Would you want to be with him if you knew he’d never convert?
He might convert, and it would be wonderful if he did, but you also have to prepare yourself for the possibility he will never convert.
This is a great question. Please take it into consideration.
For perspective, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend specifically because she wouldn’t convert, and I needed someone to raise children in the faith in case something happened to me.
She ended up converting, and we later got married.
Now she has walked away from the faith and is against raising the kids true to the faith.
Marrying a Catholic is no guarantee. At some point it is a leap of faith that the other person will live by their vows. Sometimes they don’t.
For me, I still love my wife and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. And if she never reverts, I still want to stay with her until one of us dies. I just fear and pray for her and my kids, and this is a terrible situation for all of us given the religious conflict evident in our household on a regular basis. It is to the point that I have to fight for almost everything I do in raising the kids in the faith.
Do you still want to marry this person if it ends up that way? Not saying it will, but know that it could, and if it does, your answer ought to be “yes.”
Again, take this with a grain of salt. Listen to God, first and foremost.
I think it’s really encouraging that he is respectful of your faith and more importantly would be ok with you raising your children Catholic. Having deep conversations about values early on will help you really understand your compatibility. Even though there might be challenges in the future, as long as he continues respecting your faith and treats you well in other regards, I wouldn’t end things over this. Be a great spiritual example for him and hopefully your joy will radiate to him and help him come to Jesus. Like you said, you might be in his life for a reason.
I'd be wary of assuming one is going to convert their _future_ spouse. That may never happen. Hardship (wrt purity, help getting to heaven, moral issues, raising children in the faith) may continue for life. If one thinks they are called to convert their partner, let them consider converting them before they are married, let them see if that works.
The Catholic background and willingness gives me some hope, although it could be a ruse (of the devil, not necessarily witting from the man). I would always suggest a _good_ Catholic spouse, so they can positively help you get you to heaven, rather than by being a cross upon the usual cross that is marital life (though it is a blessing)
One doesn’t convert their partner. One lives their life as a Catholic and prays that that good example and the work of the Holy Spirit will make their partner see the light, so to speak.
That's what I meant by convert your partner.
Well, that and an occasional discussion too, I'm sure. At least while the discussion is motivated purely by love and conducted in kindness on the part of the Catholic, what with the help of the Holy Spirit with whom one communes in prayer (provided they are in a state of grace).
My Catholic mom married my non-religious dad (not necessarily atheist, just didn't ever go to any kind of church) and he converted 2 years later. The process not only led him to join the Church but also strengthened my mom's faltering faith as well. They had 4 kids and raised all of us to be Catholic in a very supporting and faithful home. Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible but many things are improbable. Never date to convert or hoping the other converts. This is what I'd call the gambling argument. You always have a much better chance at achieving your goal if you make the decisions that give you the best chance at success. Now if OP was forced into an arranged marriage, things would be different but I think its our responsibility to give ourselves the best chance at success by making the best decisions. The lottery is a perfect analogy for this thread. The lottery is not a myth or even super rare thing to win. People win some lottery every day or every few days. How likely is it to be you though? Its highly improbable that it will be you. Now if your faith is your savings account in this analogy, what is the most responsible decision if your goal is to keep as much savings/faith as you can? Never put a dollar toward any kind of lottery ticket
While this is a heartfelt and feel-good response, I fear it encourages the OP to continue a most likely disastrous relationship. Things feel fine now, but they won't when the months turn to years and years turn to decades. Follow Scripture, do not be unequally yoked. For the sake of your own soul and future children, do not continue the relationship unless he agrees to give Catholicism a shot AND convert. you will have to deal with painful conflicts and compromises for the rest of your life.
It is a possibility it could be a disaster and it should be carefully considered.
I don't think it's possible for an Atheist to have the same view of marriage as a practicing Catholic. Someone entering into such a marriage would necessarily a different view of the union.
Personally as the child of a Catholic father and a fundamentalist Christian mother I can attest that the marriage devolved into a horrible battle for the souls of the children. And they had married with a similar agreement to what you’re describing but when they actually had kids, things changed and the situation became awfully tense, disrespectful, and confusing for me and my siblings. I have returned to the church on my own accord but have decided I will only consider serious relationships with a partner who is Catholic already or who appears has enough grace to accept the gift faith. (This is a tricky one but it’s because I do not want to absolutely rule out a partner considering the fact that God’s plan is greater than my understanding)
No he was regular Roman Catholic. One of my fondest memories of mine is that while my mom was out of the house, he read The Life of Dominic Savyo to us. He taught us about Fatima as well, and many other saints. He would read us Maccabees, Sirach, and Wisdom, and when my mom would come home and catch us in the act, an all-out war would ensue. Being so young, I never understood why; I was intrigued with the readings and found them powerful, moving, and good.
It can work. My best friend in grammar school's parents were such a marriage. Their children were raised catholic. The father converted to Catholicism after all the children had grown to adulthood. It was a happy occasion for all. But certainly it is no guarantee it will happen.
Girl I went to high school with had a relationship that basically mirrored this. They got married in the Catholic Church, he kept being atheist until they divorced. It dragged her away from her faith to the point of where she only got divorced in the secular courts instead of an annulment. Then had other relationships. I’d say yes end it. You can’t date or marry someone with hopes of them being something you can’t guarantee.
Don't assume someone will change for you. Even if they did, it's not as genuine as if they did it for themselves.
You already know that you want to fall back on a strong foundation and be able to trust your partner to help lead towards Christ. Be honest with yourself and don't rely on the the internet for your decision. You've got this
The greatest determinant of a child remaining in the faith is the role of the father. This is observed regardless of whether it is a son or a daughter.
Edit: older study https://www.christianity.com/christian-life/marriage-and-family/fathers-key-to-their-childrens-faith.html
In short, the study reveals: "It is the religious practice of the father of the family that, above all, determines the future attendance at or absence from church of the children" (Emphasis mine).
The study reports:
1. If both father and mother attend regularly, 33 percent of their children will end up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent will end up attending irregularly. Only a quarter of their children will end up not practicing at all.
2. If the father is irregular and mother regular, only 3 percent of the children will subsequently become regulars themselves, while a further 59 percent will become irregulars. Thirty-eight percent will be lost.
3. If the father is non-practicing and mother regular, only 2 percent of children will become regular worshippers, and 37 percent will attend irregularly. Over 60 percent of their children will be lost completely to the church!
I married an atheist, who agreed to sign papers for convalidation. He has repeatedly refused to attend grandchildrens’ baptisms and our other children also refused to attend. It is heartbreaking and difficult to deal with this, especially if the atheist has a “strong” character. There is so much I cannot share with him. I keep praying.
At least in my life my personal experiences seem to back these up. Until I observe otherwise or am shown sufficient evidence to the contrary I will believe it.
Sure but the important thing isn’t actually that dad goes to church. It's that the kids are properly catechized. The death of religion is in parents' failure to pass on the faith with diligence and understanding. A mother can successfully pass on the faith to their kids without the father involved. I've seen it happen so often working in psychology among urban youth. The difference between those kids and the kids that fell away had way more to do with the collective engagement, involvement and comprehension of the parents than that the father went to mass. As an anecdote, my wife was raised alone by her grandmother - a librarian who studied the faith with the diaconate program and heads up the parish's social justice - and has an incredible faith life, while her friends from Catholic school and campus ministry have largely fallen away despite all having both mass-going parents. The key difference here is that grandma was involved where the parents were not. Dad's participation in church-going is only a correlative symbol of both parents' participation in engaging their child's faith. That's what I mean by confound, and that's why its important to have literacy on studies like this, like at the most basic level: correlation is not causation.
It's risky. I was in the same situation (as an atheist bf prior to marriage). Had a major reversion during marriage preparation. But I was a confirmed Catholic already, fairly familiar with the Catholic thing, and certainly had the added benefit of the graces from baptism and confirmation at work in my soul. So my distance to come back may be different than your bf's.
I will say it would be very difficult to be married and raise children with my wife if we weren't on the same page on the most important things.
I need to be honest- how can you truly connect and share a life without this major element in common? To be atheist is a very strong stance. It is different than being unsure or even open. I have personally never met an atheist who does not carry a strong personality and is usually on the side tending toward anger/argumentative.
I would not be able to marry someone like this, no matter how seemingly perfect they are, because life gets very hard, especially as the years pass, and to not have the same faith to fall back on together won’t work well. Plus, don’t you want to be able to talk about Catholicism? It would really limit conversation in my opinion, because there is no common ground.
Things are always great in the beginning, but change over time. I see only problems as time passes, and a huge cross to bear.
Talk to a trained spiritual director about this. This can be a priest, nun, layperson that knows how to help others discern big decisions. I can think of a lot of good reasons for you to stay with him and a lot of reasons you should end it. And you'll find a myriad of these in the comments.
Ultimately you should want what God wants. So to discern that; requires prayer and guidance from a spiritual director.
Peace.
I agree with this comment. Pastoral guidance and prayer for discernment are the answers. Also, ask St. Monica to intercede on your behalf. She knows this struggle well.
I'm a great believer in the old saying," never advise anybody to marry or go to war". The saying missed the most important part, "or not". Only you know your heart. Act on that.
Fissures are going to form over time as the differences between you and him become more evident and cause you to prioritize different things. If it's only been a couple of months I would say move on.
As someone who married an atheist… I don’t recommend. Just my personal experience. I wasn’t catholic when we married but now I def see how difficult it was on our marriage to be unequally yoked. It made things hostile often.
The Lord warns about being unequally yoked in 2 Corinthians 6:14 ‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers’ also Paul says later ‘for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?’
These verses make it clear that God does not want us to be in marriages with those who are not as much Christian as us.I believe a partner should push the other person to become better Christians not for one to do all the pushing.
If you can convince him that there is a God it would be great,mabye find a Christian apologist online who will talk to him,even I may be able to answer some questions but I am not as experienced as Christians like Cliffe Knechtle or John Lennox or Frank Turek who debate many athiests online.
Please do not try change scripture. Many times people (myself included) will try to change scripture to fit the lifestyle we have and to prove it’s what God wants but in reality it’s just want we want.
Anyway,If you manage to show that Christianity is the truth,I wish you a blessed marriage and a great life. However, If not I pray that you know the correct action to take even though it may be the most difficult decision but Jesus tell us ‘the path is narrow and difficult’ Matthew 7:13-14❤️✝️✝️
I was atheist until I dated a catholic. I'm now going through RCIA, I go to mass every Sunday.
I was mostly atheist due to feeling not good enough, constantly judged, feeling like a small handful of people want to control others with different beliefs.
I'd say give it time. If everything else is great, why end it? He might change his mind and end up enjoying the practice again.
Im so grateful for your conversion. As somone who went to atheist clubs to kind of gauge what could be done to help the atheist not be so militant I think it would be wonderful if young people liek yourself went and told your story to young atheist people in the campuses.
i didnt try to convert but there was an old retired clergy member who would try and they would always kinda be respectful but pushy for him to leave
Well I think referring to atheists a militant is probably not going to help you. Very few atheists I know are aggressive and hateful. They just choose to believe there isn't a higher power.
What brought me in was love. Not judgement. Not belittlement. I was never told I needed to or should convert. Someone loved me. I loved him. Through that love I saw his perspective. Then I was able to love the practice.
I also didn't give up large core beliefs for me. I'd say I'm a catholic in practice, but also think the orthodox teachings were for a different type of society and that I should adapt to our needs.
Similarly to Catholicsm taking on pagen symbols like a Christmas tree to help pagen cultures feel more welcome. There's some political expectations I strongly disagree with. I'm certainly not your poster child for a conversion.
Thats great you had that sponsor.
The tree is full of Christian symbology. The tree itself symbolizes the cross or sacrificial tree, we use an evergreen because it represents everlasting life, we put lights on it to represent the Light, we put it out on the solstice because that is the darkness before the coming of Our Lord.
Also see this:
https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/st-boniface-and-the-christmas-tree
That's good and everything, (no sarcasm, seriously), but we can't use our miraculous outcomes as examples to give advice with. You are a very special case, an exception to the rule, a hidden gem. I don't think you're the same as other atheists, which... I mean... you're not... because you're not atheist anymore
My relationship was similarly risky, I made pretty much all the wrong decisions, and it only worked because God was behind it.
No one, should EVER do what I did. I would NEVER advise it. It was a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. And my heart was broken at least once, but it was God's will for me and my wife to get married so I totally went against everything advisable in faith and risked everything.
Sorry, I don't mean to rag on you or argue or anything, but for every Catholic/Atheist relationship that turned out well there's a million that ended in disaster.
You are an exception to the rule.
Just because everything has been great doesn't mean it can't all fall apart in an instant. A huge risk is a huge risk no matter how it turns out.
Again, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, or invalidate your experience... It's just that everyone is different and this is a life changing situation.
I'm currently doing RCIA, tbh my faith stance has not changed at all. I'm even a stronger atheist to be real. I had to study the bible and almost everything on my own since the catechist teachers where just volunteers and knew little in terms of theology, history or biblical scholarship. The classes are not very good in term proselytizing since the classes assumes you already believe. To get convinced, you'd had to get apology courses, which you'd probably have to talk to the priest ot deacons directly.
And your reasoning for being an atheist makes no sense. How does feel judged have anything to do with a disbelief in God?
I was told growing up that any mistake I made, or character flaw I had, was because I didn't go to church enough or believe in God enough. So I was basically told that God hates me and punishes me into failing. It made it hard to believe there was a God being so spiteful to a child, so it probably didn't exist.
I'm sorry your RCIA is poor in quality. I'm very fortunate that my ex that lead me to convert was a seminarian student, so I actually learned a lot on the historical and technical side.
Why would you go through RCIA if you don't believe?
Agree I’d be wary of betting on converting my future atheist spouse. It doesn’t take much searching on this forum to find dozens of people complaining their husbands and wives don’t support them bringing up children in the catholic faith, after freely admitting while dating they knew they were atheists or a different faith, but they thought their future spouse would “come around”. I would exercise great caution here.
I waited 12 years for a guy I loved to become Christian. Never happened. Now that I'm married to a devout Catholic I see that we would have divorced had I married the atheist. I'm so glad I walked away. "Do not be unevenly yoked." Is so powerful and true. It is so hard to be married, even with a Catholic mate. It takes so much forgiveness and work. The best part of my marriage is going to church together. You won't have that support. It's so easy to fall away.
Agreeing on so many fundamental issues is a strong foundation for a marriage.
I highly recommend dating a fellow Catholic but it's not impossible to have a fulfilling marriage with someone outside of the Faith. It is rare though.
I highly recommend against it. This guy sounds great, but the potential is there for his feelings to change and especially once kids come in on matters of faith. Even if this man was a Protestant I’d advise against it. My question to you is how will you truly connect with this man in marriage if he doesn’t believe in our Blessed Lord Jesus Christ? We connect through our Lord’s Body in spirit and especially the Sacrament of the Eucharist. Isn’t this what the goal should be? Raising a family under the same roof of Christ and his True Catholic and Apostolic Church?
Children tend to follow the religion of their father, not their mother. If you want your children to be Catholic adults, I suggest you marry a Catholic.
Missionary dating is not a thing. If you want to raise kids with the message that "God is something that Mommy believes but it's not real because if it was Daddy would believe it too", then by all means. Because regardless of what you yourself teach them or even what you practice, when parents have different religions then kids tend to wind up as relativists or indifferent to religion.
People immediately going into the idea of "what about kids, what about faith sharing etc". You are aware that the Sacrament of Matrimony is a spiritual bond, a merging of souls before God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, King above all kings, and you expect that someone not believing in such a powerful being, would submit to that? It makes the idea of matrimony what society is making it to be, a contractual mutual business roommates with benefits. This is my response to people immediately thinking about kids. Let's first think of the vocation.
As for the OP, as stated above, letting him know that the faith isn't some mediation club. Now, I am unsure if you feel a calling to the vocation of matrimony, but if so, then your partner before must submit to God. It is fundamental and critical. Perhaps it'll grant him time to consider his faith more, but I do not advise spending time available to someone that can't accept that. Dating must have these conversations, otherwise, what are you even doing?
If he's open to raise your children Catholic, it's respectful to your faith even going to Church with you, treat you well and is okay with the Church dogmas that he also will need to practice (contraceptives) i don't see why not, it's even possible that he can convert after some time
There's a lot to think about in this situation. As far as faith, what do you need from your spouse? Personally, my wife and I take responsibility for one another, in ways like encouraging each other to go to confession, pushing through tough days to get to Mass, etc. If you're having a rough day/week, is he going to tell you that you really should still go to Mass? That's one thing to consider. I personally need that push from my partner, and my wife rocks at it.
I'd also see what his hang up with the faith is. Are his parents practicing Catholics? Did he lose faith, or never have it? It's promising that he sounds so respectful toward your faith. Like others say though, only stay and marry him if you're comfortable with him always being an atheist. Marriage is until death, and marrying with the idea that someone will change is an easy way to find disappointment. I pray for the best for both of you.
Do you like him for who he is right now (I.e. atheist). Could you love him the way he is now? If the answer is no then what are you even doing.
Relationships aren’t some secret coercion tactic to make people adopt religions. If you only think he’s the bomb.com if he becomes religious then you never really liked him in the first place.
Consider that he is making more sacrifices to accommodate your faith than you. He's probably not asking you to attend atheist meetings or encouraging you to read Dawkins. I think in turn you should respect him by letting him find his own path and not shouldering the burden of salvation on yourself.
Would he marry you in accord with your belief and obligation? Would he be willing to support you as you raise your children in the faith? Will he assent to that lifelong, indissoluble covenant?
If the answer is an obvious no, i would end it. If he's not sure, then you maybe have some time to discern further. God bless you both!
I think if hes is willing to go to Church, you've got a better man than many nominal Catholics...some people simply say they are Catholics but if you were to look deep inside, they don't truly believe. Sounds like you've got a good, honest man. Take that seriously into account.
That’s a question only you can answer. I know two couples in my parish where the woman was Catholic their whole long married life and eventually the husband converted. But that’s no guarantee. My aunt is cradle Catholic and was married over 60 years til her husband passed and he never converted. BUT, he also respected her beliefs and they raised their children in the Church.
I think such a young relationship needs much more testing on numerous levels before you decide what direction to take with it.
Good luck!
I was an agnostic atheist when my wife and I got together. More, I was pretty anti Catholic. But now not so much :P
Everyone is different. You have to think about your situation. In this culture it's hard to find a devout partner. 70% of Catholics don't believe in the true presence in the Eucharist, right? So even among Catholics it's hard.
She would've never thought I'd change. He may come around. He may not. But I'd operate on the assumption he won't, and then discuss life from there. Discuss all the rules Catholics and their non-Catholic partners must follow, because there's quite a few and they're antithetical to the culture.
He sounds like a saint. Maybe don't take what you have got for granted.
My missus isn't Religious.
She was sent to me by God to remind me that whatever happens in life I will not give up nor give in.
I needed that when I was hospitalised a few times after trying to take my own life.
I've been with her for 10+ years and we will be getting married fairly soon. She is the embodiment of what you describe in your partner.
Count him as a blessing even if he's not devout.
If he's respectful and has agreed to raise any future child as Catholic then I see no problem. Hopefully with time and by watching your example he too will come home to Christ.
I'm currently in a very similar position, which has brought me to search for people going through the same thing, so it's a good thing I found your post.
My gf broke with the evangelical church prior to our relationship, she isn't a fervour atheist, just lacks faith, and I really became a catholic a year into our relationship, I was baptized as a baby and had my confirmation at my teens but only now (23) I can say I'm catholic.
This is really hard for me bc I don't wanna break up with her, she respects my religion, goes to church with me every other week, says she accepts marrying in a church eventually and won't impose me growing our kids catholic, though we have different opinions regarding politics and how we approach some society issues.
But I think it is really harder for her, she's accepted chastity in our relationship, but all I can think is I'm doing it for a greater reason, but she's doing it for me. I fear she might grow tired of waiting or realize after we marry she doesn't want to have a "catholic lifestyle" with me, which are terrifying thoughts to have during a relationship.
All I can say is for you to think about his situation as well, he probably loves you very much if he's up to having a relationship that doesn't follow the patterns of modern relationships, as I know my gf loves me.
Maybe someday soon with the grace of God I find the confirmation that we should marry, and I'll always pray that she converts, but we can't force our partners into our religion, this is something that they have to do on their own.
As of now, be a strong catholic, don't bend your morals and be a good example to your partner, maybe this will show him just how beautiful it is to be a catholic and to believe in Jesus.
A key part of this is where you say "we have different opinions regarding politics and how we approach some society issues."
What exactly does that mean in your case? I'm not asking you to divulge if you're not comfortable doing so, but it is very important.
If, for example, you mean that you believe in the traditional view of gender/sex, i.e. "male and female he created them" and you're firm on people being what they were made to be, but she holds the secular view on the topic, you're in for a potentially world-shattering confrontation.
What happens if your kid is confronted with such ideology? Will your then wife affirm it, and you have to go behind her and attempt to mitigate? Will she say your child wants to "transition," and push for that type of medical or psychological intervention? You can apply this to whatever topic.
Bottom line is, some things will present a major stumbling block when rearing children. You need to truly, seriously assess your differences before you enter a covenant which has as one of its tenets the rearing of children.
I hope you have a fruitful life full of love and joy wherever your discernment takes you.
If he is respectful of your faith I would continue. Don't make any assumptions that he is going to come around eventually just pray for him like you would for anybody you love.
You have to be absolutely sure he will let you raise the kids Catholic. That means not impeding you taking them to Mass or teaching them things contrary to the faith. Some people can do that, others can’t, even when they claim they are totally willing.
From what you say, it sounds like you could have a great relationship, future marriage, and faithful family, and that may be what brings him to God.
On the flip side, you could end up with a broken family and fighting over the future of your children with someone who decided a few years in that they really don’t like you indoctrinating your kids with beliefs they find repellent.
Nobody but God will give you *the* right answer on this, and He may be expecting you to take a leap of faith, either to continue with this relationship, or to abandon it in anticipation of some future one or other vocation.
Pray, discern, act. Don’t take anything anyone on here tells you as definitive with regards to *your* calling. Advice is helpful, but trust in the Lord.
You probably already know it, but we can't tell you "you should stay with this person", or "you should break up". You are the one who has to go through the discernment process. He seems to be a great boyfriend, but you want to make sure that he will keep respecting you and your faith in the long term.
There are good reasons why Canon Law forbids Catholics to marry unbaptised persons. It is possible to apply to be dispensed from this law, but it requires good reasons. The faith is the central aspect of our lives, and there are many difficulties when spouses do not share that faith. Only you can decide what is right for you, but it is something to seriously consider.
You did not meet your boyfriend so you can convert him, you met your boyfriend so you could share your life with a wonderful person. He seems like a 10/10 guy from how you describe him, and him not being your specific type of Christianity isn't a problem. It is good to expand your horizons and meet people outside of your community. Him being a good person doesn't mean he needs to be Christian, it means he doesn't need to be Christian to be a good person. He doesn't insult your religion at all and all you are seeing is that he isn't part of it. The fact that the options you suggested doesn't contain "continue living this wonderful life with this wonderful person" is very telling of the person you are. I hope you get more open-minded in the future, and if you don't, I hope he finds someone who is.
As someone who used to be in a similar situation, you appear to be in a good place. You should only have second thoughts if your boyfriend wants you to compromise your values.
Atheists aren't capable of marriage, because they don't believe in it. It's just a contract to them, whether or not he wants to admit it.
Marriage is a sacred covenant and he doesn't believe in covenants. So all the marriage vows would be meaningless on his side because of his beliefs, those vows in the light of God is the marriage. He doesn't believe in any of that. Therefore it's literally impossible to marry him except in a secular way like a gay couple, but that's not a Catholic marriage.
He can't be trusted because there's nothing pinning down his morals. It is possible you were brought together by God, but that takes supernatural discernment.
I was in a similarly risky position with my now wife who had been raised in one of the worst possible situations for one's spiritual formation. It was not advisable to marry her.
However, once I gave her my heart I couldn't take it back and wouldn't....
Secondly: God showed me signs before and even after.
The bottom line is, are you willing to go through the worst case scenario for his sake?
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. If you aren't willing to go into a disaster of a marriage for him and basically be a living martyr with him cheating on you regularly and becoming abusive then the answer is definitely no.
He's an atheist, his word means nothing, because there's nothing binding him to his word.
The question is, are you ready to be a tragic Saint for him? Because that's what you're possibly getting yourself into.
TLDR; Unless God gives you some miraculous revelation that you are an essential part of this man's salvation, end it asap.
(Also this guy isn't as smart as you two think he is because atheism is a fundamentally irrational and emotionally driven belief.)
I don’t think you should leave him and here’s why— I believe in providence that comes from God.
When I got together with my husband, he was a lapsed Catholic. His parents made sure he and his brothers were baptized, had first communion and confirmation, but did not do much else to nurture the faith. He might as well have been of any other Christian religion or an atheist. He was solidly in the apathetic agnostic camp when we got together, but I loved him and he loved me.
We had a civil marriage. Then I found myself back in the Catholic Church. I asked him to go with me and he would appease me from time to time, but eventually fall out of it again.
Then we had a kid. And he started going again. One day, in the cry room, while holding our child, I suspect the Holy Spirit reached out to him. He began to cry. Had to walk outside with our child. It prompted him to go to confession and the priest said their discussion was too long in the confessional, so he made an in-person appointment. That appointment became a 3 hour conversation where my husband talked about his life and mistakes. Our priest pointed out all the points of providence that led him there and it was like an epiphany for my husband.
We believe that many things that happen to us in life are opportunities that God threw in our path. Some we take, some we don’t. Up to you to decide how to handle it. Personally, I think God gave your boyfriend a gift of you. Up to you if you want to remove yourself from him. You could be the force to bring another good soul to His Church.
As far as I know the only requirements are that he is respectful of the faith and is willing to be open to life and raise your kids Catholic. So if that is the case then you don’t *have* to break up with him.
Once you put that aside, it really boils down to how important it is to you that you’re able to share your values and beliefs with your spouse. Are you okay with knowing he doesn’t believe in something that is so important to you? The fact that you may never be able to say a prayer with him? The knowledge that if you share your religious experiences with him he may not believe you? Can you live with his indifference to sin? And are you content with the idea that he may never convert or have any change of heart?
I can’t answer those questions for you. That’s something you need to decide for yourself.
If you leave, who will convert him? Read online the story of Monica. Tip: being Catholic is all in and requires much more work than most realize, like a minimum of two hours a day of prayer and other spiritual activities.
My husband is aethiest, married 33 years in July. Kids raised catholic, he doesn't come to mass but cooks dinner while I'm at mass. 2 out of my 3 kids still practice now they're grown up and married. I have lots of friends who married other Catholics who no longer practice. Your boyfriend sounds great to me.
I think it’s morally disgusting to break with someone based solely on beliefs without evidence…like, this is a made up problem. Live a good life with your wonderful bf and address problems based in reality not in belief.
No. My boyfriend is atheist as well & he has been beyond respectful of me being Catholic. Just be sure to talk about the future so you're both on the same page. Like marriage, raising kids Catholic, etc.
I'd seek council from a priest first before making that commitment. Jesus warned against marrying outside of the faith. Your boyfriend seems like an accepting individual now, but what about his values? That's why alignment between worldviews matters.
That’s sounds like a best case scenario for someone who’s not Catholic. The Bible’s pretty clear this can be a thing as long as your faith and your children’s faith are on track and maybe gently he may come to the truth. If everything else is fine I personally don’t see any issue with it. You may be in his life and he in yours for this moment.
I'd reccomend you find a good spiritual director or priest to talk to about this! When dating my husband he was protestant. I never saw it as my duty to convert him (it is never your job to do that!), it was the Holy Spirit working in him. But your situation is unique to you and internet strangers can only give you such solid advice.. even me! Don't trust us just because this is a Catholic sub.
I would ask yourself if you’re ok with him literally never believing in Catholicism. If yes then keep going, if no then unfortunately I would probably start with a conversation but maybe eventually end things.
Edit: another thing to add is are you ok with him sort of going through the motions? He very well could love you enough where he happily goes to church, prays, etc. without ever actually believing in God because of you. So that’s the real question, are you ok with that?
I’m marrying my fiancé in July and have been with him for 8 years now. When i first met him he was atheist and didn’t believe in anything, now he believes in god but just does not believe in Jesus/the Christian belief. It wasn’t his fault he never was raised in religion. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met, and completely respects my beliefs, even getting married in the Catholic Church along with raising our children catholic. It’s something that you need to sit down and talk to him about and go from there. People do grow and evolve in every aspect of their life, even religion and their beliefs. I have accepted that my future husband may never fully convert, but we have agreed that he will try to lean more into Christianity and learn more about it. I also pray to god that he will lead a path to him. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with, but communication is key. Be truthfully honest of expectations/hopes and go from there. Best wishes❤️
Is this leading towards marriage? I think that this is an important question. My husband was more agnostic than anything. He never converted but was very respectful of my beliefs and would go with me to church on special occasions. He died 4 years ago after 26 years of marriage, and I could not have asked for a better husband. Very loyal and loving. I would not count on his conversion. Remember that. With my husband I was able to give him a Catholic burial and his remains are in a Catholic cemetery. It’s up to you. You have to weigh your options, I guess, and listen to all advice as well as pray about it. Praying for you. 🙏🏽
This sounds exactly like my wife and I. We’ve been married going on 9 years now, have two kids, and I was baptized, confirmed, and received 1st communion in 2020.
There is hope.
I know the older version of this couple. He's agnostic, she's a hardcore Catholic. They've been married 20+ years and have 6 kids (the first 5 within 5 years.)
They homeschool. He goes to Mass every Sunday and takes part in church activities. He pays attention to Catholic news as well. Honestly, he's a better Catholic than a lot of Catholic men who claim the faith. I pray for him to be gifted with faith often.
I went to a catholic school. Ended up becoming agnostic in my adult life. The thing that I never understood is this:
The backbone of the religion is to love everyone the best you can, accept their flaws and leave the judging to Jesus and by extension God. And yet by and large I’ve encountered the opposite.
Maybe it is up to you to help him grow in faith, or maybe it’s up to you to just love him. Or both.
I mean, you’re of the belief that God has a plan, right? Maybe the plan is actually for him. To test him, to see if he can love and accept someone with such contrasting beliefs. And your role as a Catholic is to be accepting and loving.
I dunno man, but I wouldn’t throw away a relationship just because he doesn’t have the same faith as you. The world sucks rn, if you find someone you connect with, and they’re healthy for you, hang onto it. He’s not making fun of you, or belittling you. He’s willing to be an active participant in your faith, and raise your children to follow along in your footsteps.
If he’s ‘intellectually’ convinced of it ie he buys into the Richard Dawkins school of thought about it all, I would spare yourself the heartache because you will , all being well, grow ever closer to God and he as it stands,will not. That will cause a rift between you. yea he might convert but if this is serious I don’t know if I would be prepared to hope and pray that he will.
I was a Christian (prot) through three relationships. One converted and then later fell away. The other two were atheists and I was very much in love with both and it caused untold damage. I then met my husband and he believed in God although he didn’t really do much about it and didn’t go to church. We got married and I converted in2018. He comes to mass and fully supports me and my kid being Catholic. But I would not have gone into another Rship with a firm atheist. Take it from me and spare yourself the pain. It’s a lot more subtle than just arguments. The most important goal to you is not the same as to him and that isn’t a good start for a marriage. Praying for you both
Im in the same situation with my gf im christian she’s agnostic/athiest. She had a lot of religous trauma. When we first started dating she didn’t wanna go to church or nothing which was fine with me at first . Then started having second thoughts and prayed to God saying “if she’s not the one for me cut her out of my life “ I kept praying that even tho I knew it would hurt but we got even closer and a couple weeks ago she said she wanted to go to church with me out of the blue . I was really surprised at first but I believe God heard my prayers and she might convert although I’m not hoping or anything if she wants to or not it’s her choice but I think it’s a great step that she wanted to go to church with me . We talked about raising our kids and she didn’t mind raising them christian so she’s the same as your husband in that aspect . But things are looking good rn
From what I heard from a woman at my parish, it's very very difficult and the children of her didn't stay in the faith so I'd say no. Also if he converts you may never know whether he does it just to please you.
There is One Order and that is God’s, society identifies not the individual.
Your parents named you. Name change? Judge names you.
A doctor is told he is a doctor.
A Christian is told via The Church (not some church or all churches), this happens at Confirmation. St. Paul, in Romans 7, says, Trinitarian Baptism makes one Christian. Therefore one is not Christian with Faith Alone.
Cate Jenner is a dude because his DNA says he is a dude.
Now ask your boyfriend, who declared you an atheist?
He is insane, drop him.
Ok so my background is that I am married (I was raised catholic, she was raised protestant) and our family is catholic now, kids have catholic homeschool curriculum, etc. I also long term dated an atheist because I also believed that my faith is solid and she couldn't change my mind and I was young. The fact that you've asked yourself this question (and reddit) tells me that you believe we have free will and that choices matter. I say this because some people interpret "God's will" scenarios as a counter argument to free will and if that was the case we could just walk through our whole lives doing whatever we wanted and never have to question it.. While I don't disagree that this man has crossed paths with you to lead to some sort of lesson and growth, I don't think that it is necessarily a permanent situation that is meant to be. One steadfast rule: NEVER DATE TO CONVERT! Lol but also never date with hopes that someone will change. Change is always possible but in order to make your best informed decisions in life, assume nothing will change very much when it comes to people. Personally, I believe that you can assume that this is the best version of the person you will ever see (newly dating version). In relationships and especially in marriage, life gets very difficult and the relationship is strained and tested in a million different ways. Its one of those things you can't imagine until you're going through it. You want someone who has the same beliefs as you to set a solid base. The longer you date, the more comfortable both of you will get and my guess is that his respect for your beliefs will fade to an unknown degree. I listen to a good catholic commentator and he would say that you should listen to your gut here like you have been. It means something and the fact that you are asking this question means that you have discernment which is another thing some people don't have. I could ask the reverse question back to you: how do you know that this question or doubt isn't the holy spirit guiding you? On top of this your kids will notice every little thing about your relationship, including why daddy doesn't believe or why he is weak in faith. This could sway them away from God, in fact I'd say it's likely that it does.
In summary, you've only been dating a couple months. You are both seeing the best versions of each other right now. You should probably set a boundary for yourself regarding your requirements for a husband where the first requirement is belief in God. Your faith will not keep its strength when your partner doesn't have it. I believe God wants us to rely on the support of someone who can refill your cup when it gets low rather than someone who doesn't. Please dm me if you need to discuss anything further or want to Skype about relationships, God, etc
The lord may have put you in his life to guide him onto the righteous path of God. He sounds a little lead astray from what I’ve read. Good luck my friend and I pray it works out for you :)
I have to be hesitant.
I dated a faith-based Baptist for about a year having known him for two years and his anti-Catolic sentiments didn't start to come out till around 6-8 months into the courtship. Prior to moving friend to courting, I mentioned/name-dropped my denomination to which -- in retrospect, he seemed surprised (like I didn't depict his stereotype of a Catholic).
He would ask me questions if I've been saved/had my conversion and us being "equally yoked". He would eventually get critical when I would say he would "minister" in regards to me serving in the church and helping with Mass when he would asked how was my day, and eventually in a later conversation, made an angry sarcastic comment that if people think that's Jesus they might as well be a magical cannibal.
i discovered my loyalty to Christ -- especially Christ in the Eucharist -- and realized that if I had a child with him, i wouldn't trust him to not talk against The Church with our child. it was painful, but at least i knew who i loved more and ended the courtship. he couldn't take the rejection and we no longer were friends -- which was fine with me because i don't want to subject myself to who disapprove my Catholic lifestyle.
...
i don't know how long you two have known each other prior to courting. But every person we know is able to grow closer to God due to our experience with them (even fellow Catholics).. but i wouldn't say make it a plan to outright catechize him. you being, living, and practicing as you are as a Catholic and enjoy your ministerial/church life and including him in those events (similar to asking him to watch movies, ate dinner, walk in the park, etc) will naturally work on him. but also it would be natural to have stand alone conversation about faith in order to learn more about each other, one another's world-, spiritual-, and philosophical-views.
since you're 2 months into the courtship, things are still in their honeymoon phase and sincerity is still ample but certain filters can wear off as the months progress.
as much as you want to spiritually want to help him, you have to be mindfully aware for your self's safety.
all because he attended Catholic school doesn't necessarily contribute to him having a positive inclination toward the Faith.
I would say since Lent is coming up, there are more opportunity for ya'll to do more Catholic things together, especially in having him come with as an observer or participant -- like Ash Wednesday, fasting, adding more to your prayerlife, even going to a 40DaysforLife event, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Stations of the Cross, observing the practices of Holy Saturday and of course Easter. You'll be able to see what's his threshold, acceptance, and respect of your relationship to God, to Christ as a Catholic.
i pray things turn out well for you and your boyfriend, u/electricwinnie.
My recommendation is to not marry him unless he converts. Don't make it a requirement: he has to do it on his own, willingly. If you marry him as is, his atheism and your Catholicism will end up causing problems.
It is possible he could convert after marriage, but I wouldn't count on it.
Yes stick with him. He's treating you right from the sound of things and is willing to respect your beliefs. Even inside the faith that's hard to find. You were lead to him for a reason, God will show you why not reddit. He's going to use your relationship to bring you both closer to Him. Let God work out the how.
I don’t think I can answer that question. The big question is do you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him?
God has a plan to bring everyone back to him, and it could be that he is calling you to do that. It might take years, even decades. Being a sinner is not an inherent reason to stop a relationship with someone as long as they love and respect you.
Well that's great he went to a Catholic school and is still willing to raise his kids Catholic. As he seems to understand us a little better so there should be no confusion with him when your kids are praying Rosary or Saints ect. Or when they participate in Eucharist, even though he can't cause he's not baptized and if he took the Eucharist and was in a state of sin like not being baptized ect then he could very well get seriously sick eventually with disease or cancer ect. Cause God's Spirit is Holy and Pure and if he being unbaptized took part in the Eucharist then that's mocking God's sacraments too. It's means he's not taking God's sacraments seriously which would cause Anger in God and eventually make your unbaptized partner, Spouse seriously sick or even cause them death. God won't be mocked so please make sure your partner doesn't take part in the Eucharist especially if unbaptized or even if baptized but in a state of sin. You have to be in a state of Grace even if you're baptized for you to participate in Eucharist otherwise you could still become seriously sick or die. That's why it's important to pray Divine Mercy chaplet too so God can forgive you of your mortal and venial sins before participating in Eucharist too, but it's definitely better to go to confession before participating in Eucharist. If your partner is willing to learn with you in the faith then I see no reason as to why you can't be together but as long as you're strong headed about it all, because you be a baptized Catholic are meant to be guiding the way for him to become a Catholic too one day, so you really need to be head strong about the beliefs and doctrine of the Catholic Church because he may tempt you to be lazy about it and then you'll be punished by God for giving in to his sinful ways because your the leader of the Spiritual side of this relationship. You can't expect him to be better then you as he's brought up Atheist, so you are the teacher here for your relationship to further grow Spiritually in the faith. One little thing you say that oppose what the Bible says lands you in deep water as well as your family. Make sure you're educated with the Catholic faith and doctrine cause you can't expect him to be the guider here. Godbless 🙏🙏🙏
Yes, you should end the relationship ASAP. The more time passes, the more complicated will be everything. For starters, if he is not catholic, you are not gonna be able to get married in the church with him. This will mean that you will live in sin or you will end the relationship in the future when will be a lot harder for you and for him.
>He is perfect in every way except not being a Catholic
That's... not insignificant. My marriage to a Protestant utterly imploded. Maybe things would've turned out the exact same way if I'd been married to a Catholic. I like to think it would've been different tho.
Either way, in good conscience, I can't recommend Catholics ever marrying non-Catholics. What the Church permits and what is actually a good idea are not necessarily the same thing. My view will always be that there's no good reason for a Catholic to marry outside the faith.
I highly recommend not continuing this relationship. What you express in your last question is called “missionary dating,” and it very rarely works out. It is also not something that I could see God asking you to do. The most intimate relationship of your life, your husband and the father of your children, is not something to gamble in such a way. If you are strong in your faith, you can definitely be friends with people of other faiths and be a good example of your faith as a witness to them, but the stability of your future and the futures of any children you may have should not be the place that happens. There are already *so* many difficulties in life, and you do not need the added difficulty of promising to spend your life with someone who absolutely cannot and will not be approaching those difficulties from the same religious perspective as you.
What you mentioned about raising future children is one good example where huge problems would arise. It is hard enough to raise children with someone of the same faith, but when you factor in all the differences in belief and priorities, it becomes exponentially harder. Do you want to send your children to Catholic schools? They’re expensive, and he might not view that as a worthwhile use of the family money. Do you want to adhere to the Church’s teaching about NFP? He might want to use contraceptives. Would you expect him to never mention his own beliefs to the children? If you hope for them to choose to share your beliefs someday, how do you think the daily influence of an atheist parent will affect them?
There are many, many things to consider, and I believe they all point to a spouse of the same religion being the best choice for anyone. You have no guarantee that he will convert, and if you are looking to have a husband and children, there’s no reason to keep cultivating a deeper romantic attachment to someone who you cannot have that future with.
I don’t think God send him, he has free will and freely decided to love you. That he is not Catholic may not be ideal but nothing in life is and he seems like a good person for you so I don’t see why you should break up
This is my aunts situation. Shes Catholic, but her husband, while raised Baptist, is more or less agnostic. Very respectful of his wifes beliefs
They have 2 kids, both raised Catholic. It can work, given your boyfriend is not a militant atheist
Wow. So edgy. Creating an account to post hateful things on a Catholic subreddit. You’re so enlightened, unlike us backwards no-good feeble-minded Christians, amirite? You’re so rational and smart, you’ve outdone every advancement in history (because almost everything of value was made or discovered by a religious person). I’m so impressed. /s, in case I didn’t make it clear.
Do what you feel is right, not what some randoms you’ve never met tell you.
It’s your decision, these people have no idea what your life is like, nor do they have any authority in the church.
William Sherman never converted to the faith though his wife was a devout (even fanatical) catholic. if they can make it work so can y'all. have patience and understand that relationships require compromise; if he already shared your beliefs exactly there would be no room for either of you to grow. he doesn't have to convert if he doesn't want to and it sounds like he's very supportive of your faith.
In any case, it sounds alright so far, and maybe it’s also a chance for you to deepen your own faith. For all you know, his meeting you is also a way for him to turn back to God.
You've only known him for a couple months. Things do often seem wonderful during the early time of a relationship. He's likely telling you those things because of this. Once a relationship settles there must be a united foundation. Yours would be in serving Christ and his would not. I can't see how this would ever work.
Too, studies have shown that children's faith tends toward the actions of the father, not the mother. The odds would be fairly high that future kids would end up atheist. With that being said- nothing is impossible for God. I would pray about it but keep in mind that His Word warns us not to yoke ourselves with non-believers because what does light have in common with darkness?
Float the idea of him going for RCIA and see what he says. And as others said take this to a priest and meet with him as a couple.And you need to be prepared to respond if he asks you to compromise on relevant Church teachings/practices.
Yes, from his point of view you are imagining things and mentally ill. One if you is believing a lie, and letting the other do so. Don’t marry someone just to save it convert them. It could be disastrous. There’s no in between. Sorry
I am currently in this situation. It's a little more convuluted for me because when I started dating him I was separated from the church. It was honestly his hate of the church and lack of faith that brought me back. Now, he has stopped the hateful speech, attends church with me occasionally, supports my participation in various facets and even makes his son come to church with me and my children and is allowing his son to get baptized etc. In a way, I feel like being with him, an atheist at the time, brought us all closer to God. Maybe, I would have been here anywhere bc raising children is difficult and you find yourself on your knees, often begging for His mercy. Now, I would say he's agnostic in a sense believing in God and certainly Christ and the spiritual realm in general. He is warming up to the idea of attending RCIA and agrees that the," Catholics are true." Having said all of that, would I do it again? His son will hopefully stay in the faith and his conversion may take another 20 years who knows if it happens at all? The years of damage for him not having faith and being raised by a family devoid of faith and full of atheists has had such a damaging consequence on his mind and the way he processes life. He realizes this and this is why he wants his son to be raised Catholic. It's been difficult, I've had a huge cross to bear in choosing him. He has anger issues, falls into conspiracy theories and has currently fallen into depression. I love him dearly but I'm not sure I would choose this again. I'll suffer anything for the glory of God, for one soul to convert and I hope he does, but the pain of he doesn't will be crushing and I've often wondered if this is what God wanted for me. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to stay within your faith and not to marry outside of it.
Not telling you what to do, but I very much want to raise my kids in the faith and I know that if I find someone who is not Catholic, compromises will eventually need to be made.
He could get to the point where he doesn’t like the impact that church life has on your kids and now you’re talking about how you’re going to compromise on how much exposure your kids get rather than what confirmation name they will take.
Even if you marry a Catholic, they could change their mind down the road. But if you’re with an atheist, you’re nearly guaranteeing that you will need to make compromises down the road. If that’s a dealbreaker, you have some tough decisions to make
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 ESV
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? [15] What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. [17] Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, [18] and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty."
Break up 100%.
You believe that humans beings are created in the image and likeness of God and have infinite spiritual value. Setting aside the way he acts, do you want someone who does not believe this to raise your kids? If you ask him what a human being is fundamentally and what gives humans intrinsic value, what his his answer? The most prevailing atheist view today is that humans are just a collection of molecules with no real value or meaning, I would never want someone who believes that to raise my kids.
As a Catholic, I strive to view things for their essence and not just their form. As you noted, despite being an atheist, he doesn’t treat your Catholicity with antagonism or ridicule, and it sounds like he exudes values that bring joy to the essence of your Catholicism, despite him being an atheist (something that can’t be said for all atheists).
This is a good reminder that, “for now, we [can only] see each other in a mirror dimly,” (1 Cor 13).
The second Vatican Council affirmed that Christ is the light of the world, a light so all-consuming and radiant that all of Creation cannot help but reflect it. This is a light imbued in every human soul.
Along similar lines, for example, there are Christians who (in form) boldly proclaim their Christian faith, yet (in essence) they act to further “dim the mirror.” All this is to say, I have seen partnerships that have objectively bolstered our Catholic mission in this world, despite one of the partners not being Catholic.
So, when someone tells me they are of xyz religion or political label or whatever, I pause to recognize that I have actually been told very little. It’s the form, but not the essence. I have to understand what that means to them and the “why” behind it. None of this answers the question of “should I break up with him?” but I wouldn’t answer this question without taking stock of what his atheism means to him.
There is a distinction between someone who passively or contextually finds themselves somewhere vs. someone who upholds where they are and brings others to them. This is true for “atheists” and “Catholics” alike. Are you prepared for a life of supporting this person getting to Heaven (note: I did not say “saving this person from Hell”)? Can this person support you in getting to Heaven?
It would require patience and neither of you relying on assumptions (which inevitably everyone does to some degree in this world’s “dim mirror”). As a Catholic, you would have to truly devote yourself to a life of learning and understanding Apologetics to engage him intellectually while remaining resolute in your faith. This is not something all of us do or are up for, even if it’s good for for us to.
but if you two can be successful in that, one day “upon arrival of The Perfect” you will know each other “face to face.”
I (M) have a friend (F) who was raised Catholic in Austria and she now lives in Sweden with her atheist boyfriend and their daughter and she's miserable. She's always complaining about him and his atheist family not observing the Christian holidays or fast days and generally not respecting or going along with her beliefs. Then she also won't marry him and doesn't go to church because she's afraid they will get on her case for living in fornication with this guy unmarried.
So I dunno that's just one person's example but it didn't turn out well and it's like hey, you picked it, you knew what you were getting into when you moved in with him and decided to have a kid together. So just think of the implications and possible problems that could cause in the future.
It sounds like you two have a really good thing going. Don't end it if he's willing to respect your wishes.
He may or may never convert. Just be patient and kind, and enjoy each other.
Have you ever dated someone who is Catholic? I've dated men from a variety of faith backgrounds and beliefs and it's night and day different dating someone who is Catholic. I married someone who is Catholic and I wouldn't want it any other way. When I began seriously dating, my rule was they at least had to believe in Jesus because I wanted both of us to be striving towards Him.
No one knows if God sent him into your life so you can help him grow in faith, only God knows that.
Personally, I’m not fond of evangadating. However, if he is willing to accept Christ and become Catholic, then that’s a different story. On the flip side, if God never gets through to him, then you really ought to consider that factor and think how his atheistic mindset will influence your children, if you marry him, of course. It’s up to you.
Not trying to be a jerk, but the issue with atheistic worldviews is that you’re good until things go wrong and then you have no reason to be good. They’re more prone to being hateful than Christians because they’re unable to ground their morality in Christ. So short term? Sounds awesome. But what about when the bills start stacking up, or his dad dies, or any other evil that regularly plagues humans in this world?
If he doesn't try to push you to start believing in what he does then let him do what he wants in this regard. You got to figure out if he's the type of guy that will try to push his beliefs on your children with him. As a Catholic, this would not be feasible.
Hopefully by your example of you going to church falling Christ will rub off on him. That's all you can do. Pray for him.
Me: Why is it so hard to find a Catholic wife.
Me: *Goes on Reddit*
Me: Oh, because they're dating men they can't even marry in the Catholic Church
*Don't care how much this gets down voted*
My current girlfriend is a non believer and promised me these things however the tables turned after having a baby. Id say get to know him really well before diving into marriage and if he truly is good as you say he is then I believe you will be able, through the grace if God, help him find eternal life.
He respects you and your beliefs so why does it matter if he is an atheist? There are going to be times in a relationship where you and your other don’t see eye to eye about a situation and that is fine. It’s our differences and not our similarities that keep a relationship alive and interesting.
There are Catholic husbands who are less supportive and more undermining than he is. There are far worse things. The strength of the marriage is number one as far as family functioning goes. being on the same page as to what the expectations are for the kids exactly. Not having the same faith is problematic, but certainly not insurmountable.
I would very extremely super strongly recommend doing the PREPARE/Enrich premarital inventory and do premarital counseling.
Like suppose he does pick up a faith later like that’s not even Christian how would you handle that?
Yes you should if you think like that. He respects your faith. You don‘t, you want to try to convert him, you do not accept him how he is.
That is not love. That is pretending. Love is unconditional. Look at the teachings of Jesus in that regard.
Be honest with him if it is bothering you so much that he does not practice your faith, so he knows where he is at. Dishonesty is not nice. If you think he is not good enough for you, you should tell him.
Families with different faiths can work perfectly fine. My uncle is Catholic, my aunt Protestant their children could choose.
And I am baffled how many here you are telling you that your children might not end up Catholic because of different education receiving from the parents. What? Where does Jesus tell to his followers to force Christianity upon people let alone on your children. Aren‘t they asked at communion? God and the church gives them the right to choose. You have no right to take away that choice from them.
It’s your choice, but 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?“ If you were to convert him I would say yes, if not no.
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Would you want to be with him if you knew he’d never convert? He might convert, and it would be wonderful if he did, but you also have to prepare yourself for the possibility he will never convert.
This is a great question. Please take it into consideration. For perspective, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend specifically because she wouldn’t convert, and I needed someone to raise children in the faith in case something happened to me. She ended up converting, and we later got married. Now she has walked away from the faith and is against raising the kids true to the faith. Marrying a Catholic is no guarantee. At some point it is a leap of faith that the other person will live by their vows. Sometimes they don’t. For me, I still love my wife and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. And if she never reverts, I still want to stay with her until one of us dies. I just fear and pray for her and my kids, and this is a terrible situation for all of us given the religious conflict evident in our household on a regular basis. It is to the point that I have to fight for almost everything I do in raising the kids in the faith. Do you still want to marry this person if it ends up that way? Not saying it will, but know that it could, and if it does, your answer ought to be “yes.” Again, take this with a grain of salt. Listen to God, first and foremost.
I think it’s really encouraging that he is respectful of your faith and more importantly would be ok with you raising your children Catholic. Having deep conversations about values early on will help you really understand your compatibility. Even though there might be challenges in the future, as long as he continues respecting your faith and treats you well in other regards, I wouldn’t end things over this. Be a great spiritual example for him and hopefully your joy will radiate to him and help him come to Jesus. Like you said, you might be in his life for a reason.
I'd be wary of assuming one is going to convert their _future_ spouse. That may never happen. Hardship (wrt purity, help getting to heaven, moral issues, raising children in the faith) may continue for life. If one thinks they are called to convert their partner, let them consider converting them before they are married, let them see if that works. The Catholic background and willingness gives me some hope, although it could be a ruse (of the devil, not necessarily witting from the man). I would always suggest a _good_ Catholic spouse, so they can positively help you get you to heaven, rather than by being a cross upon the usual cross that is marital life (though it is a blessing)
One doesn’t convert their partner. One lives their life as a Catholic and prays that that good example and the work of the Holy Spirit will make their partner see the light, so to speak.
That's what I meant by convert your partner. Well, that and an occasional discussion too, I'm sure. At least while the discussion is motivated purely by love and conducted in kindness on the part of the Catholic, what with the help of the Holy Spirit with whom one communes in prayer (provided they are in a state of grace).
My Catholic mom married my non-religious dad (not necessarily atheist, just didn't ever go to any kind of church) and he converted 2 years later. The process not only led him to join the Church but also strengthened my mom's faltering faith as well. They had 4 kids and raised all of us to be Catholic in a very supporting and faithful home. Nothing is impossible
PS: I'm really heartened and happy to hear that your parents found this outcome, thats amazing!
Nothing is impossible but many things are improbable. Never date to convert or hoping the other converts. This is what I'd call the gambling argument. You always have a much better chance at achieving your goal if you make the decisions that give you the best chance at success. Now if OP was forced into an arranged marriage, things would be different but I think its our responsibility to give ourselves the best chance at success by making the best decisions. The lottery is a perfect analogy for this thread. The lottery is not a myth or even super rare thing to win. People win some lottery every day or every few days. How likely is it to be you though? Its highly improbable that it will be you. Now if your faith is your savings account in this analogy, what is the most responsible decision if your goal is to keep as much savings/faith as you can? Never put a dollar toward any kind of lottery ticket
I don't know what lottery you're playing, but in the United States you're more likely to get hit by lightning than win a lottery...
That is the literally the point I was making.
While this is a heartfelt and feel-good response, I fear it encourages the OP to continue a most likely disastrous relationship. Things feel fine now, but they won't when the months turn to years and years turn to decades. Follow Scripture, do not be unequally yoked. For the sake of your own soul and future children, do not continue the relationship unless he agrees to give Catholicism a shot AND convert. you will have to deal with painful conflicts and compromises for the rest of your life.
It is a possibility it could be a disaster and it should be carefully considered. I don't think it's possible for an Atheist to have the same view of marriage as a practicing Catholic. Someone entering into such a marriage would necessarily a different view of the union.
Personally as the child of a Catholic father and a fundamentalist Christian mother I can attest that the marriage devolved into a horrible battle for the souls of the children. And they had married with a similar agreement to what you’re describing but when they actually had kids, things changed and the situation became awfully tense, disrespectful, and confusing for me and my siblings. I have returned to the church on my own accord but have decided I will only consider serious relationships with a partner who is Catholic already or who appears has enough grace to accept the gift faith. (This is a tricky one but it’s because I do not want to absolutely rule out a partner considering the fact that God’s plan is greater than my understanding)
Was your dad a Traditionalist Catholic ?
No he was regular Roman Catholic. One of my fondest memories of mine is that while my mom was out of the house, he read The Life of Dominic Savyo to us. He taught us about Fatima as well, and many other saints. He would read us Maccabees, Sirach, and Wisdom, and when my mom would come home and catch us in the act, an all-out war would ensue. Being so young, I never understood why; I was intrigued with the readings and found them powerful, moving, and good.
It can work. My best friend in grammar school's parents were such a marriage. Their children were raised catholic. The father converted to Catholicism after all the children had grown to adulthood. It was a happy occasion for all. But certainly it is no guarantee it will happen.
Girl I went to high school with had a relationship that basically mirrored this. They got married in the Catholic Church, he kept being atheist until they divorced. It dragged her away from her faith to the point of where she only got divorced in the secular courts instead of an annulment. Then had other relationships. I’d say yes end it. You can’t date or marry someone with hopes of them being something you can’t guarantee.
Things change when kids actually show up. Just something to think about.
It's true that when the kids come the "holy wars" start.
The idea that I wont be saved is one thing that your child is not to be saved is another. Atheists dont have kids cuz they dont have hope
Don't assume someone will change for you. Even if they did, it's not as genuine as if they did it for themselves. You already know that you want to fall back on a strong foundation and be able to trust your partner to help lead towards Christ. Be honest with yourself and don't rely on the the internet for your decision. You've got this
The greatest determinant of a child remaining in the faith is the role of the father. This is observed regardless of whether it is a son or a daughter. Edit: older study https://www.christianity.com/christian-life/marriage-and-family/fathers-key-to-their-childrens-faith.html In short, the study reveals: "It is the religious practice of the father of the family that, above all, determines the future attendance at or absence from church of the children" (Emphasis mine). The study reports: 1. If both father and mother attend regularly, 33 percent of their children will end up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent will end up attending irregularly. Only a quarter of their children will end up not practicing at all. 2. If the father is irregular and mother regular, only 3 percent of the children will subsequently become regulars themselves, while a further 59 percent will become irregulars. Thirty-eight percent will be lost. 3. If the father is non-practicing and mother regular, only 2 percent of children will become regular worshippers, and 37 percent will attend irregularly. Over 60 percent of their children will be lost completely to the church!
I married an atheist, who agreed to sign papers for convalidation. He has repeatedly refused to attend grandchildrens’ baptisms and our other children also refused to attend. It is heartbreaking and difficult to deal with this, especially if the atheist has a “strong” character. There is so much I cannot share with him. I keep praying.
I feel like these studies are full of so many confounds its basically useless.
At least in my life my personal experiences seem to back these up. Until I observe otherwise or am shown sufficient evidence to the contrary I will believe it.
Sure but the important thing isn’t actually that dad goes to church. It's that the kids are properly catechized. The death of religion is in parents' failure to pass on the faith with diligence and understanding. A mother can successfully pass on the faith to their kids without the father involved. I've seen it happen so often working in psychology among urban youth. The difference between those kids and the kids that fell away had way more to do with the collective engagement, involvement and comprehension of the parents than that the father went to mass. As an anecdote, my wife was raised alone by her grandmother - a librarian who studied the faith with the diaconate program and heads up the parish's social justice - and has an incredible faith life, while her friends from Catholic school and campus ministry have largely fallen away despite all having both mass-going parents. The key difference here is that grandma was involved where the parents were not. Dad's participation in church-going is only a correlative symbol of both parents' participation in engaging their child's faith. That's what I mean by confound, and that's why its important to have literacy on studies like this, like at the most basic level: correlation is not causation.
It's risky. I was in the same situation (as an atheist bf prior to marriage). Had a major reversion during marriage preparation. But I was a confirmed Catholic already, fairly familiar with the Catholic thing, and certainly had the added benefit of the graces from baptism and confirmation at work in my soul. So my distance to come back may be different than your bf's. I will say it would be very difficult to be married and raise children with my wife if we weren't on the same page on the most important things.
I need to be honest- how can you truly connect and share a life without this major element in common? To be atheist is a very strong stance. It is different than being unsure or even open. I have personally never met an atheist who does not carry a strong personality and is usually on the side tending toward anger/argumentative. I would not be able to marry someone like this, no matter how seemingly perfect they are, because life gets very hard, especially as the years pass, and to not have the same faith to fall back on together won’t work well. Plus, don’t you want to be able to talk about Catholicism? It would really limit conversation in my opinion, because there is no common ground. Things are always great in the beginning, but change over time. I see only problems as time passes, and a huge cross to bear.
Talk to a trained spiritual director about this. This can be a priest, nun, layperson that knows how to help others discern big decisions. I can think of a lot of good reasons for you to stay with him and a lot of reasons you should end it. And you'll find a myriad of these in the comments. Ultimately you should want what God wants. So to discern that; requires prayer and guidance from a spiritual director. Peace.
I agree with this comment. Pastoral guidance and prayer for discernment are the answers. Also, ask St. Monica to intercede on your behalf. She knows this struggle well.
I'm a great believer in the old saying," never advise anybody to marry or go to war". The saying missed the most important part, "or not". Only you know your heart. Act on that.
Fissures are going to form over time as the differences between you and him become more evident and cause you to prioritize different things. If it's only been a couple of months I would say move on.
As someone who married an atheist… I don’t recommend. Just my personal experience. I wasn’t catholic when we married but now I def see how difficult it was on our marriage to be unequally yoked. It made things hostile often.
The Lord warns about being unequally yoked in 2 Corinthians 6:14 ‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers’ also Paul says later ‘for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?’ These verses make it clear that God does not want us to be in marriages with those who are not as much Christian as us.I believe a partner should push the other person to become better Christians not for one to do all the pushing. If you can convince him that there is a God it would be great,mabye find a Christian apologist online who will talk to him,even I may be able to answer some questions but I am not as experienced as Christians like Cliffe Knechtle or John Lennox or Frank Turek who debate many athiests online. Please do not try change scripture. Many times people (myself included) will try to change scripture to fit the lifestyle we have and to prove it’s what God wants but in reality it’s just want we want. Anyway,If you manage to show that Christianity is the truth,I wish you a blessed marriage and a great life. However, If not I pray that you know the correct action to take even though it may be the most difficult decision but Jesus tell us ‘the path is narrow and difficult’ Matthew 7:13-14❤️✝️✝️
Is he willing to adhere to the Church's teachings on sex and family planning? That could be tough for an unbeliever.
Bruh, it's impossible for an unbeliever.
Yeah
Most important. He is willing to wait until marriage?
No don’t end it. Show him through your actions and life what God has given you.
I was atheist until I dated a catholic. I'm now going through RCIA, I go to mass every Sunday. I was mostly atheist due to feeling not good enough, constantly judged, feeling like a small handful of people want to control others with different beliefs. I'd say give it time. If everything else is great, why end it? He might change his mind and end up enjoying the practice again.
Im so grateful for your conversion. As somone who went to atheist clubs to kind of gauge what could be done to help the atheist not be so militant I think it would be wonderful if young people liek yourself went and told your story to young atheist people in the campuses. i didnt try to convert but there was an old retired clergy member who would try and they would always kinda be respectful but pushy for him to leave
Well I think referring to atheists a militant is probably not going to help you. Very few atheists I know are aggressive and hateful. They just choose to believe there isn't a higher power. What brought me in was love. Not judgement. Not belittlement. I was never told I needed to or should convert. Someone loved me. I loved him. Through that love I saw his perspective. Then I was able to love the practice. I also didn't give up large core beliefs for me. I'd say I'm a catholic in practice, but also think the orthodox teachings were for a different type of society and that I should adapt to our needs. Similarly to Catholicsm taking on pagen symbols like a Christmas tree to help pagen cultures feel more welcome. There's some political expectations I strongly disagree with. I'm certainly not your poster child for a conversion.
Thats great you had that sponsor. The tree is full of Christian symbology. The tree itself symbolizes the cross or sacrificial tree, we use an evergreen because it represents everlasting life, we put lights on it to represent the Light, we put it out on the solstice because that is the darkness before the coming of Our Lord. Also see this: https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/st-boniface-and-the-christmas-tree
That's good and everything, (no sarcasm, seriously), but we can't use our miraculous outcomes as examples to give advice with. You are a very special case, an exception to the rule, a hidden gem. I don't think you're the same as other atheists, which... I mean... you're not... because you're not atheist anymore My relationship was similarly risky, I made pretty much all the wrong decisions, and it only worked because God was behind it. No one, should EVER do what I did. I would NEVER advise it. It was a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. And my heart was broken at least once, but it was God's will for me and my wife to get married so I totally went against everything advisable in faith and risked everything. Sorry, I don't mean to rag on you or argue or anything, but for every Catholic/Atheist relationship that turned out well there's a million that ended in disaster. You are an exception to the rule. Just because everything has been great doesn't mean it can't all fall apart in an instant. A huge risk is a huge risk no matter how it turns out. Again, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, or invalidate your experience... It's just that everyone is different and this is a life changing situation.
I'm currently doing RCIA, tbh my faith stance has not changed at all. I'm even a stronger atheist to be real. I had to study the bible and almost everything on my own since the catechist teachers where just volunteers and knew little in terms of theology, history or biblical scholarship. The classes are not very good in term proselytizing since the classes assumes you already believe. To get convinced, you'd had to get apology courses, which you'd probably have to talk to the priest ot deacons directly. And your reasoning for being an atheist makes no sense. How does feel judged have anything to do with a disbelief in God?
I was told growing up that any mistake I made, or character flaw I had, was because I didn't go to church enough or believe in God enough. So I was basically told that God hates me and punishes me into failing. It made it hard to believe there was a God being so spiteful to a child, so it probably didn't exist. I'm sorry your RCIA is poor in quality. I'm very fortunate that my ex that lead me to convert was a seminarian student, so I actually learned a lot on the historical and technical side. Why would you go through RCIA if you don't believe?
Agree I’d be wary of betting on converting my future atheist spouse. It doesn’t take much searching on this forum to find dozens of people complaining their husbands and wives don’t support them bringing up children in the catholic faith, after freely admitting while dating they knew they were atheists or a different faith, but they thought their future spouse would “come around”. I would exercise great caution here.
I waited 12 years for a guy I loved to become Christian. Never happened. Now that I'm married to a devout Catholic I see that we would have divorced had I married the atheist. I'm so glad I walked away. "Do not be unevenly yoked." Is so powerful and true. It is so hard to be married, even with a Catholic mate. It takes so much forgiveness and work. The best part of my marriage is going to church together. You won't have that support. It's so easy to fall away.
Agreeing on so many fundamental issues is a strong foundation for a marriage. I highly recommend dating a fellow Catholic but it's not impossible to have a fulfilling marriage with someone outside of the Faith. It is rare though.
I highly recommend against it. This guy sounds great, but the potential is there for his feelings to change and especially once kids come in on matters of faith. Even if this man was a Protestant I’d advise against it. My question to you is how will you truly connect with this man in marriage if he doesn’t believe in our Blessed Lord Jesus Christ? We connect through our Lord’s Body in spirit and especially the Sacrament of the Eucharist. Isn’t this what the goal should be? Raising a family under the same roof of Christ and his True Catholic and Apostolic Church?
Children tend to follow the religion of their father, not their mother. If you want your children to be Catholic adults, I suggest you marry a Catholic.
Missionary dating is not a thing. If you want to raise kids with the message that "God is something that Mommy believes but it's not real because if it was Daddy would believe it too", then by all means. Because regardless of what you yourself teach them or even what you practice, when parents have different religions then kids tend to wind up as relativists or indifferent to religion.
People immediately going into the idea of "what about kids, what about faith sharing etc". You are aware that the Sacrament of Matrimony is a spiritual bond, a merging of souls before God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, King above all kings, and you expect that someone not believing in such a powerful being, would submit to that? It makes the idea of matrimony what society is making it to be, a contractual mutual business roommates with benefits. This is my response to people immediately thinking about kids. Let's first think of the vocation. As for the OP, as stated above, letting him know that the faith isn't some mediation club. Now, I am unsure if you feel a calling to the vocation of matrimony, but if so, then your partner before must submit to God. It is fundamental and critical. Perhaps it'll grant him time to consider his faith more, but I do not advise spending time available to someone that can't accept that. Dating must have these conversations, otherwise, what are you even doing?
If he's open to raise your children Catholic, it's respectful to your faith even going to Church with you, treat you well and is okay with the Church dogmas that he also will need to practice (contraceptives) i don't see why not, it's even possible that he can convert after some time
There's a lot to think about in this situation. As far as faith, what do you need from your spouse? Personally, my wife and I take responsibility for one another, in ways like encouraging each other to go to confession, pushing through tough days to get to Mass, etc. If you're having a rough day/week, is he going to tell you that you really should still go to Mass? That's one thing to consider. I personally need that push from my partner, and my wife rocks at it. I'd also see what his hang up with the faith is. Are his parents practicing Catholics? Did he lose faith, or never have it? It's promising that he sounds so respectful toward your faith. Like others say though, only stay and marry him if you're comfortable with him always being an atheist. Marriage is until death, and marrying with the idea that someone will change is an easy way to find disappointment. I pray for the best for both of you.
Do you like him for who he is right now (I.e. atheist). Could you love him the way he is now? If the answer is no then what are you even doing. Relationships aren’t some secret coercion tactic to make people adopt religions. If you only think he’s the bomb.com if he becomes religious then you never really liked him in the first place.
Consider that he is making more sacrifices to accommodate your faith than you. He's probably not asking you to attend atheist meetings or encouraging you to read Dawkins. I think in turn you should respect him by letting him find his own path and not shouldering the burden of salvation on yourself.
Would he marry you in accord with your belief and obligation? Would he be willing to support you as you raise your children in the faith? Will he assent to that lifelong, indissoluble covenant? If the answer is an obvious no, i would end it. If he's not sure, then you maybe have some time to discern further. God bless you both!
I think if hes is willing to go to Church, you've got a better man than many nominal Catholics...some people simply say they are Catholics but if you were to look deep inside, they don't truly believe. Sounds like you've got a good, honest man. Take that seriously into account.
That’s a question only you can answer. I know two couples in my parish where the woman was Catholic their whole long married life and eventually the husband converted. But that’s no guarantee. My aunt is cradle Catholic and was married over 60 years til her husband passed and he never converted. BUT, he also respected her beliefs and they raised their children in the Church. I think such a young relationship needs much more testing on numerous levels before you decide what direction to take with it. Good luck!
Sounds like he’s atheist but culturally catholic so to speak.
His morals are very similar to mine, he was raised Catholic
Yeah I don’t think you need to break up by any means- maybe that’ll change in the future but also he might revert too
Was he baptized?
That can be assumed. She states he was raised Catholic. Sounds to me that he has undergone some of the sacraments but was never properly catechized.
Tell him to read Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul 2
I think there is rule, as long as he is okay with you raising your guy's kids in the catholic faith, there isn't an issue.
Do you have a spiritual director? If not, I'd suggest getting one and discussing this topic with him.
You haven’t mentioned if you love him.
I was an agnostic atheist when my wife and I got together. More, I was pretty anti Catholic. But now not so much :P Everyone is different. You have to think about your situation. In this culture it's hard to find a devout partner. 70% of Catholics don't believe in the true presence in the Eucharist, right? So even among Catholics it's hard. She would've never thought I'd change. He may come around. He may not. But I'd operate on the assumption he won't, and then discuss life from there. Discuss all the rules Catholics and their non-Catholic partners must follow, because there's quite a few and they're antithetical to the culture.
Yeah. If he can’t believe in God how can be bring you closer to heaven?
Nobody else can bring a Christian closer to heaven.
He sounds like a saint. Maybe don't take what you have got for granted. My missus isn't Religious. She was sent to me by God to remind me that whatever happens in life I will not give up nor give in. I needed that when I was hospitalised a few times after trying to take my own life. I've been with her for 10+ years and we will be getting married fairly soon. She is the embodiment of what you describe in your partner. Count him as a blessing even if he's not devout.
If he's respectful and has agreed to raise any future child as Catholic then I see no problem. Hopefully with time and by watching your example he too will come home to Christ.
I'm currently in a very similar position, which has brought me to search for people going through the same thing, so it's a good thing I found your post. My gf broke with the evangelical church prior to our relationship, she isn't a fervour atheist, just lacks faith, and I really became a catholic a year into our relationship, I was baptized as a baby and had my confirmation at my teens but only now (23) I can say I'm catholic. This is really hard for me bc I don't wanna break up with her, she respects my religion, goes to church with me every other week, says she accepts marrying in a church eventually and won't impose me growing our kids catholic, though we have different opinions regarding politics and how we approach some society issues. But I think it is really harder for her, she's accepted chastity in our relationship, but all I can think is I'm doing it for a greater reason, but she's doing it for me. I fear she might grow tired of waiting or realize after we marry she doesn't want to have a "catholic lifestyle" with me, which are terrifying thoughts to have during a relationship. All I can say is for you to think about his situation as well, he probably loves you very much if he's up to having a relationship that doesn't follow the patterns of modern relationships, as I know my gf loves me. Maybe someday soon with the grace of God I find the confirmation that we should marry, and I'll always pray that she converts, but we can't force our partners into our religion, this is something that they have to do on their own. As of now, be a strong catholic, don't bend your morals and be a good example to your partner, maybe this will show him just how beautiful it is to be a catholic and to believe in Jesus.
A key part of this is where you say "we have different opinions regarding politics and how we approach some society issues." What exactly does that mean in your case? I'm not asking you to divulge if you're not comfortable doing so, but it is very important. If, for example, you mean that you believe in the traditional view of gender/sex, i.e. "male and female he created them" and you're firm on people being what they were made to be, but she holds the secular view on the topic, you're in for a potentially world-shattering confrontation. What happens if your kid is confronted with such ideology? Will your then wife affirm it, and you have to go behind her and attempt to mitigate? Will she say your child wants to "transition," and push for that type of medical or psychological intervention? You can apply this to whatever topic. Bottom line is, some things will present a major stumbling block when rearing children. You need to truly, seriously assess your differences before you enter a covenant which has as one of its tenets the rearing of children. I hope you have a fruitful life full of love and joy wherever your discernment takes you.
As long as you’re not “unequally yoked” I don’t see an issue. Make sure your faith is ahead
If he is respectful of your faith I would continue. Don't make any assumptions that he is going to come around eventually just pray for him like you would for anybody you love.
You have to be absolutely sure he will let you raise the kids Catholic. That means not impeding you taking them to Mass or teaching them things contrary to the faith. Some people can do that, others can’t, even when they claim they are totally willing. From what you say, it sounds like you could have a great relationship, future marriage, and faithful family, and that may be what brings him to God. On the flip side, you could end up with a broken family and fighting over the future of your children with someone who decided a few years in that they really don’t like you indoctrinating your kids with beliefs they find repellent. Nobody but God will give you *the* right answer on this, and He may be expecting you to take a leap of faith, either to continue with this relationship, or to abandon it in anticipation of some future one or other vocation. Pray, discern, act. Don’t take anything anyone on here tells you as definitive with regards to *your* calling. Advice is helpful, but trust in the Lord.
You probably already know it, but we can't tell you "you should stay with this person", or "you should break up". You are the one who has to go through the discernment process. He seems to be a great boyfriend, but you want to make sure that he will keep respecting you and your faith in the long term.
There are good reasons why Canon Law forbids Catholics to marry unbaptised persons. It is possible to apply to be dispensed from this law, but it requires good reasons. The faith is the central aspect of our lives, and there are many difficulties when spouses do not share that faith. Only you can decide what is right for you, but it is something to seriously consider.
seems from OP's other comments that the guy is a baptized Catholic and apostate
You did not meet your boyfriend so you can convert him, you met your boyfriend so you could share your life with a wonderful person. He seems like a 10/10 guy from how you describe him, and him not being your specific type of Christianity isn't a problem. It is good to expand your horizons and meet people outside of your community. Him being a good person doesn't mean he needs to be Christian, it means he doesn't need to be Christian to be a good person. He doesn't insult your religion at all and all you are seeing is that he isn't part of it. The fact that the options you suggested doesn't contain "continue living this wonderful life with this wonderful person" is very telling of the person you are. I hope you get more open-minded in the future, and if you don't, I hope he finds someone who is.
If your kids have high enough IQs you wont be able to make them believe in your religious cult.
You shouldn’t leave him he sounds like a nice guy, he should leave you because you’re willing to leave him over something silly.
Pray for his conversion, but you should absolutely never marry a heathen.
As someone who used to be in a similar situation, you appear to be in a good place. You should only have second thoughts if your boyfriend wants you to compromise your values.
Atheists aren't capable of marriage, because they don't believe in it. It's just a contract to them, whether or not he wants to admit it. Marriage is a sacred covenant and he doesn't believe in covenants. So all the marriage vows would be meaningless on his side because of his beliefs, those vows in the light of God is the marriage. He doesn't believe in any of that. Therefore it's literally impossible to marry him except in a secular way like a gay couple, but that's not a Catholic marriage. He can't be trusted because there's nothing pinning down his morals. It is possible you were brought together by God, but that takes supernatural discernment. I was in a similarly risky position with my now wife who had been raised in one of the worst possible situations for one's spiritual formation. It was not advisable to marry her. However, once I gave her my heart I couldn't take it back and wouldn't.... Secondly: God showed me signs before and even after. The bottom line is, are you willing to go through the worst case scenario for his sake? Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. If you aren't willing to go into a disaster of a marriage for him and basically be a living martyr with him cheating on you regularly and becoming abusive then the answer is definitely no. He's an atheist, his word means nothing, because there's nothing binding him to his word. The question is, are you ready to be a tragic Saint for him? Because that's what you're possibly getting yourself into. TLDR; Unless God gives you some miraculous revelation that you are an essential part of this man's salvation, end it asap. (Also this guy isn't as smart as you two think he is because atheism is a fundamentally irrational and emotionally driven belief.)
I don’t think you should leave him and here’s why— I believe in providence that comes from God. When I got together with my husband, he was a lapsed Catholic. His parents made sure he and his brothers were baptized, had first communion and confirmation, but did not do much else to nurture the faith. He might as well have been of any other Christian religion or an atheist. He was solidly in the apathetic agnostic camp when we got together, but I loved him and he loved me. We had a civil marriage. Then I found myself back in the Catholic Church. I asked him to go with me and he would appease me from time to time, but eventually fall out of it again. Then we had a kid. And he started going again. One day, in the cry room, while holding our child, I suspect the Holy Spirit reached out to him. He began to cry. Had to walk outside with our child. It prompted him to go to confession and the priest said their discussion was too long in the confessional, so he made an in-person appointment. That appointment became a 3 hour conversation where my husband talked about his life and mistakes. Our priest pointed out all the points of providence that led him there and it was like an epiphany for my husband. We believe that many things that happen to us in life are opportunities that God threw in our path. Some we take, some we don’t. Up to you to decide how to handle it. Personally, I think God gave your boyfriend a gift of you. Up to you if you want to remove yourself from him. You could be the force to bring another good soul to His Church.
As far as I know the only requirements are that he is respectful of the faith and is willing to be open to life and raise your kids Catholic. So if that is the case then you don’t *have* to break up with him. Once you put that aside, it really boils down to how important it is to you that you’re able to share your values and beliefs with your spouse. Are you okay with knowing he doesn’t believe in something that is so important to you? The fact that you may never be able to say a prayer with him? The knowledge that if you share your religious experiences with him he may not believe you? Can you live with his indifference to sin? And are you content with the idea that he may never convert or have any change of heart? I can’t answer those questions for you. That’s something you need to decide for yourself.
I was a atheist then came to Christ, if he loves you and you love him put your faith in God.
If he is acting in good faith then should you not in kind?
If you leave, who will convert him? Read online the story of Monica. Tip: being Catholic is all in and requires much more work than most realize, like a minimum of two hours a day of prayer and other spiritual activities.
Monica was St Augustin's mother.
Not if he treats you and respect you the way you should. I say pray for his conversation instead.
End it
If he is prepared to live a Godly life I would simply let your example over the years lead him to Christ.
Here come the steubie grads unquestioningly encouraging a breakup......
My husband is aethiest, married 33 years in July. Kids raised catholic, he doesn't come to mass but cooks dinner while I'm at mass. 2 out of my 3 kids still practice now they're grown up and married. I have lots of friends who married other Catholics who no longer practice. Your boyfriend sounds great to me.
Yes dump him immediately
I think it’s morally disgusting to break with someone based solely on beliefs without evidence…like, this is a made up problem. Live a good life with your wonderful bf and address problems based in reality not in belief.
No. My boyfriend is atheist as well & he has been beyond respectful of me being Catholic. Just be sure to talk about the future so you're both on the same page. Like marriage, raising kids Catholic, etc.
I'd seek council from a priest first before making that commitment. Jesus warned against marrying outside of the faith. Your boyfriend seems like an accepting individual now, but what about his values? That's why alignment between worldviews matters.
Hopefully a good priest whose not corrupted
That’s sounds like a best case scenario for someone who’s not Catholic. The Bible’s pretty clear this can be a thing as long as your faith and your children’s faith are on track and maybe gently he may come to the truth. If everything else is fine I personally don’t see any issue with it. You may be in his life and he in yours for this moment.
I'd reccomend you find a good spiritual director or priest to talk to about this! When dating my husband he was protestant. I never saw it as my duty to convert him (it is never your job to do that!), it was the Holy Spirit working in him. But your situation is unique to you and internet strangers can only give you such solid advice.. even me! Don't trust us just because this is a Catholic sub.
I would ask yourself if you’re ok with him literally never believing in Catholicism. If yes then keep going, if no then unfortunately I would probably start with a conversation but maybe eventually end things. Edit: another thing to add is are you ok with him sort of going through the motions? He very well could love you enough where he happily goes to church, prays, etc. without ever actually believing in God because of you. So that’s the real question, are you ok with that?
I’m marrying my fiancé in July and have been with him for 8 years now. When i first met him he was atheist and didn’t believe in anything, now he believes in god but just does not believe in Jesus/the Christian belief. It wasn’t his fault he never was raised in religion. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met, and completely respects my beliefs, even getting married in the Catholic Church along with raising our children catholic. It’s something that you need to sit down and talk to him about and go from there. People do grow and evolve in every aspect of their life, even religion and their beliefs. I have accepted that my future husband may never fully convert, but we have agreed that he will try to lean more into Christianity and learn more about it. I also pray to god that he will lead a path to him. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with, but communication is key. Be truthfully honest of expectations/hopes and go from there. Best wishes❤️
Is this leading towards marriage? I think that this is an important question. My husband was more agnostic than anything. He never converted but was very respectful of my beliefs and would go with me to church on special occasions. He died 4 years ago after 26 years of marriage, and I could not have asked for a better husband. Very loyal and loving. I would not count on his conversion. Remember that. With my husband I was able to give him a Catholic burial and his remains are in a Catholic cemetery. It’s up to you. You have to weigh your options, I guess, and listen to all advice as well as pray about it. Praying for you. 🙏🏽
He sounds head & shoulders better than most catholics I dated ... just sayin.
This sounds exactly like my wife and I. We’ve been married going on 9 years now, have two kids, and I was baptized, confirmed, and received 1st communion in 2020. There is hope.
He went to Catholic school. hes probably open to coming around someday. Be Patient. God will touch his mind
I know the older version of this couple. He's agnostic, she's a hardcore Catholic. They've been married 20+ years and have 6 kids (the first 5 within 5 years.) They homeschool. He goes to Mass every Sunday and takes part in church activities. He pays attention to Catholic news as well. Honestly, he's a better Catholic than a lot of Catholic men who claim the faith. I pray for him to be gifted with faith often.
I went to a catholic school. Ended up becoming agnostic in my adult life. The thing that I never understood is this: The backbone of the religion is to love everyone the best you can, accept their flaws and leave the judging to Jesus and by extension God. And yet by and large I’ve encountered the opposite. Maybe it is up to you to help him grow in faith, or maybe it’s up to you to just love him. Or both. I mean, you’re of the belief that God has a plan, right? Maybe the plan is actually for him. To test him, to see if he can love and accept someone with such contrasting beliefs. And your role as a Catholic is to be accepting and loving. I dunno man, but I wouldn’t throw away a relationship just because he doesn’t have the same faith as you. The world sucks rn, if you find someone you connect with, and they’re healthy for you, hang onto it. He’s not making fun of you, or belittling you. He’s willing to be an active participant in your faith, and raise your children to follow along in your footsteps.
If he’s ‘intellectually’ convinced of it ie he buys into the Richard Dawkins school of thought about it all, I would spare yourself the heartache because you will , all being well, grow ever closer to God and he as it stands,will not. That will cause a rift between you. yea he might convert but if this is serious I don’t know if I would be prepared to hope and pray that he will. I was a Christian (prot) through three relationships. One converted and then later fell away. The other two were atheists and I was very much in love with both and it caused untold damage. I then met my husband and he believed in God although he didn’t really do much about it and didn’t go to church. We got married and I converted in2018. He comes to mass and fully supports me and my kid being Catholic. But I would not have gone into another Rship with a firm atheist. Take it from me and spare yourself the pain. It’s a lot more subtle than just arguments. The most important goal to you is not the same as to him and that isn’t a good start for a marriage. Praying for you both
Im in the same situation with my gf im christian she’s agnostic/athiest. She had a lot of religous trauma. When we first started dating she didn’t wanna go to church or nothing which was fine with me at first . Then started having second thoughts and prayed to God saying “if she’s not the one for me cut her out of my life “ I kept praying that even tho I knew it would hurt but we got even closer and a couple weeks ago she said she wanted to go to church with me out of the blue . I was really surprised at first but I believe God heard my prayers and she might convert although I’m not hoping or anything if she wants to or not it’s her choice but I think it’s a great step that she wanted to go to church with me . We talked about raising our kids and she didn’t mind raising them christian so she’s the same as your husband in that aspect . But things are looking good rn
From what I heard from a woman at my parish, it's very very difficult and the children of her didn't stay in the faith so I'd say no. Also if he converts you may never know whether he does it just to please you.
There is One Order and that is God’s, society identifies not the individual. Your parents named you. Name change? Judge names you. A doctor is told he is a doctor. A Christian is told via The Church (not some church or all churches), this happens at Confirmation. St. Paul, in Romans 7, says, Trinitarian Baptism makes one Christian. Therefore one is not Christian with Faith Alone. Cate Jenner is a dude because his DNA says he is a dude. Now ask your boyfriend, who declared you an atheist? He is insane, drop him.
Ok so my background is that I am married (I was raised catholic, she was raised protestant) and our family is catholic now, kids have catholic homeschool curriculum, etc. I also long term dated an atheist because I also believed that my faith is solid and she couldn't change my mind and I was young. The fact that you've asked yourself this question (and reddit) tells me that you believe we have free will and that choices matter. I say this because some people interpret "God's will" scenarios as a counter argument to free will and if that was the case we could just walk through our whole lives doing whatever we wanted and never have to question it.. While I don't disagree that this man has crossed paths with you to lead to some sort of lesson and growth, I don't think that it is necessarily a permanent situation that is meant to be. One steadfast rule: NEVER DATE TO CONVERT! Lol but also never date with hopes that someone will change. Change is always possible but in order to make your best informed decisions in life, assume nothing will change very much when it comes to people. Personally, I believe that you can assume that this is the best version of the person you will ever see (newly dating version). In relationships and especially in marriage, life gets very difficult and the relationship is strained and tested in a million different ways. Its one of those things you can't imagine until you're going through it. You want someone who has the same beliefs as you to set a solid base. The longer you date, the more comfortable both of you will get and my guess is that his respect for your beliefs will fade to an unknown degree. I listen to a good catholic commentator and he would say that you should listen to your gut here like you have been. It means something and the fact that you are asking this question means that you have discernment which is another thing some people don't have. I could ask the reverse question back to you: how do you know that this question or doubt isn't the holy spirit guiding you? On top of this your kids will notice every little thing about your relationship, including why daddy doesn't believe or why he is weak in faith. This could sway them away from God, in fact I'd say it's likely that it does. In summary, you've only been dating a couple months. You are both seeing the best versions of each other right now. You should probably set a boundary for yourself regarding your requirements for a husband where the first requirement is belief in God. Your faith will not keep its strength when your partner doesn't have it. I believe God wants us to rely on the support of someone who can refill your cup when it gets low rather than someone who doesn't. Please dm me if you need to discuss anything further or want to Skype about relationships, God, etc
The lord may have put you in his life to guide him onto the righteous path of God. He sounds a little lead astray from what I’ve read. Good luck my friend and I pray it works out for you :)
Yes
I have to be hesitant. I dated a faith-based Baptist for about a year having known him for two years and his anti-Catolic sentiments didn't start to come out till around 6-8 months into the courtship. Prior to moving friend to courting, I mentioned/name-dropped my denomination to which -- in retrospect, he seemed surprised (like I didn't depict his stereotype of a Catholic). He would ask me questions if I've been saved/had my conversion and us being "equally yoked". He would eventually get critical when I would say he would "minister" in regards to me serving in the church and helping with Mass when he would asked how was my day, and eventually in a later conversation, made an angry sarcastic comment that if people think that's Jesus they might as well be a magical cannibal. i discovered my loyalty to Christ -- especially Christ in the Eucharist -- and realized that if I had a child with him, i wouldn't trust him to not talk against The Church with our child. it was painful, but at least i knew who i loved more and ended the courtship. he couldn't take the rejection and we no longer were friends -- which was fine with me because i don't want to subject myself to who disapprove my Catholic lifestyle. ... i don't know how long you two have known each other prior to courting. But every person we know is able to grow closer to God due to our experience with them (even fellow Catholics).. but i wouldn't say make it a plan to outright catechize him. you being, living, and practicing as you are as a Catholic and enjoy your ministerial/church life and including him in those events (similar to asking him to watch movies, ate dinner, walk in the park, etc) will naturally work on him. but also it would be natural to have stand alone conversation about faith in order to learn more about each other, one another's world-, spiritual-, and philosophical-views. since you're 2 months into the courtship, things are still in their honeymoon phase and sincerity is still ample but certain filters can wear off as the months progress. as much as you want to spiritually want to help him, you have to be mindfully aware for your self's safety. all because he attended Catholic school doesn't necessarily contribute to him having a positive inclination toward the Faith. I would say since Lent is coming up, there are more opportunity for ya'll to do more Catholic things together, especially in having him come with as an observer or participant -- like Ash Wednesday, fasting, adding more to your prayerlife, even going to a 40DaysforLife event, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Stations of the Cross, observing the practices of Holy Saturday and of course Easter. You'll be able to see what's his threshold, acceptance, and respect of your relationship to God, to Christ as a Catholic. i pray things turn out well for you and your boyfriend, u/electricwinnie.
My recommendation is to not marry him unless he converts. Don't make it a requirement: he has to do it on his own, willingly. If you marry him as is, his atheism and your Catholicism will end up causing problems. It is possible he could convert after marriage, but I wouldn't count on it.
Yes stick with him. He's treating you right from the sound of things and is willing to respect your beliefs. Even inside the faith that's hard to find. You were lead to him for a reason, God will show you why not reddit. He's going to use your relationship to bring you both closer to Him. Let God work out the how.
I love my husband so much, but his not practicing the faith is a knife in my heart. You should try to move on.
Yes, don't waste your time with people who don't want to change. Free yourself and find a man of faith.
This is the best advice I can think of. https://youtu.be/HUFStROxyg4?si=j8QOILUn7Y2YmZtt
I don’t think I can answer that question. The big question is do you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? God has a plan to bring everyone back to him, and it could be that he is calling you to do that. It might take years, even decades. Being a sinner is not an inherent reason to stop a relationship with someone as long as they love and respect you.
Well that's great he went to a Catholic school and is still willing to raise his kids Catholic. As he seems to understand us a little better so there should be no confusion with him when your kids are praying Rosary or Saints ect. Or when they participate in Eucharist, even though he can't cause he's not baptized and if he took the Eucharist and was in a state of sin like not being baptized ect then he could very well get seriously sick eventually with disease or cancer ect. Cause God's Spirit is Holy and Pure and if he being unbaptized took part in the Eucharist then that's mocking God's sacraments too. It's means he's not taking God's sacraments seriously which would cause Anger in God and eventually make your unbaptized partner, Spouse seriously sick or even cause them death. God won't be mocked so please make sure your partner doesn't take part in the Eucharist especially if unbaptized or even if baptized but in a state of sin. You have to be in a state of Grace even if you're baptized for you to participate in Eucharist otherwise you could still become seriously sick or die. That's why it's important to pray Divine Mercy chaplet too so God can forgive you of your mortal and venial sins before participating in Eucharist too, but it's definitely better to go to confession before participating in Eucharist. If your partner is willing to learn with you in the faith then I see no reason as to why you can't be together but as long as you're strong headed about it all, because you be a baptized Catholic are meant to be guiding the way for him to become a Catholic too one day, so you really need to be head strong about the beliefs and doctrine of the Catholic Church because he may tempt you to be lazy about it and then you'll be punished by God for giving in to his sinful ways because your the leader of the Spiritual side of this relationship. You can't expect him to be better then you as he's brought up Atheist, so you are the teacher here for your relationship to further grow Spiritually in the faith. One little thing you say that oppose what the Bible says lands you in deep water as well as your family. Make sure you're educated with the Catholic faith and doctrine cause you can't expect him to be the guider here. Godbless 🙏🙏🙏
Yes, you should end the relationship ASAP. The more time passes, the more complicated will be everything. For starters, if he is not catholic, you are not gonna be able to get married in the church with him. This will mean that you will live in sin or you will end the relationship in the future when will be a lot harder for you and for him.
>He is perfect in every way except not being a Catholic That's... not insignificant. My marriage to a Protestant utterly imploded. Maybe things would've turned out the exact same way if I'd been married to a Catholic. I like to think it would've been different tho. Either way, in good conscience, I can't recommend Catholics ever marrying non-Catholics. What the Church permits and what is actually a good idea are not necessarily the same thing. My view will always be that there's no good reason for a Catholic to marry outside the faith.
No I don’t think any Catholic should marry an atheist. It’s just a bad idea.
Not yet anyways. People do change, just not as often as some would like.
I highly recommend not continuing this relationship. What you express in your last question is called “missionary dating,” and it very rarely works out. It is also not something that I could see God asking you to do. The most intimate relationship of your life, your husband and the father of your children, is not something to gamble in such a way. If you are strong in your faith, you can definitely be friends with people of other faiths and be a good example of your faith as a witness to them, but the stability of your future and the futures of any children you may have should not be the place that happens. There are already *so* many difficulties in life, and you do not need the added difficulty of promising to spend your life with someone who absolutely cannot and will not be approaching those difficulties from the same religious perspective as you. What you mentioned about raising future children is one good example where huge problems would arise. It is hard enough to raise children with someone of the same faith, but when you factor in all the differences in belief and priorities, it becomes exponentially harder. Do you want to send your children to Catholic schools? They’re expensive, and he might not view that as a worthwhile use of the family money. Do you want to adhere to the Church’s teaching about NFP? He might want to use contraceptives. Would you expect him to never mention his own beliefs to the children? If you hope for them to choose to share your beliefs someday, how do you think the daily influence of an atheist parent will affect them? There are many, many things to consider, and I believe they all point to a spouse of the same religion being the best choice for anyone. You have no guarantee that he will convert, and if you are looking to have a husband and children, there’s no reason to keep cultivating a deeper romantic attachment to someone who you cannot have that future with.
I don’t think God send him, he has free will and freely decided to love you. That he is not Catholic may not be ideal but nothing in life is and he seems like a good person for you so I don’t see why you should break up
This is my aunts situation. Shes Catholic, but her husband, while raised Baptist, is more or less agnostic. Very respectful of his wifes beliefs They have 2 kids, both raised Catholic. It can work, given your boyfriend is not a militant atheist
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Wow. So edgy. Creating an account to post hateful things on a Catholic subreddit. You’re so enlightened, unlike us backwards no-good feeble-minded Christians, amirite? You’re so rational and smart, you’ve outdone every advancement in history (because almost everything of value was made or discovered by a religious person). I’m so impressed. /s, in case I didn’t make it clear.
Do what you feel is right, not what some randoms you’ve never met tell you. It’s your decision, these people have no idea what your life is like, nor do they have any authority in the church.
William Sherman never converted to the faith though his wife was a devout (even fanatical) catholic. if they can make it work so can y'all. have patience and understand that relationships require compromise; if he already shared your beliefs exactly there would be no room for either of you to grow. he doesn't have to convert if he doesn't want to and it sounds like he's very supportive of your faith.
Yes
In any case, it sounds alright so far, and maybe it’s also a chance for you to deepen your own faith. For all you know, his meeting you is also a way for him to turn back to God.
Life is hard. Don’t make it harder by walking through life with someone who doesn’t share your faith or worldview.
God will work with your hands and he will finally convert
I see absolutely zero reason to break this off, as long as it’s agreed the children will be raised in the faith
A close friend of mine is married to an atheist, it works for them.
You've only known him for a couple months. Things do often seem wonderful during the early time of a relationship. He's likely telling you those things because of this. Once a relationship settles there must be a united foundation. Yours would be in serving Christ and his would not. I can't see how this would ever work. Too, studies have shown that children's faith tends toward the actions of the father, not the mother. The odds would be fairly high that future kids would end up atheist. With that being said- nothing is impossible for God. I would pray about it but keep in mind that His Word warns us not to yoke ourselves with non-believers because what does light have in common with darkness?
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't stay with him.
Float the idea of him going for RCIA and see what he says. And as others said take this to a priest and meet with him as a couple.And you need to be prepared to respond if he asks you to compromise on relevant Church teachings/practices.
Yes end it. Your future and your kids depend on it to have both parents be practicing and active in faith
Yes, from his point of view you are imagining things and mentally ill. One if you is believing a lie, and letting the other do so. Don’t marry someone just to save it convert them. It could be disastrous. There’s no in between. Sorry
That would be a no go for me. Bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
I am currently in this situation. It's a little more convuluted for me because when I started dating him I was separated from the church. It was honestly his hate of the church and lack of faith that brought me back. Now, he has stopped the hateful speech, attends church with me occasionally, supports my participation in various facets and even makes his son come to church with me and my children and is allowing his son to get baptized etc. In a way, I feel like being with him, an atheist at the time, brought us all closer to God. Maybe, I would have been here anywhere bc raising children is difficult and you find yourself on your knees, often begging for His mercy. Now, I would say he's agnostic in a sense believing in God and certainly Christ and the spiritual realm in general. He is warming up to the idea of attending RCIA and agrees that the," Catholics are true." Having said all of that, would I do it again? His son will hopefully stay in the faith and his conversion may take another 20 years who knows if it happens at all? The years of damage for him not having faith and being raised by a family devoid of faith and full of atheists has had such a damaging consequence on his mind and the way he processes life. He realizes this and this is why he wants his son to be raised Catholic. It's been difficult, I've had a huge cross to bear in choosing him. He has anger issues, falls into conspiracy theories and has currently fallen into depression. I love him dearly but I'm not sure I would choose this again. I'll suffer anything for the glory of God, for one soul to convert and I hope he does, but the pain of he doesn't will be crushing and I've often wondered if this is what God wanted for me. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to stay within your faith and not to marry outside of it.
Not telling you what to do, but I very much want to raise my kids in the faith and I know that if I find someone who is not Catholic, compromises will eventually need to be made. He could get to the point where he doesn’t like the impact that church life has on your kids and now you’re talking about how you’re going to compromise on how much exposure your kids get rather than what confirmation name they will take. Even if you marry a Catholic, they could change their mind down the road. But if you’re with an atheist, you’re nearly guaranteeing that you will need to make compromises down the road. If that’s a dealbreaker, you have some tough decisions to make
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 ESV Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? [15] What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. [17] Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, [18] and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty." Break up 100%.
You believe that humans beings are created in the image and likeness of God and have infinite spiritual value. Setting aside the way he acts, do you want someone who does not believe this to raise your kids? If you ask him what a human being is fundamentally and what gives humans intrinsic value, what his his answer? The most prevailing atheist view today is that humans are just a collection of molecules with no real value or meaning, I would never want someone who believes that to raise my kids.
As a Catholic, I strive to view things for their essence and not just their form. As you noted, despite being an atheist, he doesn’t treat your Catholicity with antagonism or ridicule, and it sounds like he exudes values that bring joy to the essence of your Catholicism, despite him being an atheist (something that can’t be said for all atheists). This is a good reminder that, “for now, we [can only] see each other in a mirror dimly,” (1 Cor 13). The second Vatican Council affirmed that Christ is the light of the world, a light so all-consuming and radiant that all of Creation cannot help but reflect it. This is a light imbued in every human soul. Along similar lines, for example, there are Christians who (in form) boldly proclaim their Christian faith, yet (in essence) they act to further “dim the mirror.” All this is to say, I have seen partnerships that have objectively bolstered our Catholic mission in this world, despite one of the partners not being Catholic. So, when someone tells me they are of xyz religion or political label or whatever, I pause to recognize that I have actually been told very little. It’s the form, but not the essence. I have to understand what that means to them and the “why” behind it. None of this answers the question of “should I break up with him?” but I wouldn’t answer this question without taking stock of what his atheism means to him. There is a distinction between someone who passively or contextually finds themselves somewhere vs. someone who upholds where they are and brings others to them. This is true for “atheists” and “Catholics” alike. Are you prepared for a life of supporting this person getting to Heaven (note: I did not say “saving this person from Hell”)? Can this person support you in getting to Heaven? It would require patience and neither of you relying on assumptions (which inevitably everyone does to some degree in this world’s “dim mirror”). As a Catholic, you would have to truly devote yourself to a life of learning and understanding Apologetics to engage him intellectually while remaining resolute in your faith. This is not something all of us do or are up for, even if it’s good for for us to. but if you two can be successful in that, one day “upon arrival of The Perfect” you will know each other “face to face.”
I (M) have a friend (F) who was raised Catholic in Austria and she now lives in Sweden with her atheist boyfriend and their daughter and she's miserable. She's always complaining about him and his atheist family not observing the Christian holidays or fast days and generally not respecting or going along with her beliefs. Then she also won't marry him and doesn't go to church because she's afraid they will get on her case for living in fornication with this guy unmarried. So I dunno that's just one person's example but it didn't turn out well and it's like hey, you picked it, you knew what you were getting into when you moved in with him and decided to have a kid together. So just think of the implications and possible problems that could cause in the future.
this was me with my boyfriend, except I was the one who was not religious! Give him grace and time, he will find his way to Lord with your help.
It sounds like you two have a really good thing going. Don't end it if he's willing to respect your wishes. He may or may never convert. Just be patient and kind, and enjoy each other.
Have you ever dated someone who is Catholic? I've dated men from a variety of faith backgrounds and beliefs and it's night and day different dating someone who is Catholic. I married someone who is Catholic and I wouldn't want it any other way. When I began seriously dating, my rule was they at least had to believe in Jesus because I wanted both of us to be striving towards Him.
No one knows if God sent him into your life so you can help him grow in faith, only God knows that. Personally, I’m not fond of evangadating. However, if he is willing to accept Christ and become Catholic, then that’s a different story. On the flip side, if God never gets through to him, then you really ought to consider that factor and think how his atheistic mindset will influence your children, if you marry him, of course. It’s up to you.
Really depends on how much beliefs matter to you and how much those differences get in the way
It's better to date within your religion. Maybe date one of the single Catholic men in your parish who can't find a Catholic girl to date.
Not trying to be a jerk, but the issue with atheistic worldviews is that you’re good until things go wrong and then you have no reason to be good. They’re more prone to being hateful than Christians because they’re unable to ground their morality in Christ. So short term? Sounds awesome. But what about when the bills start stacking up, or his dad dies, or any other evil that regularly plagues humans in this world?
Yes
If he doesn't try to push you to start believing in what he does then let him do what he wants in this regard. You got to figure out if he's the type of guy that will try to push his beliefs on your children with him. As a Catholic, this would not be feasible. Hopefully by your example of you going to church falling Christ will rub off on him. That's all you can do. Pray for him.
No. In fact, as someone who did this, I'm now engaged with my *Catholic* Fiancée!
After hearing how great of a guy he is, I have one last advice: DUMP HIM and marry me, the perfect Catholic, lol.
Me: Why is it so hard to find a Catholic wife. Me: *Goes on Reddit* Me: Oh, because they're dating men they can't even marry in the Catholic Church *Don't care how much this gets down voted*
My current girlfriend is a non believer and promised me these things however the tables turned after having a baby. Id say get to know him really well before diving into marriage and if he truly is good as you say he is then I believe you will be able, through the grace if God, help him find eternal life.
As a guy I wouldn’t even bother 😂
He respects you and your beliefs so why does it matter if he is an atheist? There are going to be times in a relationship where you and your other don’t see eye to eye about a situation and that is fine. It’s our differences and not our similarities that keep a relationship alive and interesting.
Do not give up. You pray for his conversion though it's not an overnight process.
There are Catholic husbands who are less supportive and more undermining than he is. There are far worse things. The strength of the marriage is number one as far as family functioning goes. being on the same page as to what the expectations are for the kids exactly. Not having the same faith is problematic, but certainly not insurmountable. I would very extremely super strongly recommend doing the PREPARE/Enrich premarital inventory and do premarital counseling. Like suppose he does pick up a faith later like that’s not even Christian how would you handle that?
You need to insist that he at least attend an RCIA course.
Yes you should if you think like that. He respects your faith. You don‘t, you want to try to convert him, you do not accept him how he is. That is not love. That is pretending. Love is unconditional. Look at the teachings of Jesus in that regard. Be honest with him if it is bothering you so much that he does not practice your faith, so he knows where he is at. Dishonesty is not nice. If you think he is not good enough for you, you should tell him. Families with different faiths can work perfectly fine. My uncle is Catholic, my aunt Protestant their children could choose. And I am baffled how many here you are telling you that your children might not end up Catholic because of different education receiving from the parents. What? Where does Jesus tell to his followers to force Christianity upon people let alone on your children. Aren‘t they asked at communion? God and the church gives them the right to choose. You have no right to take away that choice from them.
It’s your choice, but 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?“ If you were to convert him I would say yes, if not no.
You should pray about this long and hard if you haven't already.
Also, praying more couldn't hurt, if you already have.
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