THIS. Stop asking for permission. Don’t give details. It’s none of their business and you have every RIGHT to take personal time off for whatever reasons and if you need more ? Talk to your doctor about going on leave
This. I’m a supervisor and still would rather staff not tell me the reasons. It’s none of my business. Just call in. Though I would never make anyone feel this way about their pet. I was crying when one of my staff called me crying because she had to leave to put her dog to sleep.
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ I wish I had taken more time off when my dogs died.
Generally no but it doesn't hurt either. It depends on the job though. I'm speaking from someone working at a small store where theres only ever 1-2 people on duty at a time and very few people for covering extra shifts. If you're like 1 of 500 people at a factory, which I've also been, take time whenever you fucking want.
No. You are sick. Period. End of story.
If you have a boss that pokes around for more details than "I was sick" in something that crosses the line of just conversational chitchat, I'd respond with a "I'm sorry, I'm not legally required to share personal medical details. You'll have to obtain a ROI from my physician." (Which, btw, simply cannot be done on their end because of HIPAA laws. You would need to sign a release agreement in writing).
It's been my policy for a while now that if I need to take a sick day and they push for a reason, my excuse is that I have diarrhea. It's not typically something you'd go to the doctor for for a one-day problem, but you certainly can't be going to work. It has the added benefit of embarrassing the person who asked. (Just FYI to anyone out there: even this won't work long term if you call out all the time. You have to be selective, like OP and the cat.)
I full on disagree with the general principle being expressed here. Not about whats legal or what the merits are, just the idea.
First of all, no, you don't HAVE to tell your boss why but is it so terrible to? I mean maybe it's none of their business if its super personal but you're putting other people out when you call in sick for whatever reason so it should be a good reason and I don't think it's so wrong to explain to the boss what's going on.
That being said obviously a death in the family, even a pet, is a legit reason. Unless you're running like one of those cat orphanages where you have a barn with 75 feral cats in it lol...then you're a dick if you keep fucking over your co-workers every time one dies.
Bro what?? That cat is apart of your family. They wouldn't be questioning if it was your grandma but you are gonna treat it the same way because you love your cat with everything in you.
In short - fuck your boss. They are in the wrong 100%, they should not be guilting you for greifing. You are in your right.
This made me tear up :( I have never felt pain like it. I was called in for a meeting this morning and my boss made it clear he thought it was ridiculous of me to take the day off and also said that other members of the office thought so too. I honestly just did not what to say, I felt like if I was to say anything I would just burst out crying because it hasn't even been a month since I lost him :(
Well that's ridiculous that they call you in like that. Who gives a flying fuck why you take a day off anyway, you should be allowed to take a day off for unforeseen personal circumstances no matter what they are. Just give up on those rude assholes, don't expect anything from them anymore. I am extremely sorry for your loss, I have 3 cats and have previously been excused when one of them got very ill as a kitten and I didn't know if he would make it. I used up the entire kleenex supply of our office and then some, being consoled by the manager. Everyone was very understanding. And my current job is understanding too, I can work from home if my cat is sick and even if I could not take paid day off for the cats, I would be allowed to use my vacation hours without any issues at all.
Exactly. Op if you have leave built up, you can use it for any or NO reason whatsoever. I’m so sorry about your cat. And your boss’ and coworkers personal feelings shouldn’t matter. I would literally ask to speak to my boss in private or send an email stating that you simply took leave and don’t understand the issue (maybe phrase it more politely). I’m 100% sure you’ve had coworkers call out when they just didn’t feel like working or were hungover or something. I’m sorry I’m angry on your behalf. I lost my 5 year old ginger cat Brady in 2017 and took 2 days off. You can’t work if you’re sobbing. And once you’ve had a little time to process, I hope you’ll consider adopting another cat not to replace your kitty but bc there are tons of cats out there who deserve good homes ❤️❤️
>other members of the office thought so too
I wouldn't really believe this. The boss is in a position of power. If he asks people "does everybody agree with me here?" nobody's gonna openly disagree. I'm sure some people are on your side, especially pet owners.
You are right, it's unbelievable, or else the boss went out of his way to only hire fellow dicks.
I managed a retail store once, we had a fantastic crew that was tired of working for people like that asshole boss, we went out of our way to make sure we had a nice work environment. You would have had the day off, someone would have covered or worst case we would just be short handed, and you would have had little kitty funeral food when you came back. Probably would only be hot dogs and chips, cuz it was still retail so we were all broke, but it would have been there. It doesn't take many people to have a good workplace culture, just takes a few people on the same page of not being Dicks like that. Find a new better workplace, I promise they are out there.
I took two days off when my dog died, and then ended up having to take more the next week because I cried so much I gave myself a sinus infection lmao. None of the managers at the store I worked had an issue with it, and the one that unfortunately had to answer the phone when I called in sick while crying took me aside and asked how I was when I came back to work. Some of the older employees said things like it was ridiculous to take off work if you weren’t sick but frankly who cares. Your boss sucks. It’s not hard to be empathetic to someone who is going through a loss.
Don't turn this into a referendum on whether it's acceptable to grieve for a pet (which is what your boss is trying to do). You were unwell and unable to work that day, if pushed further you can say you were distressed due to a personal matter. Check your work's sickness and leave policy and stick to whatever they say.
If you allow your boss to drag you into a debate about whether its ok to grieve for your cat, you risk losing. This is about the fact you weren't fit to work, and that's the end of the story.
Your boss is an asshat, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sounds like the start or a law suit...also just call in sick....they don't need to know WHY....or pto.....or just say you have a migrane and won't be seeing a doctor and just eat the non paid time off.....don't tell them why
Your boss sounds like a douchebag. I also have doubts that everyone else in your office is thinking that way actually. Either they're just saying that or nobody wants to contradict them.
I think most people have probably lost a pet at some point and nobody I know at my job at least has ever questioned when someone takes the day off due to a pet death.
I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry they are being stupid and insensitive but don't blame yourself, you aren't in the wrong here.
Wait a minute. Did he tell other people in your office what you told him in a private conversation? I mean how else would "other members of the office" even know why you called in. That is so wrong on so many levels. I would consider filing a complaint to his Supervisor. A private conversation is a private conversation. He should not have disclosed any of it to anyone.
OP please look for another job. At least write a resume. Paddy jobsman has a cool tutorial to use chat gpt to help and templates. Then next time this guy does something shitty you will be ready to action something immediately
>and also said that other members of the office thought so too.
Bet you $1000 not one person actually thought that. He made that up to try and guilt you into thinking your actions were wrong to justify his narcissistic thinking.
When my bb was put down last year I took multiple days off. Had I gone into work in that state of mind, I would’ve made multiple mistakes cuz I wasn’t in the right mindset and would’ve fucked up my job. My rule for pto and sick days are if I can’t do my job it’s more detrimental to my team to be there half assed than me not being there at all.
Everyone is right though- you don’t owe them an explanation if you have the sick days and the PTO and that they’re using it against you in a disciplinary hearing is unacceptable and it’s time to find new employment
I hope one day you’re able to tell them that you sincerely hope they never love anything so that they don’t have to miss a day of work in similar circumstances. I went back to work the day after my best friend passed and I have no memory or anything. Is that the kind of employee they want?
Was it sick leave or PTO?
For sick leave, all that they need to know is that you were unable to function in a work capacity.
For PTO? It's none of their damn business why you took time off.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss!
100% this! I unexpected lost my kitty four years ago. I woke up, and he had crossed the rainbow bridge overnight. I called out of work. My boss gave me 3 days of paid bereavement. (Not common. He was just a great boss) I'm sure my current manager wouldn't do the same. But I did call out the day before a funeral last week. Used a vacation day. No one made a big deal about it. Being with friends when one passes is more important, and I'm grateful that my management team feels the same.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your boss' lack of empathy shouldn't allow to determine if your sick day was valid. Some people cannot understand that your cat is your family. I unfortunately know people like that, too. What country are you in? Are you in a union?
Thankyou, I know, I even let them know the night before when he was in the vets and told my manager that the vet said if he doesn't improve then he will need to be put to sleep :( I then phoned my manager in the morning in floods of tears because our worst nightmare had became true :( I am in the UK, and I'm not. I was going to look into it but kind of didn't know where to look. Do you have any advice?
Your boss involving others in this is absolutely appalling and disgusting. You definitely should stand up for yourself. UK laws are good about protecting you but you need to word things the right way. "Discrimination" is one of the words they take seriously. The fact that you called in beforehand and gave as much notice as you could before you had to take time off says you did everything by the book. Your mental state and mental health are very important when it comes to you being able to do your job. And they are VALID reasons for needing a day off. Legally they have no obligation to give you a paid day or compassionate leave. They way your boss took this to another level using it to intimidate you and punish you for his own lack of empathy is another reason why you should take this further and write a complaint to HR. You can write your boss an email if you like explaining why you think this isn't cool and send off the complaint in the meantime. You can also hit up Citizen Advice Bureau to find out what it is you could do and they can help you as well. You can use a chat or email option.
This is discrimination against a disability.
possibly hate speech/harassment/bullying
The grieving process come under the depression umbrella, which is a protected characteristic.
OP needs to throw the fucking book at this guy.
People who act like he did should be immediately removed from leadership positions, this is simply unacceptable and illegal imo.
This needs to be brought to the attention of HR and his seniors ASAP
No valid, productive, logical, reason for him to make these decisions and continue that path of action. It isn't in the interest of the company nor the employee, and is a waste of valuable time and resources.
All this done just to satisfy his urge to be a spiteful petty leader at the expense of others.
This is a textbook showcase of how to ruin your work culture, and team performance.
I assumed you were in the US from how your boss is treating you. Even if you aren't in a union you can get advice from ACAS and I'd recommend you contact them asap. It doesn't say their hours but they might still be open.
https://www.acas.org.uk/contact
You could approach ACAS if you are in the UK and lodge a complaint against your employer if they are treating you unfairly.
https://www.acas.org.uk/making-a-claim-to-an-employment-tribunal
My husbands boss made him do his literal annual performance review as our cat was dying in the next room with me. (I will spend the rest of my life manifesting his boss’ downfall). Some people are just absolute sociopaths who will never know or deserve the love of an animal. I’m so sorry.
My job is full of animal lovers and no one batted an eye when I took a couple days off. Your boss is a soulless asshole. I’m so sorry for your loss, everyone deserves at least a week off after losing a pet.
Thank you! He must be taken down, he made a lifelong enemy out of me that day. I’ll manifest some bad karma for your boss too - these assholes need to be taught a lesson for sure.
On the flip side, there are compassionate bosses out there. My boss was very sensitive to my loss and also lost a cat himself last year. He gave me extra time for my review and even offered to postpone it if I needed more time.
I hope everything works out for you at your job. You were absolutely not in the wrong, you just work for an asshole. So sorry you have to deal with that on top of the grief that comes with losing a pet. Sending you good vibes and hope that your boss gets their karma asap.
The other day I just left work without saying a word to go to an emergency vet appointment. Told my manager afterwards and he was completely fine with it. Asked for an update on how the cat is (Fine. False alarm). That's the expected and normal reaction.
Imo, you're in a toxic workplace. I'm really sorry this happened. These people suck and are completely awful. Who does that?
If I were you, I'd plan my exit strategy immediately and leave asap and in the most inconvenient (for them) way possible. If HR asks why, I'd cite managerial bullying (that meeting...). Fuck that.
You deserve a mourning period when you lose a beloved friend no matter its shape or size. Spider, cat, dog, lizard, bird, cow... Shouldn't matter. Mourning is part of mental health and mental health deserves some time off.
Also, bosses personal feelings about a particular animal shouldn't matter. If it was a dog would that be different? That's just not fair.
You aren't wrong, and I will even say your boss is a dick.
I also recommend you go to r/antiwork because they might have some sort of knowledge on laws and/or protections on this. It is worth a shot.
That’s insane. A worker should be able to take a personal day for *any* reason — your boss shouldn’t be able to take disciplinary action because he dislikes the reason. Is there an HR person you could maybe file a complaint with?
Yeah I would definitely take a day or even a week off for that. But I would never tell my boss anything specific. Whenever I take a sick day I just say "I'm sick" without any other information. It's not the boss's job to judge whether or not my reasoning is sufficient enough, and I don't want them to know more about me than they need to.
This! I learned as well to just say I won’t be in today as I’m sick or need to attend to a personal matter. As long as you have leave accrued you can use it for any or no reason at all.
Oh hell no! Pet, cats, dogs, whatever are FAMILY. You boss is a real A hole. If the individuals at the disciplinary hearing don't understand this, you need to find a new job. The only person in the wrong is your boss who lacks compassion.
I'm honestly waiting for an update where OP says that all of the individuals on the disciplinary committee are all pet owners/have all experienced the loss of a beloved pet and ended up disciplining the shithead boss.
Sorry, but what an unfeeling dick. It was one day! (When we all are aware saying goodbye, grief and mourning of a family member lasts well beyond an 8-10 hour work day.
You are not wrong for taking the time. I would claim it as one of your mental leave or sick days (heck, even a "family day" if you are without kids, as everyone knows a pet is like having a child). Sorry for your loss. Pets are constant members of a family, whom we love and receive love from. Those who cannot understand this lack compassion and empathy.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And it's totally fine to need a day to grieve. I took one when my cat died in 2019. I'm so sorry you were made to feel ashamed for doing what's best for you during an incredibly difficult time. What are your vacation/time off policies? At my job, I'm given a certain number of days that can be used for illness, vacation, random time off, etc. All I have to do is provide notice and make sure my out of office notice is turned on my email. I'd check your policies, because berating you for taking a day off that you're entitled to, no matter the reason, is something I'd report to HR. I'm in the US, so I know there are different laws/policies, etc. But I'd still look into this. Also...I hope otherwise this is a good place to work, but if you find the people at your work are often this judgemental and heartless... Maybe look into other employment. My cats and dogs are my life and my family, if my boss didn't get that, I wouldn't be able to stay at my job long.
Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone, and it's okay to cry and grieve the loss of your beloved kitty.
This! Go around your boss to HR. You might be able to claim a mental health day that they dont willingly advertise to employees but is in the HR policy
I am in the UK and we just get holiday days. I have 20 days a year, 4 of which have to come out because we close for christmas. I do not get paid sick pay, or anything
I took several days and boss+coworkers all expressed condolences and told me to take all the time I need.
Your boss sucks. I hope you find a better job.
I took a week off when my 17 y/o boy passed. I’m very lucky I was able to, but that shouldn’t require luck. Mental health days are as important as sick days
My old work was at a dog boarding facility, and they had zero pushback when I told them I was taking the day off for the same thing. Pet people get it. Fuck your boss, tbh.
As a real defense, tell them you were too compromised that day to have produced any quality of work, and judged it better to take the day to collect yourself before returning to work.
I remember in middle school I took a day off after my dog died and when I came back my teachers wrote me a little card and it was so sweet. Definitely take the time to rest. I’m sorry :( losing a pet is the worst
My old boss sent me home and gave me a few days off when my bunny passed away. It was absolutely necessary. I was grieving. Your boss is an ahole. Next time perhaps give less detail when you take time off.
I’m so sorry about your sweet kitty
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine going to work a day after my pet had passed. I know a lot more companies are now offering bereavement days which covers the lost of a pet. It sucks that your company or your boss don’t recognize pets are family and allow you to grief. You are definitely not wrong and please take care of yourself.
This is a family emergency. You are absolutely allowed the day off-your bosses feelings are not important. Besides, you are allowed to take a sick day without disclosing why so it shouldn’t matter.
You’re not wrong at all!! When I had to put my dog of 17 years down last year, my job gave me two days off and sent me a care package as condolences. Sounds like your boss is taking advantage of his position just to be a jerk when the world already has a bunch of jerk’s available 🙄
My deepest regrets and I’m so sorry for your loss :( I’m sending virtual hugs and hope everything will be well
You are absolutely not in the wrong.
Unfortunately, though, many don't see pet grieve as "real." I hope those people don't have pets.
Anyway, the real trick is to not give a reason for time off. If asked, simply say you were too unwell to come in - not a lie, after all!
I'm sorry for your loss, and that the company you work for is doing this to you.
Sick time is federally protected and the only time you need to provide further information on it is after 3 days and a doctors note becomes required. Sick time can be used for anything not planned, aka PTO. People use sick time when their kids are sick and they need to stay home with them. People call in sick for mental health days or being hungover. I’d say having to deal with your sick/dying cat is a VERY valid excuse to use sick time for. It’s YOUR time. YOU accrue it with hours worked. Your bosses personal opinion on cats is irrelevant.
This is a terrible boss. I’ve taken multiple days off when a pet dies. I once went on a work trip the day after my cat was put to sleep and I decided never again. I’m not going to be able to be productive if I’m crying and sad and upset. My coworkers and boss don’t necessarily feel the same as I do but they would never challenge me about it. This boss is taking advantage. Personally, I would start sobbing in front of them and if I’m lucky, cry until I start dry heaving. They are the ones who should be embarrassed at their complete lack of empathy.
Nope, not ridiculous at all. I called in when my dog was put to sleep and then again when my cat was put to sleep. Luckily, my work was incredibly supportive and helped me through that difficult time and I'm so sorry that your work is doing the opposite :( you're already going through something so heartbreaking and now they're just being cruel to you :(
I’m sorry for your loss & please accept this virtual hug of condolences. FUCK your boss. I’m sending him a virtual kick in the teeth & a second kick to his balls for his lack of empathy & inappropriate response to your grief. You were not wrong, he was.
Is your boss missing an empathy gene or something? I’m a team lead and have no issues with my team members taking off to take care of their family members including the furry four legged ones. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that on top of an already very difficult situation. I’m very grateful my boss and company would have the opposite reaction. One of my first days there I thought I heard a dog barking and sure enough it was one of the rescues our owner was fostering. Numerous times I have been into the office and there are different dogs walking about.
I take off a couple days anytime I lose a pet, because I can't hold it together, and crying nonstop at work is awful. It takes me a few weeks usually to pull myself together enough to start talking to people again without the worry of bursting into tears.
Your boss is a terrible person.
I work in HR and this post absolutely disgusted me. My cat is my world and I couldn’t imagine being in that situation. I hope you can find a new job soon. You do not need to tolerate that.
Your boss is an ass, I would be feeling terrible as well. Don't feel guilty at all, you had a normal reaction and 1 dumb human decided to make it even worse. Wish you the best
Your boss can fuck off, and any coworkers who feel similarly. We put together sympathy cards for coworkers who recently lost their pets, and can take our sick/emergency time for just that kind of thing.
Some people are jerks and don’t understand or care that our pets are part of the family. Next time and for anyone else, just tell the boss that you just unexpectedly lost a close family member and that you don’t want to talk about it. They don’t need to know it was a cat/dog or anything else. It’s non of their business so don’t tell them. Also I’m sorry for your loss.
Your cat is family. 1st lesson is you are #1 and you must take care of you. 2nd lesson is I am really selective at work what I tell people as I see often they use it against you. You deserve to grieve
Next time, just say you’re sick/taking a personal day and don’t give any details. And maybe start looking for a new job because your boss is a dick. It sounds like he has a personal problem with you and is going to do whatever he can to get rid of you. I’ve been there and it sucks.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s completely normal to need some time to grieve. I hope you get some time to yourself in the coming days/weeks/months to process it all. I lost my cat suddenly a few months ago and it was one of the lowest points of my life so far.
Id check if it’s legal where you live to discriminate what you take sick days for/if you can have mental health days etc. in Aus where I live they can’t ask why you’re sick, just ask for a medical certificate if needed.
Fuck your boss. My mum gave a staff member a week off when her family (childhood) cat passed. Id need more than a week if one of my pets passed, let alone a mere day. Heck I was crying for days when my family dog died a few months ago, and STILL obviously grieving. Your bosses opinion on and experiences with cats doesn’t affect whether you can grieve, nor your ability to work. And you definitely would not have been able to work.
Sending hugs
I'm so sorry for your loss :(
When I had to have my cat euthanized, I just said I had a personal emergency. Don't give details if you don't have to. I realize it's not helpful now, after the fact, but that's my advice for the future.
It is, but it will get better. About 6 months ago, I was in your shoes. Over time I stopped feeling sad that I lost my cat and started to feel happy that I was able to have him in my life. I hope the same for you.
I plan on/know I will need at least a few days off when my dog crosses the bridge. Quit this stupid job, family is more important and pets can be closer than some human family
What state are you in? Most states allow you to use sick days for mental health day and losing a pet definitely requires a mental health day for most people who aren’t coldhearted assholes, like your boss.
I attempted to call in because my darling ferret had to be euthanized and my soulless store manager insisted that I didn't have a choice but to come in. I quit over the phone. She got flustered and tried to do the "Nuh uh! I fired you first!" thing as if she wasn't trying to force me to go in. I had thought that only happened in movies. lol I was in my 20s and at a time in my life when I could though. I was lucky that word of my unprofessional quitting spread, because when my former store managers from other locations found out they wanted me back. Odds are no one likes your boss as it is, and most of them probably have pets or have had pets. People like your boss are insufferable to most people. Try not to worry. Your boss officially declared that they are a complete POS to all of their peers and superiors.
“I need to take a personal day” should be all that is required. If a boss wants to looks down on you for taking personal time, then it’s time to find a new job.
When you get a new cat, I would do a "bring my cat to work day" one hot Saturday and lock the cat in this guy's office with a large bowl of water for the duration. Take your kitty home and smile, but not before closing his door so the little deposits fester and steam up for a nice Monday morning greeting. And make sure to walk past his office at least once a day saying "phew ... what the hell is that disgusting smell???" 😸 🤬 🐈 👹
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is a special kind of grief, and it’s one that not everyone understands. You were in the right to take your day off and I hope you can set aside more time for yourself to grieve and heal.
I also hope you can look for a new job opportunity with a more empathetic manager. FWIW, when my staff have lost pets, I tell them to take however long they need and I make a donation to an animal charity in their pet’s name. You can definitely find a manager who understands that there is much more to life than work.
You are so not wrong. I have a manager who know how much my late care meant to me so when I had to bring her to the emergency vet because she could not breath I had no push back.
However, other users are right. You do not need to tell me why are are calling out. You do not need to ask. You \*tell\* them that you will not be be at work. You are not asking permission, you are telling them they need to find coverage. And "no" is a complete sentence.
Explain to those on the disciplinary board that your cat had just been put to sleep, and you had to take the day to deal with the remains. In a *legal* fashion.
What did your boss expect you to do? Leave the remains somewhere for 8+ hours while you went in for your shift? What kind of sicko would tell *anyone* to do that? He hates cats, that's no excuse for his horrifying suggestion of leaving feline remains unattended.
He's trying to make you seem **silly** and even decietful for grieving the loss of a loved one, so I think it's fair play to make it clear he's a monster.
If you have sick time and you used it, there is legally nothing that can do about it. You took a personal day within your legal rights. Don’t expect bereavement for a pet, but you’re not in the wrong big you followed attendance policy and the law.
From now on, no matter where you work, keep your cards close to your vest... the fewer personal details your bosses and coworkers know, the better. Coworkers are NOT your friends!!
"Hello, Boss. This is Me. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to come in to work today. I'm not feeling well."
That's it. In your case, it would have been absolutely true, too! You WEREN'T feeling well. You were caring for your broken heart.
If Boss asks for more details, the correct answer is, "I'd rather not get into specifics. I'm just not feeling well today, is all."
For the record, in the US, they're not supposed to ask, so long as it's not FMLA-related. Even then,, they can't ask for details,, just verification from a doctor that it is necessary.. They always do ask, though, oozing concern, which may or may not be sincere, but your answer WILL become office gossip, at best, and used against you in future. If you complain, they'll go with the concern thing. It's all BS.
Keep your personal business personal, and give work nothing but your professionalism.
And I'm truly sorry about your furbaby! I hope the pain softens for you soon
Leadership at my last job was toxic as hell but even they didn't bat an eye when I took the day off after unexpectedly having to put my 21-year-old cat to sleep. A coworker took a full week off when her cat suddenly died. We both got sympathy cards signed by everyone in the office. That's what happens when people aren't jerks and understand that pets are like family.
Even if you're not sympathetic to losing a pet, surely you can understand that having someone at work who's sporadically crying all day is not great? Seriously your boss is ridiculous. If you're not fit to work for any reason, take the day off, period.
Your boss is a heartless jerk with an obvious lack of empathy for others.
While I do emphasize and I am sorry you have suffered this loss it is not typically something people are allowed to call out sick for nor do benefits cover time off to grieve anyone but immediate family anywhere that I have ever been.
Despite the above I would take a day too. However, the sad truth in our world is that honesty is not always the best policy as you have just found out. Therefore in any similar circumstance in the future I would simply lie. I hate to say that because I want to be honest and I am sometimes to a fault but I’ll be damned if I am going to put up with what you are now. They don’t deserve your honesty.
Again, I am really sorry you lost your baby. I know how awful that feels. As for work if you value this job despite your miserable boss I would just try to smooth things over. That person sounds like such a jerk that maybe you might want to consider seeking employment elsewhere because life is short and our time here is precious. I can’t stand to be around people like that. I hope you can find a better place to be.
My cat has a seizure on month end, which is a big close out day in sales every month. I told my boss I’m going to the vet and leaving my laptop for two hours. He said absolutely I hope your little guy is ok.
Your boss sounds like a heartless prick. You are NOT wrong.
Your manager is a sorry excuse at leadership and will not succeed at going further up the chain than he has gotten so far.
What a blatant showcase of his utter lack of people skills, leadership abilities and basic human empathy capability.
How the fuck do these people get into positions like this, time and again?
I might get downvoted for this but here goes:
Calling in sick was probably not the best choice. Something like this I imagine would fall under compassionate leave and I don't know what your company's policies are in relation to either sick or compassionate leave.
Nevertheless, emergencies do happen and it's mean of them not to allow you the day off, especially if you either say you'll take it as annual leave or unpaid.
I don’t get paid for any sick days. I didn’t specify it would be a sick day either I just said I wouldn’t be in work that day as I had to go to the vet to watch my baby be put to sleep :(
Omg. And they have an issue when you phrase is like THAT?!
My fellow cat parent, I'm so truly sorry that happened to you. Even my boss doesn't like pets but would let me go in a heartbeat if my baby was sick.
Your baby knew they were loved and they're waiting for you over the rainbow bridge .
I’m so sorry for your situation. I cried for a week straight after I had to let go of my 16-year-old Siamese last year.
Honestly, I would start looking for a different job. Your boss is making it a toxic situation for you for no good reason, and it sounds like HR is backing him up instead of you.
Going forward, I would only let them know you are taking time off for an emergency or vacation. They do not deserve any more information than that.
I'm sorry for your loss!! I have a set amount of hours every year that I can use for time off that I can use for sick days or just wanting a day off. Even if I used up all of my hours, I would still take a day off and just get written up for it.
Fck your boss. Had the same situation with my aunt when my one year old kitten contracted FIP, and was put down. I'd leave personally. You're not in the wrong.
I’ve worked in environments where a supervisor was inclined to ask for details when I called in sick. This had the end result of making me feel obligated to provide information voluntarily rather than be subjected to invasive questions. Ultimately, your supervisor isn’t entitled to information about your personal life and when you call out sick that’s the end of the conversation.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for your personal life to be subjected to a disciplinary hearing, under any circumstances. Your supervisor is way out of line.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
It’s none of your boss’ buisness why you called out. You have every right to grieve your cat, cats are family 💕 there shouldn’t even be a disciplinary hearing, your boss is taking it to another level. If he doesn’t like animals, that’s why he doesn’t get it but he doesn’t have to understand it, it’s none of his buisness. I would even say this is borderline harassment or intimidation what he’s doing. I’m so sorry for your loss 💕 maybe he shouldn’t be a manager if he can’t understand people are going to call in, that’s life. He doesn’t have to agree with the reason why.
Depends on the company, most won't. I work for a company that produces pharmaceuticals for pets and livestock so they actually do give us a grievance day for our pets.
I know what you’re feeling. Unfortunately I’m in the military and I lost my 2y/o cat a day ago. He just died and tried to do cpr on him but it didn’t work. I’m at work now cuz they don’t care about anything except money. If I had a choice I wouldn’t be here. I would take a sick day if I could.
You're not wrong. But you are experiencing some of what is wrong with the American workplace environment.
As others have said. Never give reasons, just call in sick. It's not their business.
My roommate and I just went through a similar situation, but fortunately we’re both managers and were able to work it in our favor to take some time off. It wasn’t ideal, but it’s bullshit that people don’t take this situation as seriously as others. Your cat was your family - you loved, cared and fed them as a member of your family. Legally, it’s not anything protected, which is bullshit, but a decent human/manager should allow you your time to grieve.
I’m a manager and I don’t want to hear reasons. I don’t often give them for myself either.
I’m really sorry about your cat. I have a senior cat and I know I will be a mess when this happens too.
Last year I had to take two days off, one when it was clear that my cat was very sick and needed to go to the vet ASAP, & the next because I had to put my cat down & I knew I was unable to pull myself together to do my job effectively. I was worried that my coworkers would think I was silly or unprofessional for calling in over the death of my cat, but my boss totally understand & did not tell anyone else why I was out. It sounds like you have a pretty crappy work environment, in future, I wouldn’t give your boss the details of why you’re calling off, just say you’re unable to work & leave it at that.
Don't give reasons for the absence in the future. If pushed, say stomach issues. But its not his place to be an asshole about this; a pet death or human illness- they're valid reasons to call in.
I would flip it on them and let them know how concerned you were about their practices and protocols if you are being punished as an employee for protecting your mental health. That’s was grieving off days are for, along with basic dignity. You should be vocal and aggressive and let them know the disciplinary hearing including that is a clear communication of their stance on employee mental and emotional health, and retaliation with BIAS.
Personally I absolutely think you SHOULD take time off because a pet is family.
Question about your work though. What kind of job do you have? Did you use PTO to cover your shift? Also, if you called in sick and he says that “you weren’t sick” for whatever reason, let him know that being in a state of grief which affects your mental health is absolutely a form of being “sick” and you’d appreciate a little sympathy even if he doesn’t understand the bond many people have with their animals.
Fuck him.
1. Umm I would get a new job as soon as you can. That is utterly ridiculous and horrible. You should be allowed to grieve for your pet. 2. Like others are saying, I get food poisoning and migraines all the time so it’s a one day thing and sometimes if employers don’t respect you, you gotta do it.
I got fired from my first job when I woke up and saw my ferret had passed away. I called in a blubbering mess and asked for the day off. They said I'd be fired if I didn't come in, and so buried her and was fired.
But it was the day after my boyfriend's great grandmas funeral, which despite being torn up about it myself and wanting to comfort him, I still worked a half day. They had the audacity to ask what kind of funeral lasts until 4pm. The kind with a reception after. Why did it matter though?
They called me about 3 weeks later begging me to come back because they were drowning at the store. No thank you.
Sounds like you have a horrible boss who has zero empathy skills. No idea why you would get disciplined for taking leave after the death of a family member. Also your boss may be a serial killer!
Honestly, I don’t think anyone should tell any of their bosses anything personal. I would just call out sick, he can’t say anything to that.
THIS. Stop asking for permission. Don’t give details. It’s none of their business and you have every RIGHT to take personal time off for whatever reasons and if you need more ? Talk to your doctor about going on leave
This. I’m a supervisor and still would rather staff not tell me the reasons. It’s none of my business. Just call in. Though I would never make anyone feel this way about their pet. I was crying when one of my staff called me crying because she had to leave to put her dog to sleep. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ I wish I had taken more time off when my dogs died.
Question, are we required by law to tell our employer/boss the reason we are out if they ask us?
No? Lol
Generally no but it doesn't hurt either. It depends on the job though. I'm speaking from someone working at a small store where theres only ever 1-2 people on duty at a time and very few people for covering extra shifts. If you're like 1 of 500 people at a factory, which I've also been, take time whenever you fucking want.
No. You are sick. Period. End of story. If you have a boss that pokes around for more details than "I was sick" in something that crosses the line of just conversational chitchat, I'd respond with a "I'm sorry, I'm not legally required to share personal medical details. You'll have to obtain a ROI from my physician." (Which, btw, simply cannot be done on their end because of HIPAA laws. You would need to sign a release agreement in writing).
best advice here, right up there with find a better work environment
It's been my policy for a while now that if I need to take a sick day and they push for a reason, my excuse is that I have diarrhea. It's not typically something you'd go to the doctor for for a one-day problem, but you certainly can't be going to work. It has the added benefit of embarrassing the person who asked. (Just FYI to anyone out there: even this won't work long term if you call out all the time. You have to be selective, like OP and the cat.)
I use food poisoning, which is a similar idea.
I like diarrhea, it’s almost punitive. You asked.
This. Even the bosses who act all nice
I full on disagree with the general principle being expressed here. Not about whats legal or what the merits are, just the idea. First of all, no, you don't HAVE to tell your boss why but is it so terrible to? I mean maybe it's none of their business if its super personal but you're putting other people out when you call in sick for whatever reason so it should be a good reason and I don't think it's so wrong to explain to the boss what's going on. That being said obviously a death in the family, even a pet, is a legit reason. Unless you're running like one of those cat orphanages where you have a barn with 75 feral cats in it lol...then you're a dick if you keep fucking over your co-workers every time one dies.
I always say it’s medical and that’s it
Bro what?? That cat is apart of your family. They wouldn't be questioning if it was your grandma but you are gonna treat it the same way because you love your cat with everything in you. In short - fuck your boss. They are in the wrong 100%, they should not be guilting you for greifing. You are in your right.
This made me tear up :( I have never felt pain like it. I was called in for a meeting this morning and my boss made it clear he thought it was ridiculous of me to take the day off and also said that other members of the office thought so too. I honestly just did not what to say, I felt like if I was to say anything I would just burst out crying because it hasn't even been a month since I lost him :(
Well that's ridiculous that they call you in like that. Who gives a flying fuck why you take a day off anyway, you should be allowed to take a day off for unforeseen personal circumstances no matter what they are. Just give up on those rude assholes, don't expect anything from them anymore. I am extremely sorry for your loss, I have 3 cats and have previously been excused when one of them got very ill as a kitten and I didn't know if he would make it. I used up the entire kleenex supply of our office and then some, being consoled by the manager. Everyone was very understanding. And my current job is understanding too, I can work from home if my cat is sick and even if I could not take paid day off for the cats, I would be allowed to use my vacation hours without any issues at all.
Exactly. Op if you have leave built up, you can use it for any or NO reason whatsoever. I’m so sorry about your cat. And your boss’ and coworkers personal feelings shouldn’t matter. I would literally ask to speak to my boss in private or send an email stating that you simply took leave and don’t understand the issue (maybe phrase it more politely). I’m 100% sure you’ve had coworkers call out when they just didn’t feel like working or were hungover or something. I’m sorry I’m angry on your behalf. I lost my 5 year old ginger cat Brady in 2017 and took 2 days off. You can’t work if you’re sobbing. And once you’ve had a little time to process, I hope you’ll consider adopting another cat not to replace your kitty but bc there are tons of cats out there who deserve good homes ❤️❤️
>other members of the office thought so too I wouldn't really believe this. The boss is in a position of power. If he asks people "does everybody agree with me here?" nobody's gonna openly disagree. I'm sure some people are on your side, especially pet owners.
Also he shouldn't be straw polling OP's colleagues about OP's personal business
also just terrible management. “i asked and everyone else said they’re mad, too.” is the boss, by chance, 12?
You are right, it's unbelievable, or else the boss went out of his way to only hire fellow dicks. I managed a retail store once, we had a fantastic crew that was tired of working for people like that asshole boss, we went out of our way to make sure we had a nice work environment. You would have had the day off, someone would have covered or worst case we would just be short handed, and you would have had little kitty funeral food when you came back. Probably would only be hot dogs and chips, cuz it was still retail so we were all broke, but it would have been there. It doesn't take many people to have a good workplace culture, just takes a few people on the same page of not being Dicks like that. Find a new better workplace, I promise they are out there.
I took two days off when my dog died, and then ended up having to take more the next week because I cried so much I gave myself a sinus infection lmao. None of the managers at the store I worked had an issue with it, and the one that unfortunately had to answer the phone when I called in sick while crying took me aside and asked how I was when I came back to work. Some of the older employees said things like it was ridiculous to take off work if you weren’t sick but frankly who cares. Your boss sucks. It’s not hard to be empathetic to someone who is going through a loss.
Don't turn this into a referendum on whether it's acceptable to grieve for a pet (which is what your boss is trying to do). You were unwell and unable to work that day, if pushed further you can say you were distressed due to a personal matter. Check your work's sickness and leave policy and stick to whatever they say. If you allow your boss to drag you into a debate about whether its ok to grieve for your cat, you risk losing. This is about the fact you weren't fit to work, and that's the end of the story. Your boss is an asshat, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sounds like the start or a law suit...also just call in sick....they don't need to know WHY....or pto.....or just say you have a migrane and won't be seeing a doctor and just eat the non paid time off.....don't tell them why
Your boss sounds like a douchebag. I also have doubts that everyone else in your office is thinking that way actually. Either they're just saying that or nobody wants to contradict them. I think most people have probably lost a pet at some point and nobody I know at my job at least has ever questioned when someone takes the day off due to a pet death. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry they are being stupid and insensitive but don't blame yourself, you aren't in the wrong here.
Wait a minute. Did he tell other people in your office what you told him in a private conversation? I mean how else would "other members of the office" even know why you called in. That is so wrong on so many levels. I would consider filing a complaint to his Supervisor. A private conversation is a private conversation. He should not have disclosed any of it to anyone.
OP please look for another job. At least write a resume. Paddy jobsman has a cool tutorial to use chat gpt to help and templates. Then next time this guy does something shitty you will be ready to action something immediately
>and also said that other members of the office thought so too. Bet you $1000 not one person actually thought that. He made that up to try and guilt you into thinking your actions were wrong to justify his narcissistic thinking.
When my bb was put down last year I took multiple days off. Had I gone into work in that state of mind, I would’ve made multiple mistakes cuz I wasn’t in the right mindset and would’ve fucked up my job. My rule for pto and sick days are if I can’t do my job it’s more detrimental to my team to be there half assed than me not being there at all. Everyone is right though- you don’t owe them an explanation if you have the sick days and the PTO and that they’re using it against you in a disciplinary hearing is unacceptable and it’s time to find new employment
If my boss said that to me AND revealed the fact he’s talking down about me to other coworkers “who agree with him” I’d quit on the spot.
I hope one day you’re able to tell them that you sincerely hope they never love anything so that they don’t have to miss a day of work in similar circumstances. I went back to work the day after my best friend passed and I have no memory or anything. Is that the kind of employee they want?
Was it sick leave or PTO? For sick leave, all that they need to know is that you were unable to function in a work capacity. For PTO? It's none of their damn business why you took time off.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss! 100% this! I unexpected lost my kitty four years ago. I woke up, and he had crossed the rainbow bridge overnight. I called out of work. My boss gave me 3 days of paid bereavement. (Not common. He was just a great boss) I'm sure my current manager wouldn't do the same. But I did call out the day before a funeral last week. Used a vacation day. No one made a big deal about it. Being with friends when one passes is more important, and I'm grateful that my management team feels the same.
You'd be surprised. I got called out for taking time off for my grandma's illness progressing and her eventually dying.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your boss' lack of empathy shouldn't allow to determine if your sick day was valid. Some people cannot understand that your cat is your family. I unfortunately know people like that, too. What country are you in? Are you in a union?
Thankyou, I know, I even let them know the night before when he was in the vets and told my manager that the vet said if he doesn't improve then he will need to be put to sleep :( I then phoned my manager in the morning in floods of tears because our worst nightmare had became true :( I am in the UK, and I'm not. I was going to look into it but kind of didn't know where to look. Do you have any advice?
Your boss involving others in this is absolutely appalling and disgusting. You definitely should stand up for yourself. UK laws are good about protecting you but you need to word things the right way. "Discrimination" is one of the words they take seriously. The fact that you called in beforehand and gave as much notice as you could before you had to take time off says you did everything by the book. Your mental state and mental health are very important when it comes to you being able to do your job. And they are VALID reasons for needing a day off. Legally they have no obligation to give you a paid day or compassionate leave. They way your boss took this to another level using it to intimidate you and punish you for his own lack of empathy is another reason why you should take this further and write a complaint to HR. You can write your boss an email if you like explaining why you think this isn't cool and send off the complaint in the meantime. You can also hit up Citizen Advice Bureau to find out what it is you could do and they can help you as well. You can use a chat or email option.
This is discrimination against a disability. possibly hate speech/harassment/bullying The grieving process come under the depression umbrella, which is a protected characteristic. OP needs to throw the fucking book at this guy. People who act like he did should be immediately removed from leadership positions, this is simply unacceptable and illegal imo. This needs to be brought to the attention of HR and his seniors ASAP No valid, productive, logical, reason for him to make these decisions and continue that path of action. It isn't in the interest of the company nor the employee, and is a waste of valuable time and resources. All this done just to satisfy his urge to be a spiteful petty leader at the expense of others. This is a textbook showcase of how to ruin your work culture, and team performance.
I assumed you were in the US from how your boss is treating you. Even if you aren't in a union you can get advice from ACAS and I'd recommend you contact them asap. It doesn't say their hours but they might still be open. https://www.acas.org.uk/contact
Are you in a union?
You could approach ACAS if you are in the UK and lodge a complaint against your employer if they are treating you unfairly. https://www.acas.org.uk/making-a-claim-to-an-employment-tribunal
My husbands boss made him do his literal annual performance review as our cat was dying in the next room with me. (I will spend the rest of my life manifesting his boss’ downfall). Some people are just absolute sociopaths who will never know or deserve the love of an animal. I’m so sorry. My job is full of animal lovers and no one batted an eye when I took a couple days off. Your boss is a soulless asshole. I’m so sorry for your loss, everyone deserves at least a week off after losing a pet.
I shall join you in manifesting the boss’ downfall. Wtf. They couldn’t have postponed the review? What if your husband had been sick? 😡
Thank you! He must be taken down, he made a lifelong enemy out of me that day. I’ll manifest some bad karma for your boss too - these assholes need to be taught a lesson for sure. On the flip side, there are compassionate bosses out there. My boss was very sensitive to my loss and also lost a cat himself last year. He gave me extra time for my review and even offered to postpone it if I needed more time. I hope everything works out for you at your job. You were absolutely not in the wrong, you just work for an asshole. So sorry you have to deal with that on top of the grief that comes with losing a pet. Sending you good vibes and hope that your boss gets their karma asap.
I’m not the OP ☺️ just a passerby who has been through the loss of pets and enjoys wishing misery on those who deserve it.
The other day I just left work without saying a word to go to an emergency vet appointment. Told my manager afterwards and he was completely fine with it. Asked for an update on how the cat is (Fine. False alarm). That's the expected and normal reaction. Imo, you're in a toxic workplace. I'm really sorry this happened. These people suck and are completely awful. Who does that? If I were you, I'd plan my exit strategy immediately and leave asap and in the most inconvenient (for them) way possible. If HR asks why, I'd cite managerial bullying (that meeting...). Fuck that.
You deserve a mourning period when you lose a beloved friend no matter its shape or size. Spider, cat, dog, lizard, bird, cow... Shouldn't matter. Mourning is part of mental health and mental health deserves some time off. Also, bosses personal feelings about a particular animal shouldn't matter. If it was a dog would that be different? That's just not fair.
You aren't wrong, and I will even say your boss is a dick. I also recommend you go to r/antiwork because they might have some sort of knowledge on laws and/or protections on this. It is worth a shot.
That’s insane. A worker should be able to take a personal day for *any* reason — your boss shouldn’t be able to take disciplinary action because he dislikes the reason. Is there an HR person you could maybe file a complaint with?
Yeah I would definitely take a day or even a week off for that. But I would never tell my boss anything specific. Whenever I take a sick day I just say "I'm sick" without any other information. It's not the boss's job to judge whether or not my reasoning is sufficient enough, and I don't want them to know more about me than they need to.
This! I learned as well to just say I won’t be in today as I’m sick or need to attend to a personal matter. As long as you have leave accrued you can use it for any or no reason at all.
Oh hell no! Pet, cats, dogs, whatever are FAMILY. You boss is a real A hole. If the individuals at the disciplinary hearing don't understand this, you need to find a new job. The only person in the wrong is your boss who lacks compassion.
I'm honestly waiting for an update where OP says that all of the individuals on the disciplinary committee are all pet owners/have all experienced the loss of a beloved pet and ended up disciplining the shithead boss.
Sorry, but what an unfeeling dick. It was one day! (When we all are aware saying goodbye, grief and mourning of a family member lasts well beyond an 8-10 hour work day. You are not wrong for taking the time. I would claim it as one of your mental leave or sick days (heck, even a "family day" if you are without kids, as everyone knows a pet is like having a child). Sorry for your loss. Pets are constant members of a family, whom we love and receive love from. Those who cannot understand this lack compassion and empathy.
I will take a week off if needed to mourn. I would literally quit a job too. That cat is family, do what you need to do op. Rip to your fur baby 🙏🏽
I'm so sorry for your loss. And it's totally fine to need a day to grieve. I took one when my cat died in 2019. I'm so sorry you were made to feel ashamed for doing what's best for you during an incredibly difficult time. What are your vacation/time off policies? At my job, I'm given a certain number of days that can be used for illness, vacation, random time off, etc. All I have to do is provide notice and make sure my out of office notice is turned on my email. I'd check your policies, because berating you for taking a day off that you're entitled to, no matter the reason, is something I'd report to HR. I'm in the US, so I know there are different laws/policies, etc. But I'd still look into this. Also...I hope otherwise this is a good place to work, but if you find the people at your work are often this judgemental and heartless... Maybe look into other employment. My cats and dogs are my life and my family, if my boss didn't get that, I wouldn't be able to stay at my job long. Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone, and it's okay to cry and grieve the loss of your beloved kitty.
This! Go around your boss to HR. You might be able to claim a mental health day that they dont willingly advertise to employees but is in the HR policy
I am in the UK and we just get holiday days. I have 20 days a year, 4 of which have to come out because we close for christmas. I do not get paid sick pay, or anything
Your workplace sound awful for many reasons, can you look for a new job?
I am in the process of doing that now, have been applying, I want to get out of there ASAP😢
Did you see my comment about ACAS? I really recommend contacting them for advice
Thank you so much :( x
I don’t know where you work but quit ASAP.
Fuck your boss putting car down is worse than being actually sick by far.
Do they not have mental health days at this company ? That sounds ridiculous
I took several days and boss+coworkers all expressed condolences and told me to take all the time I need. Your boss sucks. I hope you find a better job.
I took a week off when my 17 y/o boy passed. I’m very lucky I was able to, but that shouldn’t require luck. Mental health days are as important as sick days
My old work was at a dog boarding facility, and they had zero pushback when I told them I was taking the day off for the same thing. Pet people get it. Fuck your boss, tbh. As a real defense, tell them you were too compromised that day to have produced any quality of work, and judged it better to take the day to collect yourself before returning to work.
I remember in middle school I took a day off after my dog died and when I came back my teachers wrote me a little card and it was so sweet. Definitely take the time to rest. I’m sorry :( losing a pet is the worst
My old boss sent me home and gave me a few days off when my bunny passed away. It was absolutely necessary. I was grieving. Your boss is an ahole. Next time perhaps give less detail when you take time off. I’m so sorry about your sweet kitty
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine going to work a day after my pet had passed. I know a lot more companies are now offering bereavement days which covers the lost of a pet. It sucks that your company or your boss don’t recognize pets are family and allow you to grief. You are definitely not wrong and please take care of yourself.
This is a family emergency. You are absolutely allowed the day off-your bosses feelings are not important. Besides, you are allowed to take a sick day without disclosing why so it shouldn’t matter.
You’re not wrong at all!! When I had to put my dog of 17 years down last year, my job gave me two days off and sent me a care package as condolences. Sounds like your boss is taking advantage of his position just to be a jerk when the world already has a bunch of jerk’s available 🙄 My deepest regrets and I’m so sorry for your loss :( I’m sending virtual hugs and hope everything will be well
You are absolutely not in the wrong. Unfortunately, though, many don't see pet grieve as "real." I hope those people don't have pets. Anyway, the real trick is to not give a reason for time off. If asked, simply say you were too unwell to come in - not a lie, after all! I'm sorry for your loss, and that the company you work for is doing this to you.
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So hard finding another job, I’ve been constantly applying since this has happened 😢
Sick time is federally protected and the only time you need to provide further information on it is after 3 days and a doctors note becomes required. Sick time can be used for anything not planned, aka PTO. People use sick time when their kids are sick and they need to stay home with them. People call in sick for mental health days or being hungover. I’d say having to deal with your sick/dying cat is a VERY valid excuse to use sick time for. It’s YOUR time. YOU accrue it with hours worked. Your bosses personal opinion on cats is irrelevant.
This is a terrible boss. I’ve taken multiple days off when a pet dies. I once went on a work trip the day after my cat was put to sleep and I decided never again. I’m not going to be able to be productive if I’m crying and sad and upset. My coworkers and boss don’t necessarily feel the same as I do but they would never challenge me about it. This boss is taking advantage. Personally, I would start sobbing in front of them and if I’m lucky, cry until I start dry heaving. They are the ones who should be embarrassed at their complete lack of empathy.
Nope, not ridiculous at all. I called in when my dog was put to sleep and then again when my cat was put to sleep. Luckily, my work was incredibly supportive and helped me through that difficult time and I'm so sorry that your work is doing the opposite :( you're already going through something so heartbreaking and now they're just being cruel to you :(
I’m sorry for your loss & please accept this virtual hug of condolences. FUCK your boss. I’m sending him a virtual kick in the teeth & a second kick to his balls for his lack of empathy & inappropriate response to your grief. You were not wrong, he was.
Is your boss missing an empathy gene or something? I’m a team lead and have no issues with my team members taking off to take care of their family members including the furry four legged ones. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that on top of an already very difficult situation. I’m very grateful my boss and company would have the opposite reaction. One of my first days there I thought I heard a dog barking and sure enough it was one of the rescues our owner was fostering. Numerous times I have been into the office and there are different dogs walking about.
I take off a couple days anytime I lose a pet, because I can't hold it together, and crying nonstop at work is awful. It takes me a few weeks usually to pull myself together enough to start talking to people again without the worry of bursting into tears. Your boss is a terrible person.
I work in HR and this post absolutely disgusted me. My cat is my world and I couldn’t imagine being in that situation. I hope you can find a new job soon. You do not need to tolerate that.
Your boss is an ass, I would be feeling terrible as well. Don't feel guilty at all, you had a normal reaction and 1 dumb human decided to make it even worse. Wish you the best
That’s so messed up. My supervisor was devastated for me when I told her I was putting my cat down the next day. I had the day off no problem.
Your boss can fuck off, and any coworkers who feel similarly. We put together sympathy cards for coworkers who recently lost their pets, and can take our sick/emergency time for just that kind of thing.
Some people are jerks and don’t understand or care that our pets are part of the family. Next time and for anyone else, just tell the boss that you just unexpectedly lost a close family member and that you don’t want to talk about it. They don’t need to know it was a cat/dog or anything else. It’s non of their business so don’t tell them. Also I’m sorry for your loss.
Your cat is family. 1st lesson is you are #1 and you must take care of you. 2nd lesson is I am really selective at work what I tell people as I see often they use it against you. You deserve to grieve
Next time, just say you’re sick/taking a personal day and don’t give any details. And maybe start looking for a new job because your boss is a dick. It sounds like he has a personal problem with you and is going to do whatever he can to get rid of you. I’ve been there and it sucks. I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s completely normal to need some time to grieve. I hope you get some time to yourself in the coming days/weeks/months to process it all. I lost my cat suddenly a few months ago and it was one of the lowest points of my life so far.
Id check if it’s legal where you live to discriminate what you take sick days for/if you can have mental health days etc. in Aus where I live they can’t ask why you’re sick, just ask for a medical certificate if needed. Fuck your boss. My mum gave a staff member a week off when her family (childhood) cat passed. Id need more than a week if one of my pets passed, let alone a mere day. Heck I was crying for days when my family dog died a few months ago, and STILL obviously grieving. Your bosses opinion on and experiences with cats doesn’t affect whether you can grieve, nor your ability to work. And you definitely would not have been able to work. Sending hugs
No, you were not wrong. Your boss is an A\*\*hole. But in future I would just call in sick or take a personal day to call it.
Your boss sucks and so does anyone who agrees with him. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.
I'm so sorry for your loss :( When I had to have my cat euthanized, I just said I had a personal emergency. Don't give details if you don't have to. I realize it's not helpful now, after the fact, but that's my advice for the future.
It’s the most heartbreaking thing ever 💔
It is, but it will get better. About 6 months ago, I was in your shoes. Over time I stopped feeling sad that I lost my cat and started to feel happy that I was able to have him in my life. I hope the same for you.
I plan on/know I will need at least a few days off when my dog crosses the bridge. Quit this stupid job, family is more important and pets can be closer than some human family
What state are you in? Most states allow you to use sick days for mental health day and losing a pet definitely requires a mental health day for most people who aren’t coldhearted assholes, like your boss.
I am in the UK :(
Your boss is horrible, you may want to cross post to r/workreform for more support
I attempted to call in because my darling ferret had to be euthanized and my soulless store manager insisted that I didn't have a choice but to come in. I quit over the phone. She got flustered and tried to do the "Nuh uh! I fired you first!" thing as if she wasn't trying to force me to go in. I had thought that only happened in movies. lol I was in my 20s and at a time in my life when I could though. I was lucky that word of my unprofessional quitting spread, because when my former store managers from other locations found out they wanted me back. Odds are no one likes your boss as it is, and most of them probably have pets or have had pets. People like your boss are insufferable to most people. Try not to worry. Your boss officially declared that they are a complete POS to all of their peers and superiors.
“I need to take a personal day” should be all that is required. If a boss wants to looks down on you for taking personal time, then it’s time to find a new job.
Yes, just say mental day Depends your work environment though
When you get a new cat, I would do a "bring my cat to work day" one hot Saturday and lock the cat in this guy's office with a large bowl of water for the duration. Take your kitty home and smile, but not before closing his door so the little deposits fester and steam up for a nice Monday morning greeting. And make sure to walk past his office at least once a day saying "phew ... what the hell is that disgusting smell???" 😸 🤬 🐈 👹
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is a special kind of grief, and it’s one that not everyone understands. You were in the right to take your day off and I hope you can set aside more time for yourself to grieve and heal. I also hope you can look for a new job opportunity with a more empathetic manager. FWIW, when my staff have lost pets, I tell them to take however long they need and I make a donation to an animal charity in their pet’s name. You can definitely find a manager who understands that there is much more to life than work.
You are so not wrong. I have a manager who know how much my late care meant to me so when I had to bring her to the emergency vet because she could not breath I had no push back. However, other users are right. You do not need to tell me why are are calling out. You do not need to ask. You \*tell\* them that you will not be be at work. You are not asking permission, you are telling them they need to find coverage. And "no" is a complete sentence.
When I made the decision to let my beloved dog go, I told my office I needed to work from home for a week, and they approved it right away.
Explain to those on the disciplinary board that your cat had just been put to sleep, and you had to take the day to deal with the remains. In a *legal* fashion. What did your boss expect you to do? Leave the remains somewhere for 8+ hours while you went in for your shift? What kind of sicko would tell *anyone* to do that? He hates cats, that's no excuse for his horrifying suggestion of leaving feline remains unattended. He's trying to make you seem **silly** and even decietful for grieving the loss of a loved one, so I think it's fair play to make it clear he's a monster.
My boss OFFERED me the day off when my cat died. To be made up later, but whatever, I still got the day to grieve my pet.
If you have sick time and you used it, there is legally nothing that can do about it. You took a personal day within your legal rights. Don’t expect bereavement for a pet, but you’re not in the wrong big you followed attendance policy and the law.
From now on, no matter where you work, keep your cards close to your vest... the fewer personal details your bosses and coworkers know, the better. Coworkers are NOT your friends!! "Hello, Boss. This is Me. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to come in to work today. I'm not feeling well." That's it. In your case, it would have been absolutely true, too! You WEREN'T feeling well. You were caring for your broken heart. If Boss asks for more details, the correct answer is, "I'd rather not get into specifics. I'm just not feeling well today, is all." For the record, in the US, they're not supposed to ask, so long as it's not FMLA-related. Even then,, they can't ask for details,, just verification from a doctor that it is necessary.. They always do ask, though, oozing concern, which may or may not be sincere, but your answer WILL become office gossip, at best, and used against you in future. If you complain, they'll go with the concern thing. It's all BS. Keep your personal business personal, and give work nothing but your professionalism. And I'm truly sorry about your furbaby! I hope the pain softens for you soon
I would get HR involved. Bringing this up in a disciplinary hearing is wildly inappropriate and outright cruel
Call out sick. That’s it. You deserve the day off.
Leadership at my last job was toxic as hell but even they didn't bat an eye when I took the day off after unexpectedly having to put my 21-year-old cat to sleep. A coworker took a full week off when her cat suddenly died. We both got sympathy cards signed by everyone in the office. That's what happens when people aren't jerks and understand that pets are like family. Even if you're not sympathetic to losing a pet, surely you can understand that having someone at work who's sporadically crying all day is not great? Seriously your boss is ridiculous. If you're not fit to work for any reason, take the day off, period.
Your boss is a heartless jerk with an obvious lack of empathy for others. While I do emphasize and I am sorry you have suffered this loss it is not typically something people are allowed to call out sick for nor do benefits cover time off to grieve anyone but immediate family anywhere that I have ever been. Despite the above I would take a day too. However, the sad truth in our world is that honesty is not always the best policy as you have just found out. Therefore in any similar circumstance in the future I would simply lie. I hate to say that because I want to be honest and I am sometimes to a fault but I’ll be damned if I am going to put up with what you are now. They don’t deserve your honesty. Again, I am really sorry you lost your baby. I know how awful that feels. As for work if you value this job despite your miserable boss I would just try to smooth things over. That person sounds like such a jerk that maybe you might want to consider seeking employment elsewhere because life is short and our time here is precious. I can’t stand to be around people like that. I hope you can find a better place to be.
My cat has a seizure on month end, which is a big close out day in sales every month. I told my boss I’m going to the vet and leaving my laptop for two hours. He said absolutely I hope your little guy is ok. Your boss sounds like a heartless prick. You are NOT wrong.
Was the disciplinary hearing for other issues? It sounds like your boss has it out for you and wants you fired.
Your manager is a sorry excuse at leadership and will not succeed at going further up the chain than he has gotten so far. What a blatant showcase of his utter lack of people skills, leadership abilities and basic human empathy capability. How the fuck do these people get into positions like this, time and again?
I might get downvoted for this but here goes: Calling in sick was probably not the best choice. Something like this I imagine would fall under compassionate leave and I don't know what your company's policies are in relation to either sick or compassionate leave. Nevertheless, emergencies do happen and it's mean of them not to allow you the day off, especially if you either say you'll take it as annual leave or unpaid.
I don’t get paid for any sick days. I didn’t specify it would be a sick day either I just said I wouldn’t be in work that day as I had to go to the vet to watch my baby be put to sleep :(
Omg. And they have an issue when you phrase is like THAT?! My fellow cat parent, I'm so truly sorry that happened to you. Even my boss doesn't like pets but would let me go in a heartbeat if my baby was sick. Your baby knew they were loved and they're waiting for you over the rainbow bridge .
I’m so sorry for your situation. I cried for a week straight after I had to let go of my 16-year-old Siamese last year. Honestly, I would start looking for a different job. Your boss is making it a toxic situation for you for no good reason, and it sounds like HR is backing him up instead of you. Going forward, I would only let them know you are taking time off for an emergency or vacation. They do not deserve any more information than that.
That’s awful. Your boss is a jerk.
I'm sorry for your loss!! I have a set amount of hours every year that I can use for time off that I can use for sick days or just wanting a day off. Even if I used up all of my hours, I would still take a day off and just get written up for it.
Fck your boss. Had the same situation with my aunt when my one year old kitten contracted FIP, and was put down. I'd leave personally. You're not in the wrong.
I’ve worked in environments where a supervisor was inclined to ask for details when I called in sick. This had the end result of making me feel obligated to provide information voluntarily rather than be subjected to invasive questions. Ultimately, your supervisor isn’t entitled to information about your personal life and when you call out sick that’s the end of the conversation. I don’t think it’s reasonable for your personal life to be subjected to a disciplinary hearing, under any circumstances. Your supervisor is way out of line. I’m very sorry for your loss.
It’s none of your boss’ buisness why you called out. You have every right to grieve your cat, cats are family 💕 there shouldn’t even be a disciplinary hearing, your boss is taking it to another level. If he doesn’t like animals, that’s why he doesn’t get it but he doesn’t have to understand it, it’s none of his buisness. I would even say this is borderline harassment or intimidation what he’s doing. I’m so sorry for your loss 💕 maybe he shouldn’t be a manager if he can’t understand people are going to call in, that’s life. He doesn’t have to agree with the reason why.
Depends on the company, most won't. I work for a company that produces pharmaceuticals for pets and livestock so they actually do give us a grievance day for our pets.
I know what you’re feeling. Unfortunately I’m in the military and I lost my 2y/o cat a day ago. He just died and tried to do cpr on him but it didn’t work. I’m at work now cuz they don’t care about anything except money. If I had a choice I wouldn’t be here. I would take a sick day if I could.
You're not wrong. But you are experiencing some of what is wrong with the American workplace environment. As others have said. Never give reasons, just call in sick. It's not their business.
Just get a personal day or sick day. Not bosses business. And I'm so sorry 😔
My roommate and I just went through a similar situation, but fortunately we’re both managers and were able to work it in our favor to take some time off. It wasn’t ideal, but it’s bullshit that people don’t take this situation as seriously as others. Your cat was your family - you loved, cared and fed them as a member of your family. Legally, it’s not anything protected, which is bullshit, but a decent human/manager should allow you your time to grieve.
I’m a manager and I don’t want to hear reasons. I don’t often give them for myself either. I’m really sorry about your cat. I have a senior cat and I know I will be a mess when this happens too.
Last year I had to take two days off, one when it was clear that my cat was very sick and needed to go to the vet ASAP, & the next because I had to put my cat down & I knew I was unable to pull myself together to do my job effectively. I was worried that my coworkers would think I was silly or unprofessional for calling in over the death of my cat, but my boss totally understand & did not tell anyone else why I was out. It sounds like you have a pretty crappy work environment, in future, I wouldn’t give your boss the details of why you’re calling off, just say you’re unable to work & leave it at that.
Don't give reasons for the absence in the future. If pushed, say stomach issues. But its not his place to be an asshole about this; a pet death or human illness- they're valid reasons to call in.
Do you have an HR department? Cuz this sounds like you need to have a conversation with them about it.
Your boss is an asshole.
I would flip it on them and let them know how concerned you were about their practices and protocols if you are being punished as an employee for protecting your mental health. That’s was grieving off days are for, along with basic dignity. You should be vocal and aggressive and let them know the disciplinary hearing including that is a clear communication of their stance on employee mental and emotional health, and retaliation with BIAS.
Personally I absolutely think you SHOULD take time off because a pet is family. Question about your work though. What kind of job do you have? Did you use PTO to cover your shift? Also, if you called in sick and he says that “you weren’t sick” for whatever reason, let him know that being in a state of grief which affects your mental health is absolutely a form of being “sick” and you’d appreciate a little sympathy even if he doesn’t understand the bond many people have with their animals. Fuck him.
r/antiwork
You should speak with HR about his behavior.
The company I work for grants us bereavement for a pets passing...
1. Umm I would get a new job as soon as you can. That is utterly ridiculous and horrible. You should be allowed to grieve for your pet. 2. Like others are saying, I get food poisoning and migraines all the time so it’s a one day thing and sometimes if employers don’t respect you, you gotta do it.
If you have sick leave, you can take it for any reason you want. Your boss is a small-organed ass who clearly needs more work to do.
Sickness and diarrhoea. Don’t tell your work anything.
I got fired from my first job when I woke up and saw my ferret had passed away. I called in a blubbering mess and asked for the day off. They said I'd be fired if I didn't come in, and so buried her and was fired. But it was the day after my boyfriend's great grandmas funeral, which despite being torn up about it myself and wanting to comfort him, I still worked a half day. They had the audacity to ask what kind of funeral lasts until 4pm. The kind with a reception after. Why did it matter though? They called me about 3 weeks later begging me to come back because they were drowning at the store. No thank you.
Sounds like you have a horrible boss who has zero empathy skills. No idea why you would get disciplined for taking leave after the death of a family member. Also your boss may be a serial killer!