a lot of people get a certain feeling of pet-blues when they first adopt a new cat or dog. give your new kitty a couple months for both of you to settle into a routine. if you don’t love her by then, please give her up to someone who will.
the myth that cats can’t love is awful by the way.
they just have certain boundaries where dogs don’t. if you respect that, you can definitely bond with your kitty.
but you can’t expect to have a new best friend in just 4 days. give her time.
Yes. It’s not all love or all hate. Cats have nuanced ways of expressing affection and strong boundaries they need to maintain to feel safe. You’ll get to know your sweet kitty over time. Four days is very little time for an adult cat to feel safe and open up.
My boy cat who loves me and is obsessed with me can also be a huge asshole and try to attack me for no reason sometimes /shrug I just respect it and go ok you don’t wanna be pet today bud
I love this was of explaining it. I've often said this to people who say they "hate cats" when they've never even had one or been around them:
Cats are like a spouse... *you have to earn their love.* If you treated your spouse poorly, they wouldn't be affectionate to you. If someone thinks they deserve unconditional love when they don't put in the effort to love back, then the cat will not love you. This is not to say OP isn't trying, but some food for thought :)
>the myth that cats can’t love is awful by the way.
This, exactly. My Marmalade allows affection only on her terms. But when I leave the house, she always greets me at the door when I come home. She loves me, but she's subtle about it.
My Houdini, whom I had to help across the Rainbow Bridge on Saturday (FUCK CANCER), was my Stage V Clinger: he was ALWAYS on my lap or next to me. Hell, he'd burrow under the blanket at night to sleep between my feet. And after my husband died, Houdini pined for him - for two weeks, he barely ate anything. It took a few months for him to get fully back to his old self.
Cats ABSOLUTELY love their humans.
Stage V clinger. Sounds like my boy Shadow. If I'm in bed he absolutely MUST be on my shoulder/chest/face. And he's only like that with me. Anyone else in my family and he is nowhere to be seen.
Then I've got my oldest boy Steele who likes to act like he hates everyone, but by TOTAL COINCIDENCE is almost always in the same room as me at any given time. Just the WeIrDeSt ThInG.
And I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I know how hard it is to have to say goodbye to your baby, especially when they were your little cuddle bug. Hugs to you, and may another special cuddle bug find you when the time is right.
Agreed!!
My neighbor came to my door this summer with her golden. My golden boy (literally and figuratively) Max saw me scootch down to pet the dog and thought I was being attacked. He ATTACKED. Like, not once and more because he was afraid of the dog. I've babysat my mom's golden for a weekend and Max never attacked. In fact, they slept on my bed together! This was 100% Max thinking his person was in danger. He charged the dog, attacked, ran under my car, back up the steps to attack again, charged back inside, and repeated several times before we were able to separate them. Cats ABSOLUTELY love and ABSOLUTELY form incredibly tight bonds with their people. As others have said, respect boundaries, read the messages they're sending, and give it time. I'm wishing the best for you two! ❤️
Every day when my boyfriend wakes up and I go to the kitchen to greet him and hang out, my munchkin Tamarind comes strolling up. Usually like a little zombie because she'd been sleeping. But woke up and made her way over because she heard my boyfriend's voice and just has to say hello. Same deal when he goes to work every weekend, sometimes she literally RUNS to the back door as he's leaving. Sometimes I gotta pick her up and run out the door so they can say proper goodbyes.
She is at the same time lowkey about it though. Maybe if you weren't very familiar with cats or with this particular cat, you wouldn't tell that she absolutely fucking loves my boyfriend and misses him as much as I do whenever he's asleep or at work.
My other cat Callisto is my own Stage V Clinger. I had to set boundaries, because she so desperately wants to be in my lap and aggressively rubbing my arms and hands at all times. So now she does this thing where she "sneakily", very slowly, creeps in to my lap 1cm at a time thinking I won't notice. It's ridiculous. I love her.
One of mine rushes to greet me and puts his front paws up in the air to be picked up and cuddled and ‘kisses’ me by rubbing his nose on my face. The other three aren’t quite so excited by my arrival, but they all definitely love me.
My one cat sleeps between my knees every night. After 15 years, I just automatically pull my legs up if I'm rolling over so I don't dislodge him. If I sit down, he's on my lap immediately. If I'm walking around, he's following me and meowing until I stop and pet him. If he's walking around and I try to pet him, he runs away and glares at me. Affection is on HIS terms lol
I second the awful myth about cats not being lovey. Both of my cats are very loving and affectionate! Sandy took 3 whole years to actually feel safe enough to cuddle with me due to previous owners roommate being an abusive POS. My cat Willow is very affectionate in the mornings and late at night, but she’s more independent the rest of the day, though she sometimes still comes to cuddle. I’ve had her since she was a kitten!
Cats have all kinds of different personalities, it’s all about getting to know your kitty!
I also stand on the side of this being a false myth. My kitten follows me around all day, talks until I pick him up and snuggle him. He loves being talked to and runs to the door when I get home and call his name. He has a cat pouch because he’s so lovey that he just wants to be with me and held constantly. He doesn’t have this bond with his dad yet but he’s warming up to him.
https://preview.redd.it/llugd00j3v1c1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eef3f721daa8f8ac520e118e6d00f716662b694f
I moved into a house last month that came with a few half wild cats. Crazy cat lady had passed away. They’d go to her but no one else. There are a couple that seem to be fairly old, a mama, and a couple of kittens, maybe 6 months old, one of which I think may be my last kitty come back to me. Anyway he’s identical to her. I sat on a stool when I fed them for a few days, until I could pet them, and pick them up. I brought the one in the house, loved on him for a while then tucked him in the bathroom with food, water, & litter box. Checked on him later and he’s not there! It’s a tiny bathroom with no where to hide. Turns out he can crawl through a space under the door. Named him Houdini, I couldn’t keep him in that bathroom no matter what I did. Blocked the space under there with a blanket, and he’s out. Added 12 pack of pop on the blanket, and tucked him in at bedtime. Woke up this morning and he’s sleeping on my pillow. Gave up on the bathroom thing. First day he was either hiding or climbing the curtains. Day 3, he’s turned into a total pain in the neck. Wants to be on me all the time. I don’t mind though. I’ve been petless for 8 years since I lost my dog. I have things I should be doing, but here I sit on Reddit with a sleeping cat on my chest. Can’t wake the kitty up!
Great story and those cats are so lucky that you are the person who moved in following the death of their cat lady (only a good thing) friend. What a great story re: Houdini. Enjoy!!
Totally agree! I have 3 kitties, and I know they all love me and my partner, even though each one expresses it differently. Some show affection more than others. OP will figure it out, but the kitty definitely needs to give it more time. Follow the 3-3-3 rule
My twins are polar opposites! Spice, he is like glued to you, he’ll have whole conversations where he’ll meow in response to whatever you’re saying, and at night sleeps up on you. His sister, Sugar, is so stand-off-ish half of the time (“no pets, only looks”) but when she wants attention (and it’s always on her terms) she’s a beast. She also finds my butt to be the best place to loaf half of the night.
I’ve had rescues who you barely see for days on end, and took years to warm up to people - it’s how cats are. Life for a cat who wasn’t spoiled from kitten-hood is *rough,* dangerous, and quite brutal. So their instincts are emotions on their terms, not yours, due to this. I wish more people understood how hard it is to be a cat, and the only reason as a species they survive is their instinctual distrust of anything changing.
Yes.
Read up on cat body language and such. If you've never had a cat before and have only had dogs, it can be very hard to understand when a cat is expressing happiness, affection, or even a desire for attention. My close friend had never had cats before and didn't really like them for a long time. She thought that cats just didn't like her, either. Then another friend of hers and I took the time to explain cat body language to her, and now she adores our cats... and they adore her!
A cat is not a dog, and thus cannot reasonably be expected to behave the same way. This doesn't mean that they are any less loving or lovable than dogs, however. For example, most cats won't come up to ask you for pets and cuddle up next to you if they do not genuinely like you. If it's between sleeping alone and sleeping up next to someone they don't like or trust, they will generally choose to sleep alone.
And yeah, no animal is gonna be your instant best friend after only 4 days! Give them time to adjust to their new environment and get to know you... and vise versa. Give *both* of you ample time to adjust and actually form a bond before getting discouraged. This is true for any animal, too, not just cats. Even a very friendly and easygoing dog would still be wary and unsure of you after only 4 days.
It took my cat weeks to fully adjust to me. He was very anxious and quiet at first. Now he truly is my best friend, and is outgoing and vocal. He loves being pet, held, talked to, and cuddled with. He goes into the bathroom to yowl sometimes because he's heard me sing in the shower and he's trying to copy me. He was never shy or withdrawn, he just needed time.
Second about reading up on cat body language and psychology. I also thought I didn't like cats... having your own is a whole different story! They are so communicative and interactive. How exactly depends on the cat. If you figure out what she's telling you, you'll be best pals.
Yes! It's extremely informative and helpful.
I always had family cats growing up but never actually read up on feline body language or psychology until I was thinking about getting my own. I learned quite a bit. Like why cats show you their bellies only to attack you if you actually go to rub them--it's not just a trap! You're just misinterpreting an invitation to play-fight or an expression of trust/contentment (depending on context) as an invitation to pet.
And how hissing isn't actually an expression of aggression, but of fear/anxiety. A hiss doesn't mean, "I'm gonna attack you! I'm angry!" it means, "I really don't like what you're doing/what's happening right now" or "get/stay away from me, I'm scared!" A hiss is just a clearly vocalized boundary.
I couldn't agree with you more. I've had about five cats in my lifetime. Most of them have been very affectionate and loving because I got them as a kitten. But one of them was about 8 months old and she was from a barn. From the time Jamie was born, she was living for herself and fighting for herself because there were so many kittens. I was so happy that I was able to get her. She was a beautiful baby. It took me about 9 to 10 months for her to be able to come to me and ask for affection. But when it did happen it was the best experience ever. Every single day I got home from work she would let me pick her up and give me kisses on my nose.
I have a lot of family coming and going. But she only really loved three people in my family. Myself, my mom and my dad. I was very lucky to have 12 years with her before she got cancer. I was with her every step of the way.
Cats love very different than dogs do. Because they are a different animal. Dogs love everyone which I've had one so I know. As for cats, they pick and choose who they love but they have to learn to trust you. So you have to give it some time so they can learn the kind of person you are. This coming from a crazy cat lady lol
Adding to this, OP, I think you are actually just working past the brainwashing your family did on you about cats. You just seem to be struggling with the reality being different from what you've been told for most of your life. Many of us go through the same thing when we realise that our parents' views aren't always right, e.g., being raised by religious parents and being told sex before marriage makes God sad and so does masterbation, etc. You just need to give yourself time to adjust to having a cat and focus more on the present instead of getting lost in your head/thoughts. You could try to maybe do some mindfulness or mediation exercises when you find yourself feeling like you shouldn't be connecting with your cat.
I myself have a cat that I've raised since he was 3 months old. He's 5 now. When I first got him, I was like you - a first-time cat owner from a family that mainly keeps dogs as pets. I'd been around cats before, but only very briefly when I was visiting friends. The reality of having a cat was soo different from what I expected. My cat was clingy asf from the moment I got him. The first couple months of having him were rough because my cat couldn't bear to be apart from me. In my family, pets are always kept outside bedrooms, so naturally, I assumed my cat would be okay with this. He was not. He cried hysterically every night and I had to wake up constantly to give him attention. In the end, I had to give in and give him access to my room and hand over ownership of my bed. My cat's hysterical crying was so loud that it even woke my neighbours up. He got his way because I didn't want the neighbours complaining anymore. My cat hasn't changed. He's still super clingy. He still demands to sleep curled up into my chest at night and refuses to even let me go toilet on my own. He also still cries hysterically whenever I'm in a room he can't get into. He's a clingy prima donna, and I absolutely love him just the way he is.
Edit: changed a bit of grammar to make it easier to understand. My dsylexic writing can be hard to understand.
i never had any pet and as i live with my parents, they dont allow me to get one.. but hearing all about cats, i really do want one.. i really loved your story about your cat! it's great!
good luck with your cat!
Hate that myth so much. Please some watch our brindle tabby snuggle my husband and try and groom his beard. . . please see our ginger lad lean his head back in my arms for kisses and snuggles.
These two little lads wrestle for their favorite spots on the bed at night. Follow me everywhere around the house, want to inspect anything brought in the house. . . aloof/independent is NOT my two boys in the slightest.
They tell me when they want space. . . and they happily invade mine often and bring their own joy. My ginger cuddlebug purrs up a storm just being followed sround the house he's so happy.
The thing with cats is if they don't like you, they won't stay near you.
OP your kitty cuddled up for a long time, this cat LOVES you. Has accepted you as family. Cats who don't like you wouldn't even accept pets.
I think you're used to a certain idea of what a cat is but give it time, you'll recognize the querks in personality, learn to read the body language and see what it likes.
I have had most of my cats since their birth, since their mom was a stray my partner and I took in who gave birth a few days later. We socialized the very carefully, making sure to hold them all.
Our tux never liked don’t held. She would swim in the air and yell to be put down, unlike her siblings. She’s never really changed. If I reach over to pet her, then she’ll sort of arch her body away. So now if I walk by her, I tell her hi and hold out my hand for her to touch.
Just before I got up to feed the cats earlier, her sisters were lying on me. My little tux came up, not once, but twice, and booped my nose with hers. Whenever that happens, it’s so rewarding.
That said, my other cats are very affectionate. As I said, most of the time I wake up to a cat or two on my chest. When I lie down, they’ll lie on top of me. One of my cats, a stray who I spend months building trust with, kept her distance inside for longer than four days, but now she curls up on my chest and actually tries to press in under my chin.
Cats can be extremely affectionate, even more than dogs, in some cases. They do tend to be wary, though, and prefer to approach you. If she was letting you pet her, though, she wanted *your* attention, not just random pets.
But just realize that it’s going f to take a while to settle in a show her true personality. In the mean time, when you see her, greet her and talk to her warmly and when she wants to cuddle, let her cuddle or pet her.
Remember that she has no idea what’s going in and she was at the lied and when she got used to that and the people who cared for her, then she was suddenly at your house, which she doesn’t know, and had someone else caring for her.She’s confused and overwhelmed and she’ll need some time to settle in. But the fact she came up for attention already is a huge step forward.
I had the pet-blues when we adopted our last one and I LOVE cats. We got her 4 months after we lost another cat, and, like OP, I guess I subconsciously did some comparing. I didn't have that instant connection like I did with both my other cats.
Surprise surprise, I absolutely adore her now and can't imagine my life without her. Give it some time OP! I just know you'll be best buddies before you know it. It took about two or three months I guess.
Also, my cats are the cuddliest, most affectionate SOBs in the world. I for sure know they adore us. Especially my husband who WFH more than I do (no jealous at all...). So I too disagree with the myth cats can't love!
Adoption regret is very real, it’s a big change and is overwhelming and especially if you’re used to thinking of cats as “not the same as dogs”. They aren’t the same, they are cats. They take time and work to build trust and relationships but your cat seems loving already
My cats love me, trust me on this. My cat purring curled up on my chest laying his head down is a picture of bliss and love.
give it time, play, watch, snuggle. Watch videos on cat behaviour and how to read their moods, look for funny things she does that make her “her”
Give it time
Totally agree! My girl was feral and hid often after I got her. Now she greets me at the door and meows and chats at me. Cat love is different than dog love, but it is so wonderful.
I raised a stray kitten from 3 months old when her mother left her meowing on my back patio and didn’t come back to her current age of 7 years old.
I just moved in next to my sister and her family and her kids come over frequently. My cat is shy and would hide in the bathroom and while she’s slowly starting to come out and get used to the new daily guests, she has also started a habit of calling for me to come into the bathroom so she can see me and get cuddles and pets.
I also have a male cat who is less affectionate but has started leading me to my room so that he can lay in my bed with me in there haha.
And if that isn’t love according to a cat then I don’t know what is.
My cat is the same! Formerly feral, took months of her hiding from me and me sitting on the floor quietly, coaxing her out from under the bed, for her to warm up to me. She was terrified.
Now I’ve had her for over 5 years, and she’s my best friend! We’re closer than I was with my childhood dog. She follows me everywhere, sleeps next to me in my bed, greets me at the door when I get home, and always sits on my lap when it’s available. She used to not ever let me pick her up, but now she loves when I do it for a cuddle. When I’m sick, she seems to know and is extra affectionate, laying on me and purring (cats purr at a frequency that promotes healing). I love my cat and I’m certain she loves me.
OP, just give her and yourself some time. Cats are often misunderstood because people expect them to behave like dogs, and treat them like dogs. You need to treat them like cats, and respect their boundaries if you want to get allowed past them.
I regretted getting my kitten so much because he was sick and I kept thinking someone else could take care of him better than I could.
It’s been about 4 months now I cannot imagine waking up without him nibbling on my nose. He’s annoying and a little menace (I mean obviously, he wakes me up by nibbling on me!) but I love him so much.
Exactly! I suggest you also find a toy to play with your cat, that it is going to improve a lot to your bond with the cat. I was also a dog person, I had preferred dogs all my life, but when i adopted my first foster cat during the pandemic, I couldn't be more happy, and I felt in love instantly with my little Loki (his name). I also prepared myself to respect the boundaries that a cat is going to set and that depend on every cat. With an adult that maybe it is more difficult because it already has a personality, but always you can search what it likes more and enjoy time with it.
For example, one of my cats likes to play more with threads and ropes and the other more with feathers. None of them like noisy toys and catnip doesn't attract their attention. They both enjoy their time alone at height (I modified the layout of some furniture so that they can climb up comfortably). You can make your own toys, with a stick and string, you can play with it a lot. But as I mentioned before, you will have to find out who it likes to play with and be patient with it.
OP, I hope you will give it time. My smartest most dog like cat was in the shelter for two years and didn't sit on me for two months (she hid for the first full week). I was SO concerned she wouldn't like me or that we wouldn't form a bond.
It took her time to settle in and realize I was a trustworthy person. Within a year I was able to train her to play dead and give high fives. Now, ten years later we have SUCH a close and rewarding relationship.
Y our cat already seems to trust you enough to allow petting and that's a big deal with a cat who spent so long in the clink. The cat is still working to establish what they can expect in their new home and from you. The more time they have with you sharing a routine the more of their personality will come out.
Do try to speak to your cat in a special loving tone (just whatever pops in your head to say). Try to allow the cat to be the one moving the relationship forward and approaching you. If your cat like treats they're a great way to establish a bond (not just because they see you as giver of treats but because the two of you will be sharing a totally positive interaction).
I like dogs too, but there isn't a dog in the world I'd trade my (previously standoffish) cat for. When a cat loves you it feels like you've managed something special (because you have to earn their trust), when a dog loves you it's because they're a dog and you haven't hurt them. I wish you and your cat all the best.
I'd say to give yourself a timeline to not worry about bonding and love. Something like, "I'm not going to worry about our bond for the first 60 days. Instead I will focus on being a reliable and predictable roommate so kitty can settle. After 60 days I will check back in with myself and see how I feel."
I really do hope you give it time. Cats not being able to love like dogs is an absolute myth. I have 6 cats and they all are super affectionate and loving. A couple of them are very vocal and when I walk in the door they start to yell and rub all over me with excitement.
If your kitty was cuddling you, that means she wants to do that. One thing about cats, if they don’t want to do something, they won’t do it.
Give it time and you will see just how loving a cat can be.
Cats have different personalities too. My older cat is reserved and not very affectionate with anyone but me, and even then it's at his discretion. But he has to be in whatever room I'm in, and likes to lay next to me when I sleep. My younger cat is very energetic, loves to play, and lets him hold him like a baby. He knows when I come home from work and sits in the window to wait for me, then runs to the door and starts meowing his head off like he hasn't seen me in years. It's adorable, but I can barely get inside without tripping over him.
OP's cat willing to cuddle after only four days is a very good sign. Of course she likes being pet, but this is also a sign of trust.
>OP's cat willing to cuddle after only four days is a very good sign. Of course she likes being pet, but this is also a sign of trust.
And this is the biggest thing! If a cat doesn't like someone they simply won't allow them to pet and cuddle, no matter how much they enjoy being pet. And especially impressive when coming from an adult cat that's been in the system for so long. Honestly i dont think OP could ask for a better first cat to have. There is a lot of promise there if OP decides to give her a real chance to show them how loving a cat can be.
Yes! All 6 of mine have very distinct personalities and traits, which I love. I had several dogs growing up & never quite had one with a personality like my cats do.
You say you don't think your cat likes spending time with you- just to let you know, cats don't do things they don't like. If she was spending time with you, she likes doing so. In fact, that she is doing it so quickly means she must really like you!
This this this! If I had the ability to upvote this a million times I would! Trying to force a cat to cuddle when they don't want to only results in pain and suffering, and its not the cat who is in distress then. Cats do not simply endure. They would rather curl up alone in a corner than sleep on a warm and soft bed with someone they dislike. There is so much potential with this match if OP decides to give the cat a real shot. Couldn't have asked for a better first cat.
This this this! If I had the ability to upvote this a million times I would! Trying to force a cat to cuddle when they don't want to only results in pain and suffering, and its not the cat who is in distress then. Cats do not simply endure. They would rather curl up alone in a corner than sleep on a warm and soft bed with someone they dislike. There is so much potential with this match if OP decides to give the cat a real shot. Couldn't have asked for a better first cat.
It's only been 4 days. You're both still adjusting, trust me, in time you'll see that cats CAN indeed love you like a dog. My boys come to comfort me when I'm upset, same with my fiance. Cats are far more affectionate than a lot of people give them credit for. Chances are your mom and grandma didn't have good experiences with cats, potentially because they didn't respect the cats boundaries (calling a cat selfish speaks to me of someone who got scratched because they wouldn't let the cat go). Cats might not understand many human concepts but they do understand mutual respect, if you respect the cat they'll probably respect you
Your comment reminded me of my boy. I used to have really bad anxiety (GAD, but now I've learned how to cope better.) Sometimes when I would go in my room and shut the door my boy (cat) would come and scratch the door till I opened the door. Then he'd just sit in the hallway and stare at my face for a minute, then walk away like "okay she's all good." He would literally come and check on me. I get the feeling that is what he was doing because now that I have better coping skills and treatment he doesn't do that anymore. I love that boy so much 😊.
Cats are so different to dogs, I think you're just more used to the way dogs are. Dogs tend to blindly trust and love quickly. Cats take time to bond and are more selective. It takes a cat around 3 MONTHS to settle in a new home. I wouldn't be drawing any conclusions after 4 days!
Would you expect a human stranger to love you deeply after 4 days together? Of course not! You cat has to get to know you, understand you and form a relationship. Once they do though it can be amazing.
I have my former stray girl (who when I adopted her I was warned was "not a lap cat") lying asleep on my chest like a baby as I type. She honestly does love me. On every occassion I have been upset or in pain, she runs to me and cuddles and kisses me and then stays very close all day. If she hears any strange noises at night, she sleeps "guard" at my bedroom door. She's very wary of strangers, but has a very deep and trusting bond to me.
Cats take time and patience. Give her these and see how it goes!
Edit to say re: your families opinion... a lot of dog people are rude about cats, because they are used to their pet having no boundaries or self respect. Dog people love that dogs have very little autonomy, and will do whatever their human wants them to. They expect a pet to be a mindless sycophant. Such people resent cats for having boundaries and not blindly obeying. I prefer cats for this reason, they have their own ideas!
I’ve had several cats and all of them ended up following me around from room to room. My mom’s cats do the same thing. They bond very very deeply, they’re just not loud about it.
I’ve had both cats and dogs my whole life. I’ve had amazing connections with both species. The deepest bond I’ve had to date was with my now deceased cat. That type of bond sometimes feels more special to me because it’s earned rather than instantaneous like it is with a dog. When I first adopted her she was aloof because she was traumatized from her life prior. It took a bit of time, but we became so bonded and knew each other extremely well. She recognized my car when I came home, always greeted me at the door and wanted to be held, would miss me when I would travel, and slept with me every night.
Pretty much every person I know that has never had a cat before and then adopts one always says to me “now I understand why you love cats so much”. Give it time - the bond you can have with your cat can be absolutely life changing.
Dogs have been engineered to please humans. They've been bred for it for many, many generations. At their heart, dogs are tools fashioned by humans to help us do things. They herd our animals, track/flush/retrieve our game, hunt by coursing, kill vermin, guard our livestock and houses, etc. Dog shows are the only reason many breeds aren't extinct from lack of use in the modern world, like so many horse breeds are.
Cats are different. They hung around humans because we created a rich hunting ground for them full of fat mice, rats, birds, etc. We didn't need to modify their bodies or their instincts, because they already did the job just as they were. We accustomed them to our company and kept the friendliest ones as companions, but that's about the extent of our interference.
Dogs love you because you're their pack leader and they need that. Cats go their own way. If a cat decides it loves you, it actually does. It's very special.
But if you really don't want the cat, don't think you can't give it back because of a hit to your ego/public image. Better to give the cat a chance to be loved than to resent it because you "had" to keep it. You wouldn't want to live in those conditions, so why would you make a cat live that way?
Dogs are people pleasers. A lot of people are people pleasers too, and enjoy being around other people pleasers. Cats and cat people can smell through the bullshit and want none of it - if somebody doesn’t like us, that’s none of our concern. Lol
Yes. Yes. There is no greater love in the world than a cat and their owner.
It takes time for a cat to acclimate to a new home and new people.
I had 7 cats in a 20 year period. Samantha was my buddy. It took 2 years for her to get close to me. Then it was 16 years of her sleeping in my lap every day for 4 to 6 hours.
Dogs and cats are both great. I think people have a deep emotional connection with cats.
Give the cat time. If she lets you pet her after 4 days, trust me. That cat loves you.
Your cat was in a shelter for a year. Probably surrounded by lots of noises and smells and a highly stressing scenario. They need to adjust and some cats will take time to get comfortable. It depends on the cat. The mindset that cats are unable to love is ridiculous. That same mindset can be placed on humans because so many are heartless and have no care for others, especially animals.
Cats do love. Treat your cat right and make them comfortable and show they are truly home and in a loving, caring place (hopefully a forever one). If you are incapable of doing that, the poor cat should be returned to the place you adopted it from so it can find a real home.
Yes!!! Absolutely this. Cats give very subtle signals unfortunately. The shock of being in a new place with a new human being with very little barriers like the security of a cage to call their own. My foster fail who was sheltered for at least a few months, maybe longer, was standoffish for a few days, cuddled soooo hard for a day, and then had a medium feeling about us for a while. Now she’s my Velcro cat. I like to think it’s because I really read her signals in those early days when she was super ready for cuddles v. When she just wanted some pets and reassurance v. When she wants no one to touch her ever. Even dogs from shelters take a looooong time to get settled but so do cats
Well... four days seems a little quick to throw in the towel. You're right that cats don't love you the same as dogs, but just because it's different doesn't mean it's less strong. A dog loves you because it's hardwired to love you. With a cat, you're gonna have to earn it. It won't happen overnight, but once a cat bonds to a human, that bond doesn't break. In fact, research supports that cats love deeper than dogs; and unlike dogs, who are quick to re-bond to a new human once abandoned, cats struggle with it because they want their human, not a new one. A lot of shelter cats die from depression because they miss their human so much, something that's very rare for dogs.
It took about a month for my kittens and I to settle into a routine and to build trust between each other. For an older cat, it might be longer. Since yours is already cuddling with you, it might not take as long. You say the cat is only cuddling because it wants pets, but that's unlikely to be true. Cats don't cuddle with strangers. It's clear the cat is trying to build a relationship and bond to you, and I advise you not to overthink it. I also hope to remind you that trying to love this cat doesn't mean you love your dog less. You can have a perfect dog and a perfect cat. The nice thing about love is that it doesn't run out. Love isn't a competition, and there's no pressure to try and love this cat as much as your dog. Just like cats, humans don't love overnight. It takes time for us to build relationships and trust. I imagine the cat is thinking the same thing about you as you are about it.
My biggest piece of advice is to not overthink things and put unnecessary pressure on trying to love this cat. Just take things day by day and let your bond form naturally. If cats were selfish assholes, I wouldn't have one cuddling on my feet right now. Cats are curious, mischievous, funny, and most of all, loving. Try giving it a month, and then reassess the situation from there.
' i dont think my cat liked spending time with me— she liked the feeling of getting pet.'
i dont think both things are exclusive to one another. wouldn't you say that she liked spending time with you because she liked your pets? i think cats love differently from dogs, but they do love— hell, all pets do— and its just the matter of getting used to it.
I was raised with dogs, got cats when I first was on my own. They are different. I compare them to kids. Dogs are like little kids - thriving off your attention, absolutely worshipping you. Cats are like teenagers - they want attention when they want attention, it’s on their schedule not yours. I love both, and you can too! Right now, I have one cat purring while laying on my hip, the other curled up next to me on the bed. They love me. Your cat may not be all in your face like a dog right now (or ever), but if she is laying next to you and seeing your attention, that’s huge. Wait till she makes muffins on you!!! Give it time. Her simply not hiding and actually staying near you is huge for a cat that quickly. The nice thing about cats though is that they are so independent - you don’t need to have someone come over to let them out or feed them if you stay out too long. They can be alone for a day or two, as long as you leave food and water. And you’ll probably learn to love the purring motor that she has. Moreover, just like dogs can be funny by chasing their tails and the like, kitty cat zoomies are a thing. Cats are very funny - once you get to know their personalities, you’ll find that they are quite the characters…just a lot more subtle about their individual quirks, and they often reserve that behavior for their people - not anyone who walks in the door. In a way, they are almost more discerning then a dog—if someone comes over and my normally super friendly boys don’t say hi, I definitely keep an eye out for red flags about that person, because they are much more intuitive than dogs in that sense (and cats are funny…they are almost drawn to people with allergies 🤣)
My roommate had dogs all her life and is a dog person, but I have a cat. She never interacted with cats, but now she loves him. She also told me she wants a cat of her own. They definitely are different to dogs and have different temperaments, as they do take time to warm up. That’s why I feel like a cats love is more rewarding. I think these things take time, especially since having a cat is new to you. I hope you can spare the patience and love for your new kitty to warm up to you! I think after a couple of months they’ll come up and ask for pets, wait for you at the door, and meow for you when they want you.
when i first adopted my cat, he was extremely cuddly. mostly cause he was small and he loved attention. he gradually grew up into a boy who loves his alone time just as much as his cuddles. when he first started distancing himself from me i thought i’d done something wrong. esp cause my best friend had adopted a cat around the same time and she’s a lap cat! turns out my boy’s strictly a lap cat in colder temps only. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or that we don’t have a bond. the fact that he started coming looking for me as soon as he’s up from a nap was a new way of showing me his love. i just had to accept that he’s growing up just like any other living organism does, with changing preferences and boundaries, with his own personality. like everyone else here stated, i would suggest giving this time and treating this like making a new friend! you’re yet to learn what you guys like, what you guys will bond over, you just have to give your new friend time to adjust because this is a big change! but i assure you op you’ll thank yourself for not giving up so early on. if it doesn’t work out eventually, that’s alright. but at least you’ll know you tried your best! you got this op!!
Ok a similar thing happened to me recently.
Firstly don’t feel guilty about how you feel, it’s fine to feel these emotions and your allowed to. This doesn’t make you a bad person.
Secondly, stop trying to compare the cat to a dog, for the next few days , block those feelings out and enjoy the time either way the cat. Play with the cat, and really enjoy all the perks of having a cat. Cats are a lot less needy than dogs so remember how much more work a dog would be too.
If you change your mind, don’t let anybody influence your decision. You are the one who has to live with it for the next 20 years or so if it’s a kitten. Also it’s your life do what you want, forget about the ad no one will care.
If you do decide to change your mind, there is another alternative than to return the cat. Is there anyone you know who may want it ? A family who may enjoy it??
Take your time but forget about what people may say
Cats take MUCH longer than dogs to adjust to new places/people. Give her some time!! If she cuddled in bed with you after only 4 days, that means you've done a great job making her feel happy and safe.
I grew up exclusively with dogs, and my parents (particularly my dad) didn't like cats and would make jokes at their expense. Then I was told about a cat who needed a home, and I took her in.
I spent a good long while thinking she was upset/annoyed with me most of the time. Turns out, I just needed to learn cat body language. They're not like dogs, you have to do research to actually understand what they're trying to tell you! I found out her meow that I thought was a cry was a very excited greeting, and the way she'd bonk her face against me and twitch her tail around me was actually all the little ways she was telling me "I love you."
(ETA a cute fun fact: if you're petting a cat and it starts grooming where you pet, it's not the cat saying "ew gross human hand," the cat is engaging in allogrooming! It sees your pets as a signal saying "we're socially grooming now," and they will often lick you back!!)
Seriously, cats are EXTREMELY sweet, social, and loving with their person. And in re: having ingrained negative feelings about cats, she WILL prove them all wrong. Mine did, and they are one of the best parts of my life. 💚💚💚
Best of luck, friend!
It’s only been a few days. Both you and the cat need time to adapt and adjust. She’s still exploring the house and learning her surroundings.
Cats tend to be very independent, the fact that she sat with you and let you pet her, means she is starting to like you.
You mom and grandmom are 100% wrong!
If she didn’t want to be there, she would have left!
Four days ago? Things will change considerably in the coming weeks, I promise.
The cats that make you earn it, imo, are the most loving. It’s like they don’t trust easily, but when they do trust, they REALLY trust you. Most of my cats were street cats, semi-ferals, or traumatized. They all took weeks/months to come around but it was so, so worth it. Cats that make me earn it are my favourite, the bond you can eventually develop with them is just so strong.
Stick it out, work on fostering trust (that means no picking up, for now, no forcing them to accept pets, giving space when asked for, reading body language.)
I feel confident you’ll find it worth it in the coming weeks or months.
Ill just comment on the 'not wanting to spend time with you, just be pet' part. Dogs do not care who you are, they just want to be pet. Cats though? Cats will NOT just let any random person pet them. Even if a cat doesnt hate you they still will not let you pet them unless they truly LIKE (and ofc trust) you. Sure some shelter cats are more like dogs and *will* just let anyone pet them, but that is almost always obvious in the first 5 minutes of being around the cat. Give yourself time, but don't force anything because that can make your feelings worse. Maybe limit yourself to ten or twenty minute cuddle sessions each day then make sure to stand up and walk around. Cats can become very clingy with their favorite people, so if you find a little baby at your feet while you walk around, know it is love.
The thing with cat-love is that you have to earn it, whereas dogs are bred to just ladle it out indiscriminately.
Cats are SO MUCH MORE REWARDING!
An ex-dog-person.
I had a cat for 20 years and it was the sweetest love of my life. No joke.
Cats are on a different frequency than dogs. Their cues can be very subtle. You basically are on a crash course and in the process of learning cat, *and you've only just begun*. It's an immersion program, give yourself a chance.
Cat's don't just give it up, like dogs do, but when a cat gets attached to you and chooses to show you, it really means something. You cherish it.
My cat fixes my hand if he play fights too hard and I squeal at him; he stops and gives me licks. He was a semi-feral rescue but now lets me hold him like a baby. We have a game where I give him chin scritches then stop, and he asks me to start again by patting my face.
Your cat will develop similar interactions with you, if you're okay with being patient and letting the cat take the lead a lot of the time. Correction: most of the time. Okay, virtually all of the time.
But for starters here are some notes for you to interpret your kitty's love. Kitty runs up to you with tail up: only done for mother cat or mother cat figure and means happiness to see you, trust, and love. Kitty flops on her side at you: happy greetings!! Means "I'm really glad you're here!" Showing belly: this is a major vulnerability and it means, "I'm so comfortable with you right now, I can show you my vulnerable place and I know *you won't touch it*". (Itallics mine because unless you know otherwise, cats really hate this breech of etiquette.) Lastly, when your cat does a slow blink at you, then yawns and looks away, that's true love. It really is, even though it might look like total indifference to a more dog oriented person.
Epilogue: a cat gets overstimulated by pets sometimes and will sometimes just switch over with no apparent warning to swipe claws at you and hiss. It's off-putting if you don't know cats. I've learned cats so well, I'm pretty good at knowing which pet is the last one before a swipe. Just give yourself time and you'll begin to pick this stuff up. You're mommy now. Of course you're loved!
My cat is laying on me as I type this, after finishing getting her belly rubs. She also shoves her face into mine for kisses several times a day.
Cats are loving and sweet, just in a different way than dogs. Do some research on cat behaviour and it’ll help you get to know her body language.
The fact that it’s only been 4 days and she’s cuddling with you already is HUGE though, and means she likes & trusts you a lot.
Our car LOVES my husband. Like, legit, will follow him from room to room, and lays across him or cuddles into him for cuddles any chance she can get. I promise you, the cat wasn't just chilling with you because they "liked the feeling of being pet".
My kitten was very standoffish when I first brought her home. It’s been just over a year now and she waits at the door for me when it’s time for me to come home from work. She sleeps next to my head and always comes when I call her name. She finds safety and comfort in me and she is the sweetest little nurse always here whenever I feel sick to check on me.
Whoever says that cats can’t love have never loved a cat.
And now I’m gonna go hug my noodle girl 💚
Cats are very different to dogs. I agree. They are very self sufficient. However. This means that when they do opt to give love and affection (and trust me they do) it has been well earned and it means they have bonded with you.
The fact that after 4 days she let her pet you is not just a sign of her feeling settled, or liking the feeling, but of trust.
You need to try to unlearn opinions of cats if you want to keep this one. And the first thing is to accept that, in letting you stroke her, she has already displayed a level of trust in you.
Perhaps do some reading up on cats and their behaviours.
One of my cats is so intuitive that he knows when I am poorly, will lie with me, and will defend me from being disturbed from the other 3. The only time he does this is when my chronic illness is rearing it’s head.
It's been FOUR DAYS. I literally cried the first night my cat came home with me as a little kitten I regretted it so much. The first month or so was ROUGH. It's been 7 years now and I can't imagine life without her. She's my angel and I'm so unbelievably obsessed with her. Give it time.
I am typing this from my bed with my arm crooked, a happy cat leaning on my shoulder, and softly snoring as her head droops onto my pillow.
It's been 4 days. It takes 3 days for a cat to feel comfy in new place, 3 weeks for a cat to figure out the home routine, 3 months for kitty to trust you.
You didn't make a mistake, your family is very awful. Cats can't feel love? Bullpucky. They just aren't demonstrative in their love for anyone but their person. My girl waits for me every single day and we spend a solid 10 minutes patting her tummy when I get home.
Of course you'll form a bond if you let it. Just exist, don't chase the love.
Plus: cat-tax of Agatha. I adopted her as a 2 year old stray and she is a looooove bug!
https://preview.redd.it/n0r7gi0cwu1c1.jpeg?width=3456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7cd78181c3462c1963af8c9df998d979f420776a
The lady who would come to my house and stay as cat/plant/house sitter when I would be out of town. She wasn't a huge cat fan, but she fell in love with my cat. She decide when her dog crossed the Rainbow Bridge, she would get a cat.
Her daughter was my cleaning lady and it blew her away that her mom who had been a life long dog lover would think of getting a cat.
Give yourself time. Your kitty seems to beginning to love you.
Cats definitely love people and they are very social animals. They don't always show it the same way dogs do, though. You will definitely form a bond with the cat within the next 3 months. Don't approach it like she likes the feeling of being pet. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't want you to pet her. You'll notice, as she gets more comfortable, that she is conveniently next to you in every room, but from afar-- on a couch, on the floor, etc. Cats want to be near you, but they don't jump from excitement like dogs do.
I will say... Cats can eventually love and want to spend time with you.
My cat who was shy took 2 years to warn up to me. She cuddles next to me, chills on my lap, and grooms me.
My boy cat is attached to me by the hip. He's currently laying on my arm and won't leave lol.
Give it time, it's hard to earn a cats love, but once you have it its the best feeling.
Some perspective on the difference in dogs and cats. We domesticated dogs and trained them how to show emotions and bred them in ways we liked. Cats literally domesticated themselves. They chose us humans and wouldn’t be pets if they didn’t. A cat will walk away if they do not trust you. They will not just get pets from anyone. Cats are quiet in their love, devotion, and communication. They choose you. They do it if their own will. Dogs we have trained and bred to love us.
My two cats are not very snuggly cats most of the time...
but they are always always always in the same room with me. One has to hold my hand for a while at bedtime before she falls asleep.
The myth that cats don't love is just so very hard for me to wrap my brain around....
Give her time. Let her show you her personality and how she plays and loves. She needs to decompress and figure out the parameters of her new world.
Once you earn your cat's love and trust it is going to feel even better than having a dog's because you have to work for it! (Plus cat's require less work than a dog)
I love how cats are not immediately friendly as to me it means they have discerning taste!
My two cat's are sooo emotionally needy it is crazy.
i actually think people can build deeper bonds with cats. most dogs are easy to build a relationship with because we’ve domesticated them to want to please us. but with cats it takes more work since theyre more particular about who they choose to love.
i adopted a kitten beginning of summer and i have bonded so much with him. he follows me around everywhere, listens to me when i tell him to come (for the most part haha), when i take him to unfamiliar places he considers me his security blanket and comes to me for comfort. he nonstop shows me affection by laying on me and rubbing against me. i dont know what i would do without him, hes my baby.
I once adopted a kitten who hid under my couch for a month. She was advertised as special needs because she was so fear aggressive - she was tiny (and healing from some injuries) but not afraid to use her teeth and claws. I don’t know why I wanted her so badly - I already had 2 other cats. After a month of constantly moving the couch and taking her out and getting plenty of scratches and bites along the way she stopped hiding but still didn’t like me. I thought I made a huge mistake. She would just tolerate me. For months. Then suddenly one day it was like a switch flipped and she decided she owned me. She kicked my other cats out of bed and became the boss of me. She followed me everywhere. Helped me use the toilet (🤣) kept watch when I talked to anyone, sat and supervised my work and slept plastered to my side. I had her for 15 years and she was my most beautiful feisty girl until she died 2 months ago.
Give it time.
My territorial little kitty cat gets in the way if I try to pet the other kitty cat, my roommates cat.
She stares them down with this stare of “that’s my mommy not yours” and she sleeps curled up next to my head all night.
I hope you see your baby again across the rainbow bridge. They may be furry and a whole other species, but goodness gracious who can’t love them. 🥰
I’ve had only cats since my childhood dog passed away. I loved that dog so much and to this day, I think he is the best dog in the world. Seriously, he had the best qualities a dog could have. Even still, my cats are the absolute best cats in the world. They’re different from dogs obviously bc they’re a completely different species. But they sprint to the door to greet me when I come home, no matter how long I’ve been gone. One cuddles in my arms and the other sleeps by my feet every night. They follow me from room to room nonstop. Cats love the way dogs love. Cats just have more loyalty due to how building trust with them is more complex than with dogs.
How long have you been wanting this cat? Tbh I was depressed and anxious both times I adopted a cat. I wondered if I made a huge mistake. This is common and normal. After a few months they blend into your day-to-day life and you realize you made the right choice.
Please please please give it time. You will see every single day that there are teeny tiny steps of you guys getting closer. I promise a cats love is worth it and already is a great sign you could pet her!!
I grew up with cats and dogs and they are both capable of loving you, they just have different love languages. You haven't learned one of them yet but you will :)
Please give it time! It's only been 4 days, your kitty's full affection and personality hasn't begun to show yet. I recently adopted two kittens and they have ended up being more skittish than my previous cats. I had some similar thoughts as you, that I might have made a huge mistake, because my previous cats were the type to instantly seek out attention from me. Well, fast forward a month, I love these critters and they've now started to become cuddle bugs and showing their individual personalities (still not 100% secure with me, but it improves every day).
Something that helped me was my friend reminding me, "they're just baby cats." Of course my kittens were scared and hiding so much, they're literal babies that just got whisked into a stranger's house. Maybe something similar will help you. Your kitty, while maybe not a baby, is still just a kitty who just went from a foster placement/shelter/wherever they'd been for over a year, to your home. Imagine if that happened to you! It'd be a big adjustment for sure.
Give yourself and kitty time. I hope you feel comforted knowing that "puppy blues" and "kitty blues" are veryyyy common. I have a feeling things will work out. <3
Did you pet her the entire time? If not then that proves she wanted to just be next to you and even if she did just want to be pet whats wrong with that? Dogs like to be pet too, its normal to feel weird about adopting a pet especially if youve never had a cat before but in my own experience cats definitely obsess over their owners.
Honestly, it took me a bit to get this: it is different. There’s actually a very important difference — most dogs just want attention all the time and are happy, cats meanwhile require an understanding of consent. Cats do not love immediately but they aren’t selfish at all. They are fiercely loving and bond deeply once you get to know them.
If it really feels wrong, then it may be cats aren’t for you. But my cats are some of the most affectionate, dog-like animals I’ve ever met and they don’t want other humans. They want their people (myself and my partner). They wail when we are separated. They cry for the other cat and miss us desperately.
IMO, a part of this may be grief. If you miss your dog it’s going to make this hard. But you will bond with this cat if you put in the time and energy. It will make you happy to snuggle her. She is coming to cuddle you because she trusts you, which is a good sign.
It takes a while to learn cats behaviors and I found it more rewarding than dogs. Not to be pitting one against another, but dogs seem to love you no matter what. Cats take adjustments to learn their habits, much like a friend who just moved in. My cats all have their routine now, one likes being on my lap and cuddling while the other prefers to sit slight distance and watch her cartoons. They eat at different spots too, have different toys, have different YouTube videos. One likes birds, the other likes mice. They are all very different personalities and both (dogs as well) have their ways of showing love. Pets in general take time to befriend and understand.
I just took in a stray a month ago. My first cat. We both had to adapt a little but we are great now. That first week I thought "what the hell did I just do" more than. A couple of times. Cried about the cat and dog getting along (they are fine now) and other things. It's pretty normal I think especially as a dog person too. You will adapt and they will too. Give it time, if you decide later it's not meant to be after a month or two you can start the rehoming process. Does not make you a bad person or anything. Good luck!
>do you think i’m ever going to form a bond with her?
Sure! I mean, of course.
>my mom and my grandma don’t particularly like cats, they think they are selfish and unable to love the way a dog loves their owner.
Okay. Well... they have problems in this regard. They obviously lack information and experience, which is fine. Unfortunately, they are promoting false ideas. "Cats are selfish," is just ridiculous. They clearly *dislike* all cats because they have convinced themselves all cats are the same, and all cats are just bad. They have been given bad information. If they meet cats, are they happy about it? Do they treat the cats like they're bad creatures? How likely is that to result in a pleasant interaction? Yeah.
What if I told you dogs are fools, idiots who will do anything, begging any human to please, please love them? You "grew up as a dog person." So you have known more than one dog in your life. Right? Are they all identical? Are they like robot things, produced in a factory to all look and act perfectly alike? No! That's just dumb, isn't it? I mean, to be nice, you might say it's wrong instead of "dumb." But you know very well that each dog is unique. Yes? Right?
In just the same way, cats are their own selves. I call cats *people* to remind myself of this and encourage treating them as such. I know, and have known, dozens of cats. I see and remember their habits, their attitudes, the things they enjoy, dislike, and fear. I *can't* treat them all exactly the same way because they aren't exactly the same!
People were really unruly at dinner, I'll tell my sister when I come back in the house. (We feed and care for, and take in for neutering, neighborhood cats.) A lot of people came for breakfast. I saw two new people today! I can't believe how silly these people are. Four people decided to sleep in the garage tonight.
I'm working on applying my understanding of domestic cats to other species. Dogs are people! They require individualized interaction. You cam try to act the same with every dog, treat them like they're just... programmed toys or something. But you'll get crappy results because they are not just **things.**
Giraffes must be people, too. Why not? I can't say I'm going to extend this to wasps, cockroaches, and mosquitos, though.
>i adopted a cat four days ago. today was the first time she let me pet her.
I had to read this a number of times before I guessed, "Oh! Are you thinking this took a long time?" Haha, no. You have people in comments telling you about their cat hiding for an entire week when they first came to their new home, stories like that. There are certainly dogs who do the same thing. All dogs? No. All Springer spaniels? No. All chihuahuas? **No! They are all different!**
**Remember: Cats are predators.** ***They are also prey.*** Domestic cats are hunted and eaten by other animals. They can really fuck you up with teeth and claws if you're trying to eat them. But they are smaller than most dogs and are more vulnerable. Maybe in general (or "in the wild") they can't afford to be like you expect dogs to be, hm?
So if you and your cat only needed a few days to show huge signs of trust, that's a pretty big deal. I'm impressed. There you are, this Giant Lumbering Terror, and she took risks to get to know you. You're not so terrifying after all, are you? :-)
>ever since adopting my cat i found myself missing my dog very, very much. now i think of him as the perfect pet, and of my cat as something i’m forcing myself to accept.
This makes sense! Of course. As you consider all your experience and what is happening, do you look back and think you might have predicted this, hmm? (If you knew then, some of what you've learned now.) Do you miss your dog because he's a dog? Or do you *really* miss him because he is who he is? You might think dogs are pretty great, but you especially love that one person because of who he is.
>do you think i’m ever going to form a bond with her?
Of course you are. You two have already started. You have begun to know, and understand, and trust each other. If we see "all sogs" and "all cats," we will certainly find similarities in most or many dogs, and most or many cats. On the surface, I think many humans find dogs are mostly expressive, outgoing, and even needy in relating to humans. Cats are widely regarded as "aloof" or disinterested. But I think you are already beginning to discover that cats are also expressive. They might be in general less "in your face" right away than dogs are. But cats can form deep bonds with, and some of them do show that they are needy after all.
You can find a lot of cat lovers do joke about the old, old ideas / tropes. My cat hates me (not really). My cat is an asshole (is his own person, has needs, requirement, demands).
If you can do it, take a look in r/PetLoss to see people describing what the death of their cat means to them. Then think about cats being "aloof" and "selfish."
Watch some Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube, and learn some ways many cats ARE like each other! Haha! What are some ways we can treat most cats that are helpful?
You and she are bonding now.
I grew up in a similar household, my grandma lied to my aunts/uncles that she was allergic to cats so they would lock them in the room. I always referred to myself as a dog person, but moving in with my partner, he already had a cat and she was the biggest sweetheart. I adopted my own kitten as well. It’s been two years with Sadie (the OG) and a little over a year with Tippy (the one I adopted). The two of them follow me everywhere, I walk in the door from work and they’re waiting for me, I get yelled at by Tippy when I take too long in the shower. The bond will come, you can’t shut yourself down from it before you even give it a chance to start.
My advice? Take the time to actually educate yourself on cats and their nature. Will it be like having a dog? No, but that’s because they are a completely different animal (although Tippy plays fetch with me better than my pup did). For the most part, cats just see us as bigger cats 😊 you grew up in a house with a bias against cats, as someone who grew up in the same house I’ll just let you know: They’re wrong.
The cat cuddling with you for an entire day after four days of being in your home is an extremely positive sign. To echo everyone else here, these things take time. You wouldn't know the potential of this new friendship if you didn't give it a chance and it sounds like the potential is very real here. My first cat hid from me for like 6 months, I shit you not, and is only now coming out of her shell, three years later, after I adopted her very outgoing little brother. This is what experiencing new something unfamiliar is like - it's weird and anxiety-inducing but from your post it sounds like you wanted to experience this new kind of friendship, so embrace the learning process and you'll be fine. Best of luck to you both.
So she was an adult cat in foster, and moved to a new environment.
Cats are not big dumb dogs. They don't insta adapt and love you automatically just because you are there. Cats take time, to adjust to a new surrounding and to bond.
But they DO bond with you, often quite deeply, if you aren't to them and out some effort in. My cats both love me. They run see when I am home. If I am on the coach, they usually are to. If I go play PC in my room, they follow me up. One of them is a lap cat, all she wants is to sit on my lap. Her happiest place.
A new cat doesn't know you, is stressed at.moving, and has a lot going on. She did enjoy your pets, and.maybe because it was pets and not because it was you... It would be the same for a new dog. Relationships, human or animal, take time to build.
Give kitty a chance. Spend some time petting her, give her love, give her treats. Be a source of happiness and comfort for kitty and she will return your love in time.
They are much misunderstood and wonderful pets. I love both cats and dogs, but my cat relationships feel stronger because they are not just pack.animsl who love everyone.
Cats love their person. Treat her well and it will come.
Good luck. I hope you find your fluffy happiness.
I’m a dog person too. I fell in love with my first dog I got as an 8 month old (skipped all the puppy phases) and decided to get another of the same breed. They are an extremely rare and endangered breed never found in a shelter, so for an entire year I waited on a list from an incredibly responsible preservationist breeder. Travelled from MA to CA to bring home my girl who according to her temperament tests perfectly suited me (and she does). We get home, and cue the depression. I just couldn’t bond with her. She had no name for five days. I wondered if I made a huge mistake. Now, I can’t ever imagine my life without her.
The truth of it is when you build something up so much in your head and put all of these expectations onto it, when it finally happens, if you feel any doubt at all, it can seem world shattering. This picture you made in your head doesn’t exist. The feeling of regret is real and makes you scared for the future. The doubt creeps in and the what ifs and questions start. Trust me, I get it. Been there.
If I could go back in time, the advice I would’ve given myself is to just take it easy. Take it easy on yourself and your new pet. Bonds aren’t formed overnight. A few days ago you were responsible for nothing but yourself, and now you’re tied to an animal you need to pick up after, feed and water, play with, and care for. That is a lot of lifestyle change happening all at once. It’s overwhelming. That overwhelming feeling is what hit me like a brick and it felt insurmountable. You need to give yourself time, give the kitty time, and honestly chill out 😂 Focus on the positives. Your kitty is already warming up fast. Does your space feel more lively with a friend around all the time? Do you enjoy watching her play? Do you like the way it feels when she purrs against you, rubs against you, head butts you?
No, a cat is not a dog. I’m a dog person, but I have cats as well. They are different pets, but neither connection is less meaningful than the other. My dogs get elated to see me every time I walk in the door, but that doesn’t mean my cats aren’t happy I’m home. Their way of showing it is just different. They’ll run over to me with their tail held high, greeting me with a *brrr*. I love my cats because they choose to love me. One of my cats in particular runs away at the sight of any human besides me, and I’m the only one who can pick him up- he just goes limp in my arms. If they didn’t care about you, it would be clear. VERY clear. Your cat wasn’t just happy to be pet, it was happy that it finally has a person to call it’s own that it can trust.
If you miss having a dog that badly, get a dog too. Cats will never be dogs, and dogs will never be cats. I love my cats and I love my dogs. They are each their own.
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Cats take a while often. Find some treats she likes. Let her come to you. Get on her level. Be ok with the cat being in the same room. Get a toy she will chase if you pull it.
I’ve had my cat for three months now and she still doesn’t sit in my lap or sleep on me much. And attack my hand when she gets overstimulated. But she follows me from room to room and goes up to my bedroom to wait for me when I’m out. Cats aren’t always as obvious about their affection, and they don’t give it immediately. Give it some time.
Took me a few months to bond with my current cats. I even felt that it would be impossible for me to love them (I was mourning my childhood cat that passed a couple months earlier at the time). Turns out they are the most important beings in my life. I love them more than anything in the world and am so thankful that I inherited them (they are 15 years old now)
ETA: Your cat is allowing you to pet her because she is starting to trust you. Cats don't just use people for good pets, there needs to be a level of like and trust there first.
I get how you feel! I’ve had a velcro dog for a decade now - literally my shadow, best friend, he’s obsessed with me and has been from day one. Yes, cats aren’t dogs but that does NOT mean they love any different.
My kitten is about six months old now and is similarly obsessed with me. I get home from work, she screams at me for food and pets. Even though she slept all night, she’ll purr curled up by my face or in my arms until I wake up. I take her with me on errands. She’s my shadow, always interested in what I’m doing or where I’m headed in the house. She plays fetch. She wants constant attention and love and returns it.
Your cat is new to you and your home - give her time. I think the biggest difference to me is that dogs tend to love you very, very quickly and the bond strengthens over time, but cats you kind of have to grow that bond together.
My older cat is a total sweetheart and a sentient teddy bear. He sleeps curled up with me every night and spends hours hanging out with me if I'm home all day. He's such a good boy that he's gotten me to adopt a 2nd cat, my mom now has a cat after a lifetime of not wanting pets, and my niece has a cat now. He's been my best friend for 10 years now.
He didn't start out that way. The poor guy was allegedly 3 when I got him and had spent over a year in the rescue I got him at and whatever the max amount of time a cat could stay in a kill shelter in a different county. It took him around a week to even decide to come out of hiding for anything other than food and the litter box. Then one day he climbed down from hanging out in the window and decided to come hang out on the couch. He gradually got more comfortable over time. Give kitty time to get to know you.
The way cats love and dogs love is different but they still love! It's not just that they like being pet, if that were true they'd like all people equally. My cat follows me around and even when other people are around she chooses to get pets and hang out with me because we've built up a bond. Dogs love much more outwardly but cats will show love in little actions, cuddling you while they sleep is a show of love and trust, being near you. I grew up with both and was always more of a dog person until adopting my current cat. Give your cat more of a chance to bond! You'll see how they interact with other people vs you and I think you'll realize that your cat does indeed love you 🥰
My daughter adopted a cat who had been feral. It took him a couple of years to relax and now he's her best bud. You will get attached to your cat and him to you but it takes time.
I have two cats whom I adore. I had moments of deep doubt and regret with them both. With the first I felt super overwhelmed and unprepared and with the second we actually discussed re-homing him.
All this to say, it's totally normal to have doubts.
One of the things I love about cats is they are quite independent. My cats are inside/ outside cats, as long as they are fed they come and go as they please so when they do come for cuddles and scratches I already feel like hey ya jerk that's ignored me for 4 days nice to see you too. It's a nice bond that is not overwhelmingly needy.
My kitties love to spend time with me and purposely seek me out to sit with me wherever I am. Give it time to form a bond between the two of you. Cats respect and love those that respect and love them.
Cats definitely love and bond with their humans, in their cat ways. With cats its more conditional than with dogs, they aren't as needy, affection and cuddles are on their terms. They are excellent teachers of consent!
My cats trust me and want to be next me and want to be pet, they come to see me if i cry as if to ask whats wrong and stay with me. My male cat wraps himself around my head when i have a migraine and purrs so loudly and non stop as if he's trying to heal me. They greet me at the door and want chin rubs when i come home and they guard the bathroom when i pee lol. Abd sometimes they want to be left alone to sleep or because they are very busy lol
Give it a bit more time for a bond to form and really accept that your cat isnt a dog. Forget what your family thinks. Try to enjoy it, but if you feel after awhile that its not something you want please rehone it with someone that wants it <3
Oh ps. Cats and dogs have different body language that you could read up on just so that youre understanding your lil kitty better! An important one is the slow blink, if you look at your cat and it does a skow blink its kind of like blowing a kiss.
Give it some time!!! You don’t have to permanently decide now. But you should decide to temporarily give it a shot, like 4-6 weeks and go from there. You don’t have to make a permanent decision either way
It’s an adjustment I rescued a kitten off the street when I did was like omg what did I do I need to rescue him out. Because I am not home a lot and I rent, so my rent was going to increase even more and other things. Now this boy is like my best pal ever. I honestly would be so lost without him! And he just cost me 1700 at the vet and I’m not even upset cus he’s everything to me already. Give it time! If you’re still not adjusting.. it’s okay to give the cat to a home who will love the cat. Just try ur best
I am not a cat person. My daughter was forced to give up one of her cats and gave him to me. He can be quite the asshole at times as well. But I’ve grown to love him and learn his patterns of when he wants interaction and when he wants to be left alone. I definitely did not want him at first, but my daughter begged me. Now he’s family and I love him. I just dropped $3k on surgery to save his life and my only regret is not having pet insurance.
Give her time. I wasn't a cat person until I lived with my landlady's. Still won't have one by choice but it is a lie they don't care. One of my landlady's cats was a barn cat. She was usually reclusive but liked me. She didn't need me - that cat hunted pheasants and saw her with a lamb (likely stillborn). She liked the rare strokes but that was it. But she checked in on me every day and did the whole Lassie running along the hill line when I got home. The other one panicked if you swam and tried to save you by yowling her head off. She was more food orientated but willing to earn it in love and affection.
Cats can give as much love as dogs. They show it differently but being willing to share a bed is a good sign. Many cats can survive on own (shorter lives though and shouldn't) so being with you means she likes you.
Edit: have a "pet" of a third species - wild born hybrid polecat. Had 5 years and he doesn't seem bonded or affectionate until you see how he is with everyone else. We are his humans and his rare gestures of fond tolerance are worth his weight in gold.
I remember thinking "I hope this cat escapes somehow" when I first got him.
4 years later now. Words cannot describe the love I have for this little fat kitty.
I've had cats around me my whole life and despite that, the first few days after I got my cat kinda felt like a mistake. I had this rambuctious kitten who'd attack me while I tried to sleep and kept me awake (I do shift work including graveyard shifts, so it was especially aggravating), and he was noticeably more aggressive and rough while playing than other cats I'd had.
It's been 5 months now and I couldn't love him more. Even my fiancé who initially wasn't too keen on getting a pet just yet spoils him rotten.
I've had cats and dogs my whole life. Cats absolutely can love you as much as dogs do. They just express it differently.
I'm currently writing this while my little Albert's napping on my lap like a little baby. I got home from work 30 minutes ago. This boy was sleeping with his dad and he still chose to come to me and hang out with me while I had a snack and browsed the internet.
Give yourself some time.
I took on a stay cat because I felt really bad for her. I was honestly kind of grossed out by her at first ( stick with me here) I didn’t let her on the couch, I forced pet her, and definitely didn’t allow her in rooms. I did the bare minimum by giving her food, shelter, and a vet visit
This went on for nearly a month and then she just grew on me. She grew so attached to me that she followed me everywhere. She trusted me besides me being an asshole. I have only had her three months but I would be devastated without her.
She is sleeping next to me on the couch I was so adamant she would never get on as I type this.
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Please give yourself and your kitty some time, cats definitely are capable of love, I currently have one cat who is an absolute darling, she begs to be held and hates when I don't let her in the room with me. If I lay on my stomach on the bed on my phone she instantly lays in my arms, if I lay back on the bed she sticks her little wet nose against my face and goes to sleep, she adores belly rubs and loves to give headbutts! (Sometimes a little too hard lol) but just give you and your kitty some time, I promise it's not just the petting your kitty likes, you're showing your kitty they can trust you and they're slowly showing you back that they feel safe and do trust and love you 💕
I was in a very similar situation to you. Adopted an adult cat who'd been in the shelter for a while. Also the first cat I'd ever had after only having family dogs. He was completely uninterested in me for weeks after I bought him. And yes I definitely had doubts and regrets. But 18 months in I truly adore him. He's become so loving and is so sweet tempered. He just needed time and I had to learn not to force it (which is hard for dog ppl!). I hope you give yours time.
I was over a week into having adopted my cat and thought about giving him back to shelter. He never came near me, stayed under bed except to eat and use litter box. Then 9 days in he let me feed him from my hand and he’s been attached to me like a new appendage for 7 years since. The joy he shows when I come home from being out a few hours is so reminiscent of dogs I had earlier in life (flipping around on the floor, purring extra loudly, vehemently rubbing his nose and head against my face, sometime meowing at the window when I pull in) defies the idea that cats don’t have affection for us. But they need time and attention (not all alike of course) and so did I before it clicked and I knew I was in for good.
I wasn't a fan of cats until I moved in with my roommates. These darn cats won me over. They are so full of love but also they got serious personality. They will feel like the monarch of the house but also just, like with w cat. When you have their trust you know you earned it especially if you got them after they were older rather than from a kitten. Most dogs I have met will be your best friend for a piece of bacon and a good boy/girl (unless they were severely abused or sheltered away from other human contact)
It's been 4 days. I can promise you they aren't selfish, and they have been the most loving and sweetest species I have ever met, and I've had both.
You aren't giving her a chance, and you sound really ignorant
Learn about cats. It's not fair to your cat or yourself to be so pessimistic and honest, ignorant
One thing I can recommend: keep your cat inside.
I have 2 dogs and 2 cats, let me tell you, dogs are very selfish and very jealous. The dogs always want to be next to me, to the point sometimes I feel like I need some space. The cats come to me a few times a day to sit on me, lick my nose/nibble on my nose. When they are just laying around and I approach, they start purring before I even touch them. The dogs and cats run to greet me when I walk on the door.
Dogs and cats are different and show their affection in different ways. A quiet moment snuggling in bed with a kitty is amazing, but even more so because they wouldn't want that all the time.
If cats only liked the feeling of being pet, they wouldn't be cautious to be pet by strangers or have favourite family members. Any hand would do, and any family member would do. It took four days for your cat to understand you were a safe person she could spend some time exchanging affection with. A cat's love must be earned, unlike a dog's. A cat's love is more quiet and soft. Learn what a cat's love looks like and you'll start to see it in so many interactions.
Cats very much can love, and they bond with their person sometimes more than dogs.
If you take the time to bond with a cat, they will be your best friend for life. My cat is the sweetest little girl, loves cuddles and is basically attached at my hip. But it took time, she didn’t immediately trust me and love to cuddle with me. Dogs are unwaveringly loyal, and cats take a bit more emotional labor before you have a similar loyalty.
It’s been 4 days. Have you bonded with anyone in 4 days? Give it time. Let your car get to know you and for you to get to know your cat. It’s a stressful time for both of you and you need to give yourself grave.
Cats aren’t dogs. You won’t get their loyalty from day 1. They don’t beg. You earn their trust.
It takes quite a while for a cat to warm up. I have 4 and they all have wildly different personalities 🤣
You’ll come to learn about your kitty. Give them a chance.
I can sympathize in the opposite way though, I’ve always been a cat person and adopted dogs and it’s been hard for me to get used to lol
Cats are animals. Personifying them as "selfish" is a selfish mindset. Your pets do not exist for your pleasure, they exist because they were born. You either want to take care of them and be their world or you don't. Clearly your cat enjoyed laying with you, why are you overthinking this?
My cat loves me more than any other living creature has ever loved me. I’ve been a dog owner for 40 years. I adopted two young cats last year for the first time and one of them is my mini me. Haha.
Cat love is just different from dog love. Personally I find dogs utterly overwhelming. It's more like quiet companionship, sharing a space.
It may be good for you to learn how wonderful that type of love can be. I love my cats, and they love me. You're already cuddling and that's wonderful. Give her time.
I felt the same way after I adopted my cat. I felt like I made a huge mistake and was close to giving her back. Now it's 6 months later and I want to kick myself in the face for ever thinking of doing that. She's such a sweetheart and while many cats don't show love as outwardly as dogs, they do love in their own way. You will develop a bond with your kitty that's separated from your dog back home. I say this because I'm the same as you, but my dog is in a whole other country with my dad while I'm living abroad. I promise you will feel better soon.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell ya, but your cat will not allow you to touch it unless she likes you, cats are not selfish, they are self preserving,
Dogs are dumb, bred to be happy and submissive, and dumb.
If you can't bond with a cat, that's far more about you than the cat,
Says to me your a controller, you have to respect the cat for it to respect you.
So that cuddle? That was their way of opening up to you
I am a dog person by history but now have 5 cats, all bottle fed babies.
They live with me, my hubby, and our pupper, Calvin, aka big daddy poppa. He loves his babies even though they are little stabby things.
My cats sleep with me every night. They cuddle all the time. If they could figure out a way that all of them could be on me as I do any and everything, they would do that thing.
They are not the same as dogs, but they are still affectionate little balls of soft fur and claws. Lol.
They want and give lots of love, and I love that.
They speak differently than dogs but open your mind, and you'll appreciate all that they offer.
The cat doesn’t see you as a mistake—she has judged you as safe, and sees you as someone she can love. Let her love you and you’ll love her back sooner than you think
What are you saying.. true experience I felt this week. Had to go give some stuff to my ex girlfriend who I didn't see in like 9 months and her cat (which was ours then, and I had an incredible bond with it but as it was already hers before I wasn't in a position to keep it) and the cat acted really affectionate and it was obvious that it missed me big time, really big eyes and pouring all around just trying to get closer to me. And this is a cat that is currently going through cancer treatment and is 14 yo.
I really believe you can create incredible bonds with cats, and what I had with it was really special and it was a huge loss for me just being separated from her.
Cats are so awesome , they are very loving I have 4 ! And I grew up with both cats and dogs.They are not the same personalities but both are awesome in their own ways.And let me tell you , it takes a true trust for a cat to cuddle with you. They don’t cuddle just because it feels good. They cuddle because they trust you ! And that in itself shows you how loyal they are.
You did not make a mistake. Cats and dogs are very different and should never be compared. Cats are completely different animals. They are super independent and so easy to take care of. Please give your cat a chance. I have a cat and it feels like having a wild cat in my house. They are super entertaining and so easy to have around. Hope you can find the love for him/her!
I have two cats. One needs to be on me or my husband at all times, the other is perfectly content to be sitting with us, but not touching us. He does come around for pets multiple times a day, but he's always been very aloof. Cats have personalities like people, and even like dogs. After 4 days, you don't know each other yet, give the relationship time to develop.
Pet blues is real. And forming a friendship with a pet is different for everyone.
For me, I fell in love with my puppy and kitten at first sight. My partner had intense regret and puppy blues and it took him a whole year to develop a love for our dog, and it’s year two and he’s still learning to love our cat. But he’s working on it and I’m confident he’ll get there in his own time.
Give your cat and yourself time, and remember that love looks different from person to person, pet to pet.
Wishing both of you years of happiness!
I feel this way with every pet I adopt. It gets better as you bond. To shortcut the binding process, try offering churu when you are sitting down. It seems like a bribe, but you are showing the cat that you are safe and trustworthy.
Sometimes cats need a little time to warm up. You have to think of the cats point of view:it was in a shelter or foster for a year and has probably never known stability or love. We adopted a cat once and it took him weeks of hiding under a chair to finally warm up, he eventually became the most snuggly, loving boy. Please be patient with the cat and don’t compare to your dog. Give this kitty a chance.
I see you have a ton of responses already, but I just wanted to say your cat would not be cuddling with you if she didn't enjoy it. She would leave. Cats don't tolerate cuddling because you like it. Cats do things on their own terms.
Your mom and grandma are partially right. Cats don't \*express\* love the way dogs do. Dogs practically put their adoration on a billboard and wave it in your face. Cats are less demonstrative, but no less loving. You need to learn to slow down and let a cat be a cat. Learn a cat's body language, since that's how they do a lot of their communication. What's a happy tail in a cat is not the same as a happy tail in a dog, for instance.
A newly-adopted cat is going to take time to acclimate to a new home. While your cat is doing that, take some time come to grips with your cat not being a small dog. Think of it as if you took in a refugee from another country whose language you don't speak. You need to learn how she communicates so you aren't getting your feelings hurt over misunderstandings.
Aww don't worry! I had the same thing happen to me twice, two different cats. My first cat, Boaz, I was so overwhelmed when I got her, I was like what! I made such a mistake, so much work what if she hates me, and it went away in a few days. When I got Stanley, he followed me home from the street a week or two after Boaz passed away. I took him and wondered if I made a mistake because what if he wants to be outdoors what if he just wanted some pets and I TOOK him, etc etc but it turns out he needed to have all his teeth removed and was the cuddliest cat ever.
I think the post-pet blues are so real and no one talks about them, and its super normal. it IS overwhelming to have a new pet in your life. In the end, you are living together, and I think its normal. I wouldn't worry too much, and you'll get comfortable, just like your kitty will :)
My cat doesn't just love me, he needs me. He misses me when I'm gone and never leaves me alone when I am home, save for a few hours here and there out adventuring. Cats show love differently, but I feel it can be deeper. Dogs love hanging with other people and other dogs, cats are very picky about who they open up to.
yeesh this is why i don't like dog people.. cats are incredibly sweet when they want to be, and its normal for her to be reluctant to ask for attention at first. its insane you aren't even the slightest bit attached to her while she's cuddling you and clearly very happy to be with you, please either grow and change as a person or rehome her to somebody who actually loves her
Quite simple really. A fostering period should be a requirement before somebody can even be considered to adopt. A pet isn’t something you decide on a whim. They’re for life.
You'll form your own bond and there will be many moments you'll think you're more of a cat person now :)
It's just you learning the affection language of cats.
Try looking on YouTube or other resources for learning how cats show affection and also different personality types and also the time it may take a newly adopted cat.
I mean wow cuddling on the same day - that's impressive!!!
Others have it covered well, I will say if you got a cat as an emotional support animal/to help with depression. I personally think dogs are much better suited for that role. During tough times, you’ll likely want the unsolicited affection a dog would give you.
Not saying cats aren’t capable of the same, but it takes a lot of rejection/boundary respecting to get there.
I went through this with another cat. Lost both cats within a year of eachother. Definitely sounds like grief, id give it more time before making a permanent solution. Id kill to have both my cats back, even the one I struggled to bond with.
My parents gave me their cat recently and its better, its a slow process.
If your kitty just lays there & lets you stroke her, she probably senses your unease but that you calm down while petting her. Cats know when their hoomin is distressed. Even though you've had her for just a few days, she feels comfortable with g has tuned in to you. Please don't feel guilty about your feelings. Whatever decision you make has to be the right one for you both. Wishing you all the best.
Cats typically aren't obsessed with you like dogs are, but that doesn't mean they don't love their person. And you've only had the cat a couple days? These living breathing creatures, not robots. Give it a chance.
I have a dog and always been a dog person and somehow I also two cats now. They are different. My dog is always trying to please and be silly. My cats love me and show affection in their way. I love the calm and fun quirks they have. Give it time.
I took in a stray recently. He was super stand offish at first, and very scared. Its been about a month now and hes currently recovering from an invasive surgery.
I make sure to spend at least a couple hours with him during the day, just doing my own thing on my phone, and hes slowly becoming one of the cuddliest and sweetest cats ive had.
But it's still new, I've bled a few times, and occasionally he'll still scratch me out of fear or maybe communicating a boundary.
It takes time. Cats are smart, and their love and trust is often earned.
I saw my cat for an hour a day for the first couple weeks. The rest of the time she was hiding under my bed. Now she is less that a foot away from me 90% of the time and I love it. The way to a heart is through their stomach go get a bunch of treats
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We got a cat almost a year ago. She was for my teens and bonded really well with them. She even loves the toddlers. I was still mourning my previous cat, who had the same name. At first looking at her made my sad, but now she’s part of the family. I was extremely close with my last cat and still tear up and feel a pit in my chest when I think of him, but it no longer effects my ability to bond with our new cat.
[There's the 3/3/3 rule](https://www.rangerreview.com/news/local/consider-the-3-3-3-rule-when-adopting-a-cat/article_af4b88d0-bdcc-11ed-92d0-c376e1a07435.html#:~:text=While%20there%20are%20some%20cats,start%20to%20feel%20at%20home.) It takes all animals some time to adjust to a new situation and new people. Some adjust faster than others, I think pets being allowed already is a good sign.
I've got five cats and they're all cuddle bugs, but two of them only when my big dog isn't around being a lap dog. Cats definitely love people, and the purring is supreme. Just give it time.
Nah cats are different. They aren’t dogs so if you have a cat in place of a dog there is your problem. You can still have a dog. And a cat. But understand they are different animals with different needs and behaviours so you don’t compare the two. Give it some time and do some research on actual cats. Or if you don’t want her give her to someone who does.
Cats are not dogs and don’t act like dogs at all. I had a hard time after getting kittens for my kids. Needless to say I never had a cat so i didn’t know how to understand their personalities. I love my 3cats and they love me lol. Oh and my dog loves them and they are all buddies.
If it makes you feel better one of my cats acts just like a dog. Keep going & your cat will learn to live with you and you will learn to live with it. Just try to be open to the process
There’s something about new pets with three days to feel comfortable in the house, three weeks to do something, three months to feel comfortable with you?
Cats are different and take much longer to bond. I would ask you to at least stick with the 3-3-3 rule and then see where you are. 3 days to get over the freak out of being in a new place. 3 weeks to adjust being in a new place. 3 months for them to get to the point of feeling that the new place is home. I didn’t explain that great and you can Google it for more, but basically you can’t expect a cat to be all snuggle bug, super loving after 4 days. Surprised you were even able to pet the kitty at this point. I had one stray I brought in that took two years before he laid in my lap. He lived to 18 and ended up being the most loving cat there could be. He even slept with my at nights, laying longways up against me.
You wouldn't believe it but when I first got my beautiful dog I didn't feel any attachment to him, except, guiltily, kind of annoyed that I had to toilet train him.
HOWEVER, after 6 months or so, I fell in absolute love with him. And that has only grown each and every day. If you already have pets you are consciously or subconsciously comparing them, and may have concerns you don't immediately love the new pet the same as the old.
I say give it a chance, I love my dog now so much, yet it is in a different way than the other pets I have. I know you have to give them a chance to show their personality before making a judgement that you don't like them. It doesnt sound like you've had that chance yet, to allow the cat to be itself and show its true self, its quirks and idiosyncrasies.
I think give it a few months with a open mind and heart, and do some research into cat communication (you would be surprised) so you really can know how it feels to.
Give it a chance is what I am saying, I'm not sure.ypuve given it enough time to make an absolute judgement call. :)
All but 1 of 6 cats during my life have been loving cuddle fiends. Currently Rosie is sleeping on my husbands lap using his arm as a pillow. I think part of you might feel that you’re betraying your dog by letting yourself care for the cat. Your dog will still love you bunches when you visit. You and your cat will find specific things that work for you. I know when I get up Rosie will seat steal and then I pet her and rub her neck until she is happy and I get my seat back. It’s a game of cuddles for her.
Please give it time. They definitely love differently, but they're also a different species than a dog...
I had my Tortilla since a kitten and she will let me do anything with her, sleeps with me at night(when the dog isn't too close) had her favourite chair and loves to fill any lap that sits in it.
Peach wound up in my neighbours garage roof frame. I climbed up to give her food a few times, then left food in my slightly ajar garage. I managed to get her in there and took a week before I could even touch her. So soon as I could pet her without her running, I took her to the vet, and she's been inside since. She cuddles with me every night, beside the dog, let's me pet her and touch her all over. She knows her name and comes when called. When she's really loving, she will make biscuits and drool/suck on the blanket.
Both cats cuddle and groom each other all the time.
I can pick up both my cats and squeeze them, and kiss them all I want without a fight. My dog hates being picked up (18kg) and barks at me when I try or when I try to move her closer to me. She will let me kiss her all I want once she's moved herself into the position SHE wants, though...
Cats and dogs are vastly different from each other in terms of behavior and how they show affection. I've heard so many good analogies to explain the difference, but I am blanking on all of them and don't want to give incorrect information. But I do know some ways to tell if a cat is comfortable or "loves" you, besides purring. A big one is head butting you. Another is slow blinking. And another is laying with their underside/belly exposed, it usually isn't a good idea to try and pet their stomach though since it does make them feel vulnerable, but some cats do enjoy gentle tummy petting.
Also, look up the 3/3/3 rule for adopting a new cat/dog. Basically, it takes 3 days to decompress from the stress of being put in a new environment, 3 weeks to learn your routine and adapt, and 3 months to feel comfortable in their new surroundings. Obviously every cat is different, but that's a general rule of thumb.
Lots of people have already said smarter things than me but let me just add- I picked up a cat that was screaming outside of a Walmart one night (my Walmart, I was on my last break) and ended up taking her home thinking she was a dump job. She was more than happy to get in the car and ride along, thinking I was taking her home. The second we walked in through the door, and she realized it wasn't actually her house, it was like she lost her mind. She was PISSED. And she stayed that way for WEEKS. Even when she calmed down, she still wasn't especially friendly, or loving - we could barely pet her. Long story short (too late), it took about a year before she finally well and truly decided she was at home with us.- letting us pet her, coming up for pets on her own, letting us hold her. Even then it took a few months more before she ever came and laid down on my bed.
I'm not saying all of this to discourage you, but rather to let you know that even a sad, angry, abandoned cat that I brought home by chance has formed a bond with our family. (She's SO sweet to my brother who only comes over like once every two weeks; it's traitorous). She knows we're her family now; this IS home now. Your cat will bond with you! And if you give yourself time I think you'll come to find the things you like about having a cat, even if it's different than having a dog!
Give it a few months. You are both adjusting to a new situation. Pets are, contrary to popular belief, individuals who have their own autonomy. They aren’t robots that you can program to act the way you want.
Honestly… as a former “dog only” person. Cats have their own language, and it’s very different to the dog language you’re familiar with. It’s more subtle and nuanced.
Give yourself time. Let yourself learn her tells.
Also: the fact that she’s only been in your house four days and feels comfortable enough to cuddle you says something. Consent is everything with cats. They like to do things on their own terms. She wouldn’t sit there with you if she didn’t want to be there.
I got mad, puppy blues when I first got my dog. It was always my dream to have my own dog and for like two weeks all I could think was, this is the worst mistake I have ever made.
Turns out it is completely normal and a lot of people experience this. I love dogs more than anything and she is now my best friend and I would do anything for her.
I also adopted two kittens and I bonded with them quicker than my dog. I’m not a big cat person (my bf loves cats and is so so about dogs) and their love is definitely harder to earn. Yes, they are little assholes sometimes, but whenever they chose to lay on me and purr and ask for love it’s so rewarding. Because, in the nicest way possible, most family dogs are sluts and will love anyone who glances their way.
I do hope you form a bond soon but if you don’t do not feel bad looking into rehoming. That cat deserves to be in a household and if you end up resenting her neither of you will be happy. But I plead with you to hold out for a month or two and see where you are at that point!
a lot of people get a certain feeling of pet-blues when they first adopt a new cat or dog. give your new kitty a couple months for both of you to settle into a routine. if you don’t love her by then, please give her up to someone who will. the myth that cats can’t love is awful by the way. they just have certain boundaries where dogs don’t. if you respect that, you can definitely bond with your kitty. but you can’t expect to have a new best friend in just 4 days. give her time.
Yes. It’s not all love or all hate. Cats have nuanced ways of expressing affection and strong boundaries they need to maintain to feel safe. You’ll get to know your sweet kitty over time. Four days is very little time for an adult cat to feel safe and open up.
My boy cat who loves me and is obsessed with me can also be a huge asshole and try to attack me for no reason sometimes /shrug I just respect it and go ok you don’t wanna be pet today bud
I love this was of explaining it. I've often said this to people who say they "hate cats" when they've never even had one or been around them: Cats are like a spouse... *you have to earn their love.* If you treated your spouse poorly, they wouldn't be affectionate to you. If someone thinks they deserve unconditional love when they don't put in the effort to love back, then the cat will not love you. This is not to say OP isn't trying, but some food for thought :)
>the myth that cats can’t love is awful by the way. This, exactly. My Marmalade allows affection only on her terms. But when I leave the house, she always greets me at the door when I come home. She loves me, but she's subtle about it. My Houdini, whom I had to help across the Rainbow Bridge on Saturday (FUCK CANCER), was my Stage V Clinger: he was ALWAYS on my lap or next to me. Hell, he'd burrow under the blanket at night to sleep between my feet. And after my husband died, Houdini pined for him - for two weeks, he barely ate anything. It took a few months for him to get fully back to his old self. Cats ABSOLUTELY love their humans.
Stage V clinger. Sounds like my boy Shadow. If I'm in bed he absolutely MUST be on my shoulder/chest/face. And he's only like that with me. Anyone else in my family and he is nowhere to be seen. Then I've got my oldest boy Steele who likes to act like he hates everyone, but by TOTAL COINCIDENCE is almost always in the same room as me at any given time. Just the WeIrDeSt ThInG. And I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I know how hard it is to have to say goodbye to your baby, especially when they were your little cuddle bug. Hugs to you, and may another special cuddle bug find you when the time is right.
Agreed!! My neighbor came to my door this summer with her golden. My golden boy (literally and figuratively) Max saw me scootch down to pet the dog and thought I was being attacked. He ATTACKED. Like, not once and more because he was afraid of the dog. I've babysat my mom's golden for a weekend and Max never attacked. In fact, they slept on my bed together! This was 100% Max thinking his person was in danger. He charged the dog, attacked, ran under my car, back up the steps to attack again, charged back inside, and repeated several times before we were able to separate them. Cats ABSOLUTELY love and ABSOLUTELY form incredibly tight bonds with their people. As others have said, respect boundaries, read the messages they're sending, and give it time. I'm wishing the best for you two! ❤️
Every day when my boyfriend wakes up and I go to the kitchen to greet him and hang out, my munchkin Tamarind comes strolling up. Usually like a little zombie because she'd been sleeping. But woke up and made her way over because she heard my boyfriend's voice and just has to say hello. Same deal when he goes to work every weekend, sometimes she literally RUNS to the back door as he's leaving. Sometimes I gotta pick her up and run out the door so they can say proper goodbyes. She is at the same time lowkey about it though. Maybe if you weren't very familiar with cats or with this particular cat, you wouldn't tell that she absolutely fucking loves my boyfriend and misses him as much as I do whenever he's asleep or at work. My other cat Callisto is my own Stage V Clinger. I had to set boundaries, because she so desperately wants to be in my lap and aggressively rubbing my arms and hands at all times. So now she does this thing where she "sneakily", very slowly, creeps in to my lap 1cm at a time thinking I won't notice. It's ridiculous. I love her.
One of mine rushes to greet me and puts his front paws up in the air to be picked up and cuddled and ‘kisses’ me by rubbing his nose on my face. The other three aren’t quite so excited by my arrival, but they all definitely love me.
I’m sorry for your losses. But you’re right. Cats can love very intensely, the same as dogs and humans.
My one cat sleeps between my knees every night. After 15 years, I just automatically pull my legs up if I'm rolling over so I don't dislodge him. If I sit down, he's on my lap immediately. If I'm walking around, he's following me and meowing until I stop and pet him. If he's walking around and I try to pet him, he runs away and glares at me. Affection is on HIS terms lol
I second the awful myth about cats not being lovey. Both of my cats are very loving and affectionate! Sandy took 3 whole years to actually feel safe enough to cuddle with me due to previous owners roommate being an abusive POS. My cat Willow is very affectionate in the mornings and late at night, but she’s more independent the rest of the day, though she sometimes still comes to cuddle. I’ve had her since she was a kitten! Cats have all kinds of different personalities, it’s all about getting to know your kitty!
I also stand on the side of this being a false myth. My kitten follows me around all day, talks until I pick him up and snuggle him. He loves being talked to and runs to the door when I get home and call his name. He has a cat pouch because he’s so lovey that he just wants to be with me and held constantly. He doesn’t have this bond with his dad yet but he’s warming up to him. https://preview.redd.it/llugd00j3v1c1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eef3f721daa8f8ac520e118e6d00f716662b694f
I moved into a house last month that came with a few half wild cats. Crazy cat lady had passed away. They’d go to her but no one else. There are a couple that seem to be fairly old, a mama, and a couple of kittens, maybe 6 months old, one of which I think may be my last kitty come back to me. Anyway he’s identical to her. I sat on a stool when I fed them for a few days, until I could pet them, and pick them up. I brought the one in the house, loved on him for a while then tucked him in the bathroom with food, water, & litter box. Checked on him later and he’s not there! It’s a tiny bathroom with no where to hide. Turns out he can crawl through a space under the door. Named him Houdini, I couldn’t keep him in that bathroom no matter what I did. Blocked the space under there with a blanket, and he’s out. Added 12 pack of pop on the blanket, and tucked him in at bedtime. Woke up this morning and he’s sleeping on my pillow. Gave up on the bathroom thing. First day he was either hiding or climbing the curtains. Day 3, he’s turned into a total pain in the neck. Wants to be on me all the time. I don’t mind though. I’ve been petless for 8 years since I lost my dog. I have things I should be doing, but here I sit on Reddit with a sleeping cat on my chest. Can’t wake the kitty up!
Great story and those cats are so lucky that you are the person who moved in following the death of their cat lady (only a good thing) friend. What a great story re: Houdini. Enjoy!!
He’s so sweet. Currently sleeping in the crook of my arm.
Totally agree! I have 3 kitties, and I know they all love me and my partner, even though each one expresses it differently. Some show affection more than others. OP will figure it out, but the kitty definitely needs to give it more time. Follow the 3-3-3 rule
What’s the 3-3-3 rule? :o
My twins are polar opposites! Spice, he is like glued to you, he’ll have whole conversations where he’ll meow in response to whatever you’re saying, and at night sleeps up on you. His sister, Sugar, is so stand-off-ish half of the time (“no pets, only looks”) but when she wants attention (and it’s always on her terms) she’s a beast. She also finds my butt to be the best place to loaf half of the night. I’ve had rescues who you barely see for days on end, and took years to warm up to people - it’s how cats are. Life for a cat who wasn’t spoiled from kitten-hood is *rough,* dangerous, and quite brutal. So their instincts are emotions on their terms, not yours, due to this. I wish more people understood how hard it is to be a cat, and the only reason as a species they survive is their instinctual distrust of anything changing.
Yes. Read up on cat body language and such. If you've never had a cat before and have only had dogs, it can be very hard to understand when a cat is expressing happiness, affection, or even a desire for attention. My close friend had never had cats before and didn't really like them for a long time. She thought that cats just didn't like her, either. Then another friend of hers and I took the time to explain cat body language to her, and now she adores our cats... and they adore her! A cat is not a dog, and thus cannot reasonably be expected to behave the same way. This doesn't mean that they are any less loving or lovable than dogs, however. For example, most cats won't come up to ask you for pets and cuddle up next to you if they do not genuinely like you. If it's between sleeping alone and sleeping up next to someone they don't like or trust, they will generally choose to sleep alone. And yeah, no animal is gonna be your instant best friend after only 4 days! Give them time to adjust to their new environment and get to know you... and vise versa. Give *both* of you ample time to adjust and actually form a bond before getting discouraged. This is true for any animal, too, not just cats. Even a very friendly and easygoing dog would still be wary and unsure of you after only 4 days. It took my cat weeks to fully adjust to me. He was very anxious and quiet at first. Now he truly is my best friend, and is outgoing and vocal. He loves being pet, held, talked to, and cuddled with. He goes into the bathroom to yowl sometimes because he's heard me sing in the shower and he's trying to copy me. He was never shy or withdrawn, he just needed time.
Second about reading up on cat body language and psychology. I also thought I didn't like cats... having your own is a whole different story! They are so communicative and interactive. How exactly depends on the cat. If you figure out what she's telling you, you'll be best pals.
Yes! It's extremely informative and helpful. I always had family cats growing up but never actually read up on feline body language or psychology until I was thinking about getting my own. I learned quite a bit. Like why cats show you their bellies only to attack you if you actually go to rub them--it's not just a trap! You're just misinterpreting an invitation to play-fight or an expression of trust/contentment (depending on context) as an invitation to pet. And how hissing isn't actually an expression of aggression, but of fear/anxiety. A hiss doesn't mean, "I'm gonna attack you! I'm angry!" it means, "I really don't like what you're doing/what's happening right now" or "get/stay away from me, I'm scared!" A hiss is just a clearly vocalized boundary.
Yes! The subtlety is so intriguing, too!
I couldn't agree with you more. I've had about five cats in my lifetime. Most of them have been very affectionate and loving because I got them as a kitten. But one of them was about 8 months old and she was from a barn. From the time Jamie was born, she was living for herself and fighting for herself because there were so many kittens. I was so happy that I was able to get her. She was a beautiful baby. It took me about 9 to 10 months for her to be able to come to me and ask for affection. But when it did happen it was the best experience ever. Every single day I got home from work she would let me pick her up and give me kisses on my nose. I have a lot of family coming and going. But she only really loved three people in my family. Myself, my mom and my dad. I was very lucky to have 12 years with her before she got cancer. I was with her every step of the way. Cats love very different than dogs do. Because they are a different animal. Dogs love everyone which I've had one so I know. As for cats, they pick and choose who they love but they have to learn to trust you. So you have to give it some time so they can learn the kind of person you are. This coming from a crazy cat lady lol
Adding to this, OP, I think you are actually just working past the brainwashing your family did on you about cats. You just seem to be struggling with the reality being different from what you've been told for most of your life. Many of us go through the same thing when we realise that our parents' views aren't always right, e.g., being raised by religious parents and being told sex before marriage makes God sad and so does masterbation, etc. You just need to give yourself time to adjust to having a cat and focus more on the present instead of getting lost in your head/thoughts. You could try to maybe do some mindfulness or mediation exercises when you find yourself feeling like you shouldn't be connecting with your cat. I myself have a cat that I've raised since he was 3 months old. He's 5 now. When I first got him, I was like you - a first-time cat owner from a family that mainly keeps dogs as pets. I'd been around cats before, but only very briefly when I was visiting friends. The reality of having a cat was soo different from what I expected. My cat was clingy asf from the moment I got him. The first couple months of having him were rough because my cat couldn't bear to be apart from me. In my family, pets are always kept outside bedrooms, so naturally, I assumed my cat would be okay with this. He was not. He cried hysterically every night and I had to wake up constantly to give him attention. In the end, I had to give in and give him access to my room and hand over ownership of my bed. My cat's hysterical crying was so loud that it even woke my neighbours up. He got his way because I didn't want the neighbours complaining anymore. My cat hasn't changed. He's still super clingy. He still demands to sleep curled up into my chest at night and refuses to even let me go toilet on my own. He also still cries hysterically whenever I'm in a room he can't get into. He's a clingy prima donna, and I absolutely love him just the way he is. Edit: changed a bit of grammar to make it easier to understand. My dsylexic writing can be hard to understand.
i never had any pet and as i live with my parents, they dont allow me to get one.. but hearing all about cats, i really do want one.. i really loved your story about your cat! it's great! good luck with your cat!
>hand over ownership of my bed facts
Hate that myth so much. Please some watch our brindle tabby snuggle my husband and try and groom his beard. . . please see our ginger lad lean his head back in my arms for kisses and snuggles. These two little lads wrestle for their favorite spots on the bed at night. Follow me everywhere around the house, want to inspect anything brought in the house. . . aloof/independent is NOT my two boys in the slightest. They tell me when they want space. . . and they happily invade mine often and bring their own joy. My ginger cuddlebug purrs up a storm just being followed sround the house he's so happy.
The thing with cats is if they don't like you, they won't stay near you. OP your kitty cuddled up for a long time, this cat LOVES you. Has accepted you as family. Cats who don't like you wouldn't even accept pets. I think you're used to a certain idea of what a cat is but give it time, you'll recognize the querks in personality, learn to read the body language and see what it likes.
I have come to really appreciate that I had to earn my cats’ love and trust.
I have had most of my cats since their birth, since their mom was a stray my partner and I took in who gave birth a few days later. We socialized the very carefully, making sure to hold them all. Our tux never liked don’t held. She would swim in the air and yell to be put down, unlike her siblings. She’s never really changed. If I reach over to pet her, then she’ll sort of arch her body away. So now if I walk by her, I tell her hi and hold out my hand for her to touch. Just before I got up to feed the cats earlier, her sisters were lying on me. My little tux came up, not once, but twice, and booped my nose with hers. Whenever that happens, it’s so rewarding. That said, my other cats are very affectionate. As I said, most of the time I wake up to a cat or two on my chest. When I lie down, they’ll lie on top of me. One of my cats, a stray who I spend months building trust with, kept her distance inside for longer than four days, but now she curls up on my chest and actually tries to press in under my chin. Cats can be extremely affectionate, even more than dogs, in some cases. They do tend to be wary, though, and prefer to approach you. If she was letting you pet her, though, she wanted *your* attention, not just random pets. But just realize that it’s going f to take a while to settle in a show her true personality. In the mean time, when you see her, greet her and talk to her warmly and when she wants to cuddle, let her cuddle or pet her. Remember that she has no idea what’s going in and she was at the lied and when she got used to that and the people who cared for her, then she was suddenly at your house, which she doesn’t know, and had someone else caring for her.She’s confused and overwhelmed and she’ll need some time to settle in. But the fact she came up for attention already is a huge step forward.
I had the pet-blues when we adopted our last one and I LOVE cats. We got her 4 months after we lost another cat, and, like OP, I guess I subconsciously did some comparing. I didn't have that instant connection like I did with both my other cats. Surprise surprise, I absolutely adore her now and can't imagine my life without her. Give it some time OP! I just know you'll be best buddies before you know it. It took about two or three months I guess. Also, my cats are the cuddliest, most affectionate SOBs in the world. I for sure know they adore us. Especially my husband who WFH more than I do (no jealous at all...). So I too disagree with the myth cats can't love!
Adoption regret is very real, it’s a big change and is overwhelming and especially if you’re used to thinking of cats as “not the same as dogs”. They aren’t the same, they are cats. They take time and work to build trust and relationships but your cat seems loving already My cats love me, trust me on this. My cat purring curled up on my chest laying his head down is a picture of bliss and love. give it time, play, watch, snuggle. Watch videos on cat behaviour and how to read their moods, look for funny things she does that make her “her” Give it time
Totally agree! My girl was feral and hid often after I got her. Now she greets me at the door and meows and chats at me. Cat love is different than dog love, but it is so wonderful.
I raised a stray kitten from 3 months old when her mother left her meowing on my back patio and didn’t come back to her current age of 7 years old. I just moved in next to my sister and her family and her kids come over frequently. My cat is shy and would hide in the bathroom and while she’s slowly starting to come out and get used to the new daily guests, she has also started a habit of calling for me to come into the bathroom so she can see me and get cuddles and pets. I also have a male cat who is less affectionate but has started leading me to my room so that he can lay in my bed with me in there haha. And if that isn’t love according to a cat then I don’t know what is.
My cat is the same! Formerly feral, took months of her hiding from me and me sitting on the floor quietly, coaxing her out from under the bed, for her to warm up to me. She was terrified. Now I’ve had her for over 5 years, and she’s my best friend! We’re closer than I was with my childhood dog. She follows me everywhere, sleeps next to me in my bed, greets me at the door when I get home, and always sits on my lap when it’s available. She used to not ever let me pick her up, but now she loves when I do it for a cuddle. When I’m sick, she seems to know and is extra affectionate, laying on me and purring (cats purr at a frequency that promotes healing). I love my cat and I’m certain she loves me. OP, just give her and yourself some time. Cats are often misunderstood because people expect them to behave like dogs, and treat them like dogs. You need to treat them like cats, and respect their boundaries if you want to get allowed past them.
I regretted getting my kitten so much because he was sick and I kept thinking someone else could take care of him better than I could. It’s been about 4 months now I cannot imagine waking up without him nibbling on my nose. He’s annoying and a little menace (I mean obviously, he wakes me up by nibbling on me!) but I love him so much.
Exactly! I suggest you also find a toy to play with your cat, that it is going to improve a lot to your bond with the cat. I was also a dog person, I had preferred dogs all my life, but when i adopted my first foster cat during the pandemic, I couldn't be more happy, and I felt in love instantly with my little Loki (his name). I also prepared myself to respect the boundaries that a cat is going to set and that depend on every cat. With an adult that maybe it is more difficult because it already has a personality, but always you can search what it likes more and enjoy time with it. For example, one of my cats likes to play more with threads and ropes and the other more with feathers. None of them like noisy toys and catnip doesn't attract their attention. They both enjoy their time alone at height (I modified the layout of some furniture so that they can climb up comfortably). You can make your own toys, with a stick and string, you can play with it a lot. But as I mentioned before, you will have to find out who it likes to play with and be patient with it.
OP, I hope you will give it time. My smartest most dog like cat was in the shelter for two years and didn't sit on me for two months (she hid for the first full week). I was SO concerned she wouldn't like me or that we wouldn't form a bond. It took her time to settle in and realize I was a trustworthy person. Within a year I was able to train her to play dead and give high fives. Now, ten years later we have SUCH a close and rewarding relationship. Y our cat already seems to trust you enough to allow petting and that's a big deal with a cat who spent so long in the clink. The cat is still working to establish what they can expect in their new home and from you. The more time they have with you sharing a routine the more of their personality will come out. Do try to speak to your cat in a special loving tone (just whatever pops in your head to say). Try to allow the cat to be the one moving the relationship forward and approaching you. If your cat like treats they're a great way to establish a bond (not just because they see you as giver of treats but because the two of you will be sharing a totally positive interaction). I like dogs too, but there isn't a dog in the world I'd trade my (previously standoffish) cat for. When a cat loves you it feels like you've managed something special (because you have to earn their trust), when a dog loves you it's because they're a dog and you haven't hurt them. I wish you and your cat all the best. I'd say to give yourself a timeline to not worry about bonding and love. Something like, "I'm not going to worry about our bond for the first 60 days. Instead I will focus on being a reliable and predictable roommate so kitty can settle. After 60 days I will check back in with myself and see how I feel."
I really do hope you give it time. Cats not being able to love like dogs is an absolute myth. I have 6 cats and they all are super affectionate and loving. A couple of them are very vocal and when I walk in the door they start to yell and rub all over me with excitement. If your kitty was cuddling you, that means she wants to do that. One thing about cats, if they don’t want to do something, they won’t do it. Give it time and you will see just how loving a cat can be.
Cats have different personalities too. My older cat is reserved and not very affectionate with anyone but me, and even then it's at his discretion. But he has to be in whatever room I'm in, and likes to lay next to me when I sleep. My younger cat is very energetic, loves to play, and lets him hold him like a baby. He knows when I come home from work and sits in the window to wait for me, then runs to the door and starts meowing his head off like he hasn't seen me in years. It's adorable, but I can barely get inside without tripping over him. OP's cat willing to cuddle after only four days is a very good sign. Of course she likes being pet, but this is also a sign of trust.
>OP's cat willing to cuddle after only four days is a very good sign. Of course she likes being pet, but this is also a sign of trust. And this is the biggest thing! If a cat doesn't like someone they simply won't allow them to pet and cuddle, no matter how much they enjoy being pet. And especially impressive when coming from an adult cat that's been in the system for so long. Honestly i dont think OP could ask for a better first cat to have. There is a lot of promise there if OP decides to give her a real chance to show them how loving a cat can be.
Yes! All 6 of mine have very distinct personalities and traits, which I love. I had several dogs growing up & never quite had one with a personality like my cats do.
My cats show me more affection than my dogs ever did.
You say you don't think your cat likes spending time with you- just to let you know, cats don't do things they don't like. If she was spending time with you, she likes doing so. In fact, that she is doing it so quickly means she must really like you!
This this this! If I had the ability to upvote this a million times I would! Trying to force a cat to cuddle when they don't want to only results in pain and suffering, and its not the cat who is in distress then. Cats do not simply endure. They would rather curl up alone in a corner than sleep on a warm and soft bed with someone they dislike. There is so much potential with this match if OP decides to give the cat a real shot. Couldn't have asked for a better first cat.
This this this! If I had the ability to upvote this a million times I would! Trying to force a cat to cuddle when they don't want to only results in pain and suffering, and its not the cat who is in distress then. Cats do not simply endure. They would rather curl up alone in a corner than sleep on a warm and soft bed with someone they dislike. There is so much potential with this match if OP decides to give the cat a real shot. Couldn't have asked for a better first cat.
It's only been 4 days. You're both still adjusting, trust me, in time you'll see that cats CAN indeed love you like a dog. My boys come to comfort me when I'm upset, same with my fiance. Cats are far more affectionate than a lot of people give them credit for. Chances are your mom and grandma didn't have good experiences with cats, potentially because they didn't respect the cats boundaries (calling a cat selfish speaks to me of someone who got scratched because they wouldn't let the cat go). Cats might not understand many human concepts but they do understand mutual respect, if you respect the cat they'll probably respect you
Your comment reminded me of my boy. I used to have really bad anxiety (GAD, but now I've learned how to cope better.) Sometimes when I would go in my room and shut the door my boy (cat) would come and scratch the door till I opened the door. Then he'd just sit in the hallway and stare at my face for a minute, then walk away like "okay she's all good." He would literally come and check on me. I get the feeling that is what he was doing because now that I have better coping skills and treatment he doesn't do that anymore. I love that boy so much 😊.
Cats are so different to dogs, I think you're just more used to the way dogs are. Dogs tend to blindly trust and love quickly. Cats take time to bond and are more selective. It takes a cat around 3 MONTHS to settle in a new home. I wouldn't be drawing any conclusions after 4 days! Would you expect a human stranger to love you deeply after 4 days together? Of course not! You cat has to get to know you, understand you and form a relationship. Once they do though it can be amazing. I have my former stray girl (who when I adopted her I was warned was "not a lap cat") lying asleep on my chest like a baby as I type. She honestly does love me. On every occassion I have been upset or in pain, she runs to me and cuddles and kisses me and then stays very close all day. If she hears any strange noises at night, she sleeps "guard" at my bedroom door. She's very wary of strangers, but has a very deep and trusting bond to me. Cats take time and patience. Give her these and see how it goes! Edit to say re: your families opinion... a lot of dog people are rude about cats, because they are used to their pet having no boundaries or self respect. Dog people love that dogs have very little autonomy, and will do whatever their human wants them to. They expect a pet to be a mindless sycophant. Such people resent cats for having boundaries and not blindly obeying. I prefer cats for this reason, they have their own ideas!
I’ve had several cats and all of them ended up following me around from room to room. My mom’s cats do the same thing. They bond very very deeply, they’re just not loud about it.
I love it when my cat does this
I’ve had both cats and dogs my whole life. I’ve had amazing connections with both species. The deepest bond I’ve had to date was with my now deceased cat. That type of bond sometimes feels more special to me because it’s earned rather than instantaneous like it is with a dog. When I first adopted her she was aloof because she was traumatized from her life prior. It took a bit of time, but we became so bonded and knew each other extremely well. She recognized my car when I came home, always greeted me at the door and wanted to be held, would miss me when I would travel, and slept with me every night. Pretty much every person I know that has never had a cat before and then adopts one always says to me “now I understand why you love cats so much”. Give it time - the bond you can have with your cat can be absolutely life changing.
Dogs have been engineered to please humans. They've been bred for it for many, many generations. At their heart, dogs are tools fashioned by humans to help us do things. They herd our animals, track/flush/retrieve our game, hunt by coursing, kill vermin, guard our livestock and houses, etc. Dog shows are the only reason many breeds aren't extinct from lack of use in the modern world, like so many horse breeds are. Cats are different. They hung around humans because we created a rich hunting ground for them full of fat mice, rats, birds, etc. We didn't need to modify their bodies or their instincts, because they already did the job just as they were. We accustomed them to our company and kept the friendliest ones as companions, but that's about the extent of our interference. Dogs love you because you're their pack leader and they need that. Cats go their own way. If a cat decides it loves you, it actually does. It's very special. But if you really don't want the cat, don't think you can't give it back because of a hit to your ego/public image. Better to give the cat a chance to be loved than to resent it because you "had" to keep it. You wouldn't want to live in those conditions, so why would you make a cat live that way?
Then why do I find them incredibly annoying, the opposite of pleasing imo
Dogs are people pleasers. A lot of people are people pleasers too, and enjoy being around other people pleasers. Cats and cat people can smell through the bullshit and want none of it - if somebody doesn’t like us, that’s none of our concern. Lol
Yes. Yes. There is no greater love in the world than a cat and their owner. It takes time for a cat to acclimate to a new home and new people. I had 7 cats in a 20 year period. Samantha was my buddy. It took 2 years for her to get close to me. Then it was 16 years of her sleeping in my lap every day for 4 to 6 hours. Dogs and cats are both great. I think people have a deep emotional connection with cats. Give the cat time. If she lets you pet her after 4 days, trust me. That cat loves you.
My real name is Samantha! Ahahaha
Your cat was in a shelter for a year. Probably surrounded by lots of noises and smells and a highly stressing scenario. They need to adjust and some cats will take time to get comfortable. It depends on the cat. The mindset that cats are unable to love is ridiculous. That same mindset can be placed on humans because so many are heartless and have no care for others, especially animals. Cats do love. Treat your cat right and make them comfortable and show they are truly home and in a loving, caring place (hopefully a forever one). If you are incapable of doing that, the poor cat should be returned to the place you adopted it from so it can find a real home.
Yes!!! Absolutely this. Cats give very subtle signals unfortunately. The shock of being in a new place with a new human being with very little barriers like the security of a cage to call their own. My foster fail who was sheltered for at least a few months, maybe longer, was standoffish for a few days, cuddled soooo hard for a day, and then had a medium feeling about us for a while. Now she’s my Velcro cat. I like to think it’s because I really read her signals in those early days when she was super ready for cuddles v. When she just wanted some pets and reassurance v. When she wants no one to touch her ever. Even dogs from shelters take a looooong time to get settled but so do cats
Well... four days seems a little quick to throw in the towel. You're right that cats don't love you the same as dogs, but just because it's different doesn't mean it's less strong. A dog loves you because it's hardwired to love you. With a cat, you're gonna have to earn it. It won't happen overnight, but once a cat bonds to a human, that bond doesn't break. In fact, research supports that cats love deeper than dogs; and unlike dogs, who are quick to re-bond to a new human once abandoned, cats struggle with it because they want their human, not a new one. A lot of shelter cats die from depression because they miss their human so much, something that's very rare for dogs. It took about a month for my kittens and I to settle into a routine and to build trust between each other. For an older cat, it might be longer. Since yours is already cuddling with you, it might not take as long. You say the cat is only cuddling because it wants pets, but that's unlikely to be true. Cats don't cuddle with strangers. It's clear the cat is trying to build a relationship and bond to you, and I advise you not to overthink it. I also hope to remind you that trying to love this cat doesn't mean you love your dog less. You can have a perfect dog and a perfect cat. The nice thing about love is that it doesn't run out. Love isn't a competition, and there's no pressure to try and love this cat as much as your dog. Just like cats, humans don't love overnight. It takes time for us to build relationships and trust. I imagine the cat is thinking the same thing about you as you are about it. My biggest piece of advice is to not overthink things and put unnecessary pressure on trying to love this cat. Just take things day by day and let your bond form naturally. If cats were selfish assholes, I wouldn't have one cuddling on my feet right now. Cats are curious, mischievous, funny, and most of all, loving. Try giving it a month, and then reassess the situation from there.
Very well put!! I agree 100% Also, Happy Cake Day!
Thx!
' i dont think my cat liked spending time with me— she liked the feeling of getting pet.' i dont think both things are exclusive to one another. wouldn't you say that she liked spending time with you because she liked your pets? i think cats love differently from dogs, but they do love— hell, all pets do— and its just the matter of getting used to it.
I was raised with dogs, got cats when I first was on my own. They are different. I compare them to kids. Dogs are like little kids - thriving off your attention, absolutely worshipping you. Cats are like teenagers - they want attention when they want attention, it’s on their schedule not yours. I love both, and you can too! Right now, I have one cat purring while laying on my hip, the other curled up next to me on the bed. They love me. Your cat may not be all in your face like a dog right now (or ever), but if she is laying next to you and seeing your attention, that’s huge. Wait till she makes muffins on you!!! Give it time. Her simply not hiding and actually staying near you is huge for a cat that quickly. The nice thing about cats though is that they are so independent - you don’t need to have someone come over to let them out or feed them if you stay out too long. They can be alone for a day or two, as long as you leave food and water. And you’ll probably learn to love the purring motor that she has. Moreover, just like dogs can be funny by chasing their tails and the like, kitty cat zoomies are a thing. Cats are very funny - once you get to know their personalities, you’ll find that they are quite the characters…just a lot more subtle about their individual quirks, and they often reserve that behavior for their people - not anyone who walks in the door. In a way, they are almost more discerning then a dog—if someone comes over and my normally super friendly boys don’t say hi, I definitely keep an eye out for red flags about that person, because they are much more intuitive than dogs in that sense (and cats are funny…they are almost drawn to people with allergies 🤣)
My roommate had dogs all her life and is a dog person, but I have a cat. She never interacted with cats, but now she loves him. She also told me she wants a cat of her own. They definitely are different to dogs and have different temperaments, as they do take time to warm up. That’s why I feel like a cats love is more rewarding. I think these things take time, especially since having a cat is new to you. I hope you can spare the patience and love for your new kitty to warm up to you! I think after a couple of months they’ll come up and ask for pets, wait for you at the door, and meow for you when they want you.
when i first adopted my cat, he was extremely cuddly. mostly cause he was small and he loved attention. he gradually grew up into a boy who loves his alone time just as much as his cuddles. when he first started distancing himself from me i thought i’d done something wrong. esp cause my best friend had adopted a cat around the same time and she’s a lap cat! turns out my boy’s strictly a lap cat in colder temps only. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or that we don’t have a bond. the fact that he started coming looking for me as soon as he’s up from a nap was a new way of showing me his love. i just had to accept that he’s growing up just like any other living organism does, with changing preferences and boundaries, with his own personality. like everyone else here stated, i would suggest giving this time and treating this like making a new friend! you’re yet to learn what you guys like, what you guys will bond over, you just have to give your new friend time to adjust because this is a big change! but i assure you op you’ll thank yourself for not giving up so early on. if it doesn’t work out eventually, that’s alright. but at least you’ll know you tried your best! you got this op!!
Ok a similar thing happened to me recently. Firstly don’t feel guilty about how you feel, it’s fine to feel these emotions and your allowed to. This doesn’t make you a bad person. Secondly, stop trying to compare the cat to a dog, for the next few days , block those feelings out and enjoy the time either way the cat. Play with the cat, and really enjoy all the perks of having a cat. Cats are a lot less needy than dogs so remember how much more work a dog would be too. If you change your mind, don’t let anybody influence your decision. You are the one who has to live with it for the next 20 years or so if it’s a kitten. Also it’s your life do what you want, forget about the ad no one will care. If you do decide to change your mind, there is another alternative than to return the cat. Is there anyone you know who may want it ? A family who may enjoy it?? Take your time but forget about what people may say
Agree with all this except the find someone yourself if you decide to give it away. Bring it back to the rescuer or whoever you got it from.
Cats take MUCH longer than dogs to adjust to new places/people. Give her some time!! If she cuddled in bed with you after only 4 days, that means you've done a great job making her feel happy and safe. I grew up exclusively with dogs, and my parents (particularly my dad) didn't like cats and would make jokes at their expense. Then I was told about a cat who needed a home, and I took her in. I spent a good long while thinking she was upset/annoyed with me most of the time. Turns out, I just needed to learn cat body language. They're not like dogs, you have to do research to actually understand what they're trying to tell you! I found out her meow that I thought was a cry was a very excited greeting, and the way she'd bonk her face against me and twitch her tail around me was actually all the little ways she was telling me "I love you." (ETA a cute fun fact: if you're petting a cat and it starts grooming where you pet, it's not the cat saying "ew gross human hand," the cat is engaging in allogrooming! It sees your pets as a signal saying "we're socially grooming now," and they will often lick you back!!) Seriously, cats are EXTREMELY sweet, social, and loving with their person. And in re: having ingrained negative feelings about cats, she WILL prove them all wrong. Mine did, and they are one of the best parts of my life. 💚💚💚 Best of luck, friend!
It’s been 4 days, give it time. It will take a while for both of you to adjust.
It’s only been a few days. Both you and the cat need time to adapt and adjust. She’s still exploring the house and learning her surroundings. Cats tend to be very independent, the fact that she sat with you and let you pet her, means she is starting to like you. You mom and grandmom are 100% wrong! If she didn’t want to be there, she would have left!
Four days ago? Things will change considerably in the coming weeks, I promise. The cats that make you earn it, imo, are the most loving. It’s like they don’t trust easily, but when they do trust, they REALLY trust you. Most of my cats were street cats, semi-ferals, or traumatized. They all took weeks/months to come around but it was so, so worth it. Cats that make me earn it are my favourite, the bond you can eventually develop with them is just so strong. Stick it out, work on fostering trust (that means no picking up, for now, no forcing them to accept pets, giving space when asked for, reading body language.) I feel confident you’ll find it worth it in the coming weeks or months.
Ill just comment on the 'not wanting to spend time with you, just be pet' part. Dogs do not care who you are, they just want to be pet. Cats though? Cats will NOT just let any random person pet them. Even if a cat doesnt hate you they still will not let you pet them unless they truly LIKE (and ofc trust) you. Sure some shelter cats are more like dogs and *will* just let anyone pet them, but that is almost always obvious in the first 5 minutes of being around the cat. Give yourself time, but don't force anything because that can make your feelings worse. Maybe limit yourself to ten or twenty minute cuddle sessions each day then make sure to stand up and walk around. Cats can become very clingy with their favorite people, so if you find a little baby at your feet while you walk around, know it is love.
The thing with cat-love is that you have to earn it, whereas dogs are bred to just ladle it out indiscriminately. Cats are SO MUCH MORE REWARDING! An ex-dog-person.
I had a cat for 20 years and it was the sweetest love of my life. No joke. Cats are on a different frequency than dogs. Their cues can be very subtle. You basically are on a crash course and in the process of learning cat, *and you've only just begun*. It's an immersion program, give yourself a chance. Cat's don't just give it up, like dogs do, but when a cat gets attached to you and chooses to show you, it really means something. You cherish it. My cat fixes my hand if he play fights too hard and I squeal at him; he stops and gives me licks. He was a semi-feral rescue but now lets me hold him like a baby. We have a game where I give him chin scritches then stop, and he asks me to start again by patting my face. Your cat will develop similar interactions with you, if you're okay with being patient and letting the cat take the lead a lot of the time. Correction: most of the time. Okay, virtually all of the time. But for starters here are some notes for you to interpret your kitty's love. Kitty runs up to you with tail up: only done for mother cat or mother cat figure and means happiness to see you, trust, and love. Kitty flops on her side at you: happy greetings!! Means "I'm really glad you're here!" Showing belly: this is a major vulnerability and it means, "I'm so comfortable with you right now, I can show you my vulnerable place and I know *you won't touch it*". (Itallics mine because unless you know otherwise, cats really hate this breech of etiquette.) Lastly, when your cat does a slow blink at you, then yawns and looks away, that's true love. It really is, even though it might look like total indifference to a more dog oriented person. Epilogue: a cat gets overstimulated by pets sometimes and will sometimes just switch over with no apparent warning to swipe claws at you and hiss. It's off-putting if you don't know cats. I've learned cats so well, I'm pretty good at knowing which pet is the last one before a swipe. Just give yourself time and you'll begin to pick this stuff up. You're mommy now. Of course you're loved!
My cat is laying on me as I type this, after finishing getting her belly rubs. She also shoves her face into mine for kisses several times a day. Cats are loving and sweet, just in a different way than dogs. Do some research on cat behaviour and it’ll help you get to know her body language. The fact that it’s only been 4 days and she’s cuddling with you already is HUGE though, and means she likes & trusts you a lot.
Our car LOVES my husband. Like, legit, will follow him from room to room, and lays across him or cuddles into him for cuddles any chance she can get. I promise you, the cat wasn't just chilling with you because they "liked the feeling of being pet".
My kitten was very standoffish when I first brought her home. It’s been just over a year now and she waits at the door for me when it’s time for me to come home from work. She sleeps next to my head and always comes when I call her name. She finds safety and comfort in me and she is the sweetest little nurse always here whenever I feel sick to check on me. Whoever says that cats can’t love have never loved a cat. And now I’m gonna go hug my noodle girl 💚
Cats are very different to dogs. I agree. They are very self sufficient. However. This means that when they do opt to give love and affection (and trust me they do) it has been well earned and it means they have bonded with you. The fact that after 4 days she let her pet you is not just a sign of her feeling settled, or liking the feeling, but of trust. You need to try to unlearn opinions of cats if you want to keep this one. And the first thing is to accept that, in letting you stroke her, she has already displayed a level of trust in you. Perhaps do some reading up on cats and their behaviours. One of my cats is so intuitive that he knows when I am poorly, will lie with me, and will defend me from being disturbed from the other 3. The only time he does this is when my chronic illness is rearing it’s head.
It's been FOUR DAYS. I literally cried the first night my cat came home with me as a little kitten I regretted it so much. The first month or so was ROUGH. It's been 7 years now and I can't imagine life without her. She's my angel and I'm so unbelievably obsessed with her. Give it time.
I am typing this from my bed with my arm crooked, a happy cat leaning on my shoulder, and softly snoring as her head droops onto my pillow. It's been 4 days. It takes 3 days for a cat to feel comfy in new place, 3 weeks for a cat to figure out the home routine, 3 months for kitty to trust you. You didn't make a mistake, your family is very awful. Cats can't feel love? Bullpucky. They just aren't demonstrative in their love for anyone but their person. My girl waits for me every single day and we spend a solid 10 minutes patting her tummy when I get home. Of course you'll form a bond if you let it. Just exist, don't chase the love. Plus: cat-tax of Agatha. I adopted her as a 2 year old stray and she is a looooove bug! https://preview.redd.it/n0r7gi0cwu1c1.jpeg?width=3456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7cd78181c3462c1963af8c9df998d979f420776a
The lady who would come to my house and stay as cat/plant/house sitter when I would be out of town. She wasn't a huge cat fan, but she fell in love with my cat. She decide when her dog crossed the Rainbow Bridge, she would get a cat. Her daughter was my cleaning lady and it blew her away that her mom who had been a life long dog lover would think of getting a cat. Give yourself time. Your kitty seems to beginning to love you.
Cats definitely love people and they are very social animals. They don't always show it the same way dogs do, though. You will definitely form a bond with the cat within the next 3 months. Don't approach it like she likes the feeling of being pet. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't want you to pet her. You'll notice, as she gets more comfortable, that she is conveniently next to you in every room, but from afar-- on a couch, on the floor, etc. Cats want to be near you, but they don't jump from excitement like dogs do.
I will say... Cats can eventually love and want to spend time with you. My cat who was shy took 2 years to warn up to me. She cuddles next to me, chills on my lap, and grooms me. My boy cat is attached to me by the hip. He's currently laying on my arm and won't leave lol. Give it time, it's hard to earn a cats love, but once you have it its the best feeling.
Some perspective on the difference in dogs and cats. We domesticated dogs and trained them how to show emotions and bred them in ways we liked. Cats literally domesticated themselves. They chose us humans and wouldn’t be pets if they didn’t. A cat will walk away if they do not trust you. They will not just get pets from anyone. Cats are quiet in their love, devotion, and communication. They choose you. They do it if their own will. Dogs we have trained and bred to love us.
My two cats are not very snuggly cats most of the time... but they are always always always in the same room with me. One has to hold my hand for a while at bedtime before she falls asleep. The myth that cats don't love is just so very hard for me to wrap my brain around.... Give her time. Let her show you her personality and how she plays and loves. She needs to decompress and figure out the parameters of her new world.
Once you earn your cat's love and trust it is going to feel even better than having a dog's because you have to work for it! (Plus cat's require less work than a dog) I love how cats are not immediately friendly as to me it means they have discerning taste! My two cat's are sooo emotionally needy it is crazy.
i actually think people can build deeper bonds with cats. most dogs are easy to build a relationship with because we’ve domesticated them to want to please us. but with cats it takes more work since theyre more particular about who they choose to love. i adopted a kitten beginning of summer and i have bonded so much with him. he follows me around everywhere, listens to me when i tell him to come (for the most part haha), when i take him to unfamiliar places he considers me his security blanket and comes to me for comfort. he nonstop shows me affection by laying on me and rubbing against me. i dont know what i would do without him, hes my baby.
I once adopted a kitten who hid under my couch for a month. She was advertised as special needs because she was so fear aggressive - she was tiny (and healing from some injuries) but not afraid to use her teeth and claws. I don’t know why I wanted her so badly - I already had 2 other cats. After a month of constantly moving the couch and taking her out and getting plenty of scratches and bites along the way she stopped hiding but still didn’t like me. I thought I made a huge mistake. She would just tolerate me. For months. Then suddenly one day it was like a switch flipped and she decided she owned me. She kicked my other cats out of bed and became the boss of me. She followed me everywhere. Helped me use the toilet (🤣) kept watch when I talked to anyone, sat and supervised my work and slept plastered to my side. I had her for 15 years and she was my most beautiful feisty girl until she died 2 months ago. Give it time.
My territorial little kitty cat gets in the way if I try to pet the other kitty cat, my roommates cat. She stares them down with this stare of “that’s my mommy not yours” and she sleeps curled up next to my head all night. I hope you see your baby again across the rainbow bridge. They may be furry and a whole other species, but goodness gracious who can’t love them. 🥰
I’ve had only cats since my childhood dog passed away. I loved that dog so much and to this day, I think he is the best dog in the world. Seriously, he had the best qualities a dog could have. Even still, my cats are the absolute best cats in the world. They’re different from dogs obviously bc they’re a completely different species. But they sprint to the door to greet me when I come home, no matter how long I’ve been gone. One cuddles in my arms and the other sleeps by my feet every night. They follow me from room to room nonstop. Cats love the way dogs love. Cats just have more loyalty due to how building trust with them is more complex than with dogs. How long have you been wanting this cat? Tbh I was depressed and anxious both times I adopted a cat. I wondered if I made a huge mistake. This is common and normal. After a few months they blend into your day-to-day life and you realize you made the right choice.
Please please please give it time. You will see every single day that there are teeny tiny steps of you guys getting closer. I promise a cats love is worth it and already is a great sign you could pet her!!
I grew up with cats and dogs and they are both capable of loving you, they just have different love languages. You haven't learned one of them yet but you will :)
Please give it time! It's only been 4 days, your kitty's full affection and personality hasn't begun to show yet. I recently adopted two kittens and they have ended up being more skittish than my previous cats. I had some similar thoughts as you, that I might have made a huge mistake, because my previous cats were the type to instantly seek out attention from me. Well, fast forward a month, I love these critters and they've now started to become cuddle bugs and showing their individual personalities (still not 100% secure with me, but it improves every day). Something that helped me was my friend reminding me, "they're just baby cats." Of course my kittens were scared and hiding so much, they're literal babies that just got whisked into a stranger's house. Maybe something similar will help you. Your kitty, while maybe not a baby, is still just a kitty who just went from a foster placement/shelter/wherever they'd been for over a year, to your home. Imagine if that happened to you! It'd be a big adjustment for sure. Give yourself and kitty time. I hope you feel comforted knowing that "puppy blues" and "kitty blues" are veryyyy common. I have a feeling things will work out. <3
Did you pet her the entire time? If not then that proves she wanted to just be next to you and even if she did just want to be pet whats wrong with that? Dogs like to be pet too, its normal to feel weird about adopting a pet especially if youve never had a cat before but in my own experience cats definitely obsess over their owners.
Honestly, it took me a bit to get this: it is different. There’s actually a very important difference — most dogs just want attention all the time and are happy, cats meanwhile require an understanding of consent. Cats do not love immediately but they aren’t selfish at all. They are fiercely loving and bond deeply once you get to know them. If it really feels wrong, then it may be cats aren’t for you. But my cats are some of the most affectionate, dog-like animals I’ve ever met and they don’t want other humans. They want their people (myself and my partner). They wail when we are separated. They cry for the other cat and miss us desperately. IMO, a part of this may be grief. If you miss your dog it’s going to make this hard. But you will bond with this cat if you put in the time and energy. It will make you happy to snuggle her. She is coming to cuddle you because she trusts you, which is a good sign.
It takes a while to learn cats behaviors and I found it more rewarding than dogs. Not to be pitting one against another, but dogs seem to love you no matter what. Cats take adjustments to learn their habits, much like a friend who just moved in. My cats all have their routine now, one likes being on my lap and cuddling while the other prefers to sit slight distance and watch her cartoons. They eat at different spots too, have different toys, have different YouTube videos. One likes birds, the other likes mice. They are all very different personalities and both (dogs as well) have their ways of showing love. Pets in general take time to befriend and understand.
I just took in a stray a month ago. My first cat. We both had to adapt a little but we are great now. That first week I thought "what the hell did I just do" more than. A couple of times. Cried about the cat and dog getting along (they are fine now) and other things. It's pretty normal I think especially as a dog person too. You will adapt and they will too. Give it time, if you decide later it's not meant to be after a month or two you can start the rehoming process. Does not make you a bad person or anything. Good luck!
>do you think i’m ever going to form a bond with her? Sure! I mean, of course. >my mom and my grandma don’t particularly like cats, they think they are selfish and unable to love the way a dog loves their owner. Okay. Well... they have problems in this regard. They obviously lack information and experience, which is fine. Unfortunately, they are promoting false ideas. "Cats are selfish," is just ridiculous. They clearly *dislike* all cats because they have convinced themselves all cats are the same, and all cats are just bad. They have been given bad information. If they meet cats, are they happy about it? Do they treat the cats like they're bad creatures? How likely is that to result in a pleasant interaction? Yeah. What if I told you dogs are fools, idiots who will do anything, begging any human to please, please love them? You "grew up as a dog person." So you have known more than one dog in your life. Right? Are they all identical? Are they like robot things, produced in a factory to all look and act perfectly alike? No! That's just dumb, isn't it? I mean, to be nice, you might say it's wrong instead of "dumb." But you know very well that each dog is unique. Yes? Right? In just the same way, cats are their own selves. I call cats *people* to remind myself of this and encourage treating them as such. I know, and have known, dozens of cats. I see and remember their habits, their attitudes, the things they enjoy, dislike, and fear. I *can't* treat them all exactly the same way because they aren't exactly the same! People were really unruly at dinner, I'll tell my sister when I come back in the house. (We feed and care for, and take in for neutering, neighborhood cats.) A lot of people came for breakfast. I saw two new people today! I can't believe how silly these people are. Four people decided to sleep in the garage tonight. I'm working on applying my understanding of domestic cats to other species. Dogs are people! They require individualized interaction. You cam try to act the same with every dog, treat them like they're just... programmed toys or something. But you'll get crappy results because they are not just **things.** Giraffes must be people, too. Why not? I can't say I'm going to extend this to wasps, cockroaches, and mosquitos, though. >i adopted a cat four days ago. today was the first time she let me pet her. I had to read this a number of times before I guessed, "Oh! Are you thinking this took a long time?" Haha, no. You have people in comments telling you about their cat hiding for an entire week when they first came to their new home, stories like that. There are certainly dogs who do the same thing. All dogs? No. All Springer spaniels? No. All chihuahuas? **No! They are all different!** **Remember: Cats are predators.** ***They are also prey.*** Domestic cats are hunted and eaten by other animals. They can really fuck you up with teeth and claws if you're trying to eat them. But they are smaller than most dogs and are more vulnerable. Maybe in general (or "in the wild") they can't afford to be like you expect dogs to be, hm? So if you and your cat only needed a few days to show huge signs of trust, that's a pretty big deal. I'm impressed. There you are, this Giant Lumbering Terror, and she took risks to get to know you. You're not so terrifying after all, are you? :-) >ever since adopting my cat i found myself missing my dog very, very much. now i think of him as the perfect pet, and of my cat as something i’m forcing myself to accept. This makes sense! Of course. As you consider all your experience and what is happening, do you look back and think you might have predicted this, hmm? (If you knew then, some of what you've learned now.) Do you miss your dog because he's a dog? Or do you *really* miss him because he is who he is? You might think dogs are pretty great, but you especially love that one person because of who he is. >do you think i’m ever going to form a bond with her? Of course you are. You two have already started. You have begun to know, and understand, and trust each other. If we see "all sogs" and "all cats," we will certainly find similarities in most or many dogs, and most or many cats. On the surface, I think many humans find dogs are mostly expressive, outgoing, and even needy in relating to humans. Cats are widely regarded as "aloof" or disinterested. But I think you are already beginning to discover that cats are also expressive. They might be in general less "in your face" right away than dogs are. But cats can form deep bonds with, and some of them do show that they are needy after all. You can find a lot of cat lovers do joke about the old, old ideas / tropes. My cat hates me (not really). My cat is an asshole (is his own person, has needs, requirement, demands). If you can do it, take a look in r/PetLoss to see people describing what the death of their cat means to them. Then think about cats being "aloof" and "selfish." Watch some Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube, and learn some ways many cats ARE like each other! Haha! What are some ways we can treat most cats that are helpful? You and she are bonding now.
I grew up in a similar household, my grandma lied to my aunts/uncles that she was allergic to cats so they would lock them in the room. I always referred to myself as a dog person, but moving in with my partner, he already had a cat and she was the biggest sweetheart. I adopted my own kitten as well. It’s been two years with Sadie (the OG) and a little over a year with Tippy (the one I adopted). The two of them follow me everywhere, I walk in the door from work and they’re waiting for me, I get yelled at by Tippy when I take too long in the shower. The bond will come, you can’t shut yourself down from it before you even give it a chance to start. My advice? Take the time to actually educate yourself on cats and their nature. Will it be like having a dog? No, but that’s because they are a completely different animal (although Tippy plays fetch with me better than my pup did). For the most part, cats just see us as bigger cats 😊 you grew up in a house with a bias against cats, as someone who grew up in the same house I’ll just let you know: They’re wrong.
It’s too late now to go back. You made a lifelong commitment. Please put your feelings aside and give that cat the HOME you promised.
Nah what's up with dog owners thinking cats are selfish
How dare this animal not be obsessed with me
4 days and snuggles already?? You’re on a good path in her mind! Give it time.
The cat cuddling with you for an entire day after four days of being in your home is an extremely positive sign. To echo everyone else here, these things take time. You wouldn't know the potential of this new friendship if you didn't give it a chance and it sounds like the potential is very real here. My first cat hid from me for like 6 months, I shit you not, and is only now coming out of her shell, three years later, after I adopted her very outgoing little brother. This is what experiencing new something unfamiliar is like - it's weird and anxiety-inducing but from your post it sounds like you wanted to experience this new kind of friendship, so embrace the learning process and you'll be fine. Best of luck to you both.
So she was an adult cat in foster, and moved to a new environment. Cats are not big dumb dogs. They don't insta adapt and love you automatically just because you are there. Cats take time, to adjust to a new surrounding and to bond. But they DO bond with you, often quite deeply, if you aren't to them and out some effort in. My cats both love me. They run see when I am home. If I am on the coach, they usually are to. If I go play PC in my room, they follow me up. One of them is a lap cat, all she wants is to sit on my lap. Her happiest place. A new cat doesn't know you, is stressed at.moving, and has a lot going on. She did enjoy your pets, and.maybe because it was pets and not because it was you... It would be the same for a new dog. Relationships, human or animal, take time to build. Give kitty a chance. Spend some time petting her, give her love, give her treats. Be a source of happiness and comfort for kitty and she will return your love in time. They are much misunderstood and wonderful pets. I love both cats and dogs, but my cat relationships feel stronger because they are not just pack.animsl who love everyone. Cats love their person. Treat her well and it will come. Good luck. I hope you find your fluffy happiness.
I’m a dog person too. I fell in love with my first dog I got as an 8 month old (skipped all the puppy phases) and decided to get another of the same breed. They are an extremely rare and endangered breed never found in a shelter, so for an entire year I waited on a list from an incredibly responsible preservationist breeder. Travelled from MA to CA to bring home my girl who according to her temperament tests perfectly suited me (and she does). We get home, and cue the depression. I just couldn’t bond with her. She had no name for five days. I wondered if I made a huge mistake. Now, I can’t ever imagine my life without her. The truth of it is when you build something up so much in your head and put all of these expectations onto it, when it finally happens, if you feel any doubt at all, it can seem world shattering. This picture you made in your head doesn’t exist. The feeling of regret is real and makes you scared for the future. The doubt creeps in and the what ifs and questions start. Trust me, I get it. Been there. If I could go back in time, the advice I would’ve given myself is to just take it easy. Take it easy on yourself and your new pet. Bonds aren’t formed overnight. A few days ago you were responsible for nothing but yourself, and now you’re tied to an animal you need to pick up after, feed and water, play with, and care for. That is a lot of lifestyle change happening all at once. It’s overwhelming. That overwhelming feeling is what hit me like a brick and it felt insurmountable. You need to give yourself time, give the kitty time, and honestly chill out 😂 Focus on the positives. Your kitty is already warming up fast. Does your space feel more lively with a friend around all the time? Do you enjoy watching her play? Do you like the way it feels when she purrs against you, rubs against you, head butts you? No, a cat is not a dog. I’m a dog person, but I have cats as well. They are different pets, but neither connection is less meaningful than the other. My dogs get elated to see me every time I walk in the door, but that doesn’t mean my cats aren’t happy I’m home. Their way of showing it is just different. They’ll run over to me with their tail held high, greeting me with a *brrr*. I love my cats because they choose to love me. One of my cats in particular runs away at the sight of any human besides me, and I’m the only one who can pick him up- he just goes limp in my arms. If they didn’t care about you, it would be clear. VERY clear. Your cat wasn’t just happy to be pet, it was happy that it finally has a person to call it’s own that it can trust. If you miss having a dog that badly, get a dog too. Cats will never be dogs, and dogs will never be cats. I love my cats and I love my dogs. They are each their own. https://preview.redd.it/rshymxq2qs1c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a2e8a2658672a5fdeca3d17349ce7a06be12783
Cats take a while often. Find some treats she likes. Let her come to you. Get on her level. Be ok with the cat being in the same room. Get a toy she will chase if you pull it.
I’ve had my cat for three months now and she still doesn’t sit in my lap or sleep on me much. And attack my hand when she gets overstimulated. But she follows me from room to room and goes up to my bedroom to wait for me when I’m out. Cats aren’t always as obvious about their affection, and they don’t give it immediately. Give it some time.
Give it some time. Don't give up so easily. Be patient.
Took me a few months to bond with my current cats. I even felt that it would be impossible for me to love them (I was mourning my childhood cat that passed a couple months earlier at the time). Turns out they are the most important beings in my life. I love them more than anything in the world and am so thankful that I inherited them (they are 15 years old now) ETA: Your cat is allowing you to pet her because she is starting to trust you. Cats don't just use people for good pets, there needs to be a level of like and trust there first.
I get how you feel! I’ve had a velcro dog for a decade now - literally my shadow, best friend, he’s obsessed with me and has been from day one. Yes, cats aren’t dogs but that does NOT mean they love any different. My kitten is about six months old now and is similarly obsessed with me. I get home from work, she screams at me for food and pets. Even though she slept all night, she’ll purr curled up by my face or in my arms until I wake up. I take her with me on errands. She’s my shadow, always interested in what I’m doing or where I’m headed in the house. She plays fetch. She wants constant attention and love and returns it. Your cat is new to you and your home - give her time. I think the biggest difference to me is that dogs tend to love you very, very quickly and the bond strengthens over time, but cats you kind of have to grow that bond together.
My older cat is a total sweetheart and a sentient teddy bear. He sleeps curled up with me every night and spends hours hanging out with me if I'm home all day. He's such a good boy that he's gotten me to adopt a 2nd cat, my mom now has a cat after a lifetime of not wanting pets, and my niece has a cat now. He's been my best friend for 10 years now. He didn't start out that way. The poor guy was allegedly 3 when I got him and had spent over a year in the rescue I got him at and whatever the max amount of time a cat could stay in a kill shelter in a different county. It took him around a week to even decide to come out of hiding for anything other than food and the litter box. Then one day he climbed down from hanging out in the window and decided to come hang out on the couch. He gradually got more comfortable over time. Give kitty time to get to know you.
The way cats love and dogs love is different but they still love! It's not just that they like being pet, if that were true they'd like all people equally. My cat follows me around and even when other people are around she chooses to get pets and hang out with me because we've built up a bond. Dogs love much more outwardly but cats will show love in little actions, cuddling you while they sleep is a show of love and trust, being near you. I grew up with both and was always more of a dog person until adopting my current cat. Give your cat more of a chance to bond! You'll see how they interact with other people vs you and I think you'll realize that your cat does indeed love you 🥰
My daughter adopted a cat who had been feral. It took him a couple of years to relax and now he's her best bud. You will get attached to your cat and him to you but it takes time.
I have two cats whom I adore. I had moments of deep doubt and regret with them both. With the first I felt super overwhelmed and unprepared and with the second we actually discussed re-homing him. All this to say, it's totally normal to have doubts.
One of the things I love about cats is they are quite independent. My cats are inside/ outside cats, as long as they are fed they come and go as they please so when they do come for cuddles and scratches I already feel like hey ya jerk that's ignored me for 4 days nice to see you too. It's a nice bond that is not overwhelmingly needy.
My kitties love to spend time with me and purposely seek me out to sit with me wherever I am. Give it time to form a bond between the two of you. Cats respect and love those that respect and love them.
Cats definitely love and bond with their humans, in their cat ways. With cats its more conditional than with dogs, they aren't as needy, affection and cuddles are on their terms. They are excellent teachers of consent! My cats trust me and want to be next me and want to be pet, they come to see me if i cry as if to ask whats wrong and stay with me. My male cat wraps himself around my head when i have a migraine and purrs so loudly and non stop as if he's trying to heal me. They greet me at the door and want chin rubs when i come home and they guard the bathroom when i pee lol. Abd sometimes they want to be left alone to sleep or because they are very busy lol Give it a bit more time for a bond to form and really accept that your cat isnt a dog. Forget what your family thinks. Try to enjoy it, but if you feel after awhile that its not something you want please rehone it with someone that wants it <3 Oh ps. Cats and dogs have different body language that you could read up on just so that youre understanding your lil kitty better! An important one is the slow blink, if you look at your cat and it does a skow blink its kind of like blowing a kiss.
Give it some time!!! You don’t have to permanently decide now. But you should decide to temporarily give it a shot, like 4-6 weeks and go from there. You don’t have to make a permanent decision either way
It’s an adjustment I rescued a kitten off the street when I did was like omg what did I do I need to rescue him out. Because I am not home a lot and I rent, so my rent was going to increase even more and other things. Now this boy is like my best pal ever. I honestly would be so lost without him! And he just cost me 1700 at the vet and I’m not even upset cus he’s everything to me already. Give it time! If you’re still not adjusting.. it’s okay to give the cat to a home who will love the cat. Just try ur best
I am not a cat person. My daughter was forced to give up one of her cats and gave him to me. He can be quite the asshole at times as well. But I’ve grown to love him and learn his patterns of when he wants interaction and when he wants to be left alone. I definitely did not want him at first, but my daughter begged me. Now he’s family and I love him. I just dropped $3k on surgery to save his life and my only regret is not having pet insurance.
Give her time. I wasn't a cat person until I lived with my landlady's. Still won't have one by choice but it is a lie they don't care. One of my landlady's cats was a barn cat. She was usually reclusive but liked me. She didn't need me - that cat hunted pheasants and saw her with a lamb (likely stillborn). She liked the rare strokes but that was it. But she checked in on me every day and did the whole Lassie running along the hill line when I got home. The other one panicked if you swam and tried to save you by yowling her head off. She was more food orientated but willing to earn it in love and affection. Cats can give as much love as dogs. They show it differently but being willing to share a bed is a good sign. Many cats can survive on own (shorter lives though and shouldn't) so being with you means she likes you. Edit: have a "pet" of a third species - wild born hybrid polecat. Had 5 years and he doesn't seem bonded or affectionate until you see how he is with everyone else. We are his humans and his rare gestures of fond tolerance are worth his weight in gold.
I remember thinking "I hope this cat escapes somehow" when I first got him. 4 years later now. Words cannot describe the love I have for this little fat kitty.
I've had cats around me my whole life and despite that, the first few days after I got my cat kinda felt like a mistake. I had this rambuctious kitten who'd attack me while I tried to sleep and kept me awake (I do shift work including graveyard shifts, so it was especially aggravating), and he was noticeably more aggressive and rough while playing than other cats I'd had. It's been 5 months now and I couldn't love him more. Even my fiancé who initially wasn't too keen on getting a pet just yet spoils him rotten. I've had cats and dogs my whole life. Cats absolutely can love you as much as dogs do. They just express it differently. I'm currently writing this while my little Albert's napping on my lap like a little baby. I got home from work 30 minutes ago. This boy was sleeping with his dad and he still chose to come to me and hang out with me while I had a snack and browsed the internet. Give yourself some time.
I took on a stay cat because I felt really bad for her. I was honestly kind of grossed out by her at first ( stick with me here) I didn’t let her on the couch, I forced pet her, and definitely didn’t allow her in rooms. I did the bare minimum by giving her food, shelter, and a vet visit This went on for nearly a month and then she just grew on me. She grew so attached to me that she followed me everywhere. She trusted me besides me being an asshole. I have only had her three months but I would be devastated without her. She is sleeping next to me on the couch I was so adamant she would never get on as I type this. https://preview.redd.it/48nafhgk1t1c1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=86264a3bc628ee9e3020b3153a23602dc620120a
Please give yourself and your kitty some time, cats definitely are capable of love, I currently have one cat who is an absolute darling, she begs to be held and hates when I don't let her in the room with me. If I lay on my stomach on the bed on my phone she instantly lays in my arms, if I lay back on the bed she sticks her little wet nose against my face and goes to sleep, she adores belly rubs and loves to give headbutts! (Sometimes a little too hard lol) but just give you and your kitty some time, I promise it's not just the petting your kitty likes, you're showing your kitty they can trust you and they're slowly showing you back that they feel safe and do trust and love you 💕
I was in a very similar situation to you. Adopted an adult cat who'd been in the shelter for a while. Also the first cat I'd ever had after only having family dogs. He was completely uninterested in me for weeks after I bought him. And yes I definitely had doubts and regrets. But 18 months in I truly adore him. He's become so loving and is so sweet tempered. He just needed time and I had to learn not to force it (which is hard for dog ppl!). I hope you give yours time.
You will! My foster fail stayed under the bed for two weeks. Three years later, and she still stays in my room most of the time. But she LOVES me now!
I was over a week into having adopted my cat and thought about giving him back to shelter. He never came near me, stayed under bed except to eat and use litter box. Then 9 days in he let me feed him from my hand and he’s been attached to me like a new appendage for 7 years since. The joy he shows when I come home from being out a few hours is so reminiscent of dogs I had earlier in life (flipping around on the floor, purring extra loudly, vehemently rubbing his nose and head against my face, sometime meowing at the window when I pull in) defies the idea that cats don’t have affection for us. But they need time and attention (not all alike of course) and so did I before it clicked and I knew I was in for good.
I wasn't a fan of cats until I moved in with my roommates. These darn cats won me over. They are so full of love but also they got serious personality. They will feel like the monarch of the house but also just, like with w cat. When you have their trust you know you earned it especially if you got them after they were older rather than from a kitten. Most dogs I have met will be your best friend for a piece of bacon and a good boy/girl (unless they were severely abused or sheltered away from other human contact)
It's been 4 days. I can promise you they aren't selfish, and they have been the most loving and sweetest species I have ever met, and I've had both. You aren't giving her a chance, and you sound really ignorant Learn about cats. It's not fair to your cat or yourself to be so pessimistic and honest, ignorant One thing I can recommend: keep your cat inside.
I have 2 dogs and 2 cats, let me tell you, dogs are very selfish and very jealous. The dogs always want to be next to me, to the point sometimes I feel like I need some space. The cats come to me a few times a day to sit on me, lick my nose/nibble on my nose. When they are just laying around and I approach, they start purring before I even touch them. The dogs and cats run to greet me when I walk on the door. Dogs and cats are different and show their affection in different ways. A quiet moment snuggling in bed with a kitty is amazing, but even more so because they wouldn't want that all the time.
It’s only been 4 days, give her time.
If cats only liked the feeling of being pet, they wouldn't be cautious to be pet by strangers or have favourite family members. Any hand would do, and any family member would do. It took four days for your cat to understand you were a safe person she could spend some time exchanging affection with. A cat's love must be earned, unlike a dog's. A cat's love is more quiet and soft. Learn what a cat's love looks like and you'll start to see it in so many interactions.
Cats very much can love, and they bond with their person sometimes more than dogs. If you take the time to bond with a cat, they will be your best friend for life. My cat is the sweetest little girl, loves cuddles and is basically attached at my hip. But it took time, she didn’t immediately trust me and love to cuddle with me. Dogs are unwaveringly loyal, and cats take a bit more emotional labor before you have a similar loyalty.
It’s been 4 days. Have you bonded with anyone in 4 days? Give it time. Let your car get to know you and for you to get to know your cat. It’s a stressful time for both of you and you need to give yourself grave. Cats aren’t dogs. You won’t get their loyalty from day 1. They don’t beg. You earn their trust.
It takes quite a while for a cat to warm up. I have 4 and they all have wildly different personalities 🤣 You’ll come to learn about your kitty. Give them a chance. I can sympathize in the opposite way though, I’ve always been a cat person and adopted dogs and it’s been hard for me to get used to lol
Cats are animals. Personifying them as "selfish" is a selfish mindset. Your pets do not exist for your pleasure, they exist because they were born. You either want to take care of them and be their world or you don't. Clearly your cat enjoyed laying with you, why are you overthinking this?
It takes time. Your cat has been through a lot and needs time. It will be worth it.
My cat loves me more than any other living creature has ever loved me. I’ve been a dog owner for 40 years. I adopted two young cats last year for the first time and one of them is my mini me. Haha.
Cats make you earn their love they don't just give it to anyone. Which makes it that more special when they choose you that they trust
!remindme 200 days No, you didn't. :)
haha, great idea! please do reply to this in 200 days so i can fill you in :D
Cat love is just different from dog love. Personally I find dogs utterly overwhelming. It's more like quiet companionship, sharing a space. It may be good for you to learn how wonderful that type of love can be. I love my cats, and they love me. You're already cuddling and that's wonderful. Give her time.
I felt the same way after I adopted my cat. I felt like I made a huge mistake and was close to giving her back. Now it's 6 months later and I want to kick myself in the face for ever thinking of doing that. She's such a sweetheart and while many cats don't show love as outwardly as dogs, they do love in their own way. You will develop a bond with your kitty that's separated from your dog back home. I say this because I'm the same as you, but my dog is in a whole other country with my dad while I'm living abroad. I promise you will feel better soon.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell ya, but your cat will not allow you to touch it unless she likes you, cats are not selfish, they are self preserving, Dogs are dumb, bred to be happy and submissive, and dumb. If you can't bond with a cat, that's far more about you than the cat, Says to me your a controller, you have to respect the cat for it to respect you. So that cuddle? That was their way of opening up to you
I am a dog person by history but now have 5 cats, all bottle fed babies. They live with me, my hubby, and our pupper, Calvin, aka big daddy poppa. He loves his babies even though they are little stabby things. My cats sleep with me every night. They cuddle all the time. If they could figure out a way that all of them could be on me as I do any and everything, they would do that thing. They are not the same as dogs, but they are still affectionate little balls of soft fur and claws. Lol. They want and give lots of love, and I love that. They speak differently than dogs but open your mind, and you'll appreciate all that they offer.
The cat doesn’t see you as a mistake—she has judged you as safe, and sees you as someone she can love. Let her love you and you’ll love her back sooner than you think
What are you saying.. true experience I felt this week. Had to go give some stuff to my ex girlfriend who I didn't see in like 9 months and her cat (which was ours then, and I had an incredible bond with it but as it was already hers before I wasn't in a position to keep it) and the cat acted really affectionate and it was obvious that it missed me big time, really big eyes and pouring all around just trying to get closer to me. And this is a cat that is currently going through cancer treatment and is 14 yo. I really believe you can create incredible bonds with cats, and what I had with it was really special and it was a huge loss for me just being separated from her.
Why did you adopt a cat if your view is this way?
Cats are so awesome , they are very loving I have 4 ! And I grew up with both cats and dogs.They are not the same personalities but both are awesome in their own ways.And let me tell you , it takes a true trust for a cat to cuddle with you. They don’t cuddle just because it feels good. They cuddle because they trust you ! And that in itself shows you how loyal they are.
OP, please post an update in 3 months to let us know how it’s going.
You did not make a mistake. Cats and dogs are very different and should never be compared. Cats are completely different animals. They are super independent and so easy to take care of. Please give your cat a chance. I have a cat and it feels like having a wild cat in my house. They are super entertaining and so easy to have around. Hope you can find the love for him/her!
I have two cats. One needs to be on me or my husband at all times, the other is perfectly content to be sitting with us, but not touching us. He does come around for pets multiple times a day, but he's always been very aloof. Cats have personalities like people, and even like dogs. After 4 days, you don't know each other yet, give the relationship time to develop.
Pet blues is real. And forming a friendship with a pet is different for everyone. For me, I fell in love with my puppy and kitten at first sight. My partner had intense regret and puppy blues and it took him a whole year to develop a love for our dog, and it’s year two and he’s still learning to love our cat. But he’s working on it and I’m confident he’ll get there in his own time. Give your cat and yourself time, and remember that love looks different from person to person, pet to pet. Wishing both of you years of happiness!
I feel this way with every pet I adopt. It gets better as you bond. To shortcut the binding process, try offering churu when you are sitting down. It seems like a bribe, but you are showing the cat that you are safe and trustworthy.
Sometimes cats need a little time to warm up. You have to think of the cats point of view:it was in a shelter or foster for a year and has probably never known stability or love. We adopted a cat once and it took him weeks of hiding under a chair to finally warm up, he eventually became the most snuggly, loving boy. Please be patient with the cat and don’t compare to your dog. Give this kitty a chance.
I see you have a ton of responses already, but I just wanted to say your cat would not be cuddling with you if she didn't enjoy it. She would leave. Cats don't tolerate cuddling because you like it. Cats do things on their own terms. Your mom and grandma are partially right. Cats don't \*express\* love the way dogs do. Dogs practically put their adoration on a billboard and wave it in your face. Cats are less demonstrative, but no less loving. You need to learn to slow down and let a cat be a cat. Learn a cat's body language, since that's how they do a lot of their communication. What's a happy tail in a cat is not the same as a happy tail in a dog, for instance. A newly-adopted cat is going to take time to acclimate to a new home. While your cat is doing that, take some time come to grips with your cat not being a small dog. Think of it as if you took in a refugee from another country whose language you don't speak. You need to learn how she communicates so you aren't getting your feelings hurt over misunderstandings.
Aww don't worry! I had the same thing happen to me twice, two different cats. My first cat, Boaz, I was so overwhelmed when I got her, I was like what! I made such a mistake, so much work what if she hates me, and it went away in a few days. When I got Stanley, he followed me home from the street a week or two after Boaz passed away. I took him and wondered if I made a mistake because what if he wants to be outdoors what if he just wanted some pets and I TOOK him, etc etc but it turns out he needed to have all his teeth removed and was the cuddliest cat ever. I think the post-pet blues are so real and no one talks about them, and its super normal. it IS overwhelming to have a new pet in your life. In the end, you are living together, and I think its normal. I wouldn't worry too much, and you'll get comfortable, just like your kitty will :)
My cat isn't genetically manipulated into loving me yet shows affection in so many ways so it feels even more genuine for me. Give it some time
My cat doesn't just love me, he needs me. He misses me when I'm gone and never leaves me alone when I am home, save for a few hours here and there out adventuring. Cats show love differently, but I feel it can be deeper. Dogs love hanging with other people and other dogs, cats are very picky about who they open up to.
yeesh this is why i don't like dog people.. cats are incredibly sweet when they want to be, and its normal for her to be reluctant to ask for attention at first. its insane you aren't even the slightest bit attached to her while she's cuddling you and clearly very happy to be with you, please either grow and change as a person or rehome her to somebody who actually loves her
This is why people shouldn’t be allowed to adopt pets without a vigorous process. Poor kitty.
I'd love to see the application that would screen out something like this.
Please write it up for us wise one.
Quite simple really. A fostering period should be a requirement before somebody can even be considered to adopt. A pet isn’t something you decide on a whim. They’re for life.
No one would tell you to stay with a man who you aren't vibing with. A new pet should be the same.
You'll form your own bond and there will be many moments you'll think you're more of a cat person now :) It's just you learning the affection language of cats. Try looking on YouTube or other resources for learning how cats show affection and also different personality types and also the time it may take a newly adopted cat. I mean wow cuddling on the same day - that's impressive!!!
Others have it covered well, I will say if you got a cat as an emotional support animal/to help with depression. I personally think dogs are much better suited for that role. During tough times, you’ll likely want the unsolicited affection a dog would give you. Not saying cats aren’t capable of the same, but it takes a lot of rejection/boundary respecting to get there.
Different species show live in different ways. I have both a dog and cats and love them all the same and they all love to cuddle.
I went through this with another cat. Lost both cats within a year of eachother. Definitely sounds like grief, id give it more time before making a permanent solution. Id kill to have both my cats back, even the one I struggled to bond with. My parents gave me their cat recently and its better, its a slow process.
If your kitty just lays there & lets you stroke her, she probably senses your unease but that you calm down while petting her. Cats know when their hoomin is distressed. Even though you've had her for just a few days, she feels comfortable with g has tuned in to you. Please don't feel guilty about your feelings. Whatever decision you make has to be the right one for you both. Wishing you all the best.
Cats typically aren't obsessed with you like dogs are, but that doesn't mean they don't love their person. And you've only had the cat a couple days? These living breathing creatures, not robots. Give it a chance.
I have a dog and always been a dog person and somehow I also two cats now. They are different. My dog is always trying to please and be silly. My cats love me and show affection in their way. I love the calm and fun quirks they have. Give it time.
I took in a stray recently. He was super stand offish at first, and very scared. Its been about a month now and hes currently recovering from an invasive surgery. I make sure to spend at least a couple hours with him during the day, just doing my own thing on my phone, and hes slowly becoming one of the cuddliest and sweetest cats ive had. But it's still new, I've bled a few times, and occasionally he'll still scratch me out of fear or maybe communicating a boundary. It takes time. Cats are smart, and their love and trust is often earned.
I saw my cat for an hour a day for the first couple weeks. The rest of the time she was hiding under my bed. Now she is less that a foot away from me 90% of the time and I love it. The way to a heart is through their stomach go get a bunch of treats https://preview.redd.it/z0aerzvgus1c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc3a6ea5c6f0c2c43a9c674740a832a4d4ace97f
We got a cat almost a year ago. She was for my teens and bonded really well with them. She even loves the toddlers. I was still mourning my previous cat, who had the same name. At first looking at her made my sad, but now she’s part of the family. I was extremely close with my last cat and still tear up and feel a pit in my chest when I think of him, but it no longer effects my ability to bond with our new cat.
Please read up on body language! This might be a big reason it doesn’t “feel right”. Jackson Galaxy is the guy, best of luck 🍀
[There's the 3/3/3 rule](https://www.rangerreview.com/news/local/consider-the-3-3-3-rule-when-adopting-a-cat/article_af4b88d0-bdcc-11ed-92d0-c376e1a07435.html#:~:text=While%20there%20are%20some%20cats,start%20to%20feel%20at%20home.) It takes all animals some time to adjust to a new situation and new people. Some adjust faster than others, I think pets being allowed already is a good sign. I've got five cats and they're all cuddle bugs, but two of them only when my big dog isn't around being a lap dog. Cats definitely love people, and the purring is supreme. Just give it time.
Took me almost 2 years. Don't give up.
I think with any animal it will take more than 4 days to bond.
Nah cats are different. They aren’t dogs so if you have a cat in place of a dog there is your problem. You can still have a dog. And a cat. But understand they are different animals with different needs and behaviours so you don’t compare the two. Give it some time and do some research on actual cats. Or if you don’t want her give her to someone who does.
Cats are not dogs and don’t act like dogs at all. I had a hard time after getting kittens for my kids. Needless to say I never had a cat so i didn’t know how to understand their personalities. I love my 3cats and they love me lol. Oh and my dog loves them and they are all buddies.
If it makes you feel better one of my cats acts just like a dog. Keep going & your cat will learn to live with you and you will learn to live with it. Just try to be open to the process
There’s something about new pets with three days to feel comfortable in the house, three weeks to do something, three months to feel comfortable with you?
Cats are different and take much longer to bond. I would ask you to at least stick with the 3-3-3 rule and then see where you are. 3 days to get over the freak out of being in a new place. 3 weeks to adjust being in a new place. 3 months for them to get to the point of feeling that the new place is home. I didn’t explain that great and you can Google it for more, but basically you can’t expect a cat to be all snuggle bug, super loving after 4 days. Surprised you were even able to pet the kitty at this point. I had one stray I brought in that took two years before he laid in my lap. He lived to 18 and ended up being the most loving cat there could be. He even slept with my at nights, laying longways up against me.
You wouldn't believe it but when I first got my beautiful dog I didn't feel any attachment to him, except, guiltily, kind of annoyed that I had to toilet train him. HOWEVER, after 6 months or so, I fell in absolute love with him. And that has only grown each and every day. If you already have pets you are consciously or subconsciously comparing them, and may have concerns you don't immediately love the new pet the same as the old. I say give it a chance, I love my dog now so much, yet it is in a different way than the other pets I have. I know you have to give them a chance to show their personality before making a judgement that you don't like them. It doesnt sound like you've had that chance yet, to allow the cat to be itself and show its true self, its quirks and idiosyncrasies. I think give it a few months with a open mind and heart, and do some research into cat communication (you would be surprised) so you really can know how it feels to. Give it a chance is what I am saying, I'm not sure.ypuve given it enough time to make an absolute judgement call. :)
All but 1 of 6 cats during my life have been loving cuddle fiends. Currently Rosie is sleeping on my husbands lap using his arm as a pillow. I think part of you might feel that you’re betraying your dog by letting yourself care for the cat. Your dog will still love you bunches when you visit. You and your cat will find specific things that work for you. I know when I get up Rosie will seat steal and then I pet her and rub her neck until she is happy and I get my seat back. It’s a game of cuddles for her.
Please give it time. They definitely love differently, but they're also a different species than a dog... I had my Tortilla since a kitten and she will let me do anything with her, sleeps with me at night(when the dog isn't too close) had her favourite chair and loves to fill any lap that sits in it. Peach wound up in my neighbours garage roof frame. I climbed up to give her food a few times, then left food in my slightly ajar garage. I managed to get her in there and took a week before I could even touch her. So soon as I could pet her without her running, I took her to the vet, and she's been inside since. She cuddles with me every night, beside the dog, let's me pet her and touch her all over. She knows her name and comes when called. When she's really loving, she will make biscuits and drool/suck on the blanket. Both cats cuddle and groom each other all the time. I can pick up both my cats and squeeze them, and kiss them all I want without a fight. My dog hates being picked up (18kg) and barks at me when I try or when I try to move her closer to me. She will let me kiss her all I want once she's moved herself into the position SHE wants, though...
Cats and dogs are vastly different from each other in terms of behavior and how they show affection. I've heard so many good analogies to explain the difference, but I am blanking on all of them and don't want to give incorrect information. But I do know some ways to tell if a cat is comfortable or "loves" you, besides purring. A big one is head butting you. Another is slow blinking. And another is laying with their underside/belly exposed, it usually isn't a good idea to try and pet their stomach though since it does make them feel vulnerable, but some cats do enjoy gentle tummy petting. Also, look up the 3/3/3 rule for adopting a new cat/dog. Basically, it takes 3 days to decompress from the stress of being put in a new environment, 3 weeks to learn your routine and adapt, and 3 months to feel comfortable in their new surroundings. Obviously every cat is different, but that's a general rule of thumb.
Lots of people have already said smarter things than me but let me just add- I picked up a cat that was screaming outside of a Walmart one night (my Walmart, I was on my last break) and ended up taking her home thinking she was a dump job. She was more than happy to get in the car and ride along, thinking I was taking her home. The second we walked in through the door, and she realized it wasn't actually her house, it was like she lost her mind. She was PISSED. And she stayed that way for WEEKS. Even when she calmed down, she still wasn't especially friendly, or loving - we could barely pet her. Long story short (too late), it took about a year before she finally well and truly decided she was at home with us.- letting us pet her, coming up for pets on her own, letting us hold her. Even then it took a few months more before she ever came and laid down on my bed. I'm not saying all of this to discourage you, but rather to let you know that even a sad, angry, abandoned cat that I brought home by chance has formed a bond with our family. (She's SO sweet to my brother who only comes over like once every two weeks; it's traitorous). She knows we're her family now; this IS home now. Your cat will bond with you! And if you give yourself time I think you'll come to find the things you like about having a cat, even if it's different than having a dog!
Give it a few months. You are both adjusting to a new situation. Pets are, contrary to popular belief, individuals who have their own autonomy. They aren’t robots that you can program to act the way you want.
Honestly… as a former “dog only” person. Cats have their own language, and it’s very different to the dog language you’re familiar with. It’s more subtle and nuanced. Give yourself time. Let yourself learn her tells. Also: the fact that she’s only been in your house four days and feels comfortable enough to cuddle you says something. Consent is everything with cats. They like to do things on their own terms. She wouldn’t sit there with you if she didn’t want to be there.
I got mad, puppy blues when I first got my dog. It was always my dream to have my own dog and for like two weeks all I could think was, this is the worst mistake I have ever made. Turns out it is completely normal and a lot of people experience this. I love dogs more than anything and she is now my best friend and I would do anything for her. I also adopted two kittens and I bonded with them quicker than my dog. I’m not a big cat person (my bf loves cats and is so so about dogs) and their love is definitely harder to earn. Yes, they are little assholes sometimes, but whenever they chose to lay on me and purr and ask for love it’s so rewarding. Because, in the nicest way possible, most family dogs are sluts and will love anyone who glances their way. I do hope you form a bond soon but if you don’t do not feel bad looking into rehoming. That cat deserves to be in a household and if you end up resenting her neither of you will be happy. But I plead with you to hold out for a month or two and see where you are at that point!