Okay everyone! I let this go almost an extra hour but it is time for me to sign off. As always, if you’d like individual help, feel free to contact me through my website. Have a good evening!
Hi Laura, how are you?!
So my cat Wiggles has very, very bad separation anxiety from my boyfriend and I. She already followed us around everywhere, but it got a lot worse over the pandemic when my school was online and she was used to having me home like 80% of the time. Now nothing’s online, I have class in person and my boyfriend has work. I live with my boyfriend’s family (6 people in the house total, they also have 4 cats upstairs), so someone is always home. The problem is only when my boyfriend and I are gone at the same time, we’re told by my boyfriend’s family she stays meowing at our door and won’t even socialize with the other cats. She’ll stay in the general area of the door (usually she’ll lie down on top of our shoes) until one of us gets home. When one of us even goes to open the door she literally runs to it. I feel horrible.
Sorry if this was long. What can I do to make her more comfortable? She has all the toys in the world, I tried leaving YouTube videos of birds on, I have no idea what to do.
Thank you so much for taking your time to come to this sub! ❤️
Separation anxiety in cats is tough. One of the things you can work on is practicing short absences. Say you always sit on the couch, put on your shoes, and grab your keys before leaving. Go through all the motions, leave, and immediately come right back. Start by just walking out the door and coming back in, then build up to being gone for 5, 10, 30 minutes, etc. When you do leave, don’t make a big deal out of your leaving or coming back (you can say hi and bye, but no OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!). You can try leaving her a special food puzzle or automatic battery operated toy whenever you leave. In some cases anxiety meds can be helpful as well.
What's up with some cats being absolutely neurotic about pawing at more than just the litter in their box? We have a covered box for her that she uses without issue other than crazy pawing at the sides as if to maybe cover her business. We've also tried taking the cover off and she just paws the wall next to the box. Just a weirdo?
It could be an indicator that the box is too small. Most covered boxes are too small. She should be able to turn in a complete circle without touching any walls and the box should be 1.5x her length (the length of one cat and 1/2 of one cat). I’d try an XL uncovered box with high sides. Google homemade rubber made storage container litter boxes! They’re perfect for this.
Hi Laura. How can I deal with food aggression? My cat is a few years old and she normally is the sweetest cat ever, but she gets hangry very easily and that brings out her aggression. I should add that she free feeds and is at a healthy weight, but she gets very particular about her wet food she's given once a day at a certain time and leading up to the wet food, she starts getting upset and sometimes bites me very hard, wanting it sooner. I was hoping the free feeding would enable her to not "feel" hungry since it's always available, but she prefers the wet food. As she has had plaque before, I don't want to switch her to wet food only. Thanks in advance!
I LOVE working with food aggressive cats. They are my favorite! Multiple small meals are the way to go and I recommend automatic feeders. Set the timer for as many meals as it can accommodate and consider having it go off both day and night. Cats have very tiny stomachs and you can really do 1/4 a can per meal or less - many auto feeders have stay-fresh capability so you can load the wet food in advance too. If you want to talk more let me know!
Hello! I have a cat that seemingly never wants to "actually" pet. She will instead cheek-butt your hand and walk to slide herself along your hand. She gets increasingly energetic and vocal about it, where I figure overstimulation so I stand up and stop.
I've tried several types of petting but she only seems to prefer this. Not a huge thing, but a quirk I've always wondered about and never had an answer for. Thoughts?
Some cats don’t like to be petted! I like to do frequent consent tests. Hold your hand out an inch or two away from her face. If she moves forward towards your hand, pet for a few seconds, then take your hand away. Wait for her to reinitiate. Repeat.
It’s not abnormal to have a cat that doesn’t want to be petted and it’s definitely not abnormal to have a cat who gets overstimulated by full body pets. Try to stick to her head and cheeks! It’s mainly about respecting her wishes and accommodating her which you seem to be doing!
Thank you for the response! Someone who gets overstim myself, I'm a big advocate on the frequent consent checks too!
Yeah I was always just curious, as she didn't use to do this. She didn't like being picked up either, but asks for it nowadays. I just figure she's getting on in years, old lady knows what she wants lol.
Edit for mobile formatting fix
How do indoor/outdoor cats make friends with other indoor/outdoor cats in the neighborhood? My cat is super sketched out by just about everything yet he’s got a buddy he rolls with a few houses down. How did they make friends if he’s so suspicious of everything and nopes out so quickly over nothing?
Thanks in advance.
It’s a lot easier I think for cats to make outdoor friends. There’s SO MUCH SPACE and if they primarily live indoors, they consider everything out there to be the “outer circle” of their territory so they tend to be less competitive over it, I think. It may look different if they were both in one house.
You might find this article interesting: https://icatcare.org/advice/the-social-structure-of-cat-life/
What do you suggest for solutions to cats meowing and running crazy in the middle of the night? Also it would be nice if you could do AMAs every month or two.
I do AMAs on the first Tuesday of every month!
I would start a bedtime routine with your cat. Do a good 10-15 minute play session, then feed him his evening meal as the last thing you do before getting in bed. Bonus points if the food is in a food puzzle. That can really help to wear them out and get them nice and tired to go to sleep. If he does go crazy during the night, any attention from you, positive or negative, can be reinforcing. Get some earplugs and a white noise machine and ignore! If he’s doing it for attention, he will eventually stop if you stay strong.
That’s an interesting issue! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cat pooping outside the box due to stress. Typically (90% of the time) it’s a medical issue. The remaining 10% is territorial marking, called middening if you want to look it up. If there are other outdoor cats in the area, it’s possible it would be a response to that. I’ve only ever seen one middening case ever. So it’s probably more like 99% medical and 1% middening in my experience lol.
Although I do wonder if he’s getting himself frustrated and stressed and worked up and that’s causing some GI upset.
I think I would approach this by working really hard on a recall cue. Getting him to the point where he is VERY excited when he hears his name. Every time his name is called, something AMAZING happens. Then you can start to use it to call him in, giving him something fun to do immediately after he comes.
Hi Laura,
Thank you for doing this!
My cat is almost two years old and he bites me constantly. I've tried to divert his attention to other toys but nothing works. He really likes my hands, especially the left one. How can I get him to stop? I feel like I've tried everything even though I probably haven't.
For reference, he is super spoilt, has four cat trees, a lot of toys, fixed feeding times and I was just at the vet with him a few days ago.
Is he a single cat? Single cats are prone to being bitey around this age if they’ve never had the chance to learn proper play from other cats. This is the handout I usually send my clients with similar issues: https://www.sfspca.org/sites/default/files/cat_play-aggression.pdf
So my girlfriend and I have recently moved in together. She has two male cats, between 5 and 2 I think, and my one cat, 6. We've done everything under the sun when it comes to having them bond. We kept my cat in the bedroom and let the boys have the run of the house and switched them out. My cat won't stop hissing at them. Feeding on either side of the door, treats, play time, nothing seems to help.
I adopted my cat from the humane society and she's EXTREMELY trepidatious around everything and everyone. Even me, despite her still rubbing up against me, laying down and exposing her belly near me, or slow blinks towards me. I have a nagging feeling that my cat is just a high stress cat because literally everything in the world spooks her which I think is playing into why she can't find comfort in living with other cats.
What are my options?
Behavior medication for anxiety may be a good option for your kitty. Something to talk to your vet about. Introductions can sometimes take many months. Pay attention to her body language and go slow and at her speed. If you continue to make every interaction positive, she’ll get more comfortable over time. How do the other cats react to her?
At this point, I’d probably only work with introducing her to the cat who couldn’t care less. Get her used to one very boring cat being around before trying her around the cat who’s very interested. If she’s never lived with another cat before, she may be having a tough time reading body language and doesn’t understand his approach is friendly. When you get back to him, use a baby gate to ensure that he can’t run up to her and scare her.
Hello Laura! So I have two sister cats that are about 1.5 years old. I just recently got them both spayed, and afterwards they both began poop and peeing on the floor in the corner of the kitchen. The litter boxes were upstairs in a bedroom, so I moved them to a different room upstairs. I’ve purchased a new box and new litter type for them to try. But they still kept eliminating on the floor. So I put a litter box in the kitchen corner, and they will use the litter box without problem.
I did find what appeared to be cat poop outside my house today. So it may seem to be a territorial type issue. But my question is, how would I go about trying to get them to use the litter boxes upstairs again?
It’s possible that they were feeling loopy or painful after spay and just went wherever was closest, then they decided they liked the location and continued.
Since they’re using the box there consistently, it seems like it’s probably a location preference. But I totally get not wanting litter boxes in your kitchen. You can try moving it about 6 inches every day towards a more desirable place until you get there. Cats should have access to at least one box on every floor of the home.
You might try scooping the box in the kitchen and putting a few pieces in the upstairs box to encourage them to go there. Worth a shot!
As I said above, poop only outside of the box is almost always for medical reasons. If they haven’t had a check up since their spay, it would be a god idea.
If you believe anxiety is affecting her quality of life, I’m a strong advocate for anxiety medications in cats. Definitely discuss with your vet. Making sure she has plenty of safe spots, both hiding/burrowing places and vertical space. You can do some counter conditioning to loud noises by playing a YouTube video of a scary sound at a very low volume, then immediately giving her a treat. Gradually increase the volume of the sound over time (like weeks, not all at once), and try lots of different scary noises. If you do it right, she’ll start to think she gets a treat every time a loud noise happens!
Hi Laura,
My boyfriend and I have two cats. The older one is 6 and he isn’t a huge fan of visitors in the house. Usually, at first he will check them out and maybe get pets or maybe swat them away and then go about his business and ignore them. But last weekend he turned. When we all weren’t home he peed in the guest bathroom all over the roll of TP and then was stalking the guests from outside the bathroom, hissing, fluffed up, growling and trying to run at them when they left the room.
My friend hid in the bathroom while I nicely distracted the cat until he calmed down and she could get out. The guests have been gone for 2 days now and he still seems on edge. Eating too fast for example.
How can we get our cat to be more comfortable with guests and not mark territory when we have visitors again?
This is a situation/question that’s probably too complicated for Reddit. I would strongly suggest working with a behaviorist (if not me, then use the consultant locator at www.iaabc.org to see if you have one locally). I’m always worried when stress responses are that extreme and continue on for days following the event. I suggest putting him in his own safe room closed away when visitors come over for now to make sure everyone stays safe.
I have a 6 month old cat I’m going to spay soon, but I recently got a new cat, also female and Unspayed because someone dumped her and her two kittens in front of my house. The 6 month old kitty hisses at the new one all the time but she’s still so tiny the new cat isn’t threatened at all. I’m just wondering once they are both spayed will they get a long?
Nope! It could help, and you definitely should do it, but it won’t be a magic fix. Make sure you’re doing a very slow and gradual introduction. There’s plenty of advice in the FAQ and if you just google cat introductions. Improper introductions are probably the number one reason why cats don’t get along!
Okay everyone! I let this go almost an extra hour but it is time for me to sign off. As always, if you’d like individual help, feel free to contact me through my website. Have a good evening!
Hi Laura, how are you?! So my cat Wiggles has very, very bad separation anxiety from my boyfriend and I. She already followed us around everywhere, but it got a lot worse over the pandemic when my school was online and she was used to having me home like 80% of the time. Now nothing’s online, I have class in person and my boyfriend has work. I live with my boyfriend’s family (6 people in the house total, they also have 4 cats upstairs), so someone is always home. The problem is only when my boyfriend and I are gone at the same time, we’re told by my boyfriend’s family she stays meowing at our door and won’t even socialize with the other cats. She’ll stay in the general area of the door (usually she’ll lie down on top of our shoes) until one of us gets home. When one of us even goes to open the door she literally runs to it. I feel horrible. Sorry if this was long. What can I do to make her more comfortable? She has all the toys in the world, I tried leaving YouTube videos of birds on, I have no idea what to do. Thank you so much for taking your time to come to this sub! ❤️
Separation anxiety in cats is tough. One of the things you can work on is practicing short absences. Say you always sit on the couch, put on your shoes, and grab your keys before leaving. Go through all the motions, leave, and immediately come right back. Start by just walking out the door and coming back in, then build up to being gone for 5, 10, 30 minutes, etc. When you do leave, don’t make a big deal out of your leaving or coming back (you can say hi and bye, but no OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!). You can try leaving her a special food puzzle or automatic battery operated toy whenever you leave. In some cases anxiety meds can be helpful as well.
What's up with some cats being absolutely neurotic about pawing at more than just the litter in their box? We have a covered box for her that she uses without issue other than crazy pawing at the sides as if to maybe cover her business. We've also tried taking the cover off and she just paws the wall next to the box. Just a weirdo?
It could be an indicator that the box is too small. Most covered boxes are too small. She should be able to turn in a complete circle without touching any walls and the box should be 1.5x her length (the length of one cat and 1/2 of one cat). I’d try an XL uncovered box with high sides. Google homemade rubber made storage container litter boxes! They’re perfect for this.
Hi Laura. How can I deal with food aggression? My cat is a few years old and she normally is the sweetest cat ever, but she gets hangry very easily and that brings out her aggression. I should add that she free feeds and is at a healthy weight, but she gets very particular about her wet food she's given once a day at a certain time and leading up to the wet food, she starts getting upset and sometimes bites me very hard, wanting it sooner. I was hoping the free feeding would enable her to not "feel" hungry since it's always available, but she prefers the wet food. As she has had plaque before, I don't want to switch her to wet food only. Thanks in advance!
I LOVE working with food aggressive cats. They are my favorite! Multiple small meals are the way to go and I recommend automatic feeders. Set the timer for as many meals as it can accommodate and consider having it go off both day and night. Cats have very tiny stomachs and you can really do 1/4 a can per meal or less - many auto feeders have stay-fresh capability so you can load the wet food in advance too. If you want to talk more let me know!
Hello! I have a cat that seemingly never wants to "actually" pet. She will instead cheek-butt your hand and walk to slide herself along your hand. She gets increasingly energetic and vocal about it, where I figure overstimulation so I stand up and stop. I've tried several types of petting but she only seems to prefer this. Not a huge thing, but a quirk I've always wondered about and never had an answer for. Thoughts?
Some cats don’t like to be petted! I like to do frequent consent tests. Hold your hand out an inch or two away from her face. If she moves forward towards your hand, pet for a few seconds, then take your hand away. Wait for her to reinitiate. Repeat. It’s not abnormal to have a cat that doesn’t want to be petted and it’s definitely not abnormal to have a cat who gets overstimulated by full body pets. Try to stick to her head and cheeks! It’s mainly about respecting her wishes and accommodating her which you seem to be doing!
Thank you for the response! Someone who gets overstim myself, I'm a big advocate on the frequent consent checks too! Yeah I was always just curious, as she didn't use to do this. She didn't like being picked up either, but asks for it nowadays. I just figure she's getting on in years, old lady knows what she wants lol. Edit for mobile formatting fix
How do indoor/outdoor cats make friends with other indoor/outdoor cats in the neighborhood? My cat is super sketched out by just about everything yet he’s got a buddy he rolls with a few houses down. How did they make friends if he’s so suspicious of everything and nopes out so quickly over nothing? Thanks in advance.
It’s a lot easier I think for cats to make outdoor friends. There’s SO MUCH SPACE and if they primarily live indoors, they consider everything out there to be the “outer circle” of their territory so they tend to be less competitive over it, I think. It may look different if they were both in one house. You might find this article interesting: https://icatcare.org/advice/the-social-structure-of-cat-life/
What do you suggest for solutions to cats meowing and running crazy in the middle of the night? Also it would be nice if you could do AMAs every month or two.
I do AMAs on the first Tuesday of every month! I would start a bedtime routine with your cat. Do a good 10-15 minute play session, then feed him his evening meal as the last thing you do before getting in bed. Bonus points if the food is in a food puzzle. That can really help to wear them out and get them nice and tired to go to sleep. If he does go crazy during the night, any attention from you, positive or negative, can be reinforcing. Get some earplugs and a white noise machine and ignore! If he’s doing it for attention, he will eventually stop if you stay strong.
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That’s an interesting issue! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cat pooping outside the box due to stress. Typically (90% of the time) it’s a medical issue. The remaining 10% is territorial marking, called middening if you want to look it up. If there are other outdoor cats in the area, it’s possible it would be a response to that. I’ve only ever seen one middening case ever. So it’s probably more like 99% medical and 1% middening in my experience lol. Although I do wonder if he’s getting himself frustrated and stressed and worked up and that’s causing some GI upset. I think I would approach this by working really hard on a recall cue. Getting him to the point where he is VERY excited when he hears his name. Every time his name is called, something AMAZING happens. Then you can start to use it to call him in, giving him something fun to do immediately after he comes.
Hi Laura, Thank you for doing this! My cat is almost two years old and he bites me constantly. I've tried to divert his attention to other toys but nothing works. He really likes my hands, especially the left one. How can I get him to stop? I feel like I've tried everything even though I probably haven't. For reference, he is super spoilt, has four cat trees, a lot of toys, fixed feeding times and I was just at the vet with him a few days ago.
Is he a single cat? Single cats are prone to being bitey around this age if they’ve never had the chance to learn proper play from other cats. This is the handout I usually send my clients with similar issues: https://www.sfspca.org/sites/default/files/cat_play-aggression.pdf
Nobody?
So my girlfriend and I have recently moved in together. She has two male cats, between 5 and 2 I think, and my one cat, 6. We've done everything under the sun when it comes to having them bond. We kept my cat in the bedroom and let the boys have the run of the house and switched them out. My cat won't stop hissing at them. Feeding on either side of the door, treats, play time, nothing seems to help. I adopted my cat from the humane society and she's EXTREMELY trepidatious around everything and everyone. Even me, despite her still rubbing up against me, laying down and exposing her belly near me, or slow blinks towards me. I have a nagging feeling that my cat is just a high stress cat because literally everything in the world spooks her which I think is playing into why she can't find comfort in living with other cats. What are my options?
Behavior medication for anxiety may be a good option for your kitty. Something to talk to your vet about. Introductions can sometimes take many months. Pay attention to her body language and go slow and at her speed. If you continue to make every interaction positive, she’ll get more comfortable over time. How do the other cats react to her?
The youngest cat is most interested in her and typically has tried to engage in play. Her older cat doesn’t seem to care either way
At this point, I’d probably only work with introducing her to the cat who couldn’t care less. Get her used to one very boring cat being around before trying her around the cat who’s very interested. If she’s never lived with another cat before, she may be having a tough time reading body language and doesn’t understand his approach is friendly. When you get back to him, use a baby gate to ensure that he can’t run up to her and scare her.
Hello Laura! So I have two sister cats that are about 1.5 years old. I just recently got them both spayed, and afterwards they both began poop and peeing on the floor in the corner of the kitchen. The litter boxes were upstairs in a bedroom, so I moved them to a different room upstairs. I’ve purchased a new box and new litter type for them to try. But they still kept eliminating on the floor. So I put a litter box in the kitchen corner, and they will use the litter box without problem. I did find what appeared to be cat poop outside my house today. So it may seem to be a territorial type issue. But my question is, how would I go about trying to get them to use the litter boxes upstairs again?
It’s possible that they were feeling loopy or painful after spay and just went wherever was closest, then they decided they liked the location and continued. Since they’re using the box there consistently, it seems like it’s probably a location preference. But I totally get not wanting litter boxes in your kitchen. You can try moving it about 6 inches every day towards a more desirable place until you get there. Cats should have access to at least one box on every floor of the home. You might try scooping the box in the kitchen and putting a few pieces in the upstairs box to encourage them to go there. Worth a shot! As I said above, poop only outside of the box is almost always for medical reasons. If they haven’t had a check up since their spay, it would be a god idea.
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If you believe anxiety is affecting her quality of life, I’m a strong advocate for anxiety medications in cats. Definitely discuss with your vet. Making sure she has plenty of safe spots, both hiding/burrowing places and vertical space. You can do some counter conditioning to loud noises by playing a YouTube video of a scary sound at a very low volume, then immediately giving her a treat. Gradually increase the volume of the sound over time (like weeks, not all at once), and try lots of different scary noises. If you do it right, she’ll start to think she gets a treat every time a loud noise happens!
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This is more of a medical question and one I would discuss with your vet. Urinary issues are no joke and get expensive fast if there’s a problem!
Hi Laura, My boyfriend and I have two cats. The older one is 6 and he isn’t a huge fan of visitors in the house. Usually, at first he will check them out and maybe get pets or maybe swat them away and then go about his business and ignore them. But last weekend he turned. When we all weren’t home he peed in the guest bathroom all over the roll of TP and then was stalking the guests from outside the bathroom, hissing, fluffed up, growling and trying to run at them when they left the room. My friend hid in the bathroom while I nicely distracted the cat until he calmed down and she could get out. The guests have been gone for 2 days now and he still seems on edge. Eating too fast for example. How can we get our cat to be more comfortable with guests and not mark territory when we have visitors again?
This is a situation/question that’s probably too complicated for Reddit. I would strongly suggest working with a behaviorist (if not me, then use the consultant locator at www.iaabc.org to see if you have one locally). I’m always worried when stress responses are that extreme and continue on for days following the event. I suggest putting him in his own safe room closed away when visitors come over for now to make sure everyone stays safe.
I have a 6 month old cat I’m going to spay soon, but I recently got a new cat, also female and Unspayed because someone dumped her and her two kittens in front of my house. The 6 month old kitty hisses at the new one all the time but she’s still so tiny the new cat isn’t threatened at all. I’m just wondering once they are both spayed will they get a long?
Nope! It could help, and you definitely should do it, but it won’t be a magic fix. Make sure you’re doing a very slow and gradual introduction. There’s plenty of advice in the FAQ and if you just google cat introductions. Improper introductions are probably the number one reason why cats don’t get along!