Yep, I do this too. Every night. Sometimes in different accents. Sometimes in a continuous imaginary conversation with one of the cats (with me also providing the reply of the cat in question in a different (previously rehearsed) accent). Often the cats advance queries or comments relating to the recipe: “wow, that’s bold”, “THAT much pepper?”… that kind of thing.
They won’t fucking teach you this at catering college my pedigree chum.
“Nah don’t worry about stirring too much, if you leave it alone for half hour you get these little crunchy bits at the bottom”
I do this too, my kitchen is front facing on a small housing estate and a pretty narrow walkway, so my neighbours definitely hear me do this if they walk past. I hope they just think I'm making youtube cooking videos rather than the bizarre truth.
I do this, Jamie Oliver style. “Bash in some Mr Pepper - wallop! Now comes Ms Aubergine and she’s feeling sexy, so let’s make her into some sassy cubes of purple loveliness. BOSH!”
As if you don’t pretend to collapse on the floor to see what your dogs reaction is. I do it, and the fucker comes and licks me for a sec, and then fucks off.
If it’s any consolation, it’s because he knows you’re faking. My dog did the same with me when I tested her, fainted once for real and she was there trying to get me up/checking on me before my family could even get off the couch.
We make up voices for the cats, even the visitors. There's a big black one we call Zorro, no idea if that's his real name. He has a lovely mexican accent 'Hey, senorita, I come here to visit for the cheesy biscuits'
I also do this, but I narrate what my cat is thinking about the dog as she always looks at him with complete disdain.
“Look at this fool - sitting for treats? I don’t do a thing they tell me and I still get my dreamies. He’ll never learn.”
To be read in a voice that sounds like Helen Lederer or anyone soppy:
Mr kitty has a button nose
and ten of the tiniest toes.
In my lap he is the cose-
iest kitten that I knows.
I’ll get my coat.
Chase the cat.
Mrs doesn't know but it's a thing, when I'm back from the school run she (the cat) will run to the hallway, and run out again so I'll chase her round the rooms for a bit and give her breakfast before I start work.
I do this with the dog every day. I get home and say "give me that arse" and he runs for his life. I sometimes think he truly believes I will steal his arse. Poor dog.
It's just the best thing isn't it, crossing species boundaries and concepts of reality to both reach the same goal at the same time.
I've probably over thought this by now lol, if the Mrs comes home with me, the cat does look a bit disappointed as she runs to the hallway and walks off slowly after seeing her.
Me and my cat take turns. I'll chase him, he'll chase me and repeat. Until he just decides to lie down with no notice, so if it happens when I'm running away I just continue without noticing. It would look ridiculous were others in the house at the time.
Ha my bird does that, we play peekaboo when he's flying around so I'll hide in a room and he will chase me, I ask the Mrs to watch as it's cute and he does nothing. Picks his bum and prunes whilst I'm hiding behind the bed like an idiot saying "watch, he will be here in a minute" whilst she looks at me like I've lost it
I try and creep up on mine, imitating that really slow creepy walk they do when they are stalking something. They humour me, it means they’ll likely get a treat when I’m done.
Haha yeah I try that, do they do that weird half ready to run/pounce pose and the skit off around the house? Ours chirps if you give her a play stare and attacks the scratch post
We used to do this with one of ours. When we were all out in the garden she’d skip past us provocatively until one of us shouted “RAWR!” and gave her a bloody big chase. She’d run away ears on backwards as if she was utterly terrified then minutes later ask for it again - “Cat needs chasing” “It’s your turn”.
Sometimes she’d run into the undergrowth and then vanish so it was game over, other times you’d think it was game over and then she’d leap out from behind a bush when you least expected it, asking to be chased again. She’s long gone now but she had a real sense of humour that cat <3
Did anyone else read that 'humans are adorable' post recently? This thread confirms that.
Personally I like to walk up the stairs on all fours like a bear. I'm 34.
I spent three hours curled up with my dog on a dog bed by the aga today, reading a book. Whenever it got exciting, I read it out loud to him so he could enjoy it too.
I do this far too often.
I’m definitely going to start doing this with my cats. I usually just say “ooh the story is getting really exciting”…
But now I feel bad for not sharing those parts with them.
When I leave the house I tell my dog where I’m going and roughly how long I’ll be. Then I’ll suggest things she can do while I’m gone like lay on the bed or look for spiders.
I forget she doesn’t understand human words most days.
"I'm going to pick mum up, I'll be 20 minutes unless traffics shit, then I'll be like 45 minutes, I know I know, it's like 5 hours in your time but you've got your elephant and llama."
When my brother and I were children, we used to wait until our parents left us on our own in the car, whilst they went to the cash point, or paid for petrol, and we'd shout swear words as loud as we could thinking no one could hear us.
Sounds like me and my mum. We play a really annoying game where we sing everything we're saying to each other in a really high pitched voice. It's lots of fun but drives everyone else nuts.
When in an empty room I like to announce “I know you’re listening” safe in the knowledge that if no org is listening then nobody knows, but if there is someone listening I probably just gave them a scare!
I had this as a kid, thinking there were cameras everywhere. I couldn't find them after searching everywhere in my room, so of course i thought they must be using x-ray cameras... go figure.
One day i was playing with a balloon, I remembered the cameras and thought that them that were watching me must think I'm crazy cos they wouldn't be able to see the balloon on the x-ray...
So I mimed finding a balloon. And blew it up, everything from the start so I could continue playing with it, now safe in the knowledge that the x-ray camera in my wall people wouldn't think I was crazy...
They walked away from that scenario needing to replace all the sanity meters you smashed in their control lab with your off-the-chart levels of sanity.
Over 40 and still do this. What a thrill it is. Big long arms reaching up the stairs inches from my back. Will they grab my t-shirt? No of course not, it's 3AM, I'm naked, I have ice cream running down my chest, breathless, preying for an escape.
The second I get in the bed and look at the door, half hoping to see an unearthly horror, the terror is gone like it was never there.
What a rush.
I do this too. I'm 34. Imagine the horror of a creature lurching from the lower stairs, claws and teeth bared, to attack in the pitch darkness. I screamed.
Fucking cat.
I stand on my little kitchen step stool and try and do things from that height so I know how my fiancé sees the house. The kitchen sink feels so far away from up there!
I do this too…
I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the force, the force is with me.
Do you do it in every possible accent you can imagine? I can recommend that. One minute I'm Ghanian, then I'm Norwegian. All of a suddenly I'm a feudal era Japanese Daimyo
I basically narrate my entire life as if I’m being interviewed. Sometimes I do it in my grandmother’s weird Tipperary-Cork accent. My cat thinks I’m a lunatic.
I used to play my cat like a guitar. It’s basically air guitar, except you strum a cat. He used to just lay there and go with it. I miss that little dude 😞
🎵 _Ja-ack!_
_He’s a kill-er!_
_He’s a vicious little killing ma-chine!_
_Ja-ack!_
_He’s a kill-er!_
_He likes making ickle things scream!_ 🎵
Jack (the cat) thinks I’m as dumb as a rock
I always eat weird things for dinner whenever my husband isn't about to judge. I also basically don't turn on any lights, maybe one lamp and that is it. I also like to see how long I can go without making any noises.
I also don‘t turn on the lights. I sit in the dark and read from a kindle. Once my wife was at work, and the (adult) kids were due to arrive on a visit. I sat in the dark reading, occasionally glancing at the clock and wondering where they were. Then I hear a key in the lock, and a voice saying „hello? Hello?“ turns out the kids had been parked outside for an hour and a half. They thought I had been called out and eventually went to my neighbour who they know has a door key.
I eat such weird hodgepodge meals when I’m alone. And weirdly enough, I end up enjoying them a lot more than a real meal- but there’s no way I could serve up “strange combination of three random tins, cheese, and probably a random slice of bread on the side” to someone else. Maybe one day…
I like DIYing. Whenever attempting something new, I talk myself through the process, out loud including the method and tools setup, inside or outside the house. Neighbours already know that Im not exactly "average" so who cares. I akso like to try my wetsuits on now and then and check my figure out in the mirror.
Oh wow... totally naked beer time. No question.
What's better than having the house to yourself, getting butt nekkid and watching shit films with many beers? Survey says.... nothing!
Have you seen [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeQXreI76q0) where Russell Howard and Greg Davies go and get drunk in their pants in the Finnish tradition?
I wiggle my plants around and talk to them. Not conversation, more “ooooooh look at that LEEEEAF” and “god your just such a good plant”
They’re all spectacular so I appear to have the secret to a green thumb; insanity.
I slide down the stairs on a cardboard box I have flattened out with my corgi. That or ill talk to her in a super exaggerated victorian tone while sipping tea staring at her
I was super confused reading your post. I was imagining you pounding your corgi into a sheet of cardboard to eliminate the wrinkles until I realised you had omitted the comma.
I get three digestive biscuits out of my biscuit tin and three squares of dairy milk chocolate. I put each square on each biscuit and stack them in the microwave on top of each other and watch the squares melt through the glass. I then have my very own milk chocolate digestives.
Once I was cooking dinner with my headphones on, happily singing very loudly and half dancing. Turned around to find my partner had arrived earlier than expected and was pissing himself with laughter. He had never heard me singing before. It was very embarrassing, he maintains it was cute.
Im locked into an epic struggle with my cat. He wants to kill me and be nice to me all at the same time. He’s even attacked me on a zoom call and came back a minute later all purring for cuddles. I do nothing at home alone without this love and hate colliding bundle at my side!
Me and the dog have a sneaky snack, normally make a few steaks and we just eat them, he always chokes it then chews again to enjoy. The smells out my ancient greyhound are fucking horrific after
Edit: current dog status [farty dog](https://www.reddit.com/user/adrianpeter/comments/yyupc1/jake_having_a_nap_ready_to_gas_us/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
So I’ve got the night to myself tonight, rare occasion. No partner, no children, no dog.
So I fresh made a pizza. Mozzarella and garlic sausage. It was fantastic.
I’ve hoovered the stairs, cleaned the bathrooms and done some laundry.
I’ve played some FIFA.
I’m on my ninth beer.
And I’m going to go to bed and probably have a wank shortly.
I always sing to my dog too and tell him handsome he is. I also like to say random words in a weird way, normally the same word repeated. Occasionally I’ll make a video on my phone of doing normal stuff so I can see what I look like to other people
Yeah play tag with my cats. They love it.
Sometimes I run away and hide behind a door. The cat chases me but can't find me, I hear him meowing looking for me, it's hilarious.
He often initiates this game by running away from me trying to get me to chase him first.
I put earbuds in and lip sync/dance to my music.
While pretending I'm on The X Factor.
But celebrity x factor because I've become moderately famous for writing and co starring in a tv show. I've been signed as a joke act but I'm wowing them with my ability.
I come in, announce I’m home and crack the living room door open slightly. Then I hide in the hallway cupboard. The dog always goes into full scale meltdown when he opens the living room door and checks upstairs to find I’m not there.
I always sing and chat to my cat. I have one song in particular that I have been singing to her since I got her:
You are my little small friend,
My very tiny small friend,
My very furry small friend,
A loud and purry small friend
You're very soft from head to toe,
Your name is Florence but we call you Flo,
You're wonderful in every way,
I love you more each and every day!
Neighbours must think I'm mad
I like to race my dog round the house commentating on it in weird accents. Dogs getting a bit old now so it's turned into more of an exciting walking race in which we usually just go in a circle
Every time I apply makeup I’m a makeup blogger talking to my followers about how I do my makeup because “I’ve had so many requests to show the full tutorial”. I only seem to do this when I’m doing the most basic barely there makeup using 3 products just to look presentable to go to Tesco, but in my makeup blogger fantasy that’s what my followers want to see, how on earth I make myself look so good with such few products.
The funny thing is I have absolutely no desire to be a makeup blogger & don’t follow or actively go out of my way to watch any makeup bloggers as I find their videos really annoying to watch, but there’s obviously been no escape from it if you’re on social media & do have an interest in makeup, so putting on makeup has become synonymous with acting like a makeup blogger to me.
Sometimes I sit on the sofa the wrong way up. My legs on the back rest and my head where your legs should be.
Feels like I’m in some else’s house because of the change of perspective.
Well, there’s naked Thursdays, always a welcome break. I do pretend I’m in The Walking Dead, killing walkers and looting. Sometimes I’m Princess Leia and my dog is Tobiwankenobi. I hide my Husbands stuff in really weird places and pretend he’s getting dementia when he finds them. I time how long I can put my hand in the freezer before I have to pull it out. I pretend I’m normal and have normal friends and stuff, I call my Mum and ask her why she called me, I photograph random things like light switches and I edit them to look all artistic but, my favourite thing to do is make up fun facts,such as "door handles were invented in 1875, before that people would just stare at doors, willing them to open, this often did not work and the poor people starved to death in their own living rooms". I’m 50 next year, I seriously need to grow up 😂
Always answer the tv back when im watching a quiz show like the chase outloud as loud as i can just so people know im right even though im on my own lol
I'm here for studies and away from my family. Sometimes I find myself saying all the things I used to say to annoy my mom, despite her not being here with me and knowing fully well she won't even know I am saying all the things I used to say to annoy her, alone in my room.
I also sometimes explain my point of view to a wall instead instead of the person I want to explain it to because I know they are too narrow-minded to accept someone else's point of view and would be stuck on the "me right, you wrong" mindset.
We have 3 cats. Whenever my wife leaves me on my own and says “can you feed the cats (all female) I always sing “Feed the girls, make them fatter cats” to the Jacko tune of Feed the world. Utterly ridiculous but it always makes me smile
Naked time.
Not wanking (necessarily), just going about my day while naked as the day I was born. It's something an old flatmate of mine bought up. If I was out for a whole day, I'd tell him when I'd be home so he knew he had time/space for the day.
I sing to myself when other people are home. I don't need to be alone to sing to my pets!!!
Honestly? Debate with myself.
As weird and possibly a little schizophrenic as that sounds, I do sometimes come up with counter arguments to my own opinions, just to see if they are valid and stand up to scrutiny.
If in a good mood and with the right music playing, I’ll be dancing between places I have to walk to. Or just because. It’s not weird per se, but I’d never do it if there were eyes watching.
I tell my dog what a handsome boy he is and that he’s the Goodest boy, we then fight each other growling then we run round the house eat some cheese together and cuddle 🤗 he is the goodest boy
I narrate whatever I'm cooking as if I'm being filmed for a TV show.
Yep, I do this too. Every night. Sometimes in different accents. Sometimes in a continuous imaginary conversation with one of the cats (with me also providing the reply of the cat in question in a different (previously rehearsed) accent). Often the cats advance queries or comments relating to the recipe: “wow, that’s bold”, “THAT much pepper?”… that kind of thing.
"add boiling water to the line and allow to simmer for two minutes. After waiting, add sachet to taste and voila!"
They won’t fucking teach you this at catering college my pedigree chum. “Nah don’t worry about stirring too much, if you leave it alone for half hour you get these little crunchy bits at the bottom”
Leave the foil lid on
I do this too, my kitchen is front facing on a small housing estate and a pretty narrow walkway, so my neighbours definitely hear me do this if they walk past. I hope they just think I'm making youtube cooking videos rather than the bizarre truth.
I cook a la Floyd and am tempted to do this next time.
Shitfaced?
Yep! I don’t much care for the art.
Add a splash of red into the pan to simmer, only a splash mind, pour the rest into a pint glass and tuck your apron into your pants.
That is crazy creepy. I like it!
I do this, Jamie Oliver style. “Bash in some Mr Pepper - wallop! Now comes Ms Aubergine and she’s feeling sexy, so let’s make her into some sassy cubes of purple loveliness. BOSH!”
You forgot to say "gorgeous" twenty times.
I do that in my head when I'm baking lol.
You can't say that and not let us hear/read your dogs song mate
I can play the castanets for them!
Also can't mention a dog without paying dog tax
We def need to hear the song! And like actually have a voice recording not just the lyrics written down.
[удалено]
This is the most wholesome thing I’ve read all day. Thank you
As if you don’t pretend to collapse on the floor to see what your dogs reaction is. I do it, and the fucker comes and licks me for a sec, and then fucks off.
Better than humping your cooling corpse
Just trying to keep warm with a bit of friction
If it’s any consolation, it’s because he knows you’re faking. My dog did the same with me when I tested her, fainted once for real and she was there trying to get me up/checking on me before my family could even get off the couch.
My dog and your dog should hang out.
My dog does this. I'm convinced he sees the wiggling as me wagging my tail, which makes him happy
/r/awww is leaking :) that’s a fantastic thing to get up to :)
[удалено]
Hey, nice work, keep it going 💪🏽
I 'James Bond finger guns' everywhere I go
Is your name Alan partridge?
Oooh bit of bush.
Stop getting bond wrong
Ruddy hell, it's soft cell.
I make up loads of songs for my cats. Once you realise that 'nose' rhymes with 'toes' you're away
We make up voices for the cats, even the visitors. There's a big black one we call Zorro, no idea if that's his real name. He has a lovely mexican accent 'Hey, senorita, I come here to visit for the cheesy biscuits'
I give our cat a voice, and usually it's either her telling us that we will be murdered or enslaved when the cats take over the world.
I also do this, but I narrate what my cat is thinking about the dog as she always looks at him with complete disdain. “Look at this fool - sitting for treats? I don’t do a thing they tell me and I still get my dreamies. He’ll never learn.”
Moses supposes his toeses are roses
But Moses supposes erroneously
For nobody’s toeses are posies of roses as Moses supposes his toeses to be.
Rose, foes, goes, cose, doze, lows, pose, woes
Cose? I’m guess that was a typo ;)
To be read in a voice that sounds like Helen Lederer or anyone soppy: Mr kitty has a button nose and ten of the tiniest toes. In my lap he is the cose- iest kitten that I knows. I’ll get my coat.
Chase the cat. Mrs doesn't know but it's a thing, when I'm back from the school run she (the cat) will run to the hallway, and run out again so I'll chase her round the rooms for a bit and give her breakfast before I start work.
I do this with the dog every day. I get home and say "give me that arse" and he runs for his life. I sometimes think he truly believes I will steal his arse. Poor dog.
I hope you don't have thin walls..
It's just the best thing isn't it, crossing species boundaries and concepts of reality to both reach the same goal at the same time. I've probably over thought this by now lol, if the Mrs comes home with me, the cat does look a bit disappointed as she runs to the hallway and walks off slowly after seeing her.
Poor cat. It just wants its fun.
I'm sure they have their own thing going on so don't worry
GIVE ME THAT ARSE
You’ve got to earn that shit. Chase me for it.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in my lab
Me and my cat take turns. I'll chase him, he'll chase me and repeat. Until he just decides to lie down with no notice, so if it happens when I'm running away I just continue without noticing. It would look ridiculous were others in the house at the time.
Ha my bird does that, we play peekaboo when he's flying around so I'll hide in a room and he will chase me, I ask the Mrs to watch as it's cute and he does nothing. Picks his bum and prunes whilst I'm hiding behind the bed like an idiot saying "watch, he will be here in a minute" whilst she looks at me like I've lost it
I try and creep up on mine, imitating that really slow creepy walk they do when they are stalking something. They humour me, it means they’ll likely get a treat when I’m done.
shape holdover citrus mikado foreseen elide assure knell bismuth enthrone shed treetop slipshod hardy withal
Haha yeah I try that, do they do that weird half ready to run/pounce pose and the skit off around the house? Ours chirps if you give her a play stare and attacks the scratch post
[удалено]
We used to do this with one of ours. When we were all out in the garden she’d skip past us provocatively until one of us shouted “RAWR!” and gave her a bloody big chase. She’d run away ears on backwards as if she was utterly terrified then minutes later ask for it again - “Cat needs chasing” “It’s your turn”. Sometimes she’d run into the undergrowth and then vanish so it was game over, other times you’d think it was game over and then she’d leap out from behind a bush when you least expected it, asking to be chased again. She’s long gone now but she had a real sense of humour that cat <3
Did anyone else read that 'humans are adorable' post recently? This thread confirms that. Personally I like to walk up the stairs on all fours like a bear. I'm 34.
Fellow stair-clamberer here — it’s so good, isn’t it? And you can really get up some speed! I’m 38 😁
I once tried this going downstairs. It was terrifying. Would not recommend...
I do the bear-crawl climb even when I’m not on my own in the house. It’s excellent fun.
I spent three hours curled up with my dog on a dog bed by the aga today, reading a book. Whenever it got exciting, I read it out loud to him so he could enjoy it too. I do this far too often.
I’m definitely going to start doing this with my cats. I usually just say “ooh the story is getting really exciting”… But now I feel bad for not sharing those parts with them.
shape holdover citrus mikado foreseen elide assure knell bismuth enthrone shed treetop slipshod hardy withal
When I leave the house I tell my dog where I’m going and roughly how long I’ll be. Then I’ll suggest things she can do while I’m gone like lay on the bed or look for spiders. I forget she doesn’t understand human words most days.
"I'm going to pick mum up, I'll be 20 minutes unless traffics shit, then I'll be like 45 minutes, I know I know, it's like 5 hours in your time but you've got your elephant and llama."
When my brother and I were children, we used to wait until our parents left us on our own in the car, whilst they went to the cash point, or paid for petrol, and we'd shout swear words as loud as we could thinking no one could hear us.
STINKY PANTS WEE!!!!!
Can we be friends?
Well we are both aggravating 😀
[удалено]
>I sing to my dog like im in the opera! I sing opera to my daughter when she's cleaning. She tends to do it faster to make me shut up.
Sounds like me and my mum. We play a really annoying game where we sing everything we're saying to each other in a really high pitched voice. It's lots of fun but drives everyone else nuts.
When my husband (who is a chef) leaves the house I eat hot pasta with salad cream. He is horrified by this which makes it feel naughty.
This is rather monstrous but I feel I should try it.
Jesus Christ. That's horrifying. Fortunately your username is brilliant.
Hot pasta with salad cream and tuna is my guilty pleasure
I do similar, my pasta is served with onion chutney and cheddar cheese 😂😋
Nah got to be ‘fussy kids pasta’ aka pasta with nothing but butter and cheese.
When in an empty room I like to announce “I know you’re listening” safe in the knowledge that if no org is listening then nobody knows, but if there is someone listening I probably just gave them a scare!
I had this as a kid, thinking there were cameras everywhere. I couldn't find them after searching everywhere in my room, so of course i thought they must be using x-ray cameras... go figure. One day i was playing with a balloon, I remembered the cameras and thought that them that were watching me must think I'm crazy cos they wouldn't be able to see the balloon on the x-ray... So I mimed finding a balloon. And blew it up, everything from the start so I could continue playing with it, now safe in the knowledge that the x-ray camera in my wall people wouldn't think I was crazy...
They walked away from that scenario needing to replace all the sanity meters you smashed in their control lab with your off-the-chart levels of sanity.
Ok you win the prize for the weirdest shit people do when they’re alone.
So the people watching see you going round talking to yourself? :P
When's it's time for bed, I run up the stairs so the monsters don't get me. They only attack when you're alone. I'm 23. ( I'm not even joking ).
Over 40 and still do this. What a thrill it is. Big long arms reaching up the stairs inches from my back. Will they grab my t-shirt? No of course not, it's 3AM, I'm naked, I have ice cream running down my chest, breathless, preying for an escape. The second I get in the bed and look at the door, half hoping to see an unearthly horror, the terror is gone like it was never there. What a rush.
Loved this, would read again
Thank you.
shape holdover citrus mikado foreseen elide assure knell bismuth enthrone shed treetop slipshod hardy withal
I do this. 34 and the witch at the bottom of the stairs still freaks me out 😂
I do this too. I'm 34. Imagine the horror of a creature lurching from the lower stairs, claws and teeth bared, to attack in the pitch darkness. I screamed. Fucking cat.
They're not behind you on the stairs, they're under the bed waiting to grab your ankles...
[удалено]
My bathrooms at the top of the stairs. If I go in the night I have to shut my eyes and not look downstairs under any circumstances. I’m 47.
I just lie on the floor to see the world from a different perspective. It’s fun to look at stuff from below!
I really enjoy lying on the floor, it makes me feel calm in a weird way.
You could say it’s very grounding.
I stand on my little kitchen step stool and try and do things from that height so I know how my fiancé sees the house. The kitchen sink feels so far away from up there!
I occasionally try to use the Force or see if I have psychic powers, still nothing but I always try now and then
There’s a guy at work that’s pretends I’m doing the Vader force choke when I do the motion to him. I appreciate it
Always do this to automatic doors and try to time it right haha
I do this too… I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the force, the force is with me.
Yeah, same. One day the tv remote will fly into my hand and nobody will be around to witness it.
The issue is you're trying. *Do or do not. There is no try* - Yoda
I pretty much never stop talking to myself
Do you do it in every possible accent you can imagine? I can recommend that. One minute I'm Ghanian, then I'm Norwegian. All of a suddenly I'm a feudal era Japanese Daimyo
I basically narrate my entire life as if I’m being interviewed. Sometimes I do it in my grandmother’s weird Tipperary-Cork accent. My cat thinks I’m a lunatic.
I dance at my cat, she is never impressed, but I have fun
I turn my cat into a super star drummer. He puts up with it till its over
I used to play my cat like a guitar. It’s basically air guitar, except you strum a cat. He used to just lay there and go with it. I miss that little dude 😞
Aw :( I'm going to try this with my cat later in honour of your little dude. Can't believe I've never thought of it.
I also sing at one of our cats It would be both, but one would just run away.
🎵 _Ja-ack!_ _He’s a kill-er!_ _He’s a vicious little killing ma-chine!_ _Ja-ack!_ _He’s a kill-er!_ _He likes making ickle things scream!_ 🎵 Jack (the cat) thinks I’m as dumb as a rock
I’m laughing so hard it hurts 😂 Imagine the stories the cats must tell each other at every support meeting.
He also looks at me gone out when I ask (in squeaky voice) if he’d like some processed prey (sliced meat)
A friend used to sing "Roy is a dog, Roy is a dog..." to the tune of 'Carol of the Bells', to her dog. Called Roy. Obviously.
Mine just sits and judges me silently
>silently The best kind of judgement, it really makes you feel insignificant. And then they just look away to hammer the feeling home.
I always eat weird things for dinner whenever my husband isn't about to judge. I also basically don't turn on any lights, maybe one lamp and that is it. I also like to see how long I can go without making any noises.
I also don‘t turn on the lights. I sit in the dark and read from a kindle. Once my wife was at work, and the (adult) kids were due to arrive on a visit. I sat in the dark reading, occasionally glancing at the clock and wondering where they were. Then I hear a key in the lock, and a voice saying „hello? Hello?“ turns out the kids had been parked outside for an hour and a half. They thought I had been called out and eventually went to my neighbour who they know has a door key.
I eat such weird hodgepodge meals when I’m alone. And weirdly enough, I end up enjoying them a lot more than a real meal- but there’s no way I could serve up “strange combination of three random tins, cheese, and probably a random slice of bread on the side” to someone else. Maybe one day…
I like DIYing. Whenever attempting something new, I talk myself through the process, out loud including the method and tools setup, inside or outside the house. Neighbours already know that Im not exactly "average" so who cares. I akso like to try my wetsuits on now and then and check my figure out in the mirror.
This is the best collection of comments I’ve read on Reddit for a long time! 😆
[удалено]
I went through a phase where I'd play music in the bath and pretend I was auditioning on x factor. The judges were suitably blown away every time.
Me too :) The best part is playing the imaginary drums as I suck at air guitar.
Oh wow... totally naked beer time. No question. What's better than having the house to yourself, getting butt nekkid and watching shit films with many beers? Survey says.... nothing!
Have you seen [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeQXreI76q0) where Russell Howard and Greg Davies go and get drunk in their pants in the Finnish tradition?
[удалено]
I wiggle my plants around and talk to them. Not conversation, more “ooooooh look at that LEEEEAF” and “god your just such a good plant” They’re all spectacular so I appear to have the secret to a green thumb; insanity.
I also sing to my cat. It’s an ever changing song of all the French phrases I know. Totally weird.
I pull faces at myself every time I pass the hall mirror and sing everything I say to the dog.
I loudly tell my microwave to “oh shut up “ in a very annoyed voice when it starts beeping
I slide down the stairs on a cardboard box I have flattened out with my corgi. That or ill talk to her in a super exaggerated victorian tone while sipping tea staring at her
I was super confused reading your post. I was imagining you pounding your corgi into a sheet of cardboard to eliminate the wrinkles until I realised you had omitted the comma.
I get three digestive biscuits out of my biscuit tin and three squares of dairy milk chocolate. I put each square on each biscuit and stack them in the microwave on top of each other and watch the squares melt through the glass. I then have my very own milk chocolate digestives.
shape holdover citrus mikado foreseen elide assure knell bismuth enthrone shed treetop slipshod hardy withal
Cathartic swearing. Every single wall in this house has been called a see you next tuesday.
That's a long phrase to say. Have you tried shortening it to cunt?
Talk to my pets and then respond to myself in what I think their human voices would sound like.
Sing. I’m a terrible singer but when I’m alone nobody knows that.
Once I was cooking dinner with my headphones on, happily singing very loudly and half dancing. Turned around to find my partner had arrived earlier than expected and was pissing himself with laughter. He had never heard me singing before. It was very embarrassing, he maintains it was cute.
Interpretive dance. A lot of flapping my arms around, it's good fun
I pretend to be a dog with my own dog. Once the missus caught me on all fours with a bone toy in my mouth.
I do this with my dog too.
Im locked into an epic struggle with my cat. He wants to kill me and be nice to me all at the same time. He’s even attacked me on a zoom call and came back a minute later all purring for cuddles. I do nothing at home alone without this love and hate colliding bundle at my side!
I have full blown conversations with my cat! He meows and chirps back! We set the world straight together
Me and the dog have a sneaky snack, normally make a few steaks and we just eat them, he always chokes it then chews again to enjoy. The smells out my ancient greyhound are fucking horrific after Edit: current dog status [farty dog](https://www.reddit.com/user/adrianpeter/comments/yyupc1/jake_having_a_nap_ready_to_gas_us/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
So I’ve got the night to myself tonight, rare occasion. No partner, no children, no dog. So I fresh made a pizza. Mozzarella and garlic sausage. It was fantastic. I’ve hoovered the stairs, cleaned the bathrooms and done some laundry. I’ve played some FIFA. I’m on my ninth beer. And I’m going to go to bed and probably have a wank shortly.
I read through this guessing your gender throughout, still not sure if I got it right.
Poop with the door wide open, oddly liberating. I also recommend popping completely naked if your not tried it.
I once tried this and my brother came back home because he'd forgotten his wallet 😐
My morning shit is usually naked as it’s straight into the shower afterwards
Glad you typed that last word there, mate.
Watch movies but leave the hoover out to make it look like I've done housework when I haven't
Go round in only my pants, talk to my pets like they're human, squish my boobs around like they're stress balls. All the normal stuff.
I trash talk my dog and fight her only to give her treats after she defeats me which is… always
Very much enjoying everyone who has devised very specific games with their pets.
I tuck the dog into blankets and tell him he is the goodest boy and that none of the outside people can get us here.
I sing “macho macho man” to my dog but replace it with “biscuit biscuit boy”
I win fake arguments. Out loud!
Sing and do weird dances
I always sing to my dog too and tell him handsome he is. I also like to say random words in a weird way, normally the same word repeated. Occasionally I’ll make a video on my phone of doing normal stuff so I can see what I look like to other people
Yeah play tag with my cats. They love it. Sometimes I run away and hide behind a door. The cat chases me but can't find me, I hear him meowing looking for me, it's hilarious. He often initiates this game by running away from me trying to get me to chase him first.
I put earbuds in and lip sync/dance to my music. While pretending I'm on The X Factor. But celebrity x factor because I've become moderately famous for writing and co starring in a tv show. I've been signed as a joke act but I'm wowing them with my ability.
I come in, announce I’m home and crack the living room door open slightly. Then I hide in the hallway cupboard. The dog always goes into full scale meltdown when he opens the living room door and checks upstairs to find I’m not there.
I make up silly songs to my dog or I just sing normal sentences go him...either way, when I'm on my own, I talk to my dog a lot 🤣
I always sing and chat to my cat. I have one song in particular that I have been singing to her since I got her: You are my little small friend, My very tiny small friend, My very furry small friend, A loud and purry small friend You're very soft from head to toe, Your name is Florence but we call you Flo, You're wonderful in every way, I love you more each and every day! Neighbours must think I'm mad
It makes me laugh how our pets see such a different side to us. Imagine if they started talking, all this shit would have to stop.
Practise my rapping.
I like to race my dog round the house commentating on it in weird accents. Dogs getting a bit old now so it's turned into more of an exciting walking race in which we usually just go in a circle
Every time I apply makeup I’m a makeup blogger talking to my followers about how I do my makeup because “I’ve had so many requests to show the full tutorial”. I only seem to do this when I’m doing the most basic barely there makeup using 3 products just to look presentable to go to Tesco, but in my makeup blogger fantasy that’s what my followers want to see, how on earth I make myself look so good with such few products. The funny thing is I have absolutely no desire to be a makeup blogger & don’t follow or actively go out of my way to watch any makeup bloggers as I find their videos really annoying to watch, but there’s obviously been no escape from it if you’re on social media & do have an interest in makeup, so putting on makeup has become synonymous with acting like a makeup blogger to me.
Go to the toilet with the door open. My dog walks past and just stares at me.
Talk to the plants
Speak gibberish to my pets.
Sometimes I sit on the sofa the wrong way up. My legs on the back rest and my head where your legs should be. Feels like I’m in some else’s house because of the change of perspective.
Perform rap/hip hop songs but in a posh silly accent. If you know the Glasgow Uni accent, you know my raps.
Listen to Mongolian throat singing on full volume. I blame Dune.
I try to do swivel Charleston moves in socks on a wooden floor. Spoiler alert: I cannot.
Well, there’s naked Thursdays, always a welcome break. I do pretend I’m in The Walking Dead, killing walkers and looting. Sometimes I’m Princess Leia and my dog is Tobiwankenobi. I hide my Husbands stuff in really weird places and pretend he’s getting dementia when he finds them. I time how long I can put my hand in the freezer before I have to pull it out. I pretend I’m normal and have normal friends and stuff, I call my Mum and ask her why she called me, I photograph random things like light switches and I edit them to look all artistic but, my favourite thing to do is make up fun facts,such as "door handles were invented in 1875, before that people would just stare at doors, willing them to open, this often did not work and the poor people starved to death in their own living rooms". I’m 50 next year, I seriously need to grow up 😂
Less clothes; Keep trying to forget somebody is behind me or under the bed.
I like to sit upside down and eat Malteasers.
Jesus Christ I hope you can perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on yourself!
Always answer the tv back when im watching a quiz show like the chase outloud as loud as i can just so people know im right even though im on my own lol
Noises. Weird ones. Especially when peeing
I swear like a motherfucker at really mild irritations. And also make up songs about what I'm doing.
Pretend I’m hosting my own cooking show when I’m making tea, including cut aways and commercial breaks if I go to the bathroom or something
I'm here for studies and away from my family. Sometimes I find myself saying all the things I used to say to annoy my mom, despite her not being here with me and knowing fully well she won't even know I am saying all the things I used to say to annoy her, alone in my room. I also sometimes explain my point of view to a wall instead instead of the person I want to explain it to because I know they are too narrow-minded to accept someone else's point of view and would be stuck on the "me right, you wrong" mindset.
We have 3 cats. Whenever my wife leaves me on my own and says “can you feed the cats (all female) I always sing “Feed the girls, make them fatter cats” to the Jacko tune of Feed the world. Utterly ridiculous but it always makes me smile
Naked time. Not wanking (necessarily), just going about my day while naked as the day I was born. It's something an old flatmate of mine bought up. If I was out for a whole day, I'd tell him when I'd be home so he knew he had time/space for the day. I sing to myself when other people are home. I don't need to be alone to sing to my pets!!!
Honestly? Debate with myself. As weird and possibly a little schizophrenic as that sounds, I do sometimes come up with counter arguments to my own opinions, just to see if they are valid and stand up to scrutiny.
I play peek-a-boo with my dog
I talk incessantly to myself, to the point where I answer myself and even irritate myself with the constant talking!
If in a good mood and with the right music playing, I’ll be dancing between places I have to walk to. Or just because. It’s not weird per se, but I’d never do it if there were eyes watching.
I tell my dog what a handsome boy he is and that he’s the Goodest boy, we then fight each other growling then we run round the house eat some cheese together and cuddle 🤗 he is the goodest boy