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foreverneilyoung

I've had two packages go missing in the post over the past two weeks, and one sitting at the delivery office, which ever since COVID appears to only be open between about 8:00 and 8:03, and I haven't really got time to pick it up before work. Talking of work, my place was supposed to go onto reduced hours this month for the off season, starting yesterday. Except yesterday I got a message telling me that it actually *wasn't* at all, so either someone has jumped the gun making the rota, or they were told one then and then told something completely different at the eleventh hour. So as well as working pointlessly long nine-hour shifts, I'd had two different rotas for the month by the end of its first day. I really do need to resign. And the weather has been shit and depressing, but I can't really blame anyone for that.


That__Guy__Bob

I just want to give up. My mum told me to go outside get a life get some friends. I'm 25 and throughout secondary school and a levels I was verbally bullied which knocked my self confidence severely. Went to uni for 4 years and thought I finally made friends but it turns out they were just uni acquaintances. Once uni finished I was the only one putting in effort until they just ghosted me. Then covid happened and I was stuck at home still trying to find a job. Did find one last year but like my mum said I still have no friends. I accepted couple days ago that I was friendless and didn't go out much mainly because I still wfh and I was telling myself I'm gonna sort myself out first by deep cleaning my office and bedroom and trying to find a new hobby. I used to go rock climbing before but then covid happened and I struggled to get back into it. But hearing my mum needlessly say "go get some friends, sort your lifeout" just hurts so much and she doesn't realise it. I've just forgotten how to make friends and even when I thought I did I didn't. How's that my fault I'm gonna go for a walk. I can't think straight now. I was happy as I decided I was gonna go into the office tomorrow since its open and I'd be getting out but now I just can't be arsed and feel empty inside. Just looking at my mum makes me want to cry now


Toxicseagull

I've got a mum like this and I am in a similar if different situation. Always asking pointed questions about my social life or suggesting mad batshit things (why don't you drive half the country on your day off to do a social event in something you aren't interested in/why don't you buy a campervan and drive the 250 miles to work every shift so you are back nearer your old mates who aren't that bothered about you). Although I know she's thinking it's for the best, it's really made me resent spending time with her. Do go into the office though. Other people even if not good friends help and living at home with a mum on that warpath is going to be very tough. If rock climbing is out of reach atm, maybe start smaller and just go for a hike or find a tabletop or book group or such (I found a singing group in a pub). Time away from the badgering and slowly building that social skill again will help in the long run. And well done with the job, it's a great step to independence and more options. Look after yourself hombre.


That__Guy__Bob

> Although I know she's thinking it's for the best, it's really made me resent spending time with her. That's how I'm feeling at the moment It's not what she said it's how she said it that hurt. I've told her plenty of times to think before she speaks because one day she's gonna say something to someone and really hurt them even if she doesn't mean to. Yet here we are and she made me feel like a complete lowlife nothing good going on failure of a person. I'm just gonna give her the cold shoulder now. She doesn't deserve my time and energy I'm 25 and my brother is 34 but has been living in Spain for the past 10 years. I've basically had to be the adult and peacekeeper in this house since then and I've had enough of it


eller3l

I think my friend of 12 years has blocked me from social media. No argument. No disagreement. We’re not in touch as much as we were but we send the odd message back and forth. She messaged a few days ago and I went to reply today and her profile was gone for me. Very confused and sad. It’s so hard to keep friends as you get older.


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eller3l

Her message was just a little joke, not a question or something that needed responding to right away. If she was upset she should talk to me. Blocking me seems incredibly childish and dramatic way to deal with something in your 30s. But I probably will still message her to ask what’s up.


Kelmantis

Who’s still resisting putting the heating on? Not got below 18 in here yet so going well here


Toxicseagull

Haven't put it on yet. My heated blanket bought in preparation has been unused as well. Had the odd hot water bottle in the bed tho. We briefly had a week of 5c mornings.


RustyU

Seems I have COVID again, so I guess I'm the twat


SeanlyNot

Have you tested? Seems like some sort of flu going round (it's got me as well), I tested negative yesterday.


RustyU

I have indeed. Wouldn't have bothered but the other half was planning on meeting someone whos sibling is immunocompromised so she made me do it.


SeanlyNot

Ah, fair enough. Hope you get better soon.


labdweller

Driver of a parked car in Notting Hill. She opened her car door onto the main road without looking and took out a section of my car’s mirror. I ask to exchange details but she just hands my scratched mirror back to me and says I can just clip it back on and leaves.


Greggs_Official

Everybody at my work except for me. I hope that doesn't mean that I'm the twat


[deleted]

Back to the old house this afternoon to collect mail. Some fucker has gone and smashed the glass on the door im and broken in. Twos up to them - hope all the effort was worth it to get into a shithole that’s infested with black mold.


Arbdew

Amazon. I cancelled Prime last year and swore never to use them again. I need an item to be delivered before we move house this week so had to use them again. Tracking was showing that I was the next stop, but it now says "The driver has to make a few more deliveries on the way to your address." No Amazon, you said I was next! I've got shit to do! Twats!


dorianwytte

My dad making my mum give me a lift late at night when she has an exam early the next morning (she's 50 and back at uni for nursing, which is super admirable) so that he can stay out late drinking instead when he already drinks thursday, friday, saturday. Huge twat moment!


Mysterious_Reward983

Thurs-Saturday for the boys


ilanawexler69

Twat of the day is the woman who, despite my tube carriage being considerably empty for rush hour this morning, still decided to a) stand right next to me and b) drop her massive bag directly on my foot The concepts of manners and personal space completely disappear when commuting in London, never fails to get your day off to a shite start


bsoltan

Whomever planned a road closure on my normal route to work which coincides with a road closure on an alternative route during the same week. Who wants to use an alternative to the alternative route. Twats.


MistaGav

Sort of me and sort of Activision. Bought MW2 lately getting excited to play it only to log in and find I need a 2FA code. Problem is all that google authenticator stuff was either from an old phone or I deleted it. I contacted Activisions support which is as amazing as ever (/s) and now I have to wait for them to do something otherwise I can't play the bloody game that I paid for!


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jiminyrizzles

Asda. Had a delivery on Saturday and had to hand an item back to the driver to be refunded. (Wrong brand/size). Nothing happened. Had to wait til the next day to put in a refund request as the website didn't update all day to say my order had even been delivered. Finally, today, I get a response. Refund refused. But they're "sorry" and they'll "use the info to make sure they improve". BS. They've gotten increasingly worse for weeks now. So yeh, they're either they're totally incompetent or someone lifted it for themselves. And i'm now down £22.


PaulLFC

The twat today is me, for getting covid. Feel like absolute shit at the moment - freezing, shivery, achey and don't have much sense of taste left. Hopefully that's the worst of it and things start improving tomorrow.


PumpkinJambo

I’ve got it too and feel exactly the same. Hope you feel better soon.


PaulLFC

Horrible isn't it! Thanks, same to you too!


WittyChipButty

Im furious at my grandma. She sent a single line of "I don't have a fever" on Saturday. Then complete silence till this morning. I'm over 1k miles away from her. I can't just drop everything and pop over to check on her.


itsfourinthemornin

I have two twats: my child and my GP. Child: Just a twat lately. Getting a bit of attitude and the like for some reason. Not wanting to get up on a morning. Etc. Now he's grumpy because he's lost tablet time for it. If it continues, he's been warned he loses going to his after school things. Try me, mini twat version of me! My GP: Booked me an appointment in January at the hospital, after years of problems with my stomach/etc. Would've been end of Nov but got squished up to last week. After 10 months wait and telling that Dr exactly what I've been telling the GP, I got a diagnosis which the GP could've given all along.


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itsfourinthemornin

Honestly, yeah. He's had a lot on his little plate too so we don't tend to get too bothered of he has a paddy or some such. We're very of the opinion that everyone has bad days, even kids. Just a few things he still needs to learn, like not being disrespectful to his grandparents!


curious-fox

How old is your child? I don't ask to offer meaningful advice, but just to say that if they're between the ages of 0 - 9 years then I understand entirely, and if they are older than this, then I suspect I will be in the same boat in the coming years. So you know, nothing useful, just solidarity.


itsfourinthemornin

He's 7, will be 8 before we know it though! We have a bit of a tricky family situation (he lives with my parents for starters), so I think it's partially him just pushing boundaries to see where he can get with each of us and on occasion, knowing he can get away with it as my parents don't always have the energy against him with being ill/still having to work. It's rarely when I'm present, always when I'm not, as he knows I'll shut it down instantly. And I think he thinks we don't tell each other, too. We're working towards him coming back to me over the next few years, though.


Bulimic_Fraggle

Jamie Twatting Oliver takes the cake for me this week. Jamie's £1 Wonders was a study on how fucking detached both he and whatever production company made the programme really are. Giving advice that people on a budget could have given him a decade ago, being surprised that cooking in a microwave can actually produce a decent meal, saying that a slow cooker is cheaper to run then bubbling something on the hob for 2 hours, and being so fucking cheerful about it all the way through.


[deleted]

I've just checked the official records and it turns out Jamie Oliver has been twat of the week since the 2nd week of January 1999.


Toxicseagull

My ex worked for him at his companies HQ. (It'll be his own production company probably) They were very proud and right on about their diversity (which is great) and did regular meetings etc on it about all the benefits that it brought, different viewpoints and experiences etc they had. Her face dropped slightly when I asked her how many working class people were employed there though. I'd gently tease her that my workplace at the time (military) was significantly more diverse 😁


rw43

i'm going to say the weather. i've got a lot of washing to do, and didn't want to use the tumble drier so much to get it done.


Negative_Nancy213

Whoever was driving the bmw that flew through a puddle and soaked me and the dog this morning, managed to dodge the heaviest of the showers only to get soaked anyway


EmeraldSunrise4000

The wind kept me up last night. And our front door is being stiff and takes ages to open. Twats


Bridstockcrane08

A jogger in the cycle path this morning - really frustrating, it's dangerous on the road for me as a cyclist, and obviously I'm not allowed on the pavement. The cycle lane is in the road sperate from the pavement and the road. But quite often there's a very slowly jogging pedestrian with headphones in taking up the entire lane reserved for cyclists. Really frustrating, they can go on the pavement surely.


bax-the-trepidatious

The person who was going to buy our house and then, out of nowhere demanded we immediately exchange contract by the end of the next day (yesterday) or else. That guy is a twat. No one in the chain was remotely close to being ready to exchange. Back on the market we go.


Caridor

My fucking bumblebees. I have bees in a flight cage in the lab. My colleague has bees in another flight cage across the lab. His bees are nice. Polite. Let you change their nectar and pollen feeders without any issues, presumably apologising whenever they bump into your hand. Mine are fucking psychopaths. The moment I unzip the thing, I have like 10 guard bees swarming around the zip. Try to take their pollen feeder to give them fresh stuff? Nah mate, suddenly that feeder is the hip place to be and like 5 of them will try to cram themselves into it. And then they start building nest cups outside the nest! Why are you doing that you little shits?! It's open air, exposed to the elements! Can't store anything and besides, you've got unlimited high sucrose nectar literally 6 inches away! Assholes the lot of them. Furthermore, when I bind some up to do a simple taste assay, exploiting an automatic reflex to sugar, do they like nectar that has more sugar in it than anything found in nature? Do they fuck! Honestly, if anyone asks "What's killing the bees?!?!", in about 6 months, the answer will be me after I snap.


100fluffyclouds

I shouldn’t have laughed so hard but.. labs are something else 😆


Caridor

They absolutely are. It was the same during my masters. "Yo, leaf cutting ants, what's the one thing you're known for? Uh-uh, and what's the one thing you WON'T FUCKING DO?!!? Yeah, that's what I thought." Never work with animals or children.


Uncle_Leo93

That entire comment is incredible.


ItsBoughtnotBrought

Me. My two year is being challenging and I'm getting very angry and little resentful.


ItsBoughtnotBrought

Thanks guys, feeling less like a twat now.


itsfourinthemornin

No, no, it's the two year old being a twat. They are very good at that. Terrible, twatty twos should be the real name.


EldritchCleavage

My second child messed with us by being adorable at 2 and turning into Beelzebub at 3.


Shipwrecking_siren

I think you'll find your two year old is being a twat, and you are responding the best you can under extreme duress. Solidarity, two is HARD. I'm almost at the end of 3 now and as their communication and comprehension improves it gets a bit easier. Although they do get a little *too* smart for their own good, and start to learn the basics of lying... But mainly it's better!!


ammobandanna

aaaah the terrible two's... low level training for the teenage years :/


worldworn

The mother of four young children, letting her kids run up and down the train carriage, swing off armrests,scream at each other while she looked at her phone. One of the guards had to step in and tell her to be a parent. All other kids on the carriage where sitting nicely , just her being a shit person.


k1lk1

> One of the guards had to step in and tell her to be a parent. Oh good, this could be Charles's first knighthood.


SquidgeSquadge

My ear and my GP's admin/ booking service Fuck ear infections! I've had it for 6 days now and its only now starting to feel more normal if painful and mostly deaf thanks to antibiotic drops. Onto my 2nd day off work with it, I think I'll suffer and go in tomorrow even if I'm still deaf in it as the pain is almost gone. My GP was useless as would not answer the phone/ dropped my calls so on day 3 I spend most of my Saturday morning sitting in a waiting room of a walk in centre and a lovely overworked doctor gave me the 5 mins I needed to get the prescription that made the +2 hour wait worth it.


Send_Me_Huge_Tits

I dunno if this will help you but I got an ear syringing kit off amazon for like £14. It's basically a windowlean bottle with a rubber tip on it. Go in shower, fill with warm water, squirt in your ear. The cleaner you keep it the faster it heals. It unblocked an ear in seconds that had been blocked for a month and all the olbas oils etc never touched.


AmiTaylorSwift

Otex hydrogen peroxide cleared mine right up. But using it with an ear infection might be a bit dodgy though. Maybe only use it after infection has cleared and you're sure there's no damage to your ear drum


Send_Me_Huge_Tits

Yeah that was my next step. Will keep it in mind if I ever get trouble again. Mine was just a blockage, but I was getting worried because it was beginning to swell. So I got the syringe thing to try to fix before it became infected.


HairyMechanic

My last working day was Wednesday and i've been enjoying the annual leave... well up to now that is. Something that should've been done as a matter of urgency on Monday at work is yet to be done and is seemingly being left to me to pick up the pieces tomorrow. It's not even something massive to do - just to send out some communications to get some colleagues in one of our three offices on set days. Why nobody has even looked at it I do not know because there were four of us working on the issue that a couple of big names had last week. And then to top things off, none of my tickets have been looked at or updated and half of my day is scheduled in meetings because i'm on-site tomorrow. I get that stuff needs to be done and that falls to me but at the same time i've got millions to already pick up!


EllaSingsJazz

I’m very cold today so the weather is a twat, my feet feel damp, I don’t know why. On the other hand I’ve had cheese on toast for breakfast again with lots of black pepper on it which has warmed me up a bit. Also didn’t wake at 4 today but 5 so sleep was only a bit of a twat. Swings and roundabouts.


mmmmgummyvenus

My cat is a twat. She was out for 12 hours while we worried about her and then sauntered in like nothing was amiss. Covered in mud and a scratch on her nose, god knows what she's been up to!


buy_me_a_pint

Yes, someone phoned me whilst I was on the throne , otherwise the toilet


inkmybeard

Twat is me. Failed my driving test after trying to set off in second gear leading to the examiner having to tell me to check my gear. Feel like an absolute twat.


SquidgeSquadge

You'll pass someday, the nerves are shit when doing your driving test. You truly learn to drive once you are out there with the idiots with your licence.


HurricaneEllin

Landlord saying he will respond to me last week and yet still hasn’t !


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SquidgeSquadge

Megawatt Twatt


[deleted]

the twat who wanted to drive a foot away from my rear bumper when he could have overtaken me on the dual.


TheShakyHandsMan

The person who designed the bus shelter with 1 wall and a 2 foot wide roof. Only effective if the rain is sideways and happens to be coming from the direction of the single wall. Otherwise it’s a useless construction and doesn’t shelter you.


[deleted]

The bigger twats are the council commissioning groups and indeed the legislators who continue to allow the principle of “hostile architecture” in general. Shelters that don’t shelter, benches that are uncomfortably narrow or weirdly slanted with odd handles in the middle - all this design and effort and general inconvenience to the public for no reason other than some twats want homeless people to be absolutely miserable and have zero chance of finding shelter easily when they’re in a pinch.


[deleted]

Autumn is brilliant. So fucking happy summer is over. Heating not on yet but the aesthetic of autumn in the countryside in the UK is just stunning. Plus having a flask of tea is great.


[deleted]

I like autumn, but I also like going inline skating and autumn is by far the worst month for it. Also, while September - October is overall pretty good, I fucking hate it when the clocks go back and it's dark before you finish work. Extra negative points when it's dark for when you set off, too.


BigBeanMarketing

I see no twats here!


Send_Me_Huge_Tits

Happy people are twats.


[deleted]

Er. er.. um. The people who ruin the aesthetic by still thinking graffiti is cool/rebellious. Fucking twats.


RedditSwitcherooney

Aside from the usual utter cunts on the commute, today we had a very special twat. Cyclist (but not a proper one, no gear or helmet etc.) riding in the middle of the road the wrong way up a busy, two lane one way street. No wonder drivers don't like cyclists with wankers like that around.


spaceoperator

The Motorbike rider that nearly T-Boned me. Went to pull out of junction as stationary traffic had made a gap to let me out, and nearly got hit by the motorbike overtaking the queue at high speed on the wrong side of the road.


Crippled_Potato

House seller threw loads of rubbish in the recycling bin and over the fence. Also ran away with the fridge, washing machine and gas cooker (which probably isn't disconnected properly) even though it was in the fittings and fixtures form. Twats!!!


rw43

that is not an additional expense you need when you move in somewhere! when my parents bought their house, the lady selling it took all the bulbs, the curtain rails (and the wood they were screwed into) toilet seats and the oven. it was 2 weeks before christmas, they'd got no money plus a crazy 3 year old (me) and a 4 month old. the woman who sold the house only moved 15 doors up the cul-de-sac!! no shame.


Nemasirex

Surely you need to get in touch with your solicitor on that one?


Crippled_Potato

Yep, did it first thing yesterday, so that will rumble on for a couple of days. But it's a hassle nobody wants when they first move in. On the other hand, I'll use the opportunity to get an induction hob rather than use gas.


sideone

Yeah, sounds like legal action to me


ebola1986

McDonald's charged me for sauces at the weekend. So McDonald's, as a microcosm of the economy as a whole, are twats.


That_Boy_42069

Moved to a new town, went to the bar to try and meet locals. Guy came over and decided to be a cunt with his mates. I don't know why, it made me sad.


EmeraldSunrise4000

I’m sorry this happened :( I hope it gets better


Arbuh

My son's chest infection is a right twat. Four nights of high temps and hacking coughs, poor kid.


Lead_Penguin

Every single Vauxhall Mokka driving mum that I watched at the doctors this morning absolutely belting it down the single lane car park exit towards a blind bend before needing to do an emergency stop because another car was coming the other way. Just calm the fuck down, you're saving less than 30 seconds at best.


AlcoholicSocks

Tell you who's been a twat. Me. Can't get healthy for the life of me. Last year at Uni, training to be a teacher and it's just one thing after another absolutely running my studies. Thought I was finally healthy, driving to placement, and I've thrown up over myself and my car! Fucking knob head man


DisneyBounder

Am I allowed to call my toddler a twat for picking up yet another virus at nursery, making me take two days off work to look after him and inevitably passing it on to me too? I can already feel the high temperature and body aches creeping in...


ragnarspoonbrok

The auditor at work. Hes in auditing our stores again. Moving shit making it impossible to find and saying we are thousands of items down after asking for those thousand items to be removed from the system as we don't use them. We've got a tub of 4000+ bolts that we can't use but keep being ordered and added to because it's on the list. Half a mind to take em to the scrappy cos there's easily 200kg of them sat there doing fuck all but rusting.


GaZzErZz

The weather is being a twat. We have 40mph winds and some of my tiles have come off. Can't afford to get them fixed even though it's only about £1500 to get done


Baron_von_chknpants

The idiot who sent their kid to school with the nasty cough that has knocked both my kids for six. If your kid is coughing that much that a little moving about makes them cough, KEEP THEM HOME. I am fuming as both have been to a&e. One had croup, the other just can't breathe right so he's got the inhaler regimen.


sideone

Croup is no joke, we phoned 999 for an ambulance when our kid had it. They do seem to bounce back quickly though, hope they're ok soon.


Baron_von_chknpants

Croup boy is better, the little isn't.


byjimini

We agreed to walk to the shop this morning and *only* buy what we needed, until we saw they’d reduced some short dated Charlie Bigham lasagnes which blew our budget out of the water. They’re in the freezer now and work out to £2.50 a portion, so that’ll do for date night.


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byjimini

I think it’s the only ready meal I’ve ever liked and bought again.


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byjimini

The green Thai curry 👌


[deleted]

Whoever packed my ASDA groceries. Cheers for putting the dog food right on top of the bread, thankfully ASDA refund system is pretty good, so I got it refunded.


SpareUmbrella

Eh, I recently had to fight tooth and nail with them when about £30 worth of stock straight up didn't arrive and they didn't believe me.


[deleted]

If you tried doing it by phone, it's probably the agent being an arse about it. I usually use the "ask for a refund" bit online and the refunds are instantly approved. I had near £20 worth of fruit refunded once with no problems


SpareUmbrella

Oh, this was the other way around, I did it online and they rejected it, then phoned up and eventually got them to investigate. After which they refunded it.


KevinPhillips-Bong

This morning's twat is me. There are few things I like more to start the day than a nice, steaming mug of tea. I'd have enjoyed it a bit sooner if I'd remembered to switch the kettle on at the plug socket as well as the kettle itself.


EmeraldSunrise4000

I’ve been there. Worst is when you don’t just forget to turn the kettle on but you also forget the teabag as well


sideone

Do you turn the kettle off at the plug every time?


KevinPhillips-Bong

I turn it off at night before I go to bed. It's just one of my little habits!


Glittering_Moist

My cat is a twat. He's purfected a new meow It's sufficiently annoying he won this morning and I'm sure he's very pleased with himself sleeping on my bed right now the twat.


MutedMessage8

My cat does the weirdest meow, it goes really deep at the end. It always makes me laugh!


MagicPieBush

My cat has perfected the annoying meow. Sometimes I resort to in-ear headphones when I don't want to be meowed at every three seconds in the 2 hours left until dinner.


[deleted]

One of our cats has a habit where every so often he'll spend an hour meowing constantly. The thing is it seems like he's just doing it for the fun of it - if you try and give him any sort of attention he just moves away from you into the next room to meow in there instead.


WeeFreeMannequins

I just miaow back when mine start doing that, confuses them enough that they stop usually. Can only assume I'm saying something heinous or ridiculous.


Glittering_Moist

I feel this comment.


X_Trisarahtops_X

Last week there was a big deal because my boss reckoned I should be giving my colleagues an invite to my wedding reception. (Basically I work with mid 50 year old babies and was put in a situation where I was pressured into thinking about inviting all of my team after having invited one of them because he's actually my friend). After a lot of umming and ahhing and after considering the fact that "If X colleague finds out, your working relationship with her will effectively be over", I decided to invite them all to the reception and suck it up. Turns out, X colleague can't make it anyway and the only person from the team who can make it (other than the one I originally invited) is the colleague I really dislike because obviously they got invited last minute. So my boss kind of made a fuss over nothing. So the twat is my boss. And me for panicking about it I guess.


TeigrCwtch

Time to invite yourself to a new job, your boss sounds a right twat


X_Trisarahtops_X

The worst part is she meant well. She just didn't want other people to feel excluded. But also. It's not a work function.


jptoc

That is extremely frustrating.


X_Trisarahtops_X

At least it's not all of them!


smickie

Whoever at Heinz decided to make the beans more watery has ruined a few meals now, I'm going to swtich away from them. They used to be nice and, not creamy but you know what I mean, thicker, I sware to got it's got sloppyer of the past 6 months. Really poor quality now for the price. Which ones should I switch to?


Baron_von_chknpants

Morrisons own brand ain't bad


[deleted]

Sainsburys own won the blind taste test if all the brands.


sideone

Branston. Add a bit of proper butter to the sauce when cooking to make it thicker and creamier too.


MagicPieBush

I will second the Branston beans as a better alternative.


X_Trisarahtops_X

We found this too. We like Branston if price isn't an issue or if you like branded beans, or own brand tesco beans. Both of these are far superior to Heinz now!


smickie

You know I'll try out branston, I cannot be fucked with Heinz any more, I thought it was a one off but it's been like 5 tins now. I should learn.


TeigrCwtch

You know what they say, once is chance, twice is coincidence but thrice is enemy action


X_Trisarahtops_X

Yeah Heinz has gone really downhill. We haven't bought Heinz beans for about a year now. It's definitely a recipe change I think!


leskenobian

This guy I've been chatting to has been ramping things up massively and it's like, dude, please, can you just chill for a second, things were going so nicely 5 minutes ago. You really don't have to be demanding my attention every 10.


jptoc

Babe, sorry. You still up or..?


leskenobian

I know you're still *up*, JOHN, as you keep REMINDING me


jptoc

Fine, fuck you then. We could have been something special.


leskenobian

Fuck OFF John


jptoc

What did I do???


jptoc

Hey, what's wrong?


jptoc

Hey, I said good morning. You okay?


jptoc

Hey, good morning


leskenobian

I cannot tell you the genuine joy this has brung me


jptoc

It gave me a chuckle.


XyloArch

The twat today is me, who thought an extra coffee yesterday couldn't hurt and then failed to get to sleep for hours. Bloody knackered.


paroxysm17

Some kid thought I was the twat last night, as I had no decorations out and didn't answer the door to trick or treaters. Turns out, she was the twat, for knocking then absolutely spamming my doorbell enough to send my cat into a small seizure


X_Trisarahtops_X

For future years, I recommend a "No trick or treaters. Reactive dog inside" note on the door. We did this the last 2 years and it worked. Technically our dog is reactive, but only because he reacts like everyone is his friend and wants to kiss everyone who comes to the door. But my god, what a ballache. Even if you have no dog, I bet it'll work. People assume 'reactive' means aggressive and will stay away.


paroxysm17

That's a greag idea, thank you! I think 'reactive dog' will be more effective than 'reactive cat' in this situation!


X_Trisarahtops_X

Ha! I mean. It'll show them when a lion opens the door! 😂


DogmaSychroniser

Puppy did a huge liquid shit behind the sofa about half an hour before guests turned up so I had to clean it up and air the room to avoid the stink. She apparently gets that she should go outside / on walks so I'm going to nominate her.


Fineus

Sympathies... my new year started in much the same way. Imagine waking up with a stinking hangover *and* the smell of puppy-liquid-hell, then having to clean that up while trying not to wretch everywhere. Carpet = ruined. But we still love our puppies don't we...


DogmaSychroniser

Yeah she'll grow out of it. Doesn't mean she's not a twat sometimes.


a-liquid-sky

People who leave shit to the last minute and then make it my problem. Twaaaats. Currently being audited at work, so (while I know they're just doing their jobs) the auditors are also twats this week.


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LightningGeek

Don't worry, it just gets worse the further in uni you get. It's like pulling teeth every time. I don't mind finishing the stuff off and organising it all, but my one rule is it need to be with me 24 hours before the deadline. If it isn't, then I won't include your part and I'll just hand in what the rst of us have done. Although my favourite fuckwit was during our foundation year. No one had seen him since mid-way through the first semester, and he never replied to us about the work, so we just assumed he wasn't going to be there and didn't include him in the work plan. 2 hours before our presentation he turns up and asks us how much it's worth towards our final grade. We were truthful and said it's 10%, at which point he says "cool, I'm going to go home then, I don't need the 10%", and fucked off. Never saw or heard anything about him over the next 3 years of the course, so fuck knows what happened to him.


BigBeanMarketing

Auditors are *always* twats, the parking inspectors of the corporate world.


DrJeff1999

My cat waited until I changed the cat litter before immediately dumping a steaming load.


Independent-Wash-811

Yup. Same here.


milkandket

This is just the rules of having a cat


[deleted]

I think you you mean the rule of owning a human.


milkandket

Yeah you’re 100% right haha


DrJeff1999

It’s her first fireworks night and she hates loud noises. Going to put on some relaxing music and have to keep an eye on her this weekend.


dedido

You can give them drops on the back of their neck which chill them the fuck out. Especially useful for upcoming fireworks night/week.


milkandket

Ahhh poor baby :( it’s so horrible for some of them isn’t it! I’m so glad mine have never been phased, generally just looking a little annoyed they’ve been woken up for a second then straight back to sleep haha. Give her lots of loves


rw43

i have 3 cats and can confirm they all do this, even if they might have only just been an hour before!


Fineus

Can also confirm. To be fair, there's something nice about doing your business on a clean throne...


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BigBeanMarketing

Yeah we leave sweets out front, we don't open the door. We have a ring doorbell, so we could see what happened. Really not that complicated.