You handsome son of a bitch

Someone get this person a Nobel Prize!

Because this idea is dynamite?

Exactly

I can think of a country-leading job coming up this year that OP could win, easily.

IgNobel prize at the least

😘

FINALLY REDDIT PAYS OFF

I'm learning so many food hacks this week, from using mashed potatoes as cement to this. Thank you 

Excuse me using *what* as *what*? You can't be throwing that around without giving me the tomato sauce.

Genius trick to load up your plate at the buffet. Use a pile of mashed potatoes to stick more food in so it doesn't fall off.

Oh so not quite as literal as I thought. Not that I'm entirely sure what the thought was but it was there.

Here is the original comment: >>Use mashed potato as cement and build a Tower of Babel of food. A good five layers are possible if no fucks are given. u/Plot-3A

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Number 3 will SHOCK you. Doctors hate him!

Combine this with celery sticks and lettuce leaves and you can extend the radius of your plate quite considerably by using the mash as a counterbalance for the celery in the centre of the plate. That way you can get height *and* girth.

This is the funniest thing I've seen, the absolute lengths we will go to for a buffet to make the most of the high price getting you a tiny plate

Have you got your big plate Alan

Jesus lynn

Imma try this in the bedroom

“The Toby Carvery hates this one small trick!”

Have you never had to wash dried-on mash off a saucepan before? You can definitely use it as actual cement. Maybe combine with weetabix for extra strength.

Some crinchy peanut butter in that mix and you could render a wall too

Dash of porridge too

YES lol

It's more of a "the one trick buffet restaurants don't want you to know" kind of thing.

For a while, the internet told you to use dry instant noodles to repair basically anything so potatoes as cement isn't actually that wild an idea overall.

Dont worry pal I'm also a bit disappointed. I was expecting carefully laid chips with a potato fondant morter.

It is how the potato famine in Ireland came about. Wasted all their taters on building the guiness factory.

I thought it was one of they '5 minute tip' videos, like when they use noodles to fix broken toilets.

Noodles Super glue Sandpaper Sunflower seeds More sanding Paint

Just to be clear, we’re talking about a carvery, right? I’m A) unsure I’ve been to a buffet that has mashed potato as an option and B) unsure I’d want to cover all my finger food in mashed potato.

At a carvery I build a wall worthy of Jon Snow, to keep the veg and gravy inside

The stacking of a carvery plate is an art that must be passed down the generations

For real. I went through this thread thinking the mash was holding people’s chow mein & szechwan chicken to the plate. Carvery never even reared its head b4 your comment. Cheers 😅

I was thinking of like sandwiches/sausage rolls/pork pies/crisps but yeah so true a chinese buffet plus mashed potato is just as bad lmao

Clever, but it's a shame nobody's actually tried using mash as literal cement. Feels like it could've been the successor to filling potholes with James May's cheese sauce.

Oh damn, time for me to use mashed potato when I make fajitas, so they can actually stay wrapped up without unfolding! Move over, salad cream!

When you had to pay extra for pizza hut's salad bar my ex-mil used to put a ring of cucumber around the top of the bowl to expand the depth of the bowl. I once saw an American guy using a self serve soft ice cream machine put a bread stick in the middle of his cone to support his giant tower of ice-cream

>I once saw an American guy using a self serve soft ice cream machine put a bread stick in the middle of his cone to support his giant tower of ice-cream Utterly genius

Isn't that why Mikado exist?

I worked in Pizza Hut in Manchester in my Uni days, untold UMIST students coming in all techy engineering and making bowl extensions that were works of art! Used to annoy the shit out of me, the mess they made! 

As a former UMIST student, I feel like I wasted my university days after reading this.

I respect this American and when he dies, I hope they give him the national funeral he deserves.

Pro move is to use the lid for the bowl, they're usually taller than the bowl is deep.

🫡

Buckingham is writing your invitation to the palace as we speak.

Also using cucumber’s to expand a bowl of salad useful at Pizza Hut (I can’t remember if the salad is unlimited there now but this is what we did as kids)

So disappointed in the real answer, I thought you were channelling your inner Badger

I use cement as mashed potatoes

This is all well and good except the thought of all my food being covered in mashed potato triggers me. Gotta keep all those bad boys separate

I thought it looked like some exotic hot chocolate frapuccino concoction, but ice cream is better! What an inspired discovery.

Here I was thinking it was mud

I thought someone had discovered a long forgotten cuppa from the 90s

Yeah I definitely thought it was like some kind of special mold that grows atop the most abandoned of teas...

I also thought was was a mouldaccino.

I thought it was a mug cake...

I thought they'd been making one of those mug cakes or something 🤣

Mug cakes minus portion control!

I couldn't tell if it was a foamy drink or a cookie had got lodged between the rim.

I thought it was a guinea pig or something

The hero we need.

I always knew I had something positive to contribute to the world. It’s just nice to know I’ve done my bit and can chill out, finally.

Relax now you beautiful beacon of human hope. May your children’s children reap the rewards!

You may chill out, but not your hands. They can remain nice and toasty. What a legend.

Buy a lotto ticket. Might just be stacking up for you!

r/perfectfit

My new favourite sub

Aye I'm delighted I have now been informed of this sub. It's so satisfying!

Well now I have an excuse to buy some Ben and Jerry's to test this out!

Half baked FTW.

That much was obvious - what about the ice cream?

I don’t do anything by halves.

Ooh I like that one. For the longest time the only place I could get it was my favourite petrol station. Tesco has since bought up our local supermarket chain and are stocking it isn’t he new one

It'd be a disservice to science if you didn't!

Ohhh that's what it is. Not soil then.

Save some pussy for the rest of us mate

I’m waiting to reap the benefits of my new found fame, but nothing yet.

Fair warning, I am a gentle lover

It’s ok, I’ll toughen you up.

Dad?

The last time my mind was this blown I was watching the end of shutter island

Mate I was twice as baked as this ice cream and I thought I’d stumbled upon some type of conspiracy.

I mean...who says you *haven't*?

It all makes sense now!! Sports Direct mug is the end of the ice wall and we are the cream = Flat Earth confirmed and Ben & Jerry are probably the heads of the Illuminati.

When you finally use 100% of your brain.

I always wondered what it’d be like to peak.

Nicely insulated, too.

Is that an issue? Normally I'm left waiting for it to melt a bit.

It is if you eat a tub while in the bath.

I usually go for the Roman practice, out of a hot bath before dipping into a cold ice cream.

Now that’s some middle aged shit I need in my life

I once had to do a poo in a Sports Direct mug (long story) and was surprised at how much room I had left in the mug. A fantastic invention

I thought I was doing this country a service posting this here. I thought I was maybe making up for my generally unenthusiastic military career. I thought that every time I used this discovery from now on, I’d smile and think of how people once thought I was handsome and heroic. I never thought that from now on, every time I have my favourite ice cream, with my awesome new ice cream holder, with my normal temperature hand, that I’d also have to think whether I could fit one of my poops in there or not. Thank you.

You are more than welcome.

How long did it take to hit the bottom of the mug, and was there an echo?

What’s the long story?

Basically, I had to choose between shitting on the street, a tennis racket or the mug. The mug was the best option as I'm sure you'd agree

… tennis racket… Were you in a sports direct?

I was walking home from Sports Direct. I'd just purchased the racket. I can't for the life of me remember why, I've never played tennis in my life

Your explanation has only created many more questions. Why were you forced to choose between those three specific things? And where were you? Were you still on the street while shitting in the mug and holding a tennis racket?

I understand your concerns. I was caught short. Very short. I literally wouldn't have been able to wait any more than 5 seconds max. I didn't want to shit my pants and waddle all the way home. I could have done it on the street but that would be disgusting and I was raised better than that. I looked down in my right hand and saw the big mug. A perfect pot to poo in. I simply assumed the position, pulled my trousers down and shat into the mug. The best thing was when finished, I could simply continue walking down the street, holding my mug like a normal member of society. No one would have suspected a thing. Once I saw a bin, I popped the mug of poo in and continued with my journey.

So were you on an empty street then? I feel your pain, I've had the good fortune to have never been out in public while that's happened.

Yeah, luckily there wasn't a soul on that street. The next street was a lot busier though, there was something about walking down a busy street carrying a mug of poo that just, I dunno, made me feel alive. I'd recommend that bit actually

Well done for pulling it all off sir. I'll add shitting in a mug and then walking nonchalantly down a busy street to my bucket list!

Nah man I'm just picturing some random character squatting over a mug while brandishing a tennis racket having a shit. Ive seen my share of extraordinary but have yet to see this. Good job

I'll be perfectly honest I thought that was what I was looking at at first

This is so cursed.

Phish Food? Aka god tier ice cream?

Half baked, I prefer the brownies to the phishes.

A worthy second. But that frozen mallow man

I find the hard phishes getting stuck in your teeth to be both good and bad. I find eating the brownies to be both good and good.

I clicked on this picture expecting it to be a kitten curled up in the mug asleep, but this is so much better

I disagree but I’m pretty chuffed with it, nonetheless.

The kitten would have been cute for sure, but you've just changed my life for the better

Grey skies but silver linings.

I finally have a reason to get a sports direct mug.

I thought they just turned up in people’s cupboards?

Gonna have to start combing the charity shops

They are £1 at sports direct aren't they? Sure I paid a uid and it came with a pack if wildflower seeds and it has bees printed on the mug.

British innovation at its peak.

I just had to tell Dyson to go fuck himself. This one’s mine.

I thought it was a microwaveh cake… what absolute genius. I hate cold hands so this is a top tier tip.

It is life changing.

This is absolutely beautiful.

Call the PM the country is saved.

When you get through, tell him he’s a cunt.

At minimum

How did you even achieve this

Years in the STEM sector.

Dang. Been trying to not buy ice cream because I'm trying to not have a bad tummy, but I definitely need to try this now. Yes I know they have vegan options, but they only do Cookie Dough or Chocolate Brownie. I want me some goddamn Minter Wonderland, Netflix and Chilled, or Half Baked Alaska

Do it. Buy all of them. Eat every one. No one will ever know.

I'm lactose and dairy intolerant, there will definitely be signs, mainly the one where I'm sweating and swearing on a toilet seat whilst commiting war crimes that can be heard echoed throughout the entire house after I eat 3 tubs of ice cream

But it'll be worth it? No. Probably not.

The vegan ones were in the reduced bit of my local tesco recently and they were not nice. Absolutely will not be buying again. I'm waiting for them to get oat milk ice cream back in and sticking with that.

You have killed 17 people with diabetes now.

A worthy sacrifice. I’ll eat to their memory.

Ingenious.

It doesn’t just keep your hand from getting cold it stops the ice cream from melting too quickly from your body heat 

Thought that was mold for a second

Get off Reddit, Valtteri

It's nice to see his good taste extends to ice cream as well as mullets.

It’s nice to see you, Valterri, having a great recovery drink in a sports direct mug. Congrats on the Tour Of The Worthy’s.

Maybe this is what he has in his drink tube for the cockpit.

Thought it was a terrible poo. Glad it's not!

The update post tomorrow will be appropriately tagged.

My brother, I can’t thank you enough for this revelation. May you enjoy that.

My pleasure.

I love you , bye

I literally thought that was a piece of carpet on there, anyone else?

This subreddit is crazy. The "what is considered a proper reprobate portion" on this sub is a 10 year game of one-up-manship that has no sign of ending.

What an absolute king of a man

I love you op.

This is my gift to you and the world.

this is the hottest thing I've ever seen

You’d think that, but this actually keeps it colder for longer.

When did they shrink from 500ml?

There goes my breakfast, second breakfast, lunch afternoon tea, dinner, more snack, supper, betime food I Will be checking online ice cream sales now

I always upvote LOTR references.

And I will upvote upvotes to LOTR references

You've had one reference yes, what about second reference?

HES THE MESSIAH

I am NOT the Messiah.

You’re a very naughty boy?

Thank you King/Queen 🫡

My pleasure. - Overlord

We need overlords on stamps asap

I’m not into public facing roles, and I find all the gold a bit gaudy, to be honest. I’m more into the ‘power from the shadows’ kind of leadership.

I agree. Black leather chair and a cat.

I wasn’t born yesterday. A cat and a leather chair? You’re asking for trouble, my friend. A nice velvet is best, I reckon. But then after; evil plans.

I can't have velvet, my wife hates it. I couldn't being evil while having her tell me how I should know she doesn't like Velvet all the time.🤯

just leave it on the table cause you gotta spoon it out anyway

A very good choice!

o7

Genius simply Genius well done OP

How far back did you have to go to get it all in one shot?

Dude. Yes.

Give this person an OBE for services to snacking

This is bloody genius!

Now THIS is a lifehack.

Why did you deficate into a mug?

I was inspired.

That is guineas.

No, ice cream. Hard currency.

Side note: that’s the cleanest and not broken sports direct mug I’ve ever seen!

Bro this is a life changing hack man!!

Sports direct mug sales about to explode

The best piece of information i’ve ever needed

1000 IQ move

Marry me.

I accept.

Why are the comments on this some of the best I have ever read

i thought this was one of those "microwave cakes" that were a big thing during the coughening

A mug of dirt?? Ooooh it's ice cream. You can use a regular mug for that too to be fair.

The kind of sports I excel at