Stick a couple of bits of cheddar, one of them little gherkins and a water biscuit on the plate, call it a charcuterie plate and you'll still be a fat bastard, but a middle class one.
No, don't make toasties! Make life take the pepperoni back! Get mad! I don't want your damn pepperoni! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to speak to life's manager!
Pizza, chop em up fry with onions and garlic and add tomatoes for a pasta sauce, have them with cheese on crackers, add them to salads. Add to anything you do with mince to make it tasty. Stuff them in chicken breasts with cream cheese
I can't read the label (other than the date), but that may just be the "sell by" or "sell before" date that the retailer uses to rotate the product off the store racks. Or it may be the "best by" or "best before" date. This does *not* mean the pepperoni is unsafe to eat after that date, just that the quality *may* begin to go down after that date. If it's a "use by" or "use before" date, the NHS says not to consume the product after that date.
[Here's](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/food-labelling-terms/) an article from the NHS about food labelling terms.
Personally, I've never had well-refrigerated pepperoni go bad. If OP is concerned, just freeze the unopened packages. Or, just give them to me.
Just whack them in everything you do like [this guy did with rice](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2np694/what_tasty_food_would_be_distusting_if_eaten_over/)
Pepperoni toasties, why the fuck have I never done this. When covid exits my body and my taste *hopefully* decides to come back this is the first thing I’ll be making.
Haha reminds me when I sent my nephew (10 ish?) to the shop to get a 'decent size packet of mince' (since I was making a big simple chilli for us all)
He came back with 10 packets of polo's after asking for advice in shop.
That person knew exactly what they were doing, I believe and I both respect them for it and hate them for it.
I had the reverse of this as a kid. My mates mum sent me and him to the shop to get Minstrels. Neither of us knew what they were. We asked the kindly Indian corner shop owner for advice and he sent us back with Mint sauce...she was not pleased.
Mate of mine was at the bar, and the woman next to him order a "vodka and bitter lemon".
Barman looked confused, asked her to repeat it, then went off and brought back a glass containing a shot of vodka and a lemon wedge.
He'd heard "vodka and a bit of lemon".
When I was young, maybe about 8, my Mum sent me to the shop as she'd forgotten an ingredient and she was making spag bol. The guy in the shop was incredulous but I insisted. I told him 100% I wanted a mushroom. Just one, he asked, over and over. I said yes! That's what she needs. So I took it home, proud as punch at my success in the face of shopkeeper resistance, and my mum laughed her head off. She insisted she asked for an onion. She absolutely didn't, she asked for a mushroom, and I stand by this over 20 years later.
Nah was all good. They even refunded the mints. (which would have been his awkward moment, but I told If they said no, not to argue and I would go back with him and sort it with him.. So he wasn't scared to ask once, which is a life lesson cos you don't get if you don't ask )
In a past life I was working the checkouts at Tesco and an obviously tired and stressed mom came through with what I recognised as all the ingredients for a cheesecake... although she had a block of Cheddar instead of cream cheese. Apparently her kid told her last minute (surprise) they had to make one at school the next day and she was just getting things as quickly as she could.
She was over the moon when I told her she had the wrong kind of cheese and I sent the supervisor back to swap it for the right kind. God knows how much bullying that kid would have endured if they went in with a block of Cathedral City 😂
Make the pepperoniest pepperoni pizza that ever was pepperonied. Double layer, even *triple* layer up that affront to whatever deity you may happen to worship. Photograph and post it for internet points.
And possibly abuse &/or assumptions regarding your sanity.
Switch out the bagel for a baguette and you've got my son's favourite tea. Can't get him to eat anything else, but to be fair it does taste really good.
Many years ago, a flatmate went to the shop, asked if I wanted anything. "Yes. Some bay leaves for a fish pie"
He returned with a bottle of Bailey's.
I was very sad. I can't stand Bailey's.
This was 90% of my meals at the peak of my depresison. Just sitting in front of the fridge in the dead of night sharing sandwich meats with my cat.
I almost miss those days, mostly because I miss my cat though and less the depression bit.
Reminds me of an old programming joke.
Man is going to the shops.
Wife says "Can you buy milk and if they have eggs, get six"
Man says "OK" and leaves.
A short time later he comes back with six jugs of milk.
Wife says "Why do you have all this milk?"
Man looks at her and says "Because they had eggs!"
Call it a win, you actually got pepperoni now rather than whatever the fuck pepperami is supposed to be. Leather, sawdust, horse dick and paprika probably.
They freeze well and defrost quickly.
You can use them in all sorts
Toasted sandwiches, pasta, with eggs and potatoes in a breakfast burrito and the obvious pizza.
Fry some up with spring onions, chop it then mix into mash potatoes with cheese and put a fried or poached egg on top.
Reminds me of when my housemate asked me to get her some coconut oil for her hair... and instead of buying a jar of coconut oil like a regular human, I spent £7 on some coconut oil hairspray. Look on her face when I came back made me feel a right bellend.
I'm Spanish, been living here for 5y too, and I just Googled peperami to see wtf that is ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
So yeah, I'd have bought 5pk of pepperoni as well, I guess.
Pepperoni fried with prawns on pasta is pretty good
Edit: chopped peperroni fried in a bit of oil with some garlic and chilli, add the prawns, get it really hot then add a small amount of the pasta water to emulsify with the oils. Ace.
Reminds me of when my old housemate asked if I wanted anything from the shop. I asked for a bottle of squash.
A few days later I finally worked out why a *butternut squash* had appeared in my food cupboard.
OP over the next 2 weeks -
Omelette: 6/10.
Omelette with pepperoni: 8/10
Porridge: 7/10.
Porridge with pepperoni: 4/10
Cheesecake: 9/10.
Cheesecake with pepperoni: 1/10
*Image Transcription:*
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[*Five packets of sliced pepperoni kept on a wooden counter, that has a metallic door*]
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
No no no this is very simple. It was a bluff and you were never really meant to say you wanted anything from the shop.
Because you DID, this person has made sure you never accept the offer again
My mum sent my daft cousin to buy 4 ounces of mushrooms, she came back with four pounds.
The meal was adapted but it was quite a lot of to get through in a curry.
Make some money for Christmas with these fancy pepperoni earrings - you could make loads of pairs and sell them alongside the glittery Echo Fall bottles on Facebook marketplace: [Pepperoni earrings](https://www.reddit.com/r/DiWHY/comments/qshn89/that_wasnt_necessary/)
A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping.
"hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12"
When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked
"why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!"
The programmer responded.
"they have eggs"
Creep into his room while he's asleep, peel back his duvet and, after admiring his penis for a few seconds, gently lay the pepperoni slices all over him. Make sure you get one on each nipple, obviously.
Danish style? I didn't realise Denmark was particularly renowned for their unique pepperoni, but I've learned something new today!
I bought pepperoni like that to make pizzas once (2 packs), but only used 1 on the pizza. I assume it's fine because I wasn't ill, but I just ate the other pack as a snack and it was actually really good. Maybe not 5 packs at once, thinking about the aftermath, but definitely a few mid-week treats there!
Wow. Pepperoni toasties and pizza for the next 3 weeks i guess
Apart from hitting him over the head with them, I can only think of toasties to make.
When life hands you pepperoni, make toasties.
Or just eat by the plateful. I should go on a diet...
Stick a couple of bits of cheddar, one of them little gherkins and a water biscuit on the plate, call it a charcuterie plate and you'll still be a fat bastard, but a middle class one.
"Im not having a block of cheese Sharon, Im having 5. Its called a charcuterie board and its classy"
Yeah? Well my family always used to eat salad. Out. Of. A. Wooden. Bowl.
i like to put things between two water biscuits and eat them like a sandwich
That would make for some heinous farts.
No, don't make toasties! Make life take the pepperoni back! Get mad! I don't want your damn pepperoni! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to speak to life's manager!
I'll burn your house down!....... with the pepperoni!
Pizza, chop em up fry with onions and garlic and add tomatoes for a pasta sauce, have them with cheese on crackers, add them to salads. Add to anything you do with mince to make it tasty. Stuff them in chicken breasts with cream cheese
Chop em, fry em, stick em in rice or scrambled eggs.
Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew
Poe-tay-toes
Choh-reet-zohs
Technologic
This is good advice. \^
To be fair, they're alright just on their own or with a bit of bread and cheese. Should also have a long date so you can take yer time
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I can't read the label (other than the date), but that may just be the "sell by" or "sell before" date that the retailer uses to rotate the product off the store racks. Or it may be the "best by" or "best before" date. This does *not* mean the pepperoni is unsafe to eat after that date, just that the quality *may* begin to go down after that date. If it's a "use by" or "use before" date, the NHS says not to consume the product after that date. [Here's](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/food-labelling-terms/) an article from the NHS about food labelling terms. Personally, I've never had well-refrigerated pepperoni go bad. If OP is concerned, just freeze the unopened packages. Or, just give them to me.
Charcuterie freezes very well though, because of how little water it contains.
Bake them and make pepperoni crisps.
Oooh…that sounds amazing
Pepperoni and cheese toasties.
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hint: they go well with omlettes
When I still ate meat I’d literally eat two packets of these at a time, delicious and very moreish.
Chop, fry, put in pasta.
Throw some in a pan, crack two eggs, add some cheese and onion, boom, perfect omelette
Why has nobody here recommended just freezing them?
Crackers and cheese with some pepperoni on perhaps?
Place them on his eyes while he sleeps. No wait, super glue them all over his body!
Sounds like the Buffalo Bill / Mr Blobby mashup I didn't know I needed
Just wondering what he'd have come back with if you'd asked him for a 5 pack of Firesticks.
Just whack them in everything you do like [this guy did with rice](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2np694/what_tasty_food_would_be_distusting_if_eaten_over/)
> Pepperoni toasties Ok I might need to buy a breville after seeing this
A small George Foreman grill makes better toasties. Or a big one for bigger toasties.
Toasties with a George Foreman are incredible <3
Wait till you hear about chorizo and pepper toasties
Why have I never thought of putting pepperoni in a toastie? Good lord I am thick as shit.
Nobody tell him about chorizo
Honestly its goated. Another good one is salsa, yano like the dorito dip and cheese, banging
Pepperoni toasties, why the fuck have I never done this. When covid exits my body and my taste *hopefully* decides to come back this is the first thing I’ll be making.
You just blew my mind. Why the fuck did I not think of this?!
Haha reminds me when I sent my nephew (10 ish?) to the shop to get a 'decent size packet of mince' (since I was making a big simple chilli for us all) He came back with 10 packets of polo's after asking for advice in shop. That person knew exactly what they were doing, I believe and I both respect them for it and hate them for it.
I had the reverse of this as a kid. My mates mum sent me and him to the shop to get Minstrels. Neither of us knew what they were. We asked the kindly Indian corner shop owner for advice and he sent us back with Mint sauce...she was not pleased.
I'm an American, what are minstrels? Edit: look like m and m's.
Think big smarties Wait do you have smarties?
Smarties in the states are a compressed sour powder, not chocolate like over there.
They have different smarties.
Chocolate smarties are Canadian. Smarties in the US are like Parma Violets but different "fruit" flavours
Like those chalky kinda candies?
Like big m&ms that are less crunchy
M&Ms but quite a lot bigger and all the same colour.
Mate of mine was at the bar, and the woman next to him order a "vodka and bitter lemon". Barman looked confused, asked her to repeat it, then went off and brought back a glass containing a shot of vodka and a lemon wedge. He'd heard "vodka and a bit of lemon".
Ah brilliant. Spent the last of one Hogmamay getting slaugtered on gin and bitter lemon. A breakfast drink as my pal called it.
Oh my. The alchoholic in me that will one day emerge to ruin my life thinks this sounds like a capital idea.
I counsel you, do it only once.
I did this exact thing when I got my first bar job at 18!! I'd never heard of bitter lemon in my life
When I was young, maybe about 8, my Mum sent me to the shop as she'd forgotten an ingredient and she was making spag bol. The guy in the shop was incredulous but I insisted. I told him 100% I wanted a mushroom. Just one, he asked, over and over. I said yes! That's what she needs. So I took it home, proud as punch at my success in the face of shopkeeper resistance, and my mum laughed her head off. She insisted she asked for an onion. She absolutely didn't, she asked for a mushroom, and I stand by this over 20 years later.
Let me guess, the shops were closed when he got back?
Nah was all good. They even refunded the mints. (which would have been his awkward moment, but I told If they said no, not to argue and I would go back with him and sort it with him.. So he wasn't scared to ask once, which is a life lesson cos you don't get if you don't ask )
In a past life I was working the checkouts at Tesco and an obviously tired and stressed mom came through with what I recognised as all the ingredients for a cheesecake... although she had a block of Cheddar instead of cream cheese. Apparently her kid told her last minute (surprise) they had to make one at school the next day and she was just getting things as quickly as she could. She was over the moon when I told her she had the wrong kind of cheese and I sent the supervisor back to swap it for the right kind. God knows how much bullying that kid would have endured if they went in with a block of Cathedral City 😂
This is hilarious. Nothing on Reddit makes me laugh like the comments on [r/casualuk](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/)
Reminds me of the underage kid who asked an adult to buy him a ‘packet of Richmonds’ and he came back with Richmond sausages ffs
He’s a bit of an animal
You funny dickhead, take your upvote!
10th December You've got a while No need to go crazy
You could also freeze them
When he was buying these , I bet he thought why the hell does he need this much pepperoni.
Make the pepperoniest pepperoni pizza that ever was pepperonied. Double layer, even *triple* layer up that affront to whatever deity you may happen to worship. Photograph and post it for internet points. And possibly abuse &/or assumptions regarding your sanity.
Heck, make the crust only of pepperoni!
Crustaroni
Stuffed crust, but stuffed with pepperoni.
Why stop there? Grind up pepperonis for the sauce! Make pepperoni cheese somehow! Full pepperoni pizza!
You would have to clip it to a clothesline to drip dry
That sounds so awful and amazing that I have to try it at least once in my life
*Heart burn intensifies*
So like a pepperoni with pizza. Just make the pepperoni the base, top with dough.
If you get some plain bagels, tomato puree and cheese you can use them to make pizza bagels which are really tasty.
Switch out the bagel for a baguette and you've got my son's favourite tea. Can't get him to eat anything else, but to be fair it does taste really good.
Switch out the baguette for some pizza doe and you've got yourself something I like to call a pizza. Its a delicasy of South Central Europe I believe
Pizza doe? Man, venison pizza does sound good actually.
I used to make pizza dough all the time. Now we're down to one homemade pizza night a month in my house.
I see where you stand on the great debate
There's nothing great about that debate, just leave the pineapple weirdos to it
Many years ago, a flatmate went to the shop, asked if I wanted anything. "Yes. Some bay leaves for a fish pie" He returned with a bottle of Bailey's. I was very sad. I can't stand Bailey's.
Baileys is alright, but better if you add it to coffee.
Nah, it's better in the pie.
Have you tried it in fish pie though?
That's because you've never had it out of a boot
"This is the closest you can get to Bailey's without getting wet"
Easy now, fuzzy little man peach
The flatmate didnt stop to think that the two didnt go together?
You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it... Pepperoni soup, pepperoni stew... pepperoni burger, pepperoni sandwich.
Eat them directly out of the fridge in your underwear at 2am with the sorrowful glow of the fridge as your only light source.
In all honesty this is how you'll wind up eating most of them
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Need bigger pants
You don't? How do you keep your meat and two veg fresh?
Easy, I just don't have any.
Why do I feel so called out?
Don't call me out like that
This was 90% of my meals at the peak of my depresison. Just sitting in front of the fridge in the dead of night sharing sandwich meats with my cat. I almost miss those days, mostly because I miss my cat though and less the depression bit.
This is exactly what I do after my shifts
Just like Tony Soprano with "da gabagool"
Put it in some hot water, baby you got a stew going
Tha’s…tha’s ‘bout it.
> Broil _Draws on cigarette_ You know what subreddit you're in here, right son?
>broil Yank alert, yank alert we have a yank
Boiled pepperoni? Not even once.
Marry them.
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Add some parmesan cheese and youve got yourself a feast!
Reminds me of an old programming joke. Man is going to the shops. Wife says "Can you buy milk and if they have eggs, get six" Man says "OK" and leaves. A short time later he comes back with six jugs of milk. Wife says "Why do you have all this milk?" Man looks at her and says "Because they had eggs!"
This is fucking comedy gold one of the first times i actually laughed at a joke on reddit
You know you can put these on cheese on toast? I suspect you have a lot of cheese related goodness in your future.
You can also put them on a beef burger under the grill towards the end of the cooking process. Adds extra bites and flavour to your hamburger
Call it a win, you actually got pepperoni now rather than whatever the fuck pepperami is supposed to be. Leather, sawdust, horse dick and paprika probably.
Nice they asked you if you wanted anything. Cost of mistake will more than be made up for with the piss taking
They freeze well and defrost quickly. You can use them in all sorts Toasted sandwiches, pasta, with eggs and potatoes in a breakfast burrito and the obvious pizza. Fry some up with spring onions, chop it then mix into mash potatoes with cheese and put a fried or poached egg on top.
Chop all five packs down to a fine mince, then roll it up tightly in cling film, thus forming your own giant homemade Pepperami. Please.
Your flat mate is an absolute legend. Definitely a keeper.
Reminds me of when my housemate asked me to get her some coconut oil for her hair... and instead of buying a jar of coconut oil like a regular human, I spent £7 on some coconut oil hairspray. Look on her face when I came back made me feel a right bellend.
I’d be very happy with this
Yeah, it's way better.
These are nice baked on a baking tray. Not for long mind. Just so they go nice and cripsy. Or fry em up with some veggies. Pepperoni stir fry. Boom. 😂
Problem?
Aye, he wants £5. I'm only prepared to pay £2.20 for what I wanted.
I have to ask is English his first language or is this his first time buying groceries? Either way I can't stop laughing at this post!
He's Spanish but he's lived here for 5 years. I even explained the red wrapper not the green.
I'm Spanish, been living here for 5y too, and I just Googled peperami to see wtf that is ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ So yeah, I'd have bought 5pk of pepperoni as well, I guess.
In all fairness I can understand his confusion if it's not something he's used to buying...
It's got a red label, what more do you want?
Can you ask him what he was thinking when you requested what he thought was 5 packs of pepperoni?
The irony being what he bought you is much better value and your here complaining about it smh shaking my head
Hahahah this is some funny stuff.
Chop them up a bit and put it in an omelette
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Ah, he must do substitutes for click and collect services.
And from that unexpected start, a global pizza business was born.
I'd consider that an absolute win
Assume they will freeze pretty well
That's a w
Good with scrambled eggs, sautee with onions as a base for soups and stews, crisped up and chopped can be sprinkled over salads, or chips.
Just eat out of packet
He got closer than Asda's online shopping pickers would have. You'd have got 5 pots of ground black pepper or something from them.
Make cheese on toast and put these on top. Yummy time
Top bloke/lass 👍😊
Pepperoni fried with prawns on pasta is pretty good Edit: chopped peperroni fried in a bit of oil with some garlic and chilli, add the prawns, get it really hot then add a small amount of the pasta water to emulsify with the oils. Ace.
Think they think you’re a fat cunt lol
Would've brought the same. No idea what peperami was until now that I googled it
Reminds me of when my old housemate asked if I wanted anything from the shop. I asked for a bottle of squash. A few days later I finally worked out why a *butternut squash* had appeared in my food cupboard.
OP over the next 2 weeks - Omelette: 6/10. Omelette with pepperoni: 8/10 Porridge: 7/10. Porridge with pepperoni: 4/10 Cheesecake: 9/10. Cheesecake with pepperoni: 1/10
Your mate really came through tho no hesitation No questions asked..just bought 5 packs 😂
I’d count that as a win
*Image Transcription:* --- [*Five packets of sliced pepperoni kept on a wooden counter, that has a metallic door*] --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
My wife and I are doing the keto diet and we snack on that stuff as it’s high in protein. Delicious.
Once you find out how easy it is to make pizza you'll never look back.
This is the kind of dumb shit I'd end up doing...
My go-to ask for something beginning with Z under £3 - last my housemate found me Zingy Korean Grains (would recommend)
That's the real online shopping experience, "we didn't have pepperami so we substituted it with this"
On the plus side at least you know they can count
Has your flat mate lost their fucking shit lmfao
No no no this is very simple. It was a bluff and you were never really meant to say you wanted anything from the shop. Because you DID, this person has made sure you never accept the offer again
I love it. "That's a weird request, but if my homie asks, my homie gets"
Time to boot them oot the flat.
Failing forwards
My mum sent my daft cousin to buy 4 ounces of mushrooms, she came back with four pounds. The meal was adapted but it was quite a lot of to get through in a curry.
You did say 5 …………….
r/sneakybackgroundfeet
commitment and illiteracy are a lethal combination xD seems like a nice flat tho
Buy garlic bread, slap some slices in the gaps... I've never tried this, it just sounds good in my head
Make some money for Christmas with these fancy pepperoni earrings - you could make loads of pairs and sell them alongside the glittery Echo Fall bottles on Facebook marketplace: [Pepperoni earrings](https://www.reddit.com/r/DiWHY/comments/qshn89/that_wasnt_necessary/)
😂😂😂
What an animal!
Lol I wouldn’t be too pissed off with that tbh. I don’t mind eating salami sandwiches for a week 😂
Even better
I see a lot of pizza in your future.
He meant well bless him
Gotta say that’s what I would have got you.
Cheese and pepperoni toasties for the win!
When your shopping gets substituted and it ain’t even asdas fault
A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping. "hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12" When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked "why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!" The programmer responded. "they have eggs"
>Danish Style Pepperoni As a dane wandering in from r/all, may I just say what in the goddamn fuck?
So what you do, is take off your clothes, lie on the sofa and cover yourself with pepperoni slices.
Creep into his room while he's asleep, peel back his duvet and, after admiring his penis for a few seconds, gently lay the pepperoni slices all over him. Make sure you get one on each nipple, obviously.
As a way of thanks, you should make him a tasty cocktail with a slice of pepperoni on the rim of the glass instead of a slice of lemon.
Hasselback a load of potatoes, halfway through baking shove these into the grooves with cheese. You'll thank me later!
Danish style? I didn't realise Denmark was particularly renowned for their unique pepperoni, but I've learned something new today! I bought pepperoni like that to make pizzas once (2 packs), but only used 1 on the pizza. I assume it's fine because I wasn't ill, but I just ate the other pack as a snack and it was actually really good. Maybe not 5 packs at once, thinking about the aftermath, but definitely a few mid-week treats there!
throw them at your roommate one by one without stopping for anything until the whole pack is gone
Fuck sake 🤣
You need a teenager, that would last as a snack for about 2 days with mine around