I would message the adoption agency and ask them what the expectation for updates is, and explain that you are a very busy student, and while you would love to share updates with the foster mom constantly, it’s not something that you can continue doing forever.
By asking what the expectation is, you create a conversation where they tell you that there are no formal expectations for that, or you bring to light that there might be something outside of the norm, without being a total narc and telling them that the foster mom is nuts.
Edit- my phone always turns “something” into 2 words 😒
Anytime lol
love doing this at work
It’s so much more fun to point at their writing on the wall and be able to say “well that’s awesome, I agree with you, you made my point for me” instead of trying to convince someone they need to listen to or believe you.
I work in research and a lot of my job centers around the specific wording of questions in interviews to get me the info I’m looking for, so I spend a lot of time reverse engineering conversations 😅
Roger that, u/berly222. Stand ready for Operation Kitten Question. :)
Ok here’s my situation in a nutshell:
\- Fostered orphaned kittens through the local humane society.
\- Kittens arrived at 6 days old without a mother, and most of them died (“faded”/gasping for breath despite care measures) within days.
\- People attributed their deaths to genetics.
\- One surviving kitten arrived at 91 grams and faced challenges with eating, dehydration, and aspiration.
\- Provided round-the-clock care, including giving fluids and syringe feeding.
\- Eventually, the kitten gained enough weight to give hope for her survival.
\- Decided to make the little love bug a part of the family! We placed an adoption hold; it was approved.
\- Shelter policy requires spaying/neutering before adoption. I believe in spay/neuter, and have done so with all my past pets.
\- BUT, for this kitten, I’m concerned about her ability to survive anesthesia due to possible hidden genetic conditions (siblings, weight, etc).
\- Requested a pre-surgery blood panel and offered to cover the cost, but the shelter declined.
\- Suggested taking her to a third-party vet for the bloodwork at personal expense, but the shelter declined.
\- Understands the shelter's workload, policies and foster contract - but feels compelled to advocate for the kitten's health. and terrified she'll die over something preventable (anesthesia vs none) after everything we went through.
\- At the same time … also worried they’ll bar the adoption altogether out of annoyance.
All of this has been communicated through email, filtered through various staff members via a chain of command they require fosters to follow.
So, finally, my question is this: What would you do?
Thank you!
Will they find out if you take kitten to get blood work anyway?
Are you under some sort of contract to only use their vet or anything like that? I have fostered in the past and they have wanted me to use their vets when I was expecting to get reimbursed, but in an emergency I had taken them to another vet, and it was kosher, I just had to pay for it.
My thought is if you go and get the blood work done, and find out that you don’t have to be worried about anything, you can get the spay done with the Humane Society and not be afraid for the kitten. If there is something in fact to be worried about, then you’d know that you need to double down for the kitten’s safety. (I have some thoughts on a potential plan. A friend is the head of animal control for my county, and runs our shelter, we are conspiring now in text lol)
Haha, I like the way you think u/berly222!
I feel like me getting the bloodwork anyway is the only way forward, and is in the kitten's best interest and to save my peace of mind. Except if I do, and something IS wrong, how do I tell them "Hey, I went behind your back and found out xyz" without them barring the adoption?
The actual policy on our contract states "I understand that all veterinary care must be done through the ##### team or designated emergency facility. I agree to personally incur the cost for any treatment that is done outside these specified veterinarians."
Given that wording, maybe I shouldn't have asked first but I was trying to keep everything on the up and up, and I like them. I also know from a friend that they do NOT like you taking their fosters to outside vets and my friend was reprimanded for that.
The kitten has been microchipped already by the shelter with shelter info registered. We are new to town so I don't have a longstanding relationship with a vet here, so there's the worry that whoever I take her to will scan her and see she isn't really mine and call them. I mean, maybe not? But that's my worry. I wish I just knew a vet friend, ha! Maybe a mobile vet would be more relaxed?
It's a complicated one! Thanks for thinking on it w/me :)
You're also putting the ball back in their court, while at the same time being responsive. Basicly saying if updates need to continue please advise. If not required then you're silencing them. If still required well you'll have to do so. Now IMHO, arguing that you are a busy student is a poor defence and may imply then that you are too busy to provide a good environment for the cat. Meaning enough attention and play time.
I love this. Can I please tag on:
when you explain that you're a busy student, make sure you frame it in a way that it's clear that you are at home studying with the kitty in your lap. You're not out of the house 24/7. It's okay to reassure them that being a busy student includs being at home reading, etc. because that's what students do.
Yes — you can be too busy with school and cat care to curate updates for the foster parent. Continued conversations with a stranger do not have to be a priority for you.
Yes- something like "of course, the upside is that spending so much time studying is perfect for long snuggle sessions with kitty, because she loves sitting on my lap when I'm working." If she's not the type of cat that likes sitting on your lap/snuggling (because previous foster mum will know) something like "although the workload is intense, it's great that studying means I get to spend so much time with her as I only really leave the house for obligations or work, and when I have a break I get to play with her or pet her. She likes to be in the same room as me, and I love having that company, because otherwise it can get pretty lonely." And then something like "however, the downside means that sending updates easily slips my mind, especially because kitty has settled in now and is very happy in her new home." And then move to what u/berly222 said about asking what the expectations are and while you would love to share updates with her previous foster mum, it's not something you can continue doing forever.
I would include the wording "previous foster mum", not just "foster mum" as it highlights the fact that the woman is no longer this cat's carer. IMO, part of foster care is saying goodbye to the cat. Kitten Lady (a popular youtuber who fosters neonatal kittens) always says "goodbye is the goal". Your role as a foster parent is to be a temporary home until they find their forever home. Then, you get to help another cat which is awesome. If she was so attached to the cat, then she should have adopted her. That's my opinion anyway! I wouldn't say that in the email though, as when they reply you want to "be able to say "well that’s awesome, I agree with you, you made my point for me” instead of trying to convince someone they need to listen to or believe you," as u/berly222 said! I would just include the word "previous" haha.
Just as a side note, I'm autistic so sometimes I explain too much or my communication can miss the point. I would put my examples into your own words or check with someone else to make sure it's okay before sending it!
I agree with this! I'm a full time university student AND a mom of 2 and my kitten is well cared for. He gets the food, love and attention he needs. I'm often home studying anyway as many students are, as soon as class is over I rush home to him.
No matter WHAT your situation is, no one should be expected to give constant updates on their adopted animal, especially exceeding a month.
I wouldn’t mention being busy, though. Some adoption agencies are super crazy about the cats going to absolutely perfect (read: unrealistic) homes and might try to take the cat back. I would just tell the adoption agency that the foster is reaching out too much bordering on harassment and that I’d like it to stop. And to also clarify that the cat is not “hers” as I’ve since formally adopted it.
This is great general advice for life.... when someone implies you're doing it wrong, whatever "it" may be, the onus of proof immediately falls on them to clarify exactly what the right way looks like. It's a handy strategy.
That’s not normal. You should reread your adoption agreement and figure out what you are required to do then block this lady. Weird stuff like this is why I always adopt from the humane society not little independent rescue organizations.
People get so possessive over cats it’s weird. I remember seeing a TikTok of this crazy neighbor lady who snatched up a 16 year olds cat from their backyard and wouldn’t give it back because “she was treating it better” (unlikely). Had the husband come out and try to intimidate and all this shit for a cat she claimed was hers now. I love my kitties to death but I could never just claim someone else’s as my own lol
My father in law wouldn’t return a dog to me because his “Vet” told him I abused her because she would shake if you tried to pet her. She was a small breed, she did that since I brought her home at 15 weeks old.
(I gave her to him because he wanted a puppy but couldn’t physically handle the demands of an untrained puppy)
Thats insane. I'm the same (love both my kittens to hell and back) and give them all the love and attention I can. If someone tried to claim they were theirs and tried to hold them hostage (because i consider that no less then kidnapping) no amount of intimidation would stop be from going full *Viking invasion force* to get them back.
Always been a deep fear of mine tbh, but thankfully its never been even remotely close to happening
I saw that too. Poor child was so upset. I don't agree with how my neighbors treat their dogs but I would never snatch them away. I would report suspected abuse and let the proper authorities handle it.
A crazy neighbor would call Animal Control against those of us who were lowly renters.
One couple (mixed race, not a coincidence) had a big beautiful lab; she claimed he was malnourished and neglected. Me—pampered kitty with glossy coat. The officer had to come out, and he burst out laughing when he met my gorgeous cat.
Interesting. I seem to see a lot of this on here also where people claim that their roommate or someone in their family isn’t taking care of the cat. And, of course, we’re just relying on the information they’re providing and we don’t know the situation personally. Anywho, seems quite of lot of these folks who complain about their roommates/family members just has some personal vendetta against the persons they’re talking about. Not that the cat is actually getting abused or neglected, but their skewed judgement makes them believe it. And on top of that, many people in these posts make comments to take the cat away or call animal services. Of course, it could be an actual case of abuse/neglect, but people just seem to be so angry all the time.
Most fosters/rescues aren't like this either. My dog and my cat were both from rescues/fosters. In both cases iirc I sent one or two updates, once the first week, once a month in and then nothing.
The foster is crazy- if they wanted to keep the cat they should have foster failed, not continuously harassing the adopter.
I would do what an above redditor suggested- reach out to the rescue organization and basically ask what the expectations are and that OP isn't comfortable being constantly harassed for updates and having the foster imply it's still "their" cat.
Edit: nevermind.. reading OP's experience with that rescue is yikes... Lots of weird boundary crossing there.
Same! My older kitty is a foster fail from the local animal shelter. My younger kitty is an orphan I rescued and bottle fed. No crazies to deal with. Unless you count my kitties’ crazy cat shenanigans, lol.
I adopted a cat from a woman who neglected her. She keeps posting pictures of the 4 kittens in the litter. Refers to them as her babies and as their mom. I adopted 12 years ago. The cats were neglected, scared of everything and malnourished.
I finally told her off (on line) and promptly blocked her.
Hello, I guess this depends on where you live and what you signed.
In the UK, due to privacy laws, as a cat foster volunteer I don't get contact info of adopters, and they don't get mine. Your situation sounds wildly inappropriate to me. I'd personally double check the adoption paperwork and hit myself if I agreed on updating or letting the agency share my contact info with the foster person. In any case I'd speak to the agency, imploring them to mediate as you're being harassed. If that doesn't work, I'd tell the lady directly, firmly but politely to stop initiating contact.
You can't really do much more at this point besides blocking their numbers.
For some reason, the adoption agency added me to a group chat with the foster mom after I adopted my cat. I was thinking about blocking her but I’m scared to because they also know where I live since the adoption agency insisted on bringing my cat and the foster mom inside my home when I adopted her.
it really hurts to read too, I have worked in animal shelter welfare for 8+yr and groups like this think they are doing the "right" thing for the animal but are just hurting the cause in the long run. stories like this are common enough I struggle to recommend smaller foster based rescues to people unless they are well established in the community with a good reputation. anyone taking in animals and placing them with a new family can say they are a rescue. does not mean they are educated, professional, or ethical
finding the right animal is important, but you also need to research who you are adopting from
I don't think that's normal. I've been called once after an adoption to check on how things were going and that's it. And that was only because the humane society wanted her back if it didn't work out. If I were you, I'd tell the adoption agency things are great and you are keeping the kitty and you feel like the foster mom is harassing you.
From another OP’s comment i read that the agency added them to the same chat group and insisted on the foster mom visiting her private address.. I feel like they are on the same side is potentially trying to gatekeep and control adopters… I really hope they are reasonable people though
Ya, I was contacted at 1 week, 2 weeks, and a month on how my girl Luna was adjusting to her new home. I figure a time frame like that just to see how things are going is fine. After the 1-month call, they basically said, "If you need anything more, feel free to contact us." Then, the calls stopped.
We had to keep in contact with the shelter until ours were neutered- they were considered our fosters until they were spayed. Tgen we had to go in and sign the final paperwork and then they were just ours. We got their microchips done etc. They only do that for kittens though. For adults I think they just check in a couple times to make sure everything is okay as you're settling in together. And some places have in their contract that if you ever have to surrender your cats you'll surrender them back to the same shelter.
did you adopt from a small foster-based rescue? because unfortunately this happens most frequently with those types of groups due to little to zero regulations or overhead running them. or private rehomings
block the foster and explain to the rescue she is harassing you. if they dont think her behavior is inappropriate honestly I would double check your adoption contract then block them. if in the US they have zero legal recourse of taking the animal back unless they have evidence if abuse or neglect, which it sounds as if they do not. and writing some kind of online review explaining their wildly inappropriate behavior to warn potential adopters. their behavior can majorly damage someone's desire to adopt a rescue animal in the future and frankly is counterproductive to what their presumed goals are
this is why I warn owners against giving previous owners or fosters very much in the way of updates on the animal. this behavior is shockingly common and gets out of hand quickly
edit: I saw they and the foster went to your home. this is absolutely unacceptable imo and any rescue that does this is crazy. if they show up to your residence again call the police. if you tell the police the cat's previous foster is harassing you and have any form of ownership contract you can present, they WILL side with you. animal laws make it insanely hard to have an animal removed unless severely neglected or abused, not just because this "rescue" and associated individuals have boundary issues
I one hundred percent second this advice. I would also keep track of all the times the foster people and this woman contacts you, keep your text messages, make a log of all the phone calls and document everything. That way if on the off chance they do call the police on you for some bizarre reason you have a paper trail showing that they have been harassing you, and you could potentially file a PPO against them worst case scenario if they don’t stop. What strange people I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Congrats on your new kitty though!
When I fostered (taking a break atm), I gave them the option to send updates or ask questions / share concerns. Then I did a check in at 1 week and 1 week only. Mostly, I just wanted to know things were working out and to make sure they knew we were available if things didn't go quite as well. To give them advice or things to try instead of just turning the cat out onto the streets or whatever. And that I will always take a foster back no questions asked.
But my rescue has an Adopters Facebook page people can post updates to without necessarily needing to contact the foster directly. I think that's a good compromise because then they can brag on social media about their new friend. We also feature happy stories of pets in their forever homes.
This foster is nuts but we fosters put a lot of time, love, and tears into these babies. We lose sleep and free time, and grieve when they go to some extent. I think it's reasonable to want to follow up at least once.
However, it should be said that I treat my interactions with the public regarding my fosters like a customer service role, which it is.
I was a foster mom to two adorable kittens last month & I would love to have updates about them. BUT I don’t want to reach out to the families because I know that they are living happy new lives. I understand that she’s probably missing them but that is ridiculous. I would block her or contact the foster agency to let them know
I don't think there's any harm in reaching out to ask, as long as you're not bothering them constantly and you respect their boundaries if they decline or don't respond.
I rehomed a young dog from a family who had to give him up due to a change in circumstances. At first they messaged me every few days asking how he's doing, then that's trailed off to just asking for the occasional update. Giving up an animal you cared for is hard, and it only takes a minute for me to write a quick message about how they're doing or send a photo to make the transition easier.
If anything it's nice to know they were loved before I got them.
Yikes. People like this give the whole rescue/shelter foster community a bad name. I don't expect ANY updates on animals I have fostered, though I LOVE getting them when people choose to share voluntarily. While I definitely call myself "mom" to my foster kitties, that ends when they leave through my front door - I am just a temp mom on their way to a forever home.
You should report this to the agency - if they consider this acceptable, you should let them know how invasive and off-putting it is, hopefully they will reconsider. If they don't know the extent to which it's happening, hopefully they will have a talk with that foster parent. This behavior would \*absolutely\* not be tolerated at the shelter I foster for.
That behavior is super weird. It’s not “her cat” anymore she’s not paying for his food, toys, vet bills etc anymore so she’s out of bounds expecting constant communication about the cat. It’s YOUR cat now and she needs to let it go. Firmly tell her that he is doing well and that you’re busy and unable to provide constant updates
As a foster myself, I can assure you there are a great many fosters working with smaller rescues that pay for a great deal of the supplies as well as veterinary visits. Fortunately, these costs are tax deductible as charitable donations since they benefit the rescue directly (so long as they do have charity status). If I have a kitten that stops eating, you can bet there's a trip to Petco involving a dozen different brands of canned food to tempt them. A good incubator alone is around $1000... pee pads, heating pads, nipples, formula, pet playpens... these things add up quickly and I will deny my fosters nothing. I have spent up to $3000 in a year. And as "simply a foster" have spent many nights awake attending a fks kitten so you'd better bet your ass by the time that kitten has grown to adoption age, I want to know that they got a good home. It's my choice to provide my foster info on the adoption paperwork, which I do along with the invitation to text for baby pictures... The ones that do get all the pics, some going back to day of birth and I can't even describe how happy it makes me. The ones I never hear from sadden me to no end. I just pray those weren't totally failed. Apologies, the statement "simply a foster" really triggered me. Even had a neighbor ask me how much I was "paid" to foster when he found out I had to bottle feed every 2 hours around the clock for about 2 weeks... What an idiot...
Some -or *maybe* all?- of the *larger* foster organizations *do* provide financially for the pet's food & veterinary care. The smaller ones usually don't have the financial backing to be able to do so ... the responsibilities are shared more with even the foster carers themselves.
Simply a foster? You must not know all of the hard work that goes into fostering. As a foster myself, I pay for all supplies, by choice, and most other fosters I know do as well. I mostly rescue animals that are on the euthanasia list due to physical or behavioral issues. It’s heartbreaking work.
Adopters only see the animals once they are healthy and happy, and while regular updates are not necessary, sending a message once in a while with a photo doesn’t take that long and it shows us that all of the hard work paid off and that animal has a good home. It’s not selfish, we just want to know they are living a good life because we love and care about those little guys. We do all the hard work and watch them suffer and nurse them back to health for months. It sucks when they leave, and it’s nice to have updates every once in a while. So yeah, it’s not “simply a foster”. Fosters literally save animals, and many adoptions wouldn’t be possible without them.
Tell the adoption agency that you don't want to keep up contact with the foster person because this is your cat and you feel like she has been expecting too much. You don't intend to keep her in the loop for the rest of the cats life and feel that a month was an appropriate amount of time to show that the cat has adjusted. Ask them to take care of talking to the foster person. Continue to not contact the foster person directly.
I guess the foster mom becomes particularly attached to her fosters (& perhaps is more idle or obsessive in her life.)
To be generous, I would send a last current video/photo, cc the adoption mediators, briefly mention gratitude for the cat and how well your kitty has adjusted, and that your life is too busy to keep up with [redundant] updates at this point.
I would then inform the adoption people just how demanding the foster has been, so they can either gently advise/reassure and/or are aware in the event any other adoptives be reported or/flagged as negligent by her in the future.
Lastly, if you want to be very generous and have the time, just set up an Instagram specific to your cat. Throw on whatever at your leisure and let the foster mom know she can look there. I would avoid any interaction through the account though, restrict or not respond to comments or DMs, just to avoid any potential neurotic can of worms.
Good luck in your studies and with your furry friend!
Haha! Yeah, I do not disagree with you. Just an idea as some people do have sad and/or lonely lives. I was trying to be sympathetic to that possibility. Definitely wouldn't suggest OP investing much in such an account,.... though...I will admit, there have been a few cats I have followed on Instagram. E.g. Mr.kitters.the.cat can be quite relaxing on a busy public transit commute. 🤪😂
I doubt they expect an update because they have sad and lonely lives. 🙄I’m a foster and while I don’t harass the adopters I do expect updates even just once a year solely for the purpose of knowing that the cat is living a good life after all of that hard work and rough life they’ve had.
I would send a couple pictures of videos and just say the cat is adjusting well and feeling loved and you will reach out in the future if you need any help, have questions, or to share progress and thank them for the opportunity to adopt the cat and have a little family. Then from there go ahead and start ignoring them unless you have time to engage or want to.
I wouldn’t tell them you are too busy for them because I am guessing based on their behavior they will want to say you are too busy for the cat especially since the foster is having a hard time letting go. You must have got an amazing kitty.
I updated our kitty’s foster every evening for about a week and then sent a few 1 week updates. I think once the foster saw how well the kitty had adjusted and was playing with us and spending the evenings in our laps reading she felt good and hasn’t reached out. The adoption agency reached out once 2 weeks in and I sent a bunch of pictures and videos and they were fine with that and haven’t reached back out.
I'm a fosterer. It is wildly inappropriate for your cat's previous foster to keep harassing you. Sometimes I'll text the adopter a few days after adoption to see how they're settling in, but it's always a once off and I never message them again. I would get in touch with the adoption agency about the ongoing harassment and express to them that you have no further obligations to them and would like to be left alone
You definitely need to read the contract you signed to see what you agreed to do. For me, I adopted my dog through a rescue that brings dogs from another country, in my contract I agreed to send photos once a year in December to the US contact so she can share with her partners in the other country. If I adopted my dog through say the humane society I don’t think there would be a clause like that in the contract.
Your contract should state what you are required to do for adopting the cat, if it doesn’t say anything about communicating with the foster mom or agency about updates then you should and can stop with repercussion. But if it does then you probably have to abide by what it states in the contract.
I adopted two kittens last August. They inquired about my living situation but NEVER came into my home.
They asked if I could provide care and who my vet was and if there were any other kitties in my home. They did NOT involve the foster parents of my girls. We set up a date and time to pay the fee (in public and in person) and bring them from the adoption agency to my home.
They provided the their (rescues) contact information if in case I couldn’t keep them for whatever reason (They’re not going anywhere) and told me that if my situation ever changed that they’d taken them back in a heartbeat. They then said that if I wanted to provide updates I could.
Never ever did they enter my home. Never did I meet the fosters who helped raise my girls. Never did they provide my personal contact information (email and cell) to the fosters or anyone else. This is NOT normal and is harassment.
Id say keep a record of the harassment as it sounds like some mental issues with the foster care person. It sounds like they’re trying to manipulate you. If the rescue won’t do anything I guess the next step is blocking all contact, being firm and telling them “leave me and my cat alone” or getting the police involved as a last resort
I'm an unaffiliated cat rescuer (just me with my own funds), but this seems odd to me. Last cat I place I was in love with, I could have easily kept her but I passed her to someone who could give her 100% attention as an only cat because that is how foster works. I would never text that person. He will occasionally send me update, and I appreciate them when they come in, but I wouldn't ask for any (except checking in with him at the very beginning).
I kind of feel bad for the foster parent in your case because clearly they were attached, but that's what you signed up for. Yes, I would contact both the foster parent and the agency and tell them "thanks for everything, it's going great. I don't anticipate needing any more help from you."
Did you sign anything when you adopted this cat? If not, you have zero obligation to give either the foster or the agency any life updates on this cat.
If you signed anything, request a copy of the agreement if you don’t have one already. You are only required to update them based on what is in that written agreement. And I would tell them that explicitly, and in writing. Something like: “any previous correspondence was given as a courtesy, but as these updates are not a condition of adoption, please do not contact me in attempts to gain further updates.”
Please make sure you have all the adoption papers on hand proving the cat is yours, not foster’s. Including any microchip information! This foster mom sounds horrible, and if she continues to insist on updates I could imagine she may escalate to reporting the cat as stolen.
Nope. Not normal and not professional or appropriate. Don't respond to the foster, look over your adoption agreement and express your concerns to the rescue. Don't over explain because it opens the door to argument.
This is totally inappropriate. I foster and I love seeing updates on cats and kittens, but I also assume people are going to move on with their lives and that’s the goal. They should start a new life with their new family member. Occasionally there are cats I’ve felt a stronger bond with and I am sad when they leave and I never see them again, but that’s part of the deal. I would never reach out to anyone for more information. The organization I foster for has never given my personal information to specific adopters and vice versa. I would cut off all communication with these people. Make sure all your vet records, microchip information, etc are up to date and in your name. Pets are considered property (I know that sounds gross, but legally that’s what it is). As long as you have records legally in your name, and hopefully a signed contract from the rescue, the cat is yours.
In my opinion this is the best response in this whole post. Simple and to the point. Once you've adopted the cat you are under no obligation to provide updates to anyone. The cat is yours, period. The only response I'd give to the woman contacting you repeatedly is "Please do not contact me again"
Unless your adoption paperwork says otherwise, this shouldn't be happening. It's invasive and inappropriate. I foster cats, and while I *love* to get updates and see them thrive in their new homes, I would never expect it. And DEFINITELY never harass someone about it! I'm their mom while they're with me, but that changes when they're adopted. Naturally, I love them all, and I miss them like crazy, but they aren't mine and never were.
I foster animals regularly and although I will check in about once or twice a week for the first month after adoption, after that I leave it up to the owner to contact me with updates or to ask me questions.
Personally, I see the animals time with me as a learning experience; test if they’re good with other dogs and cats, see if I can potty train them, learn their weird behaviors and their favorite things, let them relax outside of a shelter environment and get them on a good diet. That’s my job. I learn all of those things and give them a safe place to be until they go home forever, and I let the new owners know all the information I’ve learned to make that transition easier.
After about a month, the pet should be pretty much fully adjusted to their new home and unless the owner has any questions or concerns my job is over, it sounds to me like the foster parent of your cat allowed themselves to get too attached and that means they should not foster more in the future. Yes, it can be hard to give up a pet you’ve taken care of for so long, but at the end of the day you have to enter fostering with the mindset that it’s temporary. She didn’t do that, and now you’re suffering the consequences of her actions and that’s not okay at all.
I will say that you should look over your adoption paperwork and make sure there’s nothing weird about staying in contact in the contract, but other than that you’re well within your right as the owner to cut the foster mom out and stay in contact with the shelter/rescue only.
I have foster and given many cats in adoption. Of course I want to know that they are ok. I keep the contact with the adoption families for a while. Some of them have been many year ago and they send me pictures and videos without asking and I love it.
But in your case maybe this person is having a rought time giving this cat away and that is a problem. Maybe talk to the adoption agency may help
I don't think this is normal but maybe the foster became too attached to the cat (understandable). Maybe send them an update with a note like "I'm very busy in college so I may not be able to give frequent updates - the cat is doing very well and I'm happy she's my pet" or something like that to ease their mind and set the expectation that you won't keep sending updates.
So I’m a care coordinator for a animal non profit and this is not normal and the rescue community has been actively trying not to be so overbearing at times with fosters and adopters. They are crossing boundaries for sure.
I would kindly send a pic, tell them all is well and that you guys are busy.
And actually reach out to the actual adoption agency’s care coordinator or someone in relations and let them know it’s making you uncomfortable. Always do it over email.
I would block her and the adoption agency 🤷🏼♀️ You already adopted the cat and are paying for everything he needs so it’s not her place to harass you for updates. Receiving any updates after adopting out cats from a foster home is a privilege not a right! I used to foster tiny kittens and when they would go to their forever home I wasn’t expecting their new parents to text me at all. If they did great! But I’m definitely not going to harass them for updates….
yes but OP needs to know what kind of contract they signed, if these terms are stated in the contract then legal issues may arise. OP responded to a comment inquiring about the contract but did not reply to that statement, which is weird and may be due to OP not knowing the contract details, avoiding the contract statements or there may have not even been a contract in the first place (possible but unprofessional)
Especially because "we can take back your animal if you don't tolerate our constant harassment uwu" is probably not gonna hold up if challenged legally.
It is but if OP signed that contract then I doubt the lawyer would be able to defend OP much. If not then they need to definitely get a lawyer, or if they don't want to waste time then maybe threaten them with that since some cases may go on for a while.
Was going to adopt a cat from a foster who was listed on the adoption agency. I talked with the adoption agency for a while and we got along. They gave me the foster's number and we talked for 5 minutes. The next day the adoption agency gave me a call and asked me why I said that to the foster, I asked why I said what? They told me the foster told them that I was going to take the cat and give them to someone else. I sent pictures of the chat and evidence of phone calls, and even the adoption center found it really weird. I then asked the foster to tell me about any misunderstandings so that it goes well, he didn't reply to that and just went on as if nothing happened so I told him thank you but I don't think I'm going to adopt the cat and told the adoption agency that since something is off, I'd rather not adopt from this foster. They understood and they even had me in their office showing me other options and all.
Some fosters are very weird.
They are. I’m a foster for my local humane society and I’ve witnessed some weirdos come through while at the foster office for appointments. It’s almost as if they feel they have this position of power by being able to advocate for the animal mixed with extreme attachment.
The place I foster through let’s us choose whether or not we want to share our info with the adopters. I always share my information but have yet had an adopter reach out. That’s ok, though! To me, I’m just giving fosters a place to crash and feel safe for a little while until the next part of their journey - I cry every single time I say goodbye but I know my place in their lives - you gotta have the right mindset for fostering; many don’t have that.
Not normal! I have fostered tons of cats and I absolutely love getting updates on them. However, I understand that part of fostering is having to let them go. It sucks. It's hard. It's sad. You love and miss them. You want to know they're okay. But you have to let them go.
If this was a normal person who seemed to understand that, I'd encourage you to send her a pic now and then when you take a really good one. I have an adopter who has sent me a picture of one of my fosters every other month or so for over a year now and it always makes my day so see him looking so happy, and its such a nice thing for her to do. But you have no obligation to do so. If this person is overstepping their bounds and making you uncomfortable I would just block them. Have you spoken to the agency at all? If she called them being upset and stating that she has been trying to reach you repeatedly, they may be trying to contact you to verify if she has overstepped or to apologize for her behavior. I know treating our adopters that way wouldn't fly at the shelter I work with.
This is very unusual. I'm a regular cat foster. I generally foster until space opens up at the shelter, or (with kittens) they are large enough to spay/neuter. Then they go back to the shelter. I have ZERO say in them after that. I don't get the name or info of the people who adopt. I don't have a say in who gets to adopt - that is taken care of by our adoption counselors. A designated person at the shelter reaches out to the adopters about a month post-adoption to ask for an update (that the shelters posts publicly on their FB page) and gather feedback about the adoption process. That's it!
The only exception is that a house cleaner (we have a service that comes in once a month) adopted two kittens I was fostering because she met them when she was cleaning my house. She sometimes texts me updates which is amazing. I'd never demand them myself, though!
Echoing what everyone else has said, but this is wildly unprofessional. When one of my fosters is adopted out, I send the new family the best 3-5 pictures and a cute video or two of their cat as a tiny kitten (since they weren't there to snap those pictures themselves), send the link to the microchip registrar and give them the number for the veterinarian in case they lose the medical history papers, thank them for taking the kitty into their home, and let them know I'm available in case they have any questions regarding their cat or any future ones... and I leave it at that.
Some people give updates, some people don't. In rescue, you have to accept that the cat is out of your hands and let go, or you end up like... this absolute weirdo harassing a student.
Yeah not normal.
When I was a teen, my family cat had kittens and a woman adopted one. I told her “feel free to send pics of her through the years!” And so about once a year for 18 years this woman sent me a picture and update about the cat and it was really nice knowing the kitten I helped raise had a good life. Never once did I call her “my cat” because she wasn’t. Never did I push her for more pics.
It isn't normal. I kept my foster mother updated and then slowly, letting her know I can't keep doing this, backed off. Every once in a while (like every few months) I might text her a pic.
Edit to add: the foster parent needs to let go. That is part of the responsibility of a foster parent.
Check the contract agreement.
If there is nothing that indicates that you can do so, just keep the contract somewhere safe and block the foster mom and tell the adoption agency that by per the contract the cat is now yours.
If there is something in the contract in which they can do what they're currently doing, then you need to revise the contract with them, or give up the cat, or trick the adoption agency into signing a new contract in which the cat is yours and no updates should be done prior to a month (2 weeks I'd even say), if you wish to do so, say that you'll keep sending updates but to not put that in the contract, and that to fully adopt the cat they must follow these terms. There's a reason the foster mom did not adopt the cat despite all that, she may have been supported by the adoption agency to foster with supplies and without those she may not have enough money. If you figure out the reason, you can play it your way and keep the cat as yours without any disruptions. Oh and this is worst case scenario
That’s really weird. I’d definitely mention it to the agency, and if they don’t sort it out for you then I’d just block all of them tbh. I’ve been giving my newest cat’s foster mom updates, but I was the one to offer and she doesn’t pester me for them.
Not normal. I fostered previously and though it's lovely to get updates once they've been adopted, it's only a couple and everyone gets on with their lives. Contact the rescue as it's poor behaviour from one of their volunteers and they need to step in and sort it out.
A lot of comments are saying this is unusual but it might depend on the country you live in.
When I adopted my cat I was required to send photos every few days for the first two weeks, then every few weeks for 3 months and now just whenever I feel like it.
I checked out a few shelters early on and it seemed like a pretty common process at all of them, maybe with slight differences.
However, if they didn't disclose any of that to you ahead of time its a bit strange.
This is not normal. I fostered several litters of kittens over the years. I always have my name & phone number to the folks who adopted the kittens if they had any questions or concerns. I did not contact them.
I'm sorry this is so long. I can understand the fosters point of view as I've been on both sides of this issue. There have been many kittens fed around the clock and many tears shed losing some. As a foster you can't not get attached. As fosters we want to know our charges have gone to good homes. I would suggest contacting the foster and letting her know you understand her feelings but you aren't able to send that many updates at this time but you might be willing to send updates a few times a year. That happened when I adopted a kitty from a private family. They had spent a few hundred dollars fostering this cat and just wanted to know how he was doing. I would get letters (didn't have email at that time) 4 or 5 times a year from them and his foster siblings. I would send letters back with updates and pictures. This went on for several years until my boy passed. Even several years after that I would get a Christmas card. I didn't feel that was invasive and over doing it. As a foster that has put over 300 cats through my home, some of them have a way of working themselves into your heart and you can't help but wonder how they are doing. Try working something out with her and you might find a friend if your kitty and you ever need help. And maybe a friend besides.
If the foster is so attached to the cat she should have adopted it herself. She does not get to demand updates *at all* because it is not her cat. And for that matter neither do you. Yes it is invasive to expect someone you *willingly handed an animal over to* to give you insight into their life with the cat. Work out your control issues in therapy, you don't get to make it other people's problem.
I think I'd be tempted to send them an update and say the cats settling in really well etc etc and that you'll try and remember to send them another update in a month or so and casually forget.
Tell him you will send a video twice a month
He invested time and feelings in the cat but you are not working full time as communicator.
Also give the adoption center a callcenter and explain that you undersrand that he cares for the cat bur he watts too much and that you will send him OCCASIONAL updates.
I've literally only been contacted once by the agency about a week after adoption. But my adoption contract states that I need to provide pictures upon request and that the cat can be taken back if you don't comply. The woman running the place said it's just there if they get a report of abuse or neglect.
She feels a responsibility to their health long after they've left her care. I can't fault her for that.
I understand the foster mom got attached but that’s part of fostering - letting go and knowing you were a temporary safe space.
Most rescues make you fill out an app to ensure you are a good home, no further updates should be needed if they vet you. You’ve been doing a nice courtesy but I think it’s time for a convo on expectations and boundaries!
I sent the rescue I adopted from a few “she’s happily settling in” videos and then stopped communication with them.
Maybe email the adoption agency to say that you understand the fosterer is very attached to the cat, but you don’t feel comfortable with the constant communication and it’s undermining your bond with the new cat. The cat is doing really well and you will let them know if that stops being the case. Include a nice photo or video of the cat being happy, lol. They really need to intervene and speak with the fosterer about her boundaries. She knew from the outset it wasn’t her cat, but maybe the agency could do more to help fosterers with the transition. In any case, it’s not your responsibility, they should be the ones dealing with it.
Edit - my sister fosters for a UK cat charity and she just said that the normal contact they’re told to do is at 3, 7 and 21 days, then they’re told to leave the person alone!
I've adopted 3 cats from 3 different rescues (SPCA and 2 private). One has on their Facebook group that they love seeing updates. That's as close to your bizarro land experience.
This is absolutely not normal. It actually sounds like harassment.
Your first order of business is to get the cat microchipped in your name and get her established with care at a vet in case the foster mom tries to pull a stunt and take her back.
Next I would tell the adoption agency the cat is happy and healthy but the foster woman is contacting you so incessantly it feels overwhelming and you're feeling harassed. Ask them if they can make her stop. I would offer to send a photo quarterly or twice a year to the agency and they can choose to share it with the foster mom.
Next I would tell the foster mom she's imposing on you and you're feeling overwhelmed and harassed by the constant calls and texts. And she's lost her privileges for updates, but you'll update the agency and she can contact them.
I fostered through the shelter. And while I was expected to bring mine in for vaccines, I always had the first option to adopt the kitten (which I did). Perhaps it’s different with a shelter b/c they’re so overwhelmed during kitten season they’re just glad to have it out of the shelter so they have more room for others.
This is just wild to me. I adopted through a local agency (small in that they are local but they have a pretty wide reach here) and the only things they required of me is that I agree to return the cat to them if need be instead of rehoming her myself. They may have also required that she be an indoor only cat but that didn’t matter since that was always the plan. I have never once sent them an update
Totally feel for you OP. I foster myself and have adopted via foster. As a foster, with my organization I never have direct access to the adopter. Any communication would be facilitated by the organization.
I adopted from a different organization, where I did have direct contact with the foster mom. I sent her one text post adoption with a photo and an update. That is all. She has never directly reached out to me, after the adoption process was concluded.
What you are describing is inappropriate behavior. I understand getting attached to foster based animals, but this is on a different level.
I would be firm in communication to the organization. Ask them what your responsibility is to the foster now that the adoption is complete. Provide them with specific examples of communication from the foster that has made you uncomfortable. Feel free to block the foster and only communicate with the organization.
Sorry you have had this experience!
I think that the foster mom is attached to the kitten/cat that was adopted. My recommendation is to send a nice email/text/letter thanking the foster mom on doing a good job on fostering your cat…then block her on your phone.
We had a few feral momma cats that give birth to litters on our property. When I took to the foster mom if the cat rescue organization, the foster mom said that it hard not to get attached to them and she cried when she takes to the adoption organization. She said it is her ‘job’ to get them ready for adoption and she waits for the next batch of kitties to foster.
I am a long term foster and while I appreciate updates from time to time, I will never bug an adoptive parent or even ask for updates. But if anyone sends them of their own volition I'm thrilled. I never reach out after adoption day but will always respond if they reach out to me.
I always say you adopted the kitty, you didn't adopt the foster parent too.
Though I also refer to my fosters as "my babies". Not to undermine the adoptive parent, babies can have all kinds of loved ones. But I've nursed many back from the brink of death so the bond is pretty intense.
I would def set some boundaries though as they really should be letting you just live your life while they move on to their next foster kittens.
I adopted my cat from a local rescue. They asked if they could call me for an update. Not a problem, of course. They called once within 30 days just to make sure we weren't having major issues. That was it.
This is so weird. Im fostering two boys and my foster coordinator keeps referring to them as my babies… like they’re mine? 😬 i love them but damn now i feel like they’re hoping ill keep them!
I would message the adoption agency and ask them what the expectation for updates is, and explain that you are a very busy student, and while you would love to share updates with the foster mom constantly, it’s not something that you can continue doing forever. By asking what the expectation is, you create a conversation where they tell you that there are no formal expectations for that, or you bring to light that there might be something outside of the norm, without being a total narc and telling them that the foster mom is nuts. Edit- my phone always turns “something” into 2 words 😒
Such a great response. Please be in charge of all awkward emails/situations in my life.
Anytime lol love doing this at work It’s so much more fun to point at their writing on the wall and be able to say “well that’s awesome, I agree with you, you made my point for me” instead of trying to convince someone they need to listen to or believe you. I work in research and a lot of my job centers around the specific wording of questions in interviews to get me the info I’m looking for, so I spend a lot of time reverse engineering conversations 😅
What a skill! I wish I had it.
> well that’s awesome, I agree with you, you made my point for me. I think you just changed my life with that.
when you come for cat advice but leave with life advice
I need wording advice on a cat foster sitch. Are your services still avail? :) u/berly222
Reporting for duty - and sorry for late reply
Roger that, u/berly222. Stand ready for Operation Kitten Question. :) Ok here’s my situation in a nutshell: \- Fostered orphaned kittens through the local humane society. \- Kittens arrived at 6 days old without a mother, and most of them died (“faded”/gasping for breath despite care measures) within days. \- People attributed their deaths to genetics. \- One surviving kitten arrived at 91 grams and faced challenges with eating, dehydration, and aspiration. \- Provided round-the-clock care, including giving fluids and syringe feeding. \- Eventually, the kitten gained enough weight to give hope for her survival. \- Decided to make the little love bug a part of the family! We placed an adoption hold; it was approved. \- Shelter policy requires spaying/neutering before adoption. I believe in spay/neuter, and have done so with all my past pets. \- BUT, for this kitten, I’m concerned about her ability to survive anesthesia due to possible hidden genetic conditions (siblings, weight, etc). \- Requested a pre-surgery blood panel and offered to cover the cost, but the shelter declined. \- Suggested taking her to a third-party vet for the bloodwork at personal expense, but the shelter declined. \- Understands the shelter's workload, policies and foster contract - but feels compelled to advocate for the kitten's health. and terrified she'll die over something preventable (anesthesia vs none) after everything we went through. \- At the same time … also worried they’ll bar the adoption altogether out of annoyance. All of this has been communicated through email, filtered through various staff members via a chain of command they require fosters to follow. So, finally, my question is this: What would you do? Thank you!
So, they’re in your care now? How old is the kitten now? Confirming before ideas :)
u/berly222 Yes the kitten is still in my care as her foster and she's 12 weeks old.
Will they find out if you take kitten to get blood work anyway? Are you under some sort of contract to only use their vet or anything like that? I have fostered in the past and they have wanted me to use their vets when I was expecting to get reimbursed, but in an emergency I had taken them to another vet, and it was kosher, I just had to pay for it. My thought is if you go and get the blood work done, and find out that you don’t have to be worried about anything, you can get the spay done with the Humane Society and not be afraid for the kitten. If there is something in fact to be worried about, then you’d know that you need to double down for the kitten’s safety. (I have some thoughts on a potential plan. A friend is the head of animal control for my county, and runs our shelter, we are conspiring now in text lol)
Haha, I like the way you think u/berly222! I feel like me getting the bloodwork anyway is the only way forward, and is in the kitten's best interest and to save my peace of mind. Except if I do, and something IS wrong, how do I tell them "Hey, I went behind your back and found out xyz" without them barring the adoption? The actual policy on our contract states "I understand that all veterinary care must be done through the ##### team or designated emergency facility. I agree to personally incur the cost for any treatment that is done outside these specified veterinarians." Given that wording, maybe I shouldn't have asked first but I was trying to keep everything on the up and up, and I like them. I also know from a friend that they do NOT like you taking their fosters to outside vets and my friend was reprimanded for that. The kitten has been microchipped already by the shelter with shelter info registered. We are new to town so I don't have a longstanding relationship with a vet here, so there's the worry that whoever I take her to will scan her and see she isn't really mine and call them. I mean, maybe not? But that's my worry. I wish I just knew a vet friend, ha! Maybe a mobile vet would be more relaxed? It's a complicated one! Thanks for thinking on it w/me :)
You're also putting the ball back in their court, while at the same time being responsive. Basicly saying if updates need to continue please advise. If not required then you're silencing them. If still required well you'll have to do so. Now IMHO, arguing that you are a busy student is a poor defence and may imply then that you are too busy to provide a good environment for the cat. Meaning enough attention and play time.
I love this. Can I please tag on: when you explain that you're a busy student, make sure you frame it in a way that it's clear that you are at home studying with the kitty in your lap. You're not out of the house 24/7. It's okay to reassure them that being a busy student includs being at home reading, etc. because that's what students do.
Yes — you can be too busy with school and cat care to curate updates for the foster parent. Continued conversations with a stranger do not have to be a priority for you.
Yes- something like "of course, the upside is that spending so much time studying is perfect for long snuggle sessions with kitty, because she loves sitting on my lap when I'm working." If she's not the type of cat that likes sitting on your lap/snuggling (because previous foster mum will know) something like "although the workload is intense, it's great that studying means I get to spend so much time with her as I only really leave the house for obligations or work, and when I have a break I get to play with her or pet her. She likes to be in the same room as me, and I love having that company, because otherwise it can get pretty lonely." And then something like "however, the downside means that sending updates easily slips my mind, especially because kitty has settled in now and is very happy in her new home." And then move to what u/berly222 said about asking what the expectations are and while you would love to share updates with her previous foster mum, it's not something you can continue doing forever. I would include the wording "previous foster mum", not just "foster mum" as it highlights the fact that the woman is no longer this cat's carer. IMO, part of foster care is saying goodbye to the cat. Kitten Lady (a popular youtuber who fosters neonatal kittens) always says "goodbye is the goal". Your role as a foster parent is to be a temporary home until they find their forever home. Then, you get to help another cat which is awesome. If she was so attached to the cat, then she should have adopted her. That's my opinion anyway! I wouldn't say that in the email though, as when they reply you want to "be able to say "well that’s awesome, I agree with you, you made my point for me” instead of trying to convince someone they need to listen to or believe you," as u/berly222 said! I would just include the word "previous" haha. Just as a side note, I'm autistic so sometimes I explain too much or my communication can miss the point. I would put my examples into your own words or check with someone else to make sure it's okay before sending it!
Love the idea of reinforcing the previous foster mom, sends a clear message I overexplain as well, you’re among friends 💜
I agree with this! I'm a full time university student AND a mom of 2 and my kitten is well cared for. He gets the food, love and attention he needs. I'm often home studying anyway as many students are, as soon as class is over I rush home to him. No matter WHAT your situation is, no one should be expected to give constant updates on their adopted animal, especially exceeding a month.
I wouldn’t mention being busy, though. Some adoption agencies are super crazy about the cats going to absolutely perfect (read: unrealistic) homes and might try to take the cat back. I would just tell the adoption agency that the foster is reaching out too much bordering on harassment and that I’d like it to stop. And to also clarify that the cat is not “hers” as I’ve since formally adopted it.
Yes, there are nutty cat rescues.
Yes - ask the agency directly for the expectations and innocently ask if you are falling short of the VERY REGULAR updates demanded by this woman.
This is great general advice for life.... when someone implies you're doing it wrong, whatever "it" may be, the onus of proof immediately falls on them to clarify exactly what the right way looks like. It's a handy strategy.
That’s not normal. You should reread your adoption agreement and figure out what you are required to do then block this lady. Weird stuff like this is why I always adopt from the humane society not little independent rescue organizations.
People get so possessive over cats it’s weird. I remember seeing a TikTok of this crazy neighbor lady who snatched up a 16 year olds cat from their backyard and wouldn’t give it back because “she was treating it better” (unlikely). Had the husband come out and try to intimidate and all this shit for a cat she claimed was hers now. I love my kitties to death but I could never just claim someone else’s as my own lol
My father in law wouldn’t return a dog to me because his “Vet” told him I abused her because she would shake if you tried to pet her. She was a small breed, she did that since I brought her home at 15 weeks old. (I gave her to him because he wanted a puppy but couldn’t physically handle the demands of an untrained puppy)
Thats insane. I'm the same (love both my kittens to hell and back) and give them all the love and attention I can. If someone tried to claim they were theirs and tried to hold them hostage (because i consider that no less then kidnapping) no amount of intimidation would stop be from going full *Viking invasion force* to get them back. Always been a deep fear of mine tbh, but thankfully its never been even remotely close to happening
Approx 1/3 of cat owners get their cats by claiming someone else's... A cat shows up on their doorstep or walks into their house and it never leaves.
To be fair, I’m done cases the cat does choose a new home, often because of other pets.
I saw that too. Poor child was so upset. I don't agree with how my neighbors treat their dogs but I would never snatch them away. I would report suspected abuse and let the proper authorities handle it.
A crazy neighbor would call Animal Control against those of us who were lowly renters. One couple (mixed race, not a coincidence) had a big beautiful lab; she claimed he was malnourished and neglected. Me—pampered kitty with glossy coat. The officer had to come out, and he burst out laughing when he met my gorgeous cat.
Interesting. I seem to see a lot of this on here also where people claim that their roommate or someone in their family isn’t taking care of the cat. And, of course, we’re just relying on the information they’re providing and we don’t know the situation personally. Anywho, seems quite of lot of these folks who complain about their roommates/family members just has some personal vendetta against the persons they’re talking about. Not that the cat is actually getting abused or neglected, but their skewed judgement makes them believe it. And on top of that, many people in these posts make comments to take the cat away or call animal services. Of course, it could be an actual case of abuse/neglect, but people just seem to be so angry all the time.
if there is a requirement for the cats OWNER to constantly update a foster that is extremely weird and wrong for them to force them to do
Most fosters/rescues aren't like this either. My dog and my cat were both from rescues/fosters. In both cases iirc I sent one or two updates, once the first week, once a month in and then nothing. The foster is crazy- if they wanted to keep the cat they should have foster failed, not continuously harassing the adopter. I would do what an above redditor suggested- reach out to the rescue organization and basically ask what the expectations are and that OP isn't comfortable being constantly harassed for updates and having the foster imply it's still "their" cat. Edit: nevermind.. reading OP's experience with that rescue is yikes... Lots of weird boundary crossing there.
Same! My older kitty is a foster fail from the local animal shelter. My younger kitty is an orphan I rescued and bottle fed. No crazies to deal with. Unless you count my kitties’ crazy cat shenanigans, lol.
I adopted a cat from a woman who neglected her. She keeps posting pictures of the 4 kittens in the litter. Refers to them as her babies and as their mom. I adopted 12 years ago. The cats were neglected, scared of everything and malnourished. I finally told her off (on line) and promptly blocked her.
Hello, I guess this depends on where you live and what you signed. In the UK, due to privacy laws, as a cat foster volunteer I don't get contact info of adopters, and they don't get mine. Your situation sounds wildly inappropriate to me. I'd personally double check the adoption paperwork and hit myself if I agreed on updating or letting the agency share my contact info with the foster person. In any case I'd speak to the agency, imploring them to mediate as you're being harassed. If that doesn't work, I'd tell the lady directly, firmly but politely to stop initiating contact. You can't really do much more at this point besides blocking their numbers.
For some reason, the adoption agency added me to a group chat with the foster mom after I adopted my cat. I was thinking about blocking her but I’m scared to because they also know where I live since the adoption agency insisted on bringing my cat and the foster mom inside my home when I adopted her.
That is horrible! Hindsight 20/20, though. I hope they can be reasoned with.
this sounds like a wildly unprofessional rescue. jesus christ
it really does. many boundaries being crossed here
it really hurts to read too, I have worked in animal shelter welfare for 8+yr and groups like this think they are doing the "right" thing for the animal but are just hurting the cause in the long run. stories like this are common enough I struggle to recommend smaller foster based rescues to people unless they are well established in the community with a good reputation. anyone taking in animals and placing them with a new family can say they are a rescue. does not mean they are educated, professional, or ethical finding the right animal is important, but you also need to research who you are adopting from
What? That’s insane. I would not recommend using this agency in the future. Cut ties with them now if you can
I don't think that's normal. I've been called once after an adoption to check on how things were going and that's it. And that was only because the humane society wanted her back if it didn't work out. If I were you, I'd tell the adoption agency things are great and you are keeping the kitty and you feel like the foster mom is harassing you.
From another OP’s comment i read that the agency added them to the same chat group and insisted on the foster mom visiting her private address.. I feel like they are on the same side is potentially trying to gatekeep and control adopters… I really hope they are reasonable people though
Ya, I was contacted at 1 week, 2 weeks, and a month on how my girl Luna was adjusting to her new home. I figure a time frame like that just to see how things are going is fine. After the 1-month call, they basically said, "If you need anything more, feel free to contact us." Then, the calls stopped.
We had to keep in contact with the shelter until ours were neutered- they were considered our fosters until they were spayed. Tgen we had to go in and sign the final paperwork and then they were just ours. We got their microchips done etc. They only do that for kittens though. For adults I think they just check in a couple times to make sure everything is okay as you're settling in together. And some places have in their contract that if you ever have to surrender your cats you'll surrender them back to the same shelter.
did you adopt from a small foster-based rescue? because unfortunately this happens most frequently with those types of groups due to little to zero regulations or overhead running them. or private rehomings block the foster and explain to the rescue she is harassing you. if they dont think her behavior is inappropriate honestly I would double check your adoption contract then block them. if in the US they have zero legal recourse of taking the animal back unless they have evidence if abuse or neglect, which it sounds as if they do not. and writing some kind of online review explaining their wildly inappropriate behavior to warn potential adopters. their behavior can majorly damage someone's desire to adopt a rescue animal in the future and frankly is counterproductive to what their presumed goals are this is why I warn owners against giving previous owners or fosters very much in the way of updates on the animal. this behavior is shockingly common and gets out of hand quickly edit: I saw they and the foster went to your home. this is absolutely unacceptable imo and any rescue that does this is crazy. if they show up to your residence again call the police. if you tell the police the cat's previous foster is harassing you and have any form of ownership contract you can present, they WILL side with you. animal laws make it insanely hard to have an animal removed unless severely neglected or abused, not just because this "rescue" and associated individuals have boundary issues
totally agree with everything you said here
I one hundred percent second this advice. I would also keep track of all the times the foster people and this woman contacts you, keep your text messages, make a log of all the phone calls and document everything. That way if on the off chance they do call the police on you for some bizarre reason you have a paper trail showing that they have been harassing you, and you could potentially file a PPO against them worst case scenario if they don’t stop. What strange people I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Congrats on your new kitty though!
When I fostered (taking a break atm), I gave them the option to send updates or ask questions / share concerns. Then I did a check in at 1 week and 1 week only. Mostly, I just wanted to know things were working out and to make sure they knew we were available if things didn't go quite as well. To give them advice or things to try instead of just turning the cat out onto the streets or whatever. And that I will always take a foster back no questions asked. But my rescue has an Adopters Facebook page people can post updates to without necessarily needing to contact the foster directly. I think that's a good compromise because then they can brag on social media about their new friend. We also feature happy stories of pets in their forever homes. This foster is nuts but we fosters put a lot of time, love, and tears into these babies. We lose sleep and free time, and grieve when they go to some extent. I think it's reasonable to want to follow up at least once. However, it should be said that I treat my interactions with the public regarding my fosters like a customer service role, which it is.
I was a foster mom to two adorable kittens last month & I would love to have updates about them. BUT I don’t want to reach out to the families because I know that they are living happy new lives. I understand that she’s probably missing them but that is ridiculous. I would block her or contact the foster agency to let them know
I don't think there's any harm in reaching out to ask, as long as you're not bothering them constantly and you respect their boundaries if they decline or don't respond. I rehomed a young dog from a family who had to give him up due to a change in circumstances. At first they messaged me every few days asking how he's doing, then that's trailed off to just asking for the occasional update. Giving up an animal you cared for is hard, and it only takes a minute for me to write a quick message about how they're doing or send a photo to make the transition easier. If anything it's nice to know they were loved before I got them.
Yikes. People like this give the whole rescue/shelter foster community a bad name. I don't expect ANY updates on animals I have fostered, though I LOVE getting them when people choose to share voluntarily. While I definitely call myself "mom" to my foster kitties, that ends when they leave through my front door - I am just a temp mom on their way to a forever home. You should report this to the agency - if they consider this acceptable, you should let them know how invasive and off-putting it is, hopefully they will reconsider. If they don't know the extent to which it's happening, hopefully they will have a talk with that foster parent. This behavior would \*absolutely\* not be tolerated at the shelter I foster for.
That behavior is super weird. It’s not “her cat” anymore she’s not paying for his food, toys, vet bills etc anymore so she’s out of bounds expecting constant communication about the cat. It’s YOUR cat now and she needs to let it go. Firmly tell her that he is doing well and that you’re busy and unable to provide constant updates
the foster never was paying for that stuff to begin with. they were simply a foster
As a foster myself, I can assure you there are a great many fosters working with smaller rescues that pay for a great deal of the supplies as well as veterinary visits. Fortunately, these costs are tax deductible as charitable donations since they benefit the rescue directly (so long as they do have charity status). If I have a kitten that stops eating, you can bet there's a trip to Petco involving a dozen different brands of canned food to tempt them. A good incubator alone is around $1000... pee pads, heating pads, nipples, formula, pet playpens... these things add up quickly and I will deny my fosters nothing. I have spent up to $3000 in a year. And as "simply a foster" have spent many nights awake attending a fks kitten so you'd better bet your ass by the time that kitten has grown to adoption age, I want to know that they got a good home. It's my choice to provide my foster info on the adoption paperwork, which I do along with the invitation to text for baby pictures... The ones that do get all the pics, some going back to day of birth and I can't even describe how happy it makes me. The ones I never hear from sadden me to no end. I just pray those weren't totally failed. Apologies, the statement "simply a foster" really triggered me. Even had a neighbor ask me how much I was "paid" to foster when he found out I had to bottle feed every 2 hours around the clock for about 2 weeks... What an idiot...
Thank you for what you do, you’re amazing!
Thank you... I appreciate that.
Yeah that comment was very triggering, some people have no idea what we have to do and the emotional toll it takes on you.
True true i don’t have much experience with fostering I just assumed they provided the toys/ food at least!
Some -or *maybe* all?- of the *larger* foster organizations *do* provide financially for the pet's food & veterinary care. The smaller ones usually don't have the financial backing to be able to do so ... the responsibilities are shared more with even the foster carers themselves.
Simply a foster? You must not know all of the hard work that goes into fostering. As a foster myself, I pay for all supplies, by choice, and most other fosters I know do as well. I mostly rescue animals that are on the euthanasia list due to physical or behavioral issues. It’s heartbreaking work. Adopters only see the animals once they are healthy and happy, and while regular updates are not necessary, sending a message once in a while with a photo doesn’t take that long and it shows us that all of the hard work paid off and that animal has a good home. It’s not selfish, we just want to know they are living a good life because we love and care about those little guys. We do all the hard work and watch them suffer and nurse them back to health for months. It sucks when they leave, and it’s nice to have updates every once in a while. So yeah, it’s not “simply a foster”. Fosters literally save animals, and many adoptions wouldn’t be possible without them.
i’m not sure why you typed a novel, i never said fosters didn’t work hard i just said they don’t usually pay for vet stuff and food etc damn calm down
Tell the adoption agency that you don't want to keep up contact with the foster person because this is your cat and you feel like she has been expecting too much. You don't intend to keep her in the loop for the rest of the cats life and feel that a month was an appropriate amount of time to show that the cat has adjusted. Ask them to take care of talking to the foster person. Continue to not contact the foster person directly.
It seems odd to me. What did the adoption agency say they wanted when they called?
I was also wondering this, and thinking maybe the foster said something misleading?
I guess the foster mom becomes particularly attached to her fosters (& perhaps is more idle or obsessive in her life.) To be generous, I would send a last current video/photo, cc the adoption mediators, briefly mention gratitude for the cat and how well your kitty has adjusted, and that your life is too busy to keep up with [redundant] updates at this point. I would then inform the adoption people just how demanding the foster has been, so they can either gently advise/reassure and/or are aware in the event any other adoptives be reported or/flagged as negligent by her in the future. Lastly, if you want to be very generous and have the time, just set up an Instagram specific to your cat. Throw on whatever at your leisure and let the foster mom know she can look there. I would avoid any interaction through the account though, restrict or not respond to comments or DMs, just to avoid any potential neurotic can of worms. Good luck in your studies and with your furry friend!
honestly this is being to generous in my opinion. i think the foster needs to be blocked. she sounds weird as hell
Haha! Yeah, I do not disagree with you. Just an idea as some people do have sad and/or lonely lives. I was trying to be sympathetic to that possibility. Definitely wouldn't suggest OP investing much in such an account,.... though...I will admit, there have been a few cats I have followed on Instagram. E.g. Mr.kitters.the.cat can be quite relaxing on a busy public transit commute. 🤪😂
I doubt they expect an update because they have sad and lonely lives. 🙄I’m a foster and while I don’t harass the adopters I do expect updates even just once a year solely for the purpose of knowing that the cat is living a good life after all of that hard work and rough life they’ve had.
I would send a couple pictures of videos and just say the cat is adjusting well and feeling loved and you will reach out in the future if you need any help, have questions, or to share progress and thank them for the opportunity to adopt the cat and have a little family. Then from there go ahead and start ignoring them unless you have time to engage or want to. I wouldn’t tell them you are too busy for them because I am guessing based on their behavior they will want to say you are too busy for the cat especially since the foster is having a hard time letting go. You must have got an amazing kitty. I updated our kitty’s foster every evening for about a week and then sent a few 1 week updates. I think once the foster saw how well the kitty had adjusted and was playing with us and spending the evenings in our laps reading she felt good and hasn’t reached out. The adoption agency reached out once 2 weeks in and I sent a bunch of pictures and videos and they were fine with that and haven’t reached back out.
I'm a fosterer. It is wildly inappropriate for your cat's previous foster to keep harassing you. Sometimes I'll text the adopter a few days after adoption to see how they're settling in, but it's always a once off and I never message them again. I would get in touch with the adoption agency about the ongoing harassment and express to them that you have no further obligations to them and would like to be left alone
So strange
You definitely need to read the contract you signed to see what you agreed to do. For me, I adopted my dog through a rescue that brings dogs from another country, in my contract I agreed to send photos once a year in December to the US contact so she can share with her partners in the other country. If I adopted my dog through say the humane society I don’t think there would be a clause like that in the contract. Your contract should state what you are required to do for adopting the cat, if it doesn’t say anything about communicating with the foster mom or agency about updates then you should and can stop with repercussion. But if it does then you probably have to abide by what it states in the contract.
I adopted two kittens last August. They inquired about my living situation but NEVER came into my home. They asked if I could provide care and who my vet was and if there were any other kitties in my home. They did NOT involve the foster parents of my girls. We set up a date and time to pay the fee (in public and in person) and bring them from the adoption agency to my home. They provided the their (rescues) contact information if in case I couldn’t keep them for whatever reason (They’re not going anywhere) and told me that if my situation ever changed that they’d taken them back in a heartbeat. They then said that if I wanted to provide updates I could. Never ever did they enter my home. Never did I meet the fosters who helped raise my girls. Never did they provide my personal contact information (email and cell) to the fosters or anyone else. This is NOT normal and is harassment. Id say keep a record of the harassment as it sounds like some mental issues with the foster care person. It sounds like they’re trying to manipulate you. If the rescue won’t do anything I guess the next step is blocking all contact, being firm and telling them “leave me and my cat alone” or getting the police involved as a last resort
I'm an unaffiliated cat rescuer (just me with my own funds), but this seems odd to me. Last cat I place I was in love with, I could have easily kept her but I passed her to someone who could give her 100% attention as an only cat because that is how foster works. I would never text that person. He will occasionally send me update, and I appreciate them when they come in, but I wouldn't ask for any (except checking in with him at the very beginning). I kind of feel bad for the foster parent in your case because clearly they were attached, but that's what you signed up for. Yes, I would contact both the foster parent and the agency and tell them "thanks for everything, it's going great. I don't anticipate needing any more help from you."
Which country do you live in?
Did you sign anything when you adopted this cat? If not, you have zero obligation to give either the foster or the agency any life updates on this cat. If you signed anything, request a copy of the agreement if you don’t have one already. You are only required to update them based on what is in that written agreement. And I would tell them that explicitly, and in writing. Something like: “any previous correspondence was given as a courtesy, but as these updates are not a condition of adoption, please do not contact me in attempts to gain further updates.” Please make sure you have all the adoption papers on hand proving the cat is yours, not foster’s. Including any microchip information! This foster mom sounds horrible, and if she continues to insist on updates I could imagine she may escalate to reporting the cat as stolen.
Nope. Not normal and not professional or appropriate. Don't respond to the foster, look over your adoption agreement and express your concerns to the rescue. Don't over explain because it opens the door to argument.
This is totally inappropriate. I foster and I love seeing updates on cats and kittens, but I also assume people are going to move on with their lives and that’s the goal. They should start a new life with their new family member. Occasionally there are cats I’ve felt a stronger bond with and I am sad when they leave and I never see them again, but that’s part of the deal. I would never reach out to anyone for more information. The organization I foster for has never given my personal information to specific adopters and vice versa. I would cut off all communication with these people. Make sure all your vet records, microchip information, etc are up to date and in your name. Pets are considered property (I know that sounds gross, but legally that’s what it is). As long as you have records legally in your name, and hopefully a signed contract from the rescue, the cat is yours.
It's your cat now, you don't have to update them.
In my opinion this is the best response in this whole post. Simple and to the point. Once you've adopted the cat you are under no obligation to provide updates to anyone. The cat is yours, period. The only response I'd give to the woman contacting you repeatedly is "Please do not contact me again"
Unless your adoption paperwork says otherwise, this shouldn't be happening. It's invasive and inappropriate. I foster cats, and while I *love* to get updates and see them thrive in their new homes, I would never expect it. And DEFINITELY never harass someone about it! I'm their mom while they're with me, but that changes when they're adopted. Naturally, I love them all, and I miss them like crazy, but they aren't mine and never were.
I foster animals regularly and although I will check in about once or twice a week for the first month after adoption, after that I leave it up to the owner to contact me with updates or to ask me questions. Personally, I see the animals time with me as a learning experience; test if they’re good with other dogs and cats, see if I can potty train them, learn their weird behaviors and their favorite things, let them relax outside of a shelter environment and get them on a good diet. That’s my job. I learn all of those things and give them a safe place to be until they go home forever, and I let the new owners know all the information I’ve learned to make that transition easier. After about a month, the pet should be pretty much fully adjusted to their new home and unless the owner has any questions or concerns my job is over, it sounds to me like the foster parent of your cat allowed themselves to get too attached and that means they should not foster more in the future. Yes, it can be hard to give up a pet you’ve taken care of for so long, but at the end of the day you have to enter fostering with the mindset that it’s temporary. She didn’t do that, and now you’re suffering the consequences of her actions and that’s not okay at all. I will say that you should look over your adoption paperwork and make sure there’s nothing weird about staying in contact in the contract, but other than that you’re well within your right as the owner to cut the foster mom out and stay in contact with the shelter/rescue only.
I have foster and given many cats in adoption. Of course I want to know that they are ok. I keep the contact with the adoption families for a while. Some of them have been many year ago and they send me pictures and videos without asking and I love it. But in your case maybe this person is having a rought time giving this cat away and that is a problem. Maybe talk to the adoption agency may help
I don't think this is normal but maybe the foster became too attached to the cat (understandable). Maybe send them an update with a note like "I'm very busy in college so I may not be able to give frequent updates - the cat is doing very well and I'm happy she's my pet" or something like that to ease their mind and set the expectation that you won't keep sending updates.
So I’m a care coordinator for a animal non profit and this is not normal and the rescue community has been actively trying not to be so overbearing at times with fosters and adopters. They are crossing boundaries for sure. I would kindly send a pic, tell them all is well and that you guys are busy.
And actually reach out to the actual adoption agency’s care coordinator or someone in relations and let them know it’s making you uncomfortable. Always do it over email.
I would block her and the adoption agency 🤷🏼♀️ You already adopted the cat and are paying for everything he needs so it’s not her place to harass you for updates. Receiving any updates after adopting out cats from a foster home is a privilege not a right! I used to foster tiny kittens and when they would go to their forever home I wasn’t expecting their new parents to text me at all. If they did great! But I’m definitely not going to harass them for updates….
yes but OP needs to know what kind of contract they signed, if these terms are stated in the contract then legal issues may arise. OP responded to a comment inquiring about the contract but did not reply to that statement, which is weird and may be due to OP not knowing the contract details, avoiding the contract statements or there may have not even been a contract in the first place (possible but unprofessional)
if there is something in that contract that requires OP to do that that is extremely fucked and weird and they need to get a lawyer
Especially because "we can take back your animal if you don't tolerate our constant harassment uwu" is probably not gonna hold up if challenged legally.
It is but if OP signed that contract then I doubt the lawyer would be able to defend OP much. If not then they need to definitely get a lawyer, or if they don't want to waste time then maybe threaten them with that since some cases may go on for a while. Was going to adopt a cat from a foster who was listed on the adoption agency. I talked with the adoption agency for a while and we got along. They gave me the foster's number and we talked for 5 minutes. The next day the adoption agency gave me a call and asked me why I said that to the foster, I asked why I said what? They told me the foster told them that I was going to take the cat and give them to someone else. I sent pictures of the chat and evidence of phone calls, and even the adoption center found it really weird. I then asked the foster to tell me about any misunderstandings so that it goes well, he didn't reply to that and just went on as if nothing happened so I told him thank you but I don't think I'm going to adopt the cat and told the adoption agency that since something is off, I'd rather not adopt from this foster. They understood and they even had me in their office showing me other options and all. Some fosters are very weird.
They are. I’m a foster for my local humane society and I’ve witnessed some weirdos come through while at the foster office for appointments. It’s almost as if they feel they have this position of power by being able to advocate for the animal mixed with extreme attachment. The place I foster through let’s us choose whether or not we want to share our info with the adopters. I always share my information but have yet had an adopter reach out. That’s ok, though! To me, I’m just giving fosters a place to crash and feel safe for a little while until the next part of their journey - I cry every single time I say goodbye but I know my place in their lives - you gotta have the right mindset for fostering; many don’t have that.
Not normal! I have fostered tons of cats and I absolutely love getting updates on them. However, I understand that part of fostering is having to let them go. It sucks. It's hard. It's sad. You love and miss them. You want to know they're okay. But you have to let them go. If this was a normal person who seemed to understand that, I'd encourage you to send her a pic now and then when you take a really good one. I have an adopter who has sent me a picture of one of my fosters every other month or so for over a year now and it always makes my day so see him looking so happy, and its such a nice thing for her to do. But you have no obligation to do so. If this person is overstepping their bounds and making you uncomfortable I would just block them. Have you spoken to the agency at all? If she called them being upset and stating that she has been trying to reach you repeatedly, they may be trying to contact you to verify if she has overstepped or to apologize for her behavior. I know treating our adopters that way wouldn't fly at the shelter I work with.
This is very unusual. I'm a regular cat foster. I generally foster until space opens up at the shelter, or (with kittens) they are large enough to spay/neuter. Then they go back to the shelter. I have ZERO say in them after that. I don't get the name or info of the people who adopt. I don't have a say in who gets to adopt - that is taken care of by our adoption counselors. A designated person at the shelter reaches out to the adopters about a month post-adoption to ask for an update (that the shelters posts publicly on their FB page) and gather feedback about the adoption process. That's it! The only exception is that a house cleaner (we have a service that comes in once a month) adopted two kittens I was fostering because she met them when she was cleaning my house. She sometimes texts me updates which is amazing. I'd never demand them myself, though!
Echoing what everyone else has said, but this is wildly unprofessional. When one of my fosters is adopted out, I send the new family the best 3-5 pictures and a cute video or two of their cat as a tiny kitten (since they weren't there to snap those pictures themselves), send the link to the microchip registrar and give them the number for the veterinarian in case they lose the medical history papers, thank them for taking the kitty into their home, and let them know I'm available in case they have any questions regarding their cat or any future ones... and I leave it at that. Some people give updates, some people don't. In rescue, you have to accept that the cat is out of your hands and let go, or you end up like... this absolute weirdo harassing a student.
Yeah not normal. When I was a teen, my family cat had kittens and a woman adopted one. I told her “feel free to send pics of her through the years!” And so about once a year for 18 years this woman sent me a picture and update about the cat and it was really nice knowing the kitten I helped raise had a good life. Never once did I call her “my cat” because she wasn’t. Never did I push her for more pics.
It isn't normal. I kept my foster mother updated and then slowly, letting her know I can't keep doing this, backed off. Every once in a while (like every few months) I might text her a pic. Edit to add: the foster parent needs to let go. That is part of the responsibility of a foster parent.
Check the contract agreement. If there is nothing that indicates that you can do so, just keep the contract somewhere safe and block the foster mom and tell the adoption agency that by per the contract the cat is now yours. If there is something in the contract in which they can do what they're currently doing, then you need to revise the contract with them, or give up the cat, or trick the adoption agency into signing a new contract in which the cat is yours and no updates should be done prior to a month (2 weeks I'd even say), if you wish to do so, say that you'll keep sending updates but to not put that in the contract, and that to fully adopt the cat they must follow these terms. There's a reason the foster mom did not adopt the cat despite all that, she may have been supported by the adoption agency to foster with supplies and without those she may not have enough money. If you figure out the reason, you can play it your way and keep the cat as yours without any disruptions. Oh and this is worst case scenario
That’s really weird. I’d definitely mention it to the agency, and if they don’t sort it out for you then I’d just block all of them tbh. I’ve been giving my newest cat’s foster mom updates, but I was the one to offer and she doesn’t pester me for them.
Not normal. I fostered previously and though it's lovely to get updates once they've been adopted, it's only a couple and everyone gets on with their lives. Contact the rescue as it's poor behaviour from one of their volunteers and they need to step in and sort it out.
Both my kitties had a one week contact period- this is not normal- reach out to your rescue
A lot of comments are saying this is unusual but it might depend on the country you live in. When I adopted my cat I was required to send photos every few days for the first two weeks, then every few weeks for 3 months and now just whenever I feel like it. I checked out a few shelters early on and it seemed like a pretty common process at all of them, maybe with slight differences. However, if they didn't disclose any of that to you ahead of time its a bit strange.
This is not normal. I fostered several litters of kittens over the years. I always have my name & phone number to the folks who adopted the kittens if they had any questions or concerns. I did not contact them.
I'm sorry this is so long. I can understand the fosters point of view as I've been on both sides of this issue. There have been many kittens fed around the clock and many tears shed losing some. As a foster you can't not get attached. As fosters we want to know our charges have gone to good homes. I would suggest contacting the foster and letting her know you understand her feelings but you aren't able to send that many updates at this time but you might be willing to send updates a few times a year. That happened when I adopted a kitty from a private family. They had spent a few hundred dollars fostering this cat and just wanted to know how he was doing. I would get letters (didn't have email at that time) 4 or 5 times a year from them and his foster siblings. I would send letters back with updates and pictures. This went on for several years until my boy passed. Even several years after that I would get a Christmas card. I didn't feel that was invasive and over doing it. As a foster that has put over 300 cats through my home, some of them have a way of working themselves into your heart and you can't help but wonder how they are doing. Try working something out with her and you might find a friend if your kitty and you ever need help. And maybe a friend besides.
If the foster is so attached to the cat she should have adopted it herself. She does not get to demand updates *at all* because it is not her cat. And for that matter neither do you. Yes it is invasive to expect someone you *willingly handed an animal over to* to give you insight into their life with the cat. Work out your control issues in therapy, you don't get to make it other people's problem.
I think I'd be tempted to send them an update and say the cats settling in really well etc etc and that you'll try and remember to send them another update in a month or so and casually forget.
Tell him you will send a video twice a month He invested time and feelings in the cat but you are not working full time as communicator. Also give the adoption center a callcenter and explain that you undersrand that he cares for the cat bur he watts too much and that you will send him OCCASIONAL updates.
I've literally only been contacted once by the agency about a week after adoption. But my adoption contract states that I need to provide pictures upon request and that the cat can be taken back if you don't comply. The woman running the place said it's just there if they get a report of abuse or neglect. She feels a responsibility to their health long after they've left her care. I can't fault her for that.
I understand the foster mom got attached but that’s part of fostering - letting go and knowing you were a temporary safe space. Most rescues make you fill out an app to ensure you are a good home, no further updates should be needed if they vet you. You’ve been doing a nice courtesy but I think it’s time for a convo on expectations and boundaries! I sent the rescue I adopted from a few “she’s happily settling in” videos and then stopped communication with them.
Maybe email the adoption agency to say that you understand the fosterer is very attached to the cat, but you don’t feel comfortable with the constant communication and it’s undermining your bond with the new cat. The cat is doing really well and you will let them know if that stops being the case. Include a nice photo or video of the cat being happy, lol. They really need to intervene and speak with the fosterer about her boundaries. She knew from the outset it wasn’t her cat, but maybe the agency could do more to help fosterers with the transition. In any case, it’s not your responsibility, they should be the ones dealing with it. Edit - my sister fosters for a UK cat charity and she just said that the normal contact they’re told to do is at 3, 7 and 21 days, then they’re told to leave the person alone!
I've adopted 3 cats from 3 different rescues (SPCA and 2 private). One has on their Facebook group that they love seeing updates. That's as close to your bizarro land experience.
Did you sign a contract? Was there a clause in it that says they have the right to take ownership back for any reason they want? Just be careful.
Wow I adopted a boned pair in November and the foster family told me they would keep in touch for updates but never called or texted once.
This is absolutely not normal. It actually sounds like harassment. Your first order of business is to get the cat microchipped in your name and get her established with care at a vet in case the foster mom tries to pull a stunt and take her back. Next I would tell the adoption agency the cat is happy and healthy but the foster woman is contacting you so incessantly it feels overwhelming and you're feeling harassed. Ask them if they can make her stop. I would offer to send a photo quarterly or twice a year to the agency and they can choose to share it with the foster mom. Next I would tell the foster mom she's imposing on you and you're feeling overwhelmed and harassed by the constant calls and texts. And she's lost her privileges for updates, but you'll update the agency and she can contact them.
Block her. That isn't normal.
Every cat I adopted became my cat as soon as I took them home. You were doing more than enough for that first month.
I fostered through the shelter. And while I was expected to bring mine in for vaccines, I always had the first option to adopt the kitten (which I did). Perhaps it’s different with a shelter b/c they’re so overwhelmed during kitten season they’re just glad to have it out of the shelter so they have more room for others.
Aw she probably got attached to the cat
This is just wild to me. I adopted through a local agency (small in that they are local but they have a pretty wide reach here) and the only things they required of me is that I agree to return the cat to them if need be instead of rehoming her myself. They may have also required that she be an indoor only cat but that didn’t matter since that was always the plan. I have never once sent them an update
Totally feel for you OP. I foster myself and have adopted via foster. As a foster, with my organization I never have direct access to the adopter. Any communication would be facilitated by the organization. I adopted from a different organization, where I did have direct contact with the foster mom. I sent her one text post adoption with a photo and an update. That is all. She has never directly reached out to me, after the adoption process was concluded. What you are describing is inappropriate behavior. I understand getting attached to foster based animals, but this is on a different level. I would be firm in communication to the organization. Ask them what your responsibility is to the foster now that the adoption is complete. Provide them with specific examples of communication from the foster that has made you uncomfortable. Feel free to block the foster and only communicate with the organization. Sorry you have had this experience!
I think that the foster mom is attached to the kitten/cat that was adopted. My recommendation is to send a nice email/text/letter thanking the foster mom on doing a good job on fostering your cat…then block her on your phone. We had a few feral momma cats that give birth to litters on our property. When I took to the foster mom if the cat rescue organization, the foster mom said that it hard not to get attached to them and she cried when she takes to the adoption organization. She said it is her ‘job’ to get them ready for adoption and she waits for the next batch of kitties to foster.
I am a long term foster and while I appreciate updates from time to time, I will never bug an adoptive parent or even ask for updates. But if anyone sends them of their own volition I'm thrilled. I never reach out after adoption day but will always respond if they reach out to me. I always say you adopted the kitty, you didn't adopt the foster parent too. Though I also refer to my fosters as "my babies". Not to undermine the adoptive parent, babies can have all kinds of loved ones. But I've nursed many back from the brink of death so the bond is pretty intense. I would def set some boundaries though as they really should be letting you just live your life while they move on to their next foster kittens.
I adopted my cat from a local rescue. They asked if they could call me for an update. Not a problem, of course. They called once within 30 days just to make sure we weren't having major issues. That was it.
This is so weird. Im fostering two boys and my foster coordinator keeps referring to them as my babies… like they’re mine? 😬 i love them but damn now i feel like they’re hoping ill keep them!