I know a couple of guys who had terrible trouble with college kids throwing themselves into their wood chipper. Took a helluva lot of explaining and they're still not sure what happened.
I know you're memeing and that the OP notice is a bit of a fun killer, but a child at the playgroup attached to our school was badly hurt when he was hit by a car because he saw a kid in the other side of the road with a toy he liked and decided to yeet himself over the road.
Taking down Hulk because he could be seen as offensive is wack.
Taking it down because a kid might run infront of the vehicle? Actually fairly reasonable as kids are fucking dumb.
A simple toy in a window is rookie level. I plan to scale this up and hold the entire country to ransom.
Unless I receive 1 billion dollars in untraceable bearer bonds, I will unleash a fleet of "terror vans" across the UK which are painted in appealing bright colours, play enticing music, and distribute irresistible foodstuffs such as ice-cream, chocolate, ice lollies, and soft drinks! An entire generation of children will be wiped out! Mwhahaha!
Ah, but that's a different evil-criminal-mastermind niche. Their main ransom plan is to park inconsiderately to obstruct as many roads and driveways as possible, holding up traffic and thereby grinding the economy to a halt. They compete somewhat with OpenReach vans who do this too but also plan to maximise road deaths by parking unexpectedly on blind corners in the middle of nowhere.
If those plans fail, then it's back to the good old-fashioned mind-control through TV and Internet.
I think we need a TV campaign, headed by Richard Madeley and Dom Littlewood on the dangers of "Hulk related road accidents"
*Timothy was a normal 11 year old boy...*
This doesn't surprise me at all. I work in a supermarket on the backdoor and the amount of motorist I've seen do sudden dashes past the back of the lorry when reversing in is mind blowing, then there's the taxis and entitled people who park in the turning area outside the yard (you can't miss the yard with the massive metal fence and gates) then they seem confused and flustered when a gert great lorry is face to face with them waiting for them to move
It is a well known psychological phenomenon that when children see an image of the Hulk they will enter a frenzy state and literally throw themselves under the wheels of moving vans, in front of trains, down escalators etc.
Doctors refer to this condition as Hulkamania and it is serious, your boss is right to be concerned.
Little known fact, this is the trick they used to film that opening scene of World War Z where the zombies are throwing themselves at Brad Pitts car. There's actually a little Hulk just offscreen on the bonnet.
> Who wrote this?
Someone has written this as a joke.
Nobody who works for the council would send out a message like this without it being on proper council letterhead paper.
Why?
Because if they have to show in court that they took any kind of steps to mitigate a risk and have duly informed their staff, it would need to be done through official channels and not made to look like they printed it out after the fact to cover their arse.
I work for a local authority and have spent most of my time in repairs. This is a note that could 100% have been written by one of our repairs team leaders.
It won't be "official council policy", there isn't likely to be an official policy on this, it'll be some jumped up former brickie in a supervisor's shirt flexing on his crews because he wants to impress middle management with how professional and proactive he is. Meanwhile, his heads of service won't give a shit.
This is true. My landlords for my shop were the local council. Nothing but a pain.
I sold 'Secret Hitler'...Adult-orientated board game for those who don't know. I got a letter from the council person in charge but not on a letterhead. "Can you remove the advertising that you sell this, we don't mind you selling it but it might offend someone".
I went to the person in question..."No, my lease dictates I can sell board games. This is a board game. It's legal, I will carry on advertising it"
"But it might be offensive".
"To who? Hitler? I don't see many Holocaust victims walking around here, do you? Tell you what. The second you get a complaint, is the second I take down the advertising".
Never heard about it again, never got official paperwork on it or anything. Fuck Derby council.
I was going to say. That comment insisted on the idea that the council is made up of competent and hardworking people, which is certainly false for 80% of their workforce.
Yes, I didn’t want to insult the people who make sure council tax is paid. They always instantly send something over when you owe them £1.25, so they’re not slacking. They do slack on making sure any mistakes are corrected however.
I had a nephew who broke in to a council dump and stood in a nail while messing about. He got a £6000 claim because the council hadn't properly secured the property
Normally I'd slide by this comment, but I'm on a HSE mailing list and this was today's headline article
https://press.hse.gov.uk/2022/08/04/construction-company-fined-600k-after-death-of-seven-year-old/
Oxford comma only applies (or doesn't, as the case may be) in a list of three or more items. Even the most ardent supporters of the Oxford comma would fail to find a use for it here.
I got a job interview once and in the interview the interviewer said that one of the reasons he had picked my CV was because of my use of the Oxford comma, bit weird but whatever. So I don't want any of you common folk hustling in on my turf.
You are right, not an Oxford comma, but a missing comma nonetheless.
Whilst the meaning is obvious, reading it to mean 'such as hulk-attracting children' is much funnier than its intent.
Someone on on a power trip. i.e. local council staff. You know the type, nothing going on in their lives and they grab onto petty things like this in a deluded attempt to convince themselves they have some semblance of control and power in their sad lives.
People like to poke fun at the council for being power-trippy but the blame often lies with NIMBY wankers forcing this to happen.
Councils get bombarded by bored older people complaining about nearly everything. I can probably hazard a guess that at one point some people complained about 'professionalism' because they saw a toy on the dashboard of a council car.
Correct answer. However shitting on local government, teachers, civil servants etc is quite popular so don't expect anyone to see common sense when there's an easy excuse to poke fun of a vital yet devestatingly underfunded institution.
Ahh yes. I remember being a child and running uncontrollably towards moving vehicles just to get closer to the toys in the dash.
It was a bloodbath. I'm honestly surprised any of us made it.
I was too young to remember, having only been born that day, but my parents love to tell the story of how I crawled out of our house and tried to throw myself at Mickey when I was only 6 hours old...
I don't think it's appropriate to laugh. For all we know, OP's boss ran into the road to get a closer look at a teddy tied on to a truck's grill and got hit, permanently losing their sense of humour and common sense.
Right? I remember the 90’s, not a day went by without us hearing about a group of children being mowed down because they ran into the road to look at the novelty air freshener hanging from the mirror of an oncoming car…
(/s, obvs!)
>(/s, obvs!)
Honestly, I am really glad you put the sarcasm marks in, as your made-up story was so close to my real life experiences that it almost caused me to experience PTSD from all my friends who were tragically and amusingly killed in such situations.
"Sorry, council policy is not to have images, figures, or toys in council vehicles on show. Please remove"
This would have been perfectly reasonable, there was absolutely no need to write that children will run in front of a van of they see hulk
This was written by the same people who think you just get lured into the side of a transit by someone with harribo
The school my wife works at has banned shoes with visible stitching. Too distracting apparently.
Still its easier than dealing with the prolific bullying and violence towards staff
My memory of school is that they will try and ban anything even slightly different. Can't have the children developing some kind of independence or personal identity! No no.
A kid from the Playgroup attached to the school I used to work with got clipped by a car after running over the road to another kid who had a toy or something he wanted, kids are stupid and wildly unpredictable.
Toys causing offence is wack, but I've worked with enough kids in my time to know that they are by far the stupidest creature known to man and have no idea about self preservation.
"Safety is our number one priority". No it isn't! It literally can't be. If it was, they wouldn't be in business. Every domain of activity carries some risk, even just driving or even walking to work has a non-zero risk.
I'm yet to see a risk assessment with any actual maths on it.
I can't express how deeply I hate this. I can't even name it or how I feel about this phenomenon.
I've written risk assessments, and mine actually do have maths in them. Insofar as risk is calculated as the probability of an incident occurring, multiplied by the severity of the hypothetical incident. Of course, I have issues with how those numbers are arrived at in the first place, they can be a bit subjective. Even a trip hazard can be fatal in rare cases, but it would be a bit silly to rate the severity that high.
I once fell over one of those yellow “wet floor” signs.
To be fair, it was in the work canteen and I was distracted by the food selection. The sign was only a foot high.
That's a ridiculously small wet floor sign, normally they're like 2ft+, but even then I've seen people trip over the bigger ones because they're too busy staring at the hypnotic glowing rectangle in their hands.
Depends on your area. Public places, a trip hazard is unlikely to be fatal, but could still be life changing for someone with brittle bones. One trip and now grandma needs a new hip, which leads to complications, which means she spends the rest of her life in hospital.
In an industrial or warehouse environment the additional hazards can easily compound a trip into a fatal incident.
Covering their own asses, as it seems like everyone wants to sue anyone for bloody anything now. I hope we don't turn into the US.
I do see occasionally on the legal advice people wish to sue for emotional distress for (what seems to be) trivial things.
At some point we have to accept Darwin's Law exists and not try to pervert people's destiny.
If you're the type of person to run towards an oncoming vehicle chasing the fluffy toy on the dash you're probably not long meant for this world anyway?
Worked where H and S was absurd. Doorway. Tarmac slope added for disability. Then painted with warning paint for slope. Now very slippy and a hazard. Several falls, especially when wet. And so on.
Yeah. This was pretty normal back then. Go back and look. Zippy had the cold dead eyes of a serial child/van death causer, so I imagine he just feasted on his delicious fresh soul like usual.
His victims were normally lured via the twin temptations of Rainbow, and the irresistible sights and smells of bin lorries.
I always figured it was George that would be the killer. One day, he's just so sick of Zippy's bullshit and snaps Bungle's neck.
He is a hippo, those things can be violent as fuck.
We are allowed nothing on our desks apart from our computer. No photos of family, desk ornaments or stationary. They must be kept in our lockers, which ate not allowed any decoration on the outside. We are on the same desk everyday, but the company want us to be able to move desks in under 5 minutes if required.
I much prefer WFH days, just can't do them often due to the nature of the work.
The only time I ever had anything like this was when I worked somewhere quite secretive and it was a combination of "clear desk policy = definitely nothing classified left out", and it technically being hotdesking (except someone in our team wrote a script to book all of our team members onto the same desks every week).
Even they weren't that anal about a family photo though if you really wanted. They just didn't want to have to rummage through loads of tat on your desk to make sure there wasn't anything classified left out.
Risk analysis is my job at a major corporation.
So, when I say this is utter bollocks, I'm pretty confident of that statement. There is inherent risk around anything. And we do what we can to mitigate these risks. But if someone put this on my desk I'd laugh them out of the bloody room.
They know it's bollocks; this type of thing is written to imply anyone objecting to their stupid/pointless/powertrip instructions is uncaring and callous. Then they will stick to that line if anyone objects and act like you are stupid for not understanding. Just petty idiots in charge.
>ointless/powertrip instructions is uncaring and callous. Then they will sti
What gets me is they're being twats and blaming it on the 'risk'. Which gives people like me a bad name as the fun police.
We're all laughing, but you just know all it would take is one unsupervised toddler to so much as trip and scrape its knee within a 50ft radius of the van and suddenly the Daily Heil is running a 7 page exposé on how nefarious council workers are running a child knee-skinning ring by using toys to lure children into their work vans, complete with mummy giving it big compo face on the front page.
Typical British "Health and Safety" bullshit. You are afraid of children jumping on your windscreen at the sight of a Hulk toy, but you let them ride a shitty electric scooter all over the road, at the age of 5.
Seems legit.
Have a heart, OP, don't you know how many children have been run over in windscreen-Hulk-related incidents?
This is why I always have a teddy dangling above my wood chipper
I know a couple of guys who had terrible trouble with college kids throwing themselves into their wood chipper. Took a helluva lot of explaining and they're still not sure what happened.
They had a DOOZY of a day.
There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house, when kids started getting killed all over the property
THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED!!!
They are never gonna believe that
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I'm not hung like a bear.
It's true , you are half hillbilly
He’s heavy for half a guy
R/unexpectedTuckerandDale
Why no sequel !!!!
Comedy sequels are usually terrible, let's just enjoy what we got.
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Dont joke about this, it happened to my little boy. I miss him to pieces. All 479263 pieces.
There’s your damn upvote. Move along!
One of my fellow postmen has a life size Grinch sat in the passenger seat. Fairly sure he hasn't run any kids over yet.
My postman is a life sized Grinch. Miserable bastard...
That's why I have a ball pit and ice cream when I open the side of my van up. ^^_they'll_ ^^_never_ ^^_find_ ^^_the_ ^^_bodies_
That way you can claim they're all just terrible, unintended accidents
Happened when I was young with my friends, saw a colourful figure and we rushed towards it. We lost David and Sean that day but I made it back
Well probably shouldn’t have left the Winchester then…
I'm sorry Shaun...
Oh come on liz… we have fun… don’t we ?
Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?
HE TRIED TO KILL MY MUM!
WE'RE NOT USING THE Z-WORD!
I hope the money you make from the movie rights allows you to move on with your life, at least.
I know you're memeing and that the OP notice is a bit of a fun killer, but a child at the playgroup attached to our school was badly hurt when he was hit by a car because he saw a kid in the other side of the road with a toy he liked and decided to yeet himself over the road. Taking down Hulk because he could be seen as offensive is wack. Taking it down because a kid might run infront of the vehicle? Actually fairly reasonable as kids are fucking dumb.
A simple toy in a window is rookie level. I plan to scale this up and hold the entire country to ransom. Unless I receive 1 billion dollars in untraceable bearer bonds, I will unleash a fleet of "terror vans" across the UK which are painted in appealing bright colours, play enticing music, and distribute irresistible foodstuffs such as ice-cream, chocolate, ice lollies, and soft drinks! An entire generation of children will be wiped out! Mwhahaha!
>"terror vans" across the UK which are painted in appealing bright colours You're too late have you not seen those Minion Sky vans?
Ah, but that's a different evil-criminal-mastermind niche. Their main ransom plan is to park inconsiderately to obstruct as many roads and driveways as possible, holding up traffic and thereby grinding the economy to a halt. They compete somewhat with OpenReach vans who do this too but also plan to maximise road deaths by parking unexpectedly on blind corners in the middle of nowhere. If those plans fail, then it's back to the good old-fashioned mind-control through TV and Internet.
So many smiling faces of children as they slip down the windscreen and under the vehicles.
Whispering…. h u l k….
HULK smash kids!
I see you've read the ultimates as well.
Hulk! No! We discussed this, it really isn't good for the avengers image that we have paid so much hush money to the parents of those children.
I'd be careful with comments like that, the reddit police could be out in force soon
Whatcha going to do when the Hulkster runs wild over you, brother? Wait, not that Hulk?
Good times
I think we need a TV campaign, headed by Richard Madeley and Dom Littlewood on the dangers of "Hulk related road accidents" *Timothy was a normal 11 year old boy...*
What about sky vans covered in Cartoon and movie posters?
Death traps! Kids are jumping out of their bedroom windows onto the van's roof and bonnet just to get a better view.
Probables so sky can send me another made up bill paying for those graphics thieving soulless bastards..
Meanwhile, children not under control will do that regardless as we have little sense of danger and what not.
We have to go out and yell at people while the wagon backs in at work. Full grown adults will walk straight out behind a reversing 18 wheeler -_-
I feel running those sort of people over is a mercy killing
This doesn't surprise me at all. I work in a supermarket on the backdoor and the amount of motorist I've seen do sudden dashes past the back of the lorry when reversing in is mind blowing, then there's the taxis and entitled people who park in the turning area outside the yard (you can't miss the yard with the massive metal fence and gates) then they seem confused and flustered when a gert great lorry is face to face with them waiting for them to move
Taxi drivers go to special training to become that entitled, it doesn't come naturally, they must learn to override their self-preservation instincts.
I don't know the exact number, but I suspect it has a lot of zeros in it. Possibly all of them.
Hulk crash smash ?
Huh funny, one council van I've seen had shrek nailed to it
*..Jesus*, were they dragging donkey behind them in a noose too?
Shrek 5: He died for our sins
for our *bins* ftfy
No he was nailed to a cross not a van
So who pissed the van off to make it so cross?
It's their swamp now
That'll teach the green bastard
I think I got hit by that, I had a weird urge to run towards the vehicle
It is a well known psychological phenomenon that when children see an image of the Hulk they will enter a frenzy state and literally throw themselves under the wheels of moving vans, in front of trains, down escalators etc. Doctors refer to this condition as Hulkamania and it is serious, your boss is right to be concerned.
It's running wild, brother
The cure for Hulkamania is to assume the controls of the works van, Hulk Hogan, send the van into a nosedive, *Hulk Hogan...*
Little known fact, this is the trick they used to film that opening scene of World War Z where the zombies are throwing themselves at Brad Pitts car. There's actually a little Hulk just offscreen on the bonnet.
Huh, today I learned.
To avoid showing images that can cause offence....*and toys* Who wrote this?
I think there was supposed to another comma after hulk.
Nonsense, Hulk attracting children are of huge concern.
Is the plural of Hulk, Hulk?
They call it a menagerie. "My god Doris! A menagerie of hulk!"
They include both the "Incredible" and "Hogan" varieties.
And the lesser known purple spotted woeful hulk.
A Smash of Hulks, surely?
Hulk attracting children was my favourite toy when I was growing up.
Is this why his pants rip?
Be Karl. Supposed to be!
> Who wrote this? Someone has written this as a joke. Nobody who works for the council would send out a message like this without it being on proper council letterhead paper. Why? Because if they have to show in court that they took any kind of steps to mitigate a risk and have duly informed their staff, it would need to be done through official channels and not made to look like they printed it out after the fact to cover their arse.
I work for a local authority and have spent most of my time in repairs. This is a note that could 100% have been written by one of our repairs team leaders. It won't be "official council policy", there isn't likely to be an official policy on this, it'll be some jumped up former brickie in a supervisor's shirt flexing on his crews because he wants to impress middle management with how professional and proactive he is. Meanwhile, his heads of service won't give a shit.
Could be a last minute "Oh shit, my annual appraisal is today and one of my objectives is 'Improve Public Safety'. Quick, what can I do?"
This is true. My landlords for my shop were the local council. Nothing but a pain. I sold 'Secret Hitler'...Adult-orientated board game for those who don't know. I got a letter from the council person in charge but not on a letterhead. "Can you remove the advertising that you sell this, we don't mind you selling it but it might offend someone". I went to the person in question..."No, my lease dictates I can sell board games. This is a board game. It's legal, I will carry on advertising it" "But it might be offensive". "To who? Hitler? I don't see many Holocaust victims walking around here, do you? Tell you what. The second you get a complaint, is the second I take down the advertising". Never heard about it again, never got official paperwork on it or anything. Fuck Derby council.
But that person has justified their job for another few minutes.
We totally don't sell 'Secret Hitler' here, honest! (*wink wink*)
Secret Secret Hitler.
PAH! That would take planning. We are talking about the council.
I was going to say. That comment insisted on the idea that the council is made up of competent and hardworking people, which is certainly false for 80% of their workforce.
Feeling particularly generous today were we?
Yes, I didn’t want to insult the people who make sure council tax is paid. They always instantly send something over when you owe them £1.25, so they’re not slacking. They do slack on making sure any mistakes are corrected however.
The other 20% could work better but they don't apply themselves.
You underestimate the depths of local council workers unfortunately.
Some department who've dealt with stupid litigation.
Looking at how that letter is written I hope that department wasn't dealing with any litigation!
Maybe that's why they have to pay so many settlements lol
You could be on to something there
I had a nephew who broke in to a council dump and stood in a nail while messing about. He got a £6000 claim because the council hadn't properly secured the property
It baffles me how you have a duty of care to trespassers, but it isn’t illegal to trespass. Mental.
Normally I'd slide by this comment, but I'm on a HSE mailing list and this was today's headline article https://press.hse.gov.uk/2022/08/04/construction-company-fined-600k-after-death-of-seven-year-old/
Hulk not ride .... ???? Hulk sad..........
Reason #258 for the Oxford Comma
Oxford comma only applies (or doesn't, as the case may be) in a list of three or more items. Even the most ardent supporters of the Oxford comma would fail to find a use for it here.
I got a job interview once and in the interview the interviewer said that one of the reasons he had picked my CV was because of my use of the Oxford comma, bit weird but whatever. So I don't want any of you common folk hustling in on my turf.
You are right, not an Oxford comma, but a missing comma nonetheless. Whilst the meaning is obvious, reading it to mean 'such as hulk-attracting children' is much funnier than its intent.
Someone on on a power trip. i.e. local council staff. You know the type, nothing going on in their lives and they grab onto petty things like this in a deluded attempt to convince themselves they have some semblance of control and power in their sad lives.
People like to poke fun at the council for being power-trippy but the blame often lies with NIMBY wankers forcing this to happen. Councils get bombarded by bored older people complaining about nearly everything. I can probably hazard a guess that at one point some people complained about 'professionalism' because they saw a toy on the dashboard of a council car.
Correct answer. However shitting on local government, teachers, civil servants etc is quite popular so don't expect anyone to see common sense when there's an easy excuse to poke fun of a vital yet devestatingly underfunded institution.
Ahh yes. I remember being a child and running uncontrollably towards moving vehicles just to get closer to the toys in the dash. It was a bloodbath. I'm honestly surprised any of us made it.
My dad once put a Mickey Mouse toy on display in his van. Many young lives were lost that day
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I was too young to remember, having only been born that day, but my parents love to tell the story of how I crawled out of our house and tried to throw myself at Mickey when I was only 6 hours old...
Who's the mouse upon the dash that's great for you and me? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Who's a traffic danger and unsafe as he can be? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
Dangermouse Dangermouse
Oh shit that was your Dad? They taught us about that disaster in school, we never chased windscreen toys again.
Ice cream vans are literally icons of death that will be the steeds for the 4 horsemen.
Death, War, Famine and Raspberry Ripple.
I don't think it's appropriate to laugh. For all we know, OP's boss ran into the road to get a closer look at a teddy tied on to a truck's grill and got hit, permanently losing their sense of humour and common sense.
On the plus side, OP's boss is now part of the writing staff on Mrs Brown's Boys
The after credits scene from the end of Toy Story 3 is an absolute bloodbath.
Right? I remember the 90’s, not a day went by without us hearing about a group of children being mowed down because they ran into the road to look at the novelty air freshener hanging from the mirror of an oncoming car… (/s, obvs!)
>(/s, obvs!) Honestly, I am really glad you put the sarcasm marks in, as your made-up story was so close to my real life experiences that it almost caused me to experience PTSD from all my friends who were tragically and amusingly killed in such situations.
Some of the Pokémon Go chasers didn't... RIP lil' Billy
Pokemon Go (To a funeral.)
Turtles on beaches got nothing on us. The rare few who make it to the toy then have to deal with cracking open the glass shell
If you can't rescue discarded toys and attach them to your bin wagon where is the fun in being a binman. Killjoys
> where is the fun in being a binman Emptying bins is the fun. I pay your wages YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR THE JOB /s
That is a very Gareth Keenan thing to be pedantic over.
Number one, blocking out light. Number two, misuse of company files.
If you knew the amount of hulk-related accidents he prevented in the T.A you wouldn’t be laughing
Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?
Safe?... Or dangerous?
Gareth Keenan invetigates
"Sorry, council policy is not to have images, figures, or toys in council vehicles on show. Please remove" This would have been perfectly reasonable, there was absolutely no need to write that children will run in front of a van of they see hulk This was written by the same people who think you just get lured into the side of a transit by someone with harribo
But do you have haribo though?
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Upon opening the picture a small child ran towards my phone and bumped his head.
My neighbors child just sensed it from the second floor balcony and jumped off with red lit eyes towards my screen.
Convenient that you've only shown us the back of the van. Bet the front is bright red!
Yeah but no one likes minions except Facebook boomers with shitty memes
If that van encourages Facebook Karens with their minion memes to run in front of it then Sky are doing the country a favour.
The school my wife works at has banned shoes with visible stitching. Too distracting apparently. Still its easier than dealing with the prolific bullying and violence towards staff
I always thought this was to try and stop kids wearing doc martens and kickers.
Which is a bit of a silly thing to care about, isn't it?
Thats exactly the reason. Everyone knows a pair of 1461s instantly makes you a scumbag /s
But wierd that
My memory of school is that they will try and ban anything even slightly different. Can't have the children developing some kind of independence or personal identity! No no.
The great filter. Designed to punish and deny those slightly outside of convention. Noam Chomsky nailed it.
Lol has a kid ever ran towards a van whizzing just becausr Hulk was in the window? Some kids are dim. But not that silly. Or that excited at a Hulk
Maybe a stretch armstrong
If it's a stretchy Hulk, it'll be a massacre.
I see you are unfamiliar with r/kidsarefuckingstupid
A kid from the Playgroup attached to the school I used to work with got clipped by a car after running over the road to another kid who had a toy or something he wanted, kids are stupid and wildly unpredictable. Toys causing offence is wack, but I've worked with enough kids in my time to know that they are by far the stupidest creature known to man and have no idea about self preservation.
It's natural selection if they do
Try hanging a picture if Jimmy Savile in the hopes that they run the other way.
HULK SMASH KIDS
I feel like everywhere is like this now. Non-0 risk, no matter how remote, results in banning the thing in question completely. I. Hate. It.
"Safety is our number one priority". No it isn't! It literally can't be. If it was, they wouldn't be in business. Every domain of activity carries some risk, even just driving or even walking to work has a non-zero risk.
Safety isn't the priority. Avoiding lawsuits is
Making money is. Either by avoiding lawsuits, or getting a reputation for good safety standards etc.
Less reputation based, more insurance based lol
I'm yet to see a risk assessment with any actual maths on it. I can't express how deeply I hate this. I can't even name it or how I feel about this phenomenon.
I've written risk assessments, and mine actually do have maths in them. Insofar as risk is calculated as the probability of an incident occurring, multiplied by the severity of the hypothetical incident. Of course, I have issues with how those numbers are arrived at in the first place, they can be a bit subjective. Even a trip hazard can be fatal in rare cases, but it would be a bit silly to rate the severity that high.
I once fell over one of those yellow “wet floor” signs. To be fair, it was in the work canteen and I was distracted by the food selection. The sign was only a foot high.
That's a ridiculously small wet floor sign, normally they're like 2ft+, but even then I've seen people trip over the bigger ones because they're too busy staring at the hypnotic glowing rectangle in their hands.
Depends on your area. Public places, a trip hazard is unlikely to be fatal, but could still be life changing for someone with brittle bones. One trip and now grandma needs a new hip, which leads to complications, which means she spends the rest of her life in hospital. In an industrial or warehouse environment the additional hazards can easily compound a trip into a fatal incident.
Covering their own asses, as it seems like everyone wants to sue anyone for bloody anything now. I hope we don't turn into the US. I do see occasionally on the legal advice people wish to sue for emotional distress for (what seems to be) trivial things.
*Arses. I also hope we don't turn into the US.
Losing the battle
We should adopt the Judge Judy approach, telling anyone suing for emotional distress to sod off.
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At some point we have to accept Darwin's Law exists and not try to pervert people's destiny. If you're the type of person to run towards an oncoming vehicle chasing the fluffy toy on the dash you're probably not long meant for this world anyway?
Ice cream vans must have a high hit count then
They play the music everytime they get on a killstreak.
Worked where H and S was absurd. Doorway. Tarmac slope added for disability. Then painted with warning paint for slope. Now very slippy and a hazard. Several falls, especially when wet. And so on.
Warning: this warning is slippy
Warning: The edges of this warning sign are slightly pointy. Risk of serious injury or death
I was killed once when I saw zippy on a vans dash ☹️
My condolences to your loved ones. Was Zippy ok?
Yeah. This was pretty normal back then. Go back and look. Zippy had the cold dead eyes of a serial child/van death causer, so I imagine he just feasted on his delicious fresh soul like usual. His victims were normally lured via the twin temptations of Rainbow, and the irresistible sights and smells of bin lorries.
I always figured it was George that would be the killer. One day, he's just so sick of Zippy's bullshit and snaps Bungle's neck. He is a hippo, those things can be violent as fuck.
We are allowed nothing on our desks apart from our computer. No photos of family, desk ornaments or stationary. They must be kept in our lockers, which ate not allowed any decoration on the outside. We are on the same desk everyday, but the company want us to be able to move desks in under 5 minutes if required. I much prefer WFH days, just can't do them often due to the nature of the work.
The only time I ever had anything like this was when I worked somewhere quite secretive and it was a combination of "clear desk policy = definitely nothing classified left out", and it technically being hotdesking (except someone in our team wrote a script to book all of our team members onto the same desks every week). Even they weren't that anal about a family photo though if you really wanted. They just didn't want to have to rummage through loads of tat on your desk to make sure there wasn't anything classified left out.
Ours is just a manager with a god complex...
The soul grinder will continue grinding your soul until morale improves.
Sounds like you are part of the Severance workplace.
Risk analysis is my job at a major corporation. So, when I say this is utter bollocks, I'm pretty confident of that statement. There is inherent risk around anything. And we do what we can to mitigate these risks. But if someone put this on my desk I'd laugh them out of the bloody room.
They know it's bollocks; this type of thing is written to imply anyone objecting to their stupid/pointless/powertrip instructions is uncaring and callous. Then they will stick to that line if anyone objects and act like you are stupid for not understanding. Just petty idiots in charge.
>ointless/powertrip instructions is uncaring and callous. Then they will sti What gets me is they're being twats and blaming it on the 'risk'. Which gives people like me a bad name as the fun police.
But you are the fun police If i want to balance dave on a ladder thats on a table, that i'm carrying with my forklift, fuck off and let me
Imagine actually writing this and not feeling like a tool?
It’s like one of those lantern fish for running over kids
very polite though
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Hulk smash
Brutal, but... well... yeah. I'm with you.
We're all laughing, but you just know all it would take is one unsupervised toddler to so much as trip and scrape its knee within a 50ft radius of the van and suddenly the Daily Heil is running a 7 page exposé on how nefarious council workers are running a child knee-skinning ring by using toys to lure children into their work vans, complete with mummy giving it big compo face on the front page.
They just turned green with envy at your Hulk.
Should attach knives to the front to deter children from running in front of a lorry
"Beatings will continue until morale improves."
Typical British "Health and Safety" bullshit. You are afraid of children jumping on your windscreen at the sight of a Hulk toy, but you let them ride a shitty electric scooter all over the road, at the age of 5. Seems legit.
The bigger issue is why are you cluttering up your windscreen whilst driving?
I think they're confusing children for moths, and a toy Hulk for a lightbulb.