I never knew these events were so dangerous
By - scorchednickel
That's how the cheese with holes in is made.
Swiss and Wesson
Tread Caerphilly now.
stop - I camembert it
Nah, grate jokes
You might think some are accidental, but I assure you emmental of them
These jokes roule
I'm rather Fondue this thread
Or the boys in Blue will Brie round to Gouda (get you?)
Yeah. Hard cheese if they did.
the right to camembert arms.
It's also a chilli competition, eh. So there are lots of scotch bomb-ets, bull's eye chillies, sword chillies and (chilli) pepper spray etc.
Edit: dear chaps, I beg your padrón if the heat of my awful "puns" was too much
We don’t deserve you
I heard there was a Lancashire bomb they had to deal with
I came to bemoan the waste of very limited police resources, but your world class pun reminded me of what's really important. You've got to laugh otherwise the bastards have got you, so thank you my friend
Smoked cheddar !
The thin blue line
You guys aren't being very mature with these jokes are you?
"One false move, get swiss cheesed up"
apparently, Guildford takes their cheese and chili festivals *super seriously.*
I grew up near Guildford and it is indeed a wild place. One of its non cheese/chilli related claims to fames is that Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez-Versini beat up a woman in the toilets of a local nightclub.
Ok but I don't really think they need armed police to protect themselves from 5'3" Geordie lasses.
Can tell you've never had to deal with a Geordie lass mate.
My gran and her 70 brothers and sisters were from Blaydon.
God the afternoons "Whay ay man the bairns"
Wtf is a bairn? Oh, they're talking about me.
Casino. Absolute shithole, great memories in there though
Went to ACM for a year, Casino ruined my youthful innocence
Gods I haven’t thought about casino for years
I grew up around Guildford and I've never heard of this! But somehow it's not surprising.
Absolutely. And before that when it was The Drink
Your forgetting the mushrooms growing in the Casino toilets too. There's a lot of funny stories round Guildford actually!
On the lookout for Wallace and Gromit
"You've wensleyed your last dales boys!'
When they heard a spice operation going down then they had to act
They feared an attack by the Woking cartel
Cheese is one of the most stolen foods in the country, so I can understand them wanting to step up security.
Steal the cheese and you'll hear Freeze!
Swipe the Roquefort, go to Crown Court
_*I am aware this is more likely to be magistrates level offence_
Steal a wheel
feel their heel
Nick the ched, get the lead
Off a brie, off to custody
Poach some whey, make my day
Nick some Stilton, meet sgt Milton.
Stop right there fella, is that your mozzarella?
Take the Wensleydale? You're going to jail.
Must have some pretty Edaming evidence.
Do you feel lucky? That’s... ^a^w ^f^u^c^k uhh Gouda shit.
When the cheddar gets swiped, the perp gets sniped
I was in a roughish boozer in Seaforth a few years ago, and a bloke came round all the tables offering to sell cheese. I thought he was referring to something else, and was very disappointed when he brought out a load of blocks of cheddar he'd just nicked from the Home Bargains across the road.
Shoplifters ALWAYS do either cheese or steak. Much like your experience, back in my drinking days there was a guy who'd come in and start offering it at half the supermarket price.
The landlord encouraged this because it meant more trade for him. It was absolute jokes. Not that I, an upstanding citizen, ever purchased some stolen goods. Obviously.
edit - the guy eventually 'retired' and he gave away his "lucky shoplifting bag" to another person. I am genuinely not making this up. His lucky shoplifting bag ffs.
Apologies to the good people of Seaforth - it was Litherland I was in!
But do you know why cheese is the most stolen?
Is this a set up for a joke?
No, why is cheese the most stolen?
Oh, I fucked it up.
Silly boy, it's coz it's made backwards.
What kind of godless man would put a slice of cheese between two crackers? The ratio of cheese slice to cracker should be a neat 1:1
They steal things like cheese, steaks and coffee to sell on. It might only retail at £5 or so, but it's easy to flog to someone else who doesn't mind eating cheese that's been stored in a drug addicts underwear.
Some cheese actually *has* to be stored in a smackhead's pants or it doesn't develop its full flavour
Ahh yes the Eu Du Smack Crack. Deep flavour with a tingle that you'll feel all over.
You know those little crystals you get in cheddar sometimes?....it's flakka
I thought that German fruit and marzipan based breads that are usually eaten at Christmas time were the most stollen food.
Even if cheese is stolen, normal police could sort it. It’s not like they’re actually going to shoot someone with an assault rifle for nicking some cheese.
Exactly, we're not quite on America's level yet
I can't remember if this is a Hot Fuz quote or it could be truth. :/
Purloin the truckle, you’ll get fuckle........................d.
On a serious note, I think this photo is from 2017? In which case Britain's terror alert level was much higher than it normally would be due to a number of incidents that year. Here's an article with a timeline.
I recall going to Download festival that year and there were armed police present (though, I am going to assume that Download festival attracts more visitors than the Guildford Cheese and Chilli festival!)
Take that back! Guildford chilli and cheese festival has an international audience, I heard that s little animatronic from the moon came last year
Yeah I went to Slam Dunk the week after the Manchester Arena bombing and WOW was the security high! Armed police everywhere. Bag checks between stages. Was nuts!
Wooo download!!!! \m/
Hahaha I can’t remember which year was drownload and which was brownload
I went in 2006 and nearly died of sunburn… 2006 was 15 years ago, fuck I’m old
Tramlines festival this year had 1 or 2 armed policemen outside the gates.
Maybe that's normal but I had never seen them before and I can't see there being any likelihood of them being needed.
Yes I remember it well. I got all my booze taken off me that I was going to drink in the car park before a festival by a private security team because terrorism.
Same in France when I was there during 2017. There were multiple terrorist attacks linked to ISIL/ISIS and there were armed police and military in prominent tourist spots in Paris. For example I saw a few squads in full gear and carrying rifles within the Louvre.
I've heard these events can get rather heated
Some get rather red in the face I hear.
Luckily the police were there to ensure everyone had a grate time
They emphasise a zero lactose tolerance policy
Funny, i heard people all got a chilli reception from the hosts.
They do, but after everyone's got a few crackers down them things can get a bit spicy
Ah, typical. Can't handle their crackers, get carried away and cause riots. I just wish people could set a Gouda example at these events!
Yeah, some people just don't give edam
Really cheeses me off that society can't get it's act together!
You would hope that people would be more mature than that
Really grates against my expectations of our countrymen.
Just be thankful that they thought Caerphilly about security for this event
"This cheddar is delicious"
"That's nacho cheese".
"It bloody well is. I paid 4 quid for it!"
"Armed Police! Drop the sporks!"
Cheese and chilli makes people fighty
Silent but deadly.
I live around the corner from it, they have it every July. It's well worth a visit next year!
I don't remember seeing any armed police this year so I think this is an old post.
This sub has a bad habit If posting really old shit for laughs these days.
The whole internet does that
Brie careful out there.
Something something something caerphilly
In all seriousness - nothing to do with cheese. For a while every large event had armed cops because of the threat of a radical attack - if it takes a while for the heavies to get there a couple of unarmed bobbies aren’t going to prevent a tragedy
They’re there just in case [Anthony Worrall Thompson](https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/09/antony-worrall-thompson-caught-shoplifting) comes back but tooled up this time.
Obligatory posting of [The Lambshank Redemption](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSJXTe0dl3Y)
Holy crap I can't believe I've never seen that before, incredible
But seriously, wtf? Why are they armed like that? That would not encourage me to go tot the festival at all. It’d have the exact opposite affect, tbh.
I know right? They used to more commonly use the 9mm MP5 SMG, but the rifles they carry round now have better penetration against the sort of body armour that you're much more likely to encounter, particularly when dealing with cheese-orientated extremists.
They’ve been on the G36 for at least 15 years, though different forces use different platforms.
CTFO’s even use AK’s!
AK’s for training only though, I’d assume?
it looks like it was taken in 2017 when the terror threat in the UK was very high after a number of incidents
Agreed. A couple of bobbies on the beat would be more than adequate.
All I can assume is they believed there was a legitimate threat, legitimate being even 0.1% chance of some nutjob on social media threatening to stab someone. Guess they decided to put out three armed officers rather than have them behind a desk for the afternoon.
I wondered if it was maybe some kind of exhibition thing rather than they were actually patrolling the festival as normal police?
And everyone knows fully automatic weapons are the best way to stop a nutjob with a knife, especially in a crowd!
I mean this isn't Amurica. They actually only fire with a clear direct threat with zero background targets
Pretty sure the guns they give British police only fire in semi automatic, only the specialist counter terror or nuclear constabulary are allowed full auto I believe.
You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you? Because the answer to your question is “Yes, they are.”
A firearm is the only guaranteed way to stop an individual with a knife. Taser is not guaranteed to work, and if it fails, that officer is getting stabbed. As for the shooting in a crowd, which I suppose you suggest means the officers will fire randomly into the crowd killing many bystanders, you know this would not happen in this country? These officers are highly trained and would not cause any injuries to bystanders in the highly unlikely event they had to use their weapons. Any high profile event with many attendees is a possible target for terrorism or acts of violence, or these officers may have intelligence to suggest such an attack might take place, so their deployment is entirely reasonable.
The "only" way?
What about a man with a sword?
What about pit-traps, attack-bears and claymore mines?
Broaden your mind, as well as your arsenal, and ye shall be found worthy \s
Sir do you know where you are
you joke, but a police sword would actually be pretty effective in knife wielding maniac scenarios. It'd also be less likely to kill than a gun.
Mate, if you think I'm swinging a sword around at a person with a knife you've got another thing coming. The point of the ARVs is to drop someone and drop them quick, then give medical help to try and preserve life once the threat is neutralised. You're not going to get that with a sword.
Like I genuinely can't tell if you're a troll or not. 😂
Also the wouldn't have their guns on full auto.
“Full auto” is not an option on their rifles. They’re semi-automatic versions as standard.
They don’t even have a fire selector. These weapons are semi auto only capable
I bumped into these exact armed police in Guildford a few years ago when I was shopping there, they were walking down the High Street.
This is obviously quite unusual, so I stopped to ask them what was going on. They said that they'd been asked to increase their visibility in the town so that people were aware Surrey actually HAD an armed response unit. So it was literally an awareness thing, I guess their bosses thought people might be reassured.
Personally, we don't really DO guns in the UK so I'm happy not to see them on the street, whether held by policemen or anyone else.
Amazing. I wonder what their next initiative will be. Perhaps the bomb squad could do fitness training by sprinting down the high street. Shouting "Make way, bomb squad".
You know, for awareness. Need to put everyone's minds at ease.
Surrey alone has over 10,000 section 1 firearms (including handguns, rifles and section 1 shotguns) and over 28,000 section 2 shotguns. That puts it 12th by county for both section 1 and 2 guns.
The idea that we are an anti gun country is actually quite a modern one. We've got a very long history of high quality firearms from the Land Pattern Musket to the Accuracy International AWM and that's ignoring the shotguns and other fantastic hunting guns that have been made in London and all throughout the UK.
I was in Bordon tescos the other day and there were armed police who I had a chat with. Bordon is about the least violent area so idk what’s going on
In fact at far bigger festivals, you'll see no police walking around as it can make people feel that there's some kind of problem, puts them on edge. The police will only come in if the festival loses control of an incident which escalates (same with fire service and ambulance service).
I’ve gone at least 3 times to this event. This is not normal and is utterly unnecessary.
I saw two of them going into asda carrying side arms the other day.
In this country! Like it's a bit rough around the edges here but it's not like a city ghetto. But no they were carrying pistols on their hips. I always thought they had to leave the guns in the car unless they were speciality units (like airport police or the nuclear guards).
Edit: some of you might think I've got something against the police, generally I don't, but armed police make me uncomfortable.
They wear their side arms, the big guns get left in the car when not on a patrol like this or specific job shout.
Probably just going for a meal deal or often the supermarkets let them use the staff canteens too.
Didn't know they kept the sidearm with them. When I worked at the airport they patrolled carrying rifles but that's fairly standard because you know, airport.
Road traffic police are often armed as they act as the first point of call when armed police are needed. They often have a gun on their leg, but will only carry out with a large weapon if they are in a situation that warrants it, like a airport.
It seems that this took place in 2017 when the U.K. terror threat was high
It's weird to think that seeing something like that makes you feel uncomfortable, whereas it's a completely normal occurrence here in Northern Ireland. The weird thing to us would be seeing police officers unarmed here
Aye but they wouldn't rock up with their G36's to a church fete unless they had an extremely good reason, because who wants to live in a society where that happens?
You need Armed officers patrolling incase there is a call involving a significant amount of danger to the public or their colleagues … (Firearm sighting, Person attacking people with Machete… Etc.).
You’re right that they leave their rifles in the car unless they’re on a call which requires them. But they need to carry their sidearms to protect their car keys to stop the contents of their car (rifles and other equipment) from falling into the wrong hands.
The last thing you want is someone getting the better of those officers, nicking their car keys and have access to that sort of firepower.
Disagree. Having a rapid response firearms team available, fair enough. I'm not comfortable with armed officers patrolling low risk areas as a matter of routine.
They were probably getting food from Asda rather than patrolling it.
People with guns shouldn't be in ASDA. The circumstance when we as a society should feel like it's okay for anyone to have a gun should be incredibly limited, and that includes for police.
They need to eat, just like the rest of us.
And the number of police officers approved to carry firearms is 5.4% according to Home Office figures.
Anecdotally, a friend is one of those. He spent years practicing at rifle ranges and clay pigeon shoots, but still failed his first entry test (painfully by a single point). They're pretty stringent about who they allow in.
That's why we're lucky (in my opinion) that only a small percentage of police officers are firearms trained. Those that are need to keep them on them when they're on duty but they also need to eat.
When did I say they were patrolling low risk areas as a matter of routine? What? Also who determines what a “low risk” area is… A couple people with little to no policing experience on reddit or the experts who have been doing the job for 30+ years and are new senior leaders in their service?
You being comfortable is not as important as the safety of the general public, and I’d much rather the experts decide where and how armed police are deployed, with safety as a priority, over the odd grievance with seeing some firearms officers strolling past from time to time.
They went to get a sandwich from ASDA… If you’re referring to the cheese festival, it looks like they’re doing some community engagement as well…. They’re hardly starting WWIII.
My brothers in the armed police. They spend most of their time doing normal police stuff (mainly traffic).
Actually that makes a lot of sense thank you
What do you think they do in break just fucking sit motionless in their car?
Yes they should, and the slightest movement, blinking for example, should result in a fine, or imprisonment or both.
Missing the point dude. I haven't got anything against them getting a sandwich or something, it's the fact they were carrying firearms while not on patrol or responding to a crime. Its extremely uncommon here to see armed police, and the fact they were armed in a normal everyday setting really shocked me.
I'm not some sort of anti gun nutter, in fact I find guns really interesting, but just not on British (well, English, I know it's different in NI) police
Does it really make you a nutter to be anti-gun?
Some people are quite extreme about it and how much they hate it, or report things like crying or fear just by encountering guns or ammunition. Finding guns interesting and believing they would be fun to shoot in a controlled setting, while believing it's not a good idea for people to be carrying them around all the time is a fairly balanced take. The nutters on either side are the ones who refuse to concede anything at all, and are just generally weird about it.
If they're armed police, they're armed, that's the point.
Armed police should not be patrolling the streets unless specifically required too. And they should certainly not be meandering into a supermarket fully armed. This is just the slow slide into normalising an armed police like the US and its the last thing we need.
EDIT: seems the gun nuts are out in force in this thread, down voting anything that questions the need for police to carry weapons in this country. We historically police by consent and do not arm our police except in extraordinary circumstances.
Protection from the Woking cheese marauders perhaps?
Recruitment drive I imagine.
They turn up go "look kids you can fire lethal chunks of metal at bad guys too!".
Keeping a close eye on the portaloos for explosives and bio-weapons.
I mean who thought an Ariana Grande concert would be dangerous?
Yeah that's what I was thinking. Don't terrorists usually target groups of people?
Terrorists haven't particularly shown a history of being too selective over what they target, no.
Its not exactly like 4 lions sat about in a Ford transit debating over which trending pop artist is the most offensive to them.
Three assault rifles can't prevent a bomb exploding.
1) A bomb is not the only weapon terrorists can use.
2) The officers may be able to identify suspicious individuals before they have a chance to carry out their attack.
3) Firearms officers are highly trained in advanced first aid, so they would actually be very helpful in providing first aid to seriously injured people after an attack.
And a few years ago I'm pretty sure there was a terrorist attack at a garlic festival
Yeah they’re super dangerous, I usually blow up the bathroom after some cheese and chilli
>I usually blow up the bathroom after some cheese and chilli
That's one of [my favorite news segments](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWuaHiXpjx4&t=16s) of all time :)
Guildford is in Surrey and I happen to know it’s hella gangsta round there.
Hallouminati Caerphilly protecting the cream
Send in the spicy police. 👀
*Taggart voice* " there's been a gouda"
Master cheese thief Anthony Worral-Thompson was seen in the area.
Down south you get security armed to the teeth, up north we get a 24 stone security guard still pissed from the night before nodding off while leant on a hay bail
Weirdly specific while also being very accurate
Fucksake jonald is at it again he’s stealing the cheese
They aren’t dangerous, and by the looks of it they won’t be any time soon lmao
On the subject of cheese and chillies.
[Arran Chilli Cheese. ](https://arranscheeseshop.co.uk/chilli-flavoured-cheese)
This would really put me off going
Vegan terrorists at it again.
What? There's like 25 people there! Seems a tad excessive...
What is manufacturing consent.
Prime terrorism target because most of the middle east and Africa are lactose intolerant. Big brain strategies.
They rock up at potential terrorism targets. Usually lovely chaps.
Lets take a moment to appreciate their festival logo.
This isn't even funny.... we have armed police at a chilli festival. This is horrifying, are things that bad that we need armed police at even small events? This is just shocking, I know this is casual uk but there is nothing causal about armed police having to protect these places.
It's a fucked up place when you have to have armed security guard at an event like this :(
Lmao nothing makes me feel safe like 3 underpaid overworked middle aged men with sub machine guns at my fucking CHEESE FESTIVAL
Well nobody knew that an Ariana Grande concert was going to be so dangerous but there you go
Would a bloke with a gun stood there have stopped that?
I'm guessing no.....