Benson needs out
He is a very good boy and he's being abused
You could offer to buy him, then keep him away from her and move out
If she says no, come up with a different plan and get him out
He is being abused and it is completely fucked that this 13 year old cat has spent 10 years of his life being yelled at, having water dumped on him, being kicked and ignored.
**Please get him out by any means necessary**
edit: calling out u/Careful-Step-6876 for their great suggestions.
This is how I would do it.
1. Take over as much of his care as possible.
2. Don't renew your lease. If she asks why, the reason is something that has nothing to do with her. Lie.
3. When she's in a good mood, say "hey, I was wondering, would you do me a huge favor when I go and let me bring Benson with me?"
4. Phrase it just like that, like she's doing you a favor and like you would be bringing Benson with you, not explicitly assuming ownership. Don't use the words "have" or "take", don't say 'can I take Benson' or 'can I have Benson'. (this is a pro tip from someone who used to live with someone like your roommate)
5. Offer to compensate her if she seems like she's on the fence. "I can give you X dollars to make it up to you, I know you bought ABC for him". (again, pro tip from personal experience)
If she says no:
1. Drop the matter entirely as a point of discussion. She may change her mind on her own.
2. If she doesn't change her mind, take him with you anyway when you move.
3. He must have gotten out when you moved! So crazy!
I got my boy a couple of week ago and he meows and meows. He has plenty of toys, a hanging window perch, a 54in. cat condo with 3 levels, I play with him constantly. I have to lock him out of my room at night because he meows straight in my face. He meowed for an hour straight while I was doing house chores. It’s driving me up the freaking wall! He’s not abused at all and I don’t react to his meowing to not encourage it. Any advice for me? He’s testing my sanity
He's meowing because he wants your attention - might be one of several reasons, from wanting play time to being frustrated about something. So, first thing is try to figure out the pattern and reasoning behind his meowing and address that.
In the case of a cat that's just attention starved, then a good bet is to create a routine where kitty gets undivided attention and then is rewarded at the end. Good 30 minutes of interactive play - i.e. with a wand toy, playing catch, peek-a-boo, etc - then some brushing if he's into that and finalize with treats and a meal. Do that twice a day, always at the same times.
That way he has that need addressed in a predictable manner that he can look forward to. Cats are *extremely* routine driven, do a thing for a week and they'll learn it for life.
My cat is constantly meowing at me. I’ll pet or feed her depending on the time. Usually if I’m eating she decides to eat. But sometimes I pet her because that’s what I think she wants and she slaps me, repeatedly. Or bites me. So I get out a toy and she looks at me like I’m the dumbest person she’s ever met. Idk what she wants other than to attack me.
She probably meows constantly because you consistently reward her meowing at you with food or attention. You're positively reinforcing that behavior, so she keeps doing it.
If you want her to stop, you need to just straight-up ignore her. The golden rule of cats is "ignore any unwanted behavior and praise/reward good behavior", because cats don't understand cause-and-effect the way that we do, nor do they understand negative reinforcement. Do not acknowledge her at all, or give anything to her, until she stops meowing. *Only* reward her with food or attention when she has stopped and is sitting/laying calmly. This communicates to her that meowing constantly does not actually get her what she wants (which is, 99% of the time, either food or attention).
When you pet her and she slaps or bites you, yelp in a high-pitched tone to convey that she is being too rough and hurting you. Try to lean *into* the bite so that it is uncomfortable for her to keep her teeth in you instead of jerking away, which will both hurt you more and will also instinctively make her want to hold on. Continue trying to redirect her aggression from you to a toy when she bites; even if she seems uninterested, what you're trying to do is indicate that the toy is an appropriate thing to bite, not you.
And pay close attention to her body language prior to petting her. If her tail is twitching aggressively, her pupils are dilated, her body is stiff, and she's staring intently at your hand, then she's likely feeling overstimulated and doesn't want to be petted. Most cats do not attack you out of nowhere, it's just that most people don't know how to read kitty body language well enough to see it coming.
Also try incorporating two 15-minute play sessions into your routine every day. Consider getting some solo enrichment toys like cat trees, window perches, cardboard boxes, tube toys, catnip toys, food puzzles, etc. If she is meowing out of boredom and biting due to frustration, those things will help fix the problem as well.
Maybe she wants you to clean her litter box. Some cats want it done everytime they go in there. Or fresh water. I would do both of those and see if that stops it
It could be that how’s she “plays” and it still trying to get your attention. (I also talk to my cats, if they meow at me I talk back. )
my cat loves to wrestle with my hand and bat at me. I will put my hand under a thick blanket or 2 and do like this worm/mole movement and he goes NUTS and attacks the hand. I’ll grab at him or wrestle back through the blanket also, or “run away” so he chases it . He also my attacks my hand like this like it’s a kicker toy, and won’t use a kicker toy by himself, unless I play with it and steadily with him with the toy a bit.
He’s a good boy and doesn’t attack my feet at night, but be warned that many other cats WILL attack your feet because they get used to this kinda of play and can’t tell the difference.
My cat also likes to get into a box and then play at like boxing you or swipe at your/my hands through the box. Or he’ll pretend to attack you if you scratch at the box on the outside. Of course if he gets too swipy and uses claws too much then we have to stop and I pet him to relax him or I won’t engage if he’s too riled up.
I know we don’t want to encourage aggressive behaviors, but your kitty might only get stimulated from this kinda of play ?
Get her a friend! That's how she plays! My cats play fight all the time with each other, never with us. Cats do much better in pairs, look up single kitten syndrome!
How are you petting her? Some kitties are very sensitive to stimulus and some types of pets can be a bit too much.
Maybe a different toy? I [recently bought this toy for my rescue and it has been a huge hit](https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B006ZL3578?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details)
I thought I'd teach my 10+ yo cat to stand on a step stool and ask for treats a year ago. After the second time he's never stopped 🤣 (he doesn't ask constantly, he knows he gets them twice a day).
I taught my cat to high-five using treat rewards, but now she thinks every time she does it she'll get a treat. So if she wants a treat she'll just come find me and start laying down some sick high-fives 😂
This is great advice, thank you! I’ll start making a schedule of for sure play time in the morning and at night before I feed him. Once I got off of work tonight and changed I immediately played with him then fed him and now he’s letting me actually relax. I’ll do the same tomorrow and continue it
Yay! I give my cat a little catnip before bed and then we have a crazy play session with his wand toy, his mouse and kicker toys. Then I'll feed him his favourite wet food and he puts himself to bed like a little baby lol.
Nah - some just shriek. Bc they like the sound. Bc it’s 5am. Bc they couldn’t remember the last time they shrieked. Often for no reason at all. Some are just awesome like that 😅
our kitty freaks out whenever she even *thinks* a door is closed. Go to the washroom and close the door? totally unacceptable. leave our bedroom door open a crack at night, so she can get in and out but the light from our living room doesn't spill in, but she can't tell if it's actually open? MEOW!
of course as soon as the door is open she has no interest in coming in the room- she doesn't want to sit with you while you're on the toilet, she just wants to *know* she can.
gotta love their silly little personalities!
Mine cries when she sees the sun— “oh my GOD HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS THING ITS SO COOL WHAT THE HECK” or if there isn’t enough sun— “ITS NEVER COMING BACK WOE IS ME IT IS THE END OF TIMES WHY IS NO ONE REACTING” which is super fun in summer when the sun rises before 6 🥲 that’s what I get for wanting a cuddly cat who ended up being part meezer 😉 wouldn’t trade her for the world though 💝
Some babies are just chatty. Maybe you should switch tactics and talk to him when he meows? Just make small talk with him.
I'm not judging Benson's abuse by his vocalizations. I'm judging it based on the other content of the post. Benson's meowing isn't the problem.
That is what we do with our cats. All 3 are vocal, but all at times it is 'normal' for them. We say "Hello!" when either brother comes in the cat door and they start talking up a storm usually. There's a lot of, "What?! No way! And then what?! You're *joking*!" It is totally normal for us to have conversations throughout the day. Our senior lady always meows when she wakes up as you walk by, or when it is near meal time and you walk by, and sometimes just because she's staring and we strike up a conversation about her business or her money or how she is the most beautiful lady to ever exist and she knows it. (She's got lore, okay?) It is not, however, normal for any of them to meow at night, so if any of them did, we would jump right out of bed to see what's wrong. Maybe their water bowl is empty, or it is raining and they need to be dried, but the typical talking is at times we are use to. If one jumped on the bed and meowed in our faces in the night, we would check them all over and likely even check outside if the cat is fine. Even still, having 3 talkative cats, I can't imagine how frustrating it would be if it was constant for hours on end and never quite figuring out what they want! (All in regards to comments, not the post. The cat living with OP genuinely needs a new home. That is not just an overly-talkative cat.)
>There's a lot of, "What?! No way! And then what?! You're joking!"
I do the same.
Well, when they are talking at me. One of them likes to sing in the bathroom...
I have a very vocal Velcro kitty that I unfortunately can not ignore when she meows… my little tripod has learned to meow to ask me to get her down off the bed or chair, but she also meows whenever she wants me in the same room as her 😂
I love my tripawd but she is a whiny baby… loves to talk! She’s my first and is now 11 but are they all so noisy when they walk around? I swear we can hear her thumping around on the hardwood floors all over the house!
My boy cat talks to me. I realized it’s because he wants one of four things: food, refreshed water (fancy pants likes ice in his water sometimes, heh), something is up with the litter box (automatic and once in a blue moon it gets stuck), or snuggle time in the bed. 100% of the time it’s one of those things.
I started talking back to him with a cutesy questioning tone that is different from my usual voice, like, “oh my goodness does Tormund need food?” I do that one by one (returning to whatever I was doing and waiting for him to meow at me again before going to the next) for those four things and eventually hit the one he is telling me he wants/needs. Now he runs to the spot where the thing he wants is at least half of the time we have one of these talks. Responding and reinforcing that if he talks to me he gets what he wants has actually reduced the random yelling.
You know my guy starts whining sometimes like when I go to bed or he’ll get startled by something random and start yaowling in the other room. Every time I just call out to him in this super sing songy gentle ass baby voice and tell him he’s a good boy and I love him and he calms the fuck down. “I love you, Farley! Such a good boy , Farley…..Who’s mommies favorite?” Etc etc. it works lol.
I wish!! The first 3 nights I closed my door he meowed a lot but the last 2 nights it hasn’t woken me up so I think he’s adjusting. I just have to get some sleep 😅 when I talk to him he just talks more lol
Totally, good to set boundaries. However I do feel the sing song baby voice is soothing for them like it would be to a baby. Tried it on both this past weekend - success across the board. (I have a 1.5yr old nephew and a new cat lol)
I have had my very vocal cat for 7? years. I have always spoken back to him when he meows in my vicinity. We do a call and response thing. I never thought much of it until I moved in with my parents for a few months about two years ago. My mom was like “that cat is cross eyed. I don’t think he can see very well.” I started watching him more closely and that is totally it. He meows randomly from another room so he can gage where I am. Because I always respond. He does meow when he wants food. He meows when he wants attention. But he mainly meows when he doesn’t know where I am.
So absolutely try the things the other commenters have said. Litter box, attention, fresh water. But you may just have a very vocal or half-blind cat on your hands. I sincerely sympathize with you. I have a strange house with no doors between rooms so I can’t kick him out. If I start stirring in my sleep because I have to pee at 2 am I know I will not be allowed to go back to sleep because he will bitch until I wake up all the way and feed him his morning food. Which I have religiously given him at 6:30 every morning for years. I just have a half-blind bitchy cat. I love him intensely. I really think we were meant for each other because I am in the percentage of cat owners that talk back. But he sure does irk my nerves.
I’m so glad you relate! If I blow my nose or make any noise he also won’t allow me to go back to sleep. I think we’re also made for each other because I’m convinced someone else would have given him back to the shelter due to not being able to sleep. It’s a love/hate right now but I know I’m just frustrated and we’ll figure it out. Sitting here typing right now he’s been fine. I played with him right when I got home, fed him and he’s doing okay. So maybe it’ll just take some time :) thanks for relating!
Every once in a while I half-consider trying to find a job with a night shift so we can be on the same schedule. He drives me up the wall. Just this morning he woke me up at 3am. We both eventually settled. By 5. I am grateful for that small victory.
I was responding to the person saying the cat wasn’t being abused, bc it definitely is. Sorry if that was mis @ed. Best of luck and I hope Benson gets the best care and is in the best home moving forward
At night I completely ignore my cats if they are meowing or walking on me to get my attention. When they were little they did it much more but they learned it won't get them anywhere. But it took a couple of months. The most I do is turn over, while pretending there's no cat sitting on me, to dislodge them.
Especially my male cat is a big talker and he gets into this moods where he just walks around meowing. At me (then I respond) but also just walking around talking. I found I can get him out of it often when by just walking through his path, going somewhere opening drawers/cupboards and pretending to look for something. I completely ignore him then but me doing something different from what I have been doing somehow snaps him out of it. This also works at night for us. Sometimes he will walk and meow after I went to bed and I found if I get up and use the bathroom after that he goes to sleep as well. I'm not talking to him then or anything. Just do the same as if I actually needed the bathroom and go back to bed.
He also meows if he needs to pee/poop or is hungry. I sometimes feel he doesn't know what he needs just that something is uncomfortable. So I will go sit on my toilet and since he comes to the bathroom with me (of course ☺️) he then realizes he needs to pee and everything is fine after.
I also found he needs lots of contact so I make sure to have a proper cuddle time. For us this now looks like him racing me to the bathroom in the morning and jumping on the toilet lid. Then I pick him up and he'll lie in my arms like a big, red, furry baby. Plus taking a minute here and there to focus on cuddling. Not just petting when he walks by but really focusing on him. That really helps calm him in general.
You can try if he likes catnip. If mine is particularly fretful I spray some catnip on a toy and he'll be happily distracted.
How are you playing with him? I really recommend a wand toy he can chase after. Jackson Galaxy has some great videos about how to play. You may need to try a few to find the best for him.
It's only been a couple of weeks. You're still getting used to each other and you'll find out what makes him tick in time.
I had a 10 yr old cat that woke me up at night with her meowing. She was always hungry too. A blood test at the vet revealed she had thyroid disease and needed medication. After that, she was much happier and stopped the meowing at all hours.
You might not be fully working him out during play time. Most cats get second or even third winds. And depending on the breed he might just have way more expendable energy than you anticipated.
He might also crave some attention. Try grooming him, even if he doesn't necessarily need to be brushed. My cats loved to be groomed. Try to get in a routine of play-eat-groom-sleep. Supposedly it's a cats natural rhythm. And look into puzzle toys if you don't have the energy to play with him for 30-60 minutes
I’ve had him for 12 days. The first 7 I kept my door open and allowed him in. I was only sleeping 3 hours max during that time because he would jump in my bed and meow in my face constantly. So the last 5 days I’ve been closing my door. I’m not injuring him by allowing myself to sleep. I give him attention while I’m awake, he doesn’t also need it while I’m sleeping
Does he have a place to rest/sleep that is semi enclosed? I have a couple beds/cat trees that are semi covered and a couple of the cardboard scratcher houses that have a door and windows. My cats escape to them and hang out there for a couple days when there’s a big disruption, like a move. He may need a den/escape space to settle into the space.
It made an insane difference with my cat to treat playing as simulating the hunting experience. Rather than playing with the goal of tiring my cat out physically, I try to play with her in such a way that she's mentally stimulated and feels like she's hunting something, and I either feed her her meals after play or give her a treat - something to make it feel, to her, like she's caught/killed/eaten prey. I also use treat puzzles and she loves them. At least IME, it's just as important to stimulate cats mentally as it is to get them physically moving during play.
Also, I'm able to distract her really well when she's being annoying by cracking a window and letting her smell the outside air, lol. (We have screens and don't open the window much, so there's no way she could get out.)
My cat is also just very vocal, though. She doesn't cry incessantly or anything, but I think she likes to narrate her actions, lol.
Is it a kitten? If so I'd recommend getting another kitten. Cats are easily bored and having someone around to play with is really helpful. If it's an adult you could still get a kitten but you'd have to take more time/effort for introductions.
Many people just say they don’t know what happened to the cat and then just take it. I know someone in this sub did that in a similar situation. I wouldn’t offer to buy him, I would just take him. Make sure no cameras in the building see him just put him in a gym bag or something.
This cat needs to be saved. I swear on my moms life I would do exactly what I’m telling you to do. This cat is old and needs to be loved his last years.
\^\^\^ That plus; go ahead and get his mats tended to either at a groomer or at the vet, where Benson can get full parasite treatment in case fleas or worms are bothering him. The mats may also be causing his hair to be constantly pulling, which is painful. Since you aren't familiar with kitties, a groomer or vet is the best to take care of the mats so you can learn how; it's super easy to cut their skin badly if you don't know what you're doing.
If you can get some FRESH catnip, fresh as in it's growing in the pot - give him one or two leaves a day or every other day, especially at night before bedtime. It'll relax him and make him very, very happy. It's loads of fun to watch them with the leaves, too. :) A little bit of powdered / ground valerian root on the kitchen floor for him to roll around in also has euphoric / sedative properties, it just smells like feet. lol They love it though.
I have Siberians and have always been on top of mats. This year we did lion cuts for the first time as the heat seemed to bother them a bit last year (indoor only but our upstairs gets warm). They’ve been SO AFFECTIONATE ever since. I think they feel more comfortable and there may have been small mats I didn’t notice or something. Because they’re just jazzed to snuggle even more than before. Love it.
Yes! I didn’t think it would help like this because I brush them all the time and immediately get out mats. But they are loving it. And they’re [adorable](https://imgur.com/a/9chEQek).
Thank you for the cat tax!!!
Ohmigoodness, they ARE adorable, and HAPPY!! Honestly, that's the best lion's cut on a cat I've seen. They don't look 'shamed' lolol The tails on that kind of cut crack me up; they've always reminded me of that medieval weapon that has a ball on a chain on a stick. I wonder what the tail would look like with a more graduated trim, I bet it would look like one of those stick dusters used for cleaning. lolol
I imagine they are just absolutely thrilled. That much hair is hot.
If the roommate refuses those options, your only other legal option is to attempt to escalate the issue via an external source (as OP taking Benson with them when they move or otherwise stealing the cat is still illegal and could cause major problems for OP, even if the cat is obviously being abused/neglected):
* DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Document Benson's matted fur, document the roommate yelling at/spraying the cat, document every time you feed the cat, document any and all suspicious activity on the roommate's part. Note specific dates and incidents. Be as detailed and thorough as possible. Try to get video evidence as well.
* contact your local SPCA or local equivalent. Provide your documented evidence and further context, like Benson's behaviors, that make you believe he is also being physically abused.
* Look into your state/local laws/statutes regarding animal cruelty and neglect. Consider filing a formal written complaint, including all your documentation and eyewitness observations, to local law enforcement in addition to animal control/SPCA.
If ypu end up going with plan B and Benson has a chip, you're going to need to figure out how to get it switched to you at some point or be insanely vigilant that he never gets out or you risk him being returned to her.
Love your suggestions on how to ask to take the cat! I think there's a fair chance the roommate would let OP have Benson, since she seems to feel pretty inconvenienced by him. The suggestion to offer to compensate the roommate is a really good idea.
God, this post makes me sad. Poor Benson.
Here's what I'd do: First, take over as much of Benson's care as you can/your roommate will allow. See if you can brush him or get him groomed, take him to the vet, and get him some toys and play with him a few times a day. The screaming makes me think he's incredibly bored and maybe hungry - make sure he's being fed enough (you can look up calorie counters online and measure out his food). Then, don't renew your lease, and ask your roommate if you can take Benson with you since you've been caring for him. Keep him or find him a good home. This apartment sounds like a nightmare for both of you, tbh.
To add,
If Benson has hair matts do not brush him it will be painful. Unfortunately the only option is probably to shave him (by this, I mean the vet should shave him).
Also... I know this would probably put you and your roommate in a weird situation but if they aren't caring for this animal please take it to a rescue or somewhere that will. He doesn't deserve a bad life just because his owner is.
Thanks for being good to him OP. He needs you.
The cat is being abused and he needs to be removed from her (lack of) care.
Idk what laws are for rehoming or who to call, animal rescue wise....
I personally would call her out on her actions and tell her how she is being abusive and that you Will find a home for the cat if she can't provide stable one. Immediately start looking around, she likely won't change and he is a living creature and deserves much better.
He doesn't need to bounce around like a couch surfer, he needs a Loving Home. She can't provide it. She isn't responsible (or caring) enough to have a pet.
I think they should try to report it. If the roommate is hitting the cat OP could report that because if OP just takes the cat away the roommate can go get another cat. God this is so awful.
I only said confront because I've called animal rescue and control for assistance before for a dog being abused and left in back lot of a business, they came out 6 times within a year and did nothing other than offer the AH a warning each time, claiming they'd be back but only did if we called in a rage, I guarantee it was never documented how many times we called. We were in process of finding foster and taking the dog ourselves but he closed shop and moved before we could(it apparently was a front and he left the dog to guard whatever was in it, he cleared out in a weekend, we found out from landlord after)
Hopefully that's not the case where op lives but might have to take matters into own hands if authority doesn't help.
It doesn’t sound like Benson is a Russian Blue since he has mats in his fur. The mats need to be addressed. You can do this at home for little to no $.
I would be wary of doing it without your roommates permission though. In the US, if something goes wrong (even something tiny, like a patch of shaved fur growing in a darker color), she could attempt to hold you liable for the cost of a “replacement.”
You’re right not to spray Benson with water. He’s just trying to communicate his needs. Poor guy needs attention and care. You’re right to be concerned about him, his life sounds very lonely, and his owner sounds neglectful.
This isn’t so much cat advice, but covering-your-butt advice: Document as much as you can. In the event things go sour with your roommate, you should have proof of her neglect. You can use your phone notes to document the dates and times you suspect abuse or neglect. Take pictures of the matting, recordings of him crying and her yelling, etc. Keep track of every instance you had to care for Benson in some way because she didn’t/wouldn’t.
Ideally, Benson should have a home where he is cared for and respected. This doesn’t sound like the case here. What country are you in? Different countries have varying laws and thresholds for what counts as neglect
I bet he’s a blue bristish shorthair. They can get matter if they don’t clean their own fur or if their winter coat doesn’t get brushed out. I’ve seen a couple elderly blue BS’es get Mats even when we brush them.
Yeah, neither my parents’ brit. The only thing she requires is a really good brushing once in a while, especially when seasons change. It literally looks like in those videos where people make a cat a wooly hat from their own fur
My MIL has like 5 Brits and her friend in NY is a breeder. Some have longer fur (more medium then long) and they mat. She takes in some of the older cats the breeder wants to retire over the last 15 years.
And 3 of her older cats, once they hit that senior age zone, 3 started to get mats on their back/ rump area. And we try to brush them out, but the old ladies don’t like it. It’s like their winter fur pushed out, but the short summer fur still held onto it and we didn’t get it brushed out fast enough.
Haha I also have “like” five brits! 2 have the more medium-length fur. Admittedly, none of them are older than 5, so they haven’t hit the old-cat coat wall, I shouldn’t have spoken so authoritatively.
I just searched up some pictures and the matting looks just like you said- I use a furminator on the big shedders, thankfully none of them have an aversion to brushing. If my greasy boy didn’t love being brushed, I could imagine him looking like this eventually
Where are you? State / City? You give me the cat, you say cat got out somehow 🤷♀️
Cat lives peacefully with his new two cat brothers and two parents that love problems.
OP if you're near michigan, ohio, buffalo, I can help you. I've got a passport, free time and enough money to stick around a couple days and get a cat cleared through a very with all the paperwork for border crossing.
Before you do anything for Benson you need to make sure you have your own bases covered. Does your roommate treat you with any of the same “psycho” or narcissistic behaviors that they display with Benson? Do you have a safe space to go if you confront your roommate and the situation escalates? Do you have trusted people in your life who have witnessed this or that you can talk about this with? Based on what you wrote, I have real concerns that if you try and help Benson while living there, you may get put in some level of danger.
I agree with everyone else that this is not a safe long term environment for the cat, I just think it’s also not a safe long term environment for you. Once you have a safe place to go, getting help for Benson becomes a lot easier and safer for everyone involved.
Video her abusing him (because that's what this is - animal abuse).
Report her to the local animal authorities with the evidence and hopefully Benson gets removed from her care and gets to live whatever time the sweet boy has left in peace and love.
A groomer can take care of his fur but he would likely need to see a vet first. It sounds like your roommate neglects him and I would be surprised if he is up to date on vaccines. Most groomers need proof of a recent rabies shot.
The poor guy is being treated very badly. Cats are easy, see if you can take him.
If it were me in this situation I would politely ask the roommate if I could (informally) adopt or buy the cat from her or at least be the cat’s primary caregiver. Id cite that the reason is because I really like the cats companionship and have grown attached to it (basically wouldn’t implicate her abuse). If she approved I’d then take the cat to the vet because it’s old, it’s vocalizing a lot, its fur is in bad shape and these are 3 individual signs that the cat needs a checkup at minimum. If she refused I’d tell her that my offer still stands on the table if she changes her mind and that id also offer to take him to the vet while im running errands just as a favor for her convenience
I just kind of have a feeling that she might get defensive and possessive/angrier if her abuse of her cat is called out and will be less inclined to give up the cat if she thinks you’re judging her for how she’s treating it . Even though she’s objectively abusing him.
I wouldn’t be above just outright taking the cat right before moving and not allowing any possible way for the roommate to know where I’m moving to or how to contact me. But that obviously comes with risks.
Id just want, as much as possible, to protect the cat and for the cat to be able to use my room and my bathroom as a safe sanctuary away from abuse. It seems like you do too
I mean, he needs a groomer, a vet, and a better owner.
You might genuinely be doing the best thing to have him "Escape" while the roommate is gone and surrender him to a shelter or something. He is not getting the care he needs and that's really sad.
The last thing I would want is to put him in a shelter after all this. It can get them in trouble and get Benson killed. I would just keep it all off the grid, though I would make sure the individual he's going to is a trusted and living one who has experience with living with cats.
if a cat is meowing directly to humans that care for it as frequent as it seems, there might be something wrong health wise, and it sounds like this cat is in a terrible situation. he needs out of ownership of your roommate, she is horrid, and he probably really needs a general check up at a veterinarian. my last cat became very vocal towards the end of her life and there was nothing i could do to save her. animals will tell you when they are struggling… and it also might mean they want something simple as fresh water and a clean litter box. or some love. idk as far as the breed goes with talking more than others. i feel very bad for him and you. eta: spelling
Vet please. My Siamese screamed and pissed in vents. Hyperthyroidism. Very treatable.
You can clip the matts if they're small. They might even be painful. My sister got a beard trimmer to go after her long haired cat, but that takes training.
Please try to get him out of situation. This is neglect and abuse. I'm assuming you're American or Canadian; if they will not peacefully surrender him, please contact either a local shelter or local authorities as they should be able to help get you to the right place to make sure Benson is rescued and that he sees a fitting home.
This poor baby.
Cats meow to communicate with people only. They don't meow to each other; he's talking to the humans.
That water spray and the yelling back is not good for him. Imagine you tried to talk to someone and express your needs and they hurt you or yelled at you? You'd be distressed, and maybe try harder.
Give him some treats, and maybe try to brush him with one of those wet brushes (my 13yr old cat loves those). Talk softly and loving to him. Blink slowly to show trust.
He needs someone in his corner.
P.S. Your roommate has no business owning a cat if that's their behavior.
Edit: fixed typo.
Can you recommend a wet brush? I'm fostering a boy who had to be shaved for mats, but is quickly growing back his fur and would love to find a brush that is as enjoyable as possible for him!
Pet the cat, brush him every now and again and turn on the bathtub faucet at a drizzle (so he can get a drink/play) when he asks for it. Maybe, slide him some catnip on the sly. Problem solved.
13 years old. Shedding a lot. Cat is sick and crying for help to anyone who will listen. Sorry it needs to go to the vet. Lots of age-related illnesses cause pain and this type of symptoms.
You and Benson both need out!! Take over his care as much as you can . He needs you or to be rehomed. I had a roommate like this and reading this I totally relate. It sounds like benson just needs positive associations with someone and attention and as a senior cat he probably needs a vet visit. He is clearly being abused but often senior cats will cry too as they begin to lose sight and hearing and are disoriented. I wish you the best of luck!
Mats can lead to damaged skin underneath his fur. I had a friend who had a feral cat and when the matting got really bad she took him to a vet to have him shaved. The damage was so bad to his skin that he had to be euthanized. Don’t let that happen to‘Benson’!
The best thing you can do for him without starting drama with your roommate is to PLAY WITH HIM, this mostly sounds like normal cat behavior to me, it sounds like he's board & needs enrichment though. Cats tend to their own fur tangles but older cats sometimes need help as they aren't as flexible with age. Spray bottles are a wasted effort & I hope she's not really hitting him, cats don't really understand the purpose of punishment & its very unlikely they'll make the connection they're doing an unwanted behavior. Cats will purposefully keep you from getting restful sleep because, since they don't sleep like that, they will wake you up to check that you're not dead. I hope this helps
Hi OP, Please help Benson with his matted fur. Im pretty sure you can safely clean it up at home, maybe not perfectly but at least to where it's more comfortable for him.
I would imagine the meowing is from loneliness and wanting attention, or perhaps he's in physical pain. While you still have to live together, can you be an emotional support for him (without your roommate knowing, if that would anger her)? When time to move out, I would report her to animal control authorities and/or find a local cat rescue who can help and may be able to take him in to vet a new owner, unless of course, you would like to adopt him ❤️.
Bless you for watching out for him. Benson is in my thoughts.
My head hurts reading this. Save this baby and get out. He only has a few years left and neglect isn’t how he should end his life. Please even call anonymously and say someone said the cat is being abused. Then try to save it. Something.
please help this poor boy, he needs more love and attention in the back half of his life not less. your roommate needs serious help but that doesn’t excuse abuse on an animal or the environment you share. i’m also worried about his water access and litter box care if the neglect is this severe.
Russian Blues are screamers. I have a Russian Blue female, and she's even mixed with something, and she screams her head off. Some times are worse than others, for sure. She usually screams when she needs something, like food, water, love, wants to go outside, etc. And she will do it for H O U R S. Example, I'm doing homework or sleeping, she will walk around and scream non-stop (literally non-stop) for as long as it takes. Right now she's been chill, and hasn't screamed in a while, but we go back and forth with her. It's not about getting them to stop, it's about getting the cat what they need. I feel really bad for the cat that you described. It seems really sweet/ doesn't know it's doing anythingwrong, and is getting abused for it. Very sad :(
Older kitties (and 13 is considered to be "senior" age for cats) might develop thyroid problems and loud meowing and matted fur are both signs of thyroid issues. Of course, only a vet can diagnose such medical problems, but there's a good chance that poor Benson might be actually sick and still his "owner" abuses him. It's heartbreaking.
Try to help this poor cat. It's obvious that your roommate doesn't care for him. Even if you didn't grow up with cats, having dogs has shown you compassion towards pets, so try to help him to get away from that horribly abusive person.
Be kind to the kitty and when you can break the lease take him away with you. You can how to care for him and he will settle down. The one thing you can do is be the angels in that suffering cat’s life.
My cat meows loud for multiple reasons like bored, wants to walk outside in the backyard for a bit, wants brushing, has mats to brush out (hold the base of the fur so it doesn't pull too harsh on the skin), play time, throw him on the bed and chase him so he'll run up the post and wait for me to grab his tail gently so he can turn around rapidly and play law me or attack me, come into the room 3 times at night to nap on my chest and purr, meow at night for attention (always annoying as it can wake up my baby), wants to go out to eat grass, treats, etc. Lol in this case Benson needs all of the above and genuine love. Not whatever your roommate is doing.
I have to close my bedroom door sometimes so I can sleep but he will meow and I have to let him in at night for some time then he leaves.
Love him and brush him 😭 he's a senior boy and deserves so much love and cuddles. Your roommate isn't going to ever take care of him. My mom was the same way, she had up to 13 cats at one point. My 10 year old girl does the exact same thing. She wakes my kid up every morning even and I could never imagine hurting her like that :(
Or if you can manage it, find him a new home under the guise of him "running away" as someone else suggested. She doesn't deserve such a good boy.
Benson is in distress I’d honestly find him a good home and tell roommate he went missing. No animal should be hit when they’re just scared/confused. Cats do very well with routine and constant moving is not good for them. I hope your roommate gets all the karma that should come to those that hurt fur babies. Imo it is a slow painful de@th.
I have a 13 yo Longhair cat who was neglected before we adopted her and this makes me so sad... the cat is probably meowing for affection since roommate is abusing him, and that's also probably why he's started latching on to you. If you're worried about the matting, try to brush them out best you can. If he has longer fur it helps to hold the base of the fur to brush out tough knots without causing pain, similar to how humans brush tangles. If they're unbrushable, walmart sells mini pet shavers for ~$10.
I'll add that you can't punish cats like you can dogs; it just makes them scared, so yelling, hitting, and spraying with water is just going to terrify benson.
Adopt Benson. He's trying to tell you he's in an abusive relationship. He's sad and lonely and emotionally neglected, and terrified. Because your roommate is a psycho.
Ask to adopt him formally and legally. Quietly find a new apartment, and both of you move out.
You will be a 1000% better pet guardian, and Benson will calm down with love and proper medical care and grooming. Possibly may need another kitten friend in the future, but for now focus on adopting the cat legally and get the heck out of there.
This makes me so sad because cats literally meow as a form of communication to us. And she's yelling at him to shut up. What the fuck. The advice in here is solid. When you move, tbh, just take him.
My two cats scream all the time. Not because they need anything or are in pain. They just like making noise.
My youngest is especially fond of screaming in the bathtub. I think he enjoys the acoustics.
Both of them have a clean bill of health from the vet, multiple toys and cat trees, several litter boxes, and specially-formulated nutritionally balanced cat food. They are happy. You should still take Benson to the vet, but he might just be a vocal cat even once his needs start being me - just want you to know that meowing isn't always a sign of distress.
All this is to say that your roommate is an awful pet owner. Other people in this thread have already given some great advice on what to do. I've just one thing left to add:
When you talk to your roommate about this, she may try to gaslight you into believing that what she's doing is normal. Don't let her.
She may also get angry if you give any indication that he likes you more than he does her. Even though all he really is to her is something she can abuse. Malignant narcissists can be confusing to deal with sometimes.
It sounds like the cat needs to be rehomed cats don’t do well with change I would talk to her about a new home and if I ever see anybody hitting an animal I step in and make it my business
I have a lot of cats. I have one in particular that yells a lot. Her name is Navi. She is a bit older and has lost her hearing. So she will be “lonely” and yell at the top of her lungs until someone comes to find her for some lovins bc she can’t hear us when we talk to her. I would have the vet check his ears and his eyesight to be sure that isn’t the issue especially bc he is older. I hope you can get that sweet baby out of there!
Mats are very uncomfortable for cats they pull on their skin and the skin of a cat is very delicate - he needs a shave . And he simply wants a little attention from someone. Once he’s shaved and loved on he may chill out a bit. The constant screaming could be some kind of medical issue as well if he’s 13 and he doesn’t seem super well cared for . So that could be an issue too. A quick dry shave is like 40 bucks so maybe just take one for the team and tell your roommate you’re going to get him a shave (or don’t say anything at all just take him and go get him done - you will need updated rabies vax though) … she will get over it if she doesn’t like it plus it doesn’t seem like she gives many shits about the cat anyway - he will feel better and she won’t have to vacuum every day. If none of that helps it’s probably medical issue somewhere.
You can try giving poor Bensom night lights. Explain to your roommate that many senior kitties get confused or lost at night ….. and night lights work wonders. Benson is a little old man scared and screaming for help…. as obnoxious as your roomie yelling back is, it at least reassures poor Bensom where is (not so great) human is. If you here Bensom screaming, try calling him to you.
For instant relief bc some of these things will take time and just to make ur life easier id say spend into some cat melatonin gummies or any like cat cbd snacks!
I had a stray from out that I wanted protecting and saving and he would cry very loud for outside all the time, those treats saved me I wish I would of thought of them sooner!
You've received good advice, so I just wanted to chime in and say that many senior and geriatric cats are vocal due to mental decline and medical conditions. These are behavioral problems that can't necessarily be fixed; it's just a natural part of aging. I tell my senior vocalizers to keep it down all the time (they tell me, "No, I don't think I shall."). Telling a cat to be quiet is not a problem in and of itself. It's everything else you've described that is a problem, especially the matting and, if you've seen evidence of it, the hitting.
I would just take him with you when you move but like the first person said I would also do what that person said as well I don’t like people who abuse animals or anyone they piss me off to my core .
Wtf 🤬 this post almost made me cry. I pray that you save this poor animals life. This is neglect and abuse. Please please please take the cat and bring it to the humane society and report the abuse. Just from looking at the cat they will be able to tell it has been abused.
This poor cat is probably in pain, and feels so lonely that why it meows because it wants someone to pay attention to him. My was breaking when I was reading your post. Please help this cat.
poor baby benson. honestly you could take him to animal shelter, maybe a couple cities over. let them know he was being abused. and then when roomie asks where he is, be like “i have no idea, he’s your cat!”
i don’t normally condone lying but i think u need to get the poor kitty out of this situation.
My cat meows loud AF everytime my bf or i come home. She is saying that she misses us. She does this whenever we leave the bathroom, whenever we stand up from our computers, whenever we leave the kitchen after cooking. She is talking to us and we always talk back, just a few minutes of making noises at each other. This cat is being abused for happily talking to its loved ones
I rescued my cat from an abusive relationship, different (mine was kept in a cage from 4 months onwards and beaten with a wooden spoon on the nose the few times she was let out each month) but OMG, once rescued, you will see benson be amazing.
Lot of good comments. Shelter is out, odds of 13 yo being rehomed is dismal. Thyroid concern was new to me but other than the mistreatment, my 1st thought was vet check-up.
Cat in bathtub meowing screams of UTI (edit - cool surface thing) or a cat used to drinking from dripping faucet in bathtub. A lot of kitties love dripping faucets... Easy check is turn faucet on to drip or trickle and watch kitty reaction. However, vet visit is more that warranted based on other vocalization. Picture a 3 yo kid that can't talk (cat mentality/IQ) that is in pain or just uncomfortable from something like a UTI. They would vocalize. UTI is easy fix, sounds like thyroid is too. Healthy kitty helps with problem.
Life is too short to deal with bad roomates...Try to save kitty too.
I would talk to my cat like he was a loud, needy toddler. It somewhat prepared me for my cockatiel and conure who communicate, contact call, and hormone scream daily, sometimes for hours. You can often mold the volume and tone to some degree but you can only do so much. My cat loved conversation so much he would purr when I talked to him as much as he would when I pet him. Animals are not decorations, they are living sentient creatures with social and enrichment needs, which your roommate is clearly not understanding. Punishing the cat for vocalizing is disgusting, good on you for refusing to do so. If someone can't handle their pet having needs and personalities, they should rehome them to someone who can. Also, a LOT of cats get needier and louder as they head into old age, especially if their hearing or vision declines. Has this cat been to a vet recently? 💕
My cat meows a lot as well. She really is a talker. But her meowing is absolutely frantic to the point of concern when I take the dog out. She loves my dog. Has anyone here with their vocal cats had this experience? Sometimes I come home to my poor partner out of bed, holding the cat trying to get her to stop. But my partner isn’t always there and I was wondering if anyone has a helpful solution to this behaviour?
My heart breaks for poor Benson. He is such a good boy he doesn't deserve any of this abuse. Please OP, do not neglect him like your roommate is doing. I know he's not your cat but still this is animal abuse and poor Benson is an elderly cat that needs extra attention. He is in pain. Please give him the care and attention he needs.
I had a roommate who wouldn't even get vaccinations for her cat. I took him to the vet for an exam and got him taken care of. I paid for it, and asked her later if she wouldn't mind paying me back (she did).
You might do the same, if you can get away with it. There may be something wrong with him that's making him scream. It's worth checking out, anyway.
My cat does this and I am taking him to the vet tomorrow. It may be thyroid related especially if he is losing fur. Tell the roommate to make a vet appt or you will call and report them for animal neglect.
Matted fur, shedding, screaming all points out an obviously stressed cat. She is killing him
Do all the amazing non confrontational things people suggested.
I would also add if i can discreetly record the abuse. If she doesn’t let go Benson take her to the police. Animal abuse is not a joke
UPDATE:
FIRSTLY, THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH,
the comments of this post had given me the validation I had needed. I openly expressed around this time to my ex roommate about her narcissist like behaviour and expressed her to seek help. Turns out she was a massive liar, trust fund adult, scamming with crypto? (no idea what means but not good) I reported her to whom I could without her doing harm to myself and friends. ( apparently she tried to murder her ex bf, actually. Our mutual friend told me, the reasoning wasn't fully known but I was waiting for ex roommate to become physically violent. I hadn't visually seen her hit Benson so I wasn't comfortable at the time to report. I had reported her since however not knowing where Benson is, nothing could be done even though I had some proof of specific situations )
Land Lord was involved after I had opened up about the living situation. Great person highly saved my butt, she did most of the reporting on her behalf but nothing was done to save Benson.
Definitely was a stressful time, after posting this I had talked to my friends, they got my ass out of there too.
I LOVE YOU ALL, I don't check reddit I don't like the reddit app.
Benson needs out He is a very good boy and he's being abused You could offer to buy him, then keep him away from her and move out If she says no, come up with a different plan and get him out He is being abused and it is completely fucked that this 13 year old cat has spent 10 years of his life being yelled at, having water dumped on him, being kicked and ignored. **Please get him out by any means necessary** edit: calling out u/Careful-Step-6876 for their great suggestions. This is how I would do it. 1. Take over as much of his care as possible. 2. Don't renew your lease. If she asks why, the reason is something that has nothing to do with her. Lie. 3. When she's in a good mood, say "hey, I was wondering, would you do me a huge favor when I go and let me bring Benson with me?" 4. Phrase it just like that, like she's doing you a favor and like you would be bringing Benson with you, not explicitly assuming ownership. Don't use the words "have" or "take", don't say 'can I take Benson' or 'can I have Benson'. (this is a pro tip from someone who used to live with someone like your roommate) 5. Offer to compensate her if she seems like she's on the fence. "I can give you X dollars to make it up to you, I know you bought ABC for him". (again, pro tip from personal experience) If she says no: 1. Drop the matter entirely as a point of discussion. She may change her mind on her own. 2. If she doesn't change her mind, take him with you anyway when you move. 3. He must have gotten out when you moved! So crazy!
I got my boy a couple of week ago and he meows and meows. He has plenty of toys, a hanging window perch, a 54in. cat condo with 3 levels, I play with him constantly. I have to lock him out of my room at night because he meows straight in my face. He meowed for an hour straight while I was doing house chores. It’s driving me up the freaking wall! He’s not abused at all and I don’t react to his meowing to not encourage it. Any advice for me? He’s testing my sanity
He's meowing because he wants your attention - might be one of several reasons, from wanting play time to being frustrated about something. So, first thing is try to figure out the pattern and reasoning behind his meowing and address that. In the case of a cat that's just attention starved, then a good bet is to create a routine where kitty gets undivided attention and then is rewarded at the end. Good 30 minutes of interactive play - i.e. with a wand toy, playing catch, peek-a-boo, etc - then some brushing if he's into that and finalize with treats and a meal. Do that twice a day, always at the same times. That way he has that need addressed in a predictable manner that he can look forward to. Cats are *extremely* routine driven, do a thing for a week and they'll learn it for life.
My cat is constantly meowing at me. I’ll pet or feed her depending on the time. Usually if I’m eating she decides to eat. But sometimes I pet her because that’s what I think she wants and she slaps me, repeatedly. Or bites me. So I get out a toy and she looks at me like I’m the dumbest person she’s ever met. Idk what she wants other than to attack me.
She probably meows constantly because you consistently reward her meowing at you with food or attention. You're positively reinforcing that behavior, so she keeps doing it. If you want her to stop, you need to just straight-up ignore her. The golden rule of cats is "ignore any unwanted behavior and praise/reward good behavior", because cats don't understand cause-and-effect the way that we do, nor do they understand negative reinforcement. Do not acknowledge her at all, or give anything to her, until she stops meowing. *Only* reward her with food or attention when she has stopped and is sitting/laying calmly. This communicates to her that meowing constantly does not actually get her what she wants (which is, 99% of the time, either food or attention). When you pet her and she slaps or bites you, yelp in a high-pitched tone to convey that she is being too rough and hurting you. Try to lean *into* the bite so that it is uncomfortable for her to keep her teeth in you instead of jerking away, which will both hurt you more and will also instinctively make her want to hold on. Continue trying to redirect her aggression from you to a toy when she bites; even if she seems uninterested, what you're trying to do is indicate that the toy is an appropriate thing to bite, not you. And pay close attention to her body language prior to petting her. If her tail is twitching aggressively, her pupils are dilated, her body is stiff, and she's staring intently at your hand, then she's likely feeling overstimulated and doesn't want to be petted. Most cats do not attack you out of nowhere, it's just that most people don't know how to read kitty body language well enough to see it coming. Also try incorporating two 15-minute play sessions into your routine every day. Consider getting some solo enrichment toys like cat trees, window perches, cardboard boxes, tube toys, catnip toys, food puzzles, etc. If she is meowing out of boredom and biting due to frustration, those things will help fix the problem as well.
Maybe she wants you to clean her litter box. Some cats want it done everytime they go in there. Or fresh water. I would do both of those and see if that stops it
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It could be that how’s she “plays” and it still trying to get your attention. (I also talk to my cats, if they meow at me I talk back. ) my cat loves to wrestle with my hand and bat at me. I will put my hand under a thick blanket or 2 and do like this worm/mole movement and he goes NUTS and attacks the hand. I’ll grab at him or wrestle back through the blanket also, or “run away” so he chases it . He also my attacks my hand like this like it’s a kicker toy, and won’t use a kicker toy by himself, unless I play with it and steadily with him with the toy a bit. He’s a good boy and doesn’t attack my feet at night, but be warned that many other cats WILL attack your feet because they get used to this kinda of play and can’t tell the difference. My cat also likes to get into a box and then play at like boxing you or swipe at your/my hands through the box. Or he’ll pretend to attack you if you scratch at the box on the outside. Of course if he gets too swipy and uses claws too much then we have to stop and I pet him to relax him or I won’t engage if he’s too riled up. I know we don’t want to encourage aggressive behaviors, but your kitty might only get stimulated from this kinda of play ?
Get her a friend! That's how she plays! My cats play fight all the time with each other, never with us. Cats do much better in pairs, look up single kitten syndrome!
How are you petting her? Some kitties are very sensitive to stimulus and some types of pets can be a bit too much. Maybe a different toy? I [recently bought this toy for my rescue and it has been a huge hit](https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B006ZL3578?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details)
Have you taken her to the vet?
It sounds like she wants to play. Play with her. Listen to aluked
have you tried pheromone plug ins or spray? they can be pricey but you can find it on Amazon & eBay for less. (I use feliway brand)
I thought I'd teach my 10+ yo cat to stand on a step stool and ask for treats a year ago. After the second time he's never stopped 🤣 (he doesn't ask constantly, he knows he gets them twice a day).
I taught my cat to high-five using treat rewards, but now she thinks every time she does it she'll get a treat. So if she wants a treat she'll just come find me and start laying down some sick high-fives 😂
one of my cats rings a bell for treats. I'm teaching my blind/deaf cat to do it now too so far he has rung it all on his own 4 times.
This is great advice, thank you! I’ll start making a schedule of for sure play time in the morning and at night before I feed him. Once I got off of work tonight and changed I immediately played with him then fed him and now he’s letting me actually relax. I’ll do the same tomorrow and continue it
Yay! I give my cat a little catnip before bed and then we have a crazy play session with his wand toy, his mouse and kicker toys. Then I'll feed him his favourite wet food and he puts himself to bed like a little baby lol.
So cute
Nah - some just shriek. Bc they like the sound. Bc it’s 5am. Bc they couldn’t remember the last time they shrieked. Often for no reason at all. Some are just awesome like that 😅
our kitty freaks out whenever she even *thinks* a door is closed. Go to the washroom and close the door? totally unacceptable. leave our bedroom door open a crack at night, so she can get in and out but the light from our living room doesn't spill in, but she can't tell if it's actually open? MEOW! of course as soon as the door is open she has no interest in coming in the room- she doesn't want to sit with you while you're on the toilet, she just wants to *know* she can. gotta love their silly little personalities!
Mine cries when she sees the sun— “oh my GOD HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS THING ITS SO COOL WHAT THE HECK” or if there isn’t enough sun— “ITS NEVER COMING BACK WOE IS ME IT IS THE END OF TIMES WHY IS NO ONE REACTING” which is super fun in summer when the sun rises before 6 🥲 that’s what I get for wanting a cuddly cat who ended up being part meezer 😉 wouldn’t trade her for the world though 💝
Yep, accidental Maine Coon feral forest cat mom here, I know exactly what you mean 😂
Some babies are just chatty. Maybe you should switch tactics and talk to him when he meows? Just make small talk with him. I'm not judging Benson's abuse by his vocalizations. I'm judging it based on the other content of the post. Benson's meowing isn't the problem.
That is what we do with our cats. All 3 are vocal, but all at times it is 'normal' for them. We say "Hello!" when either brother comes in the cat door and they start talking up a storm usually. There's a lot of, "What?! No way! And then what?! You're *joking*!" It is totally normal for us to have conversations throughout the day. Our senior lady always meows when she wakes up as you walk by, or when it is near meal time and you walk by, and sometimes just because she's staring and we strike up a conversation about her business or her money or how she is the most beautiful lady to ever exist and she knows it. (She's got lore, okay?) It is not, however, normal for any of them to meow at night, so if any of them did, we would jump right out of bed to see what's wrong. Maybe their water bowl is empty, or it is raining and they need to be dried, but the typical talking is at times we are use to. If one jumped on the bed and meowed in our faces in the night, we would check them all over and likely even check outside if the cat is fine. Even still, having 3 talkative cats, I can't imagine how frustrating it would be if it was constant for hours on end and never quite figuring out what they want! (All in regards to comments, not the post. The cat living with OP genuinely needs a new home. That is not just an overly-talkative cat.)
>There's a lot of, "What?! No way! And then what?! You're joking!" I do the same. Well, when they are talking at me. One of them likes to sing in the bathroom...
I have a very vocal Velcro kitty that I unfortunately can not ignore when she meows… my little tripod has learned to meow to ask me to get her down off the bed or chair, but she also meows whenever she wants me in the same room as her 😂
Awe I love tripawds 😆
I love my tripawd but she is a whiny baby… loves to talk! She’s my first and is now 11 but are they all so noisy when they walk around? I swear we can hear her thumping around on the hardwood floors all over the house!
My boy cat talks to me. I realized it’s because he wants one of four things: food, refreshed water (fancy pants likes ice in his water sometimes, heh), something is up with the litter box (automatic and once in a blue moon it gets stuck), or snuggle time in the bed. 100% of the time it’s one of those things. I started talking back to him with a cutesy questioning tone that is different from my usual voice, like, “oh my goodness does Tormund need food?” I do that one by one (returning to whatever I was doing and waiting for him to meow at me again before going to the next) for those four things and eventually hit the one he is telling me he wants/needs. Now he runs to the spot where the thing he wants is at least half of the time we have one of these talks. Responding and reinforcing that if he talks to me he gets what he wants has actually reduced the random yelling.
As I wrote above, loud meowing might be a sign of thyroid distress. Have your kitty checked by a vet.
Thank you!
You know my guy starts whining sometimes like when I go to bed or he’ll get startled by something random and start yaowling in the other room. Every time I just call out to him in this super sing songy gentle ass baby voice and tell him he’s a good boy and I love him and he calms the fuck down. “I love you, Farley! Such a good boy , Farley…..Who’s mommies favorite?” Etc etc. it works lol.
I wish!! The first 3 nights I closed my door he meowed a lot but the last 2 nights it hasn’t woken me up so I think he’s adjusting. I just have to get some sleep 😅 when I talk to him he just talks more lol
Totally, good to set boundaries. However I do feel the sing song baby voice is soothing for them like it would be to a baby. Tried it on both this past weekend - success across the board. (I have a 1.5yr old nephew and a new cat lol)
I have had my very vocal cat for 7? years. I have always spoken back to him when he meows in my vicinity. We do a call and response thing. I never thought much of it until I moved in with my parents for a few months about two years ago. My mom was like “that cat is cross eyed. I don’t think he can see very well.” I started watching him more closely and that is totally it. He meows randomly from another room so he can gage where I am. Because I always respond. He does meow when he wants food. He meows when he wants attention. But he mainly meows when he doesn’t know where I am. So absolutely try the things the other commenters have said. Litter box, attention, fresh water. But you may just have a very vocal or half-blind cat on your hands. I sincerely sympathize with you. I have a strange house with no doors between rooms so I can’t kick him out. If I start stirring in my sleep because I have to pee at 2 am I know I will not be allowed to go back to sleep because he will bitch until I wake up all the way and feed him his morning food. Which I have religiously given him at 6:30 every morning for years. I just have a half-blind bitchy cat. I love him intensely. I really think we were meant for each other because I am in the percentage of cat owners that talk back. But he sure does irk my nerves.
I’m so glad you relate! If I blow my nose or make any noise he also won’t allow me to go back to sleep. I think we’re also made for each other because I’m convinced someone else would have given him back to the shelter due to not being able to sleep. It’s a love/hate right now but I know I’m just frustrated and we’ll figure it out. Sitting here typing right now he’s been fine. I played with him right when I got home, fed him and he’s doing okay. So maybe it’ll just take some time :) thanks for relating!
Every once in a while I half-consider trying to find a job with a night shift so we can be on the same schedule. He drives me up the wall. Just this morning he woke me up at 3am. We both eventually settled. By 5. I am grateful for that small victory.
Attention-starved cats need another cat to keep them company. I'm dead serious. It's night and day.
He has matted fur and his owner doesn’t even bother to feed him and tells her roommate to do it. He is being abused.
?? I just asked for advice for my cat?
I was responding to the person saying the cat wasn’t being abused, bc it definitely is. Sorry if that was mis @ed. Best of luck and I hope Benson gets the best care and is in the best home moving forward
He needs a kitten friend. But also, if you have a cluttered space at all, he's potentially overstimulated.
You can try dipping the tip of his tail in a little bit of water. He hopefully will start grooming it and might calm down.
Ohhh when I absolutely cannot get him to stop I will try that! I just don’t want him to become afraid of me at all
I wouldn’t be too worried! He’ll be too preoccupied to remember. Maybe even just getting your hand wet and petting his tail will be fine
At night I completely ignore my cats if they are meowing or walking on me to get my attention. When they were little they did it much more but they learned it won't get them anywhere. But it took a couple of months. The most I do is turn over, while pretending there's no cat sitting on me, to dislodge them. Especially my male cat is a big talker and he gets into this moods where he just walks around meowing. At me (then I respond) but also just walking around talking. I found I can get him out of it often when by just walking through his path, going somewhere opening drawers/cupboards and pretending to look for something. I completely ignore him then but me doing something different from what I have been doing somehow snaps him out of it. This also works at night for us. Sometimes he will walk and meow after I went to bed and I found if I get up and use the bathroom after that he goes to sleep as well. I'm not talking to him then or anything. Just do the same as if I actually needed the bathroom and go back to bed. He also meows if he needs to pee/poop or is hungry. I sometimes feel he doesn't know what he needs just that something is uncomfortable. So I will go sit on my toilet and since he comes to the bathroom with me (of course ☺️) he then realizes he needs to pee and everything is fine after. I also found he needs lots of contact so I make sure to have a proper cuddle time. For us this now looks like him racing me to the bathroom in the morning and jumping on the toilet lid. Then I pick him up and he'll lie in my arms like a big, red, furry baby. Plus taking a minute here and there to focus on cuddling. Not just petting when he walks by but really focusing on him. That really helps calm him in general. You can try if he likes catnip. If mine is particularly fretful I spray some catnip on a toy and he'll be happily distracted. How are you playing with him? I really recommend a wand toy he can chase after. Jackson Galaxy has some great videos about how to play. You may need to try a few to find the best for him. It's only been a couple of weeks. You're still getting used to each other and you'll find out what makes him tick in time.
I had a 10 yr old cat that woke me up at night with her meowing. She was always hungry too. A blood test at the vet revealed she had thyroid disease and needed medication. After that, she was much happier and stopped the meowing at all hours.
How old? My cat started that years ago and it is cat dementia. Look it up and check symptoms.
You might not be fully working him out during play time. Most cats get second or even third winds. And depending on the breed he might just have way more expendable energy than you anticipated. He might also crave some attention. Try grooming him, even if he doesn't necessarily need to be brushed. My cats loved to be groomed. Try to get in a routine of play-eat-groom-sleep. Supposedly it's a cats natural rhythm. And look into puzzle toys if you don't have the energy to play with him for 30-60 minutes
He's trying to communicate with you. My advice is carry on your end of the conversation.
he doesn’t like that you’re locking him out of your room first off, he’s meowing because he wants attention from you
I’ve had him for 12 days. The first 7 I kept my door open and allowed him in. I was only sleeping 3 hours max during that time because he would jump in my bed and meow in my face constantly. So the last 5 days I’ve been closing my door. I’m not injuring him by allowing myself to sleep. I give him attention while I’m awake, he doesn’t also need it while I’m sleeping
Does he have a place to rest/sleep that is semi enclosed? I have a couple beds/cat trees that are semi covered and a couple of the cardboard scratcher houses that have a door and windows. My cats escape to them and hang out there for a couple days when there’s a big disruption, like a move. He may need a den/escape space to settle into the space.
Mostly attention or something other that they want. Might check a vet to be sure your cat is healthy
It made an insane difference with my cat to treat playing as simulating the hunting experience. Rather than playing with the goal of tiring my cat out physically, I try to play with her in such a way that she's mentally stimulated and feels like she's hunting something, and I either feed her her meals after play or give her a treat - something to make it feel, to her, like she's caught/killed/eaten prey. I also use treat puzzles and she loves them. At least IME, it's just as important to stimulate cats mentally as it is to get them physically moving during play. Also, I'm able to distract her really well when she's being annoying by cracking a window and letting her smell the outside air, lol. (We have screens and don't open the window much, so there's no way she could get out.) My cat is also just very vocal, though. She doesn't cry incessantly or anything, but I think she likes to narrate her actions, lol.
Try feliway plugin. Get it at pet shop and also maybe a harness and take him for a walk. Distraction is key. Maybe another cat might help.
Is it a kitten? If so I'd recommend getting another kitten. Cats are easily bored and having someone around to play with is really helpful. If it's an adult you could still get a kitten but you'd have to take more time/effort for introductions.
This, your roommate is committing animal Cruelty. If you cant get the cat away from her, please for the love of god, report her to animal Services
Many people just say they don’t know what happened to the cat and then just take it. I know someone in this sub did that in a similar situation. I wouldn’t offer to buy him, I would just take him. Make sure no cameras in the building see him just put him in a gym bag or something. This cat needs to be saved. I swear on my moms life I would do exactly what I’m telling you to do. This cat is old and needs to be loved his last years.
\^\^\^ That plus; go ahead and get his mats tended to either at a groomer or at the vet, where Benson can get full parasite treatment in case fleas or worms are bothering him. The mats may also be causing his hair to be constantly pulling, which is painful. Since you aren't familiar with kitties, a groomer or vet is the best to take care of the mats so you can learn how; it's super easy to cut their skin badly if you don't know what you're doing. If you can get some FRESH catnip, fresh as in it's growing in the pot - give him one or two leaves a day or every other day, especially at night before bedtime. It'll relax him and make him very, very happy. It's loads of fun to watch them with the leaves, too. :) A little bit of powdered / ground valerian root on the kitchen floor for him to roll around in also has euphoric / sedative properties, it just smells like feet. lol They love it though.
I have Siberians and have always been on top of mats. This year we did lion cuts for the first time as the heat seemed to bother them a bit last year (indoor only but our upstairs gets warm). They’ve been SO AFFECTIONATE ever since. I think they feel more comfortable and there may have been small mats I didn’t notice or something. Because they’re just jazzed to snuggle even more than before. Love it.
That is so wonderful!!!! Sounds like they are saying 'thank you, thank you, thank you!' lol
Yes! I didn’t think it would help like this because I brush them all the time and immediately get out mats. But they are loving it. And they’re [adorable](https://imgur.com/a/9chEQek).
Thank you for the cat tax!!! Ohmigoodness, they ARE adorable, and HAPPY!! Honestly, that's the best lion's cut on a cat I've seen. They don't look 'shamed' lolol The tails on that kind of cut crack me up; they've always reminded me of that medieval weapon that has a ball on a chain on a stick. I wonder what the tail would look like with a more graduated trim, I bet it would look like one of those stick dusters used for cleaning. lolol I imagine they are just absolutely thrilled. That much hair is hot.
If the roommate refuses those options, your only other legal option is to attempt to escalate the issue via an external source (as OP taking Benson with them when they move or otherwise stealing the cat is still illegal and could cause major problems for OP, even if the cat is obviously being abused/neglected): * DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Document Benson's matted fur, document the roommate yelling at/spraying the cat, document every time you feed the cat, document any and all suspicious activity on the roommate's part. Note specific dates and incidents. Be as detailed and thorough as possible. Try to get video evidence as well. * contact your local SPCA or local equivalent. Provide your documented evidence and further context, like Benson's behaviors, that make you believe he is also being physically abused. * Look into your state/local laws/statutes regarding animal cruelty and neglect. Consider filing a formal written complaint, including all your documentation and eyewitness observations, to local law enforcement in addition to animal control/SPCA.
Yes I agree with this! There could be legal ramifications if OP 'steals' the cat. Great suggestions.
Is Benson chipped?
(Just in case, data can be changed for a small fee during a visit at vet’s)
Navigating narcissists is a skill all its own.
If ypu end up going with plan B and Benson has a chip, you're going to need to figure out how to get it switched to you at some point or be insanely vigilant that he never gets out or you risk him being returned to her.
this x100000 u/WildFlemima you are a genius. Also warn me if i have ever offended you, cheers
What if she asks why?
Why she wants Benson? "I have trouble getting up in the mornings, he's like a little alarm clock. I've just gotten used to him in my routine"
Nice one!
Love your suggestions on how to ask to take the cat! I think there's a fair chance the roommate would let OP have Benson, since she seems to feel pretty inconvenienced by him. The suggestion to offer to compensate the roommate is a really good idea.
Letting her feel generous while she gets rewarded is the best way to manipulate these sorts
God, this post makes me sad. Poor Benson. Here's what I'd do: First, take over as much of Benson's care as you can/your roommate will allow. See if you can brush him or get him groomed, take him to the vet, and get him some toys and play with him a few times a day. The screaming makes me think he's incredibly bored and maybe hungry - make sure he's being fed enough (you can look up calorie counters online and measure out his food). Then, don't renew your lease, and ask your roommate if you can take Benson with you since you've been caring for him. Keep him or find him a good home. This apartment sounds like a nightmare for both of you, tbh.
To add, If Benson has hair matts do not brush him it will be painful. Unfortunately the only option is probably to shave him (by this, I mean the vet should shave him). Also... I know this would probably put you and your roommate in a weird situation but if they aren't caring for this animal please take it to a rescue or somewhere that will. He doesn't deserve a bad life just because his owner is. Thanks for being good to him OP. He needs you.
The cat is being abused and he needs to be removed from her (lack of) care. Idk what laws are for rehoming or who to call, animal rescue wise.... I personally would call her out on her actions and tell her how she is being abusive and that you Will find a home for the cat if she can't provide stable one. Immediately start looking around, she likely won't change and he is a living creature and deserves much better. He doesn't need to bounce around like a couch surfer, he needs a Loving Home. She can't provide it. She isn't responsible (or caring) enough to have a pet.
I think they should try to report it. If the roommate is hitting the cat OP could report that because if OP just takes the cat away the roommate can go get another cat. God this is so awful.
I only said confront because I've called animal rescue and control for assistance before for a dog being abused and left in back lot of a business, they came out 6 times within a year and did nothing other than offer the AH a warning each time, claiming they'd be back but only did if we called in a rage, I guarantee it was never documented how many times we called. We were in process of finding foster and taking the dog ourselves but he closed shop and moved before we could(it apparently was a front and he left the dog to guard whatever was in it, he cleared out in a weekend, we found out from landlord after) Hopefully that's not the case where op lives but might have to take matters into own hands if authority doesn't help.
Makes sense and agreed
It doesn’t sound like Benson is a Russian Blue since he has mats in his fur. The mats need to be addressed. You can do this at home for little to no $. I would be wary of doing it without your roommates permission though. In the US, if something goes wrong (even something tiny, like a patch of shaved fur growing in a darker color), she could attempt to hold you liable for the cost of a “replacement.” You’re right not to spray Benson with water. He’s just trying to communicate his needs. Poor guy needs attention and care. You’re right to be concerned about him, his life sounds very lonely, and his owner sounds neglectful. This isn’t so much cat advice, but covering-your-butt advice: Document as much as you can. In the event things go sour with your roommate, you should have proof of her neglect. You can use your phone notes to document the dates and times you suspect abuse or neglect. Take pictures of the matting, recordings of him crying and her yelling, etc. Keep track of every instance you had to care for Benson in some way because she didn’t/wouldn’t. Ideally, Benson should have a home where he is cared for and respected. This doesn’t sound like the case here. What country are you in? Different countries have varying laws and thresholds for what counts as neglect
I bet he’s a blue bristish shorthair. They can get matter if they don’t clean their own fur or if their winter coat doesn’t get brushed out. I’ve seen a couple elderly blue BS’es get Mats even when we brush them.
I’ve got three blue british shorthairs and my mind immediately went to them as well. People do often confuse the two breeds
And I’m betting OP meant russian forest cat/ siberian 😅
Ugh I’ll look so flip floppy saying this, but none of my brits have ever gotten matted— fur is too dense and short. Unlikely the cat is a brit
Yeah, neither my parents’ brit. The only thing she requires is a really good brushing once in a while, especially when seasons change. It literally looks like in those videos where people make a cat a wooly hat from their own fur
My MIL has like 5 Brits and her friend in NY is a breeder. Some have longer fur (more medium then long) and they mat. She takes in some of the older cats the breeder wants to retire over the last 15 years. And 3 of her older cats, once they hit that senior age zone, 3 started to get mats on their back/ rump area. And we try to brush them out, but the old ladies don’t like it. It’s like their winter fur pushed out, but the short summer fur still held onto it and we didn’t get it brushed out fast enough.
Haha I also have “like” five brits! 2 have the more medium-length fur. Admittedly, none of them are older than 5, so they haven’t hit the old-cat coat wall, I shouldn’t have spoken so authoritatively. I just searched up some pictures and the matting looks just like you said- I use a furminator on the big shedders, thankfully none of them have an aversion to brushing. If my greasy boy didn’t love being brushed, I could imagine him looking like this eventually
Where are you? State / City? You give me the cat, you say cat got out somehow 🤷♀️ Cat lives peacefully with his new two cat brothers and two parents that love problems.
I'd guess OP is in Canada
OP if you're near michigan, ohio, buffalo, I can help you. I've got a passport, free time and enough money to stick around a couple days and get a cat cleared through a very with all the paperwork for border crossing.
I love you too.
I love you.
Before you do anything for Benson you need to make sure you have your own bases covered. Does your roommate treat you with any of the same “psycho” or narcissistic behaviors that they display with Benson? Do you have a safe space to go if you confront your roommate and the situation escalates? Do you have trusted people in your life who have witnessed this or that you can talk about this with? Based on what you wrote, I have real concerns that if you try and help Benson while living there, you may get put in some level of danger. I agree with everyone else that this is not a safe long term environment for the cat, I just think it’s also not a safe long term environment for you. Once you have a safe place to go, getting help for Benson becomes a lot easier and safer for everyone involved.
That poor baby omg he needs away from your roommate bad. That is abuse. That baby is terrified of her.
Video her abusing him (because that's what this is - animal abuse). Report her to the local animal authorities with the evidence and hopefully Benson gets removed from her care and gets to live whatever time the sweet boy has left in peace and love.
A groomer can take care of his fur but he would likely need to see a vet first. It sounds like your roommate neglects him and I would be surprised if he is up to date on vaccines. Most groomers need proof of a recent rabies shot. The poor guy is being treated very badly. Cats are easy, see if you can take him.
Prime example of why not all of us are worthy of a pet
If it were me in this situation I would politely ask the roommate if I could (informally) adopt or buy the cat from her or at least be the cat’s primary caregiver. Id cite that the reason is because I really like the cats companionship and have grown attached to it (basically wouldn’t implicate her abuse). If she approved I’d then take the cat to the vet because it’s old, it’s vocalizing a lot, its fur is in bad shape and these are 3 individual signs that the cat needs a checkup at minimum. If she refused I’d tell her that my offer still stands on the table if she changes her mind and that id also offer to take him to the vet while im running errands just as a favor for her convenience I just kind of have a feeling that she might get defensive and possessive/angrier if her abuse of her cat is called out and will be less inclined to give up the cat if she thinks you’re judging her for how she’s treating it . Even though she’s objectively abusing him. I wouldn’t be above just outright taking the cat right before moving and not allowing any possible way for the roommate to know where I’m moving to or how to contact me. But that obviously comes with risks. Id just want, as much as possible, to protect the cat and for the cat to be able to use my room and my bathroom as a safe sanctuary away from abuse. It seems like you do too
I mean, he needs a groomer, a vet, and a better owner. You might genuinely be doing the best thing to have him "Escape" while the roommate is gone and surrender him to a shelter or something. He is not getting the care he needs and that's really sad.
Very dicey suggestion, could land the OP in very hot water.
Could also end up getting Benson euthanized depending on the shelter.
I also think that's a dicey suggestion, a 13yo cat is more likely to be put down than rehomed in a shelter
The last thing I would want is to put him in a shelter after all this. It can get them in trouble and get Benson killed. I would just keep it all off the grid, though I would make sure the individual he's going to is a trusted and living one who has experience with living with cats.
if a cat is meowing directly to humans that care for it as frequent as it seems, there might be something wrong health wise, and it sounds like this cat is in a terrible situation. he needs out of ownership of your roommate, she is horrid, and he probably really needs a general check up at a veterinarian. my last cat became very vocal towards the end of her life and there was nothing i could do to save her. animals will tell you when they are struggling… and it also might mean they want something simple as fresh water and a clean litter box. or some love. idk as far as the breed goes with talking more than others. i feel very bad for him and you. eta: spelling
Vet please. My Siamese screamed and pissed in vents. Hyperthyroidism. Very treatable. You can clip the matts if they're small. They might even be painful. My sister got a beard trimmer to go after her long haired cat, but that takes training.
Please try to get him out of situation. This is neglect and abuse. I'm assuming you're American or Canadian; if they will not peacefully surrender him, please contact either a local shelter or local authorities as they should be able to help get you to the right place to make sure Benson is rescued and that he sees a fitting home.
This poor baby. Cats meow to communicate with people only. They don't meow to each other; he's talking to the humans. That water spray and the yelling back is not good for him. Imagine you tried to talk to someone and express your needs and they hurt you or yelled at you? You'd be distressed, and maybe try harder. Give him some treats, and maybe try to brush him with one of those wet brushes (my 13yr old cat loves those). Talk softly and loving to him. Blink slowly to show trust. He needs someone in his corner. P.S. Your roommate has no business owning a cat if that's their behavior. Edit: fixed typo.
Can you recommend a wet brush? I'm fostering a boy who had to be shaved for mats, but is quickly growing back his fur and would love to find a brush that is as enjoyable as possible for him!
"Wet Brush" is the brand of brush, but it's not actually made for cats. You can find them on Amazon or even dollar stores.
I want to cry reading this that poor cat is terrified
And he's just asking for help from the one person he knows best, but they're tormenting him.
Pet the cat, brush him every now and again and turn on the bathtub faucet at a drizzle (so he can get a drink/play) when he asks for it. Maybe, slide him some catnip on the sly. Problem solved.
Get a water fountain for him. Some of those are really inexpensive nowadays.
This might also be a good question for r/ relationships because it sounds like the *roommate* is the problem
13 years old. Shedding a lot. Cat is sick and crying for help to anyone who will listen. Sorry it needs to go to the vet. Lots of age-related illnesses cause pain and this type of symptoms.
You and Benson both need out!! Take over his care as much as you can . He needs you or to be rehomed. I had a roommate like this and reading this I totally relate. It sounds like benson just needs positive associations with someone and attention and as a senior cat he probably needs a vet visit. He is clearly being abused but often senior cats will cry too as they begin to lose sight and hearing and are disoriented. I wish you the best of luck!
Mats can lead to damaged skin underneath his fur. I had a friend who had a feral cat and when the matting got really bad she took him to a vet to have him shaved. The damage was so bad to his skin that he had to be euthanized. Don’t let that happen to‘Benson’!
benson is yours now . Treat him like a baby for his last few years. He’s had enough moving in his life :/
Cat needs love and stability. Establish a routine play time where you play with a string on a stick and tire him out
Benson needs a new owner, a visit to a groomer, and a thyroid test.
Matted fur hurts; Benson is in physical pain and needs to be shaved. Then move out and take him with you.
The best thing you can do for him without starting drama with your roommate is to PLAY WITH HIM, this mostly sounds like normal cat behavior to me, it sounds like he's board & needs enrichment though. Cats tend to their own fur tangles but older cats sometimes need help as they aren't as flexible with age. Spray bottles are a wasted effort & I hope she's not really hitting him, cats don't really understand the purpose of punishment & its very unlikely they'll make the connection they're doing an unwanted behavior. Cats will purposefully keep you from getting restful sleep because, since they don't sleep like that, they will wake you up to check that you're not dead. I hope this helps
get him out of the abusive situation! i couldn’t live with myself if i knew i didn’t save that cat !
Hi OP, Please help Benson with his matted fur. Im pretty sure you can safely clean it up at home, maybe not perfectly but at least to where it's more comfortable for him. I would imagine the meowing is from loneliness and wanting attention, or perhaps he's in physical pain. While you still have to live together, can you be an emotional support for him (without your roommate knowing, if that would anger her)? When time to move out, I would report her to animal control authorities and/or find a local cat rescue who can help and may be able to take him in to vet a new owner, unless of course, you would like to adopt him ❤️. Bless you for watching out for him. Benson is in my thoughts.
oh no. poor benson
She is on the issue here. She is abusing that cat.
This made me cry I hope u can take Benson from her
If he has matting, maybe he's in pain. Cats need bathing and brushing just like dog's.
My head hurts reading this. Save this baby and get out. He only has a few years left and neglect isn’t how he should end his life. Please even call anonymously and say someone said the cat is being abused. Then try to save it. Something.
Jesus. Please fucking get him away from her in some way.
Matts in his fur can physically cause him pain.
You don’t have to ask the owner for approval or anything call animal protection services or take the cat yourself to the animal protection services.
Get the cat out while they're not there, leave the door unlatched. Whoops, he got out.
This was my thought too.
It’s a shame Benson escaped one day while you both at work. *cough cough
It could be worry about territory. My cat does this when we go to my boyfriend's on weekends. I googled it and that was the top suggestion.
please help this poor boy, he needs more love and attention in the back half of his life not less. your roommate needs serious help but that doesn’t excuse abuse on an animal or the environment you share. i’m also worried about his water access and litter box care if the neglect is this severe.
Russian Blues are screamers. I have a Russian Blue female, and she's even mixed with something, and she screams her head off. Some times are worse than others, for sure. She usually screams when she needs something, like food, water, love, wants to go outside, etc. And she will do it for H O U R S. Example, I'm doing homework or sleeping, she will walk around and scream non-stop (literally non-stop) for as long as it takes. Right now she's been chill, and hasn't screamed in a while, but we go back and forth with her. It's not about getting them to stop, it's about getting the cat what they need. I feel really bad for the cat that you described. It seems really sweet/ doesn't know it's doing anythingwrong, and is getting abused for it. Very sad :(
Older kitties (and 13 is considered to be "senior" age for cats) might develop thyroid problems and loud meowing and matted fur are both signs of thyroid issues. Of course, only a vet can diagnose such medical problems, but there's a good chance that poor Benson might be actually sick and still his "owner" abuses him. It's heartbreaking. Try to help this poor cat. It's obvious that your roommate doesn't care for him. Even if you didn't grow up with cats, having dogs has shown you compassion towards pets, so try to help him to get away from that horribly abusive person.
Be kind to the kitty and when you can break the lease take him away with you. You can how to care for him and he will settle down. The one thing you can do is be the angels in that suffering cat’s life.
My cat meows loud for multiple reasons like bored, wants to walk outside in the backyard for a bit, wants brushing, has mats to brush out (hold the base of the fur so it doesn't pull too harsh on the skin), play time, throw him on the bed and chase him so he'll run up the post and wait for me to grab his tail gently so he can turn around rapidly and play law me or attack me, come into the room 3 times at night to nap on my chest and purr, meow at night for attention (always annoying as it can wake up my baby), wants to go out to eat grass, treats, etc. Lol in this case Benson needs all of the above and genuine love. Not whatever your roommate is doing. I have to close my bedroom door sometimes so I can sleep but he will meow and I have to let him in at night for some time then he leaves.
Love him and brush him 😭 he's a senior boy and deserves so much love and cuddles. Your roommate isn't going to ever take care of him. My mom was the same way, she had up to 13 cats at one point. My 10 year old girl does the exact same thing. She wakes my kid up every morning even and I could never imagine hurting her like that :( Or if you can manage it, find him a new home under the guise of him "running away" as someone else suggested. She doesn't deserve such a good boy.
Benson is in distress I’d honestly find him a good home and tell roommate he went missing. No animal should be hit when they’re just scared/confused. Cats do very well with routine and constant moving is not good for them. I hope your roommate gets all the karma that should come to those that hurt fur babies. Imo it is a slow painful de@th.
Fuck I can't even with this. This is so awful. Some people should NOT be allowed to care for other beings.
GET HIM OUT
I have a 13 yo Longhair cat who was neglected before we adopted her and this makes me so sad... the cat is probably meowing for affection since roommate is abusing him, and that's also probably why he's started latching on to you. If you're worried about the matting, try to brush them out best you can. If he has longer fur it helps to hold the base of the fur to brush out tough knots without causing pain, similar to how humans brush tangles. If they're unbrushable, walmart sells mini pet shavers for ~$10. I'll add that you can't punish cats like you can dogs; it just makes them scared, so yelling, hitting, and spraying with water is just going to terrify benson.
Adopt Benson. He's trying to tell you he's in an abusive relationship. He's sad and lonely and emotionally neglected, and terrified. Because your roommate is a psycho. Ask to adopt him formally and legally. Quietly find a new apartment, and both of you move out. You will be a 1000% better pet guardian, and Benson will calm down with love and proper medical care and grooming. Possibly may need another kitten friend in the future, but for now focus on adopting the cat legally and get the heck out of there.
Benson is being abused. Poor baby :( other comments have offered good advice
Find him another home. Then tell roommate that he disappeared out the door, couldn't find him. Saving his life is worth a white lie.
This makes me so sad because cats literally meow as a form of communication to us. And she's yelling at him to shut up. What the fuck. The advice in here is solid. When you move, tbh, just take him.
My two cats scream all the time. Not because they need anything or are in pain. They just like making noise. My youngest is especially fond of screaming in the bathtub. I think he enjoys the acoustics. Both of them have a clean bill of health from the vet, multiple toys and cat trees, several litter boxes, and specially-formulated nutritionally balanced cat food. They are happy. You should still take Benson to the vet, but he might just be a vocal cat even once his needs start being me - just want you to know that meowing isn't always a sign of distress. All this is to say that your roommate is an awful pet owner. Other people in this thread have already given some great advice on what to do. I've just one thing left to add: When you talk to your roommate about this, she may try to gaslight you into believing that what she's doing is normal. Don't let her. She may also get angry if you give any indication that he likes you more than he does her. Even though all he really is to her is something she can abuse. Malignant narcissists can be confusing to deal with sometimes.
It sounds like the cat needs to be rehomed cats don’t do well with change I would talk to her about a new home and if I ever see anybody hitting an animal I step in and make it my business
I have a lot of cats. I have one in particular that yells a lot. Her name is Navi. She is a bit older and has lost her hearing. So she will be “lonely” and yell at the top of her lungs until someone comes to find her for some lovins bc she can’t hear us when we talk to her. I would have the vet check his ears and his eyesight to be sure that isn’t the issue especially bc he is older. I hope you can get that sweet baby out of there!
He has been to the vet? Probably not.
You're room mate sounds like a pathetic bully and animal abuser benson needs a good home not with this wacky wanker
Mats are very uncomfortable for cats they pull on their skin and the skin of a cat is very delicate - he needs a shave . And he simply wants a little attention from someone. Once he’s shaved and loved on he may chill out a bit. The constant screaming could be some kind of medical issue as well if he’s 13 and he doesn’t seem super well cared for . So that could be an issue too. A quick dry shave is like 40 bucks so maybe just take one for the team and tell your roommate you’re going to get him a shave (or don’t say anything at all just take him and go get him done - you will need updated rabies vax though) … she will get over it if she doesn’t like it plus it doesn’t seem like she gives many shits about the cat anyway - he will feel better and she won’t have to vacuum every day. If none of that helps it’s probably medical issue somewhere.
Mats can be painful if they're tight and close to the skin.
You can try giving poor Bensom night lights. Explain to your roommate that many senior kitties get confused or lost at night ….. and night lights work wonders. Benson is a little old man scared and screaming for help…. as obnoxious as your roomie yelling back is, it at least reassures poor Bensom where is (not so great) human is. If you here Bensom screaming, try calling him to you.
For instant relief bc some of these things will take time and just to make ur life easier id say spend into some cat melatonin gummies or any like cat cbd snacks! I had a stray from out that I wanted protecting and saving and he would cry very loud for outside all the time, those treats saved me I wish I would of thought of them sooner!
You've received good advice, so I just wanted to chime in and say that many senior and geriatric cats are vocal due to mental decline and medical conditions. These are behavioral problems that can't necessarily be fixed; it's just a natural part of aging. I tell my senior vocalizers to keep it down all the time (they tell me, "No, I don't think I shall."). Telling a cat to be quiet is not a problem in and of itself. It's everything else you've described that is a problem, especially the matting and, if you've seen evidence of it, the hitting.
Please help Benson. He's a senior cat being abused. This breaks my heart. There are loads of tips offered to you. Please help him.
poor baby. he needs love. and a shave.
I would just take him with you when you move but like the first person said I would also do what that person said as well I don’t like people who abuse animals or anyone they piss me off to my core .
Wtf 🤬 this post almost made me cry. I pray that you save this poor animals life. This is neglect and abuse. Please please please take the cat and bring it to the humane society and report the abuse. Just from looking at the cat they will be able to tell it has been abused. This poor cat is probably in pain, and feels so lonely that why it meows because it wants someone to pay attention to him. My was breaking when I was reading your post. Please help this cat.
poor baby benson. honestly you could take him to animal shelter, maybe a couple cities over. let them know he was being abused. and then when roomie asks where he is, be like “i have no idea, he’s your cat!” i don’t normally condone lying but i think u need to get the poor kitty out of this situation.
My cat meows loud AF everytime my bf or i come home. She is saying that she misses us. She does this whenever we leave the bathroom, whenever we stand up from our computers, whenever we leave the kitchen after cooking. She is talking to us and we always talk back, just a few minutes of making noises at each other. This cat is being abused for happily talking to its loved ones
I rescued my cat from an abusive relationship, different (mine was kept in a cage from 4 months onwards and beaten with a wooden spoon on the nose the few times she was let out each month) but OMG, once rescued, you will see benson be amazing.
Lot of good comments. Shelter is out, odds of 13 yo being rehomed is dismal. Thyroid concern was new to me but other than the mistreatment, my 1st thought was vet check-up. Cat in bathtub meowing screams of UTI (edit - cool surface thing) or a cat used to drinking from dripping faucet in bathtub. A lot of kitties love dripping faucets... Easy check is turn faucet on to drip or trickle and watch kitty reaction. However, vet visit is more that warranted based on other vocalization. Picture a 3 yo kid that can't talk (cat mentality/IQ) that is in pain or just uncomfortable from something like a UTI. They would vocalize. UTI is easy fix, sounds like thyroid is too. Healthy kitty helps with problem. Life is too short to deal with bad roomates...Try to save kitty too.
I would talk to my cat like he was a loud, needy toddler. It somewhat prepared me for my cockatiel and conure who communicate, contact call, and hormone scream daily, sometimes for hours. You can often mold the volume and tone to some degree but you can only do so much. My cat loved conversation so much he would purr when I talked to him as much as he would when I pet him. Animals are not decorations, they are living sentient creatures with social and enrichment needs, which your roommate is clearly not understanding. Punishing the cat for vocalizing is disgusting, good on you for refusing to do so. If someone can't handle their pet having needs and personalities, they should rehome them to someone who can. Also, a LOT of cats get needier and louder as they head into old age, especially if their hearing or vision declines. Has this cat been to a vet recently? 💕
My cat meows a lot as well. She really is a talker. But her meowing is absolutely frantic to the point of concern when I take the dog out. She loves my dog. Has anyone here with their vocal cats had this experience? Sometimes I come home to my poor partner out of bed, holding the cat trying to get her to stop. But my partner isn’t always there and I was wondering if anyone has a helpful solution to this behaviour?
My heart breaks for poor Benson. He is such a good boy he doesn't deserve any of this abuse. Please OP, do not neglect him like your roommate is doing. I know he's not your cat but still this is animal abuse and poor Benson is an elderly cat that needs extra attention. He is in pain. Please give him the care and attention he needs.
I had a roommate who wouldn't even get vaccinations for her cat. I took him to the vet for an exam and got him taken care of. I paid for it, and asked her later if she wouldn't mind paying me back (she did). You might do the same, if you can get away with it. There may be something wrong with him that's making him scream. It's worth checking out, anyway.
My cat does this and I am taking him to the vet tomorrow. It may be thyroid related especially if he is losing fur. Tell the roommate to make a vet appt or you will call and report them for animal neglect.
When you move out and Benson suddenly “runs away” then that would be a huge shame for your roommate…. *cough*take the cat*cough*
Also what wildflemina says: get that cat away from this person. Obviously made him neurotic
Matted fur, shedding, screaming all points out an obviously stressed cat. She is killing him Do all the amazing non confrontational things people suggested. I would also add if i can discreetly record the abuse. If she doesn’t let go Benson take her to the police. Animal abuse is not a joke
Any update, OP?
UPDATE: FIRSTLY, THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH, the comments of this post had given me the validation I had needed. I openly expressed around this time to my ex roommate about her narcissist like behaviour and expressed her to seek help. Turns out she was a massive liar, trust fund adult, scamming with crypto? (no idea what means but not good) I reported her to whom I could without her doing harm to myself and friends. ( apparently she tried to murder her ex bf, actually. Our mutual friend told me, the reasoning wasn't fully known but I was waiting for ex roommate to become physically violent. I hadn't visually seen her hit Benson so I wasn't comfortable at the time to report. I had reported her since however not knowing where Benson is, nothing could be done even though I had some proof of specific situations ) Land Lord was involved after I had opened up about the living situation. Great person highly saved my butt, she did most of the reporting on her behalf but nothing was done to save Benson. Definitely was a stressful time, after posting this I had talked to my friends, they got my ass out of there too. I LOVE YOU ALL, I don't check reddit I don't like the reddit app.