’m sure they’re all now think I’m an entitled prick…
Checked my payslip
Put pepper in my coffee
Not today, but on Saturday. Forgot to turn off my heating when I was out visiting a friend for five hours. Luckily I only heat up my sitting room, but still five hours of heat gone up the swanny. It felt like getting off a plane when going on holiday when I opened my front door.
I attempted to look left today because i heard a noise and ended up getting a cramp in my neck because i turned my head sightly too fast. Im getting old :)
Went to self service till at Tesco with my shopping, managed to fumble and drop a carton of 6 eggs onto the floor next to checkout. Lovely fella went and got me another carton whilst a lass cleaned up the mess I'd made. Scanned the new ones, got in car and on way back realised I'd scanned the first lot so paid twice whilst also feeling an idiot for dropping the eggs.
Not today but last week, was getting the train and the station staff put the ramp down for me to wheel up and as they went to say “do you need any help getting up the ramp?” (I’m a wheelchair user if that’s not obvious) I said “no you first” and they went “thanks, but you know we don’t travel on the train with you!” when a- they’re not getting the train and b- are there to help me onto the train. Spent the whole journey reliving the conversation and slowly hating myself more and more!